#kim sunwoo angst blurb

[juhakx]

Sparkle- Kim Sunwoo

Genre: Angst, fluff, royal!au, princess!y/n

Word Count:15.5k

Inspired by. that one vlive where Sunwoo learns the word ticklish <3

a/n happy birthday to the brightest Sun in the entire world, Kim Sunwoo. your eyes truly do sparkle. 

Being the youngest child of three was extremely boring when it came to royalty. 

“Sangyeon, please escort Yuri out to the gardens before we meet.” Yuri blushes at the King’s command, her hand enveloped by Sangyeon’s when he thinks no one is looking.

“God, they are just–” Chae steals a pastry from the kitchen and twirls, stopping just before her eyes land on Hyunjae. 

You scoff, taking the pastry from her hands. “Both of you, completely incapable of procuring any common sense when men are involved.” 

You’re pleasantly surprised when you take a bite of the pastry, realizing that it was mango-flavored. Your favorite. 

“You’re just saying that because no boy has ever shown interest in you. Nor have you ever shown interest in a boy for that matter.” Chae shakes out of her stupor, eyebrows furrowing when she realizes that her pastry was taken from her hands. 

“I will have you know that plenty of people have shown interest in me,” You scoff, crossing your arms. Your mood had instantly plummeted, Chae’s remarks and the fact that you had devoured the mango pastry within seconds being the cause. 

It wasn’t that men weren’t interested in you. In fact, you and Juyeon had dated for a whole three weeks. That was until you realized you didn’t like him and merely liked that he would bake you cookies. He realized it too. 

Chae’s response is ready on her tongue but she gets cut off. The clock chimes seven, vibrating throughout the castle. The guards begin to escort you to the meeting room as it was the most important day of the week. The weekly briefing happened at the same room, same day, same time, and with, for some reason, the same people. 

You. Chaewon. Yuri. Your father. 

Discussing the kingdom.

For a Friday evening, the content of today's meeting was even more boring than you expected. The rain was making it difficult for the farmers to create good produce. The neighboring kingdom was getting ready for a spring ball. The trip to acquire more horses was a success. If your father wouldn't scold you for it, you might have even let out a yawn.

Peering down at your fingernails, you can't help but pick at them. Your sister's hands were always painted red but because you liked to help the bakers, it would have been redundant knowing how easily they chip amidst the kitchen.

"King! Your majesty!" A royal guard you were somewhat familiar with, Jacob, bursts through the doors, heaving.

"What is it, Jacob?" The King immediately stands, his eyebrows furrowed. Even you shifted to the edge of your seat, ready for something that wasn't the weather forecast. If a guard barged in without permission, something more significant must be going on.

"We found him."

Immediately, your father straightens his back, a grim look on his face.

"Bring him in."

The doors open wide, two other guards dragging in an unidentifiable male. His curly black hair was covering his eyes, and from the looks of his clothes and the shackles around his wrists, he was either homeless or part of the lower class. He was covered in dirt and from what you could make out, even blood. It made you feel silly sitting on a throne next to your sisters while it was clear that this man was in need of dire help–money, a fresh set of clothes, something better than how he was being treated currently.

"So, you're the thief." 

You inaudibly gasp, the reality of the boy standing in front of you settling in.

He had been the topic of many weekly meetings. A thief. First, it started with stealing bread, then it got worse. Suddenly, expensive items from houses were being stolen. Artifacts from libraries. There had been no news of him recently, just that the thievery kept happening. Well, no news until now.

He shakes his head, his hair settling onto his forehead and out of his eyes. You suck in a breath.

He was gorgeous.

His eyes were a pretty brown. Now that you could see them, certain mirth pooled in them. His eyelashes were long, time almost moving in slow motion as he blinked. There was nothing to compare to his bone structure, it was unfair, really.

You snap out of your enamor when he begins to chuckle.

“The one and only,” He smirks.

Chae scoffs from beside you, but you can’t help but examine his face once more. As if he can sense your eyes on him, his eyes snap toward yours.

Your eyes widen, but he doesn’t react. His smirk only widens. When your father realizes he’s looking at you, he walks forward and blocks your view from the chained man.

“If you care about your life even the slightest, then you will look only at me and address me with respect.”

It was times like these when you realized just how intimidating your father, the King, was. He was able to switch from the man who raised you for 13 years on his own after your mother died with so much love and compassion to someone you could barely recognize. He was always cruel when it came to criminals.

“You see, your majesty, when did I ever say I care for my life?” He spits out. Even though there was venom in his voice, the smirk on his face remained.

The King doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, he examines his face as if he was searching for an answer.

“Fine,” The King says, backing away. “Tell me your name.”

Not a question, but a command.

The unnamed man doesn’t respond. You can’t help but mentally plead for him to start listening to your father. He could be a cruel man and there isn’t much you can do if he doesn’t cooperate.

Before you can blink, the King takes his boot and slams it against the thief’s chest, sending him flying backward. The shackles around his wrists remain intact, but the grip the guards have on him doesn’t. He’s closer to the door now and if he wanted to, he could have attempted to flee. But instead, he starts laughing maniacally as he lies on the ground, facing the ceiling. You grimace and look away. 

“You have no right to know my name. You treat your kingdom like shit and leave the poor to fend for themselves. A true king would already know the name of his citizens–” He pauses, cocking his head to the side. “Especially one that’s a thief, no?”

Chae scoffs once again and you wish that sometimes she would simply keep her mouth shut. You glance at Yuri on the other side of the King’s throne. Her gaze seemed analytic as if she was waiting to see how this would play out. As the next queen, she must feel entitled to do so. All you can hope is that she sees the truth behind this as well. 

He, and many others, were suffering and the kingdom was doing nothing to help. 

“Jacob?”

“Kim Sunwoo. Born April 12, age 23. The firstborn with a younger sister, age 11. Both of his parents died when he was 15.”

The thief, who you now know is named Sunwoo, stares blankly at the King’s face. You can tell from where you’re sitting that he’s biting the inside of his cheek as if he was contemplating something. 

“Kim Sunwoo, I think you are underestimating my power.”

“I think you’re underestimating how loyal your dogs are.”

Your breathing stops, ready for the King to do his worst. If he just didn’t fight back. 

“Fine,” The King pauses, walking up to Sunwoo’s sprawled body. “I declare Kim Sunwoo charged with the capital offense of trespassing on private property, stealing food, jewels, and official artifacts. He is to be hung for his crimes.”

Your breath catches in your throat. Even for the King, this was extreme. He hadn’t even heard Sunwoo out yet, not that Sunwoo pleaded for him to do so. It still wasn��t fair. And it made you sick. 

Sunwoo doesn’t react and you don’t expect him to. This seemed like someone who hadn’t been granted kindness before. You wait for Yuri to say something. You had already lost all faith in Chae after hearing her unsaid thoughts earlier. Yuri would say something. You’re sure she will.

You glance over at Yuri but she remains still, her hands clasped over her crossed legs. It’s not until the King mutters something about taking him away that you realize something must be said, and no one would say anything but you.

“Stop!” You find yourself blurting out. 

Sunwoo’s head snaps up to you. However, your face remains on the King whose eyebrows raise at your defiance. 

“You can not do this,” You dumbly say. 

“Oh, I can and I will,” The King shakes his head and glares at you as if to say ‘We will talk about this later.’ 

Well, what could you lose now?

You stand up. “He’s an orphan, Father–your majesty. He has a younger sister who he takes care of. You can not possibly think death is justifiable for someone who is merely trying to survive.”

If Sunwoo won’t plead, you do. 

“Please. I have not asked much from you, your majesty, but I ask you to rethink this.”

It seems to be working for just a second. For just a second, you can see him pondering your suggestion. 

“Take him to the chambers. Y/N, I would like to talk to you privately.”

It didn’t work. 

Sunwoo’s being taken to the chambers where the guards will prep for execution and then he’ll be hung and it will be nobody’s fault but your own for not trying hard enough. 

“Please, Father–”

“I said I would like to talk to you privately!” His voice booms, echoing throughout the room. The guards take that as their queue to leave, taking Sunwoo by his hands and dragging him out much similar to the way they brought him in. His eyes don’t leave your face once.

Yuri and Chae are escorted out as well, but you can’t even focus on the fact that you were now alone with your father. 

Sunwoo is going to be executed. He is going to die and all that will be left of his family will be a little sister who no longer has parents or a brother. One who will have to bear the repercussions of your own father’s doing. 

“You have made a grave mistake, speaking out like that in front of the guards. You have made it look like I have raised an uncontrollable youngest daughter who does not listen to her father, the King,” He scolds, his voice firm. However, even you know this tone well. His earlier mask was removed. He didn’t sound like the King, he sounded like your father. 

“I’m sorry,” You genuinely say. You want to say more, but you don’t. You could say so much more. 

Your father waits for a second, looking at you expectantly. “Well? Is that it?”

You burst. 

“You’re right, you didn’t raise a daughter like that. You raised a daughter who is compassionate and cares for others and doesn’t dismiss the people of her kingdom when there are so clearly asking for help,” You breathe out. Your chest feels lighter as if you had just let out a secret. Finally, you felt like you were working towards something. 

The King thinks for a few seconds, clearing his throat to break the silence. 

“I’m trusting you with this. You have one shot. Any further disrespect from you or him will not be tolerated.” 

-

“No.”

“Sunwoo,” You start, ready to beg. You hold onto one of the bars to crouch on the floor opposite his cell. It was dirty and grimy, but you didn’t care. You can bribe the guards monitoring you to not report this back to the King later.

“You do not know me well enough to address me,” He plainly says, staring into your eyes. Seeing him up close, he was even prettier than before. He was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, but if you could pull this off, he would be able to completely transform not just his wardrobe, but his life. 

“Fine,” You huff. “Sunwoo-ssi. Mr. Kim. All I ask is for you to think about it. If you don’t agree, he will execute you and this time it won’t just be a bluff or a cover-up.”

Sunwoo straightens his back that’s leaning against the wall. He uses one of his hands to push himself forward so he was sitting directly in front of you. If the bars weren’t between you, you would be merely centimeters away. You can feel his cool breath fan against your face. 

“I will not work for the same kingdom that has put me and my entire family in the situation that we are in. My parents are 6 feet underground because your majesty could not get his head out of his ass for longer than 5 seconds to realize that his people were dying.” His eyes blaze. “Kill me. Hang me. I do not care, but I will never stoop so low as to pretend that I care for the wellbeing of the King.”

You pause, taking in his words. You didn’t realize just how deep his hatred ran for the King. You almost wanted to lash out and explain how your father was nothing like that, but as soon as you took another look at Sunwoo’s face, you couldn’t do it. 

“You can leave now,” Sunwoo tilts his head towards the guards as if you couldn’t find the exit on your own. 

“I know I’m not the future queen, but I have influence,” You reason, sliding your hand down the bar and steading yourself by placing a hand on the ground. Your calves were starting to burn from crouching, but at this point, it didn’t even matter. “I will talk to the King and Yuri. Tell me what you want to be changed and I will help.”

Sunwoo stares at your face, his eyes searching for something. You feel your heart stop beating when he grabs onto the bars of the cell, his left hand just above yours. He scoots even closer, making direct eye contact with you. 

“Why?”

You blink. 

“Why what?”

“Why help me?”

You find it getting harder to think with Sunwoo’s proximity, so you shuffle a bit further before taking a breath. Sunwoo quirks an eyebrow at you, amused. 

“Well, because I want to,” You state simply. “What good are we doing if there are people suffering in our kingdom?”

You notice a quick flash of surprise pass Sunwoo’s face before he responds. “And what about my sister? Right now she’s staying with a friend, but she can’t stay there forever.”

“She can stay here as well. I am not sure of her interests but if she likes to bake, she could always help the bakers with me or she could help you with your daily tasks. You can bring her here yourself.”

Sunwoo seems appeased by the idea, knowing that there would be a safe place for the two of them to stay. 

“But–” You begin, causing Sunwoo to immediately put his guard back up. His face becomes stoic as if the condition you were going to say would counteract everything good you were offering. “I convinced my father to let you go and come back on your own, but that doesn’t mean people won’t be watching your every step. You could–I mean you could try–to flee, but it won’t work. This is all I could do for you and I’m asking you to take advantage of it. The alternative will always be better than death. For you and for your sister.”

Sunwoo’s hands drop from the bars at your words, almost appalled by your honesty. You can even hear the guards shift at your admission. There was no reason for you to be trying so hard for someone you didn’t know, but there was something different about Sunwoo. He could teach you a great number of things, about parts of the kingdom you had never seen before. He could initiate actual change. Whether he knew it or not, his life was worth something greater than simply surviving. 

You rise, dusting your hands off on your dress. 

When you turn to leave, you hear Sunwoo loud and clear. 

“Thank you, Princess Y/N.”

-

Sunwoo comes back. He comes back three days later with one bag in his left hand and his sister’s hand in his right. You try not to breathe out a sigh of relief but it escapes your lips when you watch him enter past the front gates (which you definitely weren’t watching from your window.)

“I can not believe Father let you do this,” Chae mutters under her breath, working her way down the stairs in front of you. You would have pushed her just strong enough for Hyunjae to break her fall if it wasn’t for your guilty conscience.

Even Hyunjae lets out a hum of agreement as if it was absurd for your father to grant such a request. 

“Believe it or not, he has a lot to offer,” You begin, ready to defend Sunwoo. 

“Like the stolen items?” Chae snorts, immediately smiling when she sees Hyunjae smile at her attempt at a joke. 

“He already returned those,” You stop when Chae does, realizing that Sunwoo would be coming in any moment now. It mildly infuriated you that he would have to see people who belittled him upon his entrance. “Also, I would refrain from speaking ill of him around him,” You fade into a whisper, “Because who knows what could fall from my lips in front of Hyunjae.”

Chae gasps but it’s swept into the air as the doors to the main entrance of the castle open. Though Sunwoo came in with no guards accompanying him, as you promised, that didn’t mean that they didn’t stiffen in his presence. 

Sunwoo’s younger sister, Nabi, from what you gathered, seemed to display a million emotions on her face at once. It went from awe to fear to wonder within just seconds. When her eyes land upon you, her eyes widen a little. 

“Sunwoo,” You breathe out, unintentionally forgetting there were people all around you. You clear your throat. “Sunwoo, I am glad you made it back safely.”

Even though Nabi was years younger than you, you barely have to lower yourself to speak to her. She seemed to have the same genetics as her brother–tall, black curly hair, tan skin. The similarities were uncanny. 

“And who might this be?” You ask, wanting Nabi to introduce herself. 

“Nabi. My name is Nabi,” She speaks clearly, her head lifting in confidence. “And you are Princess Y/N.”

You nod your head in assurance, smiling lightly. Nabi smiles back as well, but your attention drifts to Sunwoo. An unfamiliar look crosses his eyes before he shakes his head as if he was breaking himself from a trance. 

“I asked her what she would want to do if we decided to come here and she said she would love to pick up baking. I recall you saying you spent some time in the kitchen because you liked to bake as well so I am sure the two of you will get to know more of each other.”

Nabi shakes her head vigorously, agreeing with him on something that seemed only apparent to her. “My brother told me that the one with long hair and darker eyes was you and that you were the kind one who liked to bake,” She continues to nod, leaning in closer to you so only Sunwoo and you could hear her. “He said the one with short hair was mean and to stay away from her.”

“Nabi,” Sunwoo scolds, pulling her closer to his side as if you would take her away from him because she spoke ill of your sister (not that it wasn’t true.)

You glance over at Chae who was watching your every move. At this point, it was just the guards, Sunwoo, Nabi, Chae, and you left. Hyunjae left a bit ago, probably to inform the King of Sunwoo’s arrival. 

“What did she say?” Chae immediately stiffens, realizing that you were talking about her. 

“She was commenting on how pretty all of us were. She said she liked your hair,” You immediately reply, smiling at Chae. A little white lie won’t hurt. Even Nabi must sense not to correct you because she shyly peeks up from behind Sunwoo and simply nods. 

“Oh,” Chae breathes out. “Thank you.”

When the silence begins to settle in, you reach out for Nabi’s hand, gesturing for her to come forward. “Come, I will show you where you will be staying.”

“Nonsense,” Jacob steps forward, holding his hand out. “I can guide them to their rooms.”

“I will show them,” You tightly smile up at Jacob. Though Jacob was a kind guard, you can’t help but remember the time that he spewed out information about Sunwoo’s past in front of the King for him to use against Sunwoo. 

Sunwoo’s grip on his bag tightens but he gently releases it once Jacob lowers his hand. 

“Yes, Princess Y/N.”

Nabi settles her hand into yours as you begin to lead the way to where the two of them would be staying. The castle itself was gigantic and although you found yourself lucky enough that your father allowed Sunwoo and Nabi to stay here and redeem themselves by working in the castle, he was still wary about Sunwoo’s proximity to your rooms. He pushed for Sunwoo and Nabi to each have their own rooms in a different wing of the castle. 

“This place is so big,” Nabi murmurs. You look back to watch her expression and it seems Sunwoo looks over at her too because a wide grin adorns his face. 

“Wait until you see the kitchen,” You reply. You hear her shriek from behind you. 

Sunwoo laughs and it immediately brings a smile to your face. What a beautiful laugh. 

After a few more minutes of walking, you were brought to the rooms Sunwoo and Nabi would occupy. 

“This is Nabi’s room,” You open the door, and Nabi immediately lights up. 

“Sunwoo,” She stays by his side, tugging at his sleeve. “Am I dreaming?”

“No, Nabi,” Sunwoo chuckles. “Go, check it out.”

Nabi runs into the room, running her hands along everything. The dresser, the bed, the desks. When she opens her dresser, a few dresses litter the inside. 

“I was not informed of your size so I gathered some old ones from the three of us. We should be able to get you tailored pretty quickly so everything will fit you.” You pause, “Well, unless you do not wish to dress in clothes like this because I know they can be quite uncomfortable if–”

Sunwoo's hand brushes your arm and you immediately stop talking. 

“This is great. Say thank you, Nabi,” Sunwoo calls out to his sister who is off in her own world. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Nabi nearly shouts, taking out a purple dress that used to be Yuri’s when she was younger. “Don’t you believe this would look amazing on me?”

“Go wash up and try it on,” You encourage, nodding your head toward the bathroom. Nabi gleams in response. “I will show Sunwoo where he is staying in the meantime. He is just across from your room so he won’t be far. Call for me if you need any help, alright?” 

After Nabi basically kicks the two of you out of her room to utilize her new bathroom and try on her new wardrobe, you close the door to give her some privacy. You turn to face Sunwoo but he doesn’t back away, keeping you trapped against the door. 

“Your room is just–” You try, lifting your hand to gesture to the door behind him. Sunwoo stops you once again, placing his hand on your elbow. 

“I might regret saying this, but you were right. Nabi, she–” Sunwoo pauses, looking over at the shut door. “She deserves something like this. She deserves something good and I am grateful for you giving me–us, a second chance.”

He glances back over at you and you pause at the sight of his eyes. His once stormy eyes were brighter. Lighter, even. Like beneath the storm peeked just the smallest ray of sunshine. There was something new in his eyes. 

Hope.

-

Nabi was an extremely passionate baker. 

That did not mean she was any good. 

"How was I supposed to know how much sugar it needed?" Nabi wails, putting her head in your lap when you sit for a break. It had been approximately one week since Sunwoo and Nabi had arrived and four days since Nabi began baking with you.

 You hadn’t seen much of Sunwoo around except in passing. After you showed Sunwoo his room, he almost made it his mission not to interact with your family, especially the King. He kept his distance, still upholding his responsibilities. And because the King had a certain vendetta against him, there wasn’t a second where he wasn’t running from one side of the castle to the other, delivering items, restocking cabinets, or even cleaning after meals. 

He always took two meals into his room, the other for Nabi who also didn’t eat with the other workers. You wanted to ask Nabi about it, but she didn’t bring it up so you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. However, sooner or later, you needed to talk to Sunwoo. You needed more information on where to start helping the area he was from.

“Nabi, how did you manage to get flour all over you?” You ask, giggling when noticing the absolute mess Nabi had made. Haknyeon, the main baker, left the kitchen as yours for the night and you wanted to give Nabi some extra help so she could be more comfortable in the kitchen. However, it was evident that more than a night’s work was needed before she could get there. 

“Well, looks like Nabi is enjoying herself,” You pause at the voice. 

“Sunwoo! Sunwoo! Look what Y/N made,” Nabi gleams, pointing at the banana pudding you made earlier with Nabi. In the process, flour falls from her hands, littering the floor. 

