#deep space discounts Dee Dee

[anxious-chaos-art]

Cha does what she does best! Page full of character doodles. (Can you tell who my favorite is lmao) ((I was having a really hard time doing bodies for some reason ignore how they look and just focus on the rest TwT))

Click for better quality!

My first draft doodles for getting the vibe of them down :)) tbh I’m still kinda figuring out how I wanna draw them but I thought I’d share what I’ve got so far

[raevenlywrites]

The Ties That Bind 5 of ???

Prepping my guards to meet Zane was one thing; prepping myself...

I drew a deep breath, focusing on the way it filled my lungs, expanded my chest. Breathing this way mirrored the beat of my golden hawk’s wings, and did much to calm me. It was too great a show of nerves to display in my avian court, but out here, in the dark, with only my three fellow co-conspirators to see me--

It still felt like too much, but I was about to willingly approach Zane Cobriana, with his sister’s signet ring in my hand.

I’m afraid everything I have to offer you will be somewhat bloodstained.

Zane’s words had a way of replaying in my mind, again and again. He had a beautiful voice, rich in tones and timbre, and put to good effect. It was clear he was a man who was accustomed to addressing people, and to having those people listen. When I spoke to my generals, it was with a muddled mix of bargaining, pleading, and command I wasn’t certain would be heeded. When Zane ordered his people to back down, had they listened? Had that party Cadmia and her flight found in the woods really been an ambush? And if it had, was it with or without their monarch’s blessing?

And what would happen to them when their rulers finally returned?

Because for Zane to be waiting here, at this farmhouse on the edges of our respective territories, he must not have returned home to the serpiente palace yet. No, he had come straight to me, on Elanor’s wings, to deliver this engagement ring.

I think I could learn to love you, Danica, impossible as it seems.

Serpents love pretty things too, did you know that my lady?

I knew I was beautiful, with a finely crafted body colored in all shades of gold. The clothes my clever Elanor devised for me walked the perfect line between elegance and functionality, beauty and modesty. And Zane hadn’t been shy about admiring what her handiwork put on display--but was that enough? He’d suggested we both keep our own lovers; had he meant it? And in what possible capacity? The indolent serpiente might accept a figurehead queen while another woman grew round with their next prince--whether of Zane’s own get or his sister’s--but if I were to attempt such a thing? How would it even be done? An alastair’s oaths were some of the most binding of our peoples--and spoken from a royal tongue in the heart of Hawk’s Keep, even more so. I might literally lose some of my powers as queen if I became forsworn.

Of course, if we were no longer at war, my powers would no longer be needed on the battlefield.

But the gift to soothe and lightly heal with song was too important to be parted with. The Shardae sang strength to more than just soldiers--when there were more of us, we sang at every birth, every wedding, every sickbed, every funeral.

One for sorrow, two for mirth, three for a wedding, four for a birth...

“My lady?”

Elanor lightly touched my shoulder, startling me. The three of them had clearly felt the magic of my promise to them as future queen, and had doubtless been giving me the space to commune with my powers. But Elanor was right; the night was wearing on. And Zane was waiting. - The scene in the farmhouse was almost too surreal for belief.

Zane Cobriana, Arami of the serpiente, was serving as a yarn swift.

Hands held a careful width apart, he held the strands that Elanor’s aunt was quickly winding onto the noddy. It was clear she was working with a swiftness, but just as clear that it wasn’t from unease. It looked for all the world that she was simply trying to free him up from his woolen prison, so that he could attend to his proper duties as a monarch.

Zane looked as if his duties as a yarn horse were just as a pressing, and was giving the threads his complete attention, even as he sat relaxed in chair and chatted with the weaving women.

“And so the siblings chased each other across the sky, Kain pounding after his sister Kaya, who kept spilling fire as she ran, painting the sky with light, and earning outraged shouts from her brother with each drop spilled-- hold.”

That last was for his guard, the white viper from the camps. I almost surprised to find just the pair of them, instead of the entire entourage, but I was not surprised that this was the guard who stayed with her prince.

I’m sure you don’t expect me to come to you as pure as the driven snow either.

His guard could have been carved of ice, for all her hard strength and cold beauty. She’d gone from indolently bored against one wall to trembling bow-taunt just behind him. Her fingers hovered near her thighs, and the pair of knives strapped there. Her perfectly white hair bristled around her, like a cat making itself large in the face of threat.

Or like a magician raising power.

“I said hold, Adelina. You are not to strike someone who wears a Cobriana ring.”

Her gaze flicked to my hands, which were empty of jewelry and half-raised as one approached a wild animal. In fact it was Elanor who had carried the ring; I had not yet dared take it back from her. I wondered if that detail would prove to be a terrible oversight. Zane’s words had a similar of formality to the oath’s I exchanged with my people.

But Adelina’s gaze went from me to my two Ravens, with their full kit of armor and weaponry.

“My Arami--“

“Don’t, Addie. We’re all just here to talk.”

We were hardly just hear to talk, especially given his comments about the Cobriana ring. But Adelina dropped into what I could assume was a soldier’s parade rest, and I felt the men behind me release their own ready tension.

Of course, that didn’t stop them from flanking me as I stepped farther into the room.

I watched Adelina flinch, and felt us all react to her reaction. I bit back a weary sigh. How were we supposed to get anything done if all our attentions were on each other’s actions.

“Gentleman, he rode all this way to continue our peace talks.” I put heavy emphasis on the word “peace”. “Kindly stop treating this kitchen as a battlefield. Aunties Lyssia, thank you for opening your home to us. Arami Zane, thank you for coming to continue our talks. I am sorry the circumstances of them have been so inconvenient.”

Zane rose from his seat to give a smooth bow--though he never took his eyes off my guards as he did so.

“Good evening, Danica. Our dear aunties have been excellent hosts--and I’ve admired their works on our dancers.”

I blinked at that, caught utterly off guard. I know Elanor had mentioned trading food for fine cloth, but still. It had startled me--and from the look in Zane’s eyes, I couldn’t help but feel it had been meant to.

Suddenly, I was much less nervous. I was tired of being discounted, ignored, placated, and now made fun of? I was Tuuli Thea, and marriage to him or not, I would be queen, and I would be treated as such.

“Ladies Lyssa, is there somewhere I might talk to Zane in private?”

The protests all rose at once, reminding me too much of Mistari hall. I drew on the power of my voice to raise it above all the rest.

“I am Danica Shadae, heir to the Tuuli Thea. The only person in the room who is even remotely qualified to argue with me is Zane Cobriana himself. And as I believe he intends to propose marriage to me, it is within my right to demand a little privacy for this intimate moment.”

