#kiss your heterosexual female life partners | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thelostgirl21 · 8 months ago

Text

As a pansexual woman, one theory I also have re: why men are uncomfortable with the idea of a man being bisexual or pansexual, yet still sharing a lot of emotional and physical intimacy with another man, is that they've been taught to think about searching for a sexual partner as a literal act of predation.

They've been conditioned to believe that the human male's role - and instinctive need when they hit puberty - is to go "on the hunt" (predator) for a sexual partner (prey); most often female.

And that the female's own role is to attract the male, and "signal her mating readiness" by showing a bit of skin, agreeing to talk with them or being nice to them, laughing at their jokes, initiating or accepting physical contact, showing signs of affection, etc.

If a female shows that she's ready to be mated, the male is thus 100% justified to feel deeply insulted should said female then choose to put him in the "friendzone" instead, and/or pretend that she wasn't looking for a sexual partner, but "just a friend", when she was clearly behaving in a way that was meant to be emotionally and/or physically "intimate" with them (a.k.a. being "friendly", as opposed to showing them no interest at all) with the clear goal of "turning them on".

As I've seen some men actually argue (and I really wish I hadn't): how is it okay to blame a man for having raped a scantily clad woman, when we wouldn't blame the shark for biting someone that would have jumped into the water next to them with a bleeding wound?

The males (predators) and the females (preys) roles are very clear in the human dating system!

To the point where some men genuinely believe true sincere friendships between men and women to be impossible, given that there will always be that lingering sense of instinctive sexual attraction between them.

When it comes to two heterosexual men going to the brothel together, sharing a bed, kissing each other on the cheek to say goodbye, laughing at each other's jokes, being emotionally intimate, etc?

No problem! They are both predators! None of them perceives the other as a potential prey! The roles are clear! No homo, bro!

And, thankfully, since gay men are only interested in other dudes, you can usually simply avoid to get too close and personal with those that don't share your own enthusiasm about the ladies. Easy-peasy!

The gays have their own predators / preys system where one is "the man" and the other is "the woman" in the relationship, you know? If some dudes are fine taking the woman's place, it's their own thing! We straight dudebros are fine with the gays!

But the idea that a man could be attracted to people of multiple gender identities, or regardless of gender identities, yet still treat a fellow man as a pure "dudebro" - a.k.a. someone that you could usually safely and casually take a shower with naked after a hockey game, for example - challenges that whole belief system.

As a pansexual, and this is likely true of most bisexuals, every person of every single gender identity I encounter is neither perceived as a fellow predator, nor are they perceived as a fellow prey.

Those are roles that I'm utterly unable to identify with.

What will determine the nature of our relationship is simply our respective emotional, physical, intellectual, etc. needs and interpersonal boundaries.

And, despite gender not being an obstacle in my sexual life, I don't find everyone I meet sexually attractive, quite the opposite!

I have a lot of personal criteria, including some physical preferences (just because I fail to emotionally or physically connect with another person's gender, or even my own, doesn't meant I can't find that person physically good looking or desirable!), that a person must meet for me to be able to see them as a sexually compatible mate.

And, even should sexual attraction occur between myself and another person, if it isn't mutual, I can make that attraction go away - or learn to simply accept that the attraction is there without acting upon it - to instead focus on the level of intimacy that the other person is comfortable sharing with me, and decide if I'm comfortable meeting them at their level as well.

If I'm not, then I'll establish my own boundaries with them, and insist that they also respect them.

And the amount of skin a person is showing won't suddenly turn me into an angry, entitled, out of control sex machine that has lost all ability to reason once I'm exposed to "a bit too much" (or even downright full nakedness), that must then absolutely fuck them because they were obviously asking for it!

By accepting to let Jaskier bathe him on the TV show, Geralt thus wasn't sending an open invitation for Jaskier to help himself to his dick!

It just means that, somewhere along the way, it was established that Jaskier's pansexual arse could 100% handle seeing Geralt's naked body without becoming sexually aroused; or without becoming sexually aroused to the point of causing him any sense of significant discomfort, at the very least.

And Geralt's own heterosexual arse (I'm just going to assume he's heterosexual for the sake of the argument, not because I remember him clearly stating he was straight on the show) is 100% comfortable with letting Jaskier see him naked and sharing that level of intimacy with him, because he trusts that Jaskier will let him know if he's getting uncomfortably aroused by Geralt's naked body to the point where he'd rather Geralt put on some clothes whilst around him; and because Geralt also trusts Jaskier to love and respect him without pressuring him into giving him more than he's comfortable offering in their relationship, too.

So, to admit that Dandelion could be so emotionally and physically close to Geralt in those books, still be bisexual or pansexual, and yet not sexually attracted to Geralt (despite Geralt's gender not being an obstacle for sexual attraction to occur); and/or perhaps sexually attracted to him while still having the capacity to respect and accept Geralt's own boundaries and comfort levels when it comes to how much intimacy they are both comfortable receiving from, and offering each other...

...would be admitting that men have the capacity to treat women as equals and partners, rather than preys that are to blame for the man's disrespectful and sexist behavior when they purposefully or unwittingly "trigger a man's desires".

I think such close and intimate friendships between two men - when one of those men involved in the relationship has the capacity to have sex with other men - generates such levels of discomfort and anxiety because it goes against everything they've been conditioned to perceive as being "normal", including their own very sense of masculine identity as a "hunter", whose behavior supposedly "naturally occurs" in response to all those "mating readiness messages" that women are responsible for sending them.

The idea that they, too, could treat women the same way that Dandelion is treating Geralt in those books (and on the show), is absolutely outrageous!

It puts the responsibility for their own disrespectful and predatory behavior away from the woman, and back to themselves.

And I think that they tend to say "they've made Jaskier gay now!", rather than recognizing his pansexuality on the show (and/or that he could also, technically be bisexual or pansexual in the books), because I do believe that the idea that a man could "hide" his queerness from them, by genuinely loving having regular sex with women, is somewhat terrifying!

Imagine! For years, you've been openly lusting after women, visiting brothels, sharing a bed, holding each other for warmth at night, with your best dudebro in the whole wide world...

...then suddenly, he announces that he's fallen in love with the new King of Redania, and had wild gay sex with him in a shed!

How terrifying would that idea be - for straight men whose masculine identity is so anchored into that whole hunters (men) / preys (women) model - that this situation could reflect reality?

That a dudebro that they would have known for years and showered naked with - that they know for a fact is a fellow predator (given how they've seen him hunting women for years, to the point where they've often gone hunting together!)...

...could turn out, one day, to also have the ability to hunt them.

And so, they argue that, by making Jaskier queer on the show, the show-runners are being openly homophobic, and reinforcing harmful gay stereotypes!

They are reinforcing the idea that every "effeminate", sensitive, artistic man out there is "secretly gay!"

Wait... Wait wait wait wait wait... Hold on...

And this would be a bad thing... because?

I mean, you do realize that, for non-homophobic people, gay men are supposed to be just as valid role models for positive masculinity as straight men are, right?

You do realize that gay men are supposed to be as safe for straight men to be around, and share emotionally and physically close friendships with, than straight men are?

A non-homophobic straight person should not feel any less uncomfortable showering naked at the gym in the presence of a straight dudebro, than they would a gay dudebro...

Sure, there are also straight men out there that are highly artistic, sensitive, and display masculine qualities most often traditionally associated with the woman gender in society.

But "offering them their own representation" does not address the root of the problem - i.e. that queer masculinity is treated as being lesser than straight masculinity.

The problem is not that people mistake "effeminate and flamboyant straight guys" for "being gay".

The problem is that people will bully "effeminate and flamboyant straight guys" for expressing a masculinity that is too close to what people typically identify as a form of gay masculinity.

And that they will refuse to trust that, when those straight men say that they are exclusively attracted to women (or other genders than their own), they are telling the truth.

Flamboyant bisexual and pansexual men - that express their own masculinity in a way that's more traditionally associated with the queer community - are also likely to have a much harder time convincing straight women, and fellow dudebros, that they aren't simply in denial about being gay.

But here you have a canonically pansexual Jaskier on the show, that was inspired by the book character Dandelion. And Dandelion, in the books, is apparently a character that women will gladly welcome into their bed, without any fear or concern that he might "secretly be gay", despite the fact that, according to you, he is an "effeminate and flamboyant" walking gay stereotype!

How's that for bisexual / pansexual representation, and fighting against homophobic stereotypes?

Those straight manly men are thus 100% right!

Just because a man is "effeminate and flamboyant", doesn't mean he's gay...

...he could also be bisexual / pansexual, and greatly enjoy and even crave regular sex with women!

Thanks for pointing that out!

"Yeah, but that won't stop my straight son from being bullied because his friends mistakenly believe he's gay!"

"You're telling me? I've got a bunch of gay friends that have been bullied because they're gay! I can promise you that we are doing everything we can to put a stop to it! Don't worry, as soon as queer people finally stop being bullied for being queer, every queer-passing straight kid should stop being bullied as well! The normalization of queerness in society is part of our top priorities! We are working very hard to solve your boy's problem, I promise you."

So really, straight, gay, bisexual, or pansexual, Dandelion in the books is still Dandelion. It wouldn't change anything to the nature or the dynamic of his relationship with Geralt that he would be queer and Geralt wouldn't. But sadly, they're much too afraid to see it.

regarding book!dandelion’s much discussed misogyny one thing i find insanely amusing is how the gamer bro fanbase perceives it.

because to me, it’s like, supposed to be one of his weaknesses. it’s one of the ways in which he is unhinged that continuously gets him in trouble. yeah, there’s a joke here and there. but like. dudu thinks he can get away in dandelion’s form? nah man, the angry woman with the frying pan knocks you out, worst decision you made that day. he’s afraid he’ll get murdered if they go to toussaint. he survives the quest to end up on a scaffold because he couldn’t stop fucking around.

yet, when you see the dude bro “book stans’” reaction to the queer netflix reveal there are very personal grievances when they say “you made the womanizer gay!!!”. we know he’s not gay. he’s bi. he fucks more than twice the amount. but the fact that “the womanizer” would as much as look at a man somehow hurts these people in their masculinity, which reveals they think this part of him to be the cool, masculine part.

and it’s really funny to me, because i have this idea of sapkowski using bard characters (he does it in the hussite trilogy as well) to have some, dare i say it, subversive masculinities. because dandelion is very un-masculine in the context of the story. not only does he challenge the temerian knights and others by directly insulting their idea of masculinity and often ridicules the hierarchic structures he himself benefits from despite having fled the connected responsibilities. he’s not a fighter, he’s a poet, he’s not ‘hot’, he is pretty. he’s a coward, he is vain, he is bitchy, he is emotionally intelligent. he laments the gruesomeness of war that is nothing like the heroic masculine stories told about it. he is kind of the mum of the hansa. in short, he is very ‘feminine’, except for his womanizing and his misogynist moments (and the drinking). the parts of him that are, as i said, the most pathetic of his character. and yet, readers who are caught up in the structures of hegemonic masculinities perceive it as a way to consolidate his place in the hierarchy. in a way, his assholery is his redeeming quality in the masculine order. or at least that is what i believe, because why else would they have such an extreme reaction. if dandelion loses his one hegemonic masculine trait of putting himself above women by also sleeping with men, then he is not a man.

