#kix is an overprotective older brother

[wanderinginksplot]

Nobody Listens to Kix

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Case 01187: Lux Bonteri 

"...and if you roll them at the right speed, they'll slip through the shields and explode next to the droid itself, disabling the guns and allowing you to pass," General Skywalker finished, glancing around the group of rebels to check for their understanding.

Kix eyed the assorted group as well. When he had been tapped to join the Jedi and the captain on a trip to help an underground resistance movement train to fight the Separatists, he hadn't been impressed at the idea. After finding out that one of the leaders - a kid named Bonteri - had a past with Commander Tano, he was even less thrilled to be there.

Admittedly, he had been surprised by the group. The fighters were minimally trained, but in decent shape, medically-speaking. Kix had expected to find festering injuries and critical malnourishment. Instead, he found mild dehydration and an honest, stars-blessed splinter.

A splinter.

This resistance group may have been better-organized than others the 501st had run into in the past, but they weren't exactly what Kix would have expected from a rough-and-tumble encampment in the woods.

Saw Gerrera would be trouble. Kix had known it the first time he interacted with the young man, and he could tell that Rex thought the same. Saw was passionate and angry, traits that would not help him against the Seppies. In fact, they were more likely to get him killed, along with every other member of the encampment… including Saw's sister Steela.

In contrast, Steela Gerrera was promising. She was a perfect counterpart to her emotion-driven brother and would make a good leader for the small group - a larger group, even, later on. She was level-headed and practical, eager to learn and wise beyond her years. Kix and Rex had both been impressed by the young woman, as had the Jedi. Well, two of the Jedi. The final member of their party had been too busy worrying about Steela's major weakness.

Lux Bonteri.

Kix didn't get it. He was no expert in what teenage girls found attractive, but it seemed like a bit much for both Steela Gerrera and Commander Tano to be fascinated by the boy. Admittedly, it seemed like the attention was almost a bit much for Lux, too. Still, he appeared to enjoy the idea that two females were so interested in him and did what he could to juggle their feelings. One minute, he would flirt shamelessly with Steela, who seemed to welcome his efforts. The next, however, he would stand far too close to Commander Tano and murmur things that her sensitive montrals could easily have heard from a far greater distance. The boy was honestly lucky that some of the more... overprotective members of the 501st had not come along to Onderon, or Kix would have had some real injuries to treat.

Despite his own confusion and disgust, the situation was entertaining enough, though Kix was at least tactful enough to avoid talking about it around the Commander. She seemed displeased by the way things were going and he couldn't blame her. He was displeased, too. Kix was of the opinion that the GAR and three of its best Jedi had more important things to do than babysit a fledgling grassroots rebellion, and a teenage love triangle did nothing to improve the situation.

"Ouch!"

It was the call to action for medics everywhere, and Kix was no exception. In a moment, he had grabbed his medic's bag and went to find the source of the pained sound. It turned out to be none other than Lux Bonteri, who had managed to deeply scratch his forearm while trying to roll a dummy det through the droideka's shield.

The kid had pressed a hand against the scratch, holding back the blood that was trying to seep from the small wound. Other members of the rebel band clustered around, asking nonsensical questions and generally being in the way. Steela and Commander Tano seemed the most concerned, but Kix definitely saw General Skywalker roll his eyes.

"All right, folks, please move so I can treat him," Kix said impatiently.

"Will he be okay?" Steela asked.

Kix snorted. "He has a scratch on the arm. Yeah, he'll be good to go in about three minutes, if you can clear the crowd."

Steela nodded, raising her voice. "Back to training, everyone! Lux is going to be fine."

With a jerk of his head, Kix indicated for Lux to follow him to a more secluded area, a short distance away from the crowd. From what he had seen so far, the small group of rebels needed all the practice they could manage. Bonteri followed willingly enough, sitting on a fallen tree trunk and extending the arm so that Kix could clearly see the injury.

It was a long cut, deeper than Kix would have expected, but still nowhere close to anything vital. The real danger was infection, especially in a forest, running around in unsanitary conditions, and this far from medical care. It would have to be cleaned, medication applied, and the wound wrapped before Bonteri could keep training with the other members of the rebel force.

"Don't worry, kid," he soothed automatically. "We'll have you patched up and back in action in no time."

"I'm not a kid," Lux told him haughtily. When Kix didn't bother responding, he sighed. "Do you think Ahsoka saw that?"

