#kinda what happens when you watch the original run live from 10-18

[porcelaintoybox23]

Not me finally watching Obsidian and nearly crying. I always felt that Bubbline was meh, but I rewatched the whole show a few months ago and saw that it developed really well. Now I’m tearing up because these losers are a healthy couple.

[intotherumiverse]

Chapter 1

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: I’m here again because this project is my child. I’ve added a lot and learned even more and I’m glad y’all are here to watch me develop On to the diggers <3 ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: blood, violence, pov changes  ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ: @katsumiiii and @lilsparkyswife ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.9k 

The day I was first killed was tedious.  

When you’re raised in the Summer Court, certain traditions are found there. When you are five you receive your first dagger. I almost hit my lessons teacher in the eye with that little stunt I pulled. When you are 10 they start with basic strength, endurance, and speed training. I beat up Katsuki Bakugou for making fun of me that year. When you’re really curious, they take you up for assassination training. I was a prodigy at it…

I got so good in fact that I climbed the ranks at the young tender age of 18. Summer Court likes tradition, yes, but I was something unprecedented, unorthodox. Something bigger.

Working for the Summer Court had its perks, yes. This was one of them. As I walked among the snakes of the Autumn Court, I felt a curl of unease flow through me. Yvonne, the one who usually handles our information, said that our biggest client’s rival was supposed to be at the ball. As if that makes my life any easier. Everyone wanted someone from the Autumn Court dead. But no one wanted to be seen doing it. Looking at the throng of people, laughing and talking amongst themselves, I smirk slightly.

‘Autumn Court sure has a lot of balls.’ I thought to myself snidely. ‘ I wonder what they could be celebrating this time’ Before I had time to dwell on the thought any longer, the familiar voice of one of my good friends (not to mention on my team) Amira trickles through.

“Why does everyone in this Autumn Court look bummy?” The rude question isn’t uncommon for Amira, though I wish she chose her moments.

“You’re not supposed to say shit like that out loud!”Mina, another teammate (and good friend) jokes.

Stifling up a laugh, and not wanting to attract attention, I whisper back “If both of you don’t shut the fuck up...”

“This is why I don’t work with them” Yvonne sighs into the mic. She was the best informant Summer Court has ever had, and I was always grateful she was on my team. “They never take shit seriously.”

“Neither do you, Von, shut up!”

“Swear to Nyx if y’all don’t shut up, we can leave right now.”

“Fine…” they all chorus in my ear and I hear silence for the first time.

My eyes scan the crowd of people carefully, assessing each one before seeing my target. But before I could move into place, a flash of green appeared at the corner of my eye.

“Oh fuck no…”

I hated many things. The horrid smell of rotting flesh, bugs, failing my parents. But above all else, I hated a specific person. And if he’s here tonight…

Well, it would make my life harder.

Sighing softly, I weave slowly through the crowd, not letting the clammy bodies touch me. Eventually, I make my way down to the main floor. Making sure that my ears were covered, I attempted to get closer to the target, feeling for the poison that was in the many pockets of the dress.

I feel someone touch my shoulder lightly and it takes everything in me to not grab the person’s arm and twist it. Instead, I turn around slowly, facing to meet lavender eyes.

Fuck. Hitoshi Shinsou, Autumn Court’s Master Interrogator. If he was here, then…

“A dance m’lady?” He doesn’t seem to recognize me as he stoops into a low bow, eyes scanning my face

“Oh, he's kinda cute!” Mira whispers into the com.

“I haven’t seen you around before. Are you new?” His voice breaks through the mumble of the communicator.

“Well, I’m certainly not old.” That incites a chuckle from him.

“A lady with secrets, my favorite kind.” I scan the floor seeing the target get farther and farther away. I needed to get out of this situation and out of here.

“The dance?” I quirk my lips up into a smile.

And with that, we dance. He wasn’t a terrible dancer, spinning me ‘round the floor with a grace that only the Upper Ranks could achieve. I let myself get caught up in the dance, losing myself in the flow of the music.

“(Y/n). The mission” Yvonne’s voice echoes in my ear as I’m snapped back to reality. Right, the mission.

I suddenly pretended Shinsou stepped on my foot. Bending over in faux agony and forcing tears to come to my eyes, Shinsou fumbles at my pain. I feel a small pang of guilt, looking at his distressed face.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” He leads me over to a small sitting area, not a far distance from my target. Watching Shinsou get lost in the crowd I make my move.

I walked over, inching closer and closer to my target. There was a glass of ale his hand was resting on, delicate fingers winding around the glass. Pulling a small pill from one of the many pockets of my dress, I place it carefully into the glass. Making my way back across the room, I watch as my target drinks the ale ‘till it’s empty to my original position.

‘Spring Court has its uses’, I thought smiling to myself.

“All right, This is an Upper-Rank Investigation!”

Oh, come the fuck on.  And right when I was leaving too.

A male voice rings out in the middle of the confused court members. I recognized that voice…

“(Y/n), get out of there!” Mina says into the communicator.   “Working on it.” Shit. Why were Upper-Rank boot lickers here? Shit, this was bad, I needed to get out of there.

I back away from the door slowly, trying not to bring attention to myself. A  hand came out and gripped the back of my arm.

“Where do you think you’re going, Summer Court scum” the hot and familiar voice of Shinsou rings in my ear. I grit my teeth, fearing to say anything due to their power.

He rips the comm from my ear, and upon hearing the cries from my friends, crushes it

“We have suspicion to believe that a Summer Court Assassin is here. Nobody moves, this will take a couple of minutes.”

And then I see him. The bane of my existence, everything in me sings in disgust and anger, as I try not to lunge at him. Izuku Midoriya. The heir to the Autumn throne. And my worst nightmare.

“No need,” Shinsou calls out, a smirk gracing his features. “I got ‘er right here”

His cold green eyes bore into me as he smiles. “There she is! My favorite assassin (Y/n)! It’s good to see you again honey.” His voice was like syrup, undoubtedly sticky and sweet. The heady sound of hypnosis.

“Seize her guards! We finally got the infamous (Y/n), top assassin of the Summer court.”  The guards move hesitantly like they were afraid. I hope so because they should be. Then everything happens all I once. I pull myself out of Shinsou’s grip, running towards the exit, which happens to be, in front of me.

“Lucky me,” I smile unsheathing the concealed daggers slipping them into my hands “Looks like the Prince brought me toys to play with.”

Oh, how I missed fighting. The rush of dodging and weaving never knowing if my next move is going to be my last. The feel of the blades in my hands as I cut down opponents, watching their terrified faces fall to the ground one by one. It fills me with so much strength knowing that I’m so much better than them.

And then my leg got nicked. The sharp sting of pain de-railing my train of thought.

“Fuck,” I yelled out loud as more soldiers descended upon me. They threw my daggers away from me first, restraining my wrists and upper arm for no movements. They forced me to my knees, and I look around at the now-empty ballroom. The heavy smell of iron and salt dancing in the air as the blood of the fallen soldiers surround me. I wasn't squeamish, but I didn't really want to ruin my dress.

Footsteps echo towards me, the clanking of boots reverbing in my head. A gloved hand grips my chin, forcing me to look up. Green eyes bore into mines. “Hi love,” Izuku smiles at my grimace at the nickname. “Quite a mess you’ve made of my soldiers. Now, look at the extra work you’ve given me. They were good people. Honest. And now-”

“None of us are honest,” I spit the words at him “You know that better than me.”

“Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. Now here’s the deal, pet. I will have to take you in now. You have made quite a name for yourself and have to turn you in. Nothing personal”

“With you? Everything’s personal.”

Letting go of my chin, Izuku stands once more.

“You might be right (Y/n). You’ll have a lot of time to reflect in your jail cell. Now sleep.” That was the last thing I heard before my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep.

Mira’s Pov

I rip the communicator from my ear in anger, slamming the tiny black device onto the table.

“Taking your anger out on our stuff isn’t going to make (Y/n) come back.”

I look over to the blank face of Von, rolling my eyes. (Y/n) got caught and by our intel (and the fact the Hitoshi Shinsou was there) were knew that the Autumn Court had taken her. And now the issue was how we were going to get her back.

“I mean,” Mina’s voice pops up, the small twinge of hope laced throughout her words. “Why can’t we just go in and take her back?”

“Because Summer isn’t really on good terms with Autumn”

“Are we really on good terms with anyone?” Summer Court’s standing had always been rocky with the others. We were always called the lowest, doing everyone’s dirty job, but in fact, we knew more about the other Courts than everyone else. People fear what they don’t understand and hate what they fear.

But these last few years, Autumn’s seemed to have a personal grudge with us. No one knew the exact details but it was something involving (Y/n) and the prince of Autumn.

“They’d kill us on the spot if they knew who we were” Von’s voice cuts in through my thoughts.

“But don’t they realize they kidnapped the princess? This is asking for war!” Mina was right. If (Y/n) got hurt it wouldn’t just be her parents that got mad.

“Who’s going to tell Bakugou?” I ask softly. The van is quiet as we all debated internally.

“Well, I’m not doing it. I actually like living and being here. You can fight it over if you two have a death wish.”

I shake my head at Von, signaling that I won’t do it either. Bakugou’s temper was infamous and when it comes to people he loves, there was no telling what he would do.

“Fuck y’all. Now I have to go deal with the dumbass wrecking ball. If I get hurt, y’all gonna pay Spring Court to heal me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you dodge fast enough, or you’ll actually get hurt.” Mina gives me a small smile in sympathy.

Sighing I head to the front of the car. We had to make it back before Autumn found us too. I’d never hear the end of it from the king if we also got caught.

And with that, we drive off, chaos awaiting us in the Summer Court.

onto the next chapter?

Taglist: @xetou @kunikida-kun @asaincy @ryuvanaka @katsumiiii @lilsparkyswife @katsumox @silkylious @inkwicke @myhoodacademia @mypimpademia @readergurl20 @angiebug101  @artof-apollo@namjoonswifeyy @moonlit-xio​

Crossed out means I couldn’t tag you ; Send an ask to be added >:D

[corvus--rex]

First of two ideas I played with as a foil to OLIP (Our Life in Pictures, for the uninitiated, and on Ao3). Pretty short, just under 1k. I decided I wasn't really happy with where it was going, so I abandoned it. Because it was meant to be a foil to OLIP, it is an Omegaverse, and as usual, skip it if it's not your thing! :)

Side note: the book mentioned, Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers, is part of the Lord Peter Wimsy series of detective stories written in the 1930s.

~*~*~*~

Keith sat on the floor of his studio apartment, putting the final brushstrokes on his latest painting. His alarm went off, telling him that he needed to be ready to leave in twenty minutes to get to his job at Olkarion, the independent bookshop he worked at. He rushed around the open space, cleaning up from painting, getting himself changed, and then putting the still-wet painting out of reach of his cat. Red sat like the emperor he knew he was, watching. They had originally thought he was a Maine Coon, since that was what the shelter said, but the vet later identified him as a Norwegian Forest Cat. Keith scratched his fluffy head on his way out the door, reminding him to behave.

He was an unusual Omega. 24 and still unmated. Living on his own. His Alpha half-brother checked in on him every couple days, but Shiro knew Keith was fine. It was really their mother Krolia who worried. She was afraid of what could happen to an unmated Omega living alone in the city. She didn’t need to. Keith may have been an artist who worked in a bookshop, but he was also an experienced martial artist and could more than take care of himself. It was why Shiro didn’t worry about his little brother the way their mother did.

Olkarion was within walking distance of Keith’s apartment. He preferred walking, especially with city parking and everything he needed being within walking distance anyway. It was one more thing Krolia worried about with her younger son.

“Hey, Ryner,” Keith said as he walked in.

Ryner, a thin, grey-haired, older Beta, was the owner of Olkarion. Warm hazel brown eyes sparkled with intelligence from behind her green wire-framed glasses. “Oh, Keith, there you are,” she said from behind the counter.

He stopped, turning back to her. “I'm not late, am I?” he questioned.

She laughed. “Oh, no, not at all. Romelle has been attempting to sort out the Art section and I’m afraid it hasn’t been going well. If you could take over for her, please? You know it far better than she does.”

Keith snorted. “Sure thing, Ryner. You want me to send her up here?”

“Please do. The Shakespeare club will be in soon. We’re still reading Much Ado About Nothing, and the arguments! But, yes, please, send Romelle up.”

He laughed to himself and left for the bookshop’s back room. Ryner had been running a Shakespeare book club for years with some members who had been there since the beginning and the rest coming and going. Keith had been working there since high school, and knew all the oldest members. He also knew how much they liked to argue over interpretation. He would never forget one time when they were in the middle of Romeo and Juliet, and Miss Trigel, Ryner’s oldest friend, announced to the whole of the bookshop, “It’s all swordfights and dick jokes anyway!” The entire shop had gone dead quiet for several long seconds before Ryner and Miss Trigel burst out laughing.

In the back room, Keith hung his jacket and slid his messenger bag into one of the antique wooden “lockers” Ryner had bought from a boarding school’s remodel several years earlier. Her entire shop was like that. Full of “rescued” antique wood in the form of bookcases – the only rule was that they had to be approximately the same height, sort of – side tables, chairs, the two latter scattered liberally throughout, and the farmhouse table surrounded by armchairs taking up an entire alcove.

Keith found Romelle in the Art section, where she was sorting books by size as opposed to subject and author.

“Ryner wants you up front for now. Shakespeare club,” Keith said stopping beside her, “I’ll take over here.”

“Finally! Thank you,” the other Omega sighed in relief, “I don’t know how much longer I could do this. How do you do it?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. I just kinda tune out, I guess.”

“Well, I’d better get up there.” Romelle practically skipped away.

Keith shook his head at her energy and got fixing the disaster. An hour later, and he’d mostly done it. Romelle hadn’t done as much damage as he’d been afraid of. Another twenty minutes, and he was reshelving the last misplaced book. Coming down from the tracked ladder built into the wall shelves he nearly walked into someone. He found himself eye-to-shoulder with an Alpha. The Alpha quickly backed up.

“Oh, I’m sorry. That was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you ok?” he asked all at once.

Keith blinked in surprise and backed up himself. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Was there something you were looking for?”

“I think I’m in the wrong place. I’m supposed to be looking for Gaudy Night?”

The Omega nodded. “Dorothy Sayers. Mystery’s this way,” he said, leading the way through the maze of shelves and bookcases to an entire room dedicated to the genre. He pulled a copy off the shelf, handing it over. Keith folded his arms and leaned back against the shelves. “I hope you don’t mind my saying, you don’t seem like the type for Thirties detective stories.”

