#kinakabahan ako for real

[ask-emilz-de-philz]

Hello po! May chance po bang umiyak ako kapag mababa nakuha kong grade? (from an academic achiever na kinakabahan)

(( depends on how low. And which rank u got. Idk. For me it was that. For example, i literally had classmates back in the day who literally cried during her announcement at rankings. She was a consistent no 1. Turned no 2. Then suddenly no 4. ))

(( anyway, crying is ok, it helps u release emotions and it's normal. But it's also up to you to do better on the next exams/etc para di ma pulled down from ranks eventually. Then again, mas mabuti pa rin if balanced. ahhh basta ganun. WAIT Y U ASKING ME WAY DID I EVEN ACHIEVE LOL u can go ask real help from your teacher / guidance counselor or your parents / any trusted loved one. ))

(( it's not the end of the world if you got a low score ok. ))

[happiluna]

kahit bm ako, i can't help but think of the elections. parang nadagdagan lang ang burdens ko hay hanggang ngayon kinakabahan ako kasi ang risky nare tas pati yung feelings ko maaapektuhan pag natalo huhu pero sa pagiging ssg ko, i can really say na naattach na ako sa officers. miss ko na magcheck with them, pati yung meetings. hay kasama na rin sa mga iniisip ko ay yung mga kaparty ko. ang sakit isipin na may matatalo at may mananalo sa amin, pero above all, si kuya pat ang gusto kong manalo. siya talaga ang president ko. maiiyak talaga ako ng sobra pag natalo si kuya pat huhu. pero grabe, kabadong-kabado na ako feel ko ay ito ang greatest downfall ko in life char hehe pero kung kaloob naman ni God, at will Niya, i know na ibibigay Niya talaga sakin yon. if it's for me, it's for me. pero ang sakit sakit na talaga, nakakatakot pumasok bukas.

[dearroseyy]

jdlc

I met you when I told myself dating apps is not for me, walang matino and I'm tired of dealing with these kind of guys. I met you when I started to believe that I won't be able to meet the right type of guy that I deserve, esp on dating apps. We were not able to talk as much like what normal people on dating apps would do and it's because of how demanding your work is. I didn't mind it to be honest, because I told myself maybe this is just a fling or friendly type of conversation, but I was wrong.

As days passed by, you opened up to me and I opened up to you. We shared our failures in relationships and life in general. Little did I know I'm starting to like you but I always stopped myself kasi sabi ko sa sarili ko baka nagpapadala na naman ako sa emosyon ko or the fact that someone is there for me again.

We didn't talk romantically. Yes we talked about our past relationships but never about the what ifs of being together. We talked as if we're just two people who met in an event and wanted to know each other better. For the first time, I started a conversation with a guy in a serious and clean way. Clean means no sex stuff, no flirting.

We don't talk much during weekdays because of work but when you have time, you always text me. Sometimes you call and I will never forget the day when we had a videocall while I was in the office because I told you I was alone. We talked for an hr and no one noticed it.

After 2 weeks, we finally met. Akala ko pa hindi matutuloy kasi wala kang update, yun pala you were busy driving. I'm used to dating but while I was on my way to meet you, kinakabahan ako. Ang weird but yes, yun talaga nafeel ko. When I saw you, di ko alam how to react. You asked me what I liked kaso sabi ko hindi ako fan ng CBTL so we looked for other places. Namali pa ako kasi I thought may Tim Hortons nearby pero wala so we ended up sa Seattles Best. You wanted me to eat kaso ayoko kasi kumain ka na at nahihiya naman ako to eat alone. So we had a coffee while talking. From time to time you check your phone because of work and I find it funny na nagrereklamo ka pero di mo rin natitiis na hindi sagutin, you just end up saying sorry or continue kasi I'm talking then bigla kang magpphone.

And then you asked me for a walk and I said yes. Kahit walang destination in mind kung saan, naglakad na lang tayo around Ayala. You never attempted to hold my hand but you make sure that you stay on the right side while walking on side walks. When crossing, you switch side and go wherever the cars pass. Literal na nakakababae ng feeling kasi I can't remember any guy doing that to me. I will always remember how you attempted to hold me while crossing the street na walang pedestrian lane but you were unsuccessful because I was holding my phone.

You walked me where I parked my car. Kinakabahan ako of what may happen to the point I felt panic and maintained a certain space in between. When you were approaching me like you were about to hug me, I held your arm and gave you a high five. I didn't know why I did that but wala na akong nagawa. Nahiya na ako and went straight to the car.

You thought you did something wrong but I told you it was purely out of hiya kaya I didn't let you hug me and give me a beso. We still talked for 2hrs sa phone before sleeping.

But then, work became so hectic for you and sometimes, for me. We were not able to talk and I'm starting to have doubts if you're still interested to me.

Until one night, we had a misunderstanding. On the 24th of December, you told me I don't deserve yung pasulpot-sulpot na paramdam mo and you just wanted us to be strangers again. I felt and thought that you were walking away, and I said to myself here we go again. Not until today I found out what it really meant, and it's too late. Too late because I was the one who did wrong this time.

You always reminded me of what I deserve. You never rushed me to be with you. You wanted me to regain my old self that I lost during my previous relationship. You supported me in any way that you can. I liked you, so much, to the point I pictured myself with you and I told some of my friends about you. It's weird bcos despite not knowing you in person, they liked you and despite telling me not to get involved in any relationship yet, they were good with you.

How I wish I listened, how I wish I never let one moment of pain overrule what I felt towards you.

I got hurt and did some things that was not right. Tama ka, hindi kita inisip nung ginawa ko yun. Alam kong nasaktan mo ako and I used that as a reason to go back to something less of what I deserve.

Akala ko hindi ka na interesado sakin, that you were just talking to me recently out of guilt. But with what you told me, I knew I was wrong. Sana hindi ko na kinontra yung sarili ko nung sinabi kong baka bumabawi ka na. Kasi we talk more now kahit may work. Siguro dahil sa takot na baka maulit na naman, I kept a distance and always remind myself na not again.

As our conversation got deeper tonight, you made me realize my worth again. I knew it when we were talking that I lost a gem while busy collecting stones. I knew I hurt you. I knew that this might be the reason for you to walk away, permanently. I'm still hoping that some time soon, you will change your mind.

