#kenny is going to get his very own dump after this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

midwestmade29 · 10 months ago

Text

Missing Someone 💔

We doing sadness and angst for Valentine’s Day this year 😂

Word count: 1,325 Divider by: @firefly-graphics

Disclaimers: drinking, intoxication, divorce. Read at your own discretion.

During a difficult time, Hangman sought his solace in you...

The vibrations coming from the nightstand brought you out of your slumber as your phone rattled against the wood. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes before rolling over and seeing a familiar name light up on the screen. Adam. Not that long ago, seeing his name made your stomach flutter and made you smile like a kid on Christmas morning. His voice always had a charm to it that drew you in every single time. Now it made your heart ache. You knew he wasn’t trying to use you. You knew that he wasn’t trying to hurt you on purpose, but ever since the first time you let Adam into your bed, he got used to the pain relief it offered. You didn’t press the issue because you knew this was something both of you needed. You’re also a big girl and could put a stop to all these late-night phone calls and drunken visits, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. It hurt like hell when he left every morning when he sobered up, but you knew he would be back and the two of you would start this cycle all over again another night.

When you first met Adam, you felt an instant attraction to him! He was smart, funny, kind and incredibly handsome. He had a smile that made you go weak in the knees every time he flashed it. You were upset when you discovered he was married, but you respected it and never tried to be anything more than friends with him. All your interactions were friendly and fun, very rarely anything serious. There was hardly a time when you were alone together, often finding yourselves surrounded by friends and coworkers. Most of the time you spent together was backstage at Dynamite, sometimes eating together when a group of people went to dinner after a show, or in an airport before both of you went your separate ways.

There was never any indication that Adam and his wife were having problems with their marriage because he always seemed happy when he talked about her. The night he told you they were getting a divorce really shocked you! The look of defeat and sadness that covered his face broke your heart as he explained what had happened between them. For a while he walked around like a lost puppy unsure what to do or where to go.

As the months went on, you tried your best to be there for Adam whenever he needed someone to talk to. The Young Bucks and Kenny Omega were there for him too, but he usually gravitated to you more. Everything changed between the two of you after you got a phone call from a concerned Matt Jackson late one night after Dynamite, “Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry to bother you but…it’s Adam,” Your heart sank into your stomach while you waited for him to continue. “He drunk dialed me and refused to tell me where he is. I would go get him, but I have no idea where to even begin! I wasn’t sure if he told you anything earlier tonight or if you know of anyone that went with him?”

You thought long and hard over the brief conversation you had with Adam earlier in the day and you remembered him mention a bar that him and his wife used to go to whenever she would travel with him. That has to be where he’s at! “Actually, I think I know where he is. I can give you the name of it so you can look up the directions,” You offered Matt. There was a long pause, and you weren’t sure if you had lost the call or not, “Matt? Are you still there?” “Uh yeah, sorry. Actually, I was hoping that you could go and talk to him? Maybe bring him back to his hotel room? I have a feeling he’s not going to listen to me tonight and he seems to always be up for talking with you. Sorry for dumping this all this on you,” Matt explained. You agreed to go and check on Adam and Matt thanked you about a dozen times for your willingness to help. When you arrived at the bar you looked all around for Adam, but you didn’t see him anywhere. You walked up to the bar and asked the bartender if he had seen anyone that matched his description only to have him roll his eyes and point in the direction of a hallway where the bathrooms were located. “Great,” you thought to yourself as you made your way through the crowded bar.

When you rounded the corner, Adam was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall with a double shot of whiskey in his hands. “Adam?” you asked softly, trying not to scare him. He didn’t hear you the first time, so you crouched down in front of him and said it again, “Adam? Are you okay?” His eyes shot up when he finally recognized your voice and your heart shattered when you saw how red they were. “Ha-have you been crying?” you asked. Adam closed his eyes when he knew he had been found out and began to sob. “Sh-she left me Y/N! Where did I go wrong? What is wrong with me?” he asked rhetorically. You knew he wasn’t in his right mind considering how much alcohol he had likely consumed, but the pain he felt was 100% real. Tears started to well in your eyes the more he carried on about his wife and their divorce, the people coming and going to the bathrooms kept staring at both of you as they passed by. “Hey, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you Adam. Let me help you stand up and I'll get you back to the hotel. I think you could use some water and some sleep,” you murmured as you extended your hand to him. Adam surprised you when he grabbed hold of your hand right away. You placed his arm around your shoulders and wrapped your arm around his waist to help steady him on the walk to your rental car and into the elevator after you got to the hotel. You took his room key out of his wallet but before you could help him inside, he walked past you and stumbled over his own feet causing him to fall to the floor. “Oh my gosh, are you okay?!” you asked as you rushed over to him. Adam leaned on his elbow and threw his head back in laughter, making you join in the longer he carried on. “Okay cowboy let’s get you in bed now.” After getting Adam settled in bed, you were just about to walk out the door when he called out for you, “Y/N, stay. Please stay with me,” The softness and vulnerability in his voice stopped you in your tracks and when he told you he needed you, that sealed the deal. You took your shoes off and slid into bed next to Adam making to sure to keep your distance, only to have him pull you closer to him. You tried to protest but he only held onto you tighter, begging you not to move, “Don’t leave me, Y/N! Don’t leave me…” His voice trailed off as he passed out from the alcohol and exhaustion. While you knew all of this was happening because of his drunken state, you couldn’t help but to relax and revel in the feeling of his arms wrapped around you. Now that he was finally asleep, the anguish was gone from his face. The slow rise and fall of his chest and the sound of his soft snores lulled you to sleep. It was the first night of many to come that were spent like this, you wrapped in his arms as he tried to fill the void his wife left.

#hangman adam page #adam page #aew #all elite wrestling #fanfic #aew fanfiction #hangman adam page x y/n #hangman adam page fanfiction #hangman angst #hangman page #cowboy shit #fanfiction #SoundCloud

48 notes · View notes

neko-naruto · 1 year ago

Text

Lesion

Summary: Kyle is getting tired of Kenny dying every other day, and the only thing that can stop Kenny from going on his patrols is the wound he wakes up with instead of a scar, and even at that, it's not very effective

Warnings: injury, body dumping, Cartman calls them fags but thats expected, character death, panic, relationship problems intertwined with Kennys vigilantism/death curse, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: I woke up at four AM yesterday and chose violence, have some k2, Cartman is also here cause his dynamic with Kenny is fun to write. Anyways, if ya'll enjoyed consider dropping a reblog or checking out the Ao3 port, it really means a lot

"When do you plan on not getting fatally wounded?" Kyle asked from the passenger seat.

Kenny, who was still wrapped in his Mysterion outfit, simply shrugged from the backseat. His head was propped against the door and his blood spilling onto leather upholstery, "When the world stops being terrible."

"You two are so lucky I have truck," Cartman scoffed from the drivers seat, eyes locked firmly on the road, "Really, lugging around a dead body in a hyundai would not work."

"It's a subaru," Kyle corrects with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm not dead yet," Kenny snapped to the best of his ability, the gash in his abdomen made it harder to do that, "But really, thanks for helping Kyle with disposing of me."

"That's what friends are for," Cartman answered with, briefly raising his gaze to the mirror to catch Kenny with a smirk. The blonde tries his hardest to return it despite the agony coursing through him. He reaches for the stereo, "Any song requests? Otherwise we're just hoping the radio is playing something good."

"The Offspring," Kenny answered with, "Or Green Day, whatever you have a disc of."

Cartman hands the CD book to Kyle whose flipping through the pages already. The hum of asphalt and tires is comfortable enough to lull Kenny into a false sense of sleep. He's tugged from said semblance of sleep when the start of a track starts to play right beside his head. Kyle glances past the headrest and Kenny's breathing is starting to slow down, the constant rise and fall accentuating blood that shimmers in the low light.

He undoes his seat belt before awkwardly climbing into the back and trying his very hardest to not nudge Cartman. The last time he did he was forced sit in a pool of Kenny's blood on the ride home. He isn't quite sure how he manages to fit in the back, some of him is pressed against the back of the driver's seat, some of him is on the ground- it's uncomfortable, but he endures.

"I think this is illegal," Kenny said, he would gesture to how Kyle is 'sitting' but he can't.

"I think dumping your body off a bridge almost daily is also illegal Ken, whose keeping track?" Kyle asked as grabbed Kenny's hand, sliding his fingers under the hem of the wrist to rest on his palm. His hand is cold, Kyle's fingertips are warm, it's a contrast that would be worrying to anyone that doesn't know how often Kenny dies.

"Good point," Kenny said, he brought his other hand to rest on Kyle's, "Love you."

"Love you too," Kyle answered with quietly.

"Can you fags please shut up while I'm driving?" Cartman asked on a groan.

Kenny just grinned and look he met Cartman with was nothing but mischievous, "I dunno darling, can we?"

Kyle gives a hum, "I'm afraid not my love, we simply cannot shut up," He briefly pressed a kiss to Kenny's cheek and the blonde laughs a bit.

He winces after the laugh dies down, "Hurts to laugh," He keeps laughing though, because the fact it hurts to laugh is humorous in itself. Kyle's hands come to press on his wound and the mix of sweat against raw nerves stings like a bitch, he bites his tongue instead of screaming.

Cartman just rolls his eyes and turns up the stereo.

Kyle wraps his arms around Kenny's torso to the best of his ability and squeezes. Not super tight, he doesn't want to speed up the process of blood loss. Kenny weakly returns the gesture, knocking the side of his head against Kyle's.

"You are not patrolling tomorrow," Kyle said quietly.

Kenny gives a hum, "Maybe."

-/-/-/-

Kenny gives a wave as he goes falling off the cliff into the icy river below.

Cartman waves back, Kyle does not.

"See you guys later!" Kenny shouted up mere moments before his head goes under and he closes his eyes.

He swears he hears Cartman call back, "Don't be late for work!" before everything goes dark.

Kyle just watches as the air bubbles up and the near still water clouds with a deep red. It's washed away along with Kenny's corpse, it floats to the top, but most know to leave his body if they find it. Kyle leans against Cartman and he hates the fact he does but it's cold outside, and he's convinced Cartman is constantly running a fever with how high his body heat is. The brunette slings an arm around Kyle's shoulders but doesn't dare drop his hand anywhere lower than an upper arm or pull the redhead closer.

"Do you think he'll ever stop?" Kyle asked quietly.

Cartman shrugged, "He's been doing this since grade four, being a hero, dying, coming back, and repeating the cycle."

Kyle tensed, "He's been dying since grade four and you didn't tell us?"

"You didn't believe me," Cartman said, "I tried to tell you guys, I even had pictures. Still, you thought I was lying, and look at us now! Dumping your boyfriends body like a couple of chums."

"We are not chums," Kyle snarled out as he glared at Cartman, he shrugged.

"How dare I assume that doing illegal activities together would help us bond? How bold of me," Cartman scoffed, he lifted his arm and stepped away. Kyle simply pulled his jacket a little tighter, "Trucks still running, it'll be nice and toasty when you're ready to leave."

Kyle stayed to stare at the water until Cartman got impatient and started blasting the horn of the truck. Only then did Kyle begrudgingly sit up in shotgun, leaned against the window. Normally this is where Cartman changes the CD and sprays disinfectant on the backseat, he doesn't tonight, he just lets the tracks play and the scent of blood stagnate.

-/-/-/-

Kyle wakes up and the bed is empty, he can hear Kenny meandering about though. He rolls over to where he knows Kenny sleeps and the sheets are still warm, and wet. The sheets are wet. That snaps him awake, he sits up and sniffs the air, it has a tang to it.

He glances down to the sun bathed sheets to find a splatter of pooling red, it's splashed across the blankets and sinking into the mattress. It's saturated enough to cling to his clothing where contact was made, the splotchy hues trail across the carpet and the door handle has blood smeared across it. Failed suicide attempt? He knows that Kenny does that sometimes if he's having a really bad day, or if he knows Cartman is gonna be pissed off.

He drags himself out of bed and makes his way down the hall, he follows the bloody finger prints trailed across the walls. It's straight out of a horror movie but it does nothing to deter Kyle. The bathroom door is left open and he finds Kenny sitting in the bath tub with a once white towel wrapped around his abdomen while he hyper ventilates.

"Ken?" Kyle croaked out.

Kenny snapped up to meet his gaze and he eases right away, "Something is really wrong."

"I can tell," Kyle said as he rubbed his eyes, staring at the fluid along the base of the tub. He walked over and dropped down in front of Kenny, "You've never woken up and bled out in the bath tub."

"Can you call over Cartman, he's sort of the expert on this shit," Kenny asked desperately.

"Do I have too?" Kyle asked.

"He keeps records on this shit, he's being doing it since day one," Kenny said, "I don't remember all of my deaths man, if anyone would know if this has happened before it would be Cartman."

Kyle gave a heavy groan of annoyance, "Fine. Take off the towel and your jacket so I can look for shrapnel."

"I don't think there's any bullets left," Kenny said as he tossed aside the towel. The glistening gash was much smaller than it was last night but it still glimmered like uncut rubies. It went no deeper than the muscles, but the pulse of organs underneath was still visible. The heady scent of blood intensified.

"I still should clean it up a bit, wrap you up in some bandages," Kyle droned on.

"Call Cartman first," Kenny said.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "I'll go do that, if it's within arms reach get a towel ready."

-/-/-/-

"I've seen this before," Cartman said as he looked at the wound.

Kenny heaves a relieved sigh before pulling his shirt back on.

"Then what does it mean?" Kyle asked impatiently.

"Kennys gonna die and stay dead for a while," Cartman said, "This happened a couple times leading up the muscle deterioration when we were younger. I'd say he has five, maybe six, more deaths before he doesn't wake up."

"So I'm just gonna be dead for a bit?" Kenny asked.

Cartman nodded, "Shouldn't be longer than a month when it happens."

"Thank fuck," Kenny said.

"He's gonna be gone for a month?" Kyle asked, he sounded distraught at the notions.

"It's one month, you'll be fine," Kenny said, resting his hand on top of Kyle's.

"Stan's still gonna be here, I'll be here, but you hate me so scrap that, Craig and Tweek are gonna be here," Cartman listed, raising a finger for each name, "It's not like you'll be alone, just don't go chasing him into the afterlife."

Kyle nodded, "Okay."

"I'll be more careful, promise," Kenny said softly.

"Are we all good here now? Confusion cleared up?" Cartman asked as he started on his way to the door, stepping backwards as he went.

"Everythings good," Kenny answered with, "Thanks for dropping by."

"It's what friends are for," Cartman said.

The second the door shut Kyle leaned heavily onto Kenny, arms wrapped around his shoulders and holding him tightly. He yanked the blonde onto his lap just a bit.

"Hey, Ky, it'll be alright," Kenny said gently.

"Please don't die," Kyle answered with quietly, voice impossibly soft, just below a whisper.

Kenny took a stiff inhale and exhale, "You know how the curse works, it likes to strike me down."

"Don't go on patrol tonight," Kyle demanded, voice coming out frail despite the intention of sounding stern.

"I won't," Kenny lied, he needed to go on patrol, he needed to. He's not sure if he'd be able to sleep if he didn't.

"I need you man," Kyle said, knocking the side of his head against Kenny's, a mirror of the blondes usual motion of endearment. He heaves a shaky sigh, "It was rough last time you were gone for a month, don't do that to me."

"I'm gonna have too eventually," Kenny said as Kyle traced along scars from previous deaths, he had so many. Some were pale, some weren't, some bumped up others were flat, tracing them was something Kyle did frequently.

"I know," He answered with quietly, "Really wish you didn't have too."

"I'll stop going on patrols for a couple days," Kenny said, after tonight of course. He had to do one tonight, he needed too. Call it a compulsion, call it an obsession, he needed to do it.

"Thanks," Kyle said.

"Want me to make some waffles?" Kenny asked as he shrugged off Kyle's grip just a bit.

"Sure, I wanna help you out with that though," Kyle said as he lifted up Kenny and hoisted him over to the kitchen.

-/-/-/-

"Oh fuck you," Mysterion said as he glanced down to the knife jutting from his thigh, "Do you have any idea how hard it's gonna be to explain this one to my boyfriend?"

