#keeping back something important from a friend who cares feels like heartbreak in a way. but if i told them it would break their heart too

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

,,

[filmbyjy]

ONE NOTE

SYNOPSIS > When you turned 18, you heard your best friend’s favourite song. Turns out, it was just one of the various signs to finding your soulmate. However, you couldn’t bring this up to jake. Not when he was in a happy relationship with your other best friend! Would you choose heartbreak or sacrifice your happiness for the sake of keeping the friendship?

EIGHTEEN – the first petal

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

WC: 0.9K words

a/n: please note there is a written part after these 6 pictures!! don't forget to read it because it is part of something important.

“breathe.” yvette says as she pats your back. it was suffocating. the sink was bloodied up, splatters of blood that you had coughed up in a span of 5 minutes. mae runs in with a bottle in her hands.

“here, drink up.” she quickly opens the bottle up and hands it over to you. you took the bottle and quickly drank it.

“why didn’t you tell us it was this bad. we obviously knew that jake was your soulmate but we didn’t think that your body would react this way.” yvette looks at you.

“you’d honestly think that this disease would be a mythical thing but it is very much true.” mae says. you felt the tears fall down your face. yvette wipes them for you. she looks at you with such pity and such care.

“man, fuck that bitch.” she declares. “making such a sexy girl cry? not very girl’s girl coded of her.”

“she doesn’t know. i don’t think jake would tell her. besides, he doesn’t even know i’m his soulmate.”

“well, i think she would find out either ways. she’s such a weirdo.” mae huffs. yvette nods.

“what are you going to do?” yvette asks.

“live with it.”

“but you’re going to cough out blood if you keep seeing them so loving and disgusting.”

“it’s okay. once it gets worse, i’ll just get the surgery.”

“to remove your feelings? (name), you can’t seriously be thinking of doing this.” mae sighs. “i’ve seen people decide to go through with the surgery, they aren’t like themselves. once you do it, there will also be complications in the end. you won’t live for long.”

“there is no other way. if end up dead then so be it. i can’t let jake know. he’s very much in love with aria. he would never love me.” you sobbed. yvette pulls you closer and keeps you in her arms.

“hey hey, let’s not talk about death. you’re alive and well right now. let’s live your life to the fullest and make the best out of it. you aren’t dying.” she mutters. mae grabs your hand and lightly squeezes it.

“yeah, who cares about jake and aria. you have sunghoon, your friends, your brother and us. we are there for you.”

you were thankful for the people who were close to you. you had wiped your tears and nodded. “you’re right.”

there were a series of knocks at the bathroom door. yvette rolls her eyes and opens the door. “we’re having a sentimental moment here.”

“sorry, girls. just checking in to see if (name) is okay.” jay says.

“that or are you already missing mae?” yvette folds her arms. jay awkwardly laughs a little.

“maybe but i’m more concerned for my best friend of course.” you laughed a little and sniffled. you pushed mae forward towards jay.

“take her oh my god. you find out she’s your soulmate and you can’t stop being away from her.”

jay shrugs. sunghoon steps forward and hugs you.

"I'm not dying, hoon."

"just let me hug you. you need it." he says. your smile falters a little. "you can cry, you know?"

"i already cried just now."

"and? you can cry again and I wouldn't judge."

"I know you won't, hoon."

your brother comes up to you. "okay, break it up. can I hug my sister?"

sunghoon lets you go, and leehan easily replaces him. "when did you get so big?"

"I've always been big." he says. you laughed.

"okay, but you're my baby brother."

"yes, i am." you ruffled his hair and he pulls back from the hug.

"let's go back. those two are probably wondering where we are." taesan says.

"the last i saw them they were making out-" *whack* ni-ki winces when sun whacks him.

"don't even mention that." sunoo warns.

"right, sorry noona." ni-ki pouts. you sighed a little.

"it's fine, ni-ki."

you could see jake and aria coming closer to the group. jake was mainly concerned about everyone but aria...she's just kinda following jake.

"hey, why is everyone gathering around here?" jake asks.

"oh, there was a slight mishap so (name) called the girls over. we were worried so we waited outside for them." heeseung explains.

"you could've told us."

"yeah, but you were busy making out with aria so we didn't want to bother the both of you." sunghoon says. there was a petty tone underlying as he tells jake.

"what the fuck is your problem?" jake comes up to sunghoon. sunghoon scoffs.

"nothing."

"nothing? you said that the other time and then you went on a tangent hating on my girlfriend." jake folds his arms.

sunghoon rolls his eyes. "well, I'm right either ways. you were sooooo oblivious and busy with aria that even when (name) got hurt or had an issue you didn't care."

"she's fine now, isn't she? you guys took good care of her. she's in good hands, so i trust you guys to care for her. after all, I'm just her best friend and I am busy with my girlfriend. You don't understand me because you don't have a girlfriend!" jake yells at sunghoon.

you start to cough up again. this time when you look down at your hand, not only was there blood but there was a petal. the first petal to have ever appeared. you had looked up to see everyone staring at you. jake's jaw dropped when he saw the blood in your palms.

you didn't know what else to do other than run away. sunghoon glared at jake once more before he runs after you.

this was moving too fast...

were you dying?

taglist[open]: @sumzysworld @mitmit01 @moon3verland @baribaaari @byty2k @alex-is-sleeping @viagumi @txtlyn @belovedsthings @woninluv @dreamiestay @niniissus @kyutiepeachy @yoongisbaguetteshoes @squiishymeow @jjaammm @enhaz1 @illvding @woniejjang @bee-the-loser @laurradoesloveu @ckline35 @ningx2stan @hoonlvly @clampclover @xyzyx01 @victoriasimm @eneiyri @nshmrarki @woorcve @bubblytaetae @i03jae @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @l1wv00n @onlyhyunjin @kyanmeai @isa942572 @lisaswifey @alisonyus @firstclassjaylee @szkstay @enhamysunshines @milanco @hsbae @zyvlxqht @lixiebokie @wth121 @enahasblog @gongiz @anuisamazing @heestrawberries @gyehyeonist @nshmurarki @heelovesmeknot @silquids

(bolded can’t be tagged)

[greyskyflowers]

I have a lot of half thoughts about the hell scenes so I'm just going to ramble them out on here and hope they're semi coherent.

1.) I think it's so interesting that Edwin screamed for Charles while he was being taken to hell.

I would bet that Edwin cried for someone his his first trip down to hell too.

I really can't think of who he would have called for specifically. His parents? Maybe. I do think that there's something in everyone that wants the comfort of their mother when they're truely terrified but it doesn't seem like Edwin would have screamed for them. That goes for any siblings too.

He certainly didn't seem to have any friends that he could have cried for. Doesn't necessarily strike me as the type to be close to God but this situation would make a holy man out of anyone. Maybe he just called for every name that crossed his mind. Family, grade school friends, neighbors, teachers, etc.

Regardless, even if he had screamed for them, what would they have done? Who would have answered?

No one. No one answered. No one came. They were never coming.

He was completely alone.

He does scream for Charles though. Charles will always respond. Charles will always come get him.

I dont know, just seems like he screamed this time because he knew someone was listening. He said a name because he knew that person would come.

2.) I wonder if a very small, little sliver of Charles hated Crystal for just a split second when he found Edwin in hell and realized what exactly happens to him down there.

Crystal was very brave to want to come and that's important, she cares and wanted to help. I think that means a lot to Charles and Edwin.

However, she pushed back after she was told no, and that humans couldn't go to hell.

She argued with Charles and it might have been just a few minutes but how many times did Edwin get ripped apart in those few minutes?

That awful pile in the corner says many times.

3.) I'm curious what Edwin being taken back to hell would have looked like if we had followed him instead of staying with Charles.

Did the spider demon wait until it got to those horrid hallways before starting to chase?

Did it throw Edwin in there and muscle memory had him take off running the second his bare feet hit the ground? The demon already behind him and catching up quick.

Was he torn apart and back before he even knew what happened? How many times did it take before it hit him that he's really back?

This particular ones gets me. The idea that he was still in shock from being taken, was killed and back again while still trying to figure out what was even happening is heartbreaking.

If Edwin was torn apart and back before he even realized it, maybe that means it was a quick first death. Maybe the demon spider was too excited to have it's toy back.

I guess when the realization would have hit him that this was real, that he had already started the loop of runhurtagainrunhurtagain, that's what gets me.

Also, how familiar it probably was. How horrible to be so familiar with a certain type of pain that it would have immediately brushed aside all the scattered and chaotic thoughts in his head and narrowed it down to, he's back.

4.) Charles held it together pretty well in hell. Especially because I feel like he was probably furious. Everything in the past few days has been adding to his anger and what's a great way to piss him off even when he's not in a bad mood? Fucking around with Edwin.

The night nurse has made a liar out of him. She called that awful thing to Edwin, as accidental as it might have been, and it took him.

Charles promised that Edwin would not go back to hell. He said he was going to fight whoever and whatever he needed to in order to keep them together and Edwin out of hell.

Edwin is in hell. They're not together anymore.

It happened so quickly and unexpectedly that Charles wasn't able to do anything.

He has broken two promises in the seconds it took the demon spider to grab Edwin and disappear.

When he finds Edwin the second time and he gets the run down of what really happens here, he did this thing while Edwin's hand is still over his mouth where he kind of closes his eyes and nods a few times.

It's like he's telling himself to pull it together. Trying to passively take in the information and doing the equivalent of taking a few deep breathes while incredibly anxious or stressed and forcing yourself to focus on specific things one at a time.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Swallow it all down, all the devastation and fury and fear.

Edwin needs him to be okay and calm because Edwin is absolutely not okay and not calm.

So even though Charles is probably feeling a lot things right now, he swallows it down and says Okay. Let's get you out of here.

Charles is a fixer. He's a protecter. He's a fighter.

He can do none of those things right now. Not really. The only thing he can really do is give Edwin enough hope to run though hell with him.

Add in the later stuff with Esther and Charles has got to be thinking 'how many times do we have to go through this before everyone gets the message and backs the fuck off?'

[foreverlittlesoshi]

let me go or pull me closer

noah sebastian x reader

warning: cheating, breakup, angst, throwing things and yelling

word count: 1k

The loud ring of your alarm awoke you, rolling over to shut it off and suddenly felt the emptiness from Noah’s absence. The house was unusually quiet, so you knew they weren’t in the studio. As you sat up, you looked around the room and noticed that it looked exactly the same from last night. Did he not come home? Nothing too big was planned so it’s not like Bad Omens had rehearsals and they were relaxing from the studio since they achieved a lot yesterday. Maybe you were overthinking the whole thing. Maybe he went over to Ruffilo’s to do something. You decided to shake off the thoughts as you walked to the bathroom to start your daily routine.

Maybe you should’ve called out of work today. It was too hard to focus when all you could think about was where Noah was. It was near one in the afternoon but still nothing from him. You already sent a couple texts and called him twice on your lunch break but nothing. Even the rest weren’t answering back which was very strange because Jolly would always answer if you couldn’t get in touch with Noah immediately. The more the thought, the more you realized a couple things. 

