#kendall produces the whole thing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cant-get-enough-btr-forever · 4 months ago

Text

"Big Time Amnesia"

Summary: One of the boys gets amnesia. Chaos ensues.

Notes: This is my alternate episode to “Big Time Interview” (which, frankly, wasn’t much of an episode). Also, I included the song “Show Me”, because I’m outraged that they never used it in the show.

Words: 9.2K (8 chapters)

Chapter 1: Big Time Bet

WHOOSH!

The puck sliced through the balmy air, zipped past Goalie James, and hit the back of the net. He groaned loudly—if he’d just dove a microsecond earlier!

“WOO!! Eat my dust, fellas!” Carlos rejoiced, waving his hockey stick around like a victory flag.

It was a cool Tuesday morning. Big Time Rush was playing a friendly game of hockey in Palmwoods Park. They were split into two teams: Logan and Carlos, James and Kendall.

“Face it, boys—I am the reigning King of the Rink, and I always will be.” Carlos gloated merrily.

“Okay, but do you really have to say it every time you score?” Kendall complained.

Logan smirked at the glowering James and Kendall. “Now do you see why I wanted to be on his team this time?”

James retrieved the puck and gave Carlos a long look. “You know what? It’s the helmet.”

Carlos narrowed his eyes. “What does that mean?”

“Your helmet is your crutch. Without it, you wouldn’t be nearly as confident. Or nearly as good.”

Kendall stood next to James and nodded. “It’s true, man. You couldn’t take that thing off if your life depended on it.”

Carlos jutted out his bottom lip. “That’s just your jealousy talking. Admit it.”

James crossed his bulkily padded arms, the corners of his mouth curling. “No, you admit it. You couldn’t go a day without that chunk of plastic.”

Carlos folded his own arms defensively. “Oh, really?”

Kendall inhaled a heavy, exaggerated sniff. “I smell bet.”

James continued, “How about this: If you lose this round, you can’t wear your helmet for the next two days.”

Carlos sucked in a breath; this was unthinkable to him. Still, the guys knew him all too well—he had never been the kind to pass up a bet. They took full advantage of this whenever possible. “Okay...but if you lose, you can’t use your lucky comb for two days.” he countered smugly.

James shrieked, a very high, very “James” shriek. He quickly collected himself and smiled challengingly. “Fine. You’re on.” To seal the deal, they shook on it—awkwardly, as they were still wearing hockey gloves.

…..

“Agh!” Carlos yelled, throwing down his hockey stick. He couldn’t believe it—he’d actually lost.

“Uh-oh! Looks like someone’s gonna be walkin’ around bald for two whole days.” James teased. He high-fived Kendall, their gloves making a ridiculous smacking sound.

Carlos gave him a look that, if looks could kill, would’ve incinerated him. “Yeah, yeah.” He grudgingly pulled off his precious helmet and sighed. “Until next time, mi amigo.” He brushed the dirt off before setting it on the grass.

“Man, you are such a drama queen.” James laughed as he watched this sentimental parting.

“First of all: Look who’s talking.” Carlos mocked. “And second: My papi gave it to me when I was six, after my first pee-wee hockey win. It’s like a part of me already—I feel like I just ripped out one of my eyeballs or something.” He gingerly crept a hand over his head, thinking about how strange it was to feel nothing but hair.

“Extreme object attachment,” Logan stated as he made his way over. “It is a thing, guys. Not that I support it, of course.”

Kendall rolled his eyes. “Dude, it’s just two days. It’s no big deal.”

Carlos held up his hands. “Hey, all I’m saying is, I am not the same person without it.”

James sighed and took off his own headgear. “Would it make you feel better if we all took off our helmets?”

Carlos watched as Logan and Kendall followed suit, removing their helmets as well. His moue dissolved into a smirk. “I guess that’s fair.”

James shrugged. “Gives me the chance to show off these immaculate waves, anyhow.” He produced his ever-present mirror from some unknown place, eliciting bewilderment from the others.

Kendall clapped his gloves together, wrenching James’ attention away from his reflection. “Okay! How about another helmet-less game?”

The guys cheered and got into position. Kendall dropped the puck, and there was instant pandemonium. Dirt sprayed in all directions as he, Carlos, and Logan battled for dominance—a three-person duel with wooden sticks.

In an unexpectedly wild burst of energy, Logan’s stick came back and whacked the puck—

—and sent it soaring into a tree.

“Aw, come on—really?!” Kendall exclaimed.

“Uh. My bad.” Logan said sheepishly, clutching his stick against himself.

The four looked up at where the puck was wedged between two thin branches. Kendall blew a gust of air through his lips. “Welp, who’s gonna do it?”

Carlos let his stick fall to the ground and ripped off his gloves, grinning. “Step aside, boys. This is my territory.” He clambered up the tree, demonstrating all the monkey-like skills he'd developed over the years. The guys intently watched him swing onto the branch. It had to be at least 20 feet up.

“Okay—almost got it—come here, little puck—” he grunted as he inched across, straining to touch the runaway object.

James noticed something. “Uhh—Carlos?” he called, worry growing in the pit of his stomach.

“Can’t—talk—right now—James—!” Carlos gritted through clenched teeth. His fingers were just barely skimming the puck.

James nudged his friends. “Look!” He pointed at the branch. There appeared to be a crack originating in the center, where it thinned out.

Now all of them began shouting Carlos’ name, desperately trying to warn him of the impending danger. He made a frustrated noise. “Guys! I am getting it! Be patient!” He scooted forward and risked a last, determined grab. This time, his grip closed around the puck.

“Ha-ha! Gotcha!”

Snap.

The three stared in horror as the branch finally lost its strength, taking a screaming Carlos along with it.

…..

“Carlos! Dude, are you okay?!” James cried as they gathered around their semi-conscious friend.

“Carlos, say something, buddy. Anything.” Kendall begged.

Logan stuffed his gloves under Carlos’ head and grabbed his wrist. “His pulse is weak, but he’s regaining consciousness.” He gently shook his shoulders. “Carlos. Can you hear me?”

Carlos slowly blinked. He looked curiously at the three ashen-faced boys frowning down at him.

“Eh—I say, what happened, lads?”

“Oh, thank goodness you’re talking. You fell out of the tree, and you probably have a concuss—” Logan stopped dead. “W-Wait. Did you say ‘lads’…?”

Carlos propped himself up on his elbows. “Of course. That is what you all are, is it not?”

Logan exchanged a very confused look with James and Kendall.

James gulped. “Okay, please tell me a British accent is a good sign.”

Chapter 2: Big Time Doctor

Carlos stood up, brushed dirt and grass off his jersey, and smiled.

The other Big Time Rush members gave him the once-over. Logan cleared his throat. “Um, listen...” he began, choosing his words carefully. “Do you remember your name?”

Carlos nodded. “Certainly! My name is Carlos Geraldo Garcia the Fourth.”

“The Fourth? Wow, heh, that’s impressive. Sounds very, uh, royal.” James remarked, forcing a laugh.

Carlos chortled, shrugging. “I suppose so. But enough about me. What titles do you gentlemen go by?”

Their stomachs dropped simultaneously. The severity of his condition was growing more and more apparent.

“Uh, well, I’m Kendall Knight...the...the First.” Kendall ventured.

“I’m James Diamond. And, well, I’m always the first. At everything.” James chuckled, earning hard jabs from his friends’ elbows.

Logan wore his most composed smile. “And I’m Logan Mitchell. We are your friends, and we’re in a band together.”

“A famous band.” James made sure to impart.

“Called Big Time Rush.” Kendall piped up.

Carlos frowned. “Oh...I’m a singer, then…?”

Logan gently placed his hands on his shoulders, guiding him along. “Yes, but we can talk about that later. We have more important things to think about. You hit your head pretty hard just now.”

Carlos didn’t seem flustered by this; he merely nodded. “Ah, I see...”

“So, you should just sit here...” Logan led him to a park bench, “...and try to relax, while I discuss your, er, situation with these guys.” Carlos nodded again and observed the people walking past.

Logan immediately went serious as he turned to the others. Kendall threw his hands up. “Okay, Doctor Mitchell, diagnosis? Please?”

"Doctor Mitchell" puffed out a breath. “He appears to be suffering from a certain type of retrograde amnesia. Namely, he’s experiencing a sort of dissociative fugue. He’s overwritten some of his existing memories with new, completely fictitious memories.”

Kendall and James’ faces could not have been blanker.

“Logan, could you repeat that in Lebanese? I think we’d understand it better.” James snarked.

Logan turned his eyes towards the sky. “Carlos bonked his head so hard that he thinks he’s a British dude.”

The two boys nodded, finally getting it. “So now what?” Kendall inquired.

“Well, uh, we need to tell Gustavo and Kelly. Which, by the way, I am not looking forward to.”

They turned. Carlos had plucked a small yellow flower by his feet. He gave its petals a deep sniff and sighed happily.

Kendall snorted. “And say what? Carlos fell out of a tree, and now he thinks he’s a refined English gentleman?"

…..

“Guys, Carlos fell out of a tree, and now he thinks he’s a refined English gentleman.”

Gustavo smashed a loud, obnoxiously discordant note on the piano. Beside him stood Kelly, who was holding some papers (which now fluttered to the studio’s floor).

“That was a joke, right? Please say that was a joke.” Gustavo growled.

Kendall sighed. “Believe me, I wish it were.” He gestured to Carlos, who was standing between Logan and James. Carlos stepped forward with a smile, hand extended.

“Hello there! I’m chuffed to meet you—though, according to my mates here, this wouldn’t exactly be the first time.”

“Oh, well, uh...we’re very...‘chuffed’ to meet you, too!” Kelly tittered, nervously accepting the handshake. Carlos offered his hand to Gustavo, who regarded it with a cold stare.

He awkwardly retreated and tucked his arms behind his back. “Bit of a disagreeable sort, that one.” he whispered to James and Logan.

“But, hey, at least he still remembers his name!” Kendall quickly added.

“Carlos Geraldo Garcia the Fourth.” Carlos smiled, bowing.

Everybody cringed. Gustavo slowly rose, fingers kneading his temples. “Your next tour starts in less than two months. You haven’t even begun rehearsing. And now you’re telling me that Carlos has been bodysnatched by the PRINCE OF WALES?!?!”

“Gustavo, calm down.” Kelly said firmly. “It was just an accident. A very...inconvenient accident.”

“Inconvenient? No. A zit is inconvenient. Athlete's foot is inconvenient." He flapped his hands in Carlos' direction.

"This, THIS is a catastrophe. Just wait until the public sees!” he ranted, his complexion growing ruddier by the moment. “Actually, scratch that—we cannot let any of the fans see him. We’ll be the laughingstock of the entertainment industry!

“Not to mention Griffin. Oh, that man would just love to shred me to pieces over something like this.”

Logan spoke up. “He’s hurt real bad, Gustavo. He needs to see a doctor.”

Gustavo’s eyes lasered into him, causing the boy to instantly quail. “Gustavo Rocque Rule Number One: DO NOT tell me what to do!” He rounded on his assistant. “Kelly, Carlos needs to see a doctor. Take him to Doc Hollywood, STAT.”

…..

Kelly and the boys waited on pins and needles in the pristine doctor’s office. Carlos sat on the examination table's edge, his intertwined hands resting atop crossed legs. He was glancing inquisitively at the many black-and-white celebrity headshots adorning the walls.

Doc Hollywood entered the room, sighing heavily. He was carrying a large white poster board. "I am so sorry about the wait, guys. I just finished an agonizing procedure. It's never easy, but someone has to do it."

He wore latex gloves. Everyone's eyes widened—they were smeared a dark red.

"Oh my gosh—are they alright?" Kelly gasped.

He paused in the middle of peeling off a glove. "If by 'they' you mean the letters on my new sign, then yes, they are fantastic. Much better than the old, fading sign, if I do say so myself."

He spun the poster board to face them: In dark red letters, it boasted, "DOC HOLLYWOOD: DOCTOR TO THE STARS."

"It was agonizing work for me to paint them, though!" he continued, totally oblivious to their perplexed expressions.

"Now," he announced after tossing out the gloves, "what can I do for you guys?"

Kelly rubbed Carlos' shoulder. "It's Carlos. He has a head injury."

Once again, Carlos stuck out a hand. "Pleased to meet you, Doctor. I must say, that is a smashing shirt. Custom tailor, I presume?"

Doc Hollywood gladly returned the smile and handshake. "As a matter of fact, yes! Harold's Stitches, across the street. His prices are unmatched, too." He looked at the rest of the group and shrugged. "Seems fine to me."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Fine? He's completely forgotten who he is!"

The doctor let out an understanding chuckle. "Ah, well, we all need to be reminded of who we are sometimes. You know, I was originally a doctor of philosophy..."

Kelly shook her head in exasperation. "He has amnesia." She drew out each syllable, as though speaking to a toddler.

"Oh! It is serious, then." he exclaimed. He gently cupped Carlos' head, studying it. "And how did this happen?"

"It's all my fault. I hit the puck into the tree, and he had to climb up after it." Logan said, guilt visible on his face.

James shook his head. "No, no. It was my fault. I'm the one that made him take off his helmet, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but I think it's actually my fault." Kendall insisted. "The whole stupid bet was my idea."

Somehow, this snowballed into a mini argument. Kelly squeezed the bridge of her nose. "Guys!" she shouted, ending the bickering in its tracks. "It doesn't matter whose fault it is, okay? What matters is that Carlos gets better." The guys nodded and looked dolefully at their friend.

"She's quite right." Carlos agreed. "I hate to see you lot get so wound up over a thing like this."

Doc Hollywood affectionately smiled down at him. "And are you sure you really want to change him back? I mean, he's so darn polite!"

Just like that, he became the target of four withering glares. "YES!" they yelled, scaring the grin right off his face.

"Okay, okay..." he muttered meekly, holding up his hands. "Well. I happen to watch medical dramas—very informative stuff, by the way—and they all say the same thing: Unfortunately, amnesia has no surefire cure. He'll have to regain his memory on his own."

They traded worried looks. “So there’s nothing at all that you can do?” Kelly said sadly.

The doctor replied, "You want my professional opinion? I’d suggest skydiving. That adrenaline rush should jog his mind, keep him sharp." He snapped his fingers. "Ooh, or dirt biking! Dirt biking always cheers me up."

Out of all of them, Logan looked the most flabbergasted. "Or...maybe he just needs to take it easy?" he proposed, his voice dripping with “duh.”

Doc Hollywood shrugged. "Eh, I think my opinion is better. But, hey, it's worth a shot!"

Chapter 3: Big Time Charm

Everyone (minus Carlos) was seated at breakfast the next morning. Even though they were trying to converse normally, the pink elephant loomed in the corner: Poor Carlos had amnesia, and it was up to them to heal him.

Mrs. Knight was the first to offer comfort, as usual. "Look, guys. I know you're worried about Carlos. I am, too.” She refilled glasses of orange juice. “But all we can do right now is let him rest. I told him he could sleep as late as he wanted, if it meant he would feel better.”

Katie stirred her oatmeal, deep in thought. “You know, back in Minnesota, there was a kid in school who got amnesia after a snowboarding accident.”

The guys’ ears perked up. “Really? What happened to him?” James asked.

She paused. “Last I heard, he ended up in Duluth’s best asylum, where he apparently commits arson every time it snows.”

Logan choked on his cereal. Mrs. Knight shot her a scolding look, to which she averted her eyes and gulped a big spoonful of oatmeal.

“Well, that’s not gonna happen.” Kendall declared, waving his own spoon for emphasis. "I'm sure he's better already, and life will be back to normal in no time."

Carlos emerged from his room. As if on cue, everyone's mouths fell agape. Katie's spoon landed on the table with a clatter.

He was decked out in a charcoal gray cardigan, crisp white button-down, and pressed khakis. A black tie sat neatly below his collar. To top it all off, his dark hair was perfectly coiffed, with the faintest sheen of gel.

"Good morning, all!" he greeted, as cheery as ever.

Logan’s eyes looked as though they would pop. "Is...that one of my cardigans?"

Carlos glanced down and grinned apologetically. “Ah, yeah...sorry, mate. I riffled through my entire wardrobe. Didn’t much care for it. What was I thinking?” His gaze wandered over the table. “Anyway, what’s for brekkie?”

Mrs. Knight gave everyone a look that plainly said, “stop staring.” Once they had focused their attention back on their food, she smiled at him. “Good morning, sweetie! What are you in the mood for? Just name it.”

He thought for a moment. “Have you got any baked beans? Or some roasted tomatoes, perhaps?”

