#kian westlife

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westlife one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - make you feel my love 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - tears, fluff, workplace homophobia, mentions of abuse, mentions of illness 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - through the lyrics of shane filan's "make you feel my love" we see the four members of westlife loving their partner through everything and anything 𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽�� - this came out of nowhere lol, please enjoy! also bold italics is lyrics, italics is like flashbacks and everything else is the regular font. 

masterlist - - - mark:

when the rain is blowin' in your face and the whole world is on your case, i could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love. 

today had been the worst day in the world for you and you wish you could understand why. also wishing that you were exaggerating. first off, it was raining cats and dogs outside, so loud you personally thought your work building would collapse in on itself and it utterly terrified you. and two, it seemed as though your whole office building and everyone inside of it was on your case and trying to nit-pick at every little thing you did. whether that was in regards to you doing your job properly or just breathing, someone in your office had something to say about it and it almost made you want to scream. but, you remembered you actually liked this job and didn't want to lose it all because you lost control once at a time when you were defending yourself from everyone else's ridicule and judgement. you knew that when things like this happened, when the rain was blowing in your face and the whole world was on your case that your boyfriend, mark, would offer you a warm embrace, making you feel his undying love for you. 

however, he still hadn't returned from a summer show in dublin so unfortunately, your boyfriend wasn't going to be home the same time you returned home from work. so, you just sucked those tears back up and pushed on through the rest of the work day. only hoping that no one else would try to test you otherwise you would start to bawl your eyes out and not have the ability to stop. cause once you start, you could find it quite difficult for yourself to stop crying. 

continuing your customer service job, which truthfully you didn't need due to your boyfriend's extravagent job but, you still loved it. it started to eventually come to the end of your work shift. when you and the two other work colleagues that were incessant on causing you to almost have a mental breakdown, you just hoped it wasn't you getting yelled at again. and, you somehow managed a shaky breath of relief when you saw the body language your boss had in regards to your colleagues in comparison to you. 

"---sir, i'm sorry but, what on earth are we doing in here with...him?" the older work colleague of yours jeered with attitude in his voice as your boss gave him a sharp look whilst you stayed silent, looking anywhere but at your boss and the two other colleagues

"why do you think, todd?" your boss matched todd's attitude as the man stepped down as he gulped before your boss couldn't stop himself from continuing 

"why do you both think it's okay to constantly bother y.n when he's just peacefully doing his job like everyone else, just like he's supposed to? don't you ever get tired of being incessant bullies? don't you ever think that i can actually hear all this bullying and abuse that you're aiming at y.n? do you ever step back and think to yourself how much stress and harm you are putting on him? do you ever step back and wonder if your words actually cause harm to your fellow work colleagues or are you just so ignorant that you no longer care anymore? because that's what i think of you todd and of you as well, richard, and i wish i had found out about this earlier so i could have let you both go before it could have escalated this far. and y.n, i am so incredibly sorry that it's taken this long for me to take action because this behaviour...this homophobic behaviour is never and will never be tolerated in my workplace, not today, not ever! so, todd, richard, it's with my greatest pleasure that today is your final day at this job and you will be fired. because how you behave towards your other work colleagues is simply not tolerable any longer. i'd like to say i wish you both the best but, i'd honestly be lying if i said that so, let's hope the next time i have to see or hear about either of you, both your guys' heads will have been removed out of arses. but in saying that, i don't have high hopes for that...grab your things the both of you and leave, i want you guys clocked out and out of the building before the end of the day..." the man was no longer allowing this abusive behaviour and you couldn't help but feel thankful to him, it was also quite hilarious to see how todd and richard reacted

for those who wanted a mental image of the way these two grown ass adults reacted to their firing was them basically throwing fits in the way a child would if they were told "no, you cannot play on the tablet (child's name) your screen time for the day has finished". as much as you wanted to laugh, you found yourself not being able to because you were just so exhausted from this long and quite frankly traumatic day that you just wanted it to be over. just so you could go home and cacoon yourself in blankets on the couch as you then wait for your boyfriend mark to return home from his show in dublin with westlife. but then you remembered that you still had a job to finish and, just as you went to leave your boss's office, he stopped you. 

"...oh, y.n, before i let you go, i am terribly sorry that you had to deal with todd and richard constantly on your case today and every other day. you didn't deserve it and it was completely unwarranted every single time. i wish i had done this firing sooner because they truly don't deserve a place in my workplace if they are being disrespectful to my fellow employees. but especially because of their sexual orientation which is something that is uncontrollable. also, if you wish to, i give you full permission to clock out earlier today since i know how exhausted you are from all of their abuses you've recieved. all i ask is that if you do leave early, that i get a text message reassuring me that you've got home safely, alright? and another one when mark gets home from dublin since i remember you telling me that he returns back tonight, because i want to know that you're being taken care of properly, okay?" tears welled in your eyes as you smiled, making eye contact with your boss as you nodded your head 

"thank you sir. all of this has been well appreciated and, i'll be leaving work early since i don't think i feel like i'm in the right headspace to continue so, i'll clock out early. and, i promise, as soon as i get home and then as soon as mark gets home, you'll be receiving text messages from me, don't worry. again, thank you for firing todd and richard and for sticking up for me. i know everyone else has but, having you also stick up for me just makes it a little bit better..." you trailed off as your boss nodded his head and watched as you left his office, a little less of the world weighing you down as you walked out then what you had when you walked in 

let's just say you were happily surprised and relieved when you came home to see your boyfriend already home. with his arms open ready to comfort you whilst you just unloaded on him after sending a message letting your boss know you had got home safely and that mark had too and was there with his arms open waiting. 

nicky:

i know you haven't made your mind up yet but i would never do you wrong. i've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in mind where you belong. 

you hated being in this position. your childhood best friend, nicky byrne (yes the nicky byrne from westlife was your childhood best friend) had just professed his undying and neverending love for you just hours before he was to leave for westlife's next big world tour. yet, you couldn't give him a yes or no answer. so, you just stood there, in the lounge room of his baldoyle home in dublin, ireland, like an utter loser as you just stared at your best friend. 

"...umm, i...i'm sorry what...what did you just say nicky?" you managed to finally stammer out as nicky let out a shaky breath, letting you know he was about to cry and you hated it - you hated being the reason that your best friend was crying 

you could tell that nicky didn't want to repeat himself and was about to leave so you stepped forward and grabbed his hand, "no, don't...please don't leave nicky...i just, i know what you said, i heard it but i just...can i...maybe...have some time to think about my answer?" you stammered out as you held nicky's hand tighter as his tears started to trickle down his cheeks as his lip trembled 

"umm...yeah, sure....that...that's fine, y.n. i...i'm sorry, i shouldn't...i shouldn't have put you on the spot like that i just...i wanted to tell you before i leave for tour with westlife and i just...truthfully, i panicked and i just--" 

"--hey, nicky, calm down bubs. it's fine, you didn't put me on the spot, i just wasn't expecting it but, that doesn't mean i shouldn't not have expected it at all either. but, i'm still okay to think about my answer?" you reassured nicky as he nodded his head to your question of still wanting to think about your answer and if it was okay 

"yeah, absolutely, you can think about your answer, take as long or as little as you want. there is no timetable whatsoever, i just wanted to tell you before i left so, yeah..." nicky smiled shyly, wiping away some extra tears off his cheeks as you smiled and moved closer