I will never forget the impact of your words to me. For the first time, you told me what you really feel about me. How much you cared and how much you respect me and mkst importantly, how important I am to you. Sayang dahil pinagdudahan ko yun. Sayang kasi kinailangan ko ng salita kahit lahat ng actions ginawa mo na just to prove me na seryoso ka.

Alam ko naiintindihan mo bakit naging ganun ako because I once shared my life with someone who did the same but was not able to seal it with commitment. Pero sabi mo lang sakin noon, you don't want to rush things with me. You want me to heal a hundred percent, be happy on my own, bumawi sa time na nawala sakin with family and friends, sana pinanghawakan ko yun.

You were my 2019 year end blessing. I prayed for your health kasi nga may scare ka pa di ba. Sana pinanindigan ko na lang yun at di nagpadalos-dalos ng desisyon pero wala, wala na akong magagawa. Kasi ako yung nagkamali. Hindi ko pwedeng ipilit sayo dahil sabi mo nga, whatever you felt ako pa rin yung gusto mong makausap. And I was not able to do that to you dahil lagi kong iniisip na nasaktan mo ako. Para makalimutan ka, I did the things I told I won't do again. Sana nga naging successful ako, pero hindi. I always end up thinking about you kasi alam ko na kung ikaw yung kasama or kausap ko, things will happen differently.

Gusto kong ibalik yung panahon at itama lahat pero hindi yun pwede. Ang pwede ko na lang gawin ngayon ay maghintay sa oras na magiging okay ka na ulit at bigyan tayo ni God ng isa pang chance.

I will work on myself. This time, for real. Thank you for always reminding me of my worth, of what I really deserve. Sorry kung nasaktan kita dahil sa pagiging overly emotional ko.

I cared for you more than what you think. Thank you because before saying goodbye, you told me that everything you showed or made me feel was true.

Sana may next chapter pa tayo.

Take care always. Andito lang ako if you will still need someone to talk to. Sana ako pa rin ang takbuhan mo despite sa nagawa ko.

Ayokong sanang umasa pero gusto ko dahil alam kong mahihirapan akong makahanap ulit ng katulad mo. Pero habang wala ka, aayusin ko na yung sarili ko. Para pag bumalik ka, proud kong masasabi sayo na I'm a better version of myself.

Thank you sa lahat-lahat. Thank you.

Love,

Rosey

[icasualcactus]

Wedding

I blew my cheeks like a blow fish. Nandito ako sa hotel room na provided ng production. I’m about to get married, virtually, at the least pero iba padin pala yung feeling. Kinakabahan ako. As in kabang nakakabingi. Kabang nakakamatay. Kabang gusto ko na maging damit at tumiklop nalang into 4 layers. Sumilip ako sa window and  overlooking ‘yung wedding location ko. As real as this could get, WGM team were able to pull of THE wedding I would die for. I can already imagine myself in front of that long aisle ahead of me in this garden full of tulips colored pink and purple, sobrang feminine. My white off shoulder gown was made out of satin combined with laces and beads intricated on it. Louboutin heels are in placed, make up plastered on my face and I’m ready to go. I exhaled loudly, relaxing myself a bit. I wonder kung ganito rin nararamdaman ni Top-ssi but knowing his over confidence baka pakuya-kuyakoy lang yun ngayon while drinking his favorite wine.

“Bomie~” Marahang bati sakin ng kung sino pero familiar naman boses hindi na ako nagulat nung pagharap ko nakita ko si Dara. Kung hindi lang ako mangilid ngilid sa iyak ngayon papatulan ko ‘tong babaeng ‘to, e.

“Darayah~ I wanna strangle you right now but I’m so pretty today I can’t.”Sabi ko sabay labas niya ng panyo para punusan yung yung eye corners ko. She pursed her lips, worried.

“Aisshh. Don’t cry bommieyah~ please you look so delicate today.” Sabi niya habang pinapaypayan pa ‘ko ng kamay niya. Tumitig siya saakin parang maiiyak narin siya. “Gaga ka wag mo ko daanin sa paganyan mo, Dara.” Sabi ko. Umamba akong sasabunutan siya pero napatawa nalang kaming parehas hinawakan niya yung dalawa kong kamay at nagtatalon kaya napatalon din ako.

“I’m so happy for you Park Bom sana mahanap mo na talaga happiness mo.” Sabi niya puno ng kaligayahan yung mata.  Napataas kilay ko.

“Totoong happiness e ikaw naglagay sakin dito sa fake virtual married life na ‘to!” Sita ko sakanya. Binitawan ko yung kanat niya at tumilikod sakanya sabay harap sa salamin para titigan ko sarili ko. She back hugged me and stared in the mirror at our reflections.

“Sorry na Bommie, hindi ko naman ‘to ginawa to make you unhappy. And relax lang hindi ka naman talaga galit saakin dahil sinali kita dito. Ina-anxiety ka lang na baka may magawa ka publicly and magalit mga fans sa’yo. You’re you no matter what Bommieyah. You will be loved by true fans kahit ano pang mangyari. Gusto ko lang i-show case to all those men out there what they’re missing lalo yung mga ex mong walang kwents!” We both laughed in unison.

We stopped fooling around when we heard a knock. “Can we come in to shoot?” Sabi nung nasa kabilang side ng door I fixed my gown.

“Come on, guys. It’s open.” Sabi ni Dara. “Tapusin natin wedding mo, Bom then fly na ako to Thailand. Mga two weeks lang naman daw pala ako so I’ll be here in time to watch your first episode.” Paliwanag niya na tumango lang ako she was helping me with my gown, and hair since umalis na yung mga artists na nagalaga saakin. I suddenly stopped her from what she was doing and hugged her tightly.

“Love you, Dara Ahjumma. Please wag ka magsasawa support ako sa kahit ano ha?” Sabi ko out of the blue.

“Don’t make me cry Park Bom. Kahit bwisit ka saakin hindi ko kayo iiwang tatlo nila Chae and Mingkii.” Yakap niya rin saakin. She pulled off from our hug and inayos yung hair ko and put on a blue hairband on my head.

“Now something blue for my bestfriend.” She said while giggling. 

