#kirby said “its time to skedaddle!”

[ghostlychaosfoil]

aftermath of dekrangification

READ THIS BEFORE COMIC:

From kirby’s current perspective, he has been fighting with these guys for days. At the moment, they are just dangerous green blobs. He starts crying from the overlapping emotions of not being a krang anymore after he had been for months, and is the dangerous green blob trying to attack?? who knows?? he sure doesnt.

mikey got a broken rib from that, and a difficulty breathing for a while. despite that mikey was pretty much fine. The turtles are now always on the lookout for that unusually violent mutant… that looks a lot like a turtle but.. they cant be sure

part 2

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #189: Wings and Arrows!

November, 1979

But is there any outrageous fortune? You’ll have to read to find out.

Anyway, this is one of those ‘name several things that happen in this comic’ style of covers. If you can’t think of a single intriguing image, you can always just list plot points and hope that’s interesting enough.

Last time: The Avengers lost their priority status because Count Nefaria throwing Wonder Man through a wall led to bad security and also Hawkeye personally offended Agent Gyrich by tying him up and then making breakfast.

Some time was spent without this priority status leading to humor and hijinks but finally Gyrich agreed to compromise with the Avengers provided they do everything he wants them to. So he mandates a new roster of Iron Man, Vision, Beast, Captain America, Falcon, Wasp and Scarlet Witch. This roster immediately changes as Scarlet Witch goes on vacation with an old man that tried to kidnap her. Ms Marvel substitutes in.

Also, a doomsday robot from World War II is accidentally reactivated under the Avengers Mansion and is defeated when Tony Stark realizes that a computer is his mom and makes her explode.

Why do I mention this? Why did I cover Avengers Annual when I did considering the publishing dates are enigmas?

This issue follows right out of Avengers Annual #9! And starts with Thor leaving after that team-up!

I mean, he enjoyed Avengersing again but he has Celestial problems. And I mean the big Kirby dudes, not just of or relating to the heavens.

He’s actually considering calling in the Avengers to help him with that, should the situation suddenly escalate. And Celestials are bad news. They’re so judgemental.

Thor is so lost in thought about the Celestials and their genocidal ways that he completely ignores Falcon and accidentally knocks him out of the air.

Rude, Thor.

This, of course, just fuels Falcon’s insecurity complex.

Falcon: “The dude didn’t even notice me -- and that downdraft he caused is knockin’ me for a loop! Got to pull out of it! Not that anyone’d miss one more hero, more or less! Nobody ‘cept me!”

He manages to pull out of his plummet only a few feet from pavement with onlookers convinced that he was just showing off.

Falcon returns to the mansion and conversations with Iron Man. Iron Man tells him that the Arsenal thing has been taken care of and Falcon tells him that he sorted out that embassy slaying in Marvel Premiere #49.

But speaking of the Arsenal thing, they brought on extra members to deal with that and now they have to sort it out. Once you bring someone into the mansion, they never want to leave. You have to shoo them away or else they’ll set up on the couch, eating grapes.

And yeah. There’s a bunch of supplementary Avengers just hanging out.

Hank Pym is taking a collect call from the Wasp, who got involved in Defenders #76-77 biz and is now stranded and needs help leaving Las Vegas.

Wonder Man is chatting with his bestie Beast and also Cap.

Scarlet Witch and Vision are avoiding having a serious conversation about how she maybe wants to have kids but she’s not sure if she actually does.

And Hawkeye is standing there glaring at Falcon. Because of course he is.

Hawkeye: (So, the Falcon returns to active duty, and I’m back out on the street! Where was he when we were fighting Arsenal? Out solving some murder he should have prevented in the first place!)

Since they’re in the room anyway, Iron Man introduces Falcon to the new security check-in scanner. Which is in the lounge instead of more logically being near the front door. But if that’s how the NSC wants it, who am I to complain?

Based on Ms Marvel threatening to maim someone, its a retinal scanner instead of fingerprint.

