#kinda scruffy and hating the world

[kr-yoongi]

Happiest Colin Morgan character !!

[sugarcoated-lame]

Wake Up Call

Joel Miller x Female Reader

pre-outbreak Joel x reader

All of my works are 18+ minors dni!

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Joel knows you’re not a morning person, so he often loves to help you wake up in way that you’ll both enjoy.

or

slow, sleepy morning smut with Joel :)

WC: 3200

Warnings: i’m terrible at titles and summaries i know, this is basically just smut (18+), established relationship, fluff, cuddly joel, smut, somnophilia (kinda?), oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected piv, creampie, biting ? (joel bites reader’s shoulder once), a hint of overstimulation, use of a few pet names (sweetheart, darlin’, baby), no use of y/n or description of reader’s physical appearance, moodboard is not indicative of reader’s appearance, joel’s morning voice and joel saying “good girl” in said morning voice deserve a warning. let me know if there’s any I missed! x

a/n: this was my first time writing an actual fic for Joel, so please be nice <3 this was based on some thots that I wrote for an ask that my beloved @sebsxphia sent me 🧡 this was so self-indulgent and I had such a fun time writing it and making the moodboard, I hope y’all enjoy reading!! happy reading, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 🧡

Joel Masterlist | Main Masterlist

•

•

It’s a Monday morning like any other. The sun is still rising in the sky, languidly illuminating the world in its hazy golden glow, and you find yourself waking up the same way you do most mornings as of late.

Eyes slowly blinking open to the steadily brightening light that’s begun to make its way through the too-sheer curtains that cover Joel’s bedroom window, a broad chest pressed to your back, and soft breaths blown into the crook of your neck and moving a few strands of your hair along with them.

A strong arm is wrapped around your middle; one big palm splayed across the skin of your belly beneath your—his— t-shirt while the other rests underneath your pillow.

You’re growing used to waking up to Joel’s warmth radiating through you with all the nights you spend in his bed these days, his legs entangled with yours beneath the blankets that had been kicked further down the bed in the night, the extra warmth not needed when you’re completely encapsulated by the furnace that is Joel.

It’s still early as the two of you begin to stir, a while yet before either one of your alarms are set to go off and pull you from the comfort of each other’s embrace and Joel’s plush bed, and into readying yourselves for the upcoming workday.

 The arm around your waist tightens as you slowly begin to wake. Joel burrows further into the crook of your neck, scruffy beard tickling at the skin of your shoulder where his shirt has fallen loose in your sleep, the action one that’s grown to be of great comfort for you.  

Joel’s always been an early riser. All the nights spent together over the months that you’ve been together now, he’s always woken up before you.

He has an alarm clock, but you never understand why he bothers to set it in the first place. His internal clock is always waking him up naturally as the sun comes up, and approximately thirty minutes before Sarah wakes up for school.

Not that you’re complaining, though, because you’ve come to appreciate the slow and natural way you wake up with Joel.

His flurry of kisses to any patch of bare skin he can find, and the warmth of his broad chest pressed against your back always wake you up gently. It’s a routine you’ve come to love, miles better than any loud alarm.

Though Joel can never seem to sleep later than the sun, he loves it because it means he gets to spend a few extra moments just admiring your peacefully sleeping form.

He knows you’re not a morning person, that you love your sleep and hate nothing more than to be woken up by the shrill ringing on an alarm.

So, another benefit of Joel waking up before you is that he gets to wake you up slowly, gently, snuggling into you and littering your skin with kisses that he knows will bring about that sleepy smile that he loves so much as you begin to stir.

Joel’s morning voice is gruff and somehow even deeper than it already is normally as he turns to nuzzle his nose into your neck, pressing a feather soft kiss to the skin just below your ear.

“Mornin’ sweetheart. How’d you sleep?”

In your still half-asleep state, you just barely grace him with a sleepy hum of acknowledgement before pressing your body back against his, cuddling further into his warmth and beginning to drift off again, not quite ready to wake up yet.

Since Joel knows that getting up early is not even close to your favorite thing to do, he often loves to wake you in a way that he knows you’ll both enjoy.

So, it’s no surprise to you when you begin to be pulled further from your slumber by the feeling of his arms retreating from around you, the loss of the comforting heat of his body against yours causing the tiniest of whimpers to escape your lips.

Joel smirks—though he knows you can’t see it through your still-closed eyes—those strong arms turning you onto your back before his body is sliding further down the bed.

Before you know it, gentle kisses are being pressed to your knees, leading a trail up to your inner thighs, the wiry hairs of his beard scratching lightly against your skin as he makes his way up towards where your panty-covered core has already begun to flutter in anticipation.

Calloused palms reach under your thighs and they’re no sooner being parted by the width of Joel’s broad shoulders, his plush lips pecking along the skin where your thigh meets your hip. Languidly making their way up to your hip bones, dotting a sweet kiss to both before descending.

Nosing along the cotton of your underwear, Joel sends a shudder through your entire body when he brushes over the damp spot that’s begun to darken the fabric.

Taking in your heady scent with a groan, his lips press a single kiss there before the warmth of his tongue laves against your seam through the thin fabric and pulls another sleepy whine from your parted lips.

Joel’s rough fingers dip under the waistband as he reaches up to pull them down your thighs, letting out a low groan as he slowly reveals your core, all pretty and glistening just for him.

You’re still not fully awake when he licks into you. His tongue white hot as it licks a broad stripe up to your clit, mixed with the pleasant burn of his facial hair scraping against the soft skin of your inner thighs, has your hips bucking against his mouth and quiet whimpers leaving your lips even in your still-sleepy state. Joel can’t help but growl at the taste of you.

His strong arms wrap around your thighs to hold you in place, to keep you open wide for him as he fucks you with his tongue, and it’s only when he sucks your sensitive bundle of nerves between those plush lips that you fully awaken on a broken cry.

With your eyes squeezed shut now from pleasure, one of your hands reaches down blindly into his soft, sleep-mussed curls as his tongue swirls around your clit in firm, tight circles.

You’re already getting close to reaching your high when your eyes finally open and you peer down to see Joel.

The bottom half of his face is slightly obscured under the covers as he makes his way back down to your entrance—the tip of his nose brushing against your clit and rendering you dizzy while his tongue laps up the gush of arousal there, and those deep, chocolate eyes boring into your sleep-hazy ones as one hand leaves your thigh so that one of his thick fingers can join his tongue.

Joel turns to press a kiss to your inner thigh, and you can feel his slight smirk against your skin along with the tickle of his beard as he murmurs a quiet “Mornin’, baby.”

The deep, raspy drawl of his morning voice has you clenching down around his finger as it pushes into you, pulling a breathy whine from you as your own fingers tighten their hold in his hair, and you’re barely able to get out a shaky good morning back to him.

In the tranquil, early morning quiet of Joel’s bedroom, you both can hear just how wet you are for him. The deep groan he lets out mixes with your breathless cries as you both listen to the squelch of his digit sliding in and out of you.

“Ya hear that?” Joel’s lips press again to your inner thigh. “So wet for me, darlin’. Were you dreaming of me?”

It’s all you can do in your hazy state to let out a hum of agreement and nod, not trusting your voice as his words and his thick finger pull you closer to that edge.

Joel’s cheek still rests along the smooth skin of your thigh as he turns his gaze upward to watch your face while his finger continues its ministrations. He nearly growls at the sight—your head thrown back and hair spread messily across his pillows. Brows furrowed and eyes clenched shut in pleasure, your perfect lips parted and letting out the prettiest sounds as he works you over.

“Joel— fuck.” You can’t help the desperate moan that escapes your parted lips as Joel adds in a second finger and crooks them just right. Turning your face into the pillows to quiet the sound—his daughter is still sleeping right down the hall, after all—your hips buck toward him of their own volition and push his fingers even deeper as they prod against that spongy spot inside you that has you seeing stars.

“Doing so good for me, baby.’ Joel praises with one last peck to your thigh, before he turns his head to press a lingering kiss to your swollen clit that sends a jolt up your spine.  

Then, he’s trailing back down toward your entrance, drawing another gasp from you as the tip of his nose just barely grazes your clit. You can’t help but whine at the loss of his fingers as Joel pulls them from your core, your walls clenching around nothing for only a moment before the warmth of his tongue takes their place.

Joel laps up some of your wetness with a groan that sends shockwaves through your core before his tongue presses back into you. The warm, wet muscle glides through your walls, in and out, and you find yourself whimpering in frustration at the feeling—oh so good, but not quite full enough.

It’s enough to have your hands relinquishing their hold on his locks and scrambling to pull him up the bed by his shoulders and begging him to fuck you.

“Joel, please. Need you now, baby!” Your voice sounds breathless and borderline frantic, and Joel can’t help but feel a little pride in just how worked up you get for him.

“Need—”

He cuts off your desperate pleas with a bruising kiss, pulling a needy sound from deep in your throat at the taste of yourself on his lips as they meet yours.

Joel parts from you to glance at the clock on his nightstand. He knows you’ve probably got about twenty minutes now before you each have to get ready for your respective days—before Sarah wakes up for school, and she’ll be knocking on his door to make sure that he’s up and ready to take her there before he heads to work.

Plenty of time to give you what you need.

Joel takes a moment to admire your features—pretty eyes still bleary from sleep, bottom lip swollen from his kiss and from being bitten between your teeth as you tried to keep your moans quiet. Chest heaving slightly in anticipation, nipples pebbled underneath the loose fabric of his t-shirt as you wait for him to make the next move.

He leans in to give you one more lingering kiss, his tongue parting your lips and meeting yours in a languid swirl that leaves you feeling dizzy when he pulls away.

Joel shifts back onto his knees, and you have half a mind to protest him being so far from you before his hands are meeting your hips.

“Turn over, baby.” He instructs you softly, those strong hands moving you with a surprising gentleness as he guides you to lay on your stomach.

You lie with your cheek pressed to the pillow, fingers digging into the sheets underneath it, your body tingling with anticipation as you wait for him to touch you.

Joel hastily removes his boxers, biting back a deep groan as he gives his already-throbbing length that’s been neglected until now a few firm strokes, spreading the precum that’s pearling at the tip as he watches your thighs clench with need.

You feel the calloused palms of his hands begin to trail the back of your thighs, and up slowly over your ass, fingers pushing up the hem of his much too-big t-shirt that you wore to bed along with them and making you shiver as they expose the smooth planes of your back.

Joel’s hands slide back down to part your thighs and make room for him, lifting your hips just slightly, and then he’s positioning himself over you.

With his broad chest pressed to your back once again and your spread thighs bracketing his, he reaches down to run his cock through your folds, gathering up your slick and pulling sharp gasps from you both as his tip bumps against your clit, before he notches himself against your entrance.

His body is a comforting weight against your back, the both of you letting out simultaneous sounds of pleasure and relief as Joel pushes into you slowly. His face rests in the crook of your neck and he groans at the way your tight, wet walls envelope him just right, the muscles already clenching around him as he waits to move.

Hips pressed to your ass while he gives you a moment to adjust to his length, Joel revels in the way you whine at the fullness of him. It’s always a stretch to accommodate his size, but you always take him so well.

“Mm—move, Joel. Please, baby.”

Your words and your hips attempting to buck back against him under his weight are enough for Joel to start moving, arms bracing beside you as he pulls his own hips back, slamming back into you in one quick thrust.

“Fuck!” You bury your face in the pillows to muffle your moans as Joel begins a steady pace.

All of your senses are completely surrounded by him—his scent on the silky fabric of his pillowcase, the hairs of his beard scratching at the column of your neck as he quietly grunts and moans into your ear, the weight of his strong body pressing you into the sheets as his cock fills you up and quickly pulls you back toward the edge of that cliff, more than ready to fall off.

Joel’s lips begin a trail of kisses all along your neck and up to your ear so he can whisper directly into it, that deep drawl of his eliciting a downright sinful mewl from your lips.

“So good for me, sweetheart. Always feel so good.”

His praise has your walls clamping down around him tighter as Joel fucks you slow and deep into the mattress. Both his words and his hips stuttering as he drives into you, bringing you both closer and closer to your highs every time his length prods against that spot inside you that makes you feel like you’re going to come undone.

“So, fuck—fuckin’ tight.” Joel groans as he buries his nose in your hair.

One of his large hands reaches out to cover one of your own that’s still tightly gripping the sheets, the other snaking its way beneath your body to find your clit and you shudder underneath him as the speed of his thrusts begins to quicken.

Face still buried in the pillows, your desperate cries of Joel’s name are muffled as he works you closer to the edge. The feeling of his cock dragging through your slick walls and filling you oh so deep, and the rough pads of his fingers circling your clit, leave your mind feeling hazy—and not because you’re still sleepy.

Joel can tell that you’re close from the way that your moans have shifted into breathless, broken cries, your cunt clamping down around his cock in a vice-like grip that’s driving him to the brink right along with you.

“Such a good girl for me,” He pauses to press a gentle kiss just behind your ear before he continues. “Need ya to come, baby.”

Joel’s words of encouragement, along with his deft fingers speeding up in their assault on your clit, have you falling over the edge with a sob of his name.

“Good girl.” He mutters close to your ear as his hips continue to piston against your backside, fingers still rubbing your clit and leaving you a writhing mess underneath him.

Your loud cries are softened as you bite down on the pillow below you when the pleasure borders on overstimulation. You feel so full as Joel continues to fuck you nice and deep, working you through your orgasm as he begins chasing his own.

With your release soaking his cock, and the velvety walls of your cunt practically strangling his length, his hips begin to falter in their rhythm and it’s only a few more thrusts before Joel reaches his peak.

Pressing impossibly deeper into you, he leans in to bite down on your shoulder through the fabric of your t-shirt to muffle his moans as he coats your spasming walls with his cum.

Joel’s deep, throaty moans mix with your softer sighs as his hips gradually come to a stop, still buried deep inside you as his fingers leave your oversensitive bundle of nerves, hand now retreating from beneath you as he lets his weight slump against you for just a moment.

With a few more kisses to the side of your head, Joel makes his way back down to your neck, and then to your shoulder where his lips press tenderly to where he knows is probably now a bite mark under your shirt, before he slowly pulls out of you.

The weight of him leaves you as he moves back onto his knees on the mattress, taking a moment to admire the mess of you both between your legs.

Joel then reaches for the box of tissues on his nightstand, grabbing a few to clean up the mix of your releases that’s begun to leak out of your core, tossing them into the trash can beside his bed and moving to turn you onto your back.

Body pliant and sated, and practically melting into the mattress, Joel can’t help but chuckle at you as leans down to meet your lips in a kiss so sweet it has you sighing against him.  

It’s only a few moments after you’ve finished, after he lays back down on the bed and pulls you onto his bare chest, that the alarm goes off with the shrill signal that it’s time to start the day.

With a groan, you look up from your spot lying against Joel’s chest to see him already gazing down at you, a small smirk lifting the corner of his lips as he reaches a hand up to run through your hair.

“Guess it’s time to wake up, sweetheart.”

With a dramatic roll of your eyes, your head flops back down onto his pec with another huff of disagreement and the two of you share a breathless laugh before Joel moves to shut off the alarm.

And, though you won’t admit it, you definitely wouldn’t mind an early wake-up call if you got to wake up like this every morning.

•

•

•

Aaaaah thank you for reading!! Don’t hesitate to leave a comment or reblog if you enjoyed! x

tagging everyone who reblogged the original post that this was based on 🧡 : @seitmai @givemeth @lumoverheaven @fangirlbang @onceupona-happilyeverafterlove @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @twoheartscanyon @sunblchdfly @caffeinated-idiot @fandomimagines2023

and a few others moots who i think may be interested 🫶�� : @softiedingo @joelsgreys @gasolinerainbowreads @thepascalofus @ilovepedro

[luciennelune]

Assigning the LU boys as cats or dogs based on the vibes they give me (because I'm bored):

Time – chill stray/alley cat vibes. Like that old scruffy cat that shows up at the doorstep for food and pets and then disappears for three weeks on end, only to show back up like nothing happened

Twilight – dog coded (obviously) feels like a golden retriever to me? He loves attention and making people happy and just overall helping out and being good

Warriors – makes me think of a cat, one of the pretty ones with a long, floofy tail (ragdoll, maybe?) also could fit as like, a trained show dog or something, idk

Legend – spicy cat. He has some of the most stereotypical cat-like behavior out of the whole Chain and I cannot see him as anything but a sassy standoffish cat that secretly likes attention but only in private. He will hiss at you if you try to touch him when he doesn't approach you first

Hyrule – stray dog, probably a mixed breed that just kinda... Exists. Sometimes he likes people, sometimes he doesn't, he just kinda goes where he wants when he wants

Four – cat coded for sure (which feels weird because I don't think he would particularly like cats? Except maybe Vio or Red wouldn't mind them.) I can see him being a very sophisticated type of cat. Like he accepts pets but he doesn't purr often and he spends a lot of his time sitting at a sunny window with his eyes doing that cat squint thing.

Sky – dog coded. For some reason he makes me think of a Shiba Inu? Just very soft and friendly and happy, very affectionate.

Wind – goofy orange cat coded. No more needs to be said

Wild – dog coded. I'm kind of picturing a coyote (because it's Wild) but idk. He definitely gives me dog vibes but I'm not sure exactly what type. He likes people, likes attention, but he also likes running around and getting into trouble soooo idk

Bonus!

Mask – Feral kitten. Hates any kind of affection but he's also the most pathetic little guy that's ever been seen and he constantly has a wet cat look. He will bite you and draw blood

Ravio – he's just that one cat that appeared in your house one day and never left. You've put him outside multiple times but he keeps finding ways in. He will yowl pitifully at you until he gets food and attention. Steals your socks

Malon – border Collie sheep/herding dog. She's good with people, always makes sure everyone's where they're supposed to be and keeps everyone in line

Shadow Link and Dark Link are both black cats, but Dark is the one actively planning world domination while Shadow just gets in trouble for the attention

[hauntedhokage]

it would've been sweet

Past!Sae Itoshi/F!Reader, Oliver Aiku/F!Reader

word count: 12.8k (fuck, i’m so sorry)

summary: You would never come before soccer. 

