#Or actually ive started to realize i... May do it on purpose? Not actively choosing it but in my mind i always ... Look out for
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mrfoox · 2 years ago
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I love not being able to tell if someone is flirting or just... Talking
#miranda talking shit#I assume its just talking/being nice as usual but each time im like oh... Oh um... Fuck that may have done something to me how do i react#Yeah i kinda confessed about doing some stuff by impulsive/being impulsive and Oliver just went 'but its fun. Dont you think it is (:?'#Yes... I do dont look at me like that please :') i have impulse control when it involves ... Touch and acting#Id id kms if i broke someones boundaries physically and made them uncomfortable . Unfortunately i can say shit without thinking#Or actually ive started to realize i... May do it on purpose? Not actively choosing it but in my mind i always ... Look out for#What people react to and i always save that info bc i like getting reactions from others. Probably bc i always give strong reactions#To others and others make me feel so much idk man. I feel kinda scummy about it even i dont talk about it for that reason ...#I sound calculating or something. Actually its... Not its far from it. Bc it usually ends up with me becoming embarrassed bc the other#Person takes it so easy and doesnt get embarrassed and just rolls with it so then im like oh no i am a fool#The fucking shit ive said on impulse and then gotten embarrassed about is insane... At least i have not started anything with anyone#I haven't been...comfortable with? Aka its only people i like/trust and i am okay with them in any way of situation i guess#But fuck i wish that wasnt a side of me. Im assuming its my add poking through. I have bad control and dont think sometimes
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otakumagicmusicgamer · 4 years ago
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Spoilers Ahead for the first season of My Next Life As A Villianess <3
Oh where to begin. First of all, when the summary said it was a comedy of misunderstandings, I got scared. I have really bad second hand embarrassment and it’s a very fine line of Dense Misunderstandings For Comedy and A Cringefest of Pain For “Comedy” (even playing an anxiety spiral itself for laughs). But oh! How I was happily surprised! It really goes with the flow and doesn’t rely on ridicule or anything. There’s just Catarina, dense weird wonderful Catarina, and everyone in some fashion accepts her for her. So this is actually pleasant to watch!
Now, Catarina- what a delight. What makes her interesting is she takes Fortune Lover Catarina and humbles her. Takes selfish and mean and spins it 180. If she puts out mean into the world, it comes back at her in the end. She knows she has the potential for a ‘scary face’ and actively chooses not to use it. And her feelings on the matter are not just for survival, theyre genuine too. But what makes this fascinating is her lack of accounting for things *not* in the game. She doesn’t consider, by blazing a new path in the game -where Catarina is nice- that new ‘routes’ form. She focuses on Maria’s pov so much, she doesn’t see her own. She doesn’t see the good she’s put out, cuz she’s supposed to be the antagonist. She’s so focused on the doom flags, she doesn’t realize there *are* no doom flags. There’s nothing for the game to doom, no punishment for cruelty. What’s more, even by taking the place of ‘The Suitors’ in scenes with Maria, she doesn’t consider /any of them/ having feelings for her. (Geordo kisses her neck for crying out loud.) Why? Because Catarina Claes is not a romanceable character in Fortune Lover. There are a lot of paths, but she is not one of them. She has no successful romantic relationship, nor any. Which makes this whole anime downright Fascinating. By taking out the antagonist, there is no doom. By inserting a reborn earnest friendly kind tree-climbing high school girl in her place, there is no Fortune Lover. The fact that she is aware of Fortune Lover makes her almost omnipresent, and putting all her points into Survival and Durability and Craves Sweets and nothing else, makes her human. No high marks, denser than bricks, but damn if she ain’t the prettiest embodiment of a Nokia phone. She’d be an apocalypse survivor. “How did she survive a landslide in a volcano? Idk it’s Catarina.” Oh, and the last scene? The friendship ending? Yeah, she’s not wrong. It is a friendship ending.... for Maria. She ends up with none of the interests and stays good friends with them, no bad blood or nothing. Cuz again, Catarina isn’t a love interest. It just so happens that the entire company present in the area is so fucking in love with her that they say the Line Of Romance to her and, while they may bicker, they do not hold bad feelings for each other. If all of them could be married to Catarina and live in a big ol house together, they’d be so fuckin content. And best part? None of this is condemned. No “ya gotta pick one and only one”. They saw a harem and went ‘ya know? Let’s embrace this’ and now the characters r so chill with their plant growing, tree climbing gf. (I’m sure her mother wishes *something* good could rub off on Catarina lol) You hear that? That’s the sound of a Polyamorous nerd feeling validated. (It’s me, I feel validated by this Polyamorous romcom anime, this is my home now)
My thoughts on the rest of the cast aren’t going to be as long. The anime does a good job of going through each characters thoughts and arcs. And I adored Anne’s POV on things as well, how she is also moved to tears by Catarina’s good heart. Even her mother, who is harsh but only because she cares. (I would have loved to see the look on her mother’s face when she was in the coma, how she would have grieved, what she would have reflected on. Her father is a bit more transparent in emotions, but he would have been great to see too). I also would have loved to see Mary and Maria in the book of desire. I figure Maria would kinda be like Alan, but oh, what would Mary have done? (Guess I need fanfiction to answer that lol.) Keith’s role as a love interest for Catarina is the only least liked thing I have on here. And honestly it’s cuz they keep *calling* them brother and sister. I know they’re not actually siblings, mostly that’s left over from Fortune Lover, and “distant relative” can and is shorthand for a lot of things so like it’s even possible they aren’t related at all. And the characters don’t find it horrible that he loves her, and probably know he’s a Distant Relative so they’re like whatevs. So like, it’s not incest. It’s not even as potently close to incest as anime can get. But it’s the only thing that could be deemed a Flaw about this anime, so it stands out. I do wish the ending couple of eps could have been a little more Maria, and her having a bit more importance in general. Also her light magic having an effect a bit in the ‘fight’ with Sirius. Although I do want to think the green glow of hope was Maria, tho I’m pretty sure the assumption is Acchan.
Which btw can I say was an absolute treat? I suspected something was up with Sirius but I did not suspect that. I wonder what his base magic is, if it isn’t dark magic? I had thought he saved Sophia and Catarina and thus also had wind/light magic. But oh man, when he started lashing out on Catarina cuz he thought she was also faking kindness? That she was purposely saving people? That a part of his resentment of nobles was being projected? That somewhere he also caught Feelings and thus the mage doubled down on his control? That when Catarina looked at Sirius and touched his hand and face, her (Nerd™️) instincts kicked in and pieced everything together and also saw him in such pain and misery? That she holds herself to the antagonist title, that she’s there to ruin and thus can’t *save* anyone, (a bittersweet sentiment) so she’s not intimidated by the burst of dark magic and just honestly wants his friendship and sit with him through his pain? MY HEART! IT SCREAMS! (I love this sort of dynamic yes Ive loved Fruits Basket for years don’t look at me like that).
What else.... the little peppering in the fact that Oh Yeah She’s Dead hit like a truck. The little bit with her family, of her past life? Yeah, ouch. Got me crying. Don’t think to much into that rabbit hole, you’ll get sad. I fucking ADORE the twist of Sophia being Acchan, or at least part of her. Her being so scared of loosing her best friend (and love of her life) again? Yeah, tears man. Catarina accidentally mending the relationships between Geordo and Alan and Maria and her mother was great. Having Mary and Sophia dance with Catarina at her birthday party was a delightful touch, as was not having all the romance novels be m/f, and none of it was a joke or negatively placed- just *there*. I do enjoy the interests butting heads with each other over private time with Catarina. It was mostly Geordo and Keith (“they’re such good friends” girl if they had a tenth of lil Alan’s Fight Me energy you’d have to put them on leashes) but I loved the little bits of Geordo vs Mary and Sophia cheering on Nicol and I reeeeally hope to see more of that. To provoke subtle sass from Alan and Maria would be a great sight, and more of Raphael joining the ranks. I laugh at all the times they mutter “gotta protect her, she’s seduced another one” cuz like, girl ain’t doing shit but running into people that happen to be Moron-sexual, holding their hand and refusing to leave. And they KNOW that. And it’s great. edit: HOW COULD I FORGET HER MAGIC! God I want Catarina to get better at magic. More than just Earth Bumps pls
All in all? I love this anime. 9.5/10. Tis good stuff. And if ya read all my late night/oops it’s 4am ramblings, good on you! I feel bad tagging this cuz it’s long but I’m also on mobile so god knows what this actually looks like but I needed my thoughts down so hey, thanks
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arkus-rhapsode · 6 years ago
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Eden’s Zero Chapter 1 Review
Hey guys, now before I dive into this already longer than usual review, I did wanna take this time to mention something. Its been no secret that I turned on Mashima and FT pretty hardly after the end of FT and some of you may be aware that I was moderately active in the fanbase with putting out my reviews and such. That said some may liken that shift in mentality to me not liking how the story went and a common critique of fans is that when what they’re fans of doesn’t gel with what they want they wanna destroy it. As if the fan has ownership of the source of the fanaticism.
I admit there are times that I’ve question decisions on Hiro Mashima’s end and has posted rewrites, but that’s not me doing it out of a sense of ownership. I’m doing it because I have a standard. Being a fan of something and letting your disappointment get to you and fester into salty, bitchy purest is one thing, but being a person who’s judging what a series puts out and actually caring about the quality of what’s in the popular media is important. FT got negative reviews in its latter half because it was that bad. By the end of the series it was legit that bad. Now I don’t say that is someone who was in the fanbase and hated Hiro’s decisions cause they weren’t mine, I hated them because it was bad writing. I’m a reader with standards, as are all of you, and in the digestion of media we make distinctions between good and bad. I make this claim with more concrete surety now that I’ve been around longer and have reviewed more series than just FT, I think it be harder to believe if I made this case when I was just starting and all I was talking about at the time was FT.
