#keep in mind i wrote like the first 44 chapters or so a year ago exactly so fhbvhfbv

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

  Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 2 * PART 4 * BOOK 77 CONNECTING THE DOTS OF SCRIPTURES – PART 44 Genesis – Revelation (The Kingdom) Okay, once again you’re all back from your break. This is our last program for this afternoon. After it’s over, we can go home.  For those of you joining us on television, we’ll see you tomorrow morning.  But anyway, we are so thankful for every one of you out there whether you contribute or not.  As long as we know you are praying for us, then the Lord will do the rest.  We know He’s touching a lot of hearts and lives through the teaching of His Word. All right, we’re still on what we started on several months ago called “Connecting the Dots of Scripture.” We’re still heading toward the end of the Book of Revelation.  Someday.  We’ve just finished, pretty much, the Old Testament in review—just hitting the high points of all the promises concerning this coming glorious earthly Kingdom over which we feel Christ—God the Son, Israel’s Messiah—will rule and reign some day soon. Now, before we go back to Matthew and pick up the New Testament account of this coming Kingdom, I’d like to take you back to Romans chapter 15 verse 8 where Paul makes another reference to this very same thing. But he clarifies what most of Christendom still doesn’t get.  That is, that Christ’s whole earthly ministry was to prepare Israel for this glorious Kingdom.  He came to present it—knowing, of course in His foreknowledge, that they would reject it and bring about the crucifixion which had to happen.  But nevertheless, it was a valid offer of this glorious Kingdom promised ever since Exodus 19. Romans 15:8 “Now I say that Jesus Christ was (From Paul’s point in time, it’s past tense.  We’re going to be looking at it in a minute from the very beginning.) a minister of the circumcision for the truth of God, to confirm the promises made to the fathers:” What’s he talking about?  What we’ve been seeing for the last three half hours.  Those were the promises that were made to the fathers—first through Moses at Mt. Sinai, and then through the prophets and King David.  All these prophecies concerning this coming glorious Kingdom were promised to the Nation of Israel.  That was their “Heaven” that they were looking for. Now, a lot of people call and say, “Les, when did you catch on to all of this?  And how?”  Well, I just wrote a letter yesterday explaining it, so it’s fresh in my mind.  You can be turning back to Matthew chapter 3.  I had just started teaching home Bible classes outside of my regular denominational church.  I had been a Sunday school teacher and a deacon for many, many years.  About the third week, this lady came up after a class and she said, “Les, why isn’t Heaven taught in the Old Testament?”  I said, “What?”  I’d never heard of that.  I said, “What are you talking about?”  She said, “Well, those Jews had no idea of dying and going to Heaven.  It’s not back there.”  Well, that was a whole new concept to me.  So I had to get into the Book and start digging to prove her wrong.  But you know what?  She was right! The Jew had no idea of going to Heaven.  They were going to go to Paradise.  They were going to go down to Sheol.  They had to wait for the atonement, and then Christ emptied Sheol, or Paradise, and took it up to Heaven.  But see, she was so right that the Jew had no concept of going to Heaven. Now, the verse I usually like to use, keep your hand in Matthew, because I’m going to come right back.  Come back with me to Job.  We’ve done this before for some of you. But for those of you who are just getting part of this, we’ve got to prove that this is what the Jew was looking for.  Job puts it perfectly.  Chapter 19 verses 25 and 26 and this is exactly the concept that the Jew had of death and life after death.  It wasn’t the idea that we have of going up to Heaven.  They were going to come to a heaven on earth. Job 19:25-26 “For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the