“Nabi, can you please wash up,” You ask, reaching for a couple of towels to clean the mess up. 

“Let me,” Sunwoo immediately steps forward, taking the towels from your hands before you can argue. 

“Sunwoo, you have to try the pudding Y/N made. I tried to follow the steps and it definitely did not taste the same. Maybe the bananas were better in the other batch.”

“Yes,” Sunwoo elongates the end of his word. “That must be it.”

Sunwoo gets up from the ground after cleaning the mess. For someone who had been avoiding your presence entirely, he didn’t show any indifference. 

“Thank you,” You nod your head at Sunwoo and he smiles. “You should really have some of the pudding.” 

Sunwoo pauses. 

It was impossible to tell what was running through his head. He almost seemed uncomfortable being offered pudding. 

“Here,” You offer, picking up the pudding and taking a spoon of it, holding it to his mouth. “I know I made it, but I promise in my completely unbiased and honest opinion that it is really good.”

A small smile appears on Sunwoo’s face but he still appears hesitant. 

“You don’t have to–” You begin, lowering the spoon. Your lips begin to turn downwards and you’re ready to spin at your heels, highly embarrassed. 

Before you can completely lower it, Sunwoo lowers his head and wraps his lips around the spoon. Your mind blanks for a fraction of a second as you watch Sunwoo’s lips move against the curve of the spoon, pulling away. 

Even though he backed away, the image of Sunwoo’s closed eyes in your near proximity remained. He must notice too, because he lets out a little laugh, snapping you out of your daze. You finally lower the spoon. 

Nabi breaks the silence, her hands finally clean. 

“Well, did you like it?”

You turn around, your cheeks flamed. Oh, that was so embarrassing. It would be surprising if you ever showed your face to Sunwoo again. 

“It was very good,” The smirk on Sunwoo’s face was evident. God, you would rather he go back to ignoring you. How he went from bashful to confident in seconds was beyond you. “Being fed from the hands of a pretty princess, my how my luck has changed.”

Your eyes widen. You decide to make yourself busy organizing the leftover pudding cups. Not that they needed to be organized, but no one needed to know that. As long as your back was to Sunwoo, you were safe. 

“You think Y/N is pretty?” Nabi asks, taking a bite out of a pudding cup she picks up from your tray. 

“Of course, Nabi. I think Y/N is very pretty. Don’t you?” Sunwoo talks as if you weren’t in the room and you’re somewhat glad because your face was burning so brightly that if he was addressing you, he might think you were having a heat stroke. 

“She is very pretty. Is that why you told me that–” Nabi gets cut off, Sunwoo clearing his throat loudly. 

“Now is a very good time for me to make my way to bed. Nabi, you should go to bed soon as well.”

Before Sunwoo can move, you speak up. “Actually,” You begin, “I needed to speak with you.”

Your back was still to Sunwoo so you couldn’t tell his reaction nor even begin to predict what was running through his mind. 

“About what?” Sunwoo’s voice goes back to his ‘I refuse to feel any emotion or acknowledge the fact that I’m living here’ tone.

“I wanted to hear your input, you know, about somewhere we can start. To help the others,” You turn. 

You watch him let out a breath of relief. 

“Tomorrow, at noon. Can you meet me in the gardens?”

Sunwoo hesitates. “I have–”

“I’ll take care of it. You have the day off tomorrow. We need to begin planning,” You smile at him. A genuine smile so he knows you’re being serious.

“Alright,” He breathes out. He repeats, “Alright.”

-

You arrived 15 minutes before you were supposed to. You told Sunwoo to arrive at noon, but when you arrived, you cursed yourself for coming earlier. It was starting to get extremely cold out, and you wished you had chosen somewhere indoors to have this talk with Sunwoo, but no place was as beautiful as the castle gardens. 

That, and after you got permission from your father to speak to Sunwoo, he told you to do it outside so the guests wouldn’t see the interaction. You wanted to say that if the royal guards cared so much at seeing you talk to Sunwoo, they should take a good look at–

“Princess,” Sunwoo greets, causing you to turn around. You immediately flush, or your cheeks were already pink because of the cold, you couldn’t tell.

“Hello,” You greet, sitting down on the bench now that he was there. “Come, take a seat,” You gesture. 

He takes a seat on the same bench as you, but you don’t fail to notice how it’s on the opposite end. You found yourself grateful that he wasn’t any closer. 

“So,” You begin, turning your head towards him. “I was thinking you could tell me about your childhood, or the way you grew up. Or if you don’t want to tell me, you could tell me about what you saw others going through. I just want to know the best way I can help,” You sincerely say. 

Sunwoo nods his head, listening intently to your every word. It takes him a minute of contemplating before he begins. 

“Before my parents died, sorry–” He pauses, clearing his throat. “We were never well off, even before my parents died. My father worked in the fields as a farmer and my mother couldn’t work because after having Nabi, she became extremely weak. Almost as if breathing was enough to make her life tiresome.”

You press your lips into a straight line. Sunwoo refused to look at you, staring at the grass as he spoke. 

“I tried to help as much as I could, but even then it wasn’t enough. One day, my father came back from the fields, coughing terribly. We thought it was just a cold or, sometimes, when he smoked cigars with his friends, his lungs couldn’t take it but he would recover within days. Apparently, there was a disease spreading among the field workers. My father was one of the first to catch it. You don’t understand Princess Y/N,” Sunwoo turns to you, a wild rage in his eyes. “It spread like wildfire. We all caught it. Somehow, it didn’t hit the younger children as hard. After I recovered, I nursed Nabi back but within days, both of my parents were just–Dead. Gone,” Sunwoo’s voice cracks. “Your King–Your father–you know what he did? He called in for more field workers and burned the bodies.”

Sunwoo’s heaving at this point. God, you want to reach out so badly. Put a hand across his for comfort, but there was nothing you could do to make something like this okay. To know this was happening–to know that your father knew this was happening. 

“I had to watch them burn my parent's bodies. I was only fifteen! Fifteen for God’s sake!” Sunwoo gets louder, and not before long, there are tears falling down his face. 

“Sorry, sorry,” He repeats, wiping his face with his sleeve. He turned back so you couldn’t face him. 

“Do not apologize,” You whisper. Your heart breaks at his admission. You feel tears begin to form in your eyes but push them away. This was something Sunwoo had to carry on his own for years. It would be selfish to cry. “Sunwoo–” You frown. You watched Sunwoo’s shoulders slump. 

You scrambled for ways to console him. “I–It’s–”

“It’s okay,” He breathes heavily, turning back to face you. “It was years ago. But if you wanted to know why I–Why I loathe every fiber of the King’s being. Even if he’s provided me with this life, none of it would have ever happened if the conditions he made people work under were safe and provided people with proper care,” A broken smile reaches his face. “You know the rest. I couldn’t care for Nabi and work and still provide us shelter and food and water. So I stole. Then I sold it. And now I’m here.”

His eyes were swollen, and this time you did reach out. You brush a stray hair out of his face and cup his cheek in the process. Another tear rolls by and you wipe it away. 

“I know I can’t make this okay, but I will find a way to help. And I will get you out of here. I know how much it must hurt living here and taking orders from–” You pause, not wanting to speak of him. “Give me some time to come up with something.”

Sunwoo chuckles, taking the hand that rested on his cheek into his hands. “Believe it or not, but this isn’t the worst place I have had to live. Not to mention, Nabi loves it here. I don’t see the King often. I tend to get my orders from Sangyeon and all he does is speak about Yuri. I have you to thank for where we are now and though I would take back what happened in a heartbeat, there are worse fates out there. And you were right,” He whispers. “I was very close to becoming subject to one of those. So thank you. For everything.”

You nod, your cheeks flushing once again. Sunwoo’s effects on you were nearly instantaneous. 

“You have the rest of the day off, to do as you please. I am sorry you don’t receive more of these days. I know my father runs you rampant.”

A small smile appears on his face. He plays with your fingers that reside in his lap. “I am almost thankful for it. It keeps my mind off things. I also run into you every blue moon, which is most definitely the highlight of my days.”

Your eyebrows furrow, confused. “Me? You avoid me as if your life depends on it, Sunwoo.”

This time. Sunwoo appears confused, tilting his head to the side. You try not to notice that he was still holding your hand. 

“Trust me, Princess, I am never avoiding you. In fact, I try to seek you out more days than not.”

Your head falls forward and your lips part. He had to be playing with you. 

“Sunwoo. That can not possibly be true. I mean, every time I even look at you you turn your head the other way.”

Sunwoo’s cheeks darken at your words, and you immediately wish you could take them back. 

“Oh,” He breathes out. “That.” He lets go of your hand.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to embarrass you or–,” You shake your head, looking for the right words. “You are in no way inclined to look at me, I mean–I do not mean that you have to acknowledge me, besides that sounds absolutely outrageous–”

Sunwoo cuts you off. “You intimidate me,” He admits. 

“Intimidate you?” You immediately say, even more confused than before. “Me? I would get it if you said Chaewon intimidated you or even Yuri considering she is in line to become queen, but… Me?”

A shy smile appears on his face. “I can hold myself together just fine with your sisters. Yuri is even kind to me. But…” Sunwoo trails off. “I want to look at you, and trust me, I do. But when you look back–”

Sunwoo gets interrupted by a guard, calling for you. You grimace, wishing you had more time with him. You wanted to know what he had to say even though you had a feeling where he was going. When you looked at him, it always felt like time stopped. Like you were transfixed by the stars in his eyes. 

You begin to get up and Sunwoo watches your every movement as you do. Before you leave, you faintly touch his shoulder. 

“Sunwoo,” You murmur. He looks up at you. “Thank you.”

The stars in his eyes make a reappearance. 

-

It felt like the darkest night of the year. Everyone knew why. When it felt like it got dark much earlier and sunlight rarely filtered in, it could only mean one thing. 

It was snowing. 

You watch the flakes begin to fall from your window. Even though it was dark out and many had already gone to bed, you couldn’t help but watch the snow. Winter was your favorite time of the year, the snow reminding you of the memories you have of playing outside with your siblings and parents before everything changed. Before Yuri had to worry about becoming Queen or Chae’s only focus in life being Hyunjae. Before your mother died. 

If the timeline added up, you realized that Sunwoo’s parents died right after your mother did. You couldn’t relate to Sunwoo in many ways, but you saw the way your father grieved when your mother died. He became angry all of a sudden. To everyone. The last thing you wanted to do was justify his actions, but it pained you to remember him like that. But it also pained you to see Sunwoo the way you did this past week. God, as if your life couldn’t get any messier. 

You had spent the entire week in your room. Contemplating. Thinking. Slowly, a plan began to form in your head. Before you brought anything to your father, you wanted a full-fledged plan ready, all the way down to the minor details. He would have to listen, especially if you got Yuri in on it. 

Something pulls at your heart as you continue to stare outside. It had been years since you last played in the snow. It was with your mother. She would throw a mean snowball. The corner of your lips lifts up at the memory. 

Before you can think it through, your feet are leading you out your door. Yuri would be asleep, an early morning ahead of her. Chae was out of the question considering you could already hear her complaints run through your head. There was only one person you wanted to see anyway. 

When you finally get to the other side of the castle, you raise your hand, ready to knock. It stays there for a second as you contemplate knocking on his door. There was a lot that could go wrong. But, the possibility of him agreeing made your heart surge with hope. 

You knock on his door. 

When a few seconds pass, you realize he isn’t coming out. You frown, disappointed. He was probably asleep. You turn at your heel, beginning to walk away from his door. 

You freeze when you hear the door handle wiggle. 

“Princess?” Sunwoo calls out, confused. 

When you turn, the first thing you realize is that his chest is bare. You control yourself by looking nowhere but his eyes. You did notice the trousers that seemed to be put on in a rush. 

“Sorry–I–” He seemed anything but sorry with a small grin on his face as he watched your eyes accidentally drift below his neck once more. “I was not aware you were at my door. Is something wrong?”

“It’s snowing,” You dumbly say, remaining outside his door.

“I–” He pauses, his eyebrows furrowing. “I know, I saw.”

There was a moment of silence, causing Sunwoo to speak. “Is there something wrong with it snowing? Do you not like snow?”

“I love the snow.” 

Sunwoo lets out a laugh at your answer, realizing you were still mildly in a trance. You shake your head lightly, hating the hold Sunwoo’s stomach had on you. It wasn’t your fault, really, considering his chest was extremely defined and it’s not like you didn’t not expect it to be defined but it was much better than how you imagined in your head and his arms also looked really–

“Do you wish to go outside with me?” You blurt. 

“Now?” Sunwoo asks, unsure. He leans up against his door, rubbing his left eye. 

“No.” You immediately say realizing he must definitely think you’re absurd if he knew you wanted to go play in the snow well past midnight. “I meant– Later..? Or the day after. Anytime. You can. If you want to. That is.”

You feel the earth begin to crumble below you as Sunwoo’s grin transforms into a full-blown smile. “Let me put on more clothes.”

Sunwoo closes the door and you release a breath of air, slouching now that he could no longer see you. 

“So embarrassing,” You whine to yourself, shuffling to the wall next to his door to lean your forehead against it. “You are so embarrassing. It is a shock that you are allowed outside of your room. In fact, you are the furthest thing from royalty this kingdom has ever seen. You–”

The door opens to Sunwoo’s room and you back away acting as if the last minute never happened. 

“Ready?” He asks, holding out his hand for you. 

You smile, letting your worries leave your body. “I will have to lead the way.” You wanted to take Sunwoo through an exit that was unknown to many. 

“Lead the way, Princess.”

When your boots first make contact with the snow, you can’t help but smile at the crunch. Outside, the landscape was even prettier than through your window. There was a certain glow that twined the sky because of the snow. You wanted to stick your tongue out like you did when you were a kid and feel the snowflakes stick to your tongue. 

You turn to Sunwoo and softly smile, noticing the awe on his face. 

It isn’t long until you venture further, feeling the snow brush up against your fingers as you sift through it. 

Whether it was the fact that everyone was asleep but the two of you or that you were playing in the snow like little children, neither you nor Sunwoo could stop laughing. 

“That is a terrible attempt at an angel,” Sunwoo laughs, pointing at the ground. Underneath the moonlight, his eyes truly twinkled in a way that left you breathless. You couldn’t even bother to jab back at Sunwoo for making fun of the angel you drew on the ground with a stick. 

“Try this,” He begins, laying down on the ground. “My mother taught me this. If you just–” He wipes his hands back and forth on the ground and gets up. “Look, an angel.”

You tilt your head to the side, furrowing your eyebrows yet smiling at his creation nonetheless. “It does look like an angel. At least, it does when I tilt my head and then close my eyes.” 

Sunwoo gasps, twirling around so he was face-to-face with you. “Take it back!”

“Absolutely not,” You giggle, realizing he was inching closer to you. You run the other way, knowing his intentions. 

“Get back over here!” Sunwoo laughs, running after you. You attempt to run through the snow however your nightgown made it extremely difficult to do so. Even though you were used to the cold, you can’t help but shiver as you stomp through the snow. The impending presence behind you was definitely a factor.

The side of the wing you were outside of resided for guests, so thankfully no one could hear you shriek as Sunwoo grabbed your hand, causing you to twirl around.

Sunwoo lets go of your hand way too quickly for your liking and you can’t help but frown when he does. 

“Caught you,” He whispers, smiling up at you through his lashes. “An apology is definitely in order. My angel was beautiful.”

You stutter, feeling panic begin to arise at his proximity. He looked so beautiful underneath the moon that it was almost criminal. He brought his hand up, brushing his curls out of his face. “Beautiful, yes.” You breathe out. 

When Sunwoo laughs, you’re almost offended.

“Stop!” You complain, pushing him slightly. “You are so unfair. And–And–Stop doing that!” You turn around, crossing your arms across your chest and frowning. 

Sunwoo ceases laughing after a moment and he gently holds your elbow, nudging you. “Stop doing what?”

“Your eyes,” You move forward, out of his grasp. You flail your arms out, annoyed. “You–Your eyes have–You always–They are pretty. And you look at me and they sparkle.” 

You cover your hands with your face, realizing you were making absolutely no sense and were definitely making a fool out of yourself. You feel him move from behind you, his body heat traveling in front of you. 

He takes one of your hands off your face first, bringing it down and holding it. He repeats the same motion with your other hand. 

He does it again, that stupid thing with his eyes where they twinkle with something that you just couldn’t put your finger on. It was infuriating because there was no reason for you to find this grown man cute but, you do. He was cute but also beautiful but also pretty and it was infuriating. 

“Sparkle?” He questions, a grin on his face. “What does that mean?”

You begin to shy away, thinking he’s making fun of you again but the tilt of his head and the glint in his eyes makes you understand that he’s being genuine. 

“Stars, in your eyes,” You try to explain but it comes off as more of a question than a statement. 

He hums, nodding his head. He lets go of your right hand, brushing a hair that fell in front of your eyes. You pause, holding your breath as if you were afraid to move. 

“If they s-sparkle?” You nod your head, encouraging him with the word. “It is because I am looking at something so bright.” He smiles, letting go of your other hand as well. 

Before you’re even given a second to breathe, Sunwoo backs away. “It is getting colder, you should go inside and get some sleep.”

You nod your head, hoping that he can’t hear the rapid beating of your heart. 

You sneak back in, Sunwoo diverging from your path when he gets to his room, leaving with a lazy smile and a quiet goodbye. When you arrive at your room, you change out of your clothes and lie in your bed, a smile on your face the entire time. 

-

Books littered your bed. You continued to flip through them hoping for something that you could make for Yuri’s birthday that was coming up. There were plenty of cooking books in your library but you had flipped through most of them already with it being a tradition that you bake something every year for your sister’s birthdays. Between figuring out a plan to bring up to your father and Yuri’s birthday, you’ve been extremely busy.

You groan, hitting your head against the bed as you sat on the ground, closing yet another book. When you hear a knock at the door, you call for them to come in, helping yourself up off the ground. 

“Princess Y/N.”

You visibility stutter, looking up to see that Sunwoo was the one who had entered your room. 

“Sunwoo,” You breathe out. “Hello.”

“Hello,” He greets, peeking behind you and smiling at the disaster that was your bed. “Doing some light reading?”

A blush arises on your face. “Well, I have to figure out what to bake for Yuri’s birthday. She’s having a ball in a couple of days and I was going to choose something to serve at the party.”

Sunwoo nods his head, a spark of realization running across his face. “Your father sent a letter earlier? I believe. I was supposed to retrieve it.”

You blink, trying to remember what he was talking about. It didn’t help that as usual, Sunwoo looked devastatingly handsome. He was simply wearing a white tunic, but there was something about the shirt that made him stand out. 

“Oh! Yes, it’s right here,” You turn, aiming for your nightstand before you realize that if you give the letter to him right away, he would leave and you wouldn’t get to speak with him. “Actually, I was thinking earlier.”

“Well that can not be good,” Sunwoo laughs. You roll your eyes, turning back around to face him. You step a little closer.

“This is something that may be of interest to you, Kim Sunwoo,” You pause, smiling at him fondly. “I have a plan.”

“What about?” He questions. 

“I had an idea for helping the farmers and the others in your area,” You pause, waiting to continue. When he gives an approving nod, you begin. 

“I wanted to start with providing the extra produce and food to those who need it. Just as something small. And then, maybe building a few safe houses of sorts with extra food and water. Someplace people can just stay if they need it. With an area for people who need medical attention as well. I was thinking–” You move your way around Sunwoo. You can’t help but be animated, your hands gesturing the extent of your plan. “I was thinking we start by hiring people who need work to run it along with some of our own staff to ensure everything’s being run smoothly. And then others can help farm the food for the shelters and help build them too. Obviously being paid for their work because it would feed into our own economy but also help them and–”

Sunwoo’s smiling so wide that you have to stop yourself from talking. You must be making a fool out of yourself, yet he doesn’t stop you once or laugh. 

“Sorry, I haven’t discussed this with anyone yet. I just started thinking about it. But, I think it’s a place to start,” You breathe out. 

Sunwoo takes a step forward, his hand brushing up against yours. “I think it’s a great place to start.”

It was almost like you were oblivious to the fact that your heart was beating so fast in Sunwoo’s presence but you were so aware now that it nearly hurt to think about it. Sunwoo made no further advances, instead staying rooted in his spot with that stupid loving wide smile on his face and you’re sure if he didn’t back away now, you were going to do something stupid like kiss it right off his face. 

“I didn’t think you had it in you,” Sunwoo says, breaking the silence. 

You furrow your eyebrows at the admission. He didn’t think you had it in you to come up with something like this? You promised you would help and you hadn’t even done much to actually help yet.

