#keia does larp

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New Year, new pen&paper group :D

I was asked to join a group of people that started a new p&p campaign and since my other group doesn't really play anymore since I left to travel the world 1,5 years ago I thought... why not joining them? When will there be another chance to find a group? Especially, they are from my city, so we decided that even though we mainly play online with videocall we will meet up every now and then to play in person. I haven't done that in 12 years when I had my first, very shortlived pen&paper group.

So, yay! We already had one session in person and one online and it's fun! It is also my first time playing D&D.

Meet Raven!

I am a babarian Kalashtar - someone who has a good spirit living in her body ;D Raven doesn't like that spirit very much though and is rather annoyed that it tries to tell her all the time to do good things.

I need to get used to this character first though because I never had a dps-character. It's a nice change that this time I am not the one who does all the talking and plotting but rather the one who storms into battle without thinking twice. This will be a nice conflict-play with Raven and her Quori-spirit!

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I had a fabulous weekend at a castle dancing at a regency ball.

Last year I co-organized a Regency larp myself and danced those style dances for the first time, so my co-organizer asked me if I want to join him on this ball last weekend as dance partner. So... I said yes.

So I packed my character Ophelia's clothes, got some new accessoires and went with it.

We knew 2 or 3 out of 20 dances, so I thought I will dance only those, but thanks to the crash course a few hours before the dance we managed... kinda fine! For every single one xD I am very sure there were people who rolled the eyes on our mistakes but we are very thankful for all the people who helped us. I still think it worked better than we thought.

I absolutely loved it. It was so so much fun and the ball room was gorgeous.

9/10 points. (1 point less for some toxic people.) Would do again and hopefully can dance better and don't disturb others next time!

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Back from my Hunger Games larp...

My character was a student of the academy, living in the Capitol for 1-2 years now, and the mentor of her own brother who was voted by their own district to be tribute in the 25th Hunger Games as (open secret incoming) punishment for their father being capitol-loyal (thanks guys, I hate you too.). The siblings never were but they hoped the life in the Capitol would be better and less of all the hate they got in the district. How naive they were.

She loved her little brother so much, she did everything to save him.

In the end she got the most sponsoring contracts of all the mentores/tributes - and in exchange sold her brother's body, soul und future after the games... Everything for his life and the chance of a life together in the Capitol.

He did all she asked him to do - and more. He trusted her. But she was so scared to lose him that she accepted everything the sponsores wanted in exchange - with a bright, thankful smile on her face while she didn't want to do anything else but shout a "NO!" in their faces. Some things were too much. Some things she negotiated. But some things she couldn't and they were just cruel... Branding her brother's hand with the logo of a cruel company owner with her own hands was just the beginning.

And while holding the cruelest 3 sponsoring contracts in her hand on her way to make them getting approved... she broke in his arms. Cried. Apologized for selling him. "If you die, I will die with you."

But even if he did survive, he would be completely destroyed inside - and so would she. There is no way either of them would recover from what they had to do for these contracts.

She watched her brother die in the arena. There was no way to help him. No sponsoring gift of all those she sold her brother and her own conscience for would have helped.

And like she said, she died with him. Her soul was crushed by guilt and loss. Over the contracts she made and the fact that she wasn't good enough to save her brother even though she was a priviliged mentor.

She knew that the sponsoring contracts weren't really important. She tried to trick the system out of panic and the contracts were a last sparkle of hope but deep inside she knew it wouldn't work out. Her work at the academy was what would have been important for his survival. And she failed. There was no coincidence. The deaths were decided by the game makers. And she couldn't make them choose Kyle as survivor. She couldn't save her brother. But maybe she never had a chance. His death had been decided right after he had been elected. His name was "Branson" and his district didn't deserve a winner.

Alone in the Capitol she lives on, trying to blend in. Not remembering. Not feeling. Just functioning. As chess piece. Because it is the only way of self-protection she has left. She is tired of playing.