I admit to enjoying the shocked silence that followed. The look on Adelina’s face, however, made my blood run as cold as the icy fury in her winter blue eyes.

The Ties That Bind Tag list: @thehellinsideyourhead @therecouldbecolorsandlove @adventuresofacreesty

Raev’s Gen Tag List (should I tag you guys in this? It IS a thing I wrote. I’m gonna say yes unless you guys are like “no of course not we’re sick of hearing about your stupid fic for a twenty year old book XD)

List is currently: @lordkingsmith @writinglyra @drbibliophile @mperialscribe @adie-dee @lexiklecksi @writinginslowmotion @apollon-arium @raenawrites @adventuresofacreesty

[mlovesstories]

FEELING THE BURN PART 6

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Masterlist of Masterlists

Words: 2600

Summary: Jensen goes to therapy some more, and YN needs a hug. 

Warnings: sexual assault, cussing, police activity, panic attacks, therapy

“Therapy is good, actually. I mean, I don’t mind going. It’s hard though.” Jensen rolled over to face Danneel as she closed her book while under the sheets. “He gave me homework.” Jensen sighed. Danneel put her book away and turned over to watch his face. “I have to be near YN. Even if I don’t talk.  Doc wants me to show that I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ah.”

“Wish me luck,” Jensen sighed again.

“You can do it.”

—————-

Jensen tried to stay close but not too close over the next week. The two talked to each other, but their conversations were short. He had apologized but YN still tried to stay away.

“YN, do you have homework?” Danneel asked as YN walked through the door after work.

“Have I ever NOT done my homework?” YN rolled her eyes.  

“What-” Danneel turned to her.

“I’m sorry.  I had a long day.  Yes, I have homework.  I’ll do it after dinner.” 

__________

“Hey, YN! Wait up.  Can you cover Sophie’s shift tomo-” Jensen started.

“No. Busy.” YN continued on to the backroom without a look as Jensen was called away by a fan.  

_________

YN walked into the house and slowly shut the door. Eyes puffy, she shuffled to the stairs.

“YN?” Danneel pokes her head around the corner and stopped when she saw YN’s face. “Are you okay?” Danneel asked plainly.

“Saw school counselor today.”

“Ah. Let me know if you need a hug.” The older one smiled.

“Maybe later. Have homework. Thanks, Dee.” YN looked up to see Jensen walking toward her.  She bumped his shoulder as she walked toward the stairs.

“Really, YN?” Jensen growled.

“Jensen.” Danneel stopped him.  “Let her be.”

_________

“So how’s the YN thing going?” Doctor Brown settled in his chair in the office.  Jensen pulled a pillow into his chest.  

“She’s being a smartass.  Hates me.” He sighed.

“And what have you been doing in response?”

“Dee’s making me shut up.  It takes everything I have to stay quiet because she’s being an ass.  If I even walk past her, she stiffens.”

“Dee as in Danneel?”

“Yeah, sorry.  I call her that.” Jensen smiled.  “She keeps me in check.”

“I appreciate the way she thinks.  Your job right now is to stay near.  No arguments, got it?”

“But why?  She’s being stupid about this whole thing.” Jensen looked at the doctor.

“Because she has learned to keep everything to herself.  Her trauma has caused her to only trust what she knows.  YN naturally does not share emotions, right?” Jensen nodded. “She has a trusting relationship with a counselor that is a good influence.  In her mind, you were the smartass.  And you kind of were.” Doctor Brown shrugged his shoulders.  

“You’re taking her side?” Jensen moved the pillow back to the couch.

“I don’t take sides.  My job is to make you think. Reflect.”

“I don’t think I did anything wrong!”

“Did you go through something scary that still affects you?”

“Yeah.  Kind of.”

“Imagine how she feels.  She has been through so much already and then she sees a death and blames herself for a fire that ‘should have been her.’”

“Fine. Fine.  I get it.  Okay, yes, I messed up.”

“How?” The doctor made him process.

“Because I was discounting her work to feel better and work through what happened.”

“Anything else?”

“I shouldn’t have made fun of her.  It’s good to acknowledge what we went through.”

“So what should you do?”

“Something, cuz what I’m doing ain’t working.” Jensen rolled his eyes, discounting the idea.

“Mister Ackles… try again.” Doctor Brown corrected him.  

“Be a constant still.”

“Yep.” The counselor smiled.  “It’s going fine.  Trust the process.”

————-

“They arrested him.” Jensen waited for YN at school.  

“What?” YN stopped in front of him. “Kenyan?”

“Yeah. We have to go down to the PD.” Jensen wrapped his arm around her. “Dee’s gonna drive your car home, give me your keys.” He extended his hand. Blankly, she unzipped a backpack pocket and gave them to Jensen. “Let’s go.”

As they made their way to the police station, YN stared straight ahead.

“Yeah, that’s Kenyan,” YN pointed to number six in the police lineup. “That’s my ass of a half-brother.” She groaned and walked out of the room.

“Come here,” Jensen pulled her close.

“No,” she shoved him off of her. “Can we go home?”

Jensen looked to the detective.

“Yep. That’s all we needed you guys for.”

“You mean to ruin my life? All over again?” YN sneered at him and felt tears fall. Jensen put a hand on her shoulder, surprised by her reaction.

“Miss-“

“Let’s go, YN. Let’s get outta here.” Jensen guided her out. She wiped her tears and walked to Jensen’s truck.

—————-

“Go away, Jensen.” YN tried to move away from him as they entered the house.

“Just give me a hug and then you can go.  Come here.” He stopped in the foyer and opened his arms.

“Fine,” YN groaned.

“Good girl.” Jensen wrapped his arms around her lightly. He heard her sniff his shirt.

“Mhmm.”

“What?” Jensen looked down at her.

“Your cologne.” She smelled his shirt again. “Safe.”

Jensen felt YN relax.

“You feel safe?”

“Yeah,” she said into his plaid shirt.

“It’s okay to be upset.”

“No, it’s not. I had to- he-“ she hiccup-cried into him.

“Uh oh. What’s wrong?” He tightened his grip over her back and shoulders. Jensen felt her push away from him.

“Nevermind.” YN tried to run up the stairs, but he didn’t let go and pulled her toward him again.

“No, come here,” he said gently. “I can tell you need somebody right now. Relax,” Jensen whispered.

Danneel walked into the room and raised a brow at Jensen. He shook his head. She slowly rubbed YN’s back. YN turned to find Danneel behind her.

“It’s okay,” Danneel verified.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jensen soothed.