[an-excerpt]

07/20/18 Dylan Wang 💜

Bakit laging biglaan kapag fanmeeting? lol Grabe talaga kaba ko bago pa mismong D-Day lalo na nung night before magrun yung promo kasi iniisip ko na baka maubusan ako but TYG kasi nakapunta ako sa desired seat ko pa! 😭💜

D-Day

First time kong pupunta ng Araneta nang ako lang mag-isa by LRT. Nung una kinakabahan ako baka magmukha akong tanga dun pero buti nalang naaalala ko pa nung sumakay kaming MRT dati ng mga unnie ko. Balak ko talagang pumunta ng mga 7am or 8 am kasi feel ko mahaba na yung pila lalo na free seating buti nalang tama desisyon ko na pumunta ng maaga kasi may pila na agad-agad. Pumila ako ng 7:40am hanggang 4pm ata yun. Basta almost 8hrs ata yun or more. Siningit ko si Ciara sa pila nunh dumating siya tapos ayun salitan kami kapag kakain. Pero grabe talaga! Napaisip ako nung nakapila ako na grabe pala pagmamahal ko kay Dylan Wang kasi sobrang sakit na talaga ng paa ko tapos nakapila pa kami sa tag-init. 😂 Buti rin pala kami ng upuan na maliit, sana nga naisip namin to nung umaga palang para di na sumakit paa ko 😂. Bandang 4:30pm ata yun, inopen na nila yung gate sa may Araneta, basta ang gulo kasi daming sumisingit lol. Tapos nung nakapasok na kami sa mismong Araneta pero hanggang dun lang sa loob kasi nakaclose pa yung sa mismong Coliseum, nagkakagulo rin kasi may mga sumisingit ganern. Tapos akala ko nga mali pinilahan namin kasi mas malapit sa harap yung banda dun sa kabila pero wala, nagstick nalang kami. Kaopen ng door sa Coliseum, takbo lang para sa desired seat namin. Goal talaga namin ni Ciara yung first three rows ng Patron tapos backup plan is yung sa elevated na part sa side but thank God kasi nasa 2nd row kami!! ✨💜 Ang lapit namin sa stage!!! 😭💜 Nung nakaupo na kami, dun ko palang na makikita ko na talaga si Dylan Wang for real at naiiyak ako!!! 😭✨✨💜

Nagstart na, at nakita ko na siya!!!!! GRABE ANG GWAPO TALAGA!! DI PARIN AKO MAKAPANIWALA KASI LAST YEAR PINAPANUOD KO LANG SIYA SA METEOR GARDEN TAPOS AYUN NAKITA KO NA SIYA NG PERSONAL!! ✨✨✨😭💜💜💜 ANG SAYA HUHUHU 💜💜💜 Nung lumabas siya parang teary eyes siya, naoverwhelm siguro. Bawat galaw niya sumisigaw kami HAHAHAHA. Ang kulit siya, sumasayaw pa siya tapos nagrap rin siya. ✨✨ Sana sa susunod bumalik siya tapos with F4 and Shen Yue. Omg 😍 Pinapapakatitigan ko talaga siya kasi di parin ako makapaniwala. Parang last year talaga sinasabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko sa STMC na kapag may fanmeeting siya, pupunta kami ganun (pero ako lang nakapunta samin). TYG talaga! 🙏✨💜😭🍍 May lucky 10 fans rin na napili tapos nakareceive sila ng bouquet, signed poster, recordings at selfie! Kelan kaya ako mapapasama sa mga ganun! 😭 Kainggit! But still masaya ako kasi nakita ko siya ng personal. ✨ Meron pang isa yung nagflash siyang number tapos iccall mo at ma6 chance ka na makapagtanong nung 3 questions na nakaflash sa screen. Grabe kasi, inikot-ikot ba naman niya yung hawak niyang flashcard 😂 ang kulit niya! 😍 Nadial ko na kaso ayun may nauna sakin. Nung paend na, nagsign lang ng posters si Dylan habang nasa stage siya tapos yung mga VIP papanhik ng stage para abutin at ayun lang ang perks nila lol buti na lang di ako nag-VIP if ever man na may pang-VIP ako kasi ganun lang perks nila. Ang higpit pa nung mga security/bouncer. Okay na rin ako sa Patron, malapit lang kami tapos nakatipid pa ko ng 16k 😂. After niya magsign ng posters, di na niya napigilan, ayun nag-rap na siya 😂😂. Ang saya niyang tingnan, mukha siyang nag-enjoy! 💜✨ Last part is groupie with him saka with Ben Chan. Ang saya kit ako sa picture tho sympre blurred na at di clear pero nandun ako!!! So happy! 😭✨💜

Ang saya magfangirl as in!! Kapag may work na ko, mag iinvest ako sa phone para mapicturan ko sila ng maayos. 🤞Iba dala ng pagfafangirl sa buhay ko yhieee ✨ Di ko talaga expect na machcheck ko na si Dylan Wang sa fangirl bucketlist ko ✨😭🍍💜

Ps. Thank you bench and Tito Ben Chan (lol relative char) for bringing Dylan here in the Ph! Thank you rin sa friends ko na nagpabili or rather pinilit kong magpabili sa Bench para mareach ko yung required amount for Patron which is 4000. Love you all! 💕

✔️ Dylan Wang 💜✨🍍😭

[jvrkrzzlyn]

Unemployed na ako, for real. It’s been 5 days mula nung huling pasok ko sa work. Nagresign ako kasi nagapply ako sa public school. Grabe yung paghihintay sa result, ang tagal! Kinakabahan na ako. Hindi ko alam kung matatanggap ba ko o hindi eh. Pag hindi ako natanggap, ewan ko na kung anong gagawin ko sa life ko. 

[neonacity]

grabe ka naman magpakilig sa compliments but you daserv all the success po and clout huhu the book 2 excitement is so real. can't wait to reap more benefits from this premium subscription friendship, see you on the 23rd ;;) pa-spoil pa po thanks so much

Omg yes bebe see you soon. I'm so getting ready na para sa bardagulan sa samgyupsal. Though kinakabahan ako, baka anong maspoil ko sayo??? Pero nakaset na ang date natin sa calendar ko. O diba all for you? 🙄

[katsodeeee]

May 26-27, 2018 🍃

Quick weekend escape in an isolated island called Isla Verde, Batangas City.

Yes, you've heard it right!

