#kinda the reason i haven't been as active as much

[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[asonofpeter]

i wrote a book

[astrxealis]

good eve, sending u all hugs ^_^

[chrisbangs]

zzz

[bluedrake121]

Just ordered some interesting new accessories.

If I'm feeling like they look good might post a pic, give them a week or two to deliver though...

[moolthecow]

i ain't gonna sugarcoat it.

[mrfoox]

I love not being able to tell if someone is flirting or just... Talking

[rubiesintherough]

.

[rosenclaws]

Hi love, I hope you’re doing well! I’ve been a fan of (stalking but let’s not talk about it) your blog for a little while, but this is the first time I’ve sent in a request for you! Your writing for Leopold is literally the sweetest ever and you’re the only writer I know of that actively writes for him, it’s so dry out here!! I was wondering if I could request something fluffy with Leopold x fem!reader where is like the most tooth-rotting fluff you can think of. I’m talking him trying to court the reader even though it’s the modern day and that’s not really a thing anymore and shes a bit confused but loves it, a super touchy reader that loves to shower Leo with her affection, literally anything. Those are just ideas, feel free to be as creative as you’d like (and don’t be shy if you wanna make it a longer fic, I’ll take what I can get). This fandom (if I can even call it that) is such a barren wasteland for fanfics and you are such an amazing writer for him and just in general!!

Much love 💕

Courting || Leopold Mountbatten x Reader

a/n: Hi!! Okay I kinda took this in a slightly different direction so if its not what you wanted then plz feel free to send in another request (ik they're closed but I will make an exception) ALSO FUCK HES SO HANDSOME IM GONNA SCREAM

wc: 1.2k

warning: reader wears lipstick

The last thing you expected was to find a neatly written letter waiting for you when you got home. Pinned neatly to the door with a small rose attached to it. You recognized Leopold's handwriting immediately, no one else you know has such beautiful penmanship.

There’s a flutter of butterflies in your stomach as you open the letter. You and Leopold have gotten very close to each other. He’s unbelievably charming and so sweet and he’s just everything. The way he looks at you, it makes you feel like the only one in the world.

Hello my love,

I am writing to ask if you would do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner and a show this Friday night. I have found myself completely captured by your beauty, you live in my every thought. Every breath I breathe for you and every beat of my heart calls your name. I wish to court you and have the honor of calling you mine.

Your dearest Leopold

You read the letter once, and then again and again. Your fingers trace each letter. Never have you had anyone say something so precious to you before. The rose smells fresh and sweet, he must have gotten it this morning. You hurry to write him a reply, accepting his offer with great enthusiasm.

Folding the letter you press your lips the corner of the paper leaving a lipstick mark. Leopold lives just down the hall so you walk over. Just as you’re about to slip the letter under the door it swings open.

“Leo!” You squeak out as stand back up, almost knocking your head into his chest.

"Hello darling." He's dressed in casual clothes and my god you need to thank whoever introduced him to sweatpants. Anyways.

"I see you received my letter." You bite your lip as you hand over your letter. His name written as fancy as you can.

"Yeah, it was really sweet Leo." He takes the letter and you swear he blushes a little when he sees the lipstick mark. He stares at you for a while, with that perfect smile and gorgeous eyes.

"I uh, I'll see you Friday." His eyes light up at your words.

"I'll see you Friday my love." He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles.

You manage to keep it together as he shuts the door but once you make it back to your apartment you're melting. A giddy feeling you haven't felt in years. You have to wonder how he will attempt to court you in modern day. People don't really court anymore but all you care about is that you have a date with Leopold. Friday couldn't come fast enough.

You had never felt this nervous before. Spending way too long getting ready just to be done an hour early. It's just Leopold, you know Leopold. There's no reason to be nervous but you can't stop the tornado of worry brewing inside of you.

What if something goes wrong? Or the date goes horrible? What if he decides he doesn't like you anymore? What if this ruins your friendship. You shake your head and try to dispel any bad thoughts.

Tonight was going to be great. It has to be. There's a knock at the door and you quickly double check everything before opening it. Any worry still residing in your mind disappears. A beautiful bouquet of flowers is handed to you as Leopold is dressed to the nines. A crisp white shirt and black pants.

"They're beautiful." You say admiring the flowers. Fresh and absolutely gorgeous.

"Not as beautiful as you." Leopold says, barely at a whisper. Like he can't believe that you've even agreed to a date with him. He can't help but admire everything about you. To your smile, your beauty, your laugh, your voice. You're perfect.

You place the flowers in a vase and then the two of you are off. He rests his hand on your back as you walk through the city. His thumb draws circles in your back as you approach the restaurant. He's planned everything himself and he can't help but hope it's enough for you.

Dinner is lovely and the conversation flows without any awkwardness. You're talking to your friend Leopold but you know there's something more as you slowly get closer to each other as the night goes on. Hidden away in the corner booth you are free to get lost in each others eyes. Though you wish you could stay here all night he promised a show. Leopold loved the theater and he promised one day to take you and tonight was the night.

"How did you get such good seats?" You ask as he waits for you to sit before he does.

"I have my ways darling." You're hyper aware of just how close the two of you had gotten at dinner and how close you are now.

The show is interesting yes but Leopold was a very distracting man. Your hands inch closer together. Glancing over at Leopold you find him already looking at you. He waits for your silent approval, not wanting to cross an boundaries. So you take the leap. Intertwining your hands together.

A faint blush on his face and a big smile on yours. His hands are so warm and they fit so perfectly with your hand. When the show ends you reluctantly head back home. You don't want this night to end. Your hands swing together as you gush about the play.

"I had a wonderful night Leopold," You're leaning against your door, wanting so badly to keep the night going. His hair swoops perfectly in front of his forehead and he's got this pretty smile that you can't stop staring at.

"So did I, Thank you for accompanying me tonight." His eyes drift to your lips.

It's adorable seeing just how old school he really is. You know he's from 1876 but still. Modern boys pale in comparison to Leopold.

"You know you don't have to be so nervous Leo, I want to kiss you too." You say boldly.

He chuckles, ducking his head as bites his lip softly. He cups your face gently and you close eyes as he gently captures your lips in a kiss. He's gentle and sweet and you crave more. Still he pulls away much too soon. You pout slightly and he laughs.

"I know I'm much more traditional than you're used to." He traces your lips with his thumb. Admiring every little detail of your face.

"But someone as wonderful as you deserves to be treated with the upmost respect." He kisses your forehead gently.

"You deserve to be loved," Another kiss.

"To be cherished," Another.

"And to be worshiped." Words fail you completely. Leopold has rendered you utterly speechless.

"Did I overstep?" He asks, worried about you silence.

You shake your head. practically jumping into him as you kiss him. Passionately running your hands through his hair. He groans slightly as you tug on his hair. He pushes you against the wall, bracing your head with his hand as he kisses back.

"I'm falling in love with you." He whispers. A hopeful glint in his eyes.

"I'm already in love with you." You admit.

You become lost in his lips as he kisses you again. He just can't get enough. You blindly reach for the door handle and without argument pull him inside of your apartment.

Soft kisses and laughter are shared quietly between the two of you. Time ticks by but you have lost all sense of care in the world. All that matters to you is this moment. Your fairytale come to life. And it was just perfect.

[fanficsbyme-causeimgay]

Imagine, if you will, you have been hiking. Regardless of your disability that gave you problems walking, hiking was an activity you loved doing.

Sadly, one day, that disability does not help.