The assailant stood in shock, that usually worked.

"See, I promised him I wouldn't die tonight, or go on patrol for a little bit," Mysterion said as he paced around, "I have friends, Super Craig, Call Girl- they'll pick up the slack while I'm off duty, but explaining this to my boyfriend when I'm supposed to be sleeping beside him at home? Do you have any idea how much trouble you've landed me in?"

"You, you aren't worried about the knife?" The thug asked shakily.

Mysterion laughed, "No, god no, something like this? It's nothing pal," To prove a point he tugged the weapon from his limb and didn't even wince as it came out, "I'd suggest some barbs if you'd like it to hurt, maybe even get stuck," He trailed a finger along the sharpened and bloodied blade, it nearly cut open his glove, "It is rather nice as is."

The assailant just stayed silent, scared, intimidated- this was rather unexpected. They knew Mysterion was not to be messed with, but they didn't know it went this far.

"Two options bud," Mysterion said before pointing the tip to the bad guy, "You run, or you die; three seconds to choose."

They couldn't move, despite really wanting to live.

Mysterion gives a hum, "Tell Damien Kenny says hi."

Before they can even choke out a 'What?' there's a knife jammed between their eyes, digging so deep into cartilage it near instantly killed them. Airways blocked off, blood spilling into their lungs, skull ruptured, they die, just like that. And Mysterion is highly aware of how it feels, they should be thankful he didn't choose a worse death.

He watches them drop before kicking aside the corpse and leaving one of his many calling cards, this time it's a sticky note with his insignia on it. He heaves a full body sigh before starting on his way home, if he's lucky he'll make it back and Kyle won't be awake. If he's unlucky, Kyle will be livid and Kenny will be sleeping on the couch for the following who knows how long.

He walks down the streets and alleys with minimal limping as he goes. It's deep enough into the night that random civilians are somewhat minimal, and those that are out about are drunk, maybe even blackout drunk. He keeps his gaze lowered and he only lifts up his head when he hears the sound of a horn blaring right beside him.

He looks up to find a very disappointed Cartman glancing down at him from his truck window. He gives a nervous smile.

"Get in," Cartman barked as he popped open the door.

"Just crawl over you?" Mysterion asked, "Might get blood on your pants."

"I do not care, just get in," Cartman said, "It's the middle of the night in December, you're gonna freeze to death before you bleed to death."

Mysterion shrugged before hauling himself up, one hand on the door and the other at the side of the drivers seat. He flops his upper half onto Cartmans lap, awkwardly pressed between the steering wheel and his friend. The brunette yanks him the rest of the way with little to no care about the wound on his thigh.

He pulls the door shut and turns the heat on a little higher, "You weren't supposed to patrol tonight, Kenny. Kyle told me."

Kenny shrugged before pulling off the hood, slumped in the passenger seat comfortably. The hot air is blowing on his face and he didn't realize how cold he was, "He asked you to look for me, didn't he?"

Cartman nodded, "He did."

"Dude, how could you side with him?" Kenny asked venomously, "I'm gonna be in so much shit over this."

"You've seen Kyle mad, you know exactly why I did what he said," Cartman said defensively as he shifted into drive, "Unlike you, I do not come back from the dead."

Kenny gives an amused hum, "Fair point, fair point," He tugs off his gloves to rub them in front of the heating vent, "Thanks for picking me up man."

"Hey, it's what friends are for," Cartman answered with, reaching over to playfully punch Kenny in the shoulder. He held back a little bit of force, there could be a bruise there, and he would also be in shit if he worsened any of Kenny's wounds.

There's a sigh, "Fuck man, I swear, you're the most dependable person in our quartet."

Cartman just laughs, "The only reason I make sure you're getting dumped somewhere nice is because you lent me your playboys in grade nine," He's lying, he repaid that debt in cold hard cash on the same day it happened. He glances from the road to Kenny, "You are the only one that I've picked up from the strip club in a thong, covered in body glitter, I'd say that makes us a bit closer than the rest of the gang. Consider yourself lucky I still haven't told Kyle about that fiasco."

Kenny's face burns red at the memories of that downright outrageous event, "Fuck, that was a crazy night."

"Yeah, you told me all about it," Cartman said as he rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for everything," Kenny said quietly.

"It's my job," Cartman said, "Not really, but someone has to actually take care of you, unlike your boyfriend."

"Take that back," Kenny snapped venomously.

"You know what I mean, he makes sure you're feeling all happy and mentally stable, I pick you up from every event you don't want him to know about," Cartman explained halfheartedly, "I'm making sure that you're body rots somewhere with dignity, and that you don't freeze to death."

"I know," Kenny said, he rolled his eyes a bit as he spoke. There's a brief pauses, "Man it's fucking cold outside."

"That's why I was blasting the heat," Cartman said, giving a light chuckle, "I'll stick around in case he kicks you out."

Kenny refuses to look out the window, he knows what he'll see, "Well, wish me luck."

Cartman reaches over to place a hand on Kenny's shoulder, a familiar and silent affirmation, "You'll be fine."

"Thanks," The word comes out quietly before Kenny pops open the door and hops out.

He walks around the truck and he hates the fact his prediction was near entirely correct. The front door is open, golden glow of inside lighting shadowing out Kyle's form as he leans against the door frame. He's holding a mug of coffee and Kenny just knows that the redhead is holding a very disappointed look to go with it.

Kenny comes to a halt at the front step, a few feet of distance between him and Kyle. He can't bring himself to choke out a 'this isn't what it looks like' in a feeble attempt to sustain his dignity. It wouldn't even be worth it, there's still crimson oozing down his leg and he can't just say it's paint or some other bullshit excuse.

"Am I sleeping on the couch tonight," Kenny asked.

"You're sleeping in the bathtub so you don't get blood on the couch if anything," Kyle answered with, humor rested on his voice despite all odds.

"No blankets?" Kenny asked.

"I'm joking, but you better not have any more wounds than that one," He gestured vaguely to the gash in Kenny's thigh, "I'm cleaning you up and buying a padlock for the front door tomorrow morning."

"Ky, you know how important these patrols are," Kenny said, his defense was desperate and he hoped it showed on his voice.

"I do, thanks for not dying," Kyle said.

"You're mad, aren't you?" Kenny asked.

"Oh I'm absolutely fucking livid, you're lucky Cartman hasn't pulled out yet cause I would have your head mounted on a wall by now if he left," Kyle answered with, voice perfectly even and without a single waver in it.

Kenny gives a nervous laugh, "I just, there was a lead, and Wendy was on a date, and Craig is on vacation."

"Bullshit, and bullshit," Kyle answered with, "But, I'll let it slide tonight."

Kenny pursed his lips, "How much trouble am I in?"

"I'm not your mom, you tell me," Kyle scoffed.

Kenny stayed silent.

"You are in so much fucking trouble," Kyle answered with, "If you want me to leave reservations uncanceled then get your shit together and don't go on patrols for six fucking days- it's not that hard!"

"But I need too! It's, it's," Words dissolved in Kenny's throat, "I need too."

Kyle sighed, "Yeah, I thought so," He steps out of the way, "Put your bloody gear in the sink and wash off the wound."

Kenny hesitantly enters and makes his way upstairs. He tosses his gear in the sink and runs cold water and scrubs until the blood seeps into clear fluid. It stings when soap hits the wound and it feels wrong to be sitting in a fluorescent lit bathroom all by himself cleaning up the wound. Kyle's usually there with him, he feels like he's a teenager all over again, cleaning his wounds in the dead of night and hoping that he didn't wake anyone up.

Kyle knocks on the door frame and Kenny glances up, he looks like a deer stuck in headlights. Kyle tosses him a dry towel, the blood stained one. Kenny dabs away the excess soap on his leg, waiting for someone to speak.

"I still love you," Kyle said quietly.

"I know," Kenny answered with, "But, I gotta die for a bit, can't be avoided."

Kyle slid down the door frame till he was sitting on the floor, opposite so he could face Kenny who was leaned against the sink. He heaved a sigh, "Can you please try and last one week?"

"I will," Kenny said, "I promise that I won't miss our anniversary dinner."

"Thanks," Kyle said quietly, he slid over next to Kenny, "You're terrible at cleaning wounds."

"Well since we got together you usually help out," Kenny answered with as he held out the towel to Kyle.

"I've let you grow soft and weak, how cruel of me," Kyle said with a laugh. He dabbed at the edges of the wound carefully.

Kenny leans himself against Kyle, "Love you."

Kyle gives a hum, "I love you too Ken, I just wish you'd be more careful."

"I'll try," Kenny said quietly.

#south park #south park fanfiction #k2 south park #sp k2 #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #eric cartman #writing #fanfiction #fanfic #tw character death #tw injury

4 notes · View notes

besthimbomachine · 2 years ago

Note

I want your commentary on a section of one of your fics, or a whole fic, that you've been DYING to get your thoughts out on. 😊

I hope you've been having a good day, and wanted to get this in before I go to bed glrbfj.

Owwwn thank you sweetheart <3

Btw I got this ask for the Directors Commentary thing AND another one for that too by an anon, nonnie I'm gonna save yours until chapter 4 is done cause I'll for SURE have things to talk about chapter 4 too. I fought through the pure angst of chapters 1 and 2 to get to the other ones which will have more funny, fluffy and horny things which I love writing. Chapter 3 already starts that off with the horny.

Anyways into the commentary proper, I did a bunch of parts of chapter 3 cause I really liked writing it.

I guess first I wanna comment in the fic as a whole. If anyone doesn't know, the title "my love when it counted" comes from the hozier song shrike. If you haven't listened to it, go and look it up, it's great and very much the vibe of this fic.

Anyways, this fic came not from a prompt or situation I found hot as most of mine do but from a feeling. Like, we know Kenny talked about thinking of retiring due to his injuries and we've been getting the vibe, esp after this week's show but also on his feud with Osprey, that he has been feeling the years. That he knows time has started to take it's toll on him. And I myself have been kinda going through my own crisis cause I'm reaching thirty, and as someone who only fell in tune with my own skin after I was 25, the dawning of my youth scares me.

So a heavy theme of this fic is time, how it changes you, in some ways it's bad, in some ways it's good, but it changes you. It has the power to change you so thoroughly that you become a stranger to your past self. So this is a story about the inexorable march of time and the changes it forces on you, and how sometimes you can be the right person at the wrong time. It's also about learning to live with your mistakes and putting in the work to fix things.

Also, every chapter has a working title so I can tell from one look at my Google docs what it's gonna be about, this one was "down memory lane hard".

Chapter parts will be under the read more

That was the box Kenny had dumped any photo with you in, to never be seen again. Shit, he didn’t even know he still had that. He was supposed to have thrown it away, but he never did quite get up the courage to do so. Looking at them now, he could feel the bitter sweet pang of nostalgia, the way it tasted like ashes in his mouth. Swallowing thickly, he stacked the photos together in the box again. That’s when he noticed something else, the black metal previously hidden by the scattered papers shining back at him. (Kenny made the big mistake of giving himself time to doubt instead of just throwing things out right away, big mistake buddy. Nostalgia is a drug, and also a liar, rarely the past is quite as good as it makes you think. Anyways, this is not the last we will hear from the nostalgia box, it still holds something else we haven’t heard about yet.)

For the most part, the camera seemed ok, and it sparked in Kenny a curiosity that he knew he shouldn’t feed. Whatever pictures it held, he knew they would do him no good right now. He knew he should just put it back in the box and leave it be. But he couldn’t resist as his finger pushed the power button, body moving on its own, ignoring all common sense. All he could do was hope the thing just would not turn on. (These three first chapters are just a long stretch of Kenny making bad decisions, some he really thinks would work out - like pretending you are strangers instead of trying to behave normally - and others he really know wouldn’t work out and still he does. At this point he is doing this almost as a type of self flagellation, he knows it will only hurt but it feels better to have the pain than nothing at all)

But of course it did. (hello ominous one liner in italic my old friend)

When Kenny finally made his way to the old photos, the first thing he was greeted with was his own face. Those same baby blues staring back at him, although a good few wrinkles less and many years younger. (references to how he feels about his age are actually important but hey kenny time did you good, you look better now) He had a smile on his face, features framed by the ropes as he sat on the floor of the ring. Behind him, he could see the silhouettes of Matt and Nick facing the vast empty arena, only a few more blurred forms dotted in the background.

Sighing deeply, Kenny moved on to the older photos. Passing through pictures of him, Matt and Nick preparing in the ring, as well as pictures of you getting ready or climbing on the ropes. There was one video from that day that had you and Kenny dancing around the ring, and for the second time now he felt his heart shatter as his memory failed him. He made through the pictures of the four of you, but nothing moved his mind, the memories truly lost to time. (Time and how it changes people is at the core of this fics theme yes and the first thing time goes for in a person is their memories, the human mind is actually very bad at remembering things and sometimes that’s great but other times it’s depressing.)

Biting his lower lip, Kenny laid back against the headboard, finger pressing the button again, but the picture meeting him this time being completely different. The photo had been taken in front of a large mirror outside a building, and standing in the frame were the two of you. He had an umbrella in hand, and you had the camera covering half of your face as you looked through the viewfinder. (Go ahead and imagine the most Wes Anderson looking ass picture, that’s what I was going for, and yes I do deserve to get sent to the content gulag for my hipster crimes)

Sighing again, Kenny flipped through the photos rapidly before stopping when he noticed a change in environment. The picture he’d stopped in was of you, looking away from the camera with your hair tied up, water covering your bare chest all the way above the breasts. He paused, studying the environment, the stone walls and hazy fog circling you were hard to mistake. You two were at an onsen, by the size of it a private one, probably from whichever place you were staying at. (Hello darkness my old friend, like I said, I would have a hard time getting into an onsen cause the japanese still connect tattoos to criminal behavior and I’m covered in tattos but I’ve never commited a crime [Maria has in fact commited multiple minor crimes ranging from drug possession, to showin her tits in public, to having sex in a public-ish place, to stealing from a supermarket to the worst of all,multiple accounts of piracy])

Kenny’s eyes trailed the exposed skin on the back of your neck, eyes following the curve of your spine as it delved underwater. He felt his chest tighten again, you were so gorgeous, if he closed his eyes he could almost feel your soft skin on his fingertips. The next picture had you laughing, waving one hand at the camera as if trying to shoo him away. Your movement - and the surrounding fog - made the photo blurry, but he could still see your exposed chest. Warm water spilled down the inside of your breasts, kissing your skin in ways he could only have in his dreams now.

Moving on to the next photo, Kenny felt the air hitching in his throat as his eyes met with your own, large and entrancing in a way that he never found again after he lost you. Your beautiful irises stared back at him through the screen, keeping him locked in place for a good moment as he felt himself dragged to the bottom of a lake. And for a second there, he really didn’t want to resurface. (Kenny is longing to the point of self destruction, poor guy, but like I said I like to write my man a little pathetic, take him down a notch, make him suffer for his crimes and have to work to get the girl)

When he finally remembered to breathe, Kenny fully took in the image. You stared straight ahead, deep sultry eyes locked with the lens as his hand touched your face. One of your hands held his own, your lips touching his knuckles and the back of his fingers in a soft kiss. Water droplets ran down the curve of your breasts, with the way you were sitting the water just about touched your chest, not fully reaching your nipples. God, you looked like something out of this world, like a siren ready to drag him underwater, a lure he’d never deny. (If he won’t let you do like a siren and drag him to the bottom of a lake to kill him, does he really love you?)

Blood rushed to Kenny’s face and in a moment his breathing became hard, air evading him for a long second. It was almost like he’d forgotten just how gorgeous you could be. His fragile memory - and his most shameful dreams - not doing justice to a sight he once had so freely that he didn’t fully value. He was young and stupid, and you were too beautiful for him to understand - and fuck, from what he saw in the ring you’d only gotten better. (Gotta make sure to remind yall that we are romanticizing aging in this house, you look better in your early thrities than you did in your early twenties!!!)