Isla Verde is real!

Ilang leave na ba ang na-move at na cancelled para dito? Ilang beses bang nagka-toyo-an, na-stress at na-depress para matuloy ito? Ilang plano na ba ang na-adjust because we're considering so many things? Ilan? Hindi ko na mabilang. Pero despite of it all...finally! Natuloy na rin! This may not be perfect as we planned it to be. Yes, it wasn't a perfect getaway but as if we care? Well, sige i'll make kwento parin. So....we arrive at turbina ng around 7:00 am (nilagpasan ko na yung 6:00 na kami umalis ng bahay lol) at naghintay ng bus going to batangas grand terminal for almost 1 hr. Dagdag mo pa yung medyo gutom na kami. Hindi pala medyo, gutom na talaga kami. Parang gusto na naming mag backout. At ang weird pa kasi hindi tumitigil yung mga bus na pa BGT sa turbina. So, naglakad lakad kami papuntang Jam and that's when we found out na may terminal pala ng bus doon na papuntang Batangas grand terminal. Nakakainis alam mo yun? Kasi para kaming nagpausok lang at nagpadugyot dun kakahintay meron naman palang bus na nag-iintay lang ng mga pasahero. Paano mas gusto pa ata namin sumabit at makipag habulan sa JAPS o ALPS na t*nginang yan (lol double meaning) eh mayroon naman palang nag-iintay na Jam. Umabot pa kami sa point na kinekwestyon namin sarili namin kung dapat ba talaga kaming mag isla. Kakagigil. Whatever. Bumyahe kami around 8:00 am. Alas otso na, nakakapanlumo naman talaga nung makaupo kami ng bus. So, we're on our way na at kinakabahan kami sa dalawang posibleng mangyari. Una, maiwan kami ng bangka kasi 9 am sila umaalis and pangalawa, mag private boat kami kasi nga naiwan kami. Either way win win situation lang to. 8:30 am kami nakarating ng BGT, ang bilis. Pero ayaw na naming tanungin kung bakit. What matter is that we still have 30 mins para bumyahe papuntang pier. Bumili lang kami saglit sa 7/11 and we're so ready to go. From BGT, sumakay kami ng tricycle, 350.00 nga pala isang byahe.

"Kuya, abot po ba? hanggang 9 am lang po kasi yung bangka..." nasabi nalang namin kay Kuya

"Anong oras na ba?", tanong nya.

"8:30 something (can't remember the exact time sorry naman ano hahahahahahaha)"

"Oo abot yan"

And then shing...umasa kami sa sinabi ni Kuya na aabot kami sa bangka ng 9 am.

At tumigil ang mundo...nung makita namin yung bangka na nandun pa at nagsasakay pa ng mga pasahero.

Damn, we're just on time. Hahahahaha Medyo late, pero keri lang.

Syempre bobolahin ka pa ng mga bangkero bago kuhanin ang bayad mo. 10.00 per person ang bayad sa pagtawid ng bangka to mas malaking bangka, kasama na ang pambobola don. At 120.00 per person naman para sa mas malaking bangka na hindi ko alam kung ilan ang capacity. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang oras kami nagtravel. Basta masaya ako kasi umabot kami sa bangka at totoo ng makakarating kami ng Isla Verde.

At ayun, totoo na nga nasa Isla Verde na kami. So, nag stay kami sa Tropical Friendly Resort ni Tita Jo. And I'm thankful, i mean we're both thankful kasi we have this short break. It was such a pleasure (too deep hahahahahaha) to disconnect ourself from work, from social media and from all the hussle and stress of our daily life, for an entire day last last saturday (it's been two weeks eh but still can't get enough of Isla Verde lol). It is so relaxing na makita yung napakalinaw na kulay asul na nagbeberdeng tubig. Tipong para kang sine-seduce kasi gugustuhin mong lumapit, magtampisaw at maligo. Napaka simple ng pamumuhay. Walang kuryente, but it doesn't matter for US ha. Isla eh ano bang ieexpect mo? Tsaka, napaka gandang getaway tong mga ganito kasi you can really chill lang and leave mo lang all your worries behind. Break muna from too much cellphones or computer. Contemplate kalang. Lahat ng thoughts mo. You can pour it all out sa Isla (lalo na kapag may alak).

And this weekend getaway wouldn't be possible without my bestfriend. Yes naman! Thank you for spending your weekend off slashed scheduled leave with me. I just hope you had a great time and you enjoyed the beautiful Isla na ako ang kasama mo. Lol i know you did enjoy. But, i'm sure you'll enjoy it more kung kasama natin sila. Syempre, i feel the same way pero it's a good thing naman na tayo lang kasi our conversation was toooo, you know? Hahahahahahaha! Too cheesy!

Anyways, thank you for everything, for that night, for that day. Will never go into details but just so you know, i admire you for being so strong. I mean, you have been hurt (before). You have been fooled. And These are the painful feelings you've got after opening yourself up again to other people. These scars made you a stronger and a better person. The way you open yourself and your heart to the world is brave. And i am so proud of you for that. Despite of all the bad things happened on the past, may mga tao paring dumating to help you. I mean, to help you na magtiwala ulit. To help you to recover. To fight and fight. These people led you to the person you were born to be and they guide you to the person you were meant to be with. Feeling ko ang random na nitong mga sinasabi ko. You know i'm not that good on expressing my feelings. Nakalimutan ko na ata to' simula nung makagraduate ako. I hate it 💔 Swear! I want my creative-self back. Lol. Mabalik tayo sa post ko...

And ofcourse, Thank you for sharing their world to me. I didn't ask you to do that but still you let me in. Told you i'll support you in every decisions you'll make. I'm always and will always be here for you. This may sound so so so cheesy but whatever alam ko naman na you're used to it. So, hey forget about the past, forget about those people who hurt you, just forget everything na hindi nagpasaya sayo because i will love you no matter what happens, okay? You are onr of the smartest person i know, except in love. And i feel so sorry for those people that choose to break you and your heart instead of loving you kasi they are missing out the wonderful masterpiece that us you. And i am so frustrated kasi all i can do is to shout or tell them how terribly amazing you are.

