#kings of other cultures had lovers of both sexes and it was considered the norm

[ladykailolu]

Love that puzzleshipping dynamic of Yami burning down the whole world if it meant saving Yugi and Yugi being horrified at the destruction his lover made all to protect him ❤️ It's like crack to me ✨️

[a-byronic-heroine]

THE BASICS

World Name: Aen Elle World

Base Description: “Through the branches of the weeping willows that hung down over the river, flowing like green curtains, Ciri saw a palace. She had never seen anything like it. As if it were not made of marble and alabaster, but of white lace – so delicate and light that it seemed ethereal, as if they were not buildings, but the ghosts of buildings. Ciri expected that at any moment the wind would blow and the palaces would disappear along with the rising river mist. But when the wind blew, the mist disappeared and moved the willow branches and wrinkled the river, but the palaces remained. Just more beautiful.

Ciri looked raptly at the wispy hanging terraces and balconies, the bridges  over the river which were hung with festoons of ivy, the stairs, balustrades, the arcades and cloisters, the columns, the domes, and the slender asparagus-like towers.

‘Tir Na Lia,’ Avallac’h said quietly.”

GEOGRAPHY/LANDSCAPE

The world is made up of two large continents with a “bridge” of islands of varying size connecting them at their Northmost point. Less than half the terrain is mountainous, most of which occurs on the westernmost continent (considered the peasant or laborer continent meant for the lower classes like farmers, miners, base laborers, animal breeders, etc.). The largest river, the Easnadh, cuts through the Capitol on the East continent (seen as the wealthiest continent reserved for artisans, nobility, government, merchantiles, etc). One of its tributaries is the Tuathe. It flows from the seas of the Tir na Lia ports to the northwest center of the continent. Several portions of the mountainous regions of the west continent are volcanic in origin. They’re kept dormant by the branch of the Aen Saevherne that manipulates the atmospheric and weather conditions of their world. The valleys in these areas are allocated for farming. The land of both continents is littered with large bodies on fresh water. The world’s sea is considered an entire body and isn’t separated by different names. The majority of the climate is humid and tropical with the only exception being the bridge of islands in the north between the two continents which have been consumed by the White Frost. Elsewhere, the climate ranges from humid subtropical to humid continental and oceanic. Autumn is the season allocated for the most moisture production as that is when the bodies of fresh water throughout the world begin to decrease.

SENTIENT INHABITANTS

All but two sentient species have been eradicated from the world: the dominant invader/conqueror species, the Aen Elle and the native Unicorns. Originally, the Unicorns were enslaved just after the Migration and remained in that position for many millennia until they revolted; the two species have been at war ever since then. The Unicorns look like horses with a single, often spiral horn in the middle of their foreheads. They use telepathy to communicate and can travel between dimensions. Unicorn horns are universal antidotes to poison and can be used to detect poison as well. They change color with age. Unicorns refer to members of less advanced races as "Beings". They vehemently despise those who use power for perceived evil gains and usually kill anything they perceive as dangerous. There are however cases when they help or guide lesser beings in fulfilling the Destiny, though the reasons they do it are usually unknown. The Aen Elle, are elves who are now culturally and evolutionarily distinct from Aen Seidhe elves. The King, Auberon Muircetach, governed his people from the capital city of Tir ná Lia until his murder. Their language, the Ellylon, is a variant of the Elder Speech very similar to One-Speech, the ancient pre-Migration elvish dialect. Some distinctive characteristics of the Aen Elle include thin, pointed ears and small, identical teeth without cuspids (canines). Elves tend to be very tall, and due to their longevity often appear youthful. 

CULTURE

Emotion is a taboo. Shameful. At one time, the Aen Elle were much like their Aen Seidhe counterparts and were emotional creatures, but the Aen Saevherne and the monarchy saw it as a form of freedom they couldn’t control, so they made it a taboo many eons ago. Though severe repercussions, social shaming, selective breeding and conditioning, they eventually villainized emotion, emotional attachments and physical pleasure. Sex and marriage is mostly seen as a means of reproduction. Orgasms are also a form of detached stress relief. Sexuality is a non-issue. As long as you reproduce with whom and when told, you can seek “stress relief” with anyone you like. All sexual relations, even ones for reproductions must be kept extremely private, can have no public displays of affection and can form absolutely no attachments.

Even attachments to one’s children is a taboo. Children must be given little affection and are often handed off to third party nannies if the parents can afford it. To prevent these attachments, children are removed from their homes as soon as they can do basic survival tasks (clothe and bathe themselves, feed themselves, walk, swim, speak fluently) and given to the “leaders” of whatever sect they were bred for (ex. mages given to the Aen Saevherne, artists given to artisan guilds, warriors given to the military).

Marriages are arranged by the Aen Saevherne and government. They are done primarily for reproduction and secondarily for power in the higher classes. After a marriage is arranged, a period of courting takes place in which gifts are exchanged as a showing of one’s social position and skills in their birth-assigned career. Then, the Aen Saevherne have a binding ceremony that magically binds the pair until they create offspring that is to Aen Saevherne standards. Once this is done, the marriage is dissolved and the elves in said marriage are married off in different combinations as deemed necessary. Breeding outside one’s class is uncommon but sometimes done for reproduction and seen as a duty to the species. Breeding outside of one’s species is punishable by death and ostracization (see Lara Dorren). Sexual relations with slave races is acceptable if they’re used as “stress relief” and used solely for that purpose, but it’s seen as dirty. Like using a prostitute is seen in the real world.

Mages are highly revered. While most elves have some very basic magical abilities, those created to be sages are basically on par with nobility and royalty. King Auberon is the most famous of the Aen Saevherne. Almost all of his royal advisors are of the Aen Saevherne. It’s seen as very prestigious for the families and parents as well. To have sired an Aen Saevherne is a point of almost religious pride.

THE ARTS

Those who are bred for being artists, architects, musicians have a lower upper class standard of living. They’re on par with merchants. They are heavily controlled by the Aen Saevherne and are mostly used to make propaganda. For example, all songs are factual and about wars, nobles, royalty or history. There are no songs about love, anger, lovers frolicking in the fields, etc.. Stories are much the same. Fiction doesn’t exist in their world. Art like sculpture and paintings have less stringent rules. Abstract art is permissible as are different forms and styles of art though classical is the preferred genre by most of society. But, again, fictional situations or people are not acceptable.

CLOTHING

The Aen Elle prefer colors one would see in a sunrise or sunset: golds, oranges, purples, reds, blues, etc.. Style of clothing is usually dependent on the temperature. Usually, in more temperate areas, layering is very fashionable. In tropical areas, more light and sheer clothing is the norm. Lower classes normally only use fabric and pelts to make up their wardrobes while the nobility usually incorporate gemstones and unicorn ivory and other rare components. 

CUISINE

Food is extremely bland and plain. Sugar doesn’t exist on their world. The closest comparison is a very mildly sweet root that tastes a bit like a yam. Unlike arts like music, paintings, sculpture, etc., culinary arts are very temporary. As very long-lived beings, they see no point in spending time on something that will only be consumed and destroyed minutes after it is created. Spices and other additives aren’t commonly used, as, again, they see very little point to it.

[theorynexus]

The 30th One: In Which ROMANCE Is Discussed

That is an interesting effect that I have not heard of happening in real life~

This is definitely a conversation that I thought they’d have had before, but I guess those three just like repeating stuff, based on what’s been said before. I am not opposed to some useful exposition to the audience about things that we have missed for the sake of also demonstrating that Jade is constantly pushing for the development of their romance, which had been said but not shown, earlier~

And yet trolls have been talking about this with humans nearly as far back as their formal reveal (I don’t want to pinpoint the exact moment it began, considering all the skipping around from different temporal perspectives that was going around at the time), and humans in real life have been discussing troll romance+using it as a way to discuss romance in other series/franchises from nearly the point it was properly explained. Be a big boy, Karkat, and don’t treat these guys as if they don’t already know possibly far too much about the topic. (Not to mention the fact that I’m sure that you know that they know about it, you derp head!)