Some of you might remember when I first started out on MHA, my second chapter I ever reviewed I had found it boring and mundane and to date its my least popular MHA review and I still stand by that assertion. I hold everything to the same standard, and that includes FT. The reason I write this is that while throughout this review I will mention comparison’s to FT’s first chapter (and yes, even ways Eden’s Zero improved on it), but I will be holding it to the same standard. So this entire review won’t be me holding a grudge against Hiro, but it will be me holding it to the same standard as I do everything I read. That out of the way lets dive in.
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We open on a hill side and met our MC named Shiki. Beside him is the mecha demon from the cover page and what they see is a... dragon. Yeah, Hiro I thought you wanted this to be wholely original?
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On the hand I actually like this scene in the sense robo demon here is actually encourging actual adventure (something FT lacked) and its kinda amazing listening to this demon looking guy talking about friendship, yet on the other hand, damnit Hiro. Is this the only thing how to write about? Like damn man.
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We cut to the future where we see our main female Lucy-I mean Rebecca! Y’know I could make a Rebecca from One Piece joke, but she’s kinda already a bit of a decisivee figure so I’m not gonna bother.
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I mean its okay. Its just castle theme park. Also Rebecca we find out is apparently a youtuber. Look if DBS can have GodTube then I can put up with Blue Cate (Aoneko) website. Also yeah Happy here, no sugar coating its just Happy. Also Rebecca here purposely made her skirt short. Just because you point out the sexualization in canon doesn’t make it better, ya still drew it, Hiro.
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We see that the theme park is full of robots and each one acts as an assist in sending the guest through some kind of medieval simulator. And if anyone has seen Westworld you know where this is heading. To be fair I love worldbuilding so please, explore!
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So we find out Rebecca’s dream is to have one million suscribers and now here’s where I gotta give props to Hiro because he actual made a dream for a character that doesn’t seem like it can be achieved a chapter from now. Granted this seems a bit hard to actually quantify, but this dream could potenially evolve into something of why she wants the suscribers and could be like Nami making the map of the world that getting video of unknown locations may actually be worth something to the general population.
We see that Rebecca chooses to go on a monster hunting quest and they encounter...
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...This thing. Also it seems Rebecca’s character quirk is she really likes cats I guess? But this doesn’t last long as someone crashes down on mecha cat.
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Okay that was kinda funny. I mean if this was FT would’ve actually gotten the panty shot so maybe Hiro has learned his lesson! Also note that wrench!
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Oh god damnit Hiro. So this tarzan guy after acting like an animal is knocked out by Rebecca. Y’know it took about 60 chapters before Natsu got all up in Lucy’s chest, guess we’re cutting straight to the chase here.
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Okay is joke with here just going be about here short skirt? Damning it with faint praise here, but at least he still hven’t flashed us them yet. Also Tarzan here is the only human on the island.
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We get some scenes of Shiki here wanting to be friends with Rebecca cause she’s a human and Rebecca isn’t interested and she returns to the Granbell town where Shiki is there and the robots know who he is.
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Shiki’s expressions and creepy advances really gives off this tinge of sci-fi horror, unfortunate Hiro doesn’t really go that route and we’ll get to it. Also that wizard looking robot from the color page is also here.
They then have a party where the robots all celebrate them having a costumer for the first time in so long they have a party being nice to Rebecca and lavishing her with stuff outside is robot that looks like Robin Hood and he reports to his boss this machine king.
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Oh look, Hades if he was a robot.
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We see Shiki trying to bond with Rebecca and it leads to him expressing he wants to leave the kingdom and see another country, but we also learn he’s in charge of fixing this and the robots are acting up lately. We find out that the one who was talking to Shiki and is his “Grandfather” was called the Demon King a robot designed for playing that role in the park.
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Umm Rebecca... That’s being a dick. So you don’t like it, so you decide to cut it, cause it bothers you. You could’ve framed it like, “If he fixes you up then maybe he needs better vision” or “He’s been so nice to me, let me do something for him.” And what makes this worse s that Shiki is asleep, so she doesn’t even consult his feelings. Like seriously, that’s not being a good friend . But for contrivances sake I’m sure Shiki will wake up and love it, won’t he?
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Huh? I was wrong instead we got shitty 80s comedy. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.
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Y’know I said I’d give Hiro atleast two free fanservice moments for his first 3 chapters. He’s now used all of them up in a single chapter. Also Rebecca is tied to a stake while robots with torches surround her along with the machine king.
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Shiki is also there and here’s something that did remind me of rave, the tightness of the first chapter. Everything seems to flow like one continuous story and doesn’t seem to do some dumb interlude like FTs first chapter did with that awkward moment where Lucy leaves Natsu and she’s just randomly in the park reading.
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The King wants to use her ship to leave this world and we get som kind of motivation out of him.
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Oh wow, for a first chapter villain that’s actually a really deep thing to unload. That as amusment park hosts they must’ve just been seen as pleasure tools and with no one around these robots who seem to be senstinent must’ve felt betrayed and...
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Oooooor you cut out all moral ambiguity by just saying they have a virus. Sure. Trust me, this is where it gets stupid really stupid. And that’s the inconsistency.
So these robots I guess are like the ones from the Animatrix where they just kinda develop sentience out of nowhere. But unlike Animatrix it doesn’t seem to imply when they developed this sentience and that they began to think they were being abused.
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Tired of Friendship already, it ain’t leaving.
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So why do you hate humans? They abandoned you I guess, but there’s not other robot saying “hey our times were fun together” no everyone is like they left us to rot  so we hate them. Not like Humans did anything legitimate bad. We actually see that at the end of the chapter that there is some sort of central battery on the park that all robots are hooked up to. You could make their reason for hating humans that. That even though they left these sentiment robots still had a little kingdom to themselves, but realized that its all just going to end one day and humans didn’t even bother to unplug them. They’re existence is literally knowing when they’ll die, imagine that as why they harbor negative emotions and maybe Shiki actually fixing things might’ve actually been prolonging their lives so maybe that be why they kept him around. This whole sentience things just feels like Hiro wanted to do a trope of crazy robots and ended using multiple to fit the whatever story purpose at the moment.
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You do run the planet, dumbasses. This entire plane, apparently for hundreds of years, has been solely controlled by you. Maye this should be rephrased as, going to the place that built you to get revenge or as I spoiled with the battery we’ll take the ship to get more power for our kingdom?
Shiki doesn’t do anything and kinda lets the robots just wail on him as he found out all things in his life were a lie. Then Rebecca gives a friendship speech. A stupid stupid friendship speech.
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You’re right, Rebecca! Too bad we didn’t see that. I’m serious we barely see memories of Shiki with any robot outside of the demon king and Michael so there’s no weight to this conflict. We only get the vague sense they raised hm, but there’s no moments of Shiki really laughingg and enjoying their company outside of the party with Rebecca which rather is made more for getting Shiki to like Rebecca for this moment.
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Shiki remembers what his Grandpa the Demon King said and just blows them all away.
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We see Shiki’s hand and apparently he has these marks indicating he has Ether gear. The power system of this series.
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You’re sentiment! You have out grown your programming! You can choose to have a concept of friendship.
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So they fight with shitty action scenes (If I can give Horikoshi a hard time for how he draws his fight choreography, then I sure as hell will give Hiro the once over.) Happy manages to save Rebecca and like Happy from early FT, he basically spots off exposition on powers.
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So is it like a literal gear? Because Happy afterward destincties as the Gear of Gravity, so is it like a devil fruit? Is ether in all humans, but this specific gear brings it out in a certain way? If its internal then I guess its like the magic circuits from Fate? And then every of has their own unique variation like Nen? Like cause Happy gives it the distinction of Gravity it doesn’t seem like Shiki gives a reason why he has this power. I’m hoping \its like devil fruits, literal gears you implant and then it brings out your ether in a certain way.
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Shiki punches out the machine king and cause a massive collapse.
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Credit where credit is due, Hiro actually did build up the reveal of this power throughout the chapter and its actually really well done. Kinda reminds of something Oda would do with subtly building up a devil fruit power without revealing it. Like Crocodile drying out a flower but it isn’t stated his power is specifically sand.
They then flee when the other robots rally and Shiki takes Rebecca back to her ship.
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This scene would actually be really nice if we actually saw more young shiki actually having fun with the machines and not a being a creeper with them.
Shiki and Rebecca take off and we see the universe.
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Not gonna lie, that’s a really pretty shot. Like damn, I could get behind this.
It seems like worlds in this universe are basically like kingdom hearts worlds. They’re not real “worlds” so much as they are islands in space.
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Sure, keep the mystery alive why don’t you, no that be too much.
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Well great place to end the chapter. Little dry of a first story, but I definetly see that has room for improvment and there is something-Wait this isn’t the last page? But what else is there to talk about. There’s nothing left-
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Oh for fuck sake. That’s right they were trying to send SHiki away. Because apparently these robots thought there was no way to restore battery life even if stayed.
Here’s a tip, ifyou really care, and had such a close bond, maybe tell him to leave? Tell SHiki the truth that you guys are tied to a battery and instead of Shiki vowing to leave for the stars so he can make 100 friends (I’m not kiding that’s his actual goal here). Then this would be an interesting goal.
But no, you have to act like human hating jackasses and shatter the boy’s entire reality, just so you he would go out and “change the universe”
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This would be a really nice scene with a very nice amount of character development starting point, if we actually saw their past. All we know is they raised Shiki, but its never really seemed like they’re loving or caring or Shiki openly gets upset if one of them had a problem. Again the biggest flaw with this chapter is that it sacrifices seeing one potentially interesting relationship (Shiki and the robots) for another one (Rebecca).
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So we end on this page which reveals that Shiki’s goal is to have a hundred friends. Not going to say something snarky I just realized this is the same motivation as Yuki from future diary. Like before the crazy yandere shit.
Post Chapter follow up:
Lets be positive and look at the good stuff in this chapter. The first thing great about this chapter is it improved upon two of the biggest failings in the first chapter FT. Goals established and world building. Not only does this set up force Hiro Mashima to actually world build (literally) but each person in the first chapter has a goal that doesn’t seem like it can be accomplished quickly. It means we can have investment in the story.