And and thank you. Thank you for being there. For always believing in me. For understanding and for being so patient. For accepting me, whether it's a good "kat" or bad "kat" lol. Thank you for dealing with my tantrums and mood swings (expect for more mood swings especially when i'm fcking hungry). Thank you is not enough but thank you.

Love you to the beach/bitch and back. @mariaelaineee

Ps. Ang tagal na nitooooo. I feel like posting it na, eh. Hahahahahahaha Hindi ko na maintindihan pinagsasabi ko dyan.

[dagitabakla]

so ayun me and my guy friends are planning to play ouija to test if it’s real or not and putangina kinakabahan ako hahahahahahaha

[phgq]

Caring for your mental health amid pandemic

#PHnews: Caring for your mental health amid pandemic

MANILA – The coronavirus disease (Covid-19) pandemic has upended the lives of everyone in ways unimaginable. It has affected not only the working class hit hard by pandemic shutdowns but also the youth.

Jennie (not her real name), 20, never imagined herself being depressed and seeking psychiatric help.

These are scenes she said she would only see in the movies.

She said she used to be jolly, friendly, sociable, and talkative whenever she is with her friends, but the stay-at-home orders imposed due to the coronavirus pandemic changed her.

She would experience sleepless nights, nightmares, panic attacks, and would sometimes lose her appetite and focus.

“Overthinker po ako. Parang konting bagay iniisip ko na kaagad kaya ang parang nangyayari hindi ako makapag-focus kasi wala akong magawa within the home, parang nabuburyong, na bo-bored kasi as a teenager parang gusto naming laging nasa labas (I am an overthinker. It's like I think a lot over little things and so I cannot focus because I cannot do anything inside our house. I became really bored because as a teenager, I always want to go out),” Jennie said.

‘It was nothing at first’

In the early days of the quarantine rules, Jennie said she was coping well with boredom.

The regular face-to-face classes were canceled and they switched to online learning.

As days became months, she started to feel different in a way that she can neither explain nor understand.

“Hindi ko siya napansin nung una pero nung parang wala na kaming magawa within the home, yun, hindi ko alam kung sakin lang siya me effect pero parang stressful siya in a way na hindi ko na alam gagawin ko, parang hindi ko na alam pano mag-focus (it never bothered me at first, it's just that we could not do anything about it at home, then the days became stressful. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to focus),” she said.

Jennie said she tried to divert her attention.

She played online games, read books, watched movies online but lose interest in them after some time.

Everything became just so boring and annoying, she said.

When anxiety strikes out of the blue, she said she loses control of herself.

“Pag umaatake anxiety hindi ako makapag focus, like pag gagawa ako ng school works, parang bigla na lang akong kinakabahan, parang yung me presentation or report ka sa harap ng classroom na lahat sila parang nakatingin sa’yo (when anxiety strikes, I lose my focus. It’s like in the middle of doing schoolwork, I become too nervous. It’s the feeling you have when you are reporting in front of a class. All eyes are on you),” Jennie said.

She said it came to a point when she couldn’t breathe anymore.

Opening up

Jennie then decided to tell her parents about how she feels. They told her it was normal, it was nothing and advised her to make herself busy.

The little changes, she said, started to become obvious when her grandparents started noticing her crying more often, sometimes even in the middle of the night.

“Nakikita nila na may changes sa’kin. Dati kasi nung nag-start ito, una akala lang namin na nagpa-palpitate ako dahil sa kape kasi mahilig talaga ako sa kape parang everyday nakakatatlong beses ako dati, pero dumating sa point na every time na nafi-feel ko na ina-anxiety ako, kailangan ko siya i-release through crying tapos everyday siya nangyayari, nang walang dahilan (They started noticing the changes in me. At first, we thought that my palpitations were due to coffee since I drink three cups a day. But it came to a point that I felt the need to release my anxiety and so I would cry every day),” she said.

She said she only feels relieved every time she cries.

Seeking professional help

Then her parents, she said, decided to bring her to a psychiatrist to seek professional help.

The psychiatrist said she has depression.

“Nung nagpa-check ako ang sabi kasi ng doctor is yun nga may depression ako, dati kasi nung di ko pa alam, bago pa yung releasing through crying ang ginagawa ko is nagka-cut ako ng wrist, napunta po sa ganon na point tapos di ko alam na ginagawa ko pala yon, pero that time nung ginagawa ko siya parang umo-okay ako, dumating sa point na ganon (The doctor said I have depression. Before my checkup, even before the ‘crying to release’ situation, what I do is I cut my wrist. I came to that point that I was already doing that because it makes me feel okay),” Jennie said.

The doctor has prescribed some anti-depressant medicines and told her to visit the clinic regularly.

Currently, Jennie said her doctor served like her “human diary” and makes her realize and explain things and situations she could not understand.

Hotline calls

The National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) in September said there has been a significant increase in monthly hotline calls regarding depression, with numbers rising from 80 calls in the pre-lockdown days to nearly 400.

NCMH data show that globally, the most vulnerable age group is 15-29.

In case you know of someone who is in the same situation, the NCMH said it helps to let them know that they are not alone and that you care for them.

It is also important that someone is with them in case they are in immediate danger.

The NCMH has a 24/7 NCMH Crisis Hotline 1553. The agency can also be reached through 0917 899 8727(USAP), and/or 7-989-8727 (USAP) in case someone needs to seek professional help. (PNA)

  ***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Caring for your mental health amid pandemic." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1120784 (accessed November 05, 2020 at 05:07AM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Caring for your mental health amid pandemic." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1120784 (archived).

[sarj0225]

I activated my main twitter account last October 19, almost a month mula nang huli ko yung buksan.

Wala lang hahaha, feel ko lang i-share. Bago ko buksan yun kinakabahan ako, ewan ko kung bakit, siguro kasi andun yung mga matatalas na patalim na pag nilapitan ko siguradong masusugatan ako. But then, tinapangan ko lang, binuksan ko pa rin, tapos isa isang inalis yung mga patalim, fresh start? joke. Just the usual pero napapansin ko nga di na rin ako napapadalas sa twitter, siguro dun nalang ako nakikibalita ng social issues then tamang analyze sa mga nangyayari sa mundo, tumatanda na ata ako boi HAHAHA.