"I'm sure she did," Kix said evenly. "She was standing a foot and a half away from you and has full use of her sight."

Lux groaned. "Fantastic."

Kix shook his head, mostly to hide a smirk. "What does it matter what Commander Tano saw or didn't see?"

"Please," Lux scoffed. "You have full use of your sight too, correct?"

"I don't know what you're implying, Bonteri," Kix said, not liking the boy's tone. Before Bonteri could unleash another half-insulting comment, Kix added sharply, "And if you're saying what I think you are, I'll remind you that she's my commanding officer and I have no problem letting this scrape heal the old-fashioned way."

"It's just…" Lux trailed off, suddenly looking younger than ever. "She's so beautiful, and strong, and brave. I want her to think well of me."

"I'm sure she does," Kix said, trying to sound encouraging. Kriff, he didn't remember being this young.

"She doesn't think well enough to care for me," Lux said, reminding Kix of a pouting child. "Not the way I do for her."

Kix laughed before he could stop himself. "She's a Jedi. She took vows not to care for anyone, not the way you're talking about."

"And I took vows to uphold the Separatist cause," Lux countered. "I left them behind after I learned new information."

This time, Kix laughed on purpose. "You think attraction is new information? Kid, sex has been around longer than any of us. That's why we are around - at least, those of us who weren't born in a tube."

Lux didn't find that nearly as funny as Kix did, so the medic filed it away as something he should tell his vode and moved on. "Ahsoka knew attraction and temptation would be part of her life, but she thinks the good she does as a Jedi is more important than her own feelings."

"Has she spoken with you about this?" Lux asked, looking floored by the possibility that Commander Tano wouldn't change the entire course of her life for sake of a crush.

Kix sighed. He definitely had never been this young. "No, but she doesn't have to. You can see her dedication in everything she does."

"You can," Lux agreed, looking past Kix with a slight smile on his face. Kix turned to see Commander Tano juggling a handful of dummy thermal dets to amuse Saw, using the Force to launch them high into the air before letting them drop into her waiting hands. General Skywalker and Captain Rex watched the process with patronizing amusement while General Kenobi was thankfully occupied in another section of the camp. Kix was only surprised that General Skywalker wasn't taking part in the theatrics.

"I've heard Jedi can have physical relationships," Lux said slowly. "They just can't get attached."

"Done a lot of research into Jedi relationships, have you?" Kix asked acidly, then shook his head. "I'm not about to tell you - or my commanding officer - what you can and can't do, but Commander Tano isn't the type who can easily separate emotions from actions. By pushing this - by pushing her - all you're doing is making her choices more difficult. Remember that when you decide how to act with her from here on out."

"I understand," Lux agreed. From the solemn look in his eyes, Kix actually believed that he did.

"Good," he said with a sharp nod, patting the neatly-wrapped bandage on Lux's forearm. "You're good to go. Keep it clean and dry as long as you can manage. With any luck, I think you'll be able to keep the arm."

"Thank you, Kix," Lux said, giving a deep nod. "For all of it."

"No problem, kid. Try putting a bit of spin on the thermal det next time. That can help it get through the rollie's shields."

Bonteri walked back toward the group as Kix packed the unused supplies back up so he could be ready for the next medical crisis. There would definitely be one before they left, especially if the captain or either of the generals had heard much of the conversation between Kix and his patient.

---

A/N - sorry for the tiny gif! I couldn’t find a larger version, but I think this one really summarized Lux and Ahsoka’s friendship. Thank you for reading! Please feel free to reblog so my work can spread!

[obwjam]

While we're talking about Tup, do you have any hcs of the more underappreciated members of the 501st finding a tiny? Like Jesse, Hardcase, Tup, Dogma...

okay hello i’ve returned from the abyss ready to answer this:

hardcase: i mean the bitch is so insanely hyperactive he would 100% be too touchy and he’d freak a tiny out almost immediately. but he is also super intrigued and wants to get to know them. instant urge to protect. he would talk too loud and too often and the tiny would be really scared of being hurt accidentally but hardcase would literally die if he hurt a tiny. it would take a while to gain the tiny’s trust but he’s constantly saying things like “no i won’t hurt you!” until the tiny starts to believe him and he gets so happy. would spend so much time thinking about them and different ways to care for them and carry them around. he would be obsessed with them and would constantly be giving them little trinkets from the battlefield. in his spare time he just chills with the tiny and together they fix things around the ship or they build hooks and other gadgets for the tiny to use. basically hardcase is like a really energetic older brother who would do literally anything to protect his tiny

