#knew but miguel has issues unfortunately

[jkthy]

o'haras

[bubblebbg]

would you be able to do a Miguel x f!reader where the reader is a civilian who's the sunshine to his grumpy? She's pretty much the definition of the quote "the violence it took to be this kind". She had an abusive childhood, and unfortunately she's currently up in an abusive relationship, she tries really hard to hide her pain with warmth and laughter, hiding her bruises with long sleeves in the summer and concealer.

This is my first request, I'm so happy! I wasn't really comfortable writing the physical abuse part (I don't want to misrepresent this issue) , so I've made it to where the reader is in an unhappy relationship instead. I hope this is along the lines of what you wanted. :)

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞.

Miguel O'Hara x reader

To him, you're one of those people that deserves better, deserves the best. Today especially, that's what you should be getting. If Miguel could, he'd hand you worlds on a silver platter. But he can't. Not with your boyfriend around to stop him.

Part 2

"Your boyfriend is the biggest asshole I've ever met. Come on, you have to know this by now." Miguel has pulled you to the balcony of your apartment and away from the music and festivities, his jaw clenched with anger as he seethes. He's never liked your boyfriend; there's you, the sweet, kind woman who's always considerate, endlessly patient, practically saintly in nature. And then there's your boyfriend, some scum of the earth who's only ever been callous and cold during your interactions. Miguel has tried and tried and tried to keep his mouth shut about it, but the way your smile faltered as you explained that he couldn't take off work to be at your birthday party is his last straw. "Seriously, today of all day's he has to work? Say the word and I'm sending that douchebag flying through a wall-"

"Miguel, stop it. It's fine, he's just a busy guy you know? And I'm sure you throw enough people around already." You chuckle, but the sadness doesn't quite leave your eyes. You sip some of the champagne in your glass, sighing as you let the alcohol numb some of your senses. Looking out at the cityscape, arms folded on the railing. He really wishes you knew how much you deserve, and the selfish part of him wants to be the one to give that to you.

When you catch him staring at you, at the way the lights of the city glow on your face, he turns forward, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "I just don't get it is all. You could have anyone you wanted, why him? Hell, you're better off alone than with him. If I could make the decisions for you, he would've been gone a long time ago."

You step closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder, eyes closed and the champagne drained from your glass. "I know you're concerned about me, but in the end these decisions are mine to make. I'll talk to him after the party. Until then, how's everything at work? Still got a lot on your hands?"

A smile plays at his lips, feeling a bit warm from the touch. "Hey, don't go changing the subject on me. We need to talk about this."

"You change the subject on me all of the time! Humor me on my birthday, please." He rolls his eyes because he can't believe that you'd play the birthday card on him, but he also knows he can never say no to you. Not with the way you look at him. So he puts an arm around your shoulders and lets a breath out his nose.

"Still stressful, but not so bad. I guess your whole 'have meetings to help people with their mission strategy instead of just yelling at them' plan has been working." You laugh at that, eyes crinkling as you lean more into him. You look good like this, the cheery person you usually are, not the one being let down by their partner. "See? And how hard was that? If I had spider powers like you, I'd be the ultimate diplomatic leader and badass." He can't stop the laughter that bubbles up in his chest when you punch and kick the air to emphasize your badassery.

"Your form is terrible," he smirks, "You'd be dead in seconds."

"And if it weren't for me, every spider ever would have quit because of your nagging."

"Right, right, whatever makes you feel better, civilian."

This is how it's supposed to be, the way it was before you decided to date this guy. It was always you and Miguel before: him carrying all of your grocery bags as you raved about some new hobby, you and him on the roof of your apartment building, him pointing out flaws in a movie at the theater while you ate all the popcorn, him begrudgingly pushing you on a park swing despite his assertations that you were in fact too old to still do this. It hits him all at once. He's missed you. Your absence leaves gaps in his life that no one else can fill.

"Hey," he mumbles, "I know you said you didn't want any gifts, but I got you something. Happy birthday."

Your eyes widen as he timidly hands you a rectangular box, his gaze turned to the city and a light blush on his face. He watches through the corner of his eyes as you open it. Inside is a silver necklace with a lily-of-the-valley preserved in resin, the flower you told him about that grew around your childhood home. Your palm comes to cover your mouth and tears well up in your eyes at the considerate nature of his gift. (That's Miguel, always remembering the details of things you say. When was the last time your boyfriend did that again?) Miguel turns to face you with an anxious expression. "Do you not like it? I left the receipt in there, you can return it and use the money on-"

"No, no, no, it's beautiful," you smile, turning and lifting the hair from your neck, "Could you please put it on me?"

He sighs in relief, taking the necklace and clasping it gently around your neck. As soon as he's done you jump into his arms with a delighted giggle, beaming with joy. He lets himself hug you back for a few more seconds before setting you down. Seeing you like this has his heart racing as he's filled with the courage to say it, to tell you what you mean to him. He opens his mouth to speak and -

Someone shouts through the sliding doors of the balcony, "Hey, where have you been? Get inside, your boyfriend just got here!"

And just like that, the courage is gone, his mouth closing to a slight frown. As he's preparing to go back in and stomach the sight of you with that man, he sees you climbing the steps of the fire escape and stops at the door.

"What are you doing?"

You stop, turning to look at him with the breeze at your back and the moon shining on you. You offer your hand to him.

"Come on, let's go. We can sit on the rooftop like we used to."

He pauses, taking a look at the party inside. Then he takes your hand and you're leading him up like you used to, and everything that was out of place in him shifts back to fit. He smiles at how small and smooth your hand is in his larger, rough one. Yeah, he thinks.

This is how it's meant to be.

[ghost-with-a-teacup]

𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader

Summary: Some nights you just can't seem to sleep no matter how hard you try, it's alright though because Miguel's on his way home.

Warnings: None, it's just very, very soft.

A/N: Not a request, but I have to write at least one fic about dancing in the middle of the night with Miguel. Set in the same universe as What's In Between, listen to the song mentioned here. Enjoy!

Everyone has those nights where they just can’t fall asleep. Whether it’d be the stresses of the day before or the next, an issue that has been troubling you, or simply because you can’t shut off your mind and fall asleep, it inevitably happens to us all.

Unfortunately for you, that was tonight. After tossing and turning for the last two hours, you had enough.

Maybe it was because the bed just felt so empty without Miguel in it, who knows.

All you knew was that you could not fall asleep. So what better thing to do than to make a late-night snack?

Sliding out of bed, you blearily blink your eyes as they readjust to the kitchen light. After a few moments of scrolling through your playlists you settle on a soft one, to match the mood of the early morning (or late night depending on who you asked).

The music played softly in the background as you made your favourite snack, humming along to the song. Miguel’s shirt hung loosely down your frame as a warm summer breeze floated in through the open window.

The reason you loved the night so much was because it was so quiet. So simple, so peaceful, with only the light of the moon shining its way.

“One day, I will stop falling in love with you~” you sing softly, swaying from side to side in between bites, a happy little smile on your face.

Miguel watched as you swayed gently from side to side, a soft look on his face as he feel himself relax with your presence alone.

He still wore his Spiderman suit, the aches of a difficult mission starting to settle in his bones but he seemed to forget all of that the moment he saw you.

“Until then I’ll drink my coffee, eat my pie pretend that we are more than friends~,” you sing, swirling around as you feel that familiar prickle giving away his presence.

His eyes seem to widen slightly as you acknowledge him before a small smile settles on his face.

“Then of course I’ll let you break my heart again,” you say, making your way up to him as the smile on your face mirrors his own.

“Dance with me?” you ask him, holding out a hand for him to grasp. He only shakes his head.

“Mi alma, you know I’m not much of a dancer,” he replies but eyes your hand for a moment.

“Oh, c’mon Miguel,” you plead, a hand held out waiting for him to hold it. “Just one dance?” And even though he tried his hardest, he just couldn’t resist the look in your eyes.

“Alright, but just one,” he says, grasping your hand warmly before pulling you close, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your expression lights up as he does, and you wrap your arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his chin.

He can’t help the smile that plays across his face, his heart growing so warm in fondness.

The longer he holds you in his arms, the more he can feel his body relax within your embrace as you sway from side to side with the slow melody.

Being a protector of the multiverses, he didn’t have time to be soft. Not when the decisions he made, when the decisions all the spiders had to make under his direction would destroy that softness in an instant….But with you, he could afford that vulnerability, because he knew you would hold the frail wounded heart hidden behind the walls he built gently.

He reserved that softness for you, only you.

“Someday, one day,” you continue to sing, and he lets your voice wash over him like a calm ocean wave. “I will stop falling in love with you.”

He lifts an arm up from your waist for a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I don’t think I ever could, querida,” he whispers softly. “Stop falling in love with you, I mean.”

You look up at him, unable to stop the tears from welling in your eyes at the admission but he wipes them away before they could fall.

“I don’t think I could either,” you say softly before leaning your head back on his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. “You’re stuck with me, unfortunately,” you chuckle, but he only pulls you closer.

“How are you feeling?” you ask hesitantly, noticing how he looked more tired than usual. You knew it was a 50/50 tossup as to whether he would answer in truth, but you knew he appreciated the thought.

It wasn’t often he allowed himself to be vulnerable, truly vulnerable with you. To spill all those thoughts swirling in the beautiful chaos that was his mind. That strong front he put up was the only thing that held him together.

“I’m alright, mi corazón,” he answers, though his eyes held the depth of a thousand words.

He was tired…but he was home.

Taglist: @remuslupinwifee

[hopelessrromantix]

Sending a less intense ask now that I know you didn't disappear. How about Miguel x male reader who's cannon event was losing his husband, his worlds Miguel. (Hurt/Comfort)

Or Miguel, who's afraid to hurt the reader bc his fangs/powers/strength/etc. So reader has to show him that they're stronger than they look. (Angst/Fluff, optional Smut)

Or Miguel and reader having a secret relationship, but it's hard to keep it that way when he's so desperate for your attention all of the time (Smut, cough semi-public cough)

These are just some ideas, but there's no pressure to answer any of them. Have a good day :)

Might write your other ideas too, ngl...

Slightly more angst whoops.... sorry?

The first time you met Miguel had been a very long time ago.

It was a glance at first. Just a random man visiting the doctor's area of your lab. Perfectly normal.

Then it was a conversation. Then a date. Then a proposal, and before long you were married and happy.

You were originally working on a biological project, which was the spider that made you the Spiderman of your world. And though Miguel was nervous, he was supportive nonetheless.

Unfortunately, like all your counterparts, your unavoidable canon had resulted in Miguel's death, something you never got over. No matter how long passed, your heart felt just as heavy thinking about your husband.