He was attached to his phone a lot more than normal. Even with the new album on the way, he stayed glued to his phone. Always keeping it on him, never putting it down and never leaving it alone around you. You understood that he was a busy man, had friends that were famous or not, whether they were male or female, but it was a little strange that he would quickly answer when it was a certain name that would pop up. He never let the notification stay on the screen long enough for you to see the name but it was easy to recognize. It’s not like you meant to micro manage him, it just happened.

Then it hit you. 

-

It was near midnight when you finally heard their voices. Jolly, Jesse, Michael and Noah. Only bad thing was you could tell they were all drunk. You left your shared room, staring down at them from the second floor and could feel your heart breaking. Noah never drank after everything that happened in 2020, so to see him relapse so hard and not seeming to care about anything. 

“Looks like you're in trouble.” Jesse fails to whisper to Noah while pointing towards you and all he did was scoff at the sight.

“No, he’s not. Noah is a grown man and can do whatever he wants.” Saying as you turned from them. “He can also fuck whoever he wants because it’s not like he has a girlfriend waiting for him. Seems like Olivia is more important.”

“Who the fuck is Olivia?” Michael slurred and the sound of someone struggling up the stairs didn’t surprise you.

“It’s not what you think, babe.” Noah says barging into the shared room, running into the wall next to the door and trying to grab you. You couldn’t but scoff at him as you continued to pack up the rest of your things, the feeling of heartbreak and rage running through your veins and trying to ignore the feeling of bursting out into tears.

“How did you even find out?” 

“How long did you plan for this to go on before I found out?” Snapping back at him. “If you must know, I decided to go through your macbook while you were out doing whatever the fuck you were doing and never texted me back.”

“Why did you go through my things?” He asked anger, lacing his tone and the anger made you chuckle.

“Are you pissed off because I went through your things or are you mad that I found out?” Asking him while holding up your hands like you’re weighing out the pros and cons. “You’re mad about those things but not even trying to lie about fucking someone else?”

“No, because there’s no reason to lie. I understand why you’re mad. I didn’t even me-” “Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Noah. You meant to. If you truly loved or even fuckin cared for me, you wouldn’t have even ever had the slightest thought of ever cheating on me. I’ve spent the last five years doing everything I ever could for you. Helping you, supporting you, moving across the country with you, and doing so much more for what? To get spit in the face by you.”

“I’m sorry. I thought it wouldn’t-""How long Noah?” You cut him off again, he stays silent.

“How long? How long? How long?” Asking him continually and he finally broke down while covering his face with his hands. “Noah Sebastian you better fuckin tell me how long.”

“About a year.” Time felt like it stopped. “I never meant for it to happen. A mutual friend introduced us and I didn’t originally even have the thoughts in my head then the night after the Concrete Jungle tour ended and we had that get together. She kissed me.”

“And instead of telling me, you just decided to make me look stupid and continue it? I was with you that night! Not to mention, I was with you the whole tour because you asked me to come with you!” Anger finally took over you. You tore off the necklace he bought you while on that tour and threw it at him. Grabbing the pictures of you two off the bedside table and throwing them at him as well. Glass shattering as they hit the wall and Noah moving away to not step on it.

“Can we just talk about this?” He asked as he moved over to the bed to sit down and you had to stand in silence for a moment to collect your thoughts.

“Are you proud of yourself? Do you feel good about your decisions? You wanna sit and talk about this when we had that first night to talk about it. There’s nothing to talk about now. I’m done, Noah. I’m officially done.” Informing him as you grabbed your suitcases and headed towards the door.

“Please don’t leave.” He softly begs.

“You don’t need me, you have her.” You tell him as you leave.

AN - i didn't expect to post again so soon but this was idea was driving me crazy and it was so hard to make Noah a cheater.

tbh, i'm not too proud of this but hey, i tried and that's all i could do.

title comes from I Wait by Day6

[fluentmoviequoter]

Self-Sacrificial

Requested Here!

Pairing: Jim Street x fem!SWAT!reader

Summary: You like Street as more than a friend, but think he will never feel the same. When you nearly lose him, you accuse him of not caring about you or anyone else because you can't see the truth.

Warnings: quick joke about being dead, angst to fluff, arguments, Street gets hit by a car, fluffy comfort

Word Count: 2.7k+ words

Masterlist Directory | Jim Street Masterlist | Request Info\Fandom List

“What are you doing?” Street asks from above you. He taps your leg with his foot as he continues, “You dead or something? You’ll be hard to replace.”

“I’ve been waiting for you,” you answer. “You’re late.”

As you open your eyes, Street shakes his head and offers a hand. You accept his help and allow him to pull you from the concrete beside the S.W.A.T. HQ entrance. Street leads you inside, but before you can greet the rest of your team, Lynch calls you into her office.

“If I get fired for waiting for you, I’ll be very mad,” you mumble as you pass Street.

“I need to talk to you as a woman, not as a lieutenant,” Lynch explains as you close her office door.

“Okay,” you murmur slowly. “As long as I’m not in trouble.”

“No,” she assures with a smile. “It’s about your relationship with Street.”

“Relationship?” you repeat. “We’re not-“

Lynch raises her hand to stop you. “I know, I’ve heard it. You’re friends, that’s all. If that’s what you’re sticking with, fine. But… you and Street are special.”

“You’re still talking as my accidental mother figure, right?”

Lynch rolls her eyes but doesn’t argue with your terminology. From the moment you began working with her, she took an unexpected role in your career and in your life.

“Just be careful, okay. Lie to yourself if you need to, but don’t let the blinders you keep on get in the way of everything else,” she concludes. “And if you decide to take those blinders off, let me know and we’ll get ahead of IA.”

“Blinders,” you whisper. “Sure thing. Thanks for the talk.”

Hondo knocks before he opens Lynch’s door. “We’re rolling.”

You nod at Lynch and then rush out after Hondo to join your team. Those blinders she mentioned are a topic you’d rather ignore. They’re important to you because the moment you look at Street the way you want to – as more than a teammate and friend – you’ll be exposed to the harsh truth that Street will never see you the same way. The only mirror image in this situation is the heartbreak you’ll see looking back at you.

As you climb into Black Betty, Tan and Luca are discussing a new restaurant opening this weekend. You should be used to their oddly timed topics by now, you think.

“I’d be happy to test it out for you,” Street offers. “Give me a few hours to get a date and then you can have a full review by tomorrow.”

Your jaw clenches. Street is your best friend, but that doesn’t make this any easier. Whenever he says or does something that reminds you of his ability and desire to date women who aren’t you, you take a step back. The teasing, the competition, and incredible bond you have with him strains when you do this, and he suffers because of your buried feelings, but losing him may be better than learning you can never have him.

“What do you think?” Street asks you.

You shrug and keep your attention on your helmet.

“C’mon,” he presses. “Everybody has an opinion on good restaurants.”

“You certainly do,” you mumble.

“What does that mean?”

Deacon and Hondo share a look that goes unnoticed by both you and Street. With your eyes down, and Street’s locked on you, it’s incredible to the rest of your team that you can’t actually see what is right in front of you.

“I’m sure it’s a great place for dates,” you agree.

“And?” Street questions.

“And what?”

“What is wrong with you?”

You shrug again and Hondo cuts Street off to explain the plan for the raid. He puts you and Street on opposite sides of the house, which is probably in your best interest.

“You can’t just ignore me,” Street whispers harshly as you exit Black Betty.

“We’re working,” you remind him.

“If you can keep working without getting exhausted from the back and forth of being my friend and ignoring me because you’re jealous about my date or something, I can do my job and ask a question.”

You take a deep breath, willing yourself not to respond to his low jab. “Let’s just finish the raid, Street, and if you want to make up more stupid ideas about why I don’t want to talk to you sometimes later, I’ll try my best to listen.”

Street reaches for your arm, but you step away quickly to join Deacon.

“You’re not just hurting him, you know?” Deacon murmurs.

You don’t answer, but as you follow Deacon to the west side of the house, you find yourself thinking about Street again. The feelings that stir within you every time you see Street hurt you far worse than they will ever hurt him. If you can survive his lack of feelings, he can deal with you getting some space.

“22-David, in position on 3 side,” Luca radios.

“30-David, ready on 4,” Deacon adds.

“26-David, go for 2,” Street says.

“20-David, breach on my mark,” Hondo commands. “3, 2, go, go, go.”

You follow Deacon into a side door and through a tight hallway. As you enter the kitchen in the back corner of the house, there’s no sign of the resident.

“Eyes on one suspect,” Street alerts. “He’s running east; 26-David in pursuit.”

“One in custody,” Luca calls.

Deacon gestures back toward the door you entered and tells your team that you’re assisting Street. As you run back into the yard, you navigate around the house and toward the road quickly.

“LAPD!” Street yells ahead of you. “Stop!”

The suspect turns off of the sidewalk suddenly and sprints across the road. You speed up as Street turns to follow him. A car engine rumbles around the curve, and you know they won’t be able to see anyone in the path until it’s too late.

“Street!” you yell.

The engine grows louder, and your lungs seem to constrict as you watch the driver round the corner. They appear to be going the speed limit, but that doesn’t make what happens next any less painful. As the suspect reaches the sidewalk on the other side, you only watch Street. The approaching car slides to a stop, but it’s not fast enough.

“Street!” you yell again.

The bumper knocks his legs out from under him, and his helmet dents the hood before he rolls back onto the asphalt. As you reach him, you rip your helmet off to see him better.

“Go get him,” Street implores, holding his stomach.

“No, Street,” you argue.

“Get him. I’m fine.”

Street groans and you know he isn’t fine, but you need that suspect in custody today. You leave your helmet beside Street and run faster than you ever have before. Without thinking, you tackle the suspect to the concrete and cuff him as he moans in pain.

“Hondo, Street’s down. Suspect in custody,” you radio.

“R/A’s en route,” Hondo replies.

Luca runs toward you as Deacon and Hondo approach Street. The driver is standing by his door and rubbing his hand over his face nervously. Everything in you wants to run back to Street and help him, tell him that he’s special to you and you need him, but that’s not your job right now. Maybe Lynch was right about those blinders, you think. Then, as you remember what Deacon said, you realize that the burning in your chest has nothing to do with how hard you ran, and everything to do with the fact that you may lose Street anyway, and he will never know that you see him as so much more than your best friend.

“Let’s go,” Luca says as he pulls the suspect to his feet. “You alright?” he asks you.

You swallow quickly and nod. The ambulance arrives as you and Luca meet the responding patrol officers, and you miss your chance to go with Street.

“He’s going to St. Stephen’s,” Deacon tells you after everything silences. “He was still conscious, so that’s a good sign.”

“Deacon,” you begin. “I can’t- I can’t lose him.”

“He needs you,” Deacon adds. “Luca’s gonna drop you off on the way back to HQ.”