“It’s more my sister’s thing, but she’s been trying to get me into it for years and I'm finally giving in.”

“Well, if you end up liking that one, there are several others in the same series and a couple other authors from the same period that are all good.”

Keith knew the Alpha nodded just from the wave his scent made. It was woody, but green, unlike the strong musk most Alphas had. A forest at the height of summer, bright and earthy, and if sunlight had a scent, this Alpha had it. Keith looked up to bright blue eyes watching him.

~*~*~*~

Links to the rest of the series:

1 | 2 | 3* | 4 | 5* | 6* | 7 | 8 | 9* | 10 | 11 | 12* | 13 | 14 | 15* | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever- Utter Nonsense Drabble... 40 Questions!

Yeah so don’t ask me where this came  from, but I saw these floating around and for some reason decided it would be funny if Steve and Katie answered  some of them instead of me...

I think the original post was from @odaatlover​  and I think I was taggeed by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​. Anyway, I took my favourite ones and this was the result...enjoy!

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

Katie: I’d kinda like a tiger. They’re so graceful and  pretty but pack a mean bite and you wouldn’t mess with one would you?

Steve: Who does that remind you of?

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Steve: (grinning) Nothing.

Katie : I can confirm that is also my favourite thing he sleeps in...

3. What song really gets you going?

Katie: In what way? If it’s to dance and just act like a crazy fool to then its always going to be “Back in Black” because it reminds me a lot of Tony and happy times growing up. But if its one to spark memories then its our wedding song.

Steve: “The Only One In Color” by Trapt. I also kinda like the John Legend song  “You and I” because it reminds me of her, you know, the bit aout trying on every damned out fit she ownes before we can go out.

Katie: I don’t do that.

Steve looks at Katie, eyebrow raising.

Katie: Ok, maybe I can be a little incecisive....but tha wasn’t really the point of the...you know what, never mind. Next...

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

Steve: It depends. If its breakfast or lunch dring the week then it’s usual eaten on the go whilst we’re getting the kids sorted or I’m in between classes...but dinner, well we always try and sit down. And at weekends we always eat at the table with the kids. 

5. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Katie: Dinner. During the week Steve and I eat a little bit later than the kids so we have that time to ourselves just to decompress and talk about our day, have a bit of us time...and at weekend we’re al together so I love it.

Steve: I love it for all those reasons, and also because she’s the best damned cook on the planet.

6. Most embarrassing habit?

Katie: Erm...

Steve: It’s pretty embarassing when you throw a Brat tantrum about something.. Katie: I don’t do that in public.

Steve: Bullshit. I refer you to the whole car purchasing situation a few years ago.

Katie: Jamie was only a baby...I was hormonal.

Steve: Hormonal my ass, you were being a brat.

Katie:  Whatever.  Yours is definately the need to stand with your hands on your hips and give someone your Captain look, especially when it’s someone you have never met before but they just happen to be doing something to piss you off.

Steve:  I make no apologies for this.  People can be idiots.

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

Both at same time: Chocolate.

Steve: Preferably British.  Cadbury’s to be specific. I got a taste for it when I was in London during the war.

Katie: He has a secret stash he hides from the kids...it’s great to blackmail him with.

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Steve: Soft

Katie: Hard

Steve: Although hard ones always remind me of when you went into labour with Jamie.  We were making them for lunch and you had a contraction and crushed one...

Katie: Oh yeah, maybe soft in that case...because that was painful.  And then I went throguh that another 3 times.Which is your fault.

Steve: I take full responsibility, yes. 

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

Katie: Walk into the middle of it and say “Prove it, put the hamer down...” Steve: sighs, That was one time.

Katie: And it levelled a forest.

Steve: Did it work?

Katie: Hmmm, suppose so.

Steve: There you go ...but if its a fight between us, the I can think of the best way to break it up...

Katie : grinning, yeah...that’ s pretty funny. Or the worst one is telling you you’re in the spare room.

Steve: Yeah...that sucks.

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

Katie: Putting on deep voice “Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out?”

Steve: Sighing  I wish I had some smart reply to that bu I don’t...

Katie: No, you just threw us out the side of the damned thing from 14 storeys up

Steve: 19

Katie: That’s...that’s not better Steve.

11. Any hidden talents?

Steve: Not so much hidden really but I’m not a bad artist and Katie’s singing and piano playing is off the scale.

Katie: Steve’s really good at DIY. Like, brilliantly good.  And also pretty savvy with technology all things considered...

Steve: When you say all things considered you mean because I’m like 112

Katie: Actually, you’re like 127 if you count the 15 years you spent back in time after putting the stones back.

Steve: hesitates I thought you said they didn’t count because I didn’t spend them with you.

Katie: They don’t, but they still happened.

12. Socks or bare feet around the house?

Steve: Socks

Katie: Bare feet

Steve: Neither of those protect you from standing on lego, which for the record, I reckon has to be a pain worse than chilbirth.

Katie:  Seriously? You’re going there?

Steve: Ok, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but it still hurts like hell.

13: Favorite board game?

Katie: Monopoly. Its funny to watch Emmy and Jamie getting really agitated and annoyed. The younger 3 don’t really get it, Rori just likes to help Steve by sorting all his money into piles and suggesting things he can spend it on.

Steve: Namely tutus and tap shoes...she still wants to be chorus girl.

14:Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Katie: Oh my God. Steve is a nightmare as he runs hotter than any of us, so whilst we want the fire or heat on he’s complaining he’s boiling hot all the time. Our bedroom is like an ice block.

Steve: Doll, I’ve been in an ice block. Trust me, our bedroom is like a furnace in comparison.

Katie: It si nice though, like sleeping with a big hot  water bottle.

15: At what age did you first have alcohol?

Katie: I’m sure Tony gave me beer when I was 15 or something but the first time I ever got drunk was aged 17. I went to a keg party at one of my friends and I was aboslutely shit faced. Tony held my hair back whilst i puked my guts upt for a good hour once I was home. I had the hangover to end all hangovers the next day and he cracked JARVIS up to maximum volume just to teach me a lesson.

Steve:  I think I was 18. Me and Buck drank a bottle of his dad’s home made hooch...yeah, it didn’t take me much to get me drunk back then and I was very, very illl. Ma thought I had a fever. Mr Barnes thought it was hilarious, but still gave us both a slap upside th head...

16. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

Katie: I would say my wedding dress, but Tony bought that for me, so it would probably the the dress I wore to the  SIP Launch for The Color Of Revenge...that cost...well it was in the tens of thousands

Steve:  Blinking How much?

Katie: You don’t need to know.

17. What do you typically wear to formal events?

Steve: Whatever my gal tells me to.

Katie: And you always look great Soldier.

18. Favorite memory?

Steve: Oooh, other than when we adopted Emmy or the kids were born, I’d have to say when Katie agreed to be my wife. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live.

Katie: Me neither, not least becase I got my camero...

Steve: rolls eyes.

Katie:  Joking aside, yeah the engagement sticks in my mind but I think it was when you finally kissed me for the first time. I knew then that I was never gonna let you go.

Steve: yeah...that...ok you know what this is an impossible question after being together for so long.

19. Favorite shoes?

Katie: I have a pair of sparkly gold Jimmy Choo stilettoes that I’ve had for ages. They’re gorgeous, with ankle straps and pointed toes. I’ve had them for almost  17 years but they’re amazin.

Steve: grins. Yeah, they’re my favourite shoes too...

Katie: Pervert.

Steve: I’m not even gonna deny it. Those shoes ALWAYS stay on if I can help it.

20. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Both start to laugh hysterically.

Steve: Where do we start?

Katie: New York, Washington, Sokovia, Lagos, Leipzig, Siberia, Wakanda, Upstate and proablly a whole load of other places in between could be good places Stevie.

Steve: Yeah, this...I can’t answer this. 

21. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

Katie: I was 7 when my parents died but taking Tony as surrogate, I reckon him catching us in the kitchen when we were...you know, and he didn’t actually know about us has got to be up there.

Steve: Yeah, that was pretty bad... although my Ma once caught me and Bucky measuring our... looks down.

Katie: splutters What? You never told me this?

Steve: Well its not exactly somethign that crops up in conersation sweethheart? “Oh by the way, once when we were 16 me and Buck compared sizes...” Katie: Blinks. Boys are strange. So who had the biggest...

Steve: Next question...

22. Last time you had an orgasm?

Both grin.

Steve: Last night 

Katie: I can confrim this...there’s not many nights to be fair where we don’t...

23: Celebrity Crushes?

Katie: grins. Does Bucky Barnes count?

Steve: Fuck you.

24: Makeup or natural?

Katie: Normally I just wear a bit of tinted moisturiser and mascara, now I have the kids anyway. I don’t have time to really do my face in a morning. I’ll make the effort when we go out though...

Steve: You don’t need it honey.

Katie: Awww thanks baby.

Steve: Although that red lipstick you wear, the bright red..yeah...I like that... grins wickedly and winks It smears well...

Katie flushes: dirt bag

25. Favorite season?

Katie: Summer. Growing up in Malibu I like the sun and warmth.

Steve: Fall. It’s an artists dream...the colours and textures are amazing to work with

Katie: Fall is rubbish. Everything dies and it’s a bit shit.

Steve: But you make apple pie and get to snuggle in my sweaters.

Katie: literally the only 2 things good about it. 

26. Are you a competitive person?

Katie snorts and looks at Steve

Steve: I’m not even going to deny it. 

Katie: He even refuses to let the kids win a games sometimes.

Steve: Important life lessons, Doll. 

27. First pet you’ve ever owned?

Katie: My goldfish Flounder, the one that Tony replaced about 8 times. Other than that it was my Turkey Marv, he was ace.

Steve: I didn’t have any growing up so mine would be Lucky. He was a great dog. 

28. Favorite pasta dish?

Steve: Mac and Cheese, specifically Katie’s. It’s amazing.

Katie smiling: Yeah  I like Mac and Cheese, but I also enjoy carbonara.

29. Favorite kind of pizza?

Both: Pepperoni.

Steve: New York Style.

Katie: I like Deepdish every now and then.

Steve: It’s not the same...

Katie: well dur, that’s the point.

Steve: Yeah, not convinced. 

30. Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

Katie: Handful of close friends, without a doubt. They become an extension of your family, you know. All of us in the Avengers were close and when you have that bond, you’ll do anything for one another.

Steve: Agree completely. When you’re close like we all are then it makes everything that little bit easier, knowing that whatever you’re facing you’ve got each others 6.

31: Something that ruins your appetite?

Katie: Narrows eyes Whenver I see Ross on Tv. Makes me want to puke.

Steve: You really should let that go you know?

Katie: Never. I hold a grudge very well.

Steve: Don’t I know it.

32. Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Steve: I’ve never been one for big nights out. I enjoy the odd one now and then but, I’d much rather curl up on the sofa or round the firepit with Katie or Sam or Bucky with a beer and some decent talk.

Katie: Yeah, at one time I would have said night out hands down, but certianly since having the kids, or even since we started dating, it’s definately change my ideas a little. Some of the nicest nights we’ve had have been spent on the sofa.

Steve grins: yeah...

Katie: And not just because of that....

33. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

Steve: I’ve only ever told one girl I loved them and she’s sat right here, and I said it first that night...

Katie: smiling Yeah, yeah you did. I wasn’t far behind though, like 3 seconds or something.

34. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

Katie: Does a one night stand count as a first date? Because if so then yes...

Steve: Same.

Katie: Lottie?

Steve: Storm?

Both look at one another,  teasingly.

Katie: Ok next question...

35. Heroes or villains?

Steve: Some people might say there’s a fine line between the two. Katie: Oh here he goes, getting all Captain Philosophical again...look, everyone knows we were suposedly the heroes Steve, and to be fair we saved the world a fair few times, we were even fighting in the shadows during the Nomad years.

Steve: I know, I know...

36. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

Steve: You know I’ve never actually counted.

Katie: You did 20 at the last brunch we went to.

Steve: 20...that’s...impressive.

Katie: smirking Bucky did 22

Steve: sighs Of course he did...

37: Favorite dessert?

Steve: Apple pie, preferably Katie’s

Katie: Pecan pie. Hands down. 

38 Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

Steve: Ooh, that’s..i suppose it depends. I do like a good TV series, especially if we can curl up and binge watch once the kids are going to bed but I do have fond memories of us working through the films on my list...

Katie: smiling, yeah we had a lot of fun. Still

39. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Steve: I love telling Katie how beautiful she is, and what a wonderful mother she is...all of which is true.

Katie: I like to remind Steve that he’s my Steve Rogers, not Captain America...because he is. And he’s the most amazing man on the planet, with or withouth that serum coursing through his veins. Which is what makes him the best dad the kids could wish for.

40. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Steve: smiling,  she’s sat right next to me.

Katie: smiling , back at ya soldier.

[thehereticaldeserthermit]

𝕆𝕦𝕥 𝕆𝕗 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣 ℚ𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

ROLE PLAYER GET TO KNOW YOU PROMPT

Alright TDC Community It’s time for a task, 

and this time we’re all going to get to know each other a little better. 

Under the cut, you’ll find forty out of character questions split into two parts: OOC about your muses, and OOC about yourself! Answer what you’d like, add more if you’d like.

When you’re done TAG some of your writing partners and keep FUN going. 

-there is no pressure to participate

-IF You Are Reading This And You’d Like To Participate Consider Yourself Tagged My Friend! 

Much Love,

TheJesseWhoLurks

I tag @lyr-taxidermist  @theghostofharar  @hurdygurdyskeksis  @urskekyagvi  @skekmal-the-hunter  @skekso-the-emperor  @gourdplayer   @hedonistschambers  @ulvanmaudra  @littlebluezoologist @the-wandering-urru  @queenofthetides  @juliejewel24 @thecastleurru

OOC About  Your Character(s)

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

The reason I wanted to write for Gra was to meet fellow fans that loved the world of TDC as much as I do, I wanted to find fellow writers. I wanted to steep myself in the fandom. You can easily consider me skeKSis obsessed but I am growing a fondness for their counterparts -slowly ❤

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Passionate | Erratic | Trustworthy

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Originally I was going to pick up The Ritual Master, he’d been my OG fav from the movie BUT Gra kept ... poking me with his scepter? Like; I live in the desert, you live in the desert, Ima recluse, you’re a recluse =we are simpatico. I think The Heretic picked me because he simply would not leave my mind when I considered him as a possibility. 

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Canon. I mean they left us kinda hanging there. We really do not know what happened do we? They are simply, just not there anymore. I do not want them to perish, I want them to make it to the finish line and become urSkek. It breaks my heart to think they did not make it.

