#kids remember to check if you remember EVERYTHING about a scene when drawing a fanart because you may doom 24 hours of work

[chaosofkarr]

with incredible delay, I finally can present to you fanart for chapter 1 of our hearts beat in the womb of the world by the most awesome @mochalottie !!!

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

[sibyl-of-space]

Final Fantasy IX ~ Melodies and Memories

"Jesters of the Moon"

There are a lot of very good video games in the world, but it takes some luck and circumstance outside of a game's control for one to reach me at just the right time(s) and place(s) in my life that it has a tangible impact on who I am -- who I want to be. One that carves out a space for itself in my soul that will never be removed or replaced.

I've just finished playing Final Fantasy IX for the first time, and there's no doubt in my mind that such is the case here.

(Continued below readmore.)

I drew this art last year, when I was mourning my attachment to an old favorite game that I just don't feel the same way about anymore: Majora's Mask. I wanted to draw something that captured my feelings about it, because sometimes art is the best way to talk about something when the words don't want to come.

Why is "Jesters of the Moon," the name of a random song in the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack, plastered in the middle of this Majora's Mask fanart? Especially considering I hadn't even played Final Fantasy IX yet when I drew this?

The reason is exactly that "luck and circumstance" that allowed me to fall so uniquely in love with the game.

"Mt. Gulug"

In 2008, someone on YouTube uploaded a Majora's Mask parody-slash-let's-play series called "Majora's Mask: The Things Which Were Taken Out." The series has since become unlisted and won't be linked here out of respect for the creator who probably doesn't want things they said and made in 2008 being spread all over the internet, but because of Unregistered Hypercam 2 reasons, the series inserted other background music over the video and didn't record the actual game audio.

I didn't recognize any of the music, but I watched these parody videos on repeat because in addition to being funny (...at the time, in my mind, at least), I really really loved the music. It got to the point where I would sometimes be playing Majora's Mask and get disappointed when I approached Goht and the Mt. Gulug theme wasn't playing in the background.

I had forgotten about these videos for a really long time in the interim, but I remembered them at some point when I was thinking about Majora's Mask and I found them again. The creator had cited the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack for virtually all of the background music used in the videos, and I realized that despite knowing literally nothing about the game, I had become really fond of - and weirdly nostalgic for - the songs from it that I now recognized.

So I looked up "Jesters of the Moon" and played it on repeat while I drew out my feelings in colored marker. A few months later, I realized that my backwards compatible PS3 can also play PS1 games, and eBay had FFIX for PS1 at a good price. I had nothing to lose by ordering it and seeing what the source of all that fantastic music was like.

"Vamo Alla Flamenco"

I started my playthrough knowing nothing about what to expect from the game. I'd never played a Final Fantasy game before and my overall JRPG experience has been mostly limited to Tales of, Persona, and more recently, mainline Shin Megami Tensei. The only things I knew about Final Fantasy were a) the Tidus laughing scene, and b) Sephiroth. IX seemed like it had vibes I would enjoy, but beyond that I knew nothing about what the experience would be. So I approached it with a "let's have fun and see how it goes" attitude, naming my party members the first silly thing that came to mind, ending up with "Swaggy," "OwO," "Bitchin," "Gunz," and "SWOOORD" to start with.

(For the record I do not regret those names whatsoever.)

I was immediately struck by how differently the game uses music in comparison to all of my previous JRPG experiences. This was not a game where the composer was given a list of theme songs that were slapped on top of a mostly completed game-- this was a game constructed with the soundtrack in mind as a part of the writing process.

The opening act plays almost like an opera (side note, yes I know one of the other FF's has a literal opera, I haven't played that one): you traverse the same locations from different perspectives as different characters, introducing the cast with lighthearted humor and dramatic irony out the wazoo. While you traverse the city as OwO, OwO's theme is playing in the background, coloring your perspective of the city and the narrative. When you switch to Gunz patrolling around the castle, Gunz's theme accompanies your movement and informs his character and mission. I am so accustomed to "location themes" being the norm in virtually all video games that experiencing character and/or narrative themes as BGM instead while I bumble around town changed my entire perspective on what music in games can do and be.

The operatic feeling is definitely intentional, because the game uses a play-within-a-game narrative device to hit you over the head with its themes in a way that is somehow poignant and artful while also being extremely blatant. That is a hard balance to strike, but it manages. The whole game is like that: it is completely straightforward and tells you exactly what it's about at heart, but it does it beautifully.

At any rate, I was enamored with this intro and had a very fun time, but I wasn't obsessed or anything and ended up putting it down. I spent several months on the first half of disk 1 with weeks passing between play sessions. I liked the game plenty, but life stuff happened and I decided to get obsessed with Dai Gyakuten Saiban and Ghost Trick for a while. No regrettis.

It was already clear, though, that FFIX was going to be special to me. My compositions for my team's game in the Global Game Jam in 2021 were directly inspired by FFIX's opera-like intro. I wrote two character themes for our game that would serve as background music when you play as the two protagonists, coloring your journey differently even when moving in the same spaces. I was intentionally trying to mimic the way music is used in FFIX as an exercise. The themes I wrote are definitely some of my strongest work so far.

(You can check out the game here if you want, I promise it is significantly shorter than Final Fantasy IX.)

"Melodies of Life"

Music caused me to pick up FFIX the first time, and music caused me to return to it. After months of not touching or really thinking about it, just earlier this week I was inspired to play it again, because - again - I listened to the right song at the right time.

I was again mourning the loss of something, in this case a friendship, for reasons I'm not going to share here. I had already heard the song "Melodies of Life" because it came up when I was looking up FFIX songs to reblog on Tumblr a few months ago, and I decided to listen to it again. Even without knowing the game context, the song itself really spoke to me in that moment: "a voice from the past, joining yours and mine, adding up the layers of harmony" - it kind of made me feel at peace with the fact that I had a lot of positive memories of that friendship and I could keep those at heart while also moving on in the present. ...I'm also a sucker for music metaphors, so there is that.

I was really moved by this song, cheesy as it is, and I was also definitely in the mood for a distraction. Picking up FFIX again felt like the best move.

It was, and my life is forever changed.

The game never stopped being beautiful and funny and touching, and the soundtrack never ceased to amaze. I recognized concepts I've seen in other games but never had I seen them used so artfully. I adored the fantasy world and non-human cast, I found myself enticed by random encounter for the first time because it made me feel like I had to struggle to survive a difficult journey. Music, gameplay, visuals, and story felt like one cohesive work of art for the entire duration.

Life circumstances got me to play the game again, but the game itself was so captivating and wonderful that I binged the entire rest of it - disks 2-4 - in less than a week. Everything else that the game had to say, it told me itself, in its own context, and I was ready to listen.

"You're Not Alone!"

This is going to make me sound like an emotionally-stunted twenty-something, but it has been years since a work of media has got me to have a really good cry. I used to cry playing games all the time as a kid but recently I'll find myself getting emotional, sure, often tearing up, but getting completely red-faced and snot-nosed because I physically cannot contain the emotions being evoked by a work? Years. I can't honestly tell you the last time it happened with certainty.

I feel like an emotional band-aid has been ripped off. I was f*cking sobbing during the entire duration of the "You're Not Alone!" sequence. It didn't matter that what was happening was obviously coming from a mile away, because the delivery was so raw and emotional and human!!! A whole game's worth of Swaggy punching first and asking questions later to save his friends, being Protag McProtag endangering himself for others in any and all circumstances, for the payoff of all of his friends forcing him to stop being such a primadonna and let them help him for once. It's true, too! He relies on them just as much as they rely on him! And the game doesn't just tell you this, no, it lets you try to solo all these fights and waits until you realize how boned you are until they come bail you out.

When Bitchin showed up with her "looks like you need a hand" I wanted to straight up yell at my tv. YES I DO!!! YES I DO NEED YOU BITCHIN!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! I half knew that SWOOORD was going to heal me before I got truly KO-ed but I had been unmercifully wiped in "unwinnable" battles before in this game, so I legit thought I might have to re-do that whole part of the game again, and I was so relieved and thankful when she showed up and healed me.

This moment exemplifies everything that I adore about this game. It doesn't just tell you its story. It shows it to you, it sings it to you, and it and lets you play it out and feel it for yourself.

"Game Over"

This song is all too familiar to me. Gizamaluke's Grotto was very unforgiving for a first-time Final Fantasy player, especially one who didn't happen to pick up Big on the way for a fourth party member early on.

I hadn't heard the piano part in a few months, though, because when I picked the game back up I started just mashing to reload before it got to that point any time we wiped. I didn't hear it again until the game was truly over, this time for good.

I let it play for a while. Not too long, because I have a CRT TV and didn't want "The End" to get burned in. But a while. Enough to meditate on what I'd just experienced, and how I was feeling about it.

There's so much more to say about the game, far more than I could put in a blog post. But I don't think I need to describe these thoughts in words. I can do what the game did, and use music, use art, use stories, use metaphors, and use symbols to communicate what I mean; and hope that someone else is able and willing to listen.

And although a written record of my thoughts likely won't be preserved for all that long, maybe the feelings and the memories will be, so long as they have been shared.

[avidbeader]

Sheith Red String AU

I wrote the first scene of this after seeing the fanart linked below on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/rokudemonyai/status/1181983179009216513

I’ve had a few ideas to extend it a bit and thought I’d share what I’ve got so far:

--------------------------------------------------------

Red strings were a fact of life.

Everyone had one, tied in a neat small bow around the pinky finger of one hand. Everyone could see their own string and a gifted few saw all the strings, running all over the world, linking two people together. 

They existed on another plane, visible but without substance, and everyone went about their lives accepting their vague presence. Some claimed they could always feel the string, humming with energy. Some forgot the strings were there because they never felt anything from them. 

You could not untie or cut your string. You could try and follow it, but it almost never worked: without being able to hold or touch it, you would lose track of it as soon as you were interrupted by someone or something else.

But when you encountered the person on the other end of your string, you knew. You had found the person you were destined to be the closest to in your life. The length of the string between you was said to predict how long you could be together.

Shiro had ignored the presence of his string, like most people. There was one moment when he was fourteen, when there had been a sudden and sharp pull, a feeling of profound despair and grief. 

He had told his grandfather, worried that something had happened to his soulmate, that he would never have the chance to meet them. His grandfather reassured him. The string was still there, still visible to Shiro. His soulmate was out there somewhere and if the fates were kind, they would meet one day.

That day was today.

Shiro barely heard the teacher’s words as she introduced him to the class. The string was pulsing around his finger and he felt a little dizzy. His eyes followed the loops and whorls of red to the neat bow on the hand of a boy in the class. A boy surrounded in light like a halo long enough for Shiro to see and know him.

But the boy didn’t look back. He showed no reaction at all, but continued to gaze out the window, deliberately indifferent to the activity in the classroom.

Shiro frowned, trying to understand what was wrong, but the other students were clapping and he had to begin his speech.

Once outside, as the students took turns in the simulator, he watched the boy. He stayed apart from the others and no other student acknowledged him. The teacher made no effort to approach him and draw him in. He sat on a bench, his back to the action, shoulders hunched in the thin red jacket, hair falling to hide his face.

Shiro took another look at the string, now piled up in the space between them. A long string supposedly meant a long life shared, which made Shiro’s stomach twist bitterly. But he couldn’t figure out why the boy was showing no reaction to him at all.