You nod. Everything numbs as you follow Deacon to Black Betty. There’s nothing you can think of or say that will make this go away, not without telling Street everything. As Luca drives to the hospital and your team talks – it’s nothing more than muffled background noise as you stare at the empty seat before you – your emotions shift. You almost lost Street because he didn’t listen, because he got caught up in the chase and didn’t think about how his decision would affect him or anyone else.

“Thanks, Luca,” you mumble as you exit the double doors.

The rest of your team pulls away as you walk into the hospital. With your uniform still on, you don’t even have to ask anyone for help before you’re led to Street’s side.

“Hey!” he calls when he sees you. “Oh, ow,” he mumbles as he lays back.

Your plan to tell him the truth disappears when you see the smile on his face. He still doesn’t realize just how stupid he was.

“Glad you’re okay,” you say. “Though I’m sure that’s just luck. You- Street, that was so reckless. If you want to throw away your safety, do it on your time!”

“I-“

“No; whatever excuse you’re coming up with, just save it. You’re self-sacrificial and today proved why. You don’t care about anyone else, and you don’t seem to realize or care that I- that people care about you! When you pull that hero act, you’re showing how blind and how stupid you are.”

You release a breath as you finish. Part of you whispers that you’re being a hypocrite; Street isn’t the only blind and stupid one in this hospital room. He’s not the only one sacrificing parts of himself because he thinks being selfish and secretive is the only way to stay happy and avoid rejection. So, you decide to listen to the part that is mad at Street for risking his life and not caring how it affected you. And the rest of your team, of course.

Street’s brows furrow as you rant. After you fall silent, he asks, “Are you done?”

“Yeah,” you answer.

“I’m fine,” Street argues. “You seem very upset, and I’m sorry about that, but it’s a minor injury, and I-“

You weren’t expecting Street to argue with you, to find a way to make you seem wrong for caring about him. And when he says minor injury as if he wasn’t hit by a car, you know you can’t stay. Without a word, you turn and exit his room as you ignore his calls for you.

“Hey,” Hicks calls.

You look up and see him walking through the hall, likely to see Street.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s… he’s still Street,” you say.

“And you?”

You shrug and answer, “I didn’t get hit by a car. I’m heading back to HQ.”

Hicks nods and taps your shoulder kindly as you leave. You need to blow off some steam and get Street off your mind for a while, and HQ is the perfect place to do that.

As you call Deacon to come get you, Hicks enters Street’s room and closes the door.

“How you managed to not break your leg is a mystery for the ages,” Hicks says.

“Well, apparently I’m just lucky,” Street murmurs. “And blind, and stupid.”

Hicks nods as he takes a seat. “What’d you do to make her so angry?”

“Nothing! She’s mad because I’m ‘self-sacrificial’ and it was a misguided ‘hero act.’ Her words.”

“You think she’s wrong? No self-sacrificial motivations?”

Street looks away from Hicks as he considers why he ran after that suspect without looking and why he ignored you when you yelled his name.

“We got into an argument before we got there,” Street admits.

“I didn’t realize you two were already together.”

“We’re not. She, uh, she’d never.”

“Right,” Hicks agrees sarcastically. “Because that woman who just came in here and yelled at you for getting hurt doesn’t feel anything for you. Surely you can see, despite your track record, that she cares that you got hurt. She’s mad because she could have lost you.”

“She can’t lose something she doesn’t want.”

“Street, open your eyes. No one yells at someone they’re indifferent to. But someone you’re scared to lose? They’re worth getting mad about.”

Street replays your words in his mind. You don’t care about anyone else, and you don’t seem to realize or care that I- that people care about you! You almost said it, Street realizes. You almost admitted the very thing Street has thought for longer than he remembers.

“When can I leave?” Street asks.

“Easy,” Hicks answers. “They’ve got to observe you for a while and make sure you don’t have any internal damage.”

“Is the driver okay?”

Hicks stands and buttons his jacket as he says, “You’re not that strong, kid.”

As Street gets advice from Hicks, you try to avoid Lynch. It doesn’t go well, however, because the moment your fist makes impact with the punching bag, she appears.

“We need to talk,” she says.

“Can it wait?” you ask between a jab and a cross.

“No. I know you’re worried about Street, where that anger is coming from. But the question I have is, do you know why you’re so upset?”

“Because he could’ve gotten himself killed and he doesn’t care!” you exclaim.

“He doesn’t care that he could have died, or he doesn’t care that he would’ve been taken away from you?” Lynch challenges.

You drop your hands and exhale. “What does that mean?”

“You tell me. Is the anger because you care about him and need him or because he went against protocol? For me, I would be mad about the paperwork I had to do, but you…”

“So, what you’re telling me is that I got angry with him because I don’t want to lose him. The one man in the world that I have absolutely no chance of ever having. That doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe not. Or it could be that the idea you can’t have him is just that – your idea. If you never give him the chance to answer, you’ll never know.”

“But I could lose him anyway,” you say softly.

“Or you could lose the chance to have him. Just… think about it, figure out why it bothers you so much, and then do something about it. Whether that’s telling him the truth or just being a supportive team member.”

You watch Lynch leave, then turn away from the bag.

“Ready?” Deacon asks.

“What?” you reply.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask for a ride back to Street.”

“You don’t have to rub it in, Mr. I-know-my-teammates-well-and-have-scary-good-intuition.”

“It’s a wonder I even have a license to drive you with a last name like that,” Deacon teases as he leads you to the parking area.

Outside Street’s room, you stop and take a deep breath. After you knock, you step through the open door and stop at the foot of his bed.

“I’m sorry,” you begin. “I thought-“

“I care about you,” Street interrupts. “I like you. I’ve liked you for so long that I don’t remember life without you.”

Your eyes widen with Street’s confession. Even if he’s exaggerating, hearing that you’ve had an effect like that on Jim Street gives you hope. He’s everything you want and more, but you never expected to hear anything like this from him.

“I like you, too,” you confess. “That’s why I got so mad. I didn’t want to lose you, but I shouldn’t have said all of that about you. I’m sorry.”

“I was self-sacrificial. I couldn’t see that you cared, so I didn’t think it would matter.”

“Of course it matters, Street. You matter,” you insist as you walk to his side.

You take Street’s hand, and he smiles at you. There’s still a pain in you, a sympathetic, emotional hurt for Street and what you both went through.

“I guess it’s a good thing I was stupid and blind enough to get run over by an innocent bystander,” Street jokes.

“You’re insufferable,” you respond.

Your smile betrays you, and Street knows you don’t mean that. You meant everything before. Though you think it’s too early for him to be joking about his accident and the injuries he’ll certainly feel tomorrow, you appreciate his sense of humor and the way he holds your hand. He can be insufferable, but now that you’re finally accepting the truth that Jim Street likes you too, it’s different and it always will be.

[swanimagines]

CONFESSIONS OF A CROW | WESPER + KAZ

Summary: Wylan thinks Jesper doesn't care about him, and you try to comfort him. For your surprise, Wylan has something to tell to you too.

The Crow Club’s game nights were loud and cheerful events, and Jesper was all over the tables, building the spirit in the room. Scent of alcohol and cigars floated in the air, and the sound of laughter and clinking glasses filled the downstairs as a whole.

Wylan and you sat at the farthest corner from the entrance, just spending time. The wooden table was slightly sticky, apparently someone had spilled alcohol on it at some point. The candle flame flickered slightly as Wylan played with it while staring at it deep in thought, and you were just about to ask what he’s thinking when he flinched upon another round of cheers and crooned his neck to look at one of the game tables. Jesper had once again won another round, making you turn your head to your friend and raise a glass for him once he caught your eyes. Then you turned your head back to Wylan, who sighed and returned to staring at the candle. You frowned, knowing to read people enough to know something was wrong. So you touched his hand to get his attention.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” you asked, and Wylan stared at you for a moment before laying his gaze down on the table.

“It’s nothing. Nothing important,” he mumbled, and you sighed, raising your eyebrows at him. He squirmed a little and then let out a sigh of his own. “I slept with Jesper.”

Your eyebrows shot up at that; sure, Jesper was sleeping around with people he met at bars and restaurants to have fun, but for this short time you had known Wylan, he didn’t feel like such a person. But you weren’t judgemental by any means, Jesper was a charmer and you could see that he’d be dragged along by Jesper after some flirting. Hell, Jesper had gotten you to blush a few times with his flirts when you first joined Dregs.

“Really? When did that happen?” you asked, trying to keep your tone neutral.

“It’s been a while. Two months? Or three maybe? But… he managed me to grow feelings for him, and knowing who he is… I don’t think he’d like me back. He doesn’t even remember me.” His voice trailed off at the end, and he laid his gaze back to his hands. “I know it’s stupid.”

You shook your head, squeezing his hand. “It’s not stupid, Wylan. A lot of people have been in your situation at some point. But you can’t let the fear of heartbreak to get in your way, you deserve to be happy and even if Jesper doesn't return your feelings, at least you know then. You won't stay in it welling and cursing yourself over not speaking up if he ever ends up being serious with someone else."

He scoffed. “Easy for you to say when you hold the heart of the Bastard of the Barrel himself. Do you even realise how I envy the way Kaz looks at you, how I would wish somebody would look at me like that? Kaz is closed off, cold and guarded, someone you wouldn’t think would like anyone, and still you have managed to catch him without even trying to win him over. Jesper is everything but like that, and still he thinks I’m nothing but a fling, just an asset for pleasure. I’d be a fool if I went to him and tell him how do I feel.”

Your heart skipped a beat at him mentioning about Kaz’s feelings for you, making you freeze up - it was true that you had been teased about it, and Kaz did have odd reasons for why he suddenly didn’t want to assign you on scouting missions anymore if the building was heavily guarded. But it wasn’t like he had feelings for you. Even when you wished it would be the reason for that.

“Kaz? What? He isn’t… no, he doesn’t, you’ve misunderstood something. And he’s my boss, it would be weird, he sees me only professionally and… I see him only professionally too,” you denied it, trying to contain your voice squeaking. Wylan raised his eyebrows at you, and you felt your face heating up when you realised he’s not buying it.

"He basically admitted it to Inej. Inej told him to let his guard down for you if he wants you to see him as anything else as your boss, and he told her that he doesn't want to drag you into his life, that you'd only get hurt when you'd see how he really is," Wylan mumbled. "Then they sensed someone is listening in so I dashed away before they caught me."

You didn't reply, just tried to calm your racing heart. You were quiet for a few seconds before you cleared your throat, trying to quickly jump away from the subject before anyone would hear you. “Anyway, Jesper is not Kaz. He’s not gonna smack you with his gun if you go and ask him if he’d be willing to talk with you. Or go on another date. If I went to Kaz’s office and asked him to come down to have a dining date with me, even if he did have feelings for me, which he doesn’t, he’d look at me as if I was crazy and either ignore me or tell me to get out his office.” 

Wylan chuckled weakly at your words. “I guess you’re right about that.”

You smiled. “You should talk to Jesper. Maybe he feels the same way about you. And even if not, at least you won’t have any regrets. You won’t watch him get together with someone else and wonder why didn’t you ever say anything.”