It did him no good. (Ominous one liner here again to remind Kenny that he should have just turned off the camera)

Watching the scene in the camera had Kenny groaning, extending his legs out in the bed, free hand coming to rest on top of the bulge now formed in his pants. He watched the image of you continue to tease him on the screen, licking his swollen head as you made eye contact with the lens. Muttering curses, his eyes followed the movements of your tongue, his fingers caressing his large bulge over the fabric of his pants. Just the sight of your lips surrounding the head of his cock being enough to have him fully hard. (One hard thing about this chapter was making it clear what was happening on the screen and what was happenning in current time you know, I wanted to make it clear enough so that things wouldn’t be too confusing. Anyways, love writing handjobs and blowjobs, this short smut gave me both, I should have expanded on it but I was tired already.)

Shit, he knew he shouldn’t be watching this. Let alone taking his pleasure from it. It felt wrong, but he didn’t really wanna think about that right now. Kenny only barely remembered filming this video, let alone that it still existed somewhere. He brushed against it again by pure chance, it was not like a premeditated thing.

Fuck, he missed you in more ways than he’d want to admit, and he didn’t want to deny his body’s desire. He didn’t want to deny the way seeing you in the ring had his mind reeling. The way hearing your voice in the backstage halls sent shivers down his spine. He knew it was wrong, but for a single moment he chose to give in to the desire burning deep inside his core. (We get a ‘I know it’s wrong but fuck it’ moment. Was it wrong of him? Yeah, kinda. But as someone who has been friends with people attracted to me and has artistic nudes floating somewhere in the internet, my personal belief is you can jerk off to a picture of me whatever so long as you treat me like a normal human being I don’t care)

Pulling the waistband of his pants down, Kenny released his throbbing cock. Veins popping around the thick shaft and sensitive head, his fingers sliding around it lazily. (thick and veiny is my favorite) He watched as you started slowly moving your head up and down on the screen, each time taking more of his shaft inside your mouth. Groaning, he cursed the lack of audio on the camera, wanting nothing more than to hear the delicious sounds he knew you’d be making. Kenny’s large hand wrapping tight around his length, fingers barely meeting as he pumped himself slowly. (One way I like to give the idea of dick size in smut instead of using the extremely vague and relative ‘it’s huge’ or the waaaay to specific and not sexy at all ‘X inches’ is to compare it to other things, writing blowjobs and handjobs is good for that. I mean, you know how large Kenny’s hands are, if his fingers can barely touch when he warps his hand around his cock, you know it’s BIG)

Kenny took in a sharp breath as he saw your lips getting close to the base of his cock, the camera shaking in his hands as a shiver coursed through his body, setting every nerve alight. He threw his head back, cursing under his breath before looking down again, watching you with darkened eyes. Taking his hand from his cock for a second, Kenny spat on his palm before he went back to fisting his length, fingers now picking up speed. (Spit is not good as lube I know, but it gives a raw sense of desperation that I find sexy for blowjob scenes)

Darkened eyes followed your movements as you bobbed your head a few more times, from tip all the way down, until your lips finally reached the base. The image shook a little before it steadied again. Kenny could almost feel the sensations, the tip of his cock touching the back of your throat, the wet warmth of your mouth stretching around his dick. He’d never forget that feeling, sinful and holy, pleasure bordering on pain. (Deep throat! Deep throat! A girl got a well trained gag reflex, kudos. Also, I know it’s cheap using a pleasure/pain comparison but I like it, I do.)

You continued your sucking on screen, and oh, what wouldn’t Kenny give to hear the noises. He groaned, trying to conjure them in his head as he fisted himself faster now, one hand almost not enough to satisfy his full length. Pre cum dripped from his swollen head, onto his fingers and down his veiny cock, making his movements easier and faster. His erection throbbing in his hand, feeling hot and heavy against his rough palm. (I love this whole paragraph, man. It’s cause Kenny has those hug beautiful hands with long thick fingers. Imining that pumping a big fat cock has me way too horny. I’m a sucker for nice hands.)

You locked eyes with the camera once again, and Kenny could see his hips bucking forward in the video. The hand in your hair stuttering in its pace as your tongue slipped out of your mouth and under his cock. Shit, just seeing that had him delirious, spilling praises out of his lips that he knew you’d never hear. (Gotta slip at least a little ‘alas, poor kenny’ moment in the middle of this horny mess) He imagined the feeling of your mouth, the warmth of your tongue all around him. Deft fists pumped up and down at a voracious speed, his cock heavy and slick in his hands, balls feeling full and tight.

In the screen, his hips bucked erratically now, not even caring if he was bringing your head all the way down or not. Your lips looked wet and abused as they stretched around his girth, moving up and down fast. Pulling your head all the way to his tip, Kenny’s hand moved to your lip, pulling your open mouth towards the camera before coming back to his own cock. He fisted himself a couple times, resting the head of his cock on your tongue as his thick length twitched. Rope after rope of his thick white cum spilled past your plump lips, filling your mouth with it. (I regret now not thinkin gof using the word flooding instead of filling, it would be sexier, but also I find the ‘cumming on someones open mouth so you can watch it’ thing very sexy)

Kenny pumped his hand faster and harder, feeling the coil in his gut snap as he watched you close your pretty mouth, swallowing all of his hot cum, tongue darting out to lick some that had slipped down your lip. He felt his orgasm hit like a truck, shutting his eyes as the intensity of the feeling had him seeing stars. With a grunt, his cock spasmed in his hand, shooting his cum like a torrent. Multiple white, thick ropes spilling from his cock, feeling hot as they poured on his exposed thighs and hips, staining his shirt where they fell on the fabric.

Kenny rode his orgasm for what felt like forever, ecstasy completely clouding his mind. When he finally came to, eyes opening to see his still hard cock twitching slowly. Pearly white of cum painted his fingers, a string of it coming from the head and connecting to his hips. He swiped his thumb over his still sensitive head, spreading his thick white jizz over the tip. He was breathing hard, and it still took him a moment to fully return from his high. (I have a cum kink, send me to the nasty jail cause I’m gonna write guys who cum a lot and also guys whose cum is thick, you know I’m really horny for a character if I give him both traits, I like the image of a throbbing cock too, just *chefs kiss*, once again, loved writing these two paragraphs. Press F for Kenny’s shirt tho, depending on the fabric this is gonna be hard to clean.)

Looking at the mess he’d made, Kenny felt that pang of guilt back in his chest. Shit, he shouldn’t have done that. Pushing his cock back into his pants, he cleaned his hand in his already stained shirt before sitting straight against the headboard, the full weight of his guilt crashing down. He ran his hand through his hair, lips feeling dry as he swallowed hard.

He really shouldn’t have done that. If Kenny had felt bad after your recent fight, he felt even worse now. Like a sleazy, cowardly excuse of a man. One who was too weak to let go and too harsh to fix things. Worse, he felt like he had slipped back into the self centered asshole you’d left all those years back. Shit, this wasn’t who he wanted to be, and it made him sick to the stomach. He looked back to the camera, the video had already ended, the final image being your smiling face. (like I described this chapter once: Kenny’s very bad no good at all post nut clarity)

With a quick push of the buttons, Kenny deleted the video, erasing it from existence like he had done with the others after your break up. This was the right thing, and if he had known about this camera, known about this video, he’d have done it a long time ago. Now it was done, still he felt like shit. And there wasn’t really any way to erase that taste of guilt from his mouth. (We finish with Kenny doing the correct thing and also showing that he was an asshole but not a completly awful person, he did have the mind to at least do the minimally decent thing of erasing the sex videos he knew he had - he may or may not have jerked off to them before that just as he may or may not have jerked off to videos of reader’s matches - and this one he is erasing now. Like I said he will get the chance to straighten up his act and make some better choices, I don’t wanna end this in angst no happy ending)

#wanderbreadsworld #ask #directors commentary #maria speaks #this commentary starts off very thought and full of feelings and then delves into slutty shit #would you ever guess that this fic was me romanticizing aging so I can accept the inexorable march of time?#as the mountain goats once said: I don't know if it's true but I've been told it's real sweet to grow old

1 note · View note

emmaelix · 2 years ago

Text

There Goes My Life: Eijiro Kirishima x Fem! Reader

I DO NOT OWN MHA THE ANIME OR THE MANGA. NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE MINE EXCEPT FOR Y/N. MEMES ARE NOT MINE.

Full Title: There Goes My Life: Ejiro Kirishima X Fem! Reader

Y/n: Your Name. Y/H/C: Your Hair Color. Y/E/C: Your Eye Color. Y/S/C: Your Skin Color

Ships in This One-Shot: Kirishima X Reader/ You, Mineta X Trash (I'm kidding but really I'm not)

Your Quirk: Super Strength. Your power is very simple, when you activate it your muscles become more powerful and your stamina is increased. You become weary, and nauseous, and can develop a migraine when you use your quirk too much.

So I recently posted an MHA boys as dads fic. This is a bit of backstory for that fic, as well as inspired by 'There goes my life' by Kenny Chesney. I might do more of these for the other boys from that post.

TW: Pregnancy

Y/n stood in front of her boyfriend's door, fist clenching and unclenching as she tried to calm herself down. They were eighteen, adults, about to go to college.

And be parents. Y/n wanted this baby, but she had also wanted to be married and out of school first. She knew her boyfriend wouldn't dump her as soon as he heard, but she also didn't want to be a burden. It felt like she was going to ruin Eijiro's life, and maybe even his career.

You couldn't be a Pro if you had a kid. But Y/n thought of Rock Lock and silently debated herself at Kirishima's door. Finally, Y/n knocked. Once, light enough that if Kiri was sleeping he wouldn't hear it. Y/n's nerves got the best of her and she started back towards her own dorm room when the door opened and warm light spilled from Kirishima's open door.

Oh well, running wouldn't be an option now, Eiji would catch up to her. Y/n turned around - albeit as slowly as possible - to face her boyfriend. When he saw the look on Y/n's face he ran to her, hugging her and picking her up to bring inside.

"You shouldn't be out past curfew," Eijiro said, setting Y/n down in front of his couch. "What's wrong?"

Y/n tried to say 'nothing' but the words wouldn't come out. Instead, she hiccuped and started crying as Kirishima quickly walked back to her to hug her again, this time sitting down on the couch with Y/n on his lap.

Y/n buried her face in her boyfriend's chest, his Crimson Riot t-shirt getting wet where her face was. Eijiro took Y/n's face and gently took it away from his chest, looking at Y/n with a worried expression on his face. "What's wrong, Pebble?"

Y/n had a thought, 'Wouldn't he be the most amazing dad?' Kiri's strong arms held her as she kept opening and closing her mouth, trying to figure out what to say. Y/n took a shaky breath. "Kiri, I'm-" Y/n stopped. How would he react? "I think I'm pregnant."

Instead of yelling, throwing her off his lap, or getting mad Eijiro smiled faintly pulling Y/n into a tight hug. He stroked along her back, whispering to her, gently. "Do you need anything to eat, Pebs?"

Y/n started crying again instead of answering him, so relieved by his reaction she couldn't speak for a while. Finally, she said, "What will the class think? Your friends, Mr. Aizawa?"

Eijiro pulled back from holding Y/n in his arms. "If they say anything that makes you feel like they don't like you," he made a slashing motion with his hand, "they can suck it. You're perfect, no matter what you look like."

After about four months Y/n had started showing. People had given Y/n weird looks, but a glare from her boyfriend always seemed to shut them up.

One day in particular she, Kiri, Mina, Denki, and Bakugo were all going to a restaurant to celebrate all of them passing their math test that day. When they got in it was oddly empty, but Y/n chalked it up to being a slower day. It was four pm on a Tuesday, after all.

When they all sat down, a waitress came over and took their orders, smiling at Y/n. Bakugo reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. Mina huffed and slapped it away from him, glaring at Denki, who promptly stopped reaching for his own phone.

"We're here to celebrate. But, Kiri, do you want to go first?" Mina asked, nodding slightly towards Y/n. Kirishima made a noise of agreement, before reaching into his own pocket. Y/n went to stop him, thinking he was getting out his phone, when she noticed he was holding a box.

Y/n stopped in her tracks when her boyfriend opened up the box to reveal a ring. Before Kirishima could say anything Y/n laughed out a yes before wrapping her - fiancé, now - in a hug and kissing him as the food arrived.

Y/n's mother, father, younger sister, and the rest of 1-A all came out from behind tables and chairs, holding streamers. "Don't do that!" Iida yelled when someone started throwing confetti.

Y/n wanted to cry. She had such amazing friends.

----------------------------

Y/n held her daughter in her arms, gently rocking her as she put a single bun in the oven. She smiled in spite of herself, remembering how nervous she'd been the first time she'd told her husband she was pregnant. That was almost five years ago, and now they were expecting a - planned - baby.

Y/n set Sara down when she heard the door open and let her daughter run to greet Kirishima.

This was her dream.

#kirishima x reader #kirishima x female reader #pregnancy #Kirishima x pregnant reader #mha #my hero academia fanfic

181 notes · View notes

beggingwolf · 3 years ago

Note

sidgeno: soulmate AU + erotic dreams

Sid's standing at a river.

He thinks it's a river. It feels half-formed. He can feel the rumble of the water under his feet. If he doesn't move, the flash flood is going to swell to his soles, ankles, knees, and sweep him away.

"Beautiful," he hears. It doesn't sound right. The word twists in his ears, and a large hand wraps around his elbow, pulling him a step back up onto the bank. "Careful."

Sid wakes up with a gasp. Across the room, the little blue S on his wall has fallen to the floor with a crack. It's his last night at home before he ships out to Minnesota. He'd heard his mom crying after Taylor had gone to bed.

Sid reaches up to touch his elbow. He can still feel the ghostly touch, heavy and strong.

Sid stays up for another hour, thinking it over. Replaying the sound of beautiful over and over again, even though that's not how it sounded in the dream.

He closes his eyes. He tries to say goodbye to home. He tries to push off the dream; he doesn't have the time to think about it, not now, not when—

"Beautiful," Sid hears. He lets out a shuddering breath. The hands are everywhere. There's a heavy weight between his legs. There's pressure on his stomach, on his chest. A mouth pressing to his neck. He needs to move. He needs to be touched, he—

The pillow hits his face hard.

"Take it to the showers, Croz!" Duncs groans, his bedsprings creaking as he rolls to turn his back on Sid from across the room.

Sid's face grows hot as he fumbles at his blankets. He slips out of bed, feet hitting the linoleum floor with a loud smack, and he grabs the first article of clothing on the ground—a hoodie, fine, that's fine—before making a break for the hall.

The light of the hallway is blinding, and Sid stumbles to the bathrooms to lock himself in a shower stall and breathe.

His boxers are wet.

Sid shudders on his next inhale. It's been... it's been so long since this has happened, but not like this, never with that voice in his ears or the feeling of a body that's bigger than his covering him so completely.

Sid's been looking at his teammates too much lately. He's been thinking about how tall Matty is, how he's got a wicked smile and a stupid laugh that rivals Sid's own.

"Fuck," Sid whispers to himself. It echoes off the yellowing tile.

Soulmates, Sid learned early, don't account for everything.

His mother told him that she'd had dreams of the Eastern Shore back at the height of the whaling trade. She'd remembered the scent of blubber burning, how his father's clothes would stink of blood and salt after he'd return from a voyage.

She had older ones, too. Ones of living in a cramped house in an old country with too many mouths to feed, spending her days working in a horrible factory and sneaking away to find a sweetheart in a back alley.

Older than that, even: one of his aunts liked to claim she could remember as far back to before electricity was discovered. His mom fondly told her sister she was full of shit, but Sid always wondered.

Then there was his grandmother, who never talked about soulmates at all. She was happy with Kenny, but Sidney knew Kenny was not his grandfather by blood. His grandmother was tight-lipped about it, even when the family was swapping dream-memories with each other like cards over the dinner table.

"Soulmates can mean a lot of things," Sid's uncle had told him out on the patio later. "Sometimes they're just the person that leaves the most scars on you."

Years later, as Sid tries to keep his eyes to himself in the locker room, he finally understands how his love could leave him with more scars than he could count.

