#kind of afraid to ruffle feathers (haha) by throwing this one in but

[ozmatippetarius]

okay, I've got some thoughts about how Kou fits into and will react to the current timeline, and they're pretty contrary to the current groupthink

First, I think people are really underestimating the importance of Kou's mom being alive in this timeline. That's the big thing he's going to struggle to give up that might lead him to be in contention with the rest of the group. At the Red House, having his mom come back was his biggest and final wish.

In the initial timeline Kou had come to terms with the fact that there was no way she could be brought back to life, but now he's been placed into a timeline where she never died. And this is a true reality, not an illusion or fraud like we saw in the Picture Perfect arc or the Red House. That's emphasized even in such details as the fact that she is shown to be not a good cook, in contrast to the ideal presented in the Red House. And the memories that Kou is haunted by, and intentionally ignoring, aren't related to Mitsuba at all - they're memories of lonely three-person meals with his siblings while his parents were absent.

meanwhile, re: Mitsuba, I think it's important to note that Kou has never actually wished that Sousuke hadn't died. All his regrets about Sousuke relate to a lack of closure. He wishes they'd been friends before he died, he wishes they'd had the chance to develop those final pictures, he wishes that Sousuke had passed on normally instead of getting fucked up by Tsukasa, he wishes there was something he could have done to help. Even in the Red House, Sousuke is dead. He's sitting on an altar with incense burning, wearing exactly the outfit from the altar in his mom's house. Kou didn't wish for him to be alive, he wished for him to be at peace.

Meanwhile, right before this arc we had an emotional exchange reinforcing that Kou would miss No.3tsuba, a character established to be distinct from Sousuke whose existence also unfortunately necessitates his death, if he were gone.

All this is to say, to the extent that Mitsuba actually influences Kou's decisions in this arc, I think it's actually more likely that he is part of the reason Kou chooses to return to the original timeline than the reason he wants to stay in this one.

(Of course, Kou doesn't know that No.3tsuba got got by Natsuhiko right before the timeline reset, RIP.)

[badnovels]

Your fics are my favourite!! I re-read First We Feast like every other month, and I really enjoyed the drabbles you recently posted! Hope you have lots of fun and rest on your vacation :) Not a fic request (itd be awesome no lie but not if you dont want!) but i have this au idea of lone victor!peeta about to be prostituted in the capitol and haymitch offers to pay katniss to take his virginity first but shes still a virgin too and etc. and I just wanted to tell you haha love you stay awesome :)

Thank you so much. Here you go, I tried!

—

Katniss gasped when her wrist was caught in a bone-crushing grip.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” The words were like granite, made even more menacing by the dimness of the room. Her eyes had only just started to adjust before he’d startled awake and surprised her journey into his bed. 

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” she gasped, crying out in pain when the grip momentarily tightened, then loosened altogether.

There was silence. Then, “You’re a girl.”

“Yes,” she said dumbly, standing in the middle of the room. “I thought you knew- I thought you knew I was coming.”

There was a curse, some rustling, and then a thin glow emanated from an elaborate touch-lamp on the nightstand next to the bed.

A large, disgruntled boy squinted back at her, his arms crossed over his bare chest. “Who the hell are you?”

She slowly breathed out of her mouth. She barely recognized her own voice as it choked from her throat. “You’re really Peeta.”

“Yes, I know who I am.” He exhaled and glowered at her with impatience. “But you’re a strange girl creeping around my room in the dead of night. You have thirty seconds to tell me or…”

It was easy to forget the boy was a Hunger Games champion when he was asleep, looking almost peaceful while she had stood over his bed. But now that he was stone-cold awake and looking at her with hostility and suspicion, she felt she ought to get to the point. She had been badly misled.

“I was sent here to…” She cleared her throat and rapped her fingers on her legs in a nervous staccato. “I was sent up here to sleep with you.”

“Sent.” He stared at her with flat, uncomprehending eyes. “To sleep with me, the Monster from District Twelve,” Peeta said slowly, his eyes heavy lidded. “Like some sacrificial lamb, shaking in her slippers.”

“It was supposed to be a good thing for you. And you’re a victor- you can have whatever you want. Whoever you want.”

He curled his lip and looked scant seconds away from throwing her out of the room. “I’m a murderer, not someone who forces people to fuck.”

“It’s not- I want to do this. With you.”

“Ah. You’re one of those girls, aren’t you?” he said, his voice growing even colder.

She blinked at him. “What girls?”

Peeta bared his teeth at her. They were perfect and white, not bloodied and chipped as they were after he’d ripped the throat out of one especially unfortunate boy from Seven. “The ones who got off on watching the biggest, baddest tribute gut their competitors. The ones who had their daddies sponsor me in the hopes that they’d get to fuck me after the fact.”

