#kind of. the actual ask is where the kabru thoughts are going

[shadowtraveled]

also hi kabru anon i love you kabru anon thank you for the greatest honor and compliment i have ever received. kabru is actually a fairly confusing character for me to try to dissect, but i have actually been wanting to try and figure him out for my own sake, so as i reread i'll collect some screenshots and spin him around and try and puzzle him out in a coherent way

[homicidal-lingonberry]

a thought about kabru and mithrun and their time in the dungeon. (I love kabumisu but this is more about their canon relationship)

I have seen several people say that they dont think that kabru really cared about or liked mithrun. that he was just doing things cause he had to, etc. but I feel like this ignores something pretty cool about kabru. Kabru always has an inner monologue going on, one that we get to see.

several times when we see kabru doing nice things we can see that his inner monologue doesnt actually match. we see him kindly doing things that actively distress him several times. we as an audience are made very aware when kabru is doing something he doesnt really like.

so what kind of an inner monologue does kabru have when he performs caring tasks for mithrun? does he think about the advantages of having mithrun or the canaries on his side? does he think bitterly of mithrun? does he think about how much he hates this? the worst he thinks is "to think I'd get roped into this for the sake of that lot." and "this isnt seeing to his needs, this is nursing!" pretty early on in their journey together. this is while he is still digesting the full picture of mithruns condition and all the things hes going to need to do, the full weight of the situation now apparent.

after this, all we see is compassion. him thinking he would like to make mithrun something nice to eat, even if it wouldnt matter to him. him empathizing and reflecting on how not having desires would be really rough. him coming to understand where some of mithruns quirks, like his sense of direction, come from.

by the end, he has trusted mithrun enough to tell him about laios, and mithrun has given him all the information he has been searching for for YEARS.

and this is just the dungeon. kabru continues to involve himself with mithrun when its not his problem anymore. when really, he should be doing anything but. and after everything is done, if he truly did not care about mithrun, he has NO reason to do anything he does in chapter 94.

they are FRIENDS okay??? Kabru cares about him. it isnt just obligation. ty.

as far as mithrun goes, he gives kabru information, he asks him what he wants to do with that little smile (doesnt wait for his squad), slaps him out of his panic attack, and then kabru is the person he eventually confides his true desire to.

theyre FRIENDS and Im tired of people acting like they dont even like each other just bc they dont like the ship. you dont have to ship it, but if you think these 2 didnt drastically change each others lives in a positive way and that they dont care about each other...you maybe need to read again.

and also I think a lot of these takes veer on dehumanizing mithrun. like how could kabru even like him or see him as a friend when hes like that. like do yall forget mithrun was busy keeping kabrus ass from getting killed. or the way he perceptively sees straight through kabrus bs every single time until kabru finally tells the truth? I know kabrus confession to laios is a lot more emotionally intense, but laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest.

[grimm-writings]

HI ITS BARD ANON I MISSED YOU!!! insane request but what about a situation where the party + kabru + chil’s family orchestrate a date between chil and reader? like setting them up… i think that’d be so cuteeee

for the dancing and the dreaming

…ft! chilchuck x gn! reader

…tags! fluff, post-canon spoilers, chilchuck’s wife remains nameless, i love chilchuck's family can you tell

…wc! 1887

…notes! BARD ANON I’M BACK FROM WAR (burnout) !!!! these two requests are similar so i decided to make ‘em a wombo combo!!! enjoy my loves!

The woman gives you a kindly smile as she waves you off, you and her ex leaving the tavern.  She sighs and leans back, crossing her arms.

God, Chilchuck is more stupid than she remembered.

How could he possibly miss the affection in your eyes when he called out to you both before you left?  Or how you clearly wanted to ask if you can stay with him longer?  He’s just going to ignore that and consider it all platonic?

What an idiot.  Do I really have to step in for him again?  Just like old times, huh…?

The half-foot taps a finger against her cheek in thought.  Maybe she can push you to confess?  No, you’d probably wave your hands around and insist against having feelings for Chilchuck in the first place.  A heavy sigh escapes her.

Looks like she has to do things the old-fashioned way.

Step 1 – Family

The quickest way to alert someone is to see who the people closest to you know.�� Flertom is rather in-the-know about any gossip.  Usually, as a mother, the half-foot really doesn’t want to encourage such things, but for now…

“What’s trendy in dating circles nowadays?”  She asks offhandedly, eyeing a bouquet Flertom bought to gift a possible suitor.  “Is the man still expected to be the one to initiate everything?”

She could nearly scoff at her own words.  Only reason she and Chil got together was pure happenstance.  Practically a blur by now.  He’d be hopeless at actually trying to start anything with you.

The younger woman hums in curiosity, before stopping to think.  “Not really nowadays, no…  If you have enough charisma, you can charm any man into taking you out for a drink.  Why do you ask, Ma?”

Flertom squints as she watches her mother laugh and shake her head in response.  “Oh, I just think your old man might need some… encouragement with a new flame is all.”

Just as she expected, Flertom was immediately on the ball with planning, rushing out to the town in order to visit her sisters and inform them of the operation.  She practically commanded her old mother to see if she could look for any clues about Chilchuck’s possible beau.  With a knowing smile, she remarks that she’s very happy to pay a visit to Melini.

Step 2 – Friends

“You really think something that elaborate could work?!”  Marcille Donato leans forward in her chair.  Her eyes shine with a certain kind of joy at the idea of playing Cupid that amuses the matured half-foot significantly.

She nods.  “I don’t see anything else coming close to pushing them.  Force might be the only way.”

A female tall-man, Falin if recalled correctly, squints and hums, tapping her finger on her chin as she tilts her head.  Her brow furrows.  “From what I know, Chilchuck seems to be more open, but… I don’t know if he has the courage to be truly vulnerable in front of someone like that.”

“No need to tell me twice,” his ex scoffs.

“Oh!”  The king, of all people, seems to have an epiphany.  “We could hold some sort of ball, encourage him to invite a plus one.  That can work, right Kabru?”

All eyes turn to look at the advisor standing to the side, clearly enjoying the conversation but not wishing to intrude.  He startles at the sudden attention, before clearing his throat behind his fist.

“It will take some time to plan, but it could work…  You mentioned having three daughters, ma’am, you can take one as a plus-one, and the two will take each other.”  He’s calm with his conclusion, which the half-foot woman can definitely respect.

“A banquet of all their favourite foods,” the dwarf Senshi, as food-brained as ever, sighs in daydream.

Kabru takes a step forward.  “Though I have to ask,” he enquires, “is it really necessary to call upon all of the king’s advisors and himself for a Cupid scheme?”

Silly boy.  He doesn’t yet realise the stakes.

If Chilchuck and you don’t say something soon, then you may stay silent forever.  This idea might be the best shot they have.

Step 3 – The Preparation

“What’s even the occasion…?”  Chilchuck sighs as he adjusts the sleeves of the formal outfit he’s wearing.  He’s definitely unused to something so high-class.  Being invited as a guest of honour certainly isn’t doing any favours either.

Not to mention, Laios was stupid enough to not even bestow upon you a guest of honour title!  Chilchuck has to go through the means of inviting you as a plus one due to some ‘organisational issues’, as Kabru put it.

What a load of crap.

“I ‘unno!”  Puckpatti peeks her head around the corner to look at her father.  “Royals just seem to like their balls!”

“This isn’t one of your period romances…” Meijack’s voice rings from the other room too.

You sit with them, talking amongst one another.  Flertom’s plus one remains a mystery to you, though she assures you that you’ll meet with her when you get there.  You can only assume it’s the girls’ mother but you have no clue why she’s so giggly and secretive about it.

“On the contrary!” Flertom announces.  “I think it’s exactly like a period romance.  Maybe one of us will be swept into a dance so beguiling, you forget there’s a whole ballroom of people!”

You squeal in surprise when Flertom takes your hands and pulls you out of your chair.  You dance together in a fit of giggles.  You only barely miss Chilchuck walking out to meet with you all, a fond smile on his face.