Another thing I’ll give is Shiki is an okay MC. He has more personality than Natsu, but not as much as Haru and this first chapter is about him. Its easy to understand that Lucy is often considered the MC of FT because it literally focuses on her for the story than Natsu. But this chapter had a healthy balance.
Also the power system at least seems to have some definition. Unlike how anyone could have magic yet normal people just don’t choose to use it like in FT. Ether Gear seems to be a powersource that only a select few can use. Now we need to see first if there are ways of combating it like technology or such so a non ether gear person can still fight.
It also has its own unique aesthetic. Ft is a pretty generic fantasy world. It doesn’t have the bleakness of bereserk or the Japanese aesthetic of naruto. You could say Black CLover, Fairy Tail, and Seven Deadly sins all had their first chapter happen in the same world and I’d have trouble arguing it.
Now on to the crappy stuff. This series suffers from the usual Mashima foibles such as the sexual harassment, the stupidly way it tries to justify and give all conflict happy ending, not actually bothering to have a situation drawn out ad built up too, etc. I mean for the first conflict of the chapter its a heavy one, these guys raised SHiki yet their own mentality is against humans so Shiki has to choose, but instead of actually answering that question, it turns out there was no real conflict and the machines were just faking.
As for my like for Shiki, I flat hate Rebecca. She is so pointless and useless. Look I will defend Lucy and she actually can d things. First chapter she saved Natsu by using aquarius. But Rebecca? She’s just all of the bad traits of post timeskip Lucy. She is used for pointless fanservice, does nothing contribute, and becomes a mouth piece for friendship.
Speaking of friendship as a concept and goal here, Hiro just rewrite what you mean. Have deeper meaning than friends for once. There is ways you could take the motivation “I want to make 100 friends” in a compelling way. Prehaps Shiki is going out to make his own world where he can make a happy place for people where they can laugh and cry in harmony. Like story telling wise its pretty weak.
Like me personally, I would’ve taken the first chapter like this, the robots are sentinet and they are nice to Shiki and Rebecca and they have genuine fun together. They gradually reveal that they are shutting down maybe one starts acting wonky and tries to hide it and maybe the machine king is the real bad guy. He has sentinece and hates humans and he wants to eliminate SHiki and Rebecca and that’s because they’re shutting down. The other robots say they don’t care they were abandoned, they were mad at first but Shiki showed them that why they loved catering to humans. King and Shiki fight and they all reveal they’re shutting down and Shiki cries he doesn’t want them to go. The robots say its inevitable and they don’t hpw to recharge the battery and Shiki vows to leave the planet and search for a power source to bring them all back. Then that’s shiki’s goal and it even can cause questions like “Is it worth all this for machines?” or “who designed them maybe we can figure out the right substance to power them up?”
or if Hiro wanted to go a more darker route. Have the machines have no sentience and literally be dolls for the King who turns out to be a human who stayed here on Granbell and made his own little kingdom. Make it a bit meta on how Shiki’s only friends were just hollow imitations of people who were only friends because that’s what their programming dictated and they can all be switched off. It be meta as critiquing Ft and how all the guild characters basically had no conflicts, all got along, and were just friends with no depth or reason.
This all highlights the issue with Hiro Mashima and that’s he is not a good a writer. Hiro is an incredibly talented person and can come up with incredibly unique ideas and looks, which is why his cover pages are the best things he puts out because its him free forming. But writing. He has a limited scope on that and stuff like sci-fi and fantasy can be very morally grey things. But Hiro doesn’t seem to understand tragedy in the sense that its tragic because a person fails or dies unsatisfied. But he only seems to know how to write painfully obvious concepts like “save the world” or “friendship” instead doing a concept like “what it is to be a hero” like MHA does which can have a variety of answers to it.
So what’s the final verdict? Well I actually am going to do something different than usual. I’m going to say what I though the quality was compared to FT and then to what I’d consider this work compared to anything else.
In comparison to FT, Eden’s Zero gets a Final verdict of 8/10
Improves on a lot of FT’s first chapter flaws
Created a more unique environment for a story
And actually has a lot tighter narrative
But in comparison to everything else...
Final Verdict: 5/10
Even if it wasn’t Hiro, its a pretty generic start (some names aren’t even all that inspired like Machine King, Demon King)
Potential to grow into something better is there
Nothing is outright offensive
Cool concept
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kramlabs · 6 years ago
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six norms that may be making your family less healthy
via Shane Trotter
What is normal is not normal. The human biology expects sunlight, constant movement, physical novelty, whole, natural foods, close relationships built upon shared purposeful efforts for survival, and a generally slow life pace.
Today it is normal to eat exclusively processed, convenience foods, to remain indoors all day except for trips in our temperature controlled cars, to feel pulled and prodded by constant message alerts, and to sit all day, predominantly with our face in a screen while being passively entertained. Normal is a relative term.
Very few forces are as powerful as the human need to belong. Consequently, we naturally tend towards herd mentality, behaving as the masses do, regardless of personal benefit. In fact, we’ll adopt odd “normal” behaviors without even realizing they directly contradict our desires, or that we could choose not to.
The standard model of life that we’ve been handed has created a devastating global health picture and all signs point to this trend worsening in our youngest generation. Now, more than ever, we must be willing to question what is normal and carve a different path.
Freedom is not just having the ability to behave as we wish, but knowing why we choose those behaviors. Through reflection and education, we truly become free and are then able to craft an environment that pulls our family to health and vitality.
If wondering where to start, I recommend exploring these six norms that may be making your family less healthy.
1. Having “Kid Food” Around
There is a widespread belief that there should be a distinction between kid’s foods and adult foods. I’ll never forget a client telling me how she ate well for most meals, but often found herself snacking on her kid's chips or popping a soda. When I suggested she stop keeping these foods in the house, she responded angrily, “I’m not going to not have chips and sodas for my kids.”
I’ve even seen this in healthy parents who make separate meals for their children so the young ones aren’t subjected to nutritious eating, as if this was a torturous experience. They’ll have roasted chicken, brown rice, and mixed vegetables while making chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, or frozen pizza for the young ones.
We’ve been sold the belief that kids can only eat chicken in nugget form, fish in fried stick form, and that the rest of their diet should come from packaged junk. While it is true that palates have to develop, children have always eaten natural, whole foods.
Fruits, vegetables, meat, seeds, and nuts have been the only available foods for almost all of human history. Roasted vegetables, sweet potatoes, and fish are actually childhood favorites when children aren’t engulfed in a world of Pop Tarts and pudding that only further serves to warp their palate. Without a diet predominantly consisting of whole foods, children are virtually ensured of future struggles with health and eating.
Make it simple. Make meals from foods that could have existed 10,000 years ago and have your children eat what you do. Ice cream and other desserts are wonderful occasional treats, but they should require a special trip, not be an always available temptation.
2. Driving As Your Only Mode of Transportation
For most of human history, human muscle moved us wherever we went. Today locomotion outside of our sanitized home or office environment is typically outsourced to the automobile. We even drive across the work campus or endlessly circle in search of a closer parking spot.
Most people struggle to find time for fitness while neglecting to incorporate normal activity into their everyday life. Why is there a need to drive your kids to school if it is less than a mile away? Why must you drive to work if it is just across town? My daily trip to work only went from 10 to 20 beautiful minutes when I switched to a bike commuting lifestyle.
According to the CDC, 71.6% of Americans over age 20 are overweight. Healthcare costs are unsustainable, and yet we drive when it would be almost as easy to use human muscle.
Help your kids break free of this pattern. What a model it would be to make it standard practice to bike when round trips are 10-miles or less, or to walk to pick your kids up from school until they are old enough to walk home themselves.
Despite modern helicopter norms, this is the goal of parenting: to create self-sufficient people capable of creating a purpose and contributing to something bigger than themselves. As much as it scares us we should want them to have this desire for independence and exploration. It sure beats smartphone addiction.
3. Letting Kids Have a TV in the Bedroom
Our environment is powerful. If cookies are always on a plate in the kitchen, we’ll probably make it a norm to grab one while walking by. Replace that norm with a bowl of fruit or ants on a log (peanut butter and raisins on celery), and our snacking norms change.
Screens are an especially pervasive temptation in the modern world. They bring an infinite number of messages. Nowadays, televisions are the focal point of our homes, constantly beckoning us to sit down and stop conversations. But at least we share the programs. They can provide talking points, mutual laughter, and a communal experience not too much different from the primal experience of fireside stories.
Yet, in a kid’s bedroom, the TV brings no positives and many negatives. It is a constant source of distraction from study, reading, getting out to play, or trying any creative endeavor. It is a pull towards more time in isolation and more ability to avoid dealing with potential family conflicts. Most destructively, it is a recipe for poor sleep.
Adolescents and teens need 8 1/2 to 10 hours of sleep per night but tend to average 7 or less. Absent of this they will be foggy, moody, lacking concentration, and at increased risk for the poor decisions that characterize this age.
Their natural body rhythms pull them towards later hours, but school start times rarely honor that reality. Add extra-curriculars and socializing and it can be very difficult for teens to adopt a healthy sleep schedule. These struggles magnify tenfold when they have a TV in their bedroom, which they’ll inevitably watch from bed.
Dr. Craig Canapari, director of the Yale Pediatric Sleep Center, says that the number one thing you can do to help your kids avoid sleep problems now and into adulthood is, never put a television in their bedroom.
The only rationale I can see for putting a TV in bed is to appease your children, despite their own well-being. You are the parent. Be the parent.
4. Giving Kids Smartphones Without Boundaries
Nothing poses a greater risk to your children than that screen they can walk around with every hour of the day. The phone allows millions of messages to shape unhealthy beliefs and values, it prompts poor posture and sitting, it precludes face-to-face communication and overcoming social fears, and it wraps the mind in a vortex of anxiety and a compulsive need for distraction.
At least with the TV you sit and share a single program with other people. The smartphone isolates and constantly prompts you to search for the next best thing after only a brief superficial scan. Take everything wrong with having a television in the bedroom and multiply that by a trillion with the smartphone.