And then he saw it, almost buried in the jumble of thread. A cluster of knots, large and snarled.

The boy had closed himself off.

Shiro’s heart ached at what this boy must have been through, to isolate himself so much that his string had done everything but break. He glanced around, seeing that all the other students had finished the game.

Time to start untangling the mess.

���Looks like you're the only one who's left. Think you got what it takes?”

The boy looked at him with wide astonished eyes and the knot twitched, just a little, as one twist loosened.

Shiro smiled at him.

Keith Kogane wasn’t sure exactly when his luck had turned.

Maybe it was the day he had first set foot in the simulator, the one brought to his school. The sensation of flying in space had felt so natural, so right, and for a few moments he had reveled in it, ignoring the audience behind him except for the presence of the Garrison officer. There was amazement that had nothing to do with disbelief and a growing sense of pride coming from somewhere. Which meant it wouldn’t be any of his classmates or his teacher; the Garrison officer was the only possibility.

Maybe it was later that day, when the officer arrived at the detention center and collected both Keith and the stolen car, refusing to press charges. He’d handed Keith a card with his name on it: Lieutenant Takashi Shirogane, and invited him to come see the Garrison.

Maybe it was weeks later, after the fight with Griffin. Keith had been certain that he would be expelled—people in charge always believed kids like Griffin over kids like Keith. And Keith knew well enough by now that it never mattered what the other person said. The minute you responded by hitting back, you were automatically in the wrong.

Instead, Shiro had come out of the office after being berated for several minutes and then told Keith in a tone full of conviction that he would never give up on him.

Keith remembered that day so vividly because that was the night his red string came back. He had realized it was gone sometime between the fourth foster family and being sent to the home. At that point the tangled mess of emotions in his chest had become a permanent ache and Keith had retreated further into himself, accepting that whoever had been on the other end of his string was dead or no longer cared about having a soulmate. There was no place for him anywhere that included kindness, much less affection.

But since meeting Shiro that knot in his chest had loosened, bit by bit. And there were days where he almost felt happy, like he had a place in this world. He felt motivated to do better, work harder, be worth Shiro’s efforts and prove he belonged at the Garrison. And as he approached the end of his first year, he was surprised to discover he was considered one of the top students in his year.

Keith was studying for his intro to physics final, making notes on things to ask Shiro, when he felt a tug from the string. It jarred him, because he had never felt anything from it before.

And what he was feeling was a wave of excited, nervous joy.

His eyes followed the string, from his finger to the pile in the floor. It was less knotted than it had been before it vanished for years, but was still a web of snarls and twists. The other end ran under the door and out into the hall of his dormitory.

Keith got up and started following it.

His hall was remarkably empty. Most of the other cadets had taken advantage of the weekend’s later curfew to ask for passes and go into town. He was able to follow his string easily to the main corridors that led to the classrooms and mess hall and library and down another corridor. He was so focused on keeping his eyes on the string and not losing his progress that, when the string disappeared under a door, he nearly reached for the palm scanner to try and open it.

But he came to his senses and looked around, realizing he’d found his way onto the officers’ hall.

And was standing in front of the door to Shiro’s apartment.

Keith sucked in a breath and stepped back. His mind spun with questions, seeking any possible answer other than the obvious one before him.

Before he could make up his mind what to do, footsteps sounded behind him and a hand reached over his shoulder to knock before resting on the scanner.

“Hello, cadet. What’s up?”

“Lieutenant Walker, sir,” Keith stammered, getting his fingers to his forehead in a rushed salute.

The door opened and Walker held out a hand for him to enter. “Did you need something?”

“I had a couple of questions about the physics exam, but I forgot my book.”

“I think Shiro has a copy. Come on in.” Once inside he called out, “Shiro? We have a visitor!”

Shiro came out of his bedroom, beaming. “Keith!” He caught Keith up in his arms and spun them in place. “Your timing’s perfect! I get to share the news with both of you!”

Keith clung to Shiro long enough to regain his balance after his feet were on the floor again. Then Shiro moved over and soundly kissed his boyfriend. “Matt Holt told me just a little while ago—his dad’s launching an exploration mission to Kerberos! And he wants me to apply for the pilot slot!”

Shiro couldn’t hold still in his excitement and was already turning to grab his datapad, eager to show the both of them the research he had already started. He missed how Lieutenant Walker’s expression darkened briefly before turning to Shiro’s bookshelf.

Shiro brought up the datapad to show Keith the stats on Kerberos and Keith saw the string around Shiro’s finger. The one that only he and Shiro could see.

The one that meant they were destined for one another.

They stood next to one another, watching as the sky grew dark and the lights around the launchpad lit up. Crews were still going over final checks of the ship. Shiro had debated for weeks how to approach Keith, and now was his last chance. He glanced down, seeing the pile of red string between them. Still a few knots and tangles in it.

Still much too long for someone with his disease.

He shook that thought away and screwed up his courage. He reached around his neck and unclasped the chain holding his dog tags.

Keith noticed his movement and frowned. “Shiro? What are you doing?”

“Let me have your tags a minute.”

Still puzzled, Keith lifted his chain over his head and handed it to Shiro. He watched as Shiro quickly swapped one of each pair so that they each had one of their own tags and one of the other’s. Shiro stuffed one pair in his pocket, then leaned forward to clasp the other around Keith’s neck. He laid warm hands on Keith’s shoulders.

“There. Keep that for me until I get back?”

Keith’s hand crept up to curl around the tags. Wide-eyed, he nodded.

Shiro ran his hand down that arm, stopping to trace the loops of the red string tied around Keith’s finger.

“And when I get back, we’ll talk about this, okay?”

Keith inhaled sharply. “You knew?”

“I felt it the day I met you, that we were destined to be close to one another. When did you realize?”

“Near the end of my first year.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You...you and Lieutenant Walker were together. I figured that the string was wrong…”

Shiro flinched at that, realizing he’d failed Keith badly if that had been his conclusion. Shiro had focused on being a friend and mentor to Keith, given their ages. Perhaps Keith assumed, as many people did, that the red string indicated only a romantic relationship rather than the deepest, most lasting connection in one’s life.

Now, looking back, Shiro wondered at his own actions. He and Adam had started out as flight partners, and falling into a dating relationship had been easy and fun. They’d even gotten to a point of mentioning being partners in another way.

But the red string had shown him Keith. And Shiro had committed himself to honoring what it stood for as best he could. Adam had begun to resent the time and attention Shiro would spend on Keith. Shiro choosing to pursue the Kerberos mission had only brought to a head what was already a growing divide between them.

He realized that Keith was still talking.

“...and then the mission was a go. I didn’t want to be a distraction. You’ve worked too hard for me to get in your way.”

Shiro took Keith’s hand, a frisson zipping up his arm as the bows of their string brushed together. “Keith, you were never a distraction and you have never gotten in my way. You never will. When this mission is over, we’ll figure out what this means for us.”

Keith nodded, not trusting his voice, and let Shiro draw him into a tight embrace.

-------------------------------------------------------

Probably 2-3 more scenes in this that I can think of.

[nyadere]

Reposting this bc the link got messed up when I changed URLs!!

My all time favorite Destiel fics, in no particular order. (More to be added over time) {last updated 10/08/2019}

Too Much TV Will Rot Your Brain by EndlessRain Rating: G Words: 7397 Summary: “Angel?” John asked. He had been in Heaven for a pretty long time, and had been hunting even longer, and he never had heard of angels actually existing.

“Oh for God’s sake,” Ellen said, “That’s your kid’s boyfriend!”

Notes: A short, sweet fic with mostly humor and a bit of angst mixed in. – How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (accidentally) raised each other (and Sam). by Vera Rating: E Words: 69693 Summary: In which, Gabriel meddles with the time line and Castiel becomes Dean’s angel rather sooner than intended.

Notes: This is a must-read, the writing is perfect and the idea is also perfect. Throwing Castiel into the boy’s lives from the start and the dynamic it brings is such an interesting take on the story.

–

Destiel, Actually by Bloodism Rating: E Words: 15973 Summary: Picture your typical rom-com cliché. Now picture Dean stuck in that rom-com cliché. With Castiel. Because that’s what happening to him - a crazy whirlwind of your typical-and-not-so-typical cliché’s. He’s playing the main lead in all of them and Castiel’s his counterpart. Of course, the culprit is obvious. Gabe’s enjoying himself too much, lying back on his favourite cloud with a tub of salted popcorn.

It was about time someone kicked the two knuckleheads into gear.

“And… ACTION!”

Notes: Funny & light-hearted, featuring everyone’s favorite trickster.

–

Angel’s Wild by LimonadeGaby, riseofthefallenone Rating: E Words: 389271 Summary: But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Notes: Another must-read. This fic is a huge, long and a bit of a slow-burn but its so worth it. One of the first destiel fics I fell in love with, an immersive AU with fanart included.

–

Things Dean Winchester Loves by tuesday Rating: M Words: 3623 Summary: Castiel makes a list, Sam gives good advice, and Dean takes a while to catch on.

–

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things Rating: M Words: 57268 Summary: Dean drains his bottle of beer, sets it on the table and gets up, heading for the kitchen. Maybe to fetch another, maybe to leave. But Castiel doesn’t want him to go, doesn’t want to leave this conversation unfinished; he remembers his regret of just a few hours ago, that Dean had never known how he loved him.

“Wait,” he says and gets to his feet as Dean passes by. They’re standing close – close enough that Castiel can feel the heat of Dean’s body, the vibrancy of his soul brushing against his grace. “Dean, I have to tell you something…”

Set after the S11 finale.

Notes: another long, slow-burn. The buildup in this fic is fantastic, dealing with a jealous and in-denial Dean while poor Cas is dealing with his own feelings. This fic is so in-character I can see it happening in the actual show.

– Everything Comes Back To You by VioletHaze Rating: E Words: 32970 Summary: Dean knew better. Of course he did. But Cas seemed so charmed by the antique-filled bed and breakfast that Dean went along with it when the proprietor mistook them for a couple. Telling himself it gave them a strategic advantage to be so close to the crime scene, he agreed to the weekend special she offered them. When the case ended up being a bust, they stuck around anyhow because hey, the second night was free…

Notes: I love love loveeee this fic. Canon!verse with fake/pretend relationship. Dean in denial with mutual pining? Yes please. – Sam Winchester Sees the Light (And Dean’s Awkward Boner Face) by YamiTami Rating: G Words: 2447 Summary: Castiel is falling and he has to start doing human things to save energy. That means eating for sustenance, sleeping, and learning how to use a washing machine. This leads to a revelation.

Shamelessly inspired by a gifset of Misha putting a shirt on.

–

The Mirror by cloudyjenn Rating: M Words: 24568 Summary: When Dean touches a strange mirror, he’s whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn’t take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something.

Notes: This. fic. is. amazing. I love reading about AU versions of the boys and this one has plenty of variety. Cute with a bit of angst mixed in.

–

In Your Sweet Little Bungalow by annodominique Rating: E Words: 13680 Summary: All things considered, Castiel has a house. All things considered, Castiel has a life. Without Dean.

It has been seven years since Sam died, seven years since Dean left Castiel, broken and human, and disconnected from humanity. Cas had to cope on his own somewhere along the way. He chose a little town of Oregon to settle in.