dogma: he would assume the tiny is up to no good. he would pick them up and bring them to rex and rattle off some reg manual shit and rex would be like “dogma you need to calm down this thing is obviously not a threat to us” and dogma is just extremely uncomfortable around them for a while. the tiny is very obviously terrified of him. it’s a very tense relationship but once it becomes clear that the tiny is not a spy, dogma feels like shit for being so cold toward them and very awkwardly apologizes to the tiny. they stay really skeptical of dogma for a while but once they just get used to his personality and the way he is, they know he’s just a very rigid person and wouldn’t do anything to harm them. they bond slowly over time, mostly when dogma is between missions and he gets to decompress a little bit. the tiny actually helps keep his head clear because they’re almost so far removed from the war that it’s refreshing

tup: oh man oh MAN he would be the softest with a tiny. absolute sweetheart. he would be very caring but also very nervous around them because he’s so aware of his relative size. he thinks the environment is too dangerous and chaotic for a tiny but at the same time he cannot bear to just release them into the wild or let them be on their own so he kind of has to talk himself into being okay with harboring the tiny. and he is able to talk the tiny into being okay with it too. he would keep the tiny a secret for as long as he can but it doesn’t last very long, and he’s like babbling about how he needs to protect this tiny and please oh please let them stay and he convinces rex and his brothers to be cool with a tiny hanging around. the tiny and tup become super close friends after that and they would do literally anything for each other, even in the face of grave danger

jesse: he would be a little awkward and uncomfortable with a tiny at first. not so much afraid of them but like, astonished that such a tiny being can exist and be just as intelligent. he’s a little degrading to the tiny at first but he quickly realizes just how skillful and resourceful they are. the tiny would stand their ground and he gains a lot of respect for them being able to be so confident around a bunch of giant clones. since he was the one to discover them he takes it upon himself to take care of them, and he frequently asks his brothers for help and advice because he wants to get it right. at first he gets a little bothered by the tiny because he treats them like an obstacle he has to overcome, but he learns that he can be an effective soldier no matter if he’s caring for a tiny or not. once he starts treating them as an equal and not like a pet or a child that needs constant attention, things become much easier for him and his new tiny friend

bonus kix: obviously as the medic he would be the most overcautious and overprotective of them all. he would like regulate the tiny’s diet and exercises and shit and the tiny is like “bro i’ve been eating dirt and grass for the last 20 years” and kix has to very quickly adjust to caring for a tiny as opposed to caring for a bunch of clones. the tiny is a little nervous of a doctor/scientist type until one day they get hurt or lost and kix is the very first person to find them and fix them up. trust instantly gained. and kix finds that he can confide in the tiny about a lot of the horrors he endures bc he doesn’t feel the need to always be strong around them. it’s a very healthy relationship where they both offer each other lots of valuable things and they rarely spend time apart from one another

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

Struggle - A Tup Fic

Oneshot

Rating: Teens and Up

Warnings: eating disorders, self starvation, food mention etc.

Characters: Tup (side characters Dogma, Jesse, Fives, Hardcase, Rex, Kix)

Additional Tags: Tup wants to be slimmer and stronger like his brothers and ends up developing an eating disorder, Dogma is concerned, I replicated their setting on the Umbara arc as bunk neighbors, Tup is stressed and angry and he needs to be protected and UGH i love him cute precious bun boi

-

It really annoyed Tup, to be called the “baby brother”. He was always looking up to Fives, wanted to get to ARC trooper just like him someday and yet he seemed to always be farther than anyone else from it. The others would coddle him, be overprotective of him, as if he wasn’t another clone just like them, the same flesh and blood, blaster in hand, white armor, bucket on his head, cool head even in the face of death.

He wanted to be like the others. Kriff, better than them. So one day in the showers, he noticed how nicely built Rex’s and Five’s bodies were. Their broad backs, strong shoulders, bulging biceps. He tried to convince himself that these were a Captain’s and an ARC’s construction, they were most likely stronger than the rest, but then he glanced at Kix and Dogma, seeing their strong calves, their muscular thighs. Tup looked at himself as the warm water stream hit the back of his neck, his hair weighing down under the water and all he could see was his pudgy stomach and flimsy arms. He wasn’t even near his brother’s level. How could he dare dream to be an ARC trooper if Dogma, who was just as much of a shiny as himself, had so much more of a soldier’s build?

