#kelsier is so fucking dead god damn it all

[fmlkell]

MISTBORN SPOILERS

one of the sweetest kelsier lines. i will not forget him : (

[kingjasnah]

KELSIER? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING KELSIER GOD DAMN FOOL METAL COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT WHORE MISTING BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING KELSIER! STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT KELSIER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP METALS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST USE THEM IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME! if i wanted to get into the cognitive realm and preservation said kelsier was waiting inside i would piss on preservation’s feet for the sole purpose of getting sent to the beyond. if i have to deal with kelsier speaking one word in person on other planets in the cosmere not only will i close the book i will throw my book away out of spite and have to reread the other cosmere series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive. i dont even know why i hate him so much. he just mistborns but i am just mad because i am angy. he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of murder and wanted the irl version ill go ham. BETTER have had ruin make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him. paypal. com/IFuckingHateKelsier. chapters not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his religion and I lost it. where the fuck is kelsier if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt. crusty old man. ill punch kelsier and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final book he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient anteverdent. im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. i hope theres a date given for when kelsier died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone. everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who was so fucked up if true

hi this is 1) my favorite thing I've ever seen on this site and 2) legitimately what goes through my head every time i think about that bastard id justify brutal pipe murder in his case but i wouldn't have to cause he'd justify it to himself anyway

[sieben9]

“last rites” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

::sigh:: God, what a mess.

No, not you.

::even longer sigh::

So, uh… I didn’t like this episode. Shocking, I know. I still have things to say about it, though, so if you want to read them, please read under the cut.

…

::the Longest sigh::

Honestly, did anyone come out of that episode happier than they were before? ‘cause I certainly didn’t…

I’d hear the argument that this is the bleak moment before the triumphant finale, but this Underworld-arc seems pretty much over.

the one (and possibly only) thing i will give zelena credit for.

I mean, it seems fitting that if you go down to the Underworld, bad things will happen, just as it seems fitting that you’d escape with your life and not much more. Not exactly a happy conclusion, but a thematically appropriate one. That the Underworld follows you back home and starts messing things up in the land of the living is just a dose of good, old-fashioned “Nice Job Breaking It Hero”, and I don’t mind that, either. But now, the villain is defeated, the damsel is out of distress (meaning Hook), and the newly dead are buried.

leaving behind an orphaned four-year-old and a literal baby. damn, show, just… damn.

Oh, but Robin isn’t “just” dead (because we have now established that being dead means nothing in this world), no, he’s been obliterated from existence. And for what? What was the narrative justification for killing him off? So that his daughter could have his name? Look, the guy may not have been the most dynamic character or most interesting love interest in the world, but he sure as hell didn’t deserve that.

Poor Regina. Poor Roland. In my ideal world, this ends with Regina adopting the little hobbit, but I don’t really see that happening. (If it does happen, that’s a spoiler I wouldn’t mind hearing, actually. I need happy news after this… mess.)

Observant readers will have noticed that I never cared all that much about Outlaw Queen, but I retroactively feel bad for all the people who were really invested. That was one hell of a brutal shipwreck.

While we’re on the subject, I will have to call shenanigans on the Other Novelty Dildo (first one being that glove Rumple brought back from Camelot)

so many jokes, so little time…

Look, I don’t actually mind the magical MacGuffins that crop up all over the place. But would it kill you to introduce them slightly earlier? Like, just as a rule: if you want to use a MacGuffin to solve a problem in episode 20, you have to introduce it in episode 17 at the latest. Now, if you want to use a MacGuffin to create a problem, maybe you don’t need that much advance warning. Though even that works better at the beginning of an arc than at its end.

And magic bullet aside… I get why Zelena killing Hades had more of an emotional impact. And I get why Regina had to be involved—she’s the only one Zelena would actually do this for. Regina worked all this half-season to forge a bond with her sister, and this is where that pays off.

What I don’t get is why Emma wasn’t involved even a little. No, seriously, go back and check. All she does is lure Hades and Zelena away for about ten seconds, so that Regina and Robin can get into the office to get the then-nameless baby back. And that was in no way integral to Hades’s defeat. So, basically, the person who kicked off the events that led to Hades being a threat in the first place had no part in getting rid of him. Well-bloody-done, show. That’s how you protagonist!

