#kid wasnt old enough to talk much or id talk longer

[briarpatch-kids]

Ran into a mom and her son at the farmers market. The son had a high support manual wheelchair and was all strapped in like i need to be. I ended up running home to grab an extra sticker and one of the fun calf straps I have left from when I could sew. The kid was super excited to get the sticker and all that, and the mom was excited because he uses a bipap at night and might need it during the day when he's older like I do. It was good for her to see an adult out and about with the same sorts of supports her son uses, I think.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

future friends 2/2

james 'logan' howlett

+++++++++

part one

song: gold medal ribbon my pierce the veil

+++++++++

i sat on my bed and thought about what had happened in the danger-room. it had been a little over a week already and i still couldnt stop thinking about it. his face, the way he sounded. so broken. it was an accident. and of course i couldnt think to face ororo either. im sure she already got an earful from him about it.

but the thing is, i hadnt seen him or his reading since that day. and that worried me. all of his classes had been cancelled but i couldnt exactly blame him. i think i wouldve done the same. i half thought to go find him but i wasnt sure i could face him again. nonetheless i picked myself up off the side of my bed and walked out of my room and out into the hall. kids were rushing past me to get to their next class but i ignored them as best i could.

some of them were harder than others, all of the images of their pasts behind my eyes as i paced by them. but then his made its way into my brain and i stopped. i had already made it to the end of the hall but it wasnt his room he was in. it was the library. some place i hadnt ever seen him go. he didnt find place in there like the students did. but it was quiet. i pushed the door open slowly and there he was, sat at the table with a book open in front of him. it was a book about the civil war. oh. i watched his face as he looked up.

"hey kid, or uh, y/n."

he corrected and i drew my brows, walking slowly to him like you would a wounded animal.

"hello logan."

he closed the book and placed it flat on the table, folding his hands on top of it.

"first of all i wanna apologize-"

"dont worry about it."

he cut me off and i tilted my head to the side in confusion.

"but i lied to you?"

i questioned and he nodded, a half smile making its way to his features.

"i know. i talked to storm. and though i wish someone would have helped me sooner i understand she was just trying to keep the professors wishes. damn bastard."

he laughed.

"so youre not mad? at me?"

i asked hesitantly and he scooted his chair back, standing up to meet me.

"storm explained a bit about you. how your powers work, how old you are, the god that cursed you."

i looked down and he took my hand in his. i gasped and tried to pull away but he held on tight. i looked up with wide eyes, trying to study his face.

"i made peace with not knowing anything about myself but you changed that. now i know who i am. or was, at least."

he squeezed my hand and then let it go.

"you arent scared?"

i asked and he laughed.

"terrified actually. but if youre willing to work with me. id like to get to know myself. and you."

i watched as he put his leg up and sat on the side of the table.

"logan i want to but with my powers only a handful of things can happen. the more i look into your past the more i will get attached to you and i dont want you to resent me for something i cant control."

he nodded, studying my face.

"y/n you are the only person ive ever met that is my own age and is willing to help me. i dont think i could resent you even if i tried."

i laughed, tapping a finger on the table next to his leg.

"you say that now."

he reached forward and grabbed my hand again but i didnt pull away this time. he closed his eyes.

"they dont come in waves like the first one did."

he said softly and i drew my brows.

"each time i touch you i get isolated stories. ones that i only got glimpses of the first time."

he said coolly. opening his eyes and looking up at me.

"is that how you see them?"

he asked and i nodded.

"if i focus hard enough yes, or if im around the person a lot. the glimpses get longer. especially if im not trying to suppress them."

"you are extraordinary."

he complimented and i could feel some heat forming in my cheeks. i knew to much about him to not blush. it didnt help i already had a crush on him.

"tell me, whats something that youve been wanting to know? more than anything else."

he sat and thought for a second

"striker said i volunteered for his program but i cant believe that. i want to know what actually happened."

i nodded, stepping towards him a little more. he drew his brows and watched me.

"bare with me please."

i whispered, looking over his face and stopping at his lips. i took a deep breath before closing the gap between us. as soon as our lips touched i was overrun with his memories. i searched through them like a file folder, stopping on his time at alkali lake. i could feel my body tense and i shared that memory with him, his recruitment, the experiment, taking gallons of his blood and storing it, the wires and machines he was hooked up to, keeping him in a cage like an animal, and his escape.

i held on as long as i could but it got too overwhelming. i pulled away from him and seized, my head falling back and my eyesight going white as i looked to the ceiling. i fell limp against him, feeling his arms wrap around my body as he caught me, slowly guiding me to the floor and into his lap. i shook against him and breathed heavily as my eyesight came back. i could hear him shushing me and stroking my hair, rocking back and forth.

"logan."

i gasped out, gripping at his arm.

"its okay, im right here."

he said, and i could hear the fear in his voice.

"i held on as long as i could."

i whispered and i felt him kiss the top of my head.

"you gave me just what i needed, now relax. please. ill take care of you while you do."

i nodded against his chest, feeling my eyes heavy.

"im gonna sleep now okay?"

i asked and i could feel him chuckle to himself.

"ive got you. you go right ahead."

i hummed to myself.

"lets hold off on any more memories for a little bit okay?"

i asked and he laughed.

"youve got a deal. kid. now just take it easy."

the last thing i remember was my body going limp against him and everything going black. at least i could help a little. give him some part of himself back. and i could hear it in his voice. he was sincere.

"thank you y/n."

[fandom-monium]

i finished for the holidays and i just *chefs kiss* beautiful talented amazing sajkgdkj no words i love that romance wasnt even the main point 🥺💘 anyway i love how you write reader and i wondered between her and spencer who gets jealous???

Unrivaled

Summary: In which you seem pretty close with the new intern, and Spencer is not happy about it. (ft. one of my fave white bois) “Have I ever told you how much I value your friendship?"

WC: 3.6k

Tags/Warnings: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader, fluff, cussing, Jealous!Spencer bc id like to see that, established relationships (blegh), Garvez if you squint, the lightest implication of smut ever, points to yall who can guess who the intern is before reading the end or the tags 😉

—

Spencer is not jealous. He’s not.

Why would he be? 

He has no reason to be jealous, Spencer chants to himself as he sits at his desk. Even from across the bullpen he still manages to hear your voice, and while normally it’s music to his ears, even better than Mozart, now it just feels like nails against a chalkboard. Grating his eardrums, making him wince.

Because you’re laughing. Not with Spencer though. Not at his obscure references or lame jokes.

With the new intern.

Why did Emily have to put you in charge of him? She could’ve chosen anyone on the team to have him shadow, but it had to be you! Not that you’re incapable or unqualified; you’re experienced, talented, and the best person he knows. 

… Okay, he can see why she picked you.

Why do they even have interns? Unnecessary, really, when the BAU has you and him and he guesses the other teams too (it’s weird, he’s never actually interacted with them but whatever). Maybe it’s time to start making budget cuts. He’ll discuss this with Emily when he gets the chance. He’s got some influence, working at the BAU as long as he has.

But he’s not jealous. 

Logically, jealousy (like an intern) is unnecessary. The green-eyed monster (like an intern) is ugly and contributes nothing productive, and if Spencer’s being honest, the world (like an intern) would be much better off without it.

At least that’s what he keeps telling himself as he downs his coffee like a shot of whiskey, trying to quell the squirming beast in him. Despite 90% of it being sugar, it still tastes bitter. He sets his mug down with a thud, and it’s loud enough to make Luke, Garcia, and JJ turn their heads, exchanging concerned glances when he slumps back in his chair.

Spencer doesn’t care. The world’s ending; you’re apparently into younger guys, with neat dark hair and forearms that can probably snap someone’s neck, and he can’t do anything about it. What does it matter if his best friends catch him in a sour mood, right?

“Hey, Spence,” JJ's tone is soft as they slink over, Garcia and Luke leaning against the edge of his desk and JJ flanking the other side. “You alright?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer gazes past them, his eyes never leaving you. He deflates; your stance is relaxed, completely open as you nod at whatever Intern is saying, his hands gesturing spastically. It must be interesting, the way you listen with rapt attention and respond just as enthusiastic.

Spencer scoffs. Not like that’s anything special. You do the same for him. And the rest of the team.

...What the hell are you guys talking about? 

“Well, you look like you’re about to throw your mug across the room. Or at an intern.”

Spencer blinks, finally breaking away from you long enough to eye the ceramic octopus. “That’s a good idea actually.”

“Don’t,” Garcia and JJ both shoot him a warning and he huffs, resting his chin in his hand. Garcia looks horrified, betrayed even while JJ has that expression on, the one she gives when she scolds Henry and Michael.

Whatever. It’s not like he’d ever sacrifice Mildred. Garcia entrusted her to him, after all. 

Unless...?

No, he couldn’t… Maybe.

“You know, Reid, if you’re jealous—”

Spencer snaps his head to Garcia, eyes wide and darting to you like you have super-hearing, “Jealous? Who’s jealous? Not me.” He cringes, his voice octaves higher and cracking like a prepubescent boy.

Garcia snorts, “Okay, sure. But if you are jealous, I was going to say you have no reason to be. You wanna know why?” Spencer raises an eyebrow at her and she continues, “Sure the guy’s smart enough to get a full-ride scholarship at GWU, and he’s top of his class at the academy—”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?”

"And he’s one of the most good looking guys I've ever met—”

"How is that relevant—"

Luke frowns at her. "And have you met me?"

“My point is,” Garcia’s red lipstick curls into the most reassuring smile, “that you have nothing to worry about because (Your Name) loves you. A lot.” 

Spencer perks up. “You really think so?”

“I know so. I see the way they look at you, and if that’s not love I don’t know what is," She shrugs, "And just because they’re talking doesn’t mean they’re into him.”

There's a collective nod of agreement and Spencer sags in relief. Of course they're right. He knows they are. 

If you think about it, technically, he's got the advantage. You've known each other longer, bonded and shared experiences together good and bad, and you’re emotionally and even physically intimate with each other (something he's especially proud of, considering how long it takes you both to warm up to others).

And who knows? This is probably temporary! Whatever this is, the connection you seem to instantly make with Intern (faster than when you two had met, he realizes with a needle to his heart) is short-term at best. It'll peter out eventually, like most friendships do.

It’s sad, but a cruel fact of life.

(Is this selfish, wishful thinking? Nah.)

They’re right, there is no need to worry, Spencer thinks as a weight lifts off his chest, finally able to breathe. You love him and he loves you and eventually, everything will go back to normal. 

There’s nothing to worry about.

—

The world’s ending.

“It’s really not.”

Yes, it is.

“Doc, come on.”

“Do not ‘Doc’ me,” Spencer grumbles, lifting his head from the comfort of his arms. He grimaces at Luke. “You didn’t see the way they looked at him. The way they talk about him.”

Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since you’ve taken Intern under your wing, and he’s had enough. If Hell is real, this is it. For days, he’s tried to resume some form of normalcy, and he was never one to be bold but desperate times call for desperate measures as he asks you out for lunch or invites you out on dates, even stuff he wouldn’t normally do because they’re more your thing. Something, anything to get you away from Intern. But...

At work: “Hey Spence, I'm teaching Intern (menial task that a 4 year old could do). Would you like to help—”

During break: “I’m taking Intern out for lunch. He’s still new to town, and I thought he could use a tour—”

In bed: “Did you know Intern’s a huge fan of Star Wars—”

Snap, and there went his patience.

Intern this, Intern that. 

Spencer could tolerate this at work. At least he’s saving lives, being productive, getting paid. But under his roof? In his bed? 

That was the last straw.

Spencer's not one to wish ill on another, he's not like that. But if something happened to the guy, say, get injured in the field, perhaps from a "stray" bullet, he'd be intern-ally grateful. Heh. 

"Hey, you good?"

Spencer sighs, swiping a hand over his face and turning back to Luke. "Yeah, why?"

Luke waves a hand at his face, eyebrow raised, "For a second there, you kind of had a scary look on your face."

"Did I? Weird."

"Right," Clearly unconvinced, Luke brushes it off, deciding to get to the root of the matter. "As I was saying, I still think you have nothing to worry about. Although, I do think it's a little weird that (Your Name) is talking about Intern as much as you say they are." He offers Spencer a little smile, his hand falling heavy on his shoulder. It's the most comforting touch he's had in two weeks. "I'm not one to talk, but I suggest you speak to them. I'd also be uncomfortable if my partner were talking up someone else."

Spencer blinks, squints at Luke, before gripping his hand and standing up. "Have I ever told you how much I value your friendship?"

"You can stand to mention it more often," Luke shrugs, eyes crinkling with amusement as Spencer lets go and heads for the door. 

"Noted."

—

Spencer nearly goes feral when he finds you.

Of course you're with him.

He searched the floor like a bloodhound, discovering you've been on your feet almost the entire day, running around the office, up and down the elevators, finishing your work and helping around. You must be exhausted. It's because of this he tracks you to your favorite break room, mostly quiet save for the buzzing drip of the old coffeemaker. He knows you need to be alone sometimes, recharge those social batteries.

So when he bursts into the room like he would hunting an unsub, eyes quickly scanning the immediate space, he expects nothing less but you. What he did not anticipate was to find you, just as soft and pretty as ever under the fluorescent lighting, leaning against the counter and sipping daintily at your favorite mug. 

With Intern standing a little too close to his liking.

“Hey, Spencer,” You chirp as you lower your coffee mug, lips glossy from your drink. Spencer's quick to shake his stupor―he can’t afford to be distracted, but it’s difficult when you’re beaming at him, clearly excited. You nod at the home-wrecker, “Me and Intern here were just talking about demonology and he’s got this interesting theory on werewolves―" Lycanthropy? Are you fucking kidding him right now? 

Just when he thought he couldn't hate the guy any more.

"CanItalktoyou?" It comes out rushed as Spencer gasps between breaths, leaving no room to second guess himself.

"Sure," You blink at his urgent tone.

For a second, you watch him expectantly, and Spencer's gaze darts between you and Intern. "Alone?"

"Oh! Okay. Be gone," You wave Intern off, and when you place a hand on his shoulder, Spencer sees red. Or green in this case.

Intern doesn't resist, but the noise Spencer releases is animalistic because the guy can’t seem to read the room, questioning you as you gently shove him towards the door. "What about the thing―"

"We'll talk about that later."

"But you still need to show me how to―"

"Don't worry, Intern. Just wait for me, I'll show you once the adults are done talking."

"You know at some point you're gonna have to call me by my name." 

"Nah. If we get to call Luke a newbie, we get to call you Intern. Also I do not know how to say your first name."

 "You could just call me St―"

Enough of this. Spencer closes the last stretch of distance, batting your hand away from Intern’s shoulders as he kicks him out himself, slamming the door in his face. Spencer turns on his heel to face you, caging you both. “You―” He pants, chest heaving for air.

“Me?”

“You-him-we―”

You’re unfazed, simply nodding at him and his odd behavior. If anything, you’re enjoying this as your lips twitch in a poor attempt to withhold your amusement, trying to cover it with a slurp of your cup. Then again, it’s not everyday you get to see Spencer, face flushed from exertion, speechless as he gasps for breath.

(At least not at work… In the break room specifically.)

It takes a minute as Spencer swallows a few times, but his heart’s erratic and it’s not just from running through the entire building. When he’s got enough air, he blurts out, “Did I do something?”

Your brow shoots up. “What?”

“Did I forget something important? Upset you in some way?”

“No? I don’t think so?” You frown at him, your answers more like questions. 

It only spurs him on, and though his tone is frantic and his eyes just as wild as his hair, you’re more intrigued than frightened. Definitely confused.

“Okay, but you know I love you, right?”

