#kinda wish i had the guts to say any of this to either of them

[scoupsahoy]

speedran the stages of grief in less than a week and this is just the culmination of that

i just think that if you are best friends with someone for five years and lived with them and their girlfriend for two years that maybe they have a right to know why you stopped talking to them right before you got engaged and why you're not inviting them to your wedding

i like. i don't even want an invite anymore i just want to know why you don't like me.

clearly something happened, maybe it was when i was upset about you being inconsiderate to me over over again in the last year of our friendship and you didn't like it and never apologized, maybe it's that i don't have the money your girlfriend does, maybe you think i'm immature or annoying or going nowhere in life, maybe you don't like my girlfriend, or maybe your girlfriend doesn't like me (though they have at least pretended to want me in their lived and even wished me a happy birthday when you didnt), or maybe youve wanted me out of your life for years and i just couldn't take a hint

i don't even care what it is at this point. i just want like some kind of acknowledgement that either you're treating me in a way i don't deserve, or you DO think i deserve to be treated this way. or maybe you've stopped caring about me a long long time ago and haven't thought about my feelings at all. maybe you haven't cared to notice how you've been treating me.

of course i won't get any of that. and i have to be fine with it. i have to stop expecting things from people. i have to stop expecting an explanation as to why people don't like me anymore. it's hardest i think because you were my best friend for so long (and i know i was never yours) and you knew how much hurt id felt with things like this

it's just so funny because i was so upset when i heard about the engagement because i KNEW you were going to propose because you told me your plan last year, and i had offered to hide in the bushes and take video and pictures, but i found out you did it on twitter. for a week i was in shock because i thought i was the kind of friend you call and tell that youre getting married. and it turns out i'm not even the kind of friend you invite to the wedding. isn't that sad.

i'm the friend who has to ask if im going to get a save the date that i know you sent out, and get and impersonal "hey! you're not. sorry!" which, well. i'm not much of a friend at all i guess.

it hurts from both of you so much, but you and i had a fake wedding once. you picked out and named my cat. we talked about adopting and raising kids together. my parents don't understand why one of the only friends of mine theyve ever loved isn't in my life anymore and i don't have an answer and i never will and it's not because we had a fight it's because you stopped caring about me and that's just. i guess what happens to people when they grow up.

i'm fine to send you memes on twitter and wish you happy birthday and think of you on fridays when i do karaoke a two minute drive from your apartment even though you never come when i invite you and even though we used to love to sing together. i'm fine to type out this pathetically long post on an account you would never see because i'm not the kind of friend that you would even want to hear this from.

i'm fine because i do have other friends that care about me and love me and enjoy my company. i have friends from college and friends who would travel the ten minutes to hang out with me because they would want to if they lived that close. i have friends who have traveled hours to see me. i have friends who wish me happy birthday and i have friends who want me to be happy when it's not my birthday. ive made good friends who i sing with and who invite me to hang out with them when we aren't singing. i have friends who would tell me theyre engaged even if we haven't spoken in a while and i have friends who want me to come to their wedding. i have friends who would probably put me in their wedding.

so i will be okay. because i think i actually am a good friend. and other people think so too even if you don't. even if neither of you ever even did.

[beardedjoel]

pretty little wife | meet cute, part 2

joel miller x f!reader one shot collection

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3 | ✨kofi ✨ summary: 9.5k words; joel takes you on your first date, and it doesn't end up like he'd planned. not that either of you seem to mind, of course. warnings: 18+ MDNI! no apocalypse au, relationship/dynamic not established yet like the other chapters, unprotected piv, rough sex, oral sex (f receiving), reader is a little bratty in this chapter, talks of brat punishment, sub/dom relationship, dirty talk, pet names for reader, joel is so fucking handsy here i am Feral, minor bits of angst (reader backstory stuff) a/n: welp apparently i am incapable of writing a short chapter for these two right now >< i'm really loving the way that pretty wife started out a bit bratty and has this pipeline to being joel's good little wife it's kinda doing something for me

You don’t know if your heartbeat could get any louder, nearly drowning out the trill of the line ringing in your ear. You’re moments away from speaking to your mystery man from the bar again, to Joel, who’d seemed intent on changing the entirety of your life with one single fuck in a bar bathroom.

“Hello, Miller Contracting,” a deep voice lumbers out on the other end, sounding nearly clinical with the greeting. You have no doubt it's Joel - his voice feels too recognizable, the deep richness of it combined with his Texas twang that had you absolutely swooning last night. You will your lips to part, for words to rush out, but you pause, trying to get the lump out of your throat.

“Uh - Joel?” you croak out.

“Mhm,” he replies absentmindedly. You picture him at a desk somewhere, sorting through papers, or working on a construction site, his muscles bulging out his shirt and you’re temporarily lost to the fantasy. “What can I do for you?”

“I-it’s me -” you say, repeating your name to him. “From last night…” you add on.

He laughs, a deep rumble in the phone, and your heart lifts what feels like miles within your chest. “Yeah, from last night, didn’t need to clarify, sweetheart.”

“S-sorry. I’m Nervous,” you say simply, wringing your hands together on your lap.

“Now hang on a second, how’d you get this number? Don’t recall givin’ it out,” Joel says, a hint of playfulness in his voice. The fact that he seems eager to talk to you, tease you, immediately dissipates the nervousness you’d had about calling him. 

“Er, I’m persistent, that’s all I’ll say,” you tell him with a flush of your cheeks.

“Well, if I’m honest, I’m happy as hell to hear from ya,” Joel says. You feel your eyebrows twitch and mouth part in surprise.

“You are?” You wish you didn’t sound so desperately surprised by the fact, but the words tumbled out of you before you could stop them.

“Felt like a damn idiot, forgettin’ to get your number last night. Not how a gentleman should act.” You can practically visualize Joel shaking his head at himself and running a hand through his hair on the other end.

“And you think you acted like a gentleman otherwise?” You smirk and bite your lip, already feeling a tingling in your limbs, a slow, swirling pool of arousal sinking deep into your gut.

Joel chuckles and makes a small humming sound. “Maybe not, but it got you callin’ me, didn’t it?”

You laugh heartily and agree with a sultry “mm-hmm.”

“So listen, I knew if I ever got to speak to you again, I wanted to… uh-” Joel clears his throat, and you can hear a slight wobbling, like he’s nervous. “See if I could take you on a proper date.”

“Oh really, a date? Not just a bar bathroom this time?” you ask, trying to quell a little bit of your excitement, play it cool around him. You’re having a hard time believing that he’d want to take you out, for some reason. This past year or so has been a slew of failed dates, refusals to call back, men telling you one reason or another you no longer interested them. This tended to happen after they’d already gotten something from you, which had only served to make you feel worse about the entire thing. You tried not to let it get to you, but really, you were craving to be loved, to be seen for who you were and loved for it. That was something you hadn’t gotten enough of in your life.

“Now listen, if you’re gonna be like that, maybe I don’t need t’take you out, do I?” Joel teases, and the tingling in your core intensifies, your legs rubbing together just at the low drawl of his voice prodding at you.

“I’d love to, Mr. Miller,” you say coyly, and you hear a sharp hiss of breath from Joel’s end.

“Little shit,” he mumbles.

“What’s that?” you lick your lips and fight the urge to twirl your hair, the feeling of getting him so riled up just over the phone giving you a perverse little twinge of satisfaction.

“Fuck, I need to see you again,” he nearly groans, and you’re unsure if he’d even meant the words for you to hear, so low and quiet. ”Dinner this Friday, then?” Joel asks you, and you bite your lip and scrunch your face up in excitement, knowing he can’t see you.

“It’s a date.”

Joel picks you up that Friday at 6:30, a bit of a sweating, anxious mess after fussing over your makeup and outfit for the last two hours. You end up landing on a white, frilly mini dress with a corset top, knowing your tits are on perfect display for him. A devious huff of laughter leaves you when you reach into your underwear drawer and dig out your sheer white over the knee stockings with a lace trim at the top and slide them up your legs. Maybe you are in the mood to be a bit of menace for him tonight, you think to yourself. The thought of Joel’s eyes practically falling out of his head when he sees you in this makes you smile and nearly squeal with delight as you put your finishing touches to your outfit with accessories and a touch up of your shimmery lip gloss.

When you bound outside of your apartment building, you can see a nearly pained expression on Joel’s face through the windows of his blue truck, pulled up right in front of your building. You hear the clicking of your little heels on the pavement, giving you a boost of confidence as you stride towards him, feeling your hair bouncing behind you.

You feel… fucking hot. And you know it’s partly because of who you know is going to be looking at you all night. Joel takes too long to stare and enjoy the view of you walking over before he’s scurrying out of his truck to reach you and grab the car door. 

“Evenin’,” he says, clearing his throat and you notice he seems a bit more quiet and shy in the light of day. He seems almost dazed, trying to take in as much of you as he can in just a few seconds, blinking as he processes just how tiny everything you’re wearing is.

“Got you these,” he says, holding out a small bouquet of flowers full of different pastel flowers and greenery. You can tell he put some thought into it, that he didn’t just pick a random bouquet and roll with it, and it makes you smile. 

“Thank you,” you say, studying the flowers for an extra beat. “Such a gentleman,” you coo as you step past him and start to climb into the seat. He huffs a little as you pass and shoots his hand out to grab your wrist, a tight hold as he yanks you back towards him. He doesn’t waste a second before pulling you flush with him, pressing the tops of your tits further out of your dress and onto his chest, covered in a button up shirt. His hand splays along the small of your back, rough and warm, seeping through the fabric of your dress. He leans down, capturing your lips with his.

“Not gonna give me a proper hello, were you?” he rasps once he pulls away. “Thought you were a polite girl.”

Your lips part and spread into a little smile as you lick your lips. “Sorry,” you say, putting your eyes down to the pavement for a moment before lifting them back up to his and cupping his face, raking your fingers through his beard and leaning back in for a soft, chaste kiss. “There’s your hello.”

“Mhm” Joel mumbles before he takes your hand in his, guiding you into his truck where you settle in, wrapping the seatbelt around yourself and watching him walk back around the front of the truck to the drivers side, admiring the way his button up hugs his broad form. 

When he sits down, instead of starting the truck he just looks over at you, drinking in your show of skin, hungry glances all over your body until his gaze lands on your tits, the swells of your breasts heaving slightly as you breathe nervously now that you’re alone with him. 

“You look like a goddamn angel, or somethin’,” he finally says, flicking his eyes to the tops of your stockings, and you notice his jaw set tightly while his hands clench in his lap. He softens a little once he looks at your face, amused eyes looking back into his. “Beautiful,” he adds, and you beam at him, twirling a bit of your hair around one of your fingers.

“Thank you,” you say shyly, leaning a little closer to him, knowing your cleavage is only being pushed together that much more at this angle in your seat. “You want me to be your little angel, Joel?”

“Christ…” he says under his breath, reaching his hands up to grip the steering wheel, knuckles going white with the strain of it. “Think you already seem to know the answer.”

“Well, I’ll take it you like my outfit, then. I picked it out special for you,” you tell him cheerfully, flouncing the skirt of your dress in your lap a bit. 

“Sure do,” he says quickly, starting the car, seeming to need to high tail it out of here before he completely ditches the dinner reservation to have his way with you. You opt to just watch Joel drive, observing his profile with a small, thoughtful smile. You see his brows twitch as he feels your stare on him, and he turns to the side while he’s stopped at a red light, giving you a closed lip smile.

“Did you just ask me on a date because you felt bad?” you ask suddenly, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Felt bad?” Joel asks, turning his eyes back to the road. 

“For what happened the other night.”

Joel huffs in the seat next to you, his head shaking the smallest bit. “You think I felt bad about any of that? What gave you that idea, now?”

“I… I don’t know. I was just surprised you still wanted to take me out after…” you trail off, glancing out the window to try and avoid your own spiraling thoughts.

“C’mon, doll, need to give me more than that. If you don’t wanna be here you gotta say.”

“No!” you cry out a little too loudly.

“If you just need to hear me say that I liked fuckin’ your tight little pussy or whatever gets you off, just say it, yeah? Don’t need these roundabout questions like a little brat,” Joel snips, and you swallow hard, realizing he’s gotten the complete wrong idea.

“N-no, nothing like that, Joel, I… I really want to be here, I really do. I guess I was worried,” you suck in a breath. “That you’d just be done with me after you got what you wanted. That’s what other guys have done. Older guys.” You can feel your voice getting mousier, quieting with your confession, afraid that the answer will be exactly what you’re afraid of. Joel’s expression softens, the lines between his brows letting up as his eyes lighten a bit.