But you let yourself pretend that he was spending time with you because wanted to, not just because you were around and he was bored.

warnings: angst, unrequited love, unprotected sex, sae is terrible at feelings, rin is better but still bad

note: this is not a love triangle fic. kinda jumps around from “present day” which is about 3-4 years after where we currently are in the manga, right after Sae leaves for Spain, to the start of the manga when the blue lock program started. I tried to make it obvious where time settings changed without labeling but i know it’s different perspective wise since i literally wrote it. This is also based on my own personal canon that Rin softens up a bit as he gets older and that he and Sae never make up. 

[ao3][ko-fi]

“What do you think?” The question has you looking up from the mirror to where your boyfriend stands, dressed up and clean shaven, which has you tilting your head. “Is it bad? I tried to match your dress, and-“

“No, baby, it looks great! Just don’t recognize you when you don’t look scruffy.”

“The rugged look gets all the ladies,” he comments, coming closer to place a gentle kiss to your forehead as you sigh. “I know you hate these things, but I appreciate you going so we can suffer together.”

“Yeah yeah,” you mumble playfully, earning yourself a kiss. “You just like seeing me dressed up.”

“That’s just a bonus. You look just as beautiful when you just wake up, wearing my jersey, or naked, or-“

“Alright, lover boy. We’re going to make the car wait too long.” Your scolding has him helping you to your feet, mindful of the heels you had on as he guides you out of the bedroom of the hotel suite. It was going to be a long night of talking to soccer players, soccer executives, and their guests about soccer - your least favorite thing to talk about in detail. 

You honestly hate soccer. 

It was the source of heartbreak, your first and only, and you let the stupid sport continue to contribute to your emotional pain. Maybe you’re a masochist; continuing to surround yourself with the sport despite loathing it entirely, dating a man who played professionally, and wanted you at all of the events he could get you to. 

Supporting your best friend as he traversed professional soccer while hating what it had done to both of you. What it did to his brother to cause both of you the worst emotional pain of your lives. 

There are times when you think about Itoshi Sae, mostly when he comes across your television before you change the channel. He was once your best friend, with a chance that there could’ve been more had he not gone to Spain. But you’d never come before his soccer career and, at thirteen years old you couldn’t dream of asking him to stay. Not for you. All of Japan would have crucified you for trying to hold their treasure back from the greatness that came with the world stage. 

But that didn’t stop you from wishing things could’ve been like they were before. When you were both happy and he actually seemed like he enjoyed soccer and you enjoyed watching him. Back when he had appreciated you and your support, back before he went to Spain all those years ago. 

Time passes, though. He made his choices, destroyed his relationship with both you and his younger brother like it was nothing to him. Switched to midfield, changed his dreams, acted like you meant nothing to him. He was still revered on the international stage, still loved by Japan, and deep down perhaps you still loved him too. But that wasn’t something you had time to think about, you had a life to worry about. 

He certainly wasn’t thinking about you, why put energy into thinking about him?

It was easier to just say that you hated soccer, even though both you and Rin knew what that statement actually meant: you hated Itoshi Sae. 

You knew you’d never come before soccer, but still you felt special that Sae would make time for you between his busy soccer schedule. Granted most of that time was spent in school or just a half an hour before or after school, but it was still time he made to spend with you , specifically. He didn’t talk to just anyone, but he talked to you. A perk of being his neighbor since you were five, you supposed. 

Recovery days from the strict training regimen spent either at his house or yours, meant to be studying for exams but instead taking turns watching videos on your phones. His were always related to soccer, insane hat tricks and compilations of the best strikers, while yours tended to be more on the funnier side or were cake decorating videos since he found those to be relaxing. 

You were at every match, cheering him and his brother on as they dominated the pitch and wishing the best for their careers. They loved soccer and loved playing together, Sae always telling you in private that he did see a future for himself and Rin in soccer at the national level. Playing for Japan as the best strikers in the world, exchanging passes until they got to the World Cup - hopefully Japan’s first so they could mark a huge claim in the history of Japanese soccer with one of them scoring the winning goal based on a pass from the other. 

Sae meant the world to you, but you always knew that you’d never come before soccer. But you wouldn’t want to, he deserved to chase his dream and you wanted to support him through that as you trusted he’d support you in yours. That’s what friends did. 

You loved Sae, and you felt deep down that he loved you too. But you’d never come before soccer. Especially not when he was recruited. Just thirteen years old, not even in high school yet, and he was going off to Spain. Japan’s Treasure, your treasure , and he was leaving you to go pursue his dream. As he should, and you don’t feel bad about it. 

After all, you knew you would never come before soccer. 

You didn’t go to high school alone, you had friends outside of Sae to hang out with, but you still felt so lonely. To go from talking to him every day, watching him play and practice with his brother, to just…nothing? It sucked. You still go to support Rin, watching his matches at the very least and tutoring him when he swallowed his pride and asked , but life without Sae felt empty and you hated it. 

“Have you heard from him?” You ask after a few months of radio silence from the elder Itoshi brother, and your heart drops when Rin shakes his head. “Oh, I guess he’s really busy then. I know he has to learn Spanish too, on top of practicing.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he’s just busy. He’ll call when he gets time.” Was all Rin could say, and you give your own nod of agreement before pointing out that he forgot to carry the four. “Wasn’t thinking.”

“You never do,” you tease, ruffling his hair and earning a startled “hey!” from the younger brother. “Always thinking about when you can go kick the ball around next, when you should be thinking about these entrance exams.”

“I know I’ll get the minimum score required to get into my school of choice. Soccer will carry me the rest of the way and then I won’t even need to worry about graduating.”

Always following in his brother’s footsteps, Rin was chasing his own dream that he shared with Sae. His optimism was inspiring and infectious, bringing a grin to your face before you redirect him to the practice questions you’d provided. For a kid so talented at catching the right angles to kick the ball and score, he sucked at geometry. Maybe he was better suited for physics. 

Rin joining you at the high school was nice, you felt better knowing that he wasn’t starting school alone, even if he was just as lonely as you were without his brother around. Sae was irreplaceable to both of you, and yet neither of you had heard a word from him - not even a text at Christmas or either of your birthdays. He’d been gone for about four years, and you still waited for him when you should’ve given up. Any sane person would’ve given up, but you still had a deep love for Sae. Whether that was as your friend or if you had genuine feelings for him, you’d never figured it out before he left, but you hoped distance truly made the heart grow fonder and he’d do something about the fact that he’d cut you and his brother off completely. 

And then you get the news you were waiting for. 

“He’s coming back soon,” Rin comments as you eat lunch together, on a bench under a tree where you always ate together. “Something to do with his passport is what my mom said, but he’ll be back in about a month.”

“I’m sure you’re excited to see him again,” you comment, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Sae coming home was huge, and you couldn’t wait to hear about what he’d gotten up to while in Spain. You’d watched almost every single one of his matches, even bought a jersey to wear while you watched him play. A long distance good luck charm is what you’d sent to him when it was delivered - a text that got no response from your best friend. 

The snow was falling when Itoshi Sae was meant to return. Out of respect for the family that missed the eldest son, you don’t stop by their home for a few days. When you saw Rin at school he was visibly upset, more closed off than he’d been just a week ago when he was practically vibrating with excitement at seeing his brother again. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask after school, watching as he adjusts his gym bag on his shoulder while you put your shoes back on. “You’re clearly upset, Rin.”

“He gave up on our dream. That’s all there is to it.” 

You don’t believe that, but you know better than to pry into Rin’s feelings. The fact that he said anything was enough, especially as it related to his relationship with Sae. It was just unfortunate that the brothers who were once so close now had an entire ocean between them, both physically and in their relationship, courtesy of Sae. 

‘Sae is in town again. My mom said he asked about you.’

It wasn’t unusual to get a text from Rin, Sae’s intent to put distance between him and anybody who might’ve loved him had brought you closer to the younger Itoshi brother and maintained that relationship even as he went pro. It was now Rin’s jerseys that you collected and wore as good luck charms, anything with Sae’s name tucked away in a box so you wouldn’t have to look at it since you couldn’t bring yourself to throw them away. Even the stupid notes you’d pass back and forth with him in school - you’d kept everything. 

‘Respectfully, I do not care’

‘You do though. I’m not stupid.’

‘You are, I remember tutoring you dummy’

That gets a thumbs down reaction from Rin, and you sigh when your phone lights up with Rin’s name and picture. He couldn’t leave well enough alone, it seemed. Neither could you, most days. 

“Rin, please let me pretend to not care,” you request before he can even attempt a pleasantry. You know why he was calling, and you didn’t want to bring up the feelings you were trying not to deal with. “I ask for very little of you aside from a discount on your merchandise and for you to tell your teammates I said hi and am currently single.”

“You’re fucking annoying, y’know that?”

“You tell me every day. Now what do you want, I’ve got exams to study for.”

“I’m also in town at my mom’s request. It’d be nice to see you.” There was another shoe that hadn’t yet dropped, you knew there was always another shoe when Rin was around. He didn’t like that being his reputation with you, but there was nothing he could do about it when he was…the way he was. Much better than when he was a teen, though, but still awful. “My mom said that Sae was also going to try to get a hold of you. But I wish he wouldn’t.”

There it was, the other shoe. 

“What happened to not giving a fuck about what he did?”

“You’re still not over him. Seeing him isn’t going to make that any better, no matter how hard you try to ignore it, and I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“Rin, it’s been like eight years, give me a little credit please? I don’t want to see him, so I won’t.” It should be that simple, Sae didn’t know where you lived, so he couldn’t hunt you down. You’re sure his mom might’ve told him where you were going to school and what you were studying, you always caught up at Rin’s big matches and when you were closer to home for the holidays. She always treated you well, and your continued closeness with Rin made her feel better about how her youngest son was doing emotionally. You were like her bonus daughter, Rin’s older sister figure, a member of the Itoshi family complete with Christmas gifts and calls on your birthday, which was fine since Sae was never home for those events anyway.                                                         

“But you’ll see me?”

“You’re buying lunch, Rinnie. Or maybe a nice dinner? Haven’t decided.” But you know how it’ll turn out. Rin sitting on the floor against your couch with some horror movie playing as he betrayed his diet for once with sodium rich takeout that he’d complain about eating in the morning. Rin was predictable, unlike his brother who had always surprised you.

You never told Rin that Sae had texted you on your last birthday. Wishing you another healthy year, standard greeting for a birthday. You agonized over it for six hours before finally deleting it so you wouldn’t have to look at it again, knowing that responding would open a door you didn’t think you wanted to go through. Maybe he got the memo, but you’re not sure that Sae ever got the memo despite how smart he was.

“You’re a brat. But I wanted to make sure you weren’t crying because his name came up.” He knows you too well and you hate it, but you do appreciate that he cares in his own rude way. 

“You’re such a jerk. I’ll see you when?” 

“Tomorrow, unless you’re busy.”

“Tomorrow is fine. I’ve got class but that’s in the morning.”

“See you at noon. I’ll pick you up.” And then he hangs up on you, never bothering for pleasantries like saying “goodbye”. Those few seconds are extra time he could spend in the day working on his dribbling, or something stupid like that. 

But unfortunately he’s right, the mention of Sae bothering to ask about you - having the nerve to want to see you - after almost ten years of silence was incredibly frustrating to the point where you can’t stop the tears from welling up or the dam from breaking so your tears could flow freely. Your notes were ruined, teardrops making the ink bleed on the paper which would make you need to redo the page. 

In another universe, the one where at some point he chose you , he’d be right there studying with you. You wouldn’t be crying over him again, you’d be at the very least happier. He’d be teasing you in his own dry way for putting off your studying, and for teasing his brother so much. You think that you’d be having much more fun in that world where Sae was with you and not married to a soccer ball. Maybe he would’ve married you instead?

But he’d never choose you over soccer. He’d never be the one who chose you over the pitch, that just wasn’t Itoshi Sae. Trying to think of a world where he put you first was stupid and a waste of your time. You had exams to study for.

You tried to avoid him while he was back after what he’d said to Rin. Renewing his passport is what his mother said, and you understood that to be a somewhat lengthy process so you knew he’d be around for a while. At least a week or two, maybe longer depending on his paperwork. 

But in all your effort to avoid him, you end up running right into him on your way home from a mall trip with your friends. Rin wasn’t around, he’d gone off to some soccer camp, leaving you to do things with other people and without him tagging along in the back so you wouldn’t have to walk home alone. 

If Rin had been there, you’re sure he would’ve clocked Sae and directed you down a different street. But Rin wasn’t there, and you’re face-to-face with Itoshi Sae while snow falls between you. It was cold, about as cold as his eyes when they met yours, and you want nothing more than to go home but you’re sure it’s not going to be that easy. Sae was never easy to deal with, even when you were friends. 

“Hey.”

“That’s it?” you ask, rolling your eyes when he shrugs. “You’re gone for four years with no contact and all you have to say is ‘hey’?” 

His expression doesn’t change, and you feel yourself only getting more frustrated at that. It shouldn’t be new to you, he’d always been on the drier side, but given the history that he chose to write - the chasm he’d put between you - you can’t help but be mad. 

“You still cry when you’re upset. That’s a habit you should try to break.” 

“You do not have the right to say anything to me about what I should or shouldn’t do, not after what you did.” That gets at least a change in expression, a glimpse of an emotion crossing his features as you adjust your gloves. But as soon as it’s there, it’s gone. He was always very good at masking his feelings. 

“You act like there was an obligation to keep in touch.”

“That’s a joke, right? We had been friends since we were five and you say there was no obligation to stay in touch ? I knew and understood that soccer was always your priority, but you could’ve at least sent a text . If you didn’t want me in your life anymore, all you had to do was say so and I wouldn’t have spent four years worrying about you.” Your voice gets softer as you speak, your eyes no longer able to meet his as you feel the geyser of emotion start to bubble up in your chest. “But you made it crystal clear, so I won’t waste any more of your time. I have to get home.”

“Let me walk you.” 

“I’d rather walk into traffic,” you retort, stepping around him so you can continue on your way home. “You don’t get to pretend to care just because you’re back in town. You’ll leave as soon as you can, I’m sure. You clearly were happier when you didn’t have to see me every day.”

“You’re impossible.” 

“That’s rich, coming from you.”

“Can you stop for a minute?” The request actually makes you stop, but you don’t turn to look at him. You can’t, not when you’ve been crying because he sucks as a human being. “I wanted to see you, when I didn’t have to.”

“You also hurt your brother when you didn’t have to . Did you come all the way back for that?”

“What happened between Rin and I is none of your business.”

“Then what happened in Spain that you came back like this? This isn’t you , Sae!” You have to look at him now, need him to see just what he’d done to you. Before he left he hated it when you cried, even if it was at a movie, but now he looks unfazed at the tears streaming down your face. Who was he now? Just some soccer machine? “I want my friend back.”

The conversation ends when Sae closes the distance between you. The kiss is harsh, needy, but exposed a truth in both of your actions and that truth was in experience. You both had been kissing other people, and you’re not sure how to feel about Sae trying to date. Hypocritical for sure, but could you be blamed?

“That doesn’t fix anything ,” you murmur when he pulls away, and he only sighs as he comments on how frustrating you were. “And I don’t forgive you for hurting Rin. I won’t ever forgive that.”

“It’s still none of your business.” 

“Just fucking walk me home.” At this point it’s best to give him what he wanted. Arguing with Sae wasn’t easy when you were kids, and it’s obvious that he’d become more difficult while he was away. 

You never told Rin that Sae kissed you that night. 

Rin had left for Blue Lock at that point, telling you that his new goal was to destroy Sae and you’d only nodded as you wished him luck. At that point you only understood it to be a potential recruiting session, with the expectation that he’d be back in a couple weeks. 

Instead he was gone for months, and you saw a lot of the elder Itoshi brother in the younger’s absence. You never told Rin about that either. 

Quiet evenings with Sae watching you study for classes he’d never have to take, his own book in his hands and letting you sit in slightly uncomfortable silence. You don’t ask about Spain, you don’t talk about soccer in general because you hate that he used his experience with soccer in Spain to hurt his brother. But it “wasn’t your place” to intervene in their sibling quarrel, so you leave it all alone. You tell yourself that you don’t care, but the way you care for Rin tells you that you needed to in order to protect him since he was like a younger brother to you. Even if you were trying to protect him from his older brother. 

You let Sae spend time with you, you let him take you to dinner and make tea for you, you ignore your parents' questions about why he was around after you’d spent so many nights crying over him. You didn’t know, but you knew that he’d hold your hand sometimes while you ate in private and always left you with a kiss on the cheek on your doorstep. Sometimes you exchange kisses that escalated into heavy makeout sessions on your bedroom floor, and other times you sit in silence while you work at your desk and he stretches on your floor.

It was everything you had wanted from Sae, but you knew that you were simply a placeholder and nothing more. He was only around to see what the Blue Lock Program could produce, to see if a half decent striker could rise up to represent Japan and make their soccer decent for once. Once his curiosity was satisfied or disappointed, he’d leave again since his passport had been renewed. You were just a way for him to pass the time while he waited for something interesting to happen. 

You would never come before soccer. 

But you let yourself pretend that he was spending time with you because wanted to, not just because you were around and he was bored. What hurt you more was the fact that you were okay with his selfishness, because it meant spending time with him almost as if he’d never left. It meant for some purpose he wanted to be with you . 

Until he didn’t want that. 

You never told anyone how Sae told you after the loss in the match against the Blue Lock Eleven that your relationship to Rin was holding his brother back. How Rin would never rise to meet his own goals when you were tying him down to you. How Sae himself knew you would hold him back and that he’d be going back to Europe to play for a decent team. The words you’d always feared he would say cut so deeply after the months you’d spent at each other’s sides, and that’s when it truly has set in that you were a convenience to Sae - someone he knew would always take him back despite the pain he caused you - someone he could use and throw away as he pleased.  

Rin never knew what Sae had told you while he was in Japan last, and it was for the best. Rin had felt defeated after that match, hearing that Sae was more interested in Isagi than his own brother who was working so hard to exceed his brother’s level of talent. Knowing that Sae had stomped all over your heart would only make Rin more homicidal in his play style, and he needed a break from additional emotional issues. 