“Yes and I love you too but Spence, what’s this about?" Setting down your mug, you look at him like he's grown another head.

Spencer sighs, "I just… you…" He frowns, glancing between you, the floor, and the empty space between you. 

Spencer Reid is a man of words. Many, many words, according to all his friends and his coworkers. Mainly knowledge―he's never been great with feelings―but as you gaze at him, patiently waiting for him to gather his thoughts, he wants to melt into the floor. There's not a hint of annoyance on your features, your eyes warm and inviting. 

He's so in love with you.

Then like scripture the words come, natural without much stuttering or hesitancy. He recounts the last two weeks. The internship so far, the times you've left Spencer behind for him, the times you just talked about him, like the guy (practically a stranger) is your new best friend. Usually, pretty people make him tongue-tied and you do―god, you do―but at the same time only you make it so easy. Talking, expressing without fear of―

"Pfft―"

―Judgement. Pausing mid-sentence, Spencer gawks as your nose twitches and your blink rate increases. You purse your lips, a hand slapped over your mouth as it threatens to break out into a grin.

"Are you-are you laughing right now?" When he just poured his feelings out to you? 

That does it. You keel over, peels of laughter coming like a tsunami, crashing into him and Spencer loves your laugh but not when it's at him. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing," you wheeze, gripping your stomach. Spencer pouts. There's even tears in your eyes. "But you're telling me this is all because you're jealous?"

He stutters, "Well-I-no-It’s just…" He wants to say ‘you're mine’, but as your eyes crinkle he knows there’s no need.

"That's kinda hot."

"Wha-really?" Wide-eyed, Spencer squeaks as you step closer to him, backing him into the door. His hands come up to his chest in a kitten-like manner yet at the same time protective―you'd never hurt him and you both know that―but you admit your initial reaction was poor when he laid his feelings bare. 

“Ahhhh Babe, you know there’s no one else for me but you.” Spencer blushes and you chuckle, taking his hands in yours. He let's you. “Also, as adorable as Intern is, one, I think I’d be able to tell if he was hitting on me, and two, he’s not really my type.”

Spencer swallows, “And what exactly is your type?”

“Hmm, let’s see,” Looking him up and down, you step closer, enough that your breath puffs against his chin. You smell like cheap coffee. “Tall, handsome doctors with messy, brown hair―” You lightly tug at one of his stray curls and he bites back a smile. 

“―and a cute nose―” Your hand moves to cup his cheek, bringing him down to peck the tip of his nose. It scrunches as Spencer breaks out into giggles. 

“―Who can recite classic literature. Who can bake like he belongs on The Great British Baking Show but can’t cook for shi―”

“Okay! Thank you, I get it,” Spencer says, almost completely relaxed now.

“Good,” You nod with finality. “And for your information, I wasn’t trying to make you jealous."

He raises an eyebrow. "So you just abandoned me and talked about another guy for the hell of it?"

Spencer's tone is casual, joking even but you know better. There's underlying bitterness and hurt and your heart squeezes because you did that. "No, of course not. There is a reason behind all that.“

“What could possibly excuse you going above and beyond your job as a mentor―”

“I was trying to set you guys up.”

Spencer deadpans. “Set me up? With him?” Oh god, he knows you’re weird, but he’s never considered you to be outright insane (is it weird he still loves you?).

As if reading his thoughts, you roll your eyes, “Spencer, how many friends do you have outside the team?”

“Not a lot.” No hesitation, but he accepted the fact a long time ago. 

“Yeah and that’s okay. But if you’d talk to Intern, you’ll find you two have a lot in common. I know he’s younger than us, but he’s a good kid, real smart,” You give him a meaningful look and shrug, “Not like IQ 187 smart but he could definitely hold a conversation with you.”

Spencer murmurs, pulling you in so you're chest to chest, “This entire time, you were really trying to make us friends?”

You nod, your expression a mix of giddiness and hope that makes whatever feelings he felt before, the confusion and―yes, fine―the jealousy, dissolve like sugar in water. Spencer sinks into you, burying his face into the crook of your neck and inhaling your soap. Of course you had good intentions. Of course you wanted to do something nice for him.

Fuck, he loves you.

“So… we good?”

Spencer huffs, “I hope you realize how much I suffered the past few weeks.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Then yes, we’re good,” He mumbles into your shoulder, “I appreciate what you were trying to do.”

“And?”

His brow furrows and he pulls back, meeting your eyes. “And what?”

“Will you try to be friends?” You look at him expectantly.

Spencer opens his mouth to answer, a definitive no on his tongue, but then you’re giving him puppy-dog eyes and before he realizes it, “Okay.”

Wait, no. That is not what he meant to say.

“Yeah!” You throw your arms around him, and Spencer can’t stop you, grunting as you basically swing him around like a rag doll. But he finds he doesn’t care when you set him back down because you’re happy, happy for him, grinning ear to ear as you babble, “I can already tell you two are gonna be the best of friends! You guys have so much to talk about, all that nerdy stuff. Maybe even debate! And we could play chess and―”

There’s a knock and you both turn, a voice muffled by the door, “Hey, guys? I don’t want to interrupt in case you’re boning, but you didn’t exactly tell me where to wait for you? God, I hope you guys aren’t boning. Please tell me you’re not boning right now.”

You groan, “No Intern, we’re not boning! Right-uh-go ahead and meet me back at the office, I’ll be right with you.” You turn back to Spencer, sending him an apologetic look. “I will see you later, okay? And since you’ve been such a patient and understanding partner,” You plant him one last kiss before patting his cheek, and his eyes widen as your voice lowers in the way you know drives him crazy, your eyes glinting with mischief, “I’ll make it up to once we get home. Bye, love you!”

Before Spencer can fully register your words, you're out the door, cackling as you leave him to compose himself, his face beet red from running the possibilities. By the time he emerges from the break room, you’re long gone.

“Hi, Dr. Reid?”

Spencer almost snarls, cursing under his breath. Just when he thought the day was getting better. He turns back. 

Intern stands tall, relaxed and shoulders back, black tie loose and cheap white-collar button up slightly wrinkled. No doubt from working hard and following your instructions throughout the day. Spencer respects the work ethic at least. Meanwhile, the younger man eyes him, and he’s certain it’s not from intimidation but with curiosity.

Spencer doesn’t linger on that. He’s used to it, not being intimidating to others.

He continues, “It’s nice to finally talk to you, one on one I mean. I’m a fan of your work. Seven degrees, huh?”

“Yeah,” Spencer says curtly. Recalling the earlier conversation with you, he stamps down his irritation and tries to extend an olive branch. “How did you know?”

“It’s the internet, sir,” Intern raises an eyebrow, offering an innocent smile. 

“Right,” Spencer returns it with an awkward one of his own, “Hey, sorry for... literally kicking you out before. That was completely unprofessional.”

Intern waves him off, “No, it’s cool. I totally get it. I’m flattered, by the way.”

Spencer frowns. “Flattered?”

“Well, it’s not everyday you find out your superior’s jealous of you.”

Spencer blinks, and it takes all his experience as a profiler to mask his embarrassment. “You heard that.”

“The FBI’s got thin walls,” Intern shrugs and steps towards him. “Although I have to say, Agent (Your Last Name) is wrong about one thing.” Stopping short in front of him, for the first time Spencer is close enough to note the moles dotting his face. “They can’t tell that I’m flirting with them.” 

He starts down the hall after you, and Spencer’s eyes trail after him as his brow furrows, until realization slams into him and his jaw drops. “Wait, you...”

“Oh and since (Your Last Name) wants us to be friends, I think we could be on a first-name basis,” He pauses to look back at Spencer, watching with a crooked smile as the older man sputters. 

“So, you can call me Stiles, sir.”

Then once again, Spencer is left behind, frozen in the hallway as he processes what just happened.

And the next time he finds you and Special Agent Stilinski in the same room, whether it’s crowded or not, Spencer does not hesitate to cling to your side, putting as much distance between the intern and you as he can. Spencer’s grateful you don’t question it.

There may not be anyone else for you, but that doesn’t mean no one will try.

―

AN: ahhhhh thanks anon!! There was a similar request then i saw this tiktok (and listened to this tiktok the entire time) and i combined them. Id also like to emphasize that my version of reader is neutral across the board, race, gender, etc.

Yes, i have a type. No, i will not be taking criticism. 

Been hella overwhelmed with classes and work so here’s my way of destressing. Also suggest checking those tiktoks if you wanna understand me :))) also you mean to tell me i have to write the threesome myself?? Bs tbh 😔

watched 15x4 and i was so sad when Spencer addressed Luke as his coworker like no bitch hes your new bro stfu

and i have no doubt that stiles and spencer would be one of the best crossover duos given the chance 

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 20

A/N- Hey!! So this part is just fluff! Lol and a few time jumps as we near the end! 💕

12 weeks pregnant.

Bucky and I had just come out from my 12 week scan, Dr Forester said everything was looking great which was a huge relief! We were currently sat in the car looking at the newest scan photos.

"i cant believe how much has changed since the last scan! You can actually see their babies now!" I said shaking my head "The weeks are flying by Buck!"

"I know! They'll be here in no time" Bucky said his eyes comically wide before he started laughing "i can't wait".

"Me either, now we just have to tell the girls" i looked over at Bucky biting my lip nervously "do you think they will take it well?"

"You kidding me? They'll be so excited baby"

"Yeah?"

"Of course!"

"God i hope so" i mumbled as my hand stroked over my tiny bump, it didnt take long before Bucky's hand reached over to join mine.

"You have nothing to worry about i promise" he kissed me quickly "i cant wait for them to know so you stop hiding this cute little bump".

I rolled my eyes at him before chuckling at the man i loved. Bucky was obsessed with the tiny bump i had, his hands resting over it any chance he got.

"Come on lets go break the news".

When we got inside we found Steve fast asleep on the sofa the girls asleep all around him, Rosie was on his chest, Brooke and Allie tucked into each side.

"Oh my god how cute is that" i smiled down at them pulling out my phone to snap a photo.

"They must have had a busy day at school huh" Bucky laughed "Lets get dinner sorted while they sleep, we can tell them later".

We were all sat around the dining room table an hour later eating dinner, Steve stayed too of course!

"Daddy can i have some more juice please, im thirsty" Allie looked up at Bucky while tapping his arm.

"Sure sweetheart"

"I'll grab it i'm gonna grab another beer anyway" Steve said pushing his chair back and heading towards the kitchen.

"Grab me one too please" Bucky called after his friend.

"Hey, are these the new scan photo's?" Steve called through before holding up the photo's from todays session as he walked back in with Allie's juice and a couple of beers.

"Yeah take a look" Bucky nodded proudly.

"OMG..... look at that!"

"What are you looking at Uncle Steve?" Brooke asked trying to look over at the photo.

"Um, its a secret" he said with a look of panic on his face, he knew we hadn't said anything to the girls yet and he didn't want to be the one who told them.

"Bucky why don't you tell the girls what Uncle Steve is looking at?"

"Yeah?"

"Go for it" i chuckled nervously, hoping they would be happy with the news.

"Okay, girls..... Y/N is pregnant! She's gonna be having a baby... two babies actually"

"TWO?!" Brooke asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah sweetheart, its twins" i smiled.

"Oh my god thats so cool!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!.... but wait, am i gonna have more sisters? I really want a brother" Brooke suddenly asked making me Bucky and Steve burst out laughing.

"We don't know yet, its still a little early" Bucky told her as Allie slipped off of her chair and walked over to stand in front of me. She stood there staring down at my belly looking confused.

"You okay babe?" I asked her stroking back some loose bits of hair from her face.

"There's two babies in there?" She asked pointing to my tummy with her head tipped to one side.

"There is"

"How? They wont fit in there"

"Their still really tiny at the moment Al, but they will get alot bigger soon".

She walked closer and put a hand against my tummy before whispering "hi, I'm Allie. Im your big sister"

It was the cutest thing ever!!!

"They can't hear you Allie" Brooke rolled her eyes at her little sister.

"Sure they can!" Bucky added quickly seeing Allie looking like she was about to get upset.

"They can?" Allie asked as she fell into my arms wanting a cuddle.

"Of course! Thats how they know who you are when their born"

"Sounds stupid" she huffed with attitude giving Allie the stink eye "I hope i have brothers this time"

"We need some more boys around here, Buck and I are outnumbered already" Steve added.

"I totally agree with Steve, but i'll be happy either way" Bucky laughed.

"Well we'll find out soon enough".

Rosie didn't really understand what was going on yet, i think it will effect her more once the twins are here and she's no longer the baby of the family.

The girls were all in bed and Steve had gone home..... i sometimes wondered if he lived here too! I was laying on the sofa watching a movie while Bucky was making me a cup of tea, i had just started to fall asleep when i heard the tiptoeing of a sneaky child who should be asleep! I kept my eyes closed and waited to hear Bucky tell them to get back to bed.

"Hi.... I'm Brooklyn, I'm your biggest sister" i suddenly heard her whispering next to me "i'll take good care of you i promise...."

"Brooke....whatcha doing hun?"

"Um nothing..... i couldn't sleep"

"You wanna come lay with me a while?" I offered holding out my arms, Brooke wasnt usually one for cuddles, she liked to act like she was too old for that. But she surprised me when she nodded and came to cuddle with me.

"Y/N.... i want the babies to know who i am so I'm gonna talk to them all the time"

"Ok hun, thats fine" i chuckled kissing the top of her hair.

"What are you doing out of bed lil miss?" Bucky asked walking in with mugs of tea before sitting back down next to me so i was leaning against him.

"Couldn't sleep"

"I said she can stay with us and watch the rest of the movie then bed"

"Okay okay" he smiled and we all got snuggled on the sofa....10 minutes later Brooke was fast asleep.

20 weeks pregnant.

Waking up with awful heartburn (AGAIN!) i looked over at my phone on the bedside table to check what time it was, 5:15am! Jesus! Id had it bad for the past couple of days now and it was driving me crazy. I slipped out of bed to go head downstairs for a glass of milk and noticed Bucky was already gone.

I poured myself a glass of milk and while i stood in the kitchen taking a few sips i heard the grunting from the basement. Ooh! Bucky must be working out! I smiled to myself before quietly making my way down there. When Bucky and the girls moved in he made the basement into his gym being as it was never used. I stood in the doorway watching Bucky laid on his back making the most beautiful noises as he lifted some weights. I bit my lip as i leaned against the doorframe watching him....admiring him.

"Ahh fuck!" He moaned lifting the weights above his head once again.

I squeezed my thighs together as the sinful sounds shot straight to my core.

"Jesus christ" i mumbled to myself, my eyes raking over his body....

"Hey doll" the sound of his voice making me snap out of the lust fuelled trance i was in.

"Hey"

"You okay? You look a little flushed" he asked looking smug as he dropped the weights and sat up.

"Mmhmm I'm great, just admiring the view!" I smirked taking a sip of the milk while looking at him, his navy t-shirt clinging to his chest....

"Heartburn still?" He asked noticing the glass of milk in my hand.

"Yep" i nodded as my free hand stroked over my growing bump "your boys hate me i swear" i chuckled.

"They don't hate you" he chuckled shuffling over to me on his knees, he placed his hands either side of my stomach and pressed a kiss to my bump.

"Come back to bed Buck.....watching you down here has turned me on like crazy!"

"Oh really!?"

"So much, i need you.... now!"

"How about i just take you right here, huh?" He smirked pulling me down into his lap.

"Fuck yes!" I groaned before kissing him hard and grinding down onto him.

"Your insatiable baby" Bucky mumbled making me laugh.

"Pregnancy hormones are out of control i swear" i chuckled "everything you do turns me on!"