You trip and fumble, rolling down a hill. Thankfully, you haven't broken anything, but you have lost your backpack that had the means to contact others to help you. Your phone broke, but even if it hadn't broken, you wouldn't have any signal.

Lying there in pain because of the many injuries you've sustained - as minor as they might be, they're still painful - you just see a shadow looming above you.

When you wake up next, you're in a cabin in the middle of the woods. The owner and sole person living in it is what can only be described as a lumberjack. Big man with thick arms and even thicker and strong voice that was a lot gentler than you'd expect from a man of his size. He helped you, he took you from where you were and brought you to his home - Here you have been for three days until now. He lives away from proper civilization, and although he has an emergency kit, he doesn't really use it, and some things have expired already. He can't exactly leave you here because it would take him days to get to the closest town, and you can't possible be by yourself for so long in the state you're in!

So he stayed.

As he lives alone and you're taking his only bed, he sleeps on the ground. At first, you felt really guilty about it - it is his house, so he should sleep on the bed! - but he keeps insisting that this wasn't the first time he slept on the ground and probably won't be the last. Still, you insist that at least you share, right? But it is awkward to share the bed with a stranger. So, why not become friends? That way the awkwardness will fade away... right?

You learn a few things about him. Very important things indeed.

He loves star fruits. His favorite color is green. He is an avid reader of what he explained to you to be scientific texts about soil and rocks (he went on and on about the differences between various types of rocks). He has taken to the art of woodcarving. And he also loves bears! He has made various small hand sized little bear statues that he has all around his house.

Talking about his house, although you have been mostly confined to the bedroom, you have seen a bit of it, mainly the kitchen. After a week of living together, you can finally move your body without too much pain or strain on your muscles, but walking still eludes you, cane or no cane. It is too painful. Maybe you tore something? Regardless, he sets you down on a chair he most likely makes himself and talks about whatever he wants as he makes dinner, and he is a good cook! He lives alone, so he has to be... Or make food good enough to eat.

He loves soups, too. "They're easy to make, hut hard to truly master." Is what he said when you asked about it... and it kinda makes sense.

One week turns into two, and you're starting to move around a little more, and that's when he takes you outside. It was cold, very cold, and that is when you find out he lives on top of a mountain. Without windows in his house ("I don't like them for... personal reasons."), you didn't really know you were higher up, but it was a beautiful, beautiful place... Miles and miles of forest as far as the eyes could see - and you could see your original trail too. It was two or so miles away and a steep drop down, too.

He sat you down by the porch and you two just watched the horizon as the sun set down before going back inside... it felt weirdly romantic.

Maybe that was when things started.

You began to help him with cooking - just small things. "Let me cut the potatoes for you." Oh yeah, he grew them and a bunch of other things too. He likes gardening, too... "Let me help you with that!" Or a good ol' "You look like you need some help."

And soft touches when reaching out for the same thing became more natural. Touches become more natural. Sleeping on the same bed becomes natural. Cuddling becomes more natural. And that was when you noticed it - He was gruff with it. He just told you: "I turn into a big bear sometimes." Like was the most common and perfectly normal thing for a big guy like him to do!

"Uhm, like, regularly?"

"Whenever I want to."

"...can I see that?"

And he shows you. He is big. He is brown. He is fluffy.

Secrelty, he is also extremely happy that you didn't freak out and tried to run away. He is even happier when you literally cuddle the fuck out od him.

But time, as always, moves on.

You were well enough to return to civilization. And he knew that, so he told you that the next morning, he would bring you to the nearest town. As a last farewell, he made a campfire, and you both sat together and watched as thunder rumbled above your heads. The dark clouds rolling in as rain would soon fall - and that is when he pulls out a simple guitar.

"...can I sing you something?" He asks, nervous. "I don't make any promises about the quality. It will probably suck."

"I would love to hear it." You say.

And he sings -

And when he finishes, you can't help it.

You don't wanna leave.

That night, you both did kiss, like real people do.

[silly-little-soul]

Shane accepting himself as a dad

A/N – “Little” thought dump I wrote at the hairdresser today, I'll probably continue it when I find the time

I haven't played sdv in forever cause I can't find the charger of my switch I miss it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fandom: Stardew Valley (Shane x gn!Reader/Farmer)

Summary: Thoughts on the lead-up to Shane and Jas moving in with you

Tags: established relationship, tbh reader appears like thrice maybe, some fluff, some angst, some reverse comfort, no beta we die like my activity

Warnings: Some talks about alcoholism and mental illness cause it's Shane, a shit lot of miscommunication, brief talk of Shane and Farmer having own kids, death mention

Note: It got too long so I didn't get to the part where reader/farmer would've been more prominent so this is very focused on the dynamic between Shane, Jas and Marnie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thinking about how in the game when you marry Shane he doesn't take Jas with him

I wish she could live on the farm with you, but let’s actually look at that scenario and Marnie's place in it

Shane is Jas’ official caretaker, but with how his mental health and alcohol consume used to be he definitely wasn’t able to fully take care of her, I’m guessing Marnie did most of that. Like Shane DOES really care for her and did what he could, it just wasn’t enough when he got worse. Simultaneously he saw Marnie care for her the way he wished he could've and it just seemed so effortless (it wasn’t, she was just grieving differently). It made him feel like he could retreat from his parental role, have Marnie take it and stop himself from pulling Jas down with him, he didn’t want to be selfish and put her well-being at risk just to be the one playing parent.

Honestly, he was probably right in that decision, he couldn’t have fully cared for a child.

But it’s different now, he’s better now, he’s ready.

He starts spending more time with her again, no longer feeling like he’s a risk to her, no longer being so ashamed. He takes on tasks like making lunch and bringing her to bed more often.

He doesn’t even notice it until Jas, Marnie or you point it out, might write a scenario for that at some point but let’s move on for now

Anyway, he realizes he’s taken the role of a parent for her. And then you give him the mermaid pendant, and he’s so happy that everything is slowly working out.

When he comes home and tells Marnie she is quick to pull him into a tight hug, she’s so happy he’s managing to really turn his life around.

Jas is so so excited, asking when they'll move to the farm

Shane wants to have her come right with him, he's talked to you about it and you were quick to tell him you'd be happy to have her, but he realizes he should really talk to Marnie about that first.

So they kinda just redirect her question.

Later though they sit together and talk about the upcoming change of Shane's living situation.

At Shane’s declaration of wanting to take Jas right with him, Marnie is hesitant and gently suggests that might not be the best idea.

Shane believes it’s because Jas has become a daughter to her, something he actively pushed to happen by making her take all responsibility for the little girl (and for him too, actually), and he figures he doesn’t really have the right to take Jas from her after she has been the one taking care of her for so long.

Except that isn’t the reason at all. Marnie has never seen herself as Jas’ mom. She loves Jas a lot of course and she’ll surely miss her a lot once she moves, but she has never not seen Shane as the one to be Jas’ new parent.

She wants this for both Shane and Jas, but she’s just so worried. She’s seen Shane at his worst and all that has lead up to it, seen him almost get better but then fail again more often than she’d like to have.

She’s honestly more worried about Shane than Jas. What if Shane takes on too much responsibility at once? His new role as a husband, the changes that come with living on the farm, and then he'll also be fully responsible for Jas? She's worried he'll end up feeling overwhelmed and get worse again. And then if Jas sees it this time, oh gosh... (Okay, maybe it is about Jas)

Now bear with me it's about to get a little confusing

Shane doesn't know that's the reason, Marnie doesn't tell him outright to not upset him.

