#kidney stone anon!

[omgeto]

OMG OMG OMG UH OH BOY WHAT DO I WANT

Uh

Fetch me a new kidney!!

how's ur kidney today? R U STILL IN PAIN.

[chaifootsteps]

Hazbin hotel and helluva boss are the definitions of "great on paper but terrible in execution"

(btw can I be called kidney stone anon?)

Just like communism and foursomes.

[finniestoncrane]

Why is someone tryna give you kidney stones? You got enemies with wizards for writing boomerang smut 😔

i got enemies for lots of things ;-; mostly for being annoying and nice and autistic, the unchained libido is the LEAST of my worries lmaoooo

any wizards want to be my companion however that would be neat. i am at my core a slutty bard so i need all the help i can get 💚

[scarlet-riot]

On Valentine's Day Scarlet Fireemblem is gonna visit you with flowers, either one of you gets pregnant and then she leaves again and you're alone

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAT'S LITERALLY ALREADY WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU SPEEDRUN MARRYING HER ON REVELATIONS, WE CAN'T LET HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF

[gingerjolover]

i miss uuuuu;( i feel like ur never on tumblr anymore or reading/reposting any stuff :(

i know im sorry:(

i do try and interact w other writers stuff but i don't scroll as much as i used to (for my brain + on any socials) and i only post when im sitting at my computer and tbh ive been job searching so when i spend 8+hrs staring at a screen its hard to sit down and post even when i want to

but i am trying to be more active! i have literally over 200+ asks and i want to talk to y'all and hype up other writers in this fandom (bc y'all are insaneeeeeee and talented) and write more fics and be around more

but alas, i'm just a girl

[izzypaw]

every time you drink coffee you get sick but you keep drinking it anyway

would be so true except i dont drink caffiene anymore😔

[angelmichelangelo]

NOT UR CAR NOOOOO AND AT THE HOSPITAL IM SO SORRY SENDING U GOOD LUCK WISHES AND A BIG HUG

thank you anon :( it’s been a weird week - i’m never usually seriously ill and i’ve never had any issues with my car in the 5 years i’ve been driving so of course it all happens in the course of a week - just my luck lol

the good news is that i’m feeling somewhat better (mostly because i’m just hyping myself up to get back to work tomorrow cos i can’t afford anymore sick days) and that nobody got hurt with my car situation. u gotta focus on the positives….. even if those positives feel very very very far away 🥲

but thank you for your concern and your kindness, it is very much appreciated <33

[nu-metal-confessions]

In a playful way I want to fist fight corey and fred

.

[sideshow-tornado]

You should follow Ben Wyatt's advice and Treat Yo' Self for your birthday!

I wish I could treat myself to an almost movie accurate Keaton era Batman suit, but alas I have less $100 in my checking account right now and die a little bit inside each time I draw from my savings to cover basic things like food & gas.

[venusandsaturnsrings]

aghhh i went to see the barbie movie with friends today….it was so good!!!! but omg i’m dying i had like three monsters ( all pink !!) and now my body feels all strange…. how tf does taru do it….

-🕷️

don’t hate the player, hate the game. i drink at least one a day like the heathen i am so maybe i’ve built a tolerance but i could slurp down 5 and feel fine… i’m sorry but it’s simply biological adaption. me and taru are just made this way… i wish u infinite luck and love for ur recovery <3

[omgeto]

SEX IN PUBLIC IS MY FAv FIC

Love kidney anon

me having to do a hard deep think about what u were on about. I thought at first u meant U LIKE TO HAVE SEX IN PUBLIC IF SO THEN MAJOR SLAY FOR U U BETTER WORKKK

[chaifootsteps]

What would really help with Viv's designs would be making them have actual meat on them so they're not like sticks. Not only would they look actually normal but I feel that it wouldn't feel so overcomplicated because there's more space for all of Viv's punny details so it isn't as crammed. You know what I meant, okay anyways

-Your one and only, kidney stone anon

Got to pour some protein shakes down those noodles so they don't blow away when the wind picks up.

(Not Stolas though, Stolas doesn't deserve protein or food or love.)

[laura1633]

if you still doing drabble .. what about Charles found out that max is pregnant..🧡🧡

Hi anon

Thank you so much for the drabble idea, I am still writing a few and I might write a few at random points over the next week (so I will try and get around to the ones in my inbox). Below is a short piece about Max being pregnant. It's Mpreg though rather than omegaverse <3

“I’m pregnant,” Max punches the words out there, so much so that it is close to being aggressive in tone. 

Charles looks completely dumbstruck. The Monegasque is still clutching the takeout food he’s collected on his way home. His eyes flick down towards Max’s stomach before he dismissively shakes his head and laughs raucously as he heads through to the kitchen. 