There is no culprit more responsible for the terrifying state of American physical, mental, and emotional health, particularly in childhood than smartphone ubiquity.
But, what are you gonna do, right? It is the world we live in, right?
Please, parents, piss your children off. Tell them no, not until 8th grade and not without tons of boundaries. Why open Pandora's box too early? I’m sure I sound extreme, but this technology is extreme. While working in schools I’ve watched the lobotomization it renders on a generation and, it isn’t just them.
Parents line the park benches scanning furiously. Grandparents and babysitters take their children to bounce houses at odd hours so they can sit and scan their phones uninterrupted. We’ve all seen tech addiction and we’re all subject to the allure. Unchecked smartphone use is the path to a Wall-E type dystopia.
You can’t pretend smartphones don’t exist and you can’t hide them forever, but you can for a while. I highly recommend checking out the screen use recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatricians and using their Create Your Family Media Plan tool. It is very easy and will prompt you through ideas and nuances you may not have considered.
5. Not Managing Smartphone Alerts
As usual, we should start with our own model. Strong parents make strong kids. More often than not we are constantly pulled away from the moment by email dings, texts, and quick scans that turn into a 10-minute mental mindless scroll. This is only made worse by the Apple watch that now supersedes any phone away boundary to shove messages back in your face. Take that dinner time!
Simple recommendations that can help you take back control of your time and be more present for your family:
Anything urgent should require a call. Go to your settings and silence all texts and email messaging. People will learn this about you and it will recalibrate their sense of what is urgent.
Plan the times you will batch all messaging response.
Plan the times you will use social media, apps, etc. For example, maybe you can batch this to two 30-minute blocks within your day. This takes the negative out and makes the tool work for you.
While doing complex work, turn the phone on airplane mode and focus. You’ll get more done.
After work or as you come to dinner, put the phone on a charger, away from you and your bedroom.
Get an alarm clock. A single function device.
Silence all calls and notifications a couple hours before bed. You can make exceptions for people you mark as favorites. This is quite easy to do actually.
6. Buying Into a Modern Youth Sports Culture
After the smartphone, this is truly the toughest insane norm to tread in the modern world. For most of you reading, youth sports were an amazing, integral part of your upbringing. Here we learned essential social skills, how to work on behalf of a team, and how to practice to improve. We played every sport, building a broad array of physical skills that nurtured a love of moving and play. It’s probably where you first fell in love with training.
Today, these foundational experiences have been completely perverted by conmen looking for easy money and a culture of over the top bulldozer parents, willing to pay any price to convince their child they are the center of the universe. Second graders have “signing days” when their parents pay for them to join the “elite” soccer team.
Third-grade football teams put the kids' name on the back of the jersey and have a “pep-rally” every Friday night before Saturday games. Most disturbingly, at earlier and earlier ages, coaches try to convince players they are falling way behind without ridiculous travel, specialization, and expensive skills coaches.
Elementary school kids will have multiple evening practices per week, late games, and long Saturday tournaments. Family time evaporates under the guise that this is what you have to do. By middle school baseball and volleyball parents have conceded their wallets and their summer to travel ball. The family no longer has the option to vacation other than 1,000-mile trips to play athletes just like the ones in their own city.
Clearly, this is an article unto itself. The biggest take-home message is:
This is not the best way to build athletes. Athletic participation is way down, meaning our talent pool is smaller and more kids miss out on these vital experiences. Furthermore, as detailed in the Long Term Athletic Development model, optimal athleticism follows age-appropriate, balanced exposure to sports.
Youth sports should not be expensive and should not be all-encompassing. All the kids want to do is play the game with their friends. Remember that? We’d just go play sports with our friends without coaches or parents and we grew up doing it. Or, we’d go outside and play catch with mom and dad.
Resist the urge to follow the masses into this crazy debt trap. Youth sports can be an amazing experience, but they shouldn’t be the only experiences. How you spend your time matters. Family dinner matters. Family vacation matters.
“It’s no sign of health to be well adjusted to a sick society.”
Krishnamurti
As usual, any broad rambling list will be full of prescriptions that don’t accommodate or appreciate your unique constraints and needs. There are major exceptions to nearly every point I’ve made, but I will stand by the underlying principles. Our standard model is a cultural conveyor belt towards poor health and dissatisfaction.
The best thing we can do is have the courage to buck the norms and live authentically, pursuing a path we earnestly believe in. This will take strength and require you to be counter-cultural. Your efforts matter. Strong parents make strong kids.
This Week’s Mission
Apply any of the suggestions from these six unhealthy norms. If you are unsure where to start, create a family media use plan. Having boundaries tends to offer a great deal of freedom. Without them, we are constantly pulled and prodded, controlled by a constant flood of habit-inducing notifications.
http://breakingmuscle.com/fitness/6-unhealthy-norms-plaguing-us-all
more:
http://breakingmuscle.com/coaches/shane-trotter
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sarahburness · 6 years ago
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How I’ve Learned to Free Myself from Depression When It Hits
“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” ~Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
I’ve battled depression for most of my life. In my younger years, it gripped me pretty frequently. I was first hit with suicidal thoughts at the age of fifteen, and it scared the bejesus out of me. I was young and dumb and had no idea what was happening.
When I was twenty-five it hit again. This time, however, I understood the cause. I was getting divorced, and my entire life was in turmoil.
It was at this time that I decided that I was going to do something about it. So, I dove into the world of personal development. I read every book I could get my hands on.
The following are some realizations I’ve had about depression and what's helped me break free from it. This may not work for everyone, but perhaps there’s something here that can help you.
Depression is like a Chinese finger trap: the more you try to get free, the more trapped you become.
When I was younger, I would try to fight my feelings. I believed in facing my challenges head on. As any young man would do, I would see myself as the hero of my own story and depression as the villain.
The last time it hit me, however, I wasn’t nearly as brazen. I laid in my bed and the feeling washed over me like a flood. One minute I was okay, and the next I was going haywire.
All I could think about was killing myself. And the crazy part of that is that I had a great life, and that I didn’t want to actually do it. I just wanted the intensity to end. I wanted to be free from the feelings that penetrated everything I did.
Depression is like a Chinese finger trap. The more you fight it, the more it gets you in its grasp. And the only way to get out is to do the very thing that you intuitively feel is wrong.
You only get free from depression when you lean into it.
I know that goes against every piece of self-help advice that exists. But depression is a different animal. You can’t positive-think your way out of depression because this kind of mental battle is a big part of what causes depression in the first place. Obsessing over your thoughts keeps you stuck in your head.
It’s a trap of the most frustrating form because your attempts at defeating depression often serve to keep it firmly in place. In other words, your resistance to depression causes it to strengthen its grip on you.
There is a concept in psychology and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) called “exposure therapy.” The idea is that the more you expose yourself to the thing you fear, the less intimidating and fearful that thing becomes.
I was able to get over my fear of snakes in this manner. One summer I made the goal to hike a certain trail near my house. However, the trail constantly had snakes on it, and I was deathly afraid of them.
I didn’t want to give up on my hiking goals, so I forced myself to walk past the snakes. Eventually I realized that they are relatively harmless and won’t bother you unless you bother them.
Do you fear your depression? I know I did, especially when it became so bad that suicidal thoughts would creep in. I would spend many a night in bed just lying like a brick, afraid to move because I was scared that I would do something to hurt myself.
When you lean into your feelings, they dissipate.
And thus is the wisdom of the Chinese finger trap. The only way out is to lean in. To stop fearing what you feel and start facing what you feel.
When I started thinking about the things that may have been causing my depression instead of the things I thought could cure it, I got a better understanding of what my depression was.
I saw that things like negative core beliefs and unhappiness with my career and finances were contributing to my depression, and that I needed to deal with those things. Depression, then, was more of a symptom of the real problem rather than the source.
You don’t beat this enemy by fighting him. You beat him by standing in front of him and telling him that you are not afraid. And then you deal with the things that make him strong.
I liken depression to a storm. It will hit you all at once, but it won’t stay around forever. If you wait long enough, the feelings will pass. And what is left after the feelings pass is in your hands.
You can choose to let the storm of depression keep you in a depressed state even when the actual feelings aren’t there. Or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward.
Leaning into your feelings releases their power over you, but you still need to wiggle yourself free after you release your feelings.
This is probably the most important part of dealing with depression.
It’s not enough to just face your feelings and lean into them. If you’ve ever played with a Chinese finger trap, you eventually realized that to release its grip on your fingers, you had to push them further into the trap. However, to truly get your fingers free, you had to wiggle them back out slowly.
This is exactly what depression is like. You may not have control over when depression strikes. You may even need medication to deal with it. But you can control what you do when you're depressed, and you can break free. I am proof of that. I’ve battled this feeling, this inexplicable feeling, for most of my life. But I now know what true joy and true happiness is.
You can know joy too. You can get past depression when it hits. You don’t have to let it define you any longer.
How do you wiggle free? I use a process of deep introspection, mindfulness, and work toward a powerful purpose in my life.
At the root of my depression were the most insecure and sensitive things I thought about myself. This is true for many of us. These beliefs run under the surface of our psyche like a motor. Pay attention to the things that make you emotional and look for the beliefs you have about yourself that are behind them.
For example, I used to feel shame whenever someone would single me out in front of others. While this is a common feeling for people, I looked for the belief that may have been fueling that. I discovered that underneath it all was an old belief from childhood: “I am bad.”
Now, when I recognize that this belief is surfacing, I remind myself that it’s human to make mistakes sometimes, and that doesn’t make me a bad person. This prevents me from spiraling into a shame cycle, which can easily lead to a depressed state.
You have negative beliefs about yourself as well, and, while it’s an extremely emotional process facing them, it’s also cathartic. Find someone you trust and talk to them about these thoughts and feelings. Or journal about them to understand why you formed them and how you can let them go.
Another powerful tactic for wiggling free from depression is mindfulness. I like to solve puzzles or do something creative to take my mind away from the thoughts that depression causes me to have.