Wylan nodded slowly, his eyes shifting back to Jesper, who had just finished playing and had made his way to the bar counter. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I should try to talk to him.”

Your smile widened as you jumped a little bit in your seat, gesturing him to go on, gently nudging him forward when he passed you. Wylan walked to Jesper slowly, talking with him for a moment before sitting down beside him, and you almost felt the connection they already had. You turned your back on them, and continued sipping on your drink as you dug up your ongoing book from your bag. 

And just for a moment, you wondered if you’d ever really have chances with Kaz. If everyone pointing how Kaz looks at you and how ridiculous his reasons for taking you out from all the dangerous jobs are were actually onto something, what could it carry? Would Kaz shut it down, force himself not to feel, or would he let himself feel? Would you be there with Wylan and Jesper as a couple?

You hoped you’d get the answer for that sometime in the future, but for now, you were only happy that you had potentially helped Wylan and Jesper to get to know each other better, and maybe get together. They both deserved happiness, and you were happy if they found it within themselves.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[og-akiree]

Yandere Sir Pentious | General Headcanons

Since no one else is doing it, I will >:(

Ps. I take requests ;)

● He may not be the smartest or strongest, but he's got the spirit alright.

● In this scenario, you met him first at the Hotel. Maybe you were a sinner looking for redemption? Maybe you were Charlie's friend or in a leash? Or maybe you just were there for the free housing? Either way, this man fell in love with you on first sight, believe it or not.

● He walks in all sad and pitiful `redemption redemption' and you don't buy his lie and goddamn it he doesn't know why but the glare you are giving him gives him the chills. And not in a bad way mind you.

● Like you're just standing there glaring at him, and he just locks up when he sees your eyes on him. `Who is this?` `What's their name?` `WHY ARE THEY SO GODDAMN SEXY?!`

● Eventually (literally on the first day lmao) when Angel Dust discovers the "hidden" camera and you walk in, dropkick him and stand on his back with one leg to keep him down he almost moans right then and there. Like wtf why are you so good-looking while beating the shit outta him???

● You ain't even gotta be stronger than him. When you lay your hands on him (or literally any part of you), he just locks up and lets you throw him around.

● The Egg Boyz are gonna call you 'mom' 'mama' 'momma' or any possible alternate regardless of your gender (or lack of).

● Like the Egg Boyz just are too dumb to comprehend anything. In their eyes, the boss loves likes you, you care for the Egg Boyz (whether out of your own volition or not doesn't matter), and you keep their boss in line. To them, you're a mother because a mother's role is to care and keep the daddy in line, right? (Why Egg Boyz, why).

● Anyways, as a yandere, Sir Pentious is more capable of showing his feelings for you than in the show. Instead of saying, "Because I'm buying drinks for everyone," he goes "because you are my first ever friend" or something like that.

● Though he certainly isn't the strongest demon out there, he ain't the weakest either. If some random demon happens to be messing with you, they just might find themselves in a bit of a pickle when Sir Pentious pays them a visit <33

● "You better bow down trash. You're in the presence of a RULER." (He's talking about you, btw) he worships the ground you walk on. You can't do any wrong in his eyes (even though you are in Hell for a reason)

● You could literally blow up an orphanage, and he would go "Yeah well the orphanage was in their way."

● In the final battle, you had gotten hurt, and he couldn't stand it. In his eyes, someone so powerful and mighty (even though you may actually be weaker than him) couldn't be defeated by something as simple as a hit from the first man ever, right? Right?!

● There are two ways we can go from here.

● One is that Sir Pentious sacrifices himself for you. He sees how hurt you are and filled with rage and the thirst of revenge he gets a confidence boost and kisses you deeply, declaring his undying love for you in front of EVERYBODY.

• Then he powers up the machine, dies an embarrassing death and yada yada. Now in Heaven, he will literally fight tooth and nail to either get back down to you or to bring you up there with him.

● If it so happens that he can't remember anything, then he would feel deep longing for something or someone that he can't quite place. What is this painful feeling in his chest? Why does he feel like he is missing someone important?

● Alternatively, if it so happens that YOU end up dying in the final battle, then Holy Hell.

● Seeing your lifeless body fills him with pure heartbreak that he didn't know he was even capable of feeling.

● He would kill himself then and there. He doesn't care who he will leave behind as long as he gets to die, too, while holding your hand or hugging your body close to his. He can't live without you, even in Hell. To him, the only way to be loyal to you now that you are dead is to be dead with you.

● Even in death, you can't escape your diehard fan <3

[wolvesofinnistrad]

Read on Ao3 Here.

Its been about 6 months. 

6 of the best months of a relationship Buck has ever had. And its not even about it being a guy, discovering his bisexuality. Its just... Tommy.

Hes great in so many ways, and the dynamic is so different that for the first time Buck has been able to relax, not always feel like hes chasing after someone. Actually, hes found out he quite likes being the one that gets chased, romanced, flirted with.

Everything is going great and hes even, in the back of his mind, been starting to think this might be it, this might be a long term thing after all which he'd have never expected. And then Eddie fucks it all up by telling him his most recent girlfriend, Beatrice or something Buck honestly hasn't kept track lately, broke up with him because quote "i can never have a place in your life when you've got Buck so entrenched in it."

Hes never had anyone imply that his and Eddies friendship, the little family hes made with Eddie and Chris, is somehow wrong or off-putting. Eddie was more annoyed than anything and didn't seem to care. But Buck... Buck got worried. Not because he cared about what Betty or whatever thought, but because he wondered if it wasn't true. If maybe their dynamic would scare people off eventually, and did that mean it would scare Tommy off as well?

So that's how hes sitting here, curled under a blanket on the couch, a new sectional he bought because Tommy's back didn't get enough support in the last one, spilling his guts to his boyfriend. When hes done he looks up at Tommy, expecting, well, something. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, but... Its not there. Tommy smiles at him, placing a hand on his leg over the blanket. "Evan... i understand how important Eddie and Chris are to you. I would never make you choose. I would never try to cut them out or deny you that."

Buck takes that in sits with it for a moment but finds it doesn't fully alleviate his concerns.

"But what if... i mean, if were together, you know, for the long haul. It wont affect you? What i have with them?"

Tommy smiles, he looks away for a minute and laughs.

"Can i be really honest with you Evan?" He says, meeting his eyes now. 

Buck nods.

Tommy inches closer, drawing up one of his legs beneath him. "When we first started dating i knew you all were close, but i didn't really understand until later that you were a 'family.'" He pauses, thinks. "But when i did, yeah, there was a moment i was a little worried where i fit in. Where there was space for me in your life. And then i had an idea, and once i wrapped my head around it that way, re-conceptualized how i looked at things, it didn't scare me anymore."

Now that's surprising to hear, Buck wants to know what could have so easily changed his mind. "And what was it that made you not worry then?"

Again Tommy laughs. "I started thinking of Eddie like he was your ex husband."

Bucks eyes bug out a bit. "My what?!"

Tommy shrugs. "It was easier in my head than just saying your best friend who you're co-parenting with. I've dated guys with kids, with exes before. It wasn't a stretch to think of it like Eddie was your ex and Chris was your kid from another relationship. Once i put it in my head like that, i didn't worry about whether we could have a life together. You'll always be tied to them, but it didn't mean you couldn't have a life with me to." He reached over and took Bucks hand, squeezed it tight. "And honestly Evan? I'm starting to think I'd like that. A life with you."

Despite how weird it is to think of his little family with Eddie and Chris that way, how Tommy sees it, there's something relief and happiness coursing through him. Knowing that Tommy's already figured out how he can keep some of the most important people in his life and incorporate them into a new life hes building for himself. For him and Tommy. 

"Evan?" Tommy asks, scootching closer on the couch, their knees knocking together.

Buck realizes its been too long since he's said anything, but when he speaks he simply says "move in with me."

For all of a second Tommy looks shocked, then elated, then seemingly guarded. "Evan... You don't have to lock me down or something i just exp-"

Buck cuts him off, "its not that. Trust me, I've done that before. Held on so tight, clung because i was scared of being left behind. This isn't that. This is..." he stops, lets his mind and body calm enough to get this right. "This is me holding on because I don't want to let go. Because i want to stay, right here, with you. I'm not scared of being left anymore, I'm scared of not putting down roots. Of not letting the best boyfriend I've ever had,"

"Only," Tommy interjects.

"Best," Buck reiterates, gripping his hand tighter, boyfriend I've ever had know that i want this. I want him. I want a life with you too. And hearing that i think, it was just the final thing falling into place, the last weight weighing on me. I... I've been thinking of asking you for a while, but i wanted so bad to get it right this time. And i think i am, but Tommy." He looks into his eyes. "Tommy you're the first time I've felt like if i got it wrong it would still be okay, we could make it work anyway. So move in with me. Please. Or.. heck, we could get a place of our own if you like?"

Tommy kisses him then. Its slow and passionate but all consuming. Its like nothing hes ever had before. And it feels so right. For once it feels Right.

A week later Tommy sends him a photo of a house for rent. Rent to own actually.

"Wheres that at?" He asks, because its a nice place, he can see the potential.

"Its literally a block away from Eddie's house, I saw it as I was driving away." He says, and Buck can almost hear the laugh and smug smile miles away.

"Its perfect." He writes back. But what he means is, 'you're perfect.'

[prodbyblush]

Could I get the aib characters crying in front of their s/o please :0?

ｎｏｗ ｌｏａｄｉｎｇ …

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 100%

ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ!

・❥・ requested

→ gn!reader

Not just one but two, ARISU lost two important people in his lives. A death of two close friends is as painful as a death of a relative - painful. Made aware of his own suffering in silence, you kept sticking by his side, keeping him grounded and reminding him that the games doesn't wait for anyone, that no one is going to save themselves except their own selves.

So when the 10 of Hearts game commenced inside the Beach, losing you mid way of the game and catching sight of a similar beach wear like yours, body laying lifelessly down on the red carpeted floor, Arisu felt like the hollowness in him is resurfacing; ready to suck in all the life out of him.

As Usagi kept dragging him out of the burning facade, all he could think of were the words he wished he could have told you. All the unspoken words that will forever be unspoken.

"There you are!" He hears your soft voice speaking to him, whipping his head to look at you, giving you a kind of look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" You asks, chuckling. "Hey, don't look at me like I'm a ghost!" You chuckle again.

With no words spoken, the tears that he has been holding in finally fell down and cascaded his face, arms thrown around your frame, hugging you tightly.

He didn't want to be swallowed by that hollowing feeling anymore. He's gone through a lot. He didn't want to be hollow anymore. With you, he'll be fine. And he'll like that just fine.

At a game like this, CHISHIYA wonders why do you have to play the role of a hero and save others when they barely save yours? No matter how much you reason with him, no matter how much logical thinking and reasoning he's making, he just couldn't understand you.

And maybe, that's what made him fall for you. An exact opposite of him. Opposite do attract, as they say. Opposites yet each other filling the gaps of what the other needs. To say the least, a perfect match.

Almost being fallen over a burning debris and rushing out of the burning building, he will scold you once getting out and into safety. Telling you to quit your little heroic actions.