Her smile faltered ever so slightly. She shared a puzzled look with the others. “Uh...sorry, honey. No beans. Or, er, tomahtoes. Just oatmeal and cereal.”

She cracked open the bread box sitting on the counter. “But, uh, we do have...um...” She presented a plastic-wrapped package to him. “...English muffins.”

He examined the little round morsels and beamed. “Oh, that’ll do just fine! Thank you, Mrs. Knight.”

She breathed a silent sigh of relief as he sat down. “I’ll make you some scrambled eggs to go with them.” She hesitated. “That is okay, right?”

He nodded as he munched on his muffin. “That’d be brilliant. Could I have a spot of Earl Grey, too, please?”

Befuddled looks once again abounded across the table. Carlos chuckled nervously. “Uh, actually, orange juice will do.” With a sympathetic smile, Mrs. Knight nodded and began tinkering in the kitchen.

Logan had a hefty medical tome splayed in front of him. “Okay, according to this, a concussion victim must spend the first couple of days avoiding any activity.”

James’ eyebrows shot up. “Any activity? Like, at all?”

“So no dancing or singing? Boy, Gustavo is really not going to like this.” Kendall noted.

Carlos scoffed around a mouthful of muffin. “Well, fortunately, I feel swell. You can tell Sir Cranky that he has nothing to fuss over. I shall not let a lump on my noggin confine me.”

…..

Carlos was mummified in blankets on the Orange Sofa.

His three friends stood over him, their arms folded. He rolled his eyes at them. “Really, lads, this is absolutely absurd! Believe me, I have never felt more fine and dandy.”

Logan shook his head. “No, man, you are not ‘fine and dandy.’ You are ‘fragile and disoriented.’”

James put in, “What you need is a good long dose of R&R. Logan’s nerdy book said so.” Logan whapped his shoulder with said book, prompting an agonized cry.

Carlos glanced at the TV remote, which sat at his immobilized feet. He shifted around, trying to dislodge his arm. “At least let me peek at the telly—”

Logan immediately swiped the remote. Carlos glared at him. “Oi! What gives?!”

“Carlos, I’m sorry, but you can’t watch TV. For the first 48 hours after your concussion, you need to avoid screen time.” Logan explained sternly. He really did look sorry, though.

“And definitely no dancing, singing, swimming, or hockey. Which is what got us into this mess to begin with.” Kendall elaborated. Carlos fell silent, but he was clearly pouting.

The boys used this moment to deliberate. They faced away from the sofa, so as not to disturb him further. “Alright. One of us needs to stay here at all times, to make sure that Carlos doesn’t overexert himself. And, also, to ensure that he’s properly hydrated.” Logan whispered.

James gave a soft snort. “No problemo! You’re talkin’ to a human surveillance camera.”

“Yeah. After babysitting Katie for three years, you become an expert at these things.” Kendall assured.

Behind them, the door slammed. The trio whipped around.

He was gone.

“Oh, no.” they moaned.

…..

The elevator opened, and out walked Carlos. He hummed as he moseyed through the lobby. Occasionally, he offered a “good day!” to a bemusedly smiling passerby.

He passed Mr. Bitters, who was listlessly clacking away on his desktop. “How are you today?” he saluted.

The hotel manager did a double take. Upon sizing up the well-dressed young man, his eyes narrowed. “Lousy as always...Carlos.” Bitters’ wary leer never left him as he continued on his way.

Carlos lingered at the pool entrance. As he surveyed the many pool-goers, his vision settled on three girls. With a little extra spring in his step, he ambled onto the damp tiles.

The other boys tumbled out of the elevator. “Carlos! Where are you, man?!” James spouted as they tore across the carpet.

"Hey, uh—did a Brit come through here?" Kendall panted to a young couple walking past.

Bitters rolled his eyes as they dogpiled in front of his desk. “He’s by the pool. At least, I think it’s him.” he told them, his voice monotone.

They made a beeline for the double doors and screeched to a halt. Sure enough, there he was.

Carlos approached the girls' table. One hand was in his pocket, while the other lightly gripped “his” cardigan, as though it were a suit jacket. “Hello, ladies.”

They lowered their magazines at the same time. “What do you want?” they asked in equally perfect (and irritated) unison.

His smile was soft as he continued, “I am terribly sorry for disturbing you, but I just...felt the need to say something to you all.”

“Then say it and leave. And drop the dumb accent.” the blonde girl snapped.

Carlos hesitated. “Alright…well, I couldn’t help noticing how positively radiant your hair looks this morning. It’s as though the angels themselves wove it from the sun’s rays.”

They froze for a barely discernible beat. The curly-haired girl was the first to regain her attitude. “Listen, Carlos, we know this is some sort of prank. You can’t fool us that easily.”

He looked confused. “A...prank?” He chuckled. “I beg your pardon, Miss, but I assure you: I treat matters of the heart quite seriously.”

The third girl, who donned bangs, stood up. “‘Serious’?” she scoffed. “There’s nothing ‘serious’ about you, Carlos. You could never be ‘romantic’ if you tried. End of discussion.” And she held her palm in his face.

He responded by gently curling his hand around hers, a sad sigh escaping his lips. “Well, maybe you’re correct. Perhaps I truly am not good enough for an epitome of feminine beauty, such as yourselves. I only hope that we can reach a civilized compromise and...be good friends?” He brought her hand up and brushed his lips against the back of it. His eyes twinkled as he smiled into hers.

In spite of everything, all three of the Jennifers blushed. The other two rose from their chairs, smiles playing about their lips.

“I think he’s finally lost it.” Blonde Jennifer remarked. “And I never thought I’d say this, but I kind of like it.”

Kendall, James, and Logan watched in awe as the Jennifers linked arms with their friend. The four of them walked out of the pool area.

“Unbelievable!” James groaned. “He bumps his head, and now all of a sudden he’s the Palmwoods Casanova!”

“Well, look at it this way: Maybe talking to more people will help him recover?” Kendall suggested, but he sounded very unconvinced.

Logan’s face suddenly lit up. “Hold on—Kendall, that’s it!”

Kendall and James looked at each other. “Uh—what’s it?” the two asked curiously.

They could practically see the gears rotating in Logan’s mind. “This is kind of a long shot, but it might work: We could try recreating some of Carlos’ old memories! Maybe if he actually interacts with the events he’s forgotten, he’ll remember who he is.”

Kendall grinned. “The Big Time Brain always comes through! And I know just the person who can help us.”

Chapter 4: Big Time Acting

Kendall rapped on the door of 4J.

A few moments later, it opened. Camille beamed when she saw the three boys standing there. "Oh, hey, guys! What's up?"

Kendall hurriedly spoke. “Camille, we are in dire need of your acting chops once again.”

“Yeah, Carlos fell out of a tree. It really messed up his brain. Now he has amnesia, and thinks he’s someone else.” Logan explained.

Camille gasped. “Oh, no, not sweet Carlos? That’s horrible!” Her forehead creased. “But...how can I help?”

“Well, we’ve compiled a list of Carlos’ most important memories.” Logan went on, brandishing a paper filled with text.

James added, “And we want you to help us recreate them for him, so we can get our little buddy back.”

“Our non-British little buddy.” Kendall tacked on.

She nodded quickly and took the paper. After scanning it, she pointed at one of the typed sentences. “I could have a go at this one. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

They looked at her forefinger’s place. “‘First date with Abigail Jones.’” Kendall read.

James smiled wistfully. “Oh, yeah, the eighth grade. Carlos really thought it was a good idea to take her to see the blockbuster of that year.”

Camille raised a questioning brow. “What’s wrong with that?”

“It was ‘The Return of Dollareyes the Clown.’” Kendall informed her.

She flinched. “Oh. I still have nightmares about that one...”

Logan suddenly chuckled—a strange, skittery laugh. “Uh, a-are you really sure about this, Camille? I mean, I know you’re a trained actress and all, but, uh, that might be kinda hard to pull off...”

Camille waved a hand and scoffed. “Please. I’ve tackled roles way more challenging than this. Besides, I’ll do anything to help Carlos. I want him to be back to normal just as much as you do.”

The boys (except Logan, who still looked a little uncertain) smiled widely. “Now,” she said, her eyes roving across the paper once more, “I just need the character profile, and we’re in business.”

…..

Carlos skipped along the freshly mowed Palmwoods Park lawn. It was a gorgeous Wednesday—azure sky, birds twittering, sunlight pouring through the magnolias…

...and, unbeknownst to him, his every move was being watched. Under the shelter of their trusty tree hats, Kendall, James, and Logan peeked through binoculars. Their bastion of choice: the park’s hedges.

“Lilac, I repeat, Lilac! Do you read me? Over.” Kendall whispered into a walkie-talkie.

Camille sat on one of the benches. A book laid open on her crossed thighs. Her dark brown hair was in a French braid, held in place by a small lavender bow. She wore a cream-colored blouse and purple plaid skirt. As Kendall’s voice crackled by her side, she sighed and held up her own walkie-talkie.

“Yes, I ‘read’ you. But do we really have to use code names?”

Kendall pressed the device’s button again. “Affirmative, Lilac. And you’re supposed to say ‘over’! Over.”

She groaned. “Fine, ‘Emerald.’ Over.”

Kendall huddled next to Logan. “Raven, is the parabolic microphone in place?”

Logan discreetly stuck the microphone inside the dense hedge. “Aye aye, Emerald.”

James spotted Carlos first. He fumbled for his walkie-talkie. “Lilac, Oxford Blue is approaching. I repeat, Oxford B—”

“James, I can see him, okay? Just stay cool.” Camille hissed.

“Hey, that’s ‘Rose Gold’, to you—!” Logan snatched James’ walkie-talkie, cutting him off.

Carlos passed Camille and immediately backpedaled. "Pardon, Miss. I don't mean to impose, but...have we met somewhere before?"

She looked up from her book, a perfect expression of surprise written across her face. "Oh! Um, I don't think so?" She held out her hand. "My name is Abigail Jones."

He smiled and shook it. "I am Carlos Garc—" He stopped. He seemed to be considering something.

She looked at him worriedly. "Are you good?"

He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Uh, it's nothing, Miss Jones. Your name, it...rang a bell, for some reason."

As these words came through the boys' microphone, they swapped excited glances. "That's it, Carlitos...come on, ask her..." Kendall said quietly.

Carlos smoothed his hands over his khakis, a seemingly anxious gesture. "Say...would you care to join me on my morning promenade?"

She stood up and smiled sweetly. "I have an even better idea. I hear they're showing 'Dollareyes the Clown: The Last Act.' Wanna go see it?"

He froze. The bells in his head were now ringing off the hook. "Ah...uh...certainly! That—that would be lovely." He offered her his arm, which she gladly took.

“We’re relocating to the movie theater. Move out, gentlemen!” Kendall announced. The three of them tiptoed away, tree hats bobbing over the hedges.

…..

Carlos sat bolt upright in the plush maroon seat. His eyes were wide and uneasy, transfixed on the enormous screen. He grimaced as the killer clown appeared, for what seemed like the twentieth time.

Camille winced as well, but she turned to him with a brave face. “You liking it so far?”

He swallowed. “Uh, well, I’m going to be perfectly honest: I’m not partial to horror films.”

The guys’ heads popped up two rows behind. “What?!” James hissed incredulously. “He once told us that ‘Dollareyes the Clown’ is the best movie of all time!”

Logan sighed. “James, he doesn’t remember that.”

Popcorn suddenly geysered all over the theater as a jumpscare flashed onscreen, accompanied by a very Carlos-esque scream.

“Now, that was more like the Carlos we know and love.” Kendall smirked. “I’d call that progress.”

…..

Later, Carlos and “Abigail” were walking back to the Palmwoods, hand in hand. The three guys followed cautiously, with Logan clutching the parabolic microphone. They hid behind whatever structure they could find—a tree, a mailbox, a parked car—while staying as close as possible. Every so often, Camille would toss an anxious glimpse over her shoulder.

As they peeked around a corner, Logan spotted something. “Check it out!” He jabbed his finger at an umbrella-shaded food cart up ahead.

“‘Willy Dilly Dogs.’ That’s where Carlos had his very first corn dog, back in Minnesota!” he reminded, showing them the list of memories.

Kendall swiped a pebble off the pavement. He flung it at Camille’s back, causing her to shoot him a questioning (and slightly annoyed) look. They frantically motioned for her to come over.

Camille sighed, plucked the little purple ribbon out of her braid, and dropped it down her blouse. Then, she put on her own frantic act. “Oh, dang it! I lost my bow.”

Carlos smiled chivalrously. “No worries, my dear—I can go back and search for it...”

“No!” she cried, flattening her hands against his chest. She caught herself with a flighty giggle. “Ah, I mean, let me do it, Carlos.” She speed-walked in the opposite direction, disappearing around the corner.

“What now?” she asked.

“There’s a food cart back there called Willy Dilly Dogs. That’s where Carlos ate his first corn dog. If their dogs don’t hurtle him back to reality, nothing will.” Kendall explicated.

“And, just so you know, you can quit at any time.” Logan added, evoking smacks from his bandmates.

Camille winked as she pinned her bow back on. “Got it.” She turned and walked back, her Mary Janes clicking down the sidewalk.

“What’s the matter with you, dude?” James rebuked, glaring at Logan.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? It’s just—weird, you know?” he struggled to explain. “I mean, it’s my ex-girlfriend, and my best friend, who doesn’t even remember I’m his best friend...”

Kendall held up a hand, silencing him. “If it’ll get Carlos back, it’s worth it. Besides, this was your idea, remember? Now,” he ordered, “get that parabolic microphone ready.”

Chapter 5: Big Time Corn Dogs

“Found it!” Camille announced, flaunting her “salvaged” bow. “Hey, you know something? All this walking has worked up an appetite.”

She pointed at the food cart. “What do you say we grab lunch from Willy Dilly Dogs? I hear their corn dogs are amazing.”

Carlos regarded the cart for a moment. “Corn dogs?” He hesitated. “What are those, exactly…?”

Behind the corner, the guys facepalmed.

Camille was taken aback—he really was in bad shape. “Oh, um...well, it’s like a hot dog, but it’s...on a stick. It doesn’t really have corn, though.” She grabbed his hand, dragging him towards the cart. “You know what, just try one. You’ll see.”

She smiled at the man running the mini kiosk. “Hi! Two corn dogs, please.” After paying for them, she handed one to Carlos. “My treat.” she grinned.

Carlos evaluated the funny-looking food with something between curiosity and suspicion. He took a modest little bite.

And, somewhere in his muddled head, angels began to sing.

Camille chewed hers slowly, waiting. “Well…?”

He almost didn’t hear her. All he could think about was the symphony of deep-fried, hot dog-y goodness marinating in his mouth. “That...that’s...” His face broke into a huge grin. “That’s totally rad!”

The boys winced as their microphone whined feedback. But they were smiling. Had they finally unlocked a core memory?

Carlos’ eyes fluttered. “I—I apologize, Miss Jones. I...don’t know what possessed me just now.” He glanced abashedly at his wingtip shoes. The others groaned. Back to Square One.

Camille gave him a sad smile. “Hey, um, it happens to the best of us.”

He gazed at her intently. His face gradually moved closer to hers.

“Wha—wait, what is he doin—MMF!!” Logan’s yells were cut off by his friends’ hands, which had immediately clamped over his mouth and shoved his writhing form to the ground.

Once his lips were inches away from hers, Carlos paused. “Ah...listen, Abigail...”

Camille swallowed. “Are you okay, Carlos?”

“No...I mean, yes. I’m fine. But I think it would be best if we stayed as friends.” He bit his lip, anxiety darkening his features. “Please don’t be offended, Miss Jones. I wish I could explain why I feel this way...”

She shook her head, her smile rueful. “No, Carlos, it’s okay. I understand.”

They embraced tightly. Once he was far enough down the sidewalk, she sighed and trekked back to the corner.

“Well, that didn’t work.” she said unhappily. “He still thinks he’s British, and he just wants to be friends.”

“Good!” Logan blurted out.

They all stared at him. He cleared his throat. “Uh, it’s good that he sees her as a friend, because it means that he remembers her as Camille. Not Abigail.”

James frowned. “This is just great. What are we gonna do now?”

Kendall’s cellphone began sounding off the chorus of “This Is Our Someday.” He held it to his ear.

“Hello? Oh, hey, Kelly.” A few moments of silence. “Okey-dokey, we’ll be right over.”

He stuffed the cell back into his jeans and looked at the others. “Now, we are going to meet Gustavo in his office, for reasons that I don’t even want to imagine.”

…..

“Dogs. Status report.” Gustavo demanded the minute they’d stepped over the threshold.