I do quite appreciate the idea of them being special enough to each other that it goes beyond the norms and/or labels of traditional romance in either culture, considering the lore relating to the Ancestor Trolls (particularly the Signless, and his own suppose matesprit). Karkat being Dave’s Karkat, and Dave being Karkat’s Dave sort of works toward that logic being fulfilled. On the other hand, I feel somewhat conflicted insofar as this could suggest that Dave still has a bit in the way of hangups concerning perceived “homosexual behavior,” which I thought that he had gotten over by this point. As such, this could be interpreted as character regression.   I, personally, think that it seems pretty natural: while a character might have epiphanies, sometimes it is hard to put what one mentally realizes at one point into practice, and therefor to so cement it in one’s mind and being. It’s also quite rational if one or both of them feared potentially hurting their relationship by pushing things too far.  Most importantly, though: they don’t have to push things into a more physical direction if they don’t have to. Relationships between loving and consenting individuals don’t necessarily have to be restricted/oriented to societal norms/expectations. If they are fine with bonding in other ways, then that is fine. Jade does not necessarily overstep by bringing up these sorts of questions, though, especially considering what she’s feeling, and how things are between them. It makes a great deal of sense for someone in her situation to question and see if things can be properly laid out/codified/disambiguated. 

I do like that Karkat brings that line of thought up. Also, I would just like to say: friendship does not necessarily need to stop at the borders of romance. Romantic partners, optimally, should have been friends to begin with, and that friendship should continue after the beginning of a relationship that extends into romantic territory. (On a related note: Before the scientific drives that humans began exhibiting in earnest around the mid 1800s took hold, friendships had a capacity to be much deeper than they often are today, as well, to the point that it was quite normal and even expected that a person would have a bond deeper than the one that would be shared with one’s sexual partner [read: husband/wife, in most circumstances, for having lovers outside of marriage was not anywhere near as accepted at the time, with the exception of kings/queens and perhaps the higher tiers of nobility-- because it pays to be powerful, I guess] with one or more of the dearest companions that one possessed. It is honestly sort of a shame that sexual drives and fulfilling them have become such a big part of modern culture. Honestly, that may detract from the formation of deeper and more fulfilling relationships.) Honestly, I really do understand Karkat’s frustration, here. He comes from a society where intimate relationships are not related to or restricted by gender/sex at all, so it remaining a bit confusing that the concept of “gay” keeps being brought up (even if it does not necessarily persist as something that is relevant on that planet; I am not certain: it’s left as ambiguous whether this is sortof a hang-up that Jade has, or if it continues to be used in society at large) is something to be expected.  I’m sure that part of the reason they are “Dave and Karkat” is as a sort of compromise. The two of them likely don’t want to have to deal with labeling what they are, in order to avoid the perceived weird interactions between human and troll notions of romance.

Oh, she was still wearing glasses. For some reason, “lenses” made me think of contact lenses. Must be a bit too early in the morning. 

Hey, you can have a whole lot of fun staying in. Regardless:  I guess I sortof understand what Jade means, there. She wanted to potentially experience what it might be like, even if she couldn’t get Karkat and Dave to make the dive with her. It makes it out like she was using the two chess people as stand-ins, which is rather cruel, honestly, but at the same time, I know that people who are desperate can potentially do things that otherwise might not seem too rational (such as pursuing a relationship outside of the one she really wants). It’s not too crazy, and I’m quite surprised that Karkat seems surprised by this. I guess maybe he convinced himself that that meant Jade had given up, for a while.

I do wonder if this is meant to suggest if Karkat is entirely uncomfortable with a polyamorous relationship (which could be a little weird to some extent, considering a troll being involved in one is honestly rather normal, though I guess it’s not necessarily super common, given the difficulties in balancing relationships that were associated with such an arrangement?), or if it’s just that he’s worried that Jade is a bit too flaky, and needs more experience being in a stable relationship before he’s comfortable “risking things” by including her. ... Oh, and Dave using flash step to dodge his wrist being grabbed was pretty hilarious.

I thought the expected limit was four. Hmm.  That said: accidentally, huh?  Heh. I wonder how much this is intended as continued flirtation on Jade’s part. I’m sure she understands the concepts of kismesisitude quite well enough to put that kind of effort/pressure into things (particularly under the lens that she seems to be interpreting the two of them as being flushed, rather than pale in relations, meaning that having a third person as a pitched partner could be considered optimal, assuming a set of three was all that was included, here).

A very valid question!   And also one that is very funny to see the reaction to.

***laughs hysterically***    (On a random note:  Dog hormones were previously mentioned as being a thing that she deals with.  This makes me question if she is in fact in heat right at the moment... which is a really weird thing to be bringing up in analysis of someone who at least used to be a human being, but, really, is made somewhat necessary here. I don’t even know how to begin properly guessing whether or not that’s the case, though, so I guess this is probably about where the inquiry must stop: wondering.)

This is an extremely strange and silly conversation. ***wonders if this is about to cause mention of the Sufferer, or if the obvious comparison and possible in-story inspiration for/with Jesus is going to be ignored***

***begins to laugh like Karkat, especially as a result of the Problem Sleuth reference***

[mermaidsirennikita]

November 2017 Book Roundup

This month featured a follow-up to one of my favorite books of last year--which sadly wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be.  And then there was a new series from one of my favorite authors... which really wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be.  But luckily Leigh Bardugo came through with her short story collection, The Language of Thorns, which was perhaps my favorite book of the month.  She’s a surprise for me, honestly; I wasn’t a fan of her debut novel, but the degree to which I enjoyed the Six of Crows duology and now this has made me wonder if I should give Shadow and Bone another shot.  If you’re looking for something out of the realm of YA fantasy, Ayobami Adebayo’s Stay With Me is an excellent, emotional examination of marriage, secrets, and cultural pressure.  There weren’t many standout books this month, but those that did stand out really impressed me.

The Empress by S.J. Kincaid.  3/5.  The sequel to “The Diabolic”, “The Empress” returns to Nemesis, diabolic-turned-fiancee of Tyrus.  As the new emperor, Tyrus is surrounded by enemies on all sides--in particular the politician Pasus, whose daughter Nemesis murdered.  Having discovered that she’s more than just an automaton killing machine, Nemesis adores Tyrus and would do anything--and get rid of anyone--to keep him safe.  But her own position is tenuous; not even considered a person, she has to both gain the support of the people and play the political game that threatens to engulf Tyrus whole.  I wish I’d loved this as much as I loved the first book--but honestly, I think that should have remained a standalone.  I loved where it left us, on an ambiguous note but with overall resolution.  While most of the conflict here felt organic, I was really bothered by two instances that just felt like... well, cop-outs.  Excuses to move the story along that didn’t feel cohesive with the overall plot. I still love Nemesis, and I want to see how the series ends, but this book disappointed me.

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee. 3/5.  In 1930s Korea, the teenage Sunja gets pregnant out of wedlock, left behind by her married lover.  In an act of kindness, a young pastor offers to marry her and raise the child as his own, taking her with him to Japan.  As Sunja and Isak attempt to make a life for themselves, the story follows several generations across Korea and Japan.  First off, this book is written in a very lovely way, and it may appeal to you.  And I so appreciate that it’s an epic, generational novel that isn’t about westerners.  But as lovely as the writing is, it’s also a bit distant.  And the story is a bit slow.  So I can’t say I loved this book, but I did respect it.

Behind Her Eyes by Sarah Pinborough.  3/5.  Single mother Louise is horrified to find that the married man she kissed at a bar is actually her new boss--and she’s even more guilty when she not only meets his wife, Adele, but gets along with her.  As she becomes involved in an affair with David and a friendship with Adele, Louise juggles the two while at the same time worrying about David’s controlling nature, wondering what in Adele’s past has led the couple to where they are today.  This is a domestic thriller that goes bonkers at the end--like, I didn’t see that twist coming, but I feel as if the twist has to... exist within the realm of possibility for it to be a well-done twist.  So the book is trash, basically.  But it’s fun trash.  There needed to be less of Louise worrying over Adele, to be frank, because as I had a look into Adele’s mind in her POV chapters, I knew she was fishy from the start.  But if you’re looking for a quick read that’s absolutely batshit, this is it.

Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo.  4/5.  In 1980s Nigeria, Akin and Yejide have a loving marriage.  Both university-educated and considering themselves modern, they are determined to be monogamous.  But one day, Yejide is greeted by her in-laws--with a second wife for Akin, Funmi, in tow.  After four years of marriage, Akin and Yejide still don’t have children; and the elders believed that if Funmi conceives, Yejide’s womb will open.  Yejide becomes obsessed with the idea of having a baby first, pushing her to dark lengths that may destroy much more than just her marriage.  This is an emotionally devastating book--it’s brutally honest about a variety of topics, including culture (which, as it’s not my own, I can’t vouch for as accurate), marriage, and sex.  Yejide is a vulnerable, real character who just grabbed my heart.  Certain parts of the novel are kind of surreal, and I don’t think that the full impact really hit me as I’m not familiar with Nigerian culture in general, let alone the political atmosphere of 1980s Nigeria.  But I felt like I learned something, and read a beautiful story at the same time.

