#kevin day if he was a normal person he would be on tumblr posting save me soups.s ave me stews

[dayurno]

who up wanting to. cook kevin day delicious chicken and veggies curry

[avauntus]

Supernatural - a retrospective

This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*

But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*

Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)

My top five

#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”

Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’) 

I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.

 #4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”

Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter

Supernatural  has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.

I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue* 

#3 -  6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”

Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund

Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.

I mean, look at this:

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”

“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”

The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level. 

#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough

I think of this episode every time  I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying. 

“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.

#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”

Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners

So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people. 

But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?

Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.

Others--

15.18 - “Despair” 

“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”

Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.

You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...

Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.

This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn’t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...

...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.

I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.

This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.

Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”

6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”

“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)

Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.

Then they never returned to that idea again. 

“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?

Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?

Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.

Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)

Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?

[dukeofriven]

So, you probably don’t care, but your rant about computers all sucking came up as “in my orbit” because I follow a lot of computer science blogs. The people tumblr is most likely to show your anti Computer Scientist rant to, is computer scientists.

Yeah I was pretty cranky when I wrote that. My quest to read everything Andrew Hussie ever wrote dumped me into a 1700 word article of his where he kvetches about Apple and a trip to Macworld in 2006. The first half is maybe the most infantile, exhausting, shitty thing he ever wrote. Worse than the HIC/Hitler thing, worse than Stoner Lou, worse than the racist chicken - it’s just one part boring to one part childish. It wasn’t until I was talking to @rahkshirock​ about it that I realized he was throwing an honest-to-god Karkat tantrum for a thousand words, ripping Apple to shreds in really lazy and strangely hostile ways. (Podcasts. He goes on and on about how horrible the very idea of a podcast is. It’s almost comically petulant.)So I got so sick of his shit and I vented about it to Tumblr then went back to the article. At which point he had, of course, calmed the fuck down and the second half makes some really good and valuable critiques about problems Apple actually had/has - but that first section was so specious and exhausting I just kind of lost it.I’ve been bitter about computers ever since my university days. There are, broadly speaking, two types of CS students: those who graduate knowing nothing about computers save that the devil machines are not to be trusted, and those who graduated knowing everything about computers and who feel that they (the student) should be worshipped because they posses the secret digital mysteries that lesser mortals are not gifted enough to be able to comprehend. (It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder that falls under a diagnostic umbrella called STEM-Up-Their-Ass Syndromes. It kills tens of thousands of promising personalities every year, and there is currently no cure.)The former type tends to live off the grid in shacks on mountains and occasionally posts some fragment of code via phone phreaking that is an incredible thing of beauty and will improve society as a whole, or else they, like Jonathan Gillette, know that computer literacy is the only way civilization can save itself from predatory tech companies and they do their best to teach some crumb of their wisdom to the common people before they go mad from the strain of oracular vision and vanish from the mortal plain. (Jonathan Gillette is the only reason I can get anything to run under wine. Though I retain essentially zero working knowledge of Ruby I feel his spirit forever at my back urging me onwards to at least try so as not to disappoint my pet ham).The other kind of CS student is among the worst specimens of humanity this side of Peter Thiel: they retain a deep sense of resentment because they were oppressed for their religious beliefs (Early-Day Conservative Weeabooism) in high school, think having a natural facility with math places them highly in a caste system of their own fevered imaginings, and are forbidden by their religion from applying deodorant because mortification of the flesh is a way to show their devotion to their church’s martyred founder. (A guy called Kevin Johnson, a COBOL programmer who preached his gospel unto Usenet from his parent’s basement in Plano, Texas and was taken from this world in 1993 when a large Bubblegum Crisis poster fell upon him and pinned him to the ground, where he subsequently drowned in a puddle of Crystal Pepsi - although, according to traditional ‘Cweeaboo’ beliefs, before his mortal body perished his true essence was freed from its sweat-slick shell by the Incorrupt And Perfectly Rational Pneuma of Bertrand Russell and stored in the Russian/Spanish subtitles on a bootleg betamax of the finale to Super Dimensional Fortress Macross. The day this bootleg is rediscovered and played the rivers will run with ramune, the air across America will buzz with the sound of Tanna japonensis, and Anime Will Finally Be Good Again. (A splinter-sect of Cweeaboo, known as Conservadox Weeabooism, believes that it was not an Macross bootleg but a pristine laserdisc of volume 5 of The Irresponsible Captain Tylor, and that on its discovery the rivers will run red with Jolt.))These CS students are almost universally white, cis-male, in need of a remedial course on fundamental hygiene tips, and think Deadpool is straight.If this sounds like a grossly unfair stereotype you are correct and I would normally never stoop to saying something so nonsensical, but in university I had courses in the Computer Science building and I encountered these people every single day. It was really rather incredible from a sociological standpoint: ‘oh my goodness how can you possibly exist as a real legal adult quick point me to the TV show you escaped from and I’ll help you return.’ But, no, there they were in the flesh, with thirty more waiting in the wings - they had some psychic power that told then if you had watched an anime at least once and they would pounce while you waited for class to start in order to interrogate you and ensure you had The Right Beliefs About The Choicest Waifus. They were in constant competition with the economics students for ‘conversation I am most willing to chew my own arm off in order to escape’ and are a good reason why I advocate for Misdemeanor Douchebaggery statues in institutions of higher learning across the continent.The first type of CS student will help you with your tech problems, never shame you for your hardware or the hows and whys of why you own it, will listen to your woes, and survived their CS program without murdering their fellow students - which probably qualifies them for sainthood. They often, but not exclusively, identify as female, tend to have a wicked sense of humour, and can usually debone and serve a sexist male like a Wimbledon Champion in under fifteen seconds.There is also supposedly a third kind of CS student, the so-called ‘ordinary person’ who is said to have graduated without making an ass of themselves at a party, runs the servers at their local insurance company, lives in a suburb, and finds The Big Bang Theory funny. I have never met such a person and have come to believe they are a myth created by car companies as the ideal buyer persona for mid-range sedans.Anyways since university I have approached computers and their advocates with great suspicion and mistrust. The last decade of rising technocratic malevolence has really only proven the correctness of my position: you’d have thought that weebs would have known better than to not only build a soulless android but also allow it to attend Harvard, but the Objectifying Women protocols were so wearingly on-brand that the apocalyptic hubris of the Zuckerborg Project isn’t all that surprising.Anyways, computers suck, and anyone who wants to make you feel inferior for using one kind of computer over another kind of computer is the sort of person who will try and convince you that there’s a meaningful moral distinction between Gatorade and Powerade. Also Andrew Hussie has, or at least had, a bee up his ass about podcasts that made him sound like an iPod-fixated Alex Jones and his rant on the subject is very hard to sit through.This probably didn’t answer your question, if you had a question, but I’m sure it created a lot of questions, which is all you can really expect from me.