Tup thought about it the rest of the day as he dried his hair off with a towel and put on the grey uniform the troopers would wear on their leisure time. He sat at the edge of his bunk, poking his stomach and pinching at his arm. He didn’t feel like a trooper. He looked like a goddamn civilian, that’s what.

“What are you doing, vod?”

Tup sat upright, putting his arm down and sighing.

“Dogma, don’t tiptoe like that.”

Dogma raised an eyebrow all defensive.

“I didn’t. Just got here. You didn’t notice because you were all busy poking yourself.” He made a pause “What’s wrong? Are you sick? You know that you should always notify the superior officers if you feel like…”

Tup groaned.

“I know regulations, Dogma. It’s nothing. Leave it alone, okay?”

Dogma still eyed Tup with curiosity, but then shrugged and climbed on his bunk. Dogma was a nosy little fucker at times, but Tup had grown attached to him. Probably because he saw how much of an outcast mr. stick-to-the-rules was and, feeling a little like an outcast himself, one of the new shinies with nothing really special about himself, he had always made sure to be nice to him. He knew the others weren’t.

-

It started off easily enough. Tup would scrape about a sixth off his plate to the corner and just leave it. Hardcase, shoveling food down his mouth like always turned to him, speaking with his mouth full of food:

“Not g’nna eat it, vod?” he swallowed “You’re gonna get hungry later.”

“I’m fine.” Tup said calmly, hiding his irritation. Kriffing Hardcase, eating like a hungry chemilizard and still all slim and muscular, all tendons on his neck and bulging veins on the back of his hand. The jealousy gnawed at him, and he hated himself for that.

He did get hungry later, and it made him want to punch his growling stomach. No. Enough of eating that entire enormous portion they served at the GAR. He was going to get rid of that pudgy belly and put some muscles in those noodle arms. All he had to do was look at the others, especially Fives and Rex. He had to get to their levels. It was all that mattered.

Dogma didn’t complain when Tup asked for his company on extra training sessions. The two of them would run and lift weights and shoot at the range, and Dogma would even smile at him, the uptight trooper.

“Good to see someone taking things seriously for a change.” Dogma said, wiping the sweat off his forehead “Call me again any time, vod.”

Tup nodded, catching his breath and trying to hide the discomfort his growling stomach brought. At night, he tossed and turned in his bed, starving and craving a nightly run to the kitchen. It’s not like Hardcase had never done it over a second or third serving of dessert. No, he chastised himself, you’re stronger than that. You’re a clone trooper. You can do this.

The following morning he did the same he’d done at dinner – a sixth of his portion was left untouched. At that, Dogma raised an eyebrow, elbowing him on his arm.

“You okay, Tup? You didn’t eat well last night and now…”

“I’m fine.” Tup cut him off harshly and then lowered his voice “I’m fine, Dogma. I’m just… These portions are too big.”

Dogma looked down to his own plate.

“They’re designed for our needs, Tup, all the nutrients we…”

“We might be clones but there are divergences, okay? Some of us eat differently. Look at Hardcase stealing Kix’s bread slices.”

At the mention of his name Kix interrupted the conversation he was having with Fives and slapped his bread off Hardcase’s hand, and laughter swept over the table, leaving Tup out of the spotlight, and he was glad for it. He didn’t need anybody policing him, I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself. All he wanted was to slim down and gain some muscle mass. Then he could actually dream of being an ARC trooper.

-

The others wouldn’t stop calling him baby Tup, though. No matter how he’d excel at shooting practice, whenever they’d spar, a brother would toss a joke like “hey, no hitting the baby brother too hard, okay?” and they’d laugh. It was just the way of brothers being brothers, no intention to harm his feelings, just like they’d call Hardcase a heavyweight (his armor had to actually be made larger than the others in order to fit his broad chest) and some people even joked that he might’ve had some traces of gunner’s batch on him. But every now and then they’d either call Tup their baby brother or “the smaller one”, and even though it never bothered him until then, it sounded like an insult now, and it made him angry. He used that pent up anger when he drove a fist to Jesse’s face, and the trooper staggered back to then be thrown down by a fierce spinning kick to his ribs.