[i am aware the concept of masculinities has fluctuated massively in history, which is the point of hegemonic masculinities, and that medieval courtly masculinities had their own ‘feminized’ moments, with monks complaining about the knightly fashion making them look like vain women, but this is a fantasy saga that the reader perceives from contemporary standards, and the masculinities presented are very warrior-centered]

plus, i imagine it complicates his friendship with geralt. because they are bro bros, going to the BROthel together, sharing beds, kissing each other on the cheek for goodbye. if one of these bros is interested in dick, it makes emotional intimacy among men ~weird~. it makes the dude bros go “a bro cant have anything”. but bro, bro, you could have everything. you could even have a bite of dandelion.

#Jaskier #Dandelion #Geralt of Rivia #Pan Jaskier #Bi Dandelion #Pan Dandelion #My thoughts #Awesome other people's thoughts

450 notes · View notes

shititbe · 4 years ago

Text

Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.

Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality?

Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies.

Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners.

Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May

They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy.

They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext.

Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships.

So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer?

Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.

Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit.

This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely.

Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter.

You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you.

Making out with The Thing? Gay.

This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak).

Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it.

This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship.

I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them.

Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual).

Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates.

Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay.

For the Found Family Trope:

Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though

I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.

The Soulmates part I know I have to back up.

For SoulMates:

Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.

Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping.

Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed.

They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you.

To conclude my point:

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

961 notes · View notes

sapphos-darlings · 2 years ago

Note

Hello. You don’t have to answer this ask… I don’t have anyone else. i’m a young lesbian (19) who has never had sex, never been kissed or so much as held hands with anyone. i had my first pelvic exam two days ago and it really really shook me up that my first physical contact with anyone ever was with a doctor. She was kind, but it really freaked me out and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

i’m sorry. i just don’t have anyone else and i can’t stop thinking about it.

Hey! You're definitely not alone. Especially amongst wlw! We tend to start romantic and intimate relationships later than straight women (girls, really) and it can feel really invasive to have the first "intimate" touch you get be from a doctor. I know it was really difficult for me, especially with an already difficult and painful relationship to my body and being seen and touched in general.

But even with the sensitive area of your body and life it deals with, it's still just a doctor's appointment. You're vulnerable there, for certain, but that's all it really is. A check-up - not an intimate encounter with another person. It doesn't take anything away from you, even if you feel crappy afterwards (again, I know I did), because it's the same thing as having a general check-up with a doctor anywhere else at the end of the day. I'm sure my body was examined, clothes off, by a doctor a hundred times before I had an intimate experience with anybody in the romantic, sexual sense. (And definitely has by now at over 30, and I still haven't actually had sex with anybody - so, you know!) And it really probably should be that way, to make sure you're okay and your body is okay, and you're safe to have sex to begin with.

So when you feel bad about it, just remind yourself that there was nothing sexual about this check-up. It's a health thing, about making sure your anatomy is working well. Nobody is supposed to get any pleasure out of it, it isn't a connecting thing, it isn't even a onesided situation where the doctor enjoys it and you don't - it doesn't even land in the same ballpark as sex, really, just like a doctor taking your heartbeat with your shirt off doesn't land in the same ballpark as undressing and showing off for your loved one. It'll become less of an important thing that happened to you over time, I promise, and the separation between an intimate situation with a partner and a doctor's check-up becomes clearer by far.

Gynecological exams can really suck, especially for the first times, but really they just can and do suck for many women all the way through. It really isn't fun and it feels so invasive. They suck even if you're a heterosexual, cisgender girl, with a female doctor! It makes you so vulnerable, and breaks so many taboos in a way you can't even talk about, because it's a doctor, and you "don't get to complain" about it. But you do. Even with your gynecologist, you can talk about this beforehand or after. "Last time I had a check-up, I felt (the way you feel.) Could we talk about that before going through another one?"

You're not alone, but you're fine and your body is fine and this is a normal experience for a woman to have. These are normal feelings after having someone - even a doctor - break through the barrier of acceptable/unacceptable touch, in a situation where you know it's just a routine check-up. It does feel invasive. It does feel shitty that that first experience you have with somebody touching your genitalia is a doctor just... looking around, no connection, and no matter how or what you really feel about it. It takes your control away, and that feels so rough.

But - and I cannot emphasis this enough - this was not your first sexual experience. Even when a doctor is examining your sexual organs, it is about your bodily health, not your sexual life, your sexual experiences. This was not one!

You'll be okay. It'll fade into the background, especially when you get to have a bit more of the fun kind of experiences with having a sexed body.

#mod sade #ask

8 notes · View notes

nomoregoldfish · 4 years ago

Text

I Promised You The Moon rant

Just binged it and this was from the episode by episode reaction/discussion with my partner in crime @glossyboy.

First of all, Oab stole the show, singlehandedly, which he's not supposed to. I don't think anyone expected it including himself. In the very top post when I searched his name on tumblr, he said this lol

But the truth is he played one hell of "villain" that required a very nuanced performance and he delivered it in a believable and graceful manner. Jai became the catalyst of the entire season and his rather complicated relationship with Teh was the highlight of part 2.

EP 1

From the very beginning it's clear that part 2 is very much a Teh's story rather than a balanced story about two young people's journey as a couple in the next chapter of their lives. It makes me uncomfortable they made Oh-aew clingy and pessimistic without giving him any character development.

The best part is probably the opening scene where they went paper-rock-scissors to decide who's gonna buy condoms. It felt authentic, the expectation, the hesitation, the mischievous act, all fits their characters well. Other times ep 1 was more like two adult kids playing house, literally in an empty giant ass upper middle class apartment.

EP 2

It's great that they poked the femininity vs. masculinity issue through Oh-aew, but stopped right there at the surface. Missed a perfect opportunity to go head-to-head with the controversial topic, start a debate, crush the stigma of femininity, bring something new, be a real game changer of the BL genre, and most importantly give Oh-aew some concrete character development. Part 1 showed us a gay character that's very comfortable with his sexuality and femininity, that's almost revolutionary in Asia, not as a comic relief but a leading role. Oh-aew questioned his own sexual identity once in that bra wearing scene, it's straight out of comfort zone, BOLD, and transgressive. So I expected more from part 2.

That's it? And they're already sophomores? Can't believe Oh-aew's character has been marginalized like this. It's pathetic.

But I love the brutally honest conversation at the end where Teh vented his rage and despair regarding his frustration of acting. He was acting like a dick because he's disappointed, and scared. Teh again was not afraid of showing vulnerability, making the reconciliation very realistic and touching.

EP 3

Dare I say I freaking love ep 3! The unresolved (partially sexual, but not entirely) tension between Teh and Jai was over the roof! And the built-up to their kiss was very authentic, which paled Teh and Oh-aew's much sidelined storyline, including the long anticipated sex scene (still can't believe it happened right after Jai explicitly instructed Teh to do it after the two spent a whole night bonding, like wow! Totally TRANSGRESSIVE and to some extent, kinky.) Teh looked up to the senior, idolized him, wanted to be good for him and make him proud, thirsted for the validation from him, which was mixed with affections. The workshop diary was a brilliant idea to let them open up to each other and eventually bring them close. This was what a meaningful arc of a story looked like. By contrast, there isn't a single moment between Oh-aew and Teh in part 2 that made me go "Damn it's soooooo hot!"

I know Jai/Teh wasn't the endgame but I appreciate the storyline so much. It's a very bold move considering it broke the over-glorified "one true love in one's life" fantasy of its target audience, mostly young cis women. The popular narrative of "you can only love one person through your life/one true love" in romance fictions/chick flicks was totally smashed. And it wasn't written just to stir up things between Teh and Oh-aew, it wasn't a silly fling. Instead, it's meaningful, complicated, natural, and realistic, delivered by nuanced and excellent acting from two young actors. It's hilarious that fans hate Jai with a passion and call him names.

And big news, Jai is bi?! Bravo! He's radiating bi vibes since his first appearance.

I kind of gave up at this point, the season wouldn't do Oh-aew any justice. Like my partner in crime pointed out, the costume design literally threw some "incongruous female fashion pieces" on Oh-aew, made him dye his hair red, without...making any actual point of his personality or his character development. Wardrobe was supposed to make a point in storytelling. Yes, PP wearing pink is cute, and? There's nothing else for Oh-aew. Unfortunately he's reduced to this sulky, crying, and wronged partner in a failing relationship.

EP 4

Oab again was killing it. The tension between Jai and Teh...from the rehearsal in front of Oh-aew to the dressing room pep talk, was incredibly intense and hot AF.

Was it a manipulative relationship after all? Oab was so good at conveying a character with many faces. Jai's a mentor to Teh, also a good friend, their relationship was genuine. He's also ambitious with his own goals, he used, challenged, provoked Teh in a way that benefited them both. It made sense the title of part 2, I Promised You The Moon, was from Jai's script. He promised Teh what the junior wanted the most, a bright future in acting. Teh's unconventional and unspoken feelings for Jai was the best part of the entire season in terms of creative writing, it's complicated, fragile, delicate and completely heartbreaking.

The after talk in the hallway was so well-written. It's funny (Teh joking about playwrights always write about their EXs is gold), intimate yet meticulously controlled, no one lashed out or wept. Both knew what they signed up for and Jai particularly made it clear about his motive and the purpose of the "special workshop" beforehand (or right away.) Yet it's no one's fault that Teh got carried away. He's younger, he's immature, he's more into it, it's totally natural. It's so romantic when Teh's singing karaoke in the bar with Oh-aew, yet he couldn't help but desperately staring at Jai on the floor, knowing he and the man who just turned him down were never gonna happen, they were done, but he's still madly attracted to him and his talent. He fancied Jai, at least the idea of Jai, a playwright, a director, someone knew him better than himself. That hurt beautifully.

EP 5

Teh/Oh-aew endgame at this point was pretty meaningless. Oh-aew as a leading character never got any solid character development over a span of four years. What happened between Jai and Teh wasn't just "cheating", though they surely made it look that way, like Teh's empty promise of "I won't see him again after the show ends". No matter how Oh-aew and Teh eventually reconciled, there's no emotional connection, no sparkle anymore between the couple.

But I knew for a fact they had to. Otherwise it's too much of a risk financially for the series. The creators had to take the easy way out like most traditional romances—one of the most contrived and formulaic trope where the male leading character made a mistake (usually cheating) and realized he's wrong, he deeply hurt the female leading character (Oh-aew was merely a girl substitute in part 2), then he completely changed for hell knew what reasons, started doing every nicest thing in the world to try to "win" the female character back. It has been feeding the emotionally-deprived cis female readers/audience who are frustrated with heterosexual relationship irl for decades. The formula that made romance outsell other genres of fictions combined in the 60s and 70s still sells today, under the name of boys' love. It's pathetic to see Oh-aew confess to Bas that he always "lost" to Teh. Love shouldn't be some kind of game or competition, there isn't winner or loser in love. Love is spontaneous. Oh-aew didn't lose because Teh developed feelings for someone else, and he didn't win when Teh begged him for reconciliation. People change, people move on.

And as predicted, they went for it. The ending was so absurd and tedious.