Wonder by R.J. Palacio.  5/5.  As anyone reading this probably knows, Wonder is the story of Auggie, a ten-year-old boy with a facial deformity, going to school for the first time after being homeschooled his entire life.  As he makes his first “real” friends and faces bullying and discrimination, the story also takes a look into the perspectives of his sister, his friends, and more to explain the complexities of Auggie’s life and the lives of those around him.  Basically, this is a very simple but well-written book that tackles a difficult issue without feeling like an after school special.  And the movie--a faithful adaptation, while cutting a few things--is also very good.

For the Most Beautiful by Emily Hauser.  2/5.  The story of the beginnings of the Trojan War (up to The Horse) form the dual perspectives of Briseis and Krysais.  That’s pretty much it.  In all honesty, this isn’t a horrible book, but it’s just kind of dull.  For that matter, Achilles’s relationship with Patroclus is severely downplayed, largely in favor of his relationship with Briseis--which I understand, sure.  But “A Song of War” did a much better job with the “triangle” in all honesty.  The gods were portrayed as appropriately childish, but inappropriately modern.  It just wasn’t a very good rendering of the story.

Renegades by Marissa Meyer.  2/5.  Nova, like many other people in the city of Gatlon, is a “prodigy”, with abilities beyond the norm--in her case, she never sleeps, and can make others sleep with the touch of her hand.  As a member of the Anarchists, she is branded a villain, known as Nightmare and targeted by the Renegades, a group of “heroes” led by Captain Chromium, who killed Nova’s beloved uncle--and legendary “villain”--Ace Anarchy.  Hoping to follow her uncle’s legacy and overthrow the Renegades, Nova infiltrates group under a different name, only to be caught off guard by two people: Adrian Everhart, young and heroic and everything she hates.  And the Sentinel, a shadowy figure with so many abilities that he seems impossible.  It was hard to sum this book up because it felt like a whole lot of intro, and I was so disappointed.  Basically, much of the book could have been cut, because there was a ton of repetition.  Who’s the Sentinel?  Where is Nightmare???  How does anyone not key into these people’s secret identities?  Honestly, the backstory of Ace Anarchy and Captain Chromium, Lady Indomitable, et. al sounded much more interesting and I basically want to read the rest of series for them.  It was all very cliche, like Meyer had taken bits and pieces from The Incredibles and even Megamind and perhaps a comic or two...  I hate to give this kind of review for a book by the person who wrote The Lunar Chronicles--and all-time favorite of mine-- but it’s just not up to snuff.

The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo.  5/5.  An anthology set in Bardugo’s Grishaverse, this is a collection of folk tales, all based on stories that you may be familiar with, if sometimes only barely.  A plain-faced girl faces a monster; a nutcracker confuses the desires of others for true life; a fox attempts to outsmart a hunter; and more.  This is a fairly dark, eerily written book that’s still easy to read.  Bardugo has a taste for apathy and twisting the morals that you’d expect out of fairy tales, and it works beautifully here. I highly recommend it for anyone who loves a good fairy tale and doesn’t mind them a bit bloody and grim.

Root of the Tudor Rose by Mari Griffith.  2/5.  After growing up sheltered in a convent, Catherine de Valois is thrust into the political spotlight upon marrying Henry V of England.  The marriage is a success--but Henry is almost immediately after the birth of his son and heir, leaving Catherine a young widow with little control over the infant king, despite being his mother.  Owen Tudor--essentially a servant, despite his storied Welsh heritage--comes into her life and sweeps her into a secret love affair that will scandalize the nation and lead to the founding of the Tudor dynasty.  I really wanted to love this book, and it was what it was: a romanticized account of Catherine de Valois’s life, accurate in some respects... not so much in others.  It was a romance novel, but not the type I enjoy--there’s no heat.  Catherine seems like a child and her men don’t seem like real men.  The sex scenes aren’t even detailed!  For shame!

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

LGBTA+ Figures in the Bible

This post is meant to supplement our video on the same topic, providing more information and resources than we had time to discuss in the vid. 

The Bible belongs to LGBTA+ Christians too, and we can see ourselves reflected in its stories. We aren’t saying that all of the figures listed here were definitely LGBTA+ themselves (though we both believe that at least some certainly were), but that something about their stories resonates uniquely with us as LGBTA+ Christians. 

We invite you to add to this post -- either more ideas or resources for figures already listed, or with more Bible characters with whom you connect!

General Books:

The Queer Bible Commentary

Outing the Bible: Queer Folks, God, Jesus, and the Christian Scriptures

The Man Jesus Loved: Homoerotic Narratives from the New Testament 

Another resource is what my textbook says about sexuality in biblical society. 

And a post on why I think it’s important for us to have LGBT-specific Saints and biblical figures 

The rest of the resources are under the readmore; let me know if you are unable to access them. 

God!!!

See our God beyond gender tag, especially this post on Hosea 11 and this post 

Austen Hartke’s video: “What Are God’s Pronouns?” 

Woman Wisdom 

A spoken word piece, “God Is Gay”

Black Theologian James Cone argues that because God identifies intimately with the oppressed, so intimately that God is one of them, God is Black. I agree wholeheartedly, and likewise argue that God is queer.

ha-adam (Adam and Eve)

Genesis 1 and Genesis 2

a post on which I basically write an essay on the adam of Genesis 1 being “all genders” or else no genders, rather being a diversity of physical types, and the adam of Genesis 2 naming himself a man, rather than that gender being imposed on him 

A summary of what I say: In Genesis 1:27, God creates the human race male and female – we can read this as each human being thus being created with an innate capacity to be male, female, and/or somewhere on the spectrum hidden in that word and, as formerly discussed. Even so, the text continues to use the neutral adam in 1:28 through the majority of chapter 2 – God does not label any individual adam as an ish or an ishah, a man or a woman. In Genesis 2, which “rewinds” and offers a more detailed account of humanity’s creation, God forms the non-gender-specific adam out of clay and spirit and then forms a “helpmate” (an interesting, also non-gender-specific word discussed more in the above hoperemains link) from that adam’s rib. Only at that point do gender specific terms enter the story – not from God, but from the adam, who identifies himself as ish, a man, and labels his helpmate ishah, a woman.

Austen Hartke’s two YouTube videos on Genesis 1 and Genesis 2

Austen also responds to the call to “be fruitful and multiply” from a trans perspective 

Austen Hartke’s “Does the Image of God Have a Gender?”

A post on that non-binary “and” in Genesis 1

Hagar

Genesis 16 and 21

Austen Hartke’s “Wrestling and Renaming God,” second half 

Commentary on Dolores Williams’ Sisters in the Wilderness 

Jacob/Israel

Genesis 32

Austen Hartke’s “Wrestling and Renaming God,” first half 

A poem I wrote based on Jacob’s wrestling and renaming from the perspective of my journey as a nonbinary Christian 

Article: “Wrestling to Reconcile Body and Spirit”

Joseph

Genesis 37

A poem by J Mase iii entitled “Josephine” -- a genderqueer telling of the story 

A Presi on Queer Readings of Joseph and Jael that’s pretty interesting

“Joseph and his queer, fabulous, technicolor dreamcoat” 

“There’s Something about Joseph” 

David and Jonathon

1 Samuel 18, 1 Samuel 20, 2 Samuel 1

Article on the love between these two 

Another article, not as detailed: “The story of David and Jonathan’s love is one of the great stories of the Bible. It is a classic tale of star-crossed lovers.”

Another good article from qspirit; with images, a lot of historical info, and further links

Another article: “Why Does the Bible Focus on Their Intimate Loving Same Sex Partnership?” -- “Did God bless David and Jonathan, a same sex couple in romantic committed sexual partnership? Scripture devotes more chapters to their incredible love story than any other human love story in the Bible. What does God intend us to learn from that dramatic emphasis?”

A 2007 essay by an Anglican bishop in Liverpool, James Jones, “Making Space for Truth and Grace”:

“The second is to acknowledge the authoritative Biblical examples of love between two people of the same gender most notably in the relationship of Jesus and his beloved and David and Jonathan. ...”