latter day (Where?) upon the earth:  (at the latter day, not at the beginning, at the last) 26. And though after my skin worms destroy this body, (In other words, he dies and goes back to the dust, yet here was his future.) yet in my flesh (resurrected flesh) I shall see God:” And where’s God going to be?  Standing on the earth! So Job had the right idea.  That after he had finished this life of the physical and he died, one day he would be resurrected back to the earth.  But it wouldn’t be the earth under the curse, it would be an earth under the Kingdom authority of the Messiah.  The whole Old Testament view of their eternal destiny was to come back to an earthly Kingdom. Matthew chapter 3 is the first reference that we have to it in the New Testament.  And don’t forget what Paul said—that Jesus Christ, when He came in His first Advent, was a minister of the circumcision (that’s Israel), not the whole human race.  He was a minister for the Nation of Israel to fulfill, or bring to completion, all these Old Testament promises of a coming glorious earthly Kingdom. Matthew 3:1-2 “In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judea, 2. And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”  Not the Kingdom of God - the Kingdom of Heaven. Now, remember a couple of years ago, Sharon put it on the board.  I think I referred to it a little earlier this afternoon, that the Scripture uses those two terms almost interchangeably—“the Kingdom of God” and “the Kingdom of Heaven.”  Well, they’re not one and the same.  Yet they’re intertwined, because the Kingdom of God is that overall sphere of God’s righteous influence.   To make it simple, imagine a large circle called the Kingdom of God.    Now inside that large circle we have two smaller circles.  One is called the Kingdom of Heaven, and one is called the Body of Christ. There is nothing of the unrighteous here, but only that which is righteous—which includes Heaven and the angels, every believer from Adam, Abel and on up through the Old Testament, and then you come to the Body of Christ.  We, too, are in the Kingdom of God, but we are singularly in a smaller sphere called the Body of Christ. Maybe I should ask Sharon to draw it again. I don’t want to, but she could.  But nevertheless, the other entity that’s in that big circle is the Kingdom of Heaven.  So you’ve got the Kingdom of Heaven sitting over here inside the Kingdom of God waiting to be fulfilled. Over here we’ve got the Body of Christ in which you and I are a part; and it’s already, just about we think, full.  It’s also in the Kingdom of God.  So, when Paul speaks of the Kingdom of God, he’s talking about the big circle.  But when he gets down into the nitty-gritty of where we are, he calls us the Body of Christ. Now John the Baptist is introducing this other entity that’s in the Kingdom of God—the Kingdom of Heaven.  And that’s this earthly 1,000 year reign of Christ on a planet earth that has been totally regenerated. It has been lifted from the curse. It’s going to be made beautiful just as it was in the beginning.  That’s why we have been looking all afternoon at the Old Testament prophecies concerning this Kingdom of Heaven. Now, what most of Christendom doesn’t understand is that this is strictly a Jewish phenomenon.  It is only between God and Israel. It is to Israel that He’s going to promise this glorious earthly Kingdom.  Albeit, we know that in the Tribulation, 144,000 Jews, with their preaching around the globe, will bring in multitudes of Gentiles who will become the Gentile part of the earthly Kingdom.  But Israel will be the primary player.  Israel will be by far the largest nation during the 1,000 year reign. But all the other Gentile nations are going to come into the picture, because it’s going to be a population explosion.  But for the most part, I want you to see that the Kingdom of Heaven is a God and Israel relationship.  So when John the Baptist began preaching to the Jews of the day of Christ’s earthly ministry, the language was “the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.”