You'd tried just about everything to get him back, even if he wasn't the same.

Experiments, A.I., anything that came to mind. But it was never him.

Maybe it had destroyed you a bit.

Maybe you spent too long torturing yourself in your head, trying to cover any sense of loss with the humor so traditional of a spider.

And maybe, just maybe, you missed him more than you could handle.

It wasn't until you swung face first into an anomaly (literally, a wall had basically materialized in front of you) that your life changed again.

Before you could blink, a man in a dark suit had been tackled to the ground. He was forming stone walls around him, attempting to stand back up.

Judging by the large stature of the man behind him, that wasn't happening.

The suit drew your attention first. It looked weirdly like the one Miguel had helped you make years before. Not the same, but close.

Several other people were with him, each one with different but similar outfits.

"Uhhh should I be fighting you guys, or…?" You questioned, looking over the group. You were prepared for a fight, but they seemed too calm to be villains like those you usually fought.

The tall man looked over to you, nodding to a woman next to him, dressed in all red.

"No, but we owe you an explanation."

And they gave you one, explaining that you weren't really as unique as you thought, but in a much more fulfilling way. You were one of many, many universes out there.

They showed you HQ, a place full of slightly different variations of yourself.

And with that, you had one single question.

Is he out there somewhere too?

After that moment the tour was a blur. Your mind was too caught up in running over the ways to ask if you could find your husband. Even just seeing him from a distance. Anything would do.

"Hey, big guy?"

The man in front of you seemed unimpressed, even in the dim light of his workspace.

"What's the rule on going to see people in other universes? Like, you came to my world so shit wouldn't go sideways if I visited someone, would it?"

It wasn't the first time Miguel had been asked that, of course. They all lost someone, of course they'd ask to see them again. The only issue was breaking the fabric of reality. And the fact that Uncles, Aunts, and anyone else really was dead in most worlds.

"No you cannot see dead loved ones."

His mask faded away, a serious look on his face. "We all have canon events…"

He was talking. You knew he was talking.

But his eyes were so tired.

It had been a long time since you'd seen him, but he looked so much less… alive.

But you'd take any version of alive.

You couldn't hear anything he said. You were too busy studying every feature on his face, watching him carefully.

"Miguel?"

He paused. "We know each other on your Earth?"

"We don't on yours?" You asked with a twinge of sadness in your voice, wishing a parallel you could've been happy with him.

"Uh, yeah, hi, I was planning to step in a little sooner but, uh, whoops."

The flash of a woman floating in the air next to Miguel stopped you. Layla, as Spid- Miguel had introduced her earlier.

"Layla I'm in the mid-"

"Shockingly it's more important than whatever you're saying," she huffed. "In Y/n's world he joined the research team that eventually made the spider that bit him, in Miguel's world Y/n had joined a completely different company. You two didn't meet the same way in your worlds."

"Okay?" Miguel questioned, opening his mouth to continue complaining about Layla interrupting.

"Yeah, but on Y/n's Earth-"

"We're married. You… you saved the lives of a family and died in the process."

You could see his heart break for you. For most people, the shift in expression would be nothing. In fact, it was very well hidden. But you knew him.

And he knew loss more than most. And though he didn't know you, he knew what you felt.

Layla flashed away, leaving the two of you in the low light of Miguel's office.

"I'm sorry."

He was so much more broken than you remembered.

"I got to see you, that's all I wanted." You smiled, looking over his features with a sense of calm you hadn't felt since Miguel's death.

"Would you wanna take another walk? Maybe I could show you around my world." You suggested. You'd be happy just seeing him, you really would. But you'd be even happier spending time with him.

"You understand that-"

"It's not like you'd have to go back to my world forever. And I would've stayed alone there anyway, I doubt I would be wrecking some happy future life, Miguel."

His eyes narrowed. "But you-"

"You don't know me, it's okay. I'm not asking you to do anything. Hell even this is enough for me. Just talking to you, for any length of time"

"You aren't hearing m-"

"Losing you was the worst day of my life." He quieted a bit, letting you speak. "We all have canon events right? I'm sure you understand how much it hurt, then."

You took a breath. This was more overwhelming than you expected it to be, which was saying something.

"You don't know me, Miguel,.and technically I don't know you either. But we got along pretty well in my world? At least consider being my friend?" You asked, a hopeful look on your face as you stared at the much more tired version of your husband.

"Please, Miguel?"

He stared at you a minute, his eyes softer than they were a minute before. He glanced down at your hand before looking back up at your face.

"You should leave, Y/n."

Your hand dropped slowly as you tried not to let your heart break again.

And you listened.

[keenzinemugstudent]

Oh look at me making another story idea or maybe a one shot? Either way here goes, you and Miguel were in a relationship for like 3 to 4 years you guys were going through some things because he had new job but he didn't spend enough time with you and always stressed from working but you understood but you also noticing that he was drifting from you and your relationship it also did not help that his new assistant who happened to be his brother's girlfriend Dana

(hehe same name as mine)

started to flirt with him a lot Miguel didn't take it seriously saying that you were being paranoid but one day when you come to his job to bring him something to eat on your anniversary only to see him and her getting freaky 😔 you pack everything and leave without a word just pictures of him and her together in his office left on the kitchen counter in your shared apartment.

you find out two weeks later that you were pregnant which freaked you out because you did not think that you could get pregnant you are always told that because of how your body was there was no chance if you ever having children then boom you find out that you're pregnant so you spend the whole entire year focusing on yourself and your newborn daughter which you named Gabriella O'Hara.

Again years later you than find out that your best friend Mary Jane Watson was getting married so you decided to come back home to New York for the engagement party and visit when you get there everyone is shocked and surprised and find out that you had a daughter you were in a not really good shape to really talk to anyone you basically just kind of stopped talking to everyone after the break up with Miguel and cheating so yeah this was their first time meeting your daughter they knew she existed just never got the chance to meet her face to face ( they video called ) you find out from Gabriel that Miguel and Dana were engaged not surprised just did not care (yes tf you do😭💔❤️‍🩹😭)

after losing your daughter in a crowd unfortunately she meets her father who is surprised to see a little girl that just looked like him but had your eyes and your nose that's when he put the pieces together (yeah you fucked up dude)

after spending a night with Dana he comes back to your shared apartment and sees the note left behind and the pictures of him in Dana together he freaks out tries to contact you but no avail tries to contact other people but they also don't know where you are and know what he did so even if they did know where you were they wouldn't tell them so yeah he was like in a really emotional state throwing things hurting himself he was just really pissed off

But you did not want him to know about you being pregnant and yeah I know it sounds bad but Miguel had really bad anger issues after getting his new high paying job which thankfully he started seeking help with after you left and he seeks comfort in Dana (idiot) which led to them being engaged, he was invited to Peter's engagement party that's when he met your daughter because she had bumped into him which wasn't their first meeting (Gabriella was playing a field with her soccer ball that's when Miguel saw her and thought she was a lost child and just started playing soccer with her Gabriella does mention that she did make a friend but you did not know that it was your ex bf,

Being scared you say your goodbyes quickly leaving the party Miguel chased after you trying to get answers but you were gone again, you had a panic attack ,

worried that he was going to take your daughter from you and he would fight for full custody which you wouldn't blame him for but you also thought it was unreasonable seeing as he showed little interest in having children mostly because of his past with his family but when you left he started fantasizing at the idea of you two married and having children he would have loved to adopt, so to find out that you had a daughter and kept it fr him broke his heart

so yes he now knows that he has a daughter and he might be fighting for custody if you are willing to agree to let him get to know Gabriella oh yeah and his brother knows about his daughter he kept it a secret, basically is petty revenge for yaknow hooking up with his girlfriend

now Miguel is trying to fix everything trying to win back your affection and apologize for everything he's done in the past which is just going to be really hard to do on both ends hopefully they both try to resolve their issues for their daughter's sake who just wants both her parents back together.

Drama and Angst y'all when I first found out about Miguel story I found out on tiktok that he cheated with his brothers girlfriend I was like wow bro that's fucked up and I haven't really seen anyone make any Miguel X reader cheating stories yet so I was like okay let's do this

[bumpkinspice0]

Parallels: Chapter 3

Miguel O'Hara x Spider!FemReader

No use of y/n

Rating: Explicit (Minors DNI!!!)

Word Count: 1400

Summary:Miguel was consuming your every thought and it's becoming an issue. You wonder if he's having the same problem.

Warnings: Smut- Male (Shower) masturbation, Sexual frustration, Pinning, tension, Angsy as hell, learn a little more about reader's life, J. Jonah Jameson is in every universe Notes: I just realized I never said that the 'shared spider-sense' theme of this fic is entirely inspired by the relationship between Peter Parker and Cindy Moon, or more commonly known as Silk. They were both bitten by the same spider and share a spider sense, making them drawn to each other and ALSO able to track the other through the multi-verse. Silk is a an awesome spider character. 10/10 recommend checking out her comics (But I say that about every comic) I'm not sure Miguel and readers connection will be exaaaactly the same since they literally couldn't have been bitten by the same spider, but yeah. This is a totally cannon thing spider people can do 😅

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Series Masterlist

AO3

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Chapter 3

On My Mind

The restaurant was busier than you’d like, but really everywhere in this city was. Busier just meant louder, and louder meant earplugs for you. After having advanced hearing for nearly a decade you’d gotten used to it by now. You didn’t want to spend all night asking people to repeat themselves because you could over-hear everything that was happening in the restaurant. Right now you just wanted to be with your friends— unfortunately, your mind kept drifting elsewhere. 

Since you returned to your dimension 3 days ago, Miguel has consumed your every waking thought. Your daily hero life was suffering for it. You lost 2 robbers last night and missed a car chase this morning because you were too stuck in your own head. You were never one to get distracted on the job— and by a guy no less. 

 I should have stayed in the training room. I should have stayed longer and maybe we could have…

You’re not entirely sure what would have happened, honestly. This was uncharted territory. Some undefined connection only between the two of you? An innate sensation that drove you to horny madness. It sounded like a bad comic book plot. You’d probably had weirder things happen in your nearly 10-year-long spider career but this was by far the most frustrating.

Just the thought of him invaded your every sense. The deep rumble of his voice. His distinctive, rich smell— Like red wine. The taste he left in your mouth. 

You wanted him. You wanted him so badly, and you hated how much you wanted him. You didn’t even know anything about him.

Fuck Miguel O’Hara and whatever the fuck he was doing to you. 

But Miguel was a Spider-Woman problem.