“What got into you?” Jesse muttered as he got back on his feet; Tup stretched his fingers as they hurt for hitting his brother on the jaw

“I’m sorry, did baby Tup hurt you?” Tup snarled; the constant state of hunger was doing quite something to his nerves, and he seemed to be constantly on edge lately

Jesse stretched his jaw with a pained face.

“Could’ve kriffing warned me.”

Tup was still bouncing on his feet, ready to throw another punch.

“Think the clankers are gonna warn you, vod?” and he lunged forward, going for Jesse’s face again

Jesse blocked his attack, punching back with his free hand; Tup blocked him instead, and they pulled back for a second, still on fighting stance.

“Don’t you mean something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry for hitting you in the face, vod’?” Jesse asked between his clenched teeth

Jesse was always ready to hold a grudge, kriffing hells. Tup rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sure, just like the seppies will apologize to you after shooting you in the gut, just wait.”

Jesse’s patience was growing thin already. He was a year older than Tup and one inch taller. He threw another right punch that landed straight over Tup’s ribs. Tup clenched his teeth at the pain and punched back. Soon the two of them were a tangled mess of punches and swearing, and soon a pair of strong hands pulled Tup away from Jesse.

“May I know what the karking hell is going on here?!”

Tup looked over his shoulder and saw a very angry Fives holding him by his arms. He shrugged him off as Hardcase helped Jesse up.

“This is sparring practice, troopers!” Fives said looking from Jesse to Tup; those used to see Fives so up close to them, treating them as equals tended to forget how harsh his commanding voice would sound “It’s not a place for you to settle your quarrels! We are brothers, fighting on the same side, and I want to see you acting as such.”

Tup and Jesse squared their shoulders, not looking Five in the eyes as protocol demanded.

“Yessir.” They said, and Jesse added “I guess Tup here’s a little on edge.”

The mando’a equivalent to something a little worse than a ‘fuck you’ got stuck in Tup’s throat as he tried to seem more mature. He didn’t need any other baby jokes.

-

“You sure you’re good?” Dogma asked at the sight of Tup’s half-full plate as they got up in the mess

Tup sighed. As used as he was getting to being constantly starved and hungry, it still bothered him. He’d feel dizzy every once in a while, but he’d been able to conceal it pretty damn well. Nobody asked anything, except for Dogma, who would be always close to him anyway.

“I’m fine. Stop commenting on my food already. You’re up for some shooting practice?”

Dogma smiled. He was the only person who seemed to be as focused on being the best trooper they could as Tup was.

“Always.”

-

Time passed. Tup was annoyed by the persistent bulge in his stomach and how his arms remained flimsy compared to Fives’ and Rex’s and even goddamn Jesse’s. Dogma was now actually worried about Tup.

“Y’know, I should actually report to ARC Fives or Captain Rex about this. You haven’t touched your food for days now.”

Tup shook his head, reloading his blaster batteries.

“I ate dinner, didn’t I?”

“Two spoonfulls of it, and lunch and dinner aren’t interchangeable, vod, you’re supposed to eat both everyday!”

Tup’s sight was going dark and regaining focus, and he’d sway as he walked on weak legs. But it was all worth it. Slowly as it was, he was gaining a more muscular build – even if his stomach wasn’t all that flat yet, and he didn’t look strong as Fives, but still… he was gonna get there at some point. He had to. It would be worth it.

“Stop meddling on my food for stars’ sake. I’m fine.” Tup raised his blaster and shot the target. He not only missed the center, but the target itself by over ten inches. “Kriff.”

“Tup…”

“Shuddup.” Tup groaned, trying again and still missing the shot even farther

“Tup, your hands are shaking.”

Tup lowered his blaster, seeing that Dogma was right. His hands recently had been constantly cold, but he’d never noticed them shaking. Dogma placed his hand on Tup’s shoulder.

“You need to eat something, vod.”

Tup shrugged his hand off.

“I’m just tired. It’s late. Let’s go back to the barracs.”

-

“Another change of armor?” the clone in charge of personal affairs had asked in surprise

“Yeah.” Tup said, trying to hide the pride in his voice “Slimmed down some more, it seems.”

Dogma’s eyes went wide as he saw Tup painting the new set of armor with the tear shapes over his shoulder pads.

“Another change?”

“Yep.”

Dogma just stood there, looking at tup, both of them wearing their blacks in the lounging room where the brothers would spend leisure time at, and he then sat down by Tup’s side, watching him draw on blue over white.