Overall, Jai's probably the hardest villain to play, he needed to be REALLY GOOD to be "the bad guy", to make his role conceivable. Oab absolutely nailed it with his talent and experience. He's not even my type or extremely good looking yet I'm 100% SOLD. I immediately re-watched the scene of him kissing Teh back hungrily at the end of ep 3 like I used to re-watch Teh/Oh-aew's steamy make out session at the end of episode 3 part 1. Coincidence?

I like some parts of both seasons for the same reason, each challenged and tried to break some outdated/contrived narratives in the BL genre. Part 1 took on the sexuality taboo by showing two same sex characters sexually attracted to each other, no more "I'm not into boys, I just happened to fall for someone of the same gender" or "pure love" bullshit. By staying true to the characters' sexuality and actually showing it with explicit, intense (and beautifully shot) scenes, the gay characters were normalized. They weren't just pure and innocent, no one was. And it created two of most unconventional gay characters in Asian pop culture, Oh-aew, a beautiful boy who's very comfortable with his own sexuality and femininity, not passive at all, taking initiative to pursue what he wanted; and Teh, a sensitive, caring and vulnerable boy who cried a lot, he's confused but also sweet and brave.

Part 2 tackled the "You can only love one person through your life" trope with a very nuanced story of "cheating". Yet neither carried out what they started. Part 1 fell short of a revolutionary piece that stayed true to "adolescent sexual turmoil", dismissing bisexuality and becoming a typical unrealistic BL fantasy in the end. And Part 2, ugh, forced a "happy ending" that almost no one digs. I understand it's extremely difficult and risky to disrupt the established norms of a genre. But sometimes being transgressive and progressive could be the same thing. A story, an artwork, has to challenge something in order to create something new and compelling.

#i promise you the moon #i told sunset about you #ipytm #oab oabnithi #billkin #pp krit #rant post #asian lgbtq dramas #lgbtq #i promised you the moon

17 notes · View notes

bisluthq · 4 years ago

Note

Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

32 notes · View notes

drsilverfish · 5 years ago

Text

Understanding the Closet in Narrative - Healing Hands/ Holding Hands in 15x08 Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven

The best theoretical book on this subject, in my view, to date is Eve Sedgwick’s Epistemology of the Closet (1990). It’s not that easy to read without a grounding in post-structuralist theory (it’s from that period in the academy when that was fashionable) and it has its flaws (one being that it only theorises the historical male closet, not the female one). But it’s still great :-)

Essentially, she reads nineteenth and early twentieth century literature by European and North American authors, who were, or, scholarship suggests, may have been, queer (that term is anachronistic for the time-period, but I used it as a shorthand) e.g., Oscar Wilde, Henry James, Herman Melville.

But Sedgwick’s readings are situated in the political context of the AIDS crisis in North America of the 1980s. And her attempt to unravel the significance of the closet, in narrative and culture, is predicated upon a passion about the cruel times she, and her many queer friends, were living in.

She attempts to delineate how queerness was written about, by male queer authors, in times when they could not be openly homosexual/ bisexual/ otherwise queer, nor felt able to write openly about queerness (because homosexuality between men was a criminal offence).

As she carefully elucidates, that meant that often, themes of horror, rejection, criminality, deceit, even evil, were projected by these authors onto characters they were (in a coded manner) delineanating as “queer”. This was about expressing what culture made these authors feel about themselves and, about, somehow, finding a way to present queerness, or the queer experience, in a manner which would be “acceptable” (because heavily coded, and depicted negatively) to the mainstream audience. Internalised homophobia also fed into these depictions. You can see all of that in Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1897).

This is why the monstrous has always been “ours” in a special and specific way in narrative (here, in relation to Sedgwick’s discussion, in fiction) and later, as cinema developed, on screen, because it has often been a site of queer-coding. Of course, that’s a bit of a double-edged sword as a symbolic history. So pervasive did those codes become, that they are still used today, sometimes, as a short-hand for villainous, as in Scar in The Lion King (1994) (much discussed in pop-culture YouTube videos about queer-coding) or SPN’s Crowley (who for instance drinks “fruity” cocktails as part of the historic repertoire of male queer-coding as effeminate and therefore, untrustworthy/ villainous). But, of course, Crowley is also written as deliberately drinking those fruity cocktails because he knows what they “mean”, and not only does he not give a shit, he flaunts drinking them as part of his particular combination of transgressive bravado and demonic viciousness (an “I may drink a fruity cocktail but I will also rip your heart out and chop you into tiny pieces” vibe). Crowley remains, however, queer-coded [not unequivocally bisexual/ homosexual/ pansexual] for most of his SPN screen-time. He refers to his relationship with Demon!Dean as a “bromance”, even if the way he utters it sounds as if he’s sarcastically calling that word for it out. We see him kiss men on the lips as part of doing cross-roads demon-style deals with them, but it’s played as him fucking with those dudes (notably Bobby) rather than fucking them.

Finally, we do see Crowley participate in a a mixed-gender orgy in 11x01 Out of the Darkness into the Fire (well, we see the before and after). He has a four-way and then slaughters them (I really hate that particular scene; there’s a shitty menopause “joke” in there too) but Crowley is smoked into a different vessel from the one we are used to, a female vessel, for that orgy. So, although we do “see” it, Crowley’s pansexuality, we also don’t “see” it, because Crowley’s usual male-embodied vessel is missing from the scene. It’s out there (I’d say it does semi-“out” Crowley) but it’s, on the part of the SPN text, kind of a chicken “out” because dude-Crowley is not present. Moreoever, the context is horrible and murderous rather than tender or intimate. So, there is a classic, historical, on-screen queer-coding residue. Because, in terms of our still powerful cultural norms, it would have been more shocking for the audience if dude-Crowley had been present and the scene was a tender, loving orgy, rather than the gender-swopped and slaughtery scenario Carver gave us.

Sedgwick develops the useful concept of the “glass closet”. Which means, that, deliberately, in a text, a queer reading is at once available (clear) to some readers and opaque (unavailable or rejected/ denied) by others. She writes, of Oscar Wilde’s famous story The Picture of Dorian Gray, that it...

“.... occupies an especially symptomatic place in this process. Published four years before Wilde's "exposure" as a sodomite, it is in a sense a perfect rhetorical distillation of the open secret, the glass closet, shaped by the conjunction of an extravagance of deniability and an extravagance of flamboyant display. It perfectly represents the glass closet, too, because it is in so many ways out of the purposeful control of its author. Reading Dorian Gray from our twentieth-century vantage point where the name Oscar Wilde virtually means "homosexual," it is worth reemphasizing how thoroughly the elements of even this novel can be read doubly or equivocally, can be read either as having a thematically empty "modernist' meaning or as having a thematically full "homosexual" meaning.” (Sedgwick, 1990: p165-66).

So, what she’s saying, is that the closet as a narrative structure, has a double structure. It makes queerness at once visible and invisible, “there” and “not there”. Another way to put this is that the “there” is queer subtext, and the “not there” is all the other available readings provided by the built-in ambiguity that delineates the narrative closet. Such queer subtext IS part of narrative, but its nature is to contain a plausible deniability.

This shot from 15x08 Our Father Who Art in Heaven, epitomises Sedgwick’s “glass closet”:

There’s no doubt this is (in its context) an intimate gesture between Dean and Cas, and a loaded one, because the SPN text has made it clear (not subtextual) that Dean and Cas are not in a good place with one another emotionally or communicatively, following Jack’s (apparent) murder of Mary WInchester. We see them fight, and Cas leave, in 15x03 The Rupture.

However, in its subtextual context (meaning in the context of all the other queer subtext in SPN in relation to Dean and Cas’ individual sexualities and their relationship) this gesture (for those taking the text’s invitation to read it queerly) is also a gesture which begs for the space between those hands to be closed, for those fingers to be entwined, for those hands to clasp one another, in a manner that cannot be understood as between “bros”. The narrative negative space screams, in this register, “Hold hands, you idiots, we know you love each other!”

It’s loud, but the fact that it’s clear AND opaque (visible to some, and “don’t see it” to others) means that is still follows the structure of Sedgewick’s glass closet, i.e., it’s still subtext.

Other readings of it are available:

1) Yes, the negative space is there between their hands, but it symbolises how they are not as close as they usually are, because of the rift between them.

2) This healing gesture, in which Cas uses his fading power (and it costs him to do it) to heal Dean’s wound, a wound which Dean initially keeps hidden, curled inside his clenched fist, is symbolic of something at the core of their relationship- pain and healing.

The wound on Dean’s palm, is almost a stigmata, or a wound-from-the-cross; healed by an angel.

Cas fought his way to Dean in Hell and, in their initial (off screen) encounter put him, body and soul, back together, from his half-Demon, broken-on-the-rack, state. In other words, Cas healed a wound in Dean’s soul and restored him to humanity.

Cas: “Good things do happen, Dean”

Dean: “Not in my experience”

4x01 Lazarus Rising

Cas ended up himself being a good thing which has happened to Dean, the best thing (outside of his brother and his mother’s return from the dead) Dean’s ever had in his life.

It hasn’t all been roses. Far from it. Cas has hurt Dean deeply as well as healed him, particularly during the Godstiel/ Levi!Cas arc.

And Dean, in turn, has hurt Cas deeply too, particularly when he was vulnerable and human after the Angel Fall, and now, since Jack’s (apparent) murder of Mary Winchester.

But, this healing gesture, palm to palm, which is vulnerable for both of them, in the midst of their painful period of miscommunication, tells us, in spite of all that, that at the core of what Dean and Cas are to each other, or could be to each other, is a place of healing.

These readings make sense, whether we consider Dean and Cas to have a deep fox-hole type, bestest buddy in the world friendship, or that they are sexually and/ or romantically desirous of one another as life-partners.

This is the structure of the glass closet - healing hands/ holding hands; the gesture is both, but the holding hands reading (because of that physical space in between those hands) is subtextual. The romantic/ sexual reading is visible/ invisible, for different segments of the audience.

The history of heterosexuality as visible and coded as “normal” and homosexuality/ bisexuality/ queerness as invisible and coded as “abnormal”, means that we don’t yet have a narrative level playing field for queer and straight characters even simply in terms of recognition.

In general, audiences are socialised to be excellent “readers” of the codes and gestures on-screen that signal heterosexual intimacy. So, a man and a woman can just look at each other on-screen in a certain way and the audience knows they are being written and performed as desiring one another, sexually/ romantically.

Straight audiences have become, in the last fifty years of activism which have precipitated LGBTQ social and political changes (moving from decriminalisation to gay marriage) better readers of queer subtext, because they have been “invited in”, to some extent, to these codes, which were previously themselves opaque (and often written as a coded bat-signal between queer creatives and queer audiences). It would be hard to watch Freddy Mercury’s video for “I Want to Break Free” (1984) which he sings whilst doing the hoovering in drag, without understanding him to be queer today, but trust me, at the time, those codes went straight (ha ha pun) over the heads of thousands upons thousands of his fans, who saw him as a macho rock God (who must be straight by default).

However, more subtle and complex forms of queer subtext can and do still remain opaque for the “mainstream”. Because, you have to learn to read queer subtext; it’s not something LGBTQ folk are automatically born with either, not some inherent textual kind of gaydar. Queer people, certainly those of a certain age, just tend to be socialised into it to a greater extent, because it’s been our hungry experience to search deeply for characters that reflect us, given the slimmer pickings.