So when she brings up the hint of “are you sure? She can stay here some longer too” he thinks it's because of her relationship with Jas and he's just like “yeah y'know maybe that works” because he doesn't want to take Jas from her after making Marnie take care of her so long, however she thinks it's because he really does think it'd be too much at once.

So they're like “okay good talk” and go their ways and while Marnie is like “okay cool I'll help some more till he feels able to care for her fully” Shane is knocking on your door having half a breakdown like “I fucked up I'll never get to take on the role of her father”

On a side note, he went to the farm and not the saloon, and both of you have a brief moment of gratitude for the fact so let's take a second to appreciate him for that too

Alright, he has been appreciated

But yeah, I kinda hc their communication isn't great in general. It's not for lack of trying (not anymore, it used to be a factor when Shane wasn't doing well) or something causing arguments, it's more so a thing where the two talk and then think everything is fine when they in reality have talked past each other so hard.

It's usually silly, small stuff like chores or something and resolved with a quick clarification and doesn't cause issues – except this time it did.

Anyway, he's at your doorstep, kinda having a breakdown.

You let him in of course, get him some water, gently tell him to calm down and tell you what happened.

His explanation is not very coherent, consisting mainly of him repeating how he fucked up, it might very well spiral into a full on panic attack.

Shane's not usually someone to panic but this is about Jas, who is the most important thing in the world to him, not to forget the only way he knew how to cope is kind of gone.

After a while he manages to explain what's going on more clearly, how he so badly wants to care for Jas the way he should have from the start, but he can't because he made mistakes he can't fix, how Marnie has taken that role and is entirely reasonable in wanting to keep it.

Then he breaks down again.

You don't really know what to do, he's in a terrible state, and what can you say? If the situation was truly how Shane presented it (which you assumed of course) there wouldn't really be much you could do to help.

You end up calling his therapist, he's against the idea at first but caves at your pleading look.

He's put you in situations in which you had to try help him with no idea how to before, hell he's made you fear for his life with this kind of bullshit before! He doesn't want you to go through that again.

In the beginning you sit with him, help explain to his therapist what happened, let Shane lay his head on your chest while talking to her.

When after a while he is much calmer you go make his favorite dinner, waiting for him to finish the phone call.

They make an appointment for Saturday and Shane hangs up, wordlessly coming over to you and letting himself fall into your arms. You have dinner and go to bed, deciding it's better for him to stay with you tonight, and maybe also the next few day. You'll figure out how to go on about this on Saturday.

Meanwhile Marnie has no idea about all of this and tells Jas about the decision (she thinks) they made, how Shane will move to the farm but needs some time to “settle in” as she calls it, and then Jas can move there too later on.

She's bummed about not getting to come along right away but is generally okay with the idea, not much bothered.

This whole misunderstanding is only really revealed when Jas and Shane cross parts the next time. This could be several days later, or the next one which I'm gonna go with.

Unfortunately for Shane, Jas was already planned to come to the farm that day to “help” (aka pet your animals) so she shows up there in the morning and it's. A bit awkward. Not that she'd notice, though.

Inevitably the topic of Shane moving to the farm comes up. It's in bypassing, it doesn't really matter how, but it causes even more chaos.

She says something about how she'll miss him when he moves to the farm, which feels like a punch in the gut to him, cause he doesn't even know she just means in the short while till he gets her over there too.

He tries not to let it show in front of her, it's not her fault, so he tries to play over his reaction by saying something along the lines of “I'll miss you too, but you and Marnie can come visit. If the farmer and me start a family you can come over and-”

And like damn. Not the best thing he could've said in that situation.

Cause up until just know she thought she was coming after him like a month or something later!

Jas' eyes fill with tears and she has such a look of betrayal on her face Shane doesn't even finish his sentence.

“You don't want me here?”

And he's just like fuck lol

In retrospect he doesn't actually know what Marnie told Jas and how she explained the decision to her. Thinking about it she probably didn't exactly go “Hey actually Shane used to be a good for nothing alcoholic so I decided I'm your mom”

But wait, does Jas want to stay with him on the farm?

Because yeah wait!! He did not consider that and how she feels about this.

Meanwhile Jas is now also a victim of the miscommunication between Marnie and Shane (aren't we all?)

Before Shane can think of something to say she's bolting, running back home.

You - who watched the interaction happen - and Shane go after her, coming to the ranch to find Jas crying in her bed with Marnie sitting next to her and trying to coax her into explaining what happened. When she sees you she moves away from her, figuring you two must have a better idea of what's going on.

Shane takes Marnie's place and asks Jas why she's crying.

She looks up at him with a heartbreaking expression and says “You said you'll start a family, but what about me?” (not rlly like that but I suck at dialogue)

And Shane is like “Marnie is your family”

I love him but.... shut up, Shane!!

That blow was so hard both you and Marnie could feel it!

In his defense, he realizes that was dumb as fuck like immediately after.

“I mean... fuck, she's been a mom for you so long, way more than I ever was, I can't just take you away now”

And Marnie stiffens cause like that's the moment it starts dawning on her something didn't go quite right in their earlier communication. And then you notice her reaction and it starts dawning on you as well and you kinda just look at each other like “oh shit”.

Which Shane and Jas are completely unaware of.

“She's not my mom! I don't want her to by my mom”

And Jas is honestly really irritated by Shane's interpretation of their family dynamic because yeah Marnie has taken care of her a long time and she's really close to her of course but she still never saw her as something other than her aunt, just like Marnie always considered Jas her niece.

“Why don't you want to be my dad?”

It's sort of a breaking point for all four of you.

For Shane it feels like in a matter of seconds he's reliving every moment since the day Jas' parents died. They chose him as the one who'd take in Jas if something happened to them. They could've decided on Marnie, but they didn't. In that moment he realizes that maybe his fear of this parental role he really did want to take not being rightfully his was never about Marnie to begin with.

At the same time, Marnie and you decide to finally intervene. She gently pulls him towards the door, telling him they have to talk, meanwhile you sit with Jas to comfort her.

You let her climb into your lap and hug her, just holding her and waiting for Marnie and Shane to finish talking, until she speaks up again quietly

“Do you not want me on the farm?”

And you're of course immediately telling her you do!! You want her there, you consider her family and she goes “I think Shane doesn't” and like no he does!! He's just stupid!

Except you don't say that to her of course cause don't say that to her.

Meanwhile Marnie is torn between hugging Shane because man he's apparently spent years thinking he has no place as her parent and scolding him cause how the fuck did he spend years thinking he has no place as her parent.

It ends up being the scolding (gently though, she does get where he was coming from).

She explains everything to him, from exactly how she feels about Jas to what she meant when she suggested to have Jas stay with her.

“You're her father now. Her parents chose for you to be and she did too. You're her dad, and nothing you or I do can change that”

And it's wild because he realizes he has always refused those titles. He always talked about his parental role or his role as a father, yeah, but he's never dared call himself her dad. But he is, isn't he?

They have a long talk and Shane learns his place in the family was never a question, while Marnie has her anxiety over Shane taking on too much at once calmed.

They settle on Jas staying at the ranch on weekdays and the farm on weekends for the first month, so he can settle and you can get used to having a child around all the time. After that she'll move to the farm entirely, with the promise to have her stay at Marnie's a bit if Shane ever feels like it's too much for him.

He goes back to Jas' room to explain everything to her and tell her she'll of course come along to his new life.