"What about me? Did you think of me when you were almost getting fallen over? If you want to save lives, think of me too."

He knows it's a selfish request, but a part of him will die if you do. You may have fallen for him first but he fell harder. He loves you so much and the mere thought of you dying will leave him crushed.

Nevermind if something happened to him, NIRAGI cares more for your well being than his. Raging inside the burning building, looking for at the bodies and making sure you aren't one of them.

Though yours isn't in the main lobby, what are the odds that yours could be somewhere in the rooms? Body having already engulfed in flames? Niragi's stunned on the outside but freaking out on the inside.

That can't be. His sweet petal can't die on him. He has so much to give them.

And as he gets out of the burning building with Aguni and seeing your well being outside, he'd let himself be weak and fall into his knees, crying and pouring his heart out.

Expect that Niragi won't leave you alone after that!

KUINA would look back and watch as the flames engulf the rest of the infrastructure, the blazing orange color reflecting against her face as she cried softly and heartbreaking.

She is like a bird who's cage door has finally been open, left for the bird to fly away and freely, regaining it's freedom. But she didn't want that. She wanted you alive and by her side. But it looks like, it's not happening.

Ann had never seen her cry like that before. And it is heart breaking to see her cry like that. Hearing her mutter "I'm sorry" multiple times under her breath.

"Hm? Who are you sorry for?"

Kuina would stop from her cries and slowly turn her head to look up at you, peering down at her face.

"I'm sorry I couldn't join you on the way out! I tripped and my foot suddenly began to cramp." You say, giving her a soft smile. "Sorry for making you worried!"

Kuina's young and you being her first love, she'll do anything to keep you safe.

He may appear calm but KARUBE is ready to kill anyone who harms you in any way they could think of.

He's naturally caring towards you, Arisu and Chota. And the thought him losing you is going to be too much for him to bear. Not when the ring he planned to use to propose to you is already tucked inside the safety of his pocket.

But to figure out that he doesn't have much time left and he's going to die in some place like this with you? Karube already considers going down with you. Not letting death be the reason why you two will separate.

A part of him would be so upset at the situation, he wanted to see you in white and hear people start calling you by his last name. But it looks like...he'll never be able to see and hear those. Nothing but a dying wish.

"You guys! I finally figured how to win! Come out of your hiding spots and trust me!" He hears your voice in his headset, a spark of hope igniting in him.

Maybe, this isn't where he bows down just yet.

TAGS: @aikerx @retrospacealien @chishiya-of-diamonds @boowoomuu @ang3liclov3ly @kenqki @shadowheads-shitshow @lunoxxy @supercoffeeblogs @laylasbunbunny

[distort-opia]

In other news I re-read Superman: Birthright and I am now the living equivalent of the MAN HOLD ON. HOLD ON A SECOND meme :) There's... a specific aspect to their dynamic in this comic that makes me want to just. Gnaw off my own arm.

Lex and Clark had been friends during highschool, after Lex moved to Smallville, and it was because of Clark. Clark saw this person who was so frighteningly intelligent and "other" compared to his peers, incapable of hiding all the ways in which he was different. He saw Lex being so impulsive, prone to mood swings and lacking the emotional intelligence (at that point) needed to know when to intervene and when to retreat, visibly set him apart. Meanwhile, Clark had managed to assimilate, to make himself unnoticed, but on the inside he felt like he was apart-- so when Lex rolls into town, it's almost heartbreaking how fast he becomes fascinated and attached.

And yet there's this inevitable barrier. Lex talks about feeling like he doesn't belong on this Earth, about searching for alien life among the stars; essentially, looking for a place to belong. And Clark painfully relates to that, except he can't say it, he can't divulge the secret of who he really is, because of his promise to his father. He keeps seeking Lex out and trying to help him as much as he can, but he can only do it from the position of an outsider in Lex's eyes. But then Lex holes himself up in a lab for weeks, with Clark obsessively checking in on him and attempting to talk to him... leading to The Incident. Aka, the device Lex had been building was powered by a Kryptonite shard that had led Lex to Smallville, in his quest for alien life. So for the first time ever, Clark feels weakness and pain so intense he can barely speak, as a result of his exposure to it; and Lex, in his erratic state, mistakes it for fear. He throws Clark out.

And what's driving me bonkers about this is that Clark had decided to go there to tell Lex about his powers, about him not being of this Earth. Going against his Pa's wishes, because he couldn't bear the thought of Lex fully unraveling. He never gets the chance to, because Lex is blinded by his experiences and sees the worst in Clark's expression. In Lex's mind, he'd just showed Clark something so important to him, and Clark had balked just like everyone else.

And again. Kryptonite. Clark's a kid. He's feeling the worst thing he's ever felt, in the presence of that rock. But he still pounds onto the door, tears streaming down his face, for Lex to let him back in-- where the freaking meteorite is!

[gestures speechlessly for a second] I mean. I don't know about you but that makes me want to eat drywall. Clark doesn't care about the kryptonite, doesn't ask himself why he's feeling like this or doesn't even think about getting away, he's just desperately trying to fix it. To make sure Lex doesn't believe Clark hates him, asking for forgiveness, when it isn't even his fault. But of course, the power grid explodes, and Clark is too weakened to do anything about the ensuing fire. Lex is greatly injured in it, and his father dies. It's the last time Clark sees him, before they meet as adults.

The horribly tragic irony of Lex having come to Smallville to find proof of alien life, and then that very proof finding him, but Lex never knowing... it's just so compelling. While Clark didn't manage to tell Lex the truth, Lex also never suspected it, not even when a machine he'd built for detection purposes pointed at Clark. He immediately assumed it was broken and threw a fit about it. Lex wasn't able to look past Clark's "disguise" back then because he was so caught up in being angry at the world, and he never managed to see Clark enough to not assume the very worst of him at that critical moment. He never managed to trust Clark enough, and assumed the worst possible scenario when all Clark had been feeling was pain.

AND THEN. They meet as adults. And oh my god, it just must've hurt, the way Lex didn't recognize Clark at all. It doesn't even really matter if Lex actually did remember Clark Kent, but he just pretended he didn't to keep in line with erasing all of the evidence of him ever being in Smallville, because it's still a rejection of who Clark is. It declares him as insignificant. And then Lex meets Superman, and poses the exact same question: do I know you? Not even now does he manage to see Clark; not even when he's a super-powered, othered being, in his "alien" form. He doesn't make any connection between kid Clark Kent's reaction to the meteorite and the way Superman reacts to the kryptonite.

He never really realizes that he's hurt and alienated and let down the person he's been looking for all along, and that is the reason for the look of disgust and disappointment Superman levies at him, and which Lex resents to the point of orchestrating Superman's downfall. Once again, it's a look from Clark that sends everything crashing down, that Lex interprets his own way without hesitation.

AND YET! Mark Waid just keeps fucking going! And yet, despite Lex trying to destroy Superman, he's the one to actually tell Clark who he is. It's because of Lex's invention that Clark finds out what his planet was named, who his parents were, what his family was like-- it's Lex who inadvertently gives Clark something he'd been looking for all his life. Both Lex and Clark had been looking for the place they belonged, and then Lex ends up delivering that to Clark while trying to kill him.

"You weren't always, Lex." But Lex doesn't know what he's talking about! He doesn't know what he's ruined, and it's so sad, both for him and for Clark-- who all along, had just wanted to share who he truly was with Lex and to help him, but Lex... never sees it.

[nicotinemaiden]

Clockworks;

Pairing: One-sided Astarion/F!Tav - Established Gale/F!Tav

Rating: T (Teen & Up Audiences)

Tags: Major Character Death, Angst (With a happy ending), Suicide (Attempts & Implied previous suicide), Dealing with Grief, Vampire Spawn Astarion, Astarion's POV, POV Third Person Limited

Word count: 3,721

Summary:

In the wake of losing the woman who had shown him the true meaning of love — the first person he had ever truly cared for — Astarion's life lost what little meaning it had before, his title as 'Hero of Baldur's Gate' becoming more of a burden than an honour. In his grief and drunken despair, he convinced himself that the only answer was to step into the sun and follow her to the afterlife. It was all he could do after failing each attempt to make her stay at his side.

You can also read on AO3 ↬

The direct sun burned through his eyelids, hot and unbelievably bright even with his eyes closed. The sand around him sneaked into his clothes and tickled him in an unpleasant way. He couldn’t remember how he got there, not where, exactly, was him — a consequence, no doubt, of the incredible amount of bottles of wine he had endorsed himself with, enough to make even a vampire falter — yet, why would it matter? Why should he care?

Things, any kind of thing really, even the ones which brought him joy before, had stopped being relevant and important. The city, for which they had done so much, lost so much, quickly forgetting the heroes that so readily fought to protect it. Life had taken a turn for the worst, a plunge into the unending darkness, from the moment the woman who had completely changed his life — the person who gave him the strength and confidence to break his chains and kill his merciless master, the one who taught him what it meant to have a friend, who made him learnt about the delights of love and the devastating pain of heartbreak — took her own life not so long ago, the victory against their enemies unsavoury and underserved, a thought shared by most members of their old group.

Things should have never gone as they did.

And he couldn’t help but put the blame on but one person.

Blame and guilt were easy to throw, to accuse, when the person in question wasn't there to defend themselves… easier still to focus on when it would fix nothing. When there was no turning back. He had exclusively a resolution in his mind, a goal. Perhaps two, if he was allowed to believe in anything.

He wanted, first and foremost, to stop hurting. The pain of grief had been unknown to him until the last couple of months. He had never cared enough for the death of someone to affect him as theirs had done, and the one before them that honestly mattered to him, he enjoyed. The grief he felt for Cazador wasn't exactly for him, but for all the people he tricked because of him, for all the spawns that were lost, for himself and the centuries of freedom he had taken from him. It had been pleasant. It still was, in a manner.

The grief of losing both of them, months apart from each other, was not.

He did not understand, even after her passing, what he was feeling. It was similar to other emotions — sadness, despair, hurt, guilt. It was all of them and none, each less important, less meaningful, than the sum that had accumulated inside of him.

At first he rejected the feelings. He hadn’t had a need for such strong emotions in centuries so why keep them? Why entertain them if they were useless? If they made him clumsy and inattentive and only pushed him further into the darkness.

He tried to embrace himself again, to explore intimacy with different people now that he didn’t have to, now that he was actively choosing to do it. Yet a choice made to hide from healthier ones was not truly a choice, not truly something he decided. He hid, again, behind the comfort of the familiar realizing only later that it didn’t help. Nothing he did helped, they never left his mind.

The best he found, before she abandoned him like she did, had been trying to work on the sadness that had been presented to him while he made her company, trying to help her as best he could, to pull her upwards and steal a smile or two with a new joke, with a stupid conclusion, with an unnecessarily flirty line.

She had loved them, before.

The memory of her laughter invaded his dead heart, enveloping it in warmth. She hadn’t been the same person after defeating the Absolute. Even if he had been lucky enough to enjoy her company a couple of months more, the real her had died that same night, along with the brain. Along with the wizard.