So Falcon feeds his peepers to the machine and it confirms him back to active duty and gives him his ID card.

Falcon is in weirdly high spirits considering we saw his self-pity wagon on the way into the mansion. He’s all cracking jokes about the scanner. “You mean, that’s it? Just a card? Don’t I even get a swearin’-in ceremony?” before changing his tune and saying that this Avenger gig is the best thing that ever happened to him.

Which is a far cry from how he’s been acting. Hating being the token, hating that he thinks his teammates are looking down on him, and hating being ineffectual in fights.

I don’t really know what changed his mind.

Its possible that he’s just hamming up how much being an Avenger rocks to get back at Hawkeye for being a dick but Falcon probably isn’t that exact amount of petty and besides, it doesn’t seem to gel with how he reacts to his conversation with Hawkeye which I will now quote.

Falcon: “Uh... say, Hawkeye! Got a minute, m’man?”

Hawkeye: “For what?”

Falcon: “Hey, look -- I just want you to know that I’m sorry about takin’ your place! I...”

Hawkeye: “Feed it to the rubes, Falcon! I’m more of an assest to the Avengers than you’ll ever be! I just hope it won’t be too late when they find out... (jerk!)”

Falcon: “(Whoa!)”

Geez, Hawkeye.

Yellowjacket dismisses the tantrum, saying that Hawkeye is never happy unless he can complain about something. But then he flies off to go fetch Wasp from Vegas.

Wonder Man decides he’d better skedaddle too. Apparently, his dream of becoming an actor is really taking off. He’s got a role on an off-Broadway stage and a lovely young starlet as a girlfriend. Yup.

Falcon and Cap go to the communications center to let Gyrich know that Falcon is back on active duty, that the internal security has stabilized, and that the stand-by Avengers have all departed.

Agent Gyrich: “Excellent! Thank you for your prompt report, Captain... and I notice you’ve been doing your paperwork on time, too! I knew you Avengers could get in the habit of standard operating procedure! Now all that remains is to reinstate the Scarlet Witch and return Ms. Marvel to stand-by status!”

Oh god. He’s smiling.

He... he actually seems happy. I don’t think he’s the tyrant the Avengers see him as because if he was, he’d be instituting new rules just to keep the Avengers from getting comfortable.

But he’s gotten them to take security seriously, do their paperwork, and has the roster he likes and he’s content.

And then Scarlet Witch walks in and announces that she’s still got a lot of work to do on herself so she’s going to take some more me time.

To the surprise of Vision and Cap and the annoyance of Gyrich. He was in his happy place only too briefly.

Agent Gyrich: What is it with you people?! Why can’t you cooperate with me just once? Doesn’t anyone up there speak English?! Stay right where you are! Don’t move... don’t even answer the telephone! I’m returning to New York in a few days... and then, I’ll settle this mess -- once and for all!”

And then he hangs up, leaving a befuddled Wanda wondering what she said and Cap to facepalm.

Also, you’re your own woman, Wanda, but I feel like this is something you should have mentioned to Vision before anyone else.

But before we follow up on that, its time for a lengthy Hawkeye digression.

Although digression feels like the wrong word. Its more like... this is a Hawkeye issue and there are some Avengers bits tacked onto either side.

Which, fine. Wanda got her time to shine recently. I guess Hawkeye can have his too.

Hawkeye, of course, spends his time to shine bitterly complaining about the Avengers.

He can’t believe the Avengers are letting themselves be pushed around by Agent Gyrich.

Hawkeye: “They wouldn’t have stood for it in the old days! Maybe this is nature’s way of telling me I’m better off on my own. Who wants to be an Avenger under these conditions, anyway? Stop conning yourself, Barton! You do!”

He returns to his crappy apartment and checks his crappy mail. He has some replies to job applications he sent out but they’re all rejection letters.

In a rare case of reality intruding onto this fantastical comic adventure, Clint Barton can’t get a job because the only experience he has under that name is carny work and ‘Clint Barton’ has been out of work for several years because he’s been Hawkeye. But he can’t explain that without revealing his secret identity!