And when he opens then door he sees you sit with Jas – with his daughter - in your arms, petting her hair comfortingly and he's like yeah.

That's his family.

[niccerooniererer]

still not saying what it is cuz the fans scare me but one of them

the way one of them is portrayed makes me so like

as in in canon, I really really like it, even with all the cringy stuff

and others being like, super mean about it because the character had development and became soft n like people not being able to make peace with the fact that time changes things and that everything is a phase, even the good things that you think should last forever

oh gay pairing that I like that has a chance to become canon save me

gay pairing I like that has a chance to be canon

save me

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Friendly reminder of a thing we know about shame.

When you use shame to try and get someone to change how they do/interact with a thing, it will basically never actually get them to make that change. But it WILL make them really good at APPEARING as if they've made the change. Sometimes that's enough! But usually it's not. And if the aesthetics of the thing is not actually the issue, but rather being able to acheive your desired outcome [convincing to take/not take a specific action] you'll want to ask some questions about guilt and shame and how you need to interact with those feelings effectively to encourage that outcome sustainably.

I've always liked this worksheet for that:

I always find that I feel the shame get REALLY quickly activated by the questions the worksheet asks in a way that makes it much easier to separate from functional episodes of guilt or regret, and makes it a lot easier to set aside the feelings of shame without feeling like that means I have to take or not take any particular next steps to "deserve" that, you know?

The longer I work with questions like these when reflecting on/processing shame, the less ashamed I've felt generally, the more confident I've felt, and the more able I've been to have emotionally difficult conversations with people without feeling as terrified or as anxious about the possibility that something might genuinely need to change.

My favorites to use are 1 and 4 on that 3rd page:

1. How have you used guilt with others to try to get what you need?

This question has been really helpful for me in A) reminding me that everyone feels guilty sometimes, and that feeling guilty can sometimes be a learning and growing [or growing together] opportunity if it's actually safe to make mistakes in your life, and B) it reminds me to think about why I or someone else might call on the feeling of guilt on a functional level, how do we find that intentional use of feeling guilt helps us meet our needs? Are there other alternatives we haven't yet considered that might still work? Or is there a functional reason we are applying pressure via guilt? Can that reason be accommodated other ways to reduce reinforcing guilt with shame? It helps me understand why I'm feeling how I am, why I'm seeking one solution/resolution over another option, and trust that because I have taken time to consider all these angles, I have also "made the best decision I can with the information/context I have at the time", something I have integrated as a reassurance of the humanity of mistake-making in my adult life. I can regret, but shame will paralyze, so this lets me set down unchangeable past without feeling like I am failing others I love.

4. When is the last time you let someone down? How do you feel about it now?

Early on in my work on this, this helped me think a lot about how I built my narrative of "letting someone I love down" in my relationship with my parents. But parent-child relationships often rely on authorities/hierarchies that almost no other relationship allows for, and there is absolutely no reason for adult me to interact with peers, or even authority figures, as if "disappointing" them is akin to "being abandoned and unloved by the literal only person in the world who can ensure your needs get met" the way that initial narrative feels. Treating people in my life as if they could ever have the kind of power over me that my parents did is actually kinda fucked in a lot of ways, and I became so much less scared, so much more willing and able to be loved by others when I was able to let go of the idea that "disappointing some I love" was somehow world ending. People I love have disappointed me, and I still love and cherish them. It would be absurd to argue that I'm unique in that. And frankly, if my being willing to and actually putting in effort to make changes isn't enough repair for someone else, than it is what it is! That happens sometimes! It doesn't mean I'm irredeemably bad, it means that person and I are no longer compatible in the way we used to be, and that's okay. I can grieve the loss of change without verbally abusing myself as if I am uniquely capable of being such a good person that no one ever dislikes me for any reason or worse as if I am so uniquely bad that I shouldn't be allowed second chances.

I don't have a point here. I just know that shame is the silent killer we all live with, and lord knows I never got taught how to cope with it until well into my 20s, so surely someone else out there will find this conversation revelatory in a way that matters for them.

[just-elena]

I'm sorry if this has already been shared to Tumblrverse previously, I scrolled through #threshold day but didn't see it.

ANYWAY

The vagina museum has a say to this sacred occurrence, so there.

Text:

A very happy #ThresholdDay to all who celebrate. If you haven't yet read our analysis of whether Janeway and Tom Paris fucked when they were lizards, today is the perfect day!

OLD THREAD REPOST

On 29th January 1996, "Threshold", the Star Trek: Voyager episode where Captain Janeway and Tom Paris turned into giant space newts and had babies first aired. Since it's #ThresholdDay we aim to answer a burning question: did Paris and Janeway fuck? If so, how did they fuck?

In attempting to answer the question as to whether Janeway and Paris fucked, and how they did it, we're going to mostly focus on salamanders, because the weird space amphibians they become are often described as "salamanders" and they look kinda like salamanders.

The first thing you need to know about amphibians is that they don't have genitals per se. As amphibians, Janeway and Paris had cloacas: a multipurpose hole for pee, poo and reproduction.

Salamanders are interesting because different species employ different strategies for fertilisation. Some use external fertilisation: Janeway plops her eggs out, Paris fertilises them. Some practice internal fertilisation, which we'll get onto later.

If Janeway and Paris engaged in external fertilisation, they would have undertaken a manoeuvre called amplexus. Tom Paris would have come up behind Captain Janeway and embraced her with his forelimbs. They would position their cloacas close together.

When Janeway released her eggs, Paris would have released sperm over them. Amplexus can last for hours.

Essentially, Janeway and Paris went tantric.

However, most salamanders don't do amplexus. Fertilisation would happen inside Janeway's body before she laid her eggs. This isn't achieved by penetration. It's much weirder.

If the fertilisation was internal, Tom Paris would have deposited a parcel of sperm called a spermatophore, and then Captain Janeway would pick the package up with the lips of her cloaca to take it into herself.

That sounds reasonably contact free, right? So why are Janeway and Paris so embarrassed about what happened at the end of the episode?

Welp, there's a lot of courtship rituals which would have happened before Janeway picked up Paris's cum parcel with her pee-poo hole lips.

Salamanders court: it's in Tom Paris's interests to make sure Janeway chooses to pick up his package of sperm. Salamander courtship typically involves seduction and dancing.

Tom Paris would have wafted pheromones at Janeway, and then the two of them would have engaged in some dance moves, first with Paris turning round to deposit his sperm package, then Janeway turning to pick it up.

In some salamanders, the pheromone exchange is as simple as Tom Paris fanning his tail at Captain Janeway so she can get a whiff and get in the mood for collecting his sperm package. Sometimes it's a bit kinkier.

If they took a lead from Desmognathus, Paris would drag his teeth down Janeway's neck and back while releasing pheromones, getting his horny chemicals straight into her bloodstream.

If they took a lead from Plethodon shermani, Paris would slap Janeway's snout.

Ultimately, there would have been seduction, close contact dancing, tail straddling and possibly a bit of kink. So that's presumably why Janeway, Paris and pretty much the entire Voyager crew are absolutely mortified and the entire sorry interlude is absolutely never mentioned again.

At the end of the episode, human again, Paris apologises for the salamander sex but Janeway points out that in many species, the female initiates the intercourse. Is that true?

In general, the way salamander sex is talked about, the male is doing everything he can to persuade the female to pick up his spermatophore. He's the active one and the female is passive. A 2020 literature review suggests this is not the case: the female is an active participant.