So, the standard of “proof” that a character is, without ambiguity, understood by all (not some) of the audience as homosexual/ bisexual/ queer is still higher than the standard of “proof” that a character is straight, because straight remains the default.

Is that fair? No.

Is it the deal? Yes.

And whether that full recognition (full audience recognition) is there or not has political implications for a text. It changes its impact in the world.

That doesn’t mean a queer-coded text has no political impact in the world, however. In some ways it can be more persuasive, e.g that “love is love”, because a queer label isn’t there up-front, kicking in (some) people’s automatic resistance.

So the fact that Dean and Cas are still queer-coded, not textually “out”, doesn’t mean Dean and Cas are not queer, unless the whole audience knows it. Dean has been queer-coded since S1, so I’d say, that, to me, he’s been queer all along. But, it does mean that Dean and Cas’ queerness is still structured by the glass closet - it’s there (for some of the audience) and not there (for others of the audience). It remains visible/ invisible.

A complex additional question, is whether it is ethical, in this time period in which we can (in some, but not all, parts of the world) show LGBTQ characers on-screen, to continue to tell queer stories in subtext. That is essentially what lies at the root of the contemporary, popular “queerbaiting” debate.

The answer to that is complicated too, and I think, varies from text to text, but this post is long enough.

If you want more, you can browse my “reading subtext” tag for some of mine, and others’ further musings on that topic.

#Supernatural #15x08 #Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven #SPN meta #Meta #Queer-coding #Destiel #Still subtext #But subtext IS part of narrative #Epistemology of the Closet #The great queerbaiting debate #Reading subtext

530 notes · View notes

hotcoffeecoldmornings · 5 years ago

Text

(This shit is long so bear with me.)

Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Reach for the Stars

I haven’t felt this way in awhile. This ‘can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love.’

It’s hard to describe. The last time I was all-consumed like this by a TV show and a ship, that TV show was The 100, that ship was Clexa, and my world was, quite honestly, turned upside down by it.

I used the first two seasons of The 100 as background noise as I wrote my Master’s Thesis in 2015. To be honest, I didn’t really know exactly what was happening until Bodyguard of Lies (an episode anyone reading this post probably remembers well) came on. And a passionate kiss between two world leaders left me speechless and shocked. I was blindsided by it, unaware that that kiss would be the beginning of not only finding myself, but also accepting myself, and then finding a chosen family I never knew that I needed because of it.

There’s been alot of (okay, not a lot, but more) f/f ships on TV since then. Maggie and Alex. Nicole and Waverly. Elena and Syd. Kat and Adena. Anissa and Grace. Stef and Lena. Karolina and Nico. And the list goes on… While each of these ships is equally important, and each one represents another push towards more inclusive storytelling, there was never a ship that hit me as hard as Clarke and Lexa did.

Until now.

Harold, They’re Lesbians

Gay. Witches.

Motherland: Fort Salem said the words. And I fucking came running.

Okay, so it took me a few weeks… Thank you, twitter timeline, for finally getting my ass on board. It’s not that I didn’t want to start the show. It’s that my anxiety-ridden brain had other plans for me in mid-March. Like spending the majority of my time researching a global pandemic and then crawling into a depression hole because of it… Or something like that.

But nonetheless, I’m here now. And I’m fucking staying.

I knew I’d love this show. The concept of witches peppered with the idea that sexuality is irrelevant is honestly my one and only weakness. So I went into episode one with high hopes. And I sure as hell was not disappointed.

Episode 1 gave me even more than I could’ve asked for. We meet three uniquely powerful individuals, who all come from three uniquely interesting backgrounds. Abigail Bellweather, born into a lineage of the most powerful and elite witches Fort Salem has ever seen. Tally Craven, the last one standing in her family’s long-line of service, selflessly choosing to say the oath when she didn’t technically have to. And Raelle Collar, who has an unparalleled set of powers, combining her mother’s Christo-Pagan ways with those of the seeds learned at Fort Salem.

Rounding out that already brilliant cast is Scylla Ramshorm, the ‘sexy weird’ Necro who may or may not be evil (but we love her all the same). General Sarah Alder, the original witch who signed the Salem Accord, selling out every future witch to the United States Army, and whose ego quite often gets the best of her. And Anacostia Quartermaine, the Bellweather Unit’s Drill Sergeant who has a peculiar fondness (and leniency) for Raelle Collar.

The fact that this television show is entirely female centered (like, we’re talking 60 seconds of male screen time in the pilot), is what separates this show from most. Men exist in the world of Fort Salem as characters to exclusively propel the female leads forward, which is a stark contrast to the majority of shows right now. And not only is the entire main cast female, the main lead is gay. And honestly, the sexuality of every character on the show is questionably debatable as well. Except for Abigail, who quite clearly is into any and all men, and Tally, who grew up on a Matrifocal Compound and ended up in Fort Salem as a virgin. Which, of course, no shade to her, but it did strike me as odd when Abigail immediately assumed Tally’s virgin-ness when growing up in an all-female world was brought up.

So let’s start there, shall we?

The Heteronormative Narrative (or not…)

Something I did find puzzling about Motherland: Fort Salem (and the only thing, really) is how they portray sexuality, relationships, and love. In regards to sexuality, Eliot Laurence, the creator and executive producer, has been incredibly forward in interviews with the narrative that ‘your sexual preference doesn’t matter in this world.’ Which I appreciate to the fullest, trust me. But pardon my slight hesitation when I hear that line, because I think we’ve all been burned by it once before.

Motherland: Fort Salem has done a tremendous job of this. They’ve allowed characters to own their sexuality without question. It was never a thing when Raelle started dating Scylla. At Beltane, everyone went off with whomever the dance paired them with - even if that meant the same gender, and even if that meant three or four or five of them. Sexuality, in regards to same-sex partners, is never a character arc in this show, and it’s never there to create a plot point.

HowEVER, there were a few things I noticed that confused that fact.

Like I said about Abigail in the very first episode, when the Bellweather Unit is meeting for the first time, why was Abigail so quick to question Tally’s virginity after learning she comes from a Matrifocal Compound? If there are no heteronorms in the world of Motherland: Fort Salem, then why is it assumed that losing your virginity is related to relations with a man? Even though Tally is (well… was) a virgin, why would that question be brought up? If roles were reversed and it was Raelle living on the Matrifocal Compound, the conversation would’ve gone strikingly different, and it would’ve supported this heteronormative narrative that I thought we were trying to avoid. I’m just going to blame this one line on how badly Abigail wants the D, so sleeping with a woman wouldn’t even cross her mind.

But then what about the idea of this ‘five-year marriage contract’? It’s simply about producing a child, so I assume a woman could never have that sort of thing with another woman, and that those women could never add to their lineage (unless they entered into a five-year marriage contract simply to reproduce). Doesn’t this, alone, signify a heteronormative world without even meaning to do so? While they accept LGBTQ+ relationships, how do they actually fit into the society and culture that this show has created? Wouldn’t the gay witches be seen as almost inadequate in carrying on the gene if they don’t have a child? (AmI just thinking too much into this...?)

But then again, the whole concept of ‘love’ in Fort Salem is rather insignificant itself. As Gerit mentions, no one is supposed to spend their life with just one person. Witches are committed to one another in five-year partnerships to reproduce, and then that’s it. So in a way, I understand that nobody, no matter what their sexuality is, really gets to experience this fairytale ending that we’re used to seeing in a (*cough* heterosexual) ship on TV. And in a way, I also think that’s what makes this show all the more fascinating. Eliot Laurence gave everyone a level playing field by just removing the idea of a happily ever after altogether. In Laurence’s world, witches are meant to train and fight and die for their country. Love is their weakness. But what’s so compelling about that is even though love is their weakness, he made sure that love also manifests into their greatest strength.

From what I’ve seen in interviews for Laurence, every single thing has a purpose. So I’m quick to let this go, and see where he takes us. He’s been building this world inside his head for nine years, so I know that there’s so much more to this story than what can be told in a 10-episode season.

But Back to the Lesbians

Anyway, back to love. Specifically gay love. I wish I could put into simple words my obsession with Raelle and Scylla.

From the incredible chemistry that Taylor Hickson and Amalia Holm share on-screen together to the directors and writers who’ve portrayed their love story so magically, Raelle and Scylla are truly something special. They’ve taken the place of a ship this queer fandom lost when Lexa was killed. It’s a ship that you want to hate, because every part of this story tells me to hate Scylla. She’s Spree. She’s vindictive. She’s dangerous. Yet every part of my brain tells me to love her. And to love them together.

I don’t like easy stories. I want stories that make the ending worth it. I want hardships and pain and hurt and work when it comes to love. Which is why I like the story of Raelle and Scylla. There was a spark between them in their very first scene together- a spark you could feel through the TV. It was believable and real. They come from similar backgrounds of loss and solitude, and that’s what originally bound them together. And over the next seven episodes, we watched their relationship grow. We saw their vulnerabilities, their growth, their passion. But now we’re going to see the hardship. The pain, the anger, the betrayal.

I appreciate that they’re not skimping on telling any part of their story. The two are special together, and so far, this show has proved that.

She’s Special

I want to break down Raelle Collar before bringing up anything else, because, well, obviously she’s the main character, but she’s also got a lot going on. The fact that Raelle channels her power through something other than the typical ‘seed’ is something that will be of importance to why she’s so powerful. Petra Bellweather, herself, claims that Raelle’s mom, Willa, used unconventional methods that delivered incredible results. “She was the fixer every unit wanted to deploy with.”

While all witches in Basic Training are learning about utilizing their extra set of vocal cords to create magic songs, Raelle can do it in a way that’s reminiscent of where she grew up- Chippewa Cession. In the very first episode, she makes note that her family was there before it became a Cession. Aka, before the land was given to the Chippewa tribe in exchange for their magic.

Raelle comes from a line of witches that all have more unique abilities than what’s taught at Basic Training. She uses a combination of Native American spirituality/Christo-Paganism skills during her days at Fort Salem, which brings up questions (and judgment) from other witches. It seems as though that kind of magic was the way witches used to do things before Sarah Alder released her song into the world and created a vocalizing army with it. Raelle’s peers look disgusted when they see her still using the same ways witches once did. It’s particularly noticeable when she heals people, and recites Matthew 7:7, “Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” The entire theme of the Book of Matthew, in regards to Christianity, is about prayer. Asking and receiving. That God will provide you with what’s needed, and nothing more. But when it comes to Paganism, it’s about the law of attraction and return in our universe. It outlines that there is no life without balance - that all prayers can be answered, but they’ll be answered with things that are taken from elsewhere. All prayers almost have a consequence. Just like all magic has a consequence.

Raelle’s power, at least what she knows of it up until now, is based on a consensual balance, bringing the theme of Paganism’s Matthew 7:7 into the type of witchcraft she practices. She can heal someone, but what she heals them from will be transferred onto her. Balance. Consequence.

Bringing General Sarah Alder back into this, this is the same type of magic that she traded for back in the 1700’s when she granted the Chippewa Tribe the entire length of the Mississippi River. In exchange, she gained the magic that could keep her eternally young. But just like the magic that Raelle does, this age defying practice has consequences too, and requires balance. Every 50-60 additional years that General Alder adds on to her endless life, a young witch must be sacrificed to take on those years, and must stand by General Alder the rest of her short-lived life.

But where does the balance go?