And he was just about to follow them, if he remembered correctly. If the alcohol wasn’t playing him a trick and he had finally gathered the guts to do it.

Life as a spawn — sunless once more after becoming addicted to its embrace, alone, hiding in the cold sewers with the only sunny side of his short visits to the woman that had become his entire world, finding work and food when and how he could and doing his best not to let her fall, their titles as heroes of Baldur’s Gate unwelcomed and despised despite how much he had wanted to revel in them, to be praised, to be seen and admired — had been harder than he could ever have imagined. Harder than had been worth it after, without her.

Luckily, nothing compared to his life with Cazador, as much as he complained at the time, yet it hadn’t been an easy walk with flowers at the side and decorated with colorful lights either. It had been fulfilling, being truly free for once, visiting his friends in the city, doing little adventures, killing horrible people for a price, getting to know himself as the elf and vampire he became once his master was no more — trying without success to forget his feelings, to hide them in a small box at the edge of his heart and lock them away, for the woman who taught him the meaning of the previously foreign concept of ‘love’, the one he had spent months admiring and daydreaming about, wasn't meant for him.

And when such a woman couldn't take it anymore, when she finally became overwhelmed by the sacrifice of the man she had given herself to, his life lost the little meaning it had. He had been a survivor up until that point and he had never before regretted allowing her to influence him to give the Ascension up, to be better.

Yet what worth had been ‘being better’, what worth had been saving the remains of his soul if he couldn’t even save his friends? Save her?

He felt the sun burning his skin, his eyes closed in defeat. Sooner or later it would take him to a better place. If he was lucky enough, to a place in which he was no longer. After more than two centuries of pure survival and the promise of something better being crushed before he could even taste it, he just wanted to rest. He was tired. Exhausted. 

The saviors of Baldur’s Gate… but at what cost? Their sanity? Their friends? The only person Astarion had ever loved. And the one he lost because he had chosen to stay quiet about it, because he had been unable to acknowledge it as it was, because he had failed to give it a name.

And by the time he had grown enough as a person to see it the light of her eyes brightened for him no longer, not in the same way.

It still hurts up to this precise day. But he had contented himself with seeing her smile, with watching her rush about camp doing all kinds of things and almost… floating in her happiness, with the red that appeared in her pale cheeks and in the tip of her pointy little ears when she had drunk or laughed too much.

She always was sunny and optimistic, innocent yet not naïve, fun and incredibly playful. She brightened the place with her sole presence, nevermind her songs. She never allowed anything to bring her down and she made it her problem to cheer everyone around her, dissipating the clouds each of them had been hiding, changing their views and the course of their fates completely without effort. She was the embodiment of life.

Up until the day Gale sacrificed himself.

The wizard had not said a word to anyone until the last moment, had lived his last days as if he had an eternity remaining. He boasted about the future, made plans as to how to tackle a well-organized group to help, clean and reconstruct and even spoke about his intentions with her once everything was over. He should have noticed the change in his voice then. He should have realized when his friend asked for his support, confiding in him that he trusted him to care for her if something ever happened to him. He should have noticed his words had been more of a desperate plea than an anxious, passing worry. He already knew what he would have to do if everything failed, he had already decided. And he knew if he shared it with any of them they would do everything in their hands to stop him.

So he remained silent until the shadow of the Nether Brain darkened the city and they prepared to attack.

Astarion liked to think, as obvious it had seemed afterwards, that he still had other plans before the Netherstones failed them, that he had wanted to live beside her and not forego her and ruin her life too, before all their plans crumbled. Before he took upon himself to be the savior.

Before he failed to trust them to do a good job by themselves, as if they wouldn’t have been able to win. He thought he trusted them, that they were friends. It felt wrong to realize otherwise.

No one had been in favour of the choice, no one believed, like him, that it was the only choice, yet, at the time, it had been difficult to oppose it. Difficult to choose better instead of easier.

It hadn’t been easier in the long term.

The wizard had kissed the leader of their group with tears in his eyes, desperate, gripping to life, to her, the emotion of the gesture not going unnoticed for any of them who were looking, who even gazed their way. Afterwards, without any further words besides the ones he could have left with her, he moved forward and blocked the rest from following him. Everyone realized immediately there was something happening too important for any of them to grasp, at the time.

They had seen themselves forced to drag a kicking and punching tiefling, screaming and crying, back to safety. A poor tiefling who a moment before had been about to join the final fight of their journey followed by the man she loved, the one who had promised her a love more beautiful than the Outer Planes, eternal and unquenchable. Gale had been, to her, the answer to each internal conflict, each complex, each doubt and sadness… and, at that precise instant, he became the entire opposite.

They were lucky Halsin and Karlach had been with them, lending a helping hand and a couple calming words that did little, or he had no doubt she would have followed the wizard to the end of the world.

Of course, he couldn’t have imagined she would do so anyway.

It had been a couple of months, perhaps more. She seemed… okay when he visited, which, to be fair, had been almost every day since then. Not the definition of happiness, by any means, but… more herself, especially lately. She helped with the rebuilding of the city to keep herself busy, took over herself to find a home for different orphans and pets that had nowhere else to go, donated her share of goods to different shops and locals around who needed a hand. In the last days of her life she had even seemed… relieved, her smile bigger and warmer, as if after all the darkness she could finally see a glimmer of light. It had given him hope that she could overcome this with the help of the friends close to her, like Jaheira, Shadowheart or himself.

He had never hated being wrong so much.

And so, in the days after her departure, knowing that carnal pleasure and physical work wouldn’t work to keep his mind busy, knowing that they would do nothing but made him ask why she wasn’t there with him, why had any of it been worth it in the end — his freedom a far too small a prize for everything he had gained and lost in between, he had thought about releasing himself into the sun more than once. Following their steps.

No one needed him, no one would miss him. The friends he made had their own lives and wouldn’t worry about him. No one could understand the void that occupied him now, no one could see how nothing was important anymore, how nothing mattered. He had lost the will to do anything — to feed, to clean himself, to interact with other people, to watch the moon and the stars.

What good were they if he was the only one remaining to see them?

What good was he if he didn’t even want to be?

Yet the sun was taking too long. It should be painful. He should have been resisting the urge to hide. Instead, the sun over his skin was more like a caress, a punishment for wanting to rest, to destroy these feelings, than the excruciating release he had been hoping for. Astarion felt cheated. 

He was done. He had experienced the life of a hero and it had been nothing like the tales promised. He had learnt love and how unbearable the feeling of losing it, of renouncing it, could be. He had known a regret deeper than the seas and wider than the sky, a despair colder than an ice storm.

He had gained much, so much that, between his regrets, he didn’t regret the journey at their side nor the things he had experienced. He would be eternally grateful for their help with Cazador, for how she, specially, helped him to understand that he was the master of his own body and if he didn’t want to do something, he shouldn’t, simply as that. There were so many good things he had embraced at her side, so many beautiful feelings he hadn’t even found a name for back then but that brought a stupid, irritating smile to his face that he couldn’t wash away if she was close. So many peaceful moments of discovery.

Yet he had lost a lot more with their absence. With the emptiness she had left that never could be filled by anyone else. It wasn’t worth it, the alcohol in his veins had proclaimed, and he had believed it.

However, despite his very clear intentions to die and his absolute no resistance to it, he was still alive while under the sun, his eyes closed to help with his dizziness, confused as to why he could still think and feel the air, an extremely familiar feeling inside his head.

“Hey, pale guy! Are you alright?”

That voice.

Even a million years from now, in a thousand different realities, he would recognize her voice.

He smiled to himself.

The second thing he had wanted from this desperate suicide attempt had been to see her again.

Perhaps, being optimistic, he had somehow succeeded in his endeavors and the dreams of his death, the embrace of whichever god it was the one who took care of these things, had carried him to her. He would be lucky if that was to be the case. He would do anything to save her, to change the curse of fate. 

If only Gale had been in his place he would have been able to cheer her up, to find the words. After all, those were his specialties. He would have known how to care for her, what to do each time her smile faded, what to say to never allow her to reach that point. The stupid, selfish wizard, making himself a name in the history books at the expense of the most precious thing of all. He should be ashamed. And it had been Astarion who had been accused of making ‘poor choices’. 

“It is possible he is in need of some kind of refreshment. Who knows how much time he has been there, lying in this heat. I should have something…”

He rose up, suddenly, adding to his discomfort. He sat in place and opened his eyes, immediately closing them again. There was far too much light for his unaccustomed eyes to be comfortable opening. The sun felt strangely real, the situation weirdly nostalgic, the voices loud and palpable, not a simple echo of the past nor a ghost of his memories.

With a hand shadowing his face he opened his eyes again, allowing them to get used to the colors of the beach he was in, the silhouettes of the people who looked worriedly in his direction.

This time he could see them, colorful and full of life, right in front of him.

Shadowheart had her arms closed over her chest, an uneasy, disapproving look on her face and the same Shar uniform she wore when they met, thinking her belief hadn’t been as obvious as they had for everyone else.

Gale — purple robe, quarterstaff on his back, unkempt cute beard on his face, the whole packet he had grown to know and care for — stopped the search of his bag to look at him and raised a brow, as if instilling him to speak.

But at his side, almost white skin and long hair black as coal, was Laihya, the woman he had lost barely days ago. Better than that, she was the real one, the one he had not seen since they became heroes of the city. The kindness and curiosity of her gaze remained and her tail bounced around playfully, excited, while she approached him. Her pale gray eyes pierced him, as if she had recognized him that same instant. He felt entranced and she stopped her steps and opened her mouth just to close it again, as if thinking harder, as if something was wrong. Shortly after, sooner than he had enough time to paint her smiling expression again into his brain, the clash of their minds interrupted the moment, showing him pieces of her past he knew far too well while flashes of his life at Szarr’s Palace mixed in between.

He had been here before.

The people gathered, the landscape and sights, the unease of his body and the damn worm occupying a place not for him, a place from which he had tore it up before.

“Well? I’d love to say there’s no rush but if we don’t get these things out soon we will become part of that tentacle army and I would really like to stay as is.”

He pinched his nose, gathering strength to rise and stand, the situation too overwhelming.

He had just done this. He had just saved the city. He could not believe he was back at the beginning, this must be a joke. He hoped it would be a joke, at least. He had known of magic, some of his friends were well versed in magic, but he had never heard of something as ‘undoing what was done’. Or… traveling back in time. He wasn’t even sure this was something proper for a god, why would he be…? He must have been mistaken. He must be hallucinating. If he’d known enough alcohol could do something similar he would have started drinking a lot more. Laihya’s hand came to his arm and squeezed it slightly, grabbing his attention. She inspected him worriedly, her eyes examining each little part of his face, stopping briefly over the scar of his neck before rushing away from it, as if she didn’t want to insult him by staring. Instead, her gray shades focused on his red ones and he could feel the world melting, the words fumbling in his mouth without pronouncing anything coherent.

“You didn’t answer me. You just fell here like the rest of us but you seem worse for wear. Do you want to come with us? We were thinking of making a camp around these parts to think about where to go next.”