Ultimately, Janeway was probably quite right in admitting her responsibility in having salamander sex with her pilot, and that she *chose* to pick up his little parcel of jizz and have his space abomination babies.

Thank you for reading. We're sorry.

/end text

Source: the Vagina Museum official Mastodon account. Original thread here.

[mandos-mind-trick]

Blessed Silence

Summary: You haven't known silence for eight years after your soulmate link manifests as a telepathic connection.

Pairing: Tech x reader, soulmate AU

Warnings: NSFW, unprotected sex, unrealistic first time sex, Soulmate AU so feelings just kinda happen, reader does have a sort of backstory but everything else is ambiguous, reader also is written as female bodied

A/N: I had most of this written, but I just needed some motivation to finish. Turns out avoiding feelings is a good motivator for writing smut. I kinda like this one. It was supposed to be a short fic, but it wound up sorta long. (This is the cut down version too, it was longer.)

MASTERLIST

Your brain hasn’t been quiet for almost eight years. 

It was near non-stop, constant chatter about anything and everything. Things from battle strategy to medical knowledge to ship specs, planets, species and languages you’d never even heard of. Your brain was full of it all the time. 

The worst part? It wasn’t even your doing. 

You had questioned for a long time what your soulmate link might be. Most species have them, and they vary depending on each unique link. From marks to timers to telepathy the list goes on and on. You’d know, you frequented that list often. 

Many, many times you had gone through every option on that list, waiting for something to seem right. You had no marks, no timer, no strange dreams, no color blindness. For years you had nothing. You had wondered perhaps if there was something that had been missed, another way soulmates might present themselves that was unknown. 

Or maybe, you didn’t have one at all. 

Until about eight years ago when the thoughts had started. They’re not your own. The voice isn’t yours whispering them. At first you had thought you were going crazy, hearing some voice going at rapid speed in your head. 

Reading back through the list had made you realize what it was. 

You had a telepathic connection with your soulmate, and the nonstop chatter was your soulmate’s mind. 

It really is nonstop. 

The only time it quiets is when he sleeps, and that is sporadic and only in short bursts. 

At first it had been enchanting. You had laid in your bed for hours, listening to his voice think about anything and everything. Quickly, though, it had grown to be almost annoying because he never stopped thinking. Always his brain is going, thinking of things that don’t even make sense to you sometimes. 

That being said, he has been helpful to you a few times. You forget he can also hear your thoughts, since he was almost always drowning you out. A few, sparing times, he had helped you, like when your speeder broke down and you were determined to fix it yourself to avoid overpaying for a mechanic. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, but upon looking at various parts in the shop, you had drawn a blank on what you needed. 

Then, whispering quietly in your mind, your soulmate had told you which parts to get, and had walked you through repairing it. You had thanked him, and then got a barrage of mechanical knowledge and more facts about speeder designs than you had ever wished to know. 

As much as it annoyed you, hearing his voice constantly was reassuring. Your home planet had been entirely untouched by the war, but you had seen news about horrible battles leaving planets permanently scarred and millions homeless. You know he’s involved somehow, given the thousands of battle plans and strategies that flooded your mind constantly. 

It makes you feel a bit better that he has a good reason for not actively looking for you. 

It’s not like you were actively making an effort, but after you had realized he was probably involved in the army, you had squashed that thought quickly. You did want to meet him, if only to slap him for keeping you awake with his constant thoughts, but you weren’t searching him out. 

Fate would allow your paths to cross eventually. Right now was not the time. 

Then the war ended. It’s rather abrupt, with hardly more than a holocast from the Galactic Senate announcing the end of the war and the formation of the new Galactic Empire. You had never cared much about politics, or the war, because your planet wasn’t likely to ever feel the effects of any of it. Largely ignored due to its rather inconvenient placement away from hyperspace lanes and tucked into a far edge of the outer rim, your home was frequented only by those looking to hide. It’s a good spot to do it. 

Despite this, nothing about the end of the war or the new Empire felt right to you, mostly because your soulmate feels that way. There's little you can do about it, and it seems he also agrees. 

The battle strategies begin to shift. Deserter is a constant thought in your soulmate's head. Had they left the army after the war ended? You can't blame them, especially as news begins to reach your planet about the Empire. 

You wonder about your soulmate sometimes, if he's okay. You know he's not exactly safe, given the thoughts you hear. 

Not once has he worried about you. Not once has he even asked. Not once has he tried to communicate. You blame it on his situation. You blame it on his stress levels which have been through the roof. 

You try not to let it hurt. 

So you go on with your life as you had before, desperately trying to keep your farm going. It’s getting harder as time and the planet’s unpredictable weather wears on your tools and your home. You fix what you can, and hope the rest of it makes it to the next harvest. 

You’re in town looking for parts when it finally happens. 

It’s been nearly six standard since the war ended and the Empire took over the galaxy. Your planet still remains untouched and unbothered, hidden away safely in its corner of the galaxy. Visitors are still rare, and usually draw attention when they come. 

You’re haggling for a part when you notice a group of newcomers. Five of them, looking out of place as they talk amongst each other. 

You can't help but overhear the conversation, given your proximity. Your body stiffens as you pick up one of their voices, many thoughts running through your head. You know that voice. You've never heard it in person. Only ever in your mind. 

The emotions leave you like an explosion, your body turning before you can stop it. "You!" You point at the group, cutting him off before he can continue. 

They all turn to look at you, but you're too focused on him. You walk up to him, grabbing him by the chest plate and shaking him.

"Do you ever stop thinking? I haven't known silence in eight years!" You jab a finger into his chest, ignoring the way your finger bends uncomfortably against the unrelenting plastoid. "It never stops. Always something going and going and going. Do you even sleep anymore? And, and you can’t even bother to let me know you’re okay? You...you can’t even ask about me either? I’ve been waiting a long time to even hear from you and all I get is useless facts?” 

He blinks down at you from behind his goggles, mouth parted in shocked silence. 

“Tech,” One of the others says, drawing you back to reality. You’re in a very public place, telling off your soulmate. “You know her?” 

Tech. That’s his name? Or perhaps a nickname. He lifts a hand, adjusting his goggles as he stares down at you. He’s tall, having to tilt his head to look down at you, just as you have to tilt your head to look up at him. 

“Yes, I believe I’ve just met my soulmate.” He says slowly. They all turn to look at you, making you feel a bit self conscious. “We share a telepathic connection. It’s one of the rarer forms of soulmate links, though not the rarest. It’s affected by distance, the further you are, the stronger the connection is.” 

“Maker, he talks as much as he thinks, doesn’t he?” You say, taking a step back. 

“Ha!” The largest of the group exclaims. “That’s going to be really loud for you!” 

“Actually, it will be the opposite.” Tech says. “As the link strengthens with distance, it weakens the closer we are. At this proximity, we won’t be able to hear each other’s thoughts at all.” 

“As interesting as all of this is, we’re supposed to be laying low, remember?” The one that had spoken up earlier says. 

You can’t help but snort, looking up at him. He’s shorter than the others, and has a skull tattooed on half of his face. “No one around here is going to say anything. Well, they’re all horrible gossips because nothing ever happens around here, but don’t worry. They only talk amongst each other. If you’re looking to hide, this is your place. No one cares about this planet. It’s too inconvenient.” 

“She’s right.” Tech says. “It took us two days to reach here from the nearest hyperspace lane. The Republic had no interest in this planet. It’s highly unlikely the Empire will even consider it, since it has a small population and no major exports.” He pulls out a datapad, typing rapidly on it. “According to my research there’s not even a starport on this planet.” 