Adil is such a great addition to the cast because he sheds a light on something so crucially ignored on campus. All magic has balance. This is teased throughout the season, like when General Alder hits turbulence on her way to The Hague and jokes (but not really jokes), “I assume I have one of you to blame for that.” Or how Raelle soaks up her ‘patients’ illness. But it’s not truly smacked in our faces until Adil says it.

As Abigail is flaunting her ability to *one day* “grind iron into ore and mountains into dust,” Adil drops a truth bomb on her. “All that weather you fight with has a cost. Floods. Failing crops. Famine. Every war, people starve.” She’s quick to reply that the good they do far outweighs the bad. But to who? Certainly not to Adil and his people. Meeting him is going to give our recruits a serious insight into just how consequential their ‘work’ can be. He’s going to play a crucial role in realizing how manipulative and egotistical General Alder has been.

Not only is weather an issue, but plagues. “Like the one attacking my sister.” Adil and Khalida come into the storyline because Khalida is sick with a deathly black webbing wrapped around her body. When they first make it to the Military Outpost (somewhere in the dessert between Russia and China?), the Soldier who meets them at the gate yells, “they’re here.” So were they expecting them?

Raelle eventually is the one who heals Khalida, (by using her Christo-pagan means) but instead of taking up the illness like it usually does, instead, it infects the giant mushroom that Raelle touched earlier.

The balance of Mother Mushroom.

I go back and forth between theories for the giant mushroom growing under Fort Salem. But today, I’m convinced the mushroom is attached to General Alder’s vitality. And consequently, the entire vitality of Fort Salem as well. In one episode, Berryessa reminds us that all life on campus is directly connected to Alder. And if what Scylla says in My Witches, that “life becomes death, which becomes life again,” is relative to the life on campus and how General Alder parallels that, then this theme of balance throughout the series is more prominent than we realize.

The giant mushroom living under campus is clearly important. It has hands and replicates faces and takes on diseases and Izadora is not a fan of anyone touching it. So yes, you could say this fungi is a main character now.

But. Why?

“In the kingdom of plants, mushrooms occupy the underworld. Nothing ever really dies.” Mushrooms have an entire underground network of language to one another. And they are responsible for the breakdown and decomposition of death so that organic matter can become something else. Necros have an obvious connection to this ecological process too, so they must have a connection to the continuous process that General Alder goes through to support and sustain life on her campus.

I think that the “Mother Mycelium” signifies each and every consequence that Fort Salem has accumulated. It holds the hurt and death and pain and regret of everything General Alder has created. And now that the Mushroom is infected with whatever plague Khalida had, I think it’s going to wreak havoc on Fort Salem. Magic is based on balance, and I think massive consequences are coming to make up for years of disparity.

One last thing on my mushroom-thoughts, is when Helen Graves said “the dead make excellent eyes and ears.” An underground network of mushrooms all connected to recently dead organisms would certainly be a great way to gain insight too. Scylla mentions that she needs something recently dead to grow her deathcap, so does this Mushroom need to be constantly “fed” with death to continue the creation of life?

Does Alder know about that? Are the mass-murders that the Spree are doing related to this? Killing hundreds of people at a time would definitely be a good way to keep the mushroom o’ death fed. Is Alder behind the Spree!?

Sexy Weird

Speaking of Spree... Can we talk Scylla now? First of all, what the hell is this girl’s timeline? When we first meet her, she’s a cadet (second year) in War College already, meaning she would’ve had to enlist on Conscription Day the year before Raelle. Yes? In Mother Mycelium, we see that she *might* (still don’t believe it) have been the person behind that first Spree attack on Conscription Day of this year (so when Raelle, Tally, and Abigail enlisted), so was she at Basic Training for an entire year before deciding to become Spree? Did she enlist knowing that she would eventually be Spree? Does this ever get addressed in the show?

Since we’re here, I might as well say there’s no way Scylla did that. I’ll never believe it. And I’m using my one semester of Greek Mythology in college to tell you why (who knew that class would eventually come in handy)

In My Witches, when Tally, Abigail, and Glory first meet Scylla, Tally makes it clear that ‘Scylla’ is a Greek name. Okay. Greek. Cool. Mythology. Let’s go. I already knew that Eliot Laurence doesn’t waste any minute of screen time when it comes to plot development and storytelling, so my meta brain did a little digging.

In Greek Mythology, Scylla was a sea-monster who haunted the rocks of a very narrow strait, opposite of the whirlpool of Charybdis. The monster’s purpose was to lead ships and boats towards the whirlpool, which was lethal to all who attempted to pass. Scylla was used to lure boats towards Charybdis, but was never meant for actually destroying them. Scylla was a fear tactic, not a murderous monster. In poetry, it’s often said that Scylla isn’t a monster at all, just born into a monstrous family. In conclusion (from my 4 months of Freshman-level Greek Mythology and a little refreshment on Google) I think Scylla is simply being used to lure people to the Spree, but not actually doing the mass-murdering that is being shown in the episode.

What I do know is that Scylla Ramshorn is absolutely Amalia Holm. Mainly because I refuse to accept that Raelle is falling for the red head (sorry, red head). But also because at the end of the Pilot, when Scylla (in red head disguise) looked into the mirror, the balloon was her reflection, and it followed everything that she did. But in other scenes, when Scylla’s face is the normal Scylla face, she can see her own reflection. So the redhead girl is unimportant. Plus, IMDB says she never appears again this season...

We Are The Spree

As much as I hate to believe that Raelle’s mom (or Aunt!) is alive and leading the Spree, the connections between the two entities do add up. Both (Spree and Collar’s) are against the authority and power that the Witch Army has over populations of witches. They’re both against General Sarah Alder. I believe they both use spoken word magic rather than just vocalized magic. When the Spree carry out their attacks, they’re whispering words under their breath, not singing any song. Which is reminiscent of how the Collar’s do magic. Additionally, it would make sense as to why the Spree would want Scylla to bring them Raelle. And I still can’t get over the conversation between Raelle and Tally when Raelle explains her family’s combat charm. “A bowerbird’s foot. They love anything blue.”

Blue? Why. WHY.

Maybe Willa Collar was captured by the Spree? Or the Aunt was? Or the Spree needs Raelle to heal someone?

One last weird very unthought out theory goes with the other Biblical verse Raelle recites - Isaiah 43:2. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” The fact that all Spree attacks have happened with something to do water- in the snow, at the pool, on a cruiseship. And the fact that the last line of that verse is literally, “you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” This type of witchcraft has to relate to how the Spree does magic. Right??

Now I’m re-talking myself into the fact that the Collar’s might be somehow leading Spree...

But who’s ‘we’?

If the Collar’s are in charge of Spree then this next theory would actually check out.

Anacostia has been a little more over-bearing with Raelle than any of the other girls. On multiple occasions, she’s said how Raelle is gifted. In fact, they all have. Even Abigail in Hail Beltane mentions that “Raelle didn’t go outside of canon, she’s naturally gifted.” They all know she’s gifted. It would make sense if the Collar’s were the ones running Spree, and that Anacostia, aka. General Alder’s head bitch, was sent to protect Raelle from ever joining them. Alder wants to capitalize on the powers that Raelle has, and keep them in the Witch Army.

But I also think Anacostia could be playing General Alder. There have been too many times where she stares at Alder just a little bit too intently, and I can’t stop thinking that she might be in some sort of rebellious group too. Maybe a certain cell of Spree?

Because you can’t deny that Anacostia has also taken in interest in Scylla, particular to keep her away from Raelle. When Anacostia first caught them flying high on Salva, she told Scylla to stay away from Raelle, and it seemed as though she (tried) to use some sort of coercion magic while doing so. When Anacostia then saw them together at the Bellweather wedding, she almost sounded shocked, “I expressly told you to stay away from her.” Did Anacostia attempt coercion magic on Scylla and it didn’t work? And if she did, why didn’t it work?

That entire exchange felt odd yet familiar. Like the two have history. “Your name wouldn’t have been on the list. You’re not supposed to be here.” Particularly the “you’re not supposed to be here.” Did Anacostia know about the attack on the Bellweather’s? And did she think it would be threatened with Scylla there? Or did she know that Scylla was supposed to bring Raelle to the Spree at 6pm. And was sent to make sure Scylla never completed that task.

I found it interesting that Anacostia was never seen fighting off the balloons like every other Witch was when they appeared. And her being at the actual wedding felt odd too. Especially if she’s General Alder’s right-hand (wo)man, because last time I checked, Alder and Petra Bellweather weren’t on the greatest terms. In fact, none of the General’s are on great terms with Alder.

Since we’re now on Bellweather season...

Camarilla. No, not Carmilla.

There’s certainly a second threat in this show. And they were the ones behind the attack at the Bellweather’s. Not only has this already been proven by Jessica Sutton on Twitter (lols) but the clues were literally all there. They didn’t use any magic to fight. They had to use a mechanized sound machine to stop Abigail and Petra from using their powers. Then they covered themselves with gasoline and lit themselves on fire before the mother-daughter duo blew them away. It wasn’t Spree. But it was meant to look like Spree. And I think the balloons were simply a distraction, so all efforts and power would be outside fighting off the balloons while the civilian waiter’s could attack.

But who is doing this?

It’s been brought up that there are alot of humans who don’t agree with the Witch Army that Alder leads. Even the President of the United States is hesitant about them. “You, too, are bound by rule of law to the will of the American people, who have elected me to represent their interests and protect them. Don’t you forget it. Or you may find yourself reminded.” Then Tally gets confronted later in that episode by a civilian who says, “It’s witches who are committing these attacks. It’s your kind of people .” And then even later in the series, there’s talk of a “growing debate in congress to revoke the Accord and disband the army.” So you could say there are definite opinions about this Army by civilians.

In A Biddy’s Life, there’s a shot when Raelle and Scylla are in the room with weapons once used to kill witches. There’s an undeniably important shot of the Camarilla Scythe. Camarilla, itself, is defined as a small group of people acting as private advisers to a ruler or politician with a shared and nefarious purpose to carry out secret plots.

Since civilians are the ones that are most opposed to the Witch Army, it makes sense that maybe the President, herself, is the one behind these attacks. She’s trying to take down the most Elite of the Witches (the Bellweather’s), hence inhibiting the Army from being as successful as it’s been in the past. And what better way than to kill the most elite witches of child-bearing age.

While this theory checks out, I can’t help but to also think that Petra Bellweather could be behind the attacks. I know, it’s a stretch, (specifically because it’s her own family that’s being targeted) but I do love that ‘good powers, bad people’ trope. And what better way to make sure nobody questions your efforts if you’re the last one they’d suspect? Petra Bellweather has been itching to boot Alder from head witch honcho for awhile. Since killing Bellweather’s is the ultimate attack against witches, this would be a great strategy to showcase that Alder is inept in dealing with these enemies, creating a fall in power. And eventually, a rise in another. A Bellweather.

Okay, I know what you’re all probably thinking. “So you’re saying that she wanted her own daughter killed!?” Not necessarily. When you watch Bellweather Season, and specifically the wedding scenes, they put an insane emphasis on timing. And I don’t believe that that’s just because of Scylla trying to get Raelle out of there by 6pm. When you watch the sequence back, the Bellweather Unit was supposed to be having their interview with the Dean of War College, starting at 5:30ish. If the interview took a good bit, say 30-45 minutes, this would strategically put Abigail not in the line of fire (aka Charvel’s room) at 6pm when they struck.