“Your hands are shaking, Tup.”

The tear shape was very much oddly traced indeed. Tup huffed in annoyance.

“Not really.”

“Tup.”

“I’m stressed, okay?”

Dogma went quiet for a second and then he hesitated.

“I, uh. Kix thinks you don’t look so well and he wants you to be submitted for another checkup.”

“I’m fine. All my tests went fine last month, I see no reason to do this, if Kix wanna be a hypochondriac weirdo on…”

“It’s ARC Fives’ orders. You have to.”

Tup lowered his paint-smeared fingers and frowned pensively.

“ARC Fives has more important shit to do than demand me to…” he paused, turning to Dogma “This is your doing, isn’t it?”

Dogma’s eyes went wide for a moment, but then he knitted his brows in resolution.

“Your fingers are just skin and bone, vod.” He said in a hushed voice “Your cheeks are hollow, you got dark circles under your eyes, you just got the smaller set of armor we have, some cadets are bigger than those.”

Tup snarled, putting his shoulder pads down and getting up, despite his wobbly legs and the sudden head rush that made him see tiny stars blinking everywhere in his sight for a second.

“You stay out of my shit, you meddling…”

But Dogma spoke over him, getting up too:

“You’re too thin and you’re not eating, we have an assignment on the Outer Rim next week with generals Skywalker and Kenobi I’m scared you might just fucking collapse.”

Tup pushed Dogma on his chest. Either he did it really weakly or Dogma was too strong to budge. Maybe both. Dogma had always been stronger than him, much like everyone else.

“This is why nobody likes you.” Tup said between clenched teeth “You keep fuckin’ jerking off to the rules instead of caring for what your brothers feel!”

Dogma flinched like the words hurt more than Tup’s push.

“I’m just concerned, Tup, that’s…”

“To the blazes with your concern, Dogma. Stay the fuck away from me.”

Dogma looked genuinely hurt, but then his stoic mask was back in place.

“Sure vod. Whatever you say.” And with that, he left.

This made going to bed even more awkward later that day as Jesse laid down on the bunk below Dogma’s, happily blabbering with Hardcase about some new improvements to the Z-6 repetition cannons as Hardcase climbed on the upper bunk over Tup’s. Dogma remained silent, reading his reg manuals until the lights went off and they all had to shut up and sleep.

Tired, stressed and starving as he was, it wasn’t gonna be an easy night. But the recurring nightmare where he gunned General Skywalker down like he would do to a clanker made it ten times worse. And as the long recording of a bes’bev playing the ‘vode an’ hymn rang across the dorms, Tup woke up much more tired than he was when he laid down. All his senses screamed at him to stay down. Shivers ran all over his body and saliva accumulated in his mouth. He wondered if he would throw up. His stomach twisted and turned in his ribs as he sat up, a massive head rush overtaking him.

He was so dizzy he could barely see. He heard the heavy stomp of Hardcase climbing down his bunk, the usual groan Jesse would let out as he stretched his back, the not so heavy stomp of Dogma climbing down his bunk too. Jesse greeted the others and was already caught up on his chat with Hardcase as their voices grew distant and Dogma’s asked if Tup was okay. Dizzy as he was, Tup blinked a few times and got to his feet. It was a bad idea. His sight went from blurred colors to total blackness and he felt a hard impact hitting his back. His senses seemed to be messed up, he couldn’t quite move at all.

But he could hear Dogma scream:

“Kix! Someone get me fuckin’ Kix! Tup’s sick!”

There was a whole commotion going on around him now. Tup fought to open his heavy eyelids and scrunched his face at the ceiling. Why was he looking at the ceiling? His conscience seemed to be slipping away and he couldn’t see anymore, or speak, or move. He had fainted, by all accounts, but for some reason he could still hear what happened around him.

Dogma.

“—a fucking seizure, hold him down—”

And Jesse.

“—Kix, for the stars, get here already!”

And Hardcase.

“—Eat anything strange last night? I noticed he didn’t eat lunch—”

And Fives.

“—Hasn’t eaten shit for days—”

And Kix.

“—A grown man, sir, I can’t force him to eat. Last time his charts were off, and Dogma confirmed that he—”

And Rex:

“—Med bay immediately. And you, get back to work, you’ll be notified when he’s out.”

