#kips shitposts

[theflyingkipper]

happy 9/9

[theflyingkipper]

Hey guys

You know those shots of the boards with the engines' names on them next to their buffers that the model series uses to introduce characters?

Now imagining those boards with pet-shaming style captions on them instead. With the engine looking disheveled from their latest misadventure, and usually very annoyed.

"I ignore 'DANGER' signs."

"I tried to jam the turntable and got stuck in a ditch."

"I went sleepwalking and backed through the shed wall."

"I eat inspectors' hats and choke on them."

"I picked a fight with a steamroller."

"We convinced the Works to give us multi-tone horns and then RICKROLLED Paddington Station."

"I'm afraid of trees."

"I told a ghost story and now the twins won't leave the shed."

"I blocked a level crossing for 45 minutes."

[bittermedicine]

idont know what this is

[me-and-my-forty-fandoms]

so I blacked out and made this last night

[dokupine]

I hope she made lotsa (culturally relevant carbohydrate dish)

[shittyutmv]

Kip the way you color things is so amazing

It’s really calming to look at if that makes sense

(I have one of your drawing as my homescreen)

THANK YOU !? this is actually so sweet ,,, calming is such a lovely descriptor,, and one of my drawings ? on your phone? nooo way!! that rocks but unintentionally this ask is DEVASTATING because I barely ever color my sketches ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´v`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I like picking out colors but actually Using them in a finished drawing "??? I'd rather get pelted by bricks

[the-kipsabian]

[artsykip-arts]

I got bored

[monoxology]

Kip after hitting that 360 no scope and absolutely obliterating Ruse on fortnite

[alderfurcula]

The last thing you see before... BARK BARK BARK

[theflyingkipper]

*sighs* the meme

[transsexualunderground]

Steamed Hams but it's Diesel and my OC Wesley

So @theflyingkipper and I have discussed peeps Diesel humanization and his Diesel interp in general and thinking about Diesel and Wesley interacting got me with… this in my mind. So without further ado, under the cut is Steamed Hams but it’s a Cartoon Villain Evil Type of Motherfucker Who Cooks Horrible 60s Housewife Meals and Enjoys Them Who Could Honestly Use Some Attention And Approval Despite Being A Total Bastard and A Very Confused Old Dude Who Gave The First Guy A Chance Despite Warnings And Things Have Gone… Weirdly Okay? (quick shoutout to my pal Sammy, whom of which doesn’t have a tumblr but she DID suggest the diesel equivalent of “cinders and ashes” to me, “grease and oil.”)

Pro tip: Follow along with your favorite copy of the original Steamed Hams so you can imagine what’s going on properly! Here's mine!

And finally, credit where credit is due, the Simpsons Wiki is where I got the transcript I edited from.

[Scene opens with Wesley ringing Diesel’s doorbell. When we get to the next shot, Diesel is wearing his DEVIOUS apron for EVIL cooking over his typical clothing.]

Wesley: Well, Diesel, I made it, despite your… directions.

Diesel (less saccharine-suck-up cheery and more… Devious. and OILY, in comparison to Skinner. still wants to impress though, seemingly, and still seems to be in a good mood): Ah, Wesley, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Wesley (he seems genuinely pleased to be here, if a bit nervous because he’s not the most fond of Diesel’s cooking, unlike Chalmers in the original, who seems so done with this already): Yeah.

[Diesel runs to the kitchen, only to find his baked stuffed salmon is burnt and gasps in horror. As he speaks, there’s some noticeable knocks in the background.]

Diesel: Grease and oil! My baked salmon is ruined! But what if I were to purchase some food from the chippy and disguise it as my own cooking? [chuckles] Delightfully devious, Diesel.

[He begins to climb through the window after taking off the DEVIOUS apron and setting it aside, but Wesley enters the kitchen, looking confused. The theme song to an imaginary show then plays:

Diesel with his crazy explanations

Wesley here is gonna need his medication!

When he hears Diesel’s lame exaggerations

There'll be trouble in town tonight!]

Wesley (concerned): Diesel?

Diesel: Wesley! I was just...uh---just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

Wesley: ...Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Diesel?