Note that this isn’t meant as a way to avoid your problems. Depressed thoughts are like a tape that plays automatically in the back of your mind. When you immerse yourself in an activity, you interrupt that tape and break the negative cycle so that you’re no longer fixated on negative thoughts (which is akin to pushing your finger deeper into the trap).
It's also helped me to fix my finances. They say that money can’t buy happiness, but that’s not the entire truth. According to this study, our income can actually increase our happiness up to a certain amount, since it’s easier to be happy when we’re not struggling to survive.
To fix my finances, I stopped wasting money on things that weren’t bringing me joy (such as a cable subscription) and focused on ways to increase my income. I learned pretty quickly that, although being rich doesn’t make you happy, I feel a lot more at ease when I’m not living paycheck to paycheck.
Lastly, I've focused on finding meaningful work. One of the biggest culprits of depression is a feeling of hopelessness and despair. So, finding meaningful work or a deeply personal life purpose will do wonders. For more information on finding meaning, check out Viktor Frankl’s book A Man’s Search for Meaning.
In my case, I found that the career I was in was making me more depressed. I was an engineer, but the long days sitting in a cubicle were driving me mad. I wanted a career where I felt like I was doing something that mattered.
So, I went back to school and became certified to teach. I ramped up my writing career and started freelance writing. I did more of the work that I loved to do. When you do more of the work that you love to do, you become more of the person you want to be, which makes you a lot happier with yourself and your life.
And that leads me to the final point…
You are not your depression. You are the person who is feeling depressed.
Until I realized this, I was seeing myself as a depressed person, and I was allowing it to define me.
You are not your feelings. Stand in front of a mirror and shout that to yourself. Scream it to the world. You are more than that.
You are whatever you choose to be. See the possibilities of who you can be and move toward those things. Don’t let depression beat you up and keep you trapped. The door is open. All you have to do is walk through it.
About James Leatherman
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The post How I’ve Learned to Free Myself from Depression When It Hits appeared first on Tiny Buddha.
from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-ive-learned-to-free-myself-from-depression-when-it-hits/
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Does your Insurance address have to match your registration address?
"Does your Insurance address have to match your registration address?
I'm moving to a new city where the insurance rates are higher than my current town. I have to change my address on my license and registration to get a parking permit in the city, but do I have to change the address on my insurance? The permit doesn't require to know any information about your insurance.
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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What would be the average price of car insurance for a 18 yearold driving a scion tc in Florida?
Thinking about buying one, trying to see what the price of insurance would be like.""
""I was denied homeowners insurance by state farm, are there any companies that will insure me?""
I made 3 claims 12/18/09 amt. $302, 9/1/08 $0; and 5/10/08 amt.$1302. Allstate has said no as well.""
Mother has Mental Illness but no Insurance?
We are at the moment living in california but my mother has mental illness when we were back in The Netherlands she was given pills to take to supress that voice in her heads making her go crazy, but now we are here and we don't have any insurance yet is it possible that she gets insurance if she supports her illness?""
Car insurance help ok so i am going to be a first year driver?
ok so i am going to be a first year driver what insurance company should i get since the are a lot of them out there and how much do u think i will be paying per month in joliet IL i am a male and 18 years old
Do you need insurance for a driver's permit?
I'm hearing different things from all different places and rather than sifting through all of the crap at the dmvedu website I thought I'd ask you guys and get a straight answer. Do I need insurance to get my permit, or just for my liscense? I live in California, by the way, if that makes any difference with the law.""
Who is responsible for homeowners insurance?
In a rent to own lease agreement for the one-two year lease period who will have the homeowners insurance?the renter or seller?
Are online insurance rate quotes free/safe?
im trying to get an insurance quote on a motorcycle from progressive.com. However its asking for my social security number and other personal information. It seems like im actually registering for insurance.
Health Insurance for Uninsurable?
I haven't been able to get health insurance in the past couple years due to constantly changing jobs, and not being able to stay on my feet as much as I would like to in my career. I have diabetes, which is causing more serious issues with my limbs and eyes that I can't wait to take care of. I am in my low 30's, single, and a resident of Illinois. I know the affordable health care is suppose to start accepting applications in October, and care beginning in 2014, but I just can't wait that long. I tried any other state and federally funded option, but they have suspended their applications due to the new programs coming out later this year. Would anyone have any other ideas, my family will help offset some of the costs, I just need to find some kind of a plan with pre existing conditions to include diabetes.""
Need information on affordable senior health insurance?
I need information on affordable senior health insurance policies. Im leaning toward a private insurance company, like this one- http://seniorhealthinsurance-fl.com/ (if possible) in the Florida area. Thanks!""
How much will insurance cost after first dui offense?
I got my first dui for parking my mom's car for her(my intentions weren't to drive home drunk at all... just back 10 feet.) and I use to have insurance but canceled it when ...show more
How much is insurance for starting a cleaning service in California?
How much is insurance for starting a cleaning service in California?
Would car insurance go really high if you got a mustang?
I'm 16 thinking about getting a 2000 mustang 150,000 miles clean driving record I have state farm. I didn't know if a mustang would make it jump to much high than just an average car.""
If an insurance company estimated the damage on my car at $800 and I later find out it is way more can I go ba?
My car got hit, their insurance company sent me to a mechanic shop to get an estimate, they said $823 and the insurance sent me the check. I just took the car to the dealership and they said the damage was $3100, can I go back to the insurance and ask for the difference?""
How much would my insurance cost with 5 point on ds?
How much would my insurance cost with 5 point on ds?
What is some good cheap car insurance for young adults between the ages of 18-24?
And I mean car insurance that you don't have to pay over 100 dollars for.
Whats the average cost to insure a car through personal business insurance?
I am a carer and I need to insure my car through personal business insurance does anybody have any idea how much it would cost for a 1.2 punto to be insured?
What factors affect car insurance premiums?
My mom is going to give me her old car once she gets a new one, and she said insurance is about $100/mo. My friend asked what insurance would be and I told her, and she thought that was really low The car is a 1999 saturn SL1 and it's standard, is the insurance cheap for this car? My mom has a great driving record I'm now wondering what affects car insurance premiums? I know age, gender, driving records, and other stuff.. but what else?""
How should I insure my now deceased father's house?
My father has recently passed and his house is currently vacant. It is a small home only around 1,000 sq. ft. It hasn't been estimated recently but I would guess it's value around $60,000. Homes in the area are going for foreclosure for less than $30,000. My son plans on living in the home a year from now. How should we insure the home in the mean time? If we can find someone we know and trust we may rent it out in the mean time, if not, how should we? The home is currently in my sister and I's name. What do we need to do to keep costs down? I'm talking about insurance and taxes. Thanks for any advice!""
I have a 12 yr old economy car in California and would like to buy the minimum amount of liability insurance.?
My agent is telling me $850 a year. That sounds expensive. Does anyone have suggestions?
Does your Insurance address have to match your registration address?
I'm moving to a new city where the insurance rates are higher than my current town. I have to change my address on my license and registration to get a parking permit in the city, but do I have to change the address on my insurance? The permit doesn't require to know any information about your insurance.
Is it a legal requirement to have insurance when you are self employed?
I am about to sign a contract, as a self-employed contractor, and one of the point refers to me having liability insurance. Is it a legal requirement?""
Is there one day motorcycle insurance?
I'm planning on buying a motorcycle in Philadelphia tomorrow or this weekend, but I still haven't seen it yet. If I test ride it, like it, and decide to buy it, I'm gonna have to ride it home. I figured out the registration part of it, where I can acquire temporary tags for the ride home, but for insurance, I don't want to insure something I haven't seen yet. Is there any way or company that does like one day insurance just for the ride home, then I can and will officially register and insure it. Thank you""
""Does anyone know how much a boat would cost me for a year, that's including gas, insurance, etc.?""
Does anyone know how much a boat would cost me for a year, that's including gas, insurance, etc.?""
""After car insurance expires, how many days do you have to renew it?""
My friend just got his car towed for no insurance, I thought you have 30 days after the effective date. Can someone please tell me so I can help him get his car back. SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY!""
California unemployment insurance?
Can I still receive unemployment benefits if I return to school? I know you have to be available to work full time. What if I don't tell them I'm going back to school? I know they have job training but I'd like to go to a fully accredited school. Please help. Thank you
Car insurance?
I have a 94 camaro and I was wondering how much insurance would cost under my parents name. I'm 16 and a good driver, I don't know if that matters but I want to save some money""
I need cheap car insurance for Astra SRI 1.8 58 plate. I'm female with full license for 4 years.?
I use car for school run and shopping only and I park it on the street outside my house. I am 32 years old and female. Any help would be great as car insurance is beyond expensive. Thanks
Where can I get good credit insurance?
I have heard good things about One Source (http://www.onesourcerm.com/) for credit insurance. I would like to hear other peoples thoughts and opinions.
Need car insurance help!?
Here's my story: I am 23 yrs old and have gotten 3 speeding tickets. One already came off my record and another just recently came off. I got my renewal statement and my premium hasn't changed at all. Is there an error or tough luck for me?
Does anyone of a very cheap and affordable health insurance that covers dermatology?
do you?
Affordable student health insurance?
I am a college student in Maryland and I need affordable health insurance. I don't qualify for the one through my job because I only work a few days and I go to school full time. I applied for state insurance and I was denied that.I ve looked online and everything seems pricey for me. PLEASE ADVISE!
Car insurance help please ?
I'm 18 and I am soon to be having a car, (hopefully) now everybody in the UK knows hows stupid car insurance is for new/young drivers. my dad says he will not put me on his insurance as IF i had a crash and needed to claim it would knock off his no claims, that is perfectly understanding but wile looking on Moneysupermarket i noticed the (protect no claims) if i was a named driver on my dads insurance would i get that cheaper, i know later in life i'm gonna have to start my own but thats for when im on more money at work etc, so what i am asking would this work out? and everybody becomes a winner? thank you for any help (im only looking for a Ford Fiesta mk2/3 1.0/1.1)""
Can i get affordable baby health insurance?
ready to have a baby soon but husband insurance would go from 250 to 700 a month (can't afford 700) if we have a baby but if me or the baby gets our own insurance somewhere it would be 250 but i have some health issues so i can't get my own insurance (i get denied everywhere, my job doesn't offer health insurance) so when i do get pregnant and have a baby can i get affordable insurance by it's self?I live in Colorado, will not use government help PLEASE DO NOT WRITE BACK IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT OR SAY SOMETHING DUMB OR USELESS THANKS!""