Little do you know, he’s thinking about what it would be like if joy like this could be shared in a household with the two of you.

“Come on now, settle.  Apparently there’s gonna be a carriage taking us to Melini.  I couldn’t fight against the theatrics, according to Marcille…”

“Oh Papa!”  Puckpatti sighs blissfully.  “We truly are living like nobles now!  Maybe you can… ah…”

Both you and Chilchuck spy her eyes darting towards her sisters with unsureness.  How strange.

“You can find… someone nice there!”

“No, Patti.”  Chilchuck shakes his head with a sigh.  “I’m not gonna marry some rich dwarf.”

“You are too cruel, Papa,” Flertom points out with a pout.  “No one will want you if you just keep saying no.”

As the three bicker, Meijack spares you a sympathetic glance, and she rolls her eyes.  Her sisters hardly know subtlety.  Finally she stands up and walks to your side.

“I’m glad you’re here with us,” she says with uncharacteristic softness; she’s similar to her father like that.  “Papa has good taste.”

You go red just as much as Chilchuck.  For a moment, Flertom and Puckpatti wonder if their less romance-focused sister has some secret charisma she’s been hiding up her sleeve this whole time.  It seems to work though, as they chorus their agreements loudly.

“Very good taste!”

“Their formal wear matches yours fashionably well!”

“Just as pretty as Ma too!”

“If not prettier!”

The entire carriage ride to Melini was full of this type of chatter, asking questions about you and Chilchuck’s time together the whole way.  A few times you had to clarify that you are only as close as the rest of your old party were close, but were only met with a few smug “mhms” and “sures”.

Chilchuck can only roll his eyes when he gets the chance to comment on it privately with you.  “I have no idea what’s up with them.”

“Oh, cheer up!”  You laugh softly.  “I’m flattered that they like me.”

Chilchuck can’t help but hear your laugh and chuckle along – music to his ears.  “...Yeah, I’m glad they like you too.”

“Come on!  Ma is here to greet you two!”  Flertom’s voice calls out.

The mastermind has been watching you and Chilchuck the whole time you approach.  Her expression remains neutral, with the smallest sliver of a smile.  Seems like the proximity has been lending itself quite well.

“Well, aren’t you two a pair,” she greets you both.  “Ready to take the ball by storm.”

“Your jokes haven’t gotten any better,” Chilchuck replies.

“And you’re still wearing the same shabby suit from sixteen years ago.”

Chilchuck flushes red once again and you can’t help but laugh, patting his shoulder sympathetically as he hooks his arm through yours.

The watching half-foot knowingly grins.  Yes, you two are definitely going to take it up a level after tonight.

Step 4 – Profit!

The ball came and went.  It goes as typical as the dark-haired half-foot expects.  What really is supposed to be a high-class noble event is a mask for foodies, romantics, and those looking for a fun time.

Senshi’s food was as wonderful as promised, and even if this was all done in the name of romance, Flertom and Puckpatti had to be held down from trying to approach the dwarf with lowered eyelids and twirled hair.  Chilchuck doesn’t need more heart palpitations than he already did.

She did her best to encourage Chilchuck to drink.  She knows better than anyone that his tongue only loosened when he got enough alcohol in him.  It hurts just a little, knowing that this is one of the only ways Chilchuck can be open with someone romantically.

The temptation did cross her to ask how Chilchuck views her now, but she stood against it.  It’s not the night for that.

By the time the party drew to a close, people were exhausted, drunk, in a food coma, or all of the above.  The King had to be dragged over to his quarters, and Marcille had since passed out on Falin’s shoulder, who’s bidding farewell to guests.

The dark-haired half-foot swirls the last of her wine in a glass as she stands outside, making small-talk with the tall-man.  It’s not until you stumble out with Chilchuck clinging to the fabric on your hip that she looks up.

“Do you—”

“No need for help!”  You reassure her with a grin.  “He always seems to get clingy with me when drunk, so I’m kinda used to it at this point!”

Your laughter meets a knowing smile, not knowing exactly what she’s so smug about.  “Yes, he seems to really like you.”

“I sure hope he does, considering he’s accepted my request to go on a date with him.”

Falin perks up enough to wake up the elf on her shoulder.  “A date?”

The half-foot across from you is stunned into silence.  It actually worked.  The atmosphere and passion of it all actually egged you both on!

“Congratulations.”  You’ve seen more emotion from the dark-haired woman than ever before.  Her smile relaxed but her eyes shining, the lines underneath crinkling with happiness.  “Treat him well, okay?”

“Of course,” you reply, and you lean forward a little.  “Thank you for your help.  Kabru couldn’t help but gossip to me.”

You wink and lean up again.  Chilchuck at your side whines for your attention and you laugh, walking towards a carriage.

Safe travels were promised, and the dark-haired half-foot turns to the two blonde women.

The elf blinks slowly, red-faced from drink.

“Did we win…?”

The two other women laugh.  Stories must be exchanged the next time you all meet – especially on your end of things.

[softestkabru]

I think Fleki and Mithrun could be close friends into Mithrun's retirement

Theres an extra where Fleki talks abt staying with Mithrun on Melini like Helki stays with Milsiril but she gets talked out of it bc he's like "it will not be exciting I'm not planning on having adventures. Im going to make noodles and be retired. Plus you'll be stuck hanging around a bunch on non-elves" and Fleki's like 🤢 nvm ur right

But like, thats so fucking cute. She'd like his live-in, burnout, non-niece on Melini for the next 200 years or whatever

Thinking abt a "10 years later" kind of deal where Mithrun's canary squad comes to visit him and they tease him kindly about how much he's changed (he smiles a lot, he's a bit chubby, he's really domestic w/ kabru, he has an eye prosthetic that actually fits,he's very kind to them) and Fleki almost starts crying because she's so emotional about seeing Mithrun happy and recovering and she's like "i'm sorry we tease you so much, I'm sorry we were so mean to youuuu we should have been nicer 😭 you kept us safe and we didn't even care" and Mithrun is like "I know, Fleki, it's ok. You all kept me safe too and I'm grateful for that" and he invites them for a nice dinner at his and Kabru's home and they talk about how the queen doesn't really know what to do with the former canary prisoners so she's been trying to pair them off with their wardens to just have normal lives which has been going...... not completely great

So their Melini visit goes by and at the end of it, Mithrun asks Fleki if she'd like to stay with them and he tells her it's ok if she doesnt want to because it will be boring and he'll expect her to behave herself and she'd be seperating from Lycion (her bestie/ emotional support whore) and she cries and is grateful and has to think about it but she comes to say yes because being an socially outcast elf is a hard and long life and her future back there is so uncertain and Mithrun and Kabru have enough faith in her to offer her a place in their home and lives and she never thought anyone would ever give her that much credit again.

So, it's not always easy (i can imagine her getting on Kabru's nerves a bit) but she keeps Mithrun company when Kabru is away on business and that's very important to Kabru. Senshi comes around from time to time and teaches her how to cook so she makes meals for their house. She of course still has her crow familiar and is good with other larger birds of prey (she could get into falconing as a hobby) and Lycion comes to visit every once in awhile and theyre still close.

This got a lil long but i was floating around in my pool for an hour thinking abt this and for rlly emotional abt it :')

[ambrosiagourmet]

Gimme a Kabru for the ask meme

Ahhhh hi I'm still doing this I will finish them let's go

Kabru!!

First impression

Once again gonna go for a pre-reading impression, bc honestly I really think the fandom osmosis impression I got was so off imho. So, Kabru first impression:

what if there was a hater. in the dungeon. :0

Impression now

I LOVE HIM... He's constantly agonizing over everything he does and the impact it could have and the big picture and its gonna burn him out completely someday if he doesn't slow down and realize he's allowed to live for himself sometimes. In a story chock full of survivor's guilt he is Mister Survivor's Guilt. He feels like he needs to do something to earn his existence, and that's such a heavy burden he has put on himself. Ough.