And four years later you find yourself laying on your couch with Rin sitting on the floor in front of you, takeout container in his hand while you play with his hair. He’d doze off on the floor soon, the food coma kicking in and you’d finally look at your phone where a text from Sae sat waiting for a response. He’d sent it the night before, asking if he could see you while he was around. You think about what it would be like to have both brothers on the same page again, to have Sae spending time with you consistently, to be happy with them both in your life. 

But you know deep down that soccer would always come first to Sae. You can’t forget or forgive what he’d said to you four years ago, but maybe he’d actually apologize for how he’d treated you if you saw him? But was it even with seeing him if that wasn’t a guarantee? There wasn’t even a guarantee that it’d be a pleasant meeting, Sae just sucked like that. 

“You’re thinking too much,” Rin comments, tilting his head back against the couch cushion so he could look at you. “Oh, that’s the Sae face.”

“I do not have a ‘Sae face’.” Your retort is met with the familiar deadpan stare you often got from Rin when he thought your argument was stupid. He only sighs in return, and you try to adjust your expression to be less like whatever it was previously. “What does that even mean?”

“You look like someone kicked your dog, to start. You’re also crying.”

You were? Rin reaching up to wipe them away had you embarrassed, mumbling about allergies even though you both know that was a lie to save face when you didn’t need to do that for Rin. Sae had him just as fucked up as you, the last time they met on the pitch resulting in a heated exchange that made worldwide sports headlines for weeks. You’re surprised Rin didn’t risk a red card to play more aggressively against his older brother, but the yellow card he did get was worn like a badge of honor when you scolded him for it later. 

“I’m sorry Rin. He texted me, is all, and I don’t know that I want to see him. Last time I saw him, it didn’t end well.”

“Does it ever end well with him?”

“No,” you mumble, letting him sit you up so he could get on the couch with you. It’s not long before you’re laying on him, head on his shoulder as he reminds you that you don’t need to see Sae and definitely don’t need him in your life. You were about to get your degree, and a job out of it too based on the internship you’d finished, and you did it all without Sae. Neither a of you needed Sae, and you both understood the universal truth: Sae would always choose soccer first. Before his brother and certainly before you. Putting effort in when you know it won’t be reciprocated was for fools. 

“Seeing him might give you closure, but you need to figure out when you’ll stop running back to him and giving him that power over you.”

“You’re annoying when you’re right.”

“I’m only saying that he only does this to you and I’m getting sick of it. You can make your own decisions, but I don’t like seeing you cry over him. We’ve done too much of that.”

You had, and Rin truly was annoying when he was right but you know you’re lucky to have him - someone who knew exactly what it felt like to be pushed aside and put down by Itoshi Sae. By someone who once cared so much and wanted to see you succeed, then flipped the switch and became the biggest asshole you’d ever met. What you’d do without Rin, you weren’t sure. 

“Thanks for putting up with me all this time,” you whisper, tears welling up again but this time because you’re so grateful for him. He’ll hate it when he realizes you’re crying again, but you think this time he’ll keep it to himself. 

“You’re my big sister, putting up with you is kinda my job,” he murmurs, kissing your head as he adjusts his back. “But I cannot sleep on this couch.”

“ You put us here, shithead.”

Despite all your best intuitions, you text Sae back. You do tell Rin that as he’s leaving your apartment the following morning, and he leaves you with the suggestion that this be the last time you communicate with Sae. There isn’t an ultimatum there, but you know that you can’t keep allowing Rin to clean up the messes Sae left behind. Despite your close relationship and mutual understanding of how much it sucked to be emotionally fucked by Sae, it wasn’t fair to Rin that he picked up the additional emotional labor that was you crying over his brother or looking like you wanted to cry at the mention of him. You had a “Sae face”, for fuck’s sake - that could not last.

It’s always cold when you see Sae as adults. Mostly because it was the mid-season break in the middle of winter, but you also find it fitting that the weather fits how you feel the conversation should go. Indifferent, signaling the end to a one-sided friendship and the way he continued to keep you at arm’s length. Sae never felt warm, even down to the way he looked at you, it was a cold indifference that made you feel like you were stranded in the arctic with no way to truly understand what you did to be left that way. But you’re here now, standing in front of him as he watches you, not a sliver of interest in his expression that made you feel like he wanted you there despite the request that you come see him and make the time for him that he never made for you. 

“Hey.” Your greeting is about as level as you can manage, trying to maintain the cold indifference he always met you with. He looks tired, moreso than usual, which has you concerned but not enough to ask. He wouldn’t ask you if you were okay, that same courtesy should not be extended even if the words dance on the tip of your tongue with a need to be bitten down to keep yourself quiet.

“It’s cold out here, we should head into the hotel.” And he’s gesturing to the lavish building to your left, the building you hadn’t noticed because Sae gave you tunnel vision. “I don't have time to get sick.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” But you follow him anyway, loosening your scarf as he leads you to the elevator before your gloves come off to get tucked into the pocket of your coat. You aren’t sure how long you’ll stay, but you’re not trying to overheat either. 

“My mom says you’re almost done with university.”

“Yeah, I graduate in the spring.”

He only nods as the elevator stops, and again you’re following him down the hall to what is only the second door you see in the entire length of the hallway. Lavish hotel, lavish suite, you’d expect nothing less of Japan’s Treasure. Your boots are carefully removed before you take off your coat to hang up, acutely aware of how Sae watches you as he does the same. He was always watching, and you hate the way he could figure you out in seconds but never let you into the locked vault that was his brain. There was so much you could’ve learned if he’d just reciprocated some level of trust, but the last time you understood Sae was when you were in middle school - before Spain, before Blue Lock, before he broke your heart for the first time. 

“Why’d you text on my birthday?”

“It was your birthday, wasn’t it? It’s polite to do that.”

“You haven’t done that in almost ten years.” 

He gestures to the table on the other side of the suite, two plush chairs waiting for you both to sit and talk. That’s what Sae wanted, you supposed - to talk for the first time in four years. So you sit, tucking one leg under your body and nodding when he offered you some tea. 

But then he’s quiet; watching as you sip at the tea provided, holding the mug in your hands as a way to close yourself off from him. He couldn’t hurt you if you didn’t let him in to do that. 

“I want to make one thing clear, Sae.” You finally break after a couple minutes of unsettling silence, setting your cup down on the coaster before folding your hands in your lap. “I don’t have time to fuck around so please just get this over with and call me a stupid and hopeful girl that’s holding you back so I can go home.”

“Is that what you expected to get?”

“It’s the last thing you said to my face, so yeah.” He only nods at that, knowing that there was no denying that statement. “I can’t keep doing this, letting you show up every four years just to butter me up and then tell me to fuck off. I can’t keep trying to be your friend if you can’t even give me five minutes that I deserve when you’re not benefiting from it directly.”

He’s silent, and you continue to sip your tea while letting him process that. After a moment he stands, still saying nothing as he crosses the suite to get to a small box that sits on the dresser in the room. It looks expensive, a cherry wood case that is set delicately on the table in front of you. It’s as he sets it down that the sleeve of his shirt rides up a bit, revealing a familiar braided string of yarn that you’d made at a scouts camp. It was much too worn to be anything else, and your hand catches his wrist before he has the chance to sit down again. 

“You’ll spill your tea.”

“Shut up,” you whisper, setting the mug down with your free hand before dragging your index finger along the bracelet until it catches the two beads that were braided side-by-side into the yarn. Black and white, “like a soccer ball” is what you’d told him all those years ago, and the way he smiled as you tied it around his wrist made you feel something your eight year old heart hadn’t been able to compute. “You still have it.”

“I’ve always had it. I only take it off to shower.” He speaks so softly you barely hear him, the hand on your cheek bringing your attention away from the bracelet and to him as he squats in front of you. “And I know I’m a piece of shit, Rin made sure to tell me at our family dinner a couple nights ago, but I guess I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you and I’ve had you with me like you kept me with you all this time.”

“Why didn’t you ever just say that?” Your question has him sighing, and you look at him expectantly as he averts his gaze to look at the box instead. “If you’ve known all this time that I wanted you and you kept this - why not just say something?”

“I guess I just have to complicate everything.” You know that’s a joke - it has to be an attempt at one - and you can’t help but shake your head before you also look to where the box sits on the table waiting for you to open it. “I got this for you, putting it in the mail felt too impersonal.”

You don’t comment on how impersonal usually suited him just fine, not wanting to kill whatever moment you were having as your hands leave him to carefully open the box. You’re not sure what you’re expecting, but to hear an old pop song you’d enjoyed while he was spending time with you while Rin was at Blue Lock wasn’t it, and the tears well up in your eyes as it’s fully opened and you see a very old picture of you with Sae at one of your birthday parties pressed into the lid. Cake frosting on your face as you’re laughing, Sae’s finger still covered in frosting in the frame as he looks so proud of himself for getting you like that. Printed onto glass, a memory that you’d never forget because that was when Sae was happy , and preserved somewhere other than your heart (and apparently with one of your parents).

Then he pushes a button on the side of the box, the soft base lifting slowly to reveal a bracelet that looks so much like the one you’d made for him all those years ago. Only where he had two beads, this one has a small metal plate with a date on one side and you turn it when you see kanji on the other. 

“‘Thank you for being my harbor’?” 

“You’ve always been a safe place for me to come home to. A harbor for me to dock in. Even when I suck.” The explanation makes you chuckle as you wipe some stray tears from your cheek, commenting about how he spent too much time looking at the ocean while you watch him turn the bracelet over in your hands. “This was our first day of kindergarten. The day you decided you were my best friend.”

At that moment you don’t care about his career or potential for injury when you launch yourself at him. Arms tight around his neck as he barely catches you in time to cushion your fall as he hits the carpet below you. 

“I didn’t think you had a heart,” you tease, earning a huff from the man below you but no other comment. “Thank you, Sae.”

“I’d try to stay for you.” His voice was almost so quiet you didn’t hear it, and you can’t stop yourself from kissing him in your excitement to hear him say that.

“You mean it?” You don’t get a verbal response, instead his lips reconnecting to yours in a kiss that was less exciting but not lacking in passion. A warmth that rarely emanated from Sae made you feel like you were on fire, but he always made you feel like that when he kissed you. “Sae-“

“Don’t think too hard about it,” he instructs, hand coming to rest on the back of your neck. “Do you want this?”

“What is this ?”

“Currently? I think sex,” he mumbles, kissing along your jaw where he could reach in this position “After that? I’m not sure.”

“Yeah, we’ll figure that part out later,” you murmur, tilting your head back to give him better access to your neck. “But now, sex is good.”

You hate how easily your shirt comes off, his task that was exploring your neck barely interrupted by pulling the fabric over your head with your bra following shortly after. You have to sit up to allow yourself the space to undo the buttons of his shirt, and he helps you by starting from the bottom to complete the task faster. The shirt and his undershirt are shed quickly after he sits up, his hands then occupying themselves with your breasts as your mouth meets his once more. Your hands undo his pants, fumbling in search of his length that you’d felt getting hard beneath you while you were kissing him. It’s easy for him to push you both up while he bridges his hi[s, supporting you with just one hand while his other helps you push his pants and briefs down so you’d have the access to him that you wanted. His length is hot in your hand, a soft groan escaping him as your hand blindly explores previously uncharted territory.

“Is someone sensitive?” you ask, smile on your face as he scoffs. Your own pants start to get wiggled down your hips, and you cooperate as he adjusts your body to ensure he could get your pants and panties off without needing to pull too far away from you. His ability to manhandle you shouldn’t be surprising, considering the intense strength training all professional athletes worked through, but for it to be Sae shuffling you around with little effort was something unexpected. Maybe it was because you consistently still pictured him as the same young teenager, the untainted version of Sae that loved you, but you can’t dwell on that when you feel a couple fingers slide through your slick folds. 

His fingers ease into your cunt, it seemed like he was trying to match the easy pace of your hand with his thumb rolling against your clit shortly after your thumb runs along his tip. Like in all things, Sae is meticulous and observant and he worked diligently to get you ready to take him. He felt big in your hand, but without having a proper look at his cock you’re not sure if he was over or under preparing you so you’re trusting him while his fingers work expertly inside you. It’d be weird to ask how many people he’d been with, considering he clearly didn’t care how many people you’d been with - did it actually matter if you were here now? Probably not, but you always worked overtime thinking about what Sae was possibly up to without you. 

“Ready?” He’s asking you as he pulls his hand back, but not looking at you as his attention is redirected to your neck and shoulder. “Don’t wanna cum in your hand, would rather do that inside you.”                                                                            

“Condom?” you ask, wincing at the way his teeth gripped the skin at your jawline, before he let out a hum that sounded like a no. 

“Not necessary.” The confirmation of his thought has you smiling, bumping your head against his as he looks up at you. 

“How do you know I don’t want to trap you into giving me your money to raise a prodigy child?” you tease, earning yourself an exasperated sigh as he nips the shell of your ear. 

“You’ve had access to Rin’s money for years and all you ask for are jerseys and tickets.” You’re mad that he knows that, but you’re sure that Rin has probably thrown it in his face once or twice that you don’t ask for much at all outside of basic human decency and how Sae couldn’t give you that. “He’d give you anything you asked for, maybe not a kid though.”

“He can’t give me you.”

“He’d kill himself before agreeing to that,” he murmurs, peppering kisses around your cheek as he eases you onto his length. “Gonna take all of me? I know you can.”

You could, but not without effort. Sae wasn’t excessively girthy, but he was longer than others you’d taken. You liked that you were on top, having more control over this despite his hands on your hips guiding you down as he whispers in your ear how well you were taking him. You don’t take his entire length on the first pass, but he’s still enamored as he leans back against the bed to properly take you in. 

“You’re really pretty when I’m stretching you out like this.”

“Only when you’re fucking me?”

“All the time, you’ve always been pretty,” he responds, hand around your neck to keep your gaze locked on his. “But this is something special. Not just anyone gets to see you like this.”

That much was true, you were selective about who had access to you despite working overtime in college to do whatever you could to forget about Sae. You think mostly it was to keep your image clean for Rin, despite him never asking for the intimate details of your life that could tarnish your image in his eyes. 

“Thinking too much,” he scolds, gently tapping your cheek to refocus your attention on him and only him . “You wanted my attention so bad, be good for me then.”

“You chased me this time,” you counter, rolling your hips against his and pulling a hiss from between his teeth. “So shut the fuck up.”

“Bossy,” he murmurs before pulling you in for another kiss. It’s more calculated than you’d expect for having his cock buried in your cunt as his hands help you ride him. There was a universe where you and Sae were like this all the time, you’re sure of it. One where you’re happy and in love with each other to the point where you can’t keep your hands off one another. A universe where it didn’t take eight years for him to say that you meant something to him - where he didn’t run from experiencing a human emotion to maintain a cool composure on the field. It was probably a world where he didn’t play soccer, and would probably never be the universe you lived in currently. 

“Why are you crying?” he whispers, the hand that wasn’t holding your neck carefully rubbing your side in an effort to calm you down. You have even realized that you were crying, how embarrassing. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s okay,” you murmur, trying to reassure him as you continue fucking him, but you know you don’t believe it. “Thinking too much, like you said. Missed you a lot, y’know. This is nice.”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t think so much,” he comments with a sigh, brushing his nose against yours as you shrug. 

“Do something about it, then.” 

He moves quickly at your challenge, your back hitting the plush carpet with a soft thud as he changes the position so he was on top. Your hands settle on his chest as he kisses you, the coil in your stomach tightening with every deep thrust into your pussy. His kiss is sloppy, needy and so uncharacteristic of the usually very meticulous man you’d come to know and love but hate most of the time. 

“Sae, please,” you whine as he pulls away, cheek pressed to his as he presses his face into your neck. 

“Keep saying it,” he requests, nipping and sucking at the skin he can get to as he pounds into you, one hand gripping your leg to bring it up to his hip for the deeper angle that has you seeing stars. “Let the whole hotel know who’s got you.”

“S-Sae,” you moan, his hand finding your clit bringing a choked gasp out of your lips that has him grinning into your skin. 

“So good for me, you like the way I fuck you?”

“God, fuck yes!” You’re thankful his suite is so large, preventing many, if any, people from hearing how desperately you were missing for him. “S’good Sae.”

“I know,” he grunts, the sound coming from deep in his throat and sending a shiver down your spine.  “Fuck, you feel great. So good for me.” 

Your core continues to tighten with every thrust, signaling the beginning of the end for you, and you hope he’s also close because you’re not sure you could handle any more. You didn’t have the soccer stamina like he did. 

“Sae, I’m gonna cum.” That gets his attention, leaving your neck with an open mouthed kiss before he’s looking down at you again. He’s smiling as his hand pushes your hair from your face, kissing your forehead as he feels your walls begin to constrict around him. 

“Come on, baby, you can cum for me,” he murmurs, hands cupping your cheeks as he forehead rests against yours. “C’mon, beg a little bit for me as you do, yeah?”

“Sae, please,” you whimper, gripping his forearms as he grinds his hips into yours. His pelvis rubs against your clit with every stroke of his hips, his own normally controlled gaze unfocused as he feels his own end approaching. “Sae- yes, fuck - SaeSaeSae please. I’m gonna-!”

His moans are less intelligible as he tries to hold out through your orgasm, you barely make out your name among a string of curses until he finally stills as warmth floods your core. One small thrust followed by a second push his seed deeper into you, the press of his lips kissing away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks.  

“The floor is not where I’d wanted to do this,” he murmurs but you only try to shake your head because you truly did not care. “You okay?”

“You’re going to have to check for a rug burn, but I’m good. More than that.” Your assurance comes as he pulls out, helping you to sit up before pulling you to your feet with him so he can help you to the bed on wobbly legs. He tells you to stay put for a moment after laying you down, and you watch from the bed as he leaves for the bathroom. 

When he returns, he turns you on your back so he can check your skin for rug burns as requested while his other hand brings a washcloth between your legs to clean up the mess he’d left. Always striving for efficiency was Sae, and you appreciate the care he puts into getting you ready for bed. You honestly wouldn’t have expected that of him but, then again, this entire night was something you wouldn’t have expected from him. 