Then even the sounds died off, and Tup lost track of time. When he came to, he wasn’t in the barracks anymore. Instead, he saw white walls and whirring sound of a small medical droids floating around him. There were white curtains all around him, isolating him form the other beds, and he could feel his hair tied on a ponytail instead of a bun, feeling weird as his white hospital gown did on his body, like it had been put on him by someone other than himself.

The droid beeped, and a hand shoved the curtain away, revealing a wide-eyed Kix who seemed to be short of breath.

“You’re up.” he said, looking at Tup from head to toe. Well, from what he could see of him, as most was covered by a light, soft sheet. Kix walked to him, a soft, kind smile on his face “Hey there, vod. How are you doing?”

Tup felt a nasty, bitter taste on the back of his throat and looked down to the IV stuck in his arm.

“Feel weak.” He managed, licking his dried up lips “What happened?”

The kind smile of Kix grew smaller, tainted by concern.

“You fainted. Your blood sugar level was awfully low, and your blood pressure dropped accordingly. You also have a small ulcer on your stomach’s membrane – too much acid in your stomach hurt its wall. And, Tup, according to your exams…” Kix drew closer to Tup, placing his hand over his wrist “You were starving. Are you okay?”

Tup managed to snort.

“Well, according to your exams…”

“I’m not talking about medical health.”Kix cut him off, though his voice was still kind and soft “Are you okay?”

Tup swallowed down, grimacing at the bitter taste at the back of his throat.

“I don’t need you to coddle me, Kix.”

Kix’s eyes went wide under furrowed brows.

“This is not coddling, Tup…”

“I’m sick of being the GAR’s baby” Tup growled through gritted teeth “Cut this shit out already.”

“I’m worried about you, you di’kut!” Kix raised his voice with a hint of anger to it “Like I would be for any other brother who fucking dropped down with nothing in his stomach but acid while his squadmate goddamn tells me that he hasn’t eaten anything in three days.”

He paused to catch his breath, placing his hands on his hips.

“I’ve seen you leaving your plate half full at the mess, but I thought you were working on it, that’s why I never said anything, but you got everyone worried these past few days. Hardcase, and Jesse, and Dogma…”

“I’m fine…”

“You had a karking seizure back there, you moon jockey!” Kix was all but collected now “Dogma had to hold you down for you not to get hurt and Jesse took his shirt off to shove its sleeve in your mouth so you wouldn’t bite your tongue and kriffing bleed to death.”

“Oh, is this the bad taste in my mouth?”

Kix seemed to be an inch away from decking Tup in the face.

“This is not funny, Tup, damnit , I thought you had the basics of the importance of nutrition in your head like any graduated trooper.”

Kix breathed hard several times until he managed to calm down and slow down his breathing. He looked up to Tup.

“Tell me why you did that.” He sighed “Please.”

Tup didn’t answer, and Kix sighed again.

“Tup, we love you. We all do. We joke about you being our baby brother but you know we respect you. Your help has been noticed, you are—“

“I’m weak. I know it.” Tup looked down to himself, seeing how he seemed even less of a trooper in the hospital gown and the IV shoved in his arm “I’m weaker than the others. Maybe… Maybe there was something wrong in my tube.”

Kix looked at Tup like he was insane. He sat down at the edge of the bed, reaching for Tup’s hand and squeezing it.

“Are you… Are you serious? Tup, you’re either really dumb or you’re kidding me. Your charts are - were, until this little stunt of yours – completely normal. No different from any other clone. You’re not weak. You’re as strong as myself, or Dogma, or any other trooper.”

Tup didn’t let go of Kix’s hand. It felt nice and warm, and his own hands felt cold.

“But Hardcase…”

“Hardcase is slightly bigger than some of us. And Fives is slimmer than Rex, didn’t you ever notice? There are fluctuations, Tup, variations in our designs. For example, I hate how you’re taller than me for about almost a whole inch.”

Tup wasn’t convinced.

“I’m weaker. I just know it.”

Kix shook his head.

“Wanna be stronger? Then you better get back to eating.”

-

Dogma visited Tup every day after his duties, and he assured Tup that he’d be cleared for their assignment on the Outer Rim the following week as long as he ate all of his meals and took his bedrest orders to heart. He didn’t complain much about the bedrest – he always wished he could sleep a little longer past their alarm. Eating, however, took him a few tries to get the hang of. His stomach had become used to eating little to nothing, and it was a slow and painful process, getting used to eat normally again.