"Is that right?" Bucky said as he slipped a hand into my panties and moaned instantly "god doll your soaked already!"

"I was soaked the second i walked in and heard you making those noises Buck"

"Don't worry, i'll take care of you".

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

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[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Uhm, my day was decent? I mean aside from the fact that mornings exist and I did not want to wake up in time for my shift at work. But. And the end of the day when I have literal hours to do stuff after.. it works out cuz. Usually I get off and its oh shit I have enough time to halfway emotionally recharge and then its time for bed.

But. I got in and E^2 had put like. My name down on the schedule, and. That was great really. And we had this sheet for sign up of, basically what areas you want to be personally responsible for. And I signed light and it was great. And I dont think anyone really noticed cuz the manager wasn't there and no one else really looked at the schedule or anything else. But. It made me happy.

Still haven't gotten my name tag changed and honestly I dont think I'm going to. Cuz. I feel like I'm just being a bother asking again. But. It is what it is I guess.

I got off at five and its now nine and ive just been vibing in the car listening and singing to Spotify since I got off just trying to keep the sad at bay. And I should probably go home but. I dont want to. Cuz I know I'm just gonna wallow in the sad and self destructive tendencies if i go home.. If I ask nicely will the fae take me in as one of their own and I can become a cryptid in the woods?????

I have a three day weekend coming up and im considering doing a touch up on my hair since its really washed out. But I cant decide if I wanna keep it fully red or try and do like an ombre double tone thingy.. but I'm not sure what other color I'd try to do to the tips? Idk

I kinda wish my hair was longer so I could do like. The galaxy hair thing? Where its various shades of purple and blue and some pink and it looks different depending on how you style it. But I also know attempting to grow my hair out longer than I already plan to is a bad idea, cuz the sides and back are already getting too long and I hate it. But I wish I could do fun stuff with it too

Oh well. The duality of man i guess..

Uhm. I bought a giant plastic egg the other day, that reminds me of a dragons egg kinda. And I'm trying to decide if I should keep a hoard of dice in there or a hoard of crystals. Cuz. Dice and the clacky math rocks. But. Also shiny crystally gems

Speaking of dice I also really kinda want to try and get into a dnd group, but social anxiety and I have zero idea where to start with that so. That's fun.

Im currently resisting the urge to go and get more holes and metal in my head too. I just. The red hair makes me feel cool and powerful and I wanna look punk and

Sorry I've been rambling for like half a novel. I'll stop now before I get annoying. I mean I definitely already am. But you asked for asks and distractions and 👉👈 I love you

Id ask about your day but you seem to want a distraction from that sooo. How about, got any fun headcanons to share??

Thats awesome on the name front!!! I saw that and I got really excited for you when you posted the picture this morning, honestly I think you should bring up the nametag again, esspecially if its showing up on the schedule too. (Oddly enough I kicked around the idea of using a new name with friends and sruff today which is weird mostly bc like i like my name irl, its fairly androgynous and it makes me happy and i love my online name bc it means me :))

My vote is two tone!! I almost did a pink/purple ombre with my hair this round so I say do ittttt (that's also what I say about the extra holes and metal. Do itttttrrr)

That would be a hard choice but u do really like the idea of a giant dragons egg full of dice ngl. I need to find some people to play with too. I'm trying to get b and c in on something but idk if its ever really gonna pan out the way I want it too. My town actually has a pretty active dnd community but I am way too new and way too socially anxious to ever join something like that so I feel you there.

100% not annoying, each paragraph made me smile more. :)

My day was actually mostly ok, i just sorta ruined it with Danny at home. I just pointed out that the idealized dream band life that I wanted and thought I had was what she got and that it made me kinda jealous and she pointed out (correctly) that I'm jealous of so many aspects of her life that she now has a list of things she can't talk to me about for fear of setting me into a spiral and just. Yeah. That wasnt fun.

But work was ok. The kids all were really tierd so there was a fair bit of crying going on, but the weather was really nice so we got to go outside with them for a long time and that was very nice. I also got some really sweet cuddles from a few of them that made me very happy.

Oh! I also have a funny story about them!! So I was squatting (my main position is almost like Spiderman bc I'm down on the kids' level but i can also get up and move if I need to pretty quick) and one of the girls goes and gets a book, then stands right in front of me and points at the floor and says "sit" in the most authoritative voice I have ever hear from a 1 1/2 year old 😂 as soon as I sat down she was in my lap and opening the book so I could read to her.

As far as headcanons.... Sadly my brain is bouncimg mostly art ideas for the Tamgled au and not anything of substance so I may take a crack at that later. Otherwise I keep thinking about whumped up Will crying on the floor and Maurie finding him. Really I'm just thinking about Maurie and Will being bros. A lot. So much. God I love them.

[voidselfshipp]

La Mala Vida

Summary: medic finds out that living forever might be less of a hussle,and that maybe this century is worth saving.

Pt 2 here bcs Tumblr wont let me

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Life.

What do we do with it?people say it is what we want it to be, that the time we have to choose is limited because we dont live forever.

Josef would not agree with that statement.

Hes been living since the 18th Century, and after all these years everything seemed the same.

Its a rainy Day on teufort, why was someone like him still in there? After all the memories he had there.

He didnt quite now, maybe because its residents were quite literally Led poisoned idiots and nobody would suspect a thing from him.

--that would be five dollars Sir-- the Cashier said giving him the newspaper.

The german Man scowled and handed him the money taking it.

'Back in my zime zhe newspaper vas vay cheaper...' he thought.

He then goes to the nearby café, catching his reflection on the windowpane of said café.

He still looked quite handsome for a Man that is centuries old,he lived through Many things and yet there he was, alive and well.

He then sits against the Window minding his own bussines waiting to be attended.

He was so concentrated in the news that he didnt noticed the people that came in and out.

Nor the music playing.

But then, he looks up at the entrance, his face cant help but to contorn in a smile.

The newest generation has been quite of his interest as of lately.

The was something about zentenialls he couldnt quite put his finger on that caused him interest.

A generation that coped with problems with self depreciating humor, yet being able to form a revolution in the span of months in one single app,but also having the biggest of hearts for those in need.

'Siamo condannati alla brutta vida

Quería decirle, bambino

Que usted está trayéndose un flow bandido

Su secreto está guardao aquí conmigo

Sabe, yo respeto pero nunca olvido

Tarde, siempre tarde yo lo siento (wuh)

Les molesta todo lo que rondo

Devoluciones, no caigo en eso

Estoy buscándome yo los pesos, uh

Yo no quería que caiga preso (wow)

Regalito a la mamá, par de billes (par de billes)

Pa que se lo goce y de mí no se olvide (no se olvide)

Y la herida llevo aquí (llevo)

Dime tú si me vas a amar'

The lively music seemed to contrast with the calm ambience of the place.

Jerico pulls down the hood of her hoodie, she looks around for a place to sit, and goes to a far quiet corner of the place.

She sits down putting her bag close to her.

Her ears catch the melody playing and a homesick smile appears on her face tapping her feet to the rythm .

'La mala vida que me persigue

Los tiempos están cambiando y nosotros también

La calle está ardiendo, guiándome

Ni olvido ni perdón a lo que fuiste ayer

Mala vida que me persigue

Mala vida que no puedo salir

Mala vida que me persigue

Mala, mala

Fuck mala vida, mala, mala

Quería más de mí, pero no le di nada

Estamos nasty, curtiendo strada (strada)

Rompiendo tarima como si nada'

She was mouthing the lyrics of the song while softly rocking her body to it.

Medic catched a glimpse of this and smiled.

Finally they go and take his order, then the girls and the waiter dissapears behind the bar.

Jeris glance meets Josefs, she smiles and then goes down to her phone, a hand that was used as a rest for her cheek.

'Lo hacemos igual gore

Tenemos el peso en el pecho

Y aunque duela adentro, lo hacemos igual por los tiempos

Tiempos buenos, tiempo al fin

Tiempos malos que perdí (wuh)

Fuckin' mala vida, te escupo la face

Acuérdate de mí cuando me veas, no compro fake

Los fuckin' vis a vis me tienen maldecí

Estoy maldecía, no puedo salir

Regalito a la mamá, par de billes (par de billes)

Pa que se lo goce y de mí no se olvide (no se olvide)

Y la herida llevo aquí (llevo)'

He then looked back at his own stuff, the music, altough not his favourite was starting to get to him, and so his foot unintentionally started to tap following the beat of the song.

Now he wasnt the type of guy to dwell on his past, he only cared about defying modern science, well he did bring back a Man to life.

Good times.

He sighs, that smile that some found unnerving seemed to have warmed a little bit, the years were softening Him up.

Tough he feels someone watching him, his head turns to find the girl drawing on a piece of paper, what exactly? He couldnt tell.

Until her emerald green eyes met his, her cheeks flushed and looked away with a expression that screamed 'I hope the floor swallows me and never spits me again'.

He chuckled, and a side of him felt quite honored.

Maybe hed ask her for the drawing.

he drank his coffee and read the newspaper,the bitter taste of it wasnt as much of a kick in the mouth, they used to make them stronger too.

Meanwhile jerico couldnt help but dwell on her own problems while she waited.

The cold weather was rather relaxing to her, the cold and rain were always a comfort.

Though there wasnt much to do than wait right now, but shed find a way to entretain herself.

The café was too calm for her,way too calm.

But that is what happends when you used to live in a constant chaos, calm things seemed dangerous, a part of her really enjoyed this.

She sighs being absolutely bored out of her mind.

Her eyes look at the drawing that was just besides her.

Drawing that guy was fun, and the hairstyle did suit him well.

Her leg starts to bounce as she feels a familiar feel on her chest.

Maybe she should give it to him.

Or was it creepy? Did he even wanted it?

--miss heres your tea, and your pastries--the waiter said putting things down from the trail on the table--Anything else?

She shakes her head,the waiter asks her if she would want anything else, she says no.

She ends up paying her things and then enjoying them.

At least like that she doesnt have to go through the process of talking to anyone else than that waiter.

As she drinks though,Someone sits infront of her.

'Cant drink my tea in peace....' when she looks up however she jumps a bit on her Seat.

--Hallo-- the same Man she drew said-- I couldnt help but notice zhat jou vere drawing me,can I see?

The Man had his newspaper rolled under his arm, a huge smile and a coffee on his hand.

His accent, was rather cute, she thought.

--su sure!--Jerico smiles handing him the paper.

The Man looks at the drawing, and then smiles.

--Vould jou look at zhat! joure an true artist! Great job

Her chest warms and a huge grin appears on her face, her hands grip the tea cardboard Cup--thank you very much!

--Mind if I keep it?

--not at all!, I was hoping to give it to you actually,just didnt know if youd like it

--Are jou kidding? Of course id love zo! Oh wait im so stupid, I should pay jou for it ! Jour skills shouldnt be wasted.

As soon as he extends his hand with the Money jerico softly pushes it back.

Her hand had paint stains, yet the skin was soft and they were warm.

--No no please

--i insist!

--Take it as a gift Will you?

He then puts the money away, and nodds-- ah yes,jour generation is good at convincing people, plus good at arguing okay, I Vill keep my money,oh im josef by zhe vay...and zhanks

He extends his hand and she shakes it.

--Jerico

-- vhat a lovely name,vell I should get going , rain is going to get vorse and its a long valk home...lovely zalking vith jou jerico!

Jer smiles -- it was nice to talk to you too

Josef takes the drawing a leaves.

She just sits there, what just happened???

Thats enough interaction for today.

When she finished she grabbed her things and Walked home, the rain poured without mercy, she should have brought an umbrella.

She puts on her headphones and walks faster to the bus stop.

That of course had no FUCKING roof.

luckily the music drowned out the pesky conversation that a guy who obviously didnt know how to take a hint tried to start.

'Fuckin' mala vida, te escupo la face

Acuérdate de mí cuando me veas, no compro fake

Los fuckin' vis a vis me tienen maldecí

Estoy maldecía, no puedo salir

Regalito a la mamá, par de billes (par de billes)

Pa que se lo goce y de mí no se olvide (no se olvide)

Y la herida llevo aquí (llevo)

La mala vida que me persigue (yeah yeah yeah)

Los tiempos están cambiando y nosotros también

La calle está ardiendo, guiándome

Ni olvido ni perdón a lo que fuiste ayer

Mala vida que me persigue

Mala vida que no puedo salir

Mala vida que me persigue

Mala, mala

Está cayéndome lo que nunca te dije yo

Estoy creyendo que los buenos son los malos'

As soon as the music ended she no longer felt the water falling on her , she looks up.

Josef.

He held the umbrella close to her.

--Hi-- she sheepishly said taking off her headphones.

--Hallo frau,vaiting fot zhe bus I see?

--Yeah, thanks for the umbrella though...should have brought one with me...but didnt...

Both share a giggle.

[ask-the-party-god]

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 15

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY LOSES THEIR SHIT ON MAIN:

“Tell her I said: fuck you, you miserable, conniving bitch. I don’t answer her summons. I don’t obey her orders. I’m through. I’m through with her, with all of you—”

THERE’S LORE, BUT IMPORTANTLY MURPHY REMEMBERS WHY THEY THINK CINDER’S HOT. LITERALLY.

already??? already??? yes, already. this chapter is called ‘nothing personal’ anmd i think that this is a lie. this is abt to get very personal very quickly.

It had taken two more days for Glynda’s soul to become bearable enough for Cinder to sit next to her on a bus.

out of the funniest lines they could have used to open the chapter up, this is just Peak. there’s so many moving parts to this. glynda’s rank soul. cinder having to be nice for TWO DAYS to make her chill out. the fact they’re taking the most menial form of transport of all time. oh my god they were sat beside each other. this is already so funny.

Gravity Dust glittered like volcanic glass.

👈😎👈 we sure love volcanoes around here huh

The clearing Cinder found was some twenty minutes from where she left Glynda with instructions for something salty for her.

im almost POSITIVE im not supposed to find these lines funny but cinder you are RADIATING salt you are COMPOSED ENTIRELY of salt please. you’ve asked for smthng salty and glynda’s gonna come back announcing she’s foiled all yr plans on accident again.

Mercury had stopped sending messages a month and a half ago. Emerald’s last one was a week old.

im almost definitely mentioned it in a prior liveblog but its worth remembering: cinder’s relationship w/ merc and em rly was the deciding factor in me suddenly loving her as a character and i just. every interaction they have hurts so good. cinders got TWO kids and even if her face says otherwise she loves them very much and that heals me on the inside

“There’s no way anyone knows about this island. We’re the only ones out here. Merc and I have to get his shitty frozen pizzas airshipped in.”

“Still. Be careful.” She paused for a moment. “...Is that all he’s eating?”

“You know he’d die before he ate a vegetable.”

“He will, at this rate.”

I LOVE U MOMMA CINDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is SO good. this section HEALS ME!!!!!!!! which is good because i have a feeling the rest of this will gore me alive

"I promise. At the end of all of this, I'm coming back and I'm not leaving again. Trust me."

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA god u cant tell thru text alone but this section is K I L L I N G me and H E A L I N G me and also KIL L I

“It doesn’t have anything to do with trust,” Cinder said, miserably. “I need you to be safe.”

N G M E

The line between us and them had felt so concrete.

god i just. theres so much i still cant say that isnt 👈👈👈😨👈👈👈 but cinder and hati and all this other STUFF happening in the bg is so good and i just love how nuanced this dumbass is. cinder fall, the woman who never wins, and her brief moments of comfort. she is my ANGEEEEEEEEEEL

Now the only thing left was to deliver her to Atlas; if she had to speak with her more to do that, she would.