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE SEASON 3, Part 2

There are some things that I enjoy, some things that bug me, and some of those things that bug me are thing I do enjoy but i have to question regardless. The post grew so long I’m cutting it into two parts, and frankly this covers The PP and The End (part one won’t be linking because idk what Tumblr did with that update with links).. We are in the second half of the season, and boy, do I have a lot of hot opinions! Most of it it’s under the read more to not cog the tags.

Frank, Ernest, and Dewey: I feel so validated my theory of Dewy was talking to the Baudelaires last and pretending to be Frank or Ernest is confirm...here at least! Speaking of them, I think Frank was the first one the Baudelaires talk too, then Ernest talk second. In the first convo, Frank or Ernest was Serious and To the Point, and Frank (confirm in book it’s Frank)) was like that with Violet. In the second convo, Frank or Ernest was Friendly and Emotional with his words, and Ernest (confirm in book it’s Ernest) was being a bit cheeky with Klaus and humorous when lassoing Larry Your Waiter up (RIP). Sorry about your brother you two... but boy the shot Dewy floating in the water looks beautiful. 

I think the show was trying to pull a red herring that Kit was ‘evil’ due her asking Dewy to give Frank her regards because no one knows about the unicorn that is Dewy.

Lack of Sir and Charles/Switching roles/The JS Debate: I learned beforehand Charles’ actor couldn’t make it to filming so they had to rewrite him out. Didn’t expect to get rid of Sir (granted, I hear Sir’s actor is like..expense to get back or something and season one was lucky to get him). Still, nice to see that they were able to get Jerome to fill in his (kinda) canon role and Charles. Also, are Charles and Jerome together? That’s a great step up Jerome! Also, nice to know Babs and Miss Bass are together (man I wonder how the in-laws will react to that). I think what really threw me into the loop is that the Netflix Show made JS, the person behind it all, to be Justice Strauss with others JS helps. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the book had ‘JS’ be anonymous as not even Justice Strauss or Jerome knew who is the real JS since they thought it was meet for them (with theories saying it’s Lemony pretending to his brother and the taxi driver in the PP is him. Thanks Netflix for actually confirming the taxi driver part). Didn’t mind Nero being with Esme. I like that (they didn’t show the report who name I freaking forgot. Guess that says something).

At the Opera Tonight & (Lack Of) Bertrand : Hey, Netflix...Olaf’s parents death was A HIT MURDER by Beatrice, The Snickets (Kit and maybe Lemony if 13 Secrets is valid, who know about Jacques), and most importantly, BERTRAND. The books made it clear both were involved in some way or form. In fact, the lack of Bertrand is so insulting. Lemony may not say talk about him too much, but damn it, Lemony liked and respect Bertrand and never hold a grudge. Lemony in the show is the same, just less because the writers really did put more of an emphasis on Beatrice as the Lost Lenore and true OTP (????). In fact, why did the Opera events paint the noble side of VFD good with the accidental death? It was hit, and everyone was guilty and not free of sin. Here though, they are guilty as hell but free of sin as ‘it was an accident’. Well, since Bertrand wasn’t involve in the events here...the guy is actually innocent and free of sin good job Bertrand you don’t have blood on your hand (this sounds like sarcasm but it’ not). Also. you a handsome man.

Personal Headcanon That I Will Never Let Go Now Due to the Above Nonsense: Olaf’s parents were part of VFD, and were sympathetic to the fire starting side of schism, but overall close to neutral (Olaf didn’t and will never know, and book implies the schism wasn’t bad until after Olaf did his thing to frame Lemony for the crimes), due to their positions of society as aristocracy, a father in a high government related job (thanks Netflix for making Dad the Chief of the Official Fire Department it almost lines up perfectly) and mother as A-List Theater Performer. They managed to get a faster reunion when Olaf is 17 (Lemony, Olaf, and a few others are supposed to be the same age while the other siblings are older by a few years, and 18 seems to be the legal age of becoming an adult in this world). The three were at the opera for their first time reunion, and Beatrice and Bertrand were given the task on getting rid of them, and they thought ‘oh this will be easy’ because Kit was helping to deal with Esme and they succeeds. They were about to celebrate and leave when they hear Olaf and see him running to his dead parents (they have no idea he was there. If Lemony was involve, then they did knew but used Lemony as a distraction to make sure Oalf won’t witness the deed. As to why Olaf as to see the body? Because seeing a body adds extra fuel to people waiting revenge). Olaf is still on the noble side at this point (if barely), and he doesn’t know the truth until later, after somehow losing the family fortune and a switch to the fire starting side. Incompetent banking may or may not be involve. 

Hotel Denouement (Fire): Bit upset the sign isn’t written backwards, but hell, I want to stay there regardless!!! Also, I like how the show kept most of the fates a mystery expect Justice Strauss (how did she get down from the roof). The books implies Mr. Poe will die another night, so ergo in Netflix Show Mr. Poe and oddly enough, Vice Principal Nero of all people, survive as well. Thanks Nero for saving Mr. Poe for his offscreen date in the future. Side topic, but my headcanon in the books is (excluding Mr. Poe as his is given) Esme, Ernest, Hal, Hugo and Colette and Kevin survived. Those that made it out but died due to fire related injures later on (within a day or a week) would be  Frank, Jerome, Charles, Sir, Nero and the Teachers, and Carmelita. Everyone else is 100% dead (guess I got to change my 100% dead Justice Strauss status lol). The choices were pick due to drama (Esme cares for Carmelita and would be 100% heartbroken to see her die after the two made it out. For Frank and Ernest, I figure losing one brother would change their hostile relationship to a reluctant team up to get out of the fire together. Frank, being noble, gets Ernest out first resulting getting injuries and dying later, leaving Ernest all alone. Sir and Charles were still holding hands when they got out, but Sir died first and Charles went next due to a broken heart) or luck (Hal survived one fire already; I want Hugo, Colette, and Kevin to catch a good break). 

I cried when the ending happened that song f*** me up so bad like things could have been different and happy but I’m stuck in misery and woe. 

THE END/VFD AND SCHISM: I HATE THIS EPISODE SO FREAKING MUCH. Well, the Island parts (lol the red herring of Beatrice II being Sunny just by wanting to be call by her last name). They cut characters stuff with Friday (and her mother), the mutiny (that was the best part!!!)...almost all the stuff that made The End good! Also, wtf was with the BS of Ishmael making VFD? Like, I like how he was the Principal, that I can accept. But I got the impression, and it was actually implied, it been around for a long time before Ishmael was even born. He made it sound like a book club for the prestigious good people that are rich and bored. Newsflash Netflix: IT’S NOT.  Kit flat out mentions that the schism started when she was four, and it only got worse when her generation came. In fact, the schism only got worse when Olaf went after Lemony, making it the schism everyone knows today. The way the show paints it...it’s the pettiness form of petty and revenge and actually revenge I would like normally but I hate it in the context. I have more, but I’m be making a post about it...a (crack-ish/shitpost comparison of sorts you will of sorts. All I can say is the the White Face women are younger than they look or lost their family and sister in a fire while in their 20′s or 30′s (Ishmael and the Man with Beard but no Hair and Woman with hair but no Beard and Co -> Lemony and Co aka Schism start at teenage/young adult years -> Baudelaires and Co).