But on the complete other hand, Abigail was supposed to be up with Charvel at that time helping her get ready. Meaning if it wasn’t Petra Bellweather, someone perfectly timed both Bellweather’s of childbearing age to conveniently be in the same place at the same time.

Then the fact that Scylla was meant to leave with Raelle at 6pm (the exact moment the waiter’s and balloons struck), can’t go unnoticed. Did they want her to leave with Raelle at 6pm because the Spree knew about the attack? Did someone warn them? Does this explain why Anacostia was shocked to see Scyalla. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Why wasn’t she supposed to be there????

I’m just going to tap out of this theory now.

But One More Thing

This might be a totally aggressive theory, and I have to credit the initial spark of this idea to my girlfriend, because during my 67th rewatch of this show, she brought up something I’d never thought of before. She asked me what Scylla’s purpose of attending the wedding was, and if the person she was supposed to bring to Penelope Road at 6pm really was Raelle?

This got thinkING. What if it was someone else???

When you look back at all the times Scylla spends talking to her balloon mirror, they never actually say Raelle’s name. Sure, we’re meant to believe that Raelle is the obvious target. But what if that’s a cover?? What if she’s using Raelle to infiltrate something else and get to someone else??

It would make sense to use Raelle to target Abigail instead- an elite Bellweather. Like I said, this is a very unlikely theory but it would definitely be a shock to literally everyone (except my girlfriend apparently)...

Has the entirety of the show been leading us down a path to distract us from something else going on!? With every other ounce of brilliance here, I wouldn’t even doubt it.

In Conclusion

I went into this show expecting to be seen and represented as a queer woman, but what I actually got was so much more. What I got from this show is the realization that me being queer doesn’t have to have anything to do with me being a woman at all. My strength, and will, and mistakes, and growth, and grace, and support, and passion, are what make me a woman. Each of our stories are deserving enough to be told just because we are women.

I’ve struggled with that fact my entire life - my womanhood.

Femininity, feminism, and female empowerment are all things I’ve only recently connected with. I was raised in the culture of traditional gender roles. My dad went to work and my mom stayed home. It’s not that I was necessarily taught that men and women must occupy those roles; it’s just that’s all I knew. To even further confuse my adolescent existentialism, not only was my mother a stay-at-home mom, she was also in the Marine Corps. And she never really understood the fact that not all women are as strong as she is.

My mom’s a badass, don’t get me wrong. She’s one of my hero’s. She came from a family who didn’t have much, and after realizing that she couldn’t afford to go to college, she enlisted instead. Six years later, she went to Penn State on a full-ride. She’s worked for every ounce of success that she’s seen, and she’s worked her ass off for it. But because of that, she struggles with the idea of feminism.

I can’t blame her too much. I understand the mindset she’s coming from. Growing up with that being instilled in my mind was hard though. Because it was expected that I, too, grow up to be a strong independent woman.

I graduated in the predominantly male industry of agriculture (I want to be a farmer, okay!?). All through college, grad school, and post-grad school, I worked on farm after farm after farm. And it was there that I was introduced to the idea of toxic masculinity. I tolerated comments that I won’t even say out loud. I’ve “accidentally” been touched in more ways than I care to count. And what I hate the most about it all, is that I fucking tolerated it. I’d laugh it off, and then I’d walk away, mortified at what I’d actually just put up with. And while by no means do I blame my upbringing and home life on this, I do blame the upbringing and home life on the female characters I saw on television. If Brooke Davis was constantly and overly sexualized in high school then I guess I was supposed to, too. Right??

Sure, I still hear comments that I wish I didn’t. But I’m also surrounded by people and characters who taught me to never put up with the shit I once did. Female characters are portraying a storyline that people take more seriously now. They’re persevering. And that jumps off the screen in Motherland: Fort Salem.

It’s taken me a while to realize how Raelle and Scylla have affected me as much as Clakre and Lexa did (two characters who literally awakened my sexuality). But I think I get it now.

I love both Raelle and Scylla. Each one. Individually. As witches. As warriors. As females. As humans. As strong female characters. So, in a way, watching this show has awakened something else in me that I’ve also been suppressing all along. My femininity. My strength. My perseverance.

Sure, Raelle and Scylla are my favorite ship right now, but it wasn’t them being together that made me fall in love with this show. Oddly enough, it was them being apart. It’s the fact that each one stands on her own as a unique and beautifully complicated story. And it’s the fact that I, too, am deserving of a beautifully complicated story.

Last Section, I Swear

Motherland: Fort Salem is a magical mix of intense story building, relatable character development, and fascinating cinematography, all while being told through a gender and sexuality normative opposite of what we’re used to seeing. It’s a show that encompasses female strength unlike anything I’ve experienced before, where men are the background noise who aid in pushing the plot forward. It’s a show that deserves another season. And another and another and another and another.

It’s a show I needed ten+ years ago, at 18 years old, freshly out of high school and wondering why the fuck I never had crushes on guys like everyone else my age did. It’s the show I needed so I didn’t always wonder why I was so obsessed with Peyton Sawyer and Summer Roberts and why I was the only one I knew who thought Torrance and Missy should’ve ended up together. It’s the show I needed to learn that my femininity doesn’t make me any less tough than my male counterparts. It’s the show I needed so I never put up with anyone’s shit. It’s the show I needed to teach me that I am storm and I am fury.

It’s the show I needed then. But it’s also the show I’m so happy that I have now.

#motherlandfortsalem #motherland fort salem #raylla #clexa #motherland fort salem theory #scylla ramshorn #scylla #raelle #raelleandscylla #raelle collar #lgbtq #this is so long i'm so sorry #abigail bellweather #tally craven

96 notes · View notes

risquefanfics457 · 4 years ago

Note

Heya! Can I please get a Crusader matchup? I’m 5’7 and have short brown hair and blue-grey eyes I’m also pretty curvy and a heterosexual female. My personality is very stubborn and independent I don’t like new people and it takes a lot to gain my trust but, when it’s me and my friends I’m really extroverted and hyper however I usually chill out quick I am extremely aggressive to people and have gotten into plenty of fights im more on the protective side when it comes to my friends. I really love animals and want to open a wildlife refuge when I’m older. I’m also really into music and love singing and I’m pretty athletic (I took taekwondo tennis and soccer so I’m strong boi) I’m pretty shy when it comes to affection I prefer it to be private and if it is in public it’s maybe a kiss on the cheek or holding hands that’s about it however I’m private I’m pretty much down for cuddles,kisses,hugs,whatever honesty it takes a second for me to initiate tho as I get flustered pretty easy however besides the blush you can’t really tell. I HAVE RESTING BITCH FACE SYNDROME bro people tell me why are you so pissed off and I’m like what I’m fine and they go oh ya look like your plotting a murder but okay. I have anxiety and depression even though I put on a confident and happy extrovert personality I’m honestly sitting there like “ahhh I’m so awkward,do they hate me,what if I offend them,did I do something,why did they look at me like that,am I mistake,did I fuck up” and when the day ends I lock myself away and just cry because I’m not normal (GOD THAT GOT DEPRESSING QUICK CHILE ANYWAYS) ummmm yeah that’s abt me ig I’d prefer a crusader matchup (not oldseph tho I love him but- I’d be uncomfortable reading a romantic thing abt him) acK I’m sorry if this is any trouble for you

No problem at all! I’ve been pretty bored during quarantine, and I love writing for jjba characters.

I match you with...

JOTARO!

I really felt this one, but this feels perfect. He needs a person like you.

He gets aggressive too, not to worry. he understands perfectly well, he’d like to think he could get along with people, but he gets that he doesn’t really. If you can talk, that’s good, if you don’t want to, it’s okay. He can speak his mind. It’s more important to him for you to feel comfortable. Also p.s. This man lives for curves. He finds it super attractive. It looks like you are mature, and Jotaro likes his partner to not be childish and careless, plus it also shows some kind of maternal nature. He likes that you like animals too, he loves sea life and finds it fascinating. He likes how comforting animals can be. Music is cool too, he doesn’t have much of an opinion on it though. But his mother used to sing to him British, Italian and American lullabies so he loves it if you would sing for him. It makes him feel safe and secure, like he is in his mother’s embrace. Athletic is good to, if you can keep yourself fit it mean he has less to worry about. Jotaro is not a PDA in public, he might indulge in some in private but anything out of a quick peck, it’s a no. He doesn’t blush easily, he’s good at hiding emotions, well, around girls he doesn't like, but that’s changed a bit. If he sees you turning red, expect him to pull back his hat and say that classic catchphrase. Resting bitch face? Look at him. Like he doesn't have one too. He is going to be there as much as he can for anxiety and depression, he really, really understands. He’s been through a lot. He’ll pull you into his side and wrap his jacket around you. It’s pretty warm and soft in there. It can make you feel really safe, especially since it’s Jotaro, no person would hurt you here. If you feel awkward or like you did something wrong, be honest with him, he is very intelligent but has a hard time reading emotions. He wants to help, just tell him when and how he can.

#jjba jotaro #jotaro #jotaro x reader #jojo x reader #jotaro kujo #jotaro headcanons #jotaro imagine #jjba x reader #jjba imagines #jjba headcanons #jojo stardust crusaders #jojo no kimyō na bōken #Matchup

11 notes · View notes

lunaannkoenig · 5 years ago

Text

On my quest to the ultimate list of tropes, here is what I have so far.

-Drop your weapons...All of them (followed by character dropping and ungodly amount of weapons)

-Chosen/Found Families (Band of characters with familial bonds though few or none are related)

-The Calvalry to the Rescue

-Chosen One

-Love Triangle

-Underdog Defeats Powerful Foe

-Old Grumpy Mentor Comes Out of Retirement

-Villain Redemption Arc/Antagonist to Ally

-Character who hates everyone sacrifices self

-Morally Gray Characters

-Antihero who is really a hero

-Love Interests bandaging each other's wounds

-Insta Love

-Trauma Love (2 characters fall in love through traumatic experiences)

-Platonic Love (2 friends with matching sexuality— as in heterosexual or homosexual— do not fall in love with each other)

-Missing Person with Dark Secrets

-Teenage Detective Solves Cold Case

-Marriage of Convienience turns into True Love

-Not Like the Other Girls

-Loud Outspoken Best Friend

-Nerdy Kid with Popular Friend

-Key Witness Has Amnesia

-Boy Who Pretends He Doesn't Love Girl (But Really Does)

-The Gruff Older Character Whose Life is Change by a Precocious Child

-The Plain Jane Who Gets Her Man

-The Unlikely Hero of Humble Origins

-Heroic Last Stand Against Overwhelming Force

-Wise Old Mentor Who's as Badass as Can Be

-Teenager Gains Power on Birthday

-Hero is Instantly Good at Everything

-Hero Struggles Through Training to be Badass

-The Prophecy Guides The Hero

-Magic Swords with Cool Powers

-Dysfunctional Characters Team Up on Quest

-Forgotten Ancient Technology

-Blacksmith Turned Hero

-Lovecraftian Ancient Horror God

-Magical School/Camp

-The White Savior

-Strong Female Character

-Girl Falls in Love with Rapist

-Interrogation Where It's Told in Splices Between Characters

-Interrogation Where the Stories Hilariously Conflict

-Manic Pixie Dream Girl (quirky girl whose entire purpose is to make a boring guy less boring)

-The Reluctant Hero

-Dark Lord

-Orphaned Protagonist

-Forgotten Heir

-Wise Wizard (who likely dies... Gandalf, Moirainne, Dumbledore, etc)

-European Medieval Setting

-Black & White Morality

-Summoning an Evil Entity to Make a Contract

-Magical Artifact/Object of Great Power

-The Quest

-Scientists Create/Find/Genetically Alter a Super Predator and Accidentally Release It

-Forbidden Love

-The Funny Best Friend

-Fake Dating

-Weird Small Town

-Privileged Villains

-Betrayal is the Name of the Villain (someone we love and trust is secretly our villain)

-Who Dunnit

-Villain is Someone Completely Unsuspicious

-The Final Boss is Not the Final Boss

-Religious Basket Case Villain

-Villain is a Monster

-Monster isn't really a Monster

-Unrequited Love

-Unrequited Hatred (You hate the villain, they barely acknowledge you)

-Magical Creatures

-Keeping Secrets to Protect Someone

-Character Finds Out Dark Secret and is Instantly Okay

-Bury Your Gays

-Choose Between Job and Love Life

-City Slicker Falls For Country Boy/Girl/Person

-Everyone Ends Up With Someone

-“I have something to tell you"" then they die.