“Carlos still has amnesia, and so far, none of our remedies are working.” Kendall said matter-of-factly.

“And neither is my band.” Gustavo snapped. “You three need to fix your friend ASA-Immediately, because Griffin wants me and Kelly to start adding tour dates. I cannot have one of my band members babbling the Queen’s English and waving crumpets in my boss’ face!”

“We just need a little more time, Gustavo.” Logan explained despairingly. He had his medical book tucked under one arm. Now, he began thumbing through it in a frenzy. “Here! It says that the majority of amnesia cases don’t last for more than a few days.”

“I’m gonna hold you to your little book, Doctor Geek.” Gustavo snarled. “In the meantime, none of us are going to breathe a word about this new setback to Griffin.”

“What new setback?”

The four of them jumped. There, in the doorway, stood none other than Arthur Griffin. Abdul, his deadpan assistant/servant, stood off to the side.

A panting Kelly appeared behind him. “I’m sorry, Gustavo...I told him you were in a meeting, but he insisted.”

Gustavo briefly glared at her. Then, he gave his manager an extremely fake smile. “Griffin! Uh...new setback? Pshhhh,” He strained out a laugh, “who said that? What I said was, uh, ‘duet track.’”

Griffin’s knifelike gaze fell on the three boys. They nodded hastily, their smiles just as plastic.

“I was thinkin’ that, maybe, one of the songs—‘Show Me’—would sound better as a duet. Don’t know who to duet with, though!” he rambled on.

The older man’s smile was as sweet as battery acid. “Ah, yes. Because you are the one who makes the decisions, is that it?”

Gustavo’s grin slid off his face. Griffin stepped forward and continued, “We will have a duet when I say we can have a duet. And besides: Collaborations cost money. Money that could be invested in more important things, like Big Time Rush’s upcoming tour. Or Elvis Presley's secret stash of freeze-dried peanut butter bacon sandwiches."

He ignored their confusion to say, “Now. Where is Carlos?”

“C-Carlos?” Kendall squeaked. “Um, well, he’s...uh...”

“Taking care of an injured baby deer!” James blurted, a little too loudly.

Logan, Kendall, Gustavo, and Kelly threw him looks that screamed, “have you lost your mind?!”, but Griffin looked pleased.

“Oh? Well, good for him!” he praised. “We could use more Good Samaritans like that. I happen to love deer.”

Gustavo stared at the ceiling. “Let me guess: You have a pet deer?”

Griffin looked at him, brow lifted. “Oh, I didn’t mean as pets.”

Their aghast expressions also went unnoticed by the CEO. “Anyway, I just came here to get a status report. So,” His eyes drilled into the sweating record producer, “Gustavo. Status report.”

Gustavo met Kelly’s gaze, silently pleading with her to save him. She mustered her resolve and cleared her throat. “The boys will start rehearsing on Monday, Mr. Griffin. Gustavo just...needs to go over some moves with the choreographer. You know how detail-oriented he is.”

“Correction: The boys will start rehearsing tomorrow.” Griffin asserted, adjusting his striped tie. “And not a day later. Chop-chop, Gustavo! We wouldn’t want these boys to forget their responsibilities, now, would we?”

With that, he and Abdul left the office. Five pairs of horrified eyes stayed glued on their retreating forms.

Chapter 6: Big Time Call

“Okay, Carlos is listening to classical music in his room. Why did you assemble this super-important pow-wow?” Mrs. Knight asked as she entered the living room.

The “pow-wow” included the boys, Katie, and Camille. Except for Kendall, they were all gathered on the Orange Sofa.

“Because things are gettin’ desperate, Mom.” Kendall explained, pacing across the area rug. “Tour rehearsals start tomorrow, so Carlos needs to be himself again. Fast.”

“Yeah, and not his posh, scary-movie-hating, classical-music-loving self.” James chimed. He tipped his chin in the direction of Carlos’ room, where the muffled works of Bach were floating through the door. “He’s still having a diminutive fluke.”

“Dissociative fugue.” Logan corrected him with a lour.

“Well, seducing him with his old school crush failed.” Camille mused, her legs crossed Indian Style.

“So did feeding him Willy Dilly Dogs’ famous corn dogs.” Logan added, waving the sheet of memories.

“So...what are we missing? What did we forget?” Kendall griped.

Katie sat up. “Just think: What did the old Carlos treasure the most? More than anything?”

As if by a light switch, everyone’s collective brain cell shone with understanding. “His helmet,” they synced in a perfect six-part harmony.

“Of course! Remember what Carlos said yesterday, after taking it off?” Kendall said excitedly to the other two boys.

Logan’s eyes sparkled. “He said that his papi gave the helmet to him when he was six.”

“After his very first hockey win!” James nodded.

Katie smirked at her brother. “I think you know what you have to do now.”

Kendall made a finger gun at her, grinning. “Right.” He faced Mrs. Knight. “Mom. I need you to make a call.”

…..

The next morning, a black-and-white motorcycle rumbled into the Palmwoods�� parking lot.

Its stocky rider sported a shiny white helmet and black police uniform. He snapped the kickstand into place and dismounted, swinging one heavy black boot over the seat.

Kendall, Logan, and James were already waiting for him. He leisurely trod over to them, his mouth set in a rigid line. Once he reached them, he simply stood there, not uttering a word.

Without warning, his granite countenance crumbled into a sunny grin.

“Chicos! So, so good to see you again...been far too long…!” he exuberated, crushing all three of them in a fierce bear hug. When they started gasping for air, he reluctantly freed them.

“Thank you so much for coming, Mr. Garcia. I guess my mom already told you the bad news.” Kendall said sympathetically.

Mr. Garcia nodded, the grave look returning. “Yes. Flew down as soon as I heard. Mi hijo, been getting himself into trouble since he learned how to walk.” He paused, thinking. “Or crawl. So, how did it happen this time?”

Logan decided to answer. “It’s pretty silly, actually—he climbed a tree to go after our hockey puck.”

“Ah, well,” he laughed, his eyes crinkling warmly. “that’s my boy!”

…..

“That’s my boy?”

Mr. Garcia stood in 2J’s kitchen, not sure what to make of the sight before him. Carlos, looking preppier than ever in a white polo shirt (complete with a navy blue jumper tied around his neck) and tan chinos, was sitting cross-legged on the living room floor. A set of tiny metal jacks was scattered in front of him, and he held a small red ball.

“Oh, hello there!” Carlos beamed. “Just having a quick game of jacks. Really sharpens the mind, it does!”

Mrs. Knight leaned close to the bug-eyed father, her face full of pity. “Um...I left out a few details over the phone. We figured you needed to see it to believe it.”

Mr. Garcia slowly approached his son. “Carlos! How’re you doing, mi muchacho?”

After catching the little bouncing ball, Carlos stood up and held out his hand. “I’m just splendid! It’s lovely to make your acquaintance. What might I call you?”

Mr. Garcia’s smile faltered. “Carlitos...I am your padre. Your father!” He hesitated. “Don’t you remember me…?”

The boy’s face was a blank, nonplussed slate. Suddenly, he brightened. “Ah, of course, Father. My sincerest apologies. Please, won’t you join me for a game? Or rummy, if you’d prefer?” Seemingly out of thin air, he flourished a deck of playing cards.

“Ay, dios mio...” Mr. Garcia moaned.

Kendall took this opportunity to intervene. “Actually, we were thinking about a nice game of hockey, in Palmwoods Park.”

Now it was Carlos’ turn to waver. “But...I thought I needed to avoid such activities? With my head being barmy, and all...”

“Yes, but, it’s been 48 hours since your concussion.” Logan explained, sliding into view. “So, you are officially free.”

“Listen to your friends, son.” Mr. Garcia urged. “Exercise is good for the mind, too, you know.”

“Well, uh...I don’t...” Carlos stammered. Before he could object further, all three boys began to practically carry him out the door.

Mr. Garcia watched them vanish down the hall. Then, he turned to look at Mrs. Knight and Katie. His eyes were quizzical and, understandably, concerned.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Garcia.” Katie reassured. “We’ve got a plan.”

“They always do.” Mrs. Knight suspired.

Chapter 7: Big Time Hockey

Carlos stood by a tree, clumsily putting on his hockey gear. Meanwhile, Kendall, Logan, and James huddled together on the grass.

“Now, remember: Carlos can’t lose. We need to play as badly as possible, so he can win. Got it?”

“Got it.” Logan and James agreed.

Their audience consisted of Mr. Garcia, Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Camille, who were seated on benches. They clapped and cheered words of encouragement as the boys got into position. Camille nudged Katie and whispered, “Do you really think this is gonna work?”

To which Katie sighed and replied, “I’d give it a fifty percent chance of success.”

As always, Kendall dropped the puck. His, Logan’s, and Carlos’ sticks fought for power once again, but Kendall and Logan were clearly playing as lazily as they could. Carlos was, too—except he wasn’t acting.

James wasn’t diving or trying to guard the goal—in fact, he was hardly moving. He simply stood there, in the center, playing the role of the World’s Worst Goalie.

Carlos finally smacked the puck, hard...it skimmed over the ground, gained speed, rocketed towards the goal…

...and bounced off James’ stomach.

“Really? Really?” James shouted, holding up his arms.

Katie sighed again. “Make that forty percent.”

…..

Things were not going well.

No matter how poorly the others played, no matter how much space James gave him, Carlos could not make a goal.

During the fifth round, Carlos did not clearly see where he was aiming. He only realized where the puck had gone when he heard the pained yelp of a Yorkie. The hapless little dog zoomed off into the distance, leaving its frazzled owner to sprint after it.

During the tenth round, he shot the puck into the path of Buddha Bob’s riding mower. The apologetic maintenance man ended up returning what was left of their useless, mutilated puck (luckily, they had a spare).

During the eighteenth round, he slipped. This somehow catapulted the puck into the net’s metal frame, which caused it to ricochet off the trunk of a tree, which sent it whizzing into Carlos’ filthy white helmet. The poor boy toppled over and landed in a vat of mud. All the spectators grimaced at the resounding squelch.

“I can’t believe it!” Mr. Garcia wailed. “He hasn’t scored a single time! Back home, my boy was the best on his team!”

Katie sadly looked on as the dejected Carlos laid there in a muddy, pathetic heap.

She took a deep breath—drastic times called for drastic measures.

She planted one foot on the bench, hoisting herself up. “What’s the matter, Carlos?” she yelled. “Are you too much of a pansy to win one game?!”

Everybody turned to stare at her, wide-eyed. As her eyes met Kendall’s, she winked. He smiled and winked back, catching wind of her plan.

“Yeah, man, I didn’t think head trauma could turn you into a loser!” he called.

From his crumpled position in the slimy dirt, Carlos blinked. What was happening? Why were they all screaming at him?

Camille decided to get in on the act, cupping her hands around her mouth. “You’re a disgrace to the jersey, Carlos! We thought you were better than this!”

Mr. Garcia’s eyes darted from this spectacle, to Mrs. Knight, and back again. “Wh—What are they doing to my son, Jennifer? Carlos does not deserve this!”

She put a gentle hand on his arm. “It’s all part of the plan, Senior. Just watch.”

Before Carlos knew what was happening, he found himself being bombarded by a cacophony of insults. How could his friends do this to him? It wasn’t fair...he couldn’t just lay there and take this…

He rose up, a fire blazing in his chest.

“I’m not a loser...” he growled, seizing his stick as though it were a sword. “I’m the KING OF THE RINK!!”

With an earth-shattering war cry, he charged at Kendall and Logan, knocking them over like giant bowling pins. He danced the stick from side to side, expertly dribbling the puck along the dew-sodden grass. His grunt was almost animalistic as he flung the black disc with all his might—

—past an unsuspecting flock of pigeons—

—over a misting sprinkler—

—between James’ padded legs—

—right into the net.

There was stunned silence. Half a second later, everybody stood up and cheered.

Carlos straightened and spun around. Kendall and Logan were still flat on the grass, mouths agape. “Kendall…? Logan…? A-Are you guys good…?” he said anxiously.

“Carlos! Your accent is gone!” Kendall exclaimed, scrambling off the ground. James trotted over to them and joined in the chum-hugging, back-patting festivities.

A small, confused smile curved Carlos’ lips. “Uh, what accent?”

The others looked at each other. “You...You hit your head, Carlos.” Logan explained slowly.

“Yeah—and it, like, rattled your brain so much that you thought you were British, dude! You were stuck in a destructive fruit for days.” James elucidated.

“Dissociative. Fugue.” Logan gritted out.

“You really don’t remember any of it?” Kendall asked, surprised.

Carlos shook his head. “Nope! But I sure do remember that epic goal I scored just now!” He unleashed a loud, triumphant hoot.

James slapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Good to have you back, King!”

Shortly thereafter, a dazed but beaming Carlos was being swarmed by his friends and family. Before Mr. Garcia could smother his son in a hug, Kendall stopped him. “Here,” he whispered, handing him a small item. “give him this.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Carlos noticed his father approaching. He was holding something—something very, very familiar…

“My boy,” Mr. Garcia grinned, “I believe this is yours?”

It was his helmet. His black, shiny, beloved helmet.

He looked into his dad’s face, gaping. “Papi…?”

Mr. Garcia nodded, his eyes glittering. After ridding himself of his mud-splattered white helmet, Carlos set the spotless black helmet atop his head. The two Garcias shared a loving grin.

“RAHHHH!!” they roared, knocking their helmeted heads together. Laughing hysterically, Carlos propelled himself into his dad’s tight embrace.

Katie noticed Mrs. Knight dabbing at her eyes. “Mom...are you crying?”

Mrs. Knight tearfully smiled at her daughter. “Oh, uh...it’s just the pollen, honey...” Katie shook her head, but she too was smiling softly. It was hard not to be moved by the touching sight.

The Jennifers sashayed up to the crowd, cutting the emotional moment short. They cocked their heads and scowled at Carlos.

"Ahem." Jennifer with Bangs said curtly.

"We have a date today, Carlos. Or did you already forget?" Curly-Haired Jennifer accused, folding her arms.

Carlos fell from his father’s hold and rushed to them, his face a mixture of shock and joy. "Oh! Uh, no! Of course not!"

He cleared his throat, tugged at his soiled jersey, and rearranged himself into his idea of a "suave" pose. "So, ladies. I heard through the grapevine that 'Dollareyes the Clown: The Last Act' is in theaters. How about we check it out...from the back row?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The girls' faces scrunched up, like they suddenly had manure under their noses.

"On second thought, the date's off." Blonde Jennifer snorted. "You haven't changed one bit."

Turning briskly on their heels, the Jennifers strutted away from Carlos' very puzzled face.

Mr. Garcia clapped his back. "Never mind 'em, son. They ain't worth it." Carlos smiled sheepishly, before engulfing him in yet another hug.

"And besides," Kendall said, stepping next to them, "we've got a tour to rehearse for."

Chapter 8: Big Time All Over Again

"I blaze the night, in harbor lights," Kendall crooned into his mic. "You dressin' light, it’s fittin' right..."

Big Time Rush was finally rehearsing on a small stage, in Rocque Records' studio. Standing by the stage was Gustavo, Kelly, and of course, Griffin. Gustavo and Kelly looked proud but anxious. Griffin was critically observing every dance move and vocal lilt, his arms crossed over his suit jacket.

"I, I, I, I wanna see you, you, you, you," Carlos sang (while proudly wearing his helmet), accompanied by Logan. "Telling me that, that, that you got what I need, do, pretty girl, don’t speak..."

All four combined their voices in pitch-perfect harmony: "Baby, show me, by the way you hold me, way that you control me, speed me up or slow me.

"Oh, when I’m lonely, full of stormy weather, can you make it better? I heard what you told me...so-o, oh, show me."

They ended the song with a classic "boy band" pose, mics lowered at their sides.

Griffin turned to Gustavo and Kelly. To their immense relief, he was genuinely smiling. "Gustavo, you have created four singing and dancing machines! I have to say, I’m impressed."

He faced the band with an even brighter smile. "Boys, I think All Over Again is going to be a bigger hit than your last album—and your world tour will be a smash! Where do you want Big Time Rush's first stop to be? Just name it."

The guys contemplated this for a bit. "How about...London?" Carlos tentatively suggested. Kendall, Logan, and James traded a private little smirk.

Griffin pursed his lips. "Done." He turned again. "Gustavo, you heard them. Make their first stop London...or else." He smiled pleasantly, while Gustavo made a strangled noise. Kelly laid a hand on her boss’ arm, trying to steady him.

"Um...we'll see what we can do." she chuckled awkwardly.