Honestly the good stuff was Sunny thinking of pushing Olaf overboard, and the whole thing leading up to Olaf and Kit’s death I cried so much.

Chapter 14: Okay, I’m a sucker for a happy ending after so much crap happened. Lemony and Beatrice II found family again (if for a short time), Fiona and Fernald got a Pushing Daisies ending when Captain Widdershins shows up (referring to Emerson Cod’s reunion with his daughter), Quigley reuniting with his stock footage siblings + Hector, the Troupe having a happy ending fulling their dream, and IDV maybe making it to the the islanders in time. Do I admit that the whole point of their ‘last appearance’ with the Great Unknown (or IDV just disappearing) is to give a message that you can’t always know what happens and mysteries are still out there (imo). Yes, but again, I’m a sucker for happy endings, so I’m fine either way. Also, in Season One there was a narration of Lemony with a very tiny Self Sustaining ship in the BG. Since we know Lemony is actually narrating from the future...it’s a given the Quagmire and Hector would survive. It’s a blink and you miss, but it’s there. So yeah, while everything else could be chalk up as a fake happy ending imagine by Lemony and/or Beatrice II, the Quagmire Triplets and Hector were given a happy fate from the start! Okay, I guess they still need to come down at some point but...

I would watch the PP episodes, but never the End unless I want to make myself angry.

[alexsprincessparty]

Oh Boy, What a Week

Disney is a lot like Survivor in the way that "just when you think you know what's going on, you have no idea what's going on." (Shoutout to Sebastian from Survivor: Ghost Island...) A company can campaign all it wants about inspiring young girls to Dream Big, Princess while its men (both in the company and within its fandom) get away with belittling women and girls of all ages. Just this week, it was announced that John Lasseter would step down from his role of Principal Creative Advisor, following allegations of sexual misconduct from numerous women he's worked with. Earlier in the week, newly-minted Star Wars star Kelly Marie Tran disappeared from Instagram following overwhelming harassment from angry male Star Wars fans. As this is a Disney blog that discusses gender-focused issues (especially surrounding females), I feel compelled to discuss these issues as a kind of break from Princess discussion, as Disney Princesses are just one facet of so-called Disney Feminism. What happens in our films is one thing, but we still need to focus on what is happening around us, behind the scenes and off the page.

Monsters, Inc, or, the Scary Stuff Behind Pixar's Closed Doors

Let's begin with Lasseter. John Lasseter is best known as one of the co-founders of Pixar Animation Studios, the studio that brought us Toy Story, Finding Nemo, and Cars. Up until recently, he was Chief Creative Officer at Walt Disney Animation Studios (Wreck-It Ralph, Frozen, Moana) as well as DisneyToon Studios (DuckTales, Planes), as well as Principal Creative Director of Walt Disney Imagineering. So, naturally, we all associate Lasseter with his achievements and creations (as well as his trademark Hawaiian shirts). In late 2017, just days before the theatrical release of Disney-Pixar's Coco, Lasseter came under fire for sexual misconduct towards several female employees. Numerous women came out in protest of Lasseter, claiming the 61-year-old Disney head had repeatedly tried to kiss other female employees on the mouth without their consent, give very lengthy and inappropriate hugs (particularly with the actresses of the Disney Fairies franchise), touch inappropriately (one employee stated he would rub her leg under the table at meetings), and make comments about employees' appearances. This led to an apologetic statement from Lasseter, who subsequently took a six-month sabbatical from Disney, after which he will take on a lesser role before leaving for good this December. As I said, Lasseter is renowned for his art and his leadership, as well as his innovative contributions to the animation medium. Rightfully so. 1995's Toy Story, directed by Lasseter, was the first-ever feature film to be animated completely in 3D animation. Pixar specialized in this medium, but Walt Disney Animation Studios would not give it a shot for itself until 2005's Chicken Little, just before Lasseter took over WDAS. Today, nearly every Disney animated feature since 2010's Tangled has been animated in CGI. Lasseter and Pixar blew the door wide open on CGI animation, which dominates the animation industry today, Disney or otherwise. Add that to the work he's done as a writer or producer on films as early as The Fox and The Hound, through the Disney Renaissance, numerous Studio Ghibli classics, all the way up to the upcoming sequels to Wreck-It Ralph, Frozen, and Toy Story--the film that put his company on the map. These are all great accomplishments, but are they really worth putting over the basic needs of security and safety for women in the workplace? Should we really excuse habitual predators and violators based solely on the fact that they're great artists, actors, athletes, musicians? Perhaps it's best left to an individual basis, as some people are better at separating art from artist. For example, I love Toy Story. It is indeed a revolutionary film, a well-written one, and incredibly memorable. In fact, I love a lot of the work Lasseter has done with Disney, and Disney-Pixar. That said, while I cannot put myself in the shoes of the women he affected, I won't simply forgive him because of how much I loved WALL-E. It doesn't work like that. So then, why are so many supporters of the #MeToo movement quick to initiate boycotts of someone's work after these allegations come out? Great question. It's as simple as cutting off a supply, so to speak. Since the allegations against Lasseter came out just before Coco's release, some had planned to boycott the film in protest of Lasseter (which I don't recommend, because 1. a loooooot of other people worked on that film, and 2. it's the only feature film Disney has produced around Mexican culture that also features Hispanic voice talent). What it says is, "if you hurt or violate other women, we will no longer support you." The accused no longer have that supply. It could be a financial supply, an emotional supply of "but you're still so great though!" or "it's okay because I'll still be up at the Oscars/Golden Globes/Annies this year anyway." That, again, is probably best left to an individual basis, that is, you do what you feel is right. 

For example, T.J. Miller very quickly lost favor with me after he came under fire for numerous actions (including violence, transphobia, and also calling in a fake bomb threat! A piece of work, this one), yet still, I saw Deadpool 2...mostly because Ryan Reynolds and Zazie Beetz. And Yukio. (Hi, Yukio.)

If Disney wants to continue to promise a safe workplace environment for women, then it has to commit to punishing violators within its doors, no matter how high on the food chain they are. Nobody should be "too big to fail." Misogyny: A Star Wars Story

You could argue that Star Wars has declined in quality since Disney's acquisition of Lucasfilm in the early-to-mid 2010s. Perhaps it got too...you know, Disney. Too soft? Maybe. Too predictable? Yeah, sure, I could see that. But the most common scapegoats for this tend to be not Disney, and not Lucasfilm. Not even J.J. Abrams, or Rian Johnson, or Ron Howard.