Seven years, and Dean shows up at his door on a chilly February night, saying the stupidest set of words to ever be said to Castiel’s face.

“I was–just passing by the neighborhood. Thought I’d drop by…to see you.”

And Cas doesn’t know what to do.

Notes: This fic is so angsty but so worth it.

–

When the Bough Breaks by captainshakespear, deanisthesun Rating: M Words: 73963 Summary: Years after the Darkness has been defeated, Dean and Cas are living the apple pie life in small-town Kansas. They don’t hunt anymore, and would like to keep it that way, but some young hunters knocking at their door have different plans.

Dean, Cas and Sam reluctantly agree to help out, but what ought to be a simple case becomes way more complicated and dangerous than they counted on. And when the hunt starts to invade the normal lives they’ve carved out for themselves and their kids, Dean and Cas begin to wonder if escaping the hunting life altogether might have been wishful thinking.

–

Home is Where by ChasingRabbits Rating: E Words: 15170 Summary: Casual vagrant Dean Winchester blows into Palo Alto to check on his little brother. What is meant to be a quick visit ends up drawing out when he meets and accidentally ends up clicking with Sam’s strange, grad student roommate Castiel.

Notes: non-canon verse AU where Cas has Asperger’s and is Sam’s roommate, this fic is very cute.

–

Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone Rating: E Words: 488608 Summary: Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Notes: I cannot express how much I love this fic. Another huge AU with copious amounts of fanart and detail. Slow-burn, Merfolk AU. I will admit I was hesitant to read this at first as I don’t usually like mermaid/merfolk AUs but this story is so beautifully written and the attention to detail is amazing. Riseofthefallenone never ceases to amaze me.

–

Going Postal by captainbarnes Rating: Not Rated Words: 6799 Summary: Castiel,

Hi. My name’s Dean, just Dean — that’s all you’re getting out of me.

I don’t really know what else to say, I’m not good at this and I really don’t want to talk much. But it’s for a grade, and I’m already flunking English, so I guess I don’t have a choice.

Your name is weird as fuck.

— Dean

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak became pen pals because of a school assignment, and they tried not to get attached to one another. They really did. Sort of. Barely.

–

King of the Road by loversantiquities Rating: E Words: 15890 Summary: Contracted out by the local police in Moriarty, New Mexico, Dean is sent to investigate the happenings around a church outside of town, the Angel-worshiping congregation reportedly flocking to the location in recent days. As it turns out, though, instead of snake charmers or devil worshipers, Dean finds an Angel crucified to the cross, said Angel unreasonably snarky despite being tied up against his will.

Turning over Castiel to the authorities, though, doesn’t work in Dean’s favor. With nowhere to go and Heaven having abandoned him, Dean agrees to haul Castiel across the country on two conditions–he doesn’t smoke in the car, and he doesn’t rob convenience stores in broad daylight.

God, Dean might actually kill him before this is over.

–

Rock of Ages by winter_of_our_Discontent Rating: T Words: 7430 Summary: It starts because they need a rock. Not, of course, just any rock, but apparently this particular critter needs an Aztec-style obsidian-and-jade dagger right through its human-teeth-and-eyeball-eating heart to actually kill it.

In which Cas gets a ring, and Dean (finally) gets a clue.

–

So There It Is, I’ve Said It All by PorcupineGirl Rating: G Words: 3898 Summary: “Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don’t think I’ll like?”

I think I’m in love with you.

“Yeah. I guess so.“

–

Receipts by surlybobbies Rating: T Words: 1391 Summary: He’s about to put the receipt down, no harm done, when something about it catches his eye. Pen ink, on the back. He flips it around and reads:

With Dean. He shared his pie with me. His smile was radiant.

Dean stares. Reads it again. Nothing’s changed.

What? -

The Fourth Wall by entanglednow

Rating: T-E (this is a series so different parts have different ratings)  Words: 40,339 Summary:  (There’s not an exact summary for the whole thing since its a series of 15 different works but basically the boys discover fanfiction about themselves and things get wild) I can’t believe I didn’t add this one before but its one of my all time favorites! I’ve read it multiple times because its just that good. Lighthearted and funny. This series also includes Samifer which I’m a big fan of (but if you’re not into that each part is appropriately tagged so you can skip over it). 

-

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark Rating: M  Words: 45,876 Summary:  Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight. Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away. Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.  Notes: Lots of pining, supportive Sam, angst with a happy ending, the good shit.  - Everyone is Trying to Get to the Bar by Balder12 Rating: E Words: 8,111 Summary:  Dean still has enemies in Heaven. True!form Castiel to the rescue!

Notes: I love true!form cas fics and this one is written beautifully, the ending seemed a little rushed to me but other than that I really enjoyed this fic.

-

As You Pass Through Me by wannaliveindeansdimples Rating: E Words: 30,548 Summary: Cas has lived in this house all his life... and since his untimely death. The last thing he wants is a new roommate, but it seems he's getting one anyway.

Notes: a wonderful non-canonverse AU with ghost!Cas....but there’s a twist! This fic is incredibly cute and entertaining and makes me smile everytime I read it. There’s a little bit of what could be considered dub-con in a few chapters but before said chapters the author usually has a note at the beginning.

-

[tracle0]

22/11

I was tagged by @joyful-soul-collector​ (thank you this is possibly one of my favourite tag games) ... Okay also also before I could finish this up, @hyba also tagged me so uh it’s 22/11 instead, ty ty. You two might want to check the tag list cause uhhh you might be there who knows not me c:

The rules are: Answer the 11 (22 this time but hush) questions, make up your own 11 and then tag... I think it’s 11 people but I don’t know 11 people who I haven’t already tagged so...

I sort of started spamming pictures to answer a question so I’m gonna... put the pictures under the cut. 

1. Have any of your OCs ever stolen something? What did they steal, and why? Oh yeah sure - the first one I can think of easily is Cain. He used to live on the streets so had to steal to survive. But he’d also work for money. He’s not heartless, just desperate. 

Also now I’m thinking about it, Tag would definitely be the kind of guy to just... hey I know I’m meant to hand this gear in but... no-one will miss it so.... he steals to amuse himself with the gadgets he gets. 

2. Did you ever have imaginary friends as a kid? What were they like? I copied my sister in having pretend animal friends, but not really. Who needs imaginary friends when you have real-life ones lol I was a lot more liked as a kid.

3. Do any of your  OCs have a favorite article of clothing? Why is it their favorite?

Uhhhh

Um.

Yeah, you could say that. 

Andy likes his hoodie because it’s a thing that is only his. He didn’t get it from Murdock, I honestly don’t know WHERE he got it from, but it’s his, and the fact he owns anything means a lot to him.

Cain likes his because it’s one of the few things left over from when he was younger and again, it’s his. He didn’t steal it. It belongs to Only Him. He feels comfortable in it. 

4. What do you fist develop about a character when you make one up? Do you think of their appearance first? Their personality? Their backstory?

Honestly? It depends. Backstory always comes after, but personality and appearance often intersect. I know for WIP 3 I thought of personality and traits first, and for Collateral it was appearance first. I think for Sonder it was more.. their role in the story? ‘Oh hey this is the antagonist, this is the protagonist, this is the love interest wait I hate romance, okay, side kick’ etc

5. Fluff or Angst?

If it’s not romantic? Fluff. I made myself angsty enough when I was younger, I want more happiness in my life.

6. Remember the color of that dress that everyone was debating about however many years ago? The one that was blue and black, or white and gold? What colors did you see?

The correct colours.

7. Pick your bubbliest, happiest OC. Now tell me what will make them turn into your worst nightmare. I wanna see what makes them the angriest.

Oh boy, let’s see uhhh... Tag. Tag from WIP 3 who is undergoing the process of a name change. 

Seeing someone he loves die would twist him. Being isolated would eventually break him. Being unable to do what he loves would definitely upset him also. 

Also idk if you’ve heard about it but in his world, there’s a nifty ability called being a silvertongue and I know at least one silvertongue is not gonna exploit this but I also know of another who would even on this19-year-old kid so maybe it’s not by choice but that could make him a nightmare. Just sayin’

8. Now pick your angstiest, most emo OC. And tell me what would make them blush and giggle like an idiot. I wanna see what makes them the happiest.

Okay for this one it’s a tie I write a lot of angsty characters. 

>Andy - seeing something just. Really funny. Oh did Sam just fall over in a ridiculous way? Fantastic. That’s actually how they first have a proper conversation. Sam falls over, he laughs, they talk.

>Cain - anything awesome that Duck does. Oh hey what’s up Goose oh you drew this radical picture? /tearing up/ it’s so great oh my gosh you’re so talented. That’s more being happy than giggling but can you see Cain giggling? No, me neither. 

9. If you could have any mythical creature for a pet, what would it be?

Dragon, next question.

10. What’s your go-to thing for when you’re hungry but don’t have time/energy to cook something?

Fruit! It is! Very good! And tasty! Apples have a good cronch! Oranges are mmmm juicy. Banana? Yes nice thank you. Oh wow we have strawberries? What a sweet treat. Also healthy!

11. Do any of your OCs have scars? Would they be confident enough to show them in public (like at the beach)?

Oh yeah sure man. Andy’s got multiple from... ‘training’. He doesn't show them off. Cain, Duck and Theo have all been badly burnt on the arms, and Cain ‘’shows it off’’ just because it makes him uncomfortable to have his arms covered. And uh Raya probably has some sort of scar on her knees or elbow from rollerblading. Because you do fall over and it does scar.

And now for Hyba’s questions, lez go bois

1. What cultural value do you see in writing/reading/storytelling/etc.?

I think that without storytelling specifically, humans would be so... mundane? We’d be no different to any other animal on the planet. Creating anything, be that stories or art or literally anything is so... human. To take that away would be like taking away humanities soul. The cultural value isn’t really measurable - storytelling makes up the culture. 

2. Do you try more to be original or to deliver to readers what they want?

Honestly, I have no idea. I try to entertain myself, and if other people like it too, then that’s neat. But because I’m writing for myself, I anticipate everything, so I don’t know if it’s original or not. I know it delivers what I want! But is that readers want? Who knows!

3. As a writer, what would you choose as your mascot/avatar/spirit animal?

Crow. Not even as a writer, just... dude crows are so damn cool. 

4.  What do you think most characterizes your writing?

I’m not quite sure about the phrasing so uhhhh represents? Google is telling me ‘describes’. 

In which case, a midnight fever jolting you out of bed, moments before you could fall asleep, and puppeting you to a writing surface so you can splurge ideas onto it sounds about right. 66% of my WIPs have elements in them that were based on dreams. 

5. How do you select the names of your characters?

Mostly? Spite. ‘Oh Trade, you can’t have a bad guy named Andy, all Andy’s are good’ NOPE NOT ANYMORE SUCK IT. I also have a friend who is really good at coming up with names that fit the exact mood of the character so I go to her a lot. Sometimes they’re puns. 

6. Choose one of your OCs (or more). How would they want to be seen by others?

Sam from Sonder wants to be seen as someone people can talk to, but also someone who pursues a science because yes sociology is a science to her, shut up, don’t talk to me if you’re going to mention the words ‘paradigm’ or ‘objective’ thank you.

7. How do you find or make time to write? Are you consistent or do you write whenever you get the chance?

Hahahahahhahha.