It's a gentle touch to his hair. Long fingers playing in the curls. They're too long. They're always too long, it's not presentable, it's not to code, but war is cruel and bloody and Sid's fucking hair is the least of his concerns.

"Morning, beautiful," a low voice rasps to him. The words are tilted like they always are, but Sid understands. He always understands.

He turns, eyes still closed, and reaches out.

Lips connect with his. There's a dusting of pathetic stubble on both of their faces. The dry, cracked lips he's kissing are still the best thing he's ever felt.

"My watch shift's almost over," Sid whispers. His throat is hoarse, because last night he'd—god, he'd taken the whole length down, and it had felt good and powerful and if he died today he'd be okay with it, he thinks. The war has taken so much. At least he had this. "I need to go back."

"Stay," is murmured up against his mouth. The lips move up to press against his forehead, and the hand in his hair tangles in it, pulls him closer, drags him against a strong body, long legs tangling with his own.

He can feel a hardness pressing into his thigh, and he cracks open his eyes.

His head smacks against glass.

"Shit!" Sid snaps, jerking upright as the bus rolls over another curb.

"Sorry, fellas!" the driver calls, and there's an ugly chorus of groans from the Rimouski Oceanic.

"Jesus," Sid grunts, shifting back upright in his seat, yanking his backpack onto his lap. His skull is still rattling from the rude awakening, and he's achingly hard.

It's a small mercy he has the row to himself. He leans back and closes his eyes, trying to ignore the pain radiating from his head, and his hip where that stupid fucking Moosehead had laid into him, and his tweaked wrist from two weeks ago in Chicoutimi. The street lamps they drive under flare his eyelids pink and then black, again and again.

As he slows his breaths, the urgency fades out of his bloodstream. He's not hard up for it anymore. He's just sore.

More than the feeling of a heavy cock pressed against his leg, Sid misses the gangly arms that had been wrapped around him. He'd had to make out with a girl at a house party before they'd left for Halifax. The team had gotten too nosy, their teasing of Sid's prudishness tipping from "hilarious novelty" to "prying questions," and Sid had swallowed his anxiety and used it as fuel to find a girl and pull her into a corner in full view of half of the blue line and press his lips to hers.

It had felt deeply wrong.

He tries to keep his breaths even as he thinks about how right his dream had felt, and how that deep, sleep-weary voice sits in his skull like it belongs there.

Sid pulls his goalie pads off. His eye is swollen shut from the puck he took to the face in the second period; it happens once every few months, and it's incentive to be faster. He laughs as the team around him starts cracking open beers. Their captain lights a cigarette and leans back in his stall with a grin. They're on fucking fire, and they're going out on the town tonight.

Sid comes back home drunk. Drunk and happy and dumped unceremoniously on the steps of his Montreal townhome by his teammates, who cheerfully wave at Sid's roommate.

Sid's roommate.

Sid's roommate picks Sid up. Sid's roommate peels off his clothes slowly. Sid's roommate leads him to bed, where he tucks himself into the cave he makes out of Sid's chest.

Sid's roommate, who grinds back against Sid. Sid groans. He can't get it up, not like this, and his roommate laughs, a low noise, and tells him in the morning—in the morning they'll have some fun, he'll reward Sid exactly how he deserves.

Sid wakes up alone.

They've lost the Memorial Cup. He's still in London. He's not playing for the Habs in their glory days. He's not playing for anyone right now. The season is over. Tomorrow he gets to go home. He gets to hope the draft goes on.

He feels very small and lonely in his hotel bed.

The night before the draft, Sid dreams about getting fucked.

He's goddamn lucky Jack sleeps harder than the dead. He's goddamn lucky in so many ways, because he feels those big hands push his legs up, his thighs pressing into his stomach. He feels those chapped lips drag against his neck, his chest, his cock. He feels those long hands stretching him open.

He takes every inch. He gets fucked within an inch of his life. He's held down by that powerful body and he's never wanted something this bad, because it's good and right and he wants it more than anything. He's had it before, in another time, and Sid tells himself he'll find it again someday, he has to.

He comes so hard he cries.

Jack's still asleep when Sid wakes up and ducks into the bathroom. He lets the shower rain scalding water down onto him as he wipes the cum off of his hips.

Sid plays hockey in Pittsburgh.

He kisses a man for the first time. It's not his soulmate. He can tell; the man's fingers are too stubby, but he has wide shoulders and a smart smile and it feels good.

It leads to him getting his dick sucked. That's good too.

The dreams don't stop. He's in rural Canada. He's in some ancient country that looks foreign. He's in a busy city center that looks nothing like anywhere Sid has ever been.

He's always wrapped in those long arms, holding those delicate-looking, strong hands.

It's his second season, the morning after another dream—a bad one, where Sid had been old and arthritic and holding a cold hand in his—when Mario looks up from the morning newspaper and tells Sid Malkin will finally be getting in from Los Angeles that evening.

"It's been long enough, he should be out of his contract by the time camp starts," Mario says. "We'll have him over for dinner tonight, I think."

Sid doesn't dress up, but he does put on jeans and combs his hair in the bathroom before Malkin and his translator arrive. He should look presentable, he figures. They want to make him captain. He should make a good impression, especially after all that Malkin's been through.

The doorbell rings, and Sid hustles down the three flights of stairs to get to the foyer.

Malkin's big. Lanky, really, and golden from the California sun. He looks tired but happy, and he's staring at Mario with big eyes and a bigger grin, his chapped lips stretched wide. Sid knows the feeling well.

Malkin turns his gaze to Sid, and something wobbles in Sid's chest.

"Evgeni Malkin," he says, offering a handshake to Sid.

His palm is huge. His fingers are long and handsome.

Sid swallows and takes his hand.

#[sucks teeth] so this was probably more emotional than you were asking for #ficlet

96 notes · View notes

dear-wormwoods · 3 years ago

Note

you said in one of your posts that kyman is one-sided. may i ask how exactly? from kyle's side? most of the fandom portrays it as one-sided from cartman's side which doesn't make much sense…

This message is super old so I'm sorry if you're long gone, anon! The nice thing about SP is that there's really no wrong way to interpret the show in terms of what could happen in the future. Everything is up in the air and feelings can change a lot between ages 10 and 15 or 20 etc. But here's why I personally see it as one-sided from Cartman's side, not Kyle's:

The two moments I'm thinking of that some people might use as evidence that Kyle has feelings for Cartman are when he puts Cartman to bed in Jewpacabra and when he is shown crying over a picture of Cartman while all the other boys are getting dumped at the end of Skank Hunt. I can see why the juxtaposition in that second example might be seen as evidence, because, well, Kyle is literally crying over Cartman while everyone else is crying over their girlfriends... and I think people are welcome to interpret it that way! But I think Kyle was just feeling immense guilt over what they did to Cartman, and while everyone else is preoccupied with their breakups, he's able to focus on what really matters because he's single. As for the first example, I don't see it as evidence that Kyle likes Cartman, even as a person let alone as a crush. I see it as evidence that Kyle is inherently good and willing to put his own negative feelings aside to make sure another human being is safe. He would have done the same for anyone else, it's just that Cartman is the only one who would actually put himself in that situation.

Kyle is an idealist, and he wants to believe that everyone is good deep down. This includes Cartman. He hates Cartman but he keeps hanging out with him because he thinks that there is hope for Cartman, and that he can help him or fix him somehow. He needs to believe that everyone has the potential to be good, otherwise his entire worldview would have to be brought into question. That's why he gives Cartman chance after chance after chance. That's why he can't just shrug off Cartman's shit the way Stan can, or Kenny (most of the time). That's why he can't let it go when Cartman does shitty things. It's also why he's, in general, so easily manipulated by Cartman. He wants to hold Cartman to a higher standard and genuinely wants Cartman to meet that standard, and that's why he's so angry and hurt when Cartman fails time and time again to do that.

I also think Kyle feels beholden somehow, like it's his duty to put up with Cartman's shit so other people don't have to. I think that's part of why he gets so preoccupied with 'saving' Heidi... it's not that he actually has a crush on her, it's that she's acting as Cartman's emotional punching bag and he feels like that's his role. I'm not saying he was jealous of Heidi or thinks of himself as Cartman's significant other... Kyle is just a martyr and willing to put himself in Cartman's way time and time again. With Heidi getting the brunt of Cartman's mistreatment, Kyle was feeling purposeless.

So I think Kyle's feelings for Cartman are complicated, but not affectionate. I think, however, that he could easily misunderstand his own feelings and end up in some kind of relationship with Cartman. Especially if, as with Heidi, someone on the outside was like "you must like Cartman because of x y and z". Then Kyle, who feels things very deeply but kind of sucks at affect identification and regulation, might actually listen and then reframe his entire approach to Cartman around this new "information". That's really the only way I can see Kyman happening from Kyle's side of things - Kyle coming to the conclusion that having faith in Cartman must mean he likes him, and then resigning himself to that fate. I think he absolutely does have strong feelings for Cartman, they just aren't romantic and probably won't go in that direction unless Cartman puts a lot of effort into manipulating things accordingly.

As for Cartman... I think that's also totally up to interpretation, but in my opinion it's easier to read Cartman's preoccupation with Kyle as a "crush" than it is the other way around. I put crush in quotation marks because I don't really know if Cartman is capable of having one in a traditional sense... his idea of "love" is one person being in control and the other being subservient. It's the kind of relationship he has cultivated with his mother, though she's been getting better at asserting herself, and it's the kind of relationship he wanted to have with Heidi. He feels entitled to people's time and energy and feels a sense of ownership over certain people in his life. He wants authority and sees others as either property (what he would call "love") or tools to further his own self image (in general, his "friendships"). I want to explain that first because I agree with you that Cartman having romantic feelings, the way most people would feel them, doesn't make sense. However, I do think his obsession with Kyle will eventually turn into what HE would consider romantic.

I think Cartman is/would be interested in Kyle mostly because Kyle poses a challenge for him. Kyle is headstrong and morally secure, and he also has a solid support system in his mom, Ike, and (until recently) Stan. He's easily manipulated and gullible, but he bounces back easily so no matter what tactics Cartman uses on him, any influence he has over Kyle is temporary. With Kyle, Cartman would never run into the issue he had with Heidi, where he eventually pushed her so hard and isolated and manipulated her so much that he turned her into his clone. That's one reason why he wants Kyle around, he basically says as much in Smug Alert - Kyle is interesting and fun because he reacts to Cartman's bullshit but doesn't give into it. Cartman could chase him forever and never get bored of it, and that's why he's the ideal recipient of Cartman's "love".

Cartman's obsession with Kyle involves those aforementioned ideas of domination and ownership. Cartoon Wars showed that they're evenly matched when it comes to physical fighting, which is all well and good for Cartman but what he really wants is to use domination to humiliate Kyle. He took full advantage of Kyle's vulnerability in Ginger Cow and he was obsessed with getting Kyle to fulfill his side of their bet in Imaginationland because it involved humiliation and showing off his control/authority over the situation. He wanted everyone to see Kyle submit to him. Despite being a sexual act, at least in Imaginationland, Cartman isn't motivated by sex yet. However, I do think that as he gets older, his need to humiliate Kyle will become more and more of a sexual preoccupation that he'll interpret as romantic because he doesn't understand the difference. And once he identifies his feelings for Kyle as "love", he won't stop until he gets what he feels he's owed.

So in general, I don't think Cartman will ever be truly in love with Kyle (unless something about his current character trajectory drastically changes), but I do think he will think he is and pursue him in his own way. Maybe he could eventually wear Kyle down, maybe not... that mostly depends on what Kyle's support system looks like in the future. But no matter what it's not healthy.

Maybe that explanation helped? My thoughts on Kyman are complicated, I'm sorry. And I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes here either, these are just my own thoughts!

#south park #sp meta #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #asks #my meta #meta #kyman

55 notes · View notes

wearevillaneve · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! Recently I've been analyzing the scene where Eve puts the heart against her ear, listening to Villanelle's voice in s3 ep3, and would love to hear your take on it as well since I love to read your Tumblr posts. Do you think it was the first time Eve actually gave in to the feeling or just the first time the audience got to see it?

Suzanne Heathcote’s approach to Killing Eve was very much “tell-don’t-show,” so it was not a shock that the impression the viewers were left with was this was the first time Eve was actually owning up to how intense her feelings for Villanelle were. Except it wasn’t. Not even close. We got that moment back in Season 2 with “Wide Awake” where over a few short minutes Eve is as honest and revealing with the psychologist Martin as she has been with anyone in the entire show.

Eve never tells Martin she’s in love with Villanelle. She hasn't even told Villanelle, but it hardly matters. She is in love with this woman, and she can’t stop thinking about her. It could not be more obvious. This is a good thing, because under Heathcote’s tender mercies, Eve is just kinda doing stuff to be doing it. The rhyme or reason of it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s only important for her to go dumpster diving for cake boxes and running around Scotland stomping old ladies to death. Motivations be damned and pretty much all Eve's previous character development as well. In Season 3, Eve never acknowledges out loud how deep under her skin Villanelle has gotten until they are on the bridge where she says she can’t envision a future without her in it. That’s good, but coming off of everything that came after the Rome fiasco, where is this coming from, Eve? Are you just so weary of the pointless snipe hunt that was the “Who Killed Kenny?” story arc or how your personality turned on a damn dime from obsessing over getting back with your husband to obsessing over getting back with your girlfriend? It would be a revelation for someone to ask Sandra Oh, “At what point in Season 3 does Eve fall back in love/lust with Villanelle, and better yet, WHY does she?”

“Admit it, Eve. You wish I was here.” It’s a great scene. No lie. At first Eve’s flustered and then frustrated and a little pissed by that familiar voice coming out of that goofy toy. Then as she tears the heart out of it, she-can’t-stop-listening-to-it. Eve's loneliness is matched by her longing for Villanelle. Obsession truly doesn't die even when the objects of obsession keep trying to murder one another.

What the talking bear doesn’t say is, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Villanelle needs to maintain some distance between her true feelings for Eve and her pride and the admission that she misses Eve would be showing weakness. A swaggering Roman centurion-turned Emperor in a oversized grey suit facing off on a double-decker bus with an old foe who once hurt “him” greatly cannot be so vulnerable and soft (and what the fuck was up with that Roman centurion/smells like power bullshit, anyway?). Villanelle was weird that whole episode. The opening kills with the Infinity Tuning Fork was weird. Baby-snatching the baby in order to play with it, right up until the kid starts crying or pooping, then the fun’s over, and she cackles with malicious glee when Dasha drops the little shitbird in the trash. Struts around London to select a new customized perfume, buy and customize a toy for Eve, break into Eve’s dump of an apartment, follow her to the bus, change clothes and bust a cap in The Twelve’s accountant while scaring the hell out of Carolyn and Mo, finally returning to a hotel for a shower and a little telly before calling it a night as she and Eve nurse their matching bruises. That’s a pretty full and totally weird day for Villanelle. In the meantime, Eve gets a restless night tossing and turning all night as she keeps replaying V’s message until the battery dies or she climaxes. Whatever comes first.

Yeah, @dayyneee, I love the scene as much as you do as it comes in my favorite episode of my least favorite season. What bugs me most about it is it has really no effect on the following episodes. Eve never mentions it again and Villanelle doesn’t even ask if she liked it. Uh--why is that, Killing Eve writers? Seemed like you went out of the way to make a point of the stuffed bear’s heart being a mighty big thing at the time, but after that it swirls down the memory hole never to be referenced again? What’s up with that? Eve could have referred to the talking heart which would have given Villanelle a chance to ask how she liked her birthday cake and the postcard from Amsterdam intercepted by Carolyn in Season 2. Some might dismiss this as “fan service,” but I call it tying up loose threads that like so many other things on Killing Eve happen and are never heard from again. If Laura Neal is doing a rewatch of the show, she’s filling up a pad with notes of things that need tidying up before the curtain comes down. What about “the heart?” is not the least of them.