Nope. It's the women. Earlier in the week, actress Kelly Marie Tran suddenly disappeared from Instagram amid a flurry of hateful comments from angry Star Wars fans. Tran made her Star Wars debut in last year's polarizing eighth installment, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, as Resistance tech Rose Tico. Since the film's release, many have criticized and questioned the need for Rose, as well as Tran's talents as an actress, in addition to her appearance. I know. Surprise. Granted, a lot of post-Disney Star Wars has seen its fair share of criticism, and it's normal to criticize cinema, regardless of how much you like it. However, I have to point out a glaring pattern with some recent Star Wars gripes. A lot of issues, particularly with male Star Wars fans, are with its new streak of female protagonists. Rey. Jyn Erso. Rose Tico. Maz Kanata. Captain Phasma. Qi'ra. Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo. These are just a portion of the cinematic female characters introduced by Lucasfilm since its acquisition by Disney, many of which have been panned by the saga's male fanbase not only as "useless" or "boring," but also "pandering to women because representation/SJWs/libtards/[insert buzzword here]!" While I think all those characters invite their own well-deserved criticisms. However, simply blaming the new films' failures on the fact that they have female protagonists? Sounds fake, but okay. "Rey is the hero? But Finn was holding the lightsaber in the trailer! WTF is this?" You didn't complain about Poe Dameron essentially being the new Han Solo. "Captain Phasma is a waste of space! She didn't do anything!" Boba Fett though? "Rose stole Finn's heroic moment, what a bitch!" BECAUSE WE'RE NOT FIGHTING THE THINGS WE HATE, WE'RE SAVING THINGS WE LOVE, KEVIN "Jyn Erso is such a flat character, why is it all about women now?" Because maybe, just maybe, it would be awesome for female fans of Star Wars to see other females in Star Wars. Sounds pretty novel if you ask me. This seems to be a long-running problem with Star Wars. In fact, Tran is not the only Star Wars lady bullied off Instagram by overzealous male fans. Only a few years ago, Rey herself, Daisy Ridley, suffered the same fate and still hasn't returned to the website (honestly? Probably for the best). You can't claim that just because Emilia Clarke, Gwendoline Christie, Lupita Nyong'o, and Laura Dern haven't buckled as well, that Tran and Ridley are "sissies" and not oppressed. Believe me, they are (Clarke and Christie probably deal with this crap as Game of Thrones stars as well so they're probably just used to it). "But we didn't harass Carrie Fisher!" You reduced Princess Leia to a metal bikini until Disney intervened and conveniently forgot about it when it came to merchandising.

Again, you can argue that Disney is ruining Star Wars. I might even agree. But it's not because they keep utilizing female protagonists. In fact, Disney's only Star Wars film with a male protagonist, Solo: A Star Wars Story, has been the least profitable of the Disney/Lucasfilm era. That's not to say the male protagonist was to blame, of course. Personally, I think the problem is Star Wars fatigue, that is, Disney oversaturating us with Star Wars to the point where we just can't take it anymore. But yeah, go ahead and blame the women, sure. Clearly it has been an interesting week for female Disney fans. Some good, some bad. But, hakuna matata, I guess. The world still sucks. But remember the Fairy Godmother's words: "Even miracles take a little time." (I don't remember if she actually said this, but there's a lot of cute Tumblr gifs of her saying it, so she must have said it, right?) I'll be swimming back this way soon for The Little Mermaid, so hang tight. I've just got some bigger fish to fry at the moment. Dream Big Princess!

[panticwritten]

Breaking Furnace Book One: Lockdown

Chapter 4: Friends Don’t Let Friends Lose Prison Fights

I’ve had to change quite a bit of formatting to post this on tumblr because I am a fiend when it comes to using different fonts and tools and junk in my writing. If you want to read this chapter with its original formatting, you can do so here. 

Table of contents!

All of my writing!

Remember that this is a daydream taking place in the Escape From Furnace universe, so keep that in mind if you haven’t read EFF.

Word count: 4835

Triggers for this chapter: 

Unreality

NAZI imagery

Graphic(ish) violence

Death

NSFW (on the same level as a still-life model is nsfw)

Body horror (sort of)

Always willing to tag new triggers, if needed.

Chapter 5 will be up Jan 26th at 7pm PST.

If you like what I do here, maybe consider buying me a Ko-fi or checking out my Patreon! I love being able to put so much out for free, but this would be a great way to show support and also see cool new content!

~-S-~

Alex and Zee, stop me when I leave the trough room. I try to greet them with a grin to let them know that there weren’t any problems, but I’m not sure how successful I am.

“You were supposed to go to your cells,” I say, more as a formality than anything. “If there had been a lockdown, you could have been stuck down here.”

“You know we can make it up, no sweat.” Zee laughs uneasily. “What were you doing in there, anyway?”

I laugh, not so uneasily.

“Letting the Skulls think I was seducing their leader.” Or actually seducing their leader, depending on how you look at it. “No sweat.”

“I thought we were trying to ally with them,” Alex says.

I beckon them to follow me across the yard. It’s too open out here.

“I challenged Kevin to a fight.” They look even more worried now. “Whether I win or not, it means the same thing—protection and communication.”

“You will win, right?” Zee clarifies. We arrive at my cell, and I pause at the threshold.

“I might.”

They both start an argument at the same time, and I sigh.

“Look, I put certain limits on the world this time. I'm just a person if I can’t concentrate.”

“Does Kevin know that?”

I frown at them both. “Are you two worried about me? Or yourselves?”

They exchange glances.

“We can protect ourselves. Kevin can be a monster, and if he’s expected to act like one…” Alex looks away, and I follow his gaze to see the Skulls trooping out of the trough room behind Kevin. When he looks back, I give him a tight smile.

“Don’t forget who I am, Alex. I’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t look so sure, but I decide to let it lie. I can’t deny that even I’m pushing my trust in Kevin to the absolute breaking point.

I sweep my gaze around the yard and sigh, drained. “I’m gonna go rest up.”

“Lockdown isn’t for awhile, I don’t think,” Zee says, giving me a worried frown.

I shrug. “I know. I’ve got a trick or two up my sleeve to keep unwelcome guests out.”

After some more debate, they leave and I enter my new home.

The cell itself is about the size of my bathroom at home. A toilet, metal and starting to rust, sits affixed to the wall straight ahead. The bunk bed jammed into the far corner doesn’t look very reliable. 

I shake my head and look back out through the bars to the yard. There’s no better time to do this than now, I guess.