Favorite moment

There are a ton of little parts from the story that I love, but I actually want to highlight this bit from one of the Adventurer's Bible comics that lives with me:

I don't know, there's just something... something about it. Allowing Mithrun the privacy of his own story is such a strange kindness. Who else but Kabru could have thought to provide it?

Kabru, who wears Utaya across his shoulders everywhere he goes, but also never shares much about his mom, his food, the things he misses from Utaya. Or the superstitions about his eye color, and the ways that even the place he misses most wasn't always a kind home to him. Kabru, who has learned exactly how to cut up the piece of his own story in order to be able to hold the weight of them all and do the things he needs to do.

Kabru looks at Mithrun, someone who doesn't have the ability to care for himself, and provides this service to him. Offers him privacy. Privacy. The people around Mithrun have cared for him for years, but who has given him this?? Food, sleep, water, basic hygiene... but Mithrun deserves dignities beyond that too, even if he isn't able to ask for them.

And Kabru takes his eye for creating palatable stories, which he has often used to make himself fit in or force himself through unpleasant things, and uses it to help Mithrun in a way that no one else had.

Idea for a story

I don't have anything super specific here, just a GREAT DESIRE for post-canon Kabru stuff. I want to see him and Marcille become friends. I want to see him struggle to figure himself out now that his driving motive has been resolved. I want to see him forced to consider that he can't always do things for the Bigger Picture. I want to see how his relationships with his party members change. I want to see the adventures of the Laios - Marcille - Kabru trio. Pleaaaaaaase

Unpopular opinion

He's not just a hater in a dungeon.......

Like for sure his feelings about Laios are complicated and boy can they include Haterism, but also he is like the only person who vouches for Laios at certain points. Kabru intentionally chooses to have faith in him at several key moments, and the ending of the story hinges upon that faith.

I think he's got a very black and white way of looking at things sometimes, and he likes to be in control. This is where the haterism can come in.

BUT there's so much more than just that to him. Kabru is an extremely caring person in general. He notices details about people and often uses those observations to care for them - Mithrun in the example above, for instance, or the way that he thinks about how hard it would be for Rin to go back to the elves when considering whether to hand the dungeon over to them. He has a strong sense of justice. He is loyal to his promises.

I just wish those elements of his personality were given more significance in the fandom :/

Favorite relationship

Gotta go with him and Mithrun here. They bring out such interesting sides to each other. Some of my favorite moments are them surviving in the dungeon together, and of course that comic is one of my fave moments. The way Kabru understands him and continually chooses to use that understanding to provide kindness and support to Mithrun... it's good.

But also I think that Mithrun gets to a core part of Kabru that Kabru usually tries to keep hidden. Some part of the survivor's guilt, I think... the way Kabru is driven by a sense of obligation to a thing he Cannot Ever Bring Back.

They both pull something out of the other that no one else does, at least over the course of the story.

Favorite headcanon

Hmmmmm... does "he and Marcille will be besties someday" count? I think it counts. I love the idea of them being gossip-heads.

[danganphobia]

i think because laios and shuro’s clashes in personalities it’s unavoidable that they will fight during their relationship. who do you think would be the first one to reach out first after a fight? (this is just an attempt to make you write angsty hurt + comfort laishuro)

DRABBLE INCOMING!

Toshiro wasn't sure how many beers he had tonight. He sat next to other patrons, the number of guests dwindling as the hours passed. He just wanted to get so drunk he wouldn't have to experience a sober thought until the next morning.

This bar was quiet, two blocks away from their university campus - compared to the ones on the flashier side of town where most students went on Friday and Saturday nights to party hard and forget about responsibilities for the weekend.

For Toshiro, beers sounded more tempting than any club to wash away the stress of exams and back-to-back assignments.

When he asked for another refill, his vision started to blur. Next thing he knew, he heard another voice within earshot.

"He's been here for the past three hours."

"Don't worry, I'll pay for it."

"Uh, that's kind of you, but he's already paid for the whole night."

"Then I'll tip you extra."

Toshiro groaned, facepalming. He didn't have to look to know who it was that just showed up. Laios leaned his body against the counter, trying to peek at his face.

"Kabru said you'd be here."

Saying nothing, Toshiro finished his last beer.

Laios' carried him back to campus on piggyback. It's silent, save for the occasional cars driving through.

"Why did you come?" Toshiro asked stubbornly, the alcohol he drank made him lightheaded. If it weren't for Laios, he'd be unable to walk - but the idiot didn't need to know that. Just two weeks ago, Toshiro remembered storming out of that party Namari and Kabru invited him to, with Laios following after him, asking what his problem was, and everyone outside looking on in curiosity.

"My problem?" Toshiro had asked, sneering. "Don't you see it? This - we - doesn't work! I'm sick of it! All I ever get are stares when I tell them-"

"You're with me," Laios finished with a bitter nod, stopping Toshiro in his tracks. "If you're that embarrassed to be with me, why didn't you say so?"

That was the killer. When Toshiro noticed the eyes on them, Laios staring right at him with disappointment and hurt, Toshiro decided to admit defeat. He had only given a sour apology, leaving the party without another word.

They hadn't talked to each other since then. Toshiro stopped coming to club meetings because he didn't want to risk running into Laios, and unfortunately, Laios was always present. It was fine, their campaign could go on without Toshiro considering where they'd left off anyway.

"Why did I come?" Laios repeated the question, exhaling as he contemplated his answer. "I don't know, actually."

This was why Toshiro couldn't stand him sometimes. He was a very logical person. This was how he was raised, otherwise he'd never be fit to be heir of his father's company. Laios Touden didn't need a reason to do the things he did.

"I don't get it," Toshiro mumbled. This should make him a walking red flag, after all. This was the guy who was known for smoking pigs at clubs, did kegstands at frat parties, and could squirt milk out his eyelids for the hell of it. He was the kind of guy that would make a pristine rich kid's parents like Toshiro's have a heart attack if Laios told them what he'd been up to. They were polar opposites; someone Toshiro would've avoided if it weren't for their mutual friends. "After everything I said to you, you still came to see me."

"Yeah." Laios said, like there was nothing odd about it. It only pissed Toshiro off even more.

"Why?"

"I can't just leave you there. What if you passed out in the middle of the street?"

Toshiro snorted, scoffing. "You are aware that I practice martial arts?"

Laios laughed. "I don't doubt you can probably kick my ass while drunk. Then again, you didn't." Instead, Toshiro was clinging to his back, Laios' cyprus scent calmed him, as it was so welcoming. He hated that. It should make him nauseous if anything. "I can't say for any other stranger that would see you this vulnerable."

"I can take care of myself," Toshiro huffed. "You shouldn't have come."

"I don't care if you're mad at me, because I've already forgiven our fight."

"That's - that's preposterous -" Toshiro sputtered in defense, "Why continue to torment yourself by being seen with me?"

Laios chuckled. "Who said being with you was tormenting?"

Toshiro stayed quiet.

"You might think so, so I'll just have to prove myself to you. Lucky for me, I don't really care what people think," Laios explained, pausing at a stop light. Toshiro's eyes widened when Laios turned his head slightly with a gentle smile. "And you shouldn't either."

Toshiro's heart pounded in his chest. The traffic sign flashed - as Laios was permitted to cross the street.

"Yeah, you were an asshole at that party. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change my feelings for you. I think," Laios sighed, "if you like someone, if you really really like someone, you should let them know as much as you can."

Toshiro reached for Laios' ear and tugged on it.

"Ack!" The noise Laios' made in pain just made Toshiro pull on it tighter until he let go. "What was that for?!" He asked, pouting.

"It's easy for you to say," Toshiro said bitterly. "I've spent my whole life trying to live up to the expectations of others. I don't just do impulsive, stupid things out of my own free will. Which is why - I don't even understand why I have feelings for you, either..."

"Toshiro..."

"I am not worth this trouble. You misguide yourself."

"That's not true," Laios countered in earnest. "Tell yourself that all you want, but to me, you're worth it."

Silent and brooding, Toshiro buried his neck deep into the crook of Laios' shoulder to hide the scarlet in his cheeks.