#Killing Eve #ke_s3 #eve x villanelle #ke analysis #a little raggedy

39 notes · View notes

kaypeace21 · 4 years ago

Note

ignoring the fact that they sound like a married couple arguing, mike and will are also bickering over whether or not el and mike are still together. it was written in the script, rehearsed, performed, and kept in the final cut that will OUTRIGHT SAYS “she said she dumped your ass, that doesn’t sound like a break.” and max yells “it wasn’t!” :@;$:@/&$:&:??!?! they literally said they’re not endgame. they aren’t endgame.

i KNOW right! Based on the s4 movies I think things are reversed and it’s El who can’t accept they are broken up. A lot of films said to inspire s4 have ex gfs refuse to accept the break up -one even hits on her gay ex-bf ( ‘birdcage’ ). Similar scenario in ‘clueless’ with girl hinting on gay guy who just wants to be friends. Max in s3 having to correct El that Mike is her “ ex boyfriend” and Will saying “that doesn’t sound like a break”. And Max agreeing “it wasn’t!” is foreshadowing they never actually got back together. IT WASN’T A BREAK! But El may not accept this.

It’s similar, to the random telemarketing joke where they had Mike say on the phone “El, sorry not interested “ and hang up . It was foreshadowing.

In the films the exes constantly call . Mike telling El “i’ll call so often you’ll have to turn your walkie off” was also foreshadowing of what Mike will do to her in s4. Since ,he hung up on her in s3 when she called demanding to know where he was at 9:30 in the morning. In ‘swingers’ the guy name mike (whose friends call him ‘gay’) hangs up on his ex gf who wants to get back together . He hangs up on her so he can talk to his new love interest (Will) . Specifically, Hangs up on his ex as she says “I love-“. Then in ‘splash’ he breaks up with his gf on the phone and says “do I love you?well what about you?” To dodge the question (then yells at a family member ease dropping on the other line -Karen). And they break up on the phone. And he tells a friend later he never loved her.

2 movies the ex says they’ll get back together and their new relationships are “just phases” etc ( waynes world, high fidelity, dumb and dumber). Saying they’re still together when they aren’t (wayne’s world). Loads of movies had the crazy ex sabotage new relationships, call constantly, stalk, and flirt despite the exes discomfort and repeatedly saying it’s over (despite the ex not loving them and just be possessive and not wanting them with other people).

The exes are cray in the films (el stalking and never apologizing for spying. And mileven dancing to the song ‘every breath you take’ a song about a stalker ex who doesn’t take no for an answer -after their ex hooks up with their friend, wasn’t a coincidence). Along with El watching ‘days of our lives’ where she mimicked erica who was in a relationship with Mike roy. And it ended messy with one of them sabotaging their new relationship, stalking them, and claiming the stalking victim still loved them. (Although, they eventually accepted that wasn’t true).

El stalked Mike in s2 (all that stuff milevens found romantic- El watching him without him knowing. Mike said he was not ok with it in s3). And in s3 (like the song) she stalks him after their breakup, and when he said not to do that she just says ‘i make my own rules’. I think s4 shows just how ‘un-cute’ this behavior can get.

I’ve already talked about that awkward kiss scene to death. But i think it indicates Mike assumes they’re broken up and el assumes they’re back together.

FIrst he LIED AGAIN (the cause of the breakup)- and pretended he didn’t confess to her at the end of s3. And never said “ I love you’ back! He even tries to take the words back and says about the prior love confession “ “Oh! Oh, yeah that.Man, that was so long ago. Um…” and starts to scratch his head and says everything he said at the cabin was “in the heat of the moment stuff and we were arguing…”

They even frame the scene right before the kiss strangely, making El look larger and imposing, as she approaches. Mike feels cornered (you the viewer subconsciously are supposed to feel claustraphobic/trapped/cornered/stuck along with Mike).

We see him furrow his brows (uncomfortable and confused ) when El initiates the romantic moment, saying “I love you too.”

And cue most awkward kiss in history- where he keeps his eyes open the whole time and doesn’t kiss back. (In Will’s room, mike in front of an open closet, as el holds Will’s s1 bear.)

During the kiss, the song ‘the first i love you ‘played. The only other time they played that song in s3, was when Robin rejects Steve’s romantic confession and she comes out as gay . Interesting choice for that awkward mileven kiss/confession shown later where El says she loves Mike (and mike keeps his eyes open, doesn’t kiss back or return the ‘I love you’). It’s foreshadowing of Mike rejecting El (in the future) cause he’s gay.

We even see El’s reaction first (happy, smiling and giddy). Assuming they’re back together. But then we blur the screen to see Mike’s opposing expression. He looks confused, bewildered and even furrows his brows again.

Then we see El initiating all the romantic stuff outside.El seems to be the one trying to make it romantic- like Mike hugging el and lucas with one arm identically (hand on their upper back), but El caresses his chest.

And as Mike stops the hug El shoves his head into hers (it actually looked like it hurt honestly XD)

the byler centric ending with the Hopper monologue reinforces this theme. Mike while looking at both cars driving away was thinking of Will . They show this by having Mike be sad as Will drives away (alone) twice as Mike sadly watches him leave- this was done to show that he’s actually upset the 2 later times where Will and El leave at the same time -because of Will. I showed it in one of my vids here, at 23:11

When we first see Mike during the Hopper monologue , it continues to pan to only Mike and Will (not El) cause what he says is mostly about them. “I’ve been feeling distant from you. Like you’re pulling away from me or something” (Will does this both figuratively/literally). I miss playing board games every night (d &d)”. Then Mike looks back at the Byers house (he just lingers there and looks back as his friends leave without him) like how Will turned to watch Mike leave and hold hands with El (as the crew go up the hill without Will). “But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing. And I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change.”

It pans to both of them on “i don’t want things to change’ cause that’s how they both feel. Mike , ‘doesn’t want things things to change’. He doesn’t want their friendship to change as they ‘get older’ because he’d have to and acknowledge his feelings for Will are romantic and if he’s “being honest” that “scares” him (especially in rural 80s conservative-Indiana at the height of the aids epidemic). Why we see Mike trying to act like a adult while dating El, and Will trying to act like a kid- they’re both trying to escape growing up to be gay in different ways. Will reverting to childhood activities and saying he’ll ‘never fall in love’ (after his double date with lumax). And Mike trying to act like “old people’ saying “we’re not kids anymore... what did you expect that we’d never get girlfriends?” Cause he equates straight romance with being an adult and his feelings for Will as something he has to grow out of . Which he learns in the very end isn’t possible.

Right after that scene it switches from Will crying, to Mike entering his house. His face is visibly red from crying and he looks shocked (almost as if he realized something) before he hugs his mom- to mirror the time he thought Will died in s1.

And the dialogue in this scene says “So I think maybe that’s why I came in here, to try and maybe stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were.” He goes back to his mother for comfort, like he did the 1st time he lost Will. But also to reverse back time, to s1, before he realized his feelings for Will are romantic. When things were simple. I think the last episode is when Mike truly realizes he’s been in love with Will this entire time and he can’t fix it and transfer his feelings for Will on to el (something he’s been trying to do all of s3). El said he loved him and he felt nothing-and he was heartbroken over Will leaving (not El). Which is why he just seems almost shocked/numb as he’s processing this fact. This whole scene only showed Mike and Will transitions- el was never there, cause Mike wasn’t upset over her.

In the last ep (in s3) Mike mirrors the scene in s1, hugging his mom, since he feels like he’s losing Will all over again. In s1 the romantic/queer coded lyric from the song ‘We can be heroes’ plays as he hugs his mom “And we kiss as though nothing could fall. And the shame.”. And during the s3 move (‘we can be heroes’) plays again! And David Bowie wrote this song and Jonathan even said to Will in his ‘being a freak is the best speech’ “who would you rather be friends with David bowie (a queer singer) or Kenny Roggers?”

It’s why finn wolfhard after s3 liked this byler pic. cause s3 was all about Will and Mike denying their feelings for each other.

Not to mention,After s1 Finn quoted the Duffers saying Mike thought of El as a “puppy’ (dart) or “et” , and then said Mileven was a “first summer love thing”- foreshadowing mileven’s downfall during the Summer (aka s3). He repeats this “first summer love” phrase 2x. Millie when he mentioned what the duffers said rightfully thought the puppy thing was “awful”, but Finn was clearly told mileven doesn’t last -very early on- and most likely the Duffers told him “it’s like a first summer love thing”.Summer love” by definition fails-as it only lasts during the summer.

#byler #byeler #anti mileven

310 notes · View notes

amylillian22 · 4 years ago

Text

My Best Friend - Part 2 - Chris Evans Imagine

Word Count: 1,967

Warnings: Talks of nude photos

Author's Note: Y'all wanted and asked for a part 2. Please be gentle with me. I must have came up with something and deleted every draft at least 4 times before I settled with this draft. I'm still iffy about it, but let me know what you think!

Chris push his key in Y/N apartment in the lock and unlocked it. Normally he would let her know when he was coming over, but he hadn't heard from her all day. She wasn't answering his phone calls or text messages. Naturally, he was worried and wanted to see if she was okay.

"Okay! I'm here! What's wrong?" Chris shouted as he closed the front door with his foot. He had a case of Y/N favorite's alcoholic drink and her favorite pint of ice cream in the other. He wasn't sure how bad whatever she was going through was, but he made sure to bring two of her favorites to choose from.

"Chris?" Y/N shouted back. She was in the living room. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, you didn't answer me all day," he said as he walked down the hallway and when he turned to go into the living room, he saw a guy he had never seen before on the couch with Y/N. "I figured something was wrong..." he trailed.

"Whoa!" The guy shot up from the sofa. "You're Captain America, bro!"

"Alright, Kenny, it's time to go," Y/N started guiding him towards the door.

"But, he just got here and I wanna hang out with him," Kenny protested. "Why didn't you tell me you were friends with him?! I could have been friends with him this whole time!"

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you," Y/N said. "Goodbye, Kenny."

"Wait!" He shouted, but Y/N had already closed the door on him. She let out a frustrated groan.

Chris stood at the end of the hallway and saw Y/N leaning against the door with her eyes closed. He cleared his throat, causing her to open her eyes. For a split second, she forgot he was there. She walked towards him and noticed the items in his hands. She grabbed the pint of ice cream and made her way to the small kitchen to grab two spoons. Chris put the drinks in the refrigerator. She grabbed his hand and led him to her bedroom. They made themselves comfortable and leaned against the headboard. She opened the pint of ice cream and gave him a spoon.

"So, who was that?" Chris asked. He had an inkling feeling of who it could have been. Since she admitted to it, Chris hadn't let go of the idea that she had been sending out nudes to some guy. Truth is he didn't know all the facts. He didn't know if there was just one guy or a couple. However, this guy admitted he had known Y/N for a while, and he couldn't help but wonder exactly how long.

She swallowed her spoonful and gave him the pint, letting him get his turn with the ice cream. "Kenny and he came here because I dumped him."

Chris paused before putting his spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. He bit his lip, trying to take in this new information she had given him. He didn't want to say anything just yet. Not until he got the full details.

"Elaborate," was all he said.

Y/N moved her spoon around the pint of ice cream, stalling. She blew her lips, letting out a raspberry sound. "Kenny is someone I matched with on Tinder..."

"Oh," Chris mumbled. He stole another spoonful of ice cream, knowing he needed all the extra comfort he could get.

"About two years ago," she finished.

"Two years?!" Chris yelped, causing him to cough as he swallowed the ice cream wrong. He cleared his throat several times after he stopped. He hadn't even noticed Y/N had left and came back with a water bottle for him. He gladly took it, feeling a relief as the cool water went down his throat.

She crossed her legs as she sat in front of him. "I'm sorry." He didn't say anything. He was hurt about all of this. Not only was he jealous of Kenny, but she hid a relationship from him. She knew she hurt him looking into his hurt blue eyes. "Truthfully, he wasn't worth talking about. He and I literally had a friends with benefits thing going on, except we focused more on the benefits and weren't exactly friends."

"Okay, I think I'm done hearing about this," he began to move, ready to leave her bed, but she stopped him. He looked down at the hand on his forearm before he looked up and saw the tears welling in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I lied and kept him for you. He honestly doesn't mean anything to me. He never has and he never will. I broke up with him because I couldn't do it anymore," she sniffles. "I told myself I would never tell you, but I have to you."

Y/N wasn't talking about Kenny anymore and Chris knew it. He just didn't know exactly what else she had been hiding from him.

"I broke up with him because I can't kept lying to myself. I've been in love with someone else for as long as I can remember. I only used Kenny as a distraction, even though it never really worked. In the end, I only ended up hurting myself more. And, I hope I wasn't hurting this other guy either."

"No," Chris shook his head and got out her bed. "I don't want to hear anymore. I thought I wanted to know, but knowing now, I didn't need to know about Kenny. And, I certainly don't want to know about this other guy you've been in love with all these years!" He started pacing back and forth. "How could you keep something like this from me? I never hid anything from you! But now you're telling me you've been in love with someone else ... for years?!" It was no doubt the neighbors heard Chris raising his voice after each sentence. He was furious. He stood there, panting in rage, and his hands balled up in tight fists.

"Why didn't you tell me?" This time his voice wasn't angry. He sounded so betrayed and hurt.

"Because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship! I'm more scared to lose you as my best friend, Chris." Tears slowly made their way down her cheeks. Her hand shook as she wiped away her own tears, completely terrified how he would respond.

His jaw dropped realizing she was talking about him.

"Also, I never said anything because I knew you never felt that way about me." Chris just stood there in complete shock. "Now, I'm definitely wishing I hadn't told you. I should have never said anything. Just forget it."

She turned on her heel, ready to escape her own room and leave the apartment. She felt completely embarrassed. Chris grabbed her elbow and spun her around before she could reach her bedroom door.

"I- You-," he was at a loss of words, but he knew he couldn't let her walk out after confessing her feelings. "Give me a minute."

She shook her head. "It's okay, Chris. I know you don't feel that way about me. Just don't let this ruin our friendship, okay? Please."

"No, no, no," he repeated. "I feel the same way about you."

"No, you don't," she said.

His eyes narrowed at her. "You don't know how I feel."

"Chris, I'm not stupid. You've been seeing someone-"

"So, have you!" He snapped.

"Not in the same way as you have been!" She snapped back.

Chris sighed. "Look, I'll admit, I never had feelings for you-" her eyes welled up at his words. "But," he emphasized, "ever since you told me about your nudes, I haven't stopped thinking about you, in a non-best friend way."

She furrowed her eyebrows, completely confused. She didn't know exactly what he meant. Did he only think about what she looked like naked? Or was he thinking about what it would be like to date her and kiss her, have a relationship with?

He grabbed her hand and led her to her bed. They sat on the edge of her bed, still holding on to her hand. She looked down at their hands as Chris slowly intertwined his fingers with hers. Her heart skipped a beat at the small action.

"When I found out you had been sending out your own nudes, I felt jealous. Not that someone was seeing you naked, but jealous at the fact that you had some other guy in your life besides me. Although it was just sex, you still had some form of a relationship with someone else for two years and that really bugs because I'm jealous," he confessed.

"Chris, as much as I'm in love with you, I wish you hadn't said that," she spoke softly and carefully.

"What? I thought you'd be happy," he said, removing his hand from hers. His heart sank and he had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach as he looked into her sad, and broken eyes.

"Because I don't want to you lose you , especially as my best friend," she repeated.

"You-"

"I'm going to be brutally honest with you. You're scared of commitment. It's no secret that you are. What if we give this a try and you freak out? Or what if it doesn't actually work out for whatever reason? As much as I know I would love to have you as something more, I know I would grieve more of the loss of having you as my best friend," she admitted.

Chris stared at her as she spoke. He completely knew where she was coming from and he didn't blame her. He has always been scared of commitment, which is why the women he had been involved with the past never worked out. However, none of those ladies were Y/N. Other than his family, she's the only person Chris has known for so many years and made sure she was always in it. Now, he was damn sure he would never live his life without her.

"Chris," she whispered. "Say something."

He decided to say something bold, very bold. He cupped her cheeks and pulled her in, his lips immediately capturing hers. Y/N was taken back, completely caught off guard, but she eventually moved her lips along with his.