Not that she wanted to have to admit that to Hati.

cinder:there’s a lot of we and our going on and i’m a little nervous that the more we talk the more thats gonna happen and i gotta say; not a fan.

and [Glynda]’s desperate for—”

A heritage? A purpose? Belonging?

“She’s desperate,” Cinder finished, softly. Then: “She’s coming willingly.”

this might be another 👈😎👈 situation or im just drawing parallels like a three year old with a newfound ruler but HRM. CINDER. HRM.

Rather, her stomach twisted at the implications. Everything was ready. The machine worked. All that was left was to deliver the final piece.

“Okay. Good.” It was good. It was the culmination of years of work.

whats good and fun is watching cinder wrestle w/ her own humanity and its rly good because even as she tries her very best to use ppl to her own ends that pesky lil soft bitch inside makes her second guess everything and its GREAT fun. u can rly see that as soon as she spends longer than an allotted 10 minutes w/ somebody she starts being like ‘hrm. oh no’. oh cinder. u soft bitch. ilu.

The spot beneath his wing, though… Cinder folded into it as though it were meant for her, as though they were meant for each other, bodies fitted so easily. Here, safe, she closed her eyes and dreamed bleakly of the days to come.

i swear to god i cannot wait until [redacted] and [redacted] and [REDACTED] happens cause then i can lose my shit abt this ALL OVER AGAIN but for now. for now. immerse myself in cinder cuddles. im holding back but on the inside im feral

but Cinder was all calm, sliding through the trees like she belonged here. Like it was her domain by birthright.

FERAL.... FERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because they were not friends, Glynda asked, “Where are we going?”

i love that glynda has to preface it like a reminder. because they were not friends. because she cannot trust winter. because she blocked oz’s number lmao. it’s great seeing how much more... clinical, i guess, glynda’s thoughts are, and it’s a great way to show the narratives differences? its GOOD is what im trying 2 say on main,

Instead, she complained, “It’s so difficult to be so wanted.”

firstly: i love cinder “i have a complaint” fall is secondly: i am going to read into this. i am going to read into this and divine a second meaning. i am reading into it.

Cinder emerged from the dark like a leviathan sloughing off a sunless sea. It rippled around her shoulders, swallowed the back of her skull, but the only sharpness to her was her smile. It was the first time Cinder had smiled since returning from her meeting with the Manticore.

oho. ohoohohohoooohohohooOUGHHOHOHO she hot. nasty mean lady big hott.

“You don’t scare me,” Glynda insisted.

“Silly you,” said Cinder. “Come on. I’ll lead.”

hohogughgohohoghgh f flirtign.......................,,,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

a faint light was stirring to life before her—suffusing out along Cinder’s chest and throat, spilling from her heart and out through her skin. In the beginning, it was so faint it seemed to be an illusion; but no, soon enough it was undeniable, and Glynda could even make out the rough shapes of the wall and floor.

YEEEEEEEEES i love. glowy lantern cinder. like theres a lot of fun little canons abt cinder in this fic i adore but the fact that she glows is like fuckin TOP. look at her. lil candle baby. shes like a microwave bean toy. i adore her.

She walked like a queen through her domain, seemingly irrespective of where on Remnant they were; even here, underground, in forgotten left-behind places, Cinder reigned.

god im sorry im too busy being gay to even be paying attention to anything rn i LOVE cinder to DEATH,,,,,,,,,, she knows shes the thing 2 be feared around here and its so good. i cant wait for her to open her big mouth and fuck it up again!!!

“High Leader Khan requires your presence in Mistral, Ms. Fall. She advises that you attend promptly, in order to discuss the missing members of our organization.”

A hum. Cinder said, “I don’t want to.”

GHSDFGSDFGHKJDF cinder you are. smthng else. shes just so LIKE THAT. what a great chapter for cinder this has been im SIPPIN baby

okay im doing a lot of leaping haead here and its not for lack of having anything 2 say in fact its QUITE the opposite because this whole bit is. wow. we got lore??? lore??? abt so many things??? what does any of it mean????? I AM NOT SURE BUT IM LOVIN IT (tm)

“It’s not a Semblance, idiot.” The control in Cinder’s voice was all staccato, pitching cold to inferno in an instant. “It was a gift.

okay bear with me for this JUICY LORE but i am Deeply fascinated by this section. im not gonna. say anything because idk how this is tying up yet (bear with) but HOO. HOOOOOOO. im trying to like keep grabbing sections but this whole part is SO GOOD i am loving-- like-- id have to-- TRUST ME THE OG WASNT AS SPICY AS THIS OKAY

THIS IS SO MUCH SPICER AND ITS GOOD

Cinder glowed like the magma heart of a volcano.

ITS SPICY ITS GOOD ITS 👈😍👈

im gonna have to reread this bit to get the full effect because the downside of a liveblog like this is having to stop-start but OUGHGHGHGUGHUGH THE LORE,,, THE MASKS,,, THE FANG??? also sienna dont listen 2 her baby i love u too

Cinder looked like a line to be crossed, and even though they weren’t friends—rather the opposite—Glynda found she didn’t want to cross her. Not now, when the emotion was still raw on her face.

oughgh... the vulnerability. cinder... snoft... but also angery 😔

this was SUCH a good chapter im DYING i love cinder in offal hunt to BITS and this arc is already feeding me so much good shit. fuck yea. FUCK YEA. HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

[pwnyta]

Full Endgame spoilers/review:

(TL;DR: It was really fucking good. Theres some bad obviously but overall worth it. Even after reading the spoilers and feeling like I may not like it as much as I thought I would... I actually liked it more.)

- - So as I said I loved the movie I had some gripes but overall I thought it was one hell of a fun, entertaining movie. I'll go by each characters story in my review saving Cap and Tony for last.

Natasha- Honestly? Though I think the MCU dropped the ball on the 0G6 being a believable family... I think Nats role in this movie was sweet. I really like the scene where Tony Nat and Bruce were laying down talking about Strange and the stones. It was really cute but it really made me wish we got to see this earlier. Joss dropped the ball hard in AoU. Ive said it one and I'll say it again. AoU should have been the movie where the Avengers were a solid unit throughout the movie.Nats death was... heroic but honestly her and Clint beating the shit out of each other because neither could stand the thought of the other being sacrificed was kinda funny and cute which is jarring to the story. It kinda sucks that she was fridged before the final battle though.

Clint- What are the fucking odds that every one of his family was dusted? But w/e. Clint having a wild sword battle in Japan... it was ridiculous and weird and IDK what they were thinking with that scene but it was played really dramatically but I laughed? Cuz it was so over the top and silly... even though he just slit that guys throat and Nats like :c Clint~ honey no its fine... and they hold hands over the guys warm corpse. LMFAO WHAT!? Im at least happy his kids got him back if nothing else.

Bruce- ... Bruce with Hulks big green body? NICE. Thats gonna have some interesting fanart I can already tell and I lift my glass to you. I once tried to draw a little comic where Bruce and Hulk separated but also had swapped bodies.... so Bruce had Hulks body but I never did finish it I wonder if I still have it saved somewhere. Anyways. Honestly? I found Bruce in this movie to be equal parts funny and annoying? Like it was a bit jarring sometimes that he was so lighthearted despite everything.

Thor- When I read the spoilers I thought I was gonna really dislike Thor but watching it I understood where Thor was coming from and I couldnt really blame him for spiraling and its not like anyone close to him seemed to even check up on him despite clearly knowing where he was. Im really sad that it took all those years and only until he was needed for someone to try and talk Thor through what he was going through. Im not annoyed with Thor. Im annoyed with the rest of them (minus Tony and I guess Clint? Considering.). Bruce was his friend in Ragnarok, Nat keeps talking about them being family, and Steve is their leader where the hell were they? Unless im missing something... I guess Valkyrie too but shes been picking up his slack as a leader and was holding the Asgardians together so I can cut her some slack. ANYWAYS. Thor was kinda funny in the movie but it was kind of hard to enjoy his goofiness. It kind felt like Tony in IM2. Speaking of Im glad Tony seemed really tolerant of Thors drunk behavior... I was sure he would throw a lot of shots like Rocket did. I wish they had a moment to talk about Thor self medicating with booze... Tonys been there. I get why they couldnt really but.. His scene with Frigga was really nice. Frigga is a bad bitch raised by witches and shit.... she knows all~ A wise woman that Frigga.

Scott- HOLY SHIT Did I love Scott in this movie. He was soo funny and cute... and bullied a lot. You know I have a thing for easily bulliable character. And Scott just got spanked left and right. His helpless goofiness reminded me of Harry from KKBB a little. He bounced off everyone well and it makes me kinda wish he was one of the OG6 instead of Clint. He was more of the heart that kept the Avengers together than anyone. Also him and Tony talking about Caps ass? HILARIOUS. Bisexual icons honestly. 'That suit did nothing for your ass.' 'No one asked you to look!' 'I think you look great Cap as far as Im concerned thats Americas ass!' and then later Caps all 'That IS Americas ass.' Unbelievable. But his best scene is still him reuniting with Cassie. She was so big! Im so happy she got her dad back... but Bruces failed time travel machine scene.... that was a close second. 'Somebody peed my pants... idk if it was baby me or old me........ or me me.' Also the 'whats up regular sized man' scene is longer and more hilarious than the preview showed. FUCK YOUR TACO SCOTT. At least Bruce is nice to him. I ship GreenAnt a little. Rocket petting Scott and mockingly calling him a puppy. SAME.

Rhodey- JESUS RHODEY. Speaking of hilarious idiots. Im glad he got a bigger roll in this movie but he didnt hug Tony when he got back so whats the point? BUT W/E... He was hilarious and amazing. It was nice to see him step up as one of the sorta leaders after the snappening. But he was also A HUGE FUCKING DORK THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. Thinking that a secret cavern with a spooky name would be boobytrapped like in Indiana Jones and trying to convince Nebula to be careful. Naming a bunch of shitty time travel movies to prove a point about time travel (with Scotts help) and going back in time to kill baby Thanos...and Bruce was like 'yeah... no...' and him fucking TRASHING the magic of the iconic opening scene of the first GotG where Quill is dancing.... 'so hes an idiot?' RHODEY PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE have mercy. Him and Nebula are a trip. Also I made a note to mention Don Cheadles BEAUTIFUL soft voice. So here it is. I love Don Cheadles beautiful soft voice. He had too few scenes with Tony but their first scene when Tony starts freaking out and hes trying to get Tony to calm down was pretty good... and god that ending.... ;-; How come Rhodey got NO lines while Tony was dying? But also in the same position I dont think Id have any words either. I too would just cry. And did... for Tony. But yeah besides his lack of scenes with Tony I really loved Rhodeys scenes. I usually do. Hes adorable.

Nebula: Sweetie... You are just amazing. Shes legit one of the best most solid characters in the movie. The opening scenes between her and Tony? FUCKING adorable. Im sad we dont see more of them after the time skip. I also wish we got a longer scene of Neb and Rocket talking when she gets to earth... I guess just seeing them sit together sadly was enough to portray the emotions but.... I MEAN. More Nebula wouldnt hurt anyone. Having to see two tortured versions of Nebula was upsetting. Future Nebula who lost so much and past Nebula still under Thanos' thumb. 'You can change!' 'He wont let me' OOF. Im sad that past Nebula was killed... but appreciate that even in that moment past Gamora was upset to see her be killed. Im glad with Present Neb, Gamora was so easily heel-face turned. She loves her sister. Also their moment after past Gamora beats up present Quill was hilarious 'Really? This is the guy?' 'The choices were him or a tree.' WHAT ABOUT DRAX, NEBULA?! I know I said I may not watch any MCU movies after this but I might tune in for GotG3 for Nebula (and Thor).

Steve: I actually ENJOYED Steve in this movie for the most part. For the first time in any movie... even by himself I kind of enjoyed Steve. Especially the scene when hes fighting himself and his past self says 'I can do this all day' and hes like 'Tst... yeah I know... okay' Like he was sick of his own damn bullshit. And frankly? Same. Also him whispering 'Hail hydra' to get the scepter? Hilarious. I cant help but see it as a knock at that shitty Hydra Cap comic that everyone hated. But despite me enjoying Steve for most of the film... the MCUs inability to write a good romance and pretending like Steve and Peggys relationship was a peak or something completely undoes it all. It would still NOT BE GREAT regardless but the fact the RUSSOS are the ones who brought Sharon into TWS in the first place makes it SO MUCH WORSE that Steve dipped out. Steve should have moved on... even if it wasnt with Sharon. They could have at least MENTIONED HER but they knew they couldnt because then it would be too highlighted that Steve is a fucking FUCK BOY who used the niece of the woman he loved as a surrogate and that him going back to the past means hes gonna be meeting little Sharon at some point. Also? Really? Steve you have this whole new family you supposedly love and can live your life with but you rather go back in the past because the first woman who was nice to you was there? Move on. Its so fucking weird that hes so obsessed with her. You have your childhood friend and the rest of your new friends... and supposedly a girlfriend. IDK how anyone could be happy with that ending for him. But I guess its in character... remember the note he sent Tony 'I've been on my own since I was 18.' What about Bucky? He was there with you and you had family in the Avengers supposedly. Natasha seemed to think so. YOURE SUCH A FUCKIN SCUMBAG STEVE. Jesus.

Tony: First of all Id just LOVED his scenes with Nebula as I said. He sat there patiently teaching how to play paper football and held her win. It was REALLY cute. When he passed out she picked him up off the floor and sat him down on the chair and pat him. REAL CUTE. He nicknamed her 'The Blue Meanie' its cute and he tried to give her the last of their food but she insisted he eat it. Bobbos eyes never looked more gorgeous than in that scene where Carol finds them honestly. Tonys I told you so was really really sad. It had a lot of feeling like that scene in AoU when he laughs hysterically and starts ranting? Rhodey tried to calm him down but he just ripped into Cap. Also he yanked off his arc reactor and I FULLY JUMPED IN PANIC because I forgot it wasnt in him. I fully flinched. But he pulled his heart out and gave it to Steve and then passed out. Tony and Peppers daughter is ADORABLE. And her interactions with Tony are so sweet. Domestic Tony is lovely. I love that when Steve and the gang roll up on him Morgan runs out during their discussion and is like 'Mom told me to come and save you....' and hes like 'Well Ive been saved!' REAL CUTE. Also he swore and his daughter copied him and hes like NOOOOO!!!!!!! LMAO. LANGUAGE Tony. Tony is motivated to fix things seeing that pic of him and Peter. Hes such a softie. IM REALLY REALLY SAD that we finally see Pepper kinda GET Tonys need to be Iron Man and is like 'But could you rest?'. The one time she encourages him to go back to be Iron Man and he fucking DIES. Im so sad for Pepper. But that scene between them where shes like 'We'll be ok.... you can rest now.' FUCK. Im crying again. That scene between him and Steve- 'Someone shoula warned you~' 'You did...' 'Oh did I? Thank god Im here' has the same energy as 'Who taught you how to dance?' 'You did.' 'Well Ive done a marvelous job!' It was pretty great. Tonys nicknames for Scott are 'Pissant' and 'Thumbelina.' Im not OVERLY fond of his scenes with Howard. But honestly? My brother is the same way with our dad... he just chooses to forget the bad stuff and focus on the few good times. I cant do that but if it made Tony happier then VERY WELL. I wish Tony coulda talked to Jarvis too tho... just a word... anything? Best Tony scene is Peter babbling about how he musta passed out because Tony was gone and and and and Tony just hugs him so tightly and Peters hugs back and is like :D 'this is nice'! Though that STARK contrast of them after Tony uses the gauntlet... and Peter is like 'Mr Stark... we won... we did it... no Mr Stark...' Big Simba and Mufasa feels (and kind of Hughes and Elicia tbh). Not cool Disney. I was already crying. Rhodey was the first to reach Tony and Tony couldnt say ANYTHING to anyone and Rhodey just pets his cheek... Tony was just looking around as his family just has to watch helplessly as hes dying and Pepper tells him its ok. His funeral was really nice. He recorded a message for everyone kind of like his message for Pepper on the ship. Everyone was there... I think even Harley (Im really sad we didnt see them get reunited even once). The scene with Happy and Morgan was really sweet. 'I'll buy all the cheeseburgers you want....' It was cool to because... ya know.... Jon Favreau. He got a really beautiful end. I wish he could just retire and live with Pep and Morgan... but if he had to die... that was a really lovely sendoff. SO ALL IN ALL. Awesome movie. I didnt get to see past elderly Steve passing the shield off to Sam... I'll have to rewatch it again when theres a better version. Especially for that fucking STUNNING end battle. Even with the shitty cam I watched it looked AMAZING and I cant wait for it in HD.