The boys let loose whoops of joy. "YEAH! LONDON, HERE WE COME!" Carlos exulted, throwing his hands up. As he did so, his mic flew above their heads and crashed into one of the spotlights.

Everyone tensed as the light made its slow-motion descent, lower, lower, and lower...

...and landed on Logan.

"Logan!" the guys exclaimed, almost in unison. Gustavo and Kelly dashed onstage. Griffin, in typical Griffin fashion, calmly trailed behind them.

Carlos shook his friend's shoulders. "Dude! You okay?"

Logan sat up groggily. The gang stared with bated breath, waiting for him to speak.

Instead, he grinned—a lazy, crooked grin. "Oh...howdy, y'all." he drawled.

Their jaws went slack. “Uh...‘howdy’?” said a flummoxed James.

"Y'all...?" added Kendall.

Logan mellowly scratched his head. "Well, yeah. This is Texas, ain't it? How do y'all 'spect a cowboy to talk?"

They hung their heads and released a collective groan. Incongruously, Griffin was still smiling. "I don't know about you, but I think a little Southern charm is just what this band needs!” he remarked. "Although, I would have preferred a refined English gentleman."

Gustavo, Kelly, and the three non-concussed boys froze. After exchanging some disturbed looks, Gustavo announced, "Alright, let's take the cowboy to Doc Hollywood!"

So, off to Doc Hollywood's they went, carrying the dopily smiling Logan like a sack of potatoes.

The End

#big time rush #my fanfiction #fanfiction #btrtv

16 notes · View notes

declanscunt · 1 year ago

Note

do you have any headcanons about kenstewy post-finale?

BOY DO I‼️‼️‼️ THANK U FOR ASKING STRAP IN

okay. in alignment with the shows values and characterization (as in, if we continued observing these characters post gojo sale), i think stewy would fully ignore kendall until he called. he might text him a couple times to make sure he was alive or whatever but he’s gonna be partying and living his best life. also, to stewy this is the best outcome ever. he gets his money (i don’t know enough about business to know if he stays on as a shareholder but either way i think he doesn’t lose anything from this. except for a few years of his life thanks to roy shenanigans) and KENDALL GETS OUT. which is what he asked him to do way back in season 1. stewys so happy and content post-finale literally cat that got the cream. AND he didn’t alienate kendall bc he still voted with him. anyways, kendall’s gonna ghost (schrödinger’s suicide) and go off the rails! for sure!! because this is not something he can come back from, there’s no more pretend demons to fight—logan’s dead and the company’s out of family hands forever there isn’t anything he can do. but colin is not letting another roy die on his watch no way so unfortunately for kendall he’s gonna live. and eventually he will find his way back to stewy and stewy will offer him sex drugs whatever to fill his time and the logan shaped hole inside of him. the end.

alternatively. NOT in alignment with jesse armstrongs vision. kendall goes to stewys place immediately after the events of the finale and becomes his best boyfriend whose new purpose is to make stewy feel good forever and ever and ever. they go on vacation and make pancakes and waffles and kissssssss. kendall and stewy sitting in a tree. k i s s i n g.

my personal headcanons include: they get caught out by paparazzi who have lots of fun speculating about them until they literally just start making out alll over the place which ppl r into for a very short period of time before they get annoyed. and then mostly nobody cares anymore except a subsection of insane gay people who wanna see old men yaoi as they should. i think kendall starts up a flop rap career which stewy wholeheartedly supports and indulges, and then he starts a record label and signs a billion flop acts but somehow lucks out with one really talented musician who manages to boost kendall’s reputation even though his job at the label is literally Do Not Do Anything Or Say Anything Or Touch Anything just let the professionals work Please. eventually a producer convinces him to record and release L to the OG which blows up. kendall records an album that’s mostly covers with some originals (that are actually kind of good) and goes on tour. the tour flops because he runs out of steam halfway through and becomes manic again but we can’t have it all. stewy is there the whole time enabling him of course.

also i wanna believe kendall would patch things up with his kids and they all hang out with him and stewy. my pipe dream headcanon is that sophie and iverson somehow become radicalized and vow to give away all their generational wealth and become nepo baby activists or whatever. all the roy children turn out to be gay. etc. this got away from me it was meant to be kenstewy whoops

#kenstewy #succession #succession spoilers #asks #anon

76 notes · View notes

the-ravenist · 2 years ago

Text

My pretty boy

James Diamond x Black!BG!Reader

Reade is bigender, reader is called both girlfriend & boyfriend, uses she/he pronouns, established relationship, sad/pouty james, , based off of the show, james is a simp for reader, just some cutesy fluffy comfort type shit, if the ending looks rushed my bad

"Is he okay?"

"I'm not entirely sure."

The three friends stared at their usually sparkly, peppy friend, which is now gloomy and pouty. Now they don't know what to do in a situation like this, well maybe they do. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan take a seat next to James's pool chair, Logan on one by his right, and Kendall and Carlos sharing one by his left. So to get an idea of what exactly they're dealing with, they decided to as some questions. And sadly in which, James all said no. Kendall started first.

"Did you run out of hair spray?"

"No."

Then Carlos.

"Are you going bald?"

"No."

Then Logan.

"Did you lose your lucky comb?"

James showed his named Lucky comb and responded with another, "no."

"Then what's wrong," they chorused.

...

"I wasn't called pretty today!"

"..huh?"

A red flush rose to Jame's cheeks at his claim, yeah something as simple as that had put him in such a depressing mood. To his friends, they thought that James was overreacting, just a tad.

"(Y/N) calls me pretty every day," he whines a bit. "And he hasn't yet."

Loga was the first was to come out of his confusion.

"Okay wait," his friends turn to look at him. "So because your girlfriend didn't compliment you today."

"You decide to be all sad and pouty," Kendall continues.

"Yes," James sighs. "Is it so bad that I want my boyfriend to call me pretty?"

Before they could say anything, James interrupted them.

"And before you can say anything, it has been two," he holds up two fingers to express his point. "Two whole days that she hasn't called me pretty."

"So now I'm sad," he leans back in his chair with a pout.

Logan, Kendall, and Carlos share a slightly concerned glance. Carlos was the first to suggest his solution.

"Do you want us to call you pretty?"

"No!"

"Okay quick team meeting," Kendall whispers to the only ones, not in a pouty mood.

The boys leave the pool, and into the lobby, Kendall standing in front of the shorter boys.

"Okay so what are gonna do about," he point to the bandmate curled up on the pool chair. "The sad James Diamond?"

"Yeah, his unnatural sad mood, is kind of concerning," Logan comments.

"But if he doesn't was us", Carlos moves a finger between the three of them. "To call him pretty then what do we do?"

"How about we do the smartest thing we can think of," Kendall says.

"Well I guess that we can grab (Y/N) from Roque Records, bring him here and that'll bring James out of his sad mindset," Logan and out.

"Do you really Gustavo is going to let her go like that," questions Carlos.

"No," replies Kendall. "And if he doesn't we'll just sneak him out."

"Right," Logan comments.

"Sounds easy enough," adds Carlos.

As they stand in front of the producer they always wonder where their confidence goes, it's like the man has a confidence remover superpower. Mustering up his confidence Kendall, unsurprisingly, was the first to say something.

"So, Gustavo we know that (Y/N)'s been working hard in the studio for the last two or so days," hesitance is clear in his tone.

"And we were wondering if we could kinda, sorta," Logan continues. "Take her away for a little bit."

"Sure," the producer says after a beat of silence.

Yet that goes unheard for a bit, as the boys start yelling excuses.

"Wait did you say yes," now realization had hit them.

"Yes, yes I did," Gustavo agreed.

"Listen, guys," Kelly's voice gains their attention. "(Y/N) has been working since last night, and he needs some rest."

"Let me shorten Kelly's long-winded excuse," he interrupts. "(Y/N) hasn't left this building, so go and take her to her apartment and let her rest."

The boys haven't moved from their spot.

"What are you waiting for?"

"We have no idea of where he is," Logan speaks up.

"Oh, he's in Studio B," states.

Kelly and Gustavo watch as the boys scramble out of the office, shaking their heads with small smiles.

(Y/N) watches as Carlos, Logan, and Kendall tumble into the small studio from the sound booth.

Pressing a button, she leans into the mic speaking into it.

"Hello boys," said boys look towards the booth that holds the very person that they were looking for. "I'm guessing that you looking for me."

"In fact, we are," Kendall smirks.

"Yeah, we kinda need you to come to the Palm Woods," Logan rushes out.

"Yeah, James is sad," Carlos adds.

"Wait, why is he sad," (Y/N) says as he rushes out of the booth.

"He needs you to complement him," Logan explains.

"More so, he needs to you to call him pretty," Kendall adds.

"Well, what are we waiting for," she starts. "Let's go."

The group ran to the Palm Woods, in search of their usually flamboyant friend. And there he was still sitting in the same pool chair, hair wet and a towel around his neck. He'd probably gone for a swim to clear his head, it didn't do much. They don't know if his eyes are watering from the chlorine or just plain sadness.

Either way, the sight still made (Y/N)'s heart break a whole lot.

"I know this might sound rude," she started. "But damn does he look pitiful."

"Tell me about it," the boys say.

"Alright, so he wants me to compliment him," (Y/N) asks, speaking clarification.

"Yes, because apparently, you didn't complete your daily dose of," Logan's voice turns sarcastic. "Ego fuelling "

"Don't be rude to baby like that," (Y/N) punched Logans' arm.

"Anyway," interrupted Kendall. "You need to go fix James, make him all..."

"Sparkly," Carlos whispers dramatically.

"Exactly," the other hockey players agree.

"Alrighty boys," the designated boyfriend cracks his knuckles. "Let me do my thang," (Y/N) started walking towards his pouty boyfriend.

As the boys watch their friend heads toward her boyfriend.

"Should we leave them be," Carlos asks as he watches (Y/N) sit next to James.

"Yeah, this seems kinda personal," Logan agrees as he leads his friends away from the pool.

Moving the attention to (Y/N) and James.

"Hey James," the gentle call of his life breaks James out of his mood. (Y/N) pretty much saw his boyfriend's eyes sparkle when he saw him.

"(Y/N)," he cheers. But his mood quickly sours. "Where were you?"

A long sigh passed (Y/N)'s lips. She didn't mean to work for as long as she did, promise. But when an idea strikes, you have to do something about it or you lose it. And it took two days of work to make sure that every detail is written down.

"Well, you know me when it comes to work bubs," James preens a bit at the nickname. "When I start working, I just can't stop," a chuckle passes (Y/N)'s melanin lips.

But a slight frown bleeds onto his lips again, and he softly grabs James' face. He leans into his hands as a little smile dances onto his lips.

"But seriously," she whispers as she makes their forehead touch, eyes connected. "I'm so sorry, sparkles," the boy huffs at the name. "Can my pretty boy forgive me," she rubs their noses together, his slightly wet, and eyes closed.

A smile breaks on her face at the bashful giggles from her boyfriend.

"I don't know," James backs up a little bit. "Does my boyfriend deserve an apology," sarcasm laced his voice.

"Oh, so that means that I can return the flowers I bought?"

"Wait, flowers," he watches as she pulls out a bouquet of camellias and roses, his favorites, from behind her back.

"Yeah," James gently takes the flowers from your hand with a flustered face. "I saw them on my way here, and I knew they were your favorite," (Y/N) could feel the heat rise in his cheeks. "So of course I just had to get them."

A beat of silence passes between them.

"Well, with your apologies," James' voice comes out as a whisper. "And these amazing flowers," he practically shoves his nose into the bouquet. "How can I say no?"

"You can never say no," she teases. She quickly places herself in front of James, in his chair. Her hands grab his face again, the force making him drop the flowers in his lap.

" 'cause my handsome man," he squeezes James's cheeks. "Says no way too much."

"So what am I supposed to say?" James's speech is a bit muffled due to his face being slightly pressed.

"Nothing," she sighs. "Just sit pretty and receive my compliments."

A smug smile crawls on his lips, "I can do that," he murmurs.

"Well, I do have two whole days to catch up on," she eye rolled affectionately.

And thus the smothering begins

"my boy is handsome," a kiss on his forehead.

"beautiful," eyebrow kiss.

"gorgeous," eyelid kiss.

"sparkly," kisses on his cheekbones with muted giggles.

"strong," chin kiss.

"confident," nose kiss. "A bit too much," James lets out an appalled squawk.

"and last of all," the words are a bit murmured by their lips brushing against another.

"my," small peck, "pretty," longer peck, "boy." Then a long passionate kiss to seal the deal, a kiss filled with nothing but love and adoration for one another.

"Do you feel better, my prince?"

"Yeah," he gazes at his boyfriend; eyes full of love. "I am, and I'll always be."

fin

This is honestly a filler until I can post my other fics, and there will be more fillers coming don't worry

#james diamond x reader #btr x reader #big time rush #james btr x reader #black reader #x black!reader #x black reader #black!reader #james maslow x reader #bigender reader #x reader #she/he reader

119 notes · View notes

transmutationisms · 2 years ago

Note

i'm not great at watching TV so i never knew what to expect from a new succession episode (and tbh i think most tv critics are also bad at guessing what will happen on this show) but after finding your blog it's amazing how predictable things are because you Get It. like i guess i'm not predicting per se but when ken started talking about denying the body's failure and living forever i was like "oh yeah just like tumblr user romanroydinnerparty was saying"

honestly i wish i was some kind of predictions genius lmao but yeah i thought the whole living+ thing was very well executed. i mean it's sort of the perfect look into this brand of techno-capitalist fantasy: the world is dangerous, but we'll keep you safe, healthy, and constantly stimulated. in some ways the entire show has been an exploration of how aging and dying are configured as moral weakness under capitalism, and so here's kendall's proposal for mitigating that danger: a technological deus ex machina. it's intolerable for this type of worldview to suggest that bodily weakness may be inevitable and internal; it always has to be an external danger or a moral failure that sufferers have brought upon themselves. if you can't generate value and show that with your body then you're already socially dead. like it's very deliberate and necessary, the way that living+ offers health and fitness as part of its package—essentially the proposal is to create the perfect gilded cage to preserve and produce an endless supply of labourers who will be coddled into compliance and kept healthy enough to grease the wheels of america's economic machine forever.

#blood sacrifice

101 notes · View notes

foxes-that-run · 1 year ago

Text

Betty

Betty was written with William Bowery. In the credits, Joe is a producer. In the Long Pond Session, Taylor said James and Betty wind up together, but he really put her through it. In the Eras Tour Taylor introduces Betty, (Transcribed Betty Speeches) likening it to HYGTG. She says it is about a teenage boy trying to apologise to the love of his life:

youtube

There are songs with a high school metaphor (Betty, August, INTHAF, MA&HBP & Suburban Legends) that have Haylor references. The metaphor of 17 year old James for late teen HS and Betty for Taylor is clearer. To me, I think Augustine is loosely based on Kendall Jenner, but Taylor has also shown she identifies with this role also.

To Vulture Aaron said:

This one Taylor and William wrote, and then both Jack and I worked on it. We all kind of passed it around. This is the one where Taylor wanted a reference. She wanted it to have an early Bob Dylan, sort of a Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan.

It's unusual for Taylor to have a direct throw back musical reference like that play such a role in the song. This may be William Bowery's influence, Taylor said that William Bowery played her a lot of diverse music. Harry Styles has a similar approach.

Lyrics

Betty, I won't make assumptions About why you switched your homeroom but I think it's 'cause of me Betty, one time I was riding on my skateboard When I passed your house It's like I couldn't breathe

The opening reminds me of Wish you Would & Style with him passing her house, now on a skateboard rather than Range Rover. (cute video of Taylor recording the skateboard)

Harry has Asthma and uses oxygen on stage. This last line also reminds me of his anxiety, which Taylor has referred to in New Years Day (squeeze my hand in the backseat of the taxi) and Now that we don't talk ( Did you get anxious though On the way home?)

You heard the rumors from Inez You can't believe a word she says Most times, but this time it was true The worst thing that I ever did Was what I did to you

It's well known that James, Inez and Betty are Blake and Ryan's kids. I always wonder how Inez will feel about this line when she's older.

Here I think her name is standing in for the media, specifically I think of Perez Hilton which was a bigger thing in 2012. This is a call back to when Harry kissed a girl in Australia in April 2012.