"...yeah, i get it nico. you didn't want to leave anything unsaid before leaving so you said it all now, it wouldn't be the first time we've done this. because, if i remember right, we had a similar if not same exact conversation when we were fifteen and sixteen right before you left for leeds united and i gave you the same exact answer. except, i never gave you the answer to your question but, this time, i promise i will. because i think this time i'm ready to accept the truth and not be selfish anymore..." you trailed off, giving a quick kiss to nicky's head leaving him confused as he turned around 

"...selfish? you're never selfish, y.n..." nicky whispered but you still heard it and you smiled as you opened the front door 

"...i never intended to but, yes, i was this time nico. have fun on tour love and i'll be there at the airport waiting for you five to come home!" you smiled and left without another word as nicky was still confused but didn't try to pursue anything more since he was needed at the airport within minutes 

~

nicky had been having the best time on tour with his westlife bandmates but, even that fun couldn't stop the fear of what your answer to his question was going to be when he reunites with you later tonight in dublin airport. he loved you dearly, you both knew this since like mentioned earlier, it wasn't the first time nicky had professed his more than platonic love for you and you had rejected nicky's advances. and honestly, looking back on your fifteen-year-old self now as a twenty-year-old, you thought it was quite selfish. as you remembered the same tearful, devastated face that little sixteen-year-old nicky shared with the same but older, twenty-year-old nicky the second time you "rejected" him. you couldn't keep on pretending that you too hadn't fallen head over heels in love with nicky like he had with you. because, you really had fallen in love with him and probably first fell in love with him when you truthfully first met him when you guys were in primary school. never realising it until you were fifteen, when nicky first tried to ask you out after expressing his love for you. you knew he would never do you wrong and he'd treat you like an absolute queen. seriously, he had seen you be mistreated since you were fifteen, after he left for leeds united and it bothered him so bad that he couldn't do anything to stop it. even after he pleaded with his dad, nikki sr, to keep an extra close eye on you to make sure there were no physical injuries. you still refused to believe that your ex-boyfriends were abusive and bad because you didn't want to believe you were in love with your childhood best friend who you'd known since first grade in primary school. 

except, now that you had the conversation a second time with nicky at an older and slightly more mature age and just before you two would be apart for the best of a few months. you finally realised you couldn't be selfish anymore and you could no longer hide your true affection for nicky anymore. so you didn't want to hide it anymore. as you impatiently waited at dublin airport with the other westlife girlfriends, kerry and gillian, bryan and shane's girlfriend's, you went back and forth in your mind of how you were going to tell nicky that in fact, you too were in love with him and you wanted to be with him for as long as forever. but, just as you could think up of what you wanted to say to nicky, you heard kerry and gillian let out the loudest screams in the world, kerry yanking on your hand as you looked up. 

and all of a sudden, you couldn't stop your hand from sliding out of kerry's or your legs from moving forward. bursting out into tears, you ran as fast as you could as you barely noticed the way nicky's face lit up in excitement and slight anxiousness as you ran closer to him. since you were a loud crier, you basically had the entire arrivals terminal staring at you. and not just because there was an award-winning, irish boy-band returning home via a normal commerical airplane and walking through a regular airport terminal rather than a private one right at the back of the airport where no one else would see them return home and potentially infiltrate them. 

you finally got closer to nicky who quickly dropped his duffle bag and opened his arms knowing you were going to jump into them since it was something you always did. however, this time, it was different and he couldn't understand why until...

...you grabbed his face and kissed him in the most passionate way you had ever kissed anyone before in your entire life. nicky, at first, of course was shellshocked and understandably, mortified. but, as soon as he tasted the saltiness of the tears streaming down your cheeks on his lips, he didn't hesitate a second longer and started kissing you back. as cheers, applauses and wolf-whistles galore filled the arrival terminal at dublin airport as nicky's bandmates, kian, bryan, shane and mark watched on as kerry and gillian held tightly onto their own boyfriends with the biggest smiles on their faces. all of them happy that nicky would no longer have to be devastated or fearful of his best friend not reciprocating her obvious love for him anymore. 

"...i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you nicky! i love you so fucking much and i am so sorry for being so selfish in not telling you. i didn't really need time to think ahout my answer, i just said those things because i didn't want to allow myself to believe that i was in love with my best friend. and it was so selfish of me and i cannot believe i made you cry like that and i just wish i could---" 

kissing you again, nicky pulled apart this time after initiating the second kiss, "---shut up will you, y.n, you really must love the sound of your voice if you're still too thick in the head to think i don't forgive you because i do forgive you. believe me, it took me way too long to pull my own head out of my arse because i also refused to believe that i was in love with my best friend as well. but, i put on my big boy pants and i told you two times, once when i was sixteen and about to leave for leeds and the second time when i was twenty and leaving for westlife's first ever headlining tour. and it was because i didn't want to leave you without thinking i had forgotten anything and i didn't because i told you that i was head over heels in love with you. and unlike anyone else i'd ever loved before and it broke my heart hearing you say you needed more time to think about it even though you had given me the same answer the first time and actually never gave me a response. because you just couldn't face it at the time and that's okay because this time you did and i couldn't have loved you anymore y.n. i mean...i...i've known it from the moment we met and there was no doubt in my mind where you belong and that's with me and no one else..." nicky trailed off, tears welling in his eyes as you smiled as you initiated a third and one last kiss as the both of you couldn't stop laughing and crying and hugging each other 

although it had taken years upon years of selfishly pretending you weren't in love with your best friend, you were glad it had taken a westlife headlining world tour to kick your arse and head into gear. as well as it (your head) being removed from your arse and realise that you couldn't be selfish anymore. and you had to acknowledge that you couldn't fall in love with someone else because it was always going to be nicky. and now, as you held tightly onto one another as you walked through dublin airport with the rest of the westlife lads, kerry and gillian, you couldn't be any happier with your life. especially now that you had nicky with you forever and he was more than just your "childhood best friend". 

kian:

i'd go hungry, i'd go black and blue, i'd go crawling down the avenue. no, there's nothin' that i wouldn't do, to make you feel my love

you struggled to believe it. kian utterly refused to believe it. and he wished there was something he could have done to prevent it from happening...

"...mr egan...did you hear what i just said?" kian lifted his head up from staring at the carpeted floor in your, his wife's oncologist's office, with eyes that couldn't lie - your husband hadn't been listening at all to anything your oncologist had just said during the entire duration of them being in there 

"ah, no i...i didn't, sorry, what were we talking about doctor marshall?" kian gulped as he squeezed your hand tighter as you smiled with a soft and tenderness at him as doctor marshall smiled too

"don't apologise mr egan, things like this can happen. especially because of how difficult it can be to comprehend your spouse having what can turn into a terminal illness, a lot of spouses will often pretend they didn't hear the diagnosis because they don't want to believe that their other half could be so sick..."

oh, that's why they were visiting doctor marshall, he was giving a diagnosis to you, kian's wife, in regards to all the blood tests and other scans that you had been doing after you had been dealthly sick. and no one, not even your local gp in strandhill, sligo, could provide you with an answer so they referred you over to doctor marshall in north-west dublin. kian had completely forgotten about that since he had been worrying about everything else that he couldn't even remember why he was in north-west dublin with his wife and almost bursting out into tears in doctor marshall's office. 