In the past few months, I’ve not been writing because I’ve had exams. Before that, I wrote at every chance I had - being a student, I had a fair bit of free time during the day, so I’d use that to write. But for a while, it was a nothing on the ‘what has Trade written recently’ chart. 

Going up again boiiis

8. What does literary success look like to you? Is it important for you as a writer?

Literary success? That’s... a very interesting question. I think I’d be satisfied and feel successful if one person told me that my book helped them through something. 

Jokes on me, I’ve already had that, my books helped me, I have already succeeded, see you losers in hell.

Also fanart but uh who needs fanart when you draw enough for five armies?

9. Are there any scenes that you’ve had to edit out of your WIPs? Can you tell us about them if they don’t spoil the book?

YES oh lord yes okay so in Sonder, chapter 15, I decided around draft 2 that I wanted a scene where Atlas got drunk. I made up reasons for it, asked lots of friends about what it was like to be drunk (as I personally have never been drunk), attended parties to get first-hand research and did so much preparation. 

Wrote the scene, was pleased with it, left it to fester. Two years and two drafts later (now), I’ve come back and realised oh hey that scene is utterly useless and de-rails the plot. Time to remove it I guess. 

I rationalise it as ‘well you wrote it and you had fun but it’s not needed, move on’ and that works well for me. 

10. Would you feel comfortable publishing or sharing your writing using your real name, or would you prefer a pseudonym?

Pseudonym 100%. As cool as it would be to be able to go ‘hey I wrote this’ to people, the terrifying ordeal of being known is horrific, and people being able to track all my past activity from when I was literally seven is my worst nightmare. I wouldn’t even tell family or friends if I could get away with it. 

‘Hey [real name], there’s a book at Waterstones called Sonder? With the exact same characters, plot and writing style as you have? But it’s under [pseudonym]?’ ‘oh hey, really that’s wild. Anyway,’

11. When writing, do you try more to be original or do you prefer to deliver to readers what they want? Do you think that a book can do both? Which is more important to you as a writer?

Oh hey, this is like question two but MORE. Standing by my previous answer, I think a book can do both - people want a happy ending, usually, but you can always be original in how you do that. No two stories can be told in exactly the same way. And hey - even if people do guess what’s coming up, that’s good. 

As a writer? It’s most important to entertain. I don’t try and catch people out, I just deliver the story I have in my head and then edit it mercilessly until I’m pleased. 

Questions!

1) Design a mask for an OC to wear. Would it cover their whole face? Is it a mascarade mask? Is it fancy or simple? Bonus cool kid points if you draw it.

2) Which OCs like spicy food?

3) Which OCs can take care of a plant - an orchid, to be exact? 

4) Do you tell stories in any other medium beyond writing? eg: art or roleplay or...? 

5) Do you have any irl items that you have because ‘oh dude this is something that’d totally be in my story’? Can I see them?

6) What’s the first book you remember buying? 

7) Do you have any weird collections of things? As an example, I have a skull collection and a collection of... what’s best described as doll body parts. Anything just... weird that you have a lot of? Can I see it? 

8) Which OC gets distracted by watching birds and which OC is like ‘dude stop watching the birds we’ve got STUFF TO DO’

9) Have you ever met a published author? Who? 

10) Are you a person who likes tea or are you a person who prefers coffee? If the latter - dude c’mon tea is so much better smh

11) Have you backed up your files recently? Do it now. Please, for the love of god, back up your files. 

Tagging!

@hyba @joyful-soul-collector (dunno if I’m allowed to tag the people who tagged me but fukkit here’s some more questions you eggs) @kaatiba @albatris @timetravelingpigeon @note-katha (hi we have barely interacted but nice new username) @nymph-of-diana (on your main if you want, idm c:) @writing-and-nutmeg @futurity-writing @osteoprecocious and @thatfizzyyyy 

Honestly, the fact I made it to 11 is - wowza. Uhhh if you don’t want to then don’t, if you do want to then PLEASE do and then tag me so I can see your answers, I’m curious. 

Ciao.

[pwnyta]

Full Endgame spoilers/review:

(TL;DR: It was really fucking good. Theres some bad obviously but overall worth it. Even after reading the spoilers and feeling like I may not like it as much as I thought I would... I actually liked it more.)

- - So as I said I loved the movie I had some gripes but overall I thought it was one hell of a fun, entertaining movie. I'll go by each characters story in my review saving Cap and Tony for last.

Natasha- Honestly? Though I think the MCU dropped the ball on the 0G6 being a believable family... I think Nats role in this movie was sweet. I really like the scene where Tony Nat and Bruce were laying down talking about Strange and the stones. It was really cute but it really made me wish we got to see this earlier. Joss dropped the ball hard in AoU. Ive said it one and I'll say it again. AoU should have been the movie where the Avengers were a solid unit throughout the movie.Nats death was... heroic but honestly her and Clint beating the shit out of each other because neither could stand the thought of the other being sacrificed was kinda funny and cute which is jarring to the story. It kinda sucks that she was fridged before the final battle though.

Clint- What are the fucking odds that every one of his family was dusted? But w/e. Clint having a wild sword battle in Japan... it was ridiculous and weird and IDK what they were thinking with that scene but it was played really dramatically but I laughed? Cuz it was so over the top and silly... even though he just slit that guys throat and Nats like :c Clint~ honey no its fine... and they hold hands over the guys warm corpse. LMFAO WHAT!? Im at least happy his kids got him back if nothing else.

Bruce- ... Bruce with Hulks big green body? NICE. Thats gonna have some interesting fanart I can already tell and I lift my glass to you. I once tried to draw a little comic where Bruce and Hulk separated but also had swapped bodies.... so Bruce had Hulks body but I never did finish it I wonder if I still have it saved somewhere. Anyways. Honestly? I found Bruce in this movie to be equal parts funny and annoying? Like it was a bit jarring sometimes that he was so lighthearted despite everything.

Thor- When I read the spoilers I thought I was gonna really dislike Thor but watching it I understood where Thor was coming from and I couldnt really blame him for spiraling and its not like anyone close to him seemed to even check up on him despite clearly knowing where he was. Im really sad that it took all those years and only until he was needed for someone to try and talk Thor through what he was going through. Im not annoyed with Thor. Im annoyed with the rest of them (minus Tony and I guess Clint? Considering.). Bruce was his friend in Ragnarok, Nat keeps talking about them being family, and Steve is their leader where the hell were they? Unless im missing something... I guess Valkyrie too but shes been picking up his slack as a leader and was holding the Asgardians together so I can cut her some slack. ANYWAYS. Thor was kinda funny in the movie but it was kind of hard to enjoy his goofiness. It kind felt like Tony in IM2. Speaking of Im glad Tony seemed really tolerant of Thors drunk behavior... I was sure he would throw a lot of shots like Rocket did. I wish they had a moment to talk about Thor self medicating with booze... Tonys been there. I get why they couldnt really but.. His scene with Frigga was really nice. Frigga is a bad bitch raised by witches and shit.... she knows all~ A wise woman that Frigga.

Scott- HOLY SHIT Did I love Scott in this movie. He was soo funny and cute... and bullied a lot. You know I have a thing for easily bulliable character. And Scott just got spanked left and right. His helpless goofiness reminded me of Harry from KKBB a little. He bounced off everyone well and it makes me kinda wish he was one of the OG6 instead of Clint. He was more of the heart that kept the Avengers together than anyone. Also him and Tony talking about Caps ass? HILARIOUS. Bisexual icons honestly. 'That suit did nothing for your ass.' 'No one asked you to look!' 'I think you look great Cap as far as Im concerned thats Americas ass!' and then later Caps all 'That IS Americas ass.' Unbelievable. But his best scene is still him reuniting with Cassie. She was so big! Im so happy she got her dad back... but Bruces failed time travel machine scene.... that was a close second. 'Somebody peed my pants... idk if it was baby me or old me........ or me me.' Also the 'whats up regular sized man' scene is longer and more hilarious than the preview showed. FUCK YOUR TACO SCOTT. At least Bruce is nice to him. I ship GreenAnt a little. Rocket petting Scott and mockingly calling him a puppy. SAME.

Rhodey- JESUS RHODEY. Speaking of hilarious idiots. Im glad he got a bigger roll in this movie but he didnt hug Tony when he got back so whats the point? BUT W/E... He was hilarious and amazing. It was nice to see him step up as one of the sorta leaders after the snappening. But he was also A HUGE FUCKING DORK THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. Thinking that a secret cavern with a spooky name would be boobytrapped like in Indiana Jones and trying to convince Nebula to be careful. Naming a bunch of shitty time travel movies to prove a point about time travel (with Scotts help) and going back in time to kill baby Thanos...and Bruce was like 'yeah... no...' and him fucking TRASHING the magic of the iconic opening scene of the first GotG where Quill is dancing.... 'so hes an idiot?' RHODEY PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE have mercy. Him and Nebula are a trip. Also I made a note to mention Don Cheadles BEAUTIFUL soft voice. So here it is. I love Don Cheadles beautiful soft voice. He had too few scenes with Tony but their first scene when Tony starts freaking out and hes trying to get Tony to calm down was pretty good... and god that ending.... ;-; How come Rhodey got NO lines while Tony was dying? But also in the same position I dont think Id have any words either. I too would just cry. And did... for Tony. But yeah besides his lack of scenes with Tony I really loved Rhodeys scenes. I usually do. Hes adorable.

Nebula: Sweetie... You are just amazing. Shes legit one of the best most solid characters in the movie. The opening scenes between her and Tony? FUCKING adorable. Im sad we dont see more of them after the time skip. I also wish we got a longer scene of Neb and Rocket talking when she gets to earth... I guess just seeing them sit together sadly was enough to portray the emotions but.... I MEAN. More Nebula wouldnt hurt anyone. Having to see two tortured versions of Nebula was upsetting. Future Nebula who lost so much and past Nebula still under Thanos' thumb. 'You can change!' 'He wont let me' OOF. Im sad that past Nebula was killed... but appreciate that even in that moment past Gamora was upset to see her be killed. Im glad with Present Neb, Gamora was so easily heel-face turned. She loves her sister. Also their moment after past Gamora beats up present Quill was hilarious 'Really? This is the guy?' 'The choices were him or a tree.' WHAT ABOUT DRAX, NEBULA?! I know I said I may not watch any MCU movies after this but I might tune in for GotG3 for Nebula (and Thor).

Steve: I actually ENJOYED Steve in this movie for the most part. For the first time in any movie... even by himself I kind of enjoyed Steve. Especially the scene when hes fighting himself and his past self says 'I can do this all day' and hes like 'Tst... yeah I know... okay' Like he was sick of his own damn bullshit. And frankly? Same. Also him whispering 'Hail hydra' to get the scepter? Hilarious. I cant help but see it as a knock at that shitty Hydra Cap comic that everyone hated. But despite me enjoying Steve for most of the film... the MCUs inability to write a good romance and pretending like Steve and Peggys relationship was a peak or something completely undoes it all. It would still NOT BE GREAT regardless but the fact the RUSSOS are the ones who brought Sharon into TWS in the first place makes it SO MUCH WORSE that Steve dipped out. Steve should have moved on... even if it wasnt with Sharon. They could have at least MENTIONED HER but they knew they couldnt because then it would be too highlighted that Steve is a fucking FUCK BOY who used the niece of the woman he loved as a surrogate and that him going back to the past means hes gonna be meeting little Sharon at some point. Also? Really? Steve you have this whole new family you supposedly love and can live your life with but you rather go back in the past because the first woman who was nice to you was there? Move on. Its so fucking weird that hes so obsessed with her. You have your childhood friend and the rest of your new friends... and supposedly a girlfriend. IDK how anyone could be happy with that ending for him. But I guess its in character... remember the note he sent Tony 'I've been on my own since I was 18.' What about Bucky? He was there with you and you had family in the Avengers supposedly. Natasha seemed to think so. YOURE SUCH A FUCKIN SCUMBAG STEVE. Jesus.