“First off, I ain’t other guys, and I want you gettin’ that in your head right now, okay?” Joel says, glancing over to see you nodding small little bounces of your head, eyes wide. “Okay?” he asks again, a little more stern this time, reaching a hand over to grip your thigh.

“Okay.” 

“Good. An’ I ain’t even close to getting everything I want from you, probably never could be, so don’t wanna hear you say anythin’ like that again, got it?” His grip squeezes on your thigh, and you place your hand over it, covering his hand with your own.

Your mind spins, reeling with such a strong confession from him. You don’t know how it’s possible that after one night together, the both of you have something damn near unexplainable, something that’s been nestling itself deep into you since then. You tilt your head a little, giving him a soft smile, feeling all the worries you’d had this entire week start to melt away.

“Got it,” you tell him with a stern nod, your hair falling over your shoulder.

“Good girl,” he says, patting your thigh a few times. They twitch and clamp together a bit with his praise, the familiar rush of arousal from the other night coming back to you when he used those same words. You catch Joel smirking out of the corner of your eye, the effect he had with those two simple words not lost on him. 

You can see his face steel, his jaw setting tighter as his fingers move up your thigh, unsticking from the bare flesh he’d been touching and climbing upwards.

“You dress like this a lot? Or just wanted to get a rise out of an old man, hm?” he asks, fingers digging into your plush skin a little harder.

You twist your lips into a thoughtful pout, knowing it shows off the shiny pink of your lip gloss a little better, and Joel’s eyes drift there for a brief moment when he glances at you. 

“Sometimes.” You give him an indifferent shrug. “Mostly wanted to see how you liked it.”

“I’ll bet you did,” Joel replies plainly, nearly sounding irritated, but you somehow know that he’s more angry with himself right now, barely able to keep his trembling hand from moving further up your thigh.

“I mean, I thought the stockings might be too much, but don’t you think they go just perfect with this dress?” You trill in an innocent tone to him, moving his hand to play with the lace edges at the top.

“Mmm,” Joel replies, lips pressed tightly together. His fingers bury themselves under the band of the stockings, pads of his calloused hands grazing the skin underneath. You try to hold back a shudder but it’s no use, Joel’s touch is fully electric, sending a zip of pleasure up your spine. 

Your legs spread open wider in the seat, inviting him to move higher and you let out a quieter moan and slide the hem of your dress up a bit higher. You’re warm all over, skin flushing as his hand creeps up towards the apex of your thighs. You admit you’re having even more fun than you thought teasing him. He’d done this same thing to you at the bar, sloppily kissing along your neck until you’d felt nearly insane with need for him, and it gives you a little pump of satisfaction to see him falling apart so quickly. 

“Even got…” you breathe out, “The matching panties on.” Another tiny little mewl slips out when Joel’s fingertips slide along your inner thigh, ever closer to where you know you’re already wet for him. He peers over to see your chest heaving a bit, curves looking so inviting - all it would take was one little tug and your tits would be spilling out, just as they had the other night, so pretty and just for him. 

“Fuck it,” Joel grunts out, tearing his hand away from you and pulling off to the side of the road, turning into a passing neighborhood and swinging the car into the closest driveway to turn around. “I live close by, we’re goin’ to my place right now,” he says. “Fuckin’ wearin’ this little shit to get me all worked up…” His voice is mumbling now, seemingly to angrily talk to himself as he keeps his eyes straight ahead, not looking at you. 

His face is going pink with the effort of holding back from you, grunting while he maneuvers the car and speeds off, booking it towards his house. Your mouth forms perfect O before it splits into a grin, knowing you got exactly what you wanted from him. Something about driving a man like Joel crazy - someone who seems reserved, in control of these kinds of situations, makes you feel a little spark of pride mixed with your dousing of arousal.

“Teach you some damn manners, that’s what I’m gonna do,” Joel mumbles quietly, letting out little sighs of irritation.

“J-joel…?” you ask carefully.

“Mm-mm, not a word right now. You’ve said enough.”

You clamp your lips together, knowing you maybe shouldn’t be as thrilled as you are right now, feeling like sparks are dancing across your skin, magnifying right where Joel holds you, squeezing to where it might leave a bruise tomorrow, as if to hold you down, keep you in this car with him.

“Please…” you whimper, unsure what you’re asking for, just knowing you’re growing more desperate to feel him on you, inside of you.

“Please nothin’. You’re gonna act like this, I’m gonna react accordingly, you got that?” Joel snips, veins on his forehead protruding as he drives along, unable to even look in your direction. You stay silent while he whips through a suburban neighborhood, finally pulling into his driveway. 

“Stay,” he spits out before exiting the car, coming over to your side and opening the door. 

“Thank you,” you coo sweetly, which gets a devious smirk from Joel. 

“You’re tryin’ to be good now, are you?” he scoffs, wrapping his hand around your upper arm. 

“Thought you liked fucking good girls,” you say with a sly smile, repeating his own words back to him. He chuckles low and deep in his chest before tugging you out of the car, keeping one hand on your arm and the other pressed on your lower back, guiding you to the front door. Instead of letting you step out of the way, he presses himself so that you’re between his body and the door as he reaches around to unlock it, keys clanking in his awkward position. 

You can feel him, hard and long, cock painfully erect and pressing against your ass. You fight the urge to grind into him, thinking that maybe he may not see that as something a good girl would do. Instead, you let a little whimper slip out when he digs into you deeper as he turns the nob and pushes the door in. 

“Gonna be makin’ a lot more of those pretty little noises soon, honey,” he says low, near your ear as he nudges you inside. It’s dark, only bits of the setting sun coming through the windows, and you fumble past the doorway, the only anchor you have is Joel’s hand on your back. 

He flicks a switch, illuminating the room with a dim floor lamp, and you can see that you’ve stepped into his living room. It’s modest but cozy, and definitely seems to ooze his busy, bachelor lifestyle with plain, somewhat mismatched furniture. You had to hand it to him, though, just upon first glance he seemed relatively clean, unlike some men’s places you’d visited. 

“This is a nice pl-“ you start, cut off by one of Joel’s arms wrapping around your torso and pulling you into him with a thud. Your back is tight against his chest now, his head burying near the crook of your neck. He’s kissing you urgently - every spot he can find, biting and sucking and flicking his tongue, all gentle but firm, full of an unrelenting passion and frustration.

He groans loudly, hand tracing up your chest to grasp at one of your tits, squeezing it firmly and running his finger over your nipple. Both are hard and aching for him, poking through the fabric of your dress with no bra holding them back. He sucks so hard on a spot on the side of your neck that you gasp and twitch in his hold. He chuckles, quickly soothing the spot with his tongue and lips. 

“Couldn’t wait for me to get my hands on you, is that it? Why you dressed like that, hopin’ I’d bring you back here? Say fuck the nice dinner reservation I made us?” he finally speaks, nearly growling in your ear.

“I just - I-“ you stutter, mind reeling from his warmth blazing into your skin now, his voice rumbling close to your ear, low and gritty and sounding… almost angry with you. You feel a tightening in your core, pooling between your legs and you already start to ache for him, turned on by the way he’s chastising you and covering you with marks. 

“You were such a good girl the other night for me, can you do that again? Or you want to keep bein’ a brat?”

“N-no I liked being good for you, remember?” you blurt out, chest heaving and body fighting the urge to squirm out of his arms and show him, get on your knees and finally get him in your mouth. 

“Didn’t seem to think so in the car… if I didn’t know any better you wanted me to punish you, fuck you fuckin’ dumb ‘til you submit to me. And the thing is, honey, I like my girls to be good f’me. Don’t wanna have to work for it unless I want to.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just wanted to play around, make you a little crazy for me,” you say with a whine, your bottom lip starting to quiver. 

“C’mere, lemme see you,” Joel says, a quick grunt as he spins you around, catching you along your back with one hand, tilting your head up by the chin with the other. He takes in your wide, pleading eyes, plump lips turned into a frightened frown, and sighs. 

“S’okay, doll,” he says much softer, thumbing your chin and then stroking his fingers up your cheek. “Lucky for you I was in the mood to work for it a bit tonight, and you know why that is?”

You shake your head mutely, absolutely dumbstruck by his dark eyes narrowed and looking straight into yours. He’s so beautiful, so much more than you even remembered from the other night. It nearly sends an ache into your chest, just how perfect he is. 

“‘Cause you’re worth it, pretty girl. What kinda man would I be if I didn’t have to work for it a bit, hm?” His voice is changed, a bit more flexible, his tone coming off kinder now. You feel a surprised smile tugging at your mouth and you let it spread a bit, showing Joel that you’re pleased with what he said. 

“Show you how pretty you are…” he trails off, his eyes drifting down to your chest, where he’s watching your curves spilling out the top, your dress pulled down from the way he’d been touching you there. He tugs slowly on the fabric, pulling it so your tits are both spilling out, letting the neckline tuck underneath and press them upwards. 

He leans down to capture your lips in a softer kiss, letting your lips and tongues begin a gentle dance with each other. Joel’s fingers make their way under your dress, sliding the hem up to reach your ass, large palms splaying across both globes. He pulls you even closer, grinding you against his arousal and you groan, absolutely soaking for him, needing for him to touch you where you want him most. 

“Got your ass and tits out like a little whore for me now, don’t you? Like being my little whore?” he grits out, and you nod with a quiet mhm, lolling your head back as he places a few little bites on your neck. 

“Let me fuck you in that bathroom and comin’ home with me the first date ‘fore I can even buy you dinner,” Joel tuts, continuing to knead the plush flesh on your ass, stepping forward so that you have no choice but to walk backwards and further into the living room. He smacks your ass hard before rubbing the spot with a soothing touch. 

“Now get inside and take what you’ve been askin’ for, honey,” he says, stroking the side of your face gently. 

“W-where do you want me?” you ask timidly, looking into his chest before trying to meet his eyeline. He’s so intimidatingly in charge right now you can hardly meet his gaze, dark brown, nearly black in the dimness of the house. 

Joel seems to like your question, smirking and stroking your cheek again, calloused fingers sending a jolt of electricity that travels down your spine. “Good girl for askin’,” he coos, a flash of excitement in his eyes at your docility for him. He takes his hands to your shoulders, gently guiding you to stand in front of the couch. He turns and sinks back into the cushions, watching you stand in front of him, anxious with anticipation. 

“You gonna dress like a slutty little doll, I’m gonna treat ya like one and play with you as long as I want, yeah?” A quick, stunned nod from you before he continues. “Now take off that pretty dress,” he says, his tone deepening with the command. His eyes are glued to your chest where your tits are still popping out of the top, practically burning a hole in you with the intensity, heat creeping over your skin. You lift from the bottom, pulling it over your head in one slow movement, standing before Joel in only the skimpy lacy thong you’d chosen for tonight - white to match your dress and stockings. You reach to pull the stockings down and Joel shakes his head, eyes snapping to where your hands are. 

“Mm-mm, didn’t tell you to do that now, did I? Leave those on, doll. Panties next,” he drawls, and you follow his command, stepping out of your thong and leaving it on the floor beneath your feet. You take a nervous gulp, waiting for his next words, feeling right between your legs slickening even more as his eyes hungrily take you in. 

“C'mon over and sit right here,” Joel says, patting his lap. His words have an immediate effect, just like when he’d asked you to get on your knees at the bar, your body moving for him of its own accord. You pad over the few steps to him and settle yourself onto his lap so that you’re facing him, thighs on either side of his. Joel’s hands find your hips, holding you and stroking his thumbs along your bare skin there. There’s such a stark difference between the two of you right now - Joel, fully clothed, not even a button undone yet on his shirt, and you with the entirety of your body naked and exposed save for your stockings, sitting on top of him because he’d asked for it. All the fabric on your bare skin feels odd in the best way, like you’re doing something so wrong yet so right at the same time, like you’re Joel’s dirty little secret somehow with the way he has you in the palm of his hand right now.

He cocks his head a little, looking at you more seriously now. “Now listen, should’ve said this the other night, but you saw how I like to be in charge of things, right?” he says.

You nod. “Yeah,” you breathe out, just barely. You’re distracted by the feel of his broad, muscled body beneath you, his hard length pressing into you through his jeans. You feel your head swimming but you try to focus on his words.