“ ‘The Theology of Friendship’ Report took me in particular to the relationship between David and Jonathan. Their friendship was emotional, spiritual and even physical. Jonathan loved David “as his own soul”. David found Jonathan’s love for him, “passing the love of women”. There was between them a deep emotional bond that left David grief-stricken when Jonathan died. But not only were they emotionally bound to each other they expressed their love physically. Jonathan stripped off his clothes and dressed David in his own robe and armour. With the candour of the Eastern World that exposes the reserve of Western culture they kissed each other and wept openly with each other. The fact that they were both married did not inhibit them in emotional and physical displays of love for each other. This intimate relationship was sealed before God. It was not just a spiritual bond it became covenantal for “Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:3). Here is the Bible bearing witness to love between two people of the same gender. I know that at this point some will ask, “Was the friendship sexual?”, “Were they gay?”, “Was at least one of them homosexual?”, “Were they both heterosexual?”, “Were they bisexual?” I want to resist these questions at least initially. Immediately you start using such words you conjure up stereotypes and prejudices. Further, you assume that it is a person’s sexual inclination that defines their personhood. Is it not possible to say that here are two men with the capacity to love fully, both women and men?”

A Jewish view of their relationship, in Mishnah: “Whenever love depends on some selfish end, when the end passes away, the love passes away; but if it does not depend on some selfish end, it will never pass away. Which love depended on a selfish end? This was the love of Amnon and Tamar. And which did not depend on a selfish end? This was the love of David and Jonathan (Avot 5:15)”

A poem from 1878 by John Addington Symonds called “The Meeting of David and Jonathon;” the whole poem (it’s a long one) can be found in this google book; it starts on page 151. An excerpt of the best parts is here at this post. 

Daniel and Ashpenaz

Both of these figures were possibly eunuchs, who are certainly gender non-conforming as they are (see next section); furthermore, these two may have been in love.

Daniel 1:9 -- “Now God had brought Daniel into favor and tender love with the prince of the eunuchs"

Article 

Article 

Article on the other eunuchs in the book of Daniel: Shadrack, Mesach and Abednego

Esther and Eunuchs

“Esther, Vashti, and Eunuchs on Purim: Queer models for such a time as this”

“Eunuch-Inclusive Esther,” an article by Peterson Tuscano

Austen Hartke’s YouTube video on eunuchs 

A spoken word poem I wrote for my seminary’s more light service based around the story of Esther 

Naomi and Ruth

Article: “Whither thou goest;” cool art and contemporary interpretations 

See our Ruth tag, especially this post, for lots on their relationship 

Article: “Ruth Loved Naomi As Adam Loved Eve”

“Naomi and Ruth in Art”

Some other Biblical women

Austen Hartke’s video on “biblical womanhood” 

Deborah

Judges 4

A prophet and military leader, Deborah behaves outside the norms for her gender 

She was either married to a man with an odd name -- Lappidoth, meaning “torches” -- or else she had the title for herself “woman of torches.” If the former is true, she did much independently of her husband; if the latter, then she was not tied to a husband at all

Beginning on page 182, A Queer Commentary on Google Books has a section entitled “Deborah and Jael and lesbian-identified hermeneutics” 

Jael

Judges 4 and Judges 5

Jael drifts from the way women of her culture were “meant” to act. Moreover, her use of a tent peg to kill Sisera is considered phallic.  

Scholarly article: “From Gender Reversal to Genderfuck: Reading Jael through a Lesbian Lens” 

A Presi on Queer Readings of Joseph and Jael that’s pretty interesting

Judith

The apocryphal book of Judith is not in the Protestant Bible. 

Judith also behaves outside of her gender roles, using the relative freedom of her status as a widow to take charge of the situation when her city comes under siege. She and her maid go out to the enemy camp and ply the king with wine; they then cut off his head. 

Jesus

Austen Hartke’s video on the road to Emmaus, “Invisible Like Jesus”

Jesus and the Beloved Disciple

Our tag for the beloved disciple 

From a 2017 essay by Anglican bishop James Jones: “The intimacy between David and Jonathan is also evident in the relationship between the Son of David and his beloved John. We find the two at one with each other during the supper when Jesus washes the feet of his disciples. The beloved disciple is found reclining next to Jesus. Translations are not adequate to the text. Two different phrases are used in verses 23 and 25. One of them says literally that John was leaning against the bosom, breast, chest of Jesus (kolpos). No English word or phrase fully captures the closeness of the liaison. What is significant is that the word used in John 13:23 is found only on one other occasion in the Gospel of John. In John 1:18 the word is used to describe the intimate relationship between “God the only Son” and the Father. “No one has ever seen God. It is God the only Son who is close to the Father’s heart (kolpos) who has made him known”. It is difficult for a human being to conceive of a closer relationship than that between the Persons of the Holy Trinity. That this word is used of the relationship between Jesus and John is a remarkable expression of the love between the two men. This love finds expression on several occasions. On the cross Jesus makes his beloved friend his mother’s son in an extraordinary covenant of love and on the day of the Resurrection love propels the bereaved and beloved disciple to outrun Peter and arrive first at the Tomb. Here is energising love, spiritual, emotional and physical.”

St. Aeldred of the 12th century compared the relationship between Jesus and John to “heavenly marriage”: "Jesus himself, is in everything like us. Patient and compassionate with others in every matter. He transfigured this sort of love through the expression of his own love; for he allowed only one - not all - to recline on his breast as a sign of his special love; and the closer they were, the more copiously did the secrets of their heavenly marriage impart the sweet smell of their spiritual chrism to their love." (source)

Article: “Lazarus: Jesus’ Beloved Disciple?”

Article: “John Evangelist: Beloved Disciple of Jesus”; includes great art and links 

Jesus is trans

Jesus did not behave according to the gender norms of his day, speaking to women freely

Jesus is God, made human. God is a genderless being, while Jesus was gendered male upon his human birth. 

See this tag

Mary

Austen Hartke’s video, “Going Home When there’s No Room at the Inn”

Mary the unwed mother and LGBT Christians: here’s a reflection by a lesbian on the virgin Mary.

“Sadly, although we are highly favored by God, receiving His gift puts us out of favor with many of His followers. I can’t fathom the societal rejection and religious condemnation Mary must have weathered as an unwed teenage mother in her day and age. Luke only writes that Mary skipped town in a hurry, but I wonder whether she wasn’t running from the pointing, the whispering, and the scowling as much as she was running to her aunt’s house.”

Mary and Martha

Luke 10

Article: “Mary and Martha formed a nontraditional family at a time when there was huge pressure for heterosexual marriage.”

The centurion and his boy

Luke 7 and Matthew 8

My post on this pair 

Article: “Jesus affirmed a gay couple” 

Article: “Gay centurion”

The Good Samaritan -- and the man on the side of the road

Austen Hartke’s video “What if you’re not the good samaritan?”

My sermon on LGBT+ people and the Good Samaritan story 

Paul

1 Corinthians 7

A post that mentions Paul being aro and/or ace 

Peter

Austen Hartke’s video with use of Peter as a model for being “called out” 

The Ethiopian Eunuch

Acts 8:26-40

“Ethiopian Eunuch: Early Church” 

see also the article on eunuchs linked back in the Esther section

Article 

[ruffoverthinksthings]

What do you think the VKs and Aks' sexualities might be?

Thereal answers to this would be “Whoever I want to ship them with atthe moment,” and “sexuality is a very complex thing, that no oneexcept for the person themselves can definitively decide what theirsexuality is.”

Afterall, some people that are seemingly asexual could just be voluntarilyignoring and moving past the sexual impulses they still feel.

However,since that probably isn’t the answer you’re looking for, here aremy guesses:

Mal– Pansexual

Thisis heavily biased as I am a Malvie shipper (among others), but Ican’t imagine Mal to not swing both ways considering that she has avery different worldview and attitude compared to everyoneelse thanks to being half-Faerie.

Whilenot NEARLY as adventurous as Jordan (more on her later), I figurethat Mal would take very little stock into physical attraction andmore in personality—given that she’ll live 300-500 years, therewill be a hot person in every generation but only one of eachinteresting individual she decides to get together with.

Evie– Bisexual

Again,biased, as canonically I wouldn’t be surprised if Evie was straightas an arrow, but there is also the argument that she would beattracted to both genders or is willing to be with people regardlessof gender thanks to her upbringing on the Isle.