[hotshotshitshow]

i guess just because ive been on a roll lately and also oversharing is my lifelong passion i want to verbal diarrhea a lil bit about my own experience of coming to the conclusion that im a lesbian so pls feel free to ignore if u want or whatever i just have Lots Of Thoughts and i just want to get them out. this gets sort of weirdly long winded and shouty and ranty so im sorry. catharsis!

even now i still feel some level of .... idk? shame? regret? i dunno. about the fact that i didnt come to the conclusion that i was a lesbian until i was 25 bc that feels so late to me even though i know for a fact that there are countless other people who came to similar realizations about themselves when they were much older than me.

and ngl there is even a little bit of envy that there are so many kids so much younger than me who seem so sure of their identities (even though i know there are loads of kids who arent sure!!!) and there are moments where i catch myself thinking of myself as “less of a lesbian” because i didnt allow myself to face the fact that i was one until fairly recently ..... and i am still learning so much and trying to cultivate my own identity and just all around see myself as “less experienced” (whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean) than others which undoubtedly is a part of the massive chasm that all my self confidence gets sucked into daily.

but like obviously its not like just BOOM one day i was like “from here on out i am a lesbian now!!!!!!! :)” bc even from a very young age i was always more drawn to women and could not wrap my head around the idea that someday i would have to marry a man and completely idealized my mom’s best friend who was a big burly woman who drove a truck and wore flannels and knew that i wanted to be just like her when i grew up and never ever marry a dude (which in retrospect was sort of weird because my mom usually hates women like that and i grew up with her periodically warning me to “stay away from fucking dykes theyre mean awful ugly women”)

and then the always confusing for everyone period of middle school where i dated a boy for three days before breaking it off because the whole situation gave me more anxiety than i could deal with but i just chalked it up to me being an emotionally immature teen but also being completely obsessed with my best girl friend and wanting to impress her and have her attention all the time and being unable to understand why i was so upset when she started dating some  guy and me just assuming that i was upset because i had a crush on him that id never realized i had before

and then id go home and spend hours online looking up content for my favorite shoujo-ai anime ships and talking with other wlw on the gaiaonline guild forums and asking them questions about how you knew if you were gay or not and if liking almost exclusively girl/girl ships meant you were gay and only being told in response “plenty of heterosexual girls like girl/girl ships!! youre the only one who can tell if youre gay or not!! :)” and just feeling completely confused and alone and having no idea what to think!!!! and then having one day that i remember very specifically where i had a shining moment of clarity for all of half an hour where i thought “i AM a lesbian!!!” and feeling so happy in that moment before my brain took over with the thoughts of “but what if you come across one particular guy sometime...... can’t rule out that possibility” but i knew i really wanted to be a lesbian but just could not allow myself to think i was one

and then fast forwarding up to undergrad where i briefly dated an online guy friend (hi) for like. a month? and then abruptly breaking that off in the worst way possible because i had no fucking clue what i was doing and once again chalked it all up to being emotionally immature and from that moment out identified as aromantic because i figured there was something fucking wrong with me and romance was just not something i could do!!!!! and thinking there was absolutely no fucking way i could be a lesbian and it was completely not even remotely an option because there were certain aesthetic things about men that i appreciated and also never once having had a “proper crush” on anyone or at least not one that i could identify because everyone always talked about love feeling like fireworks and something big and id never felt that for anyone ever so obviously that meant i was incapable of love!!!! so i shoved the whole notion of trying to figure myself out way way way down and didnt look at it for years afterwards 

until i got into graduate school and for some fucking reason my brain decided it was time to dig all that old shit back up and i SUDDENLY COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN SCREAMS. and feeling more attracted to women than ever even though i always knew that i liked women 

and i still couldnt entertain the idea that i might be a lesbian because even though id been in a very happy relationship with beansly for a few years at that point and knew for a fact i was not aromantic there was still that thought of “Ok But What If You Meet One Guy Sometime”

and this sounds dumb as fuck but it wasnt until beansly straight up told me “if i had to label you id think you were a lesbian” that my brain went “what if theyre right” (TO WHICH I IMMEDIATELY WENT NOPE but acknowledged that the fact that they called me that made me feel really really good) (but kept thinking about that and kept bringing it back up to myself and ruminating over and over and over it) and then even more dumb as fuck i couldnt admit it to myself until i saw a fucking tumblr post that had something to the effect of “a common thing for lesbians who dont know theyre lesbians yet is that they really want to be a lesbian. its ok to be a lesbian” AND THEN I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BABY AND HID UNDER MY BLANKIES but the fucking relief and validation my dude but then being presented with a whole new heap of Problems such as “how the fuck do i come out to people. everyone will think i am faking and Not Enough” and just having to deal with the struggle of owning that label and allowing myself to feel good about it and not let my brain convince me that i am somehow unworthy. and i am completely worthy because i love women and not men and thats the one fucking qualification i need to meet so my brain can go fuck itself into oblivion. ive spent so much time worrying over how much of myself i owe to men and holding myself back for a man that does not exist and will never exist and part of why i keep excitedly bringing up the fact that im a huge fucking lesbian is because in my mind its a huge testament to my personal progress and taking ownership over myself and no longer holding myself back over hypotheticals

so yeah anyway at the end of the day i still have so much more growing i need to do and i still see myself as a small shakey little chihuahua with a big mouth but i am a damn stronger person than i was even a year ago!!!! and learning that your attraction and what label you identify with is supposed to make you feel good was one of the best things i ever learned. i just really wish i could have had the self awareness or at least resources that i have now when i was younger and could have figured it out a little sooner. i know it doesnt make me “lesser” and technically i am still a very young person and have my whole life ahead of me but. idk i just wish id had it in me to be more honest with myself sooner. idk how other people can be so sure of themselves when they are so much younger. that just wasnt me i guess

[hysterialevi]

Abraham - A RDR2 Fanfic

Fanfic summary [NO SPOILERS]: Lyle Morgan and his eleven-year-old son have a conversation about Beatrice’s death, only for the boy to witness a second one.

Warning(s): Mild language

Author’s note: Bear with me if not everything in this story is correct. I’m not entirely sure where Arthur’s originally from (all I’ve heard is that he’s from somewhere in the north), so I just made something up lol. Also, this fic will only be one part. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

From Lyle’s POV

A FOREST SOMEWHERE IN MONTANA

SUMMER, 1874

Strollin’ through the tall, thick grass, I led my mount around the forest at a casual pace while my son sat on top, consumed by his journal as always. It was an hour or two before midday, and right now, there was a radiant blanket o’ sunshine bathing the entire forest, painting everything with a golden tint. It was beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day out here...but this feeling of annoyance just wouldn’t stop naggin’ me, and I knew exactly why.

I briefly glanced over my shoulder, peering at my son as he scribbled something down in the weathered pages of his journal.

A quick sigh escaped me.

I didn’t know who the hell Arthur got his interest in art from, or why Beatrice even bothered buying him that book, but that child just couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from it. Every time I came across the boy, he was always scratchin’ down some fantasy world of his, or creating images of a utopia I ain’t ever seen. It was pointless.

He spent more time daydreamin’ in that book than he did playing outside, or hunting, or fishing -- hell, he didn’t even know how to read -- and yet, Beatrice seemed perfectly content with it.

Or at least...she did.

Beatrice weren’t around no more. She was killed by bandits a few months ago. Robbed. Left on the side o’ the road for the crows to feed on. But Arthur didn’t know that. Sheriff told him it was a wild animal that took her. A wolf, to be exact. And he believed him.

I dragged a hand down my face, suddenly feelin’ exhausted just thinking about it.

Had I done the right thing, not tellin’ Arthur the truth about his own mother’s death, I wondered? I figured the kid didn’t need to know the morbid details, or even the entire truth, but I still felt like a piece of shit for not revealing the full story -- especially considering that them bandits who killed Beatrice...killed her ‘cause of me.

I had stolen something from them. Somethin’ valuable. And before it fell into their dirty hands, that “something” apparently belonged to a rich plantation owner who really wanted it back. Ended up gettin’ one of the bandits hanged, and left them thirsty for revenge. But they didn’t have the strength to go after the plantation owner. So, they came after me instead.

They chased me for quite a while. They chased me across the mountains, across the swamps, across the goddamned snow...until finally, they came to their senses and realized there were much better, more convenient ways of hurtin’ me. And thus, their paths diverted to my wife and son.

Those bastards managed to corner her while she was ridin’ to town to do some shopping. Found her on some secluded road between here and the nearest settlement, and ensured she would never return. That was when Arthur went lookin’ for help to find his missing mother hours later, and the sheriff assured him a wolf had gotten to Beatrice.

Christ. I really was a terrible father, weren’t I? Not only did I pay more attention to a bottle o’ whiskey than my own wife, I had also neglected Arthur for years on end, and indirectly gotten his mother killed. And the boy was only eleven.

He had spent half of his life not knowing a damned thing about where his daddy was, or even what he did, only to lose the one parent he already had before he could find out.

Lord...there had to be some way to make this up to him.

I looked back at the boy, suddenly feeling an urge to say something -- anything -- to him.

“Arthur,” I called out, catching the kid’s attention as his head perked up from behind the journal’s pages, “put that damned book away for a moment, will you?”

The boy hurriedly marked his place in the journal with a pen and shut it closed, resting the object on the saddle’s surface as he hung his head low in shame.

“...Sorry, sir.” He murmured.

I shook my head, lettin’ out a concerned breath.

“You spend far too much time in that journal. It was a mistake to buy it.”

Arthur’s eyes wandered to the trees towering around us.

“I’m sorry, dad,” he apologized timidly. “But I like drawing.”

I scoffed. “Yeah? Well, I like Poker. But I ain’t got time to play it. Too busy worryin’ about survival, and keeping the both of us fed. You can’t always do what you want, Arthur. You gotta provide. Things like drawing, gambling...they’re frivolous. We got better things to worry about.”

The child quirked a brow. “Friv-uh-less...? What’s that mean?”

“It means we don’t need to do it,” I explained. “What we do need, however, is to eat. So put that journal away and keep an eye out for deer. You was the one who suggested we come out here in the first place.”

Arthur frowned in a discouraged manner. “Yes, sir.”

I gave him a stern nod. “Good boy. Now...you said you seen a big buck out here?”

The boy pointed ahead. “Yeah. It was by the river.”

I gave the reins a little tug, urging my horse to follow me. “Then that’s where we’ll start. C’mon, Boadicea.”

Continuing our little hunting trip, Arthur and I traveled deeper into the lively woods as creatures of all types scurried around us, rustling blades of grass and alerting the tiny insects that hovered above the plants.

There was a rather peaceful mood to the forest today -- a welcome change considerin’ how chaotic my life usually was -- and I had to admit: some part of me enjoyed being here with Arthur. I rarely ever got to see the boy because of my work as an outlaw, and when I did, he always seemed reluctant to leave the house. Whether that was because he was more of an indoors person, or simply ‘cause he weren’t eager to spend time with me -- I didn’t know. But it was good to be with him regardless.

Approaching the large river, I came to a temporary halt as I crouched down and examined the ground, carefully searchin’ for any tracks that could’ve possibly led us to the buck.

The area here appeared undisturbed -- save for the fish flopping in and out of the babbling water -- and as far as I could tell, there weren’t no deer running around this section of the forest. Not at the moment, anyway. Maybe they were at a different part of the river.

I took a closer look at the grass, only to be torn away from my thoughts when Arthur raised a question.

“Dad?” He asked softly. “Can I...can I ask you something? About momma?”

I paused, thrown off-guard by the sudden change in tone.

“Momma?” I repeated, slowly turning towards the boy. “Why you wanna talk about her?”

Arthur’s expression sank with sorrow.

“It’s just...you knew her better than I did. Or longer, I guess. And I don’t remember her that good. ...Do you?”

I gazed at him in a puzzled manner, admittedly still a bit taken aback by the abrupt question.

“...Clear as day,” I replied, unwilling to sift through the painful memories. “But that don’t matter. She’s...she ain’t coming back, Arthur. No one does, once they die. Ain’t no point in lingerin’ in the past when it can only haunt you. All we can do is move on. You understand?”

Clearly a bit hurt by my response, Arthur dropped the subject and averted his eyes from me, peering over at a nearby gathering of flowers instead.

He slouched despondently. “...I understand.”

That wasn’t good enough for me. I took a step towards him.

“Look at me when you say that, Arthur,” I demanded. “It’s important you look people in the eye when you speak to them.”

The boy brought his line of sight back to me, his face veiled behind a very subtle layer of fear.

He straightened his back a bit. “I understand.”

I nodded in approval. “Good. Now...let’s get back to huntin’ this buck. You sure it was around the river?”

Arthur gazed around. “I saw it this morning when I was playing with Copper,” he confirmed. “It was drinkin’ water right here. That’s when I came to get you.”

I observed the dirt underneath me, squinting my eyes as I searched for clues. The grass in these parts was quite thick, so that made it even tougher to spot fur, or dung -- and I still didn’t see any deer tracks -- but it certainly looked like another animal had been around here.

I kneeled down, shuffling the grass outta the way with my hand.

“It looks like some wild horses might’ve passed through this area,” I examined. “But no sign of deer. Oh, well...the day is still young, and we have some time, so we’ll keep looking.” I gestured to a nearby bridge. “Let’s try over there.”

Grabbing my horse’s reins, I continued to guide it through the woods as Arthur scouted the area for me, his big blue eyes scanning the sharp horizon while the sun escalated in the sky. There was a certain determination in his temperament now, and the longer we carried on trying to locate this buck, the more my son seemed to be enjoying himself.

Perhaps there was hope for us, after all.

“...Dad?” The boy called again, making me flick my eyes to the side. “What if there are wolves out here?”

I encouraged him to stay calm. “Now, don’t you go worryin’ about that. If we see wolves out here, we’ll be fine. We’re armed, we’re fast, and we’re smart.”

Arthur wasn’t convinced. “...Momma was smart.”

I sighed in a melancholic tone at that. “Yes...she was. But...Momma was killed by a different type of wolf.”

He tilted his head in a puzzled manner. “What d’you mean?”

I gestured to my rifle. “Not all wolves are the same, Arthur. Some use their teeth, some use their guns, and some use their tongue. You gotta be able to identify them when you see ‘em.”

The kid didn’t say it flat out, but I could tell he knew what I was really talkin’ about.

“Those sound more like people.” He replied. I let out a gentle chuckle.

“People can be worse than wolves, Arthur. In fact, I’d prefer a wolf over some o’ the people I’ve met.”

Arthur leaned forward in the saddle, his body swaying along with Boadicea’s steady speed.

“What kinda people have you met?”