“No!” She lost her air of shyness and glared at him. “That’s not it at all. You’re- you’re impossible. When Haymitch came to me-“ She stopped.

“When Haymitch came to you, what?” he continued in a dangerous tone.  He threw back the bedcovers and stalked toward her. It took her a moment to realize he was completely naked.

“Oh,” she said.

Peeta stopped in front of her, breathing hard. “Tell me, girl. What did Haymitch come to you and say? Let me guess. That I’m a poor, innocent virgin from the boondock district, about to be sold into luxurious sexual slavery at the hands of the Capitol. And you’re the gentle angel who’s supposed to break me in.”

“Something like that,” she whispered, stepping closer into the lamp light.

His blue eyes came to focus on her face as it was illuminated and he stiffened in shock.

“No,” he said.

“Hi, Peeta,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Katniss.” He stepped backward and raised his hand to his chest as if he were in physical pain. “No. What- how are you here?”

“I just told you.” She tried to laugh but instead wiped underneath her eyes at the moisture there. “I’m sorry for tricking you. I should have told you right away but- I was just reeling from it being you. And that you’re alive. And then you didn’t know me-“

“Because I’m half out of my mind,” he practically growled. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around her so tightly that her lungs screamed from air. “I have nightmares- and my brain is all over the fucking place. And I don’t think I’d have known my own mother if she’d walked into my room at two in the morning. Katniss-“ He stopped and shook his head, releasing her. “I’m not safe. I’m- a fucking animal, I’m dangerous. I’m changed and…”

“I’m not afraid of you.”

“But I never wanted to see you again,” he said, crushing her with the words. The emotion he’d shown moments before was gone from his face, leaving a blank, cold mask behind. “My life is about to be something I don’t want to drag you into. I’d rather die. I’d rather be dead than to do that to you…a girl I’ve always lov- admired.”

“Don’t say that.” She grew brave and put her hand on his chest. He went still as a statue. “I want tonight with you. I want- I want this. And I know you want me, too.” Her fingers trailed down to his abdomen, where she rubbed them lightly across the muscles there.

He glared down at her, but she could she the conflict mixed with anger and frustration. “Fine. So you know I’ve had a thing for you.”

“I thought you were in love with me,” she said quietly, her hand dropping lower. She pulled his sleep pants away from his body with the tip of her finger. “That’s what you said in your interview, anyway.”

“Using that against me, huh.” He smiled at her, but it wasn’t a nice one. “You don’t want my attention anymore, Katniss. I’m…you’re- ah.” He ducked his chin when her hand grasped the erection that betrayed his protests. “Fuck. Katniss…no- yes.”

She let out an embarrassing little shriek when he lifted her in his arms and practically threw her onto the bed.

“Are you sure?” he said, kneeling over her. “Really sure?” For a moment he looked like the Peeta who had once tossed her bread, who was kind to every single person in their class, and gave away cookies to Seam kids when his mother wasn’t looking. “I don’t have anything to offer you after this.”

“I just want you.”

“Even though…even knowing what I’ll have to do…” His face was heartbreaking and lost before he steeled himself again. “I belong to the Capitol. At least until they get tired of me and the next exciting Victor comes along.”

“No” she said, pulling him down on top of her. “You belong to me.”

It hurt when he pushed into her, and it never felt good despite what the girls in the school bathroom had whispered among themselves. She liked to see his face as he climaxed, and she liked the way he held her in his arms all night. She liked that he whispered that he’d come see her when he could, that he hadn’t planned on ever going home again until she’d arrived in his room and gave him hope for a future that wasn’t all misery.

She didn’t like it when Haymitch gave her a knowing look the next morning when she slid into the car that was waiting to take her back to District Twelve.

“You did a good job, kid,” he said, handing her an envelope stuffed with coins and bills. She didn’t take it. “He needed this.”

Katniss glared at him and pushed herself as far away from him as possible, her body pressed against the car door. “You said he knew about it. That he asked for me.”

“So I lied to get you here. It was for the greater good.” He wiggled the envelope at her. “This will soothe your ruffled feathers. And help your mom. Your sister.”

They had a stare-down. Katniss lost, and she finally ripped the packet of money from his hand.

“Peeta can never know,” she said tersely, shoving the envelope in her bag. “You can never tell him I was paid.”

“And why would I do that? We have to keep him alive, you and I. And for that to happen, the boy needs something to live for.” Haymitch shrugged and bit into an apple. “You’re doing a good thing. Keep doing it. And if you just happen to get paid for it…”

“Shut up,” she said. “And take me home.”