Goods,access to luxuries and necessities, and great kissing and sex are notexclusive to one gender, and since pre-Auradon Evie is looking for aneasy, comfortable life more so than anything else, whatever you havedown there won’t really make much difference to her.

Thataside, the boys of the Isle still love themselves a girl who makesout with other girls.

Carlos– Questioning

It’shard to pin down what Carlos might be seeing as he’s never reallyhad time to sort out his sexuality or who he might be attracted to;“it’s hard to get a hard-on when everyone’s got a murder-on foryou,” in his words.

Oncehe’s free from the distraction of constantly having a targetpainted on his back and being abused and used by pretty much everyoneexcept Jace and Harry, and being able to actually talk to people andhave healthy friendships and social interactions, I wouldn’t besurprised if he’d spend a good long while experimenting and seeingwho he’d want to be with, if romance is even for him at all.

He’san intellectual first and foremost, and while it’d be fallacious tosay that extreme intelligence correlates strongly to a complete lackof interest or substantial disinterest in sex (Einstein was awomanizer), solving a difficult problem or making a breakthrough inyour chosen field is usually higher on the list of priorities than“have hot, sloppy make-out sessions with a lover.”

Jay– Bisexual

LikeEvie, this could be attributed to the shitty nature of life on theIsle, the lack of choices, and the fact that his sexuality is as mucha means to survive as it is to enjoy himself.

Jayprobably wouldn’t be too picky about the gender of who he’sflirting with, either, as it all eventually leads to sex or himgetting something he can’t get (read: steal) himself, orpost-Auradon, work for and earn.

Jordan– Omnisexual

Isay “Omni” instead of “Pan” as Jordan is an immortal, adjinn, and operates from a completely different rule set from any ofthe other Descendants characters, and as a result is willing,capable, and does have romantic relationships and interactions withalmost anything that moves, and some that don’t, with the solestandard being that they are considered intelligent enough to consentby Fae standards.

She’sgot all of eternity, and the perception of time only accelerates formortals like humans; five minutes in the dentist’s office passes asagonizingly slowly as it does for her now as it did when she was six,and seeing as she doesn’t need to sleep, eat, or even tire ingeneral, limiting your choices of how to relieve boredom andotherwise occupy yourself is stupid, in her opinion.

Ben– Straight, but currently Questioning

“Straight”in the sense that Ben’s been schooled and raised in a veryhetero-normative environment, where princes go off to marryprincesses, become kings and queens, and produce blood-related babiesfor legal heirs, rather than marrying other princes, having a goodfriend become their surrogate mother, or adopting a child anddeclaring them the legal heir instead.

Auradonis not entirely opposed to such unconventional family structures ingeneral—after all when you have to rub elbows with Ancient Greeksthat had sports drinks before artificial flavouring was invented foreveryone else (Hercules), supposedly mythologicalcreatures walking around and making pop culture references centuriesto thousands of years more advanced than their time (Aladdin,Mulan), and even talking animal people (Robin Hood),the differences between you and “others” stop being a very bigdeal.

However,they are still heavily conservative, and exempting trulyexceptional circumstances on the level of the events of theiroriginal movies (history rather than fairy tales, to them), theywould prefer their rulers to do everything as their ancestors hadbefore them.

Thoughonce the VKs shake everything up and start throwing Tradition out thewindow, and as it tries to climb back in, accidentally knock it backout onto the street because of the chaos and social upheaval thatinevitably occurs, it wouldn’t be surprising to me for Ben to makelike an actual teenager/college student and start to test andexperiment with the boundaries and the specifics of his sexuality.

Ifhe and Mal do break-up in the near-future like I theorize they will,I expect there to be a long string of new royal lovers that takes Benon a real crazy ride through the weird, wild, and draining world ofroyal romance.

Audrey– Straight, but…

Audreyis exactly like Ben, only I figure she wouldn’t even dare toquestion let alone experiment and explore her sexuality.

Thegirl already falls apart at the seams if her back-up singersdon’t show up on time and let her perform her big song numberperfectly. I would SERIOUSLY doubt she would even want to think ofsomething that will completely change her life and throw it intochaos like the realization that she might be gay or not interested inmarrying at all, and ultimately deviating from the “script” of“queen to a king and making beautiful princesses and princesses.”

I’mnot saying she couldn’t be attracted to women, or really anyoneother than through-and-through males, but for the sake of her mentalhealth, she’d just stick to guys just because that’s what she’ssupposed to do.

Doug– No Clue

Dougis difficult to ascertain as we don’t really have much on him ingeneral, and I don’t really consider his relationship with Evie incanon to be worth much as it feels incredibly forced to me, and thecircumstances behind it make me question the legitimacy of it.

There’salso the fact that he’s a half-human dwarf hybrid, and like Carlos,I think he’d have to get over the lifelong social isolation andnever really belonging before he even begins to seriously ponder orexplore his sexuality.

Freddie– Straight

UnlikeAudrey who’s straight because that’s the tradition and what’sexpected of her, Freddie is almost exclusively into guys because ofbeing badly burned by her relationships and interactions with othergirls.

Likethe iconic Mean Girls, the ladies of the Isle’s worst enemyare each other, and they do not hesitate to viciously compete,backstab, and sabotage one another, all while smiling and feigningcivility. “At least with the guys, they have the decency to punchin the face or clobber you on the head, and leave your sense ofself-worth intact,” in her words.

Herinteractions with CJ, which my friend @saveshootingstar theorizes wasas much a romantic partnership as well as a villainous one, doesn’treally help her case.

Shecould eventually decide she’s more of a lesbian, bi, or any othercategory she chooses now that she has a much healthier and saner poolof potential lovers to choose from, but as of now, she’ll probablystick with guys as she’s more comfortable baring her morevulnerable side to them.

Zevon– Straight

Mytheories on Zevon is that he’s straight largely because hisrelationship with his mother is FAR from healthy, even by the Isle’salready loose and terrible standards, and is as much of astereotypical “mama’s boy” as you can get:

Almostentirely dependent; unhealthily attached to his mother and hasdifficulty separating her from any aspect of his life; and projectshis needs and desires for her onto other women—TO BE VERY CLEAR,this is solely the desire to be “praised,” “cared for,” andhave someone that can viciously tear apart his sense of self worthand coddle him in an unhealthy codependent relationship the way onlyYzma can.

There’salso the proven, canonical fact that he is attracted to Mal becauseshe’s vicious, cruel, and in charge, much like his mother.

CJ– Asexual

CJstrikes me as the kind of pirate queen who’s only interested in theburning and the pillaging, and none of the raping bit. Not that shefinds the act of sexual assault abhorrent, but because it and anyother sexual acts just don’t get her blood pumping and herexcitement levels shooting up like swinging from a rope, beatingsomeone into submission, and sailing away with all their stuff.

Shecan get charmingand romantic, but it’s usually just as part of her nefariousschemes.

Chad - Straight

Like Ben and Audrey, Chad has been raised all his life to believe that the heterosexual royal dream is what he should aspire to and what his life’s trajectory is going to be, though for a nice change of pace, Auradon still assures him they will accept a King and his Consort than a Queen.

That aside, Chad’s entire purpose in the universe is to be every single “priveleged straight white boy” stereotype given life, and a means to show the worst of Auradon in a single character, alongside Audrey.

While it would be interesting for him to be gay, bi, queer, or even asexual, in the last case only ever using women to further his own plans and make his life better at their cost, it goes against his purpose in the universe, and feels wrong to me in general.

I’m not saying that a specific personality type leads to a specific sexuality, or that Chad is definitely straight from all his behaviour, but it just doesn’t feel like a good decision to me to make him deviate from the straight and hetero; it feels like you’re just making him queer for the sake of it, or as a gimmick that doesn’t serve much purpose for the story or his character.

Jane - Pansexual

Like Mal, Jane follows a very different rule set, and more-so than her given that she is a full-Faerie and lives for all of eternity, and isn’t bound by mortal limitations like fatigue, sickness, or hunger. She chooses her lovers based on personality first and foremost, though I would imagine she tends towards females more than males.

The traditional, stereotypical “Manly Man of Manliness Male” ideal Auradon has would probably be a HUGE source of bullying, self-esteem issues, and distress to her, and as she can’t ever forget anything, the trauma really is forever, and isn’t likely to change any time soon.