“Go ahead, tell him everything, I’m sure is perfectly saf-” “Oh, shush. The man clearly needs a moment. We can’t leave him here to become bait for the hyenas, it is common knowledge there are plenty around these parts.”

“Look here wizard, I have no clue where ‘these parts’ are and-”

The conversation that had originated a couple steps away seemed to disappear completely when he heard her chuckle, a dismissing shake of her head while her attention returned to him, the intensity of her gaze capable of even seeing the remains of his soul, if there was still any. He looked away for a moment, overwhelmed, his hand reaching for his shoulder to relieve some of the tension while he searched for the words.

“Don’t worry about them for now. What’s your name?”

She smiled at him and everything else went out of focus, nothing else seemed to have color, not like her.

Should he tell him that he knew her? Would she believe him? He wouldn’t believe himself, not easily. Not yet. He might trust her completely but she didn’t even know his name. She trusted him as far as she could throw him and she did well. Despite the excruciating pain he felt at knowing her better than himself while being a complete stranger to her, to the woman he loved. The unfamiliarity of his person in her gaze. The warmth it carried either way.

He could not believe he had her again at this range, could not believe she was touching him.

He could not believe he was back at the beginning and he prayed to all the gods and goddesses who had ignored him before that it wasn’t a joke.

Because even if he had to remake his entire journey, even if he was back under Cazador’s service, even if nothing he had done before had left any scar in this world for him to see, it was worth it.

Now he had another chance to change the course of everything.

At least she was alive. At his side.

And now that he could he would do anything to ensure she remained that way.

Anything.

[kainereee]

I'm not as big into twst anymore unfortunately but I will always have a soft spot for leovil and talking ab it w my close friend <3 sparked some points of elaboration I wish I could have explored w them more

I think they're a well-suited pair. In the one sense, they contrast just right in a way that can push and drive each other forward. The obvious is the way that Vil is someone whose way of showing love essentially is making you the best kind of person you can be. I can't pick any moments off the top of my head but Vil is someone who can drive Leona to look in different directions where the path he originally sought was closed off. Vil is someone undeterred by failure on the whole — it is not a road block but a stepping stone for him. And I think being around energy like that can really help someone like Leona.

I say drive each other specifically because I think Leona would be good for Vil in two senses. First, I think he could get Vil to chill tf out LMFAO. As admirable as Vil's drive and ambition is, like anything in life, in excess it can get self-destructive. While Leona isn't a self-help advocate per say and his nonchalance is formed from a place of lethargy, I still think having someone to pull you back when you're pushing yourself too far is nice. In the second sense, I think that Leona would be good for Vil because he doesn't give him pretty words. Vil is incredible, Vil is one of the best if not the best — but sometimes when you reach the top it can be hard to find ways to continue to improve. You face a plateau of sorts which can be frustrating. And if everyone is telling you you're beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, talented wonderful all the time ( which he is ) then that can only add to it. Of course there's Rook who keeps a critical eye, but to have someone to butt heads with and challenge you is also something I feel like Vil would find important.

With all these positives though I think there should be something said about the ways it could all go wrong ofc, and I quite enjoy the concept of leovil being together in the 1st year and having a messy divorce where they now share custody of Epel /lhj

I think there's something to be said about being in a relationship with people with depression. And I don't mean this in the sense people with mental health issues can't be in relationships because that would be ridiculous to say, but if they can be debilitating to a person of course they're going to affect parts of the relationship. Like I said earlier, I think Vil's love language is helping you to become the best person you can be. I think when they were together this would be something Vil would do for Leona in his own way — not in the sense of coddling him, because Vil is a tough love kinda gal. But it's difficult to help someone who does not let you help them/has difficulty with you helping them. Not only that but in the general sense it can be heartbreaking to see someone you love and care for slowly debilitate over time and it seems like there's nothing you can do for them.

On the flip side of this, I think Vil's pushing would be a point of contention for Leona. This isn't to say that Vil isn't understanding and wouldn't try to understand at times, but Vil is very much a tough love person. Vil gives me the impression that where you have a problem with your life the first step to achieving happiness is fixing it. Dwelling on failure and the past will do you no good and while this is true I think sometimes Leona doesn't want a solution. I think sometimes you just want someone to hear you, to listen to you. And sometimes even when the solution is so clear depression makes it so you just can't. You can't do it. It's not a matter of you being weaker or less capable but it is still a mental illness and it can be devastating.

Anyways I just think leovil are super neat and I think that leona is vil's babygirl who wants arms to curl up into in the dark of night as to not be alone with his thoughts <33 he'd also make a great housewife imo but that's not relevant

[justali-anne]

My favourite interpretation of Sans that I've never actually seen much is the idea that... Okay, he's pretty much given up on most things, like stopping the resets, going back home etc. but there's that TINY part of him that's just like, "nah, you haven't given up yet, have you?" And he's trying so hard to bury that part of him or ignore it cuz it scares him or something. Like, he just wants to relax! Stop giving him anxiety, tiny bit of hope! Eventually he can't ignore it anymore and...

Well, it can go in two or three ways.

The best possible outcome is to rekindle and nurture what's left of Sans' hope. We just gotta draw it out somehow. This is where the Pacifist Route comes in. Either that or the Family neutral ending, where we spare and befriend everyone but we don't enter Alphys' lab. I guess that throughout the Pacifist Route, we do all that sparing and befriending jazz, and from a monster's perspective, it's purely inspirational, especially after a long history of hostility between the two races. Can you imagine the kind of effect our kindness could have on the almost hopeless? On someone like Sans, who firmly believes that he's given up on everything, but there's still that tiny part of him that wants to hold on, to continue? Sans' hope seems to be a fragile little thing that needs a lot of care in order to blossom. And with the Pacifist Route, we have the opportunity to do that.

Of course, there's also the option to destroy the little bit of hope Sans has left with some of the more gruesome Neutral Routes, especially ones where we kill Papyrus. Like the Leaderless ending, for instance. Here, Sans has fallen completely into despair. He's shown signs of bitterness and coldness, which isn't completely foreign to him, but it's heartbreaking for that to come from such a warm-hearted character. He's completely given up here. Brought to the absolute brink of despair from our actions.

Now, the Genocide Route is a... unique case. It's kind of a mixture of both? We put everyone through the wringer, causing as much pain as possible. We kill Sans' friends and the last remaining family he has. Surely he has fallen into despair. But then there's that funny thing he does where he fights us at the end, hoping that it would get us to go back and fix everything. Oddly enough, he seems to have fallen into despair and gained hope at the same time? It's almost like, what's the word...? Oh yeah. Desperation. It's not just about trying to stop us from destroying the world, it's not just about fixing everything and bringing back his brother, but it's also about holding onto that little spark inside of him. With this interpretation, he may be scared of hoping, but he's also scared to lose that last remaining bit of hope he has left. That could be one factor in why Sans even bothers to fight us at all. His hope, it's fragile, it's scary, but it's also important.

Honestly, I kind of see Sans as a sort of wounded optimist. Like, when despair hits, it hits HARD. And I'm guessing this is because he used to be such a big, genuine optimist before. I mean, come on! If you believe in the theory that Sans raised Papyrus, then where do you think Papyrus got it from? Sans strikes me as a guy who's desperately trying to see the good in everything. Even in the Genocide Route, he does this. Not only with the sparing trick, but there's a few points before you fight kill Papyrus where Sans tries to see the positive. For example, if you check the crossword and not skip it, he says that you can't be all bad if you like crosswords. Sweetie, no...

Sans is a strange guy. It's like he's constantly toeing the line between hope and despair, and even he doesn't know which side to go on. On one hand, hope is terrifying. It's easier to expect the worst than to hope for the best and end up feeling disappointed. But on the other hand, he needs that buried optimism. He has to find reasons to keep going, to move forward, to persevere. It's heartbreaking. He comes off as such a positive person, always smiling and joking around, wanting to make his friends happy (and I'm almost certain his goofiness isn't a complete facade, either, but that's a post for another time), so it hurts even more that someone like that is struggling so much.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a post about an interpretation of Sans that I like, but it ended up becoming some sort of analysis. Oh, well. I guess I'll just end it here.

[hlficlibrary]

any new really good angst?

Hmm...okay, so these are new(er) like within the last year that I loved and then I'll give you a few more that are on my to read list that are newer and by two of my favorite writers.

another dream but always you by you_explode / @nobodymoves

Harry is a Dreamwalker; he has the ability to visit people in their dreams and help put them on the right path. He's assigned to Louis, who's struggling after the break-up of his band. It's an unusual assignment from the beginning; Harry has a crush on Louis, and Louis's subconscious immediately decides Harry is the love of his life. When Dreamers cast Harry as their love interest, he can usually redirect them, but Louis is insistent on being Harry's boyfriend, and despite knowing they have no future, Harry wants to keep up the charade.

and i would search the night sky to find you by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain

Harry Styles is a high class, well-bred Omega attending Bosworth Academy - a prestigious boarding school looking over the small town on Kinsey. He has his whole life already planned for him, learning his place as the potential mate for an important Alpha, practicing his home making skills, and be obedient above all else.

When he attends a school trip into town though, he meets Louis Tomlinson - a blacksmith and mouthy Alpha who doesn't particularly care for the standards of high society nor for the people in it. But things are not always what they seem and a past grievance may change the lives of everyone involved forever.

your memory over me by @shimmeringevil

Three years have passed since Louis last saw him, but all it took was a few minutes in Harry’s presence for him to be relegated to the desperate twenty-one year old that was practically begging his boyfriend for an ounce of reassurance that he still cared about him.

Harry shouldn’t be here. He’s brought too many unresolved feelings with him, that Louis thought he’d never have to face.

It’s Harry’s apparent apathy that’s the most difficult to come to terms with. Anger, he could handle. Regret, he would welcome. But Harry’s amiability, and carefree demeanor can only be born from indifference.

He’s moved on. He doesn’t care. And that is something Louis doesn’t think he’ll ever be strong enough to face.

OR - The worst heartbreak of Louis’ life walks right back into it when his parents invite their family friends on an all-expenses-paid trip for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Facing a past that he tried to bury long ago, Louis learns that some people have a way of sticking with you even when they’re gone.

TO READ:

Get Out Of My Head (and I'll get out of yours) by Imogenlee

“You really that desperate, are you?” Despite it being a shitty thing to say, Harry didn’t mind too much, as the bitterness in Louis’ tone sounded like music to Harry’s ears. Harry was winning tonight. “Can’t find anyone new to be interested in you, so you try to hit on Zayn.”

“I can’t find someone interested in me?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re having a laugh, mate.”

“Yeah, well, where are they, then? Because from what I’ve heard, you’re here alone.”

“As if I’d bring anyone to somewhere I knew you’d be. I wouldn’t wish your presence on my worst enemy.”

“Aw,” Louis cooed in a way that made Harry want to slap him. “You’re saying I’m not your worst enemy?”

“For someone to be an enemy, you have to give a shit about them. So, no. You’re not even on the list.”