"...oh, umm, doctor marshall, will...is y.n able to undergo rounds of chemotherapy or any other form of can...treatment for her illness?" kian stammered out as tears started to get him choked up as you stayed stoic and comforted your husband - you had a feeling that this doctor's appointment wouldn't be a happy and easy one to get through 

"now, mr egan, of course she is able to. we always suggest that the smartest and most logical idea, especially when we detect and diagnose the cancer early that going through treatment will give us and your wife the highest rate of surviving her cancer which is what we want. but, of course, we can't just force y.n to undergo treatment just for our own selfish needs. it has to be of her own wishes and accord because we don't know if the person suffering with the illness really wants to go through the process of the treatment and its side effects that it comes with as well as the long and constant hospital stays as an inpatient. so, if the both of you need some time to hash it out, i am absolutely fine with giving you guys a chance to chat and decide whether or not you, y.n, would like to go through with treatment or if you don't and after that, we can go from there, alright?" doctor marshall explained as you and kian nodded your heads as you held each others hands tighter 

"thanks, doctor marshall, we shouldn't take long..." you trailed off for the first time since the beginning of the appointment as you could hear your husband attempt to quieten his sobs as his body shook, his free hand covering his mouth as his eyes clamped shut tight 

you knew this was breaking your husbands heart. he had lost his own dad to cancer back in 2009 just before westlife returned from their year off and now, he had to go through that all over again with his wife? how on earth was that fair to kian? it wasn't, it wasn't fair at all. however, you were determined to survive and beat your cancer for kian's dad kevin who wasn't able to. you were determined to get to the end of your chemotherapy and ring that goddamn bell at the end of it all for those who never got to. 

reaching over doctor marshall's desk to the tissue box, you grabbed a few and handed them to your husband as he wetly giggled. grabbing one of them and wiping his tears after pocketing the others, "...thanks babe..." he muttered as you kissed his temple softly as you continued to squeeze his hand comfortingly 

"...so, doctor marshall wants us to discuss the idea of me going through treatment. so, how do you feel about me doing that?" you questioned, your head tilting to the side as kian looked at you as though you were insane - which, in fairness, you were a little bit but, that's why kian fell in love with you in the first place 

"why are you asking me this, y.n? how do you the one who's actually going to through it, feel about it? this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. just like doctor marshall said, just because i may want and heavily suggest you do it, if you don't want to do it, i respect your decision. and i will do everything i can do to make this journey easier for you! this is not my decision to ultimately make, babe!" kian's tears were still heard in his voice although his sobs had calmed down as you sighed and nodded your head, smiling softly 

"okay. well, it wasn't a hard decision, kiki. i want to go through with the chemotherapy, especially because doctor marshall said that we caught it early that i have a higher chance of surviving. i...i want to ring that bell at the end of chemo because dad never got to, kevin never got to ring that bell and i want to do that. i can't bare the thought of you losing another person you love with your entire beating heart to cancer because that's just unfair. so, it's best i start now when it's still early in the cancer to do so..." you trailed off, your heart breaking as your husband's sobs returned at the mention of his dad's death to cancer alongside the possibility of his own wife losing her cancer battle as well 

"...i can't either, y.n. i can't lose you either! i barely survived losing dad, i can't lose you too! i don't want to!" kian sobbed as he folded in on himself, his pain immeasurable as you reached over the chair's arm and hugged your husband as tightly as you possibly could as he weeped

"you won't lose me baby! i'm going to get through this cancer, i'm gonna ring that bloody bell. and then we're going to rest and then after that, we're gonna have as many kids as we possibly can and we're gonna live happily ever after, i promise..." 

~

...psh, yeah, happily ever after my arse! once again, almost like a coda to the day you were diagnosed with cancer, you were stoic and unemotional. whilst kian, your husband was almost weepy at doctor marshall's check-up with you at the cancer hospital in north-west dublin. for some context, not too long after that doctor's appointment where you were first officially diagnosed, within a month, you were admitted to north-west dublin's cancer hospital as an in-patient. and that was so you could start your cancer treatment basically straight away to give you the best chance of survival and eliminating the cancer all together. 

however, this is where the "pssh, yeah, happily ever after my arse!" comes from. because, just this last couple weeks, you'd been blindsided with a dangerous infection in your bloodstream which nearly rendered you into a coma if the nurses hadn't noticed it in time. and, even though, like your cancer, the nurses caught the infection early, it still didn't stop you from being in dangerous waters. so, you had to constantly fight every single day by forcing yourself to keep your eyes open. force yourself to eat, to drink and to walk around the upper cancer unit for ten minutes a day before returning back to your hospital room so you could then spend a couple of hours with kian and someone else that he'd invite to come with him. the "someone else" was usually nicky, shane or mark but today, it was all three of them because your oncology team had a terrible gut feeling. and whilst they wished it to be a false alarm, they wanted to make sure kian had enough people around him to comfort him if their gut feeling was to follow through and come true. 

kian was currently sitting uncomfortably, with his legs crossed like when you were kids at primary school sitting on the floor. his right elbow resting on the arm of the chair and his left arm stretching over to hold yours as you rested, eyes closed, mouth slightly open. your chest ever so slightly rising and falling tucked away under the sheets of your hospital bed. tears were constantly threatening to dribble down kian's cheeks as he constantly willed them away as he breathed shakily in and out. his hand occasionally coming up from the chair arm and covering his mouth for the times he couldn't help a sob and it's escape. and standing all around the rest of the room were his three bandmates, shane, nicky and mark and they were helpless in knowing how to console their bandmate. none of them had gone through the loss of someone they love due to cancer. nicky did lose his dad to a heart attack but, obviously, that was different then the loss of kian's dad to cancer and now the possibility of the same thing happening to his wife. although you were currently unconscious but breathing, you just knew that kian wished it was him in the hospital bed with cancer and this mysterious yet dangerous blood infection. it was completely obvious because kian had been that way ever since you two started dating and even before that when you two were just best friends.

 i mean, this man, this lunatic of a man who was crazy in love with you would go hungry for you. he'd go black and blue for you. he'd go crawling down the avenue for you. there was absolutely nothing this looney toon wouldn't do for you because if it showed you how much he loved you, he'd do it. he'd even switch places with you, have himself go through this cancer, the treatment and this awful, stressful, heartbreaking, scary blood infection. if it meant that you were okay and not worried every single day about whether or not you were actually going to end up ringing that bell at the end of your chemotherapy. 

and, suddenly, out of pure fight that you still had left in you, you opened your eyes more determined then ever. whilst kian wailed the same way he did when his father took his last breath with shane providing him with some comfort as he kind of rested on top of him. his arms around kian's waist which moved each sob which made shane move slightly. mark and nicky not too far behind kian and shane when nicky's eyes widened, his teary eyes, since kian wasn't the only one in a grief-like state, spoke up in a whisper. 