She also strikes me as someone who enjoys soft and warm things in general, and boobs hit both notes.

Allie - Wonderland

Look, Allie is from a place where 2+2=Fish and a heron and the Sky (not someone named Sky, the actual sky above their heads) debate the accuracy of a mathematical theorem that states this formula will produce a pufferfish; the animals and even the objects talk, are animated, and intelligent; and there is apparently a ready supply of potions that can shrink people, among other drugs and alchemical supplies we still haven’t seen.

Shit gets weird, is what I’m saying, and I don’t think we have the vocabulary nor the ability to compherend the kind of kink that goes on down the rabbit hole or through the looking glass.

Lonnie - No Clue

We don’t know enough about Lonnie, and it would be dangerously stereotypical of me to assume that she’s a lesbian just because she’s athletic.

My personal headcanon is that she’s gay, seeing as she was largely raised in a heavily male environment as “one of the boys,” or among very athletic and non-stereotypically feminine girls, and more so, she never really was interested in muscles on guys since as far back as she could remember.

Mulan being an outlier in so many ways herself, it surprises no one that her daughter also breaks numerous norms.

[ruthellisneda]

All Women are Bilingual, and Should Be Running the World

Since I was a child, I have fluently spoken both Boy and Girl, and as a grown woman I’ve actually had an easier time speaking the language of Men than the language of Women. This isn’t because of anything special or interesting about me. It is, in fact, a competency shared by all women in our culture, whether they know it or not.

As children, we read and watch stories about little boys (and sometimes girls) having adventures and learning lessons, which is where we first learn the male-as-default mentality that will follow us for the rest of our lives.

According to an article from the Washington Post,

“No more than 33 percent of children’s books in any given year featured an adult woman or female animal, but adult men and male animals appeared in 100 percent of the books.”

Interestingly, when there is a gender-unidentified character, like an animal or a car, the parents reading tend to naturally give that character a gender using pronouns. Instinctively, because the male-as-default mentality affects us all, they will assign him the male gender. (If you have any doubt about this, go ahead and try using she/her pronouns for random animals you see in the park, or read about with your child. It feels super awkward, like… well, how do I know she’s a “she”? But ask yourself: how do you know he’s a he? It feels uncomfortable to think you might be accidentally misgendering a male, but typically it doesn’t seem like an issue to misgender a female.)

Representation Matters

Humans are a social creature, and feeling like we’re included and belong is crucial for a strong sense of self. We need to connect and feel like we belong, so we’re highly influenced by our perceptions of social rules and norms (especially as children!) and often internalize what we see without even realizing it.

That’s why representation matters—

The lack of female character representation in children’s books teaches children of all genders an important truth: that girls and women are less important, and hold a less important role in society, than boys or men.

This unequal representation continues as we grow up. In a recent study posted on the data visualization website Polygraph showed that in 78% of the Hollywood films analyzed, the lead character was male. Not even a third of speaking roles go to women, on average. Considering that women make up 51% of the population, this is pretty wild.

Check out this analysis, showing the dialogue breakdown between male and female characters in Disney movies:

The movies with 60% or more of the dialogue going to male characters is a long list (twenty-free movies) and many of them have men getting pretty damn close to 100% of the dialogue. Can you imagine a Disney movie with 98% of the dialogue going to female characters?? I sure can’t, since nothing like that exists. There are only four movies with more than 60% of the dialogue going to women, and those are all verrrrrry close to the 60% line.

If these facts surprise you, as they did me, that’s probably because we don’t register movies with mostly male characters as weird or out of place in any way. We’ve been conditioned since childhood to view this breakdown of male visibility as normal, and in fact when women make up half of the characters or dialogue, we often get a feeling of imbalance, like it’s gone from a universally relatable story to a “women’s story.”

And that’s exactly the point.

Men are People. Women are Women.

Hollywood has often claimed that they don’t make more female-led films because they just don’t succeed at the box office. Female-led films are considered niche, despite the fact that women make up more than half the population. This is because in general, only women are willing to show up to watch women-led films. Men aren’t expected to relate to female stories, because simply, they’ve never had to. Male-led movies are considered universal, because everyone is expected to relate to male stories.

This is the “male as default” mentality (or “androcentrism”) in which we think of men as gender-neutral, and women as gender-specific. Think about how often we mention someone’s gender in relation to their work. We rarely describe someone as a “male doctor” or “male author” since we all automatically assume it’s a male unless denoted that they’re female.

This male-as-default mode is everywhere in our society, from the way we use male-centric language like “hey guys” to mean a mixed-gender group, to the way most research is done on all-male groups and that is considered “universal” (while research done on all-female groups is considered only relevant to women), to the way we tend to approach sex from a perspective of prioritizing male arousal and pleasure.

In short, men are considered “people,” and their stories, bodies, health, and interests are considered universally relatable. Women are considered “women,” and it’s expected that only other women will relate to them.

Do you think this might have something to do with the fact that even as children, the stories we heard mostly centered the experiences of little boys?

What if our so-called “natural female empathy” isn’t about biology at all, but rather it stems from the fact that girls learn they have to connect with both the female and the male experience, while boys only learn to connect with the male experience?

Little boys never have to stretch their imagination to think about how it might feel to be a girl or woman, while little boys are asked to constantly imagine what it might be like to be a boy or man. Therefore, boys never have to learn to relate to or empathize with girls or women, while girls develop a strong capacity for understanding, relating to, and empathizing with the male experience.

Of course, the message is also loud and clear: based on representation in books and movies, girls are only about 33% as important as boys. So it eventually just starts to feel natural that boys and men can’t (and don’t) spend their time relating to girls and women. Why would a king spend his time learning to relate to the peasants?

Women Can Do Anything Men Do

At this point, feminism has given women the ability to do pretty much anything a man can do. I mean, we’ll be paid less to do it and we’ll probably never make it to a high leadership position, but we’re graduating from colleges, getting jobs in all industries, lifting heavy weights, choosing not to be working parents or not have children, and dressing in button-downs and slacks. Women have taken over the workforce and shown the world that women are good at way more than the traditional gender roles of domestic life that was presumed to be our “natural place” not so long ago.

Yay women! But isn’t it interesting that while women have completely crushed it in the area of “men’s work,” men have made almost zero progress in the area of “women’s work”? Men on the whole have shown very little interest in domestic duties and emotional labor (aka the unpaid work women have traditionally done for them), and in fact many men still consider these kinds of tasks inherently beneath them.

Where are all the men showing the world that they can raise children and do laundry and rock a dress and organize the kids’ schedules and plan vacations and remember to send thank-you cards after a wedding? Pretty scarce, it turns out, because that whole male-as-default thing makes it seem obvious that “men’s stuff” is universal, while women’s stuff is still just women’s stuff.

Women crush it in the world of men, not only because we have been studying and relating to men’s stuff our entire lives, but also because we’ve been convinced of its importance and validity, and therefore highly motivated to figure out how to have it for ourselves. But women’s work? Why would a man take on such unimportant and inferior tasks? Or more importantly, why would a man take on these tasks when he simply doesn’t have to, when he can always find a woman who will?

Men could probably do anything women can do if they were highly motivated, but that’s exactly the point. With the stigma and low status of domestic and childcare duties, there is simply no motivation to do so, especially when his female partner just seems “better at it.”

This lack of ability or interest to relate to women or take on traditional “women’s roles” is a huge problem, because while most men end up with free time to relax and have hobbies, most women end up working double duty— a full shift at the office, followed by a full shift of childcare and household chores. (And in case you’re wondering, when a woman makes more than her male partner, she actually tends to do more housework, rather than less.)

So we’ve got a world in which many women have double the skill sets as men, and are capable of relating to double the population as men.

It’s Bigger Than The Laundry

All of this leads to what we have now: a culture filled with grown men who are deficient in important life skills, like effective communication, maintaining strong relationships, organizing a family’s schedule, hosting a party, nurturing their children, or doing the laundry. But why does this matter? If his female partner is willing to do all those things for the both of them (as many female partners do), then who cares?

We all should.

Let’s take a look at what it means for men to be in charge of making laws about female reproductive rights. Men who can’t relate or empathize with women, who see the majority of women’s skills as unimportant and inferior, are put in charge of deciding what we can do with our bodies.

Not to mention the fact that while all genders know how to please men sexually, most men don’t have the foggiest idea how to be good lovers to their female partners. I mean, men can’t even enjoy a movie with an all female cast, is it any wonder he’s unable or unwilling to imagine sex from the female POV?