“You don’t get it,” YN whispered.

Realizing this required a deeper conversation, the adults took her to the kitchen table.

“What do you mean?”

“Just- just let me think!” YN squirmed out of their touch. “You’re too close- and I can’t think,” she whispered. Danneel and Jensen backed away. “If I tell you, you can’t feel sorry for me,” YN took a deep breath.

“We never have,” Danneel softly smiled.

YN sat on the couch a few feet away from them.

“He hurt me, okay? He-“ she stopped.

“Kenyan? How?” Danneel stepped forward.

YN looked up to see Jensen’s jaw tighten.

“No, Jensen. I’m fine, please don’t get mad,” YN shriveled into herself. She saw his face muscles relax. “He… touched me.” YN looked away. She felt the air exit the room.  

“You know that wasn’t right, right?” Danneel didn’t miss a beat.  

“Dee, I am okay.  I promise.  I just don’t want to upset you guys.  I love you.”

Jensen silently exited.  YN’s eyes followed Jensen’s feet out of the room.  

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t upset him, sweetie.  He’s mad at Kenyan.” Danneel engulfed YN in a hug.

“Seeing him again today was hard.”

“I’m sure it was,” Danneel whispered.  They heard a loud pounding noise.  “Jensen.”

“He’s punching the bag,” YN said in return.  “I need to talk to him.” YN tried to stand up.  

“How are you…” Danneel trailed off.

“How am I okay?” Danneel nodded.  “Been through a lot.  And I’m not okay,” YN sighed.  “I just keep going.” YN skirted away from her foster mom and left the room.  She walked into the in-home gym.  “Jensen.  I’m fine,” YN said strongly.  

“I’m not,” Jensen said quietly as he used his bare hands to punch the bag.  

“Put gloves on.  You’ll kill your knuckles.”  Watching him punch out his pain in jeans, a flannel and his boots, she frowned.  “I know what you’re doing.  You’re just like Dean.  You punish yourself when something goes wrong that you have no control over.”

“No.  I am angry that he hurt you.  I WISH I could have been there to hurt him.”

“Stop punching the bag. Please.” YN barely spoke above a whisper. He glanced at her. Jensen saw her distraught, drawn face.  

“Come here,” Jensen stood up straight and looked at his bloody hands.  Wiping them on his shirt, he opened up his arms. “I’m not angry at you.”

YN walked into his arms,  

“I know.  You smell sweaty now,” she chuckled.

“Sorry.” He gave a laugh.

She backed away and sat down on the workout bench.  Jensen saw tears start to fall again.  

“I’m okay,” YN reiterated.  “Really.  I guess he is just the one thing that makes me weak.” YN put her head in her hands.

“You are probably the strongest person I know.  You are NOT weak.  YN LN is a hero in life.  I honestly don’t know how you’re not calloused to the world.”

“What does that mean?”  The girl looked up at him with a curious expression.

“As if you don’t care about others.  You could be emotionless, but you’re not.  I know you hold it in.  That’s what people do when they get hurt over and over again.  You did.  Your parents-”

“Jens, please don’t.  I get it,” she said plainly.  

“Sorry.  You know what I mean though.” He sat down next to her.  “Scootch,” he motioned with his hand for her to move over. YN did as asked so that he could have enough space next to her. “I see that you’re okay.  But it’s okay to be okay and still feel stuff.  Or not be okay either.  Just sayin’.”

YN leaned into him.  Jensen wrapped an arm around her.  

“Thanks.” He felt her smile into his chest.  “Go shower.  You stink,” YN’s smile grew wider.

“I punched the bag for five seconds!” He gasped at her accusation.  

“You’re also a dude.  Dudes sweat like crazy.”

“Fine.  But promise me-”

“I’ll give you a stupid hug next time, you ass,” YN smiled again.  “I’m sorry for being dumb and disrespectful.”

“I care about you.” Jensen said softly.

“I know that.”

“When I said that thing about therapy, I was wrong.  I don’t mind going, I’ve realized.  I can see why it works.  I understand now that you trust your counselor and I made fun of that.”

“Thank you, but you’re still a dumbass.” YN grinned.

“Language!” Danneel walked in with a happy expression of her own.  YN rolled her eyes at their sarcastic parenting techniques.

“Whatever.  I want pizza.  Who’s in?” YN looked to her foster parents.

__________

“We haven’t really talked about how you feel about what you went through with YN.  Although I do think you’ve made great progress with her.  Do you think you’re ready to talk about that?”

“I told you what happened already.” Jensen stood up and paced back and forth.  

“Jensen.”

Jensen turned to his therapist.  

“Don’t get lost in your head.  I’m not going to push you about it.  You can say no.”

“I’ve actually been having a lot of bad dreams lately. She gets kidnapped in front of me every time and I can’t protect her.” Jensen continued to walk the length of the room turning back and doing it again.

“Yeah?  That really sucks.’

‘Yeah.  I’ve actually been sleeping in a different bed because Dee wakes up when I startle myself awake.”

“Did she ask you to do that?”

“I don’t know.  Why?”

“Think.  It’s important,” the doctor pressed.  

“No, I don’t think so. “

“Go back to bed with her.  I think it might help to be near someone.” The doctor smiled.  “She can help calm you down.”

“I don’t want to bother her though.” Jensen sighed.

“Let her tell you if it bothers her.  She probably feels jipped that you are not trusting her with this, whether you think of it like that or not.”

“Oh,” Jensen looked to him.  “Hadn’t thought about it like that.  Yeah, I could do that.  I’ve been struggling a little bit.”

“Yeah? How so?”

“I’m doing better now that YN and I are getting along again, but I still get nervous and jumpy.  YN gets that way too, so she understands.  They don’t make me jumpy.  More like the TV with sudden noises or something like that.  When I’m on set, we have loud special effects and blanks.  I’ve noticed it’s increased since the whole thing happened.”

“Gotcha.” The doctor wrote on his notepad.

“When you do that, does that mean you’re keeping track of my crazy?” Jensen half-joked and stopped pacing.

“No.  I wrote ‘improving in processing.’  Nothing bad at all.  Don’t get used to me telling you my secrets though.” The doctor grinned.  Jensen sat back down.  

“Oh, that’s good.”

“It is.  Have you been having any other symptoms?”

“Of what?” Jensen asked.

“I don’t know.  Anxiousness?  Any unusual worrying other than bad dreams?”

“I have to check on YN throughout the night.  It’s almost an OCD thing.  I just can’t let anything happen to her again.”

“How often do you check on her?”

“Five or six times a night.” Jensen frowned.  