-Enemies to Friends

-All Adults Are Evil

-Romantic Stalking

-Friends to Lovers

-Bookworm MC

-Roadtrip

-Consensual Romance (characters specifically ask and receive consent)

-Close Quarters in Romance as a vehicle for romance

-Power Couple (No power imbalance, even if their strengths are different)

-Romantic interest loves dogs (Hades and Persephone in Lore Olympus)

-Protective/Overly Protective Partner

-"Love Interest or Big Burly Guy who says ""Hey Buddy I'm protecting you from her."""

-Man who defies or hates his powerful father figure (sometimes an uncle)

-Grouchy love interest

-Rebel with a cause

-Charming Antagonist

-Bromance

-I'm not your dad but I'm your dad

-Dandy/Fop being witty and charming

-Big Scary Softie

-Drunken Confessions

-Accidentally overhearing key information

-Trapped in a closet

-Inanimate objects come to life

-Blind Prophet/Seer

-Bottom Storage (villain isn't killed off but is put in a glass prison in a basement somewhere)

-Over complicated board/card game that the audience only sees glimpses of

-MC assumes another character's intentions are the exact opposite of what they are by misinterpreting their actions

-Age Gap Romance

-Bottomless Bag of Usefull Stuff

-Anti-Villain

-Omniscient Narrator who Contradicts the Characters

-Dry jokes during dire situations

-Men who love their wives and talk about it frequently

-There's people chasing our MCs and where we've chosen to hide has us close

-Confession of Love on the death bed

-Kissing in the rain

-Cute But Viscious

-Strong female character who is actually bad ass

-Crazy Family

-Falling in love with an AI

-AI takes over the world

-Getting trapped in a game or book

-Resurrection

-Damsel (with no agency) in Distress

I know that this is incomplete and it includes tropes that need to die a firey death, but the ultimate list has every last trope. Is your favorite missing? Your least favorite? Let me know!

#writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing #writing inspiration #writing prompt #writers #tropes #i love this trope #trope talk #trope #reader #booklr #bookish #books #bookworm #booknerd #storytelling

21 notes · View notes

nad-zeta · 5 years ago

Text

ikevamp please~?\ (•◡•) /

i realised i never requested an actual ikevamp match-up, so imma throw this in here if you don’t mind, please and thank you~.

heterosexual gemini female, isfp, slytherin & chaotic neutral. my style is edgy, but leaning towards casual, too. i like interesting details and aesthetics!

many people say that my initial vibe is pretty intimidating, or at least reserved and mysterious. though, around my friends i am more relaxed and chill, and love to laugh and crack jokes! i also tease a lot~.

but i am, in fact, a reserved person — it takes me a lot of time to open up about my honest feelings and to trust someone. that makes me quite a hermit; i’m on good or neutral terms with many people, but i have just a handful of friends i consider close.

i can be lazy and uninterested, but when something piques my interest or when i’m challenged, i can be a very, very stubborn one! i’m opinionated, but i always try to see a bigger picture and imagine the story from different angles — in that way, i consider myself a very realistic person. i used to be more confrontational in the past, and these days i’m more passive. i try to be tolerant, but i can also get annoyed and irritated easily. i am a ‘forgive but don’t forget’ type of person.

i’m extremely curious and have wide palette of interests, some of which are medicine, botany, arts, astronomy, astrology, and such. i love to explore and learn, and i like activities like hiking. spiritual topics are also my thing, and i simply love to think and wonder. i may like to bake, but the domestic jobs in general aren’t my jam. i also get bored very easily!

i like to be helpful, and my self-worth is defined by being useful or making other smile, so i like giving gifts to my friends, even if it’s just buying them their favourite chocolate bar or so. that ‘giving’ trait of mine is not quite well known, though, and i suppose that it is because of my initial personality that people consider me rather selfish and self-centred instead.

my love language is definitely physical touch, along with giving gifts or acts of service. i’m pretty much touch starved — i will kiss, hug, even bite someone shamelessly and out of endearment ( i can be the tough love kind ). i can also have a bit darker tendencies, but generally i simply crave intimacy. in those terms, i’m more of a 'actions speak louder than words’ person, as i find it embarrassing and shallow to say 'i love you’ often or too soon. i will be poetically affectionate, though.

i do not act affectionate in front of people, though, so if you ask most of my classmates, you’ll probably hear about how they think that i must despise anything to do with contact and lovey stuff.

in terms of romantic interests and relationships, i’m someone who appreciates communication, trust and intellectual bond along with the physical one. i’m also not a fan of people who are uncertain in terms of their feelings or are unstable or unreliable as partners.

Hi hi, dear! Thank you so much for the request! ❤❤🌻Sorry for taking sooooooo long with this!😳❤ I hope you enjoy this love and I hope you have the best day!😊🔥 Hehe TBH I was between 2 of the vampy bios, but then I finally made up my mind and decided on……

So I match you with……..Vincent

The first time this angel sees you, he took an instant liking to you, he could see past that cold, intimidating exterior of yours and straight into the depths of your soul and boy did he want to befriend you. He was the first one to break the ice among the men to introduce himself to you. You were super reserved, so you didn’t say very much that first night with all the vampy bois. When you had left to retire for the night, Theo couldn’t help but loudly state what everyone was thinking, and that was that you were crazy intimidating. Vincent stared up at his brother confused he definitely didn’t get any intimidating vibes from you, if anything he found himself drawn to your mysterious reserved vibe.

The next morning you made your way to the dining room to help with breakfast. You loved to bake, so when Sabastian tasked you with making the van Gogh’s pancakes you were over the moon. You made a hefty stack of pancakes placed it down in front of the two Dutch brothers. They eagerly loaded up their plated munching down on the stack, to say Vincent was in love would be an understatement. Those were truly the best pancakes he had ever eaten in his whole life. The blond man stuffed his face with the light and airy pancakes. He low key looked like a cute chipmunk with the way he eagerly chomped down every last pancake on his plate. You sat down beside them and smiled at a job well down. Once the stack vanished, Vincent beamed his sunshine smile at you and asked if you would make him pancakes again sometime, cause they were honestly just so good. Even Theo chimed in giving you a compliment in his own way.

You helped Sabastian out with the housework, but honestly, you were getting bored you never really liked doing too many domestic work type tasks. As you cleaned, you wandered into a bright room filled to the brim with painting and art supplies. You couldn’t help but marvel at the gorgeous painting hung on the wall. It was just filled with so much emotion and seemed to come, alive telling a story of wonder and hidden beauty. You were awakened out of your reverie by a soft voice, “are you also a fellow lover of the arts.” You gave Vincent a small smile and nod. Vincent then told you that he was on his way with Napoleon to give an Art class to his students and invited you along with him.

You spent the afternoon with Vincent painting and honestly having the best time with the children. It wasn’t an art class as much as a fun time painting and letting your imagination flow onto the canvas.

You honestly loved helping out at this little makeshift school that Napoleon had started. Since that first day, you had been going with Vincent more and more, to help out and teach the children some cool new skills. You loved helping people and making them happy, and to say that the children loved you would be an understatement. They loved coming to you for help with their work, and would always thank you and give you the biggest hug whenever they finally manage to grasp the concept that they had been struggling to understand. Honestly you loved to make people happy and teaching at this street school was way better than doing housework so it was honestly a win win. Plus you got to spend even more time with Vincent which was always filled with smiles and laughter.

Often after teaching the children, you and Vincent would wander around the streets of Paris just taking in the sights. The two of you actually bonded over your mutual love for aesthetics and whenever the two of you would come across and art exhibition, you wouldn't hesitate to enter. The two of you would spend hours looking at the beautiful pieces, appreciating all the interesting details and emotions the artist managed to convey into the art together. You loved spending time with the ray of sunshine, and you couldn’t help but show your true personality with him. As the two of you would wander around town, you found yourself opening up more and more to Vincent and letting him in.

You felt like you could be yourself with him and Vincent absolutely adored you. He loved the jokes you would crack as the two of you would walk around. He found them hilarious, and whenever the two of you were together, Vincent would always be left in a fit of laughter from some or other the joke that you would crack.

Vincent, of course, is used to being teased by Theo, so it is definitely not uncommon for the angel to tease you a little in return as well. Whenever the two of you are together, the room is always filled with smiles and laughter. It has even gotten to that point where you and the angel have inside jokes and whenever someone in the mansion does or says something, both of you lock eyes and burst out laughing

Vincent loved it when you would help him and Theo set up art exhibitions. Not that you complained you loved being helpful and honestly you would do anything the help Vincent, especially if it meant getting to see that radiant smile of his. The more Vincent spent time with you to more utterly and entirely in love, he fell with you.

He loved that you would occasionally give him small, thoughtful little gifts. Every-time, you presented him with a tiny hand made gift his heart melted into a puddle of goo. Of course, don’t think that Vincent has forgotten about you, as often this angel surprises you with tiny trinkets of his own. You seem to have occupied this sweet angels mind, so he cant help but buy you small little gifts that he sees in the shop windows, especially if they remind him of you. He would legit go to the ends of the earth and back just to see that excited glimmer in your eyes whenever he gives you the smallest of gifts. One of you favorite gifts so far was when he presented you with a single flower of your favorite flower, with a small ribbon and note wrapped around its stem to read, “a flower to remind you of how wonderful you are.”

Since finding out that you have in interest in astronomy and astrology, he actually had Isaac make you your very own telescope. He loves to listen to you go on for hours and hours, explaining the difference between the two and teaching him everything you know about astrology and astronomy. He finds it incredibly fascinating. Since learning that you seem to love the night sky, it is not uncommon for him to lead you out into the garden to an awaiting blanket spread out on the floor, so the two of you can stargaze together. He will definitely in these moments ask you more about astronomy as you watch the glimmering universe above you.