The worst thing line is a reference to Where do broken hearts go's line "Counted all my mistakes and there's only one / Standing out from the list of the things I've done / All the rest of my crimes don't come close / To the look on your face when I let you go"

[Chorus] But if I just showed up at your party Would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself? Or lead me to the garden? In the garden would you trust me If I told you it was just a summer thing? I'm only 17, I don't know anything But I know I miss you

In the Long Pond Sessions, Taylor said 'William Bowery' wrote this whole chorus. It includes references to a number of songs about Harry and Taylor's relationship:

HYGTG "Stand there like a ghost / Shaking come the rain, rain / She'll open up the door / And say, are you insane, -ane?"

Cruel Summer "And I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate"

Style: " I heard / That you've been out and about with some other girl, some other girl" / He says, "What you heard is true, but I Can't stop thinkin' 'bout you and I" / I said, "I've been there too a few times"

To be so Lonely: "Don't blame me for falling / I was just a little boy Don’t blame the drunk caller / Wasn't ready for it all" and "You said you cared / And you missed me, too"

Betty, I know where it all went wrong Your favorite song was playing From the far side of the gym I was nowhere to be found I hate the crowds, you know that Plus, I saw you dance with him

Suburban Legends "“I am standin’ in a 1950s gymnasium” in Suburban Legends and here Taylor is using a metaphor for a prom or school dance for an event. In Suburban Legends she is proud to be with him, here they are using it as a reason to escape together.

Wildest Dreams "He said, "Let's get out of this town / Drive out of the city, away from the crowds"" and who could blame either of them. I Know Places is also all about the avoiding crowds

The seeing Betty dance with someone else reminds us of Exile (I can see you standing, honey / With his arms around your body), Woman ("While he’s touching your skin He’s right where I should, where I should be") and To be So Lonely "Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?"

I was walking home on broken cobblestones Just thinking of you when she pulled up like A figment of my worst intentions She said "James, get in, let's drive" Those days turned into nights Slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long

Cobblestones links it to Cardigan, and indicates it is set in London or New York.

I love 'figment of my worst intentions' for temptation, in Style she sings of him being with someone else and thinking of TS.

Betty, I'm here on your doorstep And I planned it out for weeks now But it's finally sinkin' in Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when You see my face again The only thing I wanna do Is make it up to you So I showed up at your party

This verse is similar to HYGTG, Wish You Would and The Last Time.

Also this is similar to the leaked Half the World Away "I messed up, you'll be fine / I'm gonna sleep alone tonight / Never gonna be the same"

Yeah, I showed up at your party Yeah, I showed up at your party Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch In front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only 17, I don't know anything But I know I miss you

The stupid friends like reminds me of Suburban Legends "I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs / Would surprise the whole school / When I ended up back at our class reunion/ Walkin' in with you" They are both expressing wanting HS and TS to be showing off their relationship, which they kept private.

Standing in your cardigan Kissin' in my car again Stopped at a streetlight You know I miss you

Kissing in cars matches Cardigan "To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed" and also matches the many references to driving.

If I could fly "I'm missing half of me when we're apart"

TBSL "You said you cared / And you missed me, too"

#haylor #folklore #betty #song analysis #Lyric analysis

17 notes · View notes

nessiithatsme · 1 day ago

Text

Unexpected Connection - Logan Henderson

Chapter 5

Logan

The restaurant was casual and relaxed, the soft lighting casting soft shadows across the table, the wine in our glasses a deep red, reflecting in the candlelight. We sat together, the boys and I, as if nothing had ever happened, as if we had never stopped on this crazy journey. And somehow it was. We had been through a lot in the last few years, but now it was that familiar, exuberant mood that had always connected us – just like in the old days.

"I swear, the best days were always when we were just hanging out together," Kendall said and downed the rest of his red wine in one gulp. 'Do you remember when we hid the cameras and Logan was convinced the crew would never find them?"

I laughed and raised my hands. 'Hey, I really thought that was genius. Those things were tiny – at least for the first twenty minutes."

Carlos shook his head and started snickering. "Logan, you ruined the entire shooting schedule with that stunt! I remember how the director almost had a nervous breakdown. In the end, we had to apologize collectively to the whole crew – and all because you absolutely wanted to play hide and seek!"

"Oh, come on, you were all in on it," I defended myself and clinked my beer with Carlos. 'We all survived it and kept our jobs, didn't we?"

"Yeah, because Carlos went down on his knees to the producers like a madman,' James interjected, pulling a grimace. "That was, I think, the moment when I first considered just punching you in the face, Logan!" James added with a laugh.

"I just made sure that we all continued to get work and didn't sabotage ourselves right from day one," Carlos countered with mock outrage, but couldn't stop laughing. "But Logan, with you it often felt like you saw yourself less as an actor and more as a chaotic ringmaster on set."

Kendall laughed and raised her glass to Carlos. "Honestly, Logan, you were the king of chaos. Script? Pff, what for? Stunts? Let's do something more dangerous! Crew mad? No problem, see you tomorrow! You kept everyone on their toes with your ideas."

"A little creativity never hurt anyone," I said innocently and shrugged.

"Creativity? Logan, sometimes what we allowed ourselves was borderline," Carlos shook his head and grinned. "And then I always had to pretend that I was the responsible one in the group."

"Yes, exactly!" James snorted. "Carlos, you never slowed us down! At most, you pretended to slow us down, just to kick ass at every after-party yourself."

Carlos rolled his eyes, but grinned crookedly. "Come on, I had to make sure that none of you did any nonsense on your own. If we're going to spread chaos, then at least do it together – team spirit and all that."

We all burst out laughing, the confusion of our voices blending perfectly at that moment and taking us back to the old, wild days for a brief instant. "All right, okay, we definitely overdid a few jokes," Carlos admitted, "but it was the best time, right?"

"Absolutely," Kendall said, raising his glass. 'Sometimes when I think back, I feel like we produced more chaos than content."

"That was our secret!' James interjected. "The show was really just an excuse to wallow in chaos 24/7."

We all laughed and clinked our glasses again before I took a deeper sip from my glass. I could feel how much we had all enjoyed that time that evening. And yet I knew that we would also get lost in conversations in which we would tease each other.

"Speaking of..." Carlos said, putting down his glass and looking at me with a curious look. 'Did you notice that Lydia wasn't in a good mood when we left?"

"Yeah, I noticed that too,' Kendall said, who had apparently picked up on the situation in the same way. "She was really tense when we said goodbye. What was going on?"

I sighed and leaned back, looking thoughtfully into my glass. I knew that the moment would come eventually, that they would bring it up.

"Hm... I guess it could be me," I finally said, shrugging. "I had a little run-in with the hotel manager today – Emma White. She was pretty... well, direct."

"Direct?" Kendall repeated, and I could already see the sharp grin on his face. 'I don't think that's enough to piss her off that much. What did you do, Logan?"

"I complained a little bit about my room. She wasn't too thrilled about it,' I said, trying to make it sound casual. But I knew that no matter how serious the situation was, it would always make the guys smirk.

"The hotel manager stood up to you, Logan?" Carlos' voice sounded almost too surprised to be true. "That's almost... an enlightening moment."

"Do you feel like you've finally found a woman who can really stand up to you?" James asked with a broad grin that almost made him look a bit too mischievous. "That must be it! It sounds like she's the first person who really knows how to put you in your place."

"What?" I said, trying to play it down. But it was too late, the damage was already done. The guys looked at me like they'd found the holy grail.

"Oh man, you really need to explain what happened," said Kendall, sitting down a little further. "You can't just say that a hotel manager gave you an announcement and then act like it's nothing. You somehow managed to always show us a little bit that you were the big guy. But here... she probably stole your show."

"Great, now you're telling me about the woman who stands up to me,» I said, leaning back in my chair to appear more relaxed. "She just gave me a little... advice on how to do things right here at the hotel. End of story.»

"Oh, Logan, you're amazing,» James laughed. "You never really realized that not everyone is impressed by you, did you?"

"Oh, give me a break," I mumbled while the guys laughed. 'It really wasn't that big of a deal."

"I don't know, Logan,' Carlos said, grinning from ear to ear. "It almost sounds like she threw a wrench in your plans a little bit. And now you're here trying to tell us she didn't teach you a lesson?"

"Guys, seriously, stop. She didn't teach me anything," I said, even though I knew that was exactly what they were doing. "It was just a... little discussion. But if you all enjoy it so much, then enjoy it."

"Do you know what this means, Logan?" Kendall said, winking at me. "It just means we found a woman who matches your level of skill. Now you have to ask yourself if you're ready to finally look at yourself in the mirror."

I rolled my eyes and tried not to get too involved in the conversation. But inside, I knew that they had hit the nail on the head. Emma White was definitely not the kind of woman you could easily overlook. And something about the way she had stood up to me didn't let go of me as quickly as I would have liked.

Emma

As we entered the Italian restaurant, I immediately felt the tension of the working day melt away. The familiar warmth, the smile of the waiter who greeted us – all of this made me feel at home. It was the perfect place to clear my mind, and to be honest, I couldn't wait to relax with Eliot.

There was a pleasant lightness to the evening. Eliot and I sat at our table, surrounded by the familiar scent of Italian food—fresh tomatoes, garlic, and basil wafting through the air. The wine was good, and we talked about old times. About my childhood, the chaotic days with my parents, and our little quirks that always made us laugh.

Eliot took another sip of wine, swirled the glass, and then looked at me with a mischievous grin. "Remember when I wrecked Dad's car?"

I felt my face change instantly as the memory came back. "Oh God, stop it, please. You mean the car that you treated like a race car when you were 17?" I asked, with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

"Yes, that's the one!" he laughed, leaning back.

"And do you remember how you took all the blame even though it was really my fault?" Eliot grinned when he saw the look on my face, which immediately darkened.

I let out an annoyed sigh and looked at him. "I can't believe you're bringing that up now," I said, taking another sip from my glass to organize my thoughts. "And I was still so stupid and took the school on myself. I got three months of house arrest and a cell phone ban because of you!" 'Hey, who was your slave for half a year and did everything for you?' Eliot defended himself, raising his hands in supplication.

"That's right!" I laughed. "And it was the best six months of my life. You really took care of me."

We laughed some more, as we always had. It was one of those intimate, relaxed evenings that you rarely get – and even more rarely enjoy when you're always in the hustle and bustle of life.

After a while, the conversation became a bit more casual, and Eliot, never at a loss for a joke, brought up the topic of something that visibly threw me off track.

"By the way," he said suddenly, glancing at the restaurant, 'when are you finally going on a date again?"

"Eliot,' I said with a sharp look. 'Not now."

"Come on,' he grinned. "You know I always keep an eye out for possible candidates for you. Look at the guys here – there's bound to be someone here who meets your standards."

"What do you mean by 'my level'?" I raised an eyebrow and took a swig of wine. 'You're not serious, are you?"

"Yes, sure,' he said with a smile that I recognized immediately. He pointed with a finger in the direction of the table directly behind me. "There, for example..."

I turned to the first man he pointed to. A guy in a dark blue suit who seemed a bit too perfect to me. The way he adjusted his glasses had something of a law clerk who had just made it out of college.

"Oh yes, sure," I said dryly, 'he's a bit too businesslike for me. And do you know that I don't feel like talking to someone who's always talking about stocks and taxes?' I then turned back and tapped my glass. 'Not for me."

Eliot laughed. 'You're impossible. But okay, we'll keep looking."

He pointed to a second guy sitting by the window, sipping an espresso. "You might like this one. He looks like an artist, a bit mysterious, don't you think?"

I had to admit, the guy had this mystical aura – he was short, wearing a striking leather jacket and a strange cap. The look in his eyes seemed to come from a completely different world.

"It's really not my style, Eliot. He looks like he talks about artistic topics all day while smoking expensive cigarettes. No, thanks," I said with a wry smile.

"Really? He has exactly the right flair for you," he just said and kept laughing. "Okay, okay, but you won't be able to deny that there is a lot more choice here."

As he said this, I realized that he had let his gaze wander through the restaurant again, and then he pointed to another table, this time in the corner of the room. I turned slowly and looked where he was pointing without really thinking.

And then my heart stopped for a moment.

"What?" I said in a whispering tone and almost dropped the wine when I saw him.

"Over there. The one in the middle. What do you think of him?" Eliot grinned as he pointed at the table.

I just stared – there sat Logan. My heart skipped a beat, and suddenly the room was a bit too loud, the atmosphere much too dense. Logan, together with his band colleagues.

I could have recognized him anywhere, but it felt completely different to see him now. He was sitting there, smiling and with a glass of red wine in front of him, his bandmates next to him, laughing, enjoying themselves. But he – he looked like he recognized me right now, just as I recognized him. And that's exactly what I didn't want.

"Oh God," I murmured. "He's here."

"Who? The guy with the band?" Eliot asked, apparently unaware of what was going on inside of me.

"Yes," I said, forcing myself to remain calm. But inside, it felt like my heart was racing through my chest. "He's the... the guy I told you about."

"Ah, you mean Logan Henderson?" Eliot grinned even wider. "Oh, that's interesting. And what are you doing now?"

I ignored him. My eyes were fixed on Logan, who now seemed to be looking at me too. In that moment, I knew that there were no more ways out.

2 notes · View notes

gemsofthegalaxy · 1 year ago

Note

“The other characters, despite ignoring him as much as possible, implicitly trust Greg's word on things”

THIS. Nothing funnier than when someone says, can’t remember which episode, “confirmed through Greg and ratfucker Sam” and everyone’s like “well IN THAT CASE” like it was fact-checked by the Pentagon and the CIA

I also can't remember that exactly actually but, like, it happens all the time lmao.

In s1 when Logan is back in the office Greg is the one to inform Tom of this. Again, Tom tells Kendall that Greg told him about Ewan and Kendall just believes him.

I'm fairly sure there are instances i am missing, i need to finish my rewatch of S3, it's not as fresh in my mind, but still. Tom sends him to get information about Matsson and he produces a bunch of factoids, and, again, not only Kendall but Roman and Shiv trust his word in late S4 without question.

Greg does things and makes choices that reverberate and cause major parts of the plot to move forward, he's the one who allows Kendall to go on his second rampage to try to bring Logan down in s3 when he tells him off-screen he still has the papers. It's very clear what happened in the framing of that scene, on the plane he tells Kendall it's messed up what Logan did and then there's some lingering shots, then we see Greg with the papers and Kendall at the press conference, once again being the actual impetus of a whole season-long plot like he was with telling Gerri about Tom's plans and also keeping the docs in the first place.

#succession #greg hirsch #i like greg. this is gods hardest battle apparently?

16 notes · View notes

btr-rewatch · 1 year ago

Text

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 1: “Big Time Audition” PART 4

Links to parts ONE, TWO, and THREE

Final post for this episode!

Highlights: Kendall can't stop questioning authority, the band falls apart before it can even get started, and we finally reach the end of this very long journey through episode one.

I must say that, so far, I'm finding the show to be every bit as funny as I remember it being. There are lines that are delivered in such a quick, snappy way that they sort of smack you in the face before you have a moment to process it. The woman from the marketing team saying, "Boys, we researched and electro-shocked focus groups to determine the exact look and name that will sell millions of records," is one of those lines.

I think part of what makes the BTR experience such a unique and enjoyable one is the fact that they basically live in a world that's like ours, but they also don't. It's our world cranked up a few extra notches, which I know is intentional (isn't the point of the show that it was supposed to feel like a live-action cartoon?) but it's still very funny to imagine this as being reality. Sometimes it seems like there are no rules in the BTR universe. People just do what they want. Ridiculous, off-the-wall things happen on the regular. Something is deeply wrong with the structure of their world, but it's never addressed in the slightest. Love it.

After going through a series of terrible makeovers (James thinks all of them are good), Gustavo introduces the guys to their first song, "Girl Time." And I love Kendall's expression as Gustavo goes through the whole spiel. I can't tell if this is Kendall Knight smiling mockingly at how ridiculous Gustavo is or if this is Kendall Schmidt breaking character. Either way, it's delightful.

Meanwhile, James is so serious about it. He's like, "Yep, it's Girl Time. Got it."

I'd also like to bring attention to the various ways Kendall has been addressed in this episode.

By Kelly: "Tall, blond, and eyebrows."

By Gustavo: "Mr. Make Us a Pop Group"

Also by Gustavo: "Mr. Question Everything I Do"

Biggest laugh of the episode goes to when Gustavo is reading all the girl-themed songs on the record wall and goes, "Girl Like You, Girl You Are My Girl, Hot Girl, Cold Girl, Girl to My Heart, Yard Squirrel Christmas—I forgot that one was there..."

That caught me totally off guard, and I'm glad I wasn't taking a sip of water at that moment because I would have choked on it.

Anyway, after screaming at the guys, Gustavo—who thinks he might've finally gotten the upper hand on his smart-mouthed band leader—decides it's a very good idea to do this to Kendall.