She chose the only way for her to survive - in her very own Hunger Games.

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I will probably reblog quite some stuff to deal with my larp feelings during the upcoming days! Don't get confused, it is not my real life feelings, so it will stop after a few days ;D Just need to let it out somewhere. They will all be tagged with "keia does larp" or at least smth similar like that, so there will be a way to tell the difference between larp posts and real life feelings! ^^

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3 days til Hunger Games Larp.

We started in game texting and letters yesterday. And sending songs addressed to each other.

Usually before a larp I am in a "yes, this might be dramatic and it will be sad and maybe it has a very bad ending for my character but hey, maybe not!!"-mood. But this time it is a "I know my dearest person, my little brother, I would do everything for will die because I will fail as his mentor"-mood.

I am super curious how I will deal with this off-game. This will take some days, I fear. And I hope a lot that I won't let the ingame failure make me believe I failed offgame.

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So... this week I am joining a hunger game larp as "mentor". And this is the song "my tribute, my beloved brother" just sent me...

This larp is predestined for tears...

Battle Cry - the Family Crest

Watch the stars at night How they shake against the dark Like firelight

And feel the weight of time As we move about this world Love, you and I

Oh, my love, my heart don't cry We were born to die But for this moment, for all time

Oh, I will fight for you I will die for you Oh, I will fight for you I will die for you I will die for you

Rage against the waking dawn Take the seconds of this life, and pull them through your palms And watch the day break through the night And watch it die

As we bend and break through time Lover, you and I And for this day, for all our lives

Oh, I will fight for you I will die for you Oh, I will fight for you I will die for you

Run, lover, speed now fly Feel the years go by As the weight of time, it shakes As the earth, it turns and quakes Shed your fears, your tears, your pride And then ramp into the night

And I will fight for you I will die for you I will fight for you I will die for you

Oh, I will fight for you I will die for you I will die for you

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Came back from my most fucked up larp I ever went to (I know there weren't many but...). It was set in the 30s and it had cosmic horror as main theme. I knew it will be different to everything I did before but... It was REALLY different!!

Even though there are a few things that just didn't work out for me, in general it was an interesting and fun larp. And the people were awesome! I had a nice weekend and now I need to deal with those crazy larp experiences I made.....

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What I actually do think is interesting... I don't see myself as very interesting or fun larp/p&p character... but it is very nice to see that people who have SO many larp/p&p connection STILL invite me.... I does make me kind of happy .__.

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I am indeed going a bit crazy over here xD

Only a few more days til my bodyguard-larp and I am as scared as I was before my first larp in general xD”

I was looking forward so much to this whole setting (future, kinda sci-fi, dystopia) but I am so damn worried I can’t portrait my character because she is just so.... different from what I am comfortable playing xD” I will be awkward xD”

But I also try to be positive (even though it’s hard....!!).. My team is nice (even though I will barely be able to play with them....!!), my friends are in the same caste (even though they have completely different tasks...!!) and my character has a cool backstory that has a lot of potential if the other person connected plays along (but if not then I have pretty much no nice connections...!! (But then again... this larp isn’t known for it’s “nice and friendly connections”.)) xDDD

This will be a mess. But... in the end, this whole ingame concept is a mess, so maybe I can just play with it. Maybe my character just isn’t as aggressive and arrogant and violent as the rest xD”

Anyway...

After I come back from that larp... I will be a mess. One way or another. :D

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My 3rd part of “keia does larp”: I actually.... had my first larp crying breakdown during the last third because it was so emotional.

I’m probably not able to keep you from hearing from the larp I went to the other day............... But here you have one picture of my in-game-twin and me.

She was adorable and awesome. I loved her and our play.

Bye.

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So.. you know what’s the sad part?