The one with the skull tattoo stares at you hard, like he’s trying to see through your skin. You can tell he doesn't exactly trust you. But, if Tech’s thoughts were anything to go off of, he doesn't have good reason to trust anyone. 

“This may be our only option for the time being.” Another one says. He’s rather gaunt and pale with a headset on. 

The four of them share looks, seeming to silently communicate for a moment before they turn back to you. “Do you know of anywhere we could lay low for a while?” The skull tattoo asks her. 

You shrug, sizing up the largest of them. “Well, I could use some help on my farm. If you’re not opposed to manual labor, I have plenty of space.” 

They share another long look, silently debating your offer. You’re not sure why you’re offering space to total strangers, aside from possibly some free help for the upcoming harvest. Also, perhaps, because one of them is your soulmate. 

“We’ll take you up on that offer.” Skull tattoo says, turning back to you. 

You nod. “Great. I’m out on the outskirts, though. It’s a bit of a hike.”

“We will fly and meet you there.” Tech says. “I can find it.” 

“Right.” You nod. Of course he could just read your mind and figure out where it is. “I guess I’ll see you there.” 

You head back to your speeder, setting off out of town and out to your property. You glance up as a ship flies overhead, landing at the back of the house as you drive up. You park in your usual spot, watching as they leave the ship. Skull tattoo takes the lead as they approach you. 

“I’m Hunter.” He introduces himself, motioning to the others. “This is Wrecker, Echo, Tech, and Omega.” He motions to the youngest, a girl no older than fifteen, who waves at you with a smile. 

You introduce yourself, waving back. 

“Thank you for doing this.” Hunter says. 

You shrug. “I am serious about needing the extra help.” 

“Whatever you need, we’ll do it.” He says sincerely. 

“We’ll worry about that tomorrow.” You say, glancing at the setting sun. “You can get settled tonight.” 

You lead them inside, wishing you had tidied up a bit. Then again, you hadn’t really expected to have company. The house feels small with the five extra bodies in it. Just like it used to. 

“My room’s down there.” You point down one of the hallways, before turning to the other. “The three spare rooms are down here.” You lead them down the hallway. “There’s spare clothes in the dressers you’re welcome to, if they fit. There’s blankets in the closet and towels in the fresher. There’s also an outhouse by the barn if you’re feeling brave. I’ll let you get settled and go start on dinner.” 

You scurry your way down the hallway, leaving them alone. You can practically hear the rebuking by your grandmother at letting complete strangers into your home so willingly. It’s not like you had anything of value left. 

And they’re technically not strangers. At least, not totally. 

***

You curl up in the chair, looking out at the light bugs dancing over the crops. A figure steps out on the porch, slowly approaching you. You don’t have to look up to know who it is. Despite only being around him for a short time, you feel like you’ve known him forever.

“Can’t sleep?” You ask, turning to look at him as he sits. 

“I have no need to.” He says simply. You blink at him in confusion. “We were designed to need less sleep than the average nat-born.” 

“Right.” You say slowly. 

“We are clones.” He explains, holding your gaze. “We were created as part of an experimental unit exploring various enhancements. Hunter has enhanced senses, Wrecker increased strength, and I have a high intellect.” 

“That...makes a lot of sense.” You say. “I figured you were involved in the war. I heard all about your battle strategies and whatnot.” 

“Yes, that could have been very inconvenient if you had been involved with the Separatists.” He adjusts his goggles as he stares at you. “The Kaminoans weren’t sure if the clones would experience soulmates, but the first generation began developing links almost immediately. It complicated things, as soulmate links are strong motivators and many clones deserted in order to find and be with their soulmates. The Kaminoans had to take rather extreme measures and forbid us from attempting to contact or initiate the bond. Those that met their mates had to reject them, as the Jedi do. When I realized we shared a telepathic connection I was worried that may put the Republic in danger, but I assessed you were not a threat.” 

“Thanks.” You say flatly, taking in his words. 

“I wish we could have come sooner, but with the Empire after us after we deserted, I didn’t want to put you at risk. Now that things have settled down, I brought us to this planet in hopes of locating you. I used your thoughts to discern which planet you were on and if it would be suitable for us to hide, or perhaps even settle down somewhere permanently.” He continues, barely pausing to breathe. “I did pay attention to your thoughts. I didn’t understand many of them early on, but I’ve grown to understand you.” 

You blink a bit at his words. He had located you solely on your thoughts, which meant he really had seen and heard them. Even though he hadn’t responded much, and from what it sounds like for a good reason, he had still heard you. 

“You think a lot.” You say lamely, scrambling for a reply. You’re not quite sure what to say. For a while you had been upset that he seemed to ignore you, but from what it sounds like, he hadn’t been ignoring you at all. 

“Yes, a byproduct of my genetic enhancements.” He says. 

“It’s strange, now.” You say, leaning back in your seat, looking out at the town lights in the far distance. “Everything’s so quiet. As annoying as it was sometimes...I never really did feel alone. You...had perfect timing.” 

“Well, they do say fate is never wrong.” 

You smile. “I guess so. My grandparents built this place from the ground up. They were fugitives, on the run from the Republic.” His eyes widen a bit at that statement. “They came across this place by accident, like most do, and decided to settle down. My parents stayed here too, keeping it running while my grandparents got older and eventually passed. My brothers left as soon as they could. I haven’t seen them since. It was around that time you showed up. Shortly after my dad got sick. My mom didn’t last long after he passed. That left me alone. Well, alone with a clone talking in my head.” You smile softly at him. “I’m glad you’re here now.” 

***

You wake early as usual, the others rising around the same time. Must have been a side effect of being a soldier. You make breakfast before heading out to the barn. You start Wrecker and Hunter on moving some things before taking Tech and Echo to the barely functioning equipment. 

“This one’s the most important.” You pat the combine affectionately. “I was in town to get a part when I ran into you yesterday. She starts, but as soon as you put her in gear, she dies.” 

Tech rubs his chin, staring at it. “I can fix that.” 

The guys settle in easily, jumping right into helping you with the farm. Tech and Echo are a blessing in disguise, quickly getting all of the equipment back up and running more efficiently than they had before. Wrecker and Hunter help you with the more physical things, setting everything up for the coming harvest. Omega becomes your shadow, happily learning about the plants, their growth stages, and how to know when they’re ready to harvest. 

It feels nice, having the farm full of life again. It feels like it used to, when your family had been all together. In a way, you’ve found a new family. You know your parents would be proud, after they got over the shock of you letting complete strangers in. 

After the farming equipment is fixed, Tech moves his sights to the house, fixing and updating everything he can get his hands on. Anything broken or almost broken, he’s quick to jump in with an “I can fix that.” 

You both also begin to grow closer, albeit slowly. Just as you had suspected with his raging thoughts, he constantly needed to be doing something. Finding time to be alone with him is hard, even with the others trying to help. Currently his attention is being taken up by a schematic for a new barn. He had already planned out an expansion of the house for the others for more privacy, which was a sweet thought, but you want to have time with him. 

Your moment comes when you get up late one night, heading to the kitchen for a drink. Your mind has been running nonstop with the harvest nearly upon you and all of the details you had to make sure were perfect. It’s a bit different this time, now that you have help, but habits are hard to break and you can’t stop trying to make sure every little thing gets addressed. 