“You look fine.” Is all he says before placing the softest of kisses between your shoulder blades, bringing a smile to your face before he goes to put the washcloth back into the bathroom. This time when he comes back he pulls you into his side, letting you rest your head on his shoulder while you continue to bask in the afterglow of having sex with Sae. 

“Are you okay?” you ask, uncomfortable with the sudden silence despite the way he was relaxed beneath you. It wasn’t odd for him to get quiet, but after sex it felt odd. Was he regretting it, or trying to figure out how to ask you to go back home? What if this was all for him to get some closure he was looking for?  

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just thinking.”

“Want to share with the class?”

“You asked what happened in Spain, and I never told you,” he murmurs, hand rubbing your back as you look up at him. “Never told anyone, really.”

You hum, gently tracing patterns on his chest with your fingertips as he sits in the silence. You weren’t going to say anything that could break his train of thought, not wanting to destroy whatever vulnerability he was going to extend to you. 

“It’s different when you leave Japan. I know Rin has probably told you about some of it, but him exploring at seventeen or eighteen was vastly different than being thirteen.”

“I’m sure. You had to learn Spanish too, right?”

“I did, which is fucking hard when your English also isn’t great.” So at least you were right about that much, the stress he was likely under was unimaginable. “My translator worked overtime.”

“I’m sure.”

“But I think the worst of it was just how alone I was. A child, so hyped up and for what? The rug was pulled from under me very fast; not speaking the language created a lot of barriers for me, along with my age and obvious inexperience with how the real world works. Thought I knew everything, but I didn’t know shit.”

“I mean, you were just a kid still, did they not-“

“They didn’t care. I could’ve been a toddler and they wouldn’t have given a shit. And they taught me quickly that everything you have can be taken away from you. I guess initially I didn’t want them to try and take you, too. Then it was just, everything changed. I had to change my entire mentality about soccer to succeed there and it took over. And I can’t break it, or else I break my soccer.”

“You realize that’s not a good excuse to have acted like a complete dick for the last ten years, right?” You ask, propping yourself up to look directly at him. “Like all you had to say was ‘Spain sucks, I’m miserable, and I don’t want to push you away but I know I suck’ and I would’ve tried to understand more. But then you did the rest of it, and did irreparable damage to Rin and I.”

“I know,” he sighs, his eyes closing as you roll yours. “I know, and nothing I can do will fix that. You just wanted to know, and I owed you that.”

“You’re pretty hot when you’re vulnerable.” Your attempt to lighten the mood lands, earning a snort from the usually collected Sae before he opens his eyes to look at you again. “I’m serious!”

“I’m sure,” he mumbles, settling more into the bed while trying to pull you back down into him. You don’t let him get you easily, pulling back against him so you could continue that eye contact with him. 

“Are you sticking around this time?” The question has him sighing, and you feel bad for ruining the moment but you know you need to talk this out. “I meant it when I said I can’t keep doing this. If you’re not sticking around, or if you’re going to leave without saying anything and cut me off again, then we’re done on all fronts. I can’t keep waiting for you to choose me.”

You think you know the answer when he sighs, but you let him pull you down into his chest this time. You’d enjoy it while it lasted, you supposed, the consequences would be felt in the morning. Sae was finally yours , even if it was only for a night. 

You wake up alone in the hotel suite, still naked but neatly tucked in by who you could only assume was Sae. The woven bracelet is tied around your wrist, which gives you hope, but looking around the room tells you that he’d left entirely. No suitcases, no remnants of the clothes you’d shed on the way to the bedroom, your own clothes neatly folded at the end of the bed. He did exactly what he told you he wouldn’t do, which has your stomach dropping as the tears well up. 

Deep down, you knew he wouldn’t keep his word. He would never choose you over soccer, after all. 

You feel ashamed as you leave the hotel, the snow still falling and you’re tempted to walk all the way back home to just marinate in the emotions you were feeling. But you don’t, instead calling for a taxi where the driver listens to you sniffle in your own misery with a sympathetic look on his face. You hate being so vulnerable, exposed in public for having your heart broken and the pieces stomped on by someone who grew up with you, but it’s another thing you can hate Sae for. 

Coming home to Rin sitting on your couch was not what you wanted exactly, but pulling off your layers and then flopping on the couch beside him was what you needed. He’d be disappointed that you’d bought into Sae’s lies once more, but he’d be relieved to hear that you were completely done now. You’d learned your lesson one too many times, and now you could both move on from this constant cycle of heartache. 

“What happened?”

“Details you don’t need, for starters,” you sigh, earning a gagging sound from Rin that makes you roll your eyes. “But I told him if he left like he did the last two times, not saying anything and just going ghost that I wanted him to never talk to me again. And when I woke up he was gone. Like he was never there.”

“Bastard.” Is the only thing to leave Rin as he pulls you into his side. “But I suppose he finally made his choice.”

“He’d always made his choice, I’m just an idiot.” He doesn’t have anything to say to that, and you just lean into his shoulder while you try to fight back the next round of tears. You appreciate that he doesn’t want to make you feel worse by telling you what he thought, but the silence was horrifyingly loud. “I should shower.”

“I’ll make some breakfast for you.”

After you were clean and had eaten, Rin left for his own training regimen and you sat on your couch while staring at your phone as it vibrated on the coffee table. Sae had already called twice, this would be the third time he’d called. You don’t want to answer, but you know you have to or else he wouldn’t stop calling. But maybe he’d come back if he thought you hadn’t made it home? Could you manipulate him into your apartment so you could yell at him in person? 

No, that wouldn’t really fix anything. He’d probably just try to fuck you into being docile again, and you didn’t want or need that. 

“You selfish piece of shit.” Is how you start when you answer, standing up from your seat. “I can’t believe that I believed all that shit you said! But classic Sae, right? Tell me what I want to hear and then fucking leave without a word!”

“I’m sorry-”

“You’d fucking want to be! I’m so tired of you jerking me around like this, and then Rin feels obligated to pick up the pieces of the heart you shatter time and time again! He deserves better than to clean up your mess both with me and with your family.”

“I had a flight to catch.”

“Then you say that, dick! Don’t give me some expensive gift, fuck me, then leave!” 

“When was I supposed to tell you?”

“I dunno, maybe when we were staring at each other in those chairs? Or when you were taking off my clothes? Or, and here’s a crazy thought, when we were laying in bed and I told you flat out that if you left like that again you could consider me gone for real!” You don’t know when you’d made it to your bedroom, but you’re sure you owe your neighbors an apology for how loud you were yelling into your phone. “Like always, you know just what to say to get me close to you and then you fuck it up because you’re selfish, arrogant, and think that just because you can kick a ball really well that you can just treat me how you want?”

“It shouldn’t matter.” Is what you’re met with, and you have to stop yourself from screaming into the phone as your response for how upset you were. “You should know, especially after last night, that you do mean something to me.”

“Sure, but I just can’t do this shit with you, Sae. I can’t be with you when you’re here and then not exist when you’re gone!” You yell into the phone, knowing that as soon as he didn’t like where the conversation was headed he’d hang up. You’d at least gotten to say your piece, make sure he knew just how upset you were and how deeply he’d fucked up. Saying that you should know when he never made you feel anything like that until last night? Absurd and you hoped he’d learn after this that you have to communicate. “I told you that if you left the same way again that I wouldn’t be waiting for you when you came back. I’m done waiting for you, Sae. I can’t keep hoping that one day you’ll choose me because you want to instead of it being because I’m convenient for you.” 

“You think it’s out of convenience?”

“When have you ever given me a reason to think otherwise?”

There’s only silence on the other line, so you hang up after a couple moments of giving him an opportunity to respond before flopping back onto your bed and riding the way it bounced until you eventually settled. There wasn’t anything to look forward to, he’d never choose you and you couldn’t put your life on hold in the off chance that hell froze over and he did choose you over soccer. 

But you had a graduation coming up that you needed to prepare for, Sae was not ruining that for you. 

After you graduate, however, things get a bit boring. Work and more work, an endless repetition that exhausts you. If Rin would be a good younger brother and put in a good word for you with one of his teammates, you’d volunteer to be a trophy soccer wife and just travel. Would it be a waste of your degree? Absolutely, but there had to be more to life than whatever this was. Even if you had to act like you at least enjoyed soccer, it has to be more interesting than the life you had currently. People think it’s cool that you’ve got pictures with Itoshi Rin on your desk and are able to get them passes to matches you simply don’t want to be at, it gives them something to talk to you about and see you smile for once instead of having your head down in your work. 

But you know part of the misery is tied into the fact that you can’t stop thinking about Sae. Yes, you’d cut him off after he’d left you, but there was so much history that you were severing that it hurt to do and think about. If Rin asked, you were doing just fine, even if he knew you better than to believe that. 

Your prayers always seem to be answered in the form of Itoshi Rin. You hadn't exactly told him how miserable you were, trying to put on a good show for him whenever you had the chance to talk. You even left to get drinks with coworkers a couple times and let someone take you out on a date. You were trying to be social, because you knew it would help him worry less about you.

But the next time Rin is in the country, he shows up on a Saturday evening and tells you to get dressed as you’re in the middle of preparing vegetables to cook for dinner. He never showed up without calling, so this had to have been an impromptu decision for him to show up in relatively nice clothes instead of his usual gym or travel wear. 

“You could call , asshole. I wouldn’t have started cooking.”

“It’s just vegetables, they’ll keep for another day. Now go get dressed, casual but nice.”

You comply, but not because Rin told you to. The notion of going out with someone you didn’t see every day at work was enough to make you cooperative, is at least what you would try to say if he asked why you tagged along if you managed to get a complaint out. 

“Where are we even going ?”

“Dinner with some of my teammates. Apparently they miss you despite passing my phone around in the locker room to talk to you before every match.”

“Do they know I’m single?”

“I think it’s painfully obvious on your instagram.” That has you poking your head out of the bathroom to look at him as he goes through your closet while you try to make your hair more presentable for dinner with sports celebrities. “I’m surprised I haven’t seen four cats running around here at this point.”

“Go fuck yourself,” you retort, flipping him off before going back to your task that was taming your hair. “Pick out something cute!”

“You’re so annoying,” he calls, earning himself another middle finger extended out of the doorway of your bathroom. “You’d better be dressed in ten minutes.”

You’re finished getting ready in nine, probably a personal best but only made possible because Rin picked clothes out for you - saving you both the agony that came with you rifling through your closet for the right outfit. Choosing and then doubting yourself to choose again only to end up going back to your original selection. He hated that, so it made his life much easier to pick the clothes and get you into the car. 

“Where exactly are we going?” It’s the third time you’ve asked, you see Rin’s eye twitch in annoyance at the question since he’d told you that you were going with him to dinner with some of his teammates. He didn’t tell you where, or who all would be there, but you did enjoy everyone he played with so you couldn’t be fully upset at not having details. “Who all is going to be there?”

“We’re going to that one sushi place we went to on your birthday last year. Not sure exactly who all from the team will be there, but Aiku will definitely be there since he has been asking about you nonstop. Missed seeing you at matches when we’re playing here. Are you satisfied?”

“You should tell him I hate soccer and only went for you in the first place.”

“You don’t hate soccer, you hate what it did to you.”

“Same difference.”

“Behave in there,” Rin warns once the car is parked, and you look over at him with an unimpressed stare as you unbuckle your seatbelt. “I told them ahead of time not to mention Sae.”

“So they know your brother fucked me then left me?”

“No. Just that you two were once close and now the ties are officially severed but you’re still grieving the loss of that friendship.” He was so good at covering for you, but you also know that he was happy that you’d finally chosen yourself over choosing to chase Sae that he’d do anything to make that choice easier for you to heal from. “You’re going to have a good time. If not, I’ll kill them.”

And you did have a good time, sitting between Rin and Oliver proved to be very entertaining while you were paid close attention to by both men. Rin per usual was a bit distant from his teammates, but would lean in to speak to you and make sure you were doing okay. On your left, Oliver was switching between speaking to you and chattering to his teammates. He asked questions about how you’ve been doing, interested in your studies and excited that you’d graduated. He knew how hard you worked from past conversations and hearing Rin try to figure out how to send care packages from different countries to get you through exams, and he told you that he was proud of you for such a big accomplishment. 

“Let me take you out to celebrate. Just the two of us,” Oliver requests, his smile nothing short of charming despite Rin’s scoff behind you. He never let Rin’s attitude deter him from what he wanted, and you did like that about Oliver. The fact that he was handsome just happened to be a plus. 

You want to say no, you really do. The thought of spending time with people outside of your apartment, without Rin to act as a buffer and remove you from the situation when you started to get emotional was terrifying. But the nudge from Rin happens, and you know that it’d be for the best that you develop habits that don’t include crying over Itoshi Sae and and you need to make more friends that weren’t at your job. So you nod, smile on your face as you tell Oliver that you’d really like for him to take you out. 

A couple years pass by, and you end up in a serious relationship with Oliver Aiku. It’s a very public affair, him flying you out for matches and always kissing you very passionately after victories - one time practically jumping into the stands to get to you. He loved you loudly, proudly, and would show you off at every opportunity to the point where you spent more time working remotely from whatever country he wanted you in than being in your office. 

His pride in being with you is what brought you to an annual gala, complete with the nice expensive dress that coordinated beautifully with his suit. The pocket square even sparkled in the light like your dress did, a very important detail to him as he was dress shopping with you. 

And he liked to be by your side, hand held in his or his arm around your waist as you chatted with his teammates or other players that you knew through him and Rin, but he also gave you space. If you excused yourself, he’d check in only briefly to make sure you were okay before letting you know to let him know if you needed him. And when you excused yourself at this gala, telling him you were going to use the restroom before getting more champagne for the both of you, he let you go with a kiss on your cheek and a gentle but discrete pat to your ass with a grin that you couldn’t help but adore. 

You know that you love Oliver; you love the way he treats you and the way that he loves you - with no question or hesitation to tell and show you how much he cared. Rin didn’t hate the relationship, he just wished Oliver was more mindful of the environment before making a scene after matches, but most of all Rin was happy that you were happy. His brother wasn’t a constant source of emotional pain for you anymore, Oliver made sure of that, and that’s all Rin truly wanted for you: happiness and to feel like you were chosen for once. You knew you’d never force the ultimatum that was you or a soccer career, but knowing that Oliver would drop anything except for a match to get to you if you needed him meant so much more than you think he’d understand after your history of dealing with Sae. A history that he has gotten bits and pieces of, but not quite the full story. Rin would never dig up that history without your permission, but you share bits and pieces when he asks well timed questions. 

You love Oliver, but running into Sae as you leave the restroom has you stopped in your tracks and you can tell he’s also put off by the sudden rendezvous. While you were always at these events at Oliver’s side, you’d managed to avoid crossing paths with Sae since he very rarely showed up to them. You hadn’t seen him since that night, and were hoping that you’d never have to see him again after you’d officially severed the ties that bound you to him. But here he was, and you stand in silence for a moment before he realizes that you’re not going to say anything to him. 

“You look well,” is all he says, and you nod with as straight a face as you can muster. You couldn’t make a scene here, fighting Itoshi Sae at a JFU event would get you blacklisted and possibly Oliver too. “Thank you, you also look well.”

“Aiku, huh?”

“He never thought I was holding him back. He’s stayed with no hesitation about his career,” you comment, leaning against the wall of the hallway as Sae nods his understanding. “Why’d you leave that night? Don’t bullshit me, either, we’re too old for that.” 

“Truthfully, I was scared. You deserved better than what I was prepared to provide, so I left for your sake.” You’re not buying it, but you would let him live in the delusion that he was doing what was best for you rather than what was best for him . Whatever he needed to sleep at night. “He makes you happy?”

“Yeah,” you murmur, the thought that he also had made you happy when you were spending time with him dying on your tongue when you swallow. That wouldn’t fix anything for him or for you. “I love him, and he loves me.”

“The way he makes out with you after matches says enough.”

“And you have no place to comment. You had multiple chances, and you chose to push me away every time and go silent so we couldn’t even talk about it. You ran , Itoshi. Oliver doesn’t run.” He sighs, and you roll your eyes at the fact that he wasn’t leaving and was also blocking the hallway so you couldn’t leave easily either. “Would there ever have been a time where you chose me? Or tried to be with me when you weren’t on a break from playing?”

“Why are you so obsessed with causing yourself pain?,” Sae asks, and you shrug while doing your best to keep the emotions at bay. “You still want to cry when you’re angry, but you’re better at stopping yourself now.”

“Maybe I’m just so used to you hurting me, I don’t know what to do when you’re not.” You know that cuts deep, he visibly flinches at that which you wouldn’t expect to see him do in public. “I need to get back before he comes looking and then tries to deck you.” 

That has Sae turning to move past you and into the men’s bathroom, leaving you to take a couple deep breaths before leaving the small hallway and making your way through the various players, executives, and their guests to get back to Oliver. On occasion someone would greet you and you’d stop to chat for a moment to avoid being rude, which results in Oliver making his way to you since you’d been gone for so long. 

You’re conflicted as you dance with Oliver, your head resting on his shoulder as he sways with you in time with the song playing. Sae had been your ultimate wish, and it would’ve been a dream come true to have him choose you at least once. But to know that it wouldn’t have ever happened, not because of Oliver but because of soccer ? A re-entry of the knife that had been thrust into your heart all those years ago. 

“Everything okay?”

“Why do you ask?” You look up from his shoulder, smiling when he leans in to kiss the tip of your nose. 

“You were gone a while, and you didn’t come back with the drinks, and you looked a bit upset which is why I went and scooped you up.” He paid such close attention to you, and he kissed your nose again with a soft smile that made you melt all over again. “I’m assuming you ran into him.”

“Yeah, but it’s fine. He’s stupid, and I have you and you make me the happiest lady in the world.”

“He fumbled the most beautiful girl in the world, like the idiot he is.”

And you hate soccer, you truly do, but you hate more that you had to dig that grave up again every time you saw Sae - even if it was just in passing. Sae’s impact on your feelings is something you’re not sure you’ll ever have control over, and it’s not fair to Oliver that you’re so easily impacted by another. Oliver was warm , with a smile that could melt glaciers and held you like he would be your defender set to protect you from any harm. You deserved to bask in the sun after spending so long chasing after Sae in the cold darkness that came with his uncertainty. 