What a fix! Plus, I don’t think he has any marketable skills other than hitting people and shooting bows.

Makes one wonder what he did for money during those other times he was not on the Avengers. I know he did some solo Hawkeye work but it apparently didn’t work out. Oh, and he got a job on a ranch when he was being a cowboy.

Also, Hawkeye’s apartment has a scenic view of a brick wall and he has reacted to that by taping a picture of Scarlet Witch up.

Not his once flame Black Widow, not his surrogate father figure Cap, or any of his other Avengers buds. Just Scarlet Witch.

Geez, Clint had it bad for a woman that at no point had any romantic interest in him. Or maybe she’s his best friend at this time? That would be a more charitable interpretation.

So its either a bit creepy or cute that he has a picture of her taped to a brick wall.

He also seems to have a picture of Falcon he’s using as a dartboard. Which. C’mon, be better than this, Clint.

I mean, be less of a petty person but also be better at darts. For the marksman, you don’t seem to have gotten any bullseyes and one dart isn’t even on the picture. Get your shit together.

Its also revealed here that part of the new organizational policies at Avengers, the stand-bys are being put on retainer. $100 a month just for being available to maybe being called in to save the world. Clint just scoffs that its not even enough to pay his rent.

We later learn when Tigra joins the team that active Avengers get $1000/month. That’s not bad in back then money but even my job pays more then that.

Presumably the Avengers paycheck would have gotten adjusted. There’s a reason Spider-Man hugged Tony when he offered him a paycheck in New Avengers and didn’t say ‘c’mon man, I’ve got a wife and a constantly dying aunt to take care of! Being a freelance photographer is more worth my time!’

Also I wonder if other superhero teams give their members an allowance. I’m thinking with the X-Men, definitely. But every time, Professor X lectures them on fiscal responsibility and Jubilee is just rolling her eyes.

Fantastic Four... probably the same. But with Reed instead of Xavier and with Ben going ‘material possessions are one of the few ways I can forget this nightmare you trapped me in.’

I assume that when the Champions were still around, Angel showered them in money to prove he had money.

With the Defenders, you’re lucky if Dr Strange doesn’t lecture you about fiscal responsibility arbitrarily. He’s not giving you money. He barely has enough to buy a sandwich for Wong. Nighthawk might give you money but that involves interacting with Nighthawk.

With the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, Magneto will give you all the money you want as long as you somehow relate your purchase to defeating the X-Men or overthrowing humanity.

‘So you see Magneto, this meatball sub will give me the energy and determination to punch Cyclops in his stupid face’

‘... Purchase approved. SO SPEAKS THE MASTER OF MAGNET!’

And I’ve driven this joke into the ground. Lets move on.

Clint bemoans that nobody is looking to hire ex-Avengers and then immediately after spots an add from Cross Technological Enterprises looking for a new security chief.

It doesn’t strictly say ‘ex-Avengers’ but it does say “must have experience” and also “good benefits.”

This looks like a job for HAWKEYE!

Hah.

Of course, we remember how Hawkeye applies for a job, right?

Because, yeah. That’s his idea of how to make a first impression.

When Mr. Keeshan arrives at Cross Tech he finds that Hawkeye has broken into his office despite CTE having the most sophisticated security system known to man.

And then when Mr. Keeshan tries to sound the alarm, Hawkeye shoots him with arrows.

BECAUSE HAWKEYE.

To be fair. It works.

Hawkeye: “That was just a sample of what I can do. I read how you’re having problems with theft around here -- and then, I saw your ad. I need a job right now... so I figure I’m your man! I got through your security, after all! And if I can save the whole planet -- like I have -- I ought to be able to protect your crummy plant for you!”

Mr. Keeshan: “Hmmmm...”

And two nights later, Hawkeye is on the job.

He’s got a new, better apartment, his own personalized coffee cup, and the satisfaction of spitefully comparing Cross Technological to Stark International. Also, he gets to read lewd magazines at work.