Tonight you didn’t want to be Spider-Woman. You wanted to forget your interdimensional side gig and the broody, gigantic man that was driving you insane. Tonight you just wanted to be a good friend— and you were failing miserably at that too. 

Your best friend Jack wrangled his boyfriend, Ash, and your college friend Sue to come out for drinks and your mind couldn’t be further away.

“Hey, space cadet!” Jack snaps his fingers directly in front of your face. You’d been staring at the same potted plant across the room for probably 5 minutes now. You crash back to maddening reality. 

“Sorry, what?” you reenter whatever the conversation was now with a pitiful smile.

“Ash asked what’s new at the paper,” Jack repeats the question you never heard. He gives you a worried look. Jack knew about your double life. He’d known you for so long now, you couldn’t hide anything from him. He'd catch it whenever something was slightly amiss before you could even articulate a single word— thus why he lined up this friend's night in the first place. You’d been reclusive since you’d joined the multiverse. 

“Oh, at the Bugle?” You take a generous swig of your cocktail, “Jameson’s still behind on the times, I think. Keeps trying to push papers instead of giving our digital department more funding. I’m still only making stuff for print. Like, do you even remember the last time you even read from a newspaper?”

“Honestly, I don’t think I ever have.” Ash snorts.

“Maybe in high school,” Sue taps her chin, “And even then it was for like an assignment.” 

“People still need paper-mache supplies!” Jack interjects.

“Hey!” you playfully shove him, “That’s my entire industry you’re shitting on, sir!”

“Oh, so you’re defending the infamous J. Jonah Jameson now?”

“I’m but a lowly graphic designer,” you clarify, “The only thing he wants me to do with his precious paper is not look too much like The Times .”

You’d landed your job at The Daily Bugle in college. An internship turned full-time staff position. You’d gotten Jack some freelance work there on the side. He was seemingly the only photographer that could get a halfway decent picture of the mysterious Spider-Woman. He always gave you a small cut of whatever Jamason was willing to shell out. You didn’t know how to work a camera for crap, but you knew how to pose for a picture.

The evening rolls on with a pleasant demeanor. It was nice to be talking to non-spider people. To listen to the casual ramblings of your friend's completely ordinary lives. That new bitch at work or their mother calling one too many times a day. You envied them, honestly. It’s been so long since you could just simply live . This night out was a small taste of what you’d been missing. Connection. 

And, of course, it gets ruined. 

The nearby wail of sirens penetrates through your foam earplugs. They were maybe 3 blocks away. Once you hear it, you can’t unhear it. All conversations fall dead in your ears, your focus now entirely on the possible imminent danger to your city. The sirens are getting further away now.

A vibration from your phone in your pocket catches your attention. You check it under the table. A text from Jack. 

‘Sidejob thing?’

He always texted you in code about Spider-Woman business. He must have seen your face go placid, even though he can’t hear the distant sirens. You give him a faint nod across the table and he glances to the door— His silent message loud and clear. 

What are you waiting for? Go.

You know Jack did his best to understand, even if he never truly could. You had a duty. It wasn’t just a job, but who you were. You could never just stand idly by.

You quickly make an excuse about forgetting a deadline and shimmy out of the booth, leaving a few bucks for your meal. So much for no Spider-Woman tonight. 

____

Fuck you. Get out of my head.

Fuck you. Get out of my head.

It had become his mantra for the last few days— of course, it didn’t help anything, but cursing you gave him some minor vindication. 

He found himself in the shower 20 minutes longer than usual, attempting to give himself some kind of relief. The thought of you waiting on your knees for him clawed at his mind. He stroked his painfully hard cock to the image, now forever burned into his retinas. 

He never got distracted. It wasn’t in his nature. He prided himself on being the best leader he possibly could be. Attentive, knowledgeable, a team player— and for the most part, he was. Now you had come and thrown a wrench into all of that.

He should have known from the first time he saw you this would be a problem. It caught him completely off guard, but how could he have been prepared for… whatever this was? He was in the midst of building an empire, and there you were, as casual as ever— and so clearly just as confused as he was. A spider-sense suddenly manifesting? Ridiculous.

As soon as you locked eyes, he knew this was all because of you.

God, you were beautiful.

There had been few times he let his instincts take hold of him. He’d made himself into an apex predator in search of his spider abilities— he had to hold himself to a different standard than the rest of you. He was dangerous, and whatever this connection is, was dangerous in turn. 

He couldn’t control it, not yet anyway. And seemingly, you couldn’t either. You were both prey to your most primal desires and irresistibly drawn to the other to satisfy them.

He couldn’t escape your assault on all of his senses. He was fixated on you in every way imaginable. Your smell, your voice, your looks— your taste. 

He cums to the memory of your soft thighs squeezing his head. He heaves shaky breath after shaky breath, trying to gather his composure. It was hollow, fleeting relief. He can’t help but think you could have made it better— He knows you’d have made it better. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the foggy glass and is immediately disgusted with himself. 

He’d never been this way before. You were part of his team, a fellow hero that decided to join his league. He was your boss, for lack of a better term. This couldn’t go on. At least not the way it was currently.

He needed answers.

He was a scientist. It was time to do some research.

[kassian-ck]

With what has been going on recently with the series, and what one of the writers said regarding Robby's situation, it really has been some pretty grim few days for Cobra Kai. So I wanted to lighten up the mood a little (and because I have been in a very yapper mood) by talking a bit in depth about one of the better aspects of season 6 imo:

Robby's and Miguel's relationship

Warning this is long af woops

Imma outright say it. It's been a while since I've rewatched the whole series, but besides Tory, Sam, and maybe Kenny (with the hesitant inclusion of Daniel), Miguel has been the only person Robby has built genuine trust and companionship throughout the whole series. And to an impactful degree I'd say.

I could argue all day about how their transition from enemies to friends was a little rushed, and how I would have liked a heart-to-heart conversation like what Tory and Sam had, but hear me out with what we got 🗣🔥

Robby's life has proven to him time and time again that opening his heart to people only led to him getting hurt. He never knew what it was like to rely on the people who were supposed to protect him. He never knew (presumably) what it was like to have people who genuinely cared for him. Until Daniel came into the picture. We know how that went.

Daniel, Sam, and Tory to a certain degree, they have fractured his trust in a way that reminds him of that cruel truth his life unfortunately continues to stumble upon: He will get hurt if he opens his heart to people. But he continues doing it because at his core, he wants to get rid of that lonliness he's been in for so many years. He's willing to swallow up his pain and forgive people if that means keeping them in his life. And if that's really the case, it makes so much sense why he went to seek Johnny when he had every reason to continue to resent him (and messy writing but we dont talk about that ehem). After telling himself Johnny wasn't and would never be an option for him, he was so lost that the only one he felt like he could turn to was the one absent father that has somewhat shown some interest in his well-being. Cobra Kai barely gave his life direction after juvie, and after losing that, what else did he have?

Tory was a kind of a pillar for sure. They understand each other well thanks to their shared experiences. But with the amount of baggage and trust issues Tory herself has to deal with, they hurt each other as much as they help each other. It's the status quo Robby has grown too used to.

And then there's Miguel.

Lil side tracking but I swear I am not tweaking when I say Robby is so touchy with Miguel. He's given other characters friendly gestures such as fist bumps and whatnot BUT WITH MIGUEL? That man's face beams like crazy when he sees him bro. Any chance he gets, he goes there touching his arms, chest, shoulders – wherever just to be close to him. He always turns to him whenever something happens, he openly messes around with him. He is just so happy to have Miguel in his life 😭

They are such small moments, but after seeing how closed off and reserved he has been even with past relationships like with Sam and Daniel, Robby feels safe enough to enter Miguel's space and vice versa. Miguel has proven him he's somebody who unconditionally has his back. He explicitly tells him he wishes to keep a connection with him and that he's willing to put the work to do so regardless of the past.

It's such a deeply rooted trust that he keeps Miguel's opinion in such a high regard compared to everyone else's. Throughout the whole damn season, Miguel was the only one that made him see his potential and capabilities of being a captain. He saw his worth when everyone else either ignored him or crossed him as incapable, and Robby was very willing to believe that. Because he's always the problem, he always does things wrong. Miguel's sole words were enough to help Robby pick himself back up regardless of how polluted his mind was with demeaning thoughts he's reaffirmed to himself for years.

You can't be real man, that's all Robby could have ever asked for. Something so simple and yet he had to cut bits and pieces of himself to be able to get it. But not with Miguel

Nah I like the pair a normal amount wym

[doomsdxyblxe]

i'm a big deal, you should kneel ,

˗ˏˋ 𓂃 (  oscar isaac.  cis man.  he/him ).  meet  victor cortez,  a  forty-three  year  old,  who  has  been  in  cloyne  for  his entire life.  they  are  the mayor  at  cloyne's town hall,  known  for  being  vibrant  and  corrupt.  they  are  often  heard  humming  along  to  i want it all by  queen.  residents  would  describe  them  as  the boss.

and crawl when you approach me .

tw: infidelity

BASICS:

NAME : victor manuel cortez ALIAS: vic GENDER: cis man ORIENTATION: heterosexual AGE :  43 DATE  OF  BIRTH : april 10, 1981 PLACE OF BIRTH :  cloyne, ontario EDUCATION :  master's degree in political science OCCUPATION : mayor of cloyne ( in his 3rd term ) FACECLAIM :  oscar isaac

PHYSICAL:

HAIR COLOR :  salt and pepper EYE  COLOR :  brown HEIGHT :  5'11 FACIAL HAIR: beard and mustache SCENT :  expensive cologne, faint smell of cuban cigars, spearmint gum CLOTHING :  very professional and put together in public ; sweatpants at home

INTERNAL:

POSITIVE  TRAITS : intelligent, charismatic, well-traveled, family oriented, confident NEGATIVE TRAITS :  arrogance, prone to retaliation, wandering eye   

FAMILY:

FATHER :  miguel cortez ( deceased ) MOTHER :  elena aldana ( alive , 64 ) SIBLINGS :  silvia cortez ( alive, 38 ) EX WIFE :  --- calvin ( alive, 49 ) CURRENT WIFE: amara morales cortez ( alive, 36 ) CHILDREN: julian cortez ( alive, 22 ) , emilio cortez ( alive, 21 ), mateo cortez ( alive, 7 ) , clara cortez ( alive, 7 )

SUMMARY:

1) a first generation canadian citizen, victor was born to wealthy immigrants who had made their fortune in guatemala in real estate. they continued this success when they migrated to canada, allowing for victor to live a very comfortable life. 2) victor had an interest in politics from a very young age and already knew by the age of eight that he wanted to rise in political ranks. he attended college in toronto, moving back to cloyne after graduation so he could start his own family and career. 3) while in college, victor married a woman who was six years older. despite the bit of an age gap, the two had fallen head over heels and married quickly after meeting. they would go on to have two boys. 4) victor served on the school board for many years until deciding to run for mayor. he won the election and was now serving as the town's youngest mayor. unfortunately, it was during his first term as mayor that he began to have an affair with his younger assistant, amara morales, after years of issues between himself and his wife. 5) eventually, rumors began to spread about victor and his assistant. he naturally denied such allegations, though when he divorced his wife and married amara within a year of each other, it seemed the rumors were likely true. 6) with amara, victor has fathered a set of twins, a girl and a boy. his relationship with his oldest two sons is complicated due to the nature of the divorce, while he's an adoring, attentive father with the twins. 7) despite questionable choices in his personal life, victor has made great changes for the town of cloyne, leading to a third election win. he's still the subject of many whispers, but the votes still come in regardless of judgement. 8) power and money have gone to victor's head. there are rumors he's bribed law enforcement and others to protect friends and family members, but nobody has solid proof. 9) now that murders have begun to spring up in their small town, victor has promised the people that he and the police will do all they can to protect the people and find out who is responsible for such terrible crimes.