And the LOOK Kendall gives him.

This kid is seriously considering whether or not he wants to have his picture shown on the evening news tonight because he strangled famous music producer Gustavo Rocque with his bare hands.

Listen, I love Original Kendall, and I am going to hold onto him for as long as I possibly can. There was this restrained, vaguely threatening air that surrounded him. Kendall was playing this character as if he was a guy one wrong step away from snapping, and I am here for it.

Ultimately, Kendall opts to make a joke instead of doing anything that will get him thrown into juvie, and we get a funny news scene reporting on the small earthquake that struck the surrounding area as a result of Gustavo's anger.

When the time rolls around to finally get into the recording studio, Kendall continues to have his disruptive behavior on full display.

This episode really is just The Kendall Show, isn't it? I feel like the other three have hardly said more than a few lines?? They're mostly there so far just to react to things and occasionally chime in. For the most part, it's been forty minutes of "Watch Kendall Do Things." I mean, the other guys have their personalities pretty laid out, but there's no depth yet, and they feel more like sidekicks. Kendall is the one running this show. He's living his life, spewing out pep-talks as needed, causing trouble, kicking butt and taking names, etc.

Naturally, things only escalate from there, and Gustavo ends up resigned to his new boyband project being a lost cause.

I had to screenshot the exchanging of looks while Gustavo announces their failure via song because it's just so indicative of the way the guys will "divide" up over the course of the show. That, I remember very clearly. While they were all tight-knit, there was a prevalent pairing of Kendall with Logan and James with Carlos in terms of the ways the boys gravitated toward each other, specifically with the two who need that leadership and guidance the most: Carlos and Logan. You can see it right in this scene—both in the order they're standing in and where the glances are directed.

Carlos looks to James, and Logan looks to Kendall, which explains the overall dynamic nicely, I think.

Back at the Palm Woods, James is furious that his friends (mostly Kendall) have sabotaged his chance at being famous, and you know what? He's right. They all knew James wanted this the most out of all of them. It's literally his biggest dream! But they (*cough* Kendall *cough*) made a big joke of it at every possible turn. They (KENDALL) could have tried harder.

After getting into a fight and being pushed into the pool by Katie, the guys end up sulking around the fire.

James: "I could stay here and be a model; I'm still great-looking. Or the star of a reality show."

Carlos: "Which one? Project Idiot?"

Super funny, yet uncalled for. This fiasco really isn't James's fault, Carlos. Please direct your anger at your reckless, defiant leader, Kendall Knight.

Kendall muses that after all they've gone through, they never even got to sing together, which leads them into another—and the best—rendition of the "Giant Turd" song. They get a rousing round of applause, Kendall delivers his fourth inspirational speech (with musical accompaniment!) and they all decide they should give this thing a try.

Also I have such vivid memories of the commercials Nick played in the weeks leading up to the show's premiere. Kendall's line "One, I love singing. Two, I love singing with you guys," was always featured prominently in it, and I remember seeing the commercial and thinking, "Looks like such a lame, cheesy show." I had zero intention of watching, but then my sister and I were lounging around channel surfing on that Thanksgiving weekend and happened to catch it just as it started. It was one of those, "Might as well. There's nothing better on" moments.

Cue me proceeding to never miss an episode, seeing them in concert, and meeting them three times over those next three and a half years. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Our four lovable goofballs decide to behave and pull themselves together enough to start to resemble a band.

And they do it! They become a full-fledged boyband in two days and impress the pants off of Griffin.

Gustavo is pleased, though he still does have his nitpicks. "Carlos still can't sing. Logan still can't dance. And I still can't stand James."

No critiques for Mr. Knight, I see.

This brings us to the end of the episode. Everyone celebrates! They can stay in L.A. for the next three months! And we've learned the very important lesson that if you fly into an angry rage, get security called on you, and start a physical fight at a talent search audition, you get REWARDED with fame and fortune.

Haha, I kid. The lesson is, of course...

Well, that's a wrap on episode one! This is so much fun. I am thriving, everyone.

#big time rush #btr #btr rewatch #btr season 1 #kendall knight #carlos garcia #james diamond #logan mitchell

19 notes · View notes

myloveforhergoeson · 1 year ago

Text

That's All She Wrote - Chapter 19

Chapter Index

Find me on wattpad + ao3!

Show: Big Time Rush

Pairing: James Diamond x Original Female Character

Chapter 19: No Sleep Till Brooklyn ~ 11k

Jo and Camille,

You’ll never believe who took my phone the first day of tour and refuses to give it back because “I have more important things to be focused on right now.”

I KNOW HE CHANGED MY LIFE BUT SOMETIMES I HATE GUSTAVO ROCQUE. And I’d never say I hate Kelly, but I am upset she let him do that… SOS!

Thanks to my expert negotiation skills, I’m allowed one call to my Dad per week - like this is some kind of prison or something - so I’m going to do my best to write letters to both of you in order to keep you updated.

While it took a long time for Gustavo, Kelly, and I to map out this tour path, I didn’t think about what it would mean to be crammed on a handful of buses with both the band and our musical accompaniment. Our lovely producer and talent scout get to take flights and stay in five-star hotels, but I’m okay to travel by bus. I’ve only been to Minnesota, Wisconsin, and California, so I’m excited to see the country this way. First stop - Orlando! In three days!

We booked three buses, one for the musical accompaniment (technically I’m one of them I suppose, but the boys say they hate road trips with Logan, so I just snuck onto the bus he’s on to keep him company), and two for the band. Each one has three tiny bunks, some couches, a full bathroom, most of a kitchen, and plenty of cabinet space for snacks, games, and anything we could possibly need. For now, I’m writing from the couch, sitting next to a napping Logan, and Carlos is up front making friends with the driver, Henrietta. The other bus is currently transporting Kendall and James.

Speaking of, after Gustavo told us the tour was back on after the concert when I came running to you two to tell you what had happened, James practically ran straight to 2-J to pack and hasn’t spoken to me since. I thought I had done everything right but I guess maybe he wasn’t actually into me after all. Maybe just the thrill of surviving a kidnapping?

“I lived through this so now I can kiss Roxy!”

Blegh.

Though, I suppose it might be a good thing… After thinking about it while I was packing I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now, if that’s even something he’s interested in. Sure, I like him, but I think I still need some time to get over what Dak did to me. As much as I don’t enjoy thinking about it, they bare many similarities and that scares me a bit more than I’d like to admit.

Pop stars

Can be self-absorbed

‘Cuda extra strength hairspray

Pretty

I should probably quit while I’m ahead, but I guess I’m gonna learn my lesson if I keep playing with fire and then promptly getting burned.

All my love,

Roxy

***

Hey,

It was so humid in Orlando that it took me an extra hour to fix my hair before the show, but other than that, we had a lot of fun! I’m really proud of the show we put together and getting to perform for a new crowd all the way across the country was so surreal. There are people who know all the words to my songs, more than willing to scream them right in my face… If only that pesky boy band wasn’t in the way.

Just kidding!

Today, we’re heading to Mansfield, Massachusetts - one whole day on the bus and a show tomorrow. I’d look up some facts about the town to share but, you know, no phone or whatever. Warden Rocque hasn’t changed his mind even after the combination of pleading from the five of us…

Before the show in Orlando, I got to talk with the guys in the musical accompaniment band a bit more, they were super nice! Mick, the bass player, is pretty quiet and mostly hangs out with Gustavo and Kelly since they’re old friends, but Austin, the drummer, is our age and easy to get along with! He goes to a performance arts high school in Los Angeles called Hollywood Arts (Can you believe that’s a real thing?! A whole school just for acting, singing, and growing musical talent?!)

Austin and I have somewhat similar music taste, and his father taught him how to play the drums, just like my dad taught me how to play the guitar! We’re alike in many ways, and since 1/4 of Big Time Rush wants to ignore me right now, I think I’ll be spending more time with him…

It’s bad that I thought James might kiss me again at the show last night, right? I stood in the same spot side-stage, putting on the same lipstick and everything, but he and the band just ran past me on the way to the other side of the venue. I wonder if he told them what happened; everyone else is being normal to me.

Logan says he misses you so much, Camille! Quickly followed by a panicked statement, “Not that I don’t care about Jo, it’s just different!” Kendall joined us on the bus today, swapping out with Carlos, and said, “Tell Jo I vow to get my phone back so I can call her again,” and when I asked him why he didn’t write you letters too, he claimed that stamps were too expensive. Perhaps your boyfriend is both illiterate and broke, Jo, and for that I’m sorry.

See you soon, even if soon isn’t soon enough,

Roxy

***

Thought of you both today, and it made me so happy,

We just arrived in Agawam, Massachusetts, which is only two hours away from Mansfield, so we had a quick show turnaround for the day.

I never knew going on tour was so exhausting, it’s like I’m constantly running around the venues, checking our equipment, making sure the proper snacks are in the band’s green rooms, or seeing if the stage crew needs any help. We have two big eighteen-wheelers to carry all of our stage equipment… I can’t imagine being in charge of all that stuff - the stage manager is a saint!

This morning, Gustavo dragged us out of the bus around 6 am to get to a local radio station so the band could promote their show tonight live on the air. They even gave a pair of tickets away to a fan, it was so fun to watch and reminded me a bit of my radio days. I might call my old boss and ask her if BTR can get on Project Pop when we finish our tour in Duluth.

While the band was working out with our athletic trainer to keep in shape for the show this evening, I hung out with Austin a bit more. He was nice enough to show me his drum kit and I think I’m going to ask him to teach me how to play if we have some free time. It looks a lot more fun than the piano, plus I get to hit things. Drums are a crucial part of instrumental songwriting, and I could really use the knowledge of a seasoned drummer to help me learn.

James saw us together today when he made his way to the stage to warm up for the show, and I might be overexaggerating but I think he was a bit put off by it. I thought about talking to him about it, not that I need to ask if it's okay or justify who I hang out with, but I actually think he and Austin would get along really well if he could stand to be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes.

I think it should be illegal to kiss someone and then promptly ignore them. What if I wanted to kiss him again? And again? And again?

Anyway, I wish mail traveled fast enough that you two could send me replies and I’d be guaranteed to get them at the next venue. It feels a bit like I’m writing to a brick wall here, but it certainly keeps me occupied during our very rare downtime. The couch on this bus has become my unspoken spot (the bunks are too narrow and small for me to feel comfortable in them) and I need to do more than just sleep here, listen to my iPod, or write/play my guitar.

Until the next letter,

Rox

***

Hello!

Too many things happened today for me to record before the show, I’m writing you two a nice list as we drive away to our next stop.

James rode the bus with Logan and me today (a two-hour ride to Saratoga Springs, New York) and the two of them ignored me almost the entire time and just played their stupid video game on the TV. All I got was a “Hey, Rox, can we use the couch?” and some semblance of a thank you when I told him yes. Ugh. Is “Hey, Rox, remember when I kissed you last week? Wasn’t that so awesome? Wanna do it again?” too much for him now? It feels like I sucked all of his fun, flirty, carefree attitude straight out of his body.

I asked Austin if he could teach me how to play the drums and he said yes, as long as I helped him write a song for a fun summer project. Apparently, a good chunk of the kids at his school are songwriters too, how neat! If they write something like a short scene of a play, a song, or a musical composition and present it in the first few weeks of school, they get extra course credit. I wish the Palm Woods school had something like that - I’d be rocking straight A’s the entire year.

It was finally time for me to call my dad today, as per Warden Rocque’s direction, and he’s doing okay. Nothing ever changes with him, so I’m pretty at ease as we travel. Kelly let me put him on the guest list for the Duluth show, and even though I know he won’t really like our music, I think he’ll admire the production. He always wanted to tour around the country, and I hope showing him some backstage magic can help satisfy the teenage rocker he used to be. Maybe it’ll be a good time for him to meet Kendall, Logan, and Carlos too!

The band was recognized in public for the first time today while we were waiting in line for coffee! I’m not sure if the girl posted the photo I happily took of her and the boys to ScuttleButter, but I hope you two can find it so you can see their dazzling, shocked smiles. They were beyond ecstatic; Carlos spilled most of his drink from how hard his hands were shaking with adrenaline. Good thing he wasn’t wearing his concert outfit or Gustavo would’ve thrown a fit.

I was hoping to sneak away and take a train to New York City since we got here so early in the morning, but that is what happened instead. We’re playing Madison Square Garden near the end of the tour, so I’ll see the city then, but I’m worried I’ll be too tired and burnt out to enjoy it.

Warm wishes,

Roxy

***

Friends,

Sorry for the lack of letters these past few days! We’ve been so busy getting from New York to Oklahoma, we haven’t stopped anywhere with a mailbox I could easily find. You know what would make it easier for me to find a post office? Having my phone.

I’ve probably complained about that enough, right?

Over the course of this particular trip, I’ve been traveling with Logan and Carlos and I’m beginning to understand why the boys claim road trips with Logan are tough. He has a pretty strict expectation for cleanliness, which Carlos and I do not adhere to at all - but in helping clean up and placing things in their bunks to help put a rest to Logan’s anxiety this afternoon, I learned he has a picture of you, Camille, tapped to the top of his bunk. It’s been pretty well hidden by the curtain he keeps drawn, but I caught a glimpse of it this afternoon. So romantic!!! I imagine Kendall has something similar of you, Jo, but I’ll have to wait until he’s back in rotation with us to double-check.

I wonder if it’s exhausting for the other three to keep moving around, or if they prefer it that way. For me, I like knowing that Bus 1 is my bus… Having to haul all my stuff from one bus to another feels like an excellent way to lose some of my things.

Do you think if James and I were together he’d have a picture of me in his bunk? The thought of him falling asleep to dreams of me… Seems impossible. And exhausting to work for. If he’s going to be all hot and cold like this, I’m not sure I’d be able to take it, but on the other hand, it’s not like I’m communicating with him either because whenever I even try to bring up anything related to us at all, I freeze up and all the thoughts exit my brain before I can get a word out. Maybe we are made for each other after all since neither of us seems to want to get a word out… The pretty idiot and his idiot songwriter… Haha….

On a separate note, after the show in Tulsa tonight, the band, our bosses, and the musical accompaniment will be headed straight to the airport to catch a flight to Del Mar, California for our next show there in four days. Due to my flight aversion, I get to stay with the buses and gear and travel on the ground to meet them there. It will be interesting to see how I fare, considering I’ve been around the band 24/7 for the last two weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to work on some music distraction-free. I have a few works in progress, both about guys I really don’t want to think about, but once this tour cycle is over there’s no doubt we’re going to begin the process all over again for album 2.

Just paused writing this to pull out my journal and write “All Over Again” down on a blank page. That sounds like a wonderful song title.

Talk again soon,

Roxy

***

Guess what?

I was right about getting in some quality songwriting time. With the near silence of the bus, besides the intermittent strumming of my guitar and terrible singing of my own lyrics to the musical background track in my head, I think I’ve finally finished Til I Forget About You, even if the title isn’t all that accurate.

In fact, the title isn’t accurate in the slightest. In these last four days, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about Dak more. There’s been lots of frustrated yelling, crying, ripping and crumpling of pages of my journal on the floor… I don’t know how Taylor Swift makes writing break-up songs look so easy. She’s been who I pray to when I get stuck on a line or can’t figure out which chord I like better.

Between Gustavo’s and my affinity for pop music, when I write from the deep recesses of my heart, I find myself bringing out my rock roots. There’s nothing better than the feeling of guitar blasting from the speakers so loud you can feel it rattling around in your rib cage, filling up your ears and leaving them ringing for days on end, and that is the feeling I’ve been coasting on these few days…

It reminds me of my dad and I think that’s why it helps me feel better. Growing up on the heels of his time in the rock scene in Texas, then discovering the punk scene in Minnesota, he was always using his free time to replicate the sounds he’d hear at shows to play for me on his days off. He would tell me all the time that I was such a smiley, giggly kid, as long as his guitar was out - so the minute I was old enough to hold one in my hands he bought me one and taught me to play.

When I was finally old enough to go to shows with him, I always loved the contrast between our looks - my mainstream, bright-colored clothing straight out of TeenVogue and his old, beat-up black band t-shirts blending in with the dark ink on his forearms and even darker jeans and Doc Martins. Was a crowded basement in a random suburb miles away from our house, filled with drunk 20 to 30-somethings and a lineup of 7 different bands in one night really the safest place for a 13-year-old girl? Certainly not, but he always kept me safe and gave me a space to foster my own music taste just like he was afforded as a teenager.