Got a dui an i need some insurance whats the law can i drive some ones car if they have insurance or what can?
Got a dui an i need some insurance whats the law can i drive some ones car if they have insurance or what can?
How much would it cost to insure a 17 year old boy on a ford escort gti?
any answers much appreciated
Does anyone know a car insuarance provider that is cheapest for young drivers?
I am getting a car soon and i was wondering is there a particular car insurance companies that is cheaper for young drivers? (I'm 17)
Auto insurance deductible?
I got into a wreck recently, it was not my fault and the other guy didn't have insurance. just got my damage estimate and it was 1400 with a $500 deductible. Since the wreck was not my fault and the other guy didn't have insurance at the time is there anyway i could get him to pay the 500""
How much will my Progressive car insurance increase if I add a 93 Camaro for my 16 year old?
Any idea where I can find this info? Any estimates?
Will the insurance company declare my car totaled ?
Well, someone hit my car yesterday early in my parking lot, (((seems to be a DUI, not sure!))), the police came and fill the report... now we sent the car to the body shop and they said that the repairs will cost around $ 12.000 maybe more.... Now, the car price was $ 25.000, we bought it 2 years ago and we checked in the blue book the actual cost and it is around $16.000... my question is, do you think the insurance company will declare my car totaled ??? The body shop guy told us that the car will lose 70% of his price because of the accident even if it is repaired... If the car will lose 70% of his value if it is repaired, and the insurance company decide anyways to fix it, what we can do ??? Pd. The hit wasn't our fault at all, it was in our parking lot and this crazy drunk driver just run over it :(...""
Does getting car insurance quotes lower your credit score?
I was wondering if getting multiple insurance quotes can significantly lower your FICO score due to inquiries..especially if you have a limited credit history..
Why is motorcycle insurance so expensive?
I figure that if I finance a new motorcycle, I will have to get collision. So I go and get a quote from Progressive on an Aprilia SL 750. Just liability = ~70$ a month. Liability Comprehensive Collision = ~$650 a month. $650 a month = the cost of the bike in one year. 18 year old male with one prior minor moving violation""
Does anyone know cheap car insurance websites for a 22 year old driver?
hi i am a 22 year old driver and i live in NJ does anyone know any cheap car insurance web sites?
Lowest priced liability insurance in Texas?
I need only the bare minimum required by law. Have had only one ticked in the last 5 years. Live in Anderson County. Geico is a joke.
Average motorcycle insurance rate?
I'm 16 and living in Ontario i wanted to know how much insurance rate it is do you pay monthly? yearly? i don't know submit what you know and estimate if you don't know
How much will my car insurance cost?
So I'm 16 now, and I'm looking at cars I could get. I can afford a used, BMW 3 series saloon. I'm a male, and live in Surrey. (obviously I'd be 17). How much do you think my car insurance would cost, because it is in insurance group 20. (which may or may not be too much). Thanks""
Does your Insurance address have to match your registration address?
I'm moving to a new city where the insurance rates are higher than my current town. I have to change my address on my license and registration to get a parking permit in the city, but do I have to change the address on my insurance? The permit doesn't require to know any information about your insurance.
Need cheap car insurance in NY?
Hi I'm in need of low car insurance in NY. I'm 22 female car is a 98 dodge caravan. Please i tried all those random websites that shows you insurance. I need names of insurance please =]
How much will a porsche 944 be in 4 years time and what will the insurance be if I'm 18?
It doesn't matter about fixing it as my uncle is a mechanic and I will be training soon.My uncle has got one now and I love it !!!
""If you have your learner's permit, do you need car insurance?""
If you have your learner's permit, do you need car insurance?""
How much does your insurance go up after you have caused an accident?
I was in a car accident on Jan. 16th (yes, my fault!) and my car was totalled. I am buying a new car and need to know by about how much my insurance will go up. It was $270 a month (full coverage) before. I am 19, by the way. The car I am (hopefully!) buying is a 2000 Ford Mustang.""
How much would insurance cost on a dodge charger in nj?
How much would insurance cost on a dodge charger in nj?
Does UK car insurance get noticeably cheaper when you reach 25 years old?
or is this just a general thought among motorists?
How much is a fine for driving someone else's car with no insurance?
i have insurance on my car but the car i was driving didnt have insurance.
Thinking of switching to Progressive Insurance?
Would like to know if anyone has Progressive Insurance for auto insurance. Would like to switch to them from Farmers because I can double my coverage for the same price as Farmers. Has anyone had problems with Progressive such as filing a claim? or rate increases for no reason. I have not had an accident in over 14 years, knock on wood. Just afraid if I switch my rates will go up for no reason. I know there is good and bad about Progressive. Any input would help. I live in California""
""Hey, i need help finding the right car insurance for me..? im 18 im from california.....?
im 18 and im from california.. i barely got my drivers license 2 days agooo and i was wondering what insurance is right for me? i want an insurance that is affordable... not so expensive... what do u recommend? what do you have? and how much do you pay for it?
Where Can I Get Cheap Car Insurance?
I drive a Jeep Cherokee 2004. I am looking to purchase car insurance and have been uninsured for about 6 months. I am 22 years old, will be in college starting August. I have had about 4 tickets in my life, have never had an accident, and my license have been revoked only because I failed to pay the tickets. They are now valid. I live in Florida, where it is sooooo difficult to get insurance. You are not allowed to be insured and then get insurance.... You have to have insurance from day 1, which I had, but mom dropped me from the plan as they live in GA! I make about $800 every 2 weeks, and I do have other bills. I am looking for some car insurance that I can afford and get coverage! All Florida residents, please help me out. Thanks :)""
How much more would my car insurance cost if I went from having a 96 honda civic to a 2000 BMW 328i?
I'm getting a 2000 bmw 328i... I have a honda civic already. My insurance was like 1200 for the whole year I think... already paid it in full. I'm 19, with no accident history, no speeding tickets, never arrested; I don't really have anything that would make my insurance go up to my name. I live in MA, so i guess I can't get gieco or allstate or whatever..""
Motorbike Insurance 600cc ~ 1000cc?
Iam 24 years old ( will do the bike test later this year ) I would just like a rough figure on what would it cost the insurance for these bikes. CB 600 hornet HONDA CBR 1000 KAWASAKI Z1000 KAWASAKI ER 650 YAMAHA R1 YAMAHA R6 Iam asking because iam abroad and i cant do the quotes else i would not loose time asking If someone could be kind enough to help out just with a near figure iwould gladly apreciate the help.
Help with car insurance cost?
I'm a 18 year old male with a clean driving record I'm on my parents insurance plan I want to get a used jeep wrangler with a lift kit what's a good estimate on how much it would cost monthly for me to have this vehicle?
Does car insurance cost change depending on the area you live in?
I went to college and I would really like my car. However, my parents say that the car insurance would increase because of where my school is located. Is this true?""
How much do you pay for car insurance?
I'd like to know the insurance price for a 1.8 litre car, about 5 years old, driver being older than 26 years old, and no claims bonus not included, in different countries. In Ireland I get a quote about 1,200 Thanking you all in advance !!""
Generally how much is car insurance for a teenager with a learners permit in california?
I will be driving my parents car and they currently have Esurance.
""If my girlfriend crashes my car, does my insurance cover it?""
I am an insured driver and I believe my girlfriend is still insured on one of her parents cars, but we share my car currently and its not that I dont trust her, I don't trust other people. If an accident occurs while she is driving with my consent and she is a licensed driver (who is possibly insured on another vehicle) will my insurance cover? I have pretty good insurance as my car is finanaced and I was forced to get a few options I could have avoided if I bought an old junker. She has my car by herself for the day for the first time and I can't help but worry.""
Car insurance on a Mustang gt?
I'm a male, 19, years old going on 20 next month.. I'm wanting to save up for an older model (1999-2003) Mustang gt. I know there are different kinds of auto insurance agencies around but can someone maybe give me a rough estimate of how much i would have to pay each month for my own insurance? I've had no accidents or tickets/ felonies ever since my driver's license have been issued to me.. And i drive about 15 miles to work one way and 20 miles to college one way. Thanks!""
Meeting deductibles on health insurance?
okay so i am looking at the blue cross blue shield family plan in texas and for us three it costs $164 a month with a $2500 deductibile and then they pay 80% of the costs. So my question is, what does the deductible mean? sorry i come from free healthcare in the UK so I'm not used to paying for medical insurance. How does one meet a $2500 deductible before the insurance company can start paying for the rest of the medical stuff?? Is it met by constant hospital visits? doc visits? constant lab and xray tests?""
Will my car insurance go up?
I just got a speeding ticket for going 14mph over. I pay my car insurance on a 6 month cycles and I just paid for the next 6 months at the beginning of the month. Is there any way the insurance companycan charge me more for the current 6 months or will my insurance not go up until my next 6 months bill? Thanks!
What is the insurance expense on average per month to insurance an auto repair shop?
I'm trying to find information on approximately how much insurance costs for an auto repair shop. Specifically this shop will have one full time mechanic and one customer service representative. Two people, basically how much will it cost to insure (per month) this small auto repair business. The minimum liability required by law and between $25,000-50,000 to cover theft/fire/flood/etc.""
Best insurance company in ..........................?
What is the best insurance company if I live in Alabraska?
Where can i find cheap auto insurance?
i'm paying 150 a month for a 94 ford thunderbird, but i'm looking for something cheaper that i can afford. i'm just wondering how much other people pay for cars like mine...""
What's the purpose of medical insurance for students?