But the verse that most of Christendom totally misconstrues is where Jesus said, “the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.”  But it was a rank error in translation, because that Greek word translated within is actually better translated in your midst.  Now, think about that.  The Kingdom of Heaven is in your midst.  How?  In the person of the Messiah.  Just like John says here, “the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.”  Why?  Because in a few days he’s going to introduce the King.  Here comes Jesus now in His earthly ministry proclaiming to be Israel’s Messiah, Redeemer, and King. Now, in order to set that a little straighter, I’m going to take you back to verses that we’ve used over and over through the past many, many years. That is Peter’s confession in Matthew chapter 16.  Turn with me to that.  Matthew 16 and we’ll drop in at verse 13.  I’m going to come back to another verse that we use over and over and over, because most of Christendom rejects it.  They’ll just actually say I don’t believe that.  Well, they’re in trouble. But let’s look at Matthew 16 first, at the end of His three years. They’re up in northern Israel. In short order they’re going to be heading back south and up to Jerusalem for the Passover and the crucifixion.  But the Twelve don’t know that.  Jesus does, but the Twelve don’t.  But what Jesus is getting the Twelve ready for, is to make sure they understand who He is.  All right, that’s the whole idea of these verses right here. Matthew 16:13a “When Jesus came into the borders of Caesarea Philippi,…” Now, that’s clear up on the very northern border of Israel.  It’s at the headwaters of the Jordan River.  For those of you that are going with us to Israel this fall, we’ve got plans made to go up there.  We’re going to go up to Caesarea Philippi, the headwaters of the Jordan River. Matthew 16:13b “…he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?” That’s a simple question, isn’t it?  Fellows, whom do people up and down the highways and byways of Israel, the rank and file, or today they use the term “the street.”  Who do they think I am?  Now, look at the ridiculous answers. Matthew 16:14a “And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist:…”  Well, my heavens, what happened to John the Baptist?  Got imprisoned and then got his head cut off.  So how could this be John the Baptist?  But see how ridiculous people can get? You know, I’m always making the point.  Do you realize that people 2,000 years ago were not a nickel’s worth different than we are today?  Not a nickel’s worth.  Oh, we may have a little more modern conveniences and so forth, but our basic thoughts and actions – there’s no difference. Matthew 16:14b-16a “…and some think you are Elijah; and others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets. 15. But Jesus saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?  (They’d been with Him now for three years.) 16. And Simon Peter (the spokesman) answered, and said, Thou art the Christ,…”  Now, unless you understand Scriptural language, when he says, “Thou art the Christ,” what did he really say?  Who was He?  The Messiah!  That’s what the word Christ means in the Greek.  It comes from the Hebrew word, the Messiah, the Anointed One. So, Peter is recognizing that He is the Promised King.  Well, if He’s the King, what was Peter looking for?  The Kingdom!  They weren’t looking for a crucifixion, for heaven sakes.  They were looking for the Kingdom to come in.  All right, so he says: Matthew 16:16b “…Thou art the Christ, (You are the King, but he also qualifies that he was--) the Son of the living God.”  Who alone could be the King of this heavenly Kingdom? All right, now when I said that this was strictly a Jewish phenomenon, I’ll have to bring you back to Matthew chapter 10.  Come back a few pages to Matthew chapter 10.  Then you’ll see what I mean.  And again, He has just chosen the Twelve.  He’s ready to begin their earthly ministry with Him of three years.  So in verse 5: Matthew 10:5 “These twelve

Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not:” Now, that’s plain English.  Don’t have a thing to do with Gentiles, likewise the Samaritans down there who were half-breed Jews, remember.  But, now here’s what they were to do in verse 6. Matthew 10:6-7 “But go rather (or instead) to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. 7.  And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is (Out there in the future?  No.  What is it?)  at hand.”  Why?  Because the King was here! Now we know some theologians disagree with me on this basis—that Jesus could not have offered the Kingdom before the cross.  I can see where they’re coming from.  But on the other hand, I say, now wait a minute.  There was another time that Jesus made an offer to the Nation of Israel, and it was just as valid as this one. That was when He offered them the Promised Land.  You remember that?  What did He tell them?  Go in and take it.  It’s yours. It’s all been made ready for you.   He used the labor of the Canaanites for 400 years preparing the land of Canaan for the Nation of Israel.  Got all the wells dug.  Got all the granaries built.  All the housing was ready.  The vineyards were producing.  The grain fields were producing.  The Canaanites must have been a tremendously technologically-oriented people. Consequently, it was a land of what?  Milk and honey.  And the spies brought back grapes so big that it took two men to carry the clumps of grapes.  Now listen, that’s quite a production feat!  But it was waiting for the Children of Israel.  They didn’t even have to draw a sword to drive the Canaanites out, because what did God promise?  I’ll send hornets ahead of you, and they’ll drive the Canaanites out, and all you have to do is occupy. Was it a valid offer?  Well, I reckon it was.  God doesn’t lie!  But what did God know?  That they wouldn’t do it.  And they didn’t.  And because of their unbelief, they went back into the desert and died off like flies over the next 40 years.  But could they have had it?  Yes, because God said they could. Well, I look at this the same way.  Yes, Jesus is in their midst, and He’s fulfilling all the Old Testament promises.  He’s proven now for three years who He is.  They could have had it, but what did they do?  They rejected it.  Now then, here’s where it becomes a little more valid.  After He’s been crucified—now let’s just move up a minute to the Book of Acts after He’s been crucified. The atoning blood has been shed, which Israel had to have. Now Peter and the Eleven come back beginning with the Day of Pentecost, and again, what are they offering?  The King and the Kingdom! Oh, granted, He’s gone back to Glory, but that doesn’t stop Him.  It’s only a split second for God to move from Heaven to earth.  So the whole idea was that now it was definitely a valid offer, because the atoning blood has been shed.  The price of redemption has been paid.  Israel, it’s yours for the taking.  All right, now come with me to Acts chapter 3. Then I’m going to back up to Acts chapter 1, if we’ve got time.  But look at Acts chapter 3, when He made a valid offer of the Kingdom.  Peter is speaking. Acts chapter 3:18 “But those things, which God before had showed by the mouth of all his prophets, (See, all the things we’ve been looking at all afternoon.) that Christ should suffer, he hath so fulfilled.” So, what’s Peter saying?  There’s nothing left for God to do.  So, in whose park is the ball?  Israel’s.  It’s in Israel’s park.  And what were they to do with it?  Believe it!    Believe that He was the Christ.  Believe that He has now paid the price of redemption.  Believe that He’s the promised King and He will bring in this earthly Kingdom.  Now verse 19: Acts 3:19-20 “Repent ye therefore, (Well, what was the big thing Israel had to repent of?  The crucifixion.  The rejection.  Repent of it!) and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing (Kingdom blessings) shall come from the presence of the Lord; 20.

And he (God) shall send Jesus Christ, who before was preached unto you:” Now, you can’t get any plainer than that? All Israel was expected to do was repent of the sin of rejection and unbelief, and God could have sent Jesus Christ to fulfill all these Old Testament promises.  But of course, Peter now comes back and suddenly realizes that it couldn’t happen until the Tribulation unfolded—that’s verse 21. Acts 3:21a “Whom the heaven must receive (in other words, at His ascension) until (time word) the times of restitution of all things,…” Well, what does restitution mean?  Made like it was at the beginning.  So Peter realizes that Christ has to stay in Glory at the Father’s right hand until the Tribulation has run its course and the curse is lifted, as we’ve been seeing for the last several months now.  The earth will be made ready to be reconstructed like the Garden of Eden.  The curse is gone, and it’ll be a glorious, beautiful Heaven-on-earth experience.   But Israel rejected it.  They continued to reject it and reject it and reject it. Okay, now I’ve got to back up a moment.  In Matthew we’ve got the preaching of Christ.  They are to go into the Nation of Israel only and not have anything to do with anybody else but Israel.  But in Israel’s unbelief, they rejected Him.  Now we come into the Book of Acts chapter 1. With this we’ll probably have to wind up this half hour.  Acts chapter 1 and Luke is writing. Acts 1:1-3a “The former treatise (In other words, speaking of the Gospel of Luke, I think.) have I made, O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began to do and teach, (in His earthly ministry.) 2. Until the day in which he was taken up, after that he through the Holy Spirit had given commandments unto the Apostles whom He had chosen: (the Twelve) 3. To whom (to the Twelve) also he showed himself alive after his passion by many infallible proofs, being seen of them forty days,…” Now, that’s that forty days between His resurrection and His ascension. Acts 1:3b “…and speaking of the things pertaining to (The what?) the kingdom of God:”  All the things that involved God’s righteousness.  But, you see, they couldn’t talk about the Church Age, because that wasn’t revealed yet.  They couldn’t talk too much about the Kingdom on earth, because that hadn’t happened yet.  But all the rest of God’s righteousness was certainly a topic for conversation. Acts 1:4-5 “And being assembled together with them, commanded them that they should not depart from Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father, which, he saith, ye have heard of me. (Which was, of course, the Holy Spirit coming on the Day of Pentecost.) 5. For John truly baptized with water; but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days hence.”  Now verse 6 and here’s where we’re going to wind up. Acts 1:6 “When they therefore were come together, (The Eleven.  Judas is gone, and Mathias is not in yet.  It’s the Eleven and Jesus.) were come together, (the Eleven) they asked of him, saying, Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the (What?) kingdom to Israel?”  What’s on their mind?  The Kingdom.  The King. Now, I don’t think as yet they realize that He’s suddenly going to be taken up from them.  He’s now been dead, buried, and resurrected.  Hey, what’s to stop the Kingdom from coming in?  So that was the question.  And what was Jesus’ answer?  What’s the matter with you guys?  No.  He merely says: Acts 1:7 “And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.”  What’s He saying?  Well, Peter, the Kingdom is coming.  I’m still going to be your King.  But it’s not for you to know when. And in the next few verses, what happens?  He goes back up to Glory.  Well, that was according to the Old Testament prophecies.   What did Psalms 110 verse 1 say?  “Sit thou at my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool.”  And that, of course, is what He did, and where He has remained up until now.  But the day is

