#keeping the capslock yelling to the tags lol

[boomstab-papa]

re: “How do you prove a negative? Maybe you will meet someone in twenty years and feel that proverbial spark.” and don’t worry if you feel attraction someday, etc

I say this all the time but I’ll say it many more times: an easy way to “prove” a negative is actually to HAVE an exception.

Let’s be clear: you don’t have to ‘prove’ anything to anyone. And this is also not to say that gray-romantics or gray-asexuals are “better” for having “exceptions”, or to dictate anyone use one microlabel over another because they experienced an “exception”, but let’s write this one out again today for the sake of the argument.

The easiest way to assess with reasonable certainty whether or not A Given Result happens is to have it happen at least once, even if it never happens again. That way you know for sure That Was A Thing That Happened, we observed it, we recognized it, and we can confirm that event NEVER happened on any other occasion. “The exception proves the rule”, if you will.

If you live your whole life not feeling romantic and/or sexual attraction, and then a rare instance pops up like “WOW WAHT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, this is certainly not something I normally experience!,” that kind of PROVES that you knew what you were talking about when you said “I don’t feel romantic/sexual attraction.” You were RIGHT. And it may well be that it rarely or never happens again. You use whatever label you want to describe that. You’re not disqualified from using the aro/ace labels. You’re also not obligated to start using gray-ace/aro labels.

The exception doesn’t negate the rule here. It proves the rule exists.

Or existed. Maybe it becomes past-tense in the future. Who knows.

Like OP said, if your feelings DO change later, it’s ok to change labels later! Maybe you will start experiencing attraction more regularly later. Maybe not. It doesn’t mean you were wrong or lying now! If the label is useful now, then use it now!

You go ahead and claim that label.

I get the hesitancy to claim a label when you're not completely sure of it yourself. This is especially prevalent in the aro and ace communities because how do you prove a negative? Maybe you will meet someone in twenty years and feel that proverbial spark. But here's the truth: it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if it's a phase!! You are living in this body, in this moment, in this label right now. Who you are now matters just as much as who you might be.