I'm in Australia and I need medical insurance which is very costly and it doesn't even cover anything like dental checkup. I don't think I'll ever a use a single penny from that insurance. Why are they robbing us of our money for no reason? If I get ill, I'll use my own money to pay for treatment. And I heard they don't get any interest from the money so where does all that money go? In the air?""
Where can I find health insurance with maternity coverage without a super long waiting period?
My wife and I are looking for health insurance. I am self-employed, and her company does not offer insurance for it's employees. So we've been looking into family plans. We're married with no children. But, we'd like to have children soon. Like, maybe next month if it all works out. :) I've looked into plans from various companies like Anthem, and most of the companies don't even offer maternity coverage. And the ones that do have a 9-12 month waiting period before the maternity coverage kicks in! And too top it all off, it's ridiculously expensive! Anyone have any ideas? We live in Ohio. We make too much between us to qualify for medicaid or any other type of government aided insurance program. Are we just outta luck? There has to be something!?""
Does your Insurance address have to match your registration address?
I'm moving to a new city where the insurance rates are higher than my current town. I have to change my address on my license and registration to get a parking permit in the city, but do I have to change the address on my insurance? The permit doesn't require to know any information about your insurance.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-want-get-2002-subaru-wrx-people-say-would-bad-choice-fleming"
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somedaypast-thesunset · 8 years ago
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this weekend was actually okay and something i needed. on saturday i spoke to my landlord who was very aggressive about our deal and it gave me alot f anxiety. i attempted to share this with.. well.. anyone, and it was really isolating. the day before i had spent just a few hours with him and another friend and i felt isolated. saturday evening he decided he wanted to hang out and was really, really excited to share that he had found a cottage he could use this summer. neither me nor my friend was that enthused. both of us have lives that dont reallt include cottages and who knows if he will still be our friend by then. honestly. and he presented this with such excitement, like it would be good news for me. like i would care. like i was supposed to care. i think in a way both my friend and i thought good news wouldve been him wanting to move out of his mothers house. like he had a change of heart and realized what was actually for the best. he stuck on the cottage, repeatedly asking me over the next day or so if i was excited. he said i could go fishing. if i dont, does he bring someone else? but having him in a good mood was much better than usual and made him much more affectionate and nice, which is what i needed to overcome some of my anxiety. not all anxiety can truly be solved on its own. he kept touching me and held my hand and was overall just really nice. it made me comfortable enough to share my landlord situation and surprisingly he had a similar reaction to my own - they had been nice before, they set out the rules im following, theyre just angry they arent getting anything right now by definition of their own rules. he told me it was okay and i didnt need to worry about it because they had resolved to threats and aggression when i never once acted inappropriately. i felt alot better hearing that. weve been very careful not to comment on each others choices but still offer passive opinions. he doesnt like me living with anyone and hes negative about all of my options. but he doesnt tell me outright what to do / what im doing wrong in his eyes. but it felt better to feel justified in my belief that i wasnt crazy for thinking that i was in fact following their rules and procedures. a bit later on he mentioned that i should try for my native status and to me its a very sketchy subject based on almost 100 years of people with a very flimsy story which i imagine is mostly true but there could be serious false parts. thats why i just accept the ancestry my father believed in but dont indulge in it. but its gratifying to hear a random opinion which someone came to on their own regarding my ancestry and their belief in my belief. but he added that i should seek out an aboriginal center that could help me through the process and they should be more than willing to help because ive experienced so much abusive trauma. i felt a bit thrown back by this observation and didnt really reply. i mean, im not insulted or offended. im more genuinely surprised that within his own thoughts he believed i had abusive trauma and he wanted a way for me to cope easier in life. and it wasnt just oh u had trauma, it was 'so much abusive trauma' - very specific, indicating belief that not onlt had i experienced trauma on its own but that it had been willfully inflicted on me in my past. i believe in a way this also refers to the fact i told him what has been unsaid between us but most obvious in our last fight. he is a contributing factor on a semi regular basis to my anxieties and depression because he chooses to be as close as he is in the type of 'relationship' we have but does things like randomly break up or blame things on me. but its up and down, putting me through a cycle and my trust and patience, as thin as it was to begin with, is hanging on by a thread. i do believe he could leave at any moment without deep thought into how it would affect me. and he tries to remain naive or ignorant to the damage he caused; he asks me if i know where random things are or why i havent taken care of our herb garden and i remind him that im not here and im not welcome to do these things or know these things. he pushed me away for almost two weeks and expected things to be exactly as they were like i had left yesterday. i believe, like my ex, my trauma is too large for him. like, its a hard thing to completely encapsulate and see on a single level at once. and its complex emotional abuse - whether purposeful or not by people that may or may not have had control over the situation. i have felt like an observer since i was a baby. like im just watching crazy shit go down over and over again without a real period of content in between it all. in the afternoon, i felt a bit better. i didnt need sympathy or a shoulder to cry on necessarily, but when you feel very isolated, having your existence acknowledged is good. someone knows. they thought about it. i didnt implant it or bring it up. i roller skated for a bit - im sure its like literally 5-10 minutes of skating at a time but to me its kind of amazing im outside on rollerskates at all. and i think its kind of unbelievable to others as well - not that im too lazy, just that ive made an active choice to emerge from things at the best of mt abilities. later i began looking for jobs and apartments, repeating the same routine of the last few weeks but grateful to be in comfort doing it instead of at the library. i began narrowing down my search - i know, i know, i should take all the jobs. any job. put myself on a production line, hand bomb boxes, cut up chicken - but i cant. i cant do it at this point in my psyche. i cannot physically or mentally bare the process of living that way. its incomprehensible to me - im not above it. im not stubborn. im not lazy. but when you barely have the desire to get out of bed and feed yourself and bathe, to create the desire from nothing to go to a factory and pack boxes for eight hours of the day is so much time alone with my mind. its not distracting or challenging enough and ive see. these terrible jobs make normal people depressed so to me it seems like a death sentence. so i began to narrow it down - its been a long journey, acrually. it started months ago when i sat down and sincerely though about the very few things i could believe or want in my life thriugh all the fog and trauma and stress. it was very basic - im kind of a simple person. or maybe im simple among my turmoil. i like animals - but they also can trigger alot of anxiety and emotions that i dont want to deal with on a regular basis on top of having employment to maintain. i like cooking and baking; but all job environments with this are very high stress fast paced places and i am a sloth. not lazy, again, but currently moving at a pace that is the best of my abilities. i like computers but my skills are from 2008 and i dont have the patience or attention span to upgrade them right now. i like, in some ways, cleaning but i dont think its something id want to do everyday of my life. i like caring for the elderly, but again, its a complex job with alot of mental stress. so for the past month or so ive settled on essentially something in horticulture. i like growing things. it brings me a little joy on the inside. i like herb gardens and flowers, i like being outside, i like learning about plants. i began looking for a job in a garden center but they were few and far between and i began to realize that it was still mainly retail. so i applied to landscaping - i could cut grass and weed gardens but its male dominated industry and i dont think my few years of experience doing well, nothing, makes me a their first choice. plus its back breaking and the weather conditions can be terrible. so i looked for jobs as a florist or in a flower shop or maybe just the flower department in a grocery store. it seemed relatively low stress, not incredibly fast paced but something that was always in demand and flowers and maintaining flowers is great. but i began to learn that it required experience, as most jobs do, but as i thought about it i realized perhaps i could be a floral designer. it sounds really.. meh. like a super unimportant job with no real purpose and may e thats okay. it has alot of options; floral shops, weddings, funerals - its an oddly versatile thing that also allows for creativity and an experience of art and a little bit of science. its not complex, but it could be. and it allows for expansion - i could run my own flower shop. its not the most useful trade but its something thats always useable. i hesistantly looked into schooling. it seemed like a random course you took once and they gave you a paper. but a neaeby college has an entire 2 semester course that includes fundamentals of color and design and business plus floral design and other similae things. i say near but its a 2 hr bus ride away. however, its only on saturdays. one day a week for eight months. for curiousitys sake i looked into student loans. my last experience was uncomfortable. despite my best efforts, including calling multiole financial aid offices and sending paper work, i was still messed around and had no idea what to do to fix it. in rhe end i was told it was unlikely student loans would cover my choice; it was an online course in criminal psychology. i felt defeated and turned away from it but looking back now it was a poor attempt to alleviate pressures. so i was weary that osap would cover this course. apparantly school was sketchier than i thiught and the websites were utterly confusing and just asking for money up front. but i continued on, certain that it must work - everyone else manages it. i found the loan calculator and inputted the data. it would be the bare minimum course load thst would count towards getting a loan. it seemed impossible, a course that only happened saturdays that would be covered by a loan. but it recognized the course and calculated based on my assistance i get now, which i know is possible and i know assistance encourages you to do so. it came back as covering my books as well as 9000$+ for living & travelling expenses for the eight months. right now, assistance would allow me a little over 5000$ provided i dont get a job. and thats for living and eating, 300$ a month for rent, 300$ for basic living. at 9000$ i could afford 500-600$ in rent, possibly more if i really wanted to stretch it more so as a loan, when i work, my money isnt deducted. so my shelter costs are covered and at an even higher amount of rent for 700$, i have 300$ still to live on. if i wanted to live alone, that is. having 500-600$ to offer in a roommate situation or towards anything in my future is better than the 300-400$ im looking at now. so i think i want to do this. im going to ask assistance to cover the application fee and im rly hoping i have the one pre requisite course they ask for. it doesnt solve anything right now at all. this is long term think over the next 6-8 months, whicb honestly is scary. im scared by planning so far ahead for myself. and its hard because what if what if what if. but i think its the right thing to do. i dont know if it is. was i ever going to be a famous chef or doctor or office person? probably not. im lucky to exist as i am now. its a reachable goal just outside of my comfortzone and despite the meager amount it seems like theyre giving me, its more than i have had for almost a year now. i believe im ready to handle this, which is funny because its thrown on 18 yr olds eith no life experience but it doesnt matter. a friend has been sort of wanting to be my roommate. its hard to trust her though. and its a really sketchy situation to enter into but financially it would make sense and it would allow me to keep a majority of my comforts. she said she drove around and looked for apartments yesterday and called a few, which is more than ive done. she did show me a few but they were just out of my price range and i wonder if i just wont have enough money to even have a roommate. i also havent had any calls or opportunties for jobs or cash and half of it is my fault. today i could go to contract testing andearn 20$. but ill spend 4$ to get there. i wanted to make it a trip and go to the assistance office too and submit paper work for my application but my desire is not there and im frustrated st myself because i was given a fine weekend. and i need the money; im nearlt short of first & last for 400$ worth of rent, which means i cant even look at 500$ places. i can, however, afford 450$ which is not so bad and i guess i could borrow 100$ from someone if it came down to it, considering my efforts. so 20$ today would sort of go towards living expenses right now and i guess i just.. dont care. i also have to call hydro because i have a past due notice im hoping doesnr translate to final notice? im past due on mt past due and even making the phone call seems daunting. my mornings have become battlefields, mental acrobats of havinf set a plan - even a simple task and fighting myself for several hours about doing it or why or for what purpose. i commend myself, sadly, on the three consecutive days at the library last week. thats actually unheard of in my world, getting up, getting ready and goinf out at almost the same time for three days in a row. then it was the weekend. and now im here. and the weeke d didnt bother me. it didnt cause this, or maybe it did but it doesnt feel like it. im glad to have spent time with him in such a positive way but i guess i have a looming feeling of "well tomorrow i know i wont see him" and ill work out my day alone and eat alone and sleep alone and have all this time because i barely have wifi and no cable and no tv and no movies. its not his fault though. its mt fault. he doesnt have to share his time eith me because i couldnt manage to have wifi. or that i sold my tv. it would be best for me to do the things i planned today. i also havent began cleaning or packing any of my things. i could use boxes. but i kind of want to sleep; i didnt sleep well last night and felt ljke i was up most of the night, having slept alone, and being woken up pretty uncemermoniously at 630am. he explained he was up until 3am working on his project and managed some niceties but dropped me a block from my apt for no real reason. i do scorn myself for not taking initative. these tasks are really fucking simple and crucial to my well being but ill comfort myself with "well, its only this time of day, i can still do this and this later" and its such a poor cop out. i could do it now. the two hours ive been sitting here, couldve done it. but i didnt and i honestlt probably wont and that really makes me such a bucket. its hard feeling down about your depression. but i guess unfortunately im going to start this day again in a few hours and im sure ill be much better off.. or atleast well enough to move from my bed.