"...ki...y.n's woken up..." nicky whispered and as kian and shane both heard that sentence, their heads shot up and more tears poured down kian's face as he touched your face, shane's arms letting go of his hold on kian 

"...oh, baby! are you okay? are you hurt? what hurts? do i need to get the nurse what's--"

"--calm down babe, breathe. yes, i'm okay darling. i'm not hurt, i'm just a little numb and stiff due to the way i've been lying down. and yes, getting the nurse would be a great idea, and i think you should do it because you've been holed up in this room longer than anyone else has. shane, nicky and mark will take immense care of me for the five or so minutes you step out of this room to grab the nurse so don't have a freak out, alright love? i'm still here, i haven't left and i won't leave...now go, get the nurse and doctor marshall," you may have just woken up but that didn't mean you were tired or exhausted because you weren't, truthfully, you felt more alive than you'd ever felt before

agreeing and too tired to think about arguing, kian nodded his head and unlatched his grip from yours and left the hospital room to fetch the nurse and doctor marshall, "okay, i'll be back love. have some water, you must be thirsty, shane'll help you if you need it," kian smiled softly with a tender kiss to your temple as you smiled as you watched him walk out, wiping away his wet cheeks and to the left to the reception desk so they could page for the nurse and doctor marshall 

let's just say, from how calm and smiley both the nurse and doctor marshall were, it seemed as though their gut feeling was wrong. and the blood infection had been caught early and it looked as though you were going to make an amazing recovery. from not just the infection but also from the cancer. and that was why the rest of north-west dublin's cancer hospital could hear cheers, screams and just outright excitement coming out of room 4580. 

shane:

when the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears, i could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love.

you couldn't stay strong anymore so you didn't. you had returned home from ireland to wales, uk, to hold a vigil back in your childhood home for your father who was dying due to respiratory distress. and it had just been confirmed that your father had died. you didn't want to believe it. i mean, what nineteen-year-old wanted to believe that their father has just died after months and months of being bedridden after being diagnosed with respiratory distress? the doctors promised you, promised your whole family that with some sort of miracle drug that was very new but already so revoulationary and able to cure the disease that you were beside yourself that their promise fell on deaf hands and deaf ears. how dare they lie to you and your family? how dare they provide you with such comfort and solace that your dad was going to survive. only then for him to die months later in his bed in the very home you had every single childhood memory in up until age twelve when you moved to sligo, ireland after your parents civily split up. and right now, you just cried. your body fell forward as a loud and guttural sob that sounded as though it was from an animal that was dying fell from your mouth as your knees hit the ground. your arms falling onto your father's bed on which he laid on in his final moments. 

it was in that moment that the rest of your siblings, mum and doctor left the master bedroom as you continued to weep. wishing only for the dark to become light again, wishing for your father to open his eyes and just say he was joking. even though he knew that would be too crude a joke to play on his ever-loving family who had never done a thing wrong to deserve that type of tasteless joke. your mum, whilst devastated over the loss of her ex-husband, knew you'd be the most devastated about this and was thankful. praising god that she remembered that shane filan, your boyfriend and member of ireland's boyband westlife, were in wales, cardiff. specifically, for a week-long run of concerts and made the smart decision to ring him up to let him know that your father had died and that you needed comfort. but the only person who could really provide her with the right comfort was shane. 

due to your wailing and complete ignorance to the world around you, you hadn't noticed the gentle touch of your gorgeously talented but ever so empathetic and sweetheart of a boyfriend, shane. however, because you could feel the slight change in the air, you could tell without lifting your head up off of your father's bed and current resting place that someone was next to you. it wasn't until you heard his soft voice that you knew instantly by the way of his accent. and how it was obvious he too had spent time crying himself. that it was your boyfriend next to you and not a family member who just carelessly decided to check in on you just for the sake of it. 

"...y.n, baby, you can rest now..." shane's soft voice, that sounded like he too had been crying after recieving the phone call from your mother sounded from beside you as you finally lifted your head up from the warm blankets and sheets of your father's bed 

"...shay...what...what are you doing here? you're supposed to be in cardiff with the boys, what..." you trailed off, your voice croaky and hoarse from all the wailing you had been doing for what felt like eternity at this stage 

"...you are more important, y.n. your mum called me, she told me what had happened..." shane's voice stopped as he got all choked up as tears welled in his eyes as you struggled to hold yourself together again 

"...he...my dad's dead shane...he...he isn't coming back...he...he's never going to wake up again..." you sobbed as you fell, instead of collapsing forward onto the bed, you fell sideward onto shane who caught you and held you as more sobs jolted your tired body 

"...i know darling and i am so sorry. i wish i could say anything that could ease this hurt but i know nothing can do that!" shane whispered as he held you, rocking the both of you back and forth as tears streamed down the both of your faces whilst your dad's lifeless body laid in rest on the top of the bed that you were still hunched over 

the evening started to shadow the master bedroom of your childhood home and you could see the light of the stars started to appear. there was an obvious star that shone the brightest out of all of them. it was clear that that star was none other than your dad reassuring you and the rest of the family that he was safe and that he'd always be there to shine bright every single night. last time your family went through a bereavement, you and shane were only best friends and he was in ireland and you were in wales. which meant that he wasn't just a 45-minute drive away to wipe away all your tears over the loss of your grandpapa when you were a mere twelve-year-old returning back to wales in the same way nineteen-year-old you had returned to wales to stand vigil at your now-dead father's bedside. it was a weird sense of deja vu or like a coda in a movie or song. but, this time you were just grateful that you had shane here with you to comfort you and to dry your tears, to hold you for a million years. 

"...shay...i love you so much..." you whispered, your eyes only just staying open since it was now midnight and you and shane were still sitting vigil in your father's bedroom hours after his death date had been called 

"...i love you too baby...i think it's time we get some rest and go to sleep? what do you think?" shane whispered as you couldn't help but agree, although you wanted to stay in this room with your father for the rest of eternity, you knew you couldn't do that 

"yeah, i don't think dad would want us crying at his bedside for the rest of our lives. i think if he had the ability to become a ghost, he'd definitely tell us off for crying over him *tearful giggles*. besides, i'm exhausted and it's nearly thirty minutes after midnight and you have a concert tomorrow that i don't want you falling asleep during so, it's time for bed..." you trailed off with a broken smile, standing up off the floor from your kneeling grief position and held out your hand for shane to grab it 

and he did. with an identical broken smile, he grabbed your hand and stood up as well as you guys walked out of your father's bedroom. not forgetting to quietly close it behind you cause, even in death, it would be rude to loudly close your father's door when he's trying to sleep. 

- - - 

this was a bit of a fun little thing to write but it was very sad so i do apologise for that however, i do like this chapter very well. i realised the first few of these chapters have been depressing so i need to write happier ones! 

ok ily bye xx

wc;  6732

[allthingsfandom22]

[everythingfandom12]

[firstlightfanfics]

Hi Westlife fans

I have a new story for you:

[lovingnightpanda]

[simply-nicky]

[amberswilddreams]

talk me down💔

pairing : kian egan x sister!fem reader

summary : kayeleigh egan has to be talked down from committing suicide after she struggles to come to terms with the death of her and her family's dad, kevin, to cancer. the person that talks her down is none other than her older brother, kian egan.

warnings : description and action of a suicide attempt, crying, yelling, swearing, older brother!kian, stopping someone from killing themself

a/n : sorry that it's another sad one-shot but, i adore westlife's song, "talk me down" from their "where we are" album so, yeah that's why i decided to write this. lyrics will be in bold italics and this will be written in lowercase. if there are any, flashbacks will be written in italics whilst everything else will be written in normal font.

i'm too tried to go to bed, i'm too wired for anything except the crossfire in my head  

the entire egan family knew that something wasn't right with their youngest daughter and sister, kayeleigh. and they knew exactly what had caused it as well, they just didn't realise how bad it had actually gotten. it had only been a couple of months since the patriarch of the egan family, kevin egan, had passed away due to a cancer battle that he had battled through for a little bit of a year and kayeleigh had no idea how to handle it. after the funeral, kayeleigh felt as though she was running on autopilot.  she was way too tired to go to bed, too wired for anything except for the constant gunfire that went through her head every single second of every single day. all she wanted was to have her dad come home. this sudden loss had thrown her family dynamics so off-wack that she had no idea how anyone in her house was able to wake up every single morning and just continue as if nothing had happened.  and, one day, her brother noticed how far down his younger sister had fallen and tried to help her. 