getting closer and closer when He is going to arise from that seated position; and He’s yet going to return and set up that glorious 1,000 year Kingdom!

[ahatintimepieces]

Another three chapters of By Any Other Name are up! When Ven makes it clear that she’s not willing to see the painter’s side of things, he tries to make his escape again, though with startling consequences. Meanwhile, Mari struggles with a ghost in her home! And I don’t mean the books suddenly showing up on her table and doors that seem to swing open on their own! Or, actually, maybe those things aren’t so separate after all...

[soysaucecas]

oooh for the ask game 24, 30, and 44!

MAGPIE MY BELOVED HELLO

24. What are your favorite episodes?

The only episodes I've really watched are TMWWBK (which is my favorite episode and I'm certain would still be my favorite if I watched every single one because it has the only SPN character and the only SPN line), The French Mistake (which was funny enough but honestly in the Just Okay category for me, which makes me pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy actually watching SPN if this is one of the funniest/highest-rated eps), and Reading Is Fundamental (my best friend was watching it and asked me if I wanted to hop on Discord, I thought it might be fun to see Kevin's first introduction but instead this ep found the two of us taking like 90 minutes to get through it bc we kept pausing and screaming (derogatory) as the model minority stereotype jokes piled up and up and up... Unfortunately not a favorite even if we got Meg AND the "pull my finger" joke AND the "Sorry" shot). Other than TMWWBK, from clipping and transcript-reading, I like Wayward Sisters (who doesn't?), The Things We Left Behind (Claire!!!! Cas trying to be a dad! The diner scene aka my favorite destiel scene of all time bc being in love just looks so good on Cas! Also the parallels between Claire and Randy and teen Dean and the adults at that club in his story... woof.), Golden Time (Eileen gets to be HERE and be sad and loved and fight people with ghost powers and Cas gets to do a cool speech and a stabbing and do the Asian community a favor), and Lucifer Rising (just immensely sexy on all counts for Ruby, Sam, Cas, and myself). Also I am SO fond of Steve!Cas so I'll add Heaven Can't Wait even if I barely know anything about it.