[drabbles-mc]

Lie To Me

Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Request by Anon:  Nestor but with the angst prompts 28: Move out of my way before I make you, 37: Lie to me. I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again, and 47: You deserve so much better?

Warnings: angst, language

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This angst doesn’t have a happy ending, unfortunately. It was a tough one to write, but I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. Also, if you were curious, prompts are from This Post

General Mayans Taglist (I don’t have one specifically for Nestor lol): @mayans-sauce​ @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @paintballkid711​ @tomhardydallasstarsgirl​ @queenbeered​ @sillygoose6969​ @sesamepancakes​ @yourwonkywriter​ @chibsytelford​ @gemini0410​ @multiyfandomgirl40​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ @plentyoffandoms​ @georgiaaintnopeach​ @twistnet​ @garbinge​ @amandinesblogofstuff​ @bucky-iss-bae​

You weren’t usually one to show up unannounced to Nestor’s place. You knew what kind of life he lived, and that it wouldn’t always be smart or safe to just pop in whenever you felt like it. But things had felt so off lately. He got distant frequently because of work, but it wasn’t that. This felt calculated, intentional. You were used to getting late replies and going to voicemail every now and again, but lately it felt like he had been purposely dodging your attempts to get in touch with him. Your initial instinct was to try and reach out to Miguel, because you knew that it was work that was keeping Nestor tied up, but the more you thought about it, the less you wanted that man knowing anything about your personal relationship with Nestor. And that was how you ended up making the decision to drive over to his house in the middle of the night, knowing that he would be home by that point.

Sure enough, there were dim lights on in a few of the windows. You took a deep breath as you parked the car and cut the ignition. You walked up to the front door, not bothering to knock as you took out your copy of the key and let yourself in. Usually, he came over to your place, and the key he gave you was for emergencies, but you didn’t care. It might not be an emergency like he was thinking, but you felt like you were on the brink of breaking down.

He heard the door opening and instantly grabbed his gun, pointing it at the door as he stood up off the couch. When he realized it was you, he immediately lowered his weapon. He couldn’t hide the frustration on his face, though.

“What are you doing here?”

“Good to see you too,” you mumbled as you closed and locked the door behind you.

“Everything alright?”

You threw your hands up in exasperation, “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me, Nes?”

There were a few beats of silence as he tried to figure out how to approach the situation. He knew you well enough to know that you weren’t just going to walk back out the front door without some answers. Half of you wanted to step in and wrap your arms around him in a hug, and the other half wanted to shove him hard enough to send him stumbling backwards a few steps. Neither half won out, though, and you let your feet stay glued to the floor at the entrance of the living room.

“I told you, shit has been out of hand with work,” he knew even as he was saying it that it was a cop-out, and a weak one at that.

“Yea. You told me that about two fucking weeks ago!” you shook your head, feeling tears starting to sting at your eyes, “I’ve been sitting home worrying about you. Every time you let me go to voicemail I’m always left wondering if it’s because you got fucking shot or run off the road or something horrendous that I don’t want to even try to imagine,” you ran your hands over your face, “Something’s gotta give, Nestor. I need something.”

“Nothing I say is going to make you feel any better, Y/N. I have no good news to give you.”

“You not being dead in a fucking ditch somewhere is good news to me,” the lump growing in the back of your throat was forcing you to focus on your breathing, “You get that, right? Radio silence freaks me out. A call or a text just saying that you’re alive and in one piece would make me feel better.”

“Well,” he stepped closer to you, holding his arms out slightly, “I’m alive. I’m in one piece. Feel better?”

It wasn’t like him to be so intentionally short and cold with you. It almost felt cruel, and you wondered what you did to make him act this way. Your tears began to spill over onto your cheeks. You wiped them away quickly, not wanting to be reduced to a mess so soon into the discussion. You didn’t want to seem that weak for him.

“What is so wrong with me wanting to know that you’re alright?” you wanted to yell, but your voice was soft.

You were met with silence. You could tell from the look in his eyes that his mind was racing with everything that had been going on the last few weeks when he hadn’t been communicating with you. You knew that it was probably serious shit—that was never something that you were trying to deny. But even in the depths of everything, finding five seconds in his day to text you that he’s wrapped up in shit with the Galindos but that he’s alive shouldn’t have been an impossible feat.

“I try not to think about you when I’m working,” he finally said with a slow shake of his head, “When everything is fucking falling apart, I can’t afford to be thinking about you. Because then it doesn’t feel like the work is worth it, and that’s not a mentality that I can have when my ass is on the line.”

His words hit you and it felt like they had knocked the wind out of you. For you, Nestor was something to motivate you through the tough times. Sure, tough times for you were drastically different than for him, but the sentiment was still the same. If you weren’t a light at the end of the tunnel for him, then what was the point?

“Then what the fuck are we even doing?” your voice broke as you buried your face in your hands.

He stepped in close to you, pulling you into his chest. He cradled the back of your head with his hand, softly kissing the top of your forehead. With a heavy sigh, he spoke, “The things we deal with, the things I have to do…I want you as far away from that as possible. When I’m doing the things that are asked of me, things that would make your skin crawl, I can’t be thinking about you. Because all I would think about is how you deserve so much better. And that would fucking break me.”

You pushed back off of his chest so you could look up at him, cheeks wet with tears, “There’s no better, Nestor. I want you, this, us. That’s all that matters to me, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to try and make that work. But I can’t be the only one doing that. I can’t keep this together by myself. You need to give me something.”

There were so many things that you wanted him to say. You wanted him to promise that it was all going to be different, that he was going to try. You weren’t foolish enough to believe that things would change overnight, but the attempt to start would mean the world to you. You just wanted some reassurance that when push came to shove, he’d choose to fight for you, for the relationship the two of you had worked so hard to build.

“Things aren’t simple for me, Y/N,” his hand rested tenderly on the side of your neck, thumb running back and forth along your jawline, “you know that.”

You kept your cheek rested against his chest, “Do you love me?”

His body tensed, “What?”

You pulled back, looking up at him, “Do you love me?”

He sighed, shaking his head slightly, “You know it’s not that sim—” his sentence was interrupted by the sound of his phone going off.

Both of you turned and saw it buzzing on the coffee table. Your heart sped up, wanting to see if he was going to choose whatever it was over what the two of you had. You gnawed at the inside of your cheek, praying that he was going to let it fall by the wayside so the two of you could talk and try to figure everything out.

“I need to get that,” his voice was low, and you knew that he knew he wasn’t making the choice you wanted. You shifted and stood in front of him, blocking him from the low table. He sighed and tried to step around you, but you continued to block him. He shook his head, “Y/N, please.”

“You’re really going to do this? Now?”

“Move out of my way before I make you,” he couldn’t meet your eyes for more than a moment as he shifted you out of his way.

The phone call was quick, and from only hearing Nestor’s half of the conversation you couldn’t try to piece together anything that was going on. It was the side of his life that you didn’t get to be a part of, and in that moment, you truly didn’t give a damn what the issue was. You just wanted him to be present in the conversation with you and he couldn’t even give you that.

Despite the anger pooling inside you, you asked, “All good?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Nes, please—”

“Stop,” he was still quiet, but his tone was harsh, “Stop. Don’t ask questions that you don’t want the answers to. Anything you ask me right now is not going to make you feel better. And I’m not going to do that to you. I can’t afford to be honest with you right now.”

Tears started to fill your eyes, “Then lie to me,” you closed the distance between the two of you. You stood directly in front of him, close enough to touch him but you didn’t, “I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.”

Nestor searched your face and you could see it in his eyes that there were a million thoughts running through his head. You knew that he was caught up between what he wanted, and what he was actually capable of. He wanted to give you everything that you were asking for, but he wasn’t ready for that yet. For as much as he cared about you and wanted to protect you, his loyalty was somewhere else. You didn’t know if that would change down the road, but there was part of you that knew that neither of you were going to wait in limbo for him to figure it out. It stung, though, and you could feel that it hurt him too.

He leaned down, cupping your face and pulling you into a rough kiss. You let yourself get lost in it despite the tears that were streaming down your face. You moaned quietly as one of his hands slid down to grip onto your waist and pull you as close as he could manage. Being pressed up against him so tight felt like home and you could feel the knot grow in your stomach at the thought that this might be the last time you got to have that feeling.

He pulled his lips off of yours, allowing both of you to catch your breath as he continued to plaster your cheek, jaw, and neck in kisses that felt needier than anything you’d ever experienced before. It sent jolts throughout your entire body as his fingertips pressed harder and harder into your skin.

“I love you,” he murmured against the skin of your neck before placing another kiss there, “I love you.”

You shut your eyes tight and leaned completely into him, trying to burn the memory of this into your brain. You knew he was lying, but it still felt good and that was all you cared about in the moment. You rested one hand on the back of his head as he buried himself further into your neck.

You choked back a sob, knowing that one of you had to be honest, “I love you too.”

[organic-sprolden]

So I watched the Dear Evan Hansen movie.

Here are my basic thoughts.

I cried 3 times, and it probably would've been more if I didn't know what was coming. Although, "I didn't fall, I let go" will always get me, even if I knew what was happening and exactly when.

I liked the fact that they had a lot of the original lines from the musical because it was just so much more quotable for me and likely every other DEH fan.

I was hesitant about the new songs at first, and disappointed at the loss of the classic Good For You, Anybody have a map and Disappear (not To Break In A Glove though, that song can burn.) but in context, A Little More and Anonymous Ones were pretty great.