Tony: First of all Id just LOVED his scenes with Nebula as I said. He sat there patiently teaching how to play paper football and held her win. It was REALLY cute. When he passed out she picked him up off the floor and sat him down on the chair and pat him. REAL CUTE. He nicknamed her 'The Blue Meanie' its cute and he tried to give her the last of their food but she insisted he eat it. Bobbos eyes never looked more gorgeous than in that scene where Carol finds them honestly. Tonys I told you so was really really sad. It had a lot of feeling like that scene in AoU when he laughs hysterically and starts ranting? Rhodey tried to calm him down but he just ripped into Cap. Also he yanked off his arc reactor and I FULLY JUMPED IN PANIC because I forgot it wasnt in him. I fully flinched. But he pulled his heart out and gave it to Steve and then passed out. Tony and Peppers daughter is ADORABLE. And her interactions with Tony are so sweet. Domestic Tony is lovely. I love that when Steve and the gang roll up on him Morgan runs out during their discussion and is like 'Mom told me to come and save you....' and hes like 'Well Ive been saved!' REAL CUTE. Also he swore and his daughter copied him and hes like NOOOOO!!!!!!! LMAO. LANGUAGE Tony. Tony is motivated to fix things seeing that pic of him and Peter. Hes such a softie. IM REALLY REALLY SAD that we finally see Pepper kinda GET Tonys need to be Iron Man and is like 'But could you rest?'. The one time she encourages him to go back to be Iron Man and he fucking DIES. Im so sad for Pepper. But that scene between them where shes like 'We'll be ok.... you can rest now.' FUCK. Im crying again. That scene between him and Steve- 'Someone shoula warned you~' 'You did...' 'Oh did I? Thank god Im here' has the same energy as 'Who taught you how to dance?' 'You did.' 'Well Ive done a marvelous job!' It was pretty great. Tonys nicknames for Scott are 'Pissant' and 'Thumbelina.' Im not OVERLY fond of his scenes with Howard. But honestly? My brother is the same way with our dad... he just chooses to forget the bad stuff and focus on the few good times. I cant do that but if it made Tony happier then VERY WELL. I wish Tony coulda talked to Jarvis too tho... just a word... anything? Best Tony scene is Peter babbling about how he musta passed out because Tony was gone and and and and Tony just hugs him so tightly and Peters hugs back and is like :D 'this is nice'! Though that STARK contrast of them after Tony uses the gauntlet... and Peter is like 'Mr Stark... we won... we did it... no Mr Stark...' Big Simba and Mufasa feels (and kind of Hughes and Elicia tbh). Not cool Disney. I was already crying. Rhodey was the first to reach Tony and Tony couldnt say ANYTHING to anyone and Rhodey just pets his cheek... Tony was just looking around as his family just has to watch helplessly as hes dying and Pepper tells him its ok. His funeral was really nice. He recorded a message for everyone kind of like his message for Pepper on the ship. Everyone was there... I think even Harley (Im really sad we didnt see them get reunited even once). The scene with Happy and Morgan was really sweet. 'I'll buy all the cheeseburgers you want....' It was cool to because... ya know.... Jon Favreau. He got a really beautiful end. I wish he could just retire and live with Pep and Morgan... but if he had to die... that was a really lovely sendoff. SO ALL IN ALL. Awesome movie. I didnt get to see past elderly Steve passing the shield off to Sam... I'll have to rewatch it again when theres a better version. Especially for that fucking STUNNING end battle. Even with the shitty cam I watched it looked AMAZING and I cant wait for it in HD.

[guidingthulite]

A, B!!!, J, L, N, P, Q, R, S, T, Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLS TELL oof i love ur writing!!

OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN THANKS EMY!!!

aaaaa you love my writing? i’m so happy to hear that

A: Your current OTP.

HAMAHAYA. HAMAHAYA BIG TIME. And also lowkey Ishimondo but HamaHaya is my main one!!! I love them so much and I have so many headcanons and stories for them!!! That’s kinda why I want to put them on poly relationships? Like I want these relationships to be explored but I can’t take them away from each other

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

I haven’t considered Yuuichi ² (and i refuse to call it any other way) but man did you change my mind. Did you.

Also there was this one time I just liked MasaHika as a BROTP but then @producktions and my brother came and… I surrendered :’D

J: Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr.

Oh, Voltron definitely! I saw all this fanart, and fics and stuff and all I knew it was filed under ‘gays in space’, but then @justanothermatsugirl and @srta-double invited me to watch and… Porntron came to be. And Porntron is the best thing. Ever.

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for?

It depends? I usually try to make both of us happy when it comes to requests, for example, if that person likes, say, HamaHaya but I feel like I want HamaKura I will ask them for HamaHaya anyways because 1. HAMAHAYA and 2. Maybe they will put more feel into the art!!! And what is most important of art is the feelings that it is put into it! Best art is the art you can tell the author put all their heart on~!

but if i could choose anything, give me the hamahayakuraminamana, you cowards

N: Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over).

Um… Is it normal I want to say the MOTHER fandom on 2014? Especifically on DA. It was like a tiny family… Everyone knew each other. Everyone was nice with each other. It was so nice. But now everyone parted ways and I have no idea where everyone is. Most left DA (and so did I) and I can’t help but wonder where they are. But my current fandom is really nice too… It’s like a family, too… Sometimes.

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Lately I’ve been thinking about a Go Ares AU a lot and hamano goes to tengawara for obvious reasons but that’s kinda boring so I gotta think about something more interesting >:3c

Kind of a joke AU, but still:

Have you guys ever heard about ~LA FERIA~? It’s like this weird Spanish thing we have. Everyone dances and sings these lame guitar songs which are mostly like aAAAAaAAAaaaYYYYYYYY @loreprotectionsquad can confirm BUT! that’s not the interesting thing! The interesting thing about Feria is that we basically get a mini amusement park on our town, just because! 

So my brother and I thought about some Go kids there and it just…

Hamano gets Kurama a giant Snake plush and he tries to ride on a… Ride with it and it almost slips out but he clings to it and manages to save it. Hamano thinks it’s adorable. Kurama swears he’ll kill him if he tells someone. Hamano promised Hayami he’d get a plushie for him too, but he is unable (because you can only win one plush per day) so Hayami gets a dolphin plush for him. Imagine Hayami walking around with two overly joyful boyfriends clinging to their giant plushies. Goals.

Kirino and Shindou ride on the ferris wheel which they don’t set up anymore, but still. and Ibuki tries to climb it but fails (?

Shinsuke rides on some dinosaur themed train, and there’s clowns with balloons and stuff you can snatch from them. He gets a plastic axe. Which are super hard to get i need to tell you the story of how i got one when i was like 8. it was so stupid it’s funny He somehow convinces Tsurugi to ride too, while Tenma and Aoi look at them. They have become the ultime balloon snatchers. No one can stop them. Aoi and Tenma are so proud.

Taiyou comes, sees Tenma and waves at him, approaching him. Then all of the sudden, Fuyuka comes rushing after him, and tells Tenma that ‘Taiyou should be in right now, sorry for the inconvenience’ and picks him by the stomach (you know… like a kitten, with her arm around his torso? you get me, right?) while Taiyou tries to escape, but fails.

Kariya and Hikaru try to hide from Hiroto and Midorikawa, who have come with them, but Kariya wants some time alone, while they want to take pics of everything they do, basically.

Something about Yukimura and Fubuki was mentioned, along with Kishibe and Aphrodi, but I don’t remember ;v; Also, Amagi going with Mahoro and Yukie, and all of the third years (Minamisawa as well, for some reason) going together too.

My brother kinda dislikes Galaxy (except Tetsukado, Kusaka and Konoha) so I’ll do their stuff myself.

Minaho and Manabe compete to see who will get more plushies. They only get one keychain working together. They give it to the first team member that they see because they don’t know who should keep it.

But that was after the previously mentioned day, so the Second Year Trio got them plushies instead (they got the hang of one game and they WILL make the most of it. And, they have to help a boyfriend out, right?

So they spend the rest of the festivity together. And they have fun and stuff.

There’s one ride with horses. Konoha spends 98/100 there. Otherwise, she wouldn’t come. It’s so noisy, and crowded…

Kusaka comes and goes to check on her. He can’t ride on most… Rides (this is redundant) anyways. He’s too tall.

Tetsukado and Hamano competed to see who was better at Duck-Fishing. Let’s just say that Shinsuke and Hamano’s boyfriends came home with lots of plushes and prices…

Sakura aced all the games. How did she manage, no one knows (she was, in fact, the first one Minaho and Manabe offered the keychain to. But she rejected it and got two super sparkly keychains for them instead. Minaho and Manabe offered it anyways in exchange but she said that it was nothing and that they should keep the one they got.

Matatagi showed his brothers the place and rode on some rides (seriously how is this so redundant). Eventually they joined the Plushie Fest. Matatagi’s brothers cheered. He, not so much, not when he had to carry around giant plushies for the rest of the day, as his brothers were too busy exploring around.

I think that’s all??? Am I forgetting someone? except zanakurou but i don’t know what to do with him. he dances sevillanas. i don’t know. sorry darling

Oh, yeah, and there’s also this AU my brother and I made in which Kurama is a time traveler and quite literally Hamano and Hayami’s son (he has a big sister named Estrella but that’s for another time) and he has come because their parents were too slow too realize they had feelings for each other and he fears for his existence and his sister’s (???

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why.

Can you believe I used to ship Min/////a/kura? But, to be honest, I didn’t know what that was. I just found some comic of them and I thought it was cute. Then I got more into InaEle, and well…

I’m saying that one because I can’t think of anything else XD

R: A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.

The Kurama multiship fest, which I will proceed to explain, even though the first one is sorta popular, but still:

Hamano and Hayami, because I saw HamaKura and I thought it was really cute! (when i got used to kurama, at first i didn’t like him but i found hamahayakura and i went ‘eeeeeeeehhh’ but you already know that story) then I thought of HamaHaya + HamaKura and Hayami just got into the package for some reason XD

Hikaru, because I was salty I didn’t ship him with Minamisawa and I wanted to ship him with someone but I didn’t know who, then he had a little scene with Hikaru on the games (when they go look for Shinsuke or something) and a lightbulb light up on my head

Tenma because, honestly, how can you have someone you ship with everyone but not Tenma? Plus it’s cute. 

Tsurugi because I saw somebody posting drawings of them and I went ‘hey they cute’ and that’s all. also the fandom team might or might not had something to do with it

Kariya because they had this scene when they went to China on CS that i don’t even remember but what i do remember is my brother asking me why i wasn’t saying anything about the ship, and i went ‘well, i don’t, BUUUUUUUUUT’ and so it started.