“So tonight if it gets to be too much, if somethin’ is wrong, you gotta call out ‘red’ for me, mkay?”

You nod again. 

“Gonna need you to use your words, honey.”

“Yes, I got it. Red,” you repeat back to him, and the ghost of a smile comes to his lips. 

“Good girl,” Joel says, tucking your hair behind your ears and smoothing it. “Now…” he trails off, his grip tightening on you in an instant to flip you off of him and next to him on the couch cushions, his body following closely behind so that he’s on top of you. His mouth crashes into yours, all heat and tongue and teeth clashing and you moan into it with surprise, still trying to get your bearings from all the sudden movement.

He slips down your body, his lips trailing a hot, wet mess along the way as he sucks your neck, your tits, briefly swirling a tease of his tongue over one of your nipples before he finds his way between your legs. They fall open for him in your dizzied state and he takes no pause before burying his head there, licking fat stripe up your slit, groaning loudly at the taste of you. He licks the same pattern several times, relishing in all the slick arousal that was just for him, he thinks greedily.

When Joel starts to lap at your cunt in earnest, his tongue poking your entrance before flicking at your clit, repeating the motions over and over, you throw your head back, whining loudly and writhing down into his face and chasing your pleasure.

“F-fuck, I’m -” you whimper. “Joel I’m already gonna -” Your legs shake and he seizes one of your thighs into his palms before the other hand slips between your legs and swiftly buries two fingers inside of you, going deep to press against your g-spot. You’d thought endlessly about that feeling since the night with him in the bar, the way he’d been the first person to show you what you’d been missing, to bring you world ending pleasure when he split you open. You’re desperate for it again, knowing his fingers are enough, but you can’t help but picture the way his girth had stretched you, pressed into you so deeply that you already felt addicted to it.

When he pulls your clit into his mouth, pressing on the spongy part inside of you at the same time, you cry out, feeling your hips bucking into him, body taut and shaking as he pulls your orgasm out of you. His name spills from your lips as easily as anything you’ve ever said in your life, like you’ve been saying it for years and no other man has existed for you, could exist for you.

You slump back, breathless and wanting, a sheen of sweat coating your body from the intensity with which he’d rocked your reality, and you quickly realize he’s likely far from done with you tonight. It makes your stomach churn with anticipation, and you bring yourself back, focusing on the gentle touch of his lips on your sensitive nerves, peppering your pussy with little kisses, leading out to your thighs.

“Good fucking girl f’me, didn’t take long at all, did it?” he says wryly. 

“M-more…” you mumble, blinking your eyes to clear some of the post-climax fog you’re feeling, but it’s no use - Joel can see already how fucked out you are, barely even five minutes in. His heart swells with pride, excitement, the sick satisfaction of having you under his thumb, his to devour completely, body and soul.

He presses a kiss to your forehead, then your nose, finally meeting your desperate, soft lips with his. He’s on top of you, his body slithering over yours again, pressing against you. Your hands reach up and start to unbutton his shirt, hesitantly at first, but a small noise of approval from him urges you on, indicating that he’s okay with you making that decision. When he finally shrugs it off, you take a moment to pull yourself back from his kisses to gaze down at him, his bare chest revealed to you for the first time. You feel your sex ache as fresh arousal starts to drip out of you seeing the salt and pepper of the curls on his chest, his defined but still soft abdomen, so inviting and sexy. You start to feel nearly feral, your gut coiling tight with the need for him to fuck you again, to watch his perfect body relentlessly use you for his own pleasure.

“S-shit…” you manage to gasp out when you gingerly run a hand down his chest, letting your nails scratch through his hair, and Joel hums against you as his lips find your shoulder. You rake your fingers downwards, leading all the way to his happy trail where you leave your fingers to rest on his belt. He looks delighted at your visceral reaction to his body, never thinking much of it himself, the way it had gotten slightly doughy with age and his hair had already started graying. But seeing you see so much in it that he can feel your legs tighten underneath him, pussy likely fluttering just at the sight, makes his core twist in pleasure and his cock twitch.

He caresses your face gently, his touch soft despite the mischief growing in his eyes. “Don’t think you learned your lesson yet, bein’ such a brat in the car,” he says, letting you start to undo his belt. When his cock springs out, you nearly start again at how length and thick it is, nearly having forgotten just how stunning it was outside the confines of your memory. 

Joel notices your fresh reaction to his cock, the length of him twitching in anticipation to fuck you to pieces, to fuck you into being a good girl again. He can’t help but remember just how much it had shut you up to take his cock just a few nights ago, and he nearly whimpers at the memory alone. 

“N-no? Don’t think so?” you tease back, grinding yourself against his bare and freed cock and Joel responds first with a surly little growl, two of his fingers possessively gripping your chin. His eyes flash in a way that you think should scare you, but you can’t help but feel comforted by Joel’s presence nonetheless.

“Exactly what I’m talkin’ about, bratty little ass, y’are. And let me fill you in on somethin’ for your own good,” he drawls, running his thumb along your lower lip. Your breath is baited as your lips part in invitation to him and he doesn’t slip it inside, not yet, at least. He hikes your hip up with his other hand, angling you towards his body as he steps closer between your legs. “I don’t like brats, I want my girl to be nice ‘n good to me. Are you gonna be nice ‘n good to me, doll?” he says, finishing the thought.

You swallow hard. You don’t know how serious he is, if this is part of some bigger game of his, this dominance he likes to have. You feel a pull in your heart, like you find yourself agreeing with him, that the look he’d given you when he called you good girl and obedient the other night were exactly what you’d been seeking your entire life. There was something there, something to take pride in, that he thought you were doing good enough for him. You’d wanted to tease him tonight, sure, make sure he still thought you were beautiful and sexy, afraid you’d get left behind so quickly in the more than likely slew of women he could have interested in him. Joel’s version of sexy just happened to be someone submissive for him, and the way you’d felt being that for him the other night, so far tonight, it was exhilarating, like a part of you that you’d had no idea existed until now, until him.

“I don’t want to be a brat,” you say quietly, gazing up at him with delicate eyes now, having your decision made. You reach a hand down to his cock, practically pulsating with need for you, sitting so close to your warm heat as he hovers above you. You gently palm it, wrapping your hand around the shaft, admiring the fact that your fingers can’t even fit around the expansive girth of it.

“I want to be your good girl,” you breathe, and Joel’s eyebrow cocks before his thumb settles into your mouth as he groans a little. You sit still, the saltiness of his skin so inviting but you don’t dare move, feeling that it's some kind of test, one you intend on passing.

Joel knows that you’ve figured it out. He strokes the side of your hair lovingly with his free hand and chuckles deep and low, the sound reverberating in the quiet room.

“Suck,” he finally commands, and immediately you suckle on his thumb, hollowing your cheeks and swirling your tongue around it. Joel’s eyes flutter a bit and he groans between the feel of your hand on his cock and warm tongue wrapping around his thumb. He pushes it deeper and deeper, another one of his fingers entering your mouth, met with the same enthusiasm by your tongue. He gives a final push of his fingers, gagging you, and your hand falls off his cock, having you distracted enough that you barely notice he’s notched himself at your entrance. When he splits you open with his head you gasp around his fingers, stuffed far back in your throat. It burns and aches and stretches but you feel exhilarated by it, awakened and alive by the absolute girth of him breaking you open and finding a place inside of you as he pushes on inch by inch.

“Good girl,” he whispers roughly, eyes intently locked onto yours as they widen and tear up with all the different intrusive sensations. But despite all of that, your insides warm at his words, finding a home in your heart and nestling in. That’s when you know for sure - you’re done for, you’re a goner, this is the man you’ll spend your life doing this for, chasing and seeking those two little words from him no matter what it takes. You want this.

“Y’sure that’s what you want? Be my good little doll? Be sure before I use you like one,” he says, checking in with you quietly, his lips lingering just above yours.

You nod, your breath hitching, and he can see the fear of the unknown in your eyes, but he smiles at your willingness to try for him. “I want it, I want it, use me, Joel,” you breathe out erratically, the words tumbling out of you without a second thought.

The next moment is nearly a blur, a switch seeming to flip in Joel as pops his fingers out of your mouth, grunting with the effort of yanking your hips upwards so that you have no choice but to wrap your legs around him. He begins a relentless fucking into you, pounding his cock over and over, and its only now that you can see just how well controlled he had been these last few minutes, so collected only to unleash it on you now. Your eyes squeeze shut, rolling back into your head as you bite back the cries of him stretching you so quickly and harshly, so much more rough than the other night.

“Fuck…” he groans, “Tight little pussy, could never forget how good it feels, just like I remembered, baby,” he praises as he continues to jackhammer into you. Your body is crumpled up underneath his huge frame on the couch, legs moving further up his body until they nearly reach his shoulders. He takes the initiative to tug them that way, propping your ankles onto his shoulders before he takes a swift bite at one of them. You yelp but quiet immediately, letting the soft moans you’d been making slip past your lips again instead. 

You see Joel’s approval in his smirk, the way his face contorts with pleasure as he goes red from exertion, his body gathering sweat as you run a desperate hand down his chest. You feel so far away in this position, your lips so far from his, wanting to feel your skin touching in every possible spot. You’re drunk on him already and need more, more of his warmth and his scent and the feeling of him. 

“I want to - p-please, feel you closer, please…” you beg, hoping that your politeness will win him over into doing something that you want.

“Yeah? Want to bounce on this fat cock of mine, pretty girl? That do you some good?”

You nod quickly and urgently, breathing in with the anticipation of being moved as Joel pushes his cock as deep as he can before bracing himself to swap your spots. It feels effortless, the way he contorts the both of you until he’s laying back on the sofa and you’re straddled on top of him. 

“Oh my god…” you murmur when you sink fully down onto him. Your head tilts back and mouth gapes open as you feel him so fully, pressing so deep inside of you at this angle. “Joel…”

“I know, baby, m’so deep in there,” Joel says soothingly now, his demeanor changed for the moment. He starts to move your body for you, achingly slow on his cock while he urges your hips up and down. One hand slides to your belly, gently pushing low down on your abdomen. “Feel m’self right in there, baby, right where I’m meant to be,” he coos, looking at his hand in amazement. 

“Feels so fuckin’... so good,” you whine, starting to move more quickly on top of him. You can’t compare it to anything else, anyone else you’ve ever been with, the way Joel’s cock stretches you with each new thrust, the pain giving way to an aching pleasure as your walls are stimulated over and over by him.

“C’mere,” Joel grunts out, wrapping his bulky biceps around your back and pulling you down so that your top half is more flat against his chest. He slips one hand into your hair, bringing you in for a deep, hungry kiss that you both moan into. At this angle he holds more power, able to thrust up into you after he bends his knees. You’re losing all sense of time, of sensation and noise around you, just Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel fucking into you with everything he’s got, his hot breath on your neck and ear and buried into the side of your hair. His lips warm and wet on any part he can find while you take and take and take what he’s doling out, your cunt starting to ache from the way he’s pounding into you but desperately begging for more, fluttering around his length. Your moans ramp up when you feel your clit start to brush against the curls at the base of his cock, his name whispered into his neck in between your cries. 

“There we go, doll, get what y’need, c’mon,” he says near your ear, urging you on. You’re only brought back to some semblance of reality as Joel smacks your ass with a swift, hard slap and you moan out. A new flutter and gush from your cunt around him makes Joel grunt and he fucks up into you like a crazed, possessed man, intent on only you you you. 

“Tha’s right, honey, so fuckin’ wet for me,” Joel grits, his hips snapping in a nearly impossible pace into you. You think you’re starting to black out, your vision a bit spotty from how hard he’s ramming the entirety of his cock into you, your g-spot so stimulating along with your clit and you’re grasping at the cushions on either side of you, nearly pounding your fists into them as Joel holds you close, not letting you move an inch, not letting this climax get away from either of you. 

“God, Joel, fuck… I c-can’t -“ you whine, your entire body tightening, damp with sweat as your tits slide across his chest with each new thrust. 

“Y’can, now be a good girl and come for me,” Joel says, hot heat of his lips meeting yours for a sloppy kiss, both of your tongues half missing the others’ mouth, making a mess on your faces full of saliva and the remnants of your lip gloss. Everything is so slick, slippery, and you gush between your legs, your wet arousal dripping out around where he enters you again and again. 