Finally, a job for Hawkeye!

But the alarm goes off for Warehouse 12 so Hawkeye is actually going to have to do some work at work.

Which he’s actually excited about. Because he wants to show off. Plus, they’ll be less likely to fire him if he actually accomplishes the thing he said he could accomplish.

Hawkeye: “Hoo-hah! Action at last! Now I’ve got the chance to show everybody how good I really am! I feel great -- just like back when I was starting out... only this time I’m on the right side of the law!”

When he gets to warehouse 12, he sees a giant hole melted through the roof. And to be fair to Hawkeye, he shows off some analytical skill here. Befitting an experienced Avenger slash thief.

He knows nothing came down the halls because he would have seen it on the monitors so he was expecting the intruder to come through the floor or ceiling. Since a helicopter or small plane would have been spotted, he’s expecting that the intruder flew in under their own power. And since the guards are knocked out but nothing is missing, the intruder(s) must still be here somewhere.

And he sees a winged shadow and immediately assumes its the Falcon.

C’mon, Clint. Don’t be like that.

Actually, the intruder is Deathbird, Shi’ar renegade and “first-born of the Aerie.”

She was actually one of Ms Marvel’s enemies but Ms Marvel is pretty generous with her rogues gallery.

Always loaning them out to other people. Like giving Mystique and Rogue to the X-Men.

The fact that she’s in Ms Marvel’s league causes Hawkeye a flicker of doubt but he wouldn’t be Hawkeye if he let that stop him.

He uses a sonic arrow but all it does is piss her off. She pulls out some giant knitting needles she calls energy javelins and uses them to shoot electrical blasts at Hawkeye.

Hawkeye: “Electricity? You gotta be kidding, lady! This is Hawkeye you’re dealing with -- I’ve walked away from fights with Iron Man! Problem with you is -- you’re way too used to tangling with Ms. Marvel... and she was new at this game when you met her! I’ve been around a lot longer -- and I know there’s a lot more to this than just hitting people! Like -- electricity can’t hurt you when you’re not grounded... and you don’t have to point a weapon at someone to make it useful!”

And he uses a cable arrow to swing from a girder and THOK Deathbird in the back.

He raises a good point here. Experience can be more important than sheer power and he’s been doing this since 1964.

Experience and cunning is a lot of how characters like Hawkeye and Captain America keep up in a world of Ironed Men and Spidered-Men.

Strength is still worth a lot though. As Deathbird just grabs Hawkeye off her back and flings him into a pile of boxes, leaving him sprawled humorously head under heels.

He’s too used to working on a team where someone is watching your back. Allegedly. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of Avengers fights where people go down because nobody was really watching their back because Avengers love to get in one-on-one fights.

Deathbird reveals a somewhat sympathetic motivation. She’s just stealing equipment from Cross Tech because she wants to go home and get off this crazy planet. She doesn’t even want to really hurt Hawkeye. Well until he kicks her in the head. Then she throws a javelin into his shoulder because seriously, who does that?

The javelin doesn’t pierce his chain-mail shirt that he always wears but it did hit a nerve, paralyzing his left arm. But that’s one of his archery arms!

Also she’s still trying to zap him so he does some quick thinking and throws an electro-arrow into a fusebox, casting the warehouse into darkness.

Deathbird can’t see in the dark so she assumes Hawkeye fled. But others will come and she doesn’t want to be discovered.

Deathbird: “Again I must abort my mission! Again I fail to redeem myself in the eyes of the Aerie! For this, I swear -- on my warrior’s oath -- both the archer and Ms. Marvel will pay!”

So time to skeedaddle. And she flies towards the hole in the ceiling.

Which is what Hawkeye was waiting for. With a net arrow.

The net is titanium-steel so she can’t break it. And the way it snagged her, her razor-sharp wings are pinned back so she can’t cut it.

She’s caught.

Later, some guards show up to take Deathbird away and to stretcher the injured guards to an ambulance.