"...kayeleigh, are you okay babe?" kian's, kayeleigh's older brother's voice rang out from behind the blonde girl

turning around, kayeleigh simply blinked at her brother, "hmm, sorry kian, what did you say?" for the first time basically since the funeral, the brother and sister actually looked at each other for more than a second or two, making proper eye contact with one another 

kian had finally noticed the state his younger sister was in and that it was basically the same grievous state that he was in. and that it wasn't just him that was crying every single day. kayeleigh also noticed that it wasn't just her that was crying every single day when she finally looked at kian for more than just a split second. the both of them had both been crying nearly every single day and not once did either of them realise it. neither of them realised because they didn't think about the possibility of the other sibling possibly even understanding the other one's pain. because, kian and kayeleigh had completely different relationships with their father. 

after some silence, kian spoke up again, "i was asking you if you were okay, kayeleigh. you've been flying on autopilot a little bit and were wondering if you needed someone to talk to," kian questioned which shocked kayeleigh 

not that kian was a crappy brother to his sister, he just usually was never this available to spend all the time in the world that he wanted to with his family because he'd usually be on tour or doing promotion with westlife. but, because of the year off the band was taking, not really returning until later on in the year, kian had all the time in the world to spend with his family and, just as well the band did because, the thought of having to deal with the loss of their father whilst at work with westlife would have been hell on earth for kian.

  "that...that would be really nice actually, thanks kian," kayeleigh whispered as kian breathed out a sigh of relief 

so, kian took his younger sister aside and they had a conversation. it involved tears, some laughter and every single memory the brother and sister could remember they had with their dad. 

"...hey, kayeleigh, do you remember the time that dad tried to run after colm and fenella but because colm had shut the door behind the both of them, dad ran head first into the glass door?" kian giggled as kayeleigh nodded her head as she too started to laugh 

"oh yeah, i remember that quite clearly actually. didn't fenella dob on colm or something or was it the other way around?" kayeleigh giggled as she fiddled with the rings on her fingers 

"umm, actually, i don't think either of them dobbed on each other, i think dad just laughed at himself and mentioned something about how he should have paid more attention to what colm was doing rather than focusing on chasing them," kian chuckled, scratching an itch on his cheek as kayeleigh nodded her head, the memory slightly starting to come back 

"ahh, okay, that makes sense. do you remember the time that dad started to dance with mum but didn't realise he hadn't pressed play on the song so, for a good few minutes, they were dancing in complete silence?" kayeleigh chuckled as kian's head flew back as he laughed as well, his head shaking 

"umm, no? when did this happen?" kian chuckled as he looked shocked, how was he not told this story? 

"oh, that's unfortunate because it was so bloody funny! it must have been when you were doing album promotion with westlife because it was literally the day that i think face to face was released. literally, dad was trying to coerce mum to dance with him to you raise me up but she had been reluctant because i think she was wanting to wait for you to come home from album promotion so we could listen to the album together. however, dad was really adamant about wanting her to dance with him and, she agreed to dance only dad had forgotten to press play on the radio and didn't realise until like, mum just stopped dancing because she couldn't hear any music and had to turn on the radio herself," kayeleigh's chuckles faded as kian rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, that was something that would be very typical of their father 

"wow, i cannot believe i missed that! i would have loved to have seen that," kian chuckled as kayeleigh nodded her head in agreement and she quickly looked out of her bedroom windows to notice that it had gotten quite late in the night 

kian had also noticed how late it had gotten. slowly got up from his spot on his sister's bed and decided it was time to let his sister try to get some sleep and for him to get some as well. 

"it's getting late and it's been a long night. goodnight kayeleigh, i really appreciated this chat and i hope you did too. i love you, babe," kian whispered, giving a quick kiss to his sister who smiled softly back 

"goodnight kian, i appreciated this chat as well, it was really well-needed. i love you too, kino," kayeleigh whispered back, accepting the kiss from her brother before she waved him out of her room and closed the door behind him 

then, finally, she released the breath she had been keeping inside of her for what felt like an eternity. 

it's been a long night, cause i took all i can take, 'til the walls shook and the windows break.

it seemed as though kian's conversation with his sister kayeleigh worked. it seemed as though kayeleigh was really engaged in the conversation of remembering their father and all the fun times they had. however, it had truly been a long night for kayeleigh, taking all she could until the walls in her head shook and the windows broke. kian left his sister alone, retreating back to his childhood room, thinking he had possibly saved her yet, he didn't think to check again after that night and he fell asleep. sure, he had a tight feeling in his chest but, he'd had that feeling since the day their dad died so by this point, kian was used to that pain, managing to get up and get on with it every passing day because, if he didn't do that, he would never be able to do it again. and he didn't want that. he had to be strong since he was one of the oldest of the seven kids. he had to be the example for the rest of the siblings and also be brave and take care of their mother who had lost the love of her life. 

kayeleigh really wasn't coping well at all. i mean, who could blame the young girl, she had truly thought that her father was invincible, i mean, what young child doesn't? she thought her dad was recovering better and that his cancer treatment was working. why didn't it work? why didn't that treatment keep her dad alive? it was supposed to keep him alive so why didn't it? 

kayeleigh was suddenly conflicted with emotions and started to become mad. woah. that's scary, she wasn't one to get mad nor was she one to run down the stairs to the beer fridge. grabbing her phone from the table with a beer in her hand, her hand hovered over one specific person in her phone contacts.

  i want to phone you but it's far too late, it's been a long night

her finger was hovering over her dad's contact, wanting to phone him but she couldn't. she knew she couldn't. she had waited too late. kayeleigh wasn't at the sligo general hospital when her dad passed away peacefully in the arms of his wife, kayeleigh and kian's mother. the reason why kayeleigh wasn't at the hospital was that she wasn't even in ireland, let alone sligo. she was in wales for university and got the unfortunate call that their father had died a few hours later. 

why didn't kayeleigh call him that very same day? she would have had the chance to hear her dad's voice one last time. she would have had the chance to say that she loved her dad one last time. she would have had the chance to say all that she wanted to say before she got the call from kian that changed the course of the rest of her life as she knew it. the news that caused kayeleigh's and the family's world to be halted to the roughest stop ever. 

brother kian 

"come on, kayeleigh, pick up the fucking..."

"...kian? what in god's name are you ringing me for buddy? i'm in class at uni!'

"oh shit, you weren't told? mum didn't text you or ring you or anything?"

"about what kian? what's happened? is dad okay?" 

"she didn't tell you? oh my fucking...crap!" 

"kian, what's going on? i was getting multiple notifications from marielle and fenella but they weren't telling me anything specific! just to expect a call from you at some point. what happened?"

"dad's gone, kayeleigh..."