“Your standards for what you think I can do must be really low, then.” Though you say it jokingly, Sunwoo must notice the hint of insecurity behind it because he searches your eyes before taking a step forward and taking your hand in his. 

There was no way you were going to make it out alive from this.

“That’s not what I meant. I think you are capable of great things, but I have to admit that you don’t fit the perceptions I had of you in the beginning.”

“And what were they?” You question, tilting your head to the side. Sunwoo squeezes your hand as if to assure you. You wonder if his heart was as beating as fast as yours. 

“How about I tell you what I think of you now?” Sunwoo takes a step closer, his warm breath fanning against your face. Your eyes widen at his proximity and Sunwoo must sense your unease because he squeezes your hand again before grinning. 

“What do you think of me now?” You whisper.

“I think you’re not what you seem. I think people expect you to be docile and obedient and sit there and look pretty. And oh, how well you do the latter,” Sunwoo breathes out, letting go of your hand to trail his finger up your arm. It’s the most you’ve ever heard him say at once and you don’t interrupt him, not even the goosebumps arising on your skin diverting your attention. “But there is so much life in you that it is physically impossible for you to keep it contained. You burn, Princess. You burn so bright that I think it’s stupid that I ever thought differently.”

“Sunwoo,” His name comes out shaky from your lips as if you couldn’t get ahold of it properly. So you repeat his name, firmer this time. 

“Hmm,” He hums, his eyes taking in every part of your face. 

“What are you doing?” You blurt out, mentally cursing yourself when Sunwoo takes a step back, assessing the situation.

“Ah,” He exhales. “I’m sorry. I seemed to have crossed a line that I shouldn’t have.” 

Sunwoo continues to back up, in clear disarray. 

“Sunwoo,” You call again as he turns his back to you, ready to leave your bedroom. “I never–I never said you were crossing a line.”

Sunwoo expels a breath at that, turning back around relieved. You shoot him a small smile because, in the end, you understood where he was coming from. Way too quickly did Sunwoo infiltrate your thoughts, and how badly you wanted him to cross much more than just this imaginary line he had in his head. But before he could do that, you needed something definite. Something that proved Sunwoo wanted you just as much as you wanted him. 

Sunwoo chastizes himself. “I seem to lose myself around–” He pauses. “Pretty. Faces.” He grimaces at his own words, and you were glad that even Sunwoo could make a fool out of himself. 

You let out a laugh. 

“I thought I was more than just a pretty face?”

This time, Sunwoo laughs. A real laugh, one that leaves his cheeks littered with a pink blush. 

A sudden knock disrupts your time with Sunwoo. You want to open the door and tell whoever it is to dare and knock on your door again, but Sunwoo backs away. He picks up the letter from the nightstand before looking at you one more time. 

“Just so you know,” He pauses, smiling. “My heart’s burning too. For different reasons, of course.”

-

It was becoming a regular thing for you to see Sunwoo around. He made frequent trips to the kitchen, trying out what you and Nabi had created. Nabi was also slowly getting better, and her presence in the kitchen less of a hazard. Now, you could joke with her about how truly terrible she was in the beginning. With Yuri’s birthday in two days, the two of you worked diligently in getting the pastries ready and they were finally topped and refrigerated. 

It was a long day and your father was out, leaving just the three siblings to eat dinner. The guards never ate with you and neither did the staff, which left you to sit as you watched Sangyeon and Hyunjae talk to your sisters from the sidelines as you ate. 

Today, however, you invited Nabi and Sunwoo to eat with you guys. Sunwoo was hesitant at first, but Nabi begged at his side, wanting to see what the dining hall looked like. Sunwoo could never say no to Nabi, which you were now regretting as you all sat at the table. 

“Nabi, how is baking going?” Yuri asks, a small smile on her face. Though Yuri rarely acknowledged Sunwoo’s presence and Chae visibly glared at him every time he walked by, the two of them adored Nabi. 

“Good! I truly enjoy it so much.” The smile on Nabi’s face is enough to get you to ease up. 

“You know how I told you I was looking into something you can do in your free time? Well, I’ve been speaking with the King about getting you some educational lessons as well when you’re not baking. What do you think about that?” 

Nabi gasps in excitement and you’re glad that there was someone who cared for Nabi in the same way that you do. You were unaware that Yuri was encouraging Nabi when nobody was looking.

Even Sunwoo sends a grateful smile aimed at Yuri. She shyly smiles back. 

“Well, as long as we’re focusing our effort on Nabi, I think our resources are allocated in a beneficial manner.” There’s a tone in Chae’s voice that has you on high alert. You could tell where this was going.

Sunwoo doesn’t say anything but you can see his jaw clench as he takes another bite of his bread. 

You now wish that he was closer than he was. The one problem with having a large dining space was that there were enough chairs for nearly a village. You sat next to Yuri while Chae was on the other side of her. Sunwoo and Nabi sat opposite the three of you with Sunwoo directly across from you. 

You wished he was next to you so that you could console him better than a reassuring glance. You wanted to put your hand atop his or even intertwine his fingers with yours. Something that reinforced your presence. 

“It would be useless to spend time and money on an educator on someone who–Oh, I don’t know–dabbled in, thievery, for example.”

“Chae,” You snap, dropping your fork onto your plate. “Stop.”

“Oh, please.” She turns to you, rolling her eyes. “One would think you wouldn’t make the mistake of defending a thief twice. What kind of image are you portraying to your kingdom?”

“Can we please just enjoy our meal?” Yuri begins, annoyance laced in her tone.

You remain quiet, looking up. There’s a frown on Nabi’s face as she watches Chae. You glance over at Sunwoo. He seemed indifferent but you could clearly see the resentment in his eyes.

At your lack of commentary, she instigates once again. “Don’t tell me you feel something for this insipid–”

“That’s quite enough,” Hyunjae interrupts from behind Sunwoo, his position at the door wavering. He takes a step forward. “Chae.” A warning flashed across his face and Chae leans back into her chair, Hyunjae using her name in front of everyone being the thing that stopped her from continuing. 

Sunwoo abruptly gets up, motioning to Nabi. He doesn’t say a word but she gets the hint, getting up and taking her half-eaten plate with her. When they’re seconds out the door, you push up out of your chair as well. 

 “I have met dogs more behaved than you,” You mutter. “Next time I expect common courtesy and respect, I will make sure not to expect you to be there.” 

Once you leave the dining room, you search for Sunwoo but it doesn’t take long as he latches onto your wrist from where he was hiding behind the door. 

“Sunwoo, I’m so sorry–”

“Thank you.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “For what?”

He lets go of your wrist, cupping your face. Your cheeks flush, overwhelmed by the sudden proximity.

“For defending me. For being so kind,” His eyes flicker between your eyes until they finally rest upon your lips. Like he knows that he shouldn’t, his eyes flutter closed, leaning his forehead against yours. Your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest. You were proud of being the one to elicit such a reaction from him, but you don’t think you’re faring any better. He seemed to be at war with his thoughts, trembling. “You make me so weak, Princess. So, so, weak.”

And as if the words freed him, he lets go of you, backing up. 

“So weak,” He repeats, one more time before turning around and retreating to his bedroom.

-

Yuri’s ball was tonight. Typically, you loved dances. They were a night where you could dance, laugh, and enjoy yourself without having too much attention on you. Tonight, however, as you prepped yourself for the ball, you couldn’t help but frown as you waited for the help you asked for to arrive. It was foolish, standing in front of the mirror with your corset wrapped around you, but you couldn’t tie the strings properly. This seemed like the breaking point of your week considering how yesterday went. You didn’t even want to think about what happened.

You talked to the King. To your father. As much as it felt wrong to retell Sunwoo’s story, you had to. The pain behind Sunwoo’s words was real and you had to make the King see. 

And so you did. 

He admitted his faults, which was surprising for you and for all of those present in the throne room that Friday evening. He ended the weekly meeting early after you declared his faults in front of your sisters and the guards, and as much as you thought he was going to yell at you when he dismissed the meeting, instead, he apologized. 

Which was shocking for all. 

But the most shocking part of it all was how easily the King realized your fondness for Sunwoo. Your mind flashes back to his words. 

“Y/N, I hope you do not take my mistakes in the past as a way for you to become careless. I have vowed to make things right, but you have grown too close to Sunwoo too quickly. Sunwoo was and always will be a thief. Until he makes amends for his mistakes and shows that he is capable of something greater, I do not want you speaking to him.”

You begin to interrupt him, but he cuts you off.

“I will look into your request, but if you wish for him to remain in this castle, you will distance yourself from him.”

It nearly repulsed you to listen to his words. The same Sunwoo everyone made out to be a villain was so gracious and kind and loving. You thought back to last night and how you didn’t want to think it in the moment, but you wanted him to kiss you. Just the thought of him doing that now after your father’s warning released a visceral reaction in your head–a pounding that you swear could only heal if Sunwoo actually put his lips against yours or if he once again, like last night, stuttered his weakness centimeters away from your face. 

A knock disrupts your thoughts.

“Come in.”

It was supposed to be a maid, one of your sisters, anyone but who actually knocked on the door. 

“Hello, princess,” Sunwoo grins. You can spot him from behind you in the mirror and you watch his grin falter as he scans your body. He acts, however, like yesterday didn’t happen. You don’t encourage him, letting yesterday fall to the back of your mind.

“I thought you were someone else,” You breathe out, holding tightly onto the strings of your corset behind your back. Your frown grows just a little deeper. Your hair was brushed off to the side, exposing your upper back. You felt trapped. If you made any sudden movements now, Sunwoo would think you were averting yourself from him which is the last thing you want right now. However, it’s what your father would want–would advise. His words repeat in your head. 

Being around Sunwoo was suffocating, and all you could think about was him. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” He scans your body once more, taking a step closer. 

“I needed–I need help,” You clear your throat. “With the strings.”

“Do you wish for me to do it?”

You contemplate all the possibilities of how this could go wrong. Someone could walk in. Your father could find out that you didn’t listen to him. 

The moment of hesitation causes Sunwoo to clear his throat, readying to exit. 

“Yes, please,” You murmur. 

You watch from the mirror as he makes his way forward, an undecipherable expression on his face. 

His hands brush up against your bare upper back, his hands straying from the strings. Starting from the top, he trailed his finger down your spine down to the beginning to where the strings started. Goosebumps arose on your skin and the only sound that could be heard in the room was the two of you breathing. 

“You must realize how hard it is for me to contain myself around you. You make it so hard for me.”

His fingers finally move to lace up the strings. 

When he pulls, you swallow, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. 

“What do you mean?” You whisper. 

When Sunwoo doesn’t answer, you don’t say anything else, almost afraid that if you said something, it would break whatever barrier he had up. Whatever walls you had surrounded yourself with. Somehow, you knew that if either of you made another move, there would be no going back. 

Your father’s words repeated in your head once again. 

When Sunwoo finishes, you realize that Sunwoo’s not moving. He was letting you decide where this was going next. You could either thank him and let him leave, or act on the one thought that has been plaguing your mind since you first saw Sunwoo. 

You turn, facing him. Your faces are mere inches apart. If you wanted to, you could lean in and finally kiss him. After all, it was your decision to make. Sunwoo was leaving it up to you. 

“If you wish for him to remain in this castle, you will distance yourself from him.”

“Thank you,” You say, looking into his eyes. His intentions were clear after those two words, backing away so he can head for the door. You wouldn’t have noticed his disappointment if not for the way he blinked before he moved away as if he was breaking out of a stupor. 

“Sunwoo,” You call out before he can turn his back to you. You had made up your mind to let him go, but it felt wrong with the way he was leaving.

“Don’t do this,” Sunwoo shakes his head. “You thanked me, now I’m leaving.” 

It was as if he was trying to convince himself that this was for the better. You didn’t want him to think you were toying with his emotions, but even you felt torn. 

“Kiss me,” You blurt out. It was the opposite of what you were supposed to be doing. You were supposed to distance yourself from him, but even now, the few feet he was standing away from you seemed too far for your liking. 

When Sunwoo doesn’t move, his eyes wide at your request, you plead, “Please.”

That has Sunwoo moving across the room, closing the distance between the two of you in seconds. He cups your face in his hands and crashes his lips against yours. This was what you had been waiting for. There was no other moment in your life that could be compared to the euphoria you felt when Sunwoo’s lips were on yours. 

He doesn’t waste any time, trailing his hands down from your face so that they’re on your hips. Your hands rested against his stomach, the same one you had been dreaming about since the night you knocked on his door and he answered, shirtless. 

He pulls away, resting his forehead against yours. “Is this okay?”

You nod, kissing him again as he lowers his hands beneath your thighs, lifting you up. He pauses to bite your lip, causing you to gasp against him. He smiles, “Words, Princess.”

“Yes–Yes, this is okay,” You breathe out. 

Sunwoo lays you down on the bed and as he latches his lips onto your neck, you feel your breathing begin to heavy. His shirt rides up as he moves down to your collarbones, kissing down. You try so hard to contain yourself but feel your resolve begin to quickly crumble when you feel the first brush of his bare stomach against your hands. 

“Can I–” You begin, wanting to finally feel him, but Sunwoo cuts you off. 

“Yes,” He breathes out, kissing back up your neck so that he is face to face with you. “Yes.”

He’s kissing you again and you only wish he wasn’t so you could see where you were touching. You moved your hand further up, pushing his shirt higher until you could feel his chest against you. When you rake your nails against him, he parts, gasping. 

“We should–You should,” His eyes dart between yours and the door. “You should finish getting ready for the party. For Yuri.”

You furrow your eyebrows when he pulls his shirt back down, darting for the door. 

“Sunwoo–” You begin. 

“This was a bad idea,” He mumbles, exiting the door as quickly as he got up off you. 

When Chae comes to get you later, you claim to be sick. You make an appearance for the part of the ball where Yuri cuts her cake and tries the pastries you made for her, but when you retire to bed early, you truly do feel sick when seeing Sunwoo unbothered and attending to the guests. 

-

Distancing yourself from Sunwoo came easily after that. Not only because you were extremely embarrassed and didn’t want to face him, but because Sunwoo was nowhere to be seen. Nabi still spent time in the kitchen, finally honing in on becoming a pretty decent baker. She still talked to you as if nothing happened between you and Sunwoo, so you wonder if he even told her anything. It was better this way anyway considering if he did tell her something, it would most likely be to stop spending as much time with you. 

Your father was more than happy. It was almost like the two were inversely related–your happiness and how everyone else was doing. However, you couldn’t complain knowing that he finally began working on your request to help the villagers. The construction had started a couple of days ago and you and Sunwoo were supposed to ride into the site to see everything. You obviously weren’t going to be alone. The King had multiple precautions in place including putting Juyeon in charge of the visit with strict instructions. 

It didn’t matter. The last thing you wanted was to be alone with Sunwoo. 

“You look miserable,” Juyeon says once he enters the carriage. The ride would take approximately an hour, and you were grateful that you overheard your father telling Juyeon to take his place in the carriage. The smaller carriage typically seated two and although you felt bad for seating Sunwoo with the rest of the workers, you knew that even if you wanted to, the King would never allow Sunwoo to sit with you. 

“You have such a beautiful way with words to this day.” It had been a couple of months since you last saw Juyeon and although there was the awkward period of time where you guys tried dating, that never changed the friendship between you two.

“Y/N,” Juyeon states. The carriage finally begins to make its first movements forward and you hope that Juyeon won’t force you to speak with him for the entirety of the trip. 

“Yes?”

“Look at me.” Something about the way he said it caused you to actually look over at him. You don’t fake a smile or pretend to be anything but you truly were–in a constant state of embarrassment and sadness. 

“Do you want to explain to me why the King has detailed instructions on why I am to keep you far away from Kim Sunwoo?”

You turn your head at his name, not wanting your face to give anything away. Juyeon doesn’t let you stay like that, taking his hand and turning your chin towards him, making you look at him. 

“I am sure that the King gave you his reasons. Told you that he was a thief,” You mutter. You found yourself saying thief with malice, unknowingly defending Sunwoo even when he wasn’t here. Even when he wouldn’t care for it. 

“Does he have any reason as to why your hands have been shaking for the entirety of the time that I have been in here? Or why I was able to notice your eyebags and how I can physically see your eyes drifting out of focus.”

“Juyeon–” You sharply state. “I am fine. I am well. You have no business looking for something that doesn’t exist.”

Juyeon scoffs. He was always like this. He was stubborn and never backed down. It’s why you were able to be friends with him after all this time. He always gave you the truth.

“You can’t fool me. I care about you. I always will,” He takes your hand in his. “I’m not looking for something that doesn’t exist, I’m seeing something that exists and could be so good for you and watching you turn it into something that’s hurting you.”

“You don’t understand, Juyeon. The King–” You begin. 

“You know what I have to say to the King?” Juyeon smiles a smile that you hadn’t seen in a long time. The same mischievous smile he would get when you were kids and he knew he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. 

He lets go of your hand.

“Stop the carriage!” Juyeon yells out. You blink, confused. 

Juyeon exits, talking with the person riding the horse. The bigger carriage behind you stops as well, carrying the rest of the workers. You watch Juyeon smile, turning around and winking at you before making his way past. Your eyebrows furrow.

It’s not until you see someone climbing out and Juyeon taking his place do you realize what he was doing. 

“Oh, if the King finds out about this, we’re both dead Lee Juyeon,” You mutter, watching Sunwoo hesitantly walk towards the carriage. You turn back around, hoping to seem unaffected by staring ahead. 

“I was told to be seated up here. Something about knowing the terrain better..?” Sunwoo, although confused, waits for your permission before entering. You nod your head, not knowing what else to do. 

You stay silent from his entrance up until the carriage begins to move again. 

Sunwoo is the first to break the silence. 

“So, who was that?” He asks with an awkward lilt in his voice. You shake your head, annoyed. 

“Juyeon,” and just to make him angry, you continue. “Chaewon claims we’re going to get married.”

Sunwoo stiffens. “Oh, does she?”

“I’m sure we will. The men I tend to be interested in do not seem to reciprocate, so it only seems fair to arrange to marry him.” This is exactly why you didn’t want Juyeon to leave you alone with Sunwoo. You didn’t have enough time to practice like you didn’t care about Sunwoo or what he said to you. 

Sunwoo’s sharp intake of breath makes you realize that you definitely crossed a line. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry, I should not have said that. Juyeon is just a close friend.”

“Princess–”

“Listen. We should agree to just be civil with each other,” You turn to face him for the first time since he entered the carriage. It takes everything not to tear your eyes away. He was still the same, beautiful Sunwoo. “I understand that you do not want anything to do with me, but I have a standard to uphold so a little civility is needed.”

You don’t expect Sunwoo to argue, and he doesn’t. 

It’s quiet once more. 

“Your hands are shaking,” Sunwoo points out after a moment of silence. 

“Sorry,” You mumble, clasping your hands together. Juyeon was right. 

You notice him continue to stare at your hands, so you attempt to change the topic. 

“Nabi has been doing really well. She seems to enjoy baking as much as I do. Soon enough, she will be able to–”

“I do not know who told you that I do not want anything to do with you, but that is not true,” Sunwoo interrupts. 

The air suddenly feels colder, not helping the fact that you are visibly shaking now, almost like it extended from your hands to the rest of your body. 

“You did, Sunwoo. You told me you did not want anything to do with me,” You blurt, turning to him. “We kissed. And then you turned away like you were disgusted with what you just did. You said that you should not have done that and then never spoke to me again. Tell me, does that sound like you want anything to do with me?” You whisper. 

“I’m so sorry,” Sunwoo whispers back, placing his hand against your cheek. “I’m sorry. I want everything to do with you. I–” It looked like he was fighting with himself. “I tried so hard, but I can’t pretend anymore.

It’s only when you feel his hand on your face that you’re able to relax. You close your eyes, leaning into his touch. 

“I’m tired, Sunwoo.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” He repeats. When you open your eyes, his eyes are searching your face. He leans in, softly placing a kiss on your forehead. He was still cupping your face and you held onto his wrist, hoping to be just a little closer to him. 

“I wanted to apologize the moment I said it,” He whispers against your skin. “When I entered your room, I was just responding to the request for help you called for, but as soon as I saw you,” He pauses, his eyes searching yours to help convey the words he left unsaid. “Your father pulled me aside before the party and told me that I was to not speak to you anymore. If not, the terms were over and I would not be allowed in the house anymore.”

You try to pull away from his touch, shocked by his statement. 

“No, it’s okay,” He reassures as you begin to argue. “I’m done pretending. I hurt you and that is something that I will have to live with. I don’t intend to hurt you again.”

He looks into your eyes, the same sparkle in them that you loved so dearly. 