30. What is an unpopular opinion or headcanon you have about the show?

Ooh okay hm I think. So I adore confession scene, but I don't think the "I cared about the whole world because of you" is like. The Objective Truth the way that most bloggers seem to take it. Cas was lobotomized tons of times before he met Dean, he was described as coming off the line with a crack in his chassis, he's always been the weird little angel who likes humanity too much! I don't think Dean came first, and although gay love was part of what helped Cas invent free will, he *Ruby voice* didn't need the feather to fly, Dumbo! I do think Cas believes what he says in the moment, but I also think he sorta... made himself believe it? This is probably just me deciding that cas-coding should go both ways, but like. I very much crush as a coping mechanism and I very much overascribe my actions to love because it simply seems more noble/poetic to do so. Being miserable because school is hard is cringefail but being miserable because of unrequited love is Good Shit. And I have been in unrequited love with my best friend for at least 7 years (probably 9 but I didn't realize it earlier) and if you asked I would 100% say that she taught me love and defined love for me and that she will be my first and last, but I also know that that is not entirely true; it's just the narrative that I like for myself. And I think that being in an Empty deal contingent on whether or not he LETS himself feel happy would lead Cas to do plenty of mental maneuvering, which I think involved intentional self-poor-little-meow-meow-ification via overascribing his choices and happiness to Dean (and I also think he'd already been doing that for a while just because of personal self-worth issues and because it's a nice narrative). I know as Cas's last Moment on the show it was probably written to be The Objective Truth, but I am perceiving him and I say no.

44. If you could write an episode of Supernatural, what would happen?

Oh scream okay! This is a fun one! I am going to start out with two ideas from other people:

1. Months ago Nate from the pocnatural discord had the idea of an episode from the "monster"'s perspective where the Winchesters are just clearly the antagonists while not doing anything different than they usually do. I think the idea was that all these supernatural beings live in a self-regulating community together and we have one Very Likable pov character who's a member of this community, but one of the newer members messes up one day and kills someone and the Winchesters come on a case and wreak havoc on this Very Much Functioning (there was going to be a whole rehab and reparations thing for the new member who messed up!) system and kill pov character and in the end you just HATE Sam and Dean for it.

2. It's hard to adapt anything from bad moon rising (aka my favorite spn fic) very well because the point of an Arab Winchesters season 1 rewrite is that it doesn't really work with the white characters we have now, but I think I could see a version of chapter 2 adapted as long as Haley (an Ojibwe hunter who lives in the area affected by what Sam and Dean are hunting) takes the lead. I'd especially like to see this section:

Dean laughs, a little disbelievingly. The question has never crossed his mind. “Do you like it?”

This gives Haley no pause at all. “Yeah,” she says. “I mean, it’s not really about killing monsters, though, for me. Or, it’s not always about killing monsters. It’s about community. Not violence. It’s a spiritual thing to build a home, you know?”

“Oh,” Dean says. He can’t think of anything else to say. It has never crossed his mind before that hunting could be compatible with a community.

I don't have any original episode ideas to add to the hunting discourse, so we're on to my ideas about character-driven eps. I think I would like to see a version of my sastiel possession fic (ty again for beta-ing that! you're a real one) as an ep around the time of 9.11 because Sam deserves to work through their trauma, but idk what the Dean plot should be for that. Another thing I would like very much is TFW drunk history storytime (so like. Tall Tales bass boosted), where for some reason they all need to go over what they were doing during Stanford era but each of them is telling someone else's story. It's gonna be either Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam or Dean->Sam->Cas->Dean. It starts out very funny (they all have terrible wigs and makeup in the flashbacks. Cas is Jimmy wearing a giant mask with googly eyes on it.) but as it goes on it gets increasingly sad how much these three don't really know each other.

In the Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam episode, Sam's telling of Dean's past veers wildly between "crushing pussy and killing things" and "feels like absolute shit all the time" and it's funny but Not Right and afterwards Dean goes "I didn't know you thought of me that way" and Sam says "... I am basically reading off the voicemails you left me back then" and Dean has to sit there and contend with the mythology he himself wrote for Sam to believe in. Dean->Cas provides the comedic beats for the episode as Dean awkwardly narrates Cas's Life As A Weird Little Guy who watches trees grow and heals babies and in the end Dean goes "so how did I do" and Cas is like "well actually I was either getting lobotomized or murdering people so like 3/10?" The moral of this plot line is that Dean is bi. Cas gives a fairly faithful retelling of Sam living her trans little life at Stanford and veering between trying to be Normal and being a total weirdgirl and feeling guilty and angry and happy and free. It becomes clear that Cas admires Sam a lot (but also feels like. guilt and some self-recrimination for not being that) for rebelling from their dad and exploring their queerness during a time Cas was still to his knowledge in total soldier mode, and Sam is having an a_good_soldier's Thesis 5 moment about how she failed the kid she used to be and how very sorry they are about all the things that happened to them, and Dean hates that this is the first he's hearing about so much of this but is also quite emo about the parts where Sam is struggling. The ep ends with them all in the same room not looking at each other and not knowing if they want to group hug or never talk again.