“Really impeeds your rest, I’m sure.  Have you learned or tried any calming techniques?”

“Everything I’ve tried is crap.” Jensen sighed and leaned back against the couch.

“Everything doesn’t work for everybody.  I have an idea.  Would you be willing to try it?”

“If I have to do some funky meditation or say something stupid, I ain’t doing it.”

“No, no.  Nothing like that.  My suggestion would be to spray your pillowcase with a cologne of your wife’s.  Does she wear perfume?”

“Yeah, it’s called apple-something.  Smells good.”

“Try it.  If her shampoo smells good, you could also ask her to shower before bed.  It could help you relax.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

The doctor studied Jensen’s face, noting his withdrawn face all of a sudden.  

“Jensen?”

“I feel like I can’t breathe,” he answered Doctor Brown.

“Does this happen often?” He readjusted so that he was sitting right across from Jensen.  

“Sometimes,” Jensen answered.

“You’re probably having a panic attack.  You need to force yourself to relax.  It won’t get worse if you don’t let it. “  The doctor saw Jensen trying to concentrate.  “Tell me your top five favorite movies?”

“Umm, Top Gun… Tombstone…” his stare increased.

“Jensen,” the doctor snapped his fingers to get the man’s attention.

“Uh, MASH- no, that’s a TV show. “ He corrected himself.  “Caddyshack, Fight Club,  and Die Hard.”

“Good.  Breathe, Jensen.” The doctor watched Jensen’s body language.  

‘I feel like I need to cry.”

“It may help, depends on the person.”

Jensen couldn’t hold it in any longer.  He fell over onto the couch in tears. The doctor leaned away from him to give Jensen space.  He rocked himself until he was able to calm himself. When he quieted.  

“You are going to feel REALLY tired after this, okay?  Do you feel better?”

Jensen sat up and nodded.  

“Yes.”

“Have you ever had an attack like that?”  The doctor offered a tissue. Jensen took it and put it to his face.  

“No.  I haven’t cried like that before.  I- I don’t know what happened.”

“Just relax for a second.  You do not have any plans the rest of the evening.  Get home and lay low.”

“I’ve got to go do some-”

“I know.  Trust me.  Please.”

_________

“Hi,” Jensen walked in and greeted YN and Danneel.  He quickly ascended the stairs.  

“Uh oh,” Danneel moved the pillow from her lap to the couch.  “Guess it didn’t go so well.” 

FEELING THE BURN

@supraveng

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[redfoxwritesstuff]

Of Dust and Ashes (Chapter 13)

Happy Friday! Less than a month until I see Betrayal for my birthday. Check out my craft blog @redfoxcrafts for things for sale at big discount while I raise funds for the trip. Or perhaps buy me a Ko-fi? 

Thanks to @winterisakiller for keeping me from taking things too dark and to @tnystrk-exe for encouraging me to go darker. 

The other chapters can be found on my Masterlist. 

Clint x ofc (Deanna). 

Chapter warnings: None 

Series rated: M, reader discretion is advised.

Chapter 13: Rainy days

Deanna looked over to the driver’s seat. Clint’s strong arm’s were on display as he confidently drove the RV. Wind whipped against the vehicle, slowing their progress. Rain pelted the windshield. They’d only been driving for half an hour when the storm began to really pick up. Both knew unless there was a break in the weather, they’d not make it the almost hundred miles to his home.

“There’s a town a little ahead. We’ll stop and see what supplies we can get.” Clint’s voice broke the silence. “I’d like to see if we can find a brace or something for your foot so it heals better.”

“Okay.” Deanna muttered, looking from his strong arms down to her hands where her fingers fidgeted.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” One word answers were doing nothing to convince Clint. He pulled the RV into a slow stop in the middle of the old highway. They avoided the interstates with the countless abandoned cars, trucks and accidents. It was something that Deanna hadn’t thought of doing.

“What’s up?” Clint put the RV in park and turned to look at her. “Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing- I’m just being dumb.”

“It’s not nothing if it bothers you. We’re a team.” He motioned between them. “You and me- we’re a team. And as long as we’re a team, we gotta talk to each other. I’m not taking control of this boat, we’re sharing it. Now, what’s bothering you?”

She picked at her fingers until he reached out and the strong hands she had been admiring closed over hers, stilling them. “Are you sure it’s going to be safe?”

“What?” Clint was surprised by the worry she admitted.

“I know it’s dumb. But after what happened yesterday… What if more people like that are in the town? I can’t run, I can’t even walk.”

“I’ll protect you.” Clint answered simply. “I wouldn’t suggest going to the town with you hurt if I didn’t think it would be safe.”

“How do you know that? Really, how can we know anywhere is safe?”

“We can’t. But this town- I went through the day before yesterday. It was pretty much deserted. Some older people who aren’t in the condition to migrate and just want to keep chugging along. They’ll all be inside with this storm though.”

“Okay.” She nodded.

“Trust me, babe?”

They both seemed surprised by the term of endearment, but still Deanna answered, “I trust you.”

And she did trust him. Still, when they rolled into the town, she was on edge. As impossible as it was, she tried to keep her eyes everywhere. Around them torrential rains fell, battering the RV and making rivers along the ground.

“Is this weather normal?”

Clint thought before answering. “Not this time of year. Banner mentioned that we’re going to have some weird weather until the atmosphere clears the ash. It's not his area of expertise though.”

“Will we be okay?”