“Oh–kay. Well, it’s been lovely as always, gents,” Zayn said before knocking back the rest of his drink.

Or the one for the Bottom Harry Fic Fest where Harry bottoming is more of a side plot, because angst got in the way--but it doesn't really matter because the fest stopped existing when I was halfthrough.

with venom on your tongue by wildestdreams

While Louis had to try so hard to stay focused and be the best, Harry somehow did the same things with ease and confidence. He hated how Harry glided through life, carrying happiness on his shoulders like it was nothing when it was arduous for Louis. His carefree demeanor made Louis feel crazy.

But that feeling just motivated him to always keep his eyes on the prize. Number one in the class rankings every year and the valedictorian spot the next year when they graduated. He was so close he could taste it. And if the only thing in his way was Harry Styles, then Louis was willing to up the stakes to figure out what made him weak just to beat him.

“Whatever,” Louis eventually said to Liam. “He’s a fucking cliche.”

or a boarding school AU where Harry and Louis are academic rivals until they realize they’re more similar than they thought.

[will80sbyers]

1) Mike & Will in season 1

In the first season Mike's focus is not on Will alone, the focus of the narrative and the focus of the camera is on his reactions to Will's fate and are enough to show that these two characters will have ( in the future ) more relevance to each other compared to the others but from observing Mike's reactions they are not that much different from the other Party members, they add a level of drama by having the moment in which he finds out that Will's body was found in the quarry be more sad and heartbreaking for Mike when they focus on him believing that El betrayed his trust and he not only thinks he lost one of his best friends in the whole world but also that he's being lied to about something this much important from one of the new friends he made- by this point he considers El to be one of his friends too and that's exactly what he says to her after he goes back home and she's in his house again, he takes her in anyway even feeling betrayed and tells her he did think of her as a friend and he now feels like he lost two people... Not only one!

But then she finds a way to have his trust back by making him listen to Will singing on the radio and this not only brings him back hope to see his best friend again but also gives him back a friend and makes him feel grateful towards her...

When Will is finally back home he's shown to be worried about his wellbeing and the camera focuses on him when Will starts coughing but the reactions Mike has are the same reactions Lucas has in the first seasons towards Will and even Dustin, all of them cry for him, all of them risk their own well-being for Will and decide to go into the woods and they are really happy to have Will back at the end of the season and eager to talk with him and play d&d again etc...

Mike is being established as the leader of the group in season 1 so he's the one that has the most focus on for who gets the group to start this- he's the one that inspires them to go out to search for another party member because as Will said, Mike is the heart and he wouldn't have left any of them to just be missing without him and the others going to at least TRY to find them!

Mike is the leader but I do believe the focus on him is also because the writers intended to connect Will to him later on, either because it was already planned that Will would be one of his love interests or just because they knew Will was intended to be gay and had already decided Mike was gonna be the one Will fell for eventually... I'm inclined to believe they did want to slowly build them as a future couple in a crescendo and started to place some small foreshadowing in the framing in particular and with the focus on Mike's heartbreak-

At this point of the story I don't think Mike was aware of having any sort of romantic feelings for Will, he was still his first friend and his best friend and he would have done anything for him and to have him back safe but it would have been the same for any other party member because they purposefully place the whole storyline about Mike jumping from the cliff for Dustin's safety right after he told him they were all his best friends in the middle of the season so that it was clear to the audience which type of character Mike has in general and why he does deserve to be the leader and to be considered the heart, they show just how much Mike's character cares about all of his friends and how compassionate and kind he can be!

They start to create a window into mike's heart and show how big it is, how he's capable of loving and being loyal to so many people at the same time and I do believe we see that after season 1 even after he starts feeling insecure about himself and that starts to make him falter a little and become a bit more self concerned because of that, his focus shifts too much into keeping El in his life to the point he slowly loses himself in the process and becomes lost, Will is the one that brings him back to himself regularly

[tonariofjananda]

For the ask game: Tonari - 5, 7, and 12!

Heya Ray! Ok here goes

5) What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Honestly I’ve got a handful, most for maybe a line or two of association, but the first one that came to mind when reading this question that’s completely hers in my head was “The Moon Will Sing” by the Crane Wives. I love imagining the song as her reflecting on her dad, friends, Hayase, and Fushi, and how they’ve all contributed to the way she feels about herself and her legacy. Fun fact, the association came about from my mishearing of a line as “I shine only with the life you gave me,” the original word being “light” instead of “life.” But the more I reflected on the song, the more I felt her presence in it (I described this to my best friend as Tonari clawing her way to the surface lol), especially in the third verse. That one in particular draws a really vivid image to me of what Tonari’s headspace must have been right after Fushi pulled her away from the flames. I imagine she’s remorseful that she couldn’t give her friends a better life and is rallying to find her courage to kill them before Fushi steps in. “Instead you hoarded all that’s left of me” is a complicated little line too, filled with the bitterness and confusion at Fushi of keeping her from death. There’s not much left of her with the death of her friends, what Fushi did was selfish, but also implies Tonari didn’t realize Fushi cared if she lived or died. Then he takes the sword from her hands, “swallowing your doubt,” and she’s… grateful, angry, upset… but most of all, she acknowledges the mutual hesitance between herself and Fushi, even though they both know this is the only course of action. Even though it makes her feel like he’s taking the sword through her own body. He might as well be. The line “I want to feel the fire that you kept from me” is the most straightforward in my opinion, and what really solidified this song as being hers for me. It’s a little funny what I’ve done here tbh. The song probably meant the line as “i want to become the person you stopped me from being, I want to regain the life that was supposed to be mine,” but for this Tonari interpretation, I’ve given it the opposite implication… cough

Anyway, the chorus also kind of ties in with another song I somewhat associate with her, “Your Best American Girl” by Mitski, for the lines “Well I’m not the moon/I’m not even a star,” but I’ll spare you the analysis for that and “Goodbye My Danish Sweetheart” (also by Mitski) til… later 👀❗️

For now, I’ll leave you with the three following, lighter songs: Laufey called “Best Friend,” which I listen to as something directed towards the immortal army as a whole; “Wings,” by So!YoON! and Phum Viphruit as a song between her and Ligard and Fushi woah who said that; and “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri bc immortalism and the heartbreak of waiting to reunite with someone. Also please imagine the second verse as being from Fushi’s perspective on getting not just her but all of their friends back at the end of the past era arc with potentially rough implications for their thought process in the modern arc WHO SAID THAT

7) What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

(Lyn asked me this too so I’ll cover it here for the two of ya!)

Tbh… I just like it when anyone talks about her ówò Tonari tends to get overlooked- even tho I’d argue she’s something of a deuteragonist- so I really just love whenever people acknowledge her importance to the story and show some enthusiasm for her plotlines. In terms of stories and fan art, it’s always awesome to see all the different sides of her shine through! Tonari’s badass, bitchy, and a little judgmental, but she’s also fashionable, studious, and warm, especially toward March and Eko. It’s also nice to see the occasional silliness she used to show on Jananda shine through every now and then. She’s changed a lot by the next arc, for obvious reasons, but she was pretty silly to Hisame when she was inviting herself to dinner, I don’t think all that playfulness should just disappear! So it’s nice to see fans playing with Tonari without vilifying her ;w; Also without reducing her to her feelings for Fushi, because yeah she has some but that’s not the only thing she’s about (even tho…. I fixate a lot… on that particular subject……… cough). While I’m on the subject, I really love that most ToFu art is limited to things like gentle physical affection. A head on a shoulder (I spent hours running around my house when you sent me that pic Ray, HOURS), a meaningful hug, and touching hands- an absolute must if you like em. I’m definitely getting carried away now though…

12) What's a headcanon you have for this character?

(Limit yourself, limit yourself, limit yourself…!!!)

(Also Coop if you’re reading this, the green one is the only safe one lol)

Bisexual Tonari is an obvious one, I’m convinced she was attracted to Parona’s form (who isn’t in this show tho lmao), and I find those ship posts between Tonari and Mizuha to be so fun tbh. Enemies to lovers maybe, invited to hold hands with her and Hanna! That theory you had about Nagisa having a crush on Tonari lives in my head rent free too, absolutely canon to me. Actually the MizuNariHanna stuff would be extra funny in a world where Nagisa has a crush on Tonari bc now Mizuha’s a girl stealer too! Nagisa just can’t win!!!

Tonari loves writing! And she’s a woman in STEM! Not a headcanon just fact but it lays down the groundwork for my following headcanon: she probably went away to grad school or something. Bon asked if Tonari knew how to do surgery, implying to my insane head that she’s probably gone away for school or something, maybe even received a doctorate, but Bon doesn’t know what for. Her stitches look a bit spaced out and wonky tbh, so she probably doesn’t have the patience for things like needlepoint. I’d wager her calling probably isn’t physical art either haha.

She absolutely goes drinking with the immortal trio + Bon and maybe Gugu once she’s old enough to do so (… would Hairo drink? Designated driver Hairo Rich, but also it’d be so funny if he’s completely normal in the stupidest way while drunk. “Stands like perfectly normal but topples over the second he goes to take a step” typa drunk- BUT THIS ISNT ABOUT HIM SORRY). I think they’d love having Tonari around to pal around with! I imagine that old Jananda arc silliness comes out full force then, if her excitement at Mizuha’s birthday was anything to go off ✌️

(This one’s safe Coop!) Her hair’s been short and choppy since before she got to Jananda so I like to think she did that little kid thing where she tried cutting her own hair and it came out looking uneven. Instead of letting her parents fix it though, she just insisted it wasn’t a mistake and wore it out like that for years. Then when she got to Jananda all the scissors sucked so she just had to keep cutting her hair in the same shabby way. Mia and Oopa having long hair is so funny to me too cuz I imagine they wouldn’t let Tonari get anywhere near them with scissors in her hand (OK stop reading here Coop!)

While I’m here, i think Tonari probably sees a little bit of her old friends in the immortal army tbh. Like, @/alphaofdarkness made the connection that March probably reminded Tonari of Oopa ;; So I feel like Gugu could remind Tonari of Uroy in some ways too, like in the buff, blond, older brother figure kind of way. Eko could remind her of young Sandel in the same way both were kind of upbeat and cute, but quiet in a way that they faded a little in the group (my brother INSISTED Sandel had NOT been there the entire time we were watching the Jananda arc). Meanwhile Messar might remind her of the older Sandel, the kind who probably was more like a brotherly shithead to her after all their years of growing up together. And Mia… imma be honest Mia’s weird as hell, chair fighting, curly hair collecting? Ain’t nobody doing it like Mia 🫡 ACTUALLY ITS BON, BON TOTALLY REMINDS HER OF MIA LMAO

OK IM ENDING IT THERE (Believe it or not this is me limiting myself, I’d typed out an entire section on Tonari’s relationship with each of the members of the immortal army). Hope these were decent enough responses to your questions Ray!

If you- or anyone- has anymore questions on Tonari or literally anyone else please feel free to send them! I have thoughts on like literally everyone, no character too obscure ✌️