“Sorry for blabbering about you to ARC Fives.” Dogma said

Tup shook his head.

“It’s okay, vod. You were only looking after me, right?”

Dogma gave a small laugh.

“And jerking off to the regulations.”

Tup half-laughed, making a sound of disgust.

“Ew, don’t say it like that!”

“Just wanted to make you laugh!”

“Well, don’t! That’s kriffing gross!”

The two of them were crying with laughter soon, and as their laugh subsided, Dogma said quietly:

“Seems like you’ll be off tomorrow. ARC Fives and Captain Rex wanna talk to you in private.”

Tup grimaced. Well, he had earned himself a lecture, hadn’t he?

-

“You called me, sir?”

Rex and Fives turned to Tup as the trooper walked in Rex’s office.

“Yes, Tup, close the door behind you.” Rex said, and Tup obeyed, to then stand in attention in his white armor, his bucket tucked under his arm; he had his shoulder squared and his gaze projected over Rex’s shoulder, following protocol “At ease.”

Tup dropped his shoulders, but he didn’t feel “at ease” at all. Both Rex and Fives walked to him, standing in front of the trooper.

“Calm down.” Rex said softly “This is not a reprimand call.”

“I am aware of the weight of my actions, sir.” Tup said, his tone dry and almost not shaking

“This is a good thing, Tup.” Fives said “Can you elaborate?”

Tup drew in a breath. Standing in front of his superior officers made him feel like a small cadet all over again.

“I neglected my self-care, which induced a decline in my health and therefore subtracted me from the company. I failed my brothers. And I am deeply sorry, sir.”

Fives shook his head.

“Look at me, soldier.”

Tup forced himself to look at Fives as the ARC placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Your mistake wasn’t regarding your brothers. Well, of course, we need you in the team. But your mistake was to take poor care of yourself.”

Rex nodded.

“We are a collective, Tup, but every one of us matters. Without the individual, there is no troop.”

Fives gave Tup a small smile, shaking him softly by his shoulder.

“You gave us quite a scare. I hear Kix gave you a diet for you to follow until you’re fully adapted back to the GAR’s meals?” Tup nodded at him, and Fives let go of him “Good. Follow it, and take care of yourself, and if you ever need anything, talk to me or Rex, do you understand?”

Tup nodded, and his throat felt tight. He gathered all his courage to then ask:

“Uh, sir? I… I’m not strong like the others, that’s the thing, I just wanted to be strong like… Like you. I don’t want to be a weak trooper, that’s all.”

Rex and Fives exchanged a glance, and Rex leaned in closer, looking at Tup right in the eye.

“Are you saying that I allow weak troopers in Torrent Company, soldier?”

Tup swallowed hard. How did Rex manage to be so intimidating in the blink of an eye?

“I… I mean…” he stuttered, unable to make a full sentence.

“Only the best men serve under my command, trooper.” Rex added in the same dangerous tone “Only the stronger, smarter, most resilient men get in the 501st.”

Tup was still holding his breath when Rex pulled back and softened his tone, pointing at Fives jokingly:

“Well, and there’s Fives too.”

Fives frowned, but he was amused.

“Why am I always the punchline?”

Tup eased up at that, laughing a little. Rex smiled at him.

“You take care, kid. I look forward to see you go far.”

Tup felt his chest warm with pride, and he saluted Rex and Fives.

“Will do sir. Thank you.”

-

Later that day, after apologizing to Jesse for his behavior, the trooper shared his secret stash of chocolate bars with him, Hardcase and Dogma. Tup decided to accept it instead of holding back, and at night he ate two thirds of his plate (he was still getting used to eating a full portion). When he laid down to sleep, not even the nightmares bothered him. He felt hopeful, and as time passed, he gained weight, and as he went back to poking his stomach, Dogma gave him a soft shove to the shoulder.

“Cut it out. Your armor size grew because your shoulders are damn huge now.”

Tup looked at himself, dressed on his blacks, in the bathroom mirror.

“Are you sure?”

He still felt pudgy and weak. Dogma looked at him all serious.

“Have you literally ever seen me lie?”

Tup looked away from the mirror, commited to his recovery. It wouldn’t be today or tomorrow, but soon, soon he would stop looking, and he would stop caring, and he would – he knew it – get to ARC trooper one day, just like Fives.

“Good point. Hey, wanna hit the shooting range?”

“I’m always ready, vod.”