“Let him kick me out. At least I will leave knowing that I got to know you.”

-

The first order of business once you were back from the visit was the weekly meeting. 

And within that weekly meeting, you were going to tell your father about what Sunwoo liked about the construction and what he didn’t. 

The both of you agreed that there was no point in risking his safety, so you were extremely careful sneaking into his room at night. It was easier to get to his side of the castle without getting caught than risking Sunwoo being in your room. 

It was annoying, being in a constant battle of wanting to be with Sunwoo and then going behind your father’s back. But, there was no denying that you were falling for Sunwoo. You’re sure that if the King knew the real Sunwoo, he would be just as thankful for him as you were. Not to mention, the positive publicity your kingdom was getting thanks to the renovations that were occurring. Sunwoo was bringing so much light into the kingdom. 

As you did any night you couldn’t clear your head, you were baking. You were almost done with your batch of muffins when you hear someone clear their throat. 

It was Chae, in her riding gear. If there was someone Chae loved more than Hyunjae, it was her horse. Like baking was your therapy, riding was hers. 

“Going out?” You question. It was difficult, conversing with her. After that ill-fated dinner, you barely regarded her. However, even you knew better than to disrespect your older sister, even if she deserved it. 

“I just came back, actually,” She trails off, her eyes wandering through the kitchen. It was almost like she was looking for something, but there was nothing in the kitchen that was of interest to her to begin with. 

“What are you looking for?” 

She places her hands behind her back, rocking on her heels. “Oh, you know, just seeing if there was a 5 foot 10 man with black curly hair and really wide eyes hiding in here.”

You furrow your eyebrows. Was she onto you and Sunwoo? And why did she seem almost… shy?

“No, I have not seen Sunwoo–Chae, what is this about?”

“Baekgwang, he… I went riding without Hyunjae–don’t tell him that–and I guess I must not have been paying attention but Baekgwang ran off and Sunwoo…” She trails off as if she expects you to know the rest of the story. 

You shake your head, annoyed. “Chae, please. Did something happen to Sunwoo?”

“He was out there, tending to the garden out there and he got on Yuri’s horse and brought him back. I was looking to see if maybe, he was here. To tell you what happened or–”

You realize what she’s insinuating, but Sunwoo wasn’t like that. Sunwoo did good deeds out of the kindness of his heart, not to gloat or brag to you so that he was favored. 

“I have not seen him, but if I were you, I would thank him,” You shrug.

Chae clears her throat, stepping forward. “I did. Maybe he’s–” She pauses. 

“He’s not as bad as I thought.”

She turns to leave, but quickly adds something else before she does. 

“I saw you both. In the gardens last night before I went out to ride. He looks at you as if the entire world could be seen by looking into your eyes. I think–I think you should tell Father.”

You pause, slightly concerned that you were spotted so easily, but almost glad that it was Chae.

You purposefully face away from her, taking the muffins out of the oven and moving them to the countertop. “It doesn’t matter. Father said he wants me to stay away from him. He doesn’t care that–”

You pause, fiddling with the muffins. To stall, you break a piece off and chew on it. All your attention was on the muffin that you don’t notice Chae getting closer and putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Doesn’t care that what?”

You take a shaky breath, admitting it aloud for the first time to someone other than your own mind. 

“That I’m in love with him.”

-

A week passes since that night. Things have been both the same and different. Still, you snuck out when you could to see Sunwoo. Those were the times you were the happiest. His presence was comforting and warm. You even call him “Sun” now, a nickname that always makes him blush. To avoid the King, you rarely mingled in the public eye, but Chaewon and Yuri had entered the kitchen many times as Sunwoo was “strolling on by.” Chaewon was definitely acting differently. She didn’t glare at Sunwoo every time she saw him anymore, and you had even heard her teasing with Hyunjae–positively–about the two of you. Hyunjae must have heard that the two of you were together through Chae and Yuri told Sangyeon everything, so he knew as well, but neither had made the attempt to tell the King. 

You were content. Now, whenever you baked, you had a lovesick smile on your face. The same smile that adorned your face as you made fruit tarts with Nabi. 

However, the silence and your peace are quickly broken. 

“I talked to the King,” Nabi blurts out, continuing to stir the mixture. “About you and Sunwoo. Princess Yuri and Princess Chaewon were there too. And Sangyeon and Hyunjae. And some guy named Juyeon. And Jacob. ”

“You what?” You look up, alarmed. Nabi mustn’t find the situation as extreme as you did, however, because she continues to stir, without a care in the world. 

“What did you say? What did he say? What did they say? What could you even have talked about?” You ramble, admittedly extremely confused. Your heart was beating at rates that were far from human, but Nabi didn't budge, just standing there. 

“Fruit tarts?” 

You stagger at the new voice, one you know all too well. 

“Father,” You breathe out. “What are you doing here?”

There’s a small smile on his face, one that was reserved for just his three daughters. There was a side to him that no one else knew. 

“I had a chat this evening,” He begins, wandering around the kitchen as if there was a particular interest he found in the cabinets. “Nabi was there and she made some very good points. She was also very convincing.”

“Convincing of what?” You plead, nearly in a frenzy for unsaid words. It was like Nabi and the King were sharing an inside joke which is completely preposterous considering you hadn’t even known they acknowledged each other until this very moment and–

“Chaewon claims that Sunwoo has changed. She entered today with a whole panel of witnesses, actually. All with very convincing arguments on why I should give Sunwoo a chance–a real chance. 

You’re taken aback, shocked by the information. Against your will, your palms begin to sweat and you’re not sure if the room is spinning in circles because you’re dreaming or you were dizzy. 

“I listened to them. But now, I would like to listen to you,” He takes a step towards you, gesturing for you to talk. 

You don’t know where to begin, your mouth dry.

“I–” You look around, your eyes falling onto Nabi’s, the only other person in the room. She sends a small encouraging smile in your direction and it’s all you need for words to flow out of your mouth. 

“I am in love with Sunwoo. Everything he has ever done has been from his heart, whether that be for his parents, his sister, or for me. All he has ever done is love and I wish you could see him through my eyes so you could understand just how bright he shines,” You take a deep breath, continuing. You were sure you looked crazy, but if this was the King’s way of understanding how much Sunwoo meant to you, then you would take the one chance you would get. “He cares about me and this kingdom and I truly think there would be no better person to bring about real change in this world other than him. And if you don’t want us to be together, fine, but you can not deny me that he doesn’t deserve better than the way he’s treated currently. He has done more than prove himself.”

Your mind drifts back once again to those cursed words your Father had spoken–

“Sunwoo was and always will be a thief. Until he makes amends for his mistakes and shows that he is capable of something greater, I do not want you speaking to him.”

By the end of your speech, you're breathing heavily, and you can’t help but want to sit down. The only thought in your brain is that you hope that you’ve done Sunwoo justice. 

Your eyes dart between Nabi and the King. He stays silent, but there’s a smug look on Nabi’s face as if you were missing something. 

“I know I already spoke to you, but anything you wish to add Sunwoo?” 

You pause, watching Sunwoo come out from behind the wall where the King entered from. You feel your face begin to heat up, but you notice the familiar blush littering Sunwoo’s cheeks. 

“No, your highness,” Sunwoo smiles. You raise your eyebrows at the honorific directed towards your father, but he shrugs, mouthing “Talk later?” You nod, directing your attention back to your father with the biggest smile on your face. 

“I believe that settles it then. Sunwoo, you will be moved to closer living quarters, not too close though,” His eyes narrow at Sunwoo. “And your new list of responsibilities begins tomorrow. I think you would do great supervising the new project the two of you have been working on.”

The King turns to look at you one more time, the smile on his face being the same one you grew up with. “Yuri said something to me today that truly helped me gain some insight.”

Your mind wanders to what Yuri could have said. She spent most of her time with Nabi when you weren’t baking with her, but it never occurred to you that she might see Sunwoo on a daily basis when he went to get Nabi for dinner. You wondered what Yuri and Sunwoo could have talked about. 

“What did she say?”

He places a hand on your shoulder, eyes proud. “Your mother would have loved him.”

The King leaves promptly after that, but it isn’t long until you rush over to Sunwoo, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

You laugh as he picks you up, spinning you around. 

“I never got to say this to you directly, but I told your father, who apologized and thanked me, by the way–” The shock must be evident on your face because he says he’ll tell you about it later. “But, I love you. You are it for me, Princess. I want to look toward the future and that’s you. I wouldn’t have a future if it wasn’t for you. So thank you, Angel.”

Your hands were still clasped around his neck, your faces inches apart. You’re not sure if Nabi had left, but you’re sure she would have by now considering it felt like there was no one in the world, let alone the room, but the two of you. 

He places a soft kiss on your forehead, pulling back to look into your eyes again. 

“I love you, too,” You whisper, watching his eyes sparkle. 

 –BONUS SCENE: Nabi’s speech–

“Nabi, go ahead and tell him what you wanted to say,” Yuri encourages Nabi, holding onto her shoulder for support. 

Nabi takes a shaky breath. And then she blurts, “My brother is the best brother in the whole wide world. He helps me and he helped my parents as much as he could. My brother didn’t care that he had to look after me. He didn’t complain to me once. He found me toys and gave me his food and he is my brother. I know I’m a child so you might not believe me. There isn’t much I know, but I do know that my brother is the best person in this world. He cares about me and Princess Y/N even though the way you treated him was terrible. If he was bad, he would be different, but he’s still the same brother I grew up with and I think you need to be nicer to him.”

[httpsohnpouts]

𝙠.𝙨𝙬. 𝙞 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 (𝙖)

inspired by ‘i love you’ by billie eilish.

it’s not true

tell me i’ve been lied to

crying isn’t like you

it wasn’t easy, dating someone in the entertainment business, let alone someone that wasn’t even typically able of dating. sometimes it was like you weren’t even in a relationship, besides the singular message you’d get every few days or so when schedules weren’t as hectic as usual, just to remind you of the fact.

it was funny, actually, that you don’t remember the last time you and sunwoo both hung out together. or what you did. but then again you could hardly even remember if you brushed your teeth this morning so it was something you just put down as being negligent really.

neither could sunwoo, not when he knew he was just stringing something - or someone - along when he knew it wasn’t going anywhere. he loved you, but he wasn’t in love with you anymore. the excitement wasn’t there anymore. the thought of you didn’t give him the same bubbly feeling it once did. he wasn’t happy with you no more.

neither could sunwoo, not when he knew he was just stringing something - or someone - along when he knew it wasn’t going anywhere. he loved you, but he wasn’t in love with you anymore. the excitement wasn’t there anymore. the thought of you didn’t give him the same bubbly feeling it once did. he wasn’t happy with you no more.

what the hell did i do

never been the type to

let someone see right through

see it was easy in the beginning. you were happy. and you assume sunwoo was too. every break was spent together, even if it was just ten minutes, to spending the weekend together. either way it got you wishing it would never end. and that you and sunwoo could get through any hurdle together.

except now you’re conquering hurdles on your own, without sunwoo. it was sad, thinking back on the times where you’d promise that you’d be there for each other when hard times came. now, you don’t even bother communicating. maybe that was the problem.

communication, maybe that was the downfall of your relationship. but the more you spent thinking of all ways your relationship failed, the more obsessed you became in coming up for answers, when in fact.. the spark just burnt out.

maybe won’t you take it back

say you were tryna make me laugh

ain’t nothing has to change today

you didn’t mean to say ‘i love you’

i love you and i don’t want to

endlessly, you wished you weren’t in this predicament. the back and forth thoughts playing devil and angel in your mind.

this shouldn’t have happened. you shouldn’t have gotten this far. shouldn’t have gotten into something with someone off limits. someone you knew would be too good for you. you deserved a good person who made you happy, but even you knew this was wishful thinking.

if only you hadn’t of said those three words. things would’ve been different then maybe.

at least you wouldn’t be in a failing relationship that feels like you’re drowning everyday, or walking on eggshells.. or both. well, it’s not like walking on eggshells if you don’t talk, right? even a single text takes up too much thought these days.

i love you. but i wish i didn’t. and i wish you hadn’t of said it either. if only we knew..

the smile that you gave me

even when you felt like dyin'

we fall apart as it gets dark

i’m in your arms in central park

theres nothin' you could do or say

i can't escape the way i love you

i don't want to, but i love you

[tbzloonar]

ASHAMED.

PAIRING kim sunwoo x gn!reader. WARNINGS sunwoo kinda being mean and oblivious, angsty GENRE angst ig, established relationship au & secret relationship? WC 524 words. A/N couldn't bring myself to write him more terrible (sorry) but this is requested by anon! enjoy

prompt #11: “are you ashamed of me?”

permanent taglist: @https-loverboy-com @kimsohn

↳ m.list | tbz m.list

YOU PULL ONTO HIS ARM MORE THAN BEFORE, dragging him with you in the hallway. His complains fall silent onto your ears as you keep your focus into finding a room for the two of you to sit in alone, your thoughts flooded your mind and the tears started to sit around your eyes, waiting for the final push to silently fall into your cheeks. But no, you held back and waited.

Finally, after what felt like forever, you found an empty classroom. You opened the door and pushed Sunwoo inside, before opening the light and closing the door behind you. You hoped no one in that empty hallway had seen the two of you go inside.

"What is your problem?" And there he goes, he already started complaining, like he always does. Though this time, his complaints only annoyed you even more, making you disagree with him unlike the many other times he complained about something.

"What is my problem?" You laugh humorously and walk around the room turning around from him, before turning back with a fierce look in your eyes. "You know what, I'll tell you what's my problem."

"Yes well please tell me now 'cause you've been acting weird all day," he sits down on one of the small tables, watching you with his eyes, "I introduce you to my friends and all you've been is silent! Not saying a thing while we're all talking, you made everything so awkward."

You laughed even more, you felt like you were going crazy, did he not hear what he was saying? "Are you blind Sunwoo? Do you not remember what you said then?"

"What did I say?" He asked honestly, before his eyes widened in realization, he sighed and took a deep breath. "Is it because I introduced you as my friend? Come on you know—"

"No I don't know!" A few tears ran down your face, making Sunwoo silently panic, it showed in his eyes. All he wanted to do was to stand up and hug you, shower you in his comforting words, but he knew better than to stay silent, and watch. "All you've been doing is calling me a friend! All you've been doing is treating me like one! I feel like I'm a dirty secret of yours!"

"You're not a dirty secret." He broke his silence, gulping nervously.

You watched his eyes take in your form. You wiped the tears falling down, staying quiet for a few seconds, before finally asking him the question you've been meaning to ask him for weeks, "are you... ashamed of me?"

Sunwoo's panic finally set in, as he shook his head from side to side, disagreeing with you. "No, no I'm not—"

"You are..." You whispered, nodding to yourself and turning to the door, "you're ashamed of being with me."

More tears escaped your eyes. You opened the door and walked out silently, calmer than the way you've gotten in a few minutes ago. Sunwoo's eyes watched your figure leave, as your name hung in his throat, begging to go out and for him to call you and apologize, but he couldn't.

A/N sorry..... LMAO...

[hwaflms]

❛ WHAT TYPE OF CHEESE ARE YOU ? ❜ 𖤐

in which sunwoo really likes buzzfeed quizzes.

𖥻 pairing. kim sunwoo x f!reader

𖥻 genre. fluff | best friends idiots to lovers

𖥻 wc. 4.3k (this was supposed to be a drabble at 0.2k um ????)

𖥻 warnings. mentions of sex/slight innuendos (not explicit!)

[❍] "ooh, let's try this one", your best friend sunwoo exclaims for what felt like the 50th time that afternoon.

it all started when you jokingly suggested that the two of you take this strange buzzfeed quiz titled "what type of cheese are you?". sunwoo took to the idea wholeheartedly, beginning the seemingly endless string of similarly weird quizzes that the two of you completed sitting in front of your computer. in regards to the cheese quiz, sunwoo was most upset that he didn't get cheddar, which is what he was aiming for. "sunwoo, enough, i think my brain might short circuit."

not that you minded though. spending time with sunwoo was never something you would complain about, you more than enjoyed his company. having met in school after being partnered up for a science project, the two of you hit it off and there began the friendship that would slowly increase in importance to you over the years. though you struggled in admitting it to yourself, you knew deep down that sunwoo was always more than a friend to you.

sunwoo was just so easy to fall for. he was friendly, sweet, funny, caring and overall just a great person. it definitely didn't hurt that he was one of the best looking guys you had seen. so, before you knew it, you had fallen for your best friend.

sunwoo, as far as you knew, was entirely oblivious to the fact, and not for a lack of trying from you. over the years, you dropped as many hints as you could, but sunwoo never seemed to pick up on them. maybe it was because he seemed so clueless to your very slightly obvious feelings that you refused to admit them to yourself. and it's not like he liked you back or anything, no that sounded too crazy to even think about.

"just one more, pretty please". how were you supposed to say no when he looked at you like that. "ugh, fine. which one is it?"

"this one is called 'how strong is your relationship?'", sunwoo grinned, clicking on the link to open the said quiz. you let out a snort, playfully flicking the side of his head softly. "correct me if i'm wrong but, i think you need to actually be in a relationship to take this one."

"haha look at me, i'm y/n, i think i'm a comedian", the boy drawls sarcastically, earning himself another flick, this time right on the middle of his forehead. grumbling an "ouch", he then turns to you with a stupid smile on his face. "c'mon, let's take it. we don't have to be in a relationship", he looks as if he was about to say the smartest thing in the world. "plus, you technically would be taking the quiz with your bf. best friend, boyfriend, both, that doesn't matter."

"god, you are such a dork", you groan, throwing your head back and away from him, raising your hand and landing him his third and hopefully final flick. how easy it was for you to pretend that his words did not matter to your tortured, fluttering little heart. he pouts while rubbing the spot where your fingers just were, turning to the screen. "okay, first question."

"how long have you been together?", he reads with a smirk and looks over at you. "i don't know, y/n, how long have we been together?"

you roll your eyes and train them on the screen. the options ranged from less than 3 months to more than 7 years and you've yet to come up with a plausible answer. "uhh well, we met four years ago and have been friends for around that time, so i guess 4-7 years would be the right answer?"

that wasn't technically a lie. you did technically meet in school four years ago and were together since. you didn't necessarily mean in a romantic relationship. you feel like most of these questions would be answered on such technicalities.

he nods and clicks your chosen answer and the screen wooshes away to the next question. "how often do you see each other?", it reads. not nearly enough, you thought, but seeing as you saw each other every day, that might not be the most chill, platonic answer, so you keep that one inside. "every day, basically", he answered before you could, sending you a toothy smile. "i can't be away from my love for that long", he groans dramatically, clutching his chest.

little did sunwoo know, you were thinking the same thing he just said, yet probably a little less jokingly. "you're lucky my fingers are sore from flicking you", you mumble, trying to hide the growing blush from your face. you think you hear him mumble a "cute", but you could certainly be mistaken.

after clicking on the answer, the next question appears on the screen. "when you're apart, do you chat much on social media?". you wondered how long this quiz would be, and what the questions coming up would be like. so far, they were seemingly regular, but you figured it could only get worse from here. "honestly, we don't text too often", you shrug, opening your phone to check the date of your last conversation with him, which showed 5 days ago. "we're basically always together, so we don't really need to text that often."

"who do you text often, then?", he questioned, eyebrows raised curiously. copying his actions, you look at your more recent chats. "uhh, miyeon, chanhee, eunha, hyunjae and yeojin?", you list out the names of your 5 most recent chats. sunwoo furrows his brow and leans over to peek at your phone screen over your shoulder, making you glare and turn your phone off.

"who's hyunjae?"

"this guy i met at the cafe. he does history with me? why?", you reply nonchalantly with a shrug. "what..what do you guys text about?", sunwoo asked, his expression unreadable. "um, i don't know, homework..sometimes not homework, i guess?", you answered slowly, your confusion growing. "what is not homework? how come i've never heard of him?", he continued badgering you, eyes not leaving yours. "didn't think it was important-where is this coming from?", cocking your head to the side in confusion, you also tried to not let your delusional heart explode. he's just...well, curious.

"never mind", he pouted, opening his phone and going into your chat with him. "why don't we text everyday, i wanna text you everyday."

you released a chuckle and nodded turning to the screen. "okay fine, we'll text all day, everyday, you big baby", you smiled, glad you were moving on from the previous conversation as it was only serving to give your delusional self more delusional ideas. you clicked on the "only really when there's something to talk about" option, after repeatedly promising sunwoo that in a few weeks, you would be clicking on a different answer if retaking the quiz.

nothing could have prepared you for the next question.

sunwoo had begun to read it out loud, but your eyes had already quickly scanned the writing on the screen, making you choke on your own saliva. coughing rather dramatically, sunwoo patted your back as he tried to hold his laughter back after reading the question.