You head into the kitchen, spotting a glow from the living room. You peek your head around the corner, spotting Tech lounging on the couch in the dark, face illuminated by the glow of a datapad. 

“Tech?” You ask quietly, stepping into the living room, flipping on a light. “What are you doing out here?” 

He looks up, barely moving the datapad. “Wrecker decided to lock me out of the room tonight.”

“Oh.” You say lamely. “That’s not very nice.” 

He shrugs. “Can’t say I’ll miss his snoring.” 

You bite your lip, staring at his scrunched figure on the couch. You shift on your feet nervously, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “You could...come to my room.” 

Your heart is pounding a bit as you stare at him. You had yet to be so forward with him, both of you dancing around that first step. He stares back over the top of the datapad, eyes wide. For a moment you regret offering. For a moment you wish you could hear his thoughts again. 

"It...might be more comfortable." You hurry to add, not wanting to scare him off. "I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep right now and I could use some company."

He moves slowly, hesitantly. He pushes himself to sit up, rising from the couch. You forget how tall he is, used to seeing him hunched over something. You turn, making your way to your room. He follows behind you, carrying the datapad with him. 

You turn to him as your door closes, his eyes scanning your room. He’s drawn to the photos on the wall, ones of you and your family. You come to stand next to him, telling him about each photo. Perhaps you’d have to add some more soon. 

“My grandparents.” You point to the last one. “After their first harvest. They were so good at this, running a farm. They made it seem so easy.” You move, sitting on the edge of your bed. “There’s so much to think about, though. Everything has to go right because if one thing goes wrong it can mess up the harvest and ruin your entire year. They were so effortlessly good at it. It was like a second sense. They knew exactly when to harvest and could read the weather just by looking at the plants.” You shake your head, tears brimming. “I’m so scared of failing. It’s so hard to do alone and...I don’t want to be alone anymore.” 

He kneels down in front of you, setting the datapad on the bed. His hand cups your chin, lifting your face so you’re looking at him. His thumb wipes the tear that slides down your cheek, his gaze soft as he stares at you. “I can fix that.” 

He says it so softly, so sweetly, you want to melt right into the bed. You lean into his touch, feeling the rough fabric of his glove. You desperately want to feel his skin against yours. You stare into his eyes, feeling the magnetic pull between you. You can’t help it, the tension that had been building up over the last few weeks since you’d run into him in town beginning to boil over. 

He’s hesitant as your lips touch, holding back a bit. He’s probably never been kissed. You haven’t either, just going off of what feels right. You can practically hear the wheels turning in his head, the thoughts that are probably racing. Once again, you wish you could hear them this close. 

“You’re thinking too much.” You whisper, pulling away for a second. 

Your fingers grab at his shirt, pulling him in closer as you kiss him once more. He finally moves, his arms slipping around you. You pull him as close as you can, your own arms wrapping around him. You never want to let go. You want to stay in this moment forever. You finally feel whole. For the first time in a long time you don’t feel alone. 

Tech’s hands slip under your thighs, lifting you as he stands. It’s so effortless, like you almost don’t weigh anything. He kneels on the bed, dropping you against the pillows. He falls with you, catching himself on his hands above you. You stare up at him, shivering at the intensity in his gaze as he stares down at you. 

“Tech,” You whisper, reaching for him as he lowers himself into you. 

His body slots between your legs perfectly, like he was made to be there. Well, in a way he was. He fits against you like you’re two puzzle pieces, every ridge of his body matching the slope of yours. 

He kisses you harder this time, pulling his gloves off. His bare hands trail up your arms, awakening every nerve ending as they go. Your body feels alive with energy as he touches you, your brain screaming for more. You want to get closer, you want to feel every bit of him that you can. 

“I can feel it,” He murmurs, trailing his lips down your throat. “The soulmate link. The bond between us forming. It’s been studied over and over but still the actual science of it is not understood entirely. At first they thought perhaps it was brain chemicals sending the signals, but while those do play a role, it’s not entirely what draws two people together so perfectly.” 

Your hands tug at his shirt as he rambles, your own discarded on the floor already. “And I don’t think they ever will.” You say, tugging his shirt off as he sits up. “I don’t think it’s something that can be explained in words.” 

He stares down at you, his eyes trailing down your body. Your chest warms a bit under his gaze, your skin prickling with anticipation. “You are sure this is what you want?” He asks, as if it was even a question. 

“If you don’t get me naked right now...” You don’t have to finish the empty threat, his hands tugging your pants off in one pull. 

You’re already wet, your body more than ready for what it had been anticipating. Most soulmates didn’t make it weeks after finally meeting and initiating their bond. Of course, you and Tech had had minimal contact with each other, but your proximity had been very close. You’re not sure how you’ve made it this long, aside from the mounting stress of the coming harvest keeping the desire at bay. 

Tech slides his hands along your sides, sitting up between your thighs. He parts them gently, staring down at your glistening folds. You smile softly, sitting up a little and grabbing his hand. You guide him to your clit, guiding him on how to please you. 

You moan quietly as he takes over, picking it up quickly. Thank the maker he’s a quick learner. You let your body drop back onto the bed, sighing out another moan. “Kriff, Tech. Just like that.” 

The pleasure builds within you, igniting your body. It feels so good, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. There’s a coil tightening in your belly, pressure building within you. 

You grab his hand before you cum, stopping him. “I want you inside me.” You say, sitting up to tug at his pants. 

He stands from the bed, letting them drop. You gape at the size of him, opening your legs wider. He crawls between them, pumping his hand over his length a couple times. “I’ve never done this before.” He says, staring down at you. 

“I haven’t either.” You say, swallowing nervously. You’re not sure why you’re nervous. You trust him. 

You wrap a hand around him, guiding him in place. He lowers himself to hover over you, letting your hand do the work. You wince a bit as he presses in, putting a hand on his hip to still him. You probably should have prepared a bit more for this, but you’re too desperate to feel him to care. 

You squeeze his hip, telling him to move. Your arms wrap around his back, holding on as he slowly works his way inside you. The stretch burns a bit, but his lips on your shoulder help distract from the discomfort. 

He groans once he’s seated inside you, his face pressing against your neck. You cling to him, finally feeling whole and content since his arrival. You can’t help but feel like this is where you’re supposed to be, right here in his arms. Despite the discomfort you shift your hips, moving him inside you. 

“Tech,” You murmur, your lips brushing his ear. 

He hums against your neck, gently kissing the skin. 

“Move.” You say, shifting your hips once more. 

He presses up onto his elbows, looking down at you as he begins to rock his hips. It’s a bit awkward and sloppy at first, but he picks up a rhythm quickly. Your lips part as you stare up at him, holding his gaze behind his goggles. You get lost in the intensity of them, the focus as he stares at you. You want to know what he’s thinking, you want to know what’s running through that head of his right now. 

He leans down to kiss you as his fingers find your clit, swallowing your moans as you cum. His thrusts turn sloppy, pressing into you once more before he releases inside of you. You both stay still, lips brushing in soft kisses as you take each other in. 

Tech pulls away from you, stepping into your fresher to grab a cloth to clean you both up with before he slides under the covers with you. You rest against his chest, wrapping an arm around him as he holds you. 

“Tech?” You ask, breaking the comfortable silence. He hums, fingers tracing patterns on your back. “You could have easily unlocked the door.” 

He chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Yes, I could have. Perhaps I was hoping for an invitation.” 

“You’ve never needed one.” You lean up, pressing a kiss to his lips. “You know that. You’ve always been welcome here.” 