“I’ll make sure of it.” Clint smiled at her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze as he pulled up to a pharmacy. “I’ll be right back.”

~~~~~<3

Clint tried to look up and down the street as he stepped out of the RV but the rain, thick and dark made it hard to see anything. The water was oily, like much of the rain in the last month had been. He could only pray that it would let up soon and he wouldn’t feel like he needed a shower every time it touched him.

The RV was left running, on the off chance that she needed to make a get away. They both hoped she wouldn’t- driving would be painful with her ankle. He didn’t think it would come to that but if it did, he'd rather her leave him behind. She had no reason to stay for him.

Sprinting the short distance to the doors of the pharmacy, Clint didn’t slow down as they came closer and close. He used the momentum of the run to break through the glass doors. Like many things in this small town, the doors were old and outdated, still easy to shatter plane glass. Luckily he made it through without suffering anything worse than a few scratches.

Once inside, he wasted no time looking through the untouched store with a wheeled shopping cart. As he ‘shopped’ he tossed jugs of water into the cart and swept can after can of vegetables, fruit and pasta meals up. You can’t have too much ravioli, in his opinion.

The loaves of bread had molded on the shelves. A stuffy smell hung in the air, no doubt from the mold and rotting fruits. While there was more waters in the coolers, Clint had no interest in opening them and setting free the smell of the rotting foods and drinks inside. That water would have to wait for someone more desperate.

Bags of trail mix went into the cart. These items that happened to populate small local pharmacies weren’t really why he went in however. They could get water damn near anywhere. He knew how to filter it, purify it. Plus he had a well. Still, it was a good habit. Without a thought he threw in an ankle boot that looked as if it would fit.

As if it was nothing, Clint vaulted over the counter. It was an old fashioned pharmacy with the back room closed and locked. It made sense that they hadn’t invested in shatter resistant glass for their doors when all the good stuff would be kept behind another set of doors.

As he expected, the door was locked. Looking around the dim space he tried to find something to pick the lock with. When nothing of significance jumped out at him, he settled for kicking the door in. Or at least trying to do so.

One hard kick rattled the door. He backed up and took a running jump, hoping that the force would do the trick. It didn’t. When he crashed to the floor without the satisfaction of taking the door down with him, he was thankful Dee was waiting in the RV. She didn’t need to see that. No one needed to see that. The less witnesses, the better.

Using the counter to pull himself up with a groan, he was about ready to admit defeat. Extra antibiotics and painkillers weren’t worth breaking his body for. His palm was on a paper and as he pulled himself up, the paper slipped off the counter sending him crashing onto the hard surface.

That was it, Clint decided. Today simply wasn’t the day he would be grabbing extra medical supplies. It was a nice thought, a few vials of epinephrine, some syringes, antibiotics, painkillers, antivirals and even iodine to purify the water when bottles ran out if they were away from the well would have all been great. It was a nice little shopping list that would have to wait for another day. Hopefully Dee didn’t have any allergies he’d have to worry about.

The thought stopped him for a moment. He was thinking about her in the longer term. He assumed that if she had allergies, they would be together long enough for it to be his problem, for it to matter.

Guilt washed over him as he made his way back to the cart. He looked up, examining the ceiling while he reminded himself that Laura was gone. She wasn’t coming back and she wouldn’t want him to be alone. Laura had always said he was no good alone. As long as Deanna wanted him around, he wasn’t alone. She would understand, right?

In the back of his mind a voice whispered that he didn’t have to be alone before Deanna either. It whispered that he left, turned his back on his friends. It reminded him of the satellite phone sitting on his kitchen counter in the farmhouse. He pushed that voice right down to join his guilt and let the quiet rage at their failure eat away at it.

As he was looking up at the ceiling, Clint started walking forward again while pushing the cart absentmindedly. Rather abruptly, the cart crashed into a shelf and he rammed his abdomen into the metal bar with a grunt. Really, he needed to watch where the hell he was walking.

The shelf he crashed into had a display of umbrellas hanging off of hooks. They rattled and clacked together and against the shelf. It was like a sign from above but Clint would much rather believe it was a sign from Laura when two umbrellas fell into his cart. Only two.

He had to move on. He had to move forward. There wasn’t anything he could do to change the past. It was done.

Clint took a deep breath and steadied himself before moving on, toward the registers. There wasn’t any power and he had no intention of making even a good faith effort to pay for the goods. But he didn’t feel like pushing the cart through the sticky dark rain and hoping that everything would stay dry.

He loaded up the bags with what loot he had tossed into the cart and hooked them all on his arms. It was awkward but it wasn’t overly heavy, all things considered. He extended the compact wand and stuck the end outside into the rain. Pressing the button on the handle, it sprang opened and he shuffled out and under it.

It kept the rain off of him and mostly off the bags and for that Clint was thankful. From the side window of the RV, he could see Dee watching. It was odd but it felt nice to have someone watching for him, waiting for him. The guilt he expected to feel at the realization wasn’t as sharp as he expected it to be.

And that was a good thing.

Whatever it was that he and Dee had been dancing around, it was a little flame, flickering in the darkness. And it was a good thing. For as long as they shared it, he would hold onto it, nurture it.

She was what he needed, he decided as he smiled up at her. She disappeared from the window and opened the door for him, ushering him inside with a smile of her own. It felt good to have someone watching, waiting for him to come back.

“Any problems?”

“None.” Clint answered, slipping one arm forward he stood in the rain as she took a few bags off his arms at a time. “Place hadn’t been touched since…”

“Since it happened?” Dee filled in for him and Clint gave her an appreciative smile. “I wonder if there are other places like this? Just… empty of people?”

“You’ve done more traveling than I have so far.” Clint shrugged.

Transferring bags from one hand to the other so he could reach inside and set them on the counter. Once free of the weight, he slipped into the door. With it closed behind him and the umbrella folded away, he was thankful to be out from the rain.

“I figured you would have been all over doing…”

“Avenger stuff?” Clint shrugged as he dug around in the bags before settling on being a responsible adult and unpacking the bags to put things away. “I haven’t been.”

This could have been a conversation they had before. But during times of great trauma and extending afterword, the memory becomes a strange thing.

“Oh.” Dee settled on the couch, not sure exactly what it was she should do or say. What she wanted to do was ask ‘why?’ but she couldn’t find it in her to voice the question. He seemed to know, however.

“I went to New York twice. Once shortly after and once when Tony came back.” Clint spoke with his back to her as he put away cans and bottles as if he was talking about the weather. “It was hard to be there. To see them. So I went home and I figured I’d wait for a few weeks for it to get easier. But what got easier was not answering their calls, their messages.”

“Do you blame them?” She asked as Clint took the boot out of the packaging. It was thick and sturdy. He assured her that she would be able to walk with it on without crutches after a bit though it would be awkward and still somewhat painful.

He was silent for a minute, knelt in front of her. Her words froze him for a moment while he worked the boot onto her foot. He hadn't given it voice before. “I don’t want to. I shouldn’t. But…”

“But?” she urged.

“I do.”

The awkward silence hung in the air as Clint urged her to step around, getting used to the heavy weight of the boot. She was still a bit unstable but with her ankle supported and compressed, it felt a hell of a lot better.

Outside, the rain fell harder.

“Should we move on?” Dee asked, hobbling a little faster through the space.

Clint thought for a moment before answering. “We should stay put. Find a wide alley and set up shop for the night.”

“Why an alley?” Deanna slipped into the passenger seat as Clint dumped himself into the driver’s seat and put the RV in gear.

“The storm looks like it could get strong tonight. An alley would protect us from the wind for the night… or however long until the storm blows over.”

“It could take longer than the night?” She asked the RV slowly lumbered down the the road as rain poured down harder.

“Yeah, maybe.” Clint didn’t want to say it but he hoped this storm was as big as he feared. It was nice being away from the farm house. It was nice being with her and only having the shadow of the ghost of Laura hanging over him. “It could be. This time of year- they happen. And with all the dust, the weather’s been wacky at best.”

Deanna asked what they would do if they couldn’t travel and Clint shrugged. She didn’t push it though she wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of spending over a day sitting in one place, riding out a storm. They had little else to do but wait and the idea of it was killing her.

Because she was so preoccupied with her dread, she was completely caught off guard when Clint stopped the RV, pulled close to a building. She looked around but couldn’t spot why they had stopped. Clint was relaxed and at ease, so she felt no cause for alarm. But nothing made sense.

“Grab the umbrella.” Clint ordered, a wide smile on his face.

“What?” She asked dumbly when he handed her a plastic grocery bag.

“For your foot. To keep it dry.” Clint told her, stepping out under the shelter of the umbrella. “Come on, hurry up.”

“What?” Again the word dumbly slipped out of her. “Where are we going?”

“Inside.” Clint answered as if that made anything make more sense.

“Why?” Regardless of her hesitations, Deanna trusted him and began to hobble down the steps. Clint was waiting outside the door with a second umbrella held up and open for her.

“It’s an old video store. Looks untouched too.”

“I thought the only video stores that were left were for…”

“Porn?” Clint said as if it was something they would talk about any other day. “I never understood the appeal of renting porn videos- not physical copies at least. You never know what’s on them.”

“Ew.” Deanna couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with someone who at one point was a part of the team in charge of protecting the whole world.

“Right?” Clint held a hand out for her as she stepped down. “This one is a regular old fashioned one- like a Blockbusters but actually still in business. Their selection probably isn’t that great but it’s like a living dinosaur.”

“More like freshly deceased.” Deanna couldn’t help adding and he laughed.

“A good point.”

While Deanna stood to the side, Clint worked the sliding doors open, using a crowbar to break the lock. She tried not to watch too closely the way his muscles worked and flexed. She tried not to notice how his shoulders moved. But she failed.

Once inside, they left their umbrellas leaning against the wall. Clint assured her repeatedly that this was one of the few towns he knew of that were almost deserted. There were small carts, more of a gimmick than anything but Clint selected one for himself and one for her.

“Grab whatever you want. Candy should still be good. Same goes for the popcorn- there’s enough fucking preservatives in almost everything in here, it’s all probably still safe.”

“So what, we load up on junk food and have a movie night?” Dee laughed in a way that if the world hadn’t just nearly ended a month ago would have given Clint pause and made him worry. Now? He would more be worried if she didn’t show any signs of instability so he ignored the brittle edge to the sound.

“Yeah.” He offered one of his brightest smiles as he grabbed what had been one of the latest action movies and dropped it into his cart. “Why not? The RV has an entertainment system so there isn’t a single reason why we can’t watch some movies. And we’re going to at least have to wait out tonight.”

She wasn’t wholly sold on the idea. It seemed wrong but she didn’t protest. Instead, she walked the aisles- or rather hobbled, the cart helped a lot, next to Clint. While he looked at many action movies, many horrors, more often than not, she watched him put them back on the shelf.

She didn’t question him on it. It was something she understood. There was enough horror in the world right now, enough violence. They didn’t need to indulge in it now and call it ‘entertainment’.

Carts gathered comedy and romance films. Clint laughed as she grabbed a copy of almost every ‘how to’ and documentary she could. When asked why, she reminded him that knowledge was going to soon be in short supply, if the world was indeed not going to be fixed any time soon, who knows what they would need to know.

Sodas and candy were tossed on top. Bags and bags of popcorn joined the piles. Each knew they would be making themselves sick with all the junk but still they added more. When their options had been exhausted they made their way back to the front.

“Is this everything we want?” Clint asked.

“I can’t imagine we need another bag of gummy snacks.” Deanna answered with a chuckle.

“Probably have more than enough.” He agreed.

“You think?” God, Clint realized he loved her laugh, even with that brittle edge to it.

“Well, milady, would you do me the great honor of accompanying me for a movie or six?” He bowed dramatically at the waist with a wide grin on his face but what she couldn’t see was that he was holding his breath.

“I guess I’m not going to find another date around here.” She smiled and Clint could breath again, a little easier now. 