You snap, the invisible tether you’ve visualized inside of yourself finally breaking and you let go, practically convulsing on top of Joel with erratic grunts and moans and the lewdest sounds you’ve ever heard yourself make. You bear down on his cock as he rides you through the waves of ecstasy that take over your entire being. 

“Good girl,” he coos over and over, his quiet praises only serving to plunge you further into this blinding hot cavern of bliss that you’ve fallen into. You can feel how his cock slips in and out around the way you’re creaming over his length, and you finally quiet into his chest, a spent mess. 

Joel stops moving for a moment, giving you time to catch your breath as he strokes the back of your head. You nearly want to purr with the contentment you feel as he lightly drags his fingers across your head.

“Your turn,” you finally say, a wry smile pulling at your lips. You pick yourself up a bit, wiggling your hips on him and hissing a little at the oversensitivity of your shot nerves. 

“My turn,” Joel echoes, a devious little twinkle in his eye is all you see before he sits up, pulling you close and kissing you as he ruts his hips into yours a few times. He quickly pulls out of you, handling your body roughly but smoothly as he turns you, pushing you down, knees on the cushions and chest pressing against the back of the couch. He crowds behind you, spreading your knees for you and you can feel his wet cock slap against your ass as he positions you and then himself. 

Joel’s cock forces its way between your legs again, immediately sliding into your wet heat. You bristle a little under the full size of him again, determined to take it like the good girl you say you are and let him spill every drop of cum he has inside of you. You realize you’ve said some version of that out loud in your mental fog when Joel chuckles a low, devious little noise and slams into you hard. 

“Yeah? Want all my cum, want to have me fuckin’ my cum into you, fillin’ you up?” Joel asks and you nod dazedly in reply. He plants a firm hand on your back, sinking you into the back of the couch while he pounds into you, chasing after his pleasure, using you to get himself off. You’ve never been more turned on, and you feel the creeping need of desire filling low in your belly again. 

Joel’s free hand starts to smack your ass relentlessly, as if to spur you on while you bounce your hips back into his movements. 

“Yeah, pretty girl, so good, takin’ this cock like a good girl,” he chants, erratic movements of his hips telling you how close he is. 

“Fuck, fuck, so tight…” he bellows out, “Gonna come inside you, baby.” One more thrust and he’s done for, his hips sputtering and stopping deep inside of you as he unleashes while your cunt flutters, your body reacting in pure effervescent joy to feel his spend coating you again. Joel wraps his arms around your chest, yanking you to fall back with him so that you’re laying side by side, tangled in each other's arms. You both breathe heavily, sweat and stickiness intermingling as you lay so close. 

“We missed our dinner reservation,” Joel says after a few moments of silence stating the very obvious. “We could order some takeout, how’s that sound?”

You listen to the beat of his heart where your head rests on his chest, steady and strong as it still comes down from his climax. You hum a little approving noise, nodding your head. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” you tell him, barely able to care much about anything else right now. You think in this completely fucked out, limp state you’d let him feed you practically anything, spooning each bite into your mouth like you’re a helpless child. The thought makes you shudder a bit, a feeling of fear creeping over you that someone could have such an effect on you as to change you like that, to pull this side of you out that you’d buried deep inside. 

“Don’t wanna move, though,” you whine, snuggling down onto his chest. 

“I know, I know,” Joel says soothingly with a hand running down your hair. “Gonna have to eat to keep up with what I’m gonna do to ya next, though.”

You lift an intrigued brow and glance up at his face to find him already giving you an amused expression. “I’ll order us some food, why don’t you put on your pretty dress again and we’ll pretend we got our date, how about that?” he says.

You bite your lip in an effort not to smile too widely, and you give him another nod of agreement, finally sitting up and then clambering off the couch and stretching. Joel’s eyes roam your still bare body, unable to believe he could be ready for another round this quickly when his cock twitches at the sight. You throw on your dress and adjust it, smoothing the sides of your hair. 

“How do I look?” you ask innocently with a twirl, as if he hadn’t just been buried deep inside of you, stealing any semblance of reality from your very being. 

“Perfect,” he says with a chuckle. 

Joel orders Chinese food, and the two of you sit at his kitchen table, a candle lit that Joel had dug out from deep within a cabinet sitting between you two at the table. 

While you’re already sure the physical attraction with Joel isn’t wanting for anything, you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you two are connecting on all sorts of topics - from old country music that you listened to growing up to your dream vacation destinations. It seems like you two have more and more in common the longer you talk, or at the least, have an interest in the things the other person is saying. You can’t help but feel like you have a lot to learn from Joel, someone who has life experience, different interests (“old man interests” you tease him), and a whole new perspective on the world. You could listen to him for hours, sitting with your chin in your hand and lashes fluttering as you gaze at his perfect lips speaking about all of these new things. 

“Can I tell you something?” you finally say during a quiet moment, when your plates have long been pushed away, swirling your third glass of wine in your hand. One foot is planted on the dining chair, knee tucked up to your chin where you rest it, lip worrying in between your teeth. 

“Mhm, ‘course,” Joel says casually, sipping from his own glass. 

“When I said I couldn’t find my passion before… I’ve always known what it is, what I want out of life. I just can’t… say it because it sounds, well, silly.”

“Try me,” Joel replies coolly, his eyes flickering with curiosity. 

“I’ve always wanted to be -“ you hesitate, swallowing hard. “The reason someone comes home. The person they come home to. That’s it. That’s all I want. My parents… they never had that. Sure, they came home, but only because there wasn’t anything else to do, nowhere else to go. I never felt it from them. I’ve always wanted to just take care of someone and be that for them…” you confess, trailing off as your cheeks heat with the tipsy confession, slightly embarrassed to reveal it to Joel. 

He considers your words with a small hmm and a cock of his head. “You’re talkin’ about a marriage, yeah? You wanna be a married woman.”

You nod, breathing out a sigh. “Women I know, and my parents, oh god, would probably freak out if that’s what I told them. That I just want to be someone’s wife, make each other happy. Be there for them. It’s something I’ve been too scared to admit until now, because my parents just want me to go to school, get a job, and be successful in the ways they’re successful, but…” you pause to glance at Joel, then back down to the table, tracing your nail along the knots in the wood. “What if I want to be successful in the ways they aren’t?”

Joel’s face contorts slightly, feeling your pain. “You gotta do what you need, sweetheart. Fuck what anyone else says,” he says plainly. “I can relate, y’know. I was married before.”

You snap your gaze up to him, somehow surprised, but realizing maybe you shouldn’t be, that this man is well into his forties now and has lived an entire life before ever laying eyes on you. “Yeah? And…”

“Was all pressure. Wasn’t right. Divorced over ten years ago, so don’t feel too sorry f’me. Her parents had all this pressure on us gettin’ married but I knew she wasn’t the right one for me. Ended up divorcin’ five years later.” He tuts at the memory - the waste of time, the endless arguments, the strain of it all for nothing.

“I’m sor-“ you start, cut off by Joel grabbing your hand across the small table, dwarfing it in his palm.

“Said don’t be sorry for me, yeah? I’m sittin’ here with you now, aren’t I?”

A smile tickles at the corners of your lips and you look down bashfully, letting your fingers curl around his. “Yeah, guess that’s true.”

“Come on over here,” Joel says, patting his lap and setting his wine glass on the table with a small clink. 

You slide out of your chair, padding over and getting into his lap effortlessly. His fingers spread along your back to support you and you curl your legs up, resting against his chest. 

“Y’know marriage is a lot, right? I know you know, you’re a smart girl, can tell you’ve thought about this.”

“I know,” you snip. “It’s not something I’ve ever taken lightly. I just… that’s what I want.” You don’t know how to express to him the yearning deep inside of you, the way you’d watch your parents moving in parallel lives, just happening to share children and a home, and wishing for anything more than that. Praying you’d never meet that same fate, that you’d be so sickly, passionately in love with your future spouse that the entire world could know from a single glance. That you’d give your life to make sure they were well taken care of, and they’d do the same for you.

“Sweet girl,” Joel says quietly, nuzzling his nose against the top of your head. “I know you’ll get what you’re lookin’ for. Anyone’d be lucky to have you.”

Your skin heats at his close contact and adoring words, your stomach twisting a little with the anticipation that it could be him - could Joel be the one lucky to have you, as he said?

“W-would you?” you stutter out, licking your suddenly desert dry lips. “Have me?”

“Honey, I’d have you a hundred different ways and never tire of it. Such a sweet, smart, special little thing you are.”

Your lips purse into a smile, fighting the urge to giddily giggle right in his lap. You tilt your head up to kiss him, a motion he gladly returns as he deepens it for a few moments, tasting remnants of the wine on each other's tongues. 

“That what you want? Want me to have ya?” he asks quietly, the question carrying more weight in your mind than maybe he’d meant. 

“Yes,” you say, a whisper into the quiet air of his house.

“Stay w’me then, this weekend. Don’t wanna let you out of my sight.”

You nod, nearly imperceptible as your mouths meet again, passion driving the kisses now as you squirm in his lap, desire igniting every cell of your body. Joel chuckles against your already puffy lips and shakes his head. 

“Gonna ruin me, you know that?”

Three months later, Joel proposes to you in a park you frequently walk in together, a perfectly sunny and breezy spring day with the smell of fresh blooms surrounding you. You have on a pink dress, matching the explosion of color around you in the budding and blossoming trees and bushes. Joel wraps a hand around yours before getting down on one knee and revealing a solitaire diamond in a black velvet box, promising you all of the things you’d revealed to him in private months before. Someone to come home to. Someone who will come home to you. Succeed together in all the ways you’ve always wanted. Cherish you. And most importantly, love you for who you are.

[gvtted-ratz]

read all our tags/ratings. they r important n give u all u need 2 decide if u wanna actually read or not. do not like the tags/rating? do not read.

FEM ALIGNING/IDENTIFYING PPL (unless mutuals/friends) DNI WITH OUR MLM WORKS. fem ppl can still request tho. respect our wishes or get blocked. yes we do read/check everything. we tag appropriately/use tags that go with our posts.

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Soft To The Core

König x M!Reader

Last Edited: 03/01/23

TW: death mentioned

AO3 LINK -> HERE

anon: 4 with König and he/him male reader. That is all <- frothing at the mouth but being SO COOL about it (4. accidental touching!!!!)

Word Count: 767

Notes: hey again bestie… i see u. i have our dms about the man n u frothing btw. Also. ik absolutely nothing about guns n stuff so uh. oop ig… also. i made the reader like. kinda techy n speak some russian? i was listening 2 gore by graveyardguy as i wrote this just so u know. Didn’t influence much of the thing but the title is definitely from the song.

You hum as you clean your sniper rifle; the disassembled piece of metal all over your lap. Usually, you would be around a table or even in your own assigned room. However, today they had a mandatory room check. While you didn’t mind it, having all the tables and sitting areas taken out in the cafeteria as well as the shooting range didn’t help. This leads to you sitting underneath a small pine. It’s fairly young, being only large enough to cast enough of a shadow to give you cover from the sun.

While you don’t mind cleaning your gun, making sure your laptop was in better shape or needed to be put back together was more interesting. While you’ve done it a hundred times before, for you, it never got old. You enjoyed taking apart the electronic gadgets and putting them back together. Seeing how they work and even improving them intrigued you more than going out on the field and sending bullets people’s way to splatter their blood everywhere. The missions they assign you in KorTac have been nothing but boring or a pain. You’ve never actually trained for this part or even with the rifle at all. You are more of someone who hacks cameras, reads coding to try and find anything that could give enemies away, and even disarm some bombs via the tech you have on hand during said times.

Now, while it’s not something you prefer doing, you can’t help but enjoy at least one of your members. König, or King as many call him, is your favourite man. Despite his awkward social interactions, he’s never been particularly rude to you. Nor has the giant Austrian ever tried to get on your nerves. He keeps to himself mostly, leading to you having to seek him out if you want company. Sometimes he’s out and about, though he’s either alone or towering over the other soldiers.

Of course, that doesn't mean he’s not deadly. You’ve seen him out on the field. He’s truly a rampaging beast. He picks up enemy soldiers and cracks their backs over his knee. He’ll gun them down or snipe them, giving a laugh or giggle. He’ll yell out in a happy tone “I have some cash!” whenever he gets his hands on even a single coin. He’s wilder and more brutal. And you couldn’t help but notice. However, despite noticing it, you didn’t treat the man any differently.