Taglist:

@stressed-cherry

[persefolli]

𝐄𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

𝐏𝐭. 𝟐 𝐭𝐨 𝐄𝐧𝐯𝐲

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝: 𝐘𝐞𝐬

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐢, 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐦

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲, 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @iwanttogohomeandtakeanap, @ms5m1th, @18lkpeters, @isimpforfictionalppl, @yukichan67, @laylasbunbunny , @jakesullyscocksleeve , @neteyamyawne , @fanboyluvr , @myheartfollower , @letsloveimagines , @xylianasblog , @papichulo120627

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Even though Tonowari and Jake had apologized, you still felt the need to be distant with them. They still had their duties to the clan, so they were unable to shower you with as much attention as you needed after your altercation.

The weeks spent with the other woman they had been tending to, was not in vain. You had been sending letters to your other clan leader friend Tarsem, who happened to be the na’vi male Jake left his title to. Tarsem empathized with you heavily, and sent gifts when he could, but this time around you haven't heard back from him.

The clan had circled around the end of the reef where an ikran had landed. Some warriors had their spears pointed and others hissed at the unknown visitor. You walked forward with furrowed eyebrows to look somewhat intimidating, but it quickly faded once you saw your friend.

“Tarsem!” You ran forward, and he grabbed you, spinning you in his arms.

“Y/n. How have you been?”

“Good but- How- When-”

“I felt bad after your last letter, so I came to cheer you up.” He placed his hand on your shoulder.

You smiled softly at his kindness and dismissed everyone from the reef. Everyone dispersed and you went on to show Tarsem around Awa’atlu.

Of course you had to show him the key activity that kept the reef bustling, fishing. Tarsem had written that he wanted to experience fishing on the beach, so you took him to the fishing district of the village and gave him a step by step lesson.

Word spread to Tonowari and Jake, who were both off doing their own thing. They brushed off the arrival, knowing you could handle it. But their senses spiked at the mention of an Olo’eyktan.

They met in the middle of the village and went around the reef looking for the landed Olo’eyktan.

“What kinda leader steps foot on a foreign land without seeking the leader of said land.” Jake shook his head.

“I'm sure there's some reasonable…” Tonowari trailed off looking towards the end of the reef.

He saw you standing awfully close to some man he didn't recognize. Tonowari tapped Jake and the two of them approached you and Tarsem.

“Y/n.”

You turned around and saw your lovers. “Tonowari, Jake. Tarsem.”

Jake's eyes widened as Tarsem turned around, and you noticed.

“How do the two of you know each other?” He asked.

“I'm always responding to his letters when he asks for aid, or trading, or other things.” You responded.

“Other things?” Tonowari raised his eyebrow.

“Yeah…personal stuff but,” She looks at Tarsem. “He wanted to visit and here he is.”

Tarsem chuckled a little and set down his fishing net. “She always said the reef was so beautiful. I had to see for myself.”

Tonowari was still hooked up on the fact that the two of you were communicating privately.

“I know the two of you are busy so we’ll leave you be.” You dismissed them.

The two exchanged a look before walking off. They didn't like this…at all.

---

“Hey so…I maybe forgot to mention a little…thing about my visit.”

You tilted your head at Tarsem. He grabbed your hand and lead you to the end of the reef, where he looked up into the sky. You looked up as well, seeing an ikran lowering.

“Tar-”

“It's alright.” He squeezed your hand and smiled as the ikran landed. “Brother.” He walked forward and hugged the na’vi.

Your eyes brightened seeing your childhood best friend, A.k.a the Olo’eyktan of another tribe. “Omi!” You ran and hugged him. He squeezed your back.

“I told him everything.” Tarsem announced.

“We happened to be working on trades between our clan when I noticed a handwritten letter from you. I’d hoped it was the same Y/n I knew.” Omi chimed in.

“Turns out it was.” Tarsem chuckled.

“Well we have so much to catch up on!” You said excitedly.

---

Tonowari and Jake had worked their day away in vain. Mind running wild about what you would be doing with Tarsem. They have yet to be notified about Omi’s arrival, but they found out the hard way.

They attended the clans dinner, looking around for you amongst the crowd. About twenty minutes later you walked in holding hands, sandwiched between to foreign na’vi men.

They fumed.

They both watched the three of you weave through the crowd towards them, sitting in front of them.

“Sorry we're late!” You exclaimed. “We got caught up at the geysers.”

“The geysers.” Jake frowned. That was your spot. It wasn't exactly private, but it was reserved for when the three of you needed a get away.

“They were beautiful.” Tarsem beamed and stole a glance at you, which didn't go unnoticed by Tonowari.

“And who is our other special guest?” Jake asked, nodding towards Omi. “Omi, Olo’eyktan of the Li’ona clan.”

“Oel Ngati Kameie.” Tonowari said, trying to choke back his passive aggressive tone. “What brings you across the globe?”

“Y/n.” He said blankly. “I wanted to catch up and help her through whatever was going on.”

“And what was going on?” Jake asked sternly.

“Mawey.” You held up your hand. “Same way you have your friends visit, I'm having mine visit.”

“But-”

“But nothing Jake!” You snapped before turning back and eating your food

Dinner was silent, at least for the two of them. You, Omi and Tarsem were so caught up in your own conversation the two of you didn’t even notice their moping.

When it came to a close, you personally escorted your friends to a marui pod, which was dangerously close to your home.

Tonowari and Jake paced around your shared home, waiting on you to arrive so they could voice their concerns.

But you never came.

The two ended up falling asleep and woke up to you grabbing a quick breakfast out of your stash.

“Hey…” Jake said walking into the room.

“Oh. Hey.” You gave him a quick smile and turned to walk out the door.

“I was gonna make breakfast!” Jake exclaimed in an attempt to make you stay.

“I'm good.” She held up her fruit and walked out the door.

Tonowari and Jake had never thought events would turn like this. You came home late, or not at all. Missed dinner, and didn't even pay them any mind. No matter how many times they tried pulling you aside, there was some force that pulled you away from them.

It didn't hit the two week mark before they angrily pulled you away from Omi and Tarsem during a clan dinner to confront you.

“Y/n this has gone too far!” Tonowari whisper-yelled, as the three of you weren't too far from the crowd.

“What has?”

“If you won't say it I will.” Jake said to Tonowari. “You've been walking around the reef with Omi and Tarsem like they're your boyfriends.”

You crossed your arms. “Oh really?”

“Yes really!” Jake said frustrated. “You haven't even been coming home anymore- Where the hell have you been sleeping?”

“With Omi and Tarsem.”

Both men looked at you with pained and confused looks.

“What?” Tonowari let out a breathy sigh.

“I've been staying with those two…I don't feel…the two of you-”

“Y/n! We have been trying! Trying to apologize and trying to make amends. And you go and find comfort in another man's arms!” Jake yells.

“How did you think I felt? All those lonely nights, just to find out it was another woman!”

“That was different.” Tonowari jumped in. “She was nothing you know-” He sighed in disbelief.

“Then Omi and Tarsem are-”

“Don't finish that sentence.” Jake said sternly. “We see the way they look at you. We're not stupid.”

You crossed your arms and sighed. “Well i'm gonna be hospitable while they're on the reef, whether you like it or not.”

An uncomfortable silence passed through the three of you.

“It seems that, no matter how things progress you won't forgive us anytime soon.” Tonowari said in defeat.

You bit the inside of your cheek and your eyes began to water.

“So maybe that means space needs to be put between us.”