I really loved the new ending where we see Connor in rehab singing his song, I love how we were able to see more of just him.

Not him through the perspective of others.

Also the ending when Evan confesses what he did was sweet I suppose, but there still weren't any repercussions for his actions. Which I'm pretty sure was the whole point if them adding in that scene, rather than having the Murphy's take the entire fall.

Honestly though, I don't mind it, It's not like I wanted Evan to get all the hate in the world. I just thought that if they went through the trouble of changing the story, they'd add some actual conflict.

I was wondering why they changed the setting of each of the songs. (for example, Waving Through The Window starting in his bedroom, and not after Connor pushes him. If I Could Tell Her being in the Murphy's living room and not in his bedroom, leading to the memorable and rather unfortunate first "kiss" on Zoe's dead brother's bed.) And why sometimes the songs seemed too rushed and a little out of place, despite it coming after the same line it can after in the musical. (For example, So Big/So Small.)

Also, the musical scenes were very underwhelming. Waving Through The Window, Sincerely Me, Only Us, For Forever, So Big/So Small, Words Fail all had so much potential. Moving from stage to film opens up so many possibilities for cinematic elements that's would elevate and induce many more emotions than it previously could. The songs were basically just the person sitting in one place, singing the song, maybe with a little dialogue in between verses.

I want to see more.

I want to feel the songs, even if I already know the musical soundtrack by heart. At times it felt as though they had the songs thrown into the script just because the theatre fans would riot if their favourite musical songs weren't in the film.

Which kinda sucks.

Alana was... interesting.

I feel like I hated her less in this, but it's probably because we just didn't get to see her. Anonymous Ones is a great premise for a sing and honestly I was going to cry for the reprise, but it just didn't hit as hard as I expected it to.

However, Anonymous Ones is the only song that had that X-factor the others were missing. I love that it showed that even if you think you're alone and forgotten, there's always other people. and sometimes, you get so caught up in your head that you don't take the time to notice what's right there. Or, as the song says, "The parts we can't tell, we carry them well, but that doesn't mean they're not heavy".

The thought that "no one will understand me, everyone else has a perfect life" is honestly a little selfish but it is a thought that a lot of people have. That is what I interpret Waving Through The Window as for the most part, and Anonymous Ones is basically the opposite.

The scene where Alana walks into the gym, and we see Evan in the background was really insightful to me. I appreciate that.

Jared is another one we didn't see often, so was Heidi (but of course, that's basically her whole character.) But with Jared, we lost some of the best moments of his sarcastic/teasing personality ("School shooter chic" is the main thing coming to mind.) As is, he didn't have much personality, and no real reason to even be in the movie, other than to be someone that Evan talks to to explain things to the viewing audience.

This Zoe was unexpectedly really great. Especially how she did Requiem. I will always appreciate and fully understand her reluctancy to just join the crowd and say "He was a great guy, he will be missed". Her having the backbone to say "No, he was an awful person to me" is really inspiring. so many people that were victims to abuse feel like they should just go along with it as not to dampen the vision others had of the person, but it's not right.

So yes, this Zoe did a really good job of bringing the book Zoe to life on screen.

Speaking of the book, I wish they had included Miguel. Even if it was just as the guy at the end who sent Evan the video, I wish they would've shown just a little callback to Connor's only true friend.

I feel like bringing him back, like in the book, at the end to talk to Evan would've been so much better than Evan spilling the beans then just reading all of Connor's favourite books from when he was 13.

I will probably eventually watch this again and maybey thouts will change, but as of right now, I rate this movie 7/10 on its own, and 4/10 in relation to the musical and the book.

(there's also a whole lot more o can say about the actual message behind all of this, the issues I have with the actual plot, and the casting concerns I have but for now, an open review and discussion will do.)

[baldwinboy5ive]

My absolute aspirational, dream, reach scenario for Hawk in season 4 is not happening BUT that doesn’t seem to be stopping me from TALKING ABOUT IT A LOT ANYWAY! let’s gooooooooo

Warning: this is going to be a long walk to get to my point, I sure wasn’t kidding when I said “a lot.” SO much rambling about little bird over here. so much.

I would love to see Julie-san back, period, and I started to ramble to anyone who would listen about that, but then after I rewatched the episode where Miyagi-Do got trashed, I actually realized a few concrete reasons why I feel she’d be such a great addition to the show, if only for an episode or two! 

My heart was just so broken for Daniel-san when he saw what happened to the dojo. He doesn’t care about things, he only cared so much about the Medal of Honor and the car being graffitied because those things were from Mr. Miyagi, obviously. And that appeared to totally break him, and it just made me feel so sad because in that moment he seemed so alone. I don’t think anybody had the same kind of relationship with him that Daniel did, besides Julie-san. Of course, he was like a grandfather to Sam, and he knew the whole rest of Daniel’s family, but still that isn’t quite the same. I’m sure that all of Daniel’s family just loved him so much, because how could anyone not, but the father-son relationship Daniel had with him was so special and no one else in his family had that kind of relationship with him. But someone else did. 

I really wanted Julie-san to come and maybe bond with Daniel over how much they both loved Mr. Miyagi so much as a teacher and father figure after they had both lost their fathers - or in Julie’s case, both her parents. 

And then I realized that she would be so amazing as a mentor too. It wouldn’t be too far-fetched to think she comes to LA to check out all this karate drama she’s hearing about if it involves a dojo called “Miyagi-Do” - she has a huge connection to Mr. Miyagi, so maybe she wants to see what’s going on with her old mentor’s other student. 

It’d be kind of funny if Julie could share some stories with Daniel from her perspective of when she pissed off Mr. Miyagi so much, haha. In the same episode that Miyagi-Do got vandalized (this one episode seriously inspired so many thoughts in me), Daniel’s patience was wearing thin with Demetri. Daniel wants to emulate Mr. Miyagi so bad but what Daniel might not have realized is that once, even Mr. Miyagi came this close to losing it hahah. I didn’t even know he could get that mad, hahahaha.  When Julie-san was like “You’re mad at me, aren’t you?” and Mr. Miyagi was just like... “........” ahahaha oh man. It’s just... it would be so nice for Daniel to hear from her about all this, like reading the letters Mr. Miyagi had once written. 

Now, in addition to ALL of that... because I assume that Daniel would have heard and known of her from Mr. Miyagi, I do feel like it’d be amazing if, after meeting her and seeing how great she turned out, he said to her, “I know that you had to deal with a lot of anger when you were younger, and I was wondering if you might be willing to help me out with something about that. See, there’s this Hawk...” 

“I love hawks.” 

“not like that” and I swear to God this isn’t just that dumb hawk joke that I was dying to make, though, I promise ahahaha. 

I mean there definitely is room there for that joke but Hawk and Julie would fit together so well. Even if the source of their anger was very different, she still could relate to him because she had no way of channeling her anger until Mr. Miyagi came along and guided her, and she just found so much peace after.

And I see such a parallel to when she became more self-assured and had that “If I’m ever going to respect myself, I have to do this” moment - it’s clear that Hawk has VERY little respect for himself. There is a lot of denial and self-loathing going on with this poor guy and he needs to learn how to get past that and learn to love himself. 

I think the movie doesn’t go into it a whole lot but Julie definitely seemed to deal with that self-loathing a bit too with like, the expectation that her grandma would tell her “Oh you messed up, you made another mistake, you screwed up.” 

Hawk still has no one to help him do these things - yeah, he changed sides at the very last minute - dude had us in the 4th quarter with 5 seconds left on the clock and we got ball - but that of course in no way means all of his other anger issues are resolved, right? He needs someone. 

I actually got kind of infuriated at Amanda saying that if Robby doesn't want to come back, "You're going to have to let him go," like it's one of those "If you love something let it go" type of situations, and thank GOD Daniel pushed back on it! Thank God he did, and said "I can't just let him go," and then he said, "He has no one." Man, that part was gut-wrenching. I absolutely love Robby, I really do, but I'm actually less worried for him now. He does have someone now - I think Johnny really is going to try for Robby, and even if he does massively fuck up - which he might, or he might not - I think Daniel will still be there for Robby because he cares about him so much. Robby will, hopefully, be all right. But Hawk I truly do worry about, and Hawk I really do think actually does have no one right now. Except for Demetri, who I still hope after all this will be willing to throw down for him, but he’s his best friend, not a sensei or mentor. 

I hate so much how Johnny treats Hawk and hate how he's failed him, like in multiple ways, and legitimately get mad about it sometimes, hahaha - I will NEVER get over how harshly he treated Hawk and Miguel and made them clean mats, and then ONLY MIGUEL got that honest heart-to-heart after. And this was in response to the both of them calmly asking Johnny about something instead of being accusatory, angry, or anything really, they were simply trying to have a talk with him, and then he just told them to GTFO. (Man, my HEART hurts at the way Hawk still bows to his sensei even then, before he GTFOs.) But anyway - what I'm getting at here is, it really does seem to me that Johnny just does not like even interacting with Hawk. Every single time he interacts with him, save for the one time that he gave him his new name, it's always just so hostile. It's probably at least partially due to Hawk reminding him so much of his younger self, and Johnny likely does not want to deal with or face that self-reflection at all. So to me it feels like a really tall order to ask Johnny to have any sort of real talk with this one particular student who needs him so much. And if he were to even try - would it even be productive, or would it just be more yelling? 

It makes me think of how, in the beginning of The Next Karate Kid, when Mr. Miyagi sends Julie's grandma off to take a break, it's really to give Julie and her grandma some forced time apart. Everyone knew it was needed, it just couldn't happen until Mr. Miyagi could take care of Julie. Julie and her grandma were both dealing with too much - Julie lost her parents, Julie's grandma lost her child - and all they could ever do is get angry with each other. "Talking doesn't seem to help. It just makes things worse," Julie's grandma said.

And right before they part ways, Julie tearfully says to her grandma, "I've tried sometimes to just talk to you, and not get angry, but everything gets messed up and I don't know why." God, that just got to me so much. She's just a kid, and she had this moment of actually trying, and it's not her fault that she doesn't know how to fix things, and it’s okay that she doesn’t know why! Then her grandma admitted her own shortcoming by saying "Things get messed up for me, too." It was a good moment between them.