A large pair of military-issued boots appear in front of your crisscrossed legs. Looking up, you see the man you’ve been thinking of as you cleaned the barrel of your gun. “Ah. König,” You say, giving him a small smile. “Привет! How has my favourite man been?” König’s hands are loosely holding each other, nearly touching his stomach with his chosen position.

“Ah… Ich meine, es lief gut…” He says, looking uncomfortable standing there. You gesture to the ground next to you, letting him know that he can sit beside you. With confirmation now obtained, König lets himself fall into a seated position right next to you. He ends up knocking his knee into your thigh; you wince at the sharp pain but laugh it off.

“I’m so sorry..! I did not mean to hit you. Bitte vergib mir!” The large man starts to apologize immediately, already beating himself up over the accidental touch. You wave him off, trying to make your smile softer to try and reassure the Austrian.

“ нет, нет! Все хорошо, ты в порядке!” Your words seem to calm him down a bit, despite him not exactly understanding your words. “Besides, König, I say you’re sharp as a knife but Soft To The Core.” You’re not sure why, but the words felt right to say.

“Ja? Well… They do say beauty is on the inside, Freund,” He tells you; a nearly inaudible chuckle escapes him. You feel another smile pull at your lips at his words.

“They sure do, мой возлюбленный. They sure do.” You mumble. With some silence between the two of you, it’s easy to hear the shout of one of your captains letting you all know that the mandatory room clearance has been finished. You playfully smack König’s shoulder, clasping it as you stand. “Let’s go back, да?” When he gives you a nod, you shove your gun parts into the duffle bag you brought just for it. “Let’s go then! Maybe we can grab some food once these bozos clear out.” With those last words, you take the lead, König following behind you quietly and with genuine happiness shining in his eyes.

[bloggingboutburgers]

I'm here to bonce back on the "non tagging x reader content" when... Shippers do the EXACT same thing and get no flacks in returns?

ESPECIALLY mlm ones?

I mean why even bother? You either drool over those two men kissing or you're just a raging homophobe! Simple as that ! 😌 😇

You have no idea of the numbers of shipper accounts i had to block because they posted content for that ship that i hate without tagging it as shipping. And nobody bats an eye, everyone is cool with that because everyone ASSUMES you're into this.

And then they say shits like "Wow x reader is such a HATE CRIME am I right?" And everyone's agreed with them and you can't say shit in response because all the fandom back them up. (True story, i wish i made that one up)

And as a sex/romance repulsed aroace woman who's only comfortable with x reader fanfics to safely explore those complicated feeling the fuck am I supposed to do? I would get gutted on the street by the entire fandom.

And before everyone slash my throat : everyone should tag their content. No matter what it is. Shipping, x reader, whatever...

But why everyone is so comfortable shitting on the x reader community while the shippers get to do everything they want without any pushback????

Like idk how to say it, all the goods the x reader community gave me. Its the only community who accepted me in ANY fandoms i have been as an aroace woman, all the rest of the fandoms bullied me and tried to chase me away because i """"shipped myself""""" with male characters i saw as aroace coded too. The x reader community welcomed me and helped me carve my own space while the rest gave me fucking slack because I saw those characters as aroace instead of gay. (Because it is apparently the only valid queer interprétation ever)

Like fuck man...

This community is the only one who accepted to listen to me rambling about how those character were aroace coded and cheered for me writing about them while i was bullied off my first account because i did not agree with the popular ship.

I met more aroace people writing nsfw/romantic fics (YES I TAG THEM ALL) about those characters than i ever met in my entire life. HELL, each and every single Friend I made on this site came to me to thank me for my writing and they ALL turned out to be sex/romance repulsed aroace people.

TLDR : why is it always the x reader community that get flacked for doing something the shippers do since the very begining of fandoms without any repercussion?

Its getting old.

Sincerely an aroace sex/romance woman that will never let go of her x reader fanfics.

...OK ima be honest on that one

Personally I don't dig shipping OR xreader, I kinda put them in a "nope don't wanna read it" same bag

So yeah I don't get why people wouldn't see them on a same scale of value.

Literally people like different things and some would rather read different things and some wouldn't and everything's fine let's seriously just tag stuff to make our life easier and stop judging each other.

The absolute state of all of this. Jeeeeesus. That's part of why I don't even bother in fanfiction spaces anymore. That and the fac there's hardly ever anything that'd interest me anyway, I guess.

[luv4fandoms]

Most definitely (Bill S.Preston x Fem!Reader)

Ok so go easy on me, I've never actually sat down and watched Bill and Ted before (I just remember scenes in passing when I was a kid and my bros would watch it. But I'm trying to practice (I also need to just sit down and watch it fr lol) . I saw this writing prompt and my brain immediately thought of this, but yeah, the slag for them is a bit difficult for me lol.

Also I pictured the girl to be kinda like Wednesday, and her friend like Enid, Idk why lol.

Word count: 1,321

Pairing: BillxFem!Reader

Warnings: Drinking?

⚠️ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞.⚠️

You didn't even know why you came to this party, other than the fact that your best friend in the whole world F/N was dragging you along. You both had recently moved to San Dimas after graduation, your parents wanting a change in scenery and her dad getting a better job. Though you did live a little ways away from each other, at least it wasn't the thousands of miles you were terrified of at first when her parents said they would be going. Really though it was lucky that your mom and her mom had been besties since high school and couldn't stand to be apart. 

But back to the overly atrocious party that you had stepped foot in. It wouldn't have been bad if there had been at least good music you supposed, but come on, where was the Motorhead? The Metallica? The Van Halen?! All there was were drunks, newly graduated teens jumping around with cups of clearly spiked punch, either seeing how stupid they could be, or how far down each other's throats they could stick their tongues.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea" you spoke, look around, luckily not spotting anyone you knew from your short time living here.

"Oh come on! Live a little!" Your friend yelled over the music as she pulled you further along. 

"I'd rather die a quiet death," you told her,but let her lead you nonetheless. Though a little ways into her walking, she stopped.

"Hey, isn’t that the ‘super hot’ neighbor you were rambling about having a crush on earlier, over there?” she asked with a shit eating grin, causing your eyes to widen..please no.

"What?! Please say psych!"

"No I’m serious, look." You followed her line of sight towards the kitchen, easily finding the curly blonde locks of, indeed, your 'super hot' neighbor you had rambled about any and every time you talked to F/N.

"..Fuck" you breathed. You couldn't help it really, he wasn't like any guy you had ever seen before, it was like he was a Greek God walking amongst humans. Or an angel sent to Earth. You had never actually spoken to him, just little hesitant waves between you both, you didn't know what you would even say to him if you talked, or if you would be able to. His friend was far more chatty, that was the only reason you knew his name was Bill, because Ted had stopped to talk to you before heading into Bill's house. He told you they had a band, and you should come by sometime to hear them play, an offer you never had the guts to take him up on. Sometimes you really hated being shy, sometimes you really wished you were as outgoing as F/N, the social butterfly..Instead of the goth moth.

"I mean they do clean up pretty ni- Wait, where are you going? We just got here." F/N spoke, quickly catching up with you.

"Home! I only agreed to this because you said no one would know me here!" You stated, almost to the door when.

"Most bodacious neighbor babe!" Ted's voice rang out, causing you to stop just as your hand touched the doorknob.

"Are you already leaving? So not cool" he stated while throwing his arm over your shoulder.

"..Ah.."

"We actually just got here" F/N spoke up, causing you and Ted to look at her, his eyes widening.

"Whoa" he breathed while taking her in.

"You must be Ted" she smiled, before, to your dismay, adding.

"Y/N has told me about you"

"You talked about me?" Ted smiled.

"You and Bill" she added, smiling while you glared at her.

"Bill is here as well, come on! He will be most pleased to see you!" Ted spoke excitedly as he pulled you along, arm still over your shoulder while F/N followed behind. He led you to the kitchen area, calling out to Bill once he spotted him.

"Bill! Look at the bodacious babes that I found" you watched Bill turn around, his eyes meeting yours as he smiled, giving you a wave.

"Neighbor babe" he spoke, though you noticed the faint pink tinting his cheeks.

"Hey Bill" you waved back, trying not to get lost in his hazel gaze.

"Ah this is F/N" you stated, gesturing to your friend who happily waved.

"Very nice to meet the infamous Bill S. Preston" 

"How did you-" 

"F/N isn't this like, your favorite song?" You asked quickly, turning to her as you tried not to murder her. 

"Oh my God it is!" She smiled, before turning to Ted.

"Wanna dance cutie?"

"Most definitely!" He smiled, letting her lead him to the dance floor and giving a thumbs up to Bill, who gave one back.

"They will make a cute couple" you spoke, mainly to yourself, but Bill heard.

"He is her type?" He asked, and you turned to look at him.

"How did Ted say it? Most definitely!" you told him, cracking a smile when he laughed at your impression.

"Hey, you actually do smile" he stated, causing your smile to fall.

"No wait-I didn't-I mean you don't have to smile if you don't want to-it would just be most heinous if you didn't smile-what I mean to say is you have a most beautiful smile" he rambled, the pink growing darker.

"Oh…Thank you" you spoke, your own blush darkening your cheeks.

"Hey, can I ask you something"

"Sure"

"How did your friend know who I was?"

"Oh…I'm not sure" you replied, watching as he nodded, looking off to the side with a slightly sad look on his face, dammit. He looked over at you when he heard you sigh, your eyes trained on the punch bowl.

"I…may have mentioned you in passing" you stated, trying to play it cool, noticing his smile return from the corner of your eye.

"Really?"

"Maybe"

"A most bodacious babe like you?"

"I wouldn't consider myself a bodacious babe" 

"I would" you looked up at him, his eyes shining as he smiled at you, dang it why was his smile so contagious? Looking back at the punch bowl you groaned when another song came on.

"Would it kill them to play Black Sabbath every now and then?" You watched Bill's head snap back to you, having looked out at Ted and your friend.

"What?"

"Or Megadeth? Def Leppard? ACDC? Ratt? Anything!" You stressed, before looking over at Bill, and instantly your blushed darkened even more, because you had never been looked at like that before, not like how you usually look at him.

"Not only are you the most bodacious babe I have ever met, but I'm pretty sure you were the most excellent angel in heaven" he smiled at you, only grinning bigger when you giggled, that was definitely a sound he could get used to.

"Is this where you ask me if it hurt when I fell from heaven?" You asked.

"Did it?" 

"No, but I did scrape my knees crawling out of hell" you replied, earning a laugh from him this time.

"That was the most excellent comeback"

"Do you maybe-wanna go out sometime?" He asked after a moment, and you swore your heart went into overdrive, your brain telling you to keep your cool.

"Yeah" you nodded.

"Yeah?"

"Most definitely" you smiled.

So there it is! Like I said, I definitely need to practice more lol. But yeah idk I think it would be hilarious to see these two with girls like this.

[moonjxsung]

HI STAR I MISSED YOU SO MUCH ASKJFHAKJH GRHAHHHH

also important to note i dont know who the fuck put in an ask saying that im pregnant and pretended to be me...??? im not??? wtf did i open your blog to.. who in the freaky pretends to be an anon on a tumblr blog and say that theyre pregnant ..?? 😭😭😭😭

im so sorry i havnt texted you or sent you an ask or anything in forever... its been like 4 months holy shit i missed you so much and ive been wanting to reach out and send in some kind of message or whatnot but something just kept pulling me back and also ive been in this pit of misery recently

TW below (mention of abuse)

my mom used to abuse me both physically/verbally really badly when i was a child up until high school and when i finally left, but very long story short it resurfaced again recently when i saw her and i got fed up w her bs, law enforcement got involved, still figuring things out w the case rn and etc... but yeah!! (this happened maybe a month ago but its still ongoing)

honestly i think ive just been dealing with a rough transition through pretty much a lot in life including family, friends, overall workload etc etc so even if i wanted to reach out, i couldnt really do so because my mental state was just at the lowest of the low so even if i wanted to reach out to someone to talk i was too tired to ..