Laios was like a leech that wouldn't pull himself off Toshiro even if Toshiro tried.

And he'd never admit how nice it felt, to be around someone who didn't expect much from him; just his presence, so they could exist together in a world so unpredictable. The air felt easier to breathe the longer they remained, just being.

[crystalelemental]

We have finished the Dungeon Meshi anime. I'll type out thoughts, but I feel like I can easily summarize as "It's really good, you should watch it." I was also asked to talk about favorite characters so like. Get ready for that one.

As a whole, Dungeon Meshi is excellent. My wife has an anecdote she likes to tell about it, where before we even watched it, I told her about the general premise and that people were talking about it and it sounded neat and I wanted to pick it up if she'd like to watch. And as happens sometimes, I get the response of "I'll probably look at my phone and just watch it in the background," which is usually "I'm not too interested but put on what you want to put on." And after the first episode she was completely invested. The show is really charming really fast.

Thing is, for as fun adventure as it starts, it does a lot seriously that lands spectacularly well. The first instance of "oh wow, this show is for real" is the well-documented living armor bit. The biology that goes into these monsters is amazing. My personal favorite is still the treasure bugs and mimics interaction, which is just incredible to me, but every time they talk about monster biology and their function it's a treat.

Exploration stuff is also really cool. There's another great post that went around talking about how this party really is more of an old-school dungeon crawler party, where skills for survival like Chilchuck's are essentially the most valuable, rather than combat ability. It does really have that feel, and it's great. I also just love how some of the magic works. Things like mana sickness are cool, but resurrection is my personal favorite. They make a big deal about the black magic kind being forbidden, but watching it in action, it functions just like the stuff that's on the level; blood pools and congeals back in the body, the black magic just involved reconstructing flesh. Marcille's point about black magic not being inherently bad is fair; it doesn't seem all that different. But perceptions are really different regarding it.

They haven't delved too far into it yet, but there are tensions between the fantasy races, and plenty of biases going around. Some are a bit more obvious, like Marcille really not trusting the orcs, while others are more like Shuro's one party member who just refers to the dwarves as just "dwarf," even as she's praising Senshi's cooking. Kabru's got his own hangups regarding how the elves handle things with the dungeons, and openly admits to the imbalance in power between races and how that negatively impacts everyone. I imagine this starts to be more prominent in the second half now that all the establishing stuff is done.

As for cast...they're really strong. Laios' group is all great, I loved them all. Marcille is my favorite, personally, because of course she is. From silly magic elf girl, to oh she's actually super smart, to oh she's super smart in ancient criminal magic fuck yeah girl. Marcille's a delight. Chilchuck was the easy least favorite of the group starting out, but he's really grown on me. Izutsumi is peak cat. Laios is really interesting as a protagonist, I like him a lot. I think the conflicts he gets into are...very real, in a way. Like, he has amazing strengths that make him great at what he's doing, but the flaws in his character inform what struggles they encounter in a really believable way. I like him a lot. Senshi is cool. Falin needs more time, and you have no idea how bummed I am that the season ended with a little snapshot that Chimera Falin and Thistle are having hijinks off-screen, I need that spinoff.

The other groups are less developed, but I'm sure Aera will be happy to hear this: god damn do I love Kabru. This dude rules. I saw people talk about him on Tumblr so I recognized him the instant he showed up, but his first "proper" introduction is stupendous, showing his general people-reading and ability to gather information, and his adherence to a sense of justice that's just as much about meting out punishment as anything else. Him killing those dudes was great, loved that. And the barely concealed excitement over black magic is hilarious. Then he gets to show off that he's basically an assassin class, knowing where to strike for instant kills, has a whole chat with Shuro about recognizing the racial discrepancy in the world at large, and tries to play an entire room full of elves. I dunno, like the guy a lot. He's shrewd, and he's got moxie. I do admit that, while I get the fandom is really attached to Laios and Kabru as a ship, I...have no strong feelings about it. I do, oddly, like him and Rin. Their dynamic in the show was fairly cute, and admittedly some supplemental material I saw posted really got me invested in her. The rest of his party...I have no particular feelings about. It's just him and Rin to me for now.

Shuro's party is even less interesting. I do like Shuro, I think he's a really neat character. But his group hasn't done anything all that interesting to me yet. They kinda showed up to get bodied by Chimera Falin and drive tension as the group that first knows about black magic.

Similar deal with Namari's group? If anything I think the old gnome dude is in the running for general least favorite character. I don't hate the guy, but he's done nothing to endear himself. I have no strong perspectives yet.

For characters that need more time in the oven, there is the question of the Canaries. I've seen a tidbit about them, but my general assumption of them is the whole "Canary in the coalmine," they're the frontliners for dungeons that are sent in and risk death to assess the threat level. Which is neat, would like to know what that deal is. But #1 most invested in learning more about is Thistle. Love that design, love the general vibe he puts out, but also the reveal that he was hired as the court jester who happened to also become the most powerful mage of the kingdom is really, really good. That's both hilarious and awesome. I don't even know this guy and I think he's the shit.

I am wildly invested in season 2, and if it weren't for me working for a school and going through summer months unpaid, I'd probably be buying the entire manga like right now. As it stands I'll have to wait a bit for that, but it's probably happening. I've seen plenty of commentary about things the anime couldn't fit in that are hilarious or interesting, and it feels like one I'd like to read as well, even if I plan to fully go through the anime. Huge fan, glad we got an immediate announcement of season 2, really looking forward to more.

[blimbo-buddy]

Note before I start: I’ve admittedly not remembered much about the characters and their personalities. Not that I’ve totally forgotten but it’s very likely that some aspects of their characters I’ll get wrong. That’s why I encourage any sort of input: Character fixes, corrections, even potential ideas for the au. There’s a lot of moments in here that are just “I don’t have a solid idea about it yet”

So this idea stemmed from a thought I had with the Chimeras, “Can multiple people be merged with the same monster as one entity”.

Basically it starts out as the regular story does but instead of eating Falin, the Red Dragon consumes Laios, Marcille, and Toshiro. Falin uses her teleportation spell but it only manages to work on her, Namari, and Chilchuck (since the other three already got eaten). Falin’s freaking the fuck out and, like Laios with Falin in the og story, she’s eager to go back and save everybody after recounting some vague information she remembered from Laios, that the digestion of a Red Dragon takes a while. That means if they’re fast enough they could get them all out in time.

Chilchuck and Namari aren't too sure about that idea: They have no money and most of their stuff got lost on that floor during the fight

I don’t know if I’ll have Namari stay with them (same reasons as in canon) but Chilchuck for sure will stay with Falin

He didn’t want to at first but seeing how serious she was on going into the Dungeon, he got a bit nervous at the thought of her alone down there

and also. Y’know deep down he doesn’t want anymore people to die or get hurt

Lot of this is fuzzy but generally things sort of go the same. Falin does suggest trying to eat monsters but she’s not as insistent about it as Laios would be (she still really likes monsters though). Maybe they manage to scrounge up some rations or something (Maybe some scenes where she would rather go hungry than see Chil get hungry). Thankfully they meet Senshi so, cool they got a chef now

I think Senshi would also help Falin realize that, while she has kind-hearted intentions, she can’t keep starving herself in favor of others not going hungry

Everyone needs to eat

Falin’s just really stuck and worried on getting Laios Marcille and Toshiro out and safe. I’m going to.. skip over a lot of the smaller aspects of the story because I’d like to brainstorm more in depth of how Falin would play off of the other characters in place of Laios. Of course in these moments we’d also get flashback scenes of her and Laios/Marcille/Toshiro to show her bond with each of them.

A lot of her info about monsters mainly comes from Laios and some of her newer info about them comes from Senshi

I think when Kabru’s party and Toshiro’s retainers meet, it’s made just a bit apparent that Maizuru and the others are searching for Toshiro (though they hide it as best as possible because sensitive information) maybe one of them overheard Namari talking about it while in a tavern. Even though Maizuru tries hiding it, Kabru pulls a total Kabru and sees right through her stoic attitude and sees a deeply anxious person worried for someone’s safety. He also notices the strange stand-off-ish attitude of the other retainers about retrieving Toshiro

Whoops another gap of info. Again I’ll save these moments for posts or asks about them but I also just. Need to reread the manga again to get a good idea.