Kwento ko lang din, nanaginip ako kagabi, this is something na parang totoo, o sana totoo nalang? That someone messaged me, siguro parang makikipagkita, then nabigla ako pero pinuntahan ko or pumunta siya kung asan ako? not sure pero nagkita kami, we were at my room, I am sitting and that someone is lying in my bed, I remembered that someone’s partner was looking for that someone, so I told that someone. There is the part of that dream na that person is trying to flirt with me but i am not aggressive as I am in real life, I was so cold but inside of me I love this person, I just can’t take advantage/s because other person is still looking for that someone. Kind of weird kasi mukhang malabo naman mangyari in real life but it feels real, what I feel towards that person in my dream is same with what i feel in real, like when I woke up, that’s what I really feel, The love and cold... ewan ang gulo na basta yun. share ko lang naman. :3

Mahirap talaga ikwento yung panaginip eh no, pero yung gist ganyan.

[richrbr]

🔥COVID19 SURVIVOR STORY🔥 With our great ULTRA H2 product‼️💯😍 Worth To Read 😷Inspiring Story 💖🌏💖 Finally! 🙏 Araw ng kalayaan is real! After 65 days of fighting the virus,sa wakas laya na si papa sa Covid-19❤️ Breaking our Silence... Just want to share our QUARANTINE STORY! To be honest Hindi po biro ang pinagdadaanan ng mga family na tinamaan ng pandemic! Pinaka Mhirap yung day na nalaman namin na Covid+ si papa, High risk because of his condition,special case. hirap din makakuha ng hospital na tatangap sknya, buti nlng talaga tinangap sya ng PGH.🙏 masasabi ko na ito ang isa sa pinaka down moment namin ng family ko, lalo na ung first week ni papa sa hospital... Halos hirap kami makatulog, ilang gabi din na naggcng ako ng madaling araw, may times pa na bgla na lang ako mggcng ng nananalangin 🙏 and begging to God na pagalingin si papa... May times na gusto mo yakapin ang parents mo pero d mo magawa, yung every time pupunta ko sa bahay nyo para maghatid ng food eh hangang silip lang..💔 Mahirap pa sa part na ito ay Hindi kami makadalaw, magisa lang si papa sa hospital. Buti na lang may chat.. Madami sya experience na hnd ko na masabi pa dto, Yung akala ko lang na napapanood ko sa movie ay pwede rin pala mangyri sayo, Iba pala talaga pag family mo na mismo ung nasa situation na ganun, tapos Mahirap wala ka magawa kundi manalangin at magtiwala na lang sa diyos. Mahirap sa isang anak na makita mo ang taong Bumuhay sayo at Nagsakripisyo ng ilang taon para guminhawa buhay mo tapos wala ka magawa😭 Bukod kay papa Kinakabahan din kami dahil pwedeng nahawaan mom,sis and lola ko dahil kasama nya sa bahay... buti na lang talaga Negative ang test nila🙏 Wala din ibang nakakaalam kundi close family member lng namin, bukod sa ayaw ni papa paalam ay pwedeng madiscriminate din kami ng ibang tao.. ayaw din nmn magwory ang iba kaya pinili nlng nmn na itago, Ang Sabi ko na lang IPOPOST KO TALAGA ITO PAG LABAS NIYA! At eto na nga hehehe. Because i know since day 1 Gagaling si papa. Salamat sa Diyos☝️ Imbes na magtanong kami kung bakit samin nangyri ito? Tinignan na lang namin yung mga blessings na meron kami, Kagaya ng EC business, dahil even nasa Hospital si https://www.instagram.com/p/CDb12dsnL-_/?igshid=13m888oc0w1td

[pahingingpahinga]

Have you ever thought of, "Kahit hindi ako magising bukas, okay lang."?

Ako, ngayon lang. Ngayon ko lang naisip yan, dahil gusto kong takasan na lang ng lahat ng bagay. Ang dami daming problema na gusto kong iwan na lang basta. Sounds suicidal? Ahm, di naman. Pero sounds like giving up lang. Ano nga ba 'tong nangyayare diba? Di mo alam kung paggising mo bukas may babalikan pa ba akong trabaho? Ang daming tanong, tama ba tong industriya na pinasok ko? Patong patong na, di ko na kaya.

One time, nagsabi ako sa isa kong kaibigan na kinakabahan ako dahil baka nga may mangyareng tanggalan, ang sabi nya pa sakin, dapat daw kasi yung certain course ang tinake ko para di ako ganto ngayon. I mean, i just wanted someone to comfort me, pero yon ang nakuha ko. Di ko na masyadong dinamdam, kasi ganon lang talaga yon. A piece of ugly truth lagi ang sasabihin. Real talk kumbaga. Siya ang nagpapagising sakin sa katotohanan. Pero that time, gusto ko lang ma-comfort. Pero, ayos lang. Mahal ko naman yon.

Tsaka kasi alam kong may isang tao akong pwedeng lapitan. Yung taong sakin lumapit nung oras na gulong gulo siya sa buhay niya. Pero di pala pwede, di ko na pala siya pwedeng maging kaibigan ngayong kailangan ko siya, kasi ayaw ng jowa nya. I mean, wag naman sanang ipagkait sakin yung friendship na inoffer ko nung time na siya yung may kailangan.

Meron pa kong isang close friend na pwede ko ding pagsabihan ng problema pero busy sya sa transition ng life niya. At ayokong makaistorbo sa masaya nyang buhay.

Meron din akong isang kaibigan na napagsasabihan ko din ng pinakamabibigat na problema pero may sarili rin syang problema sa buhay. Ayoko ng makidagdag pa. Ayoko.

Alam nyo yung feeling na naubusan ka na ng mapagsabihan na you can truly be transparent? Mahirap kasi para sakin ang mag-open up. I mean, i can share my problems pero di yung sobrang lahat lahat na sinabi ko na. Basta yon, ang gulo ko diba haha. Hays, ang sakit lang. Ang lungkot. Di ko alam kung anong mangyayare sakin. Sana for the better. Sana talaga. Pero ngayon kasi, isa lang naiisip ko. Kung di man ako magising bukas, okay lang. :)

[gracegtrrz-blog]

CPAR Experience!!!