At my wedding larp.. my character loved him to death. She loved him so much she even accepted that he loves someone else - as long as she can be with him. So she still married him without talking to him honestly first, even though she KNEW. His character loved a guy who loved him back 2 years ago when his character still wasn’t sure about it. But his love accepted that it’s not gonna happen anymore because both of them are (about to be) married now. So my character’s love agreed to the wedding in the end because.. what else is there to do? His love was married to my character’s sister but didn’t love her either and just married her because it was the best thing to do back then and he did like her. And my character’s sister loved her new husband and didn’t know about his intentions. At all. But when she found out she still thought it wasn’t socially acceptable to end the relationship.

In the end... my character’s lover was killed by his wife/my character’s sister.

It was a desaster. If only one of these people would have been honest. At least SOMEONE could have been happy. Now they are either heartbroken or dead.

What I learn from this larp: Be honest. Damn, just be honest.

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Even though this year was pretty horrible, it also had its good days.

I mean... a lot of bad stuff happened and I have to admit that the pandemic kicked harder to my mental health than I thought. Not that I expected anything because... who thought a pandemic would happen 2020 xD” but it kicked hard. Some weeks were the worst and I didn’t know how to go on. Besides the pandemic there were 1 or 2 things that kicked in out of the blue. Things I never expected. And not in a good way. I didn’t know how to deal with them because I couldn’t even meet up with friends to talk about it. Not in the beginning at least.

BUT this year was also a year of “wtf, if you want to do it, just do it!”-year. EVEN THOUGH we couldn’t do much xDD

But before the epidemic started I got to go to my first LARP which I was soo scared of. But it was fun and I learned a lot of new things about myself and I came to know great people and already signed up for 3 more LARPs next year... oops.

Also. I started Pen&Paper again.

It was after the pandemic started. A friend asked me if I wanna join his and his brothers online group. So I did! I wanted to play for years again! Last time I played was in... 2012? So this was a comeback I was rooting for since then! One of my colleagues even bought me dices last year to play with because I never owned some. He likes p&p too and said that it can’t be that I like p&p and don’t own dices. And I LOVE these dices he bought me. So the one I am playing now is high fantasy, like the one in 2012.

THEN. Just this week. Another friend asked me if I don’t wanna join their online low-Sci-fi-group quite sudden. They will start this week so I need to hurry to build a character and it will be the race nobody really wants to play xDD But I didn’t care much about the race. As long as it’s a cool character. So I binge watched the first 5 episodes of the series their play is based on and I am in! We will start tomorrow xDD I never played Sci-fi p&p but I am super excited and can’t wait!!

I think in general... as funny as it is to say during a pandemic year... I think I became a more social person than I was before? I tried out new things or things I wanted to restart for quite a while.

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Well then. I was told that my next LARP will be my wedding.

Next LARP? Wedding? Wait what.

Anyone has a spare wedding dress from the 1918s? No? Oh, okay. Help.

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When you ask your larp-partner how far they go and what they do when acting and they laugh and say “I do everything”...

No, what DOES “EVERYTHING” MEAN!?!

But anyway, seems like I don’t need to worry that I am the one who will make the other person uncomfortable xD Good thing about your larp-partner being an actual actor in training...

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Can we please forget that not even two months ago I said “ Maybe LARP isn’t for me. Maybe I’ll never do it again.” We need to remember that my text continued like this: “But then again, maybe I will. I made so many new experiences this weekend. I learned a lot. About acting and friendship and team spirit.“ And about getting out of my comfort zone.