Eventually they get to fighting the Red Dragon. Missing info here about how exactly they kill it because Falin , while not completely defenseless and dumb in actual combat, probably wouldn’t have that same knowledge in it as Laios did (Unless I’m wrong (very likely)). But they manage to kill it with just three people, hooray time to recover them all!

All they find is bones

Obviously just like in canon with Falin, the party is too late and Laios, Marcille, and Toshiro were digested  

Now this is the part I’m stumped at the hardest. Because in the og story, Marcille knew dark magic which is how she was able to bring Falin back. While Falin does know resurrection magic, it’s not the same as necromancy

Was there a way that Falin somehow learnt dark magic (did Marcille somehow teach her out of pure trust? Is it in character for Marcille to do that with a banned system of magic with her best friend?)

How the fuck did they manage to get their bones in the right places. How would they not mix them up

Because at least Falin’s bones were fairly easy to figure out, the other bones were from the Wargs

I just really don’t want to accidentally go the “These are WOMEN bones and these are MEN bones” route. Maybe they go by height? Taller people do have longer bones but I don’t know if this also carries weird connotations

However this goes, somehow, someway, the three are brought back to life by some miracle using the flesh of the Red Dragon. Yay they’re all back they can finally go home now(?)

Side note but I imagine Laios got really jealous that Falin got to eat monsters without him

Generally though Falin’s just so, so happy to see her brother and friends back

Might actually have some scenes of awkward but friendly interactions between Falin and Toshiro

That night the three (Laios Marcille Toshiro) feel like somethings off. This leads them back to the Red Dragon’s corpse and right to Thistle. The rest of the party comes across this and yaddah yaddah, Thistle tries getting rid of them and the last thing Falin sees is the three of them collapsed on the ground; flesh and blood piling onto their bodies.

Time skip to when Kabru’s party, Falin’s party, and Maizuru’s party all come across each other. It’s revealed, after Hien and Benichidori (and right after: Maizuru) are killed, that Laios, Marcille, and Toshiro, perched on the rooftops and surrounded by harpies, were transformed into Chimeras

But, not as three separate entities

Rather as three parts of one singular body, their lower torsos connected by three long, feathery necks that sprout from the Red Dragon’s body

They would later be nicknamed the Trimera (portmanteau of Tri- & Chimera

(Very poor artist rendition below. Pretend its Falin's drawing or something)

(Not exactly to scale. Marcille is in the middle but Toshiro and Laios can be on either side)

During the fight, it’s scary how strangely coordinated yet different the three parts of them are when it comes to fighting, likely due to the enhanced abilities from the Red Dragon. But hits are, of course, struck onto the Trimera

Laios is oddly in his element, attacking like a wild beast instead of how he would usually attack

Marcille, thanks to the Trimera still being capable of some speech, is able to cast destructive spells. Getting stabbed by Kabru likely enhanced some rage in her

Toshiro is quick, nobody can catch him off guard and trying to get him from his blind spot is near impossible. Even with a huge gash on his side he's still quick in battle

I would imagine right towards the end, Tade, who manages to recover pretty fast after being whipped by its tail, makes the boldest choice of her life

She charges towards the Trimera, narrowly avoiding another tail whip

Leaps onto and climbs towards Toshiro’s half

She sets her sights on a gaping wound that Daya left right at the spot where the base neck of the dragon (aka toshiro's lower torso) is located

And she starts to violently, brutally rip him off

I think this scene would show the very sad and unhealthy dedication she has to the Nakamoto clan

Toshiro’s dad expects him home at some point, Tade is going to make sure he comes home

The last tendon severs and the two are sent flying onto one of the rooftops, Tade struggling to not fall and to also restrain Toshiro

After the Trimera (still called this even after Toshiro got ripped off) flees, all of the casualties are revived. Tade comes down from the rooftops, Toshiro is barely even responding. Falin doesn’t keep her eyes off of the place that the Trimera fled from. She doesn’t say a word. All she can do is weep while the others try to comfort her. It’s too much for her to handle, it’s all her fault.

What has she done?

oh my god I got the most batshit crazy dungeon meshi au idea last night but I’m gonna let it marinate in my brain for a minute hope you guys are ready

[teddy-stonehill]

Tagged by @comradegrantaire 

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

Only 19 lol, I don’t write a lot of fanfic

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

46,630. Honestly, more than I expected. 

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I’ve written for twelves lol. Mostly I’ve written one shots for things so I don’t often write a lot for any given fandom. And a lot of these were fics I wrote for other people so they’re not all necessarily for fandoms I actually care that much about personally lol.

The fandoms I’ve written for are: Fire Emblem Three Houses, Run with the Wind, Friends at the Table, The Flash, NieR: Automata, Mystic Messenger, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Adventure Zone, Hikaru No Go, Merlin, and Dungeon Meshi. 

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. The Importance of Selfishness, which is a Sinbad: Legend of the Seven seas fic I wrote for a friend. I think I’ve only seen that movie once lol. But I do think it’s kind of a solid standalone short story, and I’m pretty sure there aren’t a lot of fics in that tag so people still read it regularly even though it’s like 5 years old at this point.

2. Disappointment, Understanding, which I do personally consider my crowning fanfic achievement. It’s a (primarily) Jumin Han/Zen Mystic Messenger fanfic written in the style of the game (text chats interspersed with cut scenes.) I managed to match the idiosyncratic style of the game really well AND the fic is almost entirely canon compliant except for the pairings getting together lol. I’m still proud of this fic. It’s good.

3. Finding the Words, which is a 2B/60 NieR Automata fic. This is another one I wrote for a friend and honestly I don’t think it’s even that good, but lesbian NieR fans are desperate for content. 

4. Look This Way, which is a short, again mostly canon compliant, fic about Prince/Kakeru from the anime Run With the Wind. I think this one stands out in searches because Prince/Kakeru is the less popular pairing for that show but I stand by it as being better. Haiji/Kakeru fans are welcome to come fight me.

5. Not So Alone, which is a Midge/Susie Marvelous Mrs. Maisel fic. Again, this probably stands out because it’s a small tag. But also the fact that that show hasn’t canonically made Susie a lesbian yet is a hate crime. 

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Not very consistently. If I don’t have anything substantial to add I feel self-conscious about responding. And I don’t want to feel like I’m artificially inflating my comment count by replying “thanks” to every comment. 

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Possibly Dying is Not Romantic, a short Shamir/Catherine FE3H fanfic I wrote about the potential timeline in which Shamir kills Catherine. 

Or, arguably, Mercedes Dies of Cholera, also an FE3H fic, but it was written partially as a joke so I’m not sure that counts. I did also try to make it sincerely sad though lmao

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I did once write a Jake from Brooklyn Nine Nine/Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec fic lmao. I wrote it in the format of a television script. 

But I never posted that anywhere publicly, I just physically printed it out and mailed it to my friend who I wrote it for lmao. 

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I remember, but I don’t it’s possible that I have and I’ve just forgotten. I think I mostly write for fandoms and parings that are too obscure to really inspire much hate. 

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

I usually do a “fade to black” sort of thing if my fics include sex, but I have written one actually explicit fanfic and that was... the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel one lmao. 

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’ve noticed. I don’t think I would really care if they were.

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

People have asked permission to translate a couple of my fics into Russian before. If anyone translated them without asking for permission first I don’t know about it. I don’t really keep a close eye out for these things. 

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve written fics based on other people’s ideas/prompts before, if that counts. 

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don’t really have one. I’m not that hardcore into shipping culture. 

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I wrote half of a Marcille/Farlyn Dungeon Meshi fic once that I think would have been good. But if I don’t finish a fanfic in one sitting I usually won’t finish it. I’m much more dedicated to writing original fiction, so I only ever write fanfiction on random hyperfocus whims. 