~~~~~<3

Tag List: @winterisakiller, @usedtobegoodfriend96, @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7, @theoneanna, @toozmanykids, @j-u-s-t-4, @missaphrodite23, @bambamwolf87, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @carissime72, @xoxabs88xox, @queenoftheunderdark, @myoxisbroken, @wegingerangelica

[anxious-chaos-art]

In honor of ep 4 dropping today here’s my page of kips!

[anxious-chaos-art]

Art based on the fic ‘Planned Obsolescence’ by @the-writer-nerd-ro ! Drawing fanart of a fic that was based on my art in the first place feels v full circle :))

More doodles undercut!!

Idk it just felt wrong to have this super serious piece and then my doodles

I’m counting this as my bucket page :]

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Of Dust and Ashes

Happy Friday! How are you all? Good I hope. 

Much thanks to @winterisakiller who has had to deal with my crushing self doubt while also keeping my angsty murder urges in check. I couldn’t do it without you. And to @tnystrk-exe who encourages the murder urges.

As some of you are probably aware of by now, I’m raising money for my birthday trip next month to NYC. I’ll be spending two nights in the city and seeing Betrayal on my Birthday. The trip’s a stretch for me and so I’m offering my Chainmaille jewelry and custom works at discounted prices, some as much as 25% off- check out @redfoxcrafts or donate to the cause by buying me a Ko-fi

Masterlist

Chapter warnings: Just some PTSD

Chapter 14- Movie Date?

Deanna insisted on helping load their spoils into the RV, much to Clint’s dismay. He insisted she should rest. For the two trips Dee hobbled into the RV, Clint had made four and managed to take everything else inside.

“So what now?” Dee asked as Clint locked the side door behind them.  

“Well, now we find somewhere to shelter us against the wind and buckle down. How’s the foot?”

“Hurts a bit but okay.”  

“Probably find a narrow street to park on. Stay in the town for a change. The buildings should give us some protection from the wind.”

“Or it could turn the street into a wind tunnel.” Dee offered with a smile as she made her way to the passenger seat, being ever mindful of her ankle.  

“Can’t win them all.” Clint joked but for a short moment, a shadow passed over his face. Dee didn’t say anything. He was right after all, you can’t win everything. He, more than anyone she knew would know that.  