I lowered my voice, thinking back to the bandits who killed Beatrice.

“Killers. Thieves. Deceivers. Men who will constantly betray each other even though they share the same motive: greed.”

I turned to Arthur with a remorseful look, hopin’ to do at least one right thing in my life, and use myself as a cautionary tale that money weren’t as clean as it seemed.

“...Greed,” I told him, “it breaks people, Arthur. They may not realize it, ‘cause greed can get you far in this world...but the reward ain’t worth it. Not compared to the things you have to sacrifice. In the end, you’ll have tons of cash, only to realize that there are luxuries not even millionaires can afford.”

His innocence took over. “Then why do they do it?”

That was a question I asked myself everyday. I shrugged in a disheartened fashion.

“Because they don’t care. So long as their pockets is heavy, and their bellies is full, they’ll keep on going. But like I said, greed poisons you. It kills you. And you won’t even notice until you’re already sittin’ in a grave. So promise me, Arthur, promise me that when you get to my age...you won’t become a wolf.”

Despite evidently bein’ a little confused, the child was able to make some sense of what I just said and agreed to the promise, reassuring me with a small smile.

“I promise.”

“Good boy,” I praised, bringing my mind back to the main reason we came out here. “Anyway, here’s the bridge. Why don’t you hop down and help me find this buck?”

“Okay.”

Sliding down the saddle, Arthur effortlessly climbed down and joined me, scurrying ‘round like a mouse while he searched for any signs of the buck. But so far, there was nothing in sight.

“See anything?” I checked. The boy shook his head.

I wiped some sweat off my brow, letting out a fatigued sigh. This animal was certainly proving to be a challenge to hunt down. We had already been in this forest for a couple hours now, and our efforts still hadn’t paid off. Part o’ me was almost starting to suspect if Arthur even saw a deer in the first place, and not some other kinda animal.

I decided to take a short break, and turned to ask the boy.

“You positive the buck was roamin’ around in these parts? Or that it was a buck at all? I haven’t seen any tracks so far.”

A soft rustle suddenly reached my ears, interrupting my conversation with Arthur as I reached for my gun, only to be stopped by a sound I didn’t expect.

It was a man’s voice.

“...Don’t even think about it,” the stranger warned, cocking his own gun. “I will shoot if necessary.”

Freezing at the intrusion, I remained perfectly still and didn’t utter a single word as a pair of footsteps steadily approached me from behind, followed by two more men coming in from the front on horseback.

They were all dressed in similar outfits donned with Nevada hats, and I couldn’t help but notice the star-shaped badges shimmerin’ blatantly on their chests.

Shit. These were lawmen. What the hell were they doin’ out here? I never expected the law to travel this far into the country. This was definitely odd.

What really puzzled me though, weren’t the fact that there were three lawmen just...waitin’ for us out here -- it was more the fact that Arthur didn’t seem phased by any of this in the slightest. Just what exactly was goin’ on?

Trotting closer to me, one of the mounted men glowered in my direction as he ordered his deputy to restrain me, his firm, steel eyes never wavering.

I recognized him instantly.

“...Sheriff Buchanan.” I muttered through gritted teeth.

He returned the greeting, scowling from under his hat’s rim.

“Lyle Morgan.”

I shrugged at him, unsure of what to make of the situation.

“What is this shit? What’s the sheriff doing all the way out here?”

Buchanan glanced at Arthur, standing in front of him in a protective manner.

“I told you I’d use every option I had to get you behind bars, Morgan...and I meant it. You made the choice not to heed my warning.”

Taking a second to process what he just told me, the realization suddenly hit me like a bullet to the gut as I stared at Arthur with a sense of immense betrayal, unable to believe what was happening.

There never was no goddamned buck.

Things was never gonna work out for me and Arthur.

This was all a trap.

My own...son...had turned me in.

He was the bait, and Buchanan was the true hunter.

I clenched my jaw in rage, doing my absolute best to shield my emotions as the deputy kicked me to my knees.

“...A-Arthur...?” I whispered, my voice trembling.

The boy looked me straight in the eye, standing adamantly beside Buchanan as his deputies tied me up. I threw a glare at the sheriff, damning him till my last moments.

“You bastard, Buchanan...!” I cursed. “You turned my own damned son against me...?!”

The man showed no guilt and tightened his grip on his rifle, silently advising me to stay back.

“No need,” Buchanan denied. “You drove him to me all by yourself.”

He placed a gentle hand on Arthur’s shoulder and guided him towards the second deputy, ordering them to bring him back to town.

“Clayton, bring the boy back to the office. We’ll figure out where to send him later. For now though, just keep him safe, and look after him.”

“Right away, Sheriff.”

Preparing both his horse and mine for departure, the deputy left Arthur next to the sheriff as the boy stood firmly in place, his innocent yet damaged gaze never leavin’ mine.

Despite the hint of remorse clouding the child’s eyes, it was pretty obvious Arthur felt he made the right decision in turning me in. And just as Buchanan’s second deputy started to drag me away, I couldn’t help but notice a beautiful Whitetail buck wanderin’ around in the distance, its majestic antlers standing out like a crown on a monarch’s head as it bathed in the golden sunlight.

The animal swayed its head in my direction, almost as if trying to communicate with me.

“I’m sorry, dad,” Arthur whispered as he walked towards Clayton, blocking the buck in the process. “...But you made me promise.”

Taking his leave, the boy finally mounted up and steadily trotted away from the scene, only to reveal an empty spot where the buck once stood as he left the forest.

Well...I may have found the buck like I planned, but it weren’t my job to kill it.

And it certainly weren’t my place to look for it.

I could hunt them down to my heart’s content, and kill ‘em all I wanted for my own desires...but in the end, they would always be able to afford the one luxury I’d never obtained.

Peace.

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

I Wonder....

Hologram- The Technicolors plays in the background.

What race did i think i was in all this time? It was like this perpetual reminder constantly nagging me in my head...

what your 18 better not be singe for long-

 better go to college and forget about boys

- better get a degree and make lots of money

...married at 22 no degree - 

better excel in your career and climb the corporate ladder. 

hours of work and devotion 

BUT wait, dont work too hard you gotta have kids before your 30

what about an apartment- 

how about a trailer- 

how about a HOUSE. 

.. First son at 27- 

turning 30 at the end of this year. where did the time go?

...together for 11 years, married for 7 years, a 2 year old , a house, a dog, two cars.

i did exactly what i wanted to do in life.   i suppose.

don’t get me wrong i probably would seem obnoxiously ungrateful if i didn’t just stop there and say THANKS.

beautiful son. gorgeous husband.

the list goes on-  everything ive set my mind to in the past decade i have made come true.

NOW WHAT

i had this alarm in my head that i had to do “all this before 30″ why?? health reasons? statistic reasons? rumors? stories, why?

i feel like im rounding the last bend to a marathon i didnt even ask to be in? (or did i??!)

i think throughout my hussle and bussle (although i DID have SOME fun) i got lost in it all. I quickly entered the world of being 18 shattered battered and...engaged? positive that the love i was about to receive would catapult me into everything id ever needed.  (i guess it sorta did.)   career driven. beautiful. man on my side. ring on my hand “livin life” literally just climbing any career ladder i could- i had my “husband” as my cheerleader at my side. HUSBAND guys would say- “you’re to young”. yeah i got that ALOT. going to 21st birthday parties as the only married girl there. WHO WAS I.  we took married and young by the horns. i was so driven. you get over whelmed by the freedom. naturally you fall into some sort of rhythm because nice things cost money, and time just passes as you work and watch your work pay off. you feel accomplished. i was sure i saw my career in site and one would assume this WAS IT. this was the magic they talked about- enjoying your 20s- having a career u love- being MARRIED and secure. perfect...................

we were... the first couple to have an apartment. (so; big parties- no rules *rolls eyes)  we had a”wedding” so we had all these lovely gifts and things to lavish ourselves with in our first apartment. THE DREAM right?  just working and living and having fun. we traveled alot,, camped- we had big dreams to always be “like this” forever. in a moment (5 years into the beautiful maddness actually) we were sure we needed to materialize this power we had. this “love” we had needed to be a thing, a thing we wanted to nurture and bless and carry with us on our adventures. we had so much love we were ready to see what we could grow. (and grow it did- we had JP) 

the first year was hard- a new dynamic...we werent 2 anymore we were 3. and all of our decisions had a larger precaution. we wanted different things. rooted things. more stability. more direction. the air was different.

i was different.

i had put my career aside in my mind to concentrate on.on being something that something ELSE would flourish and grow beautifully in (um literally?) KIDS. i will be the first to tell you, kids were not on my radar (i just never saw myself as a kid person, i never understood the look parents give their little humans time after time- it confused me- it scared me i guess. it was just foreign.) till... i put allllll other thoughts aside. most definetly my first act of unconditional unselfish love. “hey self, we are about to give up our entire self to producing another human being” everything you smell eat touch. EVERYTHING. its like...well its like nothing youve ever gone through before until youve gone through it. we are fuckin amazing..the body can do some fuckin shit. COMPLETELY change in order to make this THING ... HUMANS and yeah. real hearts and lungs and little legs (oh and the hiccups, the awesome hiccups)

PHysically and mentally you go through some shit and although that may have been obvious to some- most??? it was not for me.

Mount Everest- Labrinth.

its just alot. im already not the best mentally- so to add this new function. emotional bandwith overload papi.

first its like 2,000 percent mom over load. YOU ARE A MOM and this teeny tiny creature needs you. NEEDS you. a need you thought you knew BUT YOU DO NOT. its this overwhelming warming beautiful amazing thing, the need a kid has for their parents. (i was IN IT- DEEP in IT)   IN love wasnt even the world. i do not loveeeee my son. my son IS LOVE. i can not explain it. but you get mentally rewired. i am not the girl i was before, im just not. 

i no longer wanted the career i had before. i no longer even wanted the LIFE i had before. i wanted more of this drug my son was giving me. this surreal daydream of laughs and kisses and just moments. time literally passes differently now. i see things differently now,  i feel things differently now. things have so much different meaning. i swear its as if im stuck in some molly, acid, shroom trip.

i feel like someone lit a fire to my soul and everything i touch now is illuminated differently.  when a person is growing inside you you can feel their heartbeat. you can feel the brush of their leg as they roll over to get comfortable. life has different meaning. LOVE has different meaning. love darling is caring you for 9 months and waiting with baited breathe for a stranger youve created. its a smell youve never smelled before and instantly is your favorite. its like you were never comfortable before they fell asleep in your arms, youve never known true peace until their skin was comfortable by yours. ITS PURE MAGIC .  i was different.  

some of the things i loved before, i- was confused about now. 

Love was different for me now,

how i wanted to give love.

how i wanted to receive love.

like a perpetual darkness was lifted from my eyes.

Wash.-Bon Iver

Im sorry i didnt know it would change ME. (im sorry about how cliche that sounds..)

from the moment i was little. it was go to school. get good grades. to go college. find a nice boy. get married. move in together, start a family- live happily ever after

but they leave out the nitty griddies. (even my own parents were divorced. who was anyone kidding) the years following our marriage all we heard about was how divorce was at its all time high. we vowed (among other things) that , that wouldnt be us. we both came from homes and divorce and we didnt want that for us. 

i think it was then that divorce became this ugly word. scary word. bad word.  i mean it is though..right?...

verb

1.legally dissolve one's marriage with (someone)

2.separate or dissociate (something) from something else.

we got married because. well im sure for different reasons?

i got married because,( it was what i was suppose to do?). you find someone you love and are attracted to and if your lucky enough to have them feel the same way- you... marry them. and thats that.you cant have kids or live with someone who you arent married too (said the stigma of my parents and those around me)  i mean i know theres more to it then that but a brief outline? leaving out all the mooshy stuff. you make this feeling legal, you change some names and now your not only emotionally reliant on this person but basically reliant on them for every fuckin single thing else too (basically).

marriage is beautiful.  if your lucky enough to find your soul mate in this world. someone who just gets you and enjoys your company and wierdness then your blessed and you would probably want to spend the rest of your existence with this person.  i mean it makes sense. 

its just as i’ve developed into this next stage of myself, ive made each of my actions have more purpose (i do this because everthing i do my son now sees and its just different now) howww i do something- what i say. i just think about it all and that includes the things i was naturally doing before that i never thought of.

marriage.  do i love my sons father yes. hes attractive and im attratced to him. hes funny and knows just how to make me laugh. its the little things. how he makes JP laugh or when their doing snuggles in his bed. how my son says Dada when hes upset or how he looks just like him. before my love for my husband was an array of things from love to lust- obsession. all the best and worse of love. we were inseparable. engulfed in each other in EVERY way, i knew we were in love and so did everyone around us. 

and then my son was born.

JP....i dont think you have to marry someone to show them how much you love them. i think true devotion starts with intention and your soul mate will know by your actions where your true feelings are.always be true. always be kind. i think if you want to love someone- love them fully, respectfully and unconditionally. learn and grow with them and from them and continue to make each other better people. and in that time you find your spark ignites another i employ you to indulge in meeting new people and new interactions. Make your heart full if you feel it hurting.  not bonded by anything physical but truly understanding that you were meant to love. REALLY LOVE. and maybe thats with one person forever, or a series of different people through out your life time in so many different and amazing ways. boys, girls.. just loving people and sparking the light in them only YOU can ignite. and becoming your best self.  only to continue to become your best self with that same intention for others. 

and thats my truth.   i look into your eyes and just want the best for you.knowing that’s different for you as it is me. but realizing i want to live by the example i want you to live by.

.... im not her anymore.

the day you were born i became someone new. 

[haectemporasunt]

 wiratomkinder Shall do!