15) what are your writing strengths?

I’m good at character and dialogue and I’m VERY good at matching different writing styles. I don’t write fanfic that often but whenever I do I usually get comments about how well I captured the voice of whatever I’m writing a fic for. 

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t think very visually so I’m not very good at writing descriptions or action scenes where I have to think about characters existing in space.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fc?

I wouldn’t try to write in a language I don’t speak, and I don’t really see why this is something that would come up often. But again I don’t actually write fanfic that often and I READ fanfic even less. Is this a common thing people do? Why?

I guess it might make sense in some specific contexts but... why.

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

When I was very young I wrote a fic about an original character in the pokemon universe, based off of a forum roleplay. This fanfic is not online anymore. 

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

It’s Disappointment, Understanding for sure. Seriously, if you were into the Mystic Messenger craze back in the day I highly recommend it lol. I like to reread it just for fun sometimes.

Other than that, I’m also hugely fond of Chance Encounter, which is a Laisu/Kabru Dungeon Meshi fic. I’m only bringing it up because I didn’t get a chance to bring it up in any of the earlier questions and I think it’s hilarious. So if you like Dungeon Meshi check it out. 

I tag @heronfem, and... that’s it. I don’t know that many fanfic writers lol. 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 8: “I’m Tired and feeling reckless” - Jenn [ PART I ]

So for some reason I thought that this game to return would have incredibly high scores until I found out that in the 600s seems to be the norm which is a little annoying considering I was just hitting 600 with half my time left before I fucked up. I hope Ruthie wins her way back into the game because she's the biggest angel this game has. I think Jessy fucked up too and I'm devastated b/c she's become one of my best friends in the game. It was strange finding out we've actually played games together before but didn't realize it until 2 weeks into the game and we just got on like a house on fire so I'll be really and truly sad to see her go because she's a bundle of joy. The voting at this mass tribal was honestly awful. Everyone in my expendables alliance lost a life, Ruthie lost both hers and Ricardo lost his last one. Literally anyone I was/would have allied with in the future. It's sad because I see exactly the direction where the game is going, those who had strong pre-existing bonds with lucky tribe swaps have managed to keep squeaking by because the people they've pulled in are too afraid to do anything against it. 

Owen clearly has caccooned himself into a currently unbreakable alliance with layers of protection. Pat seemed to recognize this which was good. I'm just really pissed at the current hierarchies of dictatorship that are running the game. It's boring, switch it up huns. 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I AM BACK BITCHES! AND I'M BACK WITH FURY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET KAIT, MJ AND CARSON OUT.  THEN WES  BECAUSE HE WAS OBVIOUSLY IN ON IT FOR THAT COMMENT HE MADE BEFORE MY TRIBAL. 

I'M GOING TO BE SWEET AND TRUSTING TO EVERYONES FACE, THEN I AM GOING TO FUCK THEM ALL UP, I CANNOT WAIT TO CAUSE SOME CHAOS.  <3

RUTHIE DID THAT

@hosts do yall want me out THIS BAD??!! I can't deal with this swap im crying and hysterically laughing at the same time! Literally as fucked as fuck can be! At least queen Ruthie won her way back into the game. Honestly all my friends died that last round so I can't wait to go on premerge holiday with them cuz it'll be LIT! 

I love Jenna

Kait and I just got in a fight and I've never wanted to quit this game more in my life.

Okay, who's ready to read a novel? 

The last immunity challenge was some more than complicated balls and holes interaction. Going into in, I was of the mindset that anyone other than Jessy had to win, because I didn't know what I would do if she did. I heard rumors about Wes stepping down in this game because he didn't want to vote for anyone on Thotse, and I've never felt so connected to an otherwise literal stranger before. I was also told that Abbey was sitting out because of...dog situations, which is different. It's honestly #puppygate2k17 at this point. Anyways, god bless Kait for winning because it could've been worse than it already was. When results came out, seeing Owen win on Kabru kind of sucked because I had been leaning to striking against him since he threw me under the bus to Ricardo. Which left me at a stalemate on both of my tribes because no matter what happened, I was voting out an ally. 

On Kabru, Owen and Logan seemed open to anything. I told Gage that I was on strict orders from Kait to work with him and make sure he was safe. He seemed to take this as good news, and I think our relationship has grown from that point but I can't tell if he's just being fake to my face. I love karma. In Game A, I had to deal with Jake trying to save Jessy. Right after results are posted, he calls me. It's all fine and dandy but c'mon, let's just address the elephant in the room - he's calling to try and convince me to keep Jessy around. In short, because Kait is immune, I'm supposed to vote Jimmy and we're all supposed to be one big happy family. I told him I'd think about it, and I truly did. I am incapable of voting against close friends in games, and right now, this means Jimmy and Kait. I was thinking that maybe I should step down, save my conscience from the pain, but the more I thought about, the more it made sense from a strategy perspective. If I let Jessy stay over me in Game A, I keep more allies for myself since I would be safe in Game B. That way, if I make a merge, I have the optimal amount of people on my side. 

Friday comes, and I'm away all day. Out of nowhere, I get a message from Kait saying that Carson told MJ that Jessy had an idol. Kait is at work, so MJ calls me and relays all this info. I'm thinking I should go straight to the source about this, and call Jake and Jessy to confront them. Kait is worried about Carson feeling like we threw him under the bus, so I let it be. I talked to Jake and Jessy, and told them if she wanted to stay, she needed to vote for me. Jake says I can't do that, and he can't call but he'll explain to me shortly. When I told him to get Jessy to vote for me though, it sends him into a tailspin and he suddenly forgets everything he was supposed to tell me. I called him out on it, and he said that he "misinterpreted a conversation" with Owen earlier in the day, but he was wrong. This came after he said it was crucial and top secret info, so it was already shady. He explained that I couldn't leave in Game A, because Steven, Gage and Owen were going to blindside me in Game B. Oh honey, not on my watch. At this point, everything is a shit show, I'm baiting Jessy into voting for me, she's telling Kait and I conflicting things, Jimmy is trying to calm me down and I'm getting paranoid about Game B. So I get pissed at Owen, and contemplate flipping to save Steven with Logan and take out Gage. I don't want to leave though, so I confront both Steven and Gage about the plan to take me out. Gage says it's news to him and Steven sends me receipts that he hasn't talked to Owen since the immunity results are posted. Okay, so I'm safe for B. I go back to Jake and ask him one more time to be honest about if Jessy can save herself. He says yes. I freak out at Jimmy and Kait because I think they need to vote for me. Tribal comes, and Jessy posts a picture in the tribe chat about having an idol. I'm about to need new pants before Ryan says that the idol is fake. Now I'm just hurt (cue crying time #2 in this game) because if Jake really wanted to be my ally, you'd think honesty would be the policy. 

After tribal council, it's announced that someone in each game will get to return. Now I love to gamble, but I suck at it. I'm thinking that easily, Jessy and Jack will return in A and B respectively. Seeing Ruthie absolutely demolish everyone today, I mean it wasn't the worst thing to happen for me, but not the best either. She and I don't talk, but I didn't have a hand in her leaving. It also means Jessy is gone for good, and although we cleared the air today, I'm still pissed that they used me when they knew how guilty I'd feel. Anyone who uses emotional manipulation freely like that...that's a little fucked up. When those people were added back to the chat last night, and Jessy said "Malaysia better watch out", I don't know if she was kidding or not, but where does she get off saying that when I literally would've left for her? 