Minaho because, and listen well because this one is weird, I was in class, and I was bored, and I decided to make quadrants for some InaEle characters, I started by Minaho and went ‘huh so, Moirail, Manabe, Matesprit, Manabe, Kismesis, Manab-wait’ so I decided to crack it up a bit and now it was ‘Moirail, Hamano, Matesprit, Manabe’ but I wanted to give him a Kismesis (that could’ve been perfectly Matatagi, but I didn’t think of that because I’m dumb) (also read: a love rivalry more or less) so I gave him Kurama. THEN I played BigBang and they had a small interaction and since back then I couldn’t even read Hiragana I don’t know what they said but Kurama made a sad face afterwards so I take it as I was right

Fei because Kurama learns Bouncer Rabbit on Galaxy (actually the two-people version. He does it with Hamano because I’m obvious) and also Fei stole his number, now Kurama has to steal something back (???

Taiyou because on my CS game Kurama, Taiyou and Hikaru always do hissatsus together on the random thing (that makes also Sakura and Matatagi do Butterfly Dream together all the time for some reason. Which is funny because I lowkey shipped it before starting Galaxy) so I got used to seeing them together.

Ibuki because my brother always calls them losers (he’s a bit mean sometimes, but I love him ;v;) so I started relating them n stuff.

Hakuryuu because my brother and I have this thing called the ‘Spammer Club’ which is for characters that say other character’s name a lot. We have Hakuryuu (who we jokingly call churugispammer) Miyasaka, Ibuki, Hakuryuu and Kurama got in too for some reason. So yeah. It happened. N stuff.

Also I brotp him with Kinako, but I brotp Kinako with everyone.

S: What’s a headcanon you have?

Hmm… I headcanon that out of the Second Year Trio, only Hamano has siblings (2 sisters, him being the middle sib- and no that’s not me self projecting ok) 

Hayami has mentioned more than once on the games that he wants to be a scientist, and I headcanon that it’s because his mother is! Which also means she’s super busy most of the time. So Hayami is quite dependent, but he can’t cook for his life. Hamano is surprisingly okay at cooking, and he’s learning to bake.

Also, Hayami really likes penguins for some reason.

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships?

Ack, that’s a hard one ;v;

- Male/Male - (to keep things fresh from 3 diff fandoms each)

Hamano/Hayami (Inazuma Eleven)

Ishimaru/Oowada (Danganronpa)

Killua/Gon (HxH) 

Shu/Valt (Beyblade Burst)

Hau/Gladion (Pokémon)

- Female/Female -

Diana/Akko (Little Witch Academia) (i gotta continue it sob aaa)

Ootani/Anna (Inazuma Eleven)

Moon/Lillie (Pokémon)

Z: What’s a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it?

Ahahah, what are you talking about [hides my polyship mess under a rug] it is not much that they hate it, just that no one is interested XD

[pippa-frost]

Fic:  Ice cold (part II)

Hello! So here’s the second part! This is already explained in the first part, but this is based on a post made my @ec-sanderssides and also, in the this other amazing post here! 

So i’m tagging a lot of people cause you’re all soooo nice and amazing and i love it when people tag me in fics (i LOVE fics, so seriously, if you’ve got a fic PLEASE TAG ME) and fanart so it’s only fair i do the same! (i hope you don’t mind! Please let me know if you do!)

@what-even-is-thiss @deafinatelyfangirling @fugitive-angel @corystssides @tiny-mudkip @parsnipit @romananalogicality @analogicalhell @starlight-sanders @dan-yuna @wingedchickadee @ana-logical @diplomatic-arsonist @killerfangirl3 @princeyandanxiety @princey-and-hottopic @pfftwhatnoimhuman @agentflash18 @ec-sanderssides @pattonscardigan @romananalogicality @frustratedwaffle @inalandofmythandtimeofmagic @thagrinbery @prplzorua @ohmehgawdnotagain @analogically-prinxiety

(I’ll keep tagging more people as soon as i can!)

Part I , Part II (you’re here)

Anxiety remembers the good ol’ days when having a scare only meant, well, getting scared. Sure, it had always been different to him if you compared it to the others. While they would move on as soon as it happened, Anxiety would dwell on it until Morality was able to find a way to distract him. But still. The effects were the same: they would get scared, period.

But then, one day, instead of just getting scared all of the sudden and then moving on –albeit worriedly-, the fear stayed, and grew. And suddenly it wasn’t just about calming his breathing down after having it caught due to the sudden fright, but about being able to breathe at all instead.

His ears ring and his chest hurts and it feels like a giant hand is squeezing his lungs shut and he’s scared, scared, scared and what is this? What is happening? Why can’t he breathe? What happened? Is Thomas alright? Are they alright? What about the others? Where are the others? Is he alone? Are the others alone? Why can’t he focus? Why can’t this stop? He wants to see the others; he wants to call out to them, why isn’t he doing so? He just has to move, why isn’t he moving? What is happen-

And then a voice cuts through the panic somehow and he’s suddenly aware of sitting on the floor, Morality kneeling in front of him, Logic a few feet behind, Princey pacing in the background, and Dad is talking to him and Logic is saying stuff too, and as they slowly manage to calm him down he curses himself for ever hating how he would stay worried after a scare. Worrying around was nothing compared to this. He would choose anything over this.

After that, he’s introduced to the concept of panic attacks. After that, the concept becomes a normal part of his life.

And he hates it.

He can’t say he learns how to live with them, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t get easier with time. After all, with time, he learns to expect them, to recognize them. Sure, once they do happen any kind of logical thinking goes flying off the window, but Logan and Patton are usually there, at least for the big ones, and help him through them. Sort of. They try.

So you wouldn’t believe his surprise when, after a really big scare, one that would have definitely meant a full-blown panic attack, one of those that leave him shaking and crying and on the brink of passing out due to exhaustion; he doesn’t get one.

Instead, he freezes. Literally.

And he thinks it must be some kind of joke. But then again, the universe seems to like having him as its personal punch line.

It happens one day when he’s alone in his room, which he has learnt to feel damn thankful for. He doesn’t need to be in the commons watching through Thomas’ eyes to know what happens, the ‘surprise’ comes with both fear and context included. Thomas and two friends are going to the movies after school and just as they’re about to cross the street a car flies past them, almost taking one of his host’s friends with it, Thomas and the other classmate barely being able to pull the kid backwards and avoid a calamity.

The scene flashes before his eyes in an instant as he feels like suddenly being hit by lightning. A flash of pain pierces through his body from chest to extremities, sharp and rigid and cold.

It hurts.

Everything hurts, the only way he can think to describe it is as thousands of needles stabbing every single inch of his body. His breath gets caught in his throat and his eyes sting. He feels like screaming in pure agony yet he somehow knows, even if he can’t hear anything due to the ringing in his ears, that no sound has escaped him.

He can’t move, any attempt at doing so makes the already unbearable pain increase tenfold and he doesn’t know what this is, he doesn’t know what’s going on, he doesn’t know and he’s trapped and it hurts.

It’s like he’s been frozen from head to toe in one single moment, and he doesn’t get it, he doesn’t understand, the panic making it even harder to breathe, to see, to think.

He wants to scream for help, scream for the others to please come because he doesn’t know what’s happening and he might stay like this forever, frozen like a statue, unable to communicate, unable to move, unable to do anything.

It feels like ice has taken place where his blood should be and it burns, why the hell does it burn?!

And just like that his thoughts halt.

Logan had once said that when something gets too cold, the stinging sensation feels like burning. He would know that better than anyone after all. So is that what this is? He can’t look around or anywhere for that matter, but he would bet his money on the fact that he’s covered in ice right now. He’s freezing after all, cold as hell - well no, not as hell, that didn’t make sense.

The point is, he is currently frozen solid.

He tells himself to keep breathing and not to dwell on it for longer than necessary. He has to think.

Isn’t this the same thing that happens to Logic any time Thomas gets a brain freeze? Why is it happening to him right now? He always thought it was something that only happened to Logic. Is the older aspect okay? Is he frozen as well?

Is this… is this something like that? It did happen after a jump scare… and he has always been the one to react differently to those. Is this something like Logic’s thing? Is this because of the scare?

He doesn’t know how long it takes for him to be able to move again. But it’s long enough that he manages to start breathing somewhat normally again at some point, which is saying a lot. Every once in a while he starts panicking again, like when he tries to move and he remembers he can’t and that he’s trapped, trapped, trapped.

But then, he doesn’t know how much later, he realizes he can blink. His eyes have been burning this whole time and as they finally thaw, tears start to gather in them and fall along his face, leaving a burning trail behind them. So far, drawing in air has been like breathing through a straw, which hadn’t helped with the panic at all, so when he is finally able to expand his chest more than a few millimeters it feels like earning freedom after years of imprisonment, which isn’t all that far from the truth.

He still can’t really move his body and he waits and waits, crying silently, doing his best not to sob so as not to get his breath caught up again and to start having trouble breathing once more.

Then his knees bend the slightest bit and it feels like they are being impaled from the inside, and as he groans around a dry throat and unmoving tongue, his legs buckle and he drops to the ground. The pain he feels as he makes contact with it is enough to make him wonder if maybe he just got parts of him broken and the image of his frozen body broken into pieces fills his mind and if there’s one thing he can actually be thankful for is the fact that his chest has unfrozen enough for his hyperventilation not to choke him more than it’s already doing.

It’s too much. He sobs while lying there, most likely broken, until the stabbing sensation is gone as well as the burning. He still hurts but in a different way, he’s sore and anytime he moves it’s like his muscles are being flattened, but aside from that and the utter exhaustion that falls over him, he’s alright. He looks down at himself to see his body and finds it intact, albeit wet, which brings actual tears of relief to his eyes. He turns so he’s lying on his back and just breathes and cries as the fear slowly leaves his system, gears turning inside his head trying to figure out what just happened. He can feel how damp his clothes are and his limbs are stiff and cold still, so no, he isn’t dreaming. This really happened.

And then it hits him.

He had just been…frozen… in fear.

And he laughs miserably cause isn’t that just the best fucking joke the universe has ever thrown at him yet? Well the universe can pat its fucking back for this one.

Afterwards, when he’s finally able to stand up (after several miserably failed attempts) and he’s changed clothes and hidden under the bed, shivering and with a runny nose, there’s a knock on the door.

Morality asks him if he’s okay, if the fright was manageable. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

After his first panic attack due to a scare (cause after that one they become something he can expect as a result from more than just sudden jump scares) happens, he’s able, after years, to deal with them by himself sometimes, turning Dad’s concern down, especially after the others start having weird things happen to them from time to time, things such as this one. So Morality, knowing that if it was bad enough Anxiety would probably seek him out himself, would wait and let him have his space before checking on him.

And as he lays under the covers, with Mo on the other side of the door waiting for an answer, he finds himself being grateful for small miracles.

He makes Patton go away and, even if all he wants is to tell him what happened and be hugged and comforted, he doesn’t do it. He can’t.

Not when Dad already has enough to worry about with Logan’s sudden freezing spells, and Princey’s migraines and Mo’s own fevers. He can’t add to that.

No, he thinks, it’s better this way.

And so, even if the universe has found a new way to screw him, he can’t not be thankful for this to have happened when no one was around.