You have any good dreams lately? haectemporasunt hmm well the desperate gray clown monster this morning 

was i telling you about the curse one?

i d have mentioned a play  wiratomkinder That wasnt a dream that was an omen  wiratomkinder And no u did not! haectemporasunt heheh  haectemporasunt well! at this stage i m not sure i ll remember quite as much but 

speaking of stephen king and joe hill and my crush on the girl from the ring

one of the things i ve always been into is the idea of kids banding together to defeat a supernatural evil and then later, (usually as teens), they have to go back and deal with it once and for all  wiratomkinder Ooooooo haectemporasunt yeah it sounds cool but is kind of embarrassing bc you Know i m self inserting myself as one of those kids 

snort ok anyway, this

dream followed that same sort of typical line haectemporasunt there was a play being performed at school and i had some bad presentiment about it, there was something i couldnt remember and i didnt want it performed, but since i cldnt articulate my fears couldnt convince the school to stop the play, nor cld i convince my younger brother not to star in it   wiratomkinder Aughh that sounds stress inducing haectemporasunt so i m fiddling w my car and it s raining heavily and i m outside the auditorium, and the radio starts emitting static, and i stop fiddling w the light.... and i can distantly hear one of the play's (it was a musical i guess?) songs starting 

and i Remembered haectemporasunt In my dream i just clenched up bc i remembered Her the Bad Thing and i remebered --and the memories were dizzying and made me feel ill, like waves of sickness that hit you inescapably and you know youre gonna vomit but there s no bathroom near   wiratomkinder Hooooogh thats strong haectemporasunt when i was in school and my friends and i put on a play, and --i couldnt remember it all, but i rmemebered my friends and i in red coats [apparently doing the play but not in the auditorium, somewhere underground and filled with tree roots], standing around a big hole in stony ground, and stairs leading down , curving around the side into darkness, and i remember holding sheets of musical notes and old books, and i remember us saying things, and something going wrong 

and whatever our goal was w our play, we must have gotten it, but we also got Her haectemporasunt you wld think she d have crawled up out of the dark but now 

no*

i dont remember how she appeared but it wasnt from below, she was a symptom, not the source  wiratomkinder Hooooly shit haectemporasunt and all of this is flashing in my head like how in my head i imagine epilepsy is like, and i m still in my car clutching at the air and whimpering but i m overcome with fear bc i m remembering and it s terrifying bc it means something happened to make me forget 

and that s when i realize, firstly, that my friends, the others that performed the play with me in the underground room, most of them were no longer around and i didnt remember why or how but no one else remembered them either, there was just me and one other friend, and we didnt talk anymore,

and secondlly, i realized that it was almost pitch dark in my car even tho it was light outside the window, and the darkness was centered behind me  wiratomkinder Jeeeeeeeeez haectemporasunt and you know that slow turn that ppl do in horror movies? and they see the Thing grinning at them? and then they die? 

this is the cool part of my dream--or it was cool for me anyway bc , again, i m a sucker for these tropes

bc i imagined that happening, and i could feel Her behind me and i cld hear her teeth

but ... i had dealt with this before even tho i cldnt remember the details, and i knew looking behind me wld be Death

worse than death haectemporasunt bc death ends   wiratomkinder hyoley shit haectemporasunt but i d dealt with her so i knew first , she would talk to me. because of our intense history [fuck you max and your fetish for killer undead women], she wld want to play w me a little, so i had an opening where she wldnt kill me outright   wiratomkinder GGHFGHFFHH haectemporasunt so i was pretending i was still remembering , and i was slowly moving my hand towards the door handle  haectemporasunt and i felt her hair brush against my ear and she whispered "i missed you, max. you have to look at me now" 

and i grabbed the door handle and slammed against the car door to get out...but it was locked.  wiratomkinder YEEEESH haectemporasunt so, 

i have enough time to think, Shit haectemporasunt and then her arms are around my neck and she is twisting me so i will look at her back behind me in the back seat 

her hands make me ache

(btw wtf was happening to me that i was feeling this? i can only think it was the tinge of a body part going numb, or i was sleeping on my neck wrong)

but in my hands i now had the , whatchamacallit, the program for jake's play,

and i kept getting flashes of what i wld look like from the outside as i died, but i Knew now that bc the program had words from the play on it, i cld use that paper as a barrier , albeit small , against her

but i had to look at her to hold the paper up against her  wiratomkinder hyooooof like fighting a medusa riding a basilisk haectemporasunt hehehe 

so i turn around and i m trying to look only at the paper as i shove it hard against her bedraggled ripped up chest as she s scratching at me, but in the corner of my eye i can see her face and it is.... nightmarish

ha, literally  wiratomkinder OH NOO haectemporasunt she is grinnig impossibly wide--and her head is so big, it s bigger than her body or that's how it feels--like, it s normal sized, but ,,,,, it feels really close up against you even when she s separated from you by a chair...it s hard to describe but you can feel something is immense and monstrous inside and 'beyond' her 

she s bigger than this corpse she s using  wiratomkinder Yess like a weird perception thing

Your field of vision zooms tf in haectemporasunt i m nost sure how to describe her face in a way that actuall y evokes the terror 

especially when, ha, you cld summarize her homicidal glee as 'Dead and Loving It'

but her face was smashed

like porcelain  wiratomkinder Yee gotcha gotcha  wiratomkinder Oof haectemporasunt black cracks, red meat, and her eyes were really horrible and big, and her mouth was too wide, inhumanly wide, and cracked too  haectemporasunt and she was very happy and furious to see me 

we apparently had unfinished business that involved me being brutally broken

and then worst than killed

ha sorry i m taking too long  wiratomkinder No ur good!

I wanna know whats up with ms. Corpse bride over here haectemporasunt i pushed the paper aginst her and she was trying to throttle me and she was laughing in this quiet whispery way that was...super creepy bc it was like immense passion whistling out of cracks  haectemporasunt and w my free hand i m scrabbling at the door lock, and finally it comes freen but now the paper is basically being sandwiched btw me and Her, we re pressed against each other and that sbad bc she s making me hallucinate that i m already dead and broken , like, i can see that my neck got broken when the car's tires somehow rolled over my neck  haectemporasunt (i guess that was a power of hers, remembering deaths and then they become real?) 

but the door gets free and i tumble backwards out of the car and slam it shut!!!!!  wiratomkinder FREEDOM!!!! haectemporasunt yeah!!!  haectemporasunt god it felt so good, id outwitted ( """"outwitted"""") her once again, and she cldnt leave the car for some reason--in waking hours i think, maybe bc it was still daylight even tho rain? or bc it was open sky? but in the dream i just Knew she cldnt follow me . i was safe until i went back indoors 

which i wld have to do in order to enter the auditorium and stop the play haectemporasunt but i was remembering this wasnt the first time i d outwitted her! i cld remember dank school corridors and a blue tiled pool and other situations where i d managed to evade her,e ven as she crawled into other people and burst them apart from the inside 

knowledge...with knowledge you cld survive against her, but there was something you needed to forget too, and i was starting to remember that too haectemporasunt in fact i cld remember the last time, the time the third to last of our friend group died, and friend (the one i didnt speak to anymore) and i had agreed that we needed to forget   wiratomkinder Hyoooooooogh  wiratomkinder Tactical amnesia haectemporasunt it was camping, we were desperate and trying to escape the play's consequences (which went beyond Her bc she was a mere symptom rmemeber) , we d made a sacrifice, done a ritual, and we were trying to isolate ourselves, and i remember watching my friend die in that campsite, i cant remember what happened now, i think their tent collapsed, and then something was in the collapsed tent with them, and we cld just see their squirming body and hear this ... sink disposal unit sound 

and i nearly died in my tent with Her on top of me, squeezing my throat and slamming me rhythmically with one of the tomes we d used in the play ritual, just smashing me in the face and her horrible smile

and the remaining friend had intervened, and she dug her fingernail under my eye and then she was gone

and that was when we decided we had to forget  wiratomkinder Holy shit haectemporasunt sadly that was getting near the end 

i remember the auditorium being very red and i remember my brother and his friends looking up as i approached

i remember the terrible importance of what i d chosen to forget

and i dont know what She was except she was partly a Force ie a force of (super)nature and that she d also once been a girl with feelings and perhaps love in her heart haectemporasunt but sadly i cant really remember anything else 

just me and my papers trying to convince others not to commit the same mistakes i did i guess?  wiratomkinder Holy shit

Thats really somethin!!! haectemporasunt i m kinda sad bc if i were to copy paste this for tumblr to enjoy someone s gonna be like Lol gravity falls forgetting plot 

or something  wiratomkinder Awww naw i dunno haectemporasunt but i really liked it! and not just bc i felt important and knowledgable   wiratomkinder Dreams is dreams they happen as they happen

And hell yeah! That was an adventure!

[we-do-recover-together-blog]

so its been a slow start on here but i havent had this tumblr for more then 24 hours still trying to figure out how to use this thing but i figured id tell a little bit about my story, when i was young i used to live with my mom my grandma aunt and uncle, mom was 17 when she had me and well at the least to say she wasnt quiet ready to be a mother then. she was always out with friends and partying and would leave me wit my aunt or uncle. i was very close with my aunt if anything she was the closest thing to a mother figure i had in my life i felt safe with her, the only person i ever felt safe with was her and that still stands to this day shes the only person in the world that never turned her back on me and never gave up on me she always took me out before valentines day to get gifts for my little crushes threw out school i could tell her things i couldnt even tell a best friend or counselor she was my safe haven. But sometimes my uncle would baby sit me and he would do inappropriate things to me and touch me and i was so young and i didnt know it wasnt okay i didnt know wwhat it was at all really until i got older and i was ashamed of it and felt like less of a man and really it took till i was about 21 years old to finally come out and say it of course i was only strong enough to say it to the only person i trusted to keep it a secret i was and still am a little bit ashamed of it and its something i need to work on but back to my story eventually with my mom struggling with addiction herself she would get kicked out of my grandmas sometimes so she would grab me put me in the car and we would just drive around all night i cant tell you how many countless nights i spent in the back of her car sleeping or at some strangers house., well eventually i cant remember how old i was exactly but i guess she just got tired of being the part time mom she was and i remember her bringing me to visit my dad who lived with my other grandma grandpa my uncle and my 2 aunts well we walked in the door and everyone was there in the living room just talking but as soon as they saw us it was like the world stopped and they just stared at us well turns out my mother was going on a vacation for a week with her new boyfriend well it turned out that week turned into weeks and longer with out calls or anything she just took off eventually one day we got a call and its the first time i can remember talking to her since she left and she was in jail she came back into my life sorta kinda just in and out until i was in 7th grade thats when i started t get out of control and full of anger and hate and was very rebellious the typical im gonna do what i want when i want how i was and no one can tell me shit about it getting suspended from school getting into fights you name it that was me i was a jerk of a brother a mean son and a worst nightmare for people i didnt like i wasnt scared of anything weather it was fighting jail or cops for years my mother was asking me to give her another chance and move in with her she was never around or home and she didnt really care what i did so i moved in with my mom and from there i fell into a group of older kids that liked to do drugs and fight and pretty much do any and everything that you shouldnt do and to me it was fun i felt cool and ilike doing whatever i wanted if i got arrested my mom wasnt home to ground me or atleast enforce it so i just continued to do whatever i wanted countless arrests and suspensions from school and the drinking and drugging i didnt realize till my most recent years the older kids were just using me because i wasnt really scared to do or say anything perfect little side kick well eventually my mother found a bowl i hadfor getting high and she kicked me out so i moved back to my home town but with my grandparents they are the sweetest souls i have ever met but they were old school and were not very strict so smoking pot and drinking where completely normal especially in my family i first overdosed when i was 15 years old i took about 70 something sleeping pills that the kids in my town started taking because they were untraceable on a drug and blood test like i said that was just my first overdose and yes it terrified my family but didnt faze me one bit not even a year later when i was 16 i overdosed on pcp started hanging out in a bad neighborhood and doing just about any and every drug available even after watching one of my bestfriends drop to the ground from the pcp just minutes before i did i woke up in a hospital bed still unfazed by it honestly i think a part of my thought it was “cool” and at that point i thought well i over dosed twice and still woke up so nothing can touch me at that point i was so wrapped up in drugs that my emotions were non existing and my thought process was just fuck it.the drinking and drugging just got worse the partying continued the arrests never ended cant think of a night that didnt end in running from the cops when i was 17 i first tried heroin i had a friend that sold it and we would go drink at his house and i found some in the bathroom so i tried it and well at the least to say that was the day my life completely i slowly continued to use it but not to the point where i needed it atleast i thought that shortly after i found out that 2 of my cousins were using heroin to of course i didnt tell them i was until we ended up running into eachother in the ghetto so we all started getting high together hiding in abandon buildings and shooting up heroin at this point smoking crack and shooting up cocaine too, two days in a row i overdoses on heroin and xanax the people i was with ran my pockets when my breathing stopped and threw me on the side of the roadluckly i was found by someone and brought to a hospital still wasnt fazed when i woke up and went home went to sleep woke up the next day and got high again in all of these events i was also in and out of the county jail like it was my second home eventually my family got on my ass so i went to a rehab for 28 days just to get them off my back, first day home i told my grandpa i was going to see a few friends and went right back to getting high the same day i got out of rehab. i started hanging out with this girl i met in rehab second time we hangout i end up overdosing again on heroin and alcohol thats when i found out i had hep C but im sure if my track record doesnt prov to be the same that didnt faze me either right back to using eventually i get arrested and charged with 3rd degree burglary get locked up in the county for two months and it violates my juvenile probation and i get sent to a juvenile prison, i stay there for about 18 months while im there my cousins are hanging out and one of them over doses and my cousin and our “friend” freak out instead of calling an ambulance they clean her up and tuck her under a blanket in the hotel room they were in and they leave her a few days later room service finds the body i find out about a week later and well i think the fact of being in jail and not seeing it with my own eyes just made it hard to believe that the cousin that used to babysit me that grew up with me was gone forever and i never got to say goodbye..and it doesnt stop there maybe two weeks later i get a letter and find out my other cousin killed herself. she just couldnt handle the shame she felt for leaving my one cousin in that hotel room .not gonna really get into details about how i felt after losing both of them because its almost impossible to describe.about a year later i finally get out and i move in with my aunt her fiance and my baby cousin i was on parole so i had expectations to meet like outpatient counseling so about 2 months after being out im doing good staying clean doing good with outpatient and my curfew well i wake up the day after my 21 birthday i wake up to a text that my bestfriend of 18 years is dead and that  pretty much destroyed me and broke me down i started drinking and skipping outpatient or showing up drunk i shut down and pushed myself into the dark again i was trying to get parole to violate me and send me back i just gave up but it never happened and the day i got off i moved out of my aunts and with my friend in philly well that was all just party party party. at the time i was talking to a girl who i thought at the time was my life partner and all that bullshit but i was just blinded by after 2 years of nothing but jail and parole rules she was just the first female who gave me her attention well while i was in philly we were all drinking and me and her broke up i was drunk and emotional and i well i went into the bathroom and i took 3 90 count scripts of depression medicine and i took them all i took 270 pills give or take a few and tried to kill myself 10 minutes after i took them i blacked out well all i can say is i must have a a seriously bad ass guardian angel or i have a very big and meaningful purpose in life because i woke up the next day weak unable to move and throwing up non stop all the pills i took. it took me about three days to get back to me then i went back to jersey with my uncle not long after that i get hooked back on heroin and cocaine again and my life just well i can say i never been so low the insanity of it all is just well insane everyday i woke up and NEEDED drugs in one day i would think a million times how much happier i would be if i just ended the suffering if i just drove the car into the wall as fast as i could and just end the suffering, my mind was such a dark scary place i wouldnt wish it on anyone and if i didnt always want to get high just one more time if i didnt want to feel that rush one more time im sure i probably would have killed myself, one day i was getting high with my gf at the time and i was just i dont really know what happened but its like time froze and i saw who i was when i got out of jail and how bad things got and how far out there i was so i reached out to the only person i knew i could trust and that would help me my aunt and the next day she checked me into a hospital and i detoxed there while i was there my aunt and my mom found me a halfway house to move into..out of state, they didnt want me to end up like my cousins did the found me a sobor living home and a plane ticket and they went above and beyond to save me. so i moved and i was terrified that id fail i was in the halfway house for about 3 1/2 months to 4 and i turned into a completely different person that i never thought i could be i was happy and going to meetings and sharing and i met a girl and i fell head over heals for her the second i laid eyes on her shes been strong for me stood by my side and made me believe i could be more then a guy working as a cook and just barly making it that i can have that nice house and i can g=have a nice car or go back to school that i can build a family of my own it took me a while to realize or should i say believe in myself to be honest i didnt start fully believe in myself until 2 months ago since me and her have been together i have stolen money from her to get high on multiple occasions i have lied to her and flipped her brand new mustang going to get high i have snuck out and left her alone in bed to go get high she bought me a plane ticket to go home on my birthday for a week to see my family and my first day home i overdosed on heroin i have left her on three occasions because i broke the law and went to jail the first time was for 2 months for aggravated assault and she answered every call wrote me letters came to every court date she visited me and she stayed by my side the whole time.not even 5 days after i got out i stole her car and money to get high even after everything she did for me a month later i got arrested again and charged wit domestic assault for splashing her with water yea i know it sounds stupid but i was piss drunk and got out of control well she bailed me out of jail my drinking continued to get worse and i came home one night from work very very drunk and i snapped and i actually put my hands on her i hit the woman that did nothing but stand by my side and believe in me and give me chance after chance she carried my child the first time i went to jail and we lost it from all the stress she was under from supporting her child and paying rent all on her own a few months after she bailed me out we got pregnant again our own little baby boy Carter well our little baby boy wasnt so healthy and was in pain so we had to make the decision to abort it was what we thought best for him while she was pregnant i went behind her back and was talking to a female that i shouldnt have been talking to and said things i shouldnt have said while being in a relationship with this wonderful woman who has done nothing but fight for me and stand by my side well on july 27th i went back to jail again and stayed for about 2 months for violating my probation still this woman stood by my side answered every call and again came to court this was when i finally realized i was still being defeated by my addiction and while in jail i decided im not gonna be that person i was because i have a choice it is my life and i wont be weak anymore i started going the the steps again for real this time and taking every step to better myself and well guess who bailed me out of jail again? you guessed it she did and now i have been home for 6 days and i have trouble sleeping so i decided to make this blog to share my story help others like me most importantly help myself and not i am sitting in bed next to my girlfriend and my only thoughts are why didnt i take advantage of this time with her and also how easy recovery can be if you really try i mean we tried pretty hard to get high or stay high just half of that effort will save your life its saving mine usually nights like this id be searching the house for a car key that my gf has to hide from me so i dont steel her car but today all i care about is spending and enjoying every moment with this woman and what would be my next step that would be best for my family and me its gonna be a long road and a hard fight but i know i can do it just like i know you can do it stay strong everyone never give up and remember you are worth it and you are worth saving 

[jazzmckay]

i bought the original fallout games, here is a semi-liveblog of how fo1 went, with pictures. this is a very long wall of text and image heavy combo post

lots of spoilers, obviously

warnings for video game animal death, sadly

- i made a character with stats that are heavily recommended for a smooth fo1 playthrough since i wasnt sure how well i’d take to the old mechanics and such, but i definitely plan to replay sometime with an unarmed build instead because unarmed is My Jam

- in shady sands, i found a book with a cat on it in a bathroom that gave this message

i looked it up later because I Had To Know and it turns out its pornography. the vault dweller can thoroughly inspect this book in their inventory and still have no idea what it is. amazing.