With a sharp exhale, I breathe out an illusion, a shield between my cell and the yard. As far as they can see, it’s an empty room. Looking out, the world warps slightly, as if I’m viewing an aquarium exhibit. As if I’m not part of the freakshow.

I shove the thought from my mind and vault into the top bunk. Some sleep will do me well. It’s been a long day, only made longer by my meddling with time. Then there’s the nectar. The weight of it here is starting to get to me, like a recovering addict in a meth house.

Not that I’m really recovering. I’m here after all, and that means that I’m back for more of that filth. The essence of it in the air here is so thick that I can almost taste it.

Gazing at my hands, I hold on to the humanity I still have. This version of me has never had nectar, even if I remember the thrum of it. I wonder how long it will take me to ravage this body.

My track record isn’t good, so it’s best not to ponder it.

I turn my eyes to the inmates milling around in the yard. They don’t even realize what’s happening beneath their feet. Oh, they know something’s wrong. They have to know that the Warden, the suits, the wheezers are all wrong. But they don’t know just how bad it is, the experimentation, the death, the evil.

I catch sight of Connor on the other side of the yard, talking with another inmate. He looks annoyed, and I try to imagine what they could be talking about. As I lay down, as close to the wall as I can, I wonder if he was right.

Maybe this isn’t healthy.

~-S-~

I sit in a cell, looking out. This isn’t Furnace, the world outside a brightly lit hallway. The cell itself is smaller, empty save for myself and a foul odor.

No, this isn’t Furnace.

It’s a dream.

I stand, legs weak and shaky, and press against the bars to peer into the darkness. The opposite wall is lined with doors, and I recognize it as the cell blocks back in the Cube. Stepping back from the bars, I cross my emaciated arms.

This isn’t a normal dream borne of the nectar. The feeling of calm, while unsettling, isn’t what I would expect from my first night in the prison. This isn’t a view that I ever wanted to see with my own eyes, looking out from this side of the cells.

No…

I cock my head to listen, freezing as the ghostly wail floats through the hall. The voice is unfamiliar, and I disregard it after a moment. These dreams are nothing more than memory, there’s nothing I can do.

After a moment, the image flickers. The light disappears, and I blink until my eyes adjust. The cell stays firmly around me, but outside a spiral path twists up and connects my cell to countless others. Each of the other cells hold several children.

Ah. This is more like it.

Between each cell, on the other side of the room, a red banner hangs with a swastika emblazoned on each. Now we’re back in the memories that the nectar favors. I grimace and turn away.

There are several other kids in my cell now, all unfamiliar and all pleading. None of them seem to have the strength to stand, so I kneel alongside them.

It’s okay, I murmur. The words that come out, I don’t understand, but the meaning is clear. This isn’t the end.

Talking to the boys in the memory, I still feel a twinge of guilt about lying to them. Each of these boys will be dead or under the wheezers’ knife by the end of the week. I’m sure they can see the truth in my eyes, hear it in my voice.

Still, they cling to my arms with fingers as thin and fragile as twigs. I sit in the middle of this group, three little boys holding onto what little hope they have left.

Still, we hold each other when boots begin to thud up the path.

We hold each other when they stop outside of our cell.

Even as I’m being dragged away, the boys try to hold on. It breaks my heart, the question and fear in their eyes. Cold metal pushes against the back of my head. Even as the shot rings out, one of the boys’ voice echoes in the darkness.

This isn’t the end.

~-S-~

I shout out, the phantom pain the back of my head pushing me upright.

My skull makes contact with the ceiling, and I can’t hold back a curse. Slowly, as my heart rate slows and I remember where I am, I rub my head. The ghost of a hole in the back of my head fades, but the real pain on my crown still throbs.

Welcome to Furnace.

I chuckle, tired, and turn to look into the yard.

The only light in the prison is the softly glowing screen above the elevator leading to the surface. For all I know, this could be another trick of the dreams to send me spiraling further into Furnace’s hell.

Although I know I should sleep longer, I end up swinging out of bed and dropping to the ground before I can think better of it. The light from the screen would have kept me up, anyway.

I pace, running through the plan. I always feel like I’m forgetting something. The world could end, and I’ll still feel like I’m forgetting something.

I don’t know what plans Cross has, so it’s all up in the air after we break out. If all goes well, we should be back on the surface within five months.

If not, we’ll likely never see the surface before we end up back in the Cube.

After that, well…

“Hey.”

I jump, thrown off balance. A blacksuit sits next to my cell, his silver eyes fixed on me. I drop to the floor next to the bars and can’t help a smile.

“Hey, kid. What’s up?”

“Just checking on you,” he says. “We were starting to wonder if you were ever showing up.”

I smile but don’t respond. Many of them were happy with their life in the Cube. I told Connor to give them the option to stay there with the Scouts, but they chose this. I don’t understand it.

We chat for a while. I ask about the Scouts, but he claims to have been in the universe too long to remember any details. When he turns it around and ask if they’ve contacted me, I pull conversation back to the prison.

“Look, I need to tell you something,” he says, lowering his voice. “Down there, he’s doing something to the new recruits. Rumor has it, he’s trying to turn them against you.”

A weight settles in my stomach, cold and heavy. I sit in silence long enough for him to look back at me. I try to calm down. This is how the game is played after all.

“Is it working?”

“Not yet.”

I can’t suppress a sardonic laugh. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but our mutual friend is an ass.” I rock back on my heels. “I’m done pulling punches. You guys deserve better than that prick.”

“So, you’re going to kill him?”

I don’t answer, standing and turning away. I chew the inside of my cheek, already drifting away. He seems to take my silence as an affirmation.

“I don’t blame you,” he says, his chuckle a soft growl in the darkness. “We’re all rooting for you. Good luck, Sawyer.”

I turn back fast enough to catch his wink before he turns away, and I wonder how he knows about my name change. Connor, maybe?

I wonder how else he busied himself while he was waiting for me.

Watching the suit go, I’m left in the cell by myself. I stare blankly at my bunk and wonder just what the hell I’m doing here. It’s hot, I’m underground, and everyone here wants to kill me.

What am I going to do when Cross gets his little experiment to work? I resume pacing, allowing my fingers to itch at my forearm. There really isn’t anything I can do about it for now. It’s not a problem.

Until it is a problem.

I climb back into my bunk to put together ideas on how best to end my brother’s life. From here, there isn’t much I can do. An inmate in his prison, he could choose to kill me at any time.

After thinking on it, I make up my mind. I allow myself a laugh, the sound becoming a shocked squeak when the lights suddenly come on. Jolting upright, I smack my head against the ceiling a second time.

“Shit!” I hiss, pressing the heel of my hand against my throbbing forehead.

Still, I heave myself out of bed. I only have to wait a few minutes for the bars to rattle open.