"on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best, how good is your sex?", sunwoo snickered, the cheekiest of smiles appearing on his pretty face when he looks at you. "you tell me, y/n."

peals of laughter escape from between your lips, bending to bury your face in your hands, before looking at him with a smug expression. "why aren't negative numbers an option?", you chide slyly.

he responds with a gasp, pushing you softly. "if we were having sex, you would not be able to say anything negative", he argues cockily, folding his arms with a smirk. "yeah i bet", you nod sarcastically, looking back at the screen. "n-not that i think we should be having sex or anything", he clarifies, proceeding to widen his eyes. "not that i would never h-have sex with- you know what, i'm gonna answer for you as this is the only right answer", with that he grabs the mouse and quickly clicks on '10', before you could even react.

"sunwoo, my friend, what were you saying-"

"hey, would you look at that, it's the next question!", he interrupts loudly, moving your face towards the screen with his finger.

"you suck", you groan, grabbing the mouse back from him. "no you", he teased, and before you even realised the double meaning behind what he said, he was already reading out the next question. "which of these best describes your friendship groups?"

this question did not require much discussion, as most of your friends were shared friends, but there were a few that were not, so 'most of our friends are shared friends, but also a few people we like to keep a bit more separate' would be the right option. "like hyunjae", sunwoo mocked under his breath, which you definitely heard but chose to pretend you didn't. you picked the appropriate answer and moved on to the next one. "would you say your partner is also your best friend?"

you both released a snort at the same time and you muttered a 'yes' at the same time sunwoo's hand moved the mouse over the right answer. "see, these are kinda easy", he piped confidently, smiling proudly as if he had created the quiz himself. at this point, you wouldn't be too surprised if he had. "on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, how likely do you think you are to stay together forever?", he reads.

you pause, trying to think of an answer that was logical even in a non-romantic way. how long would you and sunwoo stay together? of course, you wanted you and sunwoo to "stay together forever", but in reality and not in your fluffy little head, how likely was that? sure, you had been friends for a while now, but most friendships don't last forever. what if after the two of you graduated college, you drifted apart? what if, if asked in 20 or so years, you wouldn't even remember his name? that sounded absurd to think about now, of course, but like previously mentioned, things change. you think of your parents, trying to recall if they were still in contact with their old friends, and to your dismay, you found that they weren't really.

"hey, you're taking a bit too long to answer this one, what's wrong?", he asked lightly, scrunching his forehead. "um nothing it's just...will we stay friends? after college, i mean", you replied uncertainly, eyes not meeting his and your expression slightly sullen. you had a habit of playing with your hands when you were anxious and sunwoo seemed to notice this as he placed his hand on top of yours comfortingly. "yeah, of course, why wouldn't we be friends?", he asked softly, playing with your fingers. through your troubles, you still managed to feel the butterflies erupting in your stomach, making a small smile appear on your face. "i don't know, i guess because my parents aren't really close with people they were friends with when they were younger so i don't know why we wouldn't be the same...", you trailed off.

"y/n, we aren't our parents", he argued sweetly, resting his elbows on his thighs, sitting in a more comfortable position. "sure, some friendships fade away, but that's only because of the lack of effort on their part. and i know for sure that i don't want ours to fade away. do you?" you shake your head, even though you know that he already knows you don't want that. "then there it is. we are going to stay together forever", he finished with an adorable smile, patting the top of your head affectionately.

"look at you getting all emotional over me, you dummy", there was the teasing you knew you wouldn't be able to evade, but it was all in good-nature, so you mumbled a "shut up", a warm, giddy feeling coming over you. after clicking 10 and turning to the screen, sunwoo casually slipped his hand into yours. it always amazed you, how nicely his hands fit yours. as cringe as it sounded, it was like they were made for holding yours. as friends. because that's what you were. best friends. and that was a casual enough gesture. holding hands. holding hands with your best friend.

"when you think about your future, do you factor them into your plans?"

you let him answer this, looking at him expectantly. raising an eyebrow and letting go of your hand to scratch at the back of his neck, he admits, "well, i do kinda plan some of my day around you?". "how so?", you asked curiously. "hm, to start off, whenever i'm visiting the cafe to get myself a coffee, i always remember get you one too, so it's just part of my routine at this point." you nod along, resting your elbows on your knees to hold your head up. "i make a different route to get to my classes so i can also drop you off at yours, depending on what you have that day. i always buy an extra juice box at lunch because i know you like them."

you gradually realise that your days are somewhat planned around each other. you think of how sunwoo always has an extra hair tie around his wrist since you're always losing yours, and how you have an extra pair of his sweatpants in your drawer, ready to use for him if he ever wanted to stay over. as sunwoo continues to list off things, you realise you do in fact, incorporate each other into your futures, maybe not in the exact way the quiz was implying but in your own small ways.

"so, the answer would be yes then?", he pipes with a smile, looking for your go ahead before clicking on the answer, doing so when you nod. his smile drops in an instant when reading the next question however, and after reading it for yourself, you can completely understand why.

"have you ever seen them pee or poo?", sunwoo deadpans. "really? this is a valid question?" you can't help but laugh in disbelief, re-reading the question in the hopes that it would magically change. "god, there isn't even a 'skip question' option", you added. "no. i never have and never plan on seeing you using the toilet." muttering a "i second that", sunwoo clicks on 'no, that's gross!' with a shudder.

the two of you held an intense, weird eye contact before wordlessly agreeing to move on and answer the next question. "how often do you fight?"

"not at all, really", sunwoo answered confidently, checking out his fingernails with a smirk. "yeah, you're right, we don't fight. but...", you half-agreed, trailing off with an apologetic smile, making him drop his smile and give you an unimpressed look. "but what, it's true, we don't fight, why is there a but", he whined, and you couldn't tell whether the pout was intentional or not.

"we don't fight, per-say, but we have little arguments now and then. usually over dumb stuff, but yeah", you relented. "give me one example", he argued, convinced that the two of you had never quarrelled in your life. "sunwoo, just yesterday we had a tiny argument about who got to sit on the seat near the window in class. i mean, i won of course", you replied, your expression neutral. "yeah but, we always compromise or i just let you win because you're cute."

trying to not seem too affected by his words, your expression remained almost similar, except for the small smile that couldn't help but grace your features. "fine, i guess you're right. so the right option would be 'we bicker occasionally, but that’s it really'?", you raised your arms in surrender, shaking your head with an amused smile. with a nod of approval from him, you clicked on it.

"oh my god, how long is this quiz?", you groaned tiredly. "you’re watching a tv show together, and you really want to watch the next episode, but they’re away. what do you do?"

you bit at the skin on your lip, wondering whether to honestly answer this. you and sunwoo had an rule stating that if you started a show together, you couldn't watch a single episode if one of you weren't there. and you didn't, but accidents can happen and people can forget to turn off auto-play. so, you could pick the truthful answer which was that you accidentally watched an episode when he was at football practice. or you could lie and say that you never have and never would do such a thing. with a sigh, you make up your mind, figuring sunwoo would find out sooner or later.

"sunwoo, i'm so sorry", you spluttered quickly at the same time sunwoo guiltily blurts out, "i may have watched an extra episode of the walking dead without you."

this drags on as you yell, "what?!" at the same time sunwoo suspiciously asks, "what are you sorry for?" you begin laughing, which only further confuses sunwoo, but you just find the whole situation funny. "well, was it episode 7 you watched?", you ask while still breathily laughing, wiping at your eyes. "yeah..look i'm really sorry, you were just taking so long to shower, and i was so tempted- wait, you still didn't tell me why you're sorry...or why you're laughing."

"i watched the same episode without you as well", you would start laughing again at how funny the situation was, but your sides were hurting a little bit. "ha! i knew it! i knew something was off when you didn't seem too surprised that he died", he gasped, pointing a finger at you and covering his mouth with his other hand. "saw it coming anyways", you shrugged. "great, so we both 'watched another episode but confessed because we were consumed by guilt'", sunwoo mumbled, clicking on that answer for the quiz. "at least you didn't watch another...right?"

"i didn't watch anything else, i promise", you assured him, looking at the screen. "okay, the next question is 'do you cook for each other?'"

"yep", the boy exclaimed proudly, making you scoff unamusedly. "what? i made you...coffee!", he tried to justify himself indignantly. "sunwoo, you can't cook for shit", you replied honestly, shrugging. "can too!", he argued with an offended expression. "last time you tried to make an egg, you somehow missed the pan and cracked it onto your brand new shoes.", you responded, wearing a sympathetic expression. "and the coffee you 'made' me, you literally bought from the cafe?" sunwoo's mouth formed an 'o' when he realised you were right, saying something about how that was the egg's fault and not his, making you roll your eyes and click on "one of us is the designated cook tbh".

"this quiz is never-ending", sunwoo sighed, slouching in his seat in a position that would be uncomfortable to most normal human beings, but not sunwoo apparently. "do you feel like you can totally rely on your partner for support when you need it?", he reads out loud, running a hand through his messy hair. finally, a question you could answer with ease. a mutual understanding of the trust and support the two of you had for each other meant there was no need to discuss the answer to the question, it was a given. you know sunwoo would support you no matter what, and he knew the same.

"okay, next up. do you tell each other everything?", sunwoo orated, his bottom lip jutting out as he nodded his head slowly, presumably letting the question sink in. he peered over at you, eyebrows pulled together. "do we tell each other everything?"

'not everything, clearly', you thought, since sunwoo probably thinks your relationship is completely 'bestie vibes only'. in all honesty it was, you just wish it wasn't. "um, i don't have anything to hide from you, so yeah, i guess?", you lie through your teeth, sending him a tight smile that was supposed to be reassuring. "um, yeah me too, same here, same here", he replied in return, awkwardly pointing finger guns at you. an almost uncomfortable silence falls over the two of you, both looking in every direction but each other's.

years of dropping hints and nothing. you used to sometimes blame it on not having the opportunity to say anything to him straightforwardly, never really having been in a situation that provided you with the chance to do so. here lay the perfect one. there was obviously one secret you were keeping from your best friend, and a rather huge one at that, and when could you get a better chance to let it slip than now?

but wasn't that selfish? wouldn't you be completely destroying a 4 year long friendship if sunwoo didn't feel the same way? you cherished your relationship with the boy way too much to just give it up for your measly feelings. could you even handle the rejection? what would you even say after he confesses "actually y/n, i don't like you like that"? god, you wouldn't even be able to look him in the eye. he probably wouldn't even be able to look you in the eye after hearing how you really felt about him, his best friend who he probably considers to be his sister or something-

"fuck okay, i'll talk, it is way too quiet!", sunwoo blurted out, breaking what felt like years of silence. your head snapped over to him, taking in his expression. he looked like a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide and mouth slightly open, chest heaving softly. "w-what's there to talk about, we s-still have to finish the quiz-" "fuck the quiz."

he interrupts, taking a deep breath. "no, i haven't told you everything. actually, there's one very big thing i haven't told you. i like someone."

and just like that, you felt your heart drop down to your stomach, you definitely weren't expecting this. "y-you like someone? uhm...who?", you cringed at the crack in your voice, clearing your throat before asking him, "do i know them?"

"yeah, you know her", he begins slowly, like he's uncertain of how you're taking the news and though you're not really taking it well, you nod your head for him to continue anyway. "she's kind of an idiot. she's funny- not as funny as she thinks she is but, funny. she's super creative, she's always coming up with different ideas to do stuff. like this one time, for a science project", your originally droopy head perks up after this, eyebrows furrowing and lips curving into an unsure smile. "our logo was looking a bit drab but she made a new one, literally five minutes before our presentation. we even got extra points for it."

your smile had already widened knowingly at this but sunwoo made no signs of stopping his depiction of this "mystery girl", so you let him keep going. "she's also a huge softie. she pretends she only watches 'titanic' because she thinks young leonardo dicaprio is hot, but she still cries at the end. every. single. time. and she's watched the movie so many times." sunwoo pays no heed to the snort you let out at his comment, continuing like you weren't even there.

"she's also like really really pretty", he cooed, earning a small giggle from you. "i actually met her four years ago, because of the science project i mentioned earlier. she tried to shake my hand with the gloved one that she had just used to dissect a frog. i think i might've had a crush on her from the second i met her."

you groan, hiding your face in embarassment at the mention of the frog insides. chuckling, sunwoo holds your gaze with one of the softest ones you've ever received from him, placing his hand on top of yours. "do you know who she is?", he mumbles in a quiet, unsure manner, reaching a hand up to gently move a stray piece of hair off your face.

"well, i'm either the most egotistical person alive, or you're talking about...me?", you quipped shyly, resting your forehead against his.

he smiles, lips inches away from yours, mumbling "of course i'm talking about you, idiot" before closing the gap between the two of you. so caught up in the fact that you are actually kissing kim sunwoo, you almost forget to kiss him back, but you do, softly wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulls you from your chair and on to his lap, arms circling your waist. tilting your head, you deepen the kiss, making sunwoo smile into it and he presses his plump lips against yours more firmly. your heart is thumping loudly in your chest, thump thump thump, which you're sure sunwoo can hear because his smile widens and he squeezes your waist, pulling away.

breathing heavily, you both smile shyly at each other and you let out a breathless laugh, burying your head in his neck. "i'm gonna take it you like me back", he whispers into your ear, and you don't need to look at him to know he has a shit-eating grin on his face. you pull back, pretending to think about it, pursing your lips. "hmm, you know, i'm not too sure, i think you're gonna have to kiss me again so i can tell."

he scoffs and rolls his eyes, eyes glinting playfully. he leans in with puckered lips and presses, one, two, three quick pecks to your waiting lips. "are you sure now?", he asks with a smug look to which you nod your head. "i might've been in love with you for four years, but that doesn't matter now. i've waited four, very long years to kiss you so", you shrug, playing with the hair at the back of his neck. "kiss me, lover boy."

"lover boy, huh?", he murmurs in between kisses, hands trailing up and down your arms. "your lover boy?"

grinning, you press an eager, firm kiss to his smiling lips and stroke his cheek with your thumb. "my lover boy."

© hwaflms.

[kpopsfic]

admit ꩜ jacob bae

pairing: jacob bae x gender neutral reader

genre: angst

warnings: cursing (hyunjae has a horrible mouth), angst, mentions of depression and sadness

word count: 1.3k

written by: ollie

description: jacob bae was your world until the abrupt day that he wasn’t. you thought you would never see him again. you thought you would never learn why, but apparently two certain boys had a different idea

a/n: i wrote this awhile ago, but here’s my first imagine on this blog. please enjoy!

you loved your roommate. sunwoo was your best friend and you knew completely that he just wanted what was best for you. however, hyunjae was different. whether it was for the best or not, he just wanted to be right. 

that was exactly how you ended up locked in your own bathroom with your ex-boyfriend, the mastermind behind the whole plan insisting that all your problems would be fixed if you just "talked it out." 

if only talking it out was that easy.

jacob plopped down on the floor across from you and instantly, you knew you guys were going to be in here for awhile. he wouldn't even look at you. his eyes were focused on his hands, which were wrapped around his knees, pulling them to his chest. the silence was practically deafening. 

what were you supposed to say? what were you supposed to do? this was only the second time you had seen jacob bae since the breakup occurred and the first time involved you running away as soon as you were able to distinguish his blonde head. this time, you couldn't flee. you couldn't run. there was no escape. this time you had to face your problems. 

𝒅𝒂𝒎𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒆 𝒋𝒂𝒆𝒉𝒚𝒖𝒏. 

as if he was summoned, a voice from downstairs broke the silence. "why don't i hear talking? quit being pussies!" 

a gasp followed hyunjae's remark. "hey, was that necessary?" sunwoo exclaimed.   

"completely necessary."

the room fell into silence once more and you found yourself unable to take it. 

"he's right you know." your voice sounded foreign to your own ears. it was barely raised above a whisper and you swore if you tried to speak any louder that the tears would start to flow. "we're going to have to talk at some point. why not now?" 

jacob let out a sigh, but stayed silent. you surveyed the boy in front of you, pain aching in your heart. he was no longer the boy you fell in love with. the boy in the bathroom with you now appeared broken. dark circles had blossomed under his eyes since the last time you two had crossed paths. he seemed paler and maybe even thinner as well. 

you didn't want to talk. that's what you constantly told sunwoo. what was done was done. jacob broke up with you and talking about it wasn't going to make a difference. it wasn’t going to bring him back. well, at least that was what you kept telling yourself. 

talking about the pain and confusion you felt toward the boy who you loved most in the world was not something that could be talked about easily. 

especially since he was the one who shattered your heart to pieces in the first place. 

but today was different. today, you found yourself needing to talk; needing to vent; needing to find out the reason 𝒘𝒉𝒚. 

"i just don't understand why, jacob," you managed to croak our past the lump in your throat. "i don't understand what i did wrong." 

the tears weren't falling yet, but they were close. crying in front of him was going to make it worse, but it was going to happen. you couldn't avoid it. not after all the pain he had caused. 

"i- i loved you. I loved you so much. I thought the absolute world of you," you whispered. "you made me so happy." 

jacob's eyes were now trained on you. he could feel the pain in your voice and it killed him. however, it was better for you to feel like this than to still be with him. 

"every day i woke up and thanked the world that kevin introduced me to you because what would i be without you. who would i be without you? you were my person, my rock. you were the person who i wanted to spend my entire life with." you scoffed, shaking your head. your right hand ran across your cheeks to rid your skin of the tears. this time anger was in your voice. 

"i can't believe after all that you had the nerve to break up with me over text. what? did a phone call seem like too much? a voicemail would have even been better than a stupid text, jacob." 

the blonde boy flinched at his name. he knew he was in the wrong. he knew the way he broke up with you was wrong, but he didn't have a choice. he couldn't have done it in person. 

your voice was fragile when you spoke next. "was i not good enough? was that it? did a year go down the drain all because of me?" 

you weren't talking to receive a reply, so you were shocked when jacob actually spoke. 

his words were careful. "don't talk about yourself like that. you deserve the world and more." 

"then what went wrong, jacob?"

he sighed, running a hand across his face in frustration. not frustration because of you, but because of himself. 

"look, i know you're still hurt and there's nothing i can say and do that will excuse my actions, but i love you, okay. i just didn't want to hurt you anymore. i didn't want you to suffer because of me and for that, i am sorry." 

jacob's words caused the tears to let loose from your eyes and you tried to hold back a sob. "what do you mean hurt me? you weren't hurting me and I wasn't suffering. what hurt was the fact that you didn't give me an explanation." 

now it was jacob who was trying to hold back tears. how was he supposed to explain to you what was wrong? how was he supposed to explain the fear and self-hatred? 

"i know you were starting to realize that I was acting different. i was acting more distant. it seemed to you that every time I talked to anyone i was irritated or annoyed. you started to see my personality change, but i know you were choosing to ignore it. you figured that if you continued to be nice that everything would go back to normal. but i hated that. i hated knowing that i was treating you horribly, but i couldn't help it. i was just so angry and sad all the time and i didn't know how to handle it." 

you could see the tears coating jacob's cheeks and you had the urge to wipe them away, but you knew that wasn't an option. "so that's why you decided to break up with me? i could have helped you, jacob. we could have gotten through all that together, but instead you pushed me away." 

jacob shrugged. "i wasn't going to stay around long enough to bring you down." 

a sob left your lungs at his words and you buried your face in your hands, unable to even form a sentence to express the internal turmoil you felt. 

"i wanted to reach out to you for so long now, but you know that i always ran from conflict. i'm a coward and because of my cowardliness I couldn't tell you what i was going through. i hurt us both and i just saw no way to fix it. so i just kept running. I am so sorry."

you lifted your head up and almost on autopilot you reached out for him. without hesitation, he pulled you into his arms. 

jacob's embrace felt like home and instantly brought about a sense of comfort. you missed his scent. you missed the feeling of safety he created. you missed him. 

he rubbed your back softly as he waited for your tears to calm down. the burden now felt like it was off his shoulders, but he knew the regret of not telling you sooner would haunt him for all eternity. 

it had to be ten minutes before you were able to speak once more.  

"can we just start over?" 

jacob nodded, his arms tightening around you as he rested his chin on the top of your head. "yeah, i would like that." 

suddenly you heard the lock to the bathroom door click and hyunjae rushed in, nearly jumping for joy. 

"just call me fucking cupid!"