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

I would not say anything, just hug him REALLY tightly and probably not let go until he gives me a chitter-laugh.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

I would like to give them...ME. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I do not want to take a positive thing from the fibers that make up Gra. I feel they are very interwoven in his tale. Removing one would make another untether. If I could take away or diminish a bad trait Id have him not be so stubborn and or impatient but then again he would not be Gra now would he?  

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

His determination, passion. Damn son. You get things done. 

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Yes. He’s gotten his ass handed to him, I think he might be owed a slice of peace and happiness.  What makes him most happy? He’s already showed me; his relationships whether its friendship, extended family or a lover those are treasures he holds near and dear to his heart.  

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

Usually I prefer to plot out angst rather then let it completely run a-muck because you never know what your partner is comfortable with, what might trigger them in a detrimental way and simply set fire to a plot unintentionally. 

I already know; it literally is ... break his heart. 

11. What do you love about your muse?

His dynamic energy, the wild fire, the mystical chaos, the creativity is off the charts. His sharp distinguished features, the way he looks shamanistically feral as compared to his brethren and their Garthic garb. His use of the color red. His scratchy rasp of a voice. His laugh. 

12. What do you hate about your muse?

He is a high maintenance muse, he is demanding and screeches loudly for what he wants. 

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that he is a skeKSis. This brings a whole slew of challenges to the table for a writer. Case in point, I was writing a reply one day and I went to put something in along the lines of ‘he arched his brow and blah blah’ THEN he hit me! He has no eyebrows to arch, ahhh! I have to stop and think about how to write out expressive traits or reactions that are not of the usual human reaction tone.

14. What about your muse makes you sad? 

How fragile his heart really is after all the shit he’s endeared. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

Get Ready For A Wild SURPRISE!

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Yes, I like creative souls. I cherish them. 

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I do not think I am or he is better than the other. 

But I will say he is a handsome devil, for a skeKSis. 

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Creative. Outcast. 

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

His passion and drive. I’d say its the same answer for us both. All of the accomplishments he tackled probably had their stacks of obstacles with each to-do. You’d have to have an unending supply of passion and drive to keep going, to complete all. He really is a work-a-holic and a busy body skek.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

Not yet but I am sure he will, creative liberties will be taken since I only have a a episode or two to work with -am I right? 

About You!

1.     What is your name? 

Jesse. 

2.     What is your profession?

secret shit. 

3.     What do you do to relax?

I write. Play video games. Naps are divine. Hot coffee and watch YT videos. DOodle. Desert combing walks. Long hot baths. Organize things xD

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

All kinds, I’m not picky. I love me some chocolate lately. 

5.     Favorite movie

Too many to list. Its October right now. All I want is Hocus Pocus, some Harry Potter and Practical Magick at the moment. Tis the season. 

6.     Favorite book

I do not think I have a favorite. BUT I will admit that I have a copy of The Dark Crystal that I STOLE FROM A LIBRARY YEARS AGO! I have kept it all this time, its falling apart and its aged with beauty and I adore it  ❤ I also have a Jim Henson book about puppetry and his works, there is a page from TDC and if my memory serves me right it has the concept art of skekGra in it sooo sooo I was looking at skekGra YEARS AGO AND HAD NO CLUE the conjunction that would line up in the future! I really neeed to go find this book but its in a storage shed that will be a fresh hell to get to =[ *

7.     Favorite vacation spot

Anywhere where its either very green and or by some body of water. Ocean, river, lake. Yes, good. -not very many humans around save for present company reading thiiiis. 

8.     Favorite Disney movie

Are you kidding me? Too many to list, although I will say The Sword In The Stone did play a part in Gra’s Crystal Skimmer named Archimedes after the grouchy old owl. 

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

Years ago. I started writing on face book. I wrote for a pirate believe it or not, he was my first muse and he holds special place in my black heart and probably always will. But I am disinclined to acquiesce the gift of further details about this scurvy cursed muse, Ha!

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

It was face book, before they got all crazy about accounts and security. I moved over to tumblr because writers were incredibly rude and rapid fire RP-ers. One liner sentences and I’m like NOPE I need a novel length. 

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

Sometimes I have a touch of dyslexia, sometimes I typo, sometimes I am too tired to proof read, sometimes I make blunders. But I tend to focus on my mistakes rather then other peoples. I just go with the flow, I just write no matter what their level of ‘proper grammar’ IS because I’d like to think that maybe they are just starting out, maybe they will fall in love with writing and maybe they will be the next author who creates a world we all fall in love with and want to immerse ourselves in.  

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

I do not RP in other languages. However I did have a muse at one time who was French, I would throw in little phrases but it was never entirely done in French and I do have a British muse at the moment, so again I will use slang and little sayings to make them well rounded as best as I can. Those are just little details I like to include that many others might skip on but I thrive for deets. 

I do however have role play writing partners that are from ALL over the world which is amazing to me. 

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

ALOT. I have tracks specifically for skekGra, that take me to his frame of mind. Even TDC soundtrack at times, the puppet show song and the blue flame part 2 are on replay a lot. 

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

I am all over the place. My life is very hectic. I’d like to say its usually in the afternoon of evening for me, the house is settled down and things are silent but thats not always how it works out. Oftentimes I will sit down and write a reply or two, then dip to do mundane human things that adults do, then return back for a few more replies. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Kills it. The weekends I work long hours therefor my brain is like WHAAAT. 

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

It is always TIME. Sometimes stress levels can be an obstacle too, no lie. If something major is going on, I just throw my hands up like ‘I got nothin’’ and thats that.

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

Oh damn. Been there done that. I am much more picky about it nowadays. I try to limit skekGra to a certain number of replies because he also has to allow room for other muses. 

Currently: Gra has ten replies on tumblr -no actually 11 &&& 4 on discord. I am two shakes away from cutting HIM OFF! lol. 

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

I’m open to different characters, I have written with a lot. I love a writer who has style, I appreciate the effort.  

Etiquette, manners and consideration are oftentimes LACKING as of late. 

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

ANYTHING as long as it is not anon HATE. 

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

T I M E not having enough time to write the angst fluff and dialogue, smut too lets be real. It really is a bummer to me when I  do not have the time, I work, I have a a lotta responsibilities, my life is like a hurricane a lot of the time so TIME is my weakness, oftentimes I am super J E L L O of people who are online all day, every day, always there I’m envious and I get writers FOMO which makes me laugh but its so damn true I could ugly laugh cry about it. 

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

So because this was just rotting in my drafts and I figured I’d do nothing with it...Here you go...

So five-ever ago, I was to write a story about Noctis’s elder sister, and how she would mess with the story line, but with more fun prompts appearing in my inbox and not really wanting to do a whole story that was basically a 15 chapter monster, and the fact I hardly got beyond the plot line and this ultra dramatic scene. I stopped thinking about. 

Plus when DLC came out and more info was being prepared I just kinda forgot about it, so it’s been rotting in my drafts untouched as it was originally created before I even touched the game myself.

But! Because I’m a lover of the drama,I decided to post it as the rough draft!

So set up to the story:

At age 15 the elder Princess of the Lucian family, had gone to visit Tarabene when Noctis had become injured as a kid. The young Princess grew close to Ravus over the visit, but witness the death of Queen Sylva, before she could rush to tell her Father the truth, a man with red hair stopped her and erased part of her memory.

Regis holding Noctis, and a grip on Lunafreya’s hand rush to get out of the way of the attack that is on them. The young Princess is found stumbling about the field, Regis stops long enough to notice that his daughter is fine, passing her Noctis and taking both her and Lunafreya’s free hand and rushes to safety. Upon hearing Ravus calls for help, Regis stops when both the hands he’s holding stop. Lunafreya rushes to her brother’s side, Regis goes to call out for her, only to find Noctis back within his arms, as his daughter races toward Ravus.

Only for the Princess to be snagged by the back of her dress and pulled into her father’s arms, as he starts moving his children to safety. 

Regis holding both his children leaves the battlefield, trying to ignore his daughter’s harsh cries for him to turn around.

At the age of 18 the Princess starts courting Ravus, and soon the two are wedded. Much Noctis horror that his sister would ever marry Ravus, until her realizes just how in love she is with him. The Princess promises to visit every Spring before she is to be returned to her husband.

Prior to the fall, the group is tasked to take the Princess home, when they leave they notice that the Princess is in tears as she says goodbye to King Regis something she had never done before when having to return home if anything she’s always smiling.

Throughout the trip, she is seen as the elder sister to everyone in the group. Often making certain that the others are fine, and having no troubles stopping arguments. When the news breaks of the Fall of Insomnia, she explained that Noctis is now King and that he will have to take up the arms. The others watch the kind sweet Princess become rather harsh to the red headed stranger they meet.

The Princess in order to help the others get away, gives herself over the Niflheim Army as they wouldn’t hurt Commander Ravus’s wife. 

While waiting in Tarabene for Lunafreya to appear, Ravus visits his wife…

“Ravus? Ravus!” She called rushing toward her husband, holding him tightly. “Ravus you’re here!”

Ravus returned her embrace just as tightly, “Are you all right?”

“Yes.”

He pushed her away only slightly to look her over “Were you hurt? Were you in the city? Did you…”

She stepped back slightly shaking her head, “I was not there during The Fall.” She replied, turning icy blue eyes to her husband. “I was not there in person, but I’ve seen it. I saw everything that happened.”

Ravus glanced away, those of the Lucian line had strange ties to the Gods. He was aware of his wife’s dreams, as they often woke himself out of his sleep when he was able to spend nights beside her, by the woman gasping.

“Ravus,” 

That harsh voice made him looked to her, but Gods how he hated that look of that beautiful face of his wife.

“Ravus, did you know that My Father was going to die?”

No, holding back. No pause! She was furious! Still she had every reason to be so.

Ravus stepped forward his arms held out to the woman, “I did not mean,”

“You did not mean what!” She cried stepping back. “My Father, my Father is dead Ravus.”

Ravus tried another step forward, but she stepped back again, “I was not.”

“Did Ardyn hide this from you? I ran into him, he’s out their chasing the boys, my brothers.” She barked, angry tears spilling from her eyes. “Ravus, I saw it, I saw Daddy get ran through, I saw him die Ravus, he was right there. I couldn’t, I couldn’t save him. Just like I couldn’t save you.” She cried, her tears falling hard, she sniffed knowing that her makeup was running and that she looked nothing like the calm collected woman that always stood by her husband side.

“Please, there was nothing I could,” This time the High Commander was stopped in his tracks, by the strong slap of his wife. The sound echoing through out the room.

“Did you want this? Did you want me to suffer?”

Ravus glanced to the floor, “I should have never let you go.”

“Let me go? Let me go! Ravus I know you hated Daddy, I know you did, and because of what?” She cried, you never brought this up, but it tugged at her for years and the words fell before she could catch them. “You hated Daddy because he left you on the battlefield! At the moment he was not thinking as a King or a Warrior he was thinking as a Father! Daddy rushed Noctis and I off that field, he went to go after Lunafreya too. At the time I was too young and stupid to know that, but seeing Noctis and the others on the field, I understood what he did so much more. That’s why I gave myself over.”

“I…”

She lowered her hand still raised from her strike, “Ravus I want you to replace yourself with my Father that day, I want you to pretend that for that moment it was Lunafreya and myself what would you have done?”

Ravus’s dual eyes widen, “I would protect you.”

She raised her hand, cupping her husband’s cheek that only moment prior she had striked, “I love you more than every star in the sky Ravus, you are my husband, you are my heart. When we are seperated my body and soul ache for you.” She whispered. “I just don’t know if I am in this alone.”

Ravus quickly embraced her, “I love you so much. I do not say it much, and for that I ask your forgiveness.” 

“Ravus you are my Family, and Noctis and the boys, they are my family too. Some of what little I have left. Please help me protect them.”

Ravus pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “I promise.”

After the touching reuion with husband and wife, the Princess finds herself before Ardyn, demanding to know where it is that she has hidden Lunafreya. The only answer that the Princess supplies is that “A King can move only one direction, while a Queen have full rein of the board, Chancellor.”

The Princess ends up going to Alitissa to stay with Lunafreya, knowing that the others will try and make it to the Oracle and will need Noctis to form a bond with the Goddess.

Lunafreya is determined to summon Leviathan, the Princess agrees to escort her. When meeting up with the Goddess, the Princess offers herself in place of her brother and asks to have Noctis and Lunafreya spared. The Goddess explains that the Goddess demand a sacrifice of a Prince.

During the battle, Lunafreya saves Noctis, but is left weak, (unknown to everyone the Princess freezes Lunafreya prior to the battle, casting an island on herself to take the form of the Oracle) Ardyn runs the Princess through believing her to be Lunafreya. After dragging Noctis back to safety, he constantly states that Lunafreya is fine.

When alone with Ravus, who still doesn’t understand what his wife means and where his sister is, he becomes more aggravated until the Princess turns to him, tears in eyes explaining that a Prince was sacrificed to ensure that both Noctis and Luna would survive, before apologizing that she would never be able to have children with Ravus after the one they had lost when Ardyn stabbed her.

Ravus personally escorts them to the train, while his wife keeps messing with his arm. Upon boarding Ravus states he will not, “Allow another one he loves to die, and they are to protect the woman with their lives.” 

Most of the train scene is the same, Noctis and Gladiolus butt heads. Both Noctis and the Princess chase down the fake Prompto. Only for the wound Ardyn inflicted on the Princess back in Altissa to reopen, stopping the woman from warning Noctis that the Prompto he’s attacking is indeed a fake. So watches helplessly as Prompto is pushed off the train.

When Ardyn appears, and Shiva interferes freezing and shattering Ardyn. Shiva opens her arms to the Princess, apologizing fro all the hurt that she has gone through.The Princess explains that years ago, she attempted to trade her life to spare Noctis and the others, the Gods did not want that. Upon her marriage to Ravus she would have a child of both the Oracle and King’s line. 

When Ardyn killed the child in Altissa, the Princess was granted powers similar to that of the Immortal, yet by having Oracle blood run through her, due to her and Ravus child she is immune to the darkness that swallowed Ardyn. Yet with the child gone is is uncertain of Noctis’s fate.

After the Regalia breaks down, the group becomes separated. The Princess rushes to find Ravus, and manages to stop Ardyn from taking over the man. Going after Ardyn herself, she teleports Ravus away to Luna. As a last ditch effort the Princess summons a large amount of power before exploding,seeming to kill herself and Ardyn.