“Charles, forget the food!” Max snaps, “I’m telling you I’m pregnant. It is of course yours.”

Charles giggles again as he goes to get two plates out of the cupboard, “So I suppose next you are going to tell me you are eating for two and need more of the food?”

“Charles will you just -“ Max stops and calms himself. He can’t really blame Charles’ dismissiveness. He had also laughed and told the doctor to fuck off when he had been told. The hospital had had to bring in three separate specialists and show him a whole host of scans before he believed them.

“Max, is there something wrong?” Charles eventually sets the food aside and closes the gap to his boyfriend before soothing his hands up the Dutchman's arms and placing a kiss against his lips, “You’re kind of freaking me out, there’s a vein in your neck that looks like its about to pop.”

“Charles,” Max tries again, “I am pregnant. And before you laugh again, this is not a joke. I have the scans!” the Dutchman reaches into his back pocket and shows Charles the ultrasound scan he had been given earlier today. The ultrasound scan that he was expecting to pick up kidney stones or something equally annoying and painful. He was not expecting to be told he is carrying a baby around inside him.

 “But you can’t get pregnant,” Charles has turned pale, in fact he’s currently so white that even the sunburn that lingers across his skin from the holidays seems to have faded, “You would know if you could? You would have had tests, I don’t -  ”

“The doctor said perhaps the gene was dormant,” Max bites roughly at his lip. It’s incredibly rare for those born as biological male to get pregnant. Less than a quarter of a percent. Max had always been told that when it came to driving skills he was one in a million. As it turns out his genetic make up is even rarer, “Charles, I am not fucking with you. I am pregnant.”

Charles is still staring. Max sees the Monegasque’s pupils widen as he tries to formulate a response. The wait is making Max feel queasy, or at least he assumes it’s the stoney silence that is making him what to retch, it could also be the seafood platter that Charles insisted on ordering from a local restaurant despite Max's protests. It's half open on the side and the smell is permeating the air.

“We are having a baby,” Charles breathes out, “You are pregnant. We are having a baby. Oh my god we are - , what -, oh my god Max!!” 

Max jumps as Charles squeals in delight and tries to lift him in the air. The movement is a little clumsy but Max’s feet do leave the ground as Charles spins them around. 

“You are not mad?” Max thinks its probably a redundant question because he’s never seen Charles this happy, not even when the Monegasque won his first home race. Charles is positively beaming and pressing kisses all over Max’s face like a crazy person.

“Why would I be -, Wait- “ Charles pauses, “You do want the baby right? You are happy?” 

“I’m happy,” Max manages to mumble as he sniffs back tears. It’s the first time he’s even let himself consider that he can actually have this. That he can keep the baby and keep Charles. He blocked out the thought in the hospital and on the way home. He thought about the upcoming race weekend and the content he has to go film in Milton Keynes. He thought about anything else to distract himself from getting carried away with the possibility that Charles would want this too.

“This is so perfect,” Charles’ hands come to rest against Max’s cheeks as he pulls him into a kiss. The Monegasque is shaking, although Max isn’t doing much better, his body feels like it’s vibrating from adrenaline. 

“Can you still race?” 

Max chuckles, that was also one of the first questions he had asked once he had recovered from the shock, “For now, they think until the end of the season, they’ll need to keep an eye on me though, make sure I am not exerting myself too much.”

“Okay, okay, makes sense,” Charles is nodding. He is also plotting, Max can tell from the way the Monegasque’s forehead creases up, “Well I can help. I can look after you, make sure you don’t have to do anything but keep him or her safe,” Charles presses a delicate hand against Max’s stomach, the tenderness of it makes the Dutchman’s heart skip and he instinctively reaches out and places his hand over Charles’.

“You just rest and I will look after you,” Charles smiles, “anything you need, just ask. Anything from now on. Anything.”

“Anything?” 

“Anything,” Charles says gleefully. 

“Charles, I love you so much, “ Max smiles as he takes Charles' hand in his own and squeezes it gently, “But can you please get that seafood out of this flat right now before I throw up everywhere!”  

[bardic-inspirjaytion]

Why do you call your cat piss king? Is he really good at it or something?

hi anon!

we're gonna learn a bit about cat urinary systems and issues! it may be a bit TMI for the scope of the question but, given how few cat guardians know about this, I'm always looking for chances to educate since being informed can literally save a cat's life.

the main takeaway: if you notice that your cat cannot pee, HEAD TO THE EMERGENCY VET NOW, DO NOT PASS GO! full stop.

if they cannot pee, that is one of the few true emergencies in a healthy cat, and you NEED to treat it as such.

usually you'll see a blocked cat straining and vocalizing in the box, licking themselves, whining and highly reactive to being touched on the lower belly, and - of course - you won't see any proper urine in the box. there may be dribbles or blood, but no pee. this is a problem that escalates really fast, and can easily be lethal. do NOT fuck around with it.