[enluv]

level #14 – the big speech

wc; 926!

genre/warning(s): written content, angst, cheesy tooth rotting sweet fluff, beomgyu is so cute pls :(

Beomgyu's nerves heighten as he watches you walk down the long red carpet into the Gala's home building. He'd shown up twenty minutes earlier with Yeonjun and Soobin, Hueningkai and Taehyun having already started hosting a few hours before. He knew you'd be there but he was still in awe at the way you'd walked out wearing the purple dress your best friends had chosen for you. They'd told him before hand what you'd be wearing so it was easier to spot you when he gave his speech.

Speaking of his speech, it was long. The longest thing he'd ever written probably, but every word meant so much. His time was short and if he was going to confess his love for you, he might as well go out with a boom while doing it.

Hueningkai's tall form walks towards him holding a mic, he'd just finished interviewing the last round of celebrities arriving and was now moving to the stage. Food would be severed shortly and then the moment Beomgyu had been preparing for would come.

"You look constipated," Hueningkai jokes trying to get his friend to laugh but to no end doesn't it work.

"Do you think she hopes we don't run into each other? She looks really happy with Eric and Sunwoo."

Hueningkai sighs, as his attempts fail at making Beomgyu's mood brighten. "Honestly Gyu, I think she's just trying to have a good time tonight, after everything that's happened, you're probably the last thing on her mind, but that's why you need to tell her how you feel. It'll get her to see you like she once did and things will be okay again."

The seating arrangement wasn't necessarily picked by anyone. The company hosting the gala had made a pre-planned seating chart and to his dismay, Beomgyu and his friends sat right next to your table.

Dinner was awkward to say the least, stolen glances and burning stares from the other really topped it off, but thankfully it went quickly, and soon came the winners speeches. Eric was up first, second was Felix, after him Chanhee, then Hyunjin, and finally, Beomgyu.

"...well it was a ride, but thank you to those who supported me throughout it all! This one's for you, my lovely supporters!" Hyunjin's final words fly past Beomgyu's head as he's quickly handed a mic.

"It's your turn Beomgyu. Good luck!" Taehyun ushers the boy on stage as quickly as possible and with his cards in hand he walks slowly towards the black podium in the middle.

His sticky hands set down the cards as neatly as possible while he tries to remain focused on the most important target in the room, you.

"Hello, sorry for the nerves, feeling a bit of pressure after all those amazing speeches before me," he jokes lightly, "I'll be honest, if you'd told me that I was going to be standing infront of all of you, here at the iconic Gaming Gala a year ago, I'd have laughed in your face and went on studying for midterms. Yet, here I am today, a year later thriving in my field and fully appreciative of that. I want to thank everyone who pushed me to follow my dreams, and kept me on the right track. My tomorrow brother's who continued to push streaming onto me even when I continuously said no, my manager who puts up with my "brat-like" attitude as some reporters would say, but most importantly there is someone here tonight that I'd like to thank profusely, and that's my girl," his hand points outward at you and the crowd surrounding him begins to murmur as all eyes turn to you, seated smack in the middle of your cheesing best friends.

"Y/N, without you there would be no me. If you hadn't left I wouldn't have been #1 and if you hadn't come back I would have never dmed you about getting that spot back, but most importantly if you hadn't shown me love and compassion I'd be lost in fame and money. You are the reason I want to continue doing what I love most, you are the reason I smile, the reason I go out and face this crazy ass world. I know that a lot has happened between us but I'm glad it did because if we never met, I'd be stuck and alone, never finding my purpose, which is to be my happiest in life, with you. I really do love you."

The crowd around you let's out a course of "awe's" and "wow", and Beomgyu knows he's done good when your eyes roll and you smile up at him from your seat at the table next to his. You may still have a lot to talk about but he knows things will be okay now.

As he walks off the stage, you're standing to the right waiting for him. His once confident demeanor falters, as he now has to face the reality of if you'll take him back into your life or not.

You awkwardly give him a wave and his heart beats faster. Maybe he should turn the other way – no he needs to do this, even if you tell him to get lost forever.

"Hi," he breathes stopping only a few feet in front of you.

"Hi gyu, heard you love me or whatever."

His smile widens at your words. He really does love you and if he has to spend days, weeks, months, even years reminding you he will.

"Yeah I do love you."

masterlist | prev.

taglist - @bloom-bloom-pow @igyus @beomjunies @envirae @whatinthebts @jcngseongs @tyunningfiles @k6ho @spookybias @changmin-wrlds @junityy @sukirene @viscoolreal @faiirybread @vantxx95 @strwberrydinosaur @milkycloudtyg @nyfwyeonjun @staysstrays @jakeycore @lcvekdy @icywhatim @hjinnie @msxflower @lovebeomb @bbeomies @lokideadontheinside @eeheeeh @onigiriyuki @damselindistressanu @akaashisbunny @jjikyuu @ikyk-leeknow @softkons @loonathewurld @pr0dbeomgyu @hanniesss @sunooflowerss @gothmingguk @dongyucks @w3bqrl @baekhyunstruly @korejijiyo @soobsdior @shawnkneecaps @wooyoponyo @hobizi @032421 @meiiiwa @90s-belladonna @eclisqc (users in bold can't be tagged)

taglist: is CLOSED!

[lov3ric]

summer nights | s.yj x gn!reader

word count | 1.6k

warnings | none

genre | fluff uwu

requested | yes "Sbsijabuhshudhjd first of all I love your dni? It's so simple and to the point but bits all the main points andit's amazing. Second of all do you think you could do some sort of Eric lifeguard/ beach au?"

a/n | ahhh I was so excited when I saw this request hehe, hopefully I did it justice and you enjoy :DD also @moonshineboyz hehe :D

it was the first day of summer break, your first grueling year of college was finally over and you and your best friends decided to rent a beach house for the first two weeks of break. once you all arrived and got situated in the house you ran for the beach, the beach was actually like the backyard of the house. all you had to do was slide open the back door and cross the narrow street and you were met with the fine, hot sand of the beach.

it was the first day, you all got ready bright and early in the morning to go watch the first wave of early surfers. a few of your friends were going to surf too though, you’d always wanted to learn but never really had time. and for now you were content with just enjoying the show. time passed quickly and the first wave of early morning surfers departed, the sun began to shine down onto the sand and the few friends who were surfing came back to set their boards in the sand. soon enough it was afternoon and you were all in the water, some surfing, some splashing others, and some casually wading through the water.

after some time you step away from the group to reapply your sunscreen. you stood up, making your way back to the array of colorful beach towels each belonging to one of you, and squatted while rummaging through your bag to find the sunscreen. eventually, you find it and stand up, but hit your head on the umbrella directly above, “ouch-” you hiss and rub the crown of your head. “hey-” you hear a voice from behind say while chuckling slightly, “you okay there?” you turn around only to be met with a boy around your age, with a tall, athletic build and deep brown eyes. “o-oh” you jump a little startled by him, you weren’t sure what you had been expecting but it certainly wasn't him. “yeah I’m fine, just hit my head on the big ass umbrella” you shake your head and he nods with a laugh.

“be more careful next time, never know what’ll be enough to concuss that pretty little head of yours” eric says half-joking about the concussion part, before winking at you and running back down the beach. you stared at him, awestruck and your eyes followed him until he eventually reaches a lifeguard tower and climbs up. “Oh, a lifeguard? hm, I guess that makes sense” you shrug, nodding slightly while remembering the bright red shorts he had been wearing. you stare off for a few more moments before a pair of hands rests on your shoulders, gripping tightly from behind. “hey y/n! You took forever and we’re all done in the water so we’re gonna head back and then get ready to get dinner at this place on the pier” she grins before beginning to pack everything up and you do the same.

that night at dinner you sat at the table, surrounded by friends, overlooking the water as a cool breeze swept through the air. it was perfect, the evening went on without a hitch and everyone could tell that this would be the perfect getaway. yet the entire night, only one thing...well person, was on your mind. “that damn lifeguard.” you huff under your breath, fist just barely slamming down onto the table gently. later on, after arriving at the house, you all settled in and got ready for bed. turned over on your side, with the comforter pulled tightly around you as you thought aloud, “i don’t even know his name-” you sigh softly before drifting off to sleep.

the next few days passed in a flash, filled with busy days, doing essentially everything you can at the beach. you saw him occasionally from afar but never had another close encounter with him like that day. before you knew it the last day had approached, it was already friday and you were set to leave on saturday morning. “this whole time and I never saw him again” you groan and lay on your back, sprawled on the cool hardwood floors of the house.

all of a sudden one of your friends comes bursting through the door, “guys! Guess what? there's a party on the beach tonight that some of the other surfers told me about, and they invited all of us” she grins while scanning the room “we should probably head down there around 8 so you have a few hours to rest up and get ready” she hums before turning on her heel and heading to the bedrooms.

“ugh, is it worth it though? it’s just gonna be a bunch of drunk people, nothing we can’t see at parties we normally go to” you groan softly before hearing a voice behind you. “not even if that cute lifeguard is there?” you turn to see another of your friends teasing while raising a brow. “I- how did you even know about him?” you state, mouth dropped open slightly while clutching a pillow to your chest. “it was obvious, a few of us were watching you guys the other day when you were putting on sunscreen,” they say, eliciting a string of laughs from a few others.

“well- no, he probably won't be there. I shouldn't get my hopes up” you sigh and sit up, scratching the back of your head. “i guess I should still go get ready though, just in case” you mumble the last part, a small grin spreading across your face at the possibility of eric being there.

back in the bedrooms, you brushed by the two others that occupied the room with you, each of you starting to get ready. you settled on wearing a navy blue swimsuit under a comfortable pair of running shorts you found in your bag and an oversized sweatshirt that almost went down to your knees. the swimsuit was just in case anyone decided to go for a night swim and the sweatshirt in case it got cold. after getting dressed you made your way to the living room, sitting on the couch while throwing your hair up into a messy ponytail while you were all waiting for the last few people to be ready.

eventually, everyone crowded into the living room and you all set off across the street to the beach. as soon as you hit the sand you slipped off your shoes and let your feet sink into the san. continuing to walk until you all reach a large group of people, slightly scattered around within each other at different fire pits. after some time you had a drink or two and a red solo cup in hand, filled with an unknown mixture courtesy of your best friend. taking a sip from the cup, a feeling of boredom envelopes you, prompting you to wander off to a rock ledge hanging a foot or two above the water.

what you didn’t know as you swung your legs in the air while hanging off the ledge, was that you caught eric’s attention, and a long time ago at that. in fact, you had caught his attention back during the umbrella scene, he thought your reactions were simple adorable. he’d even seen you a few more times throughout the week but didn't want to approach for fear of being seen as ‘creepy’.

eric watched as you wandered off, ending up on the hidden little rock, and decides to follow you. “hey, mind if I join?” you hear a smooth voice ask gently from behind you, sitting down beside you while you nod. turning to face the mystery person seated beside you, a gasp slips past your lips rather unexpectedly. “oh...it’s you” you mumble under your breath, a bit embarrassed. “me?” eric questions in response while raising an eyebrow, amused “what does that mean, darling?”

“nothing” you quickly shake your head and place a hand on your cheeks, now burning up “I just didn't expect to see you here... I mean I was hoping I would, but-” by the time you caught your words it was too late, “hoping? have you been hoping you would see me since we talked the first time?” he asks with a small smirk spread across his lips “i- well maybe...” you admit in a hushed tone and his smirk breaks into a slight grin. “well maybeee I’ve been hoping to see you again too~” he hums in a teasing tone while inching closer to you, now so close that your shoulders are touching.

you blush at the gap between the two of you being closed and look at him, tilting your head to the side, “why are you over here anyway?” you ask quietly and eric smiles before responding, “well, the party was getting to be a little much anyway and then I saw a pretty little thing wandering off over here and decided to follow. it was just a bonus that it turned out to be the person I’ve been hoping to see all week, maybe even fate” he ends with a wink as he looks out into the darkness enveloping you both. “fate hm?” you question whilst staring up into the same deep brown eyes you saw earlier that week, “yes” eric answers simply before brushing a strand of hair from your face, allowing the moonlight to filter through the few clouds in the sky and shin down onto your skin. you were quite literally glowing and he was mesmerized by you, absolutely captivated. eric slowly leans in with his eyes closed, yours following suit and fluttering shut as his lips meet yours. the soft skin of your lips melting against his, a feeling he’ll never forget...even in a million years.

he pulls away, meeting your eyes immediately and gazing into them, "mhm, it was definitely fate" he concludes confidently as he flashes a toothy grin at you. "you think so? we just met a few days ago though" you reply, quirking a brow. "well everything has to start somewhere right? and after all, we have the whole summer ahead of us" eric hums quietly, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as the soothing sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks below echo through the air.

[envirae]

❝ so we can smile together ❞ - kim sunoo

genre: fluff, angst

pairing: bff!kim sunoo x gn!reader

wc: 309

warnings: none

request: sunoo + hug by seventeen

note: i didn’t name this oneshot “hug” because i got two sunoo requests for songs named hug 😭😭

You had a shitty day. With your recent exams and everything else that had been going on, it had all been way too stressful for you to handle.

However your best friend, Sunoo, could tell if something was off with you from a mile away.

Sighing as you put your pencil down on the table, you sat and rested your head in your hands. You stayed like that for a while, hoping for a break from the fast paced world around you.

When your doorbell rang, you found yourself carrying your heavy heart towards the door, walking in a daze as you unlocked it without checking who was behind.

You rubbed your eyes at the exposure of sunlight, smiling weakly as Sunoo's face came into vision. "You poor thing..." He cooed, coming up to wrap you in a hug almost immediately. He inspected your figure. Your hair was a mess and your clothes looked dirty. "What were you doing just now?" He asked, voice filtered with worry.

"I'm just studying again." You told him, trying to wake yourself up.

"Come on, let's take a break." He suggested, leading you back to your room. He went downstairs to get you a glass of water, but by the time you returned, he found you crying.

The stress of everything, piled on with how well Sunoo was taking care of you couldn't help but coax tears out of your eyes.

"Hey, y/n!" He exclaimed, rushing over to you "You worked so hard. You did so well, don't worry. I'm here for you, I love you." He comforted, rubbing shapes onto your back.

You continued to sob onto his shoulder, the overwhelm of emotions overtaking you. You didn't cry often, but if you did, you didn't stop easily.

"You're so strong. Don't be sorry. Don't worry, so we can smile together again."

not my fav but yeah 😩😩

[sunlightwoo]

The Boyz Masterlist

updated as of 05.21.22 (all gifs in unit masterlists belong to respective creators!!)

✰ OT11 timestamps:

(TBZ 3 YEARS) | sangyeon | jacob | younghoon | hyunjae | juyeon | kevin | chanhee | changmin | haknyeon | sunwoo | eric

(Summer Things) | sangyeon | jacob | younghoon | hyunjae | juyeon | kevin | chanhee | changmin | haknyeon | sunwoo | eric

✰ OT11 Series:

Under The Spotlight | social media au [discontinued]

✰ OT11 Specials:

Fallin’ For You | cupids, fallen angels and demons aus

Rating How I’d Fight TBZ

12 Months I Loved You | TBZ Collab Hosted by Me

Loving You Is A Losing Game | soulmate aus

Dad!TBZ Collection

Storms of Broken Hearts | collection based on 5sos songs

✰ Hyung Line Masterlist

✰ 98 Line Masterlist

✰ Maknae Line Masterlist

[binniebutter]

𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓉 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉 3, 8, & 40 “Do you really think I care?” & “I lied.” & “Don’t leave.” requested by anon.

Pairing: Kim Sunwoo x gn!Reader

Genre: angst

Word Count: 265

Warnings: none

“Do you really think I care? Well news flash, I lied. I lied about everything. I don’t love how your hair flows on windy days. I don’t love the fact that you can look so ethereal after just waking up. I don’t love how you tighten your arms around my waist as if you’re scared of letting me go. I don’t love you, Sunwoo.” Too caught up in your speech you didn’t notice how his eyes softened bit by bit with each sentence. You didn’t notice him moving closer to you until he was kneeling right in front of your spot on the rug. You didn’t notice him wrapping his arms around you until it was too late and the dam of tears finally broke.

His fingers caressed your hair as you sobbed into his sweatshirt, the one that you had bought him, your snot and tears most likely dirtying the clothing. You cried and cried and cried until your tears were no more and all that was left was a broken shell of you. Even after the tears had dried, you stayed there clinging onto him, onto the one thing that always made you feel anchored. The two of you stayed in that slightly uncomfortable position until Sunwoo eventually pushed you away gently.

“NO! No, don’t leave. Please don’t leave me, Woo,” you cried out, your eyes wide in fear and tears once again filling them at the thought of him leaving. Sunwoo quickly embraced you once again, shushing you as he rubbed circles into your back.

“I’m not, baby. I’ll never leave you.”

TBZ Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Propmtlist (send a request!)

[kimsunwoah]

take her to the moon ||  kim sunwoo

[22:19]

“don’t do this, please,” sunwoo sobbed into your sweater that was once his, clinging to your figure as if you were going to leave the moment he lets go. “I swear it- she didn’t mean anything to me! y/n please-”

“sunwoo, please don’t make this harder for me” you chuckled painfully, caressing the back of his head that was placed on your damp shoulder. “of course she means something to you, my love.” you paused, lifting his head up to rest your forehead on his, “but why would you hide it from me? didn’t I ask you to tell me everything?”

tears rapidly fell from your eyes and his. the night cold and the winds harsh compared the soft yellow glow of the fairy lights you hung up with sunwoo months ago, especially on the rooftop of you and sunwoo’s shared apartment where both of you were. god, that was the last thing he wanted: to make you cry, to see your beautiful face stained with salty tears that he knew he caused.

you knew of his secret escapades with the pretty girl from his chemistry class, but not even once did you speak a word about it to him. ‘if she makes him happy, I’ll be okay’ you thought every time you’d smell her perfume on his shirt, or when you see a pink lipstick stain on the collar of his favorite white sweater. you knew you should get out of the relationship, according to your friends. they knew you were already in pain, and you did know that, but your pathetic self always came back to him, and you always will. 

how could you let him go? you and sunwoo met in freshman year at high school and got together in your junior year. after graduation, you both agreed on living in one apartment since you were both nearing your 2nd anniversary and you were both attending the same university but with different courses. you knew he was the one for you. how could you possibly let him go?

the first time you noticed was when there was a different scent on his hoodie. a scent that did not belong to you. you thought it was just because he had to spend his time on a female classmate’s house to finish their thesis report. or so you thought. it added up day by day: started from the strong victoria’s secret perfumes that you never owned, to the lipstick stains that you never wore, to the amount of time he was gone that you never spent. you were never worried though, you believed at the end of the day, he’d run back to you.

you both were drifting apart, and it was only beneficial to the party that was not yours. you no longer were the cause of his bright smiles. he smiles on his phone more, you took note of that as well. it was hurting you, he was hurting you, but at the same time, he still manages to heal your torn heart with those stupid forehead kisses, those stupid quirks he had, that stupid him. 

stupid. you were so fucking stupid and you knew that.

until the night came where you saw them kissing on the very same rooftop where you spend your cheap dates with laptop movies, blankets, and junk food, where you watched the sun sink and the moon rise, and eventually watch the sun rise, where you both made paper promises to each other, where you both belonged. you needed to borrow his flash drive as you planned to save more movies for both of you to watch on free days. you stood on the doorstep leading to the rooftop as you watch sunwoo’s lips pull away from her’s, then place a final peck before his lips formed into the smile that you thought was only for you. you slipped into the shadows, but not going unnoticed by sunwoo and his girl as they heard the metal door of the exit harshly slammed close by the wind. all you could do was to look at sunwoo with tears running down your cheeks from your pained eyes, his mirroring your expression as the other girl froze in shock.

now here you all were, sobbing on the rooftop.

“I-I’m sorry, y/n. I swear I would tell you but-” you cut sunwoo off.

“I always knew, sunshine,” you cupped his wet cheek, smiling bittersweetly as your fingers chose to wipe his tears first before your own. sunwoo was surprised at the sudden use of your favorite nickname for him. he did not understand why and how you were not mad at him. “I just wanted to know why you didn’t tell me earlier. that way, it would not be as painful.”

the girl put herself aside and situated herself on the corner, not wanting to sever the gap any farther that separated you and sunwoo in the first place. she never knew anything about you. she just knew that sunwoo will pick her in the end. or will he?

“sunshine, before I say goodbye, will you do one last thing for me?” now you cupped his face, giggling softly to brighten the tense atmosphere as if it is your last time spending this moment with him, and it is. you knew you had to make it last.

‘w-what do you m-mean goodbye- y/n what are you saying-” sunwoo was scared. this was it. you were going to leave him. he expected this. he knew this will come sooner or later, but why was this breaking him?