The Chocobros believing her to be dead are in shock, only to be confused when she pulls herself from the rubble, more worried about them than herself as she embrace them tightly quickly falling into a comatose state from the drain of power. Only to be awoken the crystal’s power, jumping from Gladiolus’s arms, she manages to grab Noctis’s arm, before being thrown back by the crystal. The woman crying and begging the crystal to take her instead.

After 10 years have pass, Noctis returns yet the Princess dawns a battle uniform, telling Ravus to remain with a frozen Lunafreya. Explaining should she pass the ice will shatter. She mets her brother fro the first time in 10 years. Protecting the others with her magic. She explains none can kill Ardyn but Noctis.

When Noctis moves to ascend the throne and bring back the sun, Princess takes his spot, calling to the gods, “I am first born of the line, the throne is mine. A prince was given up as you wish, and for I am the rightful rule of this line it is mine, Come to me!”

The gods not truly able to argue as they had taken a Prince of Lucian blood, an Oracle child, and that the Princess was first in line for the throne, she had never given up the prophecy would stand.  So they run her through, through tired eyes, she smiles to the others before falling.

The Queen falls, so that the King may live offsetting the Prophecy as a Queen was never expected.

During the epilogue, as Noctis ascends the throne to a new built Insomnia, he is shocked to see Regis and his sister standing there awaiting him. The Princess steps forward resting her forehead to his with a soft smile of, “Long live the king.”

[trashbinbackyard]

basics and environment for gilly and ipes

gals... one wholesome, one not so much

Basics:

1. What is their gender?

Female

Female

2. What is their sexuality?

Panromantic demisexual

Bisexual demiromantic

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

Gesiye Ikande, goes by Gilly a lot. Gesiye means genuine in Ijaw (ethnic group in Nigeria)

Her real name is Nayla Hahn Nayla being Arabic origin and Hahn Korean (her moms’ backgrounds) Though at this point no one knows her real name as she goes by Ipes which is a different spelling for a demon Ipos

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?

She has two younger sisters. She’s pretty close with both of them, but they live on earth so she sees them rarely

No siblings

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

She loves them but being the oldest sister she also kinda fell into that third parent role. She has a pretty big family as her parents also have multiple siblings, they spend holidays all together

She got emancipated at the age of 15 due to her parents not being able to care for her and she refused to enter any kind of foster system. She hasn’t talked to them since, assumes they’re dead

6. What would they give their life for?

Her family for sure

Honestly, nothing. No one comes even near being worth dying for. Neither is her business. If it ever came to it, she’d rather rot in prison than die for it

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

Mallory, met her at work. She wanted to wait to become more than just an investigator intern before starting anything but she’s smart and now she’s a fully fledged investigator

No, she has a strict no dating or banging your employees policy and since all the people she has respect for so far are her employees, there’s no one available. Also, she thinks pretty highly of herself so it’s gonna take work for someone be on the level she sees appropriate. (i myself am kinda curious where tf she and kenjiro are gonna end up) 

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

She’s not religious, but does believe in some sort of good/bad place, she doesn’t really let it control her life and she tries to be good for the sake of being good (also, being mean is not nice)

No. And since she doesn’t fear life after death she feels free to do whatever the hell she likes

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

Purple. Any type of antelope, she thinks they’re neat

Black, surprise, but also really likes neon lights (you can guess what type of lights there are in her club). She likes snakes, especially black mambas

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

She’s very resourceful, quick thinking and good writer (of reports at least)

She knows how to read and push people, very conniving, and a great actor

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

Idk, she’s just happy to be here

Woman has a drug empire right under law enforcement’s noses

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?

24-29 depending if time is pre-mallory vs relationship

35 (and both for them i really hate coming up with specific dates)

13. What do they do for fun?

Read, swim, enjoy coffee, cuddle with Mallory, watch animal videos

Gamble (she’s cheating), drink, have long ass baths, patrolling her club is work but she enjoys that part of her work a lot

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?

Something very spicy, veggies, she’s not a huge meat-eater

Due to her past drug abuse, most foods make her nauseous, so her fave is something light like fish

15. What was something their parents taught them?

Be kind and respectful, know your worth and do the dishes

Everyone is own their own

16. Are they religious?

No, spiritual, kinda

No

17. Where were they born?

Nigeria

Outer rim

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?

English and trade

Trade, whatever is the second biggest language on outer rim

19. What is their occupation?

Private investigator

Night club owner (that’s the side hustle to her drug business)

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?

P.I, lots of school and getting a good internship

Word on the street is that she runs the biggest drug ring this side of rim, not officially though. Hard work and lots of blackmailing

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Spring, lots of green, but not yet unbearably hot

Whenever her money comes in

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

No, doubt she ever will, the bounty hunter (at least the citadel ones) are good people

Since birth honestly, whatever trust she had for her parents wilted away and now she won’t trust anyone unless they’ve proven themselves time and time again

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Animals, friends, the outdoors, she’s simple, just living the good life

Money, getting what she wants

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

She get cold more easily than too hot

Thanks to her metal leg all drastic changes in temperature are felt almost immediately

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

She’s got a pretty strong immune system. Doesn’t get sick that much

It’s pretty weak. She often gets flu when it’s the season

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?

She lives in the citadel, has nice apartment there, she likes it lot

She has carved herself a place on the outer rim, it wasn’t exactly her dream but at this point there’s no place she’d rather be, has multiple apartments scattered around but her main one is on the top floor of her nightclub

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

It’s somewhat messy, coffee cups and plates here and there, papers and journals scattered about, the whole house is like that

It’s super neat, she looks after herself. Her suite doesn’t even have a kitchen because she gets her food from the club kitchen

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

Her parents influenced her a lot, she turned out good

Coming from two addicts, becoming one herself and generally being distrustful... 

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

Wait i thought the previous one was the same question abbgöreghaeh

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?

Love them! No time for one tho, if she had it’s be a cat

On that note.. I think she has a pet snake in her suite, its got a huge terrarium for it

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

Love them, she’s good with them, she’s definitely the fun big cousin for her small relatives. Doesn’t have any but might want one? She feels she’s too young still

She doesn’t hate them but would rather no kids see her, ever. Doesn’t have any, doesn’t want any

72.  Would they rather have stability or comfort?

i mean.... with stability comes comfort. But she’d choose comfort

Stability, life is already one big uncomfort for her to begin with

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

Outdoors

Indoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

Sunny for sure, storms are nice when you’re inside and in a secure place

Loves rain and storms, they also make ppl gather inside more

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She’d doodle, they’re not great but i’m Mallory would love whatever she’d draw

If something, she’d draw a middle finger for investigators to find

76. How organized are they?

She keeps her work very neat and packed, everything else, not so much

Very much so, everything is neat and organized and hidden away, that’s key to getting away with doing what she does

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her badge, or a stuffed animal from her home

A single memory card contains mountains of excel sheets, it’s either always on the move and hidden or locked away, never in the same place for longer than a week

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

Mallory, she’s sappy like that

Juicebox comes the closest

79. What is their economic situation?

She’s comfortable, not super rich but not going from paycheck to paycheck either

Oh she’s loaded

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

Night owl

All the best stuff happens at night in her opinion

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #308

“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”

Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.

[enthusiasticmusicalquotes]

QUESTION OF THE DAY #12: What is your opinion on theatre bootlegs? Spill as much or as little tea as you want.

MY ANSWER: it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to say there’s nothing good about them. i discovered a couple of my all time favorite shows through bootlegs, and when i was a high school/college-aged theatre nerd stuck in the midwest (which i still am, just a bit older now), they brought me a lot of comfort that i could relive my favorite shows again. that said, i can understand POVs re: they weren’t filmed with consent from the actors. however, actors who are speaking out against them need to realize that mainstream theatre needs to be made more accessible in one way or another for poor, disabled, and international theatre fans. tldr: bootlegs aren’t going to go away if celebrities disavow them, but theatre might be able to become more accessible if more of them talk on THAT instead of how evil bootlegs are.

SUMMARY OF ANSWERS: out of 41 responses: 21 were an enthusiastic heck yeah, 13 weren’t as enthusiastic but still along the lines of yeah i support them, 3 answers were like eh i can see both sides i guess/leaning towards no, and 4 people outright said nah bootlegs are not the answer. All the answers under the cut!

if you wanna fight or agree with anyone, refer to the # and send in an ask or reply to this.  

also: while i agree with much of what was said under the cut, i will not come out and say which ones i agree with and what i don’t. my opinion is above and that’s all you need to know about what i think. i do not necessarily condone or agree with anything below. okay, enjoy reading.

1. Anonymous said: I may not be the biggest fan, but I totally get why they exist and have watched a few when they pop up

2.  Anonymous said: for the qotd: bootlegs are godsends

3. Anonymous said: oh god i literally just went on a tangent on twitter just now but bootlegs good!!!! people willingly watch blurry footage of a show bcs they want to know what the show is like, want to experience it live. bway shows arent accessable for everyone (due to prices and distance) but ppl still want to know what its like performed on stage. bootlegs literally dont harm the community. ive seen poto boots, proshots and the tour yet id willingly pay 2 watch again. boots make theatre more accessable imo !!

4. Anonymous said: Boots are good to get a glimpse of different productions? Like even despite Proshots existing of certain musicals, I'd still be curious regarding other interpretations of it! And also besides this it definitely helps make shows accessable to people who physically cannot watch the show!

5. galactic-greens said: I truly see no harm in bootlegs as long as they are treated respectfully. While the creation and consumption is technically a crime, it by no means whatsoever makes you a bad person. It's essentially documenting theatre, and ensuring generations to come will be able to experience what could have been so fleeting. They maintain a community, and as long as NFT dates, masters, and general spread of bootlegs are respected then there really can be no problem. It's just a way to immortalize the art!

6. Anonymous said: On bootlegs: oftentimes they’re the only way someone could be able to see a show, because not everyone can afford the tickets or even the cost to just go to New York for a show. However, it should be acknowledged that filming obviously in the actors’ faces is pretty rude, but at the same time bootlegs at least give a chance for people like me to see shows I might never get to see otherwise.

7. Anonymous said: I love bootlegs because I don’t have the means to be able to travel to see shows or afford tickets, i also do theater and i feel like the point of the art is to share it as much as I can

8. Anonymous said: i've never seen a large-scale live show bc they are not accessible to me. bootlegs are amazing. truly glorious.

9.  Anonymous said: i understand that this is a rather unique experience, but i live in nyc, so bootlegs never measure up to the real thing for me. i know that this isn't something everyone can be lucky enough to say, but live theatre could never be captured in the form of a bootleg-- i don't even like released proshots as much as the real thing

10. Anonymous said: for me bootlegs are fine for those who can't see it live because of the price and they are living from another country though i know there are a lot of actors disagrees about it

11. Anonymous said: as someone who can't afford to go to a professional production of anything, absolutely gimme a bootleg. obviously I wouold prefer, like, a proshot of a show and I really hope that becomes more of the norm (I watched the Newsies proshot on Disney+ and had the happy wiggles for hours afterwards, and I can't wait for the Hamilton one to come out) but until that starts happening I'll take a bootleg any day.

12. Anonymous said: I like that it helps people get into fandoms/musicals that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise but I would prefer if theatres professionally films them.

13. maycombhoney said: they will be a part of theatre culture until live theatre is made accessible for more people

14. Anonymous said: bootlegs are great and until the theater community decides to produce pro-shots i’m all for them

15. zoueriemandzijnopmars said: I would personally feel kinda bad for watching bootlegs, because it won’t directly bring money to the people who worked on the show. I don’t judge people who do watch bootlegs though, because let’s face it, bootlegs are not a replacement for actually going to the theatre and it’s not gonna lose the creators actually money. It might even make them money, because people will listen to the album/buy tickets anyway when they can. I’d just personally be more comfortable watching a proshot

16. Anonymous said: I don't pretend bootlegs aren't stealing but whatever harm they do is abstract enough - and my decisions are drop-in-the-bucket enough - that I do it anyway

17. Anonymous said: I’m totally fine with bootlegs. I’ve watched so many of them that it wouldn’t be fair if I wasn’t. The fact is most people just aren’t able to see shows. Either they live too far away or they can’t afford it, and if this is the only way someone can experience a show, it’s better than never seeing it at all

18. Anonymous said: i think bootlegs are important for accessibility but i really wish more theatres would release proshots. i wouldn't even mind if it were after the broadway run or after the original cast is switched out, but i think it's valuable to have those recordings out during the run of the show to get more people interested and actually wanting to go out and see it. plus, if they're worried about money, they wouldn't *have* to be free. just cheaper than tickets and travel.

19. Anonymous said: about the question of the day, honestly i think bootlegs are fine as long as they're done respectfully and the filmers aren't distracting with it

20. locke-writes said: For the question of the day: If there’s absolutely no way I can see the show live or from a professional recording then I’m going to watch a bootleg. Theater should be more accessible and sometimes a bootleg is my only way to access a show. Having been part of film crews who have shot live theater I think a lot of the lack of pro recordings is the idea which that theater is difficult to record. It isn’t. Give me a pro shot show over a bootleg anyday but I’ll take what I can get

21. Anonymous said: My opinion on bootlegs is I prefer professional recordings ONLY because bootleg quality is terrible for my auditory processing problems and I hate the washed out quality. But since professional recordings are rare (unless you are, interestingly enough, Sight & Sound Theatre); for everyone else: BRING ON THE BOOTLEG! ~ Stripe Conlon

22. Anonymous said: Bootlegs are complicated! As a fan/consumer I think they’re okay, especially considering how inaccessible theatre is for people living in other countries, people who can’t afford to experience shows live, and disabled folks. But as someone who also performs, i understand that it can be distracting and legally complicated for actors who are trying to do their best and did not consent to being filmed that night. I just hope that pro shots will become more common.

23. penguinated said: Bootlegs are fine. They don't cost Broadway a thing since people will literally never not pay to see live shows (except during covid of course). and for many people, seeing a certain show with a certain cast will NEVER be possible, so what's the harm in watching the bootleg? The bootlegs aren't the problem, it's the inaccessibility of live theater, ESPECIALLY Broadway shows. If more things were available to stream (i.e. BroadwayHD) there wouldn't be a need for bootlegs. Bootleg away, imo.

24. Anonymous said: until theatre is made accessible to everyone and there is a proshot released for every show, bootlegs are absolutely necessary for the prosperity of theatre

25. Anonymous said: It's so sad that people think bootlegs are necessary! and it's even sadder that in a way they are. however, too many people use them as an excuse to not pursue alternate affordable alternatives for theatre (such as broadway hd, pursuing local shows including high school and college theatre, and utilizing legally free shows online). In addition, bootlegs absolutely CAN be unethically sourced- recordings of locally produced shows can get theaters in trouble and bankrupt them with legal fees. and if you're recording something from Broadway (which is fine imo usually), if you're actually making people PAY for your illegal recording, that's profiting off the work of others and is both very unethical and exploiting the very people many bootleggers claim to work for the benefit of. When it comes to bootlegs, it's one thing to pass around shows that have finished their runs on Broadway for free- but there's too much unethical and even HARMFUL bootleg behavior and it needs to stop.