"he's gone? what do you mean about gone, kian? has he like, run away? he can't run he's--"

"--no, babe, kayeleigh, dad's de-dead"

"dad-dad's dead? kian, you have to be joking? i'm literally not even at home and he's just dead? why didn't he ring me? why didn't i ring him? how? i-i can't just leave uni, kian!" 

"yes, you can babe, jodi's on her way to the uni now. she'll be landing in less than five minutes. the university has been told already, just moments before i've rung you." 

"where are you? does jodi know where my dorm is specifically?" 

"i'm with mum back home, we're doing all the phone calls and everything else. and yes, jodi does know babe, she's pretty confident and she'll take the best care of you, i promise!" 

"i don't doubt jodi won't. and okay, is mum okay? and are you okay, kian?" 

"i don't either, mum's destroyed, babe, she held him as he died and, honestly, i don't know but, i'll feel better when you and jodi come home." 

"okay, i'll see you then? i love you kian, take care of mum please" 

"you will and, i love you too kayeleigh and i will, and you and jodi take care of each other too!" 

"we will, love you, bye" 

"bye" 

however, she didn't care. even after that flashback. at this point, she was raging and she just wanted to see what would happen if she did ring her dad's number. would it still be connected to him? would the number now be someone else's? would that potential person pick up the phone? what would happen if kayeleigh just, rings her dad's phone number? 

so she did. 

daddy

"...hey daddy, it...it's kayeleigh. i know this is weird but i--" 

"--i'm-i'm sorry, but who is this?" 

kayeleigh froze at the strange female voice on the other end of the phone. that wasn't her father's voice at all, not even her father's voicemail voice that included her mum's interruption. it was a young girl, she sounded like she was maybe a year or two older than kayeleigh herself.  her dad's number was no longer connected to her dad.  even more frustrated and upset, kayeleigh screamed out, shockingly not alerting anyone else in her family and threw her phone to the floor after hanging up the stranger's voice on the other end. before she fully left her phone to charge as she walked back up to her bedroom, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small text from who she assumed was the young girl who had been given her dad's old phone number. 

daddy 

i don't know who this is or what it is you're going through but, if you ever need someone to chat with, about anything, you can talk to me. i was given this new number because my old one got hacked by a crazy ex-boyfriend of mine. we don't even need to exchange names, we can just talk and remain strangers. i do hope you're okay and, i'm sorry that i wasn't your dad on the other end of the phone

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down

shortly after that phone situation, kayeleigh found her way back to her room and found herself falling asleep even though she would never be able to explain how. she didn't even remember changing into her pyjamas or how she slid herself into her bed but, the next day she woke up, she had indeed gotten herself out of her clothes from the day and got herself into her pyjamas and then into the covers of her bed before falling asleep.  however, it was this day that the straw broke the camel's back and she couldn't deal with feeling this continuous grief all the time, every single day. she hated that she was still alive but her dad wasn't. so, late at night, she decided that she'd drive to a bridge, wearing nothing but a crop top and her fluffy pyjama pants and a pair of socks. 

cause we fought an endless war, 'til we forget what we were fighting for, now, we can't stop, but we can withdraw in the long night 

the whole family saw what their dad and husband's cancer did to the family. they were always a strong, close-knit family but the strain it put on the family was still apparent. hence why no one seemed to notice that kayeleigh had gone out into the night to clearly end her life because she thought she couldn't do it without her father alive.  as tears streamed down kayeleigh's face, the wind blowing through her hair and her face, she just sat on top of the bridge, her legs swinging against the side of the bridge that she sat on. with her phone in her hand, she contemplated ringing the number of the girl that was now connected to her dad's old number. but then, she knew she'd be told to get off the bridge and call 999. and she didn't want that, kayeleigh didn't want to be talked down, not really. if anything, she just wanted to have the feeling of being suicidal, to her, feeling this amount of grief was a whole new experience to her. it scared her that she was feeling this way every single day since losing her father.   suddenly, the funeral for her dad went through her mind. she remembered that day as though it was yesterday. 

kayeleigh sat in the front pew at the cathedral of the immaculate conception, her older brother kian on one side of her and their sister marielle on the other, jodi, kian's wife, on the other side of kian. she felt like she couldn't breathe, her chest felt heavy and she felt like she needed an escape route. she couldn't stay here. her heart was racing, her entire body was trembling. everyone's eyes and even some cameras outside of the church were on her and the rest of her family. she needed an out but she couldn't find one. 

kian's hand then left hers as he and the rest of westlife had gone up to the altar to perform "you raise me up". shane had barely started the first verse when kian's tears started, mark's arm around kian's shoulder to comfort him and kayeleigh really couldn't stay in this cathedral any longer. she couldn't deal with seeing her brother so upset. so, she left, she got up and she left. she could tell this would break the hearts of her family, especially her mother and kian's hearts but, she just couldn't stomach staying in that goddarn church as she watched people she didn't even know cry and pay their respects to the man she had known her whole life.

it felt like an eternity when people started to filter out of the church and past the egan girl. giving her hugs and their condolences, she thanked each of them, the three westlife members the last ones to do so. by the time the majority of the people had filtered out, there was one person there that was obvious to kayeleigh. it was kian. taking a big breath in, kayeleigh pushed the church door open, closing it behind her and walked back to the front of the huge and holy place that had just held her father's funeral where her brother was sitting down. his blonde hair looked messy and as though it had been hiding away in someone's shoulder as he cried or as though he hadn't had any energy to properly style it for the funeral service at all. 

softly tapping her brother's shoulder, kayeleigh squished to sit down next to her brother, "isn't jodi waiting for you?" kayeleigh whispered, her voice hoarse from the crying she had spent doing in the foyer of the church privately 

kian cleared his throat, "no, she-uh, she's helping take care of mam..." kian trailed off as kayeleigh nodded her head

"...ahh, okay..." the brother and sister couldn't think of anything else to say since kayeleigh did get up and leave during westlife's performance, though she could still hear it and, truthfully, it was the best part of the entire service

but unfortunately though, the moment kayeleigh did decide to get up and leave, kian managed to compose himself to look up from the floor to look at his younger sister, only to see that the very sister had up and left. kayeleigh knew that when kian saw that, it would have increased his grief because she had promised him that she'd be right there for him if he needed someone to focus on rather than their more than distraught mother. and, when he did look up to take comfort in his sister, she was gone but he could hear her close the door at the end of the middle aisle of the cathedral, where she had exited. 

after a few more beats of silence between the brother and sister, kayeleigh's shaky right hand slid across to kian's left hand. touching her brother's hand softly, she signalled to her brother that she needed his comfort and grabbed ahold of his hand. kian's heart broke and more tears that he had successfully fought off slipped down his cheeks as he immediately gripped his little sister's hand.

"kian...i miss dad..." kayeleigh whimpered as kian tightened his grip on his little sister's hand

"...i miss him too, bug" kian sniffled as he then pulled his sister in for a hug and they both cried

they cried for as long as they needed to before they picked themselves up and walked out of the cathedral together.