“be happy,” you whispered softly to your ray of sunshine, the amount of tears falling from your eyes and sunwoo’s increasing.

“h-how could I be happy without you in my life, y/n? tell me how-” Sunwoo was already mad. mad at himself for leaving a diamond such as you for a different gem, at least, you thought she was a gem. his walls crumbled at that point.

“- please y-y/n, just don’t leave me please,” he sobbed. you knew you couldn’t leave him like that, but how would his true love comfort him if you were standing in their way. you started to detach yourself from sunwoo, removing his hands from your arms as you step back towards the exit of the rooftop that was once yours and his.

once you had enough distance from him, the girl approached the boy who was already crouching on the floor, racking with uncontrollable sobs. with a pained glance, you look back at them one last time to speak your final words to them before pulling the metal door shut.

“and sunwoo, take her to the moon for me like you promised me, and say you love her every time like how you told me the last time,” you told him before you were gone from his life, forever.

sunwoo barged into your apartment room, finding the space uncomfortably empty. after you left, he let the girl calm him down, but not how y/n would do it. he was adjusting this new atmosphere without you, and he could not bear it. sunwoo prayed that you have not actually left, that you would come back into the apartment and back into his arms. he can’t be happy without you. he can’t take her to the moon because he promised you, not her. and he can’t love her, because she wasn’t you.

he searched all of your cabinets and drawers, finding all of them empty like his heart, before seeing a little post-it note on your pillow on your side of the bed.

2-2-19

My dearest Sunshine,

I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you, my love. I thought you would still come back to me when I knew that you wouldn’t. I wish I could stick around and fight back your tears and tell you "My love, I'm still here".  I only wish you happiness, my dear, and you know that right? I always and always will wish for nothing but your happiness, and if she gives you that, I will gladly let you go. I’ll live with the pain as long as it’s for you, my Prince. Please remember that no matter where you are, you'll always have my heart, and I'll always love you from afar.

So be happy, my love

y/n

song inspo: take her to the moon - moira dela torre

[juhakx]

The Cruel Prince- Kim Sunwoo

Genre: Fantasy, Fae!Sunwoo, Angst

Word Count: 4098

a/n you do not have to have read the series mentioned to understand the plot.

setting and ib: the folk in the air series

bolded quote taken directly from The Cruel Prince by Holly Black—sunwoo is a direct reflection of cardan. he says things that are extremely similar to him. all credit for similarities goes to Holly Black.

You were only seven when you were brought into Elfhame. 

Meaning you were only seven when your present-day father murdered your real parents, two mortals. Your mother, a woman who made a grave mistake years ago and had a child with him, gone right in front of your eyes. 

Chae hated Elfhame. It was ironic in a way. The one who was part faerie hated the world you were in and wanted nothing more than to go back to the human world while you wanted everything and more in it. She complained constantly, saying that there wasn’t any reason for you to fit in–that you should just drop your life and go back to the mortal world. However, that wasn’t your world anymore, no matter how badly you once wanted it.

You wanted to be in Elfhame. As a mortal, it has been nothing but easy to prove yourself. All your life you’ve been hearing it all–your existence is only temporary, you don’t deserve to be here, you are nothing. 

Even with your father’s influence, it was never enough. And it will definitely never be enough for Kim Sunwoo, the youngest prince of Elfhame. 

If there was one person who wanted to make your limited life as difficult as possible, it was Sunwoo. You were sure he was going to be at the ball tonight, as was everyone with power in Elfhame, and as the advisor’s “daughter,” that included you. 

Sunwoo was infuriating. 

More than anything, he was confusing. One day, he’ll agonize you– remind you that you’re mortal by compelling you to do stupid things that would purposefully get you in trouble or letting his friends torment you. Friends who held vendettas against you that somehow justified their hatred. You were sure that he sent them to you to make your life harder, but then he would-

“Jihoon,” Sunwoo muttered, coming up to you and Jihoon. “Stay away from her.” 

“Touch her again. I dare you.”

“Here,” He presses a handkerchief to your stomach. “Go, quickly.” You stood still, confused. “Go, I command you to go.”

You weren’t sure which Sunwoo he was going to be today, and you hated that. 

The only thing you can hope is that once, just for once, Sunwoo would ignore you. That he wouldn’t send his little minions to torment you and let you enjoy your time tonight. Today, you were determined to have fun. After all, Juyeon would be there tonight.

-

The dress was beautiful. If there was one perk to being part of the advisor’s family, it was that only the finest clothes touched your skin. 

It was a rarity that you got to wear them though because most of your time was spent training. You were set on becoming a knight for the royal family and with the right amount of training, your father was willing to grant it to you. What he didn’t need to know were the special lessons you got behind his back from a kind faerie you met. Sangyeon sympathized with mortals that were in Elfhame because his mother was one. He had been in the world years before you were born, but he was still one of the kindest people you knew here. 

You smoothed out the lines in the pink dress that adorned your shoulders. White petals worked their way up the dress, stopping just before the lace corset started. Your hair was braided up into a crown wrapping around your head, a few loose strands falling out. Lastly, black kohl-lined your eyes, and a shimmery pink covered your lids. It was hard to wear makeup when you sweated it all off by the end of the day, so you were feeling particularly special today.

“You look beautiful,” Chae says once she enters the room. You can’t help but feel envious once she enters. You felt beautiful before she came in, but she was everything you wanted to be and more. 

A maroon dress flowed down her body. Her hair tucked behind her ears, the pointed ears being just one of the things that made it obvious that the two of you were different. Her makeup was light, the gold flecks in her eyes looking especially bright. She had someone to impress anyway, so it deemed fit that tonight be exceptional for her. 

“You as well. Changmin going to be there tonight?”

You knew he was, but you wanted to make her squirm. A blush littered her face as soon as you said his name. 

“He is, but you already knew that. If we’re stating the obvious then I can’t wait to see you with Juyeon tonight.” 

She guides you out the door, locking her arm with yours as you made your way to the carriage. 

“What is going on with the two of you anyway?” She asks, rolling her eyes at the guard who attempted to help her into the carriage. 

“I don’t really know,” You say, being sincere. “I just remember him being by Sunwoo’s side one day and then speaking to me the next.” 

Juyeon had never been one to pick on you as Sunwoo’s friends did. You never thought much of it until he smiled at you after you had pushed at Jihoon’s shoulders to get away from him. You weren’t sure what he did to make you angry, but you’re sure the shove was necessary. If Sunwoo made your life more difficult, Jihoon made your life a living hell.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” You scoffed, watching his smile grow even wider once you noticed him. 

“I find you interesting,” He admits. “Can I walk you home? You know, just to be safe.”

“Just be careful. You know how these faeries are. Now come sister, we have a ball to attend,” Chae says, snapping you out of your thoughts. “I wonder what havoc I can cause today to piss him off.”

Him meaning your father, of course. 

As soon as you enter the manor in which the ball was held, you inadvertently look for familiar faces. 

Jihoon stood with Nayoung and Bomin, all part of Sunwoo’s clique. The two missing from the group were Juyeon, and Sunwoo himself. 

Soon enough, you lost Chae when Changmin asked her to dance. The two of you brought in some attention, as you did everywhere you went–The human and the attempted escapee fae. 

You can’t help but search for Juyeon, who affirmed he would be here tonight and would dance with you. 

“Looking for someone?” You twirl at the voice, immediately recognizing it. 

“Jihoon,” You reply in a dull monotone. 

He smirked as if the interaction was amusing to him, but the scowl remains on your face. 

“Care to dance?” He asks, holding out his hand. You peered down at his hand, your eyebrows furrowed. He was up to something and you weren’t sure whether the answer would be found if you danced with him or if you refused. 

You begin to shake your head, deciding you would rather face whatever he was planning in your refusal rather than acceptance. Not before long, you feel your hand being tugged, forcefully placed into the hand of Jihoon. 

“What a shame,” He frowns, immediately stepping into dance with you. “You don’t want to dance with me and Juyeon doesn’t want to dance with you. Better me than no one, right?”

Your eyes travel to where he’s looking and you’re met with the sight of Juyeon dancing with Nayoung, him whispering something into her ear causing her to laugh. He must notice a pair of eyes watching him because he turns to look at you, his smile not faltering. 

You should have known.

“I would say I’m sorry, but fae can’t lie,” You hear Jihoon say, causing you to finally tear your eyes away from the dancing pair. 

You’re thankful because the dance calls for a switch of partners. You didn’t want Jihoon to notice the embarrassed flush on your face and you’re afraid the lump in your throat wouldn’t hold up. Once Jihoon bids you a rather insincere farewell, you plan to move to the side, to the bathroom, anywhere you can go and be alone, but instead you feel another hand slip into yours.

“You look nice,” You feel him whisper against your ear. 

Sunwoo.

“Smell nice too,” He leans closer in, his nose trailing against your shoulder. Your heart begins to hammer against your chest as if it was trying to escape. “Why were you dancing with Jihoon?”

You can tell from the slur in his voice that something was different. If that didn’t give it away, the confused stare you get from Juyeon does, something finally catching his attention that wasn’t Nayoung. 

He was drunk.

There had been stories about an intoxicated Sunwoo. He was loud, forgetful, and most importantly, careless. You would blame his words upon the amount he had drunk, but even inebriated, faeries can’t lie. That was one thing you had that they didn’t, and now, it would come in handy pretending like Sunwoo’s words weren’t affecting you.

“Is that any of your business?” You ask causing him to finally remove his face from a place that was too close to your neck for your liking. He moves to look at you. 

“I guess it’s not,” He smiles, mirth in his eyes. “But I could just command you to answer, couldn’t I?” He lifts an eyebrow, and you pretend like it doesn’t cause your heart to beat any faster. You also pretend that you can’t feel the searing touch of his right hand on your waist. 

“As you do anytime you can’t get your way,” You scoff. “Happens quite often, doesn’t it? You would think you would have a little more power being a prince.”

If Sunwoo wasn’t under the influence, you would imagine him taking his hands off of you, startled by what you said to him. However, he didn’t move even though he knew his friends were watching him, so he must not find any shame in your words.

“Fair,” He nods his head, still looking into your eyes. It makes you almost uncomfortable, but you find yourself unable to turn away. “I have a proposition for you then.”

They say to never make propositions with faeries. They take their promises seriously and oftentimes humans found themselves entrapped in vows for the rest of their life. The look behind Sunwoo’s eyes made you nervous, like something he was going to say was equivalent to the stories you had heard.

You nod your head, “What is it?”

“You answer three questions of mine for three questions of yours. You answer truthfully. I won’t compel you. And as you already know, I can’t lie,��� He looks sincere, and you curse yourself for not looking away yet. 

“But how will you know I’m not lying?” You ask, your eyes widening slightly when he twirls you around so that you’re suddenly facing a different direction. You remove your gaze from him to look behind his shoulder and you realize that you had an audience. Sunwoo’s friend group was looking directly at the two of you. Juyeon glowered in your direction, causing you to quickly look away from him and back at Sunwoo.

“I guess I’ll just have to take your word,” He shrugs, moving his face a little closer to yours. You feel something begin to swirl in your stomach–like butterflies had just been let out of a cage. 

“Ok,” You agree. You were a good liar. You had been pretending the entire time Sunwoo had been in front of you, so this should be easy. 

“You first,” He nods in your direction, moving the hand that was on your waist to thumb at the back of your dress. Your cheeks flush when his hand reaches an area of skin that was bare. Though he was drunk, his actions and words seemed put together, like he knew what he was doing. 

Your first question was something that had been lingering on your mind since before Sunwoo came in, so it’s what you ask first. 

“Did you know about Juyeon?” 

“Yes,” He replies almost immediately, his smile disappearing along with his answer. He doesn’t elaborate, causing you to frown. 

“You-” You sputter, “You have got to give me more than that.”

He turns you again so this time it’s him looking at his friends, and assumedly Juyeon as well.

“You should have asked a better question,” He dismisses. “My turn.”

He gets ready to ask his question but once he notices the frown that still littered your face, he sighs.

“Everyone knew, but he didn’t have to tell us. He has always had a thing for Nayoung. When he started speaking to you all of a sudden, it was to get her attention and she fell for it,” Sunwoo explains. His eyes flicker to someone behind you, and you can only presume it was Juyeon. 

“My turn,” He abruptly says, turning his attention back to you. “Why were you dancing with Jihoon?”

You feel a smirk begin to form on your face. “Because I wanted to,” You shrug. 

When your sentence ends there, Sunwoo scoffs, but a small smile also appears on your face.

“You have got to give me more than that,” He repeats back to you.

“And you should have asked a better question.”

 You hate that you’re enjoying the banter that drunk Sunwoo has to offer. You hate that you’re enjoying Sunwoo’s presence in any way, shape, or form. But you’re good at pretending, so you pretend that you don’t.

“He asked me to dance. I didn’t know what he was playing at until he took my hand even though I refused. That’s when he showed me Juyeon dancing with Nayoung,” You explain, deciding to tell the truth. There was no point in lying anyway, not over something so trivial. 

Sunwoo’s jaw hardens, but his eyes remain on you this time. 

“Why do you hate humans?” You ask, diverting his mind from whatever he was thinking. 

“I don’t hate humans,” He frowns, his eyebrows furrowing. He must realize what you’re insinuating because his grip on your back falters, moving away before going back in its previous position.

“So it’s just me?”

“That’s two questions,” He tries to joke. However, he becomes serious within seconds. 

It’s overwhelming–looking into Sunwoo’s eyes as you watch him try to form his next sentence. You would blame it on him being nervous if you hadn’t noticed the slight stumble in his step that was there from what he must have drunk earlier. 

“You,” He begins, tightening the grip of his left hand so it was holding yours just a little tighter. “You have made me angry, that’s true.”

You wait for him to continue, but he pauses for a second again, tearing his eyes away from you with a faraway look in his eyes. Then he begins.

“You make me angry because you are not your father’s child yet he loves you as if you were when mine can’t bother to do the same. You make me angry because you are human yet you are brave and you draw people in,” He pauses, looking back into your eyes. This time they were fiercer than before. Rather than causing your heart to beat faster, it nearly stops. He continues, “You make me angry because people pay attention to you, they want to pay attention to you. But-”

He draws you in closer, and you watch his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips. He leans just a little bit closer. You’re sure you would have missed it if all your attention wasn’t on the boy in front of you. 

“But I hate you,” He starts, “I hate you because I think of you. Often. It’s disgusting and I can’t stop.”

Your hand slips from his grip and he does nothing to catch it. When you back away, that’s when he notices the effect of his words on you. They were suffocating. You weren’t sure of the answer you were expecting, but it wasn’t a sudden confession.

He attempts to grab your hand again before you can move any further, but the song calls for another change in partners. It was uncommon to stay with the same person, especially when you weren’t together–and even then, you watched Juyeon appear in the corner of your eye.

“Mind if I take his place?” Juyeon asks, coming in between you and Sunwoo. Even just looking at him made you feel pathetic, and knowing Sunwoo was watching made a shudder run through you. 

You shake your head, immediately feeling a sinking feeling in your stomach. Juyeon didn’t deserve a dance with you, let alone time for him to interrogate you on what was going on between you and Sunwoo. It wouldn’t have been necessary, because even you didn’t know what was going on. 

“Oh come on,” Juyeon begins before Sunwoo interrupts him.

“She answered your question,” Sunwoo slips in the space between you and Juyeon, turning his attention back to you. “As for me, I believe you owe me another,” He says, taking your hand once again.

It’s almost comical how Sunwoo pretends like he didn’t just turn your world against its axis. The two of you fall back into place easily, to a point where it made you sick to your stomach. It shouldn’t have been easy with Sunwoo, but it was. 

You want to see Juyeon’s reaction, but you can’t pay attention to much other than how Sunwoo’s mouth was against your ear again, just as it was when he first begin dancing with you. 

“Do you think of me too? Often?” He murmured, his lips grazing your ear. 

“Never,” You lie. 

He breathlessly laughs, the warm air hitting your skin making goosebumps arise. It was too much yet not enough all at once.

“I thought you promised not to lie,” He drops the hand that was holding yours, moving both his hands so they were on your waist. His grip was tight like he was afraid you would run away. 

You move your hands so they wrap around his neck. You take a deep breath, which in turn only makes things worse. All you could see, smell, and think about was Sunwoo

“Yes,” You whisper. “Often.”

Closing your eyes at the admittance, you breathe in again, this time wanting his scent to invade your senses. 

Sunwoo’s teeth graze the outer shell of your ear. You fear that Sunwoo can sense your anticipation. Can hear your heart beating so loudly. Can feel the way your hands shake as they are wrapped around his neck.

Mostly, you fear that he’s still drunk and doesn’t realize that his words and actions would still be there tomorrow. In your memory. Seared.

“Are you still drunk?” You ask, using up your last question. 

He nips at your ear before moving away, leaving you thankful yet disappointed that he was further away from you.

“I haven’t been drunk for a while,” His hand comes up to brush a loose strand of hair out of your face. “I think I’m intoxicated by something else now. But you already knew that, didn’t you?”

Before you can say anything else and deny his words, someone comes up from behind Sunwoo whispering into his ear, hushed. You recognized him as one of the guards of Elfhame, his uniform making him stick out. 

“I’m busy,” Sunwoo mutters, turning to face him. His hands leave your waist and the lack of them on your body makes you feel empty. 

Before you can blink, Sunwoo is urged out of the party. He can only glance at you once more before he turns away, rushing out. 

You can’t be sure if he would lie to himself and pretend all of this never happened.

-

Sleep came surprisingly easy to you.

For once, you slept soundlessly and as a light sleeper, that was quite the feat.

But then the nightmare began. You were in your bed. Someone was smothering your mouth, making sure you can’t scream, but you pretend to be asleep. When you feel them press up against you, you take your chance. Usually, these dreams ended with little to no success, but you attempted for your life anyway. 

You shove your elbow where you suspect the intruder to be and your eyes snap open when you hear a distinct groan.

"Ow," Sunwoo mutters, clutching his side.

"What are you," You yell, but then quieten down when you realize what time it is. "What are you doing here?"

Sunwoo's eyes widen as if he wasn't prepared for you to ask such a question. He was still crouched beside your bed, holding his stomach.

"Will you-" You stammer, moving out from under the covers to pull him up to your bed.  

When he situates himself onto your bed, you regain your composure before asking again.

“What are you doing here?”

Sunwoo looks around, pondering. “I don’t know. I just-.” He pauses, searching your face for something. “I still have a question left.”

Your jaw slightly drops, looking at the boy in front of you. He was truly unbelievable. 

“You snuck out of the castle and nearly killed me to ask me a question?” 

It should not have been endearing, but it was. He grabs your hand, just like he had done earlier. It had been easier understanding the world of faeries than whatever Sunwoo was playing at right now. And it’s Sunwoo, so he must be playing at something. Or so you try to convince yourself.

“What are you doing here Sunwoo?” You repeat.

“I kept my distance well. I hid my hatred so well that you believed it to be something else entirely. But I have told you my secret–I can’t stop thinking about you,” He whispers, something twinkling in his eyes. “And now that you’ve come so close, I fear you must always be there. I fear-” He stops himself to shift closer to you. His face was mere centimeters away from yours now. He wasn’t being discrete in his actions, staring down at your lips as he brings his hand up to trace your bottom lip.

“I fear that you must always be in my arms.”

Sunwoo closes the gap between your lips before you can think about the meaning behind his words. You know you should fight yourself, but you give in, in ways that were expected of anyone who had gotten to feel Sunwoo’s lips on theirs. 

He kissed delicately, his lips were soft and tasted of cherries for reasons that were beyond you, but you didn’t care. When he begins to move away as if realizing the consequences of his actions, you surge forward, placing your lips back on his. 

This time, he doesn’t hold back. His hands go straight to your waist as one of yours goes to cup his face while the other rests against his stomach. You understand why Sunwoo enjoyed being intoxicated, but you’re sure nothing could beat this feeling. There was nothing more intoxicating than Sunwoo as he kissed you. 

He sucks on your bottom lip, stopping to bite it before moving down to the side of your neck. A gasp leaves your lips as he sucks there as well, his plump lips detaching from your body when he finds himself satisfied with the mark he has left on your body. 

“You are too much,” Sunwoo breathes out after a moment of silence, his breathing shallow as he attempts to catch his breath. “You invade every aspect of my life.”

You try so hard to pretend, but even you can’t lie at this moment so you divert his attention in a way you know will keep you from embarrassing yourself.

“You have one more question,” You whisper. “Use it wisely.”