Kait said she talked to Jack, and although we don't all talk, he insists that the Malaysia crew is a family. Kait is trying to develop a showmance with Pat, so he can be the new Ben. I don't know what to think about that, and I feel like I should warn him but then, I don't know how their relationship actually is and I'm not about to get in the middle. We swap again tonight, and I'm happy because I'm with Jimmy on both tribes, but worried that Malaysia could be a target in Game B. Not too mention, I'm stuck with Owen on both tribes again too which makes me suspect. I'm increasingly aware of how little he tells me. I called with Jake to make sure we were on the same page after last night, and he pins the entire plan on Jessy and tells me that Malaysia is a sinking ship with Kait at the center of it so he can't be allies with her for much longer. I relayed this information back to her, but it started something bigger that I wasn't ready for. Apparently I'm the better player, have more connections, are more social, blah blah blah and yet she's bearing all the blame for the Malaysia alliance. I felt like it got low-key passive aggressive and cue crying time #3 in this game. After almost a week of planning to make a move against Owen at some point, she wants to go and tell him that they are the two kingpins in the game and need to work together. 

I feel like I'm in the middle of everything and I can't make any decision without being criticized. Like Jake, telling me I was giving away my game to Jimmy, and that I should just vote him out because it's "not that deep". You're right, it's not that deep, it's fucking bottomless. Let me educate you all really quickly here: Jimmy is the best one of all of us here and the list about why I'm not about to vote him out would keep you reading this confessional for days. Kait telling me that she thinks Logan might have the idol, and now I have to decide whether to walk by her side or take a shot with Logan and give them a heads up. I'm tired and feeling reckless, so who knows what'll happen?

Righto, when life gets busy confessionals get chucked to the wayside but now I have 0 things on my plate and can go ham!

Let's go way back to my first tribal. Malaysia coming to have a party all being on a tribe together and a party we had. JC was an easy choice for me at least, was around very little and talked absolute nothingness with me. They came to me 8 minutes before the vote was revealed -_- 

Next was the rice challenge.... Of the 24 hours we had to do that challenge, I had to work 10, and sleep a decent amount so that left me with the 3rd lowest score. I spent every free minute I had doing it but still was shit house compared to others. Lucky for my tribe's woeful performance Jakey used the old switcheroo and we got to avoid a tribal. Good news for me, but still feel pretty shit for the people that monstered that challenge for nought. 

And then when those tribals were all said and done, these shudder-trucking hosts throw us a octuple tribal. Yeah cheers for that you bloody clowns! (Lydia asked for a shout-out conveniently at this time, guess she's a clown). Well I though Game A aka Maslaysia was going to be the simple one, and Game B be a little all over the shop, but little did I know. Game B was sorted in two minutes with a quick convo with Matty and Abbey and Ricardo was Ricardone. Game A on the other hand was wild. Mega-props to Jessy for being savage and causing absolute mayhem among the ranks. We had all 3 of us trying to save one other, Jenn self-voting, Kait voting me and me just chucking a John Kranski at the cameras as the forest burnt down around me. Jessy was hammering these guys with "I have an idol" business and some (won't mention names [JENN]) bought it hook, line and sinker! and entered super crazy cat lady panic mode. Thankfully with 20 minutes to go, common sense prevailed and we decided that if Jessy does all of a sudden miraculously have an idol, there would be no point us chucking votes willy-nilly at each other in order to protect one another in case she doesn't and it forces a tie. From that little anarchy I've got indents in my head from my fingers as I did the "what the muzzlewomp is happening?!" half facepalm/half thinking pose. 

This game is still a hoot of a time. Other tribals showed some rowdiness - i.e. the tie between Jack and Wes :O, Ruthie getting doubly wrecked :(, and poor old Steven getting done :/. 

honestly i'm crying 

the ONE TRIBE i did NOT want to go to TRIBAL COUNCIL goes. Like we needed to win because now what???

Jenn/Jimmy/Kait  aren't going to vote against each other. Lydia and I really N E E D Abbey. And Gage is probably up Kait's  A$$ so like fdsjkhsdf what the fuck is gonna happen like???

I don't want Lydia to have to use her idol and idek what good it would do anyways unless somehow like the same person left at both tribals or something but idk I'm just freaking screaming.

Lydia talked to Kait and Kait keeps telling Lydia she wants to work with her but then Kait also says that to me and??? I don't know. I don't know how to feel about Kait because she makes it seem like we're super close and maybe that wouldn't be that bad of a thing to be super close with Kait but it's so so so obvious she has other people in this game and she hasn't done a single thing to try to get me in with those people. I guess she has some group with MJ/Pat and herself, I'm positive she has one with Jenn and MJ probably, like.... She's gotta have all these groups and I'm not in a single one. So everything in me is like..... Telling me not to trust her because I know she won't give me the same trust? And she didn't tell me about ANY of the shit Jake was doing last round, Logan did.

Which leads me to like.... God.

In an attempt to save Jessy I guess, Jake told Jenn/Kait that I was teaming with Steven and Gage to try to get Jenn out??? And AFTER the vote, Logan came and told me this. So Jenn and Jake didn't talk to me about it... Logan did.

So I went to Jake and pretended like I didn't know he was the one who made up the rumor I was like "omg someone was saying shit about me!!!!!!" and he ended up confessing to it he was like 'They thought you and I were a super secret alliance so I made that up' like... Okay, Jake, way to not tell me :) It's clear he wasn't doing it for anything but his and Jessy's own interest. 

So I go to Jenn and I bring it up and say that it was all a lie and that Jake had told me he made it up and.... She says it's okay and that she wants to keep working together in our group with Logan. BUT THEN SHE WENT AND TOLD JAKE WHAT I SAID ABOUT HIM!!!!?????

How fucking messy can these people be??? Like, Logan said I was messy look at these people??

It's just a whole freaking cluster of lies and truths and NONSENSE and I don't like it. I obviously can't trust Jenn. I seriously doubt I can trust Jake. I don't think I can trust Kait, and I really don't know how to feel about Gage. Lydia is the only one who is honest with me, I guess, and if I found out after this season that she's been lying to me too i'm gonna SC  R E AMMMMMMMMMM :)

I don't know what to do for tribal. Maybe I'll get something in the adventure.

WELP! only going to tribal in 1 game

mjs talked to me about some pretty interesting points, and honestly, i need to kick my social game up because otherwise i have no chance of making the merge.

ruthie joined both of the tribes i'm on which is interesting, but who knows why she did that.

ruthies smarter than she lets on, i know that, and she's such a big threat that it'd be dumb to let her make it too far in this game.

i feel like im DECENT with the amount of allies i have, but who knows. all i want is merge, and hopefully its sometime soon.

Carson, I see you all up in my PM's now sweetheart.  Like I literally told you ALL my game.  I told you about my alliance with Kait and MJ right before tribal and just UGH.  I'm so glad I'm immune!  

Best case scenario for my personal game would be Kait leaving and I'm going to try my HARDEST to get that to happen! She has way too many friends up in this game and she is connected to everyone.  I'm being careful from here on out what I tell to any of them and as much as I love Steffen I'm putting my own game first from now on, I'm still in this thing and I don't plan on being voted out again for a long, long time. 

I got swap fucked lmao. I finally get onto a tribe with Lydia, but most of the tribe are already friends. Amazing content 

So... I may possibly soon be in an alliance with Jakey and Jack?  YES PLEASE. I'm just glad I might have the numbers for something soon. 

WHAT THE HELL IS MJ DOING UP IN MY PM'S THIS TIME.  Let's see, probably trying to make sure I don't vote out his dynamic duo Kait. 

Okay he apologized for voting me and told me he felt closer to Carson and I really do appreciate his honesty.  I wish I hated MJ but I just can't UGH. MJ WHY ARE YOU SO LIKEABLE?

I'm so chuffed that we won immunity and that I won my battle and finally got to go on "reward". So I found myself a nice disadvantage to take back to my tribe which will only build my shitty target I have on myself. I'm still hoping that people will start to make big moves before the merge to take out a potential threat to their individual game. It would make sense to do that but they haven't so far and the run of the mill stuff is a little boring. I keep trying to throw out messages for conversations but no one really seems up for talking so maybe I'm a bit abrasive? Who knows. I guess since I'm becoming more confident as an individual player from my last game that that could be the case. Even Lydia thought I was having a go at her when I just wished her good luck at tribal? Or that's the way it came across. Annoying since I thought I was given Steffen pointers to pull her into the old Hudson 3 in that tribe to make a block of 4 which would guarantee them a tie. I'm hoping Steffen survives b/c he's honestly the only true ally I have left, who talks with ease. Of course I've other connections with Matt, but we're all surviving on one life so I'd be surprised if any of us made the merge. 