26. Anonymous said: since Broadway is too rich and doesn't wanna spend money(for some reason) streaming their shows, then bootlegs are the only option.

27. Anonymous said: Theater is so inaccessible that bootlegs are necessary for a lot of people because with a lot of shows you can’t get a good idea of the show just from the soundtrack but people that share nft boots are assholes

28. Anonymous said: Bootlegs do more good than harm. Those against bootlegs are elitist and don't understand some people cant afford hundreds of dollars in theatre and plane tickets. Bootlegs make people crave the live experience more, a dark and shaky video with shit audio doesn't satiate the desire to see a show live. And if the show is closed all the more reason to watch a bootleg!

29. lynntjeeee said: Theatre bootlegs are amazing and are why there are fans. I live in a country with no musical theater (except the occasional sucky original production with a local celeb who can't sing) so if it not for bootlegs I wouldn't be able to watch any shows and wouldn't be a fan (thus not spending money on cast recordings, etc). People need to realise this, bootlegs do not harm the theater, in fact it only helps it. If there were official recordings, there would be many more fans (and thus more profit!)

30. Anonymous said: Opinion on bootlegs: They wouldn't be necessary if the theater industry would get with the times and release professional shots of their shows on streaming services/cable.

31. Anonymous said: I think that people are really overreacting about bootlegs. ESPECIALLY bootlegs if shows that have already closed- you may never get a chance to see that show! Ever! Now there’s an affordable and accessible way to see shows that people would kill and die for. It isn’t losing Broadway money, in fact it is bringing more people into the medium. Maybe if full proshots were more common I would feel differently, but since there is literally no other way, boots are fine.

32. Anonymous said: Bootleg opinion: just go absolutely hog wild. Fuck it. Be gay do crime.

33. Anonymous said: Bootlegs are one of the few things that are keeping me sane right now, plus the fact that not everyone has dat cash money to see the shows live, so yeah they're good stuff (as long as they are available online w/ at least vaguely good sound quality anyway 😆)

34. Anonymous said: I see it both ways. I can understand why those in the profession are against it; it’s their hard work that’s getting pirated. But I’m also poor. I have no access to theatre outside of cast albums and bootlegs. I don’t watch bootlegs because I personally feel guilty, but I will not and do not judge others if they do.

35. whatdoscissorsdo said: I think broadway bootlegs r okay?? eat the rich amirite

36. Anonymous said: I trade and watch bootlegs and don't plan on stopping, but I've recently realized that it must be super uncomfortable for actors to be filmed without their knowledge or consent, or just to have to have on their minds that they might be being recorded at any time in a performance. Like, I've happily watched Many™ Spring Awakening videos in the past year, but I doubt Alexandra Socha is that thrilled knowing there are videos up on YouTube of featuring her nude at age nineteen.

37. i-am-having-an-emotion said: they will remain a necessary evil until theater is more accessible to the masses. seeing real live theater is always better than a boot but literally like 95% of people can’t access live theater, especially at a broadway caliber, so like..... do The Poors not *deserve* theater??? what are we supposed to do BUT make bootlegs?

38. ope-okay said: bootlegs are blessings from heaven and no one can convince me otherwise

39. Anonymous said: I think it can really hype up the want for the musical. And a really good boot release can bring new creations to an otherwise small fandom. Personally I’m more interested in seeing the musicals I’ve seen boots of than the musicals I haven’t

40. Anonymous said: On the topic of bootlegs, I think they’re great but like especially for people who do not have the means to go see the shows during their runs, I feel like if you do have the means to go see the show you should do that instead

41. Anonymous said: I have a REALLY hard time with bootlegs. Because artists deserve to be paid for their work, and there are a whole host of copywriter issues that come with the mass production of a show. In addition though, I understand the anger you feel at not getting to see a show live, however there are so many resources available to help people get the idea of their favorite show even if they never see it. Honestly Wikipedia is my favorite resource, as often that has a full synopsis of the show. I’ll read that and then listen to the recording a bunch so I can understand the story and imagine what it may look like. A lot of shows put clips on YouTube, the Macy’s parade, the Tony Awards, NBC does a whole broadway week, there are so many ways that you can get glimpses into these shows without resorting to bootlegs (which at this point are still illegal) I’m not a supporter of the “theater must be seen live” idea. While I LOVE live theater (and as a performer I like feeding off an audience) but I’ve see shows with just proshots or just the movie version and they are still just as good. Unfortunately I think the only way we’re are going to make theater more accessible to audiences is through time. Bootlegs I think only make people less inclined to record shows and mass produce them. There are a whole lot of legal things that go into that as well. What I can say is what I’ve done. Read up on the show, watch all the clips you can, sometimes scripts are posted online maybe read those, listen to the album, look at pictures. It SUCKS that theater is exclusive, but bootlegs are not the solution.

let me repeat: if you wanna fight or agree with anyone, refer to the # and send in an ask or reply to this post.

[end-of-pizza]

Weird anime night ~Please teacher

Okay guys, I know I’ve been out of this whole anime discussing thing for a bit. Been in my own little world of building gundam models, watching ASMR videos and doing my tech support job, also got into buying stocks….the quarantine has been weird. I haven’t really left the house save to go to meijers to get groceries for 4 months now……kinda starting to lose touch with reality. To try and ground myself I have been revisiting things from when I was a teenager, rewatching old tv shows, reading old books….started with gundam 08th ms team, and Red Mars, and lo and behold I fell back in love with my old flame…ROMANCE ANIMES

long time readers of weird anime night will know that this is a thing that happens to me off and on. Highschool romance shows just vibe with me in a real way, I have been dating the same girl since I was 13, and I am 29 now, and we live together, so learning how to love while learning what love is, and learning about girls while also learning how to love one girl, man romance anime have that shit in spades….and it makes me feel really nostalgic, for things like first kisses, sneaking out after hours, being nervous with someone you will later be intimate with. I love it man, that shit DOES. IT. FOR. ME

so while revisiting my favorite romance anime of all time, Suzuka, I remembered about one I hadn’t watched since 2006, Please Teacher.

AND DUDES

THIS SHOWS FUCKING WEIRD

I remember it being pretty run of the mill, comedy romance story about a kid who bangs his teacher…..and like, yea on the surface that is what it is, but like…..spesh if you incorporate the second season into it, its sort of about ALL love….even some kinda eh….troubling kinds of love, like in season 2 a dude straight up wants to plow is like……kid sister, and that is…..well fucking disgusting, I know its like a THING in japan to want to bone your parents and siblings, because well……some sort of mass mental delusions or something…..but like, its there….its gross as fuck but its there….

The rest of the show is fun though, still pretty problematic, I guess it was less gross to me when I was 16, but as a 29 year old….yea a teacher wanting to bone her 15 year old student is pretty gosh darn awful......I mean she’s also like...an Alien.....but he’s still 15 years old and she is a dang adult

heres the wiki plot summary of season 1, warning spoilers ahead.

Please Teacher! is a story mainly revolving around a tight-knit group of friends in high school and how they cope with several life-changing events that are never too far off from intimate relationships. The main character is a boy named Kei Kusanagi who suffers from a very rare disease which causes a comatose state referred to as a "standstill" whenever he is under severe emotional distress.

Before the beginning of the story, Kei, at 15 years of age, had fallen into a "standstill" lasting three years after witnessing the suicide of his elder sister. After recovering, he quietly moved away from home in order to avoid social difficulty due to his long absence, and began living with his uncle, a medical doctor, and aunt. Due to the strange nature of how he came to live there, Kei wanted to keep the situation a secret from his new friends for fear of being ostracized as being too old to associate with them. After Kei had established himself in his new surroundings and had entered into a close group of mutually supportive friends, a Galactic Federation starship had entered Earth's atmosphere stealthily, approached Honshū Island and landed surreptitiously in Lake Kizaki.

The story begins with Kei suffering a minor 'standstill' while in the vicinity of the lake, witnessing several unexplainable phenomena happening there, and then watching as a beautiful half-human alien named Mizuho Kazami materialize beside the shore. Kazami was sent to observe planet Earth by a seemingly benevolent Galactic Federation in order to prevent humans from making developmental mistakes. Kei, upon observing the materialization, attempts to escape the pursuing Kazami. Kazami is under strict orders to prevent her true identity and mission from being discovered. During his attempt to escape, Kei falls into the lake. Kazami rescues Kei and, using information from his identification, is able to return him home in secret. The next day, Kazami has become Kei's new homeroom teacher and next-door neighbor.

During assisting her in moving in, Kei suffers another standstill, and while in a weakened state explains his predicament to the compassionate Mizuho, who ends up revealing her own origins and purpose on Earth. Several accidental activations of Mizuho's teleport technology (which were inadvertently caused by Kei) eventually place Kei and Mizuho in a couple of compromising situations in front of his uncle and aunt and his school's headmaster, but Kei protects Mizuho from charges for an inappropriate relationship between student and teacher by impulsively stating that they are married, resulting in an actual civil marriage that later blossoms into genuine affection for each other. The headmaster relents, partly because he, too, had married a former student younger than himself and can understand their situation personally. Both are allowed to stay so long as they do not reveal their status to the other students, and do not engage in any public displays of affection.

 The remainder of the series concerns the budding intimate relationships between the close friends, one of whom (Koishi Herikawa) is romantically interested in Kei, and another (Ichigo Morino) who has suffered even greater loss of time from the same disease as he has; the problems of having to maintain the secrecy of the marriage; an interfering parent and sibling visiting from the Galaxy Federation; and Kei learning to overcome the ever-present threat of another lengthy 'standstill' stealing more of his life, particularly as he has fallen deeply in love with Mizuho and desperately wants to remain with her.

Eventually Kei falls into another major "standstill" and in order to bring him out of it, Mizuho has to use her technology which is against the law. As a result, her status on Earth is revoked, she is banned from the planet and all memory of her is erased from everyone's, including Kei's, minds. With the help of her mother and sister she sneaks back and is devastated to learn that Kei, who she is deeply in love with, has no memory of her. While helping her move back in, Kei reveals that his memory has returned and the two express their love for each other and get married again.

 I am rewatching it, its nostalgic, not as nostalgic as Suzuka or School Rumble, which are my number 1 and also number 1 favorite romance anime. But it’s also not as problematic as like, Rumbling Hearts or School days.

I am happy to have this tumblr back in my life, it’s helping with the depression, I think that’s why I started it in the first place….the American Education System was surprisingly good at both causing depression and training me to help people cope with depression.

I love you guys, I will start doing one of these every week, and I really am thinking about doing a sort of short podcast on all the series I have done thus far, like a 30 minute episode or so discussing the stories, rating them etc. I really like the idea of doing a podcast, just takes a long time to make em, I’ve been trying to do a D20 or Cyberpunk real play podcast for like 2 years now, and still just in the editing process of it.

blah blah blah, TLDR

this shows weird, fun and heart warming at times, but it is about a teacher who fucks her student, and like YES she is half alien.....but…..she is also a pedophile, that didn’t really stick with me when I was 16, but it does now….so it is harder to watch then I remember.

6.5/10

~Hoover ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

please teacher update

maybe I wasnt watching the show closely enough but I guess he isnt 15? I got the impression he was like early highschool, but watched some more tonight and I guess hes 18 during the course of the show.....so she isnt a pedophile, but she is boning her student, and she is a space alien so there are still some not good implications there power dynamics wise.....but lets just say maybe I was too hard on Please Teacher 7.5/10

[todaysbiggesthits]

Odds, Ends

JD’s 16-31

16. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero’s Death 17. Naeem - Startisha 18. The Avalanches - We Will Always Love You 19. Yves Tumor - Heaven To a Tortured Mind 20. Draag - Clara Luz EP 21. Caribou - Suddenly 22. Peel Dream Magazine - Agitprop Alterna 23. Animal Collective - Bridge To Quiet EP 24. The Clientele - It’s Art Dad 25. King Krule - Man Alive! 26. Kate NV - Room for the Moon 27. Real Estate - The Main Thing 28. Wire - 10:20 29. Osees - Protean Threat 30. Sonic Boom - All Things Being Equal 31. (tie) Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters, Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension, The Microphones - The Microphones in 2020

New to Code in 2020

All Hail the Silence - ‡ The Reds, Pinks and Purples - Anxiety Art Steve Moore - Brainstorm Lydia Loveless - Boy Crazy and Single(s)

Arden’s Top Hits of 2020

From the Desk of Bronco

What can you say about this year that hasn't already been said.  What a shit year.  I feel like I've mentally time travelled to this point from March 13th.  Every day is basically the same.  I look forward to the weekend when I can get some things done, and then I don't do them because of the other lame shit that needs to get done gets in the way.  Laundry, cleaning the home/office/school, doing something meaningful with my family, Minecraft with the kids.  Then coffee-o'clock immediately becomes beer-o'clock and wash, rinse, fuck all repeat.  That's how music has felt this year too.  I think since my commute has been removed, there's no real time for just listening.  I listen to it while I work, then worry I'm not getting enough done.  I use it to drown out the "school" shit that's happening in my living room in our tiny house.  It's been a tool instead of a source of enjoyment.  As a result, I mostly enjoyed ambient noise and/or instrumental records this year.  I found a 3-hour youtube video of Tibetan monks chanting the same thing over and over to help me find some focus (it kinda works sometimes).  I played the NIN albums over and over, back to back.  I found a few other droning noise albums from other years that I put on to help me get some shit done.  It's amazing how simple yet complex some of those albums can be.  One of them is two songs, each about 15 minutes long.  There's maybe four layers to it, but it's just sustained droning noise.  Works wonders for when I need to drown out the family and get down to business.  Otherwise, I felt like there were slim pickings this year.  A few bands I like put some stuff out.  None of it revolutionary.  And the rest of the metal scene was brutal death metal or blackened death metal or deathened black metal.  Not the stuff I'm particularly down for, and especially not in line with my brains need for ambient instrumental.  I think, too, the lack of live music removed an integral part of my brain's musical experience.  I think the draw of live music makes the in between personal listening times more meaningful to me, like a promise of "this is what you could see happen in real life when they come to town."  I just hope that when we get through this hulk-sized-fist-fuck of a year, I can rip myself out of this cycle of stationaryism, find some shows to get to, and inject some long missing color back in to my life.  Hopefully we can all get a piece of that back.  Fuck you 2020.