Phew. That was a long-winded way of saying that I’m finally starting to find myself getting over the pain Dak caused me through my music, and I’m really lucky Big Time Rush has given me the space to explore this. Not that Til I Forget About You is an incredible, unmatched rock song - it is still very much a pop song, which I love just as much - but it is, for all intents and purposes, mine.

I miss both of you so much, and I cannot wait to see you again.

Roxy

***

Greetings,

One thing always seems to lead to another. In Del Mar, we finally had an actual, honest-to-God day of rest yesterday and the band asked if I wanted to go to the beach with them. Of course, I agreed, because it felt close to chilling by the Palm Woods pool, but once we got there I quickly learned that the trip everyone took without me brought Austin and the boys closer together. Which is fine, that’s what I wanted in the first place, but now, it feels like I’ve lost my touring buddy.

They spent the entire day surfing (where did these boys learn how to surf?), playing volleyball, and trying to pick up dates, and basically left me to my own devices to watch our stuff. I even wore my best bikini top (purple!) in hopes maybe, just maybe, it would bother James a bit, but I’m not sure he even noticed as he kept trying to play wingman for Carlos and Austin all day. I guess he decided no one on the beach was interesting enough to try and pick up.

Something I did notice, not that it matters at all, but Austin had a bit of trouble in the sun all day. Logan said that he was displaying symptoms of hypoglycemia, and he and I had to help Austin back to our stuff at one point after he nearly toppled over from how shaky his legs were. Eventually, we were able to get a few sodas in him, and he claimed to be right as rain, but it was pretty scary. I know it’s not right of me to ask him what I can do to help if he ever needed it because if he wanted me to share, he would have told me, but it was a bit hard not to take note of the small, off-white pod attached to his deep almond abdomen when he took his shirt off.

Typically, I’d just look it up in private to confirm my own thoughts, but I don’t get my phone for another few days. For now, though, or until he’s comfortable talking about it, I stopped into a corner store on the way back to our buses to grab some snacks that I think would help if his blood sugar were to drop unexpectedly again. Now I just pray nothing punctures the small juice boxes I put in a plastic bag or the hard fruit candies don’t spill out and stick to anything.

And on top of all of that, despite applying copious amounts of sunscreen, I managed to burn my legs. Goodbye shorts and skirts, hello pants I was saving for the colder climates. I tried to take a page out of Hayley Williams’ style book and go for shorts and fitted tees or crop tops as my go-to stage look - adding in jewelry, belts, tights, whatever to switch up my looks day to day, but now I guess I’ll be looking more like Gwen Stefani circa 1995 with my small shirts and big pants.

The show went off without a hitch and we’re off to Central Point, Oregon now, and hopefully once things get back to normal I can get my tour buddy back.

Rox

***

Girls!!!!

I know you’re both from the east coast, and I am obviously so Midwest, but there is just something about the crisp, Oregon air that makes me long for a different hometown. If I grew up here, beautiful Central Point, I think (in addition to being a major league hippie) I might have led a very different life. It’s strange to think about, and I’m incredibly grateful for my current life, but can you imagine if I was the owner of a quaint crystal shop on the edge of the evergreen forests of this state, or if I hand knit sweaters, tye-dying them all crazy, fun colors to sell to tourists. One pretty prominent radio station, Talk Radio Network, is based here, so maybe I’d still be Rockin’ Roxy out here too…

It’s a quiet town, however, not like Duluth or Los Angeles, and it’s pretty far from Portland. My dad always told me he wanted to visit there - apparently, they have a thriving music community in that town.

That’s all I have in the way of updates. After tonight’s show, we’re on our way back to California to the town of Turlock. Kelly, Gustavo, and I could have been a bit more coordinated when booking shows, but we were desperate enough to take whatever we could get, even if it meant extra travel time.

Extra travel time, however, means I have more time to think about the dumpster fire that is my love life as I am now trapped in a bus with James once again. Maybe he and Logan will play that stupid game again and leave me alone as I write.

Speaking of, here’s a few lines I’m working on. What do you think?

I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by,

Can’t even talk, ‘cause words don’t come into my mind,

I’d make a move if I had the guts to,

But I’m paralyzed

Best,

Roxy

***

Good morning, or evening, or whatever the appropriate time may be,

I’m so sorry I skipped out on letters these past few days, our show turnaround time has been insane, and I’ve been doing my best to keep up with my assistant-ly duties to the best of my ability - meaning I’ve had no time to myself in the last four days. Since I last wrote, we’ve been to Turlock, California, Costa Mesa, California, Kansas City, Missouri, and are presently pulling away from Harrington, Delaware.

A list of things of note for you:

In Turlock, Carlos ran over to me during the show and asked me if I wanted to sing. I said absolutely not and he ran off again. Then in Costa Mesa, he ran up to me during City is Ours and asked me to shout “There they are!” into his microphone after the “We pull up, open the door, all the girls scream-” line, while the rest of the band held theirs out to the crowd. They’re really taking this show and making it theirs, and it’s lovely to see. As I write this, Carlos just informed me I’ll be doing that every night with that big, goofy grin of his that makes it impossible for me to even think about saying no.

We did a radio show in each city, and the questions these interviewers come up with in order to be different from one another are just insane. Though, one of the hosts did ask them if they had anyone special waiting for them back home - it gave Logan a chance to stutter his way around the question (Camille… Make it official with him already!) and Kendall the opportunity to monologue about Jo for, like, five minutes. I would’ve recorded it had I had a device on hand capable of doing so (yeah I’m not done complaining). By the time he was done, the interview had nearly ended, so Carlos squeaked out “I have four special people!” and I think he meant the Jennifers and Stephanie (Is Stephanie back yet?). James (blegh!) said “Anyone willing to wait on me is special,” like the true teen idol he is. Any girl willing to wait on him… I pity her.

My drum lessons started in Kansas City after the band managed to rope Austin into a game of pickup while the buses were unloading. Who puts a basketball hoop outside of a music venue and expects anyone to get anything done? Regardless, it was a lot of fun and Austin is a pretty attentive teacher - far better than grouchy Gustavo when he was going over piano basics. There’s a lot I can learn from him! We also started writing his song, a fun, simple summer song about the beach and girls and whatnot… I’m excited to see this project through with him.

Gustavo and Kelly wrote a note on the daily itinerary sheets they give the band and I that we’re currently headed to Denver, Colorado, where we’ll have two days off from performing to do interviews, radio shows, news slots, the whole nine yards. Apparently, news outlets come to us, not the other way around, and they’re very excited to talk to America’s next top boy band. We’ll be doing a few live acoustic performances as well, meaning the guys and I, on camera, filmed for the whole world to see. Let’s hope I don’t mess up.

Miss you endlessly!

Roxy

***

Greetings from the Mile High City,

The press day, the boys claimed, was “hella exciting” and “beyond epic”... I’d describe it more like “waking nightmare” if anyone bothered to ask me. All they had to do was sit there, look pretty, answer some questions or play silly games, and sing. I, on the other hand, was lost in an endless pile of media release forms for every news outlet to approve, combing through the Gustavo pre-approved questions the interviewers were going to ask the boys, keeping their refreshments well stocked so they never ran out of water and choked on a dry throat when they went to answer questions… My work is never-ending!

Definitely one of the worst days on this tour for me, though, I wouldn’t choose it over having to go back and rewrite Til I Forget About You. Speaking of, in my previous letter I forgot to mention a particularly important line that I keep repeating to myself whenever I find my thoughts unpleasantly flickering to Dak… Or at this point, to James.

I found a place where I can lose myself,

And just leave your memory on the shelf,

See? I’m fine, no, I don’t need nobody else.

The punctuation is subject to change, but for now, I’m quite certain I don’t need anyone else in my life. I’m fine just being Roxy for a while… Even if my thoughts often turn into Roxy and James.

Not to toot my own horn, but the song is very good, and I can’t wait to record it once we get back from tour. I think that’ll be a good point to mark my “getting over it” progress.

Something I forgot to mention about these interviews, that I now realize as we pull away from the Denver venue and off to Eureka, Missouri, is I’m actually learning so much about the band by sitting and listening in. They almost never talk about their lives before Hollywood, because the four of them have (as I learned today) known each other since they were four years old. From first meeting at a Pee-Wee hockey league game all the way to playing varsity hockey at MAHS, they’ve been with each other almost their entire lives. Most of the interviewers ask really good, clear questions, that lead the boys down a path that gets them talking and reminiscing on themselves - something they rarely speak about when the others are around. Today (among other things) I also learned Carlos is fluent in Spanish, Logan was really into ventriloquy in middle school, Kendall is allergic to kiwi, and James is the heir to the Brooke Diamond Cosmetics company.

I should have put two and two together on the last one, he’s insanely beautiful and the last name “Diamond” isn’t exactly very common, but remembering what he’s told me about his mom and now knowing she’s Brooke Diamond?? The Este Lauder of the Midwest?? accounts for a lot of his behavior.

A few years ago, there was a big scandal that hit the front page of all the Duluth papers, news stations, radio waves, etc., claiming that BDC’s top model, and Brooke’s husband, Blake Diamond, was caught having an affair with a woman half his wife’s age. On top of that being insanely disgusting, it was in the news for weeks, announcing the Diamond divorce, explaining the court hearings and who got what, all leading up to Blake and his girlfriend eloping to Vegas and getting married the minute he and Brooke were officially split.

What does that do to a budding teenager? Chew them up and spit them out a completely new person. No wonder James never talks about his parents, or his home(s). The only time I learned something about his family was after the dance when he told me his mom made him break up with his boyfriend and when we were back in Minnesota he vaguely told me his parents were separated.

God, I cannot imagine what that must have/still feels like for him. Knowing that he had Kendall, Logan, and Carlos to help him through it makes me feel better, though.

I think, among other reasons, that might have been why he helped get us back to Hollywood a few days before the big concert. Either returning home to his successful mother as a failure or returning home to stay with a cheater and his new wife…

Phew. That was a long one. Every time I send one of these I can feel the two of you mentally cursing me for my wishy-washy gushy James feelings - trust me, it’s just as exhausting for me to think I’m fine alone one day, then want him so badly the next. Please bear with me while I figure this all out.

Wish you were here,

Roxy

***

Eureka!

Somewhere in the middle of Kansas, Kendall woke me up from my lazy couch nap to tell me he wants to learn how to play the guitar.

“That’s great,” I said. “I’d love to teach you, but all my guitars are strung left-handed.”

Bless his heart, he cocked his head and asked, “Why does that matter?”

“Well. I’m left-handed. You’re not. It’s a completely different learning process.”

“Do you know how many hockey players play left-handed, even though they’re right-hand dominant?”

Of course, I don’t. But, in the small second I had to think about it, I realized that there are plenty of famous guitar players that do that too… kind of. Many left-handed guitar players just learn right-handed because left-hand guitar equipment isn’t produced near as much or to the same quality and standards as right-handed equipment!

Thankfully, my dad is left-handed too, so he knew where to get the proper things in order for me to play when I was little, but it was I who took it upon myself to learn how to restring a guitar to fit my own needs. When I was 12, there was this beautiful oak wood acoustic in the local music shop, but it was strung right-handed. The owner didn’t know how to restring it (claiming no one had ever asked him to before, but I just think he was lazy), so I convinced my dad to buy it, a pack of new strings, and a tool kit, and I took it apart, then put everything back everything completely opposite - worked like a charm, until I sold it a few years later to get my electric acoustic.

In all, I’m excited to teach Kendall but I’ll have to find the time in between my assistant duties and my own drum lessons. The request was a bit out of the blue, however, and I wanted to ask him why, but he was too busy buzzing to Logan about it after I told him yes. Maybe he’s trying to learn a skill that will set him apart from the other band members.

After tonight’s show, we’ve got another one tomorrow before another press day, then a stretch of three more shows back to back. It’ll be tiring, but at least we’re having fun. Playing shows is rewarding beyond measure, and hard for me to put into words, but the connection the band has to their audience is unmatched. The way they can make thousands of people get up and dance, sing, let loose… It’s a beautiful sight - one I’m so lucky to be able to witness almost every night.

Maybe you can find some clips on SnoobTube,

Roxy

***

Girls, I’m running out of clever greetings,

I AM SO TIRED.

Columbus, Ohio, along with being a boring city in the world, also happened to be the same place our press day was taking place - meaning we were there for two days too long. Then, we had our three-day tour stint.

On day one, one of our eighteen-wheelers containing half of the stage set up was late. So, guess who, on top of making sure the boys were situated in their green rooms and had everything they requested, had to assist with tech setup I knew nothing about, got to run the soundcheck almost completely alone, and explain to Gustavo the boys had to go on a few minutes later than anticipated :)

On day two, I learned more about the boys. Maybe I’m being dumb and petty, but I think it’s a bit strange that much of my knowledge of them is now coming from these interviews - they’re sharing important things, that I think as their friend I should have the right to have known about beforehand. They know I’ve been struggling to get good at the piano for months now and guess who I learned has been playing all his life? James. Would it have killed him to maybe offer a helping hand? In addition, I found out Logan’s favorite food is toast. Just… plain toasted bread and butter… Kendall’s dream pet, apparently, is a goat because he misses the one we rented at the School of Rocque so much and Carlos doesn’t think Antarctica is real. I wish I could’ve stopped him before he said that during a live interview, but you win some, and you lose some. I was too busy handling all the paperwork and helping the next news outlet set up to get the interviews done as quickly as possible to get in his way.

On day three, we made it to Clearfield, Pennsylvania, a cute town that runs along a beautiful river I discovered on a walk in the morning. Sometimes being cooped up in a bus all night gets old, so when the boys work out in the morning, I wander as far as I think I can before Gustavo and Kelly realize I’m missing. The show that night was great, but Kendall ripped his pants jumping off one of my amps, and everyone in the first few rows got to see his underwear. I’m not sure he’ll be living that one down for a while.

On day four, we rolled into West Allis, Wisconsin around 6 am, where we were promptly escorted off the bus and into a local radio station, who called Gustavo the previous evening and practically begged for a Big Time Rush live acoustic performance. So, Mick and Austin got to sleep in, while I grabbed my acoustic guitar and drowsily followed the boys into the studio, languishing in the familiar smell of Lake Michigan - So close to Lake Superior back in Duluth! We performed three songs, Big Time Rush, Stuck (of course…), and Any Kind of Guy acoustic. Honestly, my stage skills are getting better with each performance, and I think it’s because the guys make me feel so relaxed when we play together. Whenever I performed with Brand New Day, I was always trying too hard to impress Dani, and more importantly, Mag, so playing always took a ton of effort. But with Big Time Rush, I feel so at ease, and I’m able to let loose and have fun. The only thing that caught me off guard today was James derailing the interview before Stuck to dedicate it to “Any girl who feels like they’re invisible… Don’t worry, I see you.”

Dedicating a song you didn’t even write to a person it’s not even about? Barf. Those words keep rattling around in my brain and I wish I could kick them straight out, but I’ve been dwelling on them for days.

On day five, we took a ferry (!!) to Midland, Michigan, while our eighteen-wheelers had to take the long way around, through Illinois and Indiana. Since our stage equipment didn’t arrive until the later part of the day, I pulled out two of my guitars stored away in Bus 1 in order to give Kendall his first lesson at the venue. Since Carlos bunked with Logan and me the night before, the boys decided to switch buses for a few hours, which meant I had to deal with an insane amount of James' side eye as he went about making his breakfast in the small kitchen.

If he’s got a problem with me hanging around my friends, he’s no better than Dak and I’m certainly not going through that again. He kisses me a few times and now thinks he has some weird possessive thing over me? Absolutely not. I’m just so done with him, I don’t understand how just a month and a half ago we shared a journey that literally altered the course of our lives, and now, here he is, acting as though it meant nothing to him.

Maybe I need to get out of the celebrity dating pool - if this tour has taught me anything it certainly is the fact that all my friends are famous and I am not.

Yeah. What a downer of a letter this turned into,

Roxy

***

Send lots of caffeine and my giant stuffy puppy to Fairlea, West Virginia, please!

I’m too exhausted to write out a better greeting, so this letter begins with the truth. There were many times over the last three days I sat down to write this, but every day I ended up falling asleep in the middle. Last night, Logan had to physically remove the pen from my hand while I slept as I was apparently in danger of poking my eye out.

In three days we’ve been to Hamburg, New York, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Peru, Illinois. Another day without seeing the Big Apple, another day in a big city that makes me miss Los Angeles, and another day in a city where if the name and state weren’t written down on our call sheets I might be so tiredly deluded I think we’re in a different country.

Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James are natural-born performers. I, on the other hand, am starting to believe that I may not be cut from a similar cloth. Something inside of them keeps them on the go, go, go, and I would love to know just what it is that makes them tick. The only thing keeping me motivated right now is getting to hear the crowd sing along to my songs every single night. It sounds a bit cheesy to write out, but it’s true! To know all of our hard work writing, recording, and rehearsing, is paying off and reaching corners of the U.S. we didn’t even know existed! And that people are buying our album… So I’ll have a nice cushion of a retirement plan when I’m older…

That, and my lessons of course! Austin has been so cool about helping me learn the drums, and I think I’m getting pretty good even though I’ve only had a few moments of practice. That, and we even had enough time to work on our song more, which is surprisingly almost complete… That boy can write! My goal is to write a drum section for one of my songs all by myself. Normally, Gustavo is able to take my lyrics and guitar melodies and write in drums, bass, piano, or whatever else we think is necessary to execute our grand vision, so for once, I’d like to fill in a new instrument and save him some time which would probably also equate to saving him some time yelling at our other band members.

Guitar lessons with Kendall have been going well too, though I’m not sure he’s very fond of me as a teacher. I’ve struggled to put together little exercises for him to practice because I barely remember learning guitar myself. Maybe I can talk to my dad about it on our next call.

Oh! And Carlos and I invented a game today!

We call it Honk Bonk, and you play it exactly how it sounds. Any time a car in traffic honks, you bonk the closest person on the head with something near you. My weapon of choice, of course, is my journal, and the boys are already used to bonking from that, though someone did honk during Kendall’s lesson today… I was tempted but alas, he needs to stay pretty so he can date my best friend. And sell more albums.

I hope you’re both well, I can’t wait to get back home to see you,

Roxy

***

Panicking! I spent all of today panicking!

This morning, Logan and Kendall shook me awake around 3 am to tell me that it was James’ birthday. TODAY.

I had a few thoughts on this. 1. Why didn’t any of the band mention this until we were three hours into the day? 2. Where the hell am I supposed to get party supplies on a moving bus rolling into Fairlea, West Virginia? 3. How am I going to survive an entire day centered around the guy I’m doing my very best not to think about? 4. Is James mature enough to be the first of us to turn seventeen?

Thank God James was on the other bus because if he had heard the ideas Logan, Kendall, and I had in order to surprise James the minute we stopped at the next venue…

Here was what we came up with:

If you cut up little pieces of colored paper, it kinda looks like confetti. The colored paper in question? Three of the front and back covers of books Logan had brought and finished in the first part of the tour. Kendall had to physically restrain him as I did this.

I’m a songwriter - when in a pinch, write a song. The three of us quickly devised a little spin on the traditional happy birthday song to surprise James with on stage later that blends into the traditional song everyone knows. Hopefully, an entire stadium of people singing to him is a good enough gift.

We can take old tour itineraries from the previous towns, a Sharpie, and some of the bungee chords holding our equipment down during travel to make a HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES banner.

The bus was stocked with enough items to make Oreo Fluff salad, thanks to the miracle that is pudding cups, but not a real cake… He seemed to enjoy it when he came to tell me we were going back to L.A. after a few hours in Duluth. I don’t have any green food coloring, however, so it was boring black and white.

A sub point - around 6 am I begged the bus driver, Henrietta, to let me use her phone and call a Fairlea local bakery and express order a cake to bring out on stage. I also managed to call the venue and ask them to pick up some cupcakes to be waiting in the green room when we arrived and put up any party supplies they had on hand.

It was exhausting, like most things on this tour I guess, but once we rolled into town everything had been squared away, our efforts were well worth it.

Did you know that when James smiles, like really smiles, he has the most adorable dimples that carve right into his cheeks?

A smile that makes me breathless. A smile that remained on his face all day as we surprised him with our homemade banner, confetti, and treats. A smile plastered on his face the entire show, especially when we surprised him with our song, cake, and the entire crowd sang him happy birthday.

When the show ended, the band freshened up and went to meet some fans out by the front of the venue, and I had to run back into the bus and record my journal entry and write this letter, as I currently am before they came back.

My journal entry contained the word “James” like 40 times.

GOD! He ignores me almost all of the tour, speaking to me only about the essentials or whatever's going on around us on our days off, I finally decide he isn’t into me and I should just chill out for a bit, and now I’m suddenly all about him again. Maybe it’s just because I’m around him literally every day… Maybe it’s because I felt a hint of (healthy! Definitely healthy!) jealousy when he looked at everyone singing to him on stage and in the crowd except for me… Ugh.

We’re on for another multi-day stretch of shows, so please forgive me for fewer letters as the days go on,

Roxy

***

Look I know I said I’d be sending fewer letters but I NEED to tell you guys this.

After arriving in Farmingville, New York, around 9ish in the morning, I was abruptly awoken to the sound of Gustavo yelling at the band about who knows what. Apparently, this pissed them off so much they came storming onto my bus, told me to get ready as fast as I could, and thirty minutes later we were sneaking out of the venue and into a taxi that drove us right into the heart of Manhattan.

We messed around the city for the ENTIRE DAY and Gustavo had no way of finding us since he had our phones. Finally, we got to be the tourists instead of the attraction, before getting back to the venue before the show started.

Once the taxi dropped us off right outside of Time Square, Logan had the brilliant idea for each of us to pick one thing we wanted to do, and do our best to complete them before the end of the day. The list is as follows:

Kendall wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building

Logan wanted to visit the Morgan Library

Carlos wanted to see Spider-Man

James (after loudly complaining we couldn’t see something on Broadway) wanted to take a sightseeing cruise around the bay to see the Statue of Liberty

I wanted to see the musical instrument display at the MET and I convinced everyone to join me for a lunch picnic in Central Park.

Today was literally perfect, though I did feel a bit bad about leaving Austin and Mick back at the venue to run the soundcheck without me.

Besides admiring the thousands of advertisements roving around the Square, the first thing we did was hit the Morgan Library. The architecture was just breathtaking and it was amazing to see the carefully curated collection of historical documents. They even had musical manuscripts and printed forms of music from nearly one hundred years ago… I wonder how a boy band in 1909 would look… Or if my journals will be on display in 2109… Scary!

Not as scary as the top of the Empire State Building, though!

It was so cold and windy up there, even in the middle of the summer. I practically had to cling to Carlos’ arm to feel even a little bit stable, but of course, he wanted to get right up to the very edge of the building and look straight down. Kendall and Logan wanted to join him (one to spit off the edge and the other to try and calculate how far away the second tallest building in NY was) so I got passed off to James. Would it have killed him to put his arm around me and tell me it would be alright? Jesus. He just stood there, silently looking off into the distance while I clutched at his arm. Message received: He isn’t into me.

The rest of the day was fun and I wanted to write more but now I’m a bit sad after writing that. All I really want to do is go to bed now; I’ll tell you about it when we meet again, I guess.

Roxy

***

Daddy,

Tour is hard. So hard. And I feel so stupid for thinking that I was cut out for this kind of thing. Songwriters are for the studio, not the stage. I’ve spent so much time around the guys I’m starting to go crazy. You and I always talked about traveling if we had the money, and let me tell you one day per city is hardly enough to even say that I’ve been here. It’s not cross-country exploration if I haven’t explored five minutes past the closest coffee shop because I can barely keep my eyes open without caffeine.

I’m constantly tired. My back hurts from sleeping on the couch. My fingers are so sore. My eyes are dry from the incessant spotlight lighting us up for thousands of people every night. The next person to ask me for something might get their head bitten off if they don’t say “please?”

Just because I’m an assistant doesn’t mean I get to be walked all over.

The applause is nice though, hearing everyone sing along to my songs even in parts of the country I’ve never even heard of… Maybe that’s enough to get me to Duluth.

I can’t wait to see you. Sorry for the depressing letter, I’m having a hard time being away from both of my homes.

Promise you’ll listen to the setlist before you see us?

I hope I’m making you proud,

Roxanne

***

Hi.

The shows in Lima, Ohio, and Falcon Heights, Minnesota were great. Our friends are just so talented. It was hard being so close to Duluth, and I invited my dad to the show last minute, but he wasn’t able to make it.

We’re driving to Essex, Vermont now - 13 hours into a 20-hour journey.

The weather out here has been awful, it’s been thunder storming nonstop, so we haven’t been making as many stops as we usually have. Just my luck I’m stuck with Logan and James, and I’ve been writing a song all day.

It’s a song for James’ invisible girls… More accurately, a song full of words I wish he would say to me.

Am I out of mind, or just invisible?

Anyway. It’s been extra hard to write because the two of them were sitting less than three feet away from me the entire time. They’re both so nosey, consciously or not and kept looking over at me. I could tell they wanted to ask me about it, but at least they were respectful enough not to.

It’s got a really beautiful guitar melody, but I’d love to get my hands on my keyboard back home because I have a cool idea for a backing track… Never thought I’d be excited to play the piano but here I am, itching to play it thousands of miles from home.

We play Boston, Massachusetts in a few days, and the boys kept talking about wanting to hit up a pizza place in the city that they visited during one of their hockey tournaments a few years ago. At this point, I’m just trying to get through the next 7 hours. That’s when we get to the next venue, though we have to take a day off from the show tomorrow. Not only is it Carlos’ birthday, but it’s the day of Hawk and Rebecca’s trial. Sweet, sweet seventeen spent reminiscing one of the worst moments of our entire lives. Whoo whoo.

In other depressing news, after coming to the realization that I like James, but he doesn’t like me, it’s been extra hard to be around him. Mostly I just hang out with Austin and beat out my frustration on his drum kit… The last 13 hours have been like hell. Every time James smiles, it makes me want to. His laugh rings in my ears, sending a jolt straight through my heart. Whenever he gets up to walk by me, it takes everything in me not to stare as he moves about the bus.

It’s exhausting… Having a crush on someone is supposed to be fun. I’m supposed to feel like I’m walking on air, and glow, and sparkle, and shine. Instead, I feel like shit.

Truly, I guess I don’t really know him like I thought I did. What happened to the always flirty, unserious, loverboy who took me on a date our first month in Los Angeles?

I think I blew my chance with him once I met Dak, and I think I hate myself for it.

Exhausted and missing home,

Roxy

***

Happy birthday, happy trial day,

I hope you’ll be pleased to know that Hawk and Rebecca will be going away for a long time. We tried to celebrate Carlos’ birthday with cupcakes at the venue, but no one had an appetite after our Skype trial. To try and lighten the mood, I played a few songs he showed me at the beginning of the tour on my guitar, but I could tell as he absently sang along it wasn’t really helping.

Though, in other news that I shouldn’t be happy about, James spoke to me today unprompted and asked if I was okay after my testimony. Apparently, I was speaking quite shakily… Which, yeah. I was fucking kidnapped and asked to recount it in front of a room full of people I don’t know, of course, I was shaky. But at least he was thinking about me.

Maybe he needs signs or cues or reasons to act or something… Weirdo.

Anyway, we’ll bring a cake out for Carlos during the show tomorrow and have the crowd sing for him. Hopefully, he’s in better spirits tomorrow.

This was a weird letter, I know. Life’s weird recently, but thanks for reading. Miss you two.

Roxy.

***

Carlos fucking Garcia has been reading my mail. I’m convinced of it! Because tonight, when the band did the little introduction of their musical accompaniment, Carlos introduced me, walked right up to me, planted to sweetest, wettest, loudest kiss onto my cheek, and told me he loved me in front of the whole crowd.

When I told him I loved him back, we got some “awwws” (mostly “boooos” that I’m choosing to ignore) and continued the show.

Then.

When the show ended.

James grabbed my hand, dragged me off towards the back door of the venue, onto some side street alley where we couldn’t hear the crowds of people leaving the show anymore, and asked me if I wanted to make out.

A reason to act! Carlos telling thousands of people he loved me was a reason to act!

So.

We made out in a dirty, smelly alley and I think it was the best night of my entire life… Besides the five seconds I’m pretty sure a rat touched my foot.

There is hope yet,

Roxy

P.S.

When I got back to the bus I was buzzing so bad I told Logan everything. That I liked James, that we kissed, that we kissed some more, that I think about him all the time, that I’ve written one and a half songs about him already.

I’m in so deep at this point… And all Logan did was grin at me - stupid, dumb grin - and say “Finally,” before heading off to his bunk to sleep.

Camille, I hate your almost-boyfriend and I’m drawing all over his face in Sharpie tonight.

***

Oops,

Not to leave you two on a cliffhanger but the last month of tour has been so insane I haven’t even had a minute to myself to write (letters or otherwise), think, or even just take a breather in a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere.

The rockstar lifestyle is hard to get used to… Hopefully, we budget more off days for future tours or I might go crazy.

To answer the question I know is on your minds: No. Nothing else happened with me and James, though he does actually sit down and talk to me now (even if it’s mostly work-related, I’ll take it). We toured all throughout most of the other states in the country, I’d write them all here but I lost track after Boston if I’m being honest. Though I do know that at one point we were in Phoenix, Arizona and Kendall accidentally said “Hello, Las Vegas!” to the entire stadium.

MSG was insane. Best venue I’ve ever been to, the best crowd we’ve ever had, and the second-best night of my life.

As I write to you now, we’re about to play our last show in Duluth, Minnesota, before our three-day journey home. I’ve got a bunch of silly string to prank the boys with on stage during their solo sets… They won’t even know what hit them!

My dad finally got to meet the guys, though I’m not sure he liked any of them but he was kind enough - but what father would like the four boys his daughter is best friends with? I have no idea why he keeps calling James “Jay” but whatever. After the show ended I snuck him out of the venue and showed him our buses, and trucks for stage set up, and let him meet Mick and Austin as well - Austin even performed his song for my dad… His first audience member!

Safe to say, he loved Austin’s number, but how he felt about everything else, he didn’t share on his face like normal. I like to think I’m pretty good at deciphering how my father feels at this point in my life, but he kept his expressions at bay as we walked around everything we had waiting for us outside. I hope it didn’t put him off or something, considering I know that being a musician was his dream, too. What he did say was: “You shared this bus with two boys?” and “Which guitars are you using, Honey Bun? You deserve only the best.”

Dads.

I also got to meet Logan and Carlos’ families! (Minus James’... I felt really bad for him that his parents weren’t there…) Logan’s moms were so sweet - overly doting on him, fixing up his outfit, practically smothering him with health facts and tips. I think one of his moms is a realtor, while the other is a doctor, which would explain Logan’s want to be a doctor himself. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s a pediatrician. She gave off the vibe she’d be amazing with kids. It must have been so wonderful to grow up in that household :)

Since I’d already met Carlos’ dad, Mr. Garcia was kind enough to introduce me to his wife and three daughters. Genetics work in mysterious ways, blessing each of the Garcia children with the same dark hair and alluring eyes. It was hard to tell sisters Maria, Lupe, and Alena apart, but after talking to them a bit I was able to find some differences. They all followed me on ScuttleButter, so maybe we’ll talk more in the future. I loved getting to know them! Mrs. Garcia and her son also share a lot of the same mannerisms - they’re both curious, caring, and just a bit ADHD. The two of them spent most of their time together with the girls, pointing out different things about the venue, sharing stories from their time away from each other, and the coolest part was their switching back and forth from English to Spanish depending on if they wanted their conversations to be overheard or not.

At one point I think they were talking about me (and James) but I can’t be sure. Maybe if I’d taken Spanish in school instead of French my freshman year…

I wish Mrs. Knight had been there, but Kendall and James kept themselves occupied by talking sports with my dad. For a bit, Dad and Kendall talked about guitars after mentioning that I was teaching him how to play, leaving James out of the loop, so I went over and struck up a conversation with him.

Normal. That’s what we are - or more accurately what our relationship is - though, I think he looks at me a bit differently now. There’s no evidence to that last statement, I just feel his eyes on me sometimes and it makes my chest flutter. I much prefer being friends (who made out) that are able to be around each other, than whatever his weird, “ignore Roxy” game was.

The show’s in 10, so we need to start walking to the stage!

I loved writing to you two, but I can’t wait to get back to talking face-to-face. I’m in dire need of a girl’s night.

See you soon (for real this time),

Roxy <3

A little change of pace before season two! Thanks for reading :) Support for this story has been overwhelming!

Since school is starting back up, I'm going to be switching back to posting every two weeks instead of every week. <3

Season two starts September 5th, but I'll do my best to post little one-shots and such on my tumblr, so check over there every once and a while :)

#thats all she wrote fic #big time rush #btr #james diamond #james maslow #kendall knight #kendall schmidt #logan mitchell #logan henderson #carlos garcia #carlos penavega

8 notes · View notes