I almost leave, but I hesitate with a glance at the bed. I’m just a little worried that someone will target me and ruin my stuff. They did it to Alex, after all, in the original books.

When I turn around, Kevin stands in the doorway. I start, more surprised than anything. Isn’t his cell on the fourth floor?

“How fast did you have to run to get down here?”

He ignores that, nodding to someone out of sight. Two Skulls step in front of my cell, and I sigh. “These'll make sure you don’t slip outta our match, sweetheart.”

He flashes me a wicked grin and leaves, the others staying in my doorway. I watch him go, brow furrowed. He’s getting really into this charade.

The two cronies don’t move when I start for the cell door, and I pause. With a swift glance, I appraise them. They still don’t move.

I smile.

“If you don’t move, I’ll be forced to move you myself.”

They exchange glances and smirk. Still, they stay in place. I sigh and shrug.

My hand twitches, and they crumple to the ground as one. Their eyes glazed, they struggle and fail to find their feet.

“You shouldn’t underestimate anyone in a place like this, you know.”

I catch Kevin watching me from the door of the trough room when I start over there myself. I don’t acknowledge anyone while I grab a tray.

This time, I successfully acquire a meal.

I do my best to force the sludge they call food here down my throat. It makes me think of runny Malt-o-Meal, so it tickles my gag reflex more than a little.

The two boys I floored are just entering the mess hall as I stand to leave. I feel them glowering at me, but when all three of us find ourselves in Room One of the chipping halls, I note with satisfaction that they find a place on the opposite side of the room with their picks and hard hats.

I fantasize about breaking Cross’s face in while I work. No one tries to start shit, thankfully, so I’m able to stew in my own head until the standing guard calls for the ed of the works day.

I have no idea how much rock I cleared, but the anger lingering from the assault leaves my throat thick. I need to control myself.

I don’t realize how sore all of this turns my muscles until I have to stop. Trying to use my arms for something other than swinging a pick at a wall? No thanks.

Still, I fight through it and drag the thing back to the equipment racks. On the way, I roll my shoulders and try to work the kinks out of them. By the time I abandon mu equipment and enter the shower rooms, my arms and back almost feel normal again.

If I can excuse the underlying ache in my entire body, that is.

I always forget about this part when I decide to come here. The communal showering part.

The room is an open space nearly identical to the chipping rooms we just left. Red walls, red ceiling, rough around the edges in every sense. The only differences are the drain fixed in the middle of the floor and the water sprinklers overhead.

I can feel eyes on me as I shed my paper shoes and throw them into the corner with other crumpled bits of clothing. I steel myself, swallowing every anxious thought I have, and my overalls quickly follow the shoes into the pile.

There’s a wolf whistle and gloating mutters, but no one comes closer than a yard to me. They must be too scared of Kevin and the Skulls to risk approaching me.

While I’m grateful for that, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m left naked in a room full of teenage boys that haven’t seen a titty in years. I keep my arms resolutely crossed over my chest.

With a hiss, icy water cascades from the ceiling. The cold sends a shock through my body, but once I get used to it, it’s a godsend. A drink of lemonade on a hot day. A swim in the middle of summer. A nice shower after hours of work.

I’m enjoying the spray, tucked into a corner, when I catch sight of Connor across the room. He’s talking with one of the boys Kevin told to keep an eye on me, not looking particularly amused.

Then he shoots a shocked glance at me and laughs. The boy looks taken aback, and that quickly morphs into irritation. Connor can’t seem to take the conversation seriously anymore, and the boy eventually walks away.

Connor looks at me as if sharing a joke and shakes his head.

The moment the water stops, I step into the first clean set of overalls I find, now that the dirty ones have been replaced. I half expect Connor to come find me when I enter the yard, but he walks by without a backward glance to join several Skulls at a table.

Something about Connor wearing the Skulls bandana feels wrong. I loiter next to the opening to the chipping rooms, watching him. His sandy hair is longer than I’ve ever seen it, falling down his back past his shoulders even with the cloth on his head.

He looks up, turning curious eyes on me for just an instant before returning to his game. None of the Skulls seem to have noticed. I shrug and move on, reaching out my awareness to brush his as I pass. He returns the gesture, though his voice doesn’t waver at all in his conversation with the Skulls.

I head for an opening in the rock just under the first set of stairs to the upper levels. It’s guarded by two inmates, but they don’t stop me. I brace myself before entering the gym, knowing what to expect.

The exercise machines must have all been moved to the side years ago, leaving a ring in the center. The rock has been worn down, stained a deep red by the blood shed here mixing with the firey dust lining the entire prison. The room is still empty, and I cross to the center of the circle. Bending down, I rest my fingertips on the dark floor.

I can feel the pain of the hundreds of inmates beaten bloody on this spot. If I try, I could probably feel the evidence of my own fights, the ones from other worlds. All of this hurt can’t be limited to this one. If all of these universes are connected by one place, I could almost believe this is it. I always thought it would be the island or the tower, but—

“Hey.”

I slowly stand and turn around to face Kevin. He only has one Skull with him, hovering in the doorway.

I don’t say anything, just stand in the center of the bloody ring. I'm too aware of my aching muscles, all of the weakness. I don’t know if I’ll last long in a real fight against him, and I don’t know if he knows that or not.

I step back, to the far end of the ring. He steps into it, motioning for his buddy to stay back.

A few others show up, but the first keeps them from entering the room. The newcomers are forced to watch from the doorway. Kevin seems to be waiting for the crowd to grow, which I can appreciate.

He wants a show. I’ll be sure to give him one, then. I put on an easy smile. Arrogant, self-assured.

“So, big boy, you still think this is a good idea?” When I slip into a confident stance, he does the same. Good. This would have been exhausting if I’d had to hold his hand through the whole thing.

“Pretty damn sure. You having second thoughts?” We’re slowly circling each other by now. I hope he’ll make the first move. I’m much better with defensive work than offensive.

A small timer appears in the corner of my eye.

He gives himself away somehow. A subtle tensing, or a change of expression. He doesn’t pull his hand back, but I can still feel the punch coming. The timer starts. In the split second I have to react, I make a decision. This is how it will go. It takes all of my willpower to merely throw up a shield of thought.

I don’t move.

My shield protects me from the worst of it. The pain, when his fist connects with my gut, isn’t that awful. I still double over, though, and he slams his elbow into my spine. I try to protect myself with another shield, but I can’t focus enough to make it form.

This one hurts.

I cry out, my mind racing for a way to salvage my pride and avoid obviously throwing the fight. The moment his hands leave me, he kicks me to the ground.

This is good, I tell myself. Barely two seconds into the fight and I’m already getting wrecked. I take a moment to assess myself internally and find that the damage is minimal.

Thank god.

I stay down, feigning groans of pain. The boys outside cheer in the background, feeding the static hissing in the back of my head.