So… yeah. Kind of a disappointing villain-defeat. Although I have to say that the acting in that scene was on point. I mean…

My sincere respect for everyone in front of the camera, here, and especially Lana Parilla and Rebecca Mader. They really acted their hearts out here. I mean… you can see how much she wants to just kill Regina and that nagging voice inside her that says she’s doing the wrong thing, and then you see her change her mind. And then the dialogue tells you what just happened, but you can still see each distinct emotion on her face. ::sigh:: Dear Rebecca Mader, why couldn’t you be a character I liked?

Oh, and of course Rumple has the death-dildo now. Or at least a piece of it. Are we… are we doing this “Rumple as the backup badguy” thing again? Really? Fourth time in a row? The man just wants to wake up his wife so they can make an appointment with Archie for some marriage counselling, he hasn’t got the time to be sinister!

then again, that’s less of an action and more of a lifestyle

Oh, and because I’m frustrated and needed a break… have a gif.

I’m sure there was absolutely no other way to get that thing out of the pulverised Hades-remains. None at all. (I’m also amused that they apparently left the godly dustpile just sitting there for at least a full day. Nobody decided to come over with a dustpan? Really?)

Speaking of Rumple and his current troubles…

Moe French, I will beat you to death with the spikiest cactus I can find, and I will laugh while I do it. I think between nearly killing/personality-wiping his daughter because he didn’t approve of her choice in boyfriend and leaving her in a sleep of eternal torment, because he doesn’t like her husband, this asshole bumped himself all the way up to first place on the “shitty parents” list, which is quite an accomplishment. (To be honest, all the serious contenders for first place are equally shitty, Moe is just the most recent offender, so I’m most angry at him.)

My only consolation is that Moe’s kiss would never have worked in the first place, so while his decision is still deplorable, at least it’s not an actual complication. Shame Emma had to burst in so early, though.

Which brings up another point about Emma and responsibility that I’ll saying a bit more on later, but for this scene, just a quick aside: I don’t think Rumple was exactly right—not all of this mess was Emma’s fault. That he had to go to the Underworld? Sure, that’s 100% on her, but frankly, I’m not willing to absolve Hades and assorted assholes from blame here.

So, no, this mess isn’t Emma’s fault alone. But it is her responsibility. She started this mess, she’d better end it. By the way, guess what she didn’t do? (See above for that.)

::long sigh::

OK, let’s deal with the elephant in the room, namely, the almost-literal Deus Ex Machina.

Who though this was a good idea? Seriously, even if they did write themselves into a corner, this was possibly the worst way to do it. The method was bad, the explanation was bad, and the making out next to the coffin of the man who actually helped kill Hades was the worst.

And Hook didn’t help defeat Hades! Hook didn’t do anything except give Emma the hint about the crystal, and Emma didn’t help! I know I’m harping on this, but the longer I keep pulling on that thread, the more this episode unravels. It’s morbidly fascinating, really.

I discussed the main points on the graveyard-makout-session in the liveblog-post already, but to sum up: there’s a version of this scene that both shows Emma’s and Hook’s relief to be alive and together again without appearing entirely disrespectful to Robin’s memory, but this wasn’t it. This was about as tasteless as it could get without them boinking right there next to the coffin.

(My suggestion: let them go home before they take the train to make-out-town. Bam. Problem solved. They can have a really heartfelt hug on the graveyard; honestly, I feel like a hug would have been more emotionally honest, in any case, but what do I know, right?)

This kind of soured me on Emma as a character, too. I liked her better when she had to face actual consequences and took responsibility for her fuck-ups. And no, whining about how “this is all my fault”, only to get consoled by other characters is not the same as taking responsibility. That’s wallowing in self-pity, and it’s not a very attractive quality. (It’s also a cheap trick to tell the audience “see, the good people don’t think she did anything wrong, and so should you!”)

Oh, and just to close this out…

Yeah, this guy gets to be king of the Underworld now. Grrreat. We all still remember that he was a pretty shitty king while alive, right? That’s not just me? Then again, he’s got all eternity to figure out this gig, so who knows. Maybe he won’t be terrible in a millennium or so. (He’ll still be a douche, though. The douchiness is part of his molecular makeup, there’s really nothing to be done there.)

On a somewhat lighter note: Hook, my guy, we have to talk. You were in a position to, as I like to call it, “pull a Kelsier”, i.e. punch a god in the face. The rules declare that whenever you are in a position to pull a Kelsier, you are basically obligated do so. That fact that you didn’t is… look, I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.