His lips were so soft and gentle against hers. He had to be careful. It was obvious as much as she loved him, she didn't want something more out of fear. That's what stopped her from admitting her feelings to him in the past. But, he couldn't get enough of her soft strawberry lips. He kissed her deeply, with so much passion. His lips had released butterflies in her stomach, making her toes curl at the wonderful sensation.

As much as he wanted to continue kissing her, he pulled back a little bit. His lips brushed against hers, their warm breaths fanning against their lips. Y/N licked her lips before she bit her bottom lip. Chris' forehead was pressed against hers. He cupped her cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing against her cheekbone.

"You still haven't said anything," she whispered.

Chris chuckled, his lips forming a wide smile. "Y/N, I'm in love with my best friend and I have never been more sure of anything in life. You have always been a part of my life and I wouldn't want it any other way."

Y/N's eyes welled up with tears of joy. She leaned and kissed him. "I love you, too, Chris."

#chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans imagines #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #Chris Evans fanfic #Chris Evans fan fic #Chris Evans x reader

88 notes · View notes

soopysoap · 4 years ago

Text

OK OK OK so gregstophe is definitely one of my favorite sp ships, i just love the characters and my version of their dynamic and UGH its just too good

I had a bunch of random thoughts abt them and i’m putting them under the cut bc its a lot

- ok so i would first like to talk about how little trust gregory has in others. he always thinks that he’s the best and that he’s better than everyone. usually he steps up to volunteer himself as a leader for a cause that he believes in. even though stan stepped up to be the leader of la resistance, gregory quickly replaced him. when stan was like “i wanna save terrence and phillip” gregory told him that he was likely to fail, and should send someone more experienced (gregory) to save them. when stan supposedly failed, gregory was all “i shouldnt have sent a boy to do a man’s job 😩” so its pretty obvious that gregory usually doesn’t trust people with important jobs. but the FACT THAT GREGORY WAS SO QUICK TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE MOLE????? they must have gone through some shit together to make gregory trust him that much. there was no hesitation. he was just like “fine you can go but you gotta take the mole with you” listen the only person gregory seems to trust as much as himself is the mole and i just think its neat

- PLUS in that cut scene? to my recollection as soon as gregory like- mentions the mole, christophe kinda just pops up next to him. this isn't important i just think it’s cute.

- i just think their trust in each other is adorable ok,, listen. christophe hates god or something. he’s pissed at his mom. he doesn’t like a lot of people. BUT HE’S STILL FRIENDS WITH GREGORY!!!!! AND GREGORY STILL TRUSTS THE MOLE DESPITE HIS SUPERIORITY COMPLEX!!!

ok now i’m gonna dump a bunch of headcanons here bc yeah

- i was thinking about how gregory must have reacted to the mole dying- like when he found out. he goes back to his dead body and is all :’( because his most trusted is dead. when kenny’s wish is granted, gregory doesn’t realize that it means the mole is now alive. he’s still sad, and after the war is over he goes back to where the mole died to get his body. but!! the body is gone and gregorys like ????? bc he already saw his body he’s dead he has to be dead and then christophe kinda taps his shoulder and is like “sup?” and gregory just cries out of pure happiness that his best friend isnt dead and hugs him and calls him an idiot for dying and christophe just kinda laughs and hugs him back and is glad that someone actually cares about him. and so they both kinda just stand there hugging and crying because fuck, they’re both alive they both survived this. it was a close call but they fucking did it.

- ok now that i got all THAT out of my system i just wanna say that they both probably trust each others opinions over their own at this point

- they still do missions together and work undercover together because its something theyre both really good at and love doing together

- “with all due respect mole, i do believe that this route is the better and faster option.” “yeah well with all due respect, if we dug under the base we have a higher chance of survival” “very well but with all due respect, i do believe that this route could get us in and out faster” “okay sure but with all due respect-”

- “greg” “chris” “you punk ass bi-”

- at some point they get into an argument and are still told to work together, but this time its a pretty bad argument. they both decide that they dont need each other at all, and that they each do better alone. during the mission together, they each slowly realize that they really do need each other, and would be dead without the other. they apologize to each other at the end of the mission.

- they confess to each other about their feelings for the other right before a really really serious and important mission, it’s the first time that they wont be together during the mission in a long time and the last time it happened 🥴 dumbass mole had to go die. this was said to be a really important and deadly mission with a low chance of survival. knowing this may be the last time they see each other, gregory tells christophe how he truly feels and christophe says he feels the same way. they hug for what they hope is not the last time, and go their separate ways. once they both get back, very alive and well, they hug n’ stuff and are super happy that they didn’t fail the mission and that they feel the same way towards each other.

- they trust each other with their lives, basically. idk how else to say it

anyway, i love them so much

33 notes · View notes

rainy-day-gracie · 5 years ago

Text

Old Friends 4

Spencer Reid x reader

This chapter includes more of Reader’s backstory, I included a brother, but if you don’t have a brother... just do whatever you want. More fluff!!

Enjoy :)

Chapter 5 has been posted!!

Chapter 4:

“C’mon, smarty pants! We can do it!” I was practically yelling in between pants and heaves. “So close!”

“I hate you so much,” I heard him wheeze.

I was the only one in the world that could convince Spencer to go on a jog through the city, and I think he was regretting that decision severely. “Do it for donuts!”

When we finally reached our end destination, he practically collapsed onto a nearby bench, his chest heaving up and down.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I asked with a smile. “We’re close to the cafe and the subway, so we won’t even have to walk that far.”

“For the record, it definitely was that bad, YFN. Don’t try and sugar coat it.”

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him off the bench. “We need carbs, right now. Carbs covered in chocolate and sprinkles, let’s go.”

He groaned and followed me into the cafe. “Where will we get changed into work clothes?”

“They have bathrooms at the BAU. Stop whining-“ I stopped talking as soon as I saw who was in front of me.

Morgan looked just as surprised to see us, sweaty, tired, and together, at 7:30 in the morning. His surprised look quickly changed into an amused one, and Morgan started chuckling. “Well, hello, lovebirds.”

“Hello, Morgan,” I said, feeling like I was caught. But we weren’t, right? We’re not dating, and all we did was go for a jog together. “Um, good morning.”

I could feel Spencer’s nervous energy rolling off of him. “Hey, Morgan.”

Morgan gave one last chuckle, and left the cafe without another word. Through the window I could see him pulling out his phone. There was nothing we could do about it now.

It was only our luck. I chuckled slightly at the thought, and turned to the cashier. “Four chocolate covered donuts with sprinkles, an unsweetened iced tea, and a large coffee with lots of milk and sugar please.”

---

I sat at my desk, trying not to laugh at how Spencer winced every time he had to move his legs. Morgan kept looking over at us and chuckling.

I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal. No matter what happens, we’re still old friends. We aren’t dating, and a jog in the early morning together isn’t exactly romantic.

During our lunch break, JJ came up to me. “Why is Morgan giggling like a four year old?”

“Well, Spencer and I went on a jog together this morning. We went to a cafe after and Morgan was there also.” I explained in a low voice. “He’s now convinced we were on some kind of date, which we weren’t.”

JJ looked dumbfounded. “Spence must care about you more than we thought. No one’s ever been able to get him to go on a jog before.”

I laughed. “Well, I think he now hates me for it so-“

“Hello, wonderful people!” Garcia called from the railing. “We have a case!”

---

“First victim, Bethany Conlin, was found beaten to death just outside of a small town, Pagosa Springs, Colorado.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Pagosa Springs?”

Garcia looked confused. “Yeah, What is it?”

“Oh um, nothing, it’s just my hometown.” Not much of a home anymore.

“Oh cool! Anyways, a second victim, Cassie Holloway, was found by some hikers by a commonly traveled trail in the woods. Also beaten to death.”

I tried to keep tears out of my eyes. Cassie?

The team quickly talked over theories for a profile. The only thing I heard was, “Wheels up in 30.”

Before we left, Spencer and Morgan both pulled me aside.

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked quietly.

“You could barely keep it together in there.” Morgan added.

I took a deep breath. “Cassie... She was my best friend until I moved away. She was the sweetest...” I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. “And she was murdered.”

They were both silent.

I opened my eyes, anger replacing my sadness. “Let’s catch this son of a bitch.”

---

Hotch gave assignments on the jet. “Rossi, Reid, YLN, go to the ME to find out what you can about the bodies. Morgan, JJ, you guys go to the dump sites. Prentiss and I will interview the families.”

“Actually, Hotch,” I interjected. “Could I possibly interview the families? Um... Cassie Holloway was my good friend, and I’m from Pagosa Springs.” I looked down at the file in my lap. Cassie’s file.

Hotch considered it. “That would be alright. They might share more with you if they already know you. And YLN?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for your friend.”

---

Cassie’s parents looked exactly the same as they did when we were 10. Her mom had dark red hair, and her dad was bald. I used to think they looked scary, but now they just looked sad.

I cleared my throat when I walked into the room. “Um, Mr. and Mrs. Holloway? I don’t know if you remember me but-“

Her mother gasped. “YFN? Is that you?”

I gave a small smile. “Yes, I’m here to catch Cassie’s killer. Um, have you seen her recently?”

Her father sniffled. “We saw her two days ago. We had dinner together, and... she was fine.” He erupted into a fit of tears.

It hurt me in my chest to see this kind man that had practically raised me until I was twelve so broken up like this. “Did she mention anyone that had bothered her? Or someone she might’ve rejected? I know she’s a local bartender, maybe someone there?”

Her mother shook her head, rubbing her husband’s back. “You know Cassie... everyone loved her.”

It was true. Cassie was one of the kindest souls I’ve ever come across. “One last question... does she know Bethany Conlin?”

Both of her parents looked at each other, then back at me. “Yes,” her mother breathed. “They were sorority sisters together in college.”

---

“Hotch!” I called across the station. “Bethany and Cassie were sorority sisters in college. They both went to Colorado State, they hadn’t spoken in a couple years, but it couldn’t be a coincidence that they both ended up dead in a week's period.”

“This makes it highly likely that whoever is doing this went to college with them.” Hotch pulled out his phone.

“What do you need, bossman?” Garcia called over speakerphone.

“Garcia, Bethany and Cassie were sorority sisters in college. Can you find any incidents with the two of them that stand out or could be a motive?” I didn’t realize how fast my heart was beating until I stopped talking.

“Hmmm... nothing jumps out, but I’m going to investigate further! Goodbye, my lovelies!”

As soon as we hung up, the local sheriff approached us. “We just got an anonymous tip saying a third body would be found in an old abandoned bar on the edge of town,” the sheriff paused, and looked at me. “The caller said you had to be the one to find it first. Otherwise, and I quote, ‘there will be more than beaten bones next time’.”

I took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

---

The abandoned bar smelled like stale beer and mildew. I felt an odd chill when I entered the door, Hotch and Emily waiting outside.

Pulling out a flashlight, the eerie bar creaked with every step I took. It wasn’t until I saw the pair of feet lying on the ground that made me stop, the bar falling silent.

Slowly rounding the corner, I saw the torn clothing and broken body of a young man, probably the same age as me. I looked at his pale hands, and then I saw the ring. A plain gold ring that read ‘be strong for me’.

“Oh my god,” I whispered.

My feet couldn’t carry me fast enough out of that bar. I ran outside, desperate for fresh air, and I heard shouts calling after me.

“YLN!” Prentiss chased me until I stopped to lean against the car, my head in my hands. “Hey, you’re hyperventilating!”

I slowed down my breathing enough to gasp a few words. “The body... a ring... my fault... oh my god, this is my fault!”

Prentiss pried my hands away from my face. “What is happening?”

“The body,” I gasped. “He was my brother... and I know who did this.”

---

The team all gathered at the station. I hadn’t spoken to anyone yet except for Hotch and Prentiss, and after hearing my story, they didn’t have any doubts about who it was either.

Spencer walked into the quiet room the police had given us, looking at me with a worried face. I nodded at him, just to say it was going to be okay.

“Growing up, my father owned a large share of an oil company. When he died when I was very young, he left my mom everything he owned, which was a lot.” I thought back to when Mom first got the call about the car accident. My dad and his mistress were killed on impact. “We moved here to Pagosa Springs, a fresh start. But my mom was so upset about my dad’s death that she started drinking. Excessively.”

I took a deep breath. “She would scream and shout and disappear for days at a time. We’re twins, my brother and I. We were eleven. I was about to graduate high school at a very young age and I didn’t know what to do. When I went off to college for the first few years and stayed with my aunt, my brother would call me every time Mom was off drinking. When he was a teen, he got into drugs and pills and anything he could get his hands on. And I wasn’t there to help him.”

“But Cassie was.” Hotch guessed.

“Yeah, she's the reason my brother got clean. They fell in love and both went to Colorado State together. She gave him a ring to wear whenever he started to have cravings again. One time, Cassie called me when I was at MIT, saying her friend, Bethany, was raped and couldn’t go to the police because her parents would stop paying her tuition for ‘causing a scene’... she said my brother, YBN...” my voice broke for the first time. “She said YBN beat the crap out of Bethany’s rapist. His name is Kenny Rogers, and from what I’ve heard, he was a sketchy dude with a massive temper even back then.” I closed my eyes. “Anyway, that’s most likely who our unsub is.”

“You’re YBN’s sister,” Spencer said. “After having his ego blown massively, Kenny probably carried that hatred for anyone that was related to YBN. And YFN has been in newspapers, articles, even on TV. Something probably caused Kenny to snap recently, his trigger, and he felt the need to hurt YFN somehow to really get back at YBN.”

Hotch called Garcia. “Garcia, we need all addresses on a Kenny Rogers.”

---

Kenny Rogers was guilty. No doubt. When the team went to his place, they found pictures of all the victims and Kenny tried to run whenever they broke down the door.

I stayed behind at the station. I couldn’t trust myself to not shoot Kenny on sight for what he had done.

“Hey, Hotch?” I asked when they got back. “Could I take a few days off? To take care of things...with my brother?”

Hotch gave me a pat on my shoulder. “Take as much time as you need, just let me know when you’re coming back.”

“Of course sir, and thank you.”

I made sure to pull Spencer aside before he left. “Thanks for... um, helping me explain... earlier. I was worried they wouldn’t think it was connected, and you already knew all that stuff about my childhood.”

“Of course, you know I would do anything for you.” Spencer stood there for a minute, then suddenly embraced me tightly in a hug. That wasn’t something he did very often, or at all. “I just...”

I chuckled slightly, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I know, Spencer.”

---

After the team took off on the jet, I checked into the local hotel. It was nice and rustic, homey.

I called Spencer when I had settled in.

“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked. “The team seems to be getting more and more impressed by you with each case.”

I gave a snort. “Well, that’s a relief. I was scared after my life story they would see me as some kind of kicked puppy. And, I’m okay Spencer. At least, I’m going to be.”

“What will you do about your brother?”

I felt a melancholy smile on my lips, playing with the loose threads on the blanket. “He’s been cremated, and tomorrow I’m scattering his ashes in the mountains. It’s what he always wanted. I hadn’t spoken to him in years, but he always wanted to come back home, and I couldn’t wait to get away.”

Spencer was quiet for a while. “Hey, YFN, I just wanna tell you... you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You went off to college and still took care of your brother at age twelve, you took a gap year to take care of your sick mom, and in your first few months at the BAU you’ve been able to impress every single team member... and they aren’t easily impressed.”

Happy tears pricked my eyes. “Well, um... that was one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me. And Spencer?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you... so much.”

Spencer cleared his throat, like he was debating about saying something. “Um, YFN?”

“What is it?”

His voice lowered, like he didn’t want the team to hear. “In college, I... I was wanting to propose to you.”

My heart seemed to flutter and butterflies pounded in my chest. “Um... you’ve never told me that before. Why didn’t you... do it?”

He thought for a few moments. “Well, you were going to take care of your mom, and I was going to the FBI academy... also, I didn’t think you would say yes.”

“Wow... um, I don’t really know what to say.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

I gave a slight giggle. “You, speechless? I never would’ve guessed.”

Spencer laughed. “Well, goodnight, YFN. I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodnight, Spencer.”