Jim Kryder Certified Attendance Report

That is all.

Silver Screen Video Staff Picks

Nasty’s Video of the Year

Bronco’s Bitchin’ Video of 2020

Larson’s Palme d’Oren Music Video Mega Mix

Interloper’s Corner

Fergwad’s Top 10 of 2020

1. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush 2. The Strokes - The New Abnormal 3. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud 4. Muzz - Muzz 5. Adrianne Lenker - songs 6. Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately 7. Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open 8. Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters 9. Kelly Lee Owens - Inner Song 10. Bob Dylan - Rough and Rowdy Ways

Tammy Rooney’s 10 o’ 20

1. Fleet Foxes – Shore 2. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud 3. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit – Reunions 4. Rose City Band - Summerlong   5. The Killers – Imploding the Mirage 6. The Strokes – The New Abnormal 7. Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher 8. My Morning Jacket – The Waterfall Pt II 9. Laura Marling - Song for our Daughter 10. (Live Music Slot) The War on Drugs - LIVE DRUGS; Hiss Golden Messenger - Forward Children; Holy Holy - My Own Pool of Light, lots of early 70s Dead shows, and Hendrix's Band of Gypsys at Fillmore East when the mood strikes.

Heaps’ Top Tin

1. Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately 2. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud 3. Yves Tumor - Heaven to a Tortured Mind 4. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher 5. Lomelda - Hannah 6. Fontaines DC - A Hero's Death 7. Soccer Mommy - Color Theory 8. Run the Jewels - RTJ4 9. Destroyer - Have We Met 10. Adrianne Lenker -  Songs

An Observation from JD

Doesn’t Phoebe Bridgers look like Marnocha?

[purplesurveys]

926

Significant other/crush survey

–CURRENT–

Something that you have in common: We’re working towards getting to pretty much the same industry, we’re both competitive as fuck and hate losing, we love dogs though she’s way better at disciplining them, and we love our coffee.

Are they a friend or just an acquaintance? She’s already my girlfriend. But she’s also my best friend.

Do you make an effort to talk to them or wait for them to talk to you? It works both ways, but generally I’m more talkative and I like sharing stories so I initiate conversations more often. Sometimes it can be annoying when I feel like she never starts a convo first, but I’ve come to understand that she’s not really the texting/IM-ing type.

What happens when you make eye contact? I mean, we’re always making eye contact lol but if we do it accidentally, we usually give each other a smile.

How often to you get to see this person? I used to see her 2-3 times a week when we were still in school since I drove and it was easy to see her whenever I wanted and could. Now that we’re maneuvering ~employment~ and ~being an adult~ in the middle of Covid, we haven’t figured out our arrangement yet and how often we could see each other. At the moment, it’s 1-2 times a month.

What bothers you the most about this person? She can get a little selfish and fail to consider my emotions and vulnerability if a situation personally doesn’t bother her. I’ve asked her to work on it and I’ve seen progress here and there, but when it comes down to it she simply tends to be individualistic and likes to look out for herself. Those are not bad things per se, it’s just that they sometimes end up affecting me.

Who is usually the first to flirt? She is, but that’s saying a lot as we aren’t too much of the flirting type. Maybe flirt is the wrong word...I’d say she’s the first to act cheekily. 

–MEMORIES–

How, when, and where did you meet? i’ve known her for the last 18 years but did not formally meet her until 2011. She had a friend, I had a friend, and those friends were friends so they introduced us to each other and it turned out that it was the two of us who hit it off really well and it was the quickest I’ve gained a best frend. We had attended the same school since kindergarten and we became friends when we became classmates for the first time in 7th grade.

What did you first talk about? I have no idea what our first encounter covered anymore, but I can tell you that what gave me the sign that she was going to be my best friend was when she watched Johnny English Reborn one weekend and came back to school the next Monday a complete fangirl for Gillian Anderson. As someone who was in my own fandoms that time I needed someone with the same energy and humor, and she showed up at exactly the right moment.

What is the best thing they have done for you? Saved my life. Literally. I’ve had more lows than highs and she saw them all through with me every single time, whether it was being by my side when I needed to cry in my car for a whole evening or helping me make a Powerpoint presentation due the next day when my entire group was not helping me. 

When was the last time you saw them? The other day.

Last thing you said to them? I apologized for the late reply and explained that I was having dinner.

Last thing they said to you? She just replied to that ^ saying not to worry.

What originally caught your eye? I started finding her really pretty in junior year and loved that her mind was always racing with thoughts to share and stories to tell me. I can’t exactly pinpoint the moment when I started *liking* her though; it happened all so very suddenly.

What was your first impression? When I first met her 9 years ago I could hardly believe she’d want to meet me and eat lunch with me and stuff because she was a popular girl, very well-liked and got along with everybody; I was virtually unknown throughout grade school and never had friendships that lasted. It was very weird to suddenly be talking to her since she just seemed way out of my league but when I realized she’s just as weird and nerdy and goofy as I was and not at all like the mean popular girls we had, I immediately took a liking to her.

What was their first impression of you? No clue and she’d probably have no clue either even if you asked her. She’s very forgetful.

Were you ever previously involved with them? Yeah we went out in 2014 but broke up then got back together.

What is your most memorable moment with this person? I have so many. I can probably give you one for each year that we’ve been friends/girlfriends. Off the top of my head, I’d go with the fact that my first out-of-town trip alone was with her, when we celebrated my 20th birthday in Nasugbu and Tagaytay.

–IN YOUR OPINION–

What is their best physical feature? I’d say her smile is my favorite, but I love so many features of her too like her eyes, dimples, hair, and the fact that I can squeeze her arms any time I want as she has a bit of chub :)

Personality trait? She cares so deeply about the people who mean a lot to her and would be very protective of them. Also, she’s super ambitious and isn’t one to shy away from a new or daring task.

Describe this person in three words: Hates to lose.

What are they like in comparison to your last crush? The closest thing I have to a ‘last crush’ is Andi, but tbh I didn’t develop much of a relationship with her since she migrated just a year after we became friends. I can hardly remember the conversations we had either...personality-wise, I’d say Andi’s a little aloof (at least back then) and shy; she avoided me when we first encountered each other. Gab’s amiable and will be nice to everyone immediately.

What are they like in comparison to the last person you dated? The last two relationships I’ve had were/are with Gab, and I wasn’t seeing anyone before her.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (Physical Appearance): 38

On a scale of 1 to 10 How much do you like them? 50

On a scale of 1 to 10 How much do you think they like you? Hahaha I hope it’s a 10.

–THE FACTS–

How much older/younger are they than you? She’s younger by like a month and a half. Really no difference at all.

How much taller/shorter are they than you? She’s a few centimeters taller, not a dramatic difference but enough for it to be noticeable.

Where are they from? She’s from the same city but we live on opposite ends, so it takes around 30-45 minutes to get to her place depending on how fast I’m driving ha. 

What do they look like? She’s around 5′3″, the prettiest wavy hair, big eyes, chubby cheeks, and she got a bit of West Asian genes due to her Turkish blood. 9 out of 10 times she gets asked if she’s Indian.

Describe their smile: It’s very warm and friendly. I automatically smile when I see it.

What about their friends? Her friends and I have different personalities so we don’t get to hang much, but Kris and Marts are very nice and have always been to me.

Is this person talented/skilled? Very. Not being biased but I’ve noticed that she’s ended up being skilled enough at anything she tries, whether it’s singing, playing a sport, handling a balisong, etc. She’s good at everything and it makes me kinda annoyed sometimes hahaha, because I’m so clumsy and only good at like three things.

Popular/well-known? S u p e r. She will light up any room she enters and people just naturally flock to her. She’s very sociable and knows how to handle all kinds of people and make them feel at ease. I’m the complete antithesis of her lol. 

What school do they go to? We went to the same school from kindergarten to high school, then for university she went to a school a couple of cities away from mine.

What kind of car do they drive? I can’t remember exactly even though I just saw it the other day skskkssk it’s either a Honda Civic or a Toyota Vios.

What kind of clothes do they wear? Sometimes she’ll put her rich aunt vibes out and wear nice flowy printed dresses or blouses. But she mostly dresses casually; a graphic tee or polo shirt with high-waisted denim jeans do it for her.

When is their birthday? June 5th.

–RANDOM–

How many people do you know with their first name? Lots. It’s a common name.

What is one thing they do that you don’t like? Again, her tendency to unconsciously shut down my feelings.

–THE FUTURE–

How long do you think you’ll like this person? When I like/love a person I never think about when I hope to stop that action... as long as she doesn’t do anything that breaks my trust or hurts me beyond repair, I’m happy to stick with her.

What would you do if they asked you out right now? I’d say there’s still a curfew and we can get arrested ha, but we can try the next day.

What do you want to happen next? I just want the journey to be smooth. We’re in a different chapter now and we’re no longer just college kids with safety nets and we’ve had more frequent serious conversations about our priorities, commitment, and our relationship in the long run. Most recently we agreed that the relationship mustn’t get in the way of our personal goals, especially career-wise; and that we’ll always have each other’s support in whatever we do and achieve.

[nightwingshero]

I would like to know all of them for dahlia and alfie.. for the nsfw ask 👁️👄👁️

jkfjda YOU THOT!!!  But thank you, dear!!! <3

1. What was their first time like? Okay, it wasn’t really supposed to happen, to be honest. The first time was started because Dahlia was approached by a suitor at the shop, or a potential suitor. Rubbed Alfie the wrong way, Dahlia didn’t know why. But hours later, she tries to talk business with him and he busts out a bottle of rum and they end up having sex on his desk. 

2. Who usually initiates things? Alfie is more likely to initiate things, and he does it when it’s least expected. Dahlia will from time to time, especially if he’s caught up on business and frustrated/stressed.

3. How often do they have sex? In the beginning, not that much. Alfie doesn’t really talk much about what it is that’s going on, and Dahlia fears and assumes that it’s not going to last. It’s just fun for now, unitl Tommy either needs her back in Birmingham, Alfie gets tired of her, or the business with him and the Peaky Blinders go bad. 

4. Who is louder/noisier? I think that would Dahlia, and honestly, that’s because Alfie makes it a point to make sure she isn’t quiet. She isn’t quiet normally, why the hell stop then, you know? He’ll taunt her and stuff during to get reactions out of her. 

5. Who is more sensitive? Dahlia. She’s had some experience, but not a whole lot, she tends to avoid it. She’s picky about who she spends her nights with (if she ever decides to), and so there’s only been a handful of men she’s actually had. So, she’s not as accustomed being touched and all that, so it makes her very sensitive and even jumpy at times. 

6. What’s foreplay often like? I know this sounds bad, but I found it a bit weird that there wasn’t hardly any in the show, and I guess that kinda makes sense, because the plot and story is way more important. But my headcanon is that Alfie is big in it, he just seems like the kind of guy to take his time and do it right? But it’s typical finger play, then oral, then so on. 

7. Favorite place to have sex? I would say it would eventually be the bedroom, but in the beginning, it’s definitely Alfie’s office. It’s the only time they’re actually together when this all starts. Dahlia is lowkey self conscious about him being in her living space, and honestly...it’s a trust thing. She’s a Peaky Blinder and a Shelby. Betrayal happens between Alfie and Tommy, so they both try to keep that wall up. Well...it doesn’t work. Eventually, she starts staying the night at his house.

8. Favorite position to have sex? They don’t really have one, meaning they mix it up and try a bit of everything. Him having her sitting on his desk is a very common, then with her bent over a chair or his desk. She’s even rode him in his chair a time or two. Doggy style is one, missionary is another...honestly, it just changes.

9. Who’s the best at oral sex/oral headcanons? Sorry Dahlia, but Alfie is the best. Not saying she isn’t good, but she’s not that experienced, and the experience she’s had, it was disappointing. Dahlia was self conscious about it because she doesn’t believe she’s good at it, but eventually she just says ‘fuck it’ and goes for it. Let’s just say she’s not so self conscious about it anymore.

10. Who’s most likely to tickle their partner? I would say neither, but if I had to pick, I’d say Dahlia. I could see her trying to use a long feather against his neck while he’s working to get her attention. I could also see Alfie touching more sensitive parts of her body for the fun of it, but not necessarily tickling.

11. Who’s more romantically sexual? Dahlia is, when the relationship finally gets to that point. Embarrassingly enough, she’s had to get a lot of pointers from Pol for these kinds of things, she’s not used to it. She gets worried that Alfie will react negatively to it, but she’s pleasantly surprised, even if he does tease in his natural smartass Alfie way.

12. Who’s better at dirty talk/dirty talk headcanons? Alfie is better with it because of how he does it. To me, he likes to talk in circles to confuse you and then gets you when you least expect it. That kind of translates over, except it’s not as complex, if that makes sense? He does it (as said above) to make Dahlia more vocal, purposefully saying dirty things or even asking suggestive questions to work her up more and make her louder. Dahlia isn’t as into giving dirty talk, to be honest, but if she ever does, she’s very blunt about it. Most common phrase would be telling him to “fuck her” or “fuck her harder”. It usually works.

13. Do they have sexual nicknames or titles? Not really, no. They might slip and call each other “love” here and there, but nothing that really is considered a nickname or so. 

14. Who’s more likely to be caught masterbating? Listen, Dahlia would and she would do it on purpose. She would do it where and when Alfie can catch her. It’s her power play and she doesn’t keep that power long after she’s caught. Alfie takes control rather quickly.

15. Who looks at porn more/porn headcanons? I don’t really think either of them would, but I will say that after Alfie saves her in that alley (before they’re formally introduced), he would go watch her perform...you know, for science reasons. 

16. Who usually cums first? I don’t know if this is just me being a feminist and I’m desperate for equality in this show, but I like to believe that Alfie is a supporter for it, and makes sure Dahlia is always the first. If that’s not the case, they come together. Now, if she’s performing oral, and he can’t return the favor right away, he will definitely ambush her later when she least expects it.

17. How long can they go? Depends on a lot of things. If they’re more stressed and frustrated, it’s usually quicker. But they could go for a couple of hours on a good night. 

18. What are their safewords? Don’t really have them. Alfie is good at reading Dahlia, and he’ll usually know to stop before she can even say it. But most of the time, she’ll just tell him to stop and he’ll stop immediately. And vice versa.

19. Any routines? I know this isn’t original, but it always starts with a rough kiss. Always. Dahlia would feel used, like she’s just some random girl if he didn’t kiss her. It makes it less personal, and Alfie has a lot of respect for Dahlia. He wouldn’t treat her like that. Also, most of the time, if Alfie is pouring her a glass of rum (when alone and not for tastings), chances are, they’re gonna end up in bed together. It’s a joke between them.