“Do you wanna go fuck in the bathroom? Might make you feel better.”

“Tempting offer but I kinda enjoy you being a starter on the team and also employed.”

“You just like a man in uniform.”

“Yeah.” Your agreement has him grinning, you weren’t at all shy about liking how he looked in his gear. “But you’re my favorite man in uniform, Captain.”

[dangermousie]

On rewatch this is even better. Mmmm, this is the sequence where he falls for her. (I love that it took a whole year for him to be able to get out of bed, yikes.)

But yeah, knowing what we know now, you can tell he just doesn't like being touched and yeah don't blame him between associating touch with pain and loathing the way he looks.

Woo, bath time! I want someone to make me a giant bath but not if I have to be in a torture dungeon first.

EEEEE but also yeah, once again, he doesn't really want to be touched at all.

Well I guess there are pluses in knowing exactly what you will be buying, heh.

But also I love this scene, because he's kinda standing still there all dead inside and she's undressing him and blah blah also jeez every time I see the scars they freak me the hell out no wonder he has body image issues.

And then it hits her she's undressing a man and heeeeee she totally gets all shy. Which makes sense, because when he was just in bed unconscious etc she only saw him as a patient but now he's well enough she can see him as a man and well, she IS a girl.

I actually really like how much this moment makes him fall for her because as he puts later he hated himself and the way he looked and what happened to him and she actually looked at that mangled body and got shy and viewed him as a man one can blush about and that really restored so much to him and like (I mean, it's bad enough for your average person to go from normal to mangled, but this man was supposed to be the pinnacle of physical perfection and also a deity and the novel makes it clear how close to impossible it is to leave lasting scars on a deity so he is an incredible freak in their world) - this IS a solid reason to go for someone who saved your life but now saved your sense of self too.

Semi side note, I love how consistent that is that she doesn't just like him or w/e, she genuinely desires him. His fiancee sees his torso and runs out in disgust and XY looks at him in full knowledge of what every inch of him looks like and wants, wants, wants - I mean, the scene where she wakes up after he leaves and there is a lock of his hair in her hand and she says something like "he left me a lock of his hair to drive me mad with want" and it's perfectly tailored to his issues. (And for her it's sort of like that but in reverse - plenty of men swoon for her when she's in her proper looks and place as the princess but he was in love when she had neither and looked like a scruffy dude village physician with no manners. In a way, he needs to have his body found attractive and she needs for someone to look beyond beauty of hers, and they both give each other what they need.)

I would normally crack up and go "Jing, don't you know gay men exist" but you know what - he's so very much a sheltered highborn lady, I don't think he does. Heh.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Jojolands 13: Ohana Means I'll Set Your Ass on Fire

Dragona dropping some great truth about the absurd in this bizarre adventure. We finally got a peak behind that mask. I love it and I hate it, if you've read the chapter already you know what I mean. We'll get to that, because this right here isn't spoilery and it was such a cool nugget.

I love the way Dragona talks about the "absurd." Chance moments that alter one's life for better or for worse. The things that just don't make sense. Especially paired with Dragona opining about nearly losing their heart in the same chapter that last part about hearts being destroyed hits hard. I'm definitely sure we're looking at a trans narrative here and one we'll see play out. The chapter does a good job of implying what we need to know. Nudges at an early theory you've been changing your body with Smooth Operator. We ready? What follows is no place for beginners or sensitive hearts:

Oh HELL yes! As if I needed a reason, these two were well on their way to top Jojo status and now the dynamic duo of the Joestar Siblings are definitely there. Mean girl sets her sights on a much more timid Dragona who we now know looked way more masculine at 14 than 18. Talking physical build and not just fashion. You know, I don't expect an 18yo to have all that figured out and with this I do think we'll see her keep coming into her own. But holy shit that was fucked up and I sincerely hope we can get through the rest of this with no more sexual assault on my Jojos blorbo.

If they do...Jodio will fuck you up. Set a whole damn bus on fire! And while I'm not looking forward to having to relive the impetus in the inevitable anime adaptation, since we've already had the cop I kinda like the perpetrator being a girl here. For one because it shows a side of this kind of bigotry that often goes underrepresented. You see a little more space made typically for trans men who had bad experiences with men prior to coming out, largely because it tends to overlap with those who found a comfortable half-step in something like a radical feminist group. But this sets up Dragona pretty well for a realistic other side of the coin to that. Your experiences with bullying might make you a little skittish of girls your age, you keep a foot in this criminal world even if we keep showing you (not unlike Okiku) as someone who doesn't fit super well, all this would certainly explain why you'd gravitate towards a figure like Meryl Mei. Why there's great potential for drama if she shows a nastier side. It's all great for a trans story that justifies still figuring yourself out through it...but sticks to a fairly realistic path for a lot of young women who find themselves running with gangs.

All that said, Jodio you absolute freak. Burning the whole bus is metal, it's scruffy, he's protecting family. Doooooope. These two are fantastic and I can't wait to explore their story, their dynamic more. Jodio & Dragona's sibling bond is the beating heart of this part. As much as I love Kiku/Izo & Killua/Alluka yeah this is gonna be a banger. Speaking of, this chapter was also the second time we nudged at Jodio getting shit for looking fey too. These two are ride or die for each other and their awesome mom Barbara Ann. How this all ties into their family falling apart and their desire to become filthy rich? No need to ask...

In lighter news. They. When Meryl learns of the other lava rock that got smashed. We're all clear on who's the brains and who's the firepower in the dynamic duo right? I trust Meryl as far as I can throw her and she's a big lady. But for now everything seems on the up-and-up. Charmingman seems to have passed the sniff test and yeah it looks like he's just going to hang around. I like this new setup. Scouting a shadowy company to see if we can get more lava rock.

All in all one of the best chapters of Jojolands so far. I'm loving it, this is the exact direction I hoped it'd go. The backstory made this pretty heavy and I hope we can have more fun with this gang on the new excursion.

[korkietism]

Did I mention Tokoyami has a biological sibling which he meets in highschool? Yeah. Toxic positivity with a helping of neglect brother vs cynical abandonment brother. Nobu is the adhd creature. He has a shadow harpy quirk. He’s a scruffy little thing with untameable cowlicks but his parents had an easy time raising him due to the lack of murderous shadow power.

Tokoyami hates Nobu at first like genuinely hates his ass but they learn to exist in the same world. They’re not close or anything but still. He’s invited to Tokoyami’s wedding but like.. he’s like.. an estranged cousin or something. They’re never super close. That’s partially because Nobu insists that their parents have changed and kind of blames Tokoyami because honestly he doesn’t know much about anything. He’s a good kid but he’s pretty clueless.

The Kuramori’s may be good (kinda) to Nobu but how they hurt Tokoyami will never go away and he’ll never forgive them. Fuck Rin and Haruto me and my homies we despise Rin and Haruto.

Meiyami too. They’re good to each other. Mei thinks Nobu is nice and she talks to him whenever he’s around much more than Tokoyami does.

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

i kinda love how your benrey has gotten progressively more soft and chubby over the years, idk if you intended it but it gives the impression that they’ve been getting the love/care in the real world that they didn’t get in black mesa and it’s really cute idk where i was going with this other than fuck yea fat scruffy benrey

god you understand me thank you so much for this ask now i have an excuse to ramble about this AUGH 😭 because yes!!! that’s exactly it. looks like it's time for another "trash rambles so long she has to put a 'read more' cut again"

it’s cuz my first renditions of benrey were on the skinnier side, which i grew to dislike (for my design personally—this doesn’t apply to other people's benny body types!). and at first i’d hate on my earlier benry renditions to myself, but then i realized, “hey, that’s kind of being mean to myself and i’m trying not to do that as much, so maybe i can find a way to incorporate this into what my benny is now without insulting/bashing myself?” so i made it a headcanon that at first, during hlvrai, benrey is thin and paler because he hasn’t really eaten or been out of black mesa much at all (being stuck in a game/time loop sucks like that). they technically don’t need to eat so it’s not really something that’s on their mind. BUT once all the chaos is over and benry finds themself in a healthier environment with people that care about them, they start thinking about these things. it helps that post-hlvrai/hlvrai2, gordon gets into cooking lol. making food becomes part of his love language. also bubby is hella good at baking (gordon is not). also benrey gets to go out a lot to hang out with members of the science team. like walk sunkist in the park, or attend a backyard bbq at the coomer's, or go on a road trip, you get what i mean. :)

one issue i’ve run into with this tho is that i don’t really want to draw benny the way i headcanon him during hlvrai and hlvrai2 (which i made take place immediately after hlvrai), which bring inconsistencies when i do make anything in that time period. like these for example:

technically benry should be thinner/paler here since this is during hlvrai2 electric boogaloo, but i just can’t really draw them like that anymore. although i’ve tried doing some variations where benrey is in different stages of post hlvrai/hlvrai2 like here:

but i enjoy drawing softer rounder benrey more. so that’s part of why this headcanon isn’t really something i talk about because it’s kind of confusing. UNTIL NOW. so thank you again for your ask if you even read this far (completely understandable if you stopped lol). it's just nice to finally get it out there instead of keeping it all in my brain.

[hurrl]

GIRL I FORGOT A THEME. FUCK. THATS SO DIFFICULT

Kalani..... Elliot........... 😈 perhaps you want to write angst. Perhaps jealousy even. Do they make up? Does it go horribly wrong???? Oh you know.

WOOOOOO I GET TO WRITE ABOUT KALANI AND ELLIOT

Gonna tell you now, wrote a decent amount and did not proofread

Are they awful together? Yes. Do they make the brain worms dance? Also yes. I left it sweet ✊😔 they're so special in my mind.

Elliot hated her.

Kalani’s “friends” from her hometown were getting married and she had to drag him along. He didn’t want to go to a party with a bunch of people he didn’t know and people Kalani didn’t even like! It was stupid!  But she begged and pleaded- even brought up how the couple had gone to her wedding so it was only fair that she goes to theirs. 

That was awful, anytime she brought up her old marriage. What was the point? From what he’d heard, her dead husband sounded like a real piece of shit anyways. So who cared if the couple attended their wedding, the marriage sucked. But, bringing it up was enough to make him go, begrudgingly.

Now they were at the reception! The silver lining of the whole situation was that even if he hated being there, he was going to be with Kalani. He’d put on some stuffy tie and deal with all the fake-ass pleasantries because it was for her. They’d walk through the doors and anyone paying attention would see that she was with him. This guy who didn’t fit in- didn’t want to fit in- had pulled the best fucking woman in the world.

But, they walked through the doors and she immediately left him. Got caught up in whatever chit-chat rich people talked about. Whatever! It’s not like he did this for her or anything, not like he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend!

He sat at the bar, had a few drinks. He could have a good time all by himself, all he had to do was wait it out-

“Did you see Kalani’s back in town?” Two assholes started talking at the bar, since they were talking about Kalani, Elliot couldn’t help but listen in.

“Yeah! I know she’s a widow and I shouldn’t say it- like respect to Blake and all- but she looks really good tonight,” Asshole one said.

“No, no she’s not a widow anymore, she walked in with some guy,” Ashole two said.

“You’re joking? Shouldn’t she still be in mourning?”

“No I think this is like a rebound situation.I saw them together for a second, real short dude, blonde hair, blue eyes, kinda scruffy. He’s probably just an adventure to her, fun for the time being, but nothing serious,”

Nothing serious? Elliot scoffed. Everything about them was serious. It was intense and messy and he liked that about their relationship! Did these fuckers know that Kalani had kept him in a basement? Tortured him, made him bleed for her. That’s not casual, that’s fucking devotion. She did that all for him and he loved her for it. Every drop of blood spilled, every scar, every scratch, bite, bruise, burn- the evidence was all over him, what they had was something real. Something people could see-

Well not right now, not in the stupid fucking suit he was forced to wear.

“You think I could take her home tonight?” What the fuck?

“I just told you she came here with someone-” Yeah, Asshole Two, tell him!

“And you said you didn’t think they were serious. I mean look at her- look at what she’s wearing, she’s practically begging for attention! No, I know her type, she acts all innocent, but she knows what she’s doing. Get a few drinks in her and she’ll be down for anything,” They laughed, “Hey maybe I’ll even record-”

Elliot was tired of hearing that fucking asshole run their mouth, he punched the shit out of them. The best thing about fighting rich people? They don’t know how to fight back- privileged fucking assholes never had to fight for anything in their lives.

People gasped and turned to look at the scene unfolding, Elliot had gotten them on the ground and wouldn’t let up. It was hit after hit, the other person had their hands up, trying to block their now bloodied face- that didn’t stop him. This person was a figure of everything he hated-

“No, I’ve got him, I’ve got him,” Kalani attempted to stave off security, one hand extended out to them, the other holding her dress so she wouldn’t trip over it. Upon hearing her voice, he stopped.

Now she wanted to be by him.

“Elliot, come on let's go,” She placed a hand on his shoulder, which he instantly shrugged off. Security stepped forward, “I’ve got it!” Kalani snapped at the. Again, she placed a hand on his should and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I’m sure someone’s called the police by now, we have to go,”

With that, Elliot got up. Kalani kept her hand on his shoulder as they left the venue, apologizing to people along the way. She was embarrassed! Why wouldn’t she be? It was her boyfriend who caused this massive scene! But she was also worried, although venue security let her leave, it didn’t mean they were safe. People pressed charges over stuff like this…

***

They were silent on their drive back to the hotel, silent as Kalani walked Elliot through the lobby and silent as she ushered him into the bathroom of their hotel room. She took off his suit jacket, undid the top few buttons of his dress shirt so he could breathe, and rolled up his sleeves before turning on the sink. It was the sound of running water, the click-clack of Kalani’s heels against the tiles, and nothing more. With a hand towel she had run under the warm, she took Elliot’s hand in hers and began to wipe the blood away. 

She sighed heavily before she finally spoke, “I think I’m going to call Derek,”

He glared at her, “What do you need to call him for?”

“Well, with everything you did tonight-”

“Everything I did?”

“Yes, everything you did,” She plopped the hand towel into the sink, “Elliot, you could get arrested. The people around here, they’ll take you to court- what if they look into your past? Huh? What then? Thought it would be decent to give your literal partner in crime a warning,”

“Good to know he’s on your mind,” Elliot scoffed, pushing past her back into the main room, “I’m over here getting into fights because of you and all you can think about is Derek. I bet you can’t wait to tell him how I fucked up, that would make you real fucking happy!

“Elliot-” Kalani shook her head, following him into the room.

“I could get arrested because assholes were talking shit, I was defending you-”

“You weren’t defending me-!”

“You weren’t there, the way they were talking-”

“You got into a fight because you didn’t want to be there,” The two were in each other's faces, “You didn’t want to go to this wedding, good for you, you found your way out. I asked you to do this one thing- one thing for me and you let me down,”

“You left me-”

“I was coming back, I got pulled into a conversation! I thought you’d be able to handle yourself!” She yelled

“I handled myself just fine! Ha,” He took a step back, “Not a scratch on me,”

“You embarrassed me and you embarrassed yourself,” She was quiet again. That look in her eyes, that disappointment-

“I embarrass you?” He laughed, “Fuck you,”

His words hung in the air as the two fell back into silence.

Kalani sighed and sat on the bed and started to undo the straps of her heels. Her hair hid her face from view, but Elliot could hear her sniffling. 

“Are you gonna cry now? Jesus, Kalani,” He did feel bad, maybe a fuck you was too far, but she was asking for it! You can’t say shit like ‘you embarrass me’ and expect a person to do nothing. He sat down beside her, “I didn’t mean what I said,” He meant it when he said it, but he didn’t like seeing her cry, “I was just… I was… I was heated, you know, wasn’t thinking. Adrenaline or whatever carried over, I was mad, but not at you. Come on,” with a gentle hand, he cupped her cheek so she would face him, lightly brushing away a tear with his thumb.

“I love you,” She sniffed, placing her hand on top of his, “... I don’t want anything to happen to you,”

He smiled, “Nothing’s gonna happen to me. If it does, I’ll find a way out, give me more credit here,” He laughed and nudged her with a shoulder, which made her smile, “There it is,” He pulled her into an embrace, resting his chin on top of her head, “Pretty girls like you shouldn’t cry. I’m the asshole for making you cry,”

“You’re not an asshole,” She tilted her head up and planted a kiss on the side of his jaw, “I don’t want to fight with you; I love you,”

“I love you, too,”

[fraudulent-cheese]

g-gweathney pls.... :</nf

-scruffy (yes from the intern server)

Hi Scruffy! Nice to see u in my inbox :D

Ok so i feel like poly ships in this fandom that involve three people are kinda cursed for me to have at least one romantic relationship im not personally into??? Unless there's a specific way it's framed or handled. For Gweathney, it's the Heathney part of the equation.

I really like gwourtney and gweather's great, but i think i never got heathney. I just don't see a situation or context where they'd have positive interactions unless they both got large amounts of therapy or something. I know im saying this on the "enemies to lovers" website, but they spend the vast majority of their time on screen just flat out hating eachother, with the single exception i can think of being Heather comforting Courtney in one scene after Duncan cheats on her. Not even in a fun way i can see progressing into something else like Gweather. Like they just dislike eachother, without a different kind of tension underneath. Outside of their touchyness during world tour i don't get there being a canon source here.

With that said i like Gweathney! They just look good together in fanart, like their designs mesh well to me. All three of these girlies have been mistreated by the show in general so for them to find happiness in eachother's just nice. It also has a ton of potential for conflict too; all three of them have been in conflict directly on the show before, and their clashing personalities and backgrounds are great generators of conflict itself.

Not exactly sure how they would get together?probably needs some major canon divergence for it to work and i sincerely doubt they would get into a throuple without one couple having been established earlier (which, im nominating for it to be gwourtney) but honestly? I like weirder and more out-there ships so it really doesn't matter at the end of the day. Total Drama is Total Drama, you can just make shit up and have fun with it. Lord knows that's basically what i do with almost all my td content-

Also im assuming this involves getting Heather therapy for this to actually work so that's an automatic plus for me

[waterhorseyblues-ao3]

WHB’s Ever-Growing List of Comic Recommendations

I am SICK and TIRED of people saying they’re not into comics!!! You could be!!! You just read a Captain America comic one time and realised it kinda sucked!!!! It probably did!!!!!! There’s other comics!!!!!!!!!