The RV roared to life as the rain picked up again, falling in sheets. It took something around half an hour for Clint to settle on a place to park. It was a narrow street between two buildings. There was hardly enough room between the side of the RV slide outs and the walls of the buildings for the side door to open.

Though Deanna didn’t like the cramped feeling or the inability to see in the distance she had to admit with the current weather, she wouldn't have been able to see much in the open either.  There was an odd comfort to be had in knowing that there were only two ways someone could sneak up on them. There were only two very limited directions that their RV could even be seen by someone walking by.  

Clint made starting the generator look easy. With the rain, they’d had no choice but to use it. The constant ran had left a chill that meant they would also be burning propane to heat the RV. The idea of using such limited resources made Deanna nervous just the same.  

“You okay?” Clint asked, stepping inside of the RV while holding his umbrella outside, fighting to close it.  

“Fine. I just- It makes me nervous.” Clit nodded at my words. “It’s such a limited resource, such a limited supply.”

“You’ve done a great job making it last, that’s for sure.” While he spoke, he helped her to the couch before pulling out a bag of microwave popcorn. The whorl of the heater was soft in the background. “But I can get us more.” After a moment of hesitation, he rushed to add, “Or get you more if you want to ditch me at the farmhouse.”

“Well, unless we travel more, we won’t need much once we’re at the farmhouse.” Dee added, watching his face for reaction. “If you didn’t mind us staying together, that is.”  

“I think I’d really like that.” It felt like the words were so much more important than they sounded. It was as if there were some unknown meaning, unknown promise to them both but there still just the same.  

~~~~~<3

The smell of buttery popcorn filled the air within the RV. The air inside was warm as rain pelted the roof. Many of the lights except for what passed as a ‘hall’ light. It gave a warm glow to the space while providing enough light to see by.  

The microwave beeped as Clint carried the fluffy blanket from the bedroom. Dee made a mental note to find a throw blanket of some kind for the living space. That way they wouldn’t have to carry the heavy blanket back and forth. Unless, Clint had one he wanted to use.

It occurred to her that she shouldn’t be thinking of things in such a way. While it was clear at least for now, she wanted to stay with Clint and he with her, she was aware they were going to his home, a farmhouse. He mentioned it having access to power and water. Would they even still be living in the RV much longer?

“Need anything for the ankle?” Clint draped the blanket over her, breaking her spell of thought.  

“No, it’s not too bad now. The worst of it is over. At least, I think.”

“Still, take it easy on it.” His voice was firm but by no means demanding. “Let me do things for you.”

“You sound like an overbearing boyfriend.” Dee laughed. Clint put one of the romantic comedies she had wanted to watch yet hadn’t planned on requesting. “How did you know I wanted to watch that one?”  

“Guess I’m just boyfriend material.” Clint answered with a small smile rather than the wide grin she had expected.

As he settled on the couch next to her, she could feel the warmth from his side. The bowl of popcorn was perched in his lap. While the previews played, she thought back to that small smile and compared it to the wide grins she had often seen in the past. What did those small smiles mean? Were the large grins and carefree attitude a diversion, a mental or social suit of armor? Could those small smiles be Clint, the real man, shining through?

“Want a soda?” He held out a bottle of Pepsi for her and she took it with a mumbled thanks.  

When the movie started, she put her troubled thoughts away. Instead she focused on the love story playing out on the screen. She nibbled popcorn and sipped her soda. The taste was far better than she remembered and she had moaned when it first hit her tongue. All the while, she was aware of the warmth from Clint at her side.  

As they relaxed into the comfort and normalcy of watching a movie with popcorn, they seemed to melt into the couch. Before the movie was over, they were leaning against each other in a heap, soft snores passing from parted lips as the movie went on unwatched.  

~~~~~<3

Clint woke a few hours later to the title screen of the movie. His neck hurt, as did his back. The popcorn spilled on the ground at some point but most had disappeared, likely due to one large dog currently dozing by the door.  

Cuddled into his side was Dee. Slung over his thighs were her legs, bent at the knee and feet hanging down. Her fingers curled into his shirt. Her could feel every deep breath she took as he held her a little closer.  

Trust snorted and Clint’s eyes were drawn up to the dog, still asleep at the door. His eyes trailed around the room. Rain was pattering against the roof but it was much softer now. The buildings offered protection from the wind and he could hear it howling outside, though the RV did not rock with the force of it.  

On the arm of the couch sat the small stuffed fox atop the small folded blanket that she kept with her most of the time. Part of him wished he could do that, stomach the idea of keeping a trinket of Laura and the kids with him. Part of him was jealous of how Dee could clutch to the memory of her kids.  

Clint knew he could never forget them. He could never imagine a life where he couldn’t close his eyes and see their faces. It was clear as day to him that she thought herself weak for clinging to those reminders. In truth, he felt weak for not taking a part of his own family with him.

With a sigh, Clint worked his arm under her knees. While she seemed to comfortable enough, his neck ached and his back was screaming at him for having the gull to age. Wiggling his fingers, he gathered up the fluffy blanket that covered them.

He stood and shifted her, bringing her closer to his chest and adjusted his grip. It wouldn’t do to drop her on the way to the bed. That seamed like a sure fire way to end up sleeping on the couch or the dinette bed and really- his back liked the actual bed so much better.

The hall was so narrow that he had to shuffle through sideways to avoid hitting her on the walls. Still, he managed to smack his head rather hard on the door. Biting his lip and whimpering, he tired to ignore the urge to swear. It hurt like a mother fucker but she looked so peaceful.

There it was, as he set her on the bed. That weight of guilt that often seemed to settle in his gut made itself known as he looked down at her. Dee was so peaceful in her sleep. The lines of worry and stress were free from her face and he could just see the woman she had been before her life was ruined.

He blamed himself. It was just one more way he failed. He hadn’t known her at the time but he failed her. Just like he failed Laura and the kids. Just like he failed countless other people. But he had no say in it- it was their call to not bring him into the battle. He trusted them and that was where he failed.

Never again would he trust another to take care of those he cared about. Though it pained him to admit it, he cared about the woman on the bed. He cared about her far more than he should already. He cared about her far more than he had any right to, being a married man who’s wife was only dusted a handful of weeks ago.

But he did. And he failed her once, before knowing her. Clint decided he would not fail her again. No matter where she wanted to go, no matter what she wanted to do, he would follow and he would see to it she was safe. He owed her that much.

Clint wasn’t sure how long he stood there, watching her sleep. It was late and he was tired but he couldn’t look away. Would she ever look this at peace when awake again? He would help her find a new peace, he decided. He didn’t know how he would do it, but somehow he would.