Diesel: Uh... ooh! That isn't smoke, it's… [visibly wincing at the thought of it] steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!

[Once Wesley leaves the kitchen (after having performed mental gymnastics, probably), Diesel breathes a sigh of relief, climbs out the window, and runs across the street to some fish-and-chips place, where he buys, you guessed it, fish and chips to replace his ruined baked stuffed salmon. He enters the dining room with the food on a silver tray.]

Diesel: Wesley, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering fish and chips!

Wesley: I thought we were having steamed clams?

Diesel: Oh no, I said 'steamed sams'. That's what I call fish and chips!

Wesley: You call fish and chips 'steamed sams'?

Diesel: Yes! It's a regional dialect.

Wesley: Oh, I see. What region?

Diesel: Uh… Cheshire.

Wesley: Really? I’ve been to Crewe plenty of times and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed sams'.

Diesel: Oh, not in Crewe, no. It's a Chester expression.

Wesley: I see.

[Wesley takes a bite out of some fish and chews it a little, while Diesel sips his drink.]

Wesley: You know, this fish is quite similar to the stuff they have at the chippy.

Diesel: Hohoho, no! Patented Diesel Fish and Chips. Old family recipe!

Wesley: For steamed sams?

Diesel: Yes.

Wesley: Yes, and you call them steamed sams, despite the fact they are obviously fried, and that they’re also obviously… cod, I think, not salmon? Did you have to substitute something?

Diesel: Y- Uh.. you know, the... One thing I should... excuse me for one second.

Wesley: Of course.

[Diesel enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire.]

Diesel: [yawns] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Wesley: Yes, I should be--good lord, what is happening in there?!

[Beat.]

Diesel: Aurora Borealis?

Wesley (again, more confused than angered): Ah- Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, on this part of the island, localized entirely within your kitchen?!

Diesel: Yes.

Wesley: ...May I see it?

Diesel: ...No.

[They exit the house as the kitchen fire grows larger. The shot is panned so we can see Duck just sort of watching shit go down.]

Duck: Diesel, your house is on fire.

Diesel: No, Duck, it's just the Northern Lights.

Wesley: Well, Diesel, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good sam!

[As Wesley begins heading home, he looks back for a moment toward the house. Diesel gives him a thumbs up and a fake smile, causing him to keep walking away. Duck is still just watching all of this. Once Wesley is out of sight, Diesel rushes back into the house to deal with the fire.]

[bittermedicine]

HELLO AND WELCOME!!!!

how do you use this site im scareedd ummm

OKAY HELLO hi im evan, he/it birom transmasc, 16 years Of age and Evil as Fuck.

immreally into mandela catalogue so thats what im primarily going to be posting umm i might post other stuff if I feel like it and also remember this Site exists!!!!

art will be tagged as kip art and me just saying Shit will be tagged as kip speaks ^_^ ii think thats all

comm info and Stuff can be found here > https://ko-fi.com/nerves . .. i giggle and twiddle my Thumbs

i dont have a set dni just dont be a weirdo or ill pelt stones At your head. Really big stones! Big stones and Bolders ok?

pfp Art cred is @ssseriema !!! My goat ..

formatting is ugly on this ill update it and make it fancy eventually Be kind for now ♥

[goldenmeadowsart]

[smudgekip]

I know i may look like a 20-something year old girl, but inside i'm actually a wrinkly, saggy, cranky, drunk- yet somehow whimsical- old man.

[shittyutmv]

Your blog. tastes like. marshmelow. And cracekrs but not saltines. Like. graham cracker. and. Water from the washing machine (moldy). And. and yellow. Yellow things. Peeps. Flowar. Your blog tastes like flower on a field in sunny day while the birds chirp and it's raining but not hard enough to be umbrella worthy. And there is a rainbow in the sky just because. And. Picnic blanket with the little basket, and it has fruit inside and sandwiches. And. The sandwiches aren't really that good but it's good because you're with someone you love and they made it for you

Does any of this make sense

hey. hey anon??????? this is my silly skeleton joke blog and you’re not allowed to make me feel like baby crawling into a woodchipper. ok.?