At best, many men simply focus on their own sexual feelings and desires, and don’t check in with (or recognize the meaning of) the body language or energy of their partner. This is where accidental sexual coercion and harassment come in, like the story that broke last year about Aziz Ansari, or every client story I’ve heard about a woman who had sex she wasn’t interested in because the guy was so wrapped up in his own moment. It makes sense that a man who has only ever had to relate to himself and people like him might assume that everyone wants what he wants; that everyone is turned on when he is turned on, and nobody is uncomfortable if he’s not uncomfortable.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a man say he would love to be sexually harassed or raped, because it would be hot or he would be flattered, or genuinely wonder why women would dress or act a certain way if they didn’t want to have sex. Without the ability to relate to women’s experiences or stories, a man is very likely to overstep (often without even realizing it), and even more likely to dismiss or shrug off her allegations if she speaks up later.

At worst though, the lack of ability to empathize with women makes them feel less human than men; less deserving of respect or autonomy or kindness. This is where true predators and abusers come in, along with men who think of women as crazy bitches, conquests, or holes to fill.

It’s much easier to hurt, abuse, mistreat, oppress, and violate women when you don’t see women as fully human, and can’t relate to them.

Did you know that in a hostage situation, you’re supposed to share personal facts about yourself, like how old you are and if you have children and which is your favorite ice cream flavor? The goal is to get the person who is threatening your life to see you as an actual person, and relate to you. This tactic works because we naturally don’t want to hurt or kill people we relate to and empathize with.

In our culture, men are never taught how to relate to or empathize with women.

In our culture, men are the greatest known threat to female safety.

This is not a coincidence.

Women spend their lives in fear of being attacked, raped, beaten, or killed by men, with good reason. We’re smaller, weaker, and slower in general, yes, but we’re also aware that many men just don’t relate to us as people, which makes it quite easy for them to hurt or violate us. It also makes it hard for them to believe us when we report, and quick to write us off as crazy, overreacting, mistaken, or lying.

All Women Are Bilingual

Women grow up fluent in male culture, work, adventures, and socialization.

Even when we don’t actually understand men, we understand a basic truth– that men simply don’t think about women’s lives, feelings, or experiences, while women are constantly thinking about them and theirs.

Of course it feels perfectly natural that little girls wear pants to school now, while a little boy wearing a tutu would still be seen as embarrassing and wrong. Boy-stuff is universal, but girl-stuff is for girls. Of course it feels perfectly natural that many women now work, but stay-at-home dads are still extremely rare and stigmatized. Men’s work is universal, while women’s work is… for women.

It is because of this fact that most women are essentially bilingual, skilled at understanding and relating to all people, while most men are only skilled at understanding and relating to each other.

This multilingualism is exaggerated even more when we consider people of color. Since “white” is the default representation in books, movies, and popular culture, black people and other people of color must learn how to relate to, empathize with, and understand white culture, along with their own.

Just like male children who constantly see their own gender experience centered and represented, (therefore never needing to develop the skills of empathy or relating to others), white children sit down and see our own racial experience centered and represented, taking up 88% of children’s book characters and 75% of hollywood movie leads.

Can you see how in this way, people of all races and ethnicities learn that white people occupy a significantly more important role in society than people of color, and eventually it seems perfectly “natural” for people of color to want to do white-people stuff, while white people don’t feel a responsibility to learn about or care about the culture or experiences of people of other races? Given how much easier it is to accept violence against people when we don’t connect to them or empathize with them, can you see how a country with white-as-default would be facing rampant violence against people of color?

Likewise, most LQBTQ folks will spend their whole lives learning, understanding, and relating to heterosexual culture, rarely seeing glimpses of their lived experiences represented anywhere, and certainly not valued or held up as equally valid. Heterosexual and cis-gendered is the default, and considered more valid and important.

Given all this, why on earth would we allow so many straight white men to stay in power?

Let’s Start Rewarding Multilingualism

Why are we impressed with people who speak four or five languages?

In part it’s because we assume they’re especially intelligent and hard-working, and in part because we imagine they can maneuver through the world with a wider and more sophisticated scope than someone who only speaks one.

That’s exactly how we need to think of this.

Who would you rather have in charge of important decisions in the world— a person who speaks only one language, or a person who fluently speaks three? A person who relates only to other people exactly like them, or a person who relates to many different cultures, genders, and races?

Let’s stop promoting and rewarding people who have been singularly focused their entire lives. We need more women, LGBTQ folks, and people of color centered in stories and held up in positions of leadership— especially queer women of color! Not because of Affirmative Action, or even because of “fairness” or “equality,” but rather because these people are better equipped and skilled to handle the process of running the world.

The post All Women are Bilingual, and Should Be Running the World appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

https://ift.tt/2C7styF

[almajonesnjna]

All Women are Bilingual, and Should Be Running the World

Since I was a child, I have fluently spoken both Boy and Girl, and as a grown woman I’ve actually had an easier time speaking the language of Men than the language of Women. This isn’t because of anything special or interesting about me. It is, in fact, a competency shared by all women in our culture, whether they know it or not.

As children, we read and watch stories about little boys (and sometimes girls) having adventures and learning lessons, which is where we first learn the male-as-default mentality that will follow us for the rest of our lives.

According to an article from the Washington Post,

“No more than 33 percent of children’s books in any given year featured an adult woman or female animal, but adult men and male animals appeared in 100 percent of the books.”

Interestingly, when there is a gender-unidentified character, like an animal or a car, the parents reading tend to naturally give that character a gender using pronouns. Instinctively, because the male-as-default mentality affects us all, they will assign him the male gender. (If you have any doubt about this, go ahead and try using she/her pronouns for random animals you see in the park, or read about with your child. It feels super awkward, like… well, how do I know she’s a “she”? But ask yourself: how do you know he’s a he? It feels uncomfortable to think you might be accidentally misgendering a male, but typically it doesn’t seem like an issue to misgender a female.)

Representation Matters

Humans are a social creature, and feeling like we’re included and belong is crucial for a strong sense of self. We need to connect and feel like we belong, so we’re highly influenced by our perceptions of social rules and norms (especially as children!) and often internalize what we see without even realizing it.

That’s why representation matters—

The lack of female character representation in children’s books teaches children of all genders an important truth: that girls and women are less important, and hold a less important role in society, than boys or men.

This unequal representation continues as we grow up. In a recent study posted on the data visualization website Polygraph showed that in 78% of the Hollywood films analyzed, the lead character was male. Not even a third of speaking roles go to women, on average. Considering that women make up 51% of the population, this is pretty wild.

Check out this analysis, showing the dialogue breakdown between male and female characters in Disney movies:

The movies with 60% or more of the dialogue going to male characters is a long list (twenty-free movies) and many of them have men getting pretty damn close to 100% of the dialogue. Can you imagine a Disney movie with 98% of the dialogue going to female characters?? I sure can’t, since nothing like that exists. There are only four movies with more than 60% of the dialogue going to women, and those are all verrrrrry close to the 60% line.

If these facts surprise you, as they did me, that’s probably because we don’t register movies with mostly male characters as weird or out of place in any way. We’ve been conditioned since childhood to view this breakdown of male visibility as normal, and in fact when women make up half of the characters or dialogue, we often get a feeling of imbalance, like it’s gone from a universally relatable story to a “women’s story.”

And that’s exactly the point.

Men are People. Women are Women.

Hollywood has often claimed that they don’t make more female-led films because they just don’t succeed at the box office. Female-led films are considered niche, despite the fact that women make up more than half the population. This is because in general, only women are willing to show up to watch women-led films. Men aren’t expected to relate to female stories, because simply, they’ve never had to. Male-led movies are considered universal, because everyone is expected to relate to male stories.

This is the “male as default” mentality (or “androcentrism”) in which we think of men as gender-neutral, and women as gender-specific. Think about how often we mention someone’s gender in relation to their work. We rarely describe someone as a “male doctor” or “male author” since we all automatically assume it’s a male unless denoted that they’re female.

This male-as-default mode is everywhere in our society, from the way we use male-centric language like “hey guys” to mean a mixed-gender group, to the way most research is done on all-male groups and that is considered “universal” (while research done on all-female groups is considered only relevant to women), to the way we tend to approach sex from a perspective of prioritizing male arousal and pleasure.