Even if in the midst of the panic of every time it happens again, all he wants is to be found.

Until, one day, he is.

[child-of-hurin]

I was tagged by @vardasvapors on this 11 questions meme. It turned into a monster because I talk  A LOT hahahaha

At the bottom you have 11 mre questions for the people I tag :)

1. What is the best breakfast you ever had?

The most passable tea you can imagine, but in the company of my girlfriend /)///(\ 

2. What was your favorite book when you were 13 years old?

That year I purchased a book called Alai’s “Red Poppies” just because the cover was really pretty, and I def judge a book by its cover! And rightly so because it turned into a lifetime favorite. It’s a book about this feudal tibetan family when the cultivation of poppies (for the production of opium) is introduced there, and it’s extremely captivating, and different from anything I’ve read. It’s a very delicate subject matter and I have no idea how historically accurate everything is... the fact that this author is apparently very respected in China, despite being of Tibetan descent himself, should make one very weary I guess, but the chinese don’t actually come out looking good at all in the story (and neither do the tibetan feudal system as a whole, for that matter ;p). So... it might be irresponsible of me to rec the book, but... I do hahaha. I remember all the colors and characters and scenes very vividly. Actually, now I kinda want to read it again...

3. Describe your ideal fic (one that you do not have to write)

MY IDEAL FIC! It’s an epic longfic about family/court drama in the times of Tar-Palantir, or an episodical multichapter of elvish characters in Doriath interacting with the many mortals that pass there through the ages (dwarves included)

Or anything Túrin/Nienor, really. AUs included.

4. Describe a fanart you would like to see

I literally have a list of art i wanna make hahaha sob... Hm,  I’m going to go with this image I have in my head of this scene in Balar, where a ragged Oropher is holding baby Elwing in his arm while Círdan looks at them in disbelief, his body language suggesting he is approaching them... the light of the nauglamir illuminates the scene drawing the attention to Elwing ofc :) Oropher being the one to bring Elwing safely to Balar is just my headcanon, of course.

5. State 1-3 opinions on cheese

1. I love it 

2. even/especially the nasty smelling ones... I could live on cheese

3. truly the thing i miss the most about living in France, that and the museums

6. Describe your most recent public or mass transportation experience

A lady sat next to me and said the driver was a real turtle, driving way too slowly for her taste.

7. Without checking to see if it’s correct, type something you have memorized (a line of poetry, a lyric, an equation) (yes i’m just straight up stealing this from june)

I’m in a children’s song mood so:

Quem me ensinou a nadar, quem me ensinou a nadar Foi, foi, marinheiro, foi os peixinhos do mar Ei nós, que viemos de outras terras, de outro mar? Temos pólvora, chumbo e bala, nós queremos é guerrear

8. A random headcanon for anything

Hopefully it won’t be too disappointing hearing me talking about elves :S but I’ve been thinking about my old Teleri headcanons lately thanks to the eclipse hahaha, so, okay

First of all, I am always thinking about how the creation of the Sun and the Moon affect the Teleri, they who loved the stars and chose to dwell far from the trees and all. It completely changes their notion of time, and I like to think that society takes a long time to adapt, and even now you have Teleri who would rather sleep during the day, and Teleri who would chance their sleeping cycles often for not being able to decided what kind of light their prefer, etc...

Then, I’m sure Kinslaying is a pretty big deal in these people’s history and collective memory; and yet, how would they remember it? It feels like a big enough deal that they would tell the young kids about it and commemorate it together, somehow. The Kinslaying happened during the time od Darkness which is kind of a no-time, like a void of time between the light of the trees and the creation of the sun and the moon... It got me thinking that maybe the Teleri associate the eclipse with the Kinslaying, then: a brief time of darkness that exists outside ‘time’, in a way... and that’s when they ‘ritualize’ their collective memory of the event. I haven’t thought about the details of what exactly happens, and it also depends on whether eclipses in Middle Earth are predictable or not, but I imagine they gather together in groups and everyone stops singing for a moment... or they sing something together, or only olwe sings? There are many possibilities :)

9. What’s the nearest piece of art to wherever you are sitting right now (interpret as broadly as you wish)

My beloved friend @arvore is an artist, and this is one of his pieces :) the bedroom is already cluttered with hangings and the only space I have for it is right behind my computer - which is fine because it means i am always looking at it ^^ (but it def deserves a more prestigious place)

10. A dumb opinion you used to have

Used to dislike the Valar, and Thingol

11. Freestyle here about a really good story (of any type) you recently read

Ugh I’ve been being bad abt books lately, but the last book I finished was The Bloody Chamber, which is a collection of short stories. My favorite one was the one that gives the title to the collection. It has Bluebeard elements but I was really in love with the ending, and.... I have to say, I dig long ass paragraphs with lots of commas hahahahaha. Also I’m a very visual reader, and this author is SUPER visual. I also really liked the Erlking, because faes are so goooooood and I loved the ending, too :) They’re all very atmospheric and goth-romantic so you have to be in a particular mood to appreciate it, I guess, but I liked most of the stories well enough.

Trying to tag people who haven’t been tagged already.... I’m guessing @heckofabecca, @anghraine @housecreepy, @yavieriel, @theotherwesley, @sabotensan, @swampdiamonds @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly, @sqbr, @ncfan-1, @veliseraptor, @windandwater @thrumbolt @squirrelwrangler @mygoodrabbit ... if you guys feel like it, ofc :) Also, if anyone else wants to answer these questions and I haven’t tagged them, feel free to do it anyway and tag me so I can see the answers!

My questions are: 

1. What was the last picture you took with your phone/camera that you liked? Can you post it?

2. What's the last meme you enjoyed, and a meme you can't stand?

3. Give me a song and what it makes you think of, or what you like about it

4. The last time you were pleasantly surprised

5. A physical book you have and love as an item

6. Your phone's bg and/or lockscreen?

7. I know I always ask this one, but is there a gif or reaction image you like but that you haven’t been able to use yet? If not, just give me your current favorite gif.

8. One thing you would change in your favorite media thing (book, movie, show, video game, etc)

9. A non-American movie you like 

10. You’re transported to the setting of the last fic you read. How screwed are you?

11. stealing this from VV but it’s a great question: what’s the nearest art thing to you rn?

(bonus question: what’s a fandom I have that you hate/blacklist/don’t get?)

[jodiewhitaker-archive]

Doctor Who Tag Game

@beccaland​ did this and said “consider yourself tagged” if you’d like to do it, and I definitely do, so this is me doing it! :D

Tag Game: Doctor Who Edition!!

The rules are simple - answer the questions, then tag other Whovians to get to know each other better/find new people to follow, message, etc. If there are any questions you don’t have an answer for, feel free to skip them!

Doctor you started with: I started with Nine! I remember my friend telling me that I could start with The Eleventh Hour, but I was really firm on starting at the beginning haha (which is a good thing, because I might not have kept watching if I’d started with Series 5 — I love the ideas in that season but for whatever reason, it just didn’t work for me that well!) But yep, Nine will always be my Doctor :D

Favourite Doctor: I don’t really think it’s fair for me to answer this because I haven’t seen many of the Classic Doctors, but I’ll give it a shot from what I know! My top three so far are Nine, Twelve, and Eight.

Favourite Companion: (Again, I haven’t seen enough Classic Who to do this fairly) BUT I think I’d have to say my all-time favourite is Clara, if only for her fantastic arc in Series 9. I’m also really loving Charley Pollard from Big Finish!

Favourite Episode: No way am I picking just one haha, so I’ll just list a few! First off, the best of the best and my favourite Doctor Who things: The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways, Blink, Face the Raven/Heaven Sent/Hell Bent (which I all see as one big story), and of course Day of the Doctor — also including the Big Finish audio stories Neverland, Zagreus, Scherzo, and Lucie Miller/To the Death. And then my favourite sort of “filler” episodes that are just really great stories and don’t get enough attention: Flatline, Father’s Day, Cold War, Mummy on the Orient Express, and Under the Lake/Before the Flood.

DW OTP: Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose, and Eight/Charley <3

BrOTP: Ten/Donna, Eight/Lucie

Queerplatonic/QPP/QTP?: (I didn’t know what this was before so I looked it up and it DESCRIBES TWELVE AND CLARA’S RELATIONSHIP PERFECTLY?) So yep definitely Twelve/Clara!

Favourite line/quote: “Do you know like we were saying? About the Earth revolving? It’s like when you’re a kid, the first time they tell you that the world’s turning and you just can’t quite believe it ‘cause everything looks like it’s standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at 1,000 miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling around the sun at 67,000 miles an hour, and I can feel it. We’re falling through space, you and me, clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go… That’s who I am.”

Favourite character that isn’t the Doctor or a companion: Missy/The Master

Favourite DW fic (if you have one): I read an absolutely ridiculous amount of fanfiction so, um, I have quite a lot. I had to check my ao3 bookmarks to find ones I liked best!

This is Yesterday by thisismyplayground — really, really amazing novel length Twelve/Clara continuation of Series 9 which actually feels like a complete season of Doctor Who!

Be a Doctor by @infiniteregress17​  — an awesome Twelve/Clara fic that takes place parallel to Series 10 and is updated as new episodes air!

Not Going Home by silverfoxtole – a really lovely collection of scenes with the “TARDIS team that never was” of Eight, Grace, and Chang Lee, immediately following the TV movie! I love this author’s other Eighth Doctor works as well, especially TLC which is full of cute Eight/Charley :)

Plum Pudding by moonmama – Short and sweet Eight/Charley goodness!

Favorite DW fanart blog (if you have one): SO MANY. I love all of @johannesviii​‘s Eighth Doctor fanart (seriously, it’s beautiful. THANK YOU), as well as the very talented @joscribbles​, whose Clara drawings are the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, also @cosmic-shine​, @halorvic​… I’m sure there’s so many more I’m forgetting, but basically anyone who makes Doctor Who fanart, YOU ARE AWESOME :D

If you could pick anyone to be the next Doctor, who would it be?:  I really have no idea! Though I did see a rumour a while back that Vicky McClure was being considered, and judging purely from pictures, she looks like she’d be cool choice! (Internet speculation says that we’ll find out within two weeks..!)

If you could pick anyone to be the next companion who would it be? (Why?): Again, no idea! But I’d really like the character to be someone from the past, because the new series hasn’t done that at all.

Favourite fan theory: I’m sure there are some I like but I can’t think of any right now?

Other fandoms: Harry Potter, Lemony Snicket, Stranger Things, Star Trek… Probably more weird and obscure stuff

Tagging anyone who wants to do this!

[mcrmadness]

Rant about how I can’t draw anymore... it shouldn’t have got this long but as it did anyway, I’m gonna put a read more link there eh...

Asdfdeghawbfk I’ve been reading some webcomics on Tumblr and the more I see the pics the more I want to draw too! I just don’t know what to draw. I lost my inspiration years ago. I guess I just became this boring adult or something. Not really as I’m still very child-like by my mind but I think all my energy and imagination is rented by my mental illness as it loves to make up weird scenarios and false alarms 24/7 so there’s none left for my own use...

So far only things I can came up with is drawings related to my mental stuff and it makes me angry because it’s just lots of text along with badly drawn pictures of nothing interesting. I already write way too much of my nonsense no one is interested in and it’s spreading to my art too.