(In an attempt not to be too obnoxious about it: Kelsier is a character from a completely different fandom who did, in fact, punch at least two gods in the face. They kind of deserved it, too, even if Kelsier really had no moral high ground to stand on.)

And, while I’m on slightly lighter things:

Cruella’s face when she saw Arthur and Hook. I was wrong: someone definitely came out of this episode happier than they were before ::eyebrow waggle::

I have honestly no idea where the last two episodes are going to go, because… there’s really not much setup. Rumple still has a comatose Belle in a box, and she’s probably not getting out of there this season (because that’s not how babies work), so… what exactly is he planning?

I mean, I’ll find out, but I’d appreciate some hints, show!

[aristarshower]

Cosmere update???

alright y’all might remember that at some point this year i read stormlight archive and when i tried to understand Hoid better I got into Cosmere(I made one post abt it so I don’t expect anyone to remember it lmao! Also pls ignore that post it was more self deprecating than I would like!) 

Anyway, I am finally done with reading all the books and I am slowly making my way through coppermind and wobs and there’s so much here!!!!!!!!!

I read everything in the wrong order and I knew nothing about Adonalsium or the shards for the entirety of my stormlight read so I made some very wrong assumptions lmao. I’m gonna put everything here cause I feel like it and I also know no one else who’s read the books to discuss this with.

(Disclaimer:It’s 1 am and I’m amped up on painkillers and I know very little compared to all the overwhelming data in this fandom. I didn’t even know what RAFO or WOB meant until day before yesterday.)

The rest of the garbage is under the cut.

Sel:

I could not find an answer to this anywhere? So hopefully someone here knows? Whose voice talked to Raoden in the perpendicularity when he went Hoed??? Was it devotion or like a shadow/splinter???

Are people from Ire the same generation as Elantris era? 

Is there a connection between Iri and Ire??? I actually mistook Ire for Iri in secret history and got confused for a bit lmao.

Nalthis:

What happens if someone from Nalthis gives their breath to someone from other planets? No one can take breath but you can just give it? Will it stick just as well???

I did not Vasher or Vienna when I read SA and I didn’t make the connection after I read warbreaker either. That was a big coppermind surprise. I need to reread sa so forgive me if I make mistakes.

I’m guessing Lightsong saw the sequel in the painting but is it possible for him to see Roshar? 

We know Nightblood sucks in investiture(?) it seems easier on Nalthis or Roshar but how would that work on Scadrial or Sel or Threnody or Taldain??? Will it just eat the mists? Turn the sand black? Hurt the shades? 

Can Nightblood be used in hemalurgy as a spike? What metal is it made of? Does the type of the metal affect the way breath sticks to it(other than aluminium)? Where does the investiture go? 

Can you bring the dead back by giving them Returned breath? (Not as a lifeless) Also can one Returned give breath to another Returned dead to bring them back? Can dead Returned be turned into lifeless??? Can a Returned’s breath be stolen using hemalurgy? How would hemalurgy even work on breath?

What will Hoid do if he ever gets his hands on Nightblood?

Scadrial:

Did Hoid use a lifeless to paddle through the preservation’s perpendicularity in Secret History? It looked like he awakened something???

Did Kelsier pin his cognitive shadow to a body? Whose body did he use? Is he using single spike to keep Harmony out? Is he now like a Returned? Is he still mistborn?

Is Ironeyes a fullborn now?

Can nicrosil store all types of investiture? Can Scadrians use the bands to access other investitures?

Can we alloy godmetals? Like Lersium and Atium make Ettmetal??? But what if we combine Lerasium with some other godmetal? Like honorblades(those are honor’s body right?)? 

Can someone ascend by burning a lot of Atium or Lerasium? 

Can Kandra burn Lerasium? Will they become mistborn if they do? What about mistwraiths?

What happens if Koloss burn Lerasium?

Is it weird that when I read Ettmetal can’t be burnt cause it explodes with water, I thought ‘ooh sandlings can eat it then!’?

First of the sun:

I really really want a book on this planet!!!! 

Whose perpendicularity is on First of the sun??? I can only think of Odium tbh. He can see the future. He can get into people’s head(a bit like ruin but we know where ruin is???). Do we know where Odium’s perpendicularity is? Is it on Braize or Roshar? It could be small cause he is so far off.

I also wondered if this could be Hoid’s secret base? He did gather investiture for some reason? Maybe concentrating that on this planet caused a tiny perpendicularity? Can perpendicularities exist without full shards? It would also explain the weird powers???