MY CPAR EXPERIENCE

CPA Review School of the Philippines (CPAR)

“Hala! Ano kaya ang feeling kapag nasa review school ka na no?” Nakakakaba na nakakaexcite. Nakakakaba dahil nalalapit na ang board exam at konting hirap nalang para sa CPA title na gustong gusto mo. Nakakaexcite at the same time dahil sa mameet mo na in person ang mga author ng libro na gamit mo, makahanap ka ng new friends at syempre may hidden agenda ka parin kahit di mo aminin! Hahanap kang forever slash inspirasyon pang sideline lang. Yung  tipong iniisip mo palang na makakasabayan mo yung mga magagaling na students galing sa mga big schools mejo kinakabahan Karin diba. But believe me, wala sa school yan kaya wag kang matakot. Kung masipag at matiyaga ka, hindi ka mapag iiwanan, promise!

Bago ako mag review sa CPAR, nag search ako ng mga blogs sa net about CPAR. Sabi nila mabilis daw ang turo sa CPAR, madami daw ang handouts. Hindi naman pala. Hindi mabilis ang turo unless first view mo palang talaga yung topic na ididiscuss. Para ka lang talagang nagrerefresh sa mga naaral mo noon. Handouts? Hindi over na madami. Madami talaga kapag hindi mo binasa at sinagutan on time kasi matatambakan ka na.

Hindi naman ako nagsisi na sa CPAR ako nag review dahil super enjoy sa CPAR hehe ang dami rin kasing magandang view sa batch 82 hehehe. Pero swear, enjoy talaga. Mababait ang mga reviewers lalo na si Atty. Valix.

Facilities? Keri naman, sobrang lamig sa room. Yung tipong gugustuhin mong yumakap sa crush mo sa sobrang lamig lalo na kapag wala kang jacket as in! Yung restroom na blockbuster sa haba ng pila, yung tipong gusto mo ng makipila sa boys dahil grabe talaga haha ang haba ng pila sa girls as always.

CPAR Reviewers

My real sched is weekdays, morning but then I shifted to weekends. Nahirapan ako sa weekdays na morning sesh haha Idk, hindi ako makagawa ng magandang study sched kaya nagrisk akong itry ang weekends. Narealize kong pang weekends pala ang utak at katawan ko haha, mas bet ko ang mag aral ng diretso ng 5 days (mon-fri) maghapon. Mas namaximize ko yung time para mag aral, tapusin lahat ng dapat tapusin tapos makikinig lang ako maghapon sa weekend class ko. Absorb absorb lang ganern.

LAW

My reviewer in Law? Syempre the one and only, Atty. Dante dela Cruz. Yan ang tunay na LODI! Mahina ako sa law pero sobrang pasasalamat ko talaga kay Atty. Dante. Sobrang kwela ng law class nya. Minsan nga tawa lang ako ng tawa. Masaya ka na, natuto ka pa. yung tipong malingon ka lang ng konti puno na ung board sa bilis nya mag discuss. Sobrang idol ko rin talaga si Atty. D lalo na ng ishare niya ang lifestory nya, naiyak pa nga ako non sobrang nakakahanga talaga ang kasipagan at determinasyon ni Atty. Dante! Kung mahina ka sa law, making ka lang ng mabuti kay Atty,D at the same time, basa basa rin pag may time. Makukuha naman yan sa tiyaga, wag ka lang aantukin haha.

FAR

Sir Thomas Siy is my reviewer. Idk pero never akong nabored or inantok sa mga discussion nya. Maybe because of his voice? Haha ang gwapo ng boses nya, para kang nakikinig sa radio, pang-DJ ba. Type ko yung way ng discussion nya. Simple pero may dating, basta making ka lang, para mo lang narereview yung mga alam mo na, at the same time, yung mga di mo alam mapapa “ayy ganon nga pala yon” ka nalang. Nag try akong makiklase kay Baby Valix, but I really prefer Sir Thom’s style of teaching. Anyways! Depende rin naman sa tao kung saan sya komportable makinig. Na aamaze lang talaga ako at kabisado nila ang handout, problems at solutions, lodi! Seriously, mahina ako sa FAR nung undergrad, after ng mga sesh with Sir Thomas Siy, nagtataka nalang ako kung bakit hindi ko yon alam dati haha. Nakaka-amaze lang, parang magic. Napansin ko lang na marami ang umaalis kapag FAR na. pero suggestion ko lang talaga is huwag kang aalis. Kahit na alam mo na, makinig parin. First of all, sayang ang bayad mo haha. Second, ayaw mo nun? Mas mareretain yon sa utak mo J

AFAR

Dalawa ang reviewer ko sa AFAR hehe mabisyo ako e. sabi kasi nila ang hirap “daw” sa AFAR sa actual pero believe me, sobrang layo sa preboard ng CPAR! Basic questions lang basta ewan ko rin ba kung sinwerte lang kami or what hehehe. Sir Brian Lim ang reviewer ko sa weekend sesh then Sir Chris German for my weekdays sesh. Sa AFAR lang talaga ako pumapasok pag weekdays. Sir Lim’s style is more on techniques. Mga shortcut ba, topnotcher kasi e kaya ang taba rin ng utak nya umisip ng mga techniques which is very helpful naman nung nagtake ako ng board exam lalo na sa Advacc part 1. Pero syempre Kailangan mo ang concepts, kaya I prefer sir German pagdating sa concepts. Tho ang tagal nya magdiscuss sa isang problem, pero naituro naman na nya ang lahat ng dapat nyang ituro. Yung forex na inaayawan ko, ganon lang pala kapag nakinig kang mabuti kay Sir German haha. Galing din ng oppa nyo sa concepts tapos minsan may mga hugot pa siya. Siya yung tipong kung naliligawan lang ang problem baka ginawa na nga nya hehe joke lang sir. For me, sapat na ang combination ng concepts ni Sir German and techniques ni Sir Lim.

MAS

Sir Jamil Saripada is my reviewer in Management Advisory Services. Sa lahat ng naging reviewers ko sya ang second favorite ko (malalaman nyo ang first favorite ko later hehehe). Siyempre magaling din si Sir Rodel Roque pero nag stick na ako sa class ni Sir Jamil hehe. At first mejo nag doubt pa ako kasi nga hindi ako familiar sa kanya pero tinry ko syempre para malaman ko and hindi naman mali ang naging desisyon ko haha. Galing! Siya yung tipong hindi napapagod kakasalita. Titigil lang ata sya kapag break hehe pero nakakaamaze ang galing nya magdiscuss plus ang ganda ng sulat niya parang niruler lang. bet na bet din yung mga techniques niya sa pagsolve at pagtanda sa mga theory part ng topic. Kwela pa ang mga definitions niya hahaha.