Hawk is still a good kid, I'm never going to not believe that, probably, hahaha. He was going to step up and confess to vandalizing the Miyagi-Do dojo until Kreese stopped him. (Speaking of that, Johnny had basically given all these students permission to view Kreese as a sensei just as much as they do him - and Kreese hadn't given any of them any reason yet to think he was actually Bad News. Maybe Hawk even thought that Kreese would talk to Johnny first and soften the blow, when he said he would "handle it." But, well - we saw how he handled it!!!)  So, I do not put it past him to be able to admit at least a little bit of fault, or admit to feeling lost, or reaching out for some kind of help. I don't see him doing it in any dramatic fashion or anything like that, or being sorrowfully apologetic and the like, but just... you know, the way Julie said it, I could see him doing something like that. But unfortunately for him, I don't know who is there to hear that from him and then give him that help.

I really don't see Johnny ever owning up to how his negligence and hostility and favoritism contributed to how violent Hawk became... which is sad, cause even just that one small admission of "Things get messed up for me, too" was probably the first step in repairing the damage between Julie and her grandma (even if we don't get to see them afterwards). And they likely would not have been able to get there, or they would have had a lot more trouble getting there, if not for Mr. Miyagi intervening. Julie needed to hear that.

Maybe Hawk just needs someone external to come and shake things up a little bit and be a mentor, someone who isn't so tied up in this karate soap opera already. I think Daniel genuinely does want to help these kids, but I don't know if I really see him having that much sympathy for Hawk, either, and I don't know if he would understand the depths of his anger. Sure, Daniel was absolutely bullied back when he was younger, and I'm not downplaying that at all, but it wasn't to the degree that Eli went through, which resulted in a shit ton more anger than it ever did in Daniel. And then, of course, Daniel had Mr. Miyagi step in early enough to make sure Daniel's anger and need for revenge never got so out of hand. Johnny's simply not going to be able to be that person for Hawk, at least not now. But maybe, maybe one day he could get there if someone came along to jump-start it, the way Ali had to come in and knock his head loose a little about his rivalry with Daniel, and I'd really love for that to be Julie-san. 

there’s definitely also room for several hawk jokes in there somewhere too

[rocknvaughn]

New Colin Morgan Interview with Edge Media Network about Benjamin - UPDATED

I am reblogging this because, after the author was made aware of an error in the posting of his article (if anyone clicked through to read it on the site, there was a whole question and answer that was repeated), the error was corrected and another three questions and answers were added! I am correcting it here, but they were very interesting, so I suggest you read the full article again!

I shall post the link at the bottom, but I wanted to type it out so that non-English speakers could more easily translate it. (This article was listed in their “Gay News” section of the site, hence the focus on the gay roles.)

British Actor Colin Morgan: How the Queerly Idiosyncratic ‘Benjamin’ Spoke to Him

by Frank J. Avelia

In writer-director Simon Amstell’s sweet, idiosyncratic, semi-autobiographical comedy, “Benjamin,” Colin Morgan plays the titular character, an insecure filmmaker trying to resuscitate his waning career (at least it’s waning in his mind) after one major cine-indie success. Benjamin is also doing his best to navigate a new relationship with a young French musician (Phenix Brossard of “Departures”).

Thanks to the truly endearing, multifaceted talents of Morgan, Benjamin feels like an authentic creation--one that most audiences can empathize with. Sure, he’s peculiar, has a legion of self-esteem issues and an almost exasperating need for acceptance as well as an inconvenient talent to self-sabotage the good in his life. But who can’t relate to some or all of that?

“Benjamin” is one of the better queer-themed films to come out in recent years, in large part because it eschews emphasis on the queer nature of the story. Instead, the film is a fascinating character study with Morgan slowly revealing layers and unpacking Benjamin’s emotional baggage.

Morgan is a major talent who has been appearing across mediums in Britain for many years. His London theatre debut was in DBC Pierre’s satire, “Vernon God Little” (2007), followed by the stage adaptation of Pedro Almodovar’s “All About My Mother” (2007), opposite Diana Rigg. Numerous and eclectic stage work followed (right up until the Corona shutdown) including Pedro Miguel Rozo’s “Our Private Life” (2011), where he played a bipolar gay, Jez Butterworth’s dark comedy, “Mojo” (2013), Arthur Miller’s “All My Sons” opposite Sally Field (2019), and Caryl Churchill’s “A Number” (2020), to name a few.

His TV work includes, “Merlin” (playing the wizard himself), “Humans” and most recently, in a very memorable episode of “The Crown”. Onscreen he can be seen in “Testament of Youth”, “Legend” with Tom Hardy, “Snow White and the Huntsman” and Rupert Everett’s take on Oscar Wilde, “The Happy Prince.”

He’s played a host of gay roles in the past on stage, screen and TV.

EDGE recently interviewed the star of “Benjamin” about the new film and his career.

Why Benjamin?

EDGE: What drew you to this project and were you part of its development?

Colin Morgan: It’s always the strength of the script for me on any project and Simon’s script was just so well observed, he managed to combine humor and poignancy in delicate measure and when I first read it I found myself being both tickled and touched. Then reading it again and from “the actor” POV... I knew it would be a real challenge and uncharted territory for me to explore. I auditioned for Simon and we tried it in different ways and then when I was lucky enough for Simon to want me on board, we began to work through the script together, because it was clear that this was going to be a very close working relationship... it was important for the level of trust to be high.

EDGE: I appreciated that this was a queer love story where the character’s queerness wasn’t the main focus. Was that also part of the allure of the project?

CM: I think Benjamin’s sexuality is just quite naturally who he is and therefore that’s a given, we’re on his journey to find meaning and love and there’s certainly a freshness to what Simon has written in not making sexuality the main focus.

Great chemistry

EDGE: Can you speak a but about the process involved in working with Amstell on the character and his journey?

CM: Simon and me worked very closely over a period of weeks, at that time prior to shooting I was doing a theatre project not far from where he lived so I would go to him and rehearse and discuss through the whole script all afternoon before going to do the show that night, so that worked out well. It’s so personal to Simon, and to have had him as my guide and source throughout was fantastic because I could ask him all the questions and he could be the best barometer for the truth of the character; a rare opportunity for an actor and one that was so essential for building Benjamin. But ultimately Simon wanted Benjamin to emerge from somewhere inside me and he gave me so much freedom to do that also.

EDGE: You had great chemistry with Phenix Brossard. Did you get to rehearse?

CM: Phenix is fantastic, Simon and me did chemistry reads with a few different actors who were all very good but Phenix just had an extra something we felt Benjamin would be drawn to. We did a little bit of rehearsal together but because it was a relationship that was trying to find itself there was a lot of room for spontaneity and uncertainty between us, which is what the allure of a new relationship is all about, the excitement and fear.

Liberating process

EDGE: Did your process meld with Amstell’s?

CM: I’ve said this a lot before and it’s true, Simon is one of the best directors I’ve worked with. Everything he created before shooting and then maintained on set was special. We always did improvised versions of most scenes and always the scripted version too. It was such a creative and liberating process. That is exactly the way I love to work. And for a director to maintain that level of bravery, trust and experimental play throughout the whole shoot stands as one of the most rewarding shooting experiences I’ve had.

EDGE: When I spoke with Rupert Everett about “The Happy Prince,” he very proudly boasted about his ensemble. Can you speak about working with Rupert as he balanced wearing a number of creative hats?

CM: Again, this was an extremely rewarding project to work on and quite a similar relationship as with Simon in the respect that Rupert was the writer/director and Oscar Wilde is so personal to him. And then we also had many scenes together in front of the camera, so Rupert and me had a real 3D experience together. It was a long time in the making. I was on board, I think, two years before we actually got shooting so I had a lot of time to work with Rupert and rehearse. He really inspired me, watching him wear all the different creative hats, such a challenging and difficult job/jobs to achieve and he really excelled--plus we just got on very well.

Playing queer roles

EDGE: You haven’t shied away from playing queer roles. Do you think we’re moving closer to a time when a person’s sexual orientation is of little consequence to the stories being told, or should it always matter? Or perhaps we need to continue to evolve as a culture for it to matter less or not at all...

CM: That’s a hard question to answer, I think certainly the shift in people’s attitudes has changed considerably for the better compared to 40 years ago, but there will always be resistance to change and acceptance from individuals and groups whether it be sexuality, religion, race, gender--we’re seeing it every day.

Evolution is, of course, inevitable, but if we can learn from the past as we evolve that would be the ideal. Unfortunately, we rarely do learn, and history repeats itself.

EDGE: You were featured prominently in one of my favorite episodes of the “The Crown” (”Bubbikins”) as the fictional journo John Armstrong. Can you speak a bit about working on the show and with the great Jane Lapotaire?

CM: I had an exceptionally good time working on “The Crown.” Director Benjamin Caron, especially, was so prepared and creative, and made the whole experience so welcoming and inclusive. It was an incredibly happy set, with extremely talented people in every department, and I admired the ethos of the whole production and have no doubt that’s a huge ingredient to its success, along with Peter Morgan’s incredible writing.

I was also a fan of the show, and it was an honor to be part of the third season. And I can’t say enough amazing things about Jane Lapotaire. We talked a lot in between filming, and I relished every moment of that.

EDGE: You’ve done a ton of stage work. Do you have a favorite role you’ve played onstage?

CM: I’ve been so lucky with the theatre work I’ve done, to work with such special directors and work in wonderful theatres in London. I’ve worked at the Old Vic and The Young Vic twice each, and they’re always special to me. Ian Rickson is a liberating director, who I love. It’s hard to pick a favorite, because the roles have all been so different and presented different challenges, but, most recently, doing “A Number,” playing three different characters alongside Roger Allam and directed by Polly Findlay, was a really treasured experience, and I never tired of doing that show, every performance was challenging as it was.

Miss the rehearsal room

EDGE: You were doing “A Number” earlier this year. Did you finish your run before the lockdown/shutdown?

CM: Just about! We had our final performance, and then lockdown happened days later. I feel very sorry for the productions that didn’t get the sense of completion of finishing a run. I mean, finishing a full run leaves you in a kind of post-show void anyway, even though you know it’s coming, so to not know it’s coming and have it severed must be even more of a void.

Memories of performing just months ago seem like such an unattainable thing in this COVID world right now. I can’t tell you how much I’m hoping we get back to some semblance of live performance.

EDGE: What was it like to appear onstage opposite Dame Diana Rigg in “All About My Mother?”

CM: Well, I think “iconic” is an apt word for both the experience of working with Diana and the lady herself. In between scenes backstage we used to talk a lot and we got told off for talking too loudly, so Diana began to teach me sign language and we would spell out words to each other, maybe only getting a couple of sentences to each other before she was due on stage and I had to get into position for my next entrance-- we did a radio play together two years ago and she remembered, she said, “Do you remember A-E-I-O-U?” signing out the letters with her hands.