I hear Kevin approaching. Slowly, calmly. 

I take in a breath and focus. I can do anything if I can keep my fucking head. I visualize what I need to do, imagine it, run the reel over the back of my eyelids while I wait.

He stops.

Now.

I slam my hand against the ground, kicking out to sweep his feet out from under him. My momentum brings me stumbling to my feet. 

I wait for him to scramble to his feet, then I catch him in the jaw and grasp his shoulder to keep him from reeling back. He has just enough time to realize what I’m about to do and start to twist away.

He’s too late.

I swing my knee up to kick him between the legs. I shove him back and watch him fall. He’ll recover, and it’s his choice whether this continues or not.

I try to gather myself, but I don’t have time.

He comes up again, his stance still awkward. His nose bleeds freely, but he does nothing to stem it.

I shrug, smiling. “Haven’t you had enough?”

He grunts in response and rushes me. It’s sloppy, and I could easily trip him. Instead, I sidestep and push him square in the back. His momentum throws him out of the ring and back to the ground.

He gives me no choice if he’s refusing to actually fight.

I stride to him and plant my foot on his back. I lean down, whispering so the crowd can’t hear.

“Stop holding back.”

I clench my fists, then loosen them. This is the choice I’ve made. This is the way it needs to go. I hope it’s the right thing to do.

The moment I move my foot, he jumps up swinging. I block it and counter with an uppercut to the stomach.

He cringes, coughing, but he takes advantage of my occupied hands before I can really recover. He takes the opportunity to jab me in the throat.

I stumble back, retching.

Fuck, that hurt. It distracts me enough that I don’t notice his fist until—

Flashes of light blot out my vision.

I realize that I’m on the ground, and this confirms it: It’s over. My shields still won’t come up, the static filling my head until his next strike seems to come out of nowhere.

In a moment of panicked delirium, I wonder if it hurts to kick someone so many times with paper shoes. It has to, right?

I think he’s saying something, but I can’t hear him. The ringing in my ears diminishes before he finishes, though, and I hear the crowd cheering. He nudges me onto my back, smirking.

“Looks like you’re mine, sweetheart.” He doesn’t wink. He doesn’t give me any sign. I guess I deserve this for egging him on so much. “What? No jokes? Nothing?”

He kicks again.

It brings a little life to my mind when the shield I try to throw actually absorbs the hit.

This boy has no self control, and he gets carried away so easily. I wonder briefly if I made the wrong choice. I glance at the timer, grimacing at the blinking 38.47 seconds. Such a short fight, and I’m a mess. I split my lips into a weak, bloody smile anyway.

“You’re such an ass,” I mutter, barely loud enough for him to hear. I don’t think I could speak louder if I tried. His face twists into one of anger, and he moves to kick me again.

“Kevin.”

He freezes. 

I slide my gaze over to see that Connor has pushed his way into the gym. His eyes are hard, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“What do you want?” The bloody boy demands without turning.

“What did I tell you?” Saying nothing more, he watches him steadily.

Kevin slowly lowers his foot and steps away from me. As the crowd outside begins to dissipate, I struggle to sit up. Connor shoves past Kevin and kneels at my side, pressing me back down.

“What did you do?” I ask, cringing at the blood filling my mouth. That’s not right.

“I told him that he wouldn’t survive the week if you can’t stand at the end of this fight.” He smiles and cups my cheek with one hand, his other lightly resting on my stomach. His eyes go out of focus for a moment, then he sighs in resignation. “You’ll need to fix that.”

“It’ll be fine. I have something to tell you,” I murmur. “It’s important.”

He hushes me before I can continue.

“Later. You have to deal with the consequences of throwing the fight. Dummy.” He pats my cheek and stands. 

He calls for the remaining Skulls to clear out. He looks back once before leaving me alone with Kevin again.

Kevin paces near the door, and I watch him warily as I slowly sit up. My head spins, blood is still trickling down my chin, and my body feels like a disaster zone, but I can still move. I’ll be fine.

“Did you really throw the fight?”

I narrow my eyes, trying to focus on Kevin. He’s stopped pacing, watching me now. I wipe my mouth and stare at the blood on my hand. I need to find out what Connor saw in there. After a moment, I look back at him.

“Yeah.” I give him a tight smile before spitting out a glob of blood. “You still won. Just make sure you keep your end of the deal.”

He takes a step toward me, but I raise a hand and he stops. I chuckle weakly and rest the same hand on my midsection. Pain lances up my sides and I have to force myself to calm down.

“Oh, shit,” I hiss, probing my awareness around my organs. I find a few ribs cracked, one broken, and… “My liver's bleeding, hang on.”

Kevin watches in horrified fascination as I phase my hand into my abdomen. It takes a minute for me to find the rupture and run a healing finger over it. I do the same with my ribs and slowly check for other damage I may have missed, but I don’t find anything.

Everything is fine.

I pull my hand out and wipe most of the blood off on my overalls.

“That’s crazy.” I can hear the uneasiness in his voice before looking and seeing it on his face. I shrug.

“This is nothing.”

I spit more blood out and wipe any remaining grossness off of my face with a sleeve. With this done, I heave my aching body upright and stride forward to stop directly in front of Kevin.

I put on a demure mask when I look up at him, reaching a hand out to cup his face. I catch a hint of a flinch, and it makes me smile.

“It’s time for you to go brag about your victory and for me to slink back to my cell. Enjoy this while it lasts.” I pause, patting his cheek. “Boss.”

[thebiggaylion]

Hardwell @ EDC Orlando 2016

Welcome to July!  Hope my American friends had a nice Independence Day, and didn’t do anything dangerous.  Gotta keep your precious selves ready for this year’s EDC events, right?  Tickets for EDC Orlando 2017 go on sale next week, and pricing was just announced via the normal channels a bit ago.  I’m excited!  Alright, let’s focus on this week’s #ThrowbackThursday.  Last week was my first time, so I figured this week would be my most recent time!

Oh, also, this is a big post, so it's the first time I've found it necessary to provide a three part breakdown!  Wow!  So, should this post you're reading now is not displaying properly, use those links to break it up a bit.