Sunwoo locks eyes with you again, a shared understanding between the two of you. You still felt yourself drowning under his gaze, but at least you know that you are not the only one.

“Let me kiss you once more.”

And you let yourself pretend that he asked you a question so you can feel his lips on yours once again.

[noris-nebula]

[11:09 am]

Sunwoo and Y/n drove down the backroads, talking about how their day was full of fun and memories. Y/n looped her hand through his, sighing and whispering “I love you”

Kim Sunwoo

[elfrixc]

just paradise. ― kim sunwoo

PAIRING 🍀 :: kim sunwoo x fem!reader

GENRE 🍀 :: enemies to lovers, hate to love trope, dance rivals, the two bed to one bed trope, an unresolved trauma from sunwoo (losing a sibling), pranks, rivalry, dance camp au!, forced proximity

WARNING 🍀 :: fluff, angst, no smut, teasing, cussing, yelling at each other

DESC. 🍀 :: What happens when your sworn enemy in school who does everything in his power to make sure your life is in agony is now going on a trip with you to utopic heaven for a dance competition? It was nothing but heinous that a girl like you would be responsible for putting up with his torments…until…he started looking a little different. Was it the lighting? The way it hit his eyes and exhibited a bliss never felt before? A small smile in the truce of your abominable relationship? Maybe the paradise island wouldn’t be so bad with your sworn enemy…

UPLOADING DATE 🍀 :: september 5th !

blurb. ( read more! )

“Kim Sunwoo!” you screamed as you trekked into the dance studio, unaware of the volume of your voice.

The anger had coated it so thickly―it always has when it came to him.

Students were spread around the room, stretching in their comfortable training clothes, talking to one another before the lesson began. They turned to you in shock, wondering what had angered you this time around. It wasn’t abnormal for you to see red when it came to him but everytime your vex would enter the dance room, it would be a free show for everyone. 

Blame it on him―Kim Sunwoo, your longest nemesis.

What started from nearly being run over by a school bus one day morphed into powerful resentment.

He was on the floor with his group of friends, laughing and having a good time until your voice had reached him.

“What?” he asked you, not minding the certain anger plastered on your face.

He loved it when you were mad. You could see it from the slight smirk twitching on his face.

“Why the hell…did you think it was okay for you to break the printer in the library? I have an essay due today and it’s the only printer.”

His furrowed eyebrows relaxed and he simply smiled.

“Oh, that? Hyunjae pushed me into it. I thought you found out about the fake mouse I planted in your locker.”

That easily made his group of friends roar with laughter.

You didn’t know what to do. It would be a lie if you said you didn’t suppress your anger and thoughts of violence for him every time he would be thrown into your line of sight.

But that would only lead to a suspension on your clean school record if you ever actioned on those thoughts.

“...I’m going to get you back, Sunwoo.”

You always did.

That’s how it was between the two of you. This whole cat and mouse game you endured in just to see him fall and cackle at his loss only for him to get you back in the nastiest way possible. 

It was neverending.

TAGLIST ( OPEN ) ::

@liamade @neoguriku @stecheta @liamade @nanamioo @thrill-ings @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @lavayeon @sohnfile @miyooki @kpopslur @jeminiepabo @smuchsmut @kswr1d @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @yogurteume @highkey-fangirling @ilvaussie @jeonnyread 

[ggukkiedae]

Retrouvailles

(n). The happiness of meeting again after a long time.

blurb: Five years is a long time to be apart from someone. When you get the chance to finally see your previous best friend again after five years through the most bizarre of ways, would you do it? Especially if it meant having to face consequences? To get that retrouvailles, you would.

pairing: idol best friend!sunwoo x actress!reader

genre: fluff, angst, fantasy, potential slow burn

warnings: kind of main character death, y/n is unsure of feelings

word count: 3.4k

remarks from c: @sunlightwoo hi gina! it’s meeeeee c your exchange buddy! im sorry this was late 😭 i wanted to make you a camp half-blood inspired fic but that went through four versions and didn’t turn up how i wanted it 😭 (am planning to still write it though aksjhf) i hope you’ll like what i did with this one, though! hopefully you’ve had a happy holidays and i’m wishing you a happy new year! sending you all the best and lots of love, and i hope we can be friends after this 🥰💖

December 20, 2021

Dramas can be a load of crap.

That didn’t mean you didn’t watch them, though. They let you feel things. They let you imagine alternate universes where maybe things would be different. They brought you out of your thoughts and kept you distracted from the world around you. That’s why you entered the industry as an actress. Maybe it could make you live in those imagined universes, maybe you could help other people escape from reality as well. The latter was exactly what you found yourself doing.

With a sigh, you shut your laptop and scoffed at the most recent drama you watched. Blue Birthday, something you would have been casted in if it weren’t for the fact that auditions took place on…

“It’s over, Y/n,” you muttered to yourself while setting the laptop aside. “You got another role, anyway. Besides, you wouldn’t have gotten the right chemistry with your co-stars like that. And the drama turned out amazing.”

It was an interesting plot. Best friends turned lovers where they fought against all odds to end up living a happy life together. And they time-travelled to do so. The thought of travelling back appealed to you somehow, especially when it was presented to be as easy as burning an old developed film camera photo. But it wasn’t reality.

You still found your eyes drawn to an all-too-familiar pouch tucked away on one of your highest shelves.

Despite you knowing it wouldn't happen, the thought was still tempting.

Before you knew it, you found yourself sitting on your bed, the pouch open in front of you as you looked through all the contents. There weren't too many, just around thirty pictures at most. You smiled to yourself at the photos you took. All of the pictures held one common factor: your best friend.

Kim Sunwoo’s bright smile looked up at you, leaving a bittersweet taste in your mouth.

It had been five years since you had last seen that smile in real life.

Well, almost five years. In just a few days, it would be Sunwoo’s death anniversary. It would mark the five years since such a young soul lost his chance to reach his dream, five years since he broke his promise, and five years since you made the worst decision of your life.

A buzz caught your attention, snapping you out of your thoughts. It was your phone lighting up with a message. Upon opening it, a small smile made its way back to your face. It was Eric, a close friend you had made through Sunwoo when you were younger. They had trained together, and were probably supposed to debut together.

From: Eric, 11:43PM

Hey, Y/n, I know you don’t really do this kind of thing, but do you want to celebrate Christmas with the rest of the members?

To: Eric, 11:43PM

I don’t think I can handle that yet. You guys have fun, though, and wish everyone a happy holidays for me. Sorry, Eric.

From: Eric, 11:45PM

You know it’s not your fault, right? No one could have predicted that accident.

To: Eric, 11:46PM

Thanks, but I’m still gonna pass.

You shut your phone and tossed it to the side of your bed. With a heavy heart, you looked back at the picture in your hand of your best friend laughing on a swing set. Right below it, you found a blurry photo, one with no subject whatsoever. Your eyes shifted towards the candle in your room with slight curiosity before shaking your head.

“God, I’m going insane.” But you shifted to the floor to be at eye-level with your candle. You held the corner of the blurry photo up to the flame. “It’s just wasted film. There’s no harm in trying, right?”

You watched the flames engulf the photo until eventually you had to put its remains into the candle to keep the flames from touching your fingers. You held your breath and closed your eyes, but nothing changed. Nothing except the fact that the photo you previously held in your hands turned to ashes. You sighed and stood up to return the photos to your pouch before getting into bed and watching the flames of the candle flicker. Of course it wasn’t going to work. It was an idea from a drama.

Dejectedly, she blew out the candle before lying back and closing her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Sunwoo.”

December 2, 2016

The moment you opened your eyes and saw your best friend running towards you, you froze.

“Y/N!” Sunwoo’s voice rang clear through the empty playground, a smile evident from the way he called your name. “What are you doing standing and staring there like a psycho?”

His run slowed to a walk as he came closer, the smile never wavering from his face. A mixture of relief and something else you can’t name filled you as soon as he stopped in front of you. He was still in his school uniform despite him just coming from training. You were, too. Yet, despite how uncomfortable it was, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the fact that Kim Sunwoo was right there in front of you.

Without a warning, you rushed forward and threw yourself into a hug. He stumbled back a little from the force before wrapping his arms around you as well. His awkward pats made you release a relieved chuckle, tears you didn’t even know that were forming rolled down your cheeks.

“Dude, this is so weird.” Sunwoo’s laugh felt like a warm blanket. “Why the sudden affection?”

You tightened your hold on him. “You’re here. I missed you so much.”

“Alright, you weirdo, let go. We saw each other at school today.” He managed to pull away from your grip. His smile turned into a worried frown as soon as he saw you crying. “Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?”

“You jerk, it took you so long to visit me—“ you came to a stop, a weird sense of deja vu settling in.

This scene was all too familiar to you. You looked down, and, sure enough, a camera was hanging by your side. Your old film camera. The memory was blurry, but it had happened before, only slightly different. Five years ago, you had gotten angry at Sunwoo for scaring you, making you accidentally take the blurry photo and waste film.

You jolt backwards as soon as you realized something. The scene in Blue Birthday where Harin first went back came to mind. Did burning the photo work? Was it possible that you…

“Did I go back?” you mumble to yourself.

“Go back?” You looked up at Sunwoo’s confused tone. He rested the back of his hand against your forehead. “Are you okay? What do you mean visit you? And, seriously, why are you crying?”

You shook your head and just went to hug him again. “I had the worst nightmare. I asked you to come with me to the Christmas Village on the 25th, but something went wrong and the explosives for the fireworks killed you.”

The last two words that came out of your mouth were choked, and your knees buckled. Remembering what happened, even five years later, it drained all the energy out of you.

“That’s it?” Sunwoo scoffed while lightly stroking your hair. “Y/n, it’s just a nightmare, I’m literally right in front of you. And that’s unrealistic, do you think some pretty sparklers are gonna get rid of the one and only Kim Sunwoo? No way.”

His playful tone of voice put a smile on your face. It’s been five years since you last heard him joking around, so hearing him like that felt surreal. You didn’t know how long this would last, and if it were real or not, but you didn’t want to go back. You wanted to stay with Sunwoo and relive the good memories with your friends—

“Eric!” You scrambled backwards and grabbed him by the wrist. “We have to go to Eric!”

“What? Why?”

“I need to spend time with you, and Eric needs to spend time with you as much as possible before anything else!”

The only sound that came from him was laughter while you dragged him back in the direction of his company. “I spent every minute after school up until twenty minutes ago with him. If anything, Eric and I need to spend less time together.”

“Then, how about a sleepover?” You looked at him hopefully. He scanned your face as if to check for any signs of previous distress. Eventually, he sighed and nodded, making you grin at him.

“Only if you promise me you won’t dream of weird stuff like me dying.” Despite his hesitant tone, he tugged your arm and led the way to your house. “We’re stopping by my place first so I can get clothes.”

December 21, 2021

The alarm clock shocked you awake.

It was eight in the morning, your usual wake up time on days if filming, but filming ended the week before. You sat up and looked at the desk beside your bed. The ashes of the photo you burned sat on the table, bringing you back to your dream. Experience?

Was that real? Did you really travel back and see Sunwoo?

You shook your head. That probably wasn’t the case. The drama just made its way to your head until it manifested in your dreams. Just to be sure, you checked your phone to see if you had Sunwoo’s number.

Kim Sunwoo

No results.

You sighed and put your phone back down. Of course nothing changed. That was just a dream, and he was still… gone.

The day flew by as you spent most of it in bed on your phone or your laptop while searching through the web. It was around midnight when you got the notification for a tweet by Eric’s group. Yes, their notifications were on. Your friend had turned them on himself once when you hung out. Just curious to see what it was about, you clicked on it. It was a few pictures from Sangyeon with the caption saying how the eleven of them were preparing well for their next performance.

Wait, eleven?

Last you checked, they were only 10. In your mind, one specific possibility popped up, but you pushed it down to keep you from getting your own hopes up. With slight hesitation, you messaged Eric.

To: Eric, 9:48 PM

Hey, who’s gonna be there for the Christmas hang out? Like names and all.

From: Eric, 9:49 PM

You gonna come?

It’s gonna be me and the rest of the members, don’t make me list their names. Except Sunwoo. He’s ditching like the grinches you two are.

You blinked. Kim Sunwoo? The one who supposedly passed away five years ago? So, it wasn’t a dream… You actually went back, and somehow that conversation changed things? That didn’t seem possible. There was no way something you did while following the actions in a drama actually led to this.

From: Eric, 9:52 PM

You good?

Sorry for bringing up Sunwoo, I know you two don’t talk anymore.

In all honesty, you’re both at fault here.

You shouldn’t have stood him up, yeah, but he also should stop leaving when you come.

Stood him up?

Suddenly, a flurry of memories rushed through you. An image of a text message asking you to come to the Christmas Village appeared followed by a memory of you and Sunwoo arguing on the 26th. Quick flashes of how you two avoided each other after that followed.

Your hand went up to your head in the pain of the sudden flow of memories. Suddenly you could remember seeing Sunwoo debut with Eric and watching him grow through the screen. You could also remember his glares at you whenever you visited Eric.

So it was true. You did go back in time, and somehow you were able to make it so Sunwoo lived. But he hated you. You shook your head and went to take a shower, hoping it would clear your mind. However, against your better judgement, ways of going back and preventing Sunwoo from hating you were formulating in your head. If going back was possible, then changing things would be possible.

Right out of the shower, you rushed to get clothes on and sat in front of your candle. You lit it then looked through the photos from your old film camera. There was one from the 25th right outside the bus stop. It was of Sunwoo looking up at the snow. A moment before the corner touched the flame, you paused. It was one of the pictures of Sunwoo that you loved the most, and you weren’t sure if you were just hallucinating things. Would it be worth it to burn the photo?

Sunwoo’s glare made its way into your mind. With that, you shook your head and placed the corner of the picture into the fire. Just as the flames almost reached your fingers, you heard the numberpad of your door beeping. In surprise, you set the burning photo in the candle and turned around just in time to see a familiar head of dark hair entering your apartment.

“It smells like fire in here,” Eric criticized as soon as he walked in and removed his shoes. “Y/n, please don’t tell me you’ve turned to smoking.”

You shook your head and glanced at the candle, which already held no trace of the picture you burnt. God, what if you travelled back while Eric was talking to you? You wondered what would happen. “No, I just lit a candle. What are you doing here? You should be resting at your dorm.”

With a shrug, he placed the plastic bag he had on a table and walked towards you. Any second now, and you could disappear, yet there was your friend looking at you strangely. The way he was looking into your eyes weirded you out, so you raised your eyebrow at him.

“I thought I might have upset you.” He receded and walked back towards the table and pulled out some ice cream. “I know you’re still upset about Sunwoo, but you can’t really blame him. He was gonna confess to you, so he took it as both a rejection and betrayal.”

“Confess?” Your eyes widened at this new information.

“Yeah, he literally yelled that out at you the next day. Are you okay?” He approached you and placed a hand on your forehead. A frown made its way to his face. “I think you need to lie down, your temperature feels high. Wait, I’ll go buy medicine.”

He carefully helped you into bed and put the ice cream he bought in your freezer. You closed your eyes in relief and disappointment as soon as the door closed. Why weren’t you going back? What wasn’t working? Did you do something wrong?

Just as the thoughts were starting to surface, a wave of sleepiness took over you. Before you knew it, everything went black.

December 25, 2016

You opened your eyes to find snow falling in front of you. Sunwoo’s curious look was the next thing you notice. You did it. You went back. This was your chance to change things! What could you do to convince him to not go to the Christmas Village?

He was gonna confess to you.

Eric’s voice echoed in your head. Confess… Then that probably meant he liked you, didn’t it? Your heart raced as you processed the fact that your best friend liked you. But did you like him? You always say you love him, but did your feelings extend romantically?

You bit your lip in deep thought. You could figure out your feelings later, for now, maybe you could use that to your advantage and convince him to not go.

His confused face twisted into a smirk when he noticed your camera in hand while you stared. “You so have a crush on me.”

“I do.” The words left your mouth with ease. You watched as he looked at you with shock.

“What? I—“

“I like you,” you continued, tone getting somewhat desperate. “And I kind of want us to have a calm Christmas. Just somewhere not so loud and busy where we can actually, you know, talk? I’m sorry if I surprised you, but—“

A pair of soft lips cut you off before you could talk more. Your eyes widened upon the realization that your best friend was kissing you. You were even more surprised at the fact that it felt completely natural and comfortable. His hands rested on your waist like they were at home there, and his lips fit perfectly against your own. Even your arms found their way around his neck without struggle.

After what felt like a few moments too short, Sunwoo pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. In shock and slight embarrassment, you dropped your eyes down to his jacket, avoiding any eye contact.

“You beat me to it,” he chuckled. “I was supposed to confess to you after the fireworks show, but you beat me to it.”

“Sorry.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. You could hear him hum in amusement before he took a step back and held out his hand. You looked at it in confusion.

“Come on,” he laughed, “we’re going somewhere quiet like you want.”

You cautiously rested your hand on his outstretched one before he tightened his hold on you and pulled you down the opposite street. “Come on, there’s this little cafe behind the company. Some of the hyungs and I found it—“

Your eyes widened when you heard a vehicle coming. “Sunwoo, wait!”

Next thing you knew, you were shoved onto the sidewalk, and there was a loud crash behind you.

December 22, 2021

You shot up out of bed, breath ragged and palms sweaty. Did you just witness Sunwoo die a second time but differently? You pressed a hand to your forehead. God, was Eric right? Did you catch a fever?

“Hey.” A familiar voice caught your attention, making you look up. The sight that met you was one you never thought you’d see. In front of you, poking his head through the door, was Kim Sunwoo. His hair was brown, and not styled specially, but you thought it looked great. His features were more defined, and he definitely looked more mature than the version of him she had seen five years ago.

“Sunwoo?”

“Did you have a nightmare?” He walked into your room, making you notice one other thing about him.

He was limping.

That’s when the memories flooded your mind. He had been hit by a motorcycle that day you travelled back to. It fractured his leg and hit a nerve in a way where he couldn’t completely move his leg properly anymore, even as he healed. He lived, but he lost his dream. He couldn’t dance, so he couldn’t be an idol.

“It’s okay,” he sat on the edge of your bed and pulled you into a hug. “I’m right here, your nightmares can’t get you.”

Wordlessly, you wrapped your arms around him. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Can’t spend Christmas without your boyfriend, right?” He chuckled. Huh. So you did end up with him. “Eric will be here in a bit, too, but you know him and his idol schedule. It’s a mess.”

You buried your head into his neck. “It should have been your schedule too.”

You could feel him shake his head. “That’s a dream for another lifetime. And I like being able to spend time with you.”

You backed away slightly and looked at him. There was a comforting smile on his face, but something in his eyes said he was missing something. You glanced up on the shelf and saw your old pouch filled with polaroid photos.

If you could find a way to keep him alive and without turning against you, then you could find a way to do both without interfering with his dream in the 28 chances you still had. One look at Sunwoo made you want to bring back the excitement in his eyes whenever he talked about something new he learned in training or worked on in the studio.

You won’t stop until you do so.

[enluv]

level #13 – tonight's the night

genre/warning(s): just another semi filler since the REAL chapter comes out (hopefully) tomorrow! + some profanity!

quick ♡ note: under all pictures there will be a fun fact section, this will tell you random facts (necessary & not) every chapter so be sure not to skip them!

masterlist | prev.

fun facts:

- yes sunwoo picked y/n's outfit!

- y'all eric had a caption but he accidentally hit post and well he couldn't exactly edit it 💀

- all the txt boys are in on beomgyu's plan btw! they are very supportive except yeonjun said if beomgyu fucks up he'll shoot his shot at y/n (as a joke! just a joke!)

taglist - @bloom-bloom-pow @igyus @beomjunies @envirae @whatinthebts @jcngseongs @tyunningfiles @k6ho @spookybias @changmin-wrlds @junityy @sukirene @viscoolreal @faiirybread @vantxx95 @strwberrydinosaur @milkycloudtyg @nyfwyeonjun @staysstrays @jakeycore @lcvekdy @icywhatim @hjinnie @msxflower @lovebeomb @bbeomies @lokideadontheinside @eeheeeh @onigiriyuki @damselindistressanu @akaashisbunny @jjikyuu @ikyk-leeknow @softkons @loonathewurld @pr0dbeomgyu @hanniesss @sunooflowerss @gothmingguk @dongyucks @w3bqrl @baekhyunstruly @korejijiyo @soobsdior @shawnkneecaps @wooyoponyo @hobizi @032421 @meiiiwa @90s-belladonna @eclisqc (users in bold can't be tagged)

taglist: is CLOSED!