It’s sad because drawing had been my hobby since I could handle a pen. I guess it ended few years ago when I used to do lots of portraits. Just fanart basically but those were never good enough. For me as I’m a huge perfectionist. I was good at the mechanics but not so good at making them look original. I think the major breakdown was when my friend told me that she doesn’t understand people who draw portraits because it’s just basically a copy of a photo and is lacking the soul or story of the drawing itself. She got the point and I was and still am not angry at her, but it made me realize that they were just not-even-perfect copies of photos.

I also was bullied at school and made feel like I was worth nothing and everyone just hated (on) me and I felt pretty shit and I was lonely as hell (I had no friends at school for almst 2 years in straight), I drew a lot and that was my way of getting the attention and approval I couldn’t get. And it was never enough. I did not draw because it was fun but because I wanted it finished, uploaded to Deviantart and to see if I could get comments and I was ALWAYS disappointed and felt like the world is against me and it’s my destiny that no one will ever see me no matter what I do. I was grateful for everyone leaving a like or comment but it was not enough... so maybe they lacked the soul because y only intention with them was to get attention. So I slowly stopped drawing.

I also can’t draw anything just like that. I’m terrible and it also made me even more depressed and angry because everytime I tried drawing something that was no copying, they turned out 57825792 times worse. And I just felt like I actually couldn’t even draw shit so I was just lying to myself, I was pretending to be good at drawing when in reality I sucked so bad and just was faking for myself because I knew how to mechanically draw, but not how to draw with just my mind as the reference pic. I don’t know if they looked so horrible for everyone or just for me, but it made me so damn angry. And I’m not an angry person but when I tried to draw it just made me so stressed out and I wanted to break everything and throw stuff out of the window so I stopped.

AND YET I still feel the urge to draw but I don’t know WHAT to draw. Okay since the first Deadpool movie I’ve been wanting to draw this once scene from it but I’ve never started because it’s too much work to go and find that scene on the bluray and actually get that paused so you can see the lines well enough. So I’ve been thinking about that scene for over 2 years and have done nothing. Also it would just be one stupid-ass piece of fanart portrait which lack the soul and it’d be just for me to do something DP related for couple of hours as that’s probably only way to do something lasting that long. Unless I watch the movie or play the game 24/7 but... maybe not :DD (Also still can’t beat the last boss in the game because they really did not think about players using keyboard so it’s pissing me off too. I really want to know how the damn game ends!)

I also love comics and I started drawing comics when I was 9-10 years old. Or first I started with just series of pictures. Acually have to tell this one here: always the same story tho about a dino riding another dino like a horse in a competition, and then falling over this water hurdle that was deeper than swim pools what the fuck - and it ended with him watching the competition from tv with his family and he was in a wheel chair with an overall plaster cats what was wrong with me??? But I also did draw on coloring books, once I draw with a red crayon on some sort of swan, I drew wounds and blood everywhere and kept telling a story of how lion had attacked it and my aunt was there listening to me horrified :DDD I also remember how I once drew a cat family that apparently turned out to be so dangerous they had chains and all and eventually I ended up drawing lines over the whole paper because they were also behind a ighly securited fence. Okay, I know this sounds pretty creepy, but actually I’ve always liked animals over people so I have no clue why I drew things like these when in the end I could never hurt animals. Maybe Jurassic Park and other movies, as well as documents about animals, had something to do with this? Who knows...

(I also have traumas for the movie “Homeward Bound”, the scene where the cat’s in the basket in the middle of the river and the dog is trying to rescue it. I was very young at the time when my mom caught me in front of that movie crying like a... baby? because of that cat. I haven’t been able to watch that film ever again. So that probably tells you how much I love animals and especially cats as I’ve always lived with cats and we had three when I was born. But I did adopt this to my plays as a kid, I loved so much to play when someone or even better if it was a GROUP OF KIDS that were in a huge danger and they needed to be rescued. I did this with every single play I played back then. Still love it when x rescues y but nowadays more like on an emotional level as I was always alone against the people hating me and I could only dream about someone standing for me.)

BUT TO THE COMICS. At first they were just stream of consciousness without any plot, I created new characters all the time and never finished their stories as they had no plot ever. Also loved drawing “biographies”, usually it was some female anthropomorphic animal or insect that used clothes and had hair because I loved drawing different styles, make up and hair/hairdos to them. And often it started with couple of panels telling about her story from the beginning, then jumped to some age and next thing was panel per age at the same time telling about her in tht age. The idea was just to draw lots or hair and clothes, and then it ended with some age I considered “adult enough” and then their teenage/adult life started with boyfriends and stuff. Usually it was pretty much an ugly duckling kind of story where they were different and maybe bullied because of something (this one bunny had floppy ears so they did everything to get them pointy because she was bullied I guess? At least she hated her ears. Btw this was my first real comic ever!). But you can see why I still love playin The Sims games! :D

After these endless stories about nothing particular I came up with the idea of actually writing a plot and then drawing. Ended up with plenty of short comics that actually had a plot and some idea in them. The characters did change tho and I probably had couple of stories of each different characters. They were also always animals but no more antropomorphic but just animals that had speech bubbles.

My last comics ever (so far) have been two originals and one that I drew as a fanart. The two originals were called Micro - The Insane Murdered, and Little Emo Bird.

Micro was this dino-like creature, yet another anthropomorphic character because I did not know how to draw people without copying anyone’s style and I just never came up with humans as characters. So the header tells it, Micro is a murderer. This one I actually liked a lot! I was 15-17 when I drew him, but it was also much gore as, well, he’s a murderer. Or just a killer as he’s pretty much insane and doesn’t plan but just acts out of blue. I think I drew 3 different short stories for him and I had the last one written down. It was pretty interesting as I didn’t draw him for a while and when I remembered those plans and came back, I had had my identity crisis and EVERYTHING had changed. Original plan was to get him a girlfriend - after he was caught for his crimes and snet to prison,m he later was sent to an asylum for prisoners. This story should have taken place in there, introducing fellow inmates and Micro just felt like he was not in the right place as he was not ill. And then he would have met this girl and they’d have fallen in love and so on. But when I later checked that out I was so... confused :D Like, this is not me? This is what I hate now? Romance, ew, heteronormativity, ew, JUST THE CLICHÉS, BIG EW. So I just wrote these this very deep wall of text about his personality but it never turned into a comic. But I remember how proud I was about it as Micro was meant to be partly me but also something I could never be and never will be and what not, just some pretty cheesy blabber that felt good back then but right now would feel just as stupid as the first plan :D

The second one, Little Emo Bird, was an interesting one as well. I created it as a joke because I was a huge My Chemical Romance fan and there was this never-ending debate over if they’re emo or not (and as a fan I believed them so they were not emo) and created LEB. It was this bird and you usually saw just his head and occassionally wings too and he was very stereotypical emo with black hair and he was very suicidal and angry 24/7. Also others called him gay when he insisted that he was not. But actually I always imagined him with a girl emo bird instead of another boy bird but it was just the another stereotype that emoboys are gays. So it was not meant to be mean but just fun. I also liked him very much because he talked with me - the drawer/writer. Like he knew he can’t kill himself because I won’t let him and it pissed him off very. much. And he hated how the panels he was in had frames looking like scars. Oh my bad, the panels were not scars but the arrows pointing the next panel :D I’m not sure if he was actually suicidal but at least he acted like one because he was desperate for attention and tried to get attention to show no one gives a fuck about him and the would get angry for stupid reasons. So basically just a very moody teenager. 

I have all these on my DeviantArt if someone’s interested, but I want to link here one of the... memes? What the shit these DA fill-this-thing were actually called memes? I wonder if they still are o.O Anyway, I want to link this one because I think it’s still the best one and I really like the outcome here :D

Here’s also the link to my dA as this empty meme was done by someone else and I wanna give credits. Oops, apparently it’s a deactivated account so nevermind, but here’s the link anyway.

The latter and so far the latest comic was about Die Ärzte, or more about the slash pairing (still my OTP) and I drew couple of comics about them, as well did write fanfiction too. These comics were my first to have human characters as I was tired of drawing everyone always in the form of animals (horses usually) just because I didn’t know how to draw people, and many people found their animal forms really disturbing to view so I changed to people.

After those I just haven’t drawn anything really. Comics would be nice, once I actually thought it would be interesting as a career but then again, I can’t work under pressure and I couldn’t live from art because you never know when the artblock hits you. Right now it’s been on for couple of years and basically only way to create something atm is to play The Sims 3 and write my TS3 blog. At least it’s something, pics with text so... I still would love to draw but I just have NO IDEA of any concept or anything.

Also just want to say here that after thinking about my Micro and LEB it’s weird how there’s certain things that actually are just the things that made me start liking Deadpool. (I’d have written ‘fall in love’ but as much as he is a fictional character, he’s still a human being and I don’t/can’t love humans...) It just shows that I’ve always like that kind of things with comics but didn’t know they existed outside of my comics until I found out about DP. Have to admit tho, that I haven’t read any DP comics... But I have an excuse: I don’t know if there’s a way to get those in Finland. ANYWAY, I just feel like someone would think these were affected by DP but actually they were not. Micro and LEB both were created in 2008 and I did not find out about Deadpool until in... 2013-2014 I think? And even then it was just occassional browsing in the internet before the movie trailers came out and that’s when I really got interested and started reading about him a lot and bought the game and here I am now. Acually not sure if it was in 2013 when we were just rewatching the X-Men movies and a friend of mine probably mentioned Deadpool at some point and told some things about him that got my attention. But really I got interested bit later anyway.

I really feel like I should do some sort of comparison between me drawing from photos vs. me drawing from my head to show how huge the difference is. And this annoys me a lot because I feel like I’ve been using these photos to LEARN to draw better but it just feels like my skills are at the maximum no matter how much I’d practice, and I’m not happy with the result as I feel like I should learn even more but how do you learn if your skill is stuck??? People always say that you just need to draw every day and a lot and they don’t understand that’s what I did and never could cross a certain point. I probably was also very jealous at my siblings because they were 5732850 times better than me who had been drawing longer than them (as I’m 3½ years older), just seeing them to improve made me so angry because I did not seem to improve at all. With copy drawings I did tho! But not with the ones I wanted to.

Now, I also know that lots of artists use lots of reference photos and that’s actually great and made me feel better as I always assumed everyone is naturally that awesome and I can’t even learn more; so it made me feel better because I also have permission? I’m not fake for using photos? But I’m just this... all or nothing so I very easily feel like I’ve betrayed myself if I don’t draw all by myself and then I need to point out that hey I’m not this good in reality I used a photo heh don’t think I’m a naturally gifted as I’M NOT asddd. So yeah, my need to constantly explain myself is on the way with this one too :))) But I don’t think this would be so bad anymore if I now started drawing again, but the biggest problem still is, that I still have that artblock and I haven’t had inspirations in years. Apart from that DP fanart idea which I don’t know if I should carry out or not... sigh.

...I want teh comics!!! I once even wanted to start this webcomic diary because I used to read lots of them but even that idea was dead from the beginning because my life is so boring there’s nothing to draw about. I also have drawn couple of comics of our cats but again it’s the thing I can’t (or I make myself believe that I can’t...) draw the way it’d look nice and appealing, now they’re just black and white mess.