In fact I am intentionally NOT going to include DC or Marvel in this list because there’s so fuckin many of them dude. That’s gonna be a different list entirely.

Anyway I’m gonna break this up into segments as best I can and hope I remember all the amazing works I’ve read over the years. This is also only a light sprinkling of things I’ve read that I think are good starting points. If you ejoyed something and want more like it, or are more interested in one type of comic than another, I’ll happily give you more options.

If you’d like any info about how/where to read these comics just DM me and I’ll happily answer any questions.

Western Industry-Published Comics:

Tank Girl - I fucking love Tank Girl. I have a HUGE collection of Tank Girl comics. 1, 2 and 3 have NOT aged well, but Tank Girl was very much a symbol of counter-culture and was used as an icon for protests against Section 28 and the Thatcher regime. Crass, violent, scruffy and extremely punk. The upside is, you can pick just ONE TG title and read only that. She’s been passed around a few different publication companies and been handled by a variety of writers, so the themes and values of the comics are quite broad. My personal favourite is Visions of Booga.

The Ballad of Halo Jones (cancelled) - oh my GODD this COMIC. A 2000 AD genstone. The tragedy of Halo Jones is that the comics got cancelled due to a dispute with her creators and the company. Alan Moore at his absolute finest, creating the most elaborate sci-fi world with really great characters. Every day I morn that only 3 of 9 volumes were ever made.

Saga (ongoing) - o, um, you’re NOT reading Saga? cringe... Jokes aside, Saga published by Image Comics is fantastic. This immense space fantasy follows an inter-species family escaping the war that separates their people. The art is great, the characters are wonderful, the world building is fantastic, it’s so, so immersive. Sex, drugs, and violence abound. An epic space-opera for adult readers. Dude, c’mon, just read it smh

The Pride - This started small and indie but was picked up by Dark Horse. Joe Glass’ response to the lack of representation in Marvel and DC comics. A superhero series where all the characters are out-and-proud queer and fight against queerphobia and oppression, with very blunt explorations of hate crime, AIDS, and inter-community issues. Loveable characters and great art.

Scott Pilgrim VS The World - YEAH I’LL DO IT, I’LL REC SCOTT PILGRIM. I genuinely loved these comics as a teenager, they felt so cool and funny and fresh and dynamic. They were everything I wanted my life to be. Ultimate geeky dorky comic.

Jem and the Holograms - you remember that cartoon? well the comics go hard. VERY cool rock sci-fi, great new takes on the characters, queer as hell, very fun. definitely aimed at bringing more Jem content to fans who have grown up and want something a little more intense.

Persepolis - I’ve only just started reading this. It’s a memoir of the cultural shift in Iran and it’s very real and down-to-earth. Incidentally this is a Banned Book, so obviously that is why I recommend you read it. Incidentally quite a few comics about politics and identity have been banned around the world, so I suggest finding a list of them and reading through all of them as soon as you can.

World of Warcraft: Deathknight - not gonna dress this one up. it’s the manga about Koltira and Thassarian. I legit think the WoW lore comics and books are good. I want these two to kiss.

.

Japanese Manga:

Death Note - oh my god. dude. just read it. or watch it. i don’t care. this is a cultural ICON. this blew my MIND. the character tensions and dynamics, the long-term planning and payoff, the plot twists, the characters, it’s amazing.

Full Metal Alchemist - this should go without saying. i don’t think either anime really successfully adapted the manga. a very in-depth war-time fantasy with brilliant characters, so many plotlines and complex socio-political issues, a huge cast of different types of characters. It has the RANGE.

Uzumaki - I generally recommend Junji Itou’s work anyway, and tend to prefer his shorter stuff, but this particular horror series is so iconic and has some incredible artwork and imagery that just stays with you forever. Personally not a huge fan of the ending but it is very his style.

Shaman King - this aged both very badly and very well, somehow. the mix of traditional shaman practices from around the world, as well as the use of mythology and folk tales to pad out this urban fantasy, is very engaging and interesting. The characters are all from very different walks of life and it’s so easy to get attached to them. the anime adaptions didn’t quite capture the sheer intensity of this story and while it very much is a shonen, it has so much else going for it that really makes it such a unique gem of a series.

Black Butler (ongoing) - oh my god PLEASE read Black Butler. don’t bother with the anime. ignore that. you THINK this is gonna be a fanservicey series about fancy boys and demons but it’s NOT. it’s about TRAUMA and CORRUPTION and SECRET SOCETIES and PLOTS and it is getting better and better and better with each chapter. the artwork is gorgeous and the characters went from archetypes to really complex and fleshed out with individual backstories and I love them all dearly. this series has made me cry.

Saint Young Men (ongoing) - Jesus and Buddha are roommates in modern-day Japan. It’s a very fun and easy slice-of-life that takes a teasing but respectful angle on the two faiths and is just so wholesome. Was a big meme a few years ago.

The Way of the House Husband (ongoing) - you’ve seen this manga about. an ex-Yakuza becomes a house-husband to a working wife who loves magical girl anime. Slice-of-life with some of the most intense artwork and hilarious dynamics.

Skull Faced Book Seller Honda-San - a non-fiction account of a bookseller and the various customers they encounter. Very funny and truthful and easy to read.

The Two Of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (ongoing) - Slice-of-life lesbian romance with an age gap. The two must carefully balance their professional and private life, and navigate where they can and can’t be open about their relationship.

Yokohama Kaidashi Kikō  /  Quiet Country Café - scifi future post-environmental-apocalypse slice-of-life about an android who runs a café and the various people she meets and the strange world around her. Perfect for fans of Ghibli films.

.

Independent Comics

Emily Is Burning - Honestly I rec most of Steph Seed’s work, her limited use of dialogue and impressionistic-style artwork lends itself so well to the weird horror stories she creates

NPC Tea (ongoing) - urban fantasy story about D&D type characters who run a tea shop, but must also deal with a dangerous power that threatens to destroy everything.

The Miracles - from the same creator as The Pride, this is another superhero story that focuses more on alternate universes, coming of ages, secrets and deception.

.

WebToons and Web Comics:

Homestuck - fuck you. yeah im recommending Homestuck. it’s GOOD okay? it’s innovative and complex and deep and hilarious and weird and imaginative and it’s everything. there’s a BUNCH of lets-reads online to make it easier for you and loads of dubs and helpful guides to navigate it. It’s fucking good okay. shut up.

Ava’s Demon (ongoing) - gorgeous art, really cool space fantasy, loveable chaacters, animated sequences, I could go on. It’s a slow, slow update because of the sheer quality of the artwork that goes into it.

Lackadaisy (ongoing) - another absolute banger of artwork and detail. set in probation era about an underground bar, the goofy and eccentric characters get in violent fights, tangle with the law, and get up to be questionable and extremely illegal hijinks to keep their bar going as the business starts to wane. Updates are on hold while the creators work on an ACTUAL ANIMATED MOVIE for it.

Heartstopper (ongoing)- YEAH IM GAY. WHAT OF IT. I LOVE this gushy, mushy, sweet little comic about theseschool boys in love!!! This is a webcomic but has been officially published into paper books. The show is lovely and captures it well but the series is much further on than the show is. I genuinely hope it’s making life of queer teens easier!!! Because god damn it was bad when I was growing up!!!!

Mage and the Demon Queen (ongoing) - beautiful WebToon set in an RPG style fantasy world where a young mage falls in love with the enemy of her people, Demon Queen Velverosa. Adventure romance with a lot more happening than it first lets on.

Carciphona - Very elaborate and stunning fantasy series about magic, war, uprisings and mysterious backstories. Engaging character dynamics and intrigue throughout. The spin-off slice-of-life romance series Amongst Us is also worth a read.

Ruby Quest - you are not ready for this. Using the characters of Animal Crossing and an incredibly simplistic artstyle, this sci-fi horror used reader-input choices to navigate the world and storyline. A mix of rpg-style reading, animated panels and single-panel storytelling create immense amounts of tension and clever use of detail in the right places adds to the horror element. It’s spiritual successor, Nan Quest, is also very recommended.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No…don’t mention meet cute Karasu….not in the presence of an Otoya fic….gotta stay in the Otoya headspace for hollyhock….

FR it’s almost kinda nice how since it’s not in your face if you aren’t feeling particularly angsty he can kinda just be a silly guy LOL

Oh yeah the malicious sliding double press…yikes…also when Kuon tackles Nagi?? If he’s taking down a 6’3 giant imagine like a 5’3 girl like that’s just getting sudden deathed

LMAOOO I love the use of that emoji it’s so funny to me the shaking head one, but fr the Itoshis can’t have it all!! Another Karasu request on top of all the ones I already knew of oh em gee Karasu nation rise up….take it easy though LOL!!! Can’t rush greatness but also burnout is the worst too so I hope you’re having fun writing everything too hehe

That’s honestly a big brain move…gotta leave some space in between reading to allow myself to forget some details so I can kinda be surprised when I watch LMAO

BRO THE CHIGIRI LEG MENTIONS SHSH every time they bring it up im like…haha…hahahahaha…whyarewebringingupthepast….heshealedright??? Erm yeah I feel like it’d be a huge waste of his development if he didn’t at LEAST make it to the World Cup so praying the authors don’t pull an Akutami Gege!!!!

LMAOOO in character it is….yeah I wonder if maybe it’s because of the way his hair is styled that the pairing of the two makes him look extra scruffy….not sure but yeah not my favorite

No definitely…fs present in every fandom I’ve definitely seen a bunch in JJK too (sometimes with Yuta which leaves me so confused) but um!! To each their own I guess. Lol.

BRUH RIN AND NANASE HAS ME CRYING “you are my property now” WHAT???

You could never make me hate kurona omg FR his character profile shdgshs the braid bread (?? I think) and his fav animal being a shark is so cute he’s really just chilling, not a single mean bone in his body!! The way he cheered up Reo was ADORABLE im so glad they included that additional time in the movie shdgshs especially since we won’t really be seeing him in S2 besides maybe some background shots…I really wanna see more scenes of them off field too!! Kinda like the manga additional time with Team Kindness LOL show me some real friends please…..

OOOOOO gonna go hunt for them those look good…

Wait also LIGHT NOVEL?? Waiting to get my hands on the full thing but from what I’ve seen floating around DHDGSHSH BAROUUUUUU omg it’s basically exactly what we discussed before LMAO

-Karasu anon

AHHHH it’s def a slow burn with otoya so especially at first it’s going to be tough but i think it will be worth it…it’s hard work making eita “red flag” otoya into a tragic love interest but i think i may pull it off yet 😏

TRULY he is so versatile like you can explore his complexities and whatnot or you can just be like. fluffy squishy cutie boy. and both work honestly!! i will always be a nagi lover at heart fr

literally omg or can you imagine playing in the u20 match and getting absolutely slammed by oliver AKDFJHSDF pls…the reality of being a female in bllk may not be the most glamorous (but at least you’re surrounded by hot guys??? although like half of them are lowkey weird asf so it’s not really that much of a bonus)

THE SHAKING HEAD AND NODDING EMOJIS CRACK ME UP EVERYTIME they’re so unserious 😭 especially w that fuckass little smile they have SKDLJFLS and yes i agree the itoshi bros should suffer too sometimes!! lmao i’ve written for both of them once and like they honestly are fun to write but smth about how popular they are makes me not want to write for them even more!! and YESSS karasu nation is pulling up fr HAHA i think he is slowly but surely becoming this blog’s brand but ykw i’m okay with that!! and yes i have been enjoying writing hehe especially for karasu bro…he’s so perfect i love him 🥹 (as you know vv well HAHA)

yeah like i lowkey could not tell you most of what happens during the third selection and sometimes i want to go back and reread because there’s so many good karasu and otoya panels in it (that’s like the arc where they’re most prominent after all) but then i stop myself because i want to be delighted by watching it animated!! i do think that if nothing else it’ll be super hype to see a lot of the goals that happen in third selection/u20 arc so i’m doing my best to hold out for now…we’ll see if i can last until october though

my guess is that he’s going to have some “going out in a blaze of glory” type of moment where he says something that mirrors his awakening where he says that he doesn’t care if he never runs again and puts everything into that one game, which allows him to score a goal for bllk that wins them a crucial game but also puts him out of commission possibly forever. depressing af but i do agree that he’s probably not going to go out for a while just because he’s one of the main characters and seems to be one of the author’s favs

his hair is like super thick idk?? i do think it adds smth to the stubble that overall is an interesting picture…honestly the panels of him younger where he doesn’t have the facial hair are soo handsome though like give me five seconds and i can fix him fr (not his womanizing though just the mustache LMAOAO)

it’s the most random characters!! i’ve seen it for nagi too kind of?? like that man canonically has 0 friends 0 bitches 0 parents that care about him…he is NOT going to be flirty or good at intimacy!! otoya aiku yukimiya and reo are right there too like all of them are stated to be popular w girls and half of them are also fboys…but oh well whatever makes people happy!! i shan’t yuck anyone’s yum (though i will most likely stay away for the most part)

dude rin was so foul for that too LMAOAO??? like why did he feel the need to say that…“you are my property now” rin you are a 16 year old boy. that is also a 16 year old boy. HELP?? he’s so lucky karasu and shidou weren’t on the field when he whipped that one out i knowww they would’ve bullied him so bad (lowkey karasu and shidou both give such older brother vibes but in exact opposite ways SDJKFNS)

KURONA IS SO SWEET!! and he just has no beef no problems kind to everyone truly an ideal man. he was so sweet cheering up reo too i hope we see more of them (iirc they were standing kinda together in the s2 trailer?? so maybe that means we’ll get scenes of them!!). i also feel like the additional times are going to be funny and will hopefully show more of them just being silly…manifesting a karasu and otoya additional time that’s just them being menaces 🤞🏻 i feel like additional time is one thing that the anime def got right they’re always so funny to watch and really show the dynamics between characters that you might not consider otherwise yk

they are really good HAHAH i hope you like them if you try them!!

WE READ BAROU TO FILTH FR!! like the ln basically confirmed everything we’ve been saying which is so validating like omg maybe we do understand these characters on a deeper and cooler and more intellectual level than everyone else 🙄🤩 LMAOA the illustration of him helping his sisters is so cute too the way he’s so pressed but still being so sweet…plus the tank top and hair down combo is LETHAL!! i can’t wait to read them properly hehehe i love barou sm he’s surprisingly underrated considering how much screen time he got in season 1

[theteasetwrites]

Some Kind of Stranger

Part 1: The Stranger

❧ Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader ❧ Era: Season 1-Season 9 ❧ Pronouns: she/her ❧ Warnings: I wouldn't say smutty, but quite NSFW nevertheless ❧ Word Count: 3.5k

❧ Requested by @zasher (hope you like it! It's starting off a little slow but we'll have a lot more going on next chapter...)

❧ Request: "reader is ricks daughter (18/19 during the outbreak) and secretly dating daryl, rick catches them eventually. (maybe smut? 🥴) I'm idea was kinda like a few short bits from when they first met and the gradual changes and how their relationship grows, which leads to the main part where reader a daryl are together in some way (cuddling? kissing? smashing?) and rick catches them, chaos ensues."

❧ A/N: I got this request for a oneshot, and I knew pretty much immediately when I started brainstorming that it was going to be probably be a mini-series, so here we go! It's going to kind of build up to the part where Rick becomes knowledgeable of their relationship, but it's coming! Not sure how many parts it'll be but hopefully no more than ten. Enjoy!

“Hey, (Y/N).”

The soft, friendly voice of Amy called out to you. You raised your eyes from the stick you were whittling down to a point.

“Hey, Amy.”

She sat herself down next to you beside the extinguished fire pit. “Mind if I join?”

You shrugged and handed her one of the sticks you were planning on working on next. “Be my guest. It’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“No,” she said, taking out her knife from her back pocket and beginning to shave off the first layer of bark. “It’s just time-consuming. Better than doing laundry down at the quarry. I swear, if I see another pair of men’s underwear I’m going to rip my hair out.”

“That seems a bit extreme,” you said with a chuckle. “You know, I bet we could form an anti-laundry coalition. Stick it to the man, per se.”

“I like your style,” she said. “Women’s union.”

“Mhm,” you hummed as you furrowed your brow and focused on removing a particularly stubborn notch from the stick.

Then you felt Amy nudge your shoulder, and she leaned over to whisper in your ear. “Daryl Dixon, three-o-clock.”

You raised your eyes in a flash to land on the younger Dixon brother, who’d just popped out of the woods carrying another string of squirrels over his shoulder.

Amy laughed at your complete and immediate attention to him, but you couldn’t really hear it. Time stopped when you looked at that man.

A crush. A fanciful, juvenile, useless crush, in the midst of the end of the world. Only you could think about a guy when half of the population was cannibalizing the other.

You hated yourself for it, but at the same time, it was nice to have something to take your mind off things, even if that thing was a scruffy, grumpy redneck twice your age. He could’ve been your father. In fact, you were certain he was about the same age as your actual father, Rick Grimes, who was only eighteen when you were born to his high school sweetheart.

So, of course you knew it was wrong, he was a complete stranger, and way too old for you, but he was unlike any other guy you’d seen before, strong and brave and incredibly masculine in the rugged kind of way you weren’t used to, having been only nineteen years old and spending your time around men who were much more boyish and fresh-faced.

The worst part of all was that he didn’t even know how intrigued you were by him, how much his every move, his every strut, sent you into a lust-induced trance. In all your inexperience with the opposite sex, you theorized that men who had no idea what they did to women were much, much more attractive than cocky men who went out of their way to impress women. It was the subtlety, the obliviousness, the aloofness, that got you going.

So you watched in intrigue as he haphazardly slung the string of dead squirrels onto the picnic table and reached into his back pocket to retrieve his knife. He sliced open those squirrels with the precision and confidence of a veteran surgeon, and the sweat-soaked muscles of his bare arms trembled and flexed in the hot sunlight. His face was dripping in sweat, too, covered in dirt and blood from the squirrels. Reaching into his pocket again, he pulled out a soiled red rag and used it to wipe his face, his lips parted as he took a few breaths of air before returning to his butchering.