You and Vincent love love love to hike and explore different places together. Its always super fun to explore and find a new beautiful scenery to paint and appreciate. Recently the two of you had discovered a field filled with every type of flower imaginable. You would usually stand beside Vincent and paint. But that day you were not really in the mood to do something artsy, so you just sat on a rock in between the beautiful flowers and just wondered and thought, getting wholly and utterly lost in a daydream. Vincent who had turned around to ask you something, saw you staring off into the distance thinking and he just got completely inspired. He turned his easel around and placed a new blank canvas on the stand and started to paint the blinding scene of you sitting among the flowers and butterflies.

When Vincent was done for the day he covered the painting before gently tapping you on the shoulder so that the two of you could make your way back home. You were incredibly curious about the new painting that Vincent had created, more so when Vincent said that you couldn’t see it yet as it was a surprise.

Finally, Vincent had finished the painting of you. With each stroke of the brush painting you among the beautiful scenery, his feelings for you grew stronger and stronger. Vincent invited you to his room that night to give you the painting, and you were overjoyed when you had read what was inscribes at the bottom, “To my dearest sunflower, I love you with all my heart, forever yours Vincent.” Vincent knew that with you, action always spoke louder than words so, in an attempt to make his feeling painfully clear he walked up close to you, until the two of you were nose to nose. He brought his hands to gently cradle your face, and then slowly leaned down to place a tender kiss on your lips.

Vincent loves you with all his heart. He loves that you have a wide variety of interest and will gladly listen to you talk about them for hours and hours. He will even surprise you with a book on the topic of your newest interest. Love it when you sit in his room and read while he paints. Sometimes when he is done painting for the day, he will sit down behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and rest his chin on your shoulder as you continue to get lost in your studies and thirst for knowledge. Sometimes he will read along with you, and then discuss what he had learned with you when you have had enough of reading for the day. He loves to listen to all your opinions and the new thing you had learned, he is especially intrigued when you talk about spiritual topics and will hang onto every word as you tell him everything you learned

He took you to meet his dear friend Shakespeare once and right off the bat you could tell he was up to no good. You tried to be tolerable and passive, however after spending an hour at his mansion you started getting annoyed and irritated. You were a stubborn realistic person who never judged a book by its cover and always strived to see the bigger picture, so you decided not to judge Shakespeare on face value. However, when the day came for the door to open to send you back home, Shakespeare appeared and decided to dictate his own romantic tragedy between you and Vincent.

You could see the story from his angle and perspective and you could also see where he was coming from, but you were definitely not going to passively sit back and let him tear you apart from Vincent.

You had never seen Vincent angry before until that day. Vincent managed to take down Shakespeare and disarm him from the gun he was pointing at you, however, in the tussle, Vincent had been shot twice. Theo had managed to restrain Shakespeare, and you were never more thankful in your life for medical knowledge than at that moment. You and Arthur managed to patch Vincent up and thanks to his vampiric abilities he was recovering quickly.

You had to laugh as during the whole saga between you and Shakespeare, Shakespeare had accused you of not loving his friend as during the whole visit you weren’t acting even the slighted bit affectionate towards Vincent. In fact, at first, Theo accused you of the same thing, however soon Theo realized that you were more private with your display of affection and welcomed you to his family with open arms.

You and Vincent both share the love language of physical touch and act of service. The two of you have an incredibly open, honest relationships based on communication and trust. It isn’t uncommon for you to sit on Vincent’s lap as the two of you talk about all sorts of random topics for hours and hours as he strokes your hair.

Vincent loves to shower you in sweet kisses and warm, comforting hugs. He can’t imagine anything better in the world than to just have you in his arms while he kisses you breathless for hours and hours. Beware as this angel like you, will bite.

Vincent’s favourite is to just shower your face in sweet little kisses. He will legit start by kissing the top of your head and then make his way down to your forehead, then both your eyelids, your nose and then finally your lips.

It’s through these sweet kisses that the two of you often communicate just how much you love each other, no words needed just action.

Other potential matches………….. Shakespeare

I hope you enjoyed this love! And I hope you have the best day! 🌻❤😊🔥@oikame

#match ups #matchups #matches #ikevamp #ikevamp matchup #ikevamp match up #ikevamp vincent #vincent #ikemen vampire vincent #vincent van gogh #submission

20 notes · View notes

fallin-flcwer · 4 years ago

Photo

JIWON’S TRUTH BOOTH

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: “Moon Ji Won” 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? “My name has numerous meanings. “Ji” can either mean ‘wise’ or ‘ambitious’ and “Won” can either mean ‘beautiful woman, as well as ‘first’. My parents never really decided what it meant, but I just take it as “ambitious and beautiful woman.”” 3. Do you have any nicknames? “Nope” 4. Where were you born? And in which country? “Seoul, South Korea” 5. What is your date of birth? “I was born on June the 22nd, 1998″ 6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? “My star sign is Cancer, I believe.” 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? “Not completely, but I still find them interesting to read about sometimes.” 8. Where do you live? “I’ve got a house Lilac Wells, I’m staying in while I’m here. I’ve also got a house in Seoul, as well as in Tokyo but I don’t visit that one often since I’m usually busy in the first two.” 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) “I live on my own.” 10. Do you have any siblings? “I’m an only child.” 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? “None that I know of” 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? “Yes! I’ve got a miniature poodle called Bambi and a bombay cat called Byeol” 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? “Honestly I just did it for fun. It wasn’t until I got accepted that I realised how big of an opportunity it was.” 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? “Not really. I had already debut by the time auditions came. Personally, I think I could’ve done a lot better for my debut, but it still got me by.” 15. What is the current course you’re following? If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? “I am currently doing music and dance. I think acting and fashion would be fun” 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? “Gotta Go! I think some people my argue that Snapping was the better comeback, but I still see it as a sequel to Gotta Go. It definitely the comeback that started steering my career to where it is now.” 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? “Singular Act I! I think, especially since Everleigh and I were both opening acts for Ruby, I’ve seen her grow so much as an artist.” 19. Do you like FanCons? “Yes!” 20. What do you like about FanCons? “I like being able to meet fans.” 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? “I don’t really have anything bad to say about them.” 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. "While I was doing a fansign one fan walked towards me, got on her knees and bowed down. It happened so quickly and caught me completely off guard.” 23. Your favorite event so far? “I love anything halloween, to be honest.” 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? “Something in Korea, maybe? We’ve got quite a few K-Pop artists here now so it’d be nice to do something there.” 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? “Yes.”

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? “I am very ambitious, approachable, and detail-oriented” 27. What are you negative traits? “Sometimes I don’t know when to rest and I kinda set myself into overdrive until I’m satisfied with everything” 28. What would other people describe you as? “Hard-working, always busy and resourceful” 29. What are your pet peeves? “Does constant, loud yawners count?” 30. What makes you happy? “Seeing a project I’ve been working hard on finished.” 31. What makes you upset? “Seeing people not take me seriously because I’m a woman. It doesn’t get to me as much as it used to, but it’s still gets disheartening from time to time.” 32. What is something you love? “My parents, Byeol and Bambi, and my work.” 33. What is something you dislike? “Having my idol and hotel life interfering with each other. I’ve done a pretty good job keeping them separate, but there have been times where they’ve coincided and it got too overbearing.” 34. What are you strengths? “Singing, Dancing, Working” 35. What are you weaknesses? “I can be overly critical of myself when things don’t go to plan.” 36. A misconception people often think of you? “That everything came easy for me. Yes, I’m privileged, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t work. In fact, it really meant that people expected more from me. I graduated high school and got my degree early, but I worked myself to the bone making sure I was on top of everything. I chose to become an idol as well as working in the hotels, and people gave me hate for it. That’s died down a bit, but still... Both jobs consist of me having to satisfy people, so I have an ongoing cycle of writing reports, writing songs, recording, choreographing, performing, promoting, the list goes on forever and it’s rare that I ever catch time to set aside for myself.” 37. Do you have any fears? “Mice and rats. I’m fine with mice that are kept as pets and stuff, but if I ever found out that there’s a mouse or a rat living in my house. I just might move out.” 38. What scares you the most? “Not being able to live up to people’s expectations of me as the next CEO of the family business.” 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? “I don’t have time to entertain myself, unless choreographing counts, but it’s still work.” 40. What is your MBTI? “I believe I am ESFJ-A” 41. How do you deal with stress? “I think I handle stress relatively well. I kinda just work through it.” 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? “I’m definitely a determined person” 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? “I think sometimes I can be, but after a bit I scold myself for being selfish.” 44. Would you like to be different? “Nah” 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? “I’m definitely more extroverted”

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? “I’m heterosexual” 47. Current relationship status? “Single” 48. When was your first kiss? “I think I was about 17″ 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? “My first date was set up by my parents. It was with a one of their acquaintance’s sons in Tokyo and he showed me around the city.” 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? “Yes” 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) “Yes” 53. How do you know when you’re in love? "I think it’s when I realise I want to spend time with them outside of work, and I catch myself trying to make time for them despite always being busy.” 54. What would be your ideal date? “A day out exploring. I’m more of a city person, so that’s my preference, but I’m open to anywhere” 55. What is your perspective on marriage? “I’d love to get married one day, but I don’t think I’ve ever have the time for it at this rate. Maybe if I ever quit becoming an idol I will.” 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? “Pass” 57. What do you think of relationships? “They’re best when both parties are putting equal amounts of effort into it.” 58. What do you think of one-night stands? “I don’t really have an opinion on them. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve experienced one or two before when I was younger, but it’s not something I plan on doing again.” 59. Are you still a virgin? “No” 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? “A nice personality” 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? “Honesty and loyalty. I’m also an incredibly busy person, so I hope that they can be a bit patient with me too.” 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? “I think so? I’m relatively private when it comes to relationships but I think once I have the confidence to go public I’d be fine with PDA.” 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? “I’d rather be asked out.” 64. How do you express love to the other? “I change my schedule up to make time for them.” 65. Who is your celebrity crush? “Sung Hoon”

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? “Yes” 67. Is there something you would like to re-do? So, start all over again? “Pass” 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? “As rewarding as my life is, it can get draining.” 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? “I definitely had a mental breakdown sometime between after Boxing Day and New Years. I got into a little argument with one of my Dad’s competitors during an event in Seoul and I had a little breakdown when I got home.” 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: “Winning Female Artist of the Year at Spotlight. Since there were so many artists nominated that had a big impact on St. Judes I was 100% certain that I wasn’t going to get it.” 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? “High school. To be honest, I didn’t really make many friends growing up, since I was so determined to rush through my studies.” 72. Someone you miss? “My mother.” 73. Something you wish you could forget? “My past relationship” 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? “My parents” 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? “Love can be risky, but if you play your cards right it can be rewarding.” 76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? “Pass” 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? “I think I’ve gained a lot of direction as to where I want to go as an Idol in the past year. I haven’t necessarily lost anything, but I’ve let go of a lot of the negativity people usually give me when it come to my role in the family business.” 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? “I’ve definitely neglected some friendships because of my workload. If I got the chance I’d love to reconnect with them.” 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? “Nope” 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? “Keep pushing through the same way you do, but don’t be afraid to relax whenever you need to.”

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? “Winter” 82. Cats or dogs? “Dogs” 83. Beach or mountains? “Mountains” 84. Phone calls or texting? “Phone calls" 85. Have you ever skipped class? “No”

#stjudestruthbooth

4 notes · View notes