20. Do they have a dynamic (Dom/Sub) or are they versatile? 9/10 times, Alfie is the dominant one. Dahlia loves it, it’s a nice change and break from everyday life. It’s also a sign of trust that’s building. And I mean...come on, Alfie is a boss. Don’t get me wrong, however, he does like it when Dahlia takes charge on the times she does. It just doesn’t happen often.

21. What roleplay scenarios do they have/want? The only thing I can think of is Dahlia dressing up in her old burlesque outfits for him. He loves seeing her in them, and she loves the way he looks at her in them.

22. What sextoys do they use? Not even sure if any were invented at this time, but I mean...let’s be honest, they don’t need it. They’re doing just fine on their own.

23. Who, if anyone, would they most likely bring in to join them? Yeah...not a soul. Alfie isn’t too fond of the idea of someone else touching her and she’s not exactly comfortable with people seeing that side of her. She takes her name seriously, and she knows that women are treated differently in that area (all areas in this time period, let’s be honest), so it’s important to her that she doesn’t do anything to spoil her name or reputation. She doesn’t trust a fucking soul to invite in. 

24. Shared kinks/fetishes? Ooff. Not sure. Dahlia has a thing for his beard, that’s for sure. She’s used to being around clean shaved men, from her cousins, to the suitors and men that she was raised around. And it’s not that she’s never seen beards before, its that she’s never seen someone look so damn good with one. It’s not exotic, but its so different for her in general. Pulling hair is another, she loves it when he does it. He likes it when she bites his neck. They both like rough touches. 

25. Something they tried and won’t do again? Sex in public. The risk is too much, and isn’t worth it to Dahlia. She is too scared of getting caught and it’s so out of the norm, that she’s unsure of it. 

26. What would each member say their favorite thing the other(s) is? For Alfie, its her hair and eyes. Dahlia is part gypsy, and he’s not used to being around people from that culture, and Dahlia has some gypsy features. And he also loves her legs. He’ll run his hand up and down them every chance he gets. For Dahlia, it’s his beard, eyes, and voice. He has pretty eyes that she gets lost in, but that voice and the way he talks? It confused the hell out of her at first, she couldn’t understand him that well. But she’s grown to love it, she can’t get enough of him talking.

27. Any headcanons not touched on? I don’t know if this counts as a kink or not, but Alfie is very protective. Their relationship isn’t toxic from jealousy, but he doesn’t like it when men he doesn’t know or trust lays a hand on her. He knows she’s rather good at looking after herself, but he did have to save her from a group of Sabini’s men, it’s how they first met. So he’s always wary about it. That being said, Alfie is quick to make his claim. He will stand close to her during the conversations or kind of walk up with his arms crossed and glower at them quietly. And after...well, they make sure his office door is locked. He leaves love marks on her, and places where no one else can see, but them. 

[bobasheebaby]

Amy Farrah Fowler Prompts

1 “I gave you one job! Keep an eye on him/her. How hard is that?”

2 “Thank you for understanding.” “Of course I understand. NAME, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just. I want you to know you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates —“ “I love you, too.” “You said it.”

3 “NAME does not get lucky.” “You and me both, brother.”

4 “Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock knock joke that starts ‘Knock Knock Knock, NAME. Knock Knock Knock, NAME. Knock Knock Knock, NAME’?”

5 “It's too late. He's/She’s been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic NAME murder mystery dinner.” “I'm leaving.”

6 [knocks three times] NAME 1, NAME 2, NAME 3. [repeats three times] “He's/She’s never going to stop doing that, is he/she?” “I don't mind. I'm hoping to put his/her love of repetition to good use someday.”

7 “Do I really force you to do things you don't want to?” “Yeah, but it's okay.” “How is it okay?” “I promised myself if I ever got friends I'd do whatever they said. Really, I'm lucky you found me before a cult did.”

8 “You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is symptomatic of obsessive-compulsive disorder?” “Is not. Is not. Is not.” “Denial. Denial. Denial.”

9 “What is your problem?” “It's Valentine's day. We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend.” “Oh, really? 'cause I remember you saying this trip was going to be something we could both enjoy. Did you mean that or were you just trying to trick me?” “Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen.”

10 “Well, wait. What if, just this once, we suspend the date night parameters and you stay later?” “Well, as long as we're suspending the parameters. I could stay really late and we could have our first sleepover.” “That's a big step.” “It's a big fort.”

11 “NAME, that was beautiful.” “If you didn't press record —“ “I pressed it!”

12 “Hi, NAME.” “Hello.” “Are you feeling any better?” “Physically, yes, but I'm upset because everyone's mad at me for no good reason.” “Why don't you tell me what happened, and in a gentle, loving way, I'll explain to you why you're wrong.”

13 “How's your life?” “Like everybody else's, subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking.”

14 “Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Which brings me to our next order of business.” [Kisses them] “Fascinating.” “I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did.” [Runs to bathroom and vomits]

15 “You know, its a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey.” “You want to spank me?”

16 “I don't have (Valentine's) plans, which is why I booked time on the big telescope that night.” “An evening looking at the stars, that's still kinda romantic.” “Except I'd be alone.” “I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.”

17 “I have a sorta kinda boyfriend/girlfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.”

18 “You better watch that attitude, buddy. You're dating the popular boy/girl now.”

19 “I'll let you in on a little secret. Originally, we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.” “Yeah, good call.” “But, if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.” “You're talking about the painting, right?” “Sure.”

20 “NAME 1, I think you might find the support you're looking for if you realize relationships are a give and take. He/She can only be there for you as much as you are for him/her.” “Thank you, NAME 3.” “And NAME 2, you need to be patient with NAME 1 and stop pressuring him/her into accepting intimacy on your terms.” “You should probably go.”

21 “You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.” “Little early for alcohol, isn't it?” [On the radio] “You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel.” [Yodelling] “I'll get the vodka.”

22 “And action.” “And cut! You realize I'm doing this for free, right?” “Yes, and so far we're still not getting our money's worth.”

23 “Stop it! Today is not about you, it's about NAME and NAME, and me!”

24 “Where are the kids?” “Oh, NAME’s helping NAME give them a bath.” “Hmm. So you really think you can trick NAME into liking babies?” “I slept with him/her. I married him/her. You want to bet against me?”

25 “Coming. Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles.” [Answers the door] “Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few.” “You heard what I did?” “I heard who you did.”

26 “I don't want five dollars, I want my dignity.” “So, what are we talking, like ten bucks?”

27 “Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink.” “No more than NAME.” “That's what I'm saying.”

28 “How could you do that?” “I'm sorry, but you know what it's like when you're with your man/woman and one thing leads to another.” “I do know what that's like. I really do.”

29 “Is that book called ‘Lies I tell to get sex’?” “Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.” “Can I borrow it when you're done?”

30 “Then I met NAME and look at where we are now.” “You've kissed like once in three years.” “That's true. Do whatever you want.”

31 “Are you sure your moth-like personality won't be drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?” “More and more sure.”

32 “Your husband's weird and his clothes are ridiculous.”

33 “Did he/she say she didn't like you?” “Of course not. Nobody ever says they don't like you straight to your face.” “Heh, we have led different lives!”

34 “You know there was a time when I was alone and had no friends. I'm starting to miss that.”

35 “You're acting odd. Why?” “I'm odd all the time. Everyone knows that. Just last night, I tried to see how many Fava beans I could fit in my mouth.” “Tell me the truth.” “28.” “Come on.” “56.”

36 “Uh-oh.” “What?” “I left the food out.” “You afraid it's gonna go good?”

37 “You know how, when you're sick, you're allowed to be cranky and say whatever you want and other people's feelings don't matter?” “Ooh. Gentle and loving. This is gonna be tricky.”

38 “Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?” “I can honestly say NAME.” “Aww, then I choose a janitor, because I'm about to throw up.”

39 “Please pass the butter!”

40 “Why can't there just be one week each month for famous people to die?” “Well, they've already arranged to die in threes. What more do you want from them?”

41 “I miss this.” “How can you miss a game you've never played before, silly?” “I guess sometimes I'm silly.”

42 “You don't know what it's like to feel completely frustrated. To have a desire build up within you and be denied any opportunity for release.” “Yeah, sounds like a drag.”

43 “Look, I know this is your wedding, and you can do whatever you want, but if you think anyone but me is gonna be your maid of honor, then you're an idiot because you are my best friend.” “Too late, NAM—” [pushes person b out of the way, rushes to hug persona a] “Bestie!”

44 “You and I never hang out like this. Why is that?” “I know, it's weird, right?” “Yeah, we should do it more often.” “Oh, no. I mean this is weird right now.”

45 “It actually was kinda fun.” “You're just saying that.” “Yeah.”

46 “If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?” “Okay, if you are going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.”

47 “I made your favorite oatmeal — plain.”

48 “Hi, NAME. What's new?” “Our friends are jerks, and I'm mad at all of them.” “I said, ‘What's new?’ but sure.”

49 “FYI, I had a donut for breakfast, you jerk.”

50 “Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.” “I can hear your face talking, so we're even.”

[kyurilin]

2010-2019 Or The Overly Non Dramatic Story of How Kyuri's Decade Went

Technically this isn't a part of this decade review but I'm posting this on December 24th specifically because 10 years ago today I spoke to @mist-over-water on the phone for the first time after having known her for three years and I'm pretty sure we both cried

2010

met @mist-over-water for the first time in person. Took her to the beach where she promptly got roasted by the sun. Took her to the mountains. Took her out to practice driving in a local high school parking lot because why not. I cried so hard when she had to go home and God help me I'd only known her four years at that point.

Flunked a math class for the first time. Funny enough, it was because I'd been put in the advanced math courses for years and that was the year I both had a teacher I hated and could no longer reasonably fake my way through understanding math. Don't put your kids in advanced courses unless you're certain they can keep up with it people I only really was an advanced reader.

My dog Scruffy passed away :(

Started my senior year of high school

2011

Managed to graduate high school on time despite having to take 2 whole math courses during senior year (and with @mist-over-water 's who will now be referred to as Gabby because simplicity buddies sending me 'GRADUATE' messages so I'd have the motivation to go see her in person)

Got to go to England to see Gabby which, dream come true. Had a blast. Met the two precious nieces she had, her brother who's accent I couldn't understand, her mom who is one of the sweetest people, and her grandparents who I got to watch a lot of old British gameshows with.

Saw Wicked from second row seats in London.

Saw Cars 2 three times with Gabby which is why I'm still emotionally invested in Cars 2 because boy getting to see the sequel movie to the movie that ended up allowing you to cross paths with someone you really clicked with is AN. EXPERIENCE.

Cried when I finally had to leave because I was 18 and terrified of the future and didn't know when or if I'd ever see my friend in person again.

Started at community college in the film and video program

2012

Finished my first year of community college

Wrote my first original novel that will honestly never see the light of day. It's terrible ya'll

Through circumstances I still regret started losing my friendship with Gabby and boy do I hate who I was a person during that time

Started my second year of community college

2013

Worked on the X Factor as a production assistant.

Probably around this time that Gabby and I stopped talking which was better for us at that point. Still took an emotional toll to lose a friend that I'd known for 7 years at that point but in the long run we did need the distance (and I'm sorry to throw it all out here like this Gabby if you want it edited tell me I'm just putting it all out lmao)

Through a cosmic aligning of the universe by which I mean a special interest in both Minecraft and Achievement Hunter at the same time, I found a small Minecraft server that I could play on and met some really great people

Started my third year of community college

Oh yeah met @inspector-starfish from the Minecraft server for the first time in person, me and my brother stole her from her college and took her to the state fair with us.

2014

Started easing into talking to Gabby again (I remember the message with new baby Imogen!!!) Which was a blessing

I can't remember if it was 2014 or 2015 but at some point Gabby also hung out with me on the Minecraft server with my other buddies

Worked on Catfish as a Production Assistant for like 2 days and I still think I was fired lmao

My dad was arrested. Which is... The hardest thing to type out. Because everything before 2014 feels so distant because of the events.

He got put in jail and we bailed him out, but a month later he got arrested again and we couldn't bail him out this time.

God help me I'm so glad I had gotten back to talking to Gabby at this point I vaguely remember a sobbing Skype call between us.

I don't even remember what classes I was in at community college anymore that's how bad it is.

I basically dropped out though.

I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I stopped... Being. That's really what it narrows down to. Only one of my real life friends knew what happened and I broke down everytime I thought about it so i'm pretty sure at one point I had a panic attack on my way to hang out with Friend A, who knew, and Friend B, who didn't.

I did start talking to @rhysispiecess that year. Through a post on here actually (we were also on the same Minecraft server but because I didn't really play that much that I remember after this whole thing I kinda forgot who he was).

I think (maybe???) I also met @belle-sourires and @youllthinkofsomething that year.

We moved from the house we'd lived in 13 years to a little rental house where we had the sweetest neighbors

2015

I spent a lot of time reading and crying in 2015 lmao

Also spent a lot of time talking to @rhysispiecess (the FNAF AU years God bless them for being a much needed distraction from real life)

Dad went to actual prison and boy that's an experience having to visit him there every week

We moved again this time to a small apartment

Got my first real job that wasn't being a production assistant (the same job I still have!)

Started to make actual attempts at writing again but struggled with it a lot

2016

For the first time since 2014 I actually wrote more than a simple one off story of the course of a month

Saved up my money and went to California to meet @rhysispiecess and @27thousandlizards.

Confused the shit out of Luke's (@27thousandlizards ) grandma

Was so tired I cried when I saw how little Corgi puppies are

Got to see @inspector-starfish and @youllthinkofsomething in San Diego where they were doing a robot thing as usual

Got to see the end bit of Route 66 cause wouldn't you know Rhys lives right near it (and as a huge Cars fan oh my God FATE)

Had an absolute blast with both Rhys and Luke and cried when I had to leave them because boy do I love friends

2017

Cars 3 came out and I transcended to a higher plane of being

Okay not really but I'm sure ya'll remember the days where I was mostly a Cars blog

100% I know I've said this before but all of the Cars movies have hit with specific messages at exactly the point in my life I needed to hear those messages so like. Poetic cinema.