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #dr spencer reid

230 notes · View notes

llogllady99 · 4 years ago

Text

Crimson Red : Chapter 1

Scholar’s Mate

CHARACTERS | Levi, Erwin, Petra, Hange, Moblit, Mike, Nanaba, Eld, Oluo, Gunther, Kenny, Erwin’s Father, Kuchel, Frieda Reiss, Nile Dok, Yelena, Marie RELATIONSHIPS | Levi x Erwin GENRE | Mystery, Thriller, Romance, Dark Academia IV | Blood and gore, Blood and violence, Alternate universe - modern setting/high school/ boarding school, angst and fluff and smut, knife kink, knife play, drama & romance, eventual romance, eventual smut, emotional manipulation, cults, rituals SUMMARY | Sina Academy of Excellence and Inquiry is the best boarding school in all of England, producing over time leaders of Nations and outstanding personalities in society as well as being the perfect environment for your child to flourish in, spending his time with specially trained staff to support his need and wonderful, well behaved peers like him. We only have two rules: don't go in the woods and do not try to go through locked doors. From the statement above one would have assumed that Sina was the perfect school and that the rules that were imposed were just for their children's safety, but as Levi joins the school at the beginning of his senior year, he uncovers a secret so putrid and morbid that will leave him scared for life. That is...if he manages to make it out alive.

Chapter song: Devil’s trill sonata

August 23rd 1996, London

Deformed, lazy, pungent smelling circles rose above her head, as Kuchel exhaled the smoke the cigarette she was currently holding between her long, bony, alabaster fingers provided her with. She did not smoke that often, only when she was under a rather stressful situation. Today, her son would be departing from home in order to attend a boarding school across country. It wasn’t that she did not trust him or have enough faith in him, but since his brother announced Levi’s immediate enrolment, a feeling of distress had started to grow in the pit of her stomach, becoming larger and larger everyday, until it finally managed to take upon her entire being. Thence, the obnoxious amount of cigarette butts lying around carelessly and forgotten on the balcony of her victorian terraced house. Taking one last drag out of the device, which would inevitably bring upon her death someday, she dropped it to the tiled floor and not sparing a second glance its way, stomped it until the electric orange that lined its edge turned a dark ashy brown. Further covering up herself with her long brown coat and shivering slightly from the chill morning, Kuchel made her way back inside the house where the sound of piano keys being pressed consistently in formation of a slow and disturbing song grew louder and louder as she approached her son’s room.

The door was opened and inside a large piano could be spotted by the large and covered with white and blue curtains window. Sited at the instrument was Levi, pressing the keys with precision, his brows furrowed in concentration.

“Devil’s trill sonata?” Kuchel asked, sitting down on the small sofa in front of a coffee table where an unfinished game of chess laid, its pieces shining with the bright light seeping in from the windows. If she didn’t know any better she might’ve said that this was a new chess set, but with her son’s obsession with keeping everything clean and organised, something rarely got in poor condition.

“Indeed, mother. Took me a while to learn it. Care to share your opinion?” Levi replied not taking his eyes off the keyboard.

“It’s exquisite, like every sound your hands ever produced on that piano.” She answered, leaning further into the soft cushions of the couch. As if to prove her wrong, Levi pressed the wrong key and unbalanced the whole song, losing his concentration and ultimately his rhythm. Sighing in frustration, he got up and joined his mother on the couch.

“And just when I think I’ve got it, I mess it up.” Levi fretted, then glanced at the unfinished game of chess. “Humour me mother and grant me the honour of one last game of chess before we depart.”

“Certainly,” she replied then helped her son rearrange the pieces on the board. She chose white so she could dictate the conduct of the game: a simple scholar’s mate from her son as they were already late to the station. ‘E4 e5, Qh7 Nc6, Bc4 Nf6, Qxf7’ , Levi checkmated her, stood up and sought her hand, also bring her to her feet shortly after.

“I think it would have been better if we postponed the game, winning in such a desolate manner almost has me furious. However, I am well aware that we are already late to the station. Please lead the way mother.” Kuchel smiled at her boy, of course it would infuriate him, this game was nothing like the hour long matches they used to share, her being the first that introduced the game to Levi.

“Levi dear, you never did tell me why you quit competition, you would have become a master by now.” Kuchel said from the driver’s seat, looking shortly in Levi’s way. She personally offered to drive her son to the station as she wanted to spent every last moment with him before he was gone. She was sure to miss him dearly, and he would miss her too, though he won’t show it because he would be too embarrassed to do so.

“I’m quite confident you know, but I will tell you one final time: Isabell enjoyed the game and it feels wrong competing, something that she never got to experience as the rug was pulled from beneath her feet before she even had a chance.” Levi turned away and looked out the window, slightly fidgeting with his hands. “What do you think the school will be like? You attended a boarding school yourself, so please tell me.”

“That was a long time sweetie, a lot has changed since then, but I will tell you this: the bond you will form with your soon to be friends will last a life time.” Kuchel replied, not taking her eyes off the road. After a few more turns they arrived at the train station. It was finally time to say goodbye. Levi regarded her with one of his warmest smiles and wrapped her in a tight hug. “I will see you soon, mother. Take care.” And just like that he was gone, his small form disappearing behind the high arched red pillars of the station, the small black suitcase with the last of his belongings trailing behind him. His other luggage had been sent before hand. Kuchel wiped a tear from her cheek and got back in the car, heading in the direction of the closest high class bar.

To say the train was packed would be an understatement, every wagon was agglomerated by students just like him chatting animatedly about their summers, their high pitched voices ringing through the train, worsening his already present headache. He decided to try another wagon, so pushing past the intermediate hall’s door, he entered the isle of one with cabins. Every single one of them was packed with the same loud and obnoxious students, except the one from the very end. A cabin whose occupant was a girl with messy brown hair, tied up carelessly into a ponytail, square glasses sitting gently on the tip of her slightly down turned nose. She was mindlessly eating from a bag of chips as she pondered over whatever it was that she was looking at through the compartment’s window. Levi slid the door open and cleared his throat to get the girl’s attention. The girl shook her head, startled a bit by his presence then cocked an eyebrow his way, urging him to say something.

“Do you mind?”

“Mind what?” The brunette replied, her voice melodic and with just the right amount of deepness to it.

“Me sitting here.” Levi replied awkwardly, faking indifference and adopting a bored looking expression. He was never good with people and interactions like this distressed him immensely.

“Not at all, please take a sit.” The girl smiled and gestured for the sit in front of him.

“Thanks.” Levi hoisted his luggage up and dumped it on the support space above their heads, before proceeding to sit across from her. For a few minutes none of them spoke a word, instead switching their gaze between the landscape present beyond the window and themselves when they thought the other wasn’t looking.

“Hange.” The girl suddenly muttered.

“Excuse me?” Levi switched his gaze towards her, tilting his head to the side bewildered.

“Name’s Hange.” The girl, Hange, rapidly spoke, seemingly experiencing the same overwhelming emotions that came with meeting new people as him.

“Nice meeting you Hange, my name is Levi.” He extended her hand out to her and after a moment’s hesitation the brunette shook his hand.

"You headin’ to Sina?”

“Indeed, I am. I assume you do too?” He said, his eyes fixing her uniform: a white and freshly starched button up with a navy blue skirt, tailored to sit just above the knee, and a purple tie.

“Yeah.” Hange replied awkwardly then started fidgeting with her hands a bit more.

“The students screaming like they own the place do too?” He tried to ask, to further stir the conversation.

“Yeah, they are. My friends were also supposed to be here but one of them will be coming tomorrow and the rest are already at the academy.”

“So soon? Wow, I barely came today because it was required and because of the orientation day tomorrow.” Levi was being unusually vocal. Maybe he was just trying to soothe the other girl’s nerves, but he also felt that he could trust her, weirdly enough. At his affirmation, Hange’s face lighted up, and all traces of embarrassment seemed to have fled from her face as she now began talking earnestly. Orientation day was an opportunity for the students to mingle with other houses, or factions as she like to call them, and meet their professors, explore the school, and if they weren’t already be sorted into a house. Hange also made sure to enumerate all the teachers present, emphasising on someone with the name of Frieda Reiss, the math teacher and Nile Dok, the history teacher that apparently made very good jokes and his lessons were always pleasant for the students, being one of the few moments of relaxation throughout their day.

“What house are you in Levi?”

“That I certainly don’t know, I suppose I am to be sorted.”

“Yeah, well the housing system is pretty fucked up if you ask me. They organise us based on our personality type.”

“Is that a bad thing? It doesn’t seem to be, I would be quite content with being placed in a house with personalities similar to mine, makes the whole socialising thing so much easier.”

“Sure, but you wouldn’t be stepping outside your comfort zone,” retorted Hange. “Not to mention the discrimination against those who are considered “less special” are made.”

“I believe that if we were all to be the same, the world would surely become quite insipid.”

“If everyone shared your opinion, the school would be a much more better place.”

“Please explain the housing system to me, Hange.” Her gaze settling once again on him from where it was directed out the window, she began explaining. The housing system was based on the personality types of people and the roles which they played in society, making it easier for the staff to each of their individual needs. There were four houses. The first was Boethiah house, where architects, logicians, commanders, and debaters would reside. Its signature colour was purple, symbolising the high intellect its students possessed. The second house was Antheia, where advocates, mediators, protagonists, and campaigners found their place. Represented by the colour green, the house was known for its social and communicative students. The third was Martell house, which gave place to the logisticians, defenders, executives, and consuls, the indigo blue colour signifying their nurturing and loyal nature. The last of the houses was Lannister, housing the virtuosus, adventurers, entrepreneurs, and entertainers. The people in this house were fun and full of humour, the colour yellow revealing their outgoing nature. The houses were named by the four founders of the school, respectively Phoibe Boethiah, Panacea Martell, Caelum Antheia, Kestrel Lannister.

“Hange I’m sorry to interrupt you but this whole thing seems very Harry Potter to me, and don’t let me get started on the names, they sound right out of a fantasy novel.” Levi snorted, amused by his new school.

“Yeah, but the school was founded in 1000 AD, imagine the names they had then.” Hange replied, huffing out a laugh.

“I assume you’re from Boethiah?” He said, jerking his chin in the direction of her purple tie.

“Yeah, we are the smallest house as our personalities are so rare. I wonder what house they’ll place you in. Did you take the test?”

“Yeah, when I took my entrance exam a few months ago, something about a psychological evaluation.” And with that their conversation ended, instead each of them turning their attention to their forever changing surroundings, vibrant green meadows and flowery fields slowly turning into dull, grey moors as the sun above then started to set, orange, red, yellow, and orange blending with the dark blue the night brought along.

At the academy, in the encrimsoned light of the headmaster’s office, Erwin Smith stood proudly with his hands behind his back watching from the giant circular window over the school’s gates in anticipation of the students’ arrival for the new trimester.

“You did quite a good job last year, Erwin. I expect the same this year.” Arcturus Smith, Erwin’s father and also the headmaster, spoke from his dark oak desk in the middle of the room, breaking the silence that had settled over the office. The blonde turned his attention to his father and bowed his head in appreciation and assurance. Arcturus bent slightly over the desk, his chin now resting in the palm of his hands.

“Please come take a seat. Let me introduce you to this year’s targets.”

“I was actually questioning myself when you were going to introduce them to me.” Erwin said, as he made to take a sit across his father. The man pushed two files in his direction, both of them stamped with red ink that spelled “CLASSIFIED”. Carefully, he picked up the first one and opened it. The picture of a redheaded girl with short hair stood in front of him.

“Nifa Thompson,” he read out loud. He eyed his father expectingly.

“She’s a sophomore and you have until September 21st, think you can handle it?” Arcturus cocked his eyebrow. “The girl isn’t very sociable and I’m sure some undeserved attention from the school’s head boy and number one bachelor will send her flying over the moon.” Erwin sighed and shook his head, then after a moment’s reconsideration looked up at his father and approved. The next file was about a new boy by the name of Levi Ackerman, he had short raven hair styled in an undercut, piercing blue-silver eyes, and a bored, impassive expression. He doubted he would be an easy target but he was up for a challenge. Looking up at his father, Erwin smirked.

“This one is perfect father. Blood type O and INTJ Personality type. He’s a gem. His mother is an alcoholic, his uncle is nowhere to be found, and he has no other close relatives. No one's going to miss him when he's gone. ” Now he laughed. Arcturus eyes shone with satisfaction.

“Just perfect for this winter’s sacrifice. And guess what? It’s also going to be a full moon, just like you always wanted. Maybe this year I’ll let you do the honourifics. That is, if everything goes as planned.” Then the headmaster leaned down in his chair and adopting again his usual cold demeanour, he said, “You are dismissed, son. Please go and welcome our students. I wish you a good year, full of achievements and perfect scores.

Erwin bowed and left the office.

As Levi walked through the massive iron gates of the school, he immediately gawked. Sina was like nothing he had seen. To put it simply: the school was spectacular. Touched by gothic architecture, the building displayed pointed arches lighted by golden yellow lamps from below, flying buttresses, and embellished colonnades. One feature that particularly stood out to Levi were the large lion statuettes that stood firmly place on each side of the enormous front staircase that started from the yard in which they were currently walking in, and that had a beautiful lotus pooled white marble fountain, and ended right beneath two high arched oak doors. At the gate they were met with a teacher, a women in her thirties that had piercing blue-purple eyes and ebony black hair that fell flawlessly on her navy blue Tudor coat, who escorted them inside the school.

The entry gave way to a long and wide hallway with vaulted ceiling and intermittently placed pillars. A few feet from each other hung golden chandeliers lightning their way as they headed in the direction the teacher was leading them in. High up in the ceiling there was stained glass through which the moon’s light slipped in, almost unnoticeably.

In the dining room there were four long tables each placed parallel to each other, the ceiling was painted with frescoes, beautiful biblical images. The professors’ dinning table was in an adjacent room, being separated by one of those pointed arches Levi had seen outside. Similar to the hallway, the dinning room also had stained glass, one particular piece stood out to Levi as it was the image of Jesus himself painted on red and blue glass, slightly highlighted by the moon’s light, whose outline could be made through the blue glass that composed Jesus’s robe. Truly spectacular. Even though he was just as rich as everyone attending here, he had never seen such a school. His last school was also private, but instead had modern architecture with the sparing of a few buildings such as the chapel or assembly hall.

“Please leave your luggage by the entrance and go take a seat at the table assigned to your house specifically. Those of you who have not been assigned a house yet please go and stand by the teachers’ table as the headmaster and the other staff will join us shortly and place you where they think fits you best. I’m Frieda Reiss and I will be your math teacher this trimester.”

Shortly after, the staff made their way to their table and as everyone was seated and quieted down, Arcturus, the headmaster delivered his annual welcoming speech and turned to the fresh meat waiting patiently and awkwardly into a corner.

“Ah I suppose I am to assign each of you your house, very well then come on here don’t be shy.” The group made their way once more in the middle of the dinning room. All of the eyes were on them, the other students waiting just as nervously as them to see who they would be welcoming in their house next. The headmaster rummaged through his black Tudor coat and pulled out a piece of yellow, coffee stained paper and started reading aloud:

“Emma Williams goes to Lannister.” A blonde petite freshman girl made her way to the table on the far off right of the room and proceeded to sit down at the table with the other students, who were cheering and clapping exasperatingly, excited for their new member.

“Jane Walker to Martell,” again, a freckled redheaded girl made her way to one of the middle tables on the left, also welcomed by the cheering of the other members and quietly sat down with a smile on her face, clearly satisfied with the choice.

“Hmm, Levi Ackermann, an interesting name for someone British. Your assignment has been a hard one as the test refused to reveal anything concrete, but after a long dispute among all members of the faculty, we decided to assign you to Boethiah as an architect!” Arcturus beamed, extending his hands and widening his eyes as he bore Levi with his predatory gaze. The boy smiled then made his way to the table in the far off left end of the dinning room. His eyes searched involuntary for Hange, who was seated at the middle already on her feet and waving him over ecstatically.