EDGE: None of us knows the future in terms of the pandemic and when we might return to making theatre. I’m a playwright myself and find it all supremely frustrating but I’m trying to remain hopeful! Where are you right now in terms of the standstill we are in and what the future might hold?

CM: Yes, I’m so worried for theatre. It’s a devastating blow. I’m sure as a playwright, you know that the creative spirit in individuals hasn’t been diminished by this virus. People are creating important art in this crisis but we need the platforms to present it and bring people to some light again out of this really scary period, but it needs to be safe and it’s a worrying time. The virtual theatre approach must be looked at I think. We need to experiment and find new paths at least for the time being. I’m involved in developing some things right now and how we can work on things in both an isolated and collaborative way. It’s entirely counterintuitive to what the family-feel and close bond of a group in a rehearsal room is like-- I miss the rehearsal room so much!-- but we can’t sit still, we must create and we must act.

What’s in a role?

EDGE: Looking back on the great success of “Merlin,” what are your takeaways from that experience?

CM: Some of the most treasured memories of my life will forever be connected to “Merlin,” the cast, crew, production, everyone! The invaluable training of being in front of a camera every day! The chance to inhabit a character and live with him for five seasons! There’s too much to list and words probably won’t do justice anyway, but I’m truly grateful for everything the show gave me.

EDGE: How do you select the roles you play?

CM: I guess they select me in a way. I can’t play a role unless it speaks to me and provokes me in some way, but ultimately it’s the characters that I have a fear about playing, not knowing how I’m going to enter into the process of living them, when I don’t have all the answers it’s a good indicator of a character I must play. If I have all the answers, there’s less scope for exploration and discovery which isn’t as interesting for me.

Link here

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[moneyshvt]

☆ . · . simay barlas, twenty-two, female, she / her . · . ☆ AYLA CLEARWATER lives in that huge mansion over there! no, not that one. look for THE LARGE NATURAL STONE FOUNTAIN and that’ll be it. the SPORTS PHOTOGRAPHER has offered occasional glimpses of LIGHT GREEN walls and an impressive collection of EMPTY PICTURE FRAMES in the background of social media posts, but all of that is nothing compared to seeing the opulence in person. they’ve remained CLEVER as ever since moving to tercet court one year ago, but it seems like they might’ve gotten a little more of NARCISSISTIC too. maybe that’s why they’re rumored to have such a FRIENDLY relationship with everyone else who lives on this street. ☆ . · . ooc info: ollie, they/them, 21, est . · . ☆

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

— she was adopted when she was just under two years old from turkey, so the clearwaters have always felt like her family to her. she knew the greater part of growing up that she was adopted, it just never was an issue for her. it was a fact, but it really wasn’t an important fact. she has no desire to try to find her birth parents or family, though she has visited turkey.

—  the clearwaters are a triple threat in sports : her grandfather retired mlb player and coach, her father a retired prominent defenseman in the nhl and current dartmouth men’s hockey coach, and her older brother ( 26 ) is making a splash in his third year in the nfl as a wide receiver.  however, her parents made sure she and her brother had a ( fairly ) average “middle class” bringing up, though they had their fair share of money in the bank. didn’t have to struggle, really, but didn’t get everything she wanted either. had a summer job scooping ice cream for two years in high school.

— grew up in norwich, vt, real big on nature and hiking and all that jazz and lowkey misses it in the heart of la.

— when she was ten she got one of those kid’s polaroid cameras ( u know the ones where the film is only a little bigger than a postage stamp ) and she was obsessed. she worked her way up through cameras over the years, having a natural eye for it.

— one of the first games she ever shot was one of her brother’s high school football games which sounds sweet but it was actually because she was so bored out of her mind and wanted something to do. needless to say, though, that was the start of it. some might say it was kind of inevitable she gravitated toward sports somehow — she was a clearwater at heart. since then she has gained a lot of knowledge and respect for all different kinds of sports.

— for college she was torn between dartmouth and nyu. she ultimately chose nyu because it was somewhere new.

— she went to nyu for advertising and photography, shooting various nyu sports teams while she was there and throughout her years, managed to shoot a few rangers, knicks, and yankees games as well. she held two summer internships with the yankees ( on her own merits or because of her family name, she may never truly know ) and ultimately graduated from nyu a year early.

— she then spent the better part of a year after graduation road tripping as you do and ended up in california. it’s all about who you know, and in picking up a favor for a friend in cali she stumbled into the perfect opportunity. from there she landed a role on the company that handles the photography for staples center and other notable teams, most notably the kings, lakers, and dodgers ( photography company based on this irl one ).

— she moved into tercet court not long after she knew she would be in la for much of the time being. it’s definitely not her house, considering she makes just enough to live on. it’s a family home, purchased initially by her father who’d wanted to sink some money into tangible assets instead of the stock market and to have a west-coast home available for the family. hey, worked out pretty well for her.

— she has predominately been tasked with shooting the kings the past year or so, though she started with shooting dodgers games last summer and is doing so this summer as well. she’s also shot a handful of lakers’ games when a friend needs someone to cover. three of her photos so far have been used in large ads and banners in the city ( including most recently her current MONEY SHOT of the game winning goal in a come back win ) --- very cool moment for her. several others have been used by local publications and websites.

— she does a little freelance work as well ; mostly for friends or friends of friends, though she’s been considering lately trying to make her skills and business available in a more professional manner. she does do a lot of photographing for herself --- a lot of candids ; she thinks they capture the true spirit of a person moreso than when they’re posing or prepared for a photo. but not in a creepy way --- she’s been the victim of the paps enough times by association with her family to know the correct boundaries and limits.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂

— lowkey loves playing games with the paps, though she’s probably the only one that finds it funny. as a photographer herself she has a good eye for where they’re hiding and will also snap photos of them in turn just for her own amusement.

— she hopes someday to be the team photographer for a team, hopefully in one of the “big four” ( nfl, nhl, nba, mlb )

— she played field hockey and lacrosse through high school.

— ayla thinks she’s better at shooting people. part of what she loves about being a sports photographer is how active and unpredictable it is to shoot a game. she’s had to learn a lot to try to predict what she can.

— very much a morning person. has never had a problem waking up in the morning. who’s jealous bc i am. goes for a run at sunrise, and has showered, gotten ready for the day, and is at a local cafe shop editing photos / making graphics and drinking an iced mocha by 8. truly couldn’t be me...

— so desperately wants to be that girl with tons of cute aesthetic plants in her apartment but tragically plants always die in her care no matter what she does. probably has gotten one of those tiny tabletop sand zen gardens to make herself feel better tho she still keeps trying with plants. so far the only ones that have lived any length of time are the air plants.

— she really wants a greyhound but is afraid to make the commitment to actually adopting one.

— her personal insta ( the non-sports one ) has a modest following. a few thousand, probs.

— she has struggled a bit with people who think her opportunities have only arisen because of her family pedigree ( which some have gone so far to tell her they’re “not her family” --- which, don’t even go there, lads... ), and that has made ayla work all that much harder to prove that she’d gotten where she has on her own merits.

— she has a rule ( and in the case of the nhl there is a rule enforced by a signed contract ) about not getting involved with anyone she shoots ; it’s considered a conflict of interest. i imagine she has a really good relationship with the players though --- probably doesn’t hurt that she is pretty. at least one of them have hired her to shoot their wedding this summer even though she is wildly under qualified.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

alya is a chill and laidback person at heart. her approach to the fame attached to her due to her father and brother has been to laugh it off good-naturedly. she’s generally well liked, with a hint of sass and humor. she comes across as a bit of an air-head at times, but that’s part due to a persona she put on from a young age. she has an observant eye that drew to her photography in the first place and will often allow her to draw certain conclusions about people. she’s well versed in all the sports she shoots, something that tends to surprise a lot of people, but how is she supposed to be good at her job if she isn’t ? if she gets bothered during games she typically shuts people down with wide eyes and some obscure bit of knowledge in her cute, raspy lil voice. dareisay... elle woods, what like it’s hard ? energy ??

a few of her downfalls include her narcissism and need to be liked. she looks to look and feel pretty, by her own standards, and is a queen of the self-timer and remote self photography : has two instas because of it -- one for her sports photography and one that’s a “personal” and mostly just pictures of herself. her need to be liked is something she doesn’t even realize. she likes to be seen in a positive light.

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

alya stands at 5′4″ with a slim but athletic build. her hair is naturally brown, but is dyed to have blonde highlights. she does not need glasses or contacts and has no tattoos.

she’s almost always wearing the same pair of beat up timberland’s she’s owned since freshman year of college. she likes to be able to move easily ( bc homegirl absolutely cannot walk in heels at all ). despite what the tabloids like to call her unfortunate choice in footwear, she likes to look cute, often pairing them with short, flowy sundresses or skirts + crop tops. when she shoots games, however, she’s dressed rather practically in skinny jeans, a crop top, and a cardigan. her hair is often kept down and loose, or in a messy bun.

𝐎𝐎𝐂

it me. ollie again. i also play fitz ( miguel bernardeau fc ). yes the overlap between fitz and ayla is not great but i truly only know one thing that that one thing is hockey asldfalsdjf sO. if y’all seeing me rping with myself on the dash bc i think it’d be fun to bounce fitz and ayla off each other mind ur own business...

[libertasrpg]

We welcome Rita Morales to the city. She’s 26 years old and is a sound engineer. Rita is often mistaken for Danna Paola. She’s open.

→ Background Information

Rita’s mother passed away after giving birth to her youngest brother. There were dive of them all together. Rita had two younger brothers, and two older. It was a big family. It wasn’t one her father could cope with very well either. So Rita basically played the role of a second parent to all her brothers from the age of 11. Due to her situation, Rita’s upbringing was exactly like most other girls her age. Her hair was always above shoulder length because she didn’t have time for the upkeep. She never owned a single Barbie doll. She knew how to hot wire a car and set up home entertainment systems before knowing how to plait her own hair. There was a small amount of bullying at school for how tom-boyish she was, but Rita’s brothers were quick to teach her how to deal with it in a physical manner.

→ Relocation Explanation

Rita adored her brothers, but also couldn’t stand them. She loved them from a distance. Some of them went away to University and Rita thought things were going to calm down. She would be able to take care of their father alone. Things got easier. Then, they came back from University and things got manic again. It was at this point Rita decided enough was enough. She’d heard about Libertas. Upon applying, she was unfortunately turned away. The place seemed great though and Rita wasn’t the kind to give up easily. So she snuck in instead.