Hawkeye is looking like a real big shot to his subordinates. One even asks if he can teach them how to fight like he does.

As she’s being led away, Deathbird tells Hawkeye she won’t forget this.

Hawkeye: “Birdie, if you want something to remember me by, I’ll give you something to remember me by!”

And Hawkeye gotta Hawkeye.

Which in this context means 'non-consensually kisses someone.’

Which reduces Deathbird to symbol swearing at him while he smugly says “I can’t say it hasn’t been fun, Deathbird -- but my datebook’s all filled up for a while! So don’t call me -- I’ll call you!”

Hawkeye, why you gotta be like this?

I mean, we can all agree that this is not a great thing to have done, right?

One of the guards even seems to be facepalming and planning a letter to HR. Someone is in for a sensitivity seminar. And its going to be Hawkeye and absolutely none of it is going to stick.

Also, I don’t believe that Hawkeye does have any dates lined up. Don’t be lying, Hawkeye.

I think Gambit does this kind of thing too, in the 90s. Kiss female opponents in the middle or aftermath of battle. And I know that he never gets sensitivity training.

Don’t be like this, people writing these characters.

Anyway, finally back to the Avengers and Jocasta (REMEMBER HER??) returns from a nice walk.

She’s got problems.

Jocasta: “The Avengers! Am I capable of facing them again? I cannot bring myself to communicate with them...”

I wonder what appliance Gyrich eventually decided to classify her as so as to spare himself the headache of sorting out her legal identity.

Also, it seems that she still hasn’t been able to connect with any of the Avengers and she keeps not showing up in the book and the Avengers don’t comment on it so it seems they still just see her as a piece of the furniture.

=(

Anyway, she has returned right in the middle of a blazing row between Iron Man and Gyrich.

With Cap having to hold Beast back from just punching Gyrich in the back of the head.

Remember, Gyrich’s fantasy league Avengers roster has Scarlet Witch on it. And the fact that she asked for more time off is just ruining that for him.

Iron Man’s counterargument is simple and convincing.

Iron Man: “Blast it, man -- I don’t care what your regulations say! We cannot force people to be Avengers against their will -- and if the Scarlet Witch doesn’t want to stay, there’s nothing we can do about it!”

Agent Gyrich: “Have it your way, Iron Man! But you won’t be able to do anything about anything -- ever again! As far as I’m concerned, this is the end of the Avengers!”

Beast: “Again? But that trick never works!”

Captain America: “Shut up, Beast!”

Which is apparently a Rocky and Bullwinkle reference. That thing Beast said.

Joking about his fantasy roster aside, I wonder why Gyrich is suddenly putting his put down. He was pretty lenient when the Avengers were taking personal days so long as they submitted their paperwork.

I feel maybe its because due to circumstances outside their control, the Avengers have kind of been overusing that?

Like I’ve joked about, Gyrich’s roster is barely set up when its been subverted to hell and back.

Scarlet Witch instantly took some time off and had to be replaced with Ms. Marvel (who threatened to maim somebody). Iron Man took time off to be accused of murder and had to be replaced by Wonder Man. Then there was the Arsenal thing where Falcon, Wasp, and Ms. Marvel are on personal biz and Yellowjacket, Hawkeye, and Thor are brought in to help out.

There hasn’t been a single point where Gyrich’s roster has actually been a thing and it might seem like the Avengers are doing it just to undermine him.

Or maybe he’s a petty Walter Peck sort. Its hard to tell. Jim Shooter wrote Gyrich as the asshole with a point. Other writers often just write him as an asshole.

Hm.... I wonder if the title Wings and Arrows was supposed to be a red herring that Falcon and Hawkeye were going to throw down. That would explain the scene where Hawkeye mistakes Deathbird for Falcon.

Anyway, the Avengers are on trial next time?! I wonder what cool celebrity lawyers will be involved!

You should follow @essential-avengers. Because I’m a cool person who doesn’t throw darts at a picture of the Falcon.