AUDITING

Of  course,the one and only Sir Jerry Roque. Ewan ko ba parang tawa lang yata ako ng tawa pag klase na nya. Ayoko talaga ng audtheo weh kaya pinipilit ko nalang makinig at iabsorb ang mga tinuturo ni Sir Roque, sobrang antok talaga ako sa audtheo na ewan ko ba hahaha pero magaling si Sir Roque magturo, sabay ka lang sa discussion nya ng mga problems sa Audprob. Sagot ka muna sa handout sa bahay/dorm then sumabay ka sa discussion nya. Try and try lang bes kahit mali minsan haha.

TAX

Presenting, the one and only, my favorite reviewer in CPAR, Atty. Tristan Lopez. Sobrang kwela every meeting. Hindi matatapos ang klase mo sa kanya ng hindi ka tatawa. Super as in! kaya pag tax na, sobrang excited akong magklase. Masaya ka na, natuto ka pa. Super funny ni Atty. Lopez grabe haha halata naman diba? Atty. De vera is my first choice but then, si Atty. Lopez ang nasa weekend class ko so nagtry ako makinig at thank you talaga kay Lord at hindi naman niya ako binigo haha. Naging favorite subj ko ang tax dahil kay Atty. Lopez. Ang laki ng impluwensya sa akin ng taong ito. Maging sa firm sa gusto ko ang laking factor nya. Too sad hindi ako doon dinala ni Lord hehe,pero okay lang din, baka mas may better plan ang Lord weh. Simula umpisa ng discussion hanggang sa Matapos, tatawa ka lang haha joke. Concepts and computations ang style ni Atty. Lopez plus may jokes pa na sobrang havey!!! Para kang nasa comedy bar slash review center pagdating sa klase nya. Sa room namin, minsan mejo madaming vacant seats haha ewan ko baka di nila type? Pero for me talagang okay naman ang klase niya. Dami ko rin natutunan sa kanya about tax. Sobrang na inspire pa ako nung kinwento niya ang lifestory niya, hindi ko akalain na malapit pala siya kay Lord hahaha pero swear, nakakainspire. Sobrang lalakas ang loob mo para sa board.

 Masaya sa CPAR, super magiging masaya ang CPA journey mo. Maganda ang environment, mababait ang mga reviewers at maraming good looking peeps hahaha charot! So kung nagdedecide ka if saang review center ka magreview, it’s up to you! Choice mo naman yan e. Bawat review schools syempre may mga kanya kanyang strength. Basta nasa’yo yan kung paano ka papasa, iguguide lang tayo ng mga review centers na napili natin. Wala sa special handouts or anything ang pagpasa sa board. Basta, magtiwala ka sa review center mo at syempre sa alam mo! Huwag kang papasindak kung hindi ka man nabahagian ng kung anong special handout or kung anong handout pa yan, remember, mas fulfilling at masaya sa pakiramdam kapag nakapasa ka sa board ng sa sariling alam mo lang! tandaan mo yan J

Goodluck future CPAs! Keep the faith! Don’t quit!! You can do it :)

[rhyrztl]

Bad Morning??

Yung tipong di pa nasisimulan ang umaga napapagod na agad ako.. kasi naman nagstart na ko maghanap ulit ng work tapos ayun may reply na.. dapat May interview ako kahapon kasi di ko pinuntahan kaso nga ganito yung sitwasyon ko.. hindi ko talaga magawang ihanda yung sarili.. kinakausap ko na yunh sarili ko na kailangan kayanin ko.. naiiniss kinakabahan natatakot.. nawawala na naman ako sa focus.. sabayan pa ng nanay ko na nag aapply na daw ako eh di pa tapos bahay.. hindi ko alam kung saan ako lulugar.. i need be back on track.. hindi pwedeng ganito.. although marami akong ginagawa sa bahay at nag aasikaso ng kung ano ano eh hindi pwedeng wala akong trabaho.. I need a financial support.. hindi lang para sa sarili ko para na rin sa family ko.. feeling ko pag nagtagal pa kong walang work baka tuluyan na kong makuntento sa ganito.. hindi na ko matututong lumabas sa comfort zone ko.. 2020 na pero eto pa rin ako nilalabanan yung takot ko sa paglabas ng comfort zone.. kahit hanggang ngayon di ko alam ang gusto ko pero i need to do something for myself.. I need to help myself.. i need to grow.. kailangan kong pagsabayin ang pag grow ko at the same time di ko binibitawan yung responsibilities ko sa bahay..

Damn you adulthood ang hirap mong pangatawanan.. gusto ko na lang bumalik sa sinapupunan ng nanay ko.. it’s just been a few years simula nung nagstart ako sa real work pero tang ina pagod na pagod na ko.. ok lang mapagod physically pero tang ina im mentally and emotionally drained.. kumbaga nasa starting line pa lang ako ganito na agad.. pano na sa mga susunod na taon?

[smvsand]

Sleepless Log|2

Ipopost ko dapat to last night, but something came up so I saved it sa google docs ko. Anyway here’s my last night’s thoughts.

11-15-17

Heto na naman ako sa mga hindi pinag iisipang mga post, parang pumasok lang sa isip mo at hindi mo masabi sa bibig, as usual hindi na naman ako makatulog. What’s new diba? Anyway congrats self you found a decent job! Not the profession I expected, pero ano choosy pa ba ako? It also pays a decent salary so pwedeng pwede na talaga.

So anong ganap? Ewan ko nga rin ba kinakabahan ako it’s my orientation tomorrow hoping that everything went well, 3 hours lang naman, pero grabe yung kaba ko, hahaha help me Lord!

To tell you the truth I have this low self-esteem, I really don’t believe that I could do stuff, kahit ako minsan nagugulat sa sarili ko na kaya ko pala, but every situation is different, may mga times na ginagawa ko na pala hindi ko pa alam. Parang kulang na kulang ako sa confidence. I’m always scared that I might mess up something. I only hope that I get rid all of these doubts and starting to act like a real strong woman sometimes. Hays..