I AM VERY VERY GLAD TO BE BACK THOUGH!! im doing decently okay recently, still processing some bad news here and there and definitely very rocky every now and then but finally knowing that someone whos been torturing me since i was born is finally getting cut off from her bs is a lot more relieving than i thought it would be. definitely a lot less nerveracking than i thought asw

also kinda had a rough little patch with my close friends a few months back and we're all still kinda processing through it but i think ive definitely filtered out who they are and who exactly supports me when i support them back, and who only really socializes with me for their own benefit, etc.

but yes that has been the past few couple months while i disappeared!!! im v sorry i left out of nowhere and didnt even send in a stupid little message or anything <//3 how are you star?? i missed you so much :(( any life updates on your end??? now that im back youre probably going to see me for a couple while and i wont be dropping off the ends of the earth again hehe

love, your actually and most literally biggest fan, clover! (also feedback for no guts no glory coming soon so be prepared 💔)

~ 《 ☘️ 》

HI BABY I MISSED U SO BAD

IM CRYING YALL WHOOOOOO IS PRETENDING TO BE MY CLOVER ANON AND LIED TO ME THAT SHE’S PREGNANT LMFKFJDJSKDKFJGKGJ 😭😭😭😭 I came THIS close to messaging you on discord and wishing you a safe pregnancy PLSSSSSSKDKDKDJ

*TW heavy topics below*

:((( I am so so so sorry to hear the past few months have been so hard on you oh my god. I’m so sorry for not reaching out on discord and checking in on you sooner. I’d assumed you were just swamped with over school/work stuff, but I’m so sad to hear you’ve been going through all of this by yourself :( I’m glad at least the situation seems to be under control, and that it’s in the hands of the law now. I hope you’re in a safe living condition as of now (please reach out if you’re ever in need of anything at all) and I hope everything is okay in due time :( sending you so so so much love and I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that.

I’m sorry to hear your friend situation is a bit spotty right now too :( my friends and I have been in a rough patch for a little while now and it absolutely sucks. But just like you mentioned, I do also feel like it’s truly allowed me to find out the real intentions some of my friends have and to reevaluate if I even want them in my life at this point. I hope you can either mend things with them, and if not, I have no doubt that you’ll be able to find much better people in the future. You deserve people who put you first and make you a priority, especially during this rough patch.

I’m doing okay <3 A lot has happened at work (honestly for the worse) and I’ve been so insanely stressed I feel like I’m dying. I cried all of last week because of some shit that happened at work and I think I’m losing hair bc of stress and it’s just jfkfkdjdkdkdjjttj I’m so tired 😭 but in GOOD news I do have a girlfriend for the first time on this account and she’s so lovely and supportive and we are so so so happy 💓 I feel like the fall months just tend to be full of so much stress and grieving and loss before things get good again in the winter. I just keep telling myself things will get better eventually :’)

ANYWAYS I MISSED YOU SO BAD I’m so glad to hear you’re not pregnant (not that it’s a bad thing but I was STRESSED for you) and please please please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything at all 💓💞🩷💕 I love you so so so much my little clover you have been SOOO MISSED ON HERE ☘️🫶

[chrono-art]

Okay, just putting out some of my random ass, balls-to-the-walls theories about Dai dark. None of these are actually based upon fact, mostly just gut feeling or little things that have happened so far in the series (btw, don't think I've read past either vol. Five or Six (it's hard to remember for me cuz I read them online lol) So if anything I say doesn't add up to how the story is right now, that's why.)

anyways, spoilers abound ahead!

I think Avakian is actually Zaha Sanko. Like, Idk it's hard to explain ig...but I think the Older Sanko we see in that one weird dream/flashback that Sanko had is actually Avakian. I can't remember what the pannels looks like exactly, but I believe it kinda looked like old Sanko was being sacrificed or something, and carried by what could possibly be two light head members. But I think that it's more likely Zolar "members" possibly? Depends on what "Zolar" really is. Where ever he (Old Sanko) is really at could also be "Zolar".

I also maybe think that it isnt actually Sanko that has the "wish bones" like most people think. I think it's Avakian. Idk not much to back this one up either other than a one off line that was something like Avakian saying that if Sanko dies, he dies too. Also kinda of think that it could connect with the sort of "reincarnation" theory I think is going on with Sanko/Avakian.

I also think that it's possible that Shimada could have killed Sanko previously. Maybe that's why Avakian hates him so much? Seems like Shimada's relations run much deeper with Avakian (and Sanko, to a certain extent) than the series is letting on.

ALSO ALSOO. I think it's REALLLY kinda suspicious that shimada just hangs around Sanko all of the time. Like, Yes he technically has a reason to do so, aka. eating lots of "the flesh of death" and saying they " taste better when it's not him that's killing the person" but I think the whole thing is kinda fishy tbh.. Seems like an excuse to me for some reason? Like I said, pure speculation, but I find it hard to trust Shimada, especially because it seems like the series WANTS you to.

I also don't really think Shimada death is actually "death". (atleast, in the grim reaper sort of way that I believe he's supposed to be like) I think just because he can kill on demand, doesn't mean that he's death.. Sounds funny, since he literally has " death" in his name, but I think maybe the "death" part could be some sort of alias that he picked up from being a space menace, lol. (Also, wish I knew Japanese, since I think that could possibly give more context clues to what's going on with him. Sorta like the thing Q did with aikawa, kai, and ai, possibly?) I also don't think he's immortal (I talked abt this in another post lol). Again, not really any solid evidence to base this upon other than a gut feeling that a being thats actually "death" is going to show up and fuck the group up lol.

Anyways done throwing out some of my theories that will probably be bogus, because you never really know for sure with Q's writing style until the plot twist is revealed, then it all suddenly makes sense in hindsight, lol.

[solmints-messyocdiary]

Tw: Animal death, suicide mention, blood, gore, torture mention, violent ideas

[Mismatched excerpts ripped off from Finley's Journal. The dates have been scribbled away with a black pen.]

It feels weird writing on a journal. Like something a teenager might do instead of a grown ass man who works from 9 to 5.

But I needed to destress and let it out on some pages after talking with my mother on the phone. I hate hearing her shrill voice on the other side of the receiver. The only thing she can do is complain and complain and complain about the same thing over and over again. I don't want to see that man either... I hate him more than her.

I can't handle her and to think I have to go and visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas I feel like I am going to lose my damn head.

At least I can let things out and still practice my writing if needed, so that's a plus. I haven't had much time to update my book, and that's making me a bit sad. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a bit.

Might treat myself and go the diner to get some choco pancakes and a milkshake. Those will surely cheer me up.

Really want pancakes and milkshakes...

-

The longer I stay on this damn job, the more I feel like I am going to lose myself. I've been spacing out every 5 minutes whenever someone talks to me. It's hard. (Hehe)

I had to stay 2 more hours overtime, no pay for my hard work the 3rd time this week. I had to wake up earlier, too. I arrived around 8 instead of 9 because the computers were acting up at my workplace and needed me, the IT guy, to fix them.

Not to mention, the printer too... If I have to fistfight the printer again, or hear any of my coworkers complain, particularly Brandon, I am going to strangle them. I am really going to snap!!!

I wish their heads would just explode into a bloody mess. Just Carrie them off with my mind powers whenever I feel annoyed of them. They surely deserve that, particularly Brandon and my boss. Fuck those two. The world would be better if they didn't exists. We don't need red flags walking around the office... only me! Haha!

-

I promised myself to do it again, but alas, old habits die hard as the saying goes.

Went to the beach for a dip and found a baby bird on the sand. Ants surrounding its small body and biting pieces away to bring it to their lair. Lucky for me, I always have my camera with me. Never the one to miss a chance.

I guess I should be sad but that's how nature is.

Cruel.

I wonder how others would react if they saw my ant-bitten corpse...

-

Finished rewatching Scream 2 and...

Damn... Why is Mickey kinda...?

Like... you know? If I was a girl I'd be into him and have his poster hanging over my bedroom wall haha.

Still angry at Scream 2 for killing Randy, tho. He was my favorite.

Rented Carrie, Slaughter High, Graduation, Prom Night, for tonight. Felt a bit nostalgic for some reason. Getting shoved in a locker every tuesday really does something to a guy. Going to have a nice movie night with myself while I think of my high school times.

Totally good for my mental stability, yup!

-

I wonder how my old high school friends have been doing...

Do they remember me with disdain? Are they happy with their life? More successful? Managed to marry a nice gal or guy and have many kids together? A stable job and nice suburban house?

...

Fuck them.

-

Death still scares me.

I thought that if I forced myself to witness the worst of the worst. Every torture imaginable, researching hours and hours and hours of how a body decays, how long does it take for it to rot, shrink, turn into dust.

Live footages of people getting decapitated, stabbed, run over, split in half, drowned, squashed to death, gutted, burned alive, choked, flayed.

I'd grow out of it.

It's not that hard to look for stuff like that as long as you know where to find it and you're patient.

Will I ever be able to look at their loved ones in their eyes. Admit that I saw the last moments of their brother, mother, a cousin? The light leaving their eyes?

I thought I've become numb enough to just stare attentively, not blinking for a second.

People I know will die one day. Complete strangers, lives of theirs I will never know, are dying as I write this.

And yet, I remain wide awake. Imagining how it'll feel for my body to reach nothingness. The maggots feasting on my insides, eating away little by little. Gourging themselves on the bile and flesh and pus from my organs till they become fat, squirmy little bugs. Eating, mating, dying, rinse and repeat over and over and over again.

My skin itches thinking of it. Like they have already managed to crawl deep inside.

Even a death as boring and not spectacular like an illness terrifies me.

-

How long do I have left? Have I wasted my life? Is it too late for me?

When will I die...

-

I miss my friends from high school... some of them I've forgotten their names...

I sometimes think about Chelsea. No, I am always thinking about her...

If I contact her... will she ever forgive me?

It's too late to cry over spilt milk.

-

Seems I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I went to go see a movie to try and fend of the feelings of dread and paranoia that have been seeping in me.

Stale popcorn, overpriced and oversized. Check.

Watered down soda. Check.

Badly directed horror film? Check.

Annoying and talkative patrons? Double check.

The blood effects weren't as cool compared to others, but at least the lead was hot even if she couldn't act to save her life.

-

Why am I even trying?

-

I made a blog.

I post all the pictures I've taken from dead animals and roadkill.

-

I feel numb.

-

I haven't been feeling real as of late. I even dared touch one of the spilt out guts of a cat behind an alleyway. I wanted to feel something. See if I was still here. I pushed my fingers in, feeling the slimy and sticky organs. It burned and I janked my hand away.

It felt surreal.

I can't feel my hands or face at times. Like they weren't even there to begin with.

-

I think I might go to a therapist.

-

I want to die...

[semi-imaginary-place]

Lover or friend? is a central motif of this series. It is how juggling friendships and romantic relationships is the central struggle for most of the characters including Taichi balancing his rekindled friendship with Touma and his new romantic relationship with Futaba. It is Masumi and Touma choosing to maintain their friendships instead of confessing to their best friends. Finally there is also whether Touma is a friend or lover for Taichi which happens offscreen.

Fish Guts is a fictional horror/romance franchise in the series and a recurring motif in which the protagonist must choose between saving his friend or his lover. It's the movie the gang watch in the early chapters, features in the nightmare Taichi has after Touma is outed at school, and in the final chapter. This story within a story parallels how many of the characters feel pressured to chose between romantic relationships and friendships and Taichi in particular as he feels caught between his relationships.

In addition to the main characters, Mami adds additional perspective as she's faced a world that has undervalued and strained her friendships with boys simply for being a girl, or how her friendship with a guy has been seen as a threat to both her romantic relationships as well as those of her friends. Throughout Ao no Flag discussions of the various relationships in a highschooler's life is the constant undercurrent of how gender impacts these relationships.

"one of the core aspects of the story for me was platonic vs. romantic love and how a lot of characters outside the main trio would push the idea of romantic love being more important than platonic love on taichi and how he felt he had to choose to either keep his best friend or his crush. it felt kinda contradictory for the story to go “lmao well you see the solution is to just marry your best friend” lol. when put under the context of what you saw as the main theme though (as in make decisions that will make you happy in the moment) the ending makes a lot more sense." (galaxy-of-me)

But it's not just about what made them happy though that is maybe 70% of it. I speculate that Touma and Taichi were only able to enter a romance because Taichi was able to reconcile having both a friendship with Touma and a romantic relationship with Futaba. It's another aspect that Futaba helped him realize, that Taichi didn't have to give up Touma's friendship for any external factor, not for her, not because of Touma's crush, and not because of what anyone else's opinion about them was.