- other than recruiting ian, nothing too interesting happened in the shady sands/vault 15 portion of the game

horned kangaroos. sure

- got to junktown and stumbled into dogmeat mostly by accident, i was just passing by and SUDDENLY DOG. he’s beautiful and bites people a lot and i love him. here is a random picture just because

- ian keeps shooting dogmeat accidentally. ian youre fired

- every time i pick up something new i expect there to be a purpose to it (the first time i looted a lighter i was sure i’d need it for SOMETHING) but it seems to be the equivalent of picking up an ashtray in later games: useless and valueless. for instance

- i keep forgetting to put away my weapons before going into non-hostile towns and one of these days im just gonna make everyone mad at me probably

- tandi is lovely, she’s one of my favourite characters. i had to start the “save tandi from the khans” mission a couple times because the first time i did it i had enough speech to just get tandi and leave and like. i love the great khans in fnv so i didnt wanna kill them all but there were Noticeably Distressed People asking for help so i had to do it. and then tandi got killed. so eventually i just got the fighting out of the way first and lockpicked her out on my own

- then i got to the First Deathclaw. sup harold, who later becomes a tree

“gonna kill it”  what a good and accurate dialogue option.

- the deathclaw killed tycho twice and i reloaded until we all survived, idk why it kept going after tycho instead of me, apparently tycho looks more leaderly than i do rip. anyway that allowed me to get really close w/o much danger so i could just shoot it in the eyes it was fine

- i got the water chip back to the vault with plenty of time left over. unfortunately it seems i should have gone back to visit earlier for a couple more quests but alas, i missed them. i also have a quest in junktown thats bugged and i probably wont be able to finish it rip

excuse me that was a unique gun

(i ended up reloading anyway and got it back. i decided i didnt want to kill any of the feral ghouls in necropolis if it could be avoided and it turns out their perception is garbage, so it is indeed possible)

excuse me x2

the bodies around the glow. pff

- speaking of the glow, it was very stressful. i triggered almost every single trap, probably, and also didnt think of the fact that i could kill the robots while they were still deactivated until after id gone through a pretty nasty fight with a batch of them. it was mostly fine though, other than having to get dogmeat to stay put somewhere a couple times bc tycho kept shooting him with shotgun burst fire. tycho youre also fired and im taking the fancy shotgun back.

- also there was sooo much good but heavy loot in that place GOD i did not have the inventory space. my need to hoard everything and pawn off stuff to get The Most Caps Possible made it very difficult. might go back sometime if im allowed? i have enough rad-x for it, in any case (spoiler alert i was way too distracted and busy with everything else to try going back)

- joined the brotherhood, got power armour, am still overcapacity even with the strength stat boost. need to find some merchants with refreshed inventory.

- the brotherhood tech looks so fancy in this game. its so. clean? i guess part of that might be that it isnt as far away from the war yet and its a high end bunker but damn

- also got one of my fav fallout weapons ever the power fist!!!

ayyy! since my build is more for guns, i ended up giving it to ian and hes pretty incredible with it so it works out.

- finally made it down to the boneyard/adytum. everyone here is grumpy and sketchy. i spent a lot of time trying to talk to anyone i could and get information before making any quest commitments

including a fella who gave me a tarot reading!!!

- the adytum deathclaws were pretty damn easy to deal with, with power armour and a sniper rifle. pretty much just baited them from a distance so they wasted movement getting close while getting sniper crits lmao i have a ton of perks for higher crit chance/damage and it def helped

- GOT KATJA AND I LOVE HER. im always picking up her knives for her but im willing to do this for her because i love her. (once i got a chance to juggle inventory i gave her a ripper so i no longer had to pick up the throwing knives, i just get to watch her saw everything up with one knife in particular its great)

- anyway the radioactive goo around the gun runners base posed a much more lethal opponent than the deathclaws. all four of my companions took turns ignoring the BRIDGE OF SAFETY to just walk across the goo a couple times no matter how i moved or where i told dogmeat to sit for a bit. hell

i love this

- the followers of the apocalypse always have and always will be my favourite faction of fallout. i really enjoyed chatting with everyone there in between taking down the regulators. it seems they liked me enough to send me backup for taking on the cathedral, which is kind of them but proved to... cause complications. more on that later

- got back to the brotherhood bunker to do some inventory management and misc. quests because after enough faffing about i decided it was time to deal with the cathedral. i liked the idea of starting with the master and taking out the head so to speak before going to the military base to clean up afterwards. i got everyone as armoured and well equipped as i could and headed down

how do you do fellow kids!!

- talked to laura from the followers and she let me into the back room with the staircase, all while im being followed by like four followers invaders. i am so obviously Trouble, surrounded by followers of the apocalypse but i guess thats fine

- THE PROBLEM IS. THEY GET IN THE WAY. the staircase leads to areas with very little space to move around and i had to reload like 5 times for no reason other than the followers were in my way and i couldnt do a single damn thing. they also made it impossible to be stealthy, even when i could get around them because id have to circle around so much id get spotted easier. just a nightmare. in future playthroughs ill just avoid getting help from the followers i guess :(

- so because of all that i ended up going a route i didnt really want to: completely diplomatic. im a huge fan of diplomacy and resolving issues without violence in fallout games but this was actually a rare situation where i preferred to do a little shooting. sometimes you gotta. i wanted to go through the cathedral manually, loot a lot of corpses, and take on the master in combat, but the only way to get the job done without half my companions dying because the followers of the apocalypse where in the way was to convince morpheus to take me directly to the master and use speech/the sterility holodisk to talk the master down. sigh

- at least we got to shoot some stuff on the way out, but with the countdown to detonation going, i wasnt sure how much time id have to look around/loot so pretty much just went through running and gunning

rest in fuckin pieces

- decided to just get every single special stat implant that i hadnt already taken. we’re heading into the endgame now and i figured i might as well go all out. time to get us all into perfect order. this includes my poor puppy dogmeat who had had an injured leg since a fight in the hub before i went to the boneyard. my doctor skill was really bad and im not sure if theres any other way to heal a companions limbs, so after my post-cathedral level up, i put all my points into doctor just to help out my sweet baby boy

- military base time lads here we go

- i bullshit and lockpick my way in through the front door without having to fire a single shot. cool

- inside theres a lot of mutants and computers and forcefields. i sneak to a computer and change a whole bunch of settings, not really understanding what im actually doing, somehow this kills 3 of the mutants? i go over there and sneak kill the last in that area and poke around the other computers. some new force fields come on but theyre yellow instead of red. they still hurt. what is the meaning of this. i never really figured it out 

- i wasnt sure what else to do at this point and there was a red force field over the elevator door still so i say fuck it if this goes bad ill just reload and attack the room with like 10 mutants hanging about. it goes REALLY WELL until one of the brotherhood fires off a rocket

THANKS IT WAS COMPLETELY USELESS

- so i reloaded because i refuse to let this be a thing and i pickpocketed all the ammo off rocket man over here. try and slaughter half my team now, fool. 

- this definitely went much better:

im the stealth man 

- after this all thats left really is dealing with the lt., getting the access codes, and blowing this popsicle stand. unfortunately the lt. fight results in the death of my good pup boy dogmeat rip. i really wanted to reload and save him but honestly im not sure i could do much better than no casualties other than dogmeat. i very nearly lost katja and ian as well. in another playthrough, now that i know wtf im doing, i think i could do better, but with this playthrough i think saving 3/4 companions is pretty dang good

- here we go again with the countdown to detonation. on the way out of the elevator, one of the remaining brotherhood dudes got in my way just like the followers at the cathedral. i killed him and didnt feel too bad about it bc literally no other option but to reload and i just wanted Out Of There with what was left of my companions

- i took screenshots of the slideshow at the end but its a lot and all pretty standard, i think. other than the sad fate of necropolis (which im not sure how to avoid, if its even possible?), i think i got all the “good ending” stuff

- aaand back to vault 13

yo dog fuck u

i mean whatever, i didnt really want to go back to the vault anyway.

i know what the canon vault dweller does because i know who the player character in fallout 2 is already but my vault dweller is probably happy to go back to some of the places she visited on her journey and leave the vault behind. i imagine she revisited all the places she’d been to check in on everyone and then wander north (with..... katja........) and eventually settle down and blah blah spoilers for fallout 2 which i will be playing soon probably [thumbs up]

[batsysims]

100 QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS

I was tagged by @tickledsims ty ily!!

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? CLOSED when i was younger my little sister had a baby doll that would talk on its own at night and we called it the demon baby and hooooly shit

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i dont take those bc my hair cant take cheap hair products but i do take the soaps!!

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i put the mattress cover sheet thingy on my bed but i dont use an actual sheet :/

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? nah lol

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? YES i love using office supplies i could spend all day at staples omg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? no lol but il save the lil receipt coupons and find them in my wallet months after they expire

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? yep!! i love them its why im scared to use foundation i dont wanna lose em

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? i either smile or if my moms takin the pic il make a stupid face 

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? i have terrible road rage...... um........... i also hate it when men interrupt me i just walk away at that point 

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah i pretty much count everything

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? i dont think so??

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? def not lmao

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? i have an eating dance, a drinking dance, and a video game playing dance hahaa

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yes ugh it annoys me but i cant stop

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? at LEAST 0

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? i think its a single? a single or a twin either way im miserable send help

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? ummm probably You by Weird Milk?? its the most recent song i added on spotify so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yeah def unless its one of those “real men wear pink shirts” like just.... stop

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? sometimes my sister makes me watch stevens universe?? il watch phineas and ferb too bc honestly who doesnt anime too but not always cartoon ones or w/e

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? 2001: A Space Odyssey and Daughters of the Dust come to mind

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? u kno where ;) no how big is the treasure?? if its a lil bit id put it in that drawer under the oven bc my family never uses that but if its BIG TREASURE id hide it in the backyard of the last house i lived in bc a. nobody lives there now and 2. its totally overrun with green bc of like two floods

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water! only water ever

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? honey if theyre mcnuggets but other than that i use honey mustard!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicky parm

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? honestly Inception is my feel-good movie

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a lil babu

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? i was in girl scouts much longer than i ever wanted to be lmao WISH i coulda done BOY SCOUTS

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? aboutttt three months ago!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no but i can watch

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? when i first got my license yea :( 15 yr olds are dum

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? twice! very good memories

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? egg salad gud

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? the all star breakfast at waffle house yasssss

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? honestly like 9 since i always have to wake up at 7 in the am but il stay up til 11 if i can

37. ARE YOU LAZY? absolutely when have ACTIVE ppl done ANYTHING

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was usually a cat bc i never could find a costume i liked smh but when i was 2 i went as winnie the pooh lmao

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? ox!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just english but im tryna learn spanish and japanese and im fluent in french if a two year olds speech patterns can be considered as such

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? LEGOS lincoln logs are big with nostalgia thoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? with dumb shit yeah but i usually just dont care enough abt stuff to deal

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? theyre both old idc

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? no lol

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? not really tbh i like the adrenaline

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? if im alone!! nobody deserves to hear that

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nahhh

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? when im in the drive thru haaaa

50. EVER USED A GUN? id like to go to a shooting range some time but ive never used one im also very anti gun so i probs would never buy one unless it was a cute lil glock i can handle well

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? st patricks day it wasnt technically for me tho

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? not in general but when ppl start obsessing over a certain one for months on end abt a certain time period and certain performers and certain songs and certain people of history i start wanting ppl to die

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? YEAH I NEVER HAVE MONEY WTF

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? my sisters obsessed with them so yea but never like. authentic polish potato pockets or anything just a frozen box of em

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? apple?? im not rly into pie tbh

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ive wanted to go into law enforcement/criminology my whole life!! for a sec i wanted to be a firefighter, a journalist/writer/poet, and some sort of artist but u know how kids are

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i tried to find that clip from malcolm in the middle for like ten mins but i couldnt yea

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? doesnt everyone tho?

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no im a bad adult

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? im not rich!!

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? ive never been to one! i was gonna go see metallica in baltimore but i moved before i could smh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart sry targets cool but too much money!!! i go there for home things tho does kmart still exist

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? ADIDAS ive been trying to get a full adidas tracksuit for YEARS

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? fritos! i like the super hot cheetos tho

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanutsssss

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope but they must be good im keepin @tickledsims response bc it made me laugh

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was a lil babu i took ballet and gymnastics a lil later

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i hope to never have a spouse  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yep

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? ive actually never even had a spelling bee im sure theyre a myth

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? i think so??

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nahhhhh

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? no but i had a roommate who did i fell in love

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah ok lol so one time when i was a sophomore my french teacher had to use a substitute teacher and hes the reason i believe in love at first sight im STILL in love with him wtf ive also had a bf haha im hilarious

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? i dont really do concerts so i couldnt say but i think matd would be fun!!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? oh my god

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? i dont rly like either but i prefer snickerdoodles over sugar

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can only do that weird frog swim i forget what its called so no im shit at it

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? ye

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? if im able to distract myself?? it also depends on the severity of what im waiting on i guess

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? probs a band i guess i dont rly think abt that kinda stuff sry

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? when i was four i won a coloring contest at the ice cream store

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nope im poor 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? both are good!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i can knit but i cant crochet

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fckn bathroom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? not rly unless its a partnership longlasting romance stresses me out especially with financial responsibility etc

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? -20 years

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? my high school boyfriend hahaaa h,,,,

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? im an adult sry

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? nope! lmao i love her tho

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red but i also like many others??? idk

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? ummm not rly?? im not close enough to anyone to miss them and those i am close to im able to hang with

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? god uhhh if you havent done it already and want to, @dreambot @nebula-simms @ellowynsims and @pixelbloom