Made some fantastic friends from those days

After 11 years of attempts at writing a redemption arc for a certain Cars character I finally wrote one and IT WAS GREAT

Cars 3 also managed to make me write again which has continued to be a struggle since 2014

Oh yeah became single again I was in a relationship but that ended TIME FOR ALONE (learned I'm still a terrible person who doesn't handle relationships well so hey not bad I'll leave people out of my overly anxious 'they must hate me' mentality)

2018

Fell out of writing again after the Cars 3 hype died down enough lmao

Got to meet @whipplefilter and @the-kings-tail-fin for a road trip around NC which was fantastic

Played way too much Nintendo Switch

Gabby got engaged and I absolutely cried for like an hour because how the fuck do you not cry when someone you've known for so long gets engaged (I'm still so happy for her @onetruejonsey seems like a really wonderful guy)

Oh yeah we moved again we have a real house now but the neighbors are redneck assholes

2019

Thanks to FNAF Help Wanted, I got whiplashed back into that fandom BUT I did start writing pretty regularly again. In fact I've written more this year than all the years since I stopped COMBINED. Which means I was both in the right headspace to actually want to write again as well as being able to keep myself focused on it.

Met Jodie Benson (ARIEL!!!!!!), Daniel Logan (KID BOBA FETT) and Christopher Sabat at GalaxyCon. Right. I went to my first convention despite being terrified of it

I cried like a bitch meeting Jodie Benson and she hugged me. I told Daniel Logan I'd had a crush on him as a kid and that Attack of the Clones was still my favorite Star Wars (which it is I wasn't lying) and he hugged me. Got to hear Sean Schemmel call Christopher Sabat out for being so friendly that his line was ridiculous which was great because boy did I not have enough money to meet more than three people. Christopher Sabat was fantastic too.

Went to DC with my 3 closest IRL buddies I've known since like 2008 and despite some arguments none of us killed each other. Nearly destroyed my feet from all the walking though. Don't know how we'd survive a trip to Japan which they all want to do.

Started formulating my next novel idea

It's been a long decade. Really the first half feels like it happened to another person.

I want to say, more than anything, if it weren't for Gabby I never would have had the courage to meet so many of my other online friends. She flew over here to meet me when I was 17 and she was 15 going on 16. We were so young and my dad and her mom worked so hard to make sure that we could actually meet each other and I'm forever thankful for that. I went across the ocean by myself at 18, an autistic disaster of a human, and somehow I didn't panic or get lost or anything. Without those experiences I never would have had the courage to do a lot of the things I've done since.

I'm still terrified of the future though. I have no idea if I'll even save enough money to go to England to see Gabby again (and God we actually need to talk more because I feel like a terrible friend ALL I DO IS SEND GIRAFFE PHOTOS). I don't even know what I want out of life.

Here's hoping though that I can continue to have some adventures and meet more of my online buddies in the next decade!

[pivitor]

Emotional Roller-Coaster This Week

So, the last eight days have been an absolute whirlwind. Some really great things happened. Some really bad things happened. I’m kinda still reeling. I had some big firsts, and spent some time with great friends, had some real catharsis. I also fell further into depression than I have in a long, long time, and, oh yeah, got diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I need to get this all off my chest, cause I’m drowning. Join me? 

Before we start, there’s two things you need to know about me. Both are things I’ve mentioned in bits and pieces on here, but here’s the full story:

1. Three months ago I had shoulder surgery to repair a torn labrum (I technically tore it when I dislocated my arm in high school, and it’s been popping out on me once every other year or so ever since, but my most recent [and now final] dislocation was very bad and sent me right to the doctor). I spent about two weeks out of work, just sitting at home on the couch in a sling. The pain wasn’t great, but it was worse mentally: I put on a couple pounds and immediately started to feel terrible about myself, and being stuck at home when I wanted to be out there, doing stuff with friends or with guys or to reach a point where I can move out, felt terrible. I wasn’t in a great headspace for a long time. As of now I have about 95% of my arm function back, and am fully healed, just trying to get back the last of my range of motion and gradually increase back to my old strength threshold.

2. This one is a bit more complicated. I’ve talked a lot here about how I grew up in a cult, but I never went into further detail. Well, here we go: I was a J*hovah’s W*tness. (I’m censoring this because I don’t want this showing up in searches) It wasn’t something I would have ever chose for myself, but when you’re born into it, you’re pretty heavily indoctrinated -- I thought it was the gospel truth despite having many reasons not to. They’re a very homophobic organization, so growing up in it wrecked my self esteem. My entire childhood and time as a teenager I thought I was worthless and doomed, destined for eternal destruction. I was often suicidal. When I was about 18 or 19 the cult printed an article “clarifying” their view on homosexuality, and said they recognized that some people are just naturally attracted to the same gender and as long as they don’t act on it they’re still “acceptable” to God. It’s dangerous bullshit that makes me so angry now, but as a brainwashed, suicidal teenager, it felt like the only chance I had to live a worthwhile life, so I got baptized into the religion, which is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life, because once you’re a baptized member of the cult, if you leave you’ll be shunned by everyone you’ve ever known. Your own parents will treat you as if you’re dead. I was very zealous for a year or two before realizing that I just couldn’t do it anymore, but it’s taken me nearly ten years to fully wake up from the indoctrination, read information from outside religions, scientists, and former members who have left. Currently I still live with my family and have to pretend to still believe (because the moment I don’t they’ll kick me out on the street), and am on the cusp of two promotions at work. As soon as those go through, I should be able to save money to move out, which I wanna do before the summer, and then I’ll be completely free.

Okay, the rollercoaster week itself:

Pre-Monday: For about a week, a week and a half before this all started, I’d been experiencing some pain in my side that was making it hard to sit up for long periods of time. This normally would’ve been a major red flag, but thanks to the shoulder surgery, I’d been having random back pains off and on recently anyway. I assumed it was related to me overcompensating for the shoulder and left it alone. Big mistake.

Monday: So one of my promotions at work involves a coaching center we’re launching. We were supposed to do our first presentation last Monday, and when my boss showed up for it, everything fell apart. It wasn’t totally my fault -- the general condition of the office itself wasn’t up to par, and the boss recognized that there wasn’t much I could do about that -- but a lot was, and I spent all week trying to fix things and get them running, and running into one major roadblock and frustration after another. We’re finally doing the presentation today, but it technically still isn’t 100% fixed. Work has been a major, major source of stress all week. I don’t think I’ll mention it again because there’s not much more to it than what I’ve listed here, but remember that it’s hanging over my head all week.

Monday night I was invited to a birthday party for a friend from my gym. Since the cult doesn’t celebrate holidays, I’d never actually been a birthday party before, complete with cake and singing happy birthday and everything. It was really nice -- even though it was truly just a bunch of guys hanging around a bar watching the Eagles, it still felt like something really special. I also spent about a half an hour in my car before I walked into the bar trying not to hyperventilate. I don’t feel guilty at all as I may have once, but I was still really worried about being seen by someone and my family finding out.

Wednesday: Tuesday was my only truly normal day of the week, and even then, we had my cousin staying with us up until Wednesday, so even then it wasn’t truly normal. We normally have church on Thursday nights (I have to attend so as not to blow my cover, but I tend to stand in the lobby and play on my phone the entire time; it’s a nice chance to catch up on my reading usually), but I had a concert on Thursday I was not going to miss, so I told my parents I was going to a different congregation on Wednesday night, but instead I went to Starbucks and caught up on Crisis on Infinite Earths. It’s...depressing that this is what I’m reduced to, but I was happy that it finally occurred to me to just...lie about it.

When I got home and took off my shirt to change into my pajamas, I noticed a patchy, red rash on my stomach, side, and back, right around the same area I’d been having pain for the last week or two. I’d absolutely never had anything like this happen before, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I crossed my fingers that it was an allergic reaction, put some cortisone cream on it, and decided to wait a couple days to see if anything changed.

Thursday: On Thursday I drove up to Philly after work, and ate a few slices at my favorite pizza place, reading comics, until it was time for the concert. It was a free show from Pkew Pkew Pkew, a band I truly, truly love, and it was one of my favorite shows of the year. Just pure joy. They played for about an hour, but were the opening act, and I don’t care for the headliner (Beach Slang), so I had originally had a few ideas about what I could do afterwards, considering that their set was over by 10 or so. I could go home (coward’s option), I could go to the Barcade. What I really wanted to do was go to a gay bar or club. I’d gone right before my surgery and had a great time, but I’d been avoiding going back (or joining a dating app or anything else) until my arm fully healed because it would very much have gotten in the way of doing anything physical. I was finally in the place where I could use my arm, but now I had that strange mysterious rash, and didn’t think it was right to do anything like that until I’d figured it out/gotten it cleared up. I don’t wanna pass anything on to anybody.

By sheer coincidence, Philly’s Emo Night ended up being this very same night (this one is held once a month), so I ended up heading over there and dancing until 2AM. I got very drunk and had a fantastic time. But there were a lot of couples. There was this girl that kept hitting on me, and then getting pissy when I didn’t reciprocate. There was this extremely hot dude in a Misfits hoodie, and early in the night we were the only two who were dancing, and he gave me a high five that he pulled into a bro hug after the song, which got me all riled up, but I couldn’t work it into anything else haha. And then this group of about four guys or so showed up, dancing all night, very affectionate, cupping each other’s faces when they talked to each other and all that. I’d seen them before and both times thought they might be gay, so I stuck close and was kinda part of their group for the night, which was really really fun. At the end of the night, one of them mentioned their girlfriend, and I reeled way more than I had any right to. I had a fantastic night. I went home feeling very alone.

Friday: Friday was my gym’s Christmas Party, which, much like Monday, was my first ever Christmas Party. I had a really fun time chatting with everyone, eating, watching one friend get drunk, try to jump up on the rings, and get dragged home by his wife. We had rowing contests and the losers had to take shots. But there was one guy there I’ve always had a crush on, a very straight, very married guy, and he was looking extremely hot and was acting extremely funny all night, and it was rough. I went home and dreamed about him all night. I woke up feeling even more alone and frustrated.

Saturday: I was pretty depressed and listless by this point. Feeling really sorry for myself despite all the fun I’d had all week. I had plans to drive up to Asbury Park for an Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties show and I just...really didn’t feel like going. But I drug myself out of bed and made myself go, because you don’t miss the gig. Before the show I wandered around Asbury, basically torturing myself. I wanted to visit a restaurant but had eaten lunch too late and wasn’t hungry. I found a gay club but still had that rash, so I didn’t wanna go in. I ended up standing on the beach, in the dark, finally having a genuine smile as I dodged the waves, but also just thinking about how sometimes Kangaroos just walk into the ocean and...never come back. I was not in a good headspace. I made myself get off the beach.

The show though...damn, that show. Dan played the second Aaron West album, Routine Maintenance, from front to back, and it’s an album about Aaron making the people in his life proud of him, about his friends giving him direction, about finding redemption through being there for his family in their darkest hour. That kind of shit is my kryptonite to begin with, but all I could think about was how all I had ever wanted in my life was to make my family proud, and how I’d never be able to do it, how someday soon they’re just...never gonna talk to me again. I cried twice during the set. And afterwards I got to hug Dan and tell him how much the album fucks me up. It was really cathartic. I felt the cloud start to lift.

Sunday: So Sunday I finally go to the doctor about this fucking rash, which hadn’t gotten any worse but had not gotten any better either. The diagnosis?

I have fucking shingles.

For those who don’t know, shingles is the chicken pox virus. After you’ve had chicken pox it never really leaves your body -- it stores itself away in your nerves. As an adult, it can reemerge as shingles, which begins as an intense pain, then advances into painful rashes on one side of your torso. Without intervention, they can continue to spread and become almost immobilizing. I’m currently on a pill I have to take three times a day for seven days, which will stop the progression of the shingles, and then it will heal up on its own, but it could take a few weeks.

Thankfully, I’m not contagious -- I can only spread the disease if someone has prolonged, direct contact with the rashes. I can be around people, but like I feared, it does rule out sex for a while. The worst part is that shingles as a disease can’t really be healed. The symptoms will go away, but I’ll be susceptible to outbreaks the rest of my life. Fortunately, the doctor made it sound pretty manageable -- the pain in my side, in that exact same spot, will always be my first symptom, so as soon as I feel that I need to get to a doctor and get back on the seven day medication to end the flare-up. It doesn’t sound like shingles flare-ups are super common either -- reading up on it, it looks like most people have, at the most, three outbreaks in their life. But, it’s still a chronic illness, and it’s one that’s very rare to emerge at this young of an age -- this is something you normally get in your fifties or sixties, not your early thirties! 

Honestly, I could only laugh. Just my luck, right? I’m so frustrated. My arm’s finally reached the point where I can get back to trying to pursue guys, but nope! the shingles has to postpone it a few more weeks :/

But despite it all, the depression of the rest of the week had mostly lifted. I had processed it. I was feeling better. For a while.

Back in the spring I had joined a subreddit for former members of the cult, which is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, as it let me share my story with people who had been there and understood, and really helped clear out the last remnants of the programming from my brain. Every once in a while different gay Ex cult member will contact me on there, and I’ve struck up a few nice casual friendships. Last week a guy reached out to me on there looking for friends in the same situation as him, and I replied, and on Friday he finally replied back, and we texted each off and on Saturday and Sunday morning. Sunday night, though, we got into a deeper conversation. He’s in his early twenties, and some of the stuff he was asking for advice about made it sound like he was just starting to wake up from the programming and just starting to think about leaving and being gay and everything. Eventually, as we talk more, I find out that that’s not fully the case. He’s jealous of some of the stuff I’ve done that he hasn’t -- going to Pride, going to gay bars -- but unlike me, he’s had a fair amount of sex. Like any closeted Witness, he had to drive into unfamiliar cities to do so, and it’s a strategy I’ve thought of trying but never pulled off. 

I dunno, I’m so depressed. I feel like such a failure. I know having sex doesn’t make you a better person, and not having sex doesn’t intrinsically make you a failure. But I feel like this because I want it so badly, because I always have, and I could have been doing it for years, and I’ve been really forced to confront the fact that it’s my own fear that’s been getting in my way all this time. If I’d really tried I could’ve done it by now. If I really tried I probably could’ve moved out and started my new life by now -- I’d probably be dirt broke in an apartment with like eight roommates, but I could’ve done it. I don’t feel like anybody else, including this guy I was chatting with, have been judging me for this, but I’m pretty disgusted with myself, irrational as it may be. I know it’s not true, but I feel like my whole life has been a waste of time. And I’m so fucking sick of it.

So. This is everything I’ve been processing this week. I don’t really know what to do with it. I’ve gotta be patient a little while longer. Keep working on my real estate licensing test so I can make some more money. Wait for the shingles to heal up. Get on Grindr and just, fucking, fuck some dude the moment I’m cleared up.

But fuck, I’m so fucking sick of waiting.