That Taichi and Touma's friendship comes first is a central part of the series. After Touma is outed, Taichi worries what was it that Touma wished for him in the charm he made for Taichi's birthday, he wonders if the happiness that Touma wanted was romantic love. But that wasn't Touma's priority, Touma had a crush on Taichi but more important than that to him was their friendship. Though not the entirety of what Touma wanted (he moved out so that he could live authentically to himself), the happiness of his friends elevated his own happiness (best friend power!). Touma's wish for Taichi's happiness through the power of their friendship is also a callback to Taichi saying the same thing to Touma to support him while he was still in the hospital. So it was only because their friendship came first that anything else could come after.

[streamdotpng]

I'm back with some more songs to share. Totally unexpected isn't it? Guts by Thomston feels like it fits with the hermit enid au. I can't really think too much about it because it makes me sad that enid is all alone and while I love my favorites suffering, she already has enough emotional pain with her neglectful/emotionally abusive family. Enid needs to go through physical pain instead but not more abuse from her so called family. So the lyrics that I think match up are

"I wish I had the guts to walk away

The thought of you alone makes me afraid

You push me to my limit

You are always forgiven

I cut you off

And tie us back"

Somewhere In My Past by Divo Bayer is a pretty romantic one that would fit the pjo au. With this more fluffy version of the au, is enid still the reincarnation of the farmer girl who went off to war and wednesday fell for? If so, then it works out from either perspective. Like from Wednesday, she's aware that this is her soul mate that she's been waiting for and still remembers their time together. From enid, I think it would be her having a vague feeling of deja vu about wednesday despite never actually meeting her before. It's like an itch at the back of her mind where she swears she knows this person

"I met you just tonight

But I keep wondering why

It seems I've always known you all my life

I held you only once

But I keep wondering why

It seems I've held you forever"

I could keep adding what fits but then I would put the whole song.

Then there's Treading Water by Ta-ku and Wafia. It's a duet and they both sing in each verse it's kind of like a push and pull thing where the male singer is trying to save their relationship where the woman is thinking that she's just going to inevitably hurt her partner. I'm thinking maybe the demon baby au specifically when belle is killing enid and wednesday leaves to save her. Though I'm not sure the song fits any au in that it would cause problems or a rift to come between them. It would be more like oh this is something we need to work on together to overcome and strengthen our relationship. We know enid is important to wednesday so it's like she's trying to avoid getting too close so she doesn't hurt enid.

"It's like you never let me past skin deep

Don't trip up on the mess I always leave

I'm trying to make the best of what we've been

I'm no good for you I'm good for you"

You kinda need to listen to the song to get what I mean about the push and pull thing. It's a conversation. Not sure if I explained it right but I tried. Sorry if it's too long an ask and if you get tired of my song recommendations please let me know and I'll stop. Have a nice day.

for the pjo au yes!! enid is still very much the reincarnation of the farmer girl who gave wednesday her name

i can't say much unfortunately bc my ass is so no thoughts head empty rn 😥im sorry mate but im sure the songs are amazing like always

[endious]

This HAS to be said…

THANK YOU for being one of the few people who portray Jeff correctly!!! I understand why people romanticise him, but I feel it’s kind of boring?? He’s so much more interesting as a fucked up, sadistic asshole with legitimate mental issues.

Your fics are soo good! I hope, if you still have the motivation to write, that you can continue in the future :)

Could I ask what your general headcanons for Jeff are? Feel free to sprinkle some NSFW ones in too ;)

SPEAK LOUDER !!!!!!! honestly though tysm that means a lot to me ! i am glad you like how i portray jeff and i agree with you that it does get boring seeing the romanticization copy and pasted on jeff. he’s so fucked up i wish more ppl saw him the way i do 😭😭 its so difficult to find writers who write him how i think he should be portrayed so i took it upon myself tbh /hj BUT TYSMMM !! jeff will always be extremely fucked up here and im going to keep him that way 🫶🫶

HCS FOR MY ONE AND ONLY ? OF COURSE ILL INDULGE US BOTH ! this isnt proofread at all and is SUPER SLOPPY I APOLOGIZE !! i kinda went with any that popped in my head when i read this so i hope its okay !

— i’ll be as honest as i can because it is HARD to describe the vision i have in my head (it’s changed many times but roughly stays the same somehow) SO I WILL TRY TO MAKE YOU SEE WHAT I SEE !!

— jeff is gross so gross. not even in the, ew you stink sense (he does, he constantly smells like blood and dirt it’s fucking nasty.) he’s sick in the head and is proud of it. would tell you how he gutted the last guy you so much as glanced in the direction of and how he writhed in pain and choked on his own spit and blood while jeff shoved his boot into the fucker’s gut for added agony. he says all this with a sick smile on his face but be sure to not make any type of look of disgust, anger or expression amongst those. he will blow up immediately and start threatening you if you so much as even hint at not agreeing with his choice of action

— he isn’t afraid of hurting you, he actually enjoys it. he’ll purposely set you up for failure so he can cut you up or bruise you just enough to leave a reminder to behave and listen next time. after all, had you just obeyed like a good little doll then he wouldn’t have had to dig his knife into the bare skin of your stomach just enough to leave a mark that would stay for a short while.

— to add onto that ^ if he’s kidnapped you then he’s even more physical with his punishments. he’ll beat you to make you understand to take his words seriously if you aren’t already. he’s slammed your head into a wall before because you didn’t answer him when he asked you a question and you’d never do that again. you’d do whatever it means to make sure he doesn’t go from leaving marks and bruises to leaving broken bones and open wounds, and he knows that you’re scared of that future and he fucking loves it.

— moving on from that situation for now. he’s surprisingly good with his words (this could either be good or bad) he knows what to say to keep you wrapped tight around his finger and he knows what to say to scare you into listening. “that, uh, new girl you’re talking to. she’s nice isn’t she?” and while he grins, you glance at him with uneasiness at his tone when he spoke.

— i think it’s evident enough he stalks the fuck out of you. whether you’re aware or not he’s always there. ever felt paranoid that someone was watching you? it’s him. but don’f expect to actually catch a glimpse of him, he’d only let you see him if he wanted you to. he’s got way too many photos of you for it to be considered normal (given your relationship with him, nothing is normal). and he’s jerked off to every single one of them. doesn’t matter if it’s suggestive, sexual or a completely innocent photo, he’s gotten off to every single one of them at least once and if he wanted to humiliate you, he’d tell you himself while you cry pretty tears and yell those silly and meaningless words you like to use at him.

— now some nsfw ones… get ready because i dont hold back on anything when it comes to jeff.

— he’s so fucking mean it should be illegal to let him speak. he mocks you, threatens you, manipulates you— whatever he can say to get reactions from you he will. “aw, doll. you look cute all marked up, what if i left my name right- here. what? scared it’ll hurt? can’t take a little bit of pain? oh, you don’t want it? i don’t think i ever asked what you wanted, slut. now hold still before i make ya really scream in pain.”

— he’s so physical with you i’d be surprised if he hasn’t nearly broken one of your arms or crushed your windpipe before. his grip is so tight and he’s so rough it’s like he’s unaware of his strength and how hard he’s being. but he’s completely aware and even makes fun of you when you claw at his arm and gasp pathetically for air he won’t allow you for a few more seconds. he wants to see how long it takes before the life in your eyes starts to flicker. and god the bruises you’ll have from him holding you down to firmly, even if you tried to get away you wouldn’t move an inch under his grasp but he likes with you try to get free so keep going until he gets bored and makes you do something else you might not like doing either.

— speaking of him liking your struggles, he’s put you in situations where you have to fight back. his knife to your throat while he orders you to struggle under him or him forcefully ripping your panties off to have his way with you. anything he does will typically have you attempting to fight back against his advances and it gets him hard and makes him want to hurt you even more the more you cry out and beg him to stop and get off you, your hands pushing against him in failed attempts to free yourself.

— KNIFE PLAY KNIFE PLAY KNIFE PLAY ! i already touched on it but ill say it again because i have this idea in my head ive yet to put into words in a draft. he fucks you with his knife from time to time, it took a few carefully chosen words to manipulate you into giving in and trying “something new” but had you known it was this? you wouldn’t have ever agreed. not that your verbal consent would’ve stopped him.

— he’s rough with holding your hips down, his arm over your lower stomach as he nudges the hilt of his knife against your folds. “ya scared, doll? nothin’ to be scared of, ‘m not putting the sharp end in your stupid cunt.” he could, but that wouldn’t be much fun would it? he pushes it just barely into your entrance and it’s difficult to adjust to, it’s such a stiff object it’s weird feeling it inside of you but he only pushes it deeper and then you feel the dips in the hilt from the use it’s gone through from jeff and how hard he must’ve held it repeatedly and oh. this shouldn’t feel as good as it’s feeling right now.

— “look at you, getting it nice an’ wet f’me aren’t ya, princess? do you know how many i’ve killed with this knife? how many bodies i’ve stabbed it into repeatedly?” and you wish he’d stop saying it like it’s some achievement of his, in fact you wish he’d stop talking all together but his voice seems to only push you further to the edge maybe that’s the pleasure talking though and not your logical brain.

okay ill stop FOR NOW LMFAO this is kinda long and i’ve never dont hcs so idk how to properly do them 💀 this is extremely messy but if i dont post it now i probably wouldnt post it for another two weeks bcus i’d think too hard on it.

[adolescenceknight]

In character. Talk about knight and his haram

"errrr... i'm not jewish?"

"oh! well! geez i dunno if it's a HAREM per se, ahaha... d-do you really think so?"

"first there's master, master parka blue! he's my fiancé! hehe~ did i ever tell you how he proposed? look look, he cut off my pinky! it was my birthday, and he fake kidnapped me, and after lots of torture he brought out a ring♥︎! it's a blood diamond, see? of course i said yes, how could i not after the best birthday ever~? then there's his little brother yellow, and his big brother polar-- yellow likes me enough but i don't think polar does very much... one of these days he will :3. yellow's better anyway! hehe! he's the best, he'll do some of the stuff master thinks is 'too weird', hehe~ then there's his big sister panda, hhheheh... i love her, she's so pretty, and... a-anyway. um. then there's the robots! receiver, transmitter, and villainous! the first two are the oldest, but they're super different, like, receiver hates my guts but mitter likes me i think! probably? im scared to say any of them really LIKE me, but... they like playing with me ;3! even villainous does sometimes if i just convince him to! okay, who else... should i count master's parents? gakuran and eoe, they're these amazing scientists who created the robots, i don't think they're too fond of me either but that's okay! makes it easier for them to punish me~ huh? what was i talking about? oh. right. ummm, there's my goddess yolk, and her brother mustard... i haven't seen him in a while :( but goddess always seems happy to see me! and im happy to see her! i think she said something about mustard getting a boyfriend or something, i dunno, i'm bad at listening. um, then there's pink, he's master's friend! i didn't know he had friends, crazy right? he doesn't like me either. i think we're both mentally ill in the same way and it doesn't work well. we freak each other out. but wow... i wish he'd give me some attention, i'd love to be one of his victims one day... is that everyone? oh! council! council is polar's old babysitter, he takes me out to dinner sometimes! hehe, he's kinda freaky if you push his buttons enough~ okay. i THINK that's everyone. i don't... think i should bring my family into this..."

[bloggingboutburgers]

Today you answered a lot of questions, so if you want this to just sit in your inbox it's okay

Not tryna burden you or anything, just wanted to wish you a good day, and tell you that I admire you and how confident you are with your identity. It's truly heartwarming for me from my little confused bicurious/bisexual demisexual genderfluid place (Ik, it's a lot), because I get confused and sometimes awkward when I doubt on whether what I am or what I'm not. Mostly because it discourages me a bit when I'm talking about my identity and the same friend jumps in and says "but weren't you *this* a few months ago?". She's very insensitive most of the time and questions me about my choices because she thinks I strictly have to have 'had a crush' on someone to be sure. Idk man, I just realized just now that when I was a kid I found Elsa from Frozen prettier than I did with other characters, shut up. I just know, but after being fed with that if I found them attractive (or rather, sexually appealing) then I had a crush on someone, realizing if I liked someone or not was a huge fucking struggle.

Whatever, I'm just ranting by now. Just wanted to thank you because thanks to you I felt like someone understood my situation because I had been wondering why I never had liked someone my whole life. Then I realized, I can, it's just that it takes a bit more than just finding them appealing to the eye for me. You gave me a safe space, where I could laugh and relate (or not, it depends on the context but I still nod and chuckle) to being ace.

Also, I could be asking on my main but I feel embarrassed to say this since we're mutuals and you probably know who I am, but I'm still shy :P

Have a good night :D

IIIIII have totally let this sit in my asks for quite a while because the stress of the visa process got to me... TwT Sorry it took me so long to respond! (...Tbh I haven't guessed who you are either TwT I'm so sorry, I hope that isn't too hurtful, I'm kinda stupid in that way...)