I said I don’t know if I’ll do this again but people already planned 2 more LARPs I shall be part of. And for the first one I will have a leading role. It will be the wedding of me and my love from my first LARP. The first one was the engagement party of my larp-sister but the engagement got cancelled in the end and for some reason the focus shifted to me and my (back then because lady/servant of course still super secret) love’s relationship. And now we will be the focus of the next LARP xDD wtfffff!! We NEVER planned it to turn out like this. Actually I didn’t even plan to go through this. Until a few days before the LARP I had planned to split up xDDD Even the first day of the LARP I was still not sure. I mean, my character wanted to be with him but everyone seemed to be in love with my love as well (I know of at least 2 love confessions!!) and I thought I had figured out that he had already cheated on me shortly before (oops. he didn’t. My imagination went wild. (Well, not TOO wild though. As I found out the 2nd day.)) and my biggest problem was: I didn’t know how much in love my love was with me at that time xDD I couldn’t look through that player AT ALL. Good actor. xD” But then everything took a very different turn than I could ever imagine and well... I already learned from writing fanfiction that characters have their own life. So I went with it! My character got an “own life” as well which turned into a super sad love triangle with a character who was also in love with my love and my love was also somehow in nostalgia-love with them. I actually saw that coming but... not that sad and not with that third person xD” And then the whole servents (like.. 10 people?) decided to get us out of the house and save us from my father who was against that relationship and they even prepared poison for the lord... just in case!! xDDD I was so amazed by their passion xD It was adorable. We didn’t want to run away but they were so nice and planned it so well that we had no choice!!

The organizer gave part 2 the motto: “It’s not the wedding that was planned but it’s the one we deserve.” T_T Oh god, they are so cute! This got so out of hand. I’m bogging down in this!!

But everyone is so nice and lovely ._. I like this community.... I can’t say “no”. I wanna meet everyone again and have fun the way we had fun that weekend back then >_< Actually, we are still often in character in our group chats xD It’s lots of fun! And maybe acting is more for me than I thought??? Omg. I never thought I would actually enjoy acting one day in my life... Especially not impro-acting!! But this was fun. Also, maybe it wasn’t the acting itself (also, there is no real audience) but the tension and curiosity. And the people played a huge part in it. Even some of the people who were there and go to larps often said this was one of their best ever! I’m so so glad this worked out before the Corona mess kicked really hard.

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Crossing my own borders

I went to my first LARP. And this weekend was a blast!!

I don’t like acting and I asked the organizers for a character that is not much centre stage and they decided for one but in the end... I was part of the huge drama-finale after our 2 days play xDDD Which means the one thing happened that I didn’t want to happen: me having a super emotional scene with screaming and everything in front of all the 25 people who were there ûu awesome. xDDDD

BUT! This is larp, isn’t it? ^^” It wasn’t planned this way. But when I realized that this is the most likely way that story can end I stopped being against that end (I was against it because I just really was so scared of all that drama and me in the center) and went with the decision of those people who were also involved in that scene. And well... my acting wasn’t good but I thought it would be even more embarrassing, so.. xD” When I am shouted at I can shout back! And thank god, I was shouted at.

It was a Downton Abbey inspired one and setting was 1915, England. We rented a little castle in France for it. I was the daughter of the lord and had a secret relationship with a footman in that house. (Well, who would have guessed, people found out one after another ûu” But the whole staff of the house was on our side. They already prepared poison to kill my father who was against that relationship xDD It was SUPER cute!) The person who played that footman was absolutely great! Sometimes I felt so sorry for her (the footman was portraited by a girl because we didn’t have enough men ^^”)... I was SO lost at some points and I think a more experienced larper in my character would have made such a more interesting fellow player and would have put much more complications into that relationship. But I was already happy things worked out in ANY way xD” But the footman also had another very close relationship which I, as larp-beginner, was happy about because it made the footman’s play more interesting for her and she could focus also on something else and more complicated than our love story. And our love story between a lord-daughter and a footman was already complicated enough xD

But I do feel sorry for all the scenes I messed up and was uncreative and killed the play. I hope I wasn’t too bad xD”

In the end, I found new friends this weekend and some of them are so lovely and adorable! We were there for 3 nights and I didn’t know most of the people but they were so so nice!

And I surpassed my borders. Maybe LARP isn’t for me. Maybe I’ll never do it again. But then again, maybe I will. I made so many new experiences this weekend. I learned a lot. About acting and friendship and team spirit. I learned that sometimes you really just need a really big push to surpass your borders and for going to that 2-days-larp I did kick my own ass very hard xD