Taldain:

When will we get full Khriss backstory????????????? I love her.

Threnody:

How did Nazh get off the planet?

 Is Evil a shadow/splinter of Odium or Ambition? I thought the shades were Ambition’s but the Evil is Odium’s. Or maybe Ambition is still alive(the power not the person?) 

What does Aluminium do to shades? 

Roshar:

I’m love Roshar!!!!!!!! Best world!!! The whole world is crabs stacked on each other!!!!!!

So Roshar seems like the closest to Yolen for me??? In one of the wobs brandon said there are tiny sentient dragons on yolen(correct me if I’m wrong) and that there are three sentient races, dragons are one, humans are two and the only other sentient race we’ve seen so far are Parshendi? This is assuming that Cosmere does not have races other than what was on yolen.

Are Sleepless dragons or maybe a type of dragons? Is that what frost meant when they said they observe? 

On a related note, what the hell happened to Aimia?

City of shadows-shadows like shades?

Ok so when I first read sa I didn’t know abt shards so I assumed there were three gods Unity, Honor and Cultivation. Odium killed Unity first and then came for Honor(I actually assumed odium honor and cultivation killed unity first??? something abt the reaction odium gave when dalinar ascended??? I’ll find the quote that set me off someday). The sibling is Unity’s shadow like stormfather or nightwatcher. Now I know Dalinar probably changed the shard name to Unity when he ascended like Harmony did?(I am still very confused. I’m hoping a reread will make this clear.)

Is Cultivation the shard from silent divine? The whole disease for power sounds like a boon and curse???

Which other god did humans have before Odium chased them over to Roshar? Odium was going exclusively for shards? Did cultivation come over from another planet in the same system and brought humans with her??? coppermind says honor and cultivation settled on Roshar so was there a third shard? Is that shard related to the sibling?

Is Cusicesh the sibling? I only have the pronouns to go on for this? Stormfather used they and Cusicesh was said to have both male and female faces?

So spren freeze when recorded? Does that mean once their cognitive aspect is fixed they also become fixed? Is that what happened to Cusicesh? It was recorded that they appear the same way in the same place and that just happened?

(Why am I so fucking obsessed with this one damn spren?)

I also want more about Axies and Aimia in general??? Can the Iriali or the Aimians (Sian? non sleepless ones) become knights radiant?

Can parshendi bond with the unmade? 

Is there a parshendi shard? Are they all human?

Is kalak shin???(He looks like a child?) (According to a quiz I took, I am a WillShaper!!!)

I wanna know more about Willshapers!!!!!!!

Why does one of the heralds have horns????????or is that just a helmet and im an idiot?

Was Jazrien tanavast at some point???(I know a shardholder can survive a splintering!)

Did Odium make Hoid averse to hurting people? Like the shard on Obrodoi is instilled with hate for Hoid? Can Odium instill a intense hatred of harm in Hoid? Is that what pissed Hoid off or Odium did it cause Hoid was pissed off???

So the waters especially rivers and oceans are one continuous bead because they think of themselves as a whole? So what if we get enough soulcasters? Can we turn the whole of them into something else? 

How did Nazh get Shallan’s notes from the ocean? What happens when things sink into the ocean in cognitive realm? Do their beads become a part of the big ocean one or they just lie on the surface?(Does this make sense?)

If origin is honor’s perpendicularity then how did dalinar open it? Like can one shard have two perpendicularities?

What are dawnshard? did vyre kill jazrien with a dawnshard? could they be cultivations body???

Was honor splintered on shattered planes? or city of shadows????? Or aimia???

Are the major human cities so symmetrical cause they are landing spots for the space ships??? After so many years of crem the ship should just look like windblades???

Did eshonai die cause she bonded a spren and her plate and shardblade started screaming and she got overpowered in the highstorm???

Renarin and Lift can heal people together now???

Stormlight looks like breath in cognitive realm? What does mist looks like???????

Cosmere:

Is it possible to become savant on other types of investiture?

Can Adonalsium see future? Did Adonalsium choose to get shattered? Could Adonalsium have influenced Hoid to do what he does like preservation and his plan? Is there a threat to cosmere from outside(all i can think of is another galaxy crashing into it?)? Was the holder of Adonalsium killed?

So one big theme of Cosmere is rebirth so is Adonalsium gonna be born again?

What is the scar constellation? The tear also nags at me for some reason???

Who is Senna???(Preservation mentions them once??????)