“Oh my god Levi! I can’t believe you’re an architect!! I never would have guessed! Come have a sit don’t just stand there.” Levi took a sit beside her as the brunette shuffled to the side to make him space. Everyone was looking at him, throwing glances and misplaced whispers to their colleagues. Levi only smiled in their direction and looked around the table, his eyes stopping on a fiery strawberry blonde girl in front of him that was burning holes in him with her gaze. They stared at each other, none making a step towards the other. Hange was talking about something in the background but he didn’t turn to pay attention, refusing to break eye contact with the girl. Eventually, with a puff the girl relinquished and extended her hand over the table,

“Petra,” she said. Levi took her hand and with a smirk told her his name. And just like that Levi made two friends at the Academy already, chatting animatedly with them over dinner. At some point, someone placed a hand over his shoulder. Somewhat startled, the raven flinched then turn to look for the hand’s owner, a blonde and well built boy with a cold stare was fixing him with his sapphire eyes, a lop sided grin present on his face.

“Erwin Smith, I came here to give you an official greeting to our school,” pulling Levi to his feet, he forcefully shook his hand and with a forced grin continued, “I am the head boy here and I am in charge of the students, if you have any concern or question about anything by all means come to me and I will do my best to support you and grant the answers you seek. Welcome to Sina Academy of Excellence and Inquiry, Levi Ackerman.” And with that Erwin dropped his hand and after placing a hand on his shoulder, walked away retaking his seat at the head of their obscenely long table, disappearing out of his sight as he took a sit back down. A rather interesting start to what he reckoned would be an equally interesting year.

Notes:

I do not own Attack on titan or any of the characters in the show or related to it!!

I really hoped you like it, if you did please stick around as there will be more where that came from!

9 notes · View notes

starring-movies · 4 years ago

Text

Killing Eve: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Season 3, Episode 7 - Beautiful Monster

We begin the episode with Villanelle, who is waiting to meet with Hélène, after the sloppy kill in Romania. As she’s waiting, we get some close-up shots of Villanelle and a suit of armour, which she tells Hélène “was really staring at me”. The close-up shots are repeated from S2E5, where they portrayed the ‘watcher’ and the one ‘being watched’. In S2E5, Villanelle was the one who was ‘the watcher’ (i.e. the one with the power and in control); whereas in this scene, Villanelle has now become the one ‘being watched’ (she has now lost the control in her life and job that she previously had).

As we see Villanelle waiting for Hélène, within the shot of Villanelle we can see 8 swords behind her, the imagery of which invokes the tarot card, the ‘Eight of Swords’. After looking it up here, the ‘Eight of Swords’ card is “a symbol of the limiting thoughts, beliefs and mindset that prevent her from moving forward in her life. However, look closer: if the woman removed her blindfold, she would quickly realise that she can escape her predicament by letting go of her limiting beliefs and establishing a new, more empowered mindset. The water pooled at her feet suggests that her intuition might see what her eyes cannot”.

This imagery is very apt for Villanelle’s current situation; as she’s feeling the limitations due to the lack of freedom that she’s realised she has, together with her entrapment in working for The Twelve. The spears are also positioned to look like they’re coming out of Villanelle, which illustrates to us how she’s on the mental offence and trying to protect her current vulnerabilities and fragility from what happened in Russia, from Hélène.

A song (most likely an unreleased Unloved song) with the repeated lyrics, “into the fire”, is used in this scene. Paired with the suits of armour and weaponry in the scene’s shot, we are shown how Villanelle is metaphorically going “into the fire” and beginning a battle against The Twelve for her freedom.

When Villanelle goes in for her meeting with Hélène, there are more swords and suits of armour around the room and behind Villanelle, further emphasising the entrapment she’s in. A Dutch tilt angle is also briefly used, and it’s only used on Villanelle. The Dutch tilt was last used for Villanelle in S3E2, to show her disorientation and shock after finding out that Eve was alive. However, it’s used in this scene to reflect Villanelle’s unease at having to attend this meeting with Hélène.

We also get a call back to S1E7 in this scene with Hélène. Hélène commandingly tells Villanelle to “sit down”, just as Anton repeatedly did back in S1E7. With Anton, Villanelle refused to sit down and disobeyed his orders; however with Hélène, Villanelle knows that she is outmatched, and so reluctantly has to comply with the command.

Hélène then proceeds to press on the wound on Villanelle’s arm, but then quickly embraces her. This is Hélène’s attempt both at a power play and at manipulating Villanelle. She does this as an act, to show Villanelle that she’s more powerful than her and can easily hurt her if she wants to; but also wants to give the impression that she can provide the ‘motherly’ protection and care that she knows Villanelle is in search for.

Villanelle responds to this act in typical Villanelle fashion, by appearing like she was going to reveal what happened (“I did something bad to my mother”), but then deflecting (“I took a shit in her shoe when I was three, a really big one”). She does the exact same thing as this with the psychologist fromThe Twelve in S1E2, when she is confronted with a picture of ‘Anna’ she says it’s not Anna but her mother, but then says she was joking because her mother had “really thin, shitty hair”; and she also does it in S1E5 when Eve asks her what happened and she agrees saying “okay”, but again diverting by saying “can we get one thing clear before we go on with this? Is that a sweater attached to a shirt?”.

Villanelle uses her comment to Hélène, where she thanks her “for the inappropriate touching” and tells her “god, you’re sexy”, to try to maintain her facade to Hélène that nothing’s wrong with her and also that she saw through her ‘caring mother’ act.

This is the second episode of Season 3, the other being S3E2, where different title cards are used. In S3E2, the title cards were on a red background (the colour of Villanelle’s outfit in Rome), but this time they’re on a green background (the colour of Eve’s outfit in Rome). The red colour for Villanelle was used in S3E2, as that episode was the liminal one for her character development. It was in that episode where she began to try to climb the ladder to becoming a Keeper in The Twelve, subsequently becomes discontented from the realisation that she’s been tricked and also that she doesn’t have the freedom she thought she had. Whereas it’s this episode that is the liminal moment for Eve, where she finally fully accepts and embraces her “monster”.

The title cards are also emblematic in showing us the progress of Eve and Villanelle’s journey to becoming “the same” as each other. From S3E2 to S3E7, the black circle with Sandra Oh’s [Eve] name in it becomes slightly larger, symbolising Eve’s “darkness” becoming more prominent. From S3E2 to S3E7, the black splodge with Jodie Comer’s [Villanelle] name in it becomes significantly smaller, symbolising her growing humanity and her receding “darkness”. In S3E7, the black circles with Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer’s names in them have also become the same size as each other, indicating that Eve and Villanelle have finally come to a point where they are “the same” and managed to reach an equilibrium.

The song ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ by Jack Leopards & The Dolphin Club (thought to be an alias for Taylor Swift to righty release the song under her own ownership), is played during the title cards. The lyrics we hear are:

“I don’t like your little games,

I don’t like your tilted stage,

I don’t like you,

I got smarter, I got harder, in the nick of time,

Honey rose up from the dead,

I do it all the time,

Look what you made me do,

Look what you just made me do,

Look what you made me do,

No, I don’t like you”

The song is appropriate for Villanelle, as it emphasises her feelings and struggle against The Twelve. She doesn’t like the “little games” they’re playing with her and she “got smarter” in realising how she was being manipulating by them.

In the next scene we see Eve having a meting with Carolyn to discuss their progress with finding out what happened to Kenny. As usual Eve brings the focus back around to Villanelle and Carolyn retorts that Eve should “do well to remember heroes only get the girl in Hollywood”. It’s clear that everyone else can see Eve’s obsession and attraction to Villanelle, except Eve herself. Kenny calls Villanelle “your girlfriend” to Eve in S1E8 and Hugo picks up on it, asking Eve “what’s the deal with you and Villanelle... why is it? Do you like watching her, or do you like being watched?”.

We then get a scene of Eve, Bear and Jamie in the Bitter Pill office, as they try to track down Villanelle. Eve starts speaking to the bakery that Villanelle ordered the bus cake from, to try to get her personal information. Before Bear tells Eve he’s found the information that she was looking for, she was about to use Niko’s pitchforking to pity the bakery worker into giving her the information. This shows us how, although Eve does have love Niko, he has always been disposable and able to be pushed aside in Eve’s life, in favour of the things she values as more important (like her job or in this case, Villanelle). It also shows us how Eve just uses Niko, she was using him before to maintain her facade of having a normal life and now she’s using his tragic maiming to find Villanelle. This additionally shows us Eve’s relentlessness and how she has no moral boundaries for what she is willing to say or do to try to track down Villanelle.

When Villanelle and Dasha are in the hotel in Aberdeen, they have a conversation in the hotel lift. Just like Hélène did at the beginning of the episode, Dasha presses on Villanelle’s wound, as a power play. However, unlike with Hélène, Villanelle knows that she can ‘one-up’ Dasha and they start trying to take digs at one another.

Villanelle tells Dasha - who we know, from her tracksuits, her necklace with a ‘D’ on it, and the fact that she refers to herself in the third person, that she is incredibly self centred - that Russia has changed since she lived there and that there will no one waiting for her to return home, but she will only be greeted by “indifference”. Hélène told Dasha in S3E4 that “people would be dancing in the street and chanting your name, ‘Dasha, Dasha, Dasha’”; so Villanelle telling her that people will be indifferent about her returning to Russia would dent her ego a little bit.

In response to this, Dasha bites back by saying that she doesn’t care about a “hero’s welcome” and if she wants stroganoff, she says “my son can make it”. We then suddenly get extreme close-up shots of Villanelle and Dasha, because Villanelle “didn’t know [Dasha] had a son”. The extreme close-ups continue as Dasha continues to push the knife in further, by saying that she will die with her feet up and holding her son’s hand, but that Villanelle will die alone because she destroyed her family.

Although Villanelle and Dasha don’t get along (and Dasha tried to kill Villanelle once), Villanelle still most likely views Dasha as a mother figure of sorts. Dasha mentioned that Villanelle was “dumped” on her when she had “mosquito bites for breasts”, which tells us that they’ve known each other for a very long time and that Dasha (just like Konstantin) would have had a part in raising Villanelle. In S3E4, Dasha starts cleaning up Villanelle’s things telling her “you don’t deserve nice things if you don’t look after them”, just as a mother would. Also in S3E1 Dasha also makes a big deal about how proud she is of Villanelle, saying “you’re so talented, you’re the best I ever trained, you’re destined for greatness”; and telling Eve in S3E6 how “I created her, I took raw shit and moulded it into steel, I broke her back, I give her wings”.

Villanelle will be aware that she’s like Dasha’s prodigy. So for Villanelle to suddenly find out that Dasha has a son, and she’s not like the child that Dasha never had, it’s yet another disappointment and loss of a maternal figure and/or family for Villanelle. The sudden use of the extreme close-ups just accentuates and draws our attention to Villanelle’s emotional reaction to this realisation and Dasha’s enjoyment in her suffering.

However, Villanelle hides any hint that she’s been effected by what Dasha has told her and instead comments, unfazed, about Dasha’s halitosis (which is bad breath) - again another remark that knocks Dasha’s ego.

We then see Villanelle and Dasha on the golf course in Aberdeen, observing the target they’ve been sent to kill. Villanelle is wearing the green hairy outfit, literally embodying the “beautiful monster” that Hélène said she was. However, although Villanelle fulfils the role of the “beautiful monster” on the outside; by deciding to not kill the target and letting him run away instead, she doesn’t actually end up fulfilling the role of being the “monster” that Hélène said she was.

Dasha also comments to Villanelle about how she will miss “that feeling you get when you snuff out a life, when you can see your own eyes reflected in dilated pupils, when you can count the number of breaths they have left on one hand”. This is something that we’ve seen Villanelle enjoy a number of times: the Greco kill in Tuscany S1E1, the Carla De Mann kill in Paris in S1E2 and the Fat Panda kill in Berlin in S1E3.

When Eve finds Dasha on the golf course while in pursuit of Villanelle, Dasha makes a comment about Niko’s moustache being “like Stalin”, which prompts Eve to kill Dasha by crushing her chest. We see the same expression from Eve, which we saw from Villanelle at the Tuscany kill in S1E1, as she revels in “that feeling you get when you snuff out a life” that dAsha was describing. Similarly, we also see Dasha’s enjoyment as she watches Eve and vicariously feels her experience “that feeling”, from killing her.

After Villanelle hit Dasha with the golf club and is waiting for Konstantin to pick her up, the song ‘Watch Your Back’ by The Coathangers. The lyrics:

“I’m stuck here,

No way out,

Back, you can never go back,

You can never go back,

No, no, no”

The lyrics of the song demonstrate how Villanelle now has “no way out” and “can never go back”. By ‘killing’ Dasha she’s now made her choice and will never be able to return to working for The Twelve and has to find a way to move forward now instead.

The song also relates to Eve, who similarly “can never go back”, after having a hand in killing Dasha and finding enjoyment in the act of doing so (unlike when she killed Raymond). Once Eve has fully released and embraced her “monster”, she can never return to the life of normalcy she once had.

Just like how Eve was about to use Niko’s pitchforking to get the information she wants, she also does it again when the American target tries to get help from her. The American man asks for help to escape from Villanelle, but Eve just repeatedly asks him what the girl looked like, and then proceeds to push him out of the car so that she can peruse Villanelle. It shows us Eve’s frenzy and focus on trying to find Villanelle and not caring about anything, or anyone else, at all.

‘I See Darkness’ by Red Mecca also starts to play as Eve crushes Dasha’s chest. The lyrics we hear are:

“Just as time,

Wonder why,

I see darkness in you,

Lose my breath,

Alone with you,

I see shadows of you”

The last time this song was used, was for Villanelle’s mother in S3E5. The song is used in this instance, to again show how Eve has come to a turning point and a point where her “darkness” is fully rearing it’s head. As the song is used for Eve’s darkness while she kills Dasha, the use of the song for Villanelle’s mother to connect the two scenes, supports the thought that Tatiana may have also been a killer (and most likely killed Villanelle’s father).

When Villanelle and Eve narrowly miss each other at the train station in Scotland after Konstantin had his heart attack; an unreleased song, presumably by Unloved is played over the scene. The lyrics we can hear are:

“I once had a love,

Or did love have me,

It set me free,

It set me free”

The song encapsulates Villanelle and Eve’s relationship: do they love each other or are they at the whim of Love, being consumed and controlled by it? Whatever the answer may be, they can both say that the love they have for one another put them on a journey that has “set [them] free”. Eve has come to accept her “monster” and Villanelle’s eyes have been opened to the lack of freedom she has in her life.

In the final scene of the episode, at Liverpool Street train station in London, Eve gets a phone call from Villanelle. We get a wide shot of Eve as the camera pans away from her, which is a shot that is repeated with Villanelle in the tea dance scene in S3E8. The wide shots are used to highlight Eve and Villanelle’s isolation when they’re not together; when Villanelle and Eve aren’t together, they have no-one else who is there for them. The shots are also used to illustrate to us how everything else in the work pales into insignificance when they’re together; there can be so many other people around and so many other things happening, but their sole focus is on one another - the rest of the world continues to turn but their worlds’ stop when they’re without the other.

You can read my previous Killing Eve posts here:-

First Introduction to Villanelle

First Introduction to Eve

S1, E1 - Nice Face

S1, E2 - I’ll Deal With Him Later

S1, E3 - Don’t I Know You?

S1, E4 - Sorry Baby

S1, E5 - I Have a Thing about Bathrooms

S1, E6 - Take Me to the Hole!

S1, E7 - I Don’t Want to Be Free

S1, E8 - God, I’m Tired

S2, E1 - Do You Know How to Dispose of a Body?

S2, E2 - Nice and Neat

S2, E3 - The Hungry Caterpillar

S2, E4 - Desperate Times

S2, E5 - Smell Ya Later

S2, E6 - I Hope You Like Missionary!

S2, E7 - Wide Awake

S2, E8 - You’re Mine

S3, E1 - Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey

S3, E2 - Management Sucks

S3, E3 - Meetings Have Biscuits

S3, E4 - Still Got It

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 1]

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 2]

S3, E6 - End of Game

S3, E8 - Are You Leading or Am I? [Part 1]

——————————————————————————

28 notes · View notes