what qualifies me to talk about this? it's exactly what happened to pekoe (peek for short) about three years ago.

proper Storytime and more detail below the cut.

see, the thing with cats is that their bladders are tiny and their kidneys are, uh, bad! so if they can't pee, not only is it incredibly painful, but the liquid and toxins building up in their system can do a LOT of organ damage in a VERY short amount of time. this can get very bad, very fast, and it is very easy for them to die from it if the issue can't be fixed easily and promptly.

usually, the vet will be able to get a catheter into the blocked cat to relieve the pressure, flush out their bladder if there's a physical blockage (ex, if they've made bladder crystals/stones, we gotta get those out of there!), and give them medication to prevent spasms and infection as they heal. a cat then needs to go on urinary-friendly food to prevent additional blockages for the rest of their lives, and some other lifestyle adjustments should be made to treat any underlying risk factors that the animal might have.

sometimes, however, that doesn't resolve the issue, and they block again. and if you're extra unlucky, they'll block AGAIN after that. and maybe again, for extra spice. if you're extra extra unlucky, this will all happen in the same week.

this is the situation that peek and i found ourselves in.

picture the urinary system of a cat as a funnel, with the external bits being the tip of the funnel. when you ultimately need to make a funnel bigger because it can't drain anymore, what do you do?

you remove the tip.

this is an operation called a perineal urethrostomy, or a PU for short. it's a last resort salvage procedure that essentially removes the external genitalia of a male cat to widen the exit of the urinary tract and prevent future blockages. it's a difficult and delicate operation with a very long recovery time. it was also the only option left to save peek's life.

real talk before this next bit: i will never judge pet guardians for impossible decisions made in good faith based on qualified medical advice, in the interest of trying to do what's best for their pets. flat up, i don't stand for that shit.

okay? cool, let's keep going.

a PU is definitely not a surgery that has any guarantees, it can be very painful, it needs a very skilled vet to do it, and it's both expensive and difficult to see an animal through it safely. it was also the one option we had left to save peek, who was very very VERY sick at that point. the vet told me that she was also willing to do euthanasia, if the PU was not right for us, with zero judgment - the little guy had been through a lot of pain and several surgeries already, and doing this operation would be asking a lot more from an animal that was already very weak, with no guarantees of success.

he was briefly stable so i took him home to think about it and sat with him overnight. hours in the darkened living room, with my fluffy best friend sleeping fitfully in my arms like a sick baby. in the morning when he woke up he gave me a little lick on the face, and then a headbutt with a weak but undeniably hungry little meow. he hadn't had an appetite in a week, but now he wanted breakfast. in that moment, i knew he was letting me know that he wasn't finished fighting yet, so i knew the right decision for me was to keep fighting for him.

i called the vet, and we went ahead with the surgery.

i'll spare you the rest of the grisly details - the procedure was a success, and i was lucky enough to be able to work remotely and nurse him through the recovery. it was long and difficult and stressful. it sucked! it was crazy making. i would break down weeping with relief every single time i saw a dirty litter box for WEEKS. if you're reading this and going through it yourself, please feel free to reach out to me any time, okay?

but we persevered. i took care of him, and he rallied like a goddamn king. and hey. anon. guess what?

that was almost three years ago. his life went fully back to normal after he healed. you wouldn't know that this had happened if you didn't already know, because that fluffy little king still pisses like a champion race horse.

so, that's the story of how pekoe became

THE PISS KING.

[gingerjolover]

your kidney sTILL has a rock in it??

APPARENTLY!!!! I got put on more meds but last night was…. not good so I’m hoping he exits soon!

(yes he is a man, yes my friends and i named him, and yes we hate him)

[sciderman]

I have a disorder which makes my kidney's hate processing calcium- been getting stones since I was 15 and I'm so fucking sorry my dude, they suck.

My ma has the same disorder- she says they're more painful than pregnancy, and really, what is a kidney stone but a little mineral baby your body made for you?

oh GOD anon i'm so, so sorry anon. i wouldn't wish it on anyone. it is, without a doubt, the single most excruciating experience of my life (which, again, is kind of lucky - i haven't been through a lot of pain in my life) you can't eat, you can't sleep – you're shaking like a leaf.

at one point i had to go outside (which, by the way, i couldn't stop hurling as i was walking) simply so i could sleep on a park bench because the cold and the noise of the birds and the hard, hard wood of the bench were the only variables that distracted me from the pain enough to the point where i could sleep. and a guy came up to me trying to give me money. because he thought i was homeless. that was the kind of week i was having last week.

my baby is due in 7 weeks. her name is sharon stone. she is growing healthily at about 2cm. i want her out of me immediately.