I feel you though. I'm lucky I myself have such a strong and stubborn sense of self that I can still be like "no I AM this because I know and naysayers can f off" even in times where there's ground for doubt, because it IS genuinely so hard to figure oneself out. First off, people impose on you, from your very childhood, the common denominator that everyone's heterosexual and heteroromantic. Next, and even stronger than that, people impose on you that everyone feels sexual and romantic attraction, and that if anyone likes anything at all, if any person interacts positively with any other at all, if any character shares screentime with any other at all, then it must mean they're romantically/sexually attracted, because that's all it ever can mean. No wonder it's a struggle!

It's an honestly unfair situation to always have to be surrounded by "yeah but"s from people who don't experience your experience yet somehow think they know better. It makes it so that sometimes, all you have to trust is your gut, and that's a tough pill to swallow in a world that tends to erase or disvalue your experience, and in a society where it's encouraged not to be too self-centered and seek other opinions for guidance, for valid reasons. But it's sometimes so tough to find support, that trusting oneself really IS what one needs.

Either way... I consider myself really fortunate in that sense, but I know it's definitely a tough one, and I sincerely wish you the best T^T I'm really glad if I can help, even a little! And please don't let external forces make you lose too much confidence in yourself, as honestly hard as it is at times TwT You're all good as you are and you have every right to be who you are! It sounds so obvious put that way but... Yeah TwT

[antihibikase2]

BW : II - The High Priestess (Upright)

“You met a guy like that?” 

“Yeah..” 

Though the battle went in Hilbert’s favor, he didn’t want to entertain the possibility of having lost against such a person.

“Ugh, if daddy was here, he wouldn’t let us hear the end of it!” Bianca frowns, brushing her mother’s gift- a Lillipup, on her lap. “I know we’re encouraged to ask for help when we need it, but come on, Hilbert! If it feels wrong in your gut, run away!”

And the fact that that strange man released his Pokemon right after the battle too, as if he wasn’t willing to form bonds with them..

At least Purrloin seemed happy.

“But-!” He doesn’t get the chance to talk as she throws a potion at him. “Well, he had some things to say, you know? And I don’t mind listening at all, but..”

He looks down at the potion that Bianca threw at him, his own reflection bouncing off the surface of the bottle.

“Cheren was getting uncomfortable, so I ended up challenging him to a battle. Kinda. I didn’t say anything, but-”

“Oh, Hilloo, you’re a horrible liar. It’s all in your eyes. And you have no patience at all when it comes to either Cheren or me,” Though her tone is scolding, there was a bit of amusement. “That’s why daddy depends on you, you know? Even if he won’t admit it, he’s glad you’re here.”

 Hilbert could only laugh sheepishly.

Bianca had noticed the air of the group had slightly changed when she left the Pokemon Center at Accumula.

Though they parted ways not too soon after, she couldn’t help but sense how quieter Cheren had become, and how Hilbert seemed almost hesitant to let him or Bianca out of his sight.

To think they would meet such a strange person early on- Bianca hoped it wouldn’t persist.

They did leave on a journey to become independent after all; the last thing any of them wanted deep down was to run back home and prove her father right.

“As long as we all promise to meet up like this every now and again, that’ll put my daddy’s worries at ease.”

“Then he’ll stop hounding you?”

“Ugh, I wish.”

As she talks, one of the waiters- the one with wavy blue hair, brings both her and Hilbert a cup of tea and a complimentary bag of cookies. 

“Oh, thank you so much!”

“It is our pleasure,” A hand is placed on his chest with a gentle bow. “You’re a challenger too, aren’t you? Then please, enjoy Striaton’s finest delicacies while we prepare the battlefield. Your friend here,” His eyes look up at Hilbert, almost as if annoyed. “Is quite a brute, and made quite a mess in our stage.”

Hilbert grins. “They’re tough, Bianca! The triplet you’ll go against is the one who has a type advantage over your starter-”

“And there you go yapping your mouth,” Cress rolls his eyes. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but here you go spoiling it.”

“Oops!”

“Aw, Hilloo! You can’t spoil a good surprise like that!”

“With that in mind, however, I hope you’ll be a much more graceful challenger,” Cress huffs. “In the meantime, I suggest training at the Dreamyard. This may take awhile."

He leaves the pair as he joins his twin brothers; with the excited way the redhead was mopping the floors, Bianca could only guess that he was the one next in line to face her.

“The Dreamyard, huh? I didn’t get a chance to explore it much before I battled them..” Hilbert mutters. “Hey, why don’t we go there together? I can help you train!”

Lillipup yaps excitedly at the thought.

“That was the place that was always off limits to non-trainers, right?"

“Yup! Only Professor Juniper got to go in when she brought us along. I can help you out so you don't make a big mess!"

"Hey, you're just as careless as I am, Hilloo!"

"Yeah, but you made a mess in my room!"

"Cheri too!"

"To be fair, we fought before Cheri and I did, so-"

“Well, it was one of us, and it wasn’t me!”

"Hey!" One of the triplets barks at them, broom clutched in hand. His Pansear mimicked his expression. "If you two have the energy to fight here, then get your asses to the Dreamyard and train!"

"Brother!"

Hilbert and Bianca watch as another one- the one with green hair, tries to wrangle his twin.

Cress steps out of the cleaning closet and begins to throw insults at his brother's way. Chili marches up to the eldest and says something, which leads to Cress dragging him at the very back for a good scolding.

The middle child, Cilan, could only watch helplessly as his brothers bickered.

When his eyes meet Bianca's and Hilbert's, he looks like he's on the verge of crumbling into a thousand pieces.

"Um, this is embarrassing, but please do visit the Dreamyard! Trainers often say we catch them off guard, and, um-"

"Now what did we say about speaking rudely to customers?"

"HAH! As if you don't do the same thing! You're just pretentious about it!"

"...leave my brothers to me, or I fear we will never get things done.."

As the brothers continued to bicker, Bianca stuffs the bag of cookies into her bag as Hilbert downs the rest of his tea. They awkwardly make it out of the restaurant, passing by several other patrons as they do so.

As the duo leaves the restaurant and into the dreamyard, a lab coat flutters in the wind, accompanied by the sickly sweet smell of dream mist.

“Oh? Those kids.. aren’t they..?”

[coolcattime]

2, 5, 33!

2. Top 5 games of all time.

5) The Sims 3

The game I will play non-stop for a couple of days at a time and then not play for months! But gods do I love The Sims 3. I think my love for the third game is mostly just because it’s the one I played first, but I just couldn’t really get into the other games as much.

4) Cook Serve Delicious 2 & 3

Welcome to the games which I have way too much love for given that they are literally just typing games, but I genuinely cannot get enough of them. I have 100% achievement completion across the whole series, and while I do still love Cook Serve 1 and Forever, the game play styles of 2 & 3 just are the frantic mess of everything I love so much.

For context I have 682 hours in the games across the full franchise and a friend has described my “red flag” as the fact that “whenever I look at you on discord it says you're playing that goddamn cooking game”. 

3) Danganronpa

So I’m just counting all the main line games, because I don’t really think that I can separate them out to decide which I like the most. I really like this franchise. It gets my love of death games and mysteries into one and I don’t think any other game series has made me cry as much (maybe Telltale’s The Walking Dead). Do they have their faults and odd moments, yes, but I like them regardless. ((And I’m really looking forward to the Dead Meat upcoming kill count on Trigger Happy Havoc�� even if I fully agree with Chelsea that I’m not gonna be looking in the comments))

2) Your Turn to Die

Honestly, I cannot describe the love I have for Your Turn to Die. It is just such a game that fits right into my interests, and that I have such a good time whenever I’m playing it. I think Sara is one of my favourite protagonists in any game, and I just love theorising and experimenting with the formula.

1) To The Moon

To The Moon is, well, it’s a real special game to me. It’s both really silly and really sad in equal measure and it’s just a story I really treasure. The story of a pair of doctors travelling through a dying man’s memories to grant his dying wish is genuinely such a simple concept but it creates such a wonderful story and I wholeheartedly recommend it.

5. Most memorable gaming moment?

So I play a lot of games with my best friend, like a lot of story games particularly like ones with a lot of dialogue we play together either blind or with one of us already knowing the story and kinda guiding the other through it.

And so this is the way that we play YTTD, originally my friend had played a little ahead because they had been playing with a different friend who introduced YTTD to them, but I really remember the moment where we both got into being blind. It was right at the end of Chapter 2, Part 1 and they had seen the route where Reko died. However, we didn’t actually realise it was a route system, we thought it was a pass-fail puzzle where if you fail then Reko dies.

So we passed the puzzle, and then just the whole scene in the Room of Lies was such an emotional gut punch as at first it just seemed like Reko died anyway and then Alice’s fucking stomach exploded. And just genuinely the shock and emotions of that whole scene just sticks in my head so much.

I do honestly have a lot of memorable moments from playing games with my friend, just cause I think that’s the nature of playing games with other people! (Honourable mentions: Them genuinely believing a 7 year old was the killer in Ace Attorney, and just so many of the reveals in Danganronpa).

33. Most embarrassing gaming moment.

Honestly, it's not really a moment, more a series of moments across my life, but it’s probably the fact that I just am really bad at Pokemon. Like I have genuinely never been good at them despite being decent at other like turn based combat games and really liking the collecting part of the story.

There has not been a single pokemon game that I’ve played where I haven’t gotten stuck for at least an hour at some point just from dying over and over. This is to the point where I have only actually gotten to the end of 2 of the games (X and Sword) but continue to buy them regardless of being very bad.

[fr-perry]

Hey father! This is kinda gonna be a long ask. Sorry in advance.

I've really been struggling with a couple things I know about God lately.

And it's going to sound super self-centered and really dumb, honestly, but no matter who I talk to or how I say it it will come across as dumb.

Alright.

I desperately want to become holy. I want to be a saint. I have this burning desire inside of me to be the person God wants me to be. I desperately want to hold everything I have as gift and only clench my fists tight around the love of God and not what and who He has given me.

And I know I'm not perfect, not even close, to what I'm supposed to be, but I long for it, y'know? I really really want to be someone good and someone pure in the eyes of God.

But I'm highkey afraid of it, because. Like.

What if the people around me start to suffer because my own faith needs to be tested? Bad things happen to good people to show them that they can still be faithful, right? Bad things happen to good people for the promotion of virtue? I've been taking theology classes and every single time I hear a teacher say that I just get this sick feeling in my gut, because when I become good, I know, eventually, the bad must be coming for me, right? I'm really really really afraid of losing the people I've been given. I'm really really blessed when it comes to family, friends, life, job, school.

But, honestly, the only thing I'm really really desperately attached to is my best friend. They're unlike anyone else I've ever known and they just mean so much to me, and I sit there sometimes and I worry that I'm going to lose them just because I know I'm too deeply attached and that I ought to let go and I swear that I'm really deeply trying but my heart just freezes up. This friend really helped me through a lot of tough times and I can't offer them to God as a blessing I'd trust that I'd see His providence in if He took them from me.

And it's been getting really bad where every single time I hear things in my classes like "Well, bad things happen so that the followers of God know that they're His true followers" I just freeze up and want to run to church and beg on my knees that I won't lose this person because they're someone good that I've got on my side. I had a lot of nasty friends for a long while, pretty much my whole life, and I've been friends with this person for over a year and they've treated me with nothing but kindness and respect and I'm so scared to lose that.

I can't trust in the providence of God on their welfare, and I really deeply wish I could, but I'm also so terrified that the second I start to pray that I be able to let go something will happen and I'll lose them forever.

I've kind of been a wreck about this lately. I was gonna talk to my priest about it, but he wasn't available today. So I figured I'd turn to you.

Do you have any advice on how I can get over this fear of losing the blessings that God's given me? Especially when it comes to this friend, who I truly deeply love and want the best for. I know my attachment to them isn't going to benefit either of us, and I just really want to become who God made me to be. And I know this isn't it.

How would you suggest I overcome this slightly nonsensical fear that's spiritually crippling me?

Bad things happen to bad people too. Knowing this fact helps you to understand what a "test of faith" really is. It's not about bad things happening, it's how you get through the bad things. Sorry if this wasn't much help to you, my approach to things like this has always been straightforward and matter of fact.