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somedaypast-thesunset · 8 years ago
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i feel upset today because there is a continual expectation for me to put myself out for other people and get next to nothing in return as they ask for everything. and if i ask for something, it just goes ignored. 
i’m tired of my work being devalued. i’m tired of people just taking it for granted and using it to their own benefit. i felt nothing but anxiety and animosity at the last show our group put on because i was knowingly bullied on more than one occasion by another member and then forced to put on a show with them - and was even questioned why i might pull out my art. 
i was going to perform at this event. but as the weeks passed i realized i was putting in more work than anyone else and when i asked for certain things, they were ignored or put off. and yet there was an expectation for me to complete something for them ‘asap’. this made performing for the first time really devalued. like sure, i worked hard to create the event but why? what was the purpose of this? it was never to bring anyone together, it was never to showcase anything but the organizers themselves and the lack of good promotion means the likelihood of selling something at a venue not known for after hours shows and not joining our marketing is pretty low. 
i am 27 years old now. i have no fucking desire to put on shitty teen shows that are half assed thrown together with a bunch of my friends. thats not what this is about for me - it lacks a certain amount of organization and class. it lacks a curation in performers. i thought i might be the worst one - and that’d be okay. they cant all be winners. but now it’s just open mic - and if i really wanted to perform at a open mic, i’d go to a real one. if i’m going to do a large amount of the work - outside of meeting with the owner one time and putting up 5 flyers on street poles - i want the results to be worth the work i put in. and IMO it’s not. it’s mediocre and thrown together. 
and i feel a personal insult about this because of how much work i put intothe group itself. ive dedicated time on a semi regular basis to all the admin work, the promotion, keeping social media active, posting new submissions, fielding a majority of the questions and i’m not asking for praise - i’m asking for people to respect the work i’ve done. don’t come in and draw on it with magic marker and tell me its acceptable quality when theres folks painting in oils. i dedicated time to create an entity that could be used and harnessed; i ask for the quality of our output to match whats already there. 
and i think it’s asinine that i would hve to argue doing better than average. if this is just a hobby or random activity for you - fine. it’s not serious. you’re not serious. none of this matters. but it was presented as serious. it was presented as a showcase of people’s craft. there is no effort into making it somewhere one would wnt to be. we’re all going for the ~decor. we print posters because we want to see our name on a poster in the street - not becuse we’re really advertising an event. it was acceptable that the only people in attendance would be the performers and a few of their friends. acceptable!! that’s an unsuccessful house party, in my opinion. 
you know whats missing  locally? proper use of social media to network between people. it’s impossible to find other artists in the area unless you scour through obscure hashtags. but yet theres dozens and dozens if not hundreds of artists in the local area. this means you get stuck in one influence and within that influence you may be chastised for going against the “norm” of their influence. instead of new ideas being welcomed, they’re constantly turned down or argued against. 
i’ve met all of the people i know through facebook and instagram in my art world. thats a very powerful tool.i know models who only book through instagram. and ive had arguements about the use of hashtags. as if theyre not relevant. 
i’m tired of questioning what i know. tht honestly gives me the most anxiety. and its not like im tired of questioning what i do - its healthy to question your actions - but what i know and believe makes me feel unsure of myself and the skills i have. i have had experience working in the creative industries since i was 17, freelancing. and i have a wide variety of skills in graphic design, retouching photos, photography of models & landscapes & products, glamour modeling & product modeling (of which i’ve done for dozens of photographers in the local area), web design & blogging + knowlege of e-commerce platforms, wordpress, seo, promotion & marketing both online & offline, i’ve sold crafts online for almost four years and switched my primary creative tool from artisan crafts to trditional & figure art that i studied & practiced extensively for over two years, i have skills in copywriting & journalism, i have a handle on the basic laws of creative works & how they can be used, basic knowledge in building & selling a brand, communicating with clients & customers (of which i’ve had no complaints in regards to my communication - ive had complaints about shipping because post offices are not so nice), creating organized file systems which can be used by multiple people -- i have paid my dues. i am still growing, absolutely. i am not the best at any of the above things i listed. i could be even better. i could spend two hours today on one of these skills and be better than i am right now. i can always be better.
but just because i can be better doesnt take away from what i know now, what i have learned, what i have studied - like i took the time to study and read up on research and marketing & promotion techniques. a good portion of my first shop was spent reading about how to sell stuff, not so much making stuff to sell. as i did not realize at the time how much work went into being successful online. and i did not realize until my shop closed how i had taken that skill for granted - because i had done all that work & effort, it was able to pull in a few sales a month with little to no effort now. if i worked harder, maybe i couldve been even better. 
i also (un)willingly have worked full time as an artist and only an artist for at least two years. this is the “luxury” ive been allowed in  life even though i am the definition of starving artist. i didnt have it as a part time job or hobby - it was something i did every single day and i marketed & promoted for hours a day. an acquaintance of mine upon hearing of my mental state now told me that i had gone so hard for so long - and i kind of appreciated that he saw that on the outside. that someone could see that i actully did work incredibly hard. that i was dedicated.. that i AM dedicated. 
i’m not saying any of this makes me better thn anyone else or knowing more - it just means i’m experienced. i am very very experienced in not only practicing a craft but marketing that craft to sell, displaying that craft in it’s best light, knowing the best places to sell. i also work in quality over quantity. i am not interested in doing 9  - 10 shows a year. i’m not interested in shitting out  5 - 7 paintings at a time. it means before i touch anything to paper or canvas or wood - i’ve thought about it. i’ve really, really thought about it. i didnt just sit down and throw paint on the canvas. i couldve been thinking of this image for days before i do it. or the craft itself - my bone jewelry came because i absolutely neded to make a necklace out of fish bones i found and they needed vials attached. why? i dont know. but it just needed to be. 
when i started the group, i asked about names. i didnt choose a name or dictate the name. i was given a suggestion by someone i actually dont like at all and was given a reson for why he felt it was a good suggestion and i agreed because business-wise it was a good suggestion. i respected that he hd different ideas and experiences that shaped that suggestion that i did not have. i learned through it that i should expand my reach - both in my personal creative life and my ‘business’ creative life. 
my ~partner was disappointed i wasn’t going to perform. i could tell it was frustrating and dissappointing to him because i think he thought it wouldve been good for me and that i would hopefully find something in it that would bring me something. and through his disappointment he told me that it wasn’t totally right to drop out of something you planned to do or that peopl expected you to be at.
but i’d like to turn that around - my partner is someone who also puts himself out for others on a regular basis. and for a long, long, long time he was fucked around and fucked over by many people. an old friend came to his door and asked to borrow money and he allowed him to despite knowing he might be a drug addict now. he had no obligation to this person but it was like since he was asked, he should. and i think if he lerned to say no, or learned to walk away from an unhealthy situation, he would be happier as well. i’ve learned first hand the benefit of walking away from something toxic. and you will feel misplaced guilt for a bit, i feel some guilt now but it’s for the best. 
i try to think how i can change my perspective on it but i cannot. i wold not walk down the street if this was held in the local gallery, nevermind 20km away. like once i took myself out as a performer i realized i wouldnt even want to go. i dont want to see anyone perform but my partner; who will already be subdued because of the venue. ive been completely taken out of the organization of the event - despite having been continually involved in the promotion and a few conversations since the lst one where i said i didnt want to keep doing this. so ive deleted my advertisement efforts online andi’m just halting any further promotion on my part of this event. i’m 97% sure i’m personally not even going to go. i no longer ant to see half of the people there on a personal level so it’s not even worth going to to hang out and i dont care about displaying my art. 
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