“I never knew anyone who could find squirrel disemboweling sexy,” Amy said.

You shook your head a little to awaken you from your trance, then tried to return your eyes to your work. “Shut up,” you retorted, to which Amy scoffed.

“Why don’t you just talk to him?” she asked. “Get to know him.”

You widened your eyes at her. “Because he’s twice my age, Amy. That’s why. Besides, you’ve seen the way he talks to people. He’s got a chip on his shoulder. He would never give me the time of day.”

“Maybe you could bring out his good side,” she said, narrowing her eyes at you suggestively. “Just because he’s older than you doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him. You’re an adult.”

If you were going by Georgia law, you were over the age of consent by three years, but that didn’t mean it seemed right, no matter how much you fantasized about him.

“I don’t know,” you said. “It’s just…”

“What?”

“It feels weird, that’s all.”

You lowered your gaze again, though you couldn’t help but look Daryl’s way one more time. You couldn’t believe your eyes—the same man you were imagining taking you up in his arms and ravishing you, like the hunky, shirtless models on the covers of those bad romance novels, was coming towards you and Amy.

You swallowed hard and shouldered Amy when you heard him beginning to giggle at your nervous, already blushing face.

He knelt by the fire pit and made a new tinder nest with the fresh sticks piled beside the pit.

You tried to avert your eyes, paying attention to your stick, but every time he grunted as he worked on the fire, you raised your eyes just a little to watch the movements of his deft fingers against the sticks.

It was such a simple thing, but you were absolutely mesmerized by every nook and cranny in his worn hands, how they moved so effortlessly with each calculated step.

The impulsive id in your brain, that lustful, desirous little bastard, conjured up the question of what those fingers would feel like in a part of your own body which happened to be heating up and tingling with each twirl of his nimble digits.

Oh, and that short crop of messy hair atop his head… could there be any better feeling than running your fingers through it? Or washing it until it was soft and clean? Or feeling it brush up against the soft inside of your thighs as he—

“Can I borrow that?”

You flinched at the sudden gruff southern voice cutting through your wanton thoughts.

“Wh-what?” you asked.

He huffed before repeating the phrase. “Can I borrow that? That stick?” He gestured to the primitive pointed tree branch in your hands, sat atop your lap where you so desperately wanted to feel him.

“Oh,” you said, looking down at the stick like a buffoon. “Um, sure. Of course. No problem. Here you go.” You raised from your seat to walk over a few feet, and then leaned down to hand him the stick. He tugged it from your hands and turned back to his work.

In a sudden burst of ill-planned confidence, you croaked a sudden string of fast-paced words. “Thanks for doing that,” you said. He looked up at you in confusion, but you didn’t care so long as he was looking at you. “I mean, um… thanks for making the fire, and the squirrels. I appreciate it—we appreciate it.”

Daryl was quiet for a moment, until he simply nodded his head with a grunt, his eyes darting everywhere but your face, as if he couldn’t stand to even look you in the eyes.

You exchanged a look with Amy, who was shaking her head and biting her lip as she tried to hold herself back from bursting into laughter at your awkwardness.

Though you scolded yourself for revealing your inexperience in talking to men, the encounter threw Daryl over the edge.

He’d been trying not to give into the desires which seemed to intensify the more time he spent in your group, but that night it finally came to a head.

The arousal caused by his mind’s subconscious thoughts of you became so unbearable that he had no choice but to retreat to the woods and relieve himself (he wasn’t about to do it in the same tent with his brother).

He hated himself for it, the way he found himself so attracted to you, a nineteen-year-old. It was wrong, and although you were an adult as far as the state of Georgia was concerned, you were still so young, and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

It was part of the reason he was trying his best to stay away from you. Though he had plenty of self-control, he didn’t want to tease himself more than he needed to, more than he was already being teased just by your presence.

You might’ve been young, but you were certainly a woman, a woman Daryl happened to find very attractive. The hazy image of your body under his, the feeling of your warmth wrapped around him, so soft and sweet… It was an image he couldn’t get out of his mind.

It only grew worse with time.

When your father suddenly appeared at the camp, things got even more complicated.

He felt horrible enough fantasizing about you when you were in the presence of your step-mother and half-brother, but now he had come face-to-face with your father, a man not older than Daryl, and a former sheriff’s deputy (back when the world had law and order).

Still, it was an urge. An insatiable, unyielding urge.

He tried staying away from you, he really did. But then, alcohol made him forget his own rules of conduct.

After the camp had fallen and your group looked to the CDC for help, you didn’t really find it, but you did find a large stash of booze and food, and hot water.

Daryl wasn’t too eager to take a shower immediately upon arriving, so he did what anyone would do in the end of the world: drink.

Before long he was stumbling through the long, winding hallways of the underground facility, trying to find the bathroom where the showers were located.

When he did, he felt a pang of relief in his drunken, hazy head as he relieved himself at the urinal. Somewhere in the distance was the sound of rushing water hitting tile, but he couldn’t quite place where it was coming from with his lack of sensual acuity.

It reminded him, though, that he needed to take a shower, so he clumsily stripped himself of his blood-soaked clothes and stumbled over to the nearest stall, its curtain pulled closed.

He rubbed his tired face as he pulled it back with a quick tug, and was greeted by the image of your naked body flinching and letting out a startled yelp.

You immediately wrapped your arm over your breasts and lowered your other hand to cover your privates.

It took his brain a few moments to register what was happening, that he’d just walked in on you taking a shower, and that you were naked, staring at him like a deer in the headlights.

He covered his eyes with his hand. “Jesus, sorry.”

That was when you noticed he was naked, too.

His body was the stuff only your most intimate dreams could come up with. The muscles of his arms continued to stretch across his strong, broad chest, and his torso was also bulky and yet adorably soft and natural looking. You never imagined he’d have a six-pack, and you were glad he didn’t. He had the cutest belly, you thought, and that, of course, led down to his privates.

Now, you’d never, ever seen male genitalia, so this was a first for you. Granted, you’d seen medical drawings in high school textbooks and you had girlfriends who shared with you their Playgirl magazines from time to time, but those images were either medically sterile or seemed unrealistic.

You couldn’t think about any of those images now, as the real thing was right in front of you, and you found yourself feeling that familiar tingling underneath the hand that covered your privates, the one you always felt when you let your mind wander too much about what you wanted Daryl to do to you.

All you could do was stare at it, the light reddish-pink hue of the long shaft of tissue, and the bulbous tip that seemed to swell ever so slightly. The sight must’ve been akin to seeing the Aurora Borealis considering how long you were staring at it, but you couldn’t help it. It was everything you wanted to feel, to touch and kiss and beg for…

He didn’t move; he couldn’t. He just stood there like an idiot, paralyzed by his combined embarrassment and excitement, even though he barely got a glimpse of your steamy, soaking wet body before he covered his eyes in panic.

So the two of you were standing there, you looking at every square inch of his body and him trying desperately not to give into the desire to remove his hand from his eyes and do whatever it would take to hear you moan in indescribable pleasure.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, slurring his words. “I’m drunk as shit,” he clarified, trying to explain why he was so slow to remove himself from the situation. It was true, the man was hardly aware of his surroundings. He didn’t even realize he hadn’t covered his privates, and that you were still entranced by them.

“It’s fine,” you said softly.

A sudden burst of confidence flowed through you, and the sight of his naked body got you much more excited than you ever thought something so simple could. It wasn’t just any man, it was the man you’d been craving for weeks.

The way you saw it in that moment, with the hot water pouring down your back and your hands slowly falling away from your body, the world was over, and the man of your dreams was right in front of you, so what could it hurt to try something.

His eyes were still covered when you stepped forward to approach him, just a few steps since the shower stall was so small, but you had to step out of the hot stream of water your body had become accustomed to, and now you were chilled by the relatively cool air. Every hair stood on end as you stood just inches from him.

“Daryl,” you said, smiling a little in amusement at his hand still plastered over his face. Maybe you didn’t know him extremely well, and he was essentially a stranger not a month ago, but what you did know was that he was good, and that he was a provider for your group. He cared about you all, and he earned his place, so there couldn’t be any harm in acting on your fantasies for a moment.

He swallowed hard. “Yeah?” He couldn’t believe you weren’t screaming at him at this point.

You raised your hand and laid it over his, pulling it back gently to reveal his eyes tightly closed shut.

“You can open your eyes,” you said.

You didn’t want to say much else, to admit that you wanted him to look at you. That was implied in your words, you surmised.

“What?” he asked in shock.

“Open your eyes,” you reiterated, then tentatively pressed your body against his. He shuddered at the feeling, your soft, wet skin and the tissue of your erect nipples on his chest. “Look at me… please.”

You were in uncharted territory, absolutely terrified that you were doing something wrong. After all, you’d never so much as kissed a guy, except on the cheek, and whatever you had going on with that guy was disrupted by the advent of the dead coming to life and taking over the world.

Still, you knew what you wanted. You weren’t a child, maybe inexperienced, but not a child, and you had desires that you couldn’t ignore. Maybe Daryl would have you then and there, or maybe he’d reject you and you’d feel like a disgusting fool, mortified every time you saw each other, but the desire was so strong that you had to try.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, and looked at you like you were insane.

“What the hell are ya doin’?” he asked, though he didn’t move, not a muscle. In fact, he was incredibly tense, as if he were paralyzed.

You swallowed hard and blinked rapidly, trying to figure out yourself what you were doing. “Um… I’m… I’m… I don’t know.”

He huffed. “Yeah, you don’t know.” He stepped back from you, but it took a lot, because he really liked the way you felt, and he wanted you to be even closer.

He was turning around when you grabbed his hand and pulled him back to face you. “I have feelings for you,” you said quickly. “I mean, I think about you. I want you.”

His eyes widened and he stepped back again. “You have no idea what you’re sayin’,” he said. “I’m twice your age for Christ’s sake.”

You huffed. “Yeah, I know.” Of course you knew. It didn’t change how you felt. He was older, sure. He was an adult, though. You were an adult, too. That was how you were beginning to see it, but clearly he wasn’t. “I just had to tell you. Otherwise I’d go crazy.”

It took him a moment to reorient himself and to realize you weren’t covering your body anymore, that your breasts, beaded with clear droplets of water, were completely exposed, and that the patch of wet, curly hairs upon your mound was the only thing hiding your womanhood.

When he caught his eyes trailing over your body, he swiftly brought them back up to your eyes, which were downcast and betrayed just how much he must’ve hurt you.

“Sorry,” he said. “Can’t do this.”

You nodded and lowered your head, then proceeded to cover yourself again. “No, I’m sorry. God, I feel so stupid. Please don’t… tell anyone.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, I won’t.”

He wouldn’t even dream of telling anyone. Of course, you were the one to come onto him, but if Rick had somehow gotten word that Daryl walked in on his daughter taking a shower, even by accident, he was sure he’d get skewered.

Daryl walked out of the bathroom that night without taking a shower, completely unable to even think about being in the same room as you after that. He knew he would have to be, since you were part of his group, but that was simply too much, and he was trying with all his might not to be aroused the entire time you were naked in front of him, but it was difficult.

He was hoping he was so drunk he’d forget about what your body looked like, that he wouldn’t keep the image in his brain and that it wouldn’t pop out at inopportune times, but he knew that could never happen, that your body was going to be the death of him.

As for you, you cried a lot that night, mortified and still wanting him so badly. You found yourself wishing you were much older so you might have a chance with him, or that you could do something to make him want you in the way you wanted him, but there wasn’t anything to be done.

So your group continued on. Neither of you talked about what happened that night at the CDC, and you hardly spoke to him unless you had to, but your desires were just getting worse.

A few days after the CDC went up in flames, your group was out on the road again, trying to find somewhere else to hole up. Things went awry when one of the children in your group, Sophia, went missing. Your father and Daryl headed the search for her, and that only made you admire him more.

Through a series of other unfortunate incidents, your group wound up at a farm owned by the Greene family.

Your father seemed to think it was safe enough to stay at for a while, and to use it as a base for the search for Sophia.

It was also at this point that you decided on having your own tent separate from your family, though right nextdoor to theirs.

Despite the unfortunate circumstances, your group at least had found somewhere relatively safe and free of walkers. Nevertheless, you still felt quite embarrassed of your blunder with Daryl, and every time you saw him or made eye contact with him, there was tension.

What kind of tension, you weren’t entirely sure, but from your end, it was both incredible, shameful embarrassment and raw, passionate desire.

All you knew was that things were getting… strained inside of you. There wasn’t much you could do, since Daryl apparently didn’t feel the same way, but at some point, you were going to lose all control.

~

Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are always appreciated!

Series Masterlist Part 2 ➳

[bubblyhoney]

can i request a fic where sapnap takes the reader to his hometown? like the classic going to places he went to when he was younger. maybe playgrounds and ice cream shops idk

places i used to go

warnings: language of course, an allusion to virginap, my uneducated guess of what sapnap was like in highschool, tiny detail of long haired!sapnap, singular canon detail of underage drinking, jokish about marriage

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

words: 2191

A/N: you are a god, anon. i love comfy and nostalgic fics like these and it was so fun to write. if you hate it dont tell me but if you like it lemme know akskdjd

inbox/requests: open

-

The wind whips fast on your bare fingers, cool and quick and raising goosebumps in its wake. You blink in the haze of the early sunset, head lolled to the side of the headrest. It feels good.

“That’s where I went to high school.” Sapnap interrupts your thoughts and points a finger at a collection of tall brick buildings down a side street. The silver of the lettering is dull, but you can still feel the nostalgia.

“And you’re about to see the park that me and my friends used to hang out at after work and—actually, nevermind.” His arm drops to the middle console and he looks straight ahead with slightly pinker cheeks.

“Do what?” You ask, voice all sweet, and a grin grows on your face. You turn towards him and wiggle your eyebrows.

“Nothing. Homework.” He avoids your eye contact and hikes his hand up higher on the steering wheel. “Anyways— Do you want to get some food before we head out? I know a great place.”

You two were just coming to a close on your little trip to visit his family; it was his step-mom’s birthday and you decided to make a week of it. It was your first long-term trip with Sapnap, and also your first time meeting his dad’s side of the family. You were proud to say she loved you. His little sister took a little more effort to talk to you of her own volition, but soon enough she was on your side.

You have a couple hours to kill before making your flight back home, so Sapnap has taken it upon himself to give you a quick tour of his hometown.

“Yeah,” you decide, bottom lip popped out. “Can we get ice cream after?”

“Uh, duh.” The Neighbourhood’s Stargazing starts through the speakers and he reaches to turn it down. “I’m so ready to get home and sleep.” He stretches his neck in his seat, letting out an uncharacteristically inappropriate grunt when his bones pop. You make a disgusted face, nose wrinkling, but stretch your own back, slumping down in the seat. The day had been full of packing up and this horrible hike his dad liked to do early in the mornings, so you two were pretty beat.

“Okay, we’re here,” he announces three sleepy minutes later in his best attempt at a whisper. Lifting your head off of the corner of your seat, you blink in the setting sunlight as a yawn splits your face. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, and struggle to get your seatbelt off in that post-nap haze. You’d barely been asleep for thirty seconds, damn it. The air is a swampy heat when you step out of the car onto rocky gravel and nearly twist your ankle climbing over the curb. Sapnap catches you by the lower back, trying to hide his laugh but failing miserably. You slide him a dirty look, smacking his shoulder as hard as you can manage while limping towards the front entrance.

The door jingles when you two breach the doorway, alerting a bored-looking hostess that the circus has arrived. She looks at Sapnap a second longer than she should, eyebrows screwed together in silent confusion. But she leads the two of you to a booth near a large window, handing you sticky menus and promptly fucking right off to the host station. She nearly runs.

“Do you know her?” You ask, inconspicuously hiding your face in the search for their 24/7 breakfast menu. You feel his eyes on you.

“Don’t think so.” He leans on one elbow and slides his phone out of his jeans’ pocket. In the 25 seconds it takes for you to find their french toast and sides menu, he has browsed and closed his phone with an animatedly shocked look on his face.

“What?” You give him a weird look and put down the menu.

“I totally went to homecoming with that girl.” He eyes the hostess. You glance over at her again, meeting her gaze, and offer a polite smile. She turns away quickly, eyes wide.

“She’s cute,” you say, voice high and fake, and he drums his fingers on the tabletop as an amused look makes its way onto his face.

“Are you—?”

“What?” You reply right back.

“Nothing.”

Thank God the server comes up to your table then and starts asking for drink orders, or else you’d have to admit (sheepishly) you were a tiny eensy-weensy bit annoyed. Only a tad. But after requesting a Dr. Pepper and a water the conversation surrounding the nervous-looking hostess dies.

“I’m so hungry I think I feel my stomach shrinking.” You flop your head onto your arm on the table top and make a whiny noise into the stack of napkins your server left at the table. Sapnap rubs his thumb into the side of your forearm, touch warm and nearly dissolving the pangs of hunger and jealousy.

“You weren’t hungry an hour ago.” He lifts your hand to his face and plants a kiss on the back of it. Oh, pulling out the big guns, huh? “I would have made you something.”

You tilt onto your chin, pouting, and stare up at his cute face. His cute, scruffy, perfectly-kissable face.

“I think I got hungry staring at you for half an hour.” A mischievous grin grows on your previously-petulant face and he just shakes his head.

“I do have that effect,” he admits with cockiness in his tone, lifting his eyebrows and leaning back into the booth with his lips pursed.

The server returns with two glasses and takes your food orders onto their little yellow notepad. You chug the water down when they leave for the kitchen, getting your lap and chin thoroughly wet in the process. Sapnap just snorts at you and shoves the napkins your way.

“So,” you start, patting dry your jeans. “tell me what you were like in high school.” You cross your arms and settle into the booth, smirk on your lips.

“What I was like?” He parrots, sipping at his soda, looking thoughtful. “Firstly, a virgin.” You make a noise. Duh. Dude had a buzz cut his junior year. (You’ve seen the pictures. His step-mom particularly likes them.) “Secondly, I was actually— well, I wasn’t popular, but I had a lot of friends. We were all semi-athletic lonely band kids but we had fun. Had one girlfriend senior year but she went to Cal Tech in the fall and I didn’t. I, um, worked at a Dairy Queen in the summers and gained so much weight I had to lose all over again for Unified Track.”