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down. 

tears continued to stream down kayeleigh's face as she stood up on the bridge and looked down to the river and its lower floor embankment below her. she was just itching to slip and just fall down. itching to just completely disintegrate and be killed instantly. she even imagined some nights that she did fall and stay asleep, of how her body would look if she did jump off of a bridge or off a hotel roof. or even the roof of her own family home that the family had been staying in since the death of their father. 

it sort of appealed to her, falling off of a building and having her body decapitated and all smashed up and bloody against the floor below. but then, she thought of the people she'd be leaving behind in the same way her dad left everyone behind. even then, she remembered that it wasn't necessarily her father's fault that he had left everyone behind. her dad didn't want to die, not that she thought. her dad had no choice, his cancer had taken so much from his life that, he had no more fight left in him anymore, he was even too ill to fly over to barbados for kian and jodi's wedding. but, kayeleigh did have a choice. and does her choice to kill herself align with her dad's death not being his choice? it didn't but, kayeleigh didn't think that logically. she didn't want to think logically. 

so, just as she went to jump off, she slipped and tried to grab the closest thing to her. which, strangely enough, was a broken piece of a community bench. it steadied her and stopped her from falling or anything but, she then had the thought of having a "test throw" before she would throw herself off to see what it would look like. so she did just that, throwing the piece of broken community bench off the bridge, she watched as it hit the side of the second-level embankment before it broke into teeny tiny little pieces as it then splattered into the ever so shallow river waters below. 

her eyes widened in excitement as she watched how the already broken community bench broke even more and into tinier pieces than it was before. she loved how the bench broke as it hit the edge of the embankment and then the shallow waters below that. 

she was moments from jumping and hoping for her body to end up in the same teeny tiny pieces that the community bench had been when all of a sudden, she slipped and just before she blacked out, she heard the one voice that she was hoping she wouldn't hear during her suicide attempt. kian had found her and had called 999 for an ambulance to take his little sister to the hospital, worried that she was going to commit suicide. and, wasn't he grateful that he actually didn't completely ignore that god-awful feeling in his chest and actually listened to it? 

the light flashed and i thought i'd died, my life passed before my eyes, it went too fast for the love i feel inside. 

how grateful was kian when he managed to get to that goddamn bridge on time before his sister had seriously decided to jump off of it. whilst it did scare him when she tripped and fell, hitting her head, he was just grateful he wouldn't have to see her dead and decapitated on the bottom of the bridge's embankment near the river's edge where he could see what was the even more broken community bench that she had thrown over the edge moments before she went to throw her own self off. kayeleigh had concussed herself and blacked out because when she did trip, she had fallen off the first level of the bridge and onto the embankment and hit her head, cracking it open. she was so very lucky that kian had even called for the ambulance and had gone out to look for her otherwise she wouldn't be in this ambulance on the way to the sligo hospital's high-risk mental health facility since she had just attempted to kill herself.  it seemed as though kayeleigh's life had flashed before her eyes in a light as she blacked out after she had tripped. it had gone too fast for the love she still felt inside.  maybe she actually didn't want to die. maybe she just wanted to feel something. maybe she just wanted to for once, just give in to those thoughts she had been having about actually hurting herself. and she did feel something and it scared her. she never wanted to feel like this again. so, in hindsight, she was going to forever be indebted to kian for realising that kayeleigh was missing and going out to look for her as well as calling an ambulance for her. 

"...come on kayeleigh, we're nearly at the hospital, it's going to be okay," kayeleigh could just faintly hear the voice and she smiled, knowing that kian hadn't left her and was in the ambulance with her  holding his sister's hand the same way he did at their dad's funeral

kian only hoping that their dad wouldn't let kayeleigh stay up there, wherever he was, with him when she was still needed with kian and the rest of the family. kayeleigh was way too young to be taken away in this way, especially because she was struggling with the loss of their father. all she needed was help and some clarity. she didn't need to jump off a bridge to see her dad again or to be happy again. she needed to stay alive to be happy. she needed to be talked down. 

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down

kayeleigh couldn't bear to face anyone who decided to show face in her hospital room as she had been put on mental health watch for 72 hours. she was so ashamed that she even attempted to kill herself and only ended up stupidly tripping over and hitting her head. how pathetic was that? she couldn't even kill herself properly. so how on earth could she look in the eyes of the people she loved and cared about and who loved and cared about her? she just simply didn't. that was until kian had come in and gently forced her to talk to him. 

"...kayeleigh, i know you're not sleeping, babe. stop pretending and talk to me," kian spoke up, sitting in the seat that was situated next to his sister's bed not pleased with the fact that she was trying to pretend to be asleep

kayeleigh groaned, knowing kian wouldn't allow it and, she turned back around to face her brother, "what do we talk about, kian? what i did is unacceptable and it's unbelievably stupid so, just tell me off for being a fucking idiot and leave me alone, alright?!" the girl slightly raised her voice as kian softly breathed out and shook his head, reaching out for his sister's hand 

"i'm not going to call you a fucking idiot or leave you alone, okay? because that's not my job to tell you that or to leave you when you're this vulnerable! the reason you did what you did was because you didn't know what else to do and, in that moment, that's the thing you thought was the correct thing to do. sure, i'm glad you tripped and got concussed because, it means i didn't have to watch my little sister fall an extra level and either drown herself in the shallow river or watch you bleed to death in that water but i'm upset that it even had to come to this and you being in the hospital," kian explained as kayeleigh's entire face and body relaxed as she made eye contact with her brother, sure, she was sure she looked like hell but, so did kian 

"you are? you're actually glad that i'm...still here?" kayeleigh trailed off as kian looked at his sister as though she had five heads

"now you're being a fucking idiot *tearful laughter* what a stupid question that is, kayeleigh! of course i'm glad that you're still here! you're my little sister, there is no way that i'd not want you here," kian smiled as kayeleigh nodded her head, starting to believe her older brother piece by piece 

"i'm glad i'm here as well," kayeleigh whispered as she scooched closer to her older brother who smiled at her

down, down, down

kayeleigh felt like she was falling down and wouldn't ever be able to land on solid ground. her mind was a mess and she thought she'd never be able to unravel the mess that was her mind. she was falling, not like the epic falls from buildings like in the movies, she was falling like she was slipping and falling to her death. 

every time she closed her eyes, she'd have the same nightmare every single time. and that was her slipping off the bridge, completely missing the embankment where she actually landed and fell the full three storeys and died as she bled to death on the wet ground of the shallow river below her. and usually in this nightmare, she'd be met with complete darkness, however this time, she was met with a white light that nearly blinded her when she stood up, only to see a figure standing still. 

confused, kayeleigh stood up and, with her hand covering her face, she moved towards the figure of whom was being almost covered by the light making the figure hard to make out who it was to kayeleigh.

"...hello? who are you?" kayeleigh questioned worriedly as she moved closer with hesitance to the figure in front of her 

the person then turned around and kayeleigh nearly fell to the ground. tears welled in her eyes and a smile formed on her face. the person was her father, kevin egan. and he looked healthy. he didn't look sick at all.