In the living space, Trust sneezed. The sound seemed to snap him out the trance he had fallen into. A sigh slipped out of him as he shook his head. It wasn’t going to do anyone any good for him to get wrapped up in his head. Casting his eyes to the ceiling, Clint very much wished he could see Laura again, talk to her. She was his best friend and he missed her. Was it strange that he wished to speak to her about Dee? To get her advice?

He needed to sleep, that much he was sure of. His mind was turning into a puddle of goo and sleep would be the only thing that would help it. Waking after only a few hours of rest hadn’t done him any good at all.

Without another thought, he pulled his shirt off before looking at her jean covered calf poking out from the blanket. While he thought about what he should do about that, he unbuckled his belt and let gravity take his pants down.

It was a slow process, untangling her from the blanket but eventually, he had it off her. He hoped she wouldn’t wake up while he worked. She needed her sleep just as much as he needed his. Plus, as he unbuttoned her jeans and inched them down her hips, it would look rather questionable if she woke right then.

He was lucky. Though at one point she rolled over onto her stomach, she hardly stirred otherwise. It took time to work her jeans down her legs but he was happy to take that time. Part of him felt guilty for it, but he allowed his eyes to travel her legs as he exposed them.

Once he had her out of the jeans, he rolled them up and tossed them in the hamper hidden behind one of the storage doors facing the foot of the bed. Reaching down, he grabbed his own discarded clothes and tossed them in as well.

With that cleaned up, he made his way into the living room again where he picked up the bowl and turned off the TV. After taking the time to check that the doors were locked and there was no sign of life outside, he returned to the bedroom where Dee had hardly so much as moved.

He spread the blanket out over the bed and crawled in next to her. For the first time since his wife and children had turned to dust, it felt like he was coming home. A sigh slipped out of him as his back and shoulders relaxed. In just a few short moments, Clint had joined Deanna in a state of sleep provided bliss.

~~~~~<3

Deanna was aware of warmth and the comfortable feeling of the mattress under her. There was that stale taste in her mouth that told her she hadn’t brushed her teeth before falling asleep.

It was dark outside and the rain was falling in sheets. She couldn’t see it but she could hear it, the way the drops pounded against the metal exterior of the RV. The sound was relaxing, even if she knew how tainted that rain was.

Reaching out, she blindly grabbed for the stuffed fox and soft blanket she normally slept with clutched to her heart however her fingers came up empty. Reaching farther still, her fingers found Clint’s bare arm and danced over his chest. They weren’t there.

Rolling over, she began to search the other side of the bed and found nothing. Panic ate at her and she tried to calm her breathing. She didn’t lose them. Nothing was taken. They just fell off the side of the bed. It was fine. Everything was fine.

Reaching down, she groped blindly some more and only found more of the floor. Without a single thought to the sleeping Avenger next to her, she turned on the light as her search got more frantic.

Clint woke with a start but she paid him no mind at all. She looked under pillows and pulled the blanket aside.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was like gravel and any other time she would have taken a moment to appreciate the sound but right now, it hardly registered.

“I can’t find them.” Her voice came tight and high, as if a wire was wound taught and so very close to snapping.

“Find what?” His hand rested on hers for a moment but she yanked it free to look under his pillow.

“My kids. Where are they. I can’t have lost them.”

“You’re kids?” Clint watched as she stood and ripped the blanket off the bed only to throw it back on in a heap.

“Sit down, you’re going to hurt your foot.” Clint stood, holding his hands out to her. “Don’t you remember, your kids- they...”

“I know.” Deanna reached up and pulled her fingers through her messy slept on hair. “I know. I know. But I’ve got to find them.”

“What are you looking for? Tell me exactly and I’ll find them, okay?”

The thing that had stood out to Clint from the moment he had first met Dee was how strong she was. Even with a sprained ankle and no choice but to rely on a stranger’s aid, she always had an air of strength to her. She was solid. Unshakable.

Now, woken in the middle of the night was proof that even she was haunted by the memories of what had happened. He couldn’t fault her for it, he himself had woken many times from a panicked search.

“Their- Aurora's- Oh god. I can’t have lost them.”

It hit Clint in that instant. There was only two things that she was never without. He had been proud of himself, getting her into the bed and out of her jeans without waking her. He had been sure he had thought of everything. But he had forgotten what had turned out to be the most important of things.

It wasn’t locking the doors. It wasn’t checking for people sneaking up on them. It wasn’t turning out lights or making sure Trust had food or water. It wasn’t picking up the popcorn bowl. It wasn’t even turning off the TV.

“Sit here, I think I know what you’re looking for.”

It took a firm hand to guide her to sit on the bed. It was clear as day she didn’t want to just sit but the panic was clouding her mind. Clint worried about her hurting her foot when it was already beginning to heal so well.

She just wanted to find them. She just wanted to hold them. She needed them.

Once he had her sitting, Clint rushed into the living room. In the process, he nearly tripped over Trust. The dog had slept through all the commotion and later, Clint would take it as a sign that the dog trusted him to care for the woman who had become his master.

Sitting neatly on the arm of the sofa was a stuffed fox, well loved and well cared for atop a soft folded baby blanket. She wasn’t looking for her kids, she was looking for all she had left of them.

With upmost care, he picked up the forgotten items and carried them into the bedroom. As soon as her eyes took them in, he watched as every bit of the tension left her. Wordlessly, she reached out and took them from him, holding them tight to her chest.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, looking up at him with watery eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Sitting next to her on the bed, Clint rested one large hand on her back and began to slowly rub. “I should have remembered to grab them. You have them every night.”

“You couldn’t have-”

“You have them every night.” He again repeated as she leaned into his touch. Tears dripped from her cheeks as he held her to his side. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He whispered.

“I try so hard.” It felt like a sacred admission, a holy secret.

“You can be weak sometimes. You can cry. You can fall apart. You’re not alone anymore, Dee. I’m right here with you now. I’ll help you put the pieces back together.”

~~~~~<3

Want in on the tag list? I will gladly add you, just let me know. And as always, I ADORE hearing about what you think, what challenges you think these two will face and what their path in the next few years will look like. What do YOU think the world immediately post snap would look like?

Tag List: @usedtobegoodfriend96, @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7, @theoneanna. @alexakeyloveloki, @toozmanykids, @j-u-s-t-4, @missaphrodite23, @winterisakiller, @bambamwolf87, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @carissime72, @xoxabs88xox, @queenoftheunderdark, @myoxisbroken, @wegingerangelica