“Relatable,” you comment, drinking noisily at your water. He fiddles with the paper straw wrapper and crunches it up into a ball. It goes soaring into your drink with a quiet “Kobe” and you just give him a look. He smiles toothily right back at you. “Stop being cute, I’m trying to listen to your story.”

“Oh, my bad,” he mocks. “Anyways. That’s what I was like in highschool.” You fish the paper ball out of your water and flick it wetly at his arm. It sticks and you choke on a laugh, cheeks puffed.

Two plates of warm food are set down loudly onto the table and you thank the server with a surprised smile, Sapnap mirroring you.

Two minutes of wordless chewing passes, minds occupied just by “food, me eat” instead of anything related to your previous conversation. You realize that Sapnap is one of the loudest chewers ever, and he realizes that you fail to notice the streak of maple syrup in your hair.

“C’mere,” he mumbles through a mouthful of omelet and hash browns and beckons you with his hand. You lean closer, chewing slowly, as he pats a napkin at the strands of hair trapped in syrup.

“Thanks, baby.” You take the napkin from him and pause your assault of the warm french toast before you to clean the sticky sugar out of your hair. He just watches you, half of a smile on his lips.

You two finish your food in record time. It’s borderline vacuum-like. There’s a short grace period where you just sit like two lazy cats, slumped down in the booth and holding your full stomachs. But the check comes soon after, and you both pay your way and are out of the restaurant without any mad dashes for the bathroom. A miracle, really, because of the American-like amount of butter you both consume.

“I’m a much more functional person now,” you mutter into the cotton of his shoulder, swinging your hand in his. He just hums in agreement.

“I guess we’re not getting ice cream, then,” he teases, and you just groan in response.

“I don’t feel like having diarrhea on a plane, unfortunately.” You sigh heavily when you have to split and get into your respective sides of the rental car.

The entire trip (somewhat roundabout because of the amount of side quests to show you things from his childhood) to the airport Sapnap is a chatterbox. He’s like this when he has sugar: either bouncing off the walls with energy or talking your ear off.

“That’s where my dad proposed to my step-mom. I was kinda young but I remember being surprised at how big the ring was— dude broke the bank for her.” It’s a little gazebo you catch a glimpse of through the trees in a park. It probably was an incredibly picturesque moment, and you can sense how much she must have loved it. With just meeting them this weekend, you can already see how much love those two have for each other.

You hope people can see how much you love Sapnap.

“Oh my God, it’s still there.” He points out the side of your window to what looks like a Dairy Queen that has been through World War 3. “My buddy Eric and I once spilled a gallon of that liquid ice-cream-shit all over the men’s bathroom.”

You shoot him a horrified look. “Why was it in the bathroom?”

He just smirks.

“—And that’s my Uncle Ron’s house. Had my first beer there.”

“And last, hopefully,” you add, pulling a disgusted face. The two story bungalow is cute, and one of your favorite colors: olive green. “That shit is nasty.”

He just shrugs and continues down the side street.

“Is this the park you were talking about?”

He pulls into the gravelly parking lot of a small clearing of tall trees, a picnic table and campfire sat squat in the middle. But he doesn’t respond, just turning the car off and climbing out. He reaches the passenger door without speaking, and opens it for you. You climb carefully out, confused.

“Come on.” He takes your hand and starts for a small path to the left of the picnic table. The mid-sunset shade envelopes the both of you.

“I hope this isn’t where you kill me.”

“No,” he snorts. “I just wanted to show you something.”

It’s just a few moments of stumbling through the damp underbrush before you’re coming face to face with a small, mossy pond that sits right underneath an incredibly old willow tree. He stops right on the edge of the rocky path and turns toward you.

“This your make out spot?” You ask between a grin as he snakes an arm around your waist and tugs you flush to him. Your innocent smile fades when you feel the press of his lips to the side of your neck, light and ticklish. Oh.

“No,” he murmurs, and just breathes you in. “I came here once—the night before I graduated highschool. And I told myself when I really really loved someone I’d take them here with me.” He sways with you in his grasp, a gentle and song-less dance.

You grip his shoulder tighter in your hand and lean into him.

“That’s— awfully romantic, huh?” Your voice is quiet. Almost nervous. He just makes a noise of agreement.

“So here we are.” His voice is the opposite of yours, all strong and confident.

You two just move together for a moment. The sun breaks through the tree canopy, shining bright orange down onto the glassy surface of the pond. Crickets and frogs chirp back and forth as the willow vines swing in a cool evening breeze. You watch nature come alive around you, suddenly grateful for the man in your arms.

“Don’t propose,” you whisper, breaking the gentle tension. A laugh breaks the silence and he’s pulling away to look at you. Maybe in disbelief. A strand of hair falls into his eyes and you brush it away, fingers stilling on his temple and sliding down onto his cheek. Stubble scrapes against the skin of your palm and he stares at you through those meadow eyes.

You realize in that moment that he is exactly himself. Of course he is. He’s Sapnap, and everything that encompasses that. Dark and light and fiery and cool. He always has been, and always will be.

You realize you wouldn’t mind if he proposed.

-

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. let me know what you think

[cyborg-franky]

hiya franky!! this is actually rlly exciting i can't wait lmfao! congrats on 2k my lovely!!! ✨

Nickname: star

Door Number: random number generator!! (i'm feeling d e v i l i s h👹)

What will you be wearing on the date? casual clothes mainly, i don't have anything too formal in my wardrobe plus i'm not really too focused on my appearance lol. so like, maybe a tank top, cardigan, jeans and sneakers.

Booze or sober?: sober! i don't like drinking unless it's a very special occasion.

Your ideal first date: stargazing OR sunbathing!

Three personality traits about you: i can be creative when provoked (sounds like a threat, that's bc it is 🤠), i'm quick to calm myself down when i'm angry, but when i'm scared it's a completely different situation. also i can be energetic!!

Three things you look for in a partner: i don't mind the height, as long as they love me i don't really mind. they have to have patience and understanding, that's definitely important. it would be nice if they shared the same interests as i do, but i'm not too fussy :)

Thee dislikes: anybody judgemental. i don't like anyone who judges me because that shit hurts and i end up crying and hating them so uhh...anyway- i don't like anyone with anger issues, i know that they can't help it but bc of some minor traumas i kinda just...don't want that. as for the third dislike...anyone full of themselves. i get that they love themselves and that's great but that could get too much at times.

✨😌✨

Thank you so much and I hope you have fuuun <3

--------------------------------

You just chill on the sofa and look at your phone, not worried, you feel comfortable so you’re feeling good. You just hope the person wouldn’t be an asshole, don’t need any short-tempered people who will judge you for being in simple clothes. The door knocks and you pick yourself up from the sofa and head over.

You open the door to see…

- Killer watches the door open and nods to you in greeting.

- He’s wearing jeans with holes up the front, a band T-shirt in a tatty state, a leather jacket that looks like it’s been worn consistently for years, a black face mask and dark shades.

- You don’t care he looks scruffy, he looks comfortable and like himself.

- “Where are we going?” You asked as you notice the sun is already setting, you knew it would be a late date but you feel it would limit things to do.

- You hoped it wasn’t some fancy restaurant, you weren’t dressed for it and you didn’t need people looking at you.

- Then again, Killer wasn’t dressed for it either.

- “I’m Star, I like your jacket by the way.”

- “Killer, and thanks, I think I got it from a thrift store like five years ago?” he shrugged and gave you the thumbs up as ‘ready to go?’ which you did in response.

- Walking with him to the sidewalk you noticed he rode a motorcycle.

- That didn’t surprise you from a man dressed like that and with a name like that.

- Checked out.

- You were handed a helmet and were glad you weren’t wearing something fancy and over the top now.

- You were nervous as heck, Killer didn’t look like the sort of person who would adhere to road safety but he was surprisingly a very good driver.

- You watched the world zoom by as the sunset tinged the world around you in golden glows.

- It was dark before he parked up somewhere, you were worried he might casually murder you because you were out in the middle of nowhere.

- You realised it was one of the big parks just outside the town.

- “Going out in the dark with a man named Killer, was that a good idea?” You asked with a laugh.

- He chuckled as he removed his shades.

- He opened the back of the bike up, getting out a few things including a battery-powered lantern. He threw a blanket at you to catch, which you didn’t’

- He didn’t seem to react though, saying anything as he carried the rest of the things.

- Killer helped you set out the blanket and he soon opened a bag he’d brought.

- “I made pasta, I thought a picnic would be a good idea, I don’t like busy or crowded places for dates.”

- You nodded and thought he was a thoughtful man.

- You admired his long blond hair and scruffy beard that he showed off noe you guys were eating.

- You didn’t learn a lot about Killer as you both talked over the food he’d made, enjoying the peaceful night and the stars overhead.

- But he was nice, polite and you even got him to chuckle at a few things.

- The drive home was just as nice, you felt more at ease on the back of his bike this time.

- He got you home and handed you a little plastic container “You said you liked it so, thought you’d like to have this as a snack tomorrow or something.”

- You smiled, Killer looked all edges but he was soft and thoughtful.

- “Thank you, I had a nice night!”

- “Me too, so yeah, see ay around.” He said with a nod, a wave.

REBLOG to going to go on a second date and return Killer’s Tupperware? Or going to steal it and hide it under the sink and never call him again?

[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

endlessly

or, the one-shot that wouldn’t get out of my head where jack is a baby, cas is back, and he and dean have a talk. s13 :) this is a long one, so part of it is going under the cut! 

--------------

Things are strange. 

Of course, things are often strange in Castiel’s life, especially these days. For one, he just got brought back from the dead. For another, he rode in the passenger’s seat of the Impala on the way back to the bunker. Sam drove, because when Dean tried to drive, the baby in the backseat--Jack, that’s Jack--started crying, and Dean had to switch spots and let Jack’s tiny hand wrap around one of his fingers. Only then did Jack stop crying.

As soon as they got back to the bunker, Dean went to put Jack to bed, leaving Castiel in the kitchen with Sam. That’s where Castiel is now, watching Sam putter around, cleaning up things that don’t need to be cleaned. There’s clearly something on his mind.

“You and Dean should talk,” Sam finally says.

“We usually do talk,” Castiel replies, unsure of what, exactly, Sam means. 

“I mean, really talk. Look--” Sam stops, grabs two beers out of the fridge and slides one across the island to Castiel, before continuing. “Dean gets...things get bad for him when you’re gone. Without Jack to take care of, I think he would have...” Sam doesn’t finish the sentence, but Castiel has a feeling he knows where it was headed. 

“Is Jack always like that?” Castiel asks.

“Obsessed with Dean? Yeah. I mean, things are still kinda complicated with Mom, and I’m not great with kids, but Dean...” Sam sighs. “I mean, he had to take care of me constantly when I was a baby. He’s always been really good with kids, better at expressing himself. And he and Jack...I mean, if Dean’s not with him, Jack gets really upset.”

“Wow,” Castiel says. He remembers a few years ago, helping Claire out, and how quickly Claire and Dean cottoned onto each other. And stories he’s heard from before he knew the Winchesters (sometimes it’s hard to believe there was a time in his life before them) where kids had been involved on a hunt and Dean saved the day.

Perhaps it’s only natural.

“But yeah,” Sam takes a deep swig of his beer. “Go find him and talk. I bet Jack is asleep by now.”

“Right.”

Castiel still feels odd, wrong-footed, though. It should be easy to talk to Dean--Dean’s one of his best friends, someone he would do anything for, has done anything for. 

But he’s also Dean, someone who can be complicated and feels things deeply, and if he’s been feeling bad enough to contemplate--

Castiel doesn’t know what to say to that.

He finds Dean in his room, sprawled out on the bed with a sleeping Jack next to him. There are beer bottles and a couple of whiskey bottles littering Dean’s nightstand, an overflowing wastebasket in the corner.

Sam was right. Things haven’t been great. 

Dean’s eyes flutter open when he hears Cas enter and he sits up, saying softly, “I know sleeping with babies can be bad, cuz I read one of those books you got, but he just...” Dean turns his gaze to Jack. “He doesn’t go to sleep unless I do this.”

Castiel nods.

Dean carefully scoops Jack up and carries him over to the crib in the corner of the room. The whole scene is both painfully domestic and painfully Dean, and it causes something in Castiel’s chest to twinge. 

“But he’s out like a light now,” Dean says. “He’s already better at sleeping, it’s like he knows I don’t get much even without a crying baby.”

“Hm,” Castiel agrees. “Dean, can we talk?”

“Uh, sure? Let’s go somewhere else.” Dean takes one last look at Jack’s swaddled form and then leads Castiel out of his bedroom and to another room, which Cas has never been in before and is barren except for some armchairs and a foosball table.

“What’s this?” Cas asks as they settle into the armchairs.

“It’s...I dunno, a rec room or something. Thinking of putting a TV in here so we could watch movies. I’ve been calling it the Deancave and Sam has been getting annoyed with me.” Dean cracks a smile at a that. “Whaddya want to to talk about?”

“I, uh...” Castiel shrugs. “Sam just said I should talk to you.”

“Dirty traitor. Of course he did.” Dean frowns.

“We don’t have to if you don't want to, I just thought--”

“No, no, this’ll--I need to say this shit.” Dean swallows, before saying, “So, do you remember, about a year or so after we met, when we were trying to get the Colt back and gank Lucifer?”

“I do,” Castiel says, now completely unsure of where Dean is going with this.

“Well, I...I got zapped to the future. Or a future, I guess, by Zachariah. It was...2014 there, the world was overrun by this plague and zombies, Sam was...gone, he had said yes to Lucifer for good, and I met another version of myself who was...he wasn’t a great guy. Pretty cold and ruthless, willing to use people he cared about as bait or put them in harm’s way. He didn’t care about much anymore.” “I assume I wasn’t in this world?” Castiel asks.

“No, you were.” Now Dean looks genuinely pained. “You had lost almost all of your grace, and you spent your days...drinking and doing drugs and having sex. You had lost the trench coat and you were...different. You still thought I was pretty cool, though, and the other Dean, the Dean from that you’s time, he hated that.” 

“I see.” Something is coming into focus.

“You were Cas, but you weren’t my Cas,” Dean says, the emphasis on the my weighty.

“Was this the same night that you told me to never change?”

“Yeah,” Dean sighs. “It was. Something that the other you said, it just...it hit me. And I couldn’t let that happen to you, and I couldn’t let myself be the guy that made it worse. He said that the only thing you and that Dean had left was each other, that if the other me said it was time to go, then you would follow him. And I tried to talk to the future me about it, ask him why he was willing to put you in harm’s way just because you would follow him. He...he didn’t have an answer.”

“I have changed, though, Dean,” Castiel says after a moment. “And not in a bad way.”

“Yeah, but you coulda become that guy.” Dean’s fidgeting now, uncomfortable. “Anyways, after that it was...yeah. You know how things went, you were there. A lot of shit went down, and I tried not to think about that future I saw.”

“I see.”

There’s a vast, empty silence in the room as Castiel contemplates what Dean has told him. He wants to ask follow-up questions, figure out what, exactly, Dean means by what he’s said, but it’s rare that Dean is so open and calm about it, and Castiel doesn’t want to break the spell. He wants Dean to, what’s the phrase? Level with him. 

“And then we went to purgatory,” Dean continues suddenly. “And I spent a year looking for you and found you all dirty and scruffy--you still had that trench coat but you looked like him. I was...starting to realize something, I guess? I mean, Benny helped me find you, and one night we were just hanging out, doing stuff, and he asked me what my deal was about you. I told him, I said you were one of my best friends, hell, just straight-up my best friend.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said I was full of shit, that no one spends a year in purgatory for a friend. I told him to shut the hell up, but he was right.”

This isn’t happening. This would never happen, because Castiel has heard that it won’t. The Empty’s words from when he was dead echo in his head.

I know who you hate. I know who you love. There is nothing for you back there.

But maybe there is.

“There isn’t any use in trying to hide it from you,” Dean says. “You saw all the bottles. Every time you leave...I tell myself it’s because you’re like family, and you are, but not quite--” 

Castiel is tired of waiting, tired of having a weight lodged in his chest, and he hates how agitated and small Dean looks, so before he can fully think out what he’s doing, he’s standing up and then leaning over Dean’s chair, his face inches from Dean’s.

He waits.

“There’s--there’s no way,” Dean says, breathless. 

“There is.” Castiel swallows, hopes he hasn’t miscalculated.

He determines a moment later when Dean seizes him by his collar and pulls him all the way down into a kiss that he did not, in fact, miscalculate. 

It’s clumsy and messy, because of the angle and the nerves and all of the waiting, but Castiel doesn’t particularly care, and he’s getting the impression that Dean doesn’t, either. 

“Please don’t leave again,” Dean whispers into Castiel’s neck when they finally separate.

“I won’t,” Castiel promises. “Although I still can’t promise to never change.”

“That’s a good thing,” Dean replies. “I know that. Now.” 

Castiel doesn’t sleep, but when Dean finally heads back to his room to check on Jack and then try and get his four hours, Dean grabs Castiel by the trench coat sleeve. He stays, takes the pair of pajamas Dean sheepishly offers, finds himself curled around Dean in the big bed that doesn’t seem so big anymore. Neither Dean or Jack wake up all night. 

Castiel may not sleep, but he does sink into a fairly deep meditative state in the quiet darkness of Dean’s room. He “comes to” an indeterminate amount of time later to see that the room is empty, save him, and that all the bottles and trash are gone.

He pads into the hallway, still in that pair of Dean’s pajamas, and hears voices coming from the kitchen. He follows them to find Sam sitting at the table, talking to Dean, who’s standing at the stove with Jack swaddled and wrapped to his chest. Castiel feels his face reddening as his chest expands, and he makes a beeline for the table and sits across from Sam.

“I see you had that talk,” Sam whispers, grinning. 

“We did.” Castiel can’t help but smile back.

“Anyone not want bacon?” Dean asks from the stove, and Castiel and Sam both shake their heads. 

Castiel could get used to this, and he hopes he gets the chance to.