"dad?" kayeleigh whimpered, the biggest smile on her face as the figure nodded their head, confirming to kayeleigh that it was indeed her father in front of her 

"yes, kayeleigh, it's me, your dad," kevin responded as kayeleigh ran over, her hand moving away from her face and in front of her as she opened her arms to hug him 

"daddy!" kayeleigh squealed as she ran to the figure that, was surprisingly solid and she could actually hug, it wasn't just a bright light hologram situation 

"hello baby girl, what are you doing here? you're too young to be here with me," kevin scolded towards the end, a crinkled face in conjunction with his statement as kayeleigh turned her face to the ground 

"i...i'm sorry dad, i just, i didn't want to survive another day without you in it. i didn't know how to live without you which sounds stupid because mum's doing brilliantly, as are tom, gavin, colm, kian, vivienne, fenella and marielle but, i just, i--" cutting off his daughter, kevin smiled and shook his head before speaking up 

"--stop kayeleigh, i'm not mad nor am i disappointed. as kian explained earlier, you were only doing what you thought was the right thing to do. you thought jumping off of that bridge was the smartest idea because that's what you were being told it was. your grieving, darling girl and it's okay to cry and feel down. but it is okay to ask your family for help. you are so lucky that kian noticed something wasn't right and noticed you had run off and went off to find you and then ring the ambulance. and you are just as lucky that even though you did trip and concuss yourself, cutting your head open, you are lucky you survived and didn't fall any further than that second-level embankment. if kian and that ambulance came seconds too late, you may have just tried to get up on your own and then stumbled and fallen again due to your concussion and then, who knows, you may have fallen into that river down below and just imagine what that would have looked like for kian and those paramedics that were just seconds too late... i know i'm so glad that kian and those paramedics weren't any later than they needed to be because i don't want to see any of my children up here with me until you guys are either my age or older, okay?" kevin explained as kayeleigh nodded her head and realised just how lucky she truly was to have survived her suicide attempt

"okay, you won't see me again after this encounter, i promise!" kayeleigh joked as kevin laughed as he nodded his head 

"that's good because you aren't sick like i was, darling. you are perfectly healthy and you have so much more life to give and to live for. whereas i had lived the majority of my life, i got married to the love of my life and i helped give your mother the best gifts we could have ever created and that was our children," kevin smiled, holding his daughter's hand as kayeleigh nodded her head and smiled 

the father and daughter spent more precious time together before her father's light began to dim, causing kayeleigh to freak out. 

"dad what...what's going on? your light, it-it's fading!" kayeleigh squealed as kevin chuckled as he took a breath in before speaking up again 

"it means my designated time with you is almost over and i'll be required to go back," kevin smiled softly as kayeleigh tilted her head 

"and i'll have to wake up again?" kayeleigh muttered as kevin nodded his head 

"yes darling, you'll have to wake up again because there are people that kian's invited in to see you who have been, no pun intended, dying to see you," kevin and his daughter chuckled as kayeleigh nodded her head in sadness 

"well, can i just ask you one last question before you leave then, dad?" kayeleigh questioned as she noticed the light was fading even quicker now as kevin nodded his head 

"of course, you can darling, ask away," kevin smiled as tears welled in his daughter's eyes 

"can you visit me every day, daddy?" kayeleigh cried as kevin smiled sweetly and nodded his head 

"of course, i can pumpkin, i'll be with you every single day and you'll see me in the sun, in the rain, in the rainbows and in the wind. i'm everywhere baby girl, it's just my physical body that has gone. i love you baby but, i have to go, i'll see you soon..." kevin trailed off as he faded away and kayeleigh wished she had five more minutes but was grateful she even had this opportunity 

"...i love you more, daddy..." kayeleigh trailed off with a smile and tears down her cheeks as she waved off the light that was now gone 

"...kayeleigh, shane, mark and nicky have visited, do they have permission to come in?" kayeleigh smiled as she woke up to see kian in front of her

nodding her head and sitting up in her bed, kayeleigh was grateful that her dad was correct in who had come in to visit her, "of course they have permission, kian, it's not like they aren't strangers to me!" kayeleigh giggled which shocked kian, whatever that dream was that she just woke up from seemed to do something to his sister and it worked 

"okay, i was just asking to make sure," kian laughed as he opened the door to let in the three bonus brothers of kayeleigh 

excited, she managed to have enough strength to hold her arms up and hug all three of the lads. whereas the first and second days, since it was her last day in the hospital before being discharged in the evening, she was in too much pain mixed with way too much pain medication and wasn't able to beforehand.

"hello, little egan!" shane cheered as he hugged the girl as kayeleigh chuckled at his excitement 

"hello, filan!" kayeleigh teased as they released out of the hug as she then hugged mark

mark smiled and gave the girl a much less gentle hug before nicky, similar to shane, attacked kayeleigh. laughter then filled the egan girl's hospital room as the five just hung out together and just talked about things. 

nicky then asked the one question that was on everyone's lips, "...kayeleigh, in all seriousness, how are you feeling?" kayeleigh smiled with sincerity before responding 

"i'm doing a lot better, nicky, thanks for asking," kayeleigh responded with truth as that seemed to really take the lads, all four of them, by surprise 

"seriously?" kian questioned, wanting to make sure his sister wasn't putting an act up in front of his bandmates as kayeleigh smiled 

"i'm the most serious i've ever been in my life, kian, i'm actually doing so much better than i was two days ago," kayeleigh smiled and it only seemed as though kian couldn't do anything else but believe his sister 

"that's amazing to hear, kayeleigh. it truly is, you deserve to be happy forever," kian whispered at the end as kayeleigh nodded her head 

"i know i do, that's why i stayed," kayeleigh smiled as she reached for her brother's hand, squeezing it when he had grabbed it 

"we're glad you stayed, all of us," mark then spoke up as kayeleigh smiled over at mark, nicky and shane 

kayeleigh couldn't find anything else to say since the lads just seemed to take over for the whole time. however, it suddenly became the time that kayeleigh would be discharged from the hospital and allowed to go back home. so, after getting signed out by herself and kian, since he was the one to take her back home to their family home to the rest of the family, they then left after the other three lads, shane, nicky and mark, had left an hour beforehand. 

lay your head near mine, tell me that it's all fine, love me while there's still time. 

by the time the egan siblings returned home, it was so late at night and the only ones awake in the house that, they decided to waddle over to the couch that still had pillows and blankets all strewn over, showing that there was some sort of family movie night and situated themselves comfortably before turning on the tv for themselves. 

letting his sister pick the movie herself, kian sighed with contentment as he messaged his wife, jodi, letting her know that both he and kayeleigh had returned home safely. when kayeleigh had finally found the perfect movie for them to watch, she sat down next to kian. 

however, she was worried she had sat way too close so, as she started to slightly move away, thinking he may need space since he had spent the last 72 hours in such close quarters with her that he'd need space, kian didn't dare let his sister move that far before he pulled her closer to him. 

"...what are you doing, kian? don't you need some space?" kayeleigh squealed out, hoping that she didn't just wake up the entire house as kian chuckled 

shaking his head, kian spoke up, "absolutely not kayeleigh. lay your head near mine, it's been a long night and whilst you're out of the hospital, you still need to rest and i'd rather you fall asleep on me then on the couch," kian explained, patting his shoulder or his lap as the two places for kayeleigh to choose to fall asleep on, knowing that they'd fall asleep doing the movie and not make it upstairs to their rooms in time 

kayeleigh smiled at her brother as she chose her brother's lap as she then stretched herself out along the couch and snuggled close as the movie started to play in front of her. kian smiled as well as he held his sister close to him, his sister that was alive and was never going to hurt herself ever again because this time, she knew she could ask for help anytime she felt upset over the death of their father. knowing that she had more places to turn to rather than running to that bridge, she felt content as the fun, eccentric and colourful movie that would have for sure been a movie that their father would have made the siblings watch as children played in front of her. 

it's been a long night. 

fin

i remember being so proud of myself when i first wrote this and i still am all this time later! but i seriously have to start adding in more happy fics cause now it's just getting way too intense!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

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