→ Living Situation

Because Rita didn’t move to Libertas through the proper systems, she wouldn’t be able to just get a place like every other person there. She spent her first night in the city sleeping on a park bench. The next day, she looked into a few potential leads. Then she came across Solomon Fagin. He had also come to the city without official sign off, but had managed to get hold of a place. He was letting beds out to others in a similar position to him. All Fagin asked in return was some money towards rent and help with meals. Obviously Rita had spent much of her life cooking for her, her father and her brothers so she was happy to help prepare food for everyone in the house.

→ Her Personality

You’d be a fool to decide to mess with Rita. Not only is she physically strong enough to take you on, but she could also tear your ego down with words in seconds. The woman doesn’t take lightly to funny business. Despite all this ferocity however, Rita is incredibly caring. She would go to the end of the earth for those she loves without a moment’s consideration. Raising five men taught her the important of acting with compassion. It also taught her the importance of budgeting. She knows that one slip up can leave you eating noodles for two weeks. Even though she’s managed to secure a part time job at the Libertas Community Theatre, she’s still as frugal as ever.

→ Her Qualities

Compassionate, caring, protective

Prideful, bossy, parsimonious

→ Her Relationships

Oliver Twist (Friend): The last thing Rita expected was for someone as sweet as Oliver to be bought into her life, especially by Dodger. He’s incredibly innocent despite the rough childhood he had before being adopted. So now, Rita wants to protect this innocence as much as possible. While it’s fun having him around, Rita doesn’t want him liking this way of life too much. He deserves better.

Solomon Fagin (Landlord & housemate): Fagin was expecting money from the first moment Rita moved in. He’s a lovely guy, but has a lot of issues. Rita has a feeling he’s involved with some bad people too. Rita was at her wits end when she first moved in to get the money he expected so ended up joining Jack on a couple of jobs.

Jack Dawkins (Best friend & housemate): It was through Jack, or Dodger as he’s better known, that Rita learned all the pickpocketing and con tricks she knows. The pair are actually an incredible team. They get along like a house on fire and you’ll regularly find them bonding over a bottle of tequila at the end of the day. She’s tried to get him to get an actual job as best she can but knows this won’t happen anytime soon.

Willian Einstein, Francis Einstein & Ignacio de Tito (Friends & housemates): The last thing Rita wanted really was to move from one house full of boys to another, so she wasn’t exactly thrilled when she realised who she’d be sharing her new home with. All the guys are really lovely. They don’t get on her nerves in the same ways her brothers did though. They’re all slowly learning to adjust to each other. While they might not be her actual brothers, Rita loves them all as if they were.

→ Possible Connections

Georgette Foxworth (Friend): Rita had never met a woman like Georgette before in her life, so found her incredibly interesting. She had immediate respect for how confident in herself she was. The pair are actually similar in more ways than they might think.

Jennifer Foxworth (Acquaintance): If there’s anything Rita can appreciate, it’s someone with a heart. Jenny has a big one of those, shown by when she took in young Oliver.

Roscoe Dobermann & Miguel de Soto (Enemies): Well aware of Fagin’s past, Rita always thought that regardless of the move, trouble would still follow him. It’s not a matter of if it catches up with them in her opinion, it’s more a matter of when. She’s preparing herself for that day.

→ Faceclaim Change:

Allowed | Not allowed | POC must | Discuss with admin

Suggestions: TBA

Rita is based on Rita from Oliver & Company.

[truthbeetoldmedia]

Mayans MC 2x10 “Hunahpu” Review

I would just like to start this piece off by congratulating the cast and crew of Mayans MC on being renewed for a third season! With the Kurt Sutter-shaped elephant in the room, fans and the people involved were all left wondering what was going to become of this series? Would the Season 2 finale be a series finale or could it be renewed? Well good news, all! Shortly before the finale aired, the news broke of the renewal and we all jumped for joy! (At the very least, I certainly did!)

I thoroughly enjoyed the finale! It hit points I didn’t think there would even be time to delve into. Almost all my questions and concerns were met. I definitely feel comfortable with where the story will be going into Season 3! 

Most of the trailer for the finale seemed to be focused on the impending war between the Mayans MC Santo Padre chapter and the Vatos Malditos due to Riz succumbing to wounds inflicted by the latter club. What isn’t known though is that Taza messed with Riz’s life support and that’s ultimately what made Riz pass away. It isn’t exactly known why he did so yet. Taza has a hidden history with the Vatos Malditos and there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s wanted war with them for years. Bishop has a meeting with other charters to try and remain on course for the gun deal with the Vatos Malditos and the Sons of Anarchy. They all need the gun deal to work out because there’s a lot of money on the line. At the expense of Coco’s feelings and Riz, Bishop remains on course with the deal. 

However, that’s only actually in the eyes of the other charters and the Sons. Bishop actually firmly believes this is a Santo Padre issue and they have every reason to retaliate. The President of the Vatos Malditos is scheduled to attend his grandmother’s birthday party. The plan is for the Mayans to sneak attack and slaughter them all, especially the Prez. We see the President and his grandmother had been hiding for what appears to have been the majority of the party because they knew there would be retaliation. 

Dita Galindo has been majorly depressed all season. Miguel and Emily were trying their hardest to get her help, but ultimately, they weren’t all that engaged with Dita. Emily knew Dita saw Felipe instead of the shrink every time she had an “appointment”, but she still didn’t actually know what was going on with her, emotionally and mentally. Miguel was even worse. He loves his family and has proven he would fight for them, but he’s also a busy man on both sides of the border. Unfortunately, that means the people closest to him often do get pushed to the wayside.  

Felipe knows Dita had Marisol killed and also had put a hit out on Felipe too. EZ and Angel want revenge and, ultimately, Dita wants to die. The fire that left her permanently scarred and in pain was her first chance at death. She wanted it then and she still wants it now. EZ offers to be the one to end her life. Dita says a prayer and they’re all emotional. EZ’s been waiting for this moment since he first walked in and saw his mother’s dead body on the butcher shop floor. He choked Dita to death with his bare hands and then Angel joined in on burning the body. Dita had left notes for Emily and Miguel, so it would look like a suicide and they wouldn’t go looking for the killer.

At the end of the episode, Miguel is about ready to send all his guys out to search for Dita, because she took off in one of the cars when she went out to her appointment (when she was actually going to meet the Reyes men). Emily found the note and together they went to go find her body because it was too late. Miguel looked like an empty shell, while Emily showed more emotion in that one scene than she has since Cristobal was returned to her in Season 1. 

Honestly? I had been waiting for Dita to die. The fact that the writers added in an old love affair between her and Felipe was just tiring and too convenient in my eyes. It makes me wonder if that was the plan from the very beginning. Dita was an absolute snake and, at the end of the day, that was all she was good for. 

One major concern I had was about Potter being pushed to the side for the latter half of this season and how exactly he was going to make a big comeback in the story. I definitely wasn’t disappointed! Miguel, Emily, and then EZ and the Reyes family found out about Potter and his technically illegal relationship he had with a witness in an investigation in Mexico that resulted in the birth of a son. Emily knew Miguel wanted to use that information to help out Adelita, but when EZ informed her that Potter was threatening to deport Felipe, she gave him the intel to help out his father instead. 

EZ and Angel had to actually decide what they were going to do because Angel also has Adelita and HIS OWN CHILD to think of in this scenario. Ultimately, he knows Adelita would probably tell him to leave her behind, just like she did when he tried to save her in the desert. You can really see the love and admiration he has for her because he’s still respecting her wishes. He knows she’s strong and because she’s strong, he can be strong too. So all things considered, EZ and Angel decide to use the information to help Felipe. 

EZ and Angel finally meet up with Potter and they confront him with what they know. I have never seen Lincoln Potter look more shaken up than he did in that scene. His Achilles heel was discovered. The Reyes brothers wanted legitimate legal paperwork for, not just Felipe, but their mother too. This isn’t just Potter’s job on the line, but also his son. 

Meanwhile, Adelita has been in a secured facility, in labor. To see her in so much pain, while also handcuffed to the hospital bed? It was completely inhumane. We did get a scene of Adelita snuggling with her newborn. However, that visual was ruined because Potter wanted the baby taken away from her as soon as possible. They had a DNA test done to see if they would find a paternal match in the system, meaning if the father had previously been incarcerated, they would find out who he is. Well, there was a match. They didn’t name Angel, but Potter immediately makes a threat against Angel the same way Angel made the threat against Potter. Potter would make sure both of their sons never found out who either of them were. 

I cannot tell you just how gutted I was to see Angel in anguish over this. I was fortunate enough to meet Clayton Cardenas at Rhode Island Comic Con this year and I managed to tell him my finale predictions that had me emotionally spiraling out of control. My first prediction was that Felipe would get deported and that was debunked, thank goodness! My next prediction was that Potter was going to take the baby away from Angel and Adelita and put them in the system. This fucker had the nerve to LIE to me. He told me it was likely that neither would happen. I mean, technically we know Potter took the baby, but we have no idea what his plans are. This man let me spiral about this theory and then basically told me I didn’t have to worry. I can’t help but laugh! 

One good thing did happen this episode though! EZ got patched in! It was a unanimous vote.  Angel had brought up that this wasn’t the life he wanted for his little brother, but now he can’t imagine having this life without him. The Reyes brothers’ relationship has consistently been my absolute favorite throughout the first two seasons. They had their ups and downs, but they will firmly stand beside each other when shit hits the fan and I find that beautiful!

This was a stellar sophomore season! I feel like the finale would have even made a good series finale, if they hadn’t gotten renewed. All storylines were touched on and we know where the characters stand. There are certainly plenty of questions still left over that should be answered in Season 3, but overall this was a solid finale and an extremely solid season! 

Some thoughts on the episode:

Miguel and Emily are forever hot and cold. One second they seem annoyed with each other and the next they would kill for each other. 

They also didn’t seem that thrilled to be at the event for the Agra park deal.

 Adelita didn’t utter a single word this episode, but I suppose just seeing her will have to tide me over until next season.

 Angel Reyes deserves to be a father to his son, damn it! 

 EZ has a darkness in him that is only getting darker and darker and I’m kind of excited to see where he’ll go next season.

 I hope we’ll get Taza’s backstory next season. I want to know more about his time with Vatos Malditos when he was younger. 

Miguel just looked empty and cold and I’m curious as to where he’s going to go with his mother’s death. 

 Is Miguel ever going to find out Felipe is his real dad?  Are EZ and Angel ever going to find out Miguel is their half-brother?

Marcus saw the motorcycle tracks left at the scene of Dita’s death. I’m wondering if he already knows exactly who was involved. Alvarez isn’t dumb. He’s an extremely intelligent man. 

Mayans MC should be returning to FX in 2020.

Sarah’s episode rating: 5bees

Sarah’s season rating: 4 bees