Being the go-hard that I am, I make sure to get there as early as I can (looking this good takes TIME, honey!) and stay as late as they’re open.  So, the final set on Day 2 of the most-recent year is where we’re at this week.  I’m sure you guessed it already (as if the title wasn’t a dead give-away), but it’s Hardwell!  Very highly praised by the industry and fans, this was the first time I had seen him, and he did pretty good!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram Now those are some cool visuals.  Look how intricate!  Looks like they’re gonna burn every effect they have, given who it is and it being the end of the festival haha Mike Cervello & Cesqeaux - SMACK! https://soundcloud.com/barongfamily/mike-cervello-cesqeaux-smack-out-now-free-download

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram Well, that’s pretty!  I decided I wanted to see how that came out using slow motion feature in iOS, and here it is!  I think the high contrast caused a bit of detail to get lost, making this video not AS exciting as I would have hoped.  However... Hardwell ft. Jolin Tsai - We Are One (Instrumental) [Unreleased, will add Soundcloud link once Hardwell posts it!] Calvin Harris - How Deep Is Your Love https://soundcloud.com/calvinharris/how-deep-is-your-love

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram I discovered in creating this post that the normal speed video is all that’s saved as a video in iOS, at least when it comes to what’s accessible via Windows via USB/Samba (nerdy tech talk!).  There’s an AAE file that contains the edit information, but the original file is untouched.  iOS just knows to work with them in tandem, but not Windows of course.  As such, here’s the normal speed video as well!  How cool! Hardwell feat. Jolin Tsai - We Are One (Instrumental) [Unreleased, will add Soundcloud link once Hardwell posts it!] Calvin Harris - How Deep Is Your Love https://soundcloud.com/calvinharris/how-deep-is-your-love

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram After fooling around with the Slo-Mo function of the iOS Camera app, I decided I’d better not miss this moment because I was messing around with technology haha Hardwell feat. Jolin Tsai - We Are One (Instrumental) [Unreleased, will add Soundcloud link once Hardwell posts it!] Calvin Harris & Disciples - How Deep Is Your Love https://soundcloud.com/calvinharris/how-deep-is-your-love Hardwell & MAKJ - Countdown https://soundcloud.com/hardwell/hardwell-makj-countdown-original-mix-download

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram I noticed that those hieroglyphics that Insomniac likes to use are bordering the live video.  This video’s initial purpose was to document those hieroglyphics for me, so I could decipher them later.  In 2015, I deciphered a much shorter phrase that was bordering the top of the DJ booth area, but this was much smaller and longer, and I didn’t wanna fuss with it and miss the show.  But, I got nothing but time now haha... it reads: Alright, alright, I haven't deciphered it yet BUT I WILL... lemme finish this post and I'll come back and edit this sentence! Hardwell feat. Jake Reese - Mad World https://soundcloud.com/hardwell/hardwell-feat-jake-reese-mad-world-hoa237-rip-out-now Garmiani - Bomb A Drop https://soundcloud.com/garmianiofficial/garmiani-bomb-a-drop-out-9-febdim-mak

I debated posting this one.  I saw some totems and signs during EDC Orlando 2015 that I groaned at, and after learning lots more about the depths of this pretty gross person, I was surprised to see more at EDC Orlando 2016.  Trump ain’t PLUR, PERIOD.  His words, his actions, nothing about it.  Sure, this was made for a laugh, and this was back when most people thought he was a joke and could not seriously take the elections that year (EDC Orlando 2016 was the weekend before Election Day in the US).  The husband of the guy behind The Big Gay Lion saw a Facebook post showing off this totem ahead of the festival, and I took a picture of it so he could see that I ran into it “in real life”, plain and simple.  Groan!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram So that this point, I moved up into the VIP area and onto the viewing deck.  It was busy BUSY!  I’d not been up there during the final set of any day or year prior, so maybe this is normal.  Definitely a different crowd up there.  Older folks (not a lot of 20-somethings, based on a visual analysis haha), a bit less rowdy, etc.  Honestly, the reason I moved is because I was planning ahead.  I wanted to get out of the festival exits when it was over quicker than I had in previous years!  Unfortunately, you don’t get a great perspective while you’re up there (totally understandable), and you don’t get to experience the cool effects like the confetti cannons! https://soundcloud.com/steveaoki/kid-cudi-pursuit-of-happiness">Kid Cudi - Pursuit Of Happiness feat. MGMT (Steve Aoki Remix) https://soundcloud.com/steveaoki/kid-cudi-pursuit-of-happiness DJ Snake - Propaganda (TJR & Nom De Strip Remix) https://soundcloud.com/djsnake/propaganda-tjr-nom-de-strip

Download High Res (86.9 MB) | Download Low Res (8.3 MB) I love the color scheme on this crystallized Night Owl!  Effects were going off, and I figured this would be a great time for a future animated GIF!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram Kinetic Temple is definitely firing on all cylinders now!  The only effects missing are the front-lit panels on the walls and the flame throwers on the top! Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha - In The Name Of Love (W&W Bootleg) https://soundcloud.com/kevin-antonio-blandon-meza/martin-garrix-bebe-rexha-in-the-name-of-love-ww-remix-1 Hardwell & KURA feat. Anthony B - Police https://soundcloud.com/greatest-ids/hardwell-kura-you-aint-ready-extended-mix

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram Okay, things are really popping off, and I’d love to get them in Slo-Mo, so I did it again!  Lots of goodness came from this second attempt, so I’m glad I went for it. Hardwell & KURA feat. Anthony B - Police https://soundcloud.com/greatest-ids/hardwell-kura-you-aint-ready-extended-mix

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram I’m especially glad I went for it, now that I know that both the normal speed and slow motion content are available to share with you all! Hardwell & KURA feat. Anthony B - Police https://soundcloud.com/greatest-ids/hardwell-kura-you-aint-ready-extended-mix

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram The guy behind The Big Gay Lion is married, and his husband picked Darude’s Sandstorm out of something... a mix, or a video, or something he had seen.  He didn’t believe his husband, but he was totally right!  Now anytime he hears Sandstorm, he’s reminded of his hubby ❤ so he took this video for him!  Even a decade later, this song still gets people going.  I guess that’s why they call them classics! Darude - Sandstorm https://soundcloud.com/darude/sandstorm-radio-edit Lookas - I Can't Get Enough https://soundcloud.com/lookasmusic/cant-get-enough

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram It’s not often one gets a video of literally the end of a set, and only the end!  Talk about timing haha!  I think it’s cool how quickly Kinetic Temple can shut down and look ominous, literally seconds after being alive and awe-inspiring!

After walking back to the car (I parked a bar the guy behind The Big Gay Lion is friendly with, to save on parking costs... but MAN, it was a WALK!), and getting some pretty long looks from nearby bar patrons, I was finally off my feet and headed back to real life.  My new mane looked great this year, but MAN it was tight on the head!  It might show up in a future post, but I pretty much had bruises from the rainbow headband in my forehead for the next few days haha.  Beauty is pain!

So, I’ve done the first and the last, now I just gotta fill in the middle!  I’ve also got posts planned (in the long run) about makeup, costuming, jewelry, etc.  And let’s not worry just yet about my content for this year haha!  And if you need it, check out all three parts of this long post.  Love ya’ll, see ya next time!  🏳️‍🌈🦁❤

Let’s spread PLUR and independence all over the net, together! Facebook | Tumblr | YouTube | Instagram | Twitter | Web