[4:23:03 AM] kait ~~/: if abbey leaves this vote [4:23:05 AM] kait ~~/: i'm [4:23:12 AM] kait ~~/: gonna have to vote jimmy after [4:23:16 AM] kait ~~/: dont leak

WHAT THE SWEET HELL IS THIS? If Abbey leaves, okay fine even though I wanted Owen to leave, but if this is some sort of deal with Lydia... DARKSIDED!

Another day, another tiebreaker loss. But at least it's not both. I've been spending a lot of time on calls lately. Probably more than I've ever done in a TS game. I guess that's the way people do things now to avoid receipts? I haven't REALLY played since HvV2, and nearly everything was done in writing. So it's weird. Most of my call time has been with Kait. She's a badass. Despite her assertions to the contrary, she's a killer gameplayer.  Maybe a bit on the abrasive side, but that's not a bad thing when shit needs to get done. And once the game talk is out of the way it leaves us free to just talk. The best alliances are formed with people you're super comfortable talking with, and she definitely fits that bill. We firmed up a F2 last night and I feel so good about it. The next-most call time has been with Lydia, and I feel the same about her. Both her and Kait have a tendency to get a lot of hate for their voting habits and styles, but a big part of me does wonder how much of it is truly deserved. I know Kait's a bit on the aggressive side, but I've never played long enough with Lydia to see why her votes always leave a trail of hurt feelings. She suggested yesterday it might be because people think they can control her, she does her own thing and they get upset over it. I could see that, honestly. Right now, Lydia and Kait are working together out of necessity. Both are trying to rebuild the friendship that took a serious hit in Animal Crossing (if I believe them. I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one obscuring relationships.) I'm happy to ride along with that. Jack's probably next on my list. We haven't been talking quite as much since the swap, but I still feel good with him. We called with Lydia yesterday and talked out the vote... frankly, if he were to turn, now would be a great time to do it. I couldn't even be too mad. But I don't think he will. I just don't get that vibe from him right now. Next up is gonna be MJ and Logan. These two are in a dead heat and that's because I enjoy them both so much. Logan has been super communicative all game, and I really appreciate that of them and their game. I know we've had some... rocky moments in the past, but I've always liked the times where Logan and I can work as a unit. They have a great mind for the game and don't mind putting their thoughts out there. My reservation with going all-in with Logan: I know their style. They're so predisposed to slide along undetected until the end behind bigger targets and nobody targets them because, well shucks, they're just so likeable. And that's when they strike. MJ has also been really communicative. I mentioned at the outset of the season that I was unsure about working with him, but he's done a lot to soothe that thinking. I get great vibes from him, he talks to me, he seems to be including me in his plans, and we called yesterday just so he could share intel, even though we aren't hitting tribal together. All great things. My reservation with going all-in with MJ: I've seen firsthand how effortlessly he can deceive. And while that's no different that Kait or Lydia or Jack or.... most of this cast, really, there's just that ingrained 'ugh' factor from Olympics. I'm trying really hard not to let it impact this game, but... I know it's affecting my outlook on him. I don't like that. Wes is a tough one to place. Instinctively, I'd want to put him ahead of Logan/MJ. But our communication has really crawled to a standstill since his Hudson death. I still do trust him, and I know what an insanely valuable and loyal ally he can be. But I also know there's a very clear understanding by most people that Wes and I are together. And that's fine... better to have a strong known ally than a weak unknown one. I'm just wary about potentially being targeted for it... but I'm also aware that there are bigger, more visible duos and alliances out there. Jenn, I've got very mixed feelings on. I love her to death. She's absolutely fantastic, and really engaging to talk with. But it lowkey kinda bothered me how she seemed to be okay with laying her game down last round? I know, Jimmy's a good friend. I can't blame her for wanting to protect him. But I really don't know if she'd do the same for me. I suspect not. And that would be one of those stronger duos I was talking about. I really wouldn't want to be the one to cut Jimmy, though. If Jenn gets free of that relationship in here, it'll be akin to trying to steal a bear cub from its mother. Which is not to say that Jimmy's a cub – he's a very bright and entertaining dude himself – but, at the risk of being set in my ways, I still think Jenn is the more dangerous player. Steffen.... agh. I'm still super sketched out. I'm trying, my dudes. But he's been giving me the same runaround on this vote that he did with the Wes boot. Which... would be fine, I guess, if I was hearing he was doing the same elsewhere. But Lydia said he's looking to take out Carson, and it kind of bothers me that Steffen wouldn't trust me enough to throw the name out? For all the talk about trust and having each others' backs, actions speak louder. And his actions and words just aren't jiving right now. Christ. Jiving. Have I ever sounded like more of an old man? There's a big drop-off on the trust radar after Jenn, anyway. Beyond Steffen, I also get conflicting feelings about Matt (who's been MIA for much of the pre-merge and has only really re-opened communication lines recently, plus he shot himself in the foot with his Eastin-like rant in the OW chat,) Ruthie (who I absolutely adore but who I know I won't be able to keep around next time Andaman hits tribal at this rate,) Owen (who can leave now thanks. Not about to see him sneak his way to the finals like he usually does in side games or the BB community,) Jake (DUDE, if you really are a free agent, TALK WITH ME. WE CAN DO STUFF. It's hard when our conversations feel like I'm just playing tennis against a brick wall.) I'm breaking this off into a separate paragraph because that last one is getting hard to read. Anyway I think Carson is working with me more out of necessity than a strong desire to do so, and if I'm right then the feeling is definitely reciprocal. Abbey... well, our paths haven't crossed since OG Andaman. Hard to tell where she's been or is going, but I'd be surprised if I were in her plans come merge. Steven is too close with Steffen and Ruthie for me to be able to put 100% faith in him, even though we had some pretty rad chats on Hudson and before. And Gage and I have never been together in here. I do worry about him being in the same vein as Logan and Owen, though – being able to slide to the end under the radar. Oh wait up. I just wrote all this out then remembered there's a chance someone does an Edgic for this season. Dammit. I need to start shading more people. Um MJ EATS BABIES. JIMMY IS THE KIND OF PERSON WHO SLOWLY DRAGS A CHAIR ALONG THE GROUND BEFORE SITTING IN IT, MAKING THAT AWFUL FUCKING GRINDING NOISE EVERYONE HATES. OWEN IS HUMAN FRO-YO. IF PAT WERE AN ICE CREAM FLAVOUR HE'D BE PRALINES AND DICK. I think I went too far with that last one.

i just went on call with kait but im PRETTY sure she was lying to me? like it didnt sound rlly truthful? but idk i might as well trust in her bc mj trusts her but that malaysia shit IS strong, and i wanna keep jake with me, so i dont wanna vote him. i might need to try and steer the vote somewhere else? so that both the people i trust are safe (also if kait acc did throw me under the bus ill be pissed)

Im going home today!!!!!! Lydia tried her damndest which is really cute i love her so much. But yeah theres nothing I could do. The other people on denali just know each other too well and I'm just the odd man out which is fine! Im not mad at anyone at all I still think taking games personally is dumb. Im gonna be petty tho bc theres no hope for me ad I've never gotten the chance to be petty in a game before!!!!!  Anyway I enjoyed my time in the game, I wish I could have played more with Lydia but oh well, shit happens. I hope she wins how cute would that be. We would be a true power couple then

not important

i have this sinking feeling that im gonna be blindsided? idk ahhh im paranoid

55 mins to go!

If Kait doesn't go home tonight I am SO screwed. I think that just MAYBE we might be able to pull this off if I can get Carson on my side again!   Also, I'm in an alliance with Jakey and Jack and I am ABSOLUTELY LOVING IT!  I couldn't ask for a more perfect alliance and it's time to take on EVERYONE together... but first Jakey cannot go.