In short, men are considered “people,” and their stories, bodies, health, and interests are considered universally relatable. Women are considered “women,” and it’s expected that only other women will relate to them.

Do you think this might have something to do with the fact that even as children, the stories we heard mostly centered the experiences of little boys?

What if our so-called “natural female empathy” isn’t about biology at all, but rather it stems from the fact that girls learn they have to connect with both the female and the male experience, while boys only learn to connect with the male experience?

Little boys never have to stretch their imagination to think about how it might feel to be a girl or woman, while little boys are asked to constantly imagine what it might be like to be a boy or man. Therefore, boys never have to learn to relate to or empathize with girls or women, while girls develop a strong capacity for understanding, relating to, and empathizing with the male experience.

Of course, the message is also loud and clear: based on representation in books and movies, girls are only about 33% as important as boys. So it eventually just starts to feel natural that boys and men can’t (and don’t) spend their time relating to girls and women. Why would a king spend his time learning to relate to the peasants?

Women Can Do Anything Men Do

At this point, feminism has given women the ability to do pretty much anything a man can do. I mean, we’ll be paid less to do it and we’ll probably never make it to a high leadership position, but we’re graduating from colleges, getting jobs in all industries, lifting heavy weights, choosing not to be working parents or not have children, and dressing in button-downs and slacks. Women have taken over the workforce and shown the world that women are good at way more than the traditional gender roles of domestic life that was presumed to be our “natural place” not so long ago.

Yay women! But isn’t it interesting that while women have completely crushed it in the area of “men’s work,” men have made almost zero progress in the area of “women’s work”? Men on the whole have shown very little interest in domestic duties and emotional labor (aka the unpaid work women have traditionally done for them), and in fact many men still consider these kinds of tasks inherently beneath them.

Where are all the men showing the world that they can raise children and do laundry and rock a dress and organize the kids’ schedules and plan vacations and remember to send thank-you cards after a wedding? Pretty scarce, it turns out, because that whole male-as-default thing makes it seem obvious that “men’s stuff” is universal, while women’s stuff is still just women’s stuff.

Women crush it in the world of men, not only because we have been studying and relating to men’s stuff our entire lives, but also because we’ve been convinced of its importance and validity, and therefore highly motivated to figure out how to have it for ourselves. But women’s work? Why would a man take on such unimportant and inferior tasks? Or more importantly, why would a man take on these tasks when he simply doesn’t have to, when he can always find a woman who will?

Men could probably do anything women can do if they were highly motivated, but that’s exactly the point. With the stigma and low status of domestic and childcare duties, there is simply no motivation to do so, especially when his female partner just seems “better at it.”

This lack of ability or interest to relate to women or take on traditional “women’s roles” is a huge problem, because while most men end up with free time to relax and have hobbies, most women end up working double duty— a full shift at the office, followed by a full shift of childcare and household chores. (And in case you’re wondering, when a woman makes more than her male partner, she actually tends to do more housework, rather than less.)

So we’ve got a world in which many women have double the skill sets as men, and are capable of relating to double the population as men.

It’s Bigger Than The Laundry

All of this leads to what we have now: a culture filled with grown men who are deficient in important life skills, like effective communication, maintaining strong relationships, organizing a family’s schedule, hosting a party, nurturing their children, or doing the laundry. But why does this matter? If his female partner is willing to do all those things for the both of them (as many female partners do), then who cares?

We all should.

Let’s take a look at what it means for men to be in charge of making laws about female reproductive rights. Men who can’t relate or empathize with women, who see the majority of women’s skills as unimportant and inferior, are put in charge of deciding what we can do with our bodies.

Not to mention the fact that while all genders know how to please men sexually, most men don’t have the foggiest idea how to be good lovers to their female partners. I mean, men can’t even enjoy a movie with an all female cast, is it any wonder he’s unable or unwilling to imagine sex from the female POV?

At best, many men simply focus on their own sexual feelings and desires, and don’t check in with (or recognize the meaning of) the body language or energy of their partner. This is where accidental sexual coercion and harassment come in, like the story that broke last year about Aziz Ansari, or every client story I’ve heard about a woman who had sex she wasn’t interested in because the guy was so wrapped up in his own moment. It makes sense that a man who has only ever had to relate to himself and people like him might assume that everyone wants what he wants; that everyone is turned on when he is turned on, and nobody is uncomfortable if he’s not uncomfortable.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a man say he would love to be sexually harassed or raped, because it would be hot or he would be flattered, or genuinely wonder why women would dress or act a certain way if they didn’t want to have sex. Without the ability to relate to women’s experiences or stories, a man is very likely to overstep (often without even realizing it), and even more likely to dismiss or shrug off her allegations if she speaks up later.

At worst though, the lack of ability to empathize with women makes them feel less human than men; less deserving of respect or autonomy or kindness. This is where true predators and abusers come in, along with men who think of women as crazy bitches, conquests, or holes to fill.

It’s much easier to hurt, abuse, mistreat, oppress, and violate women when you don’t see women as fully human, and can’t relate to them.

Did you know that in a hostage situation, you’re supposed to share personal facts about yourself, like how old you are and if you have children and which is your favorite ice cream flavor? The goal is to get the person who is threatening your life to see you as an actual person, and relate to you. This tactic works because we naturally don’t want to hurt or kill people we relate to and empathize with.

In our culture, men are never taught how to relate to or empathize with women.

In our culture, men are the greatest known threat to female safety.

This is not a coincidence.

Women spend their lives in fear of being attacked, raped, beaten, or killed by men, with good reason. We’re smaller, weaker, and slower in general, yes, but we’re also aware that many men just don’t relate to us as people, which makes it quite easy for them to hurt or violate us. It also makes it hard for them to believe us when we report, and quick to write us off as crazy, overreacting, mistaken, or lying.

All Women Are Bilingual

Women grow up fluent in male culture, work, adventures, and socialization.

Even when we don’t actually understand men, we understand a basic truth– that men simply don’t think about women’s lives, feelings, or experiences, while women are constantly thinking about them and theirs.

Of course it feels perfectly natural that little girls wear pants to school now, while a little boy wearing a tutu would still be seen as embarrassing and wrong. Boy-stuff is universal, but girl-stuff is for girls. Of course it feels perfectly natural that many women now work, but stay-at-home dads are still extremely rare and stigmatized. Men’s work is universal, while women’s work is… for women.

It is because of this fact that most women are essentially bilingual, skilled at understanding and relating to all people, while most men are only skilled at understanding and relating to each other.

This multilingualism is exaggerated even more when we consider people of color. Since “white” is the default representation in books, movies, and popular culture, black people and other people of color must learn how to relate to, empathize with, and understand white culture, along with their own.

Just like male children who constantly see their own gender experience centered and represented, (therefore never needing to develop the skills of empathy or relating to others), white children sit down and see our own racial experience centered and represented, taking up 88% of children’s book characters and 75% of hollywood movie leads.

Can you see how in this way, people of all races and ethnicities learn that white people occupy a significantly more important role in society than people of color, and eventually it seems perfectly “natural” for people of color to want to do white-people stuff, while white people don’t feel a responsibility to learn about or care about the culture or experiences of people of other races? Given how much easier it is to accept violence against people when we don’t connect to them or empathize with them, can you see how a country with white-as-default would be facing rampant violence against people of color?

Likewise, most LQBTQ folks will spend their whole lives learning, understanding, and relating to heterosexual culture, rarely seeing glimpses of their lived experiences represented anywhere, and certainly not valued or held up as equally valid. Heterosexual and cis-gendered is the default, and considered more valid and important.

Given all this, why on earth would we allow so many straight white men to stay in power?

Let’s Start Rewarding Multilingualism

Why are we impressed with people who speak four or five languages?

In part it’s because we assume they’re especially intelligent and hard-working, and in part because we imagine they can maneuver through the world with a wider and more sophisticated scope than someone who only speaks one.

That’s exactly how we need to think of this.

Who would you rather have in charge of important decisions in the world— a person who speaks only one language, or a person who fluently speaks three? A person who relates only to other people exactly like them, or a person who relates to many different cultures, genders, and races?

Let’s stop promoting and rewarding people who have been singularly focused their entire lives. We need more women, LGBTQ folks, and people of color centered in stories and held up in positions of leadership— especially queer women of color! Not because of Affirmative Action, or even because of “fairness” or “equality,” but rather because these people are better equipped and skilled to handle the process of running the world.

The post All Women are Bilingual, and Should Be Running the World appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

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