Dean->Sam->Cas episode is similar but the storytelling dissolves a lot faster as it becomes clearer way faster how much their own emotions are getting in the way. Dean is upset that Sam could leave their family so easily and probably swing a normal life, Sam keeps wondering what it would be like to live millennia just KNOWING that you were right and good and clean, and Cas is gay and veering between fitting Dean's life into a larger Righteous Man narrative and just being very tender (and sad and angry) about Dean's pain. Episode ends in a rather cathartic shouting match where they all end up apologizing to each other for many things.

Oh also I would like to see Cassie again but I don't have an episode in mind there. Also would love to see Kaia adjusting to life in Sioux Falls and befriending the others and dealing with Bad Place trauma.

tysm for the questions sorry for taking so long!

(ask game)

[loftec]

Hi i don't know if anyone haven't ask you about it or i'm the only one who wants to read it but CAN YOU PLEASE SHARE YOUR NOTES (ch.44) i don't know if you were serious about that but i really would love to read them cause i'm obsessed with everything what is ntw related 🖤 hope ur well

Hi friend! It’s possibly just you (or one other person, in case of separate anons) but that is enough! I was absolutely serious. 

Note on the notes! This is not all of it, because my notes for this chapter were often repetitive and very messy, and some older notes were from four years ago when I didn’t bother writing things out properly, so they barely make sense even to me. But! I’ve done my best to sort everything in some kind of linear order, and removed most of the repetition. And, well, you asked for it... sorry! 🖤

Ian shows up in the morning, Mickey digs out the magazine Iggy stole from Amelia’s dentist’s office the other day and confronts Ian about the big-ass article in Rolling Stone about IAN’S BAND, says he’s listened to some of their songs, takes out a paper where he’s written down some lyrics that sound strangely familiar.

You’re famous!

I’m in a band, people know about us right now, tomorrow they might not. I’m not famous.

You’re kinda famous.

Ian talks about Mickey recognizing him because of Frank. Hints that there might be several songs inspired by Mickey. It’s awkward as fuck, didn’t want you to know.

Were you ever gonna tell me?

Oh yeah, I had a plan. 3 dates, dinner and a movie, day out with Yev, dinner at my place turned vigorous love-making. Second prong; cohabitation, engagement, marriage, then on our wedding night I tell you about crushing on Justin Timberlake when I was 12,

then I tell you I’m semi-famous, if it still applies.

Mickey thinks his face might be on fire.

What the?

I’m fucking with you, Mick. Figured you already knew.

This again?

You angry?

No, I’m not fucking angry. Just-

Freaked out.

Kinda, yeah.

You shouldn’t be. Please.

It’s weird that I didn’t know, I feel like a schmuck. (And I’m pretty sure by your count we’ve already been on those first two dates.)

I’m sorry. I thought you knew and by some fucking miracle didn’t treat me different. I’d been gearing up to maybe have to have this conversation on our date, ‘cause it’s shit sometimes, you know? I don’t do interviews and I never talk about myself when I gotta do them, but there’s still a limelight and a lot of bullshit that complicates

I’ve been crushing on you since we met basically, and I thought I’d just… let it run its course, keep my mouth shut about it and deal until it went away and we could remain friends without me fucking it up.

Didn’t work, by the way.

Good.

Mickey is talking about it with Etch, who suggests that Ian’s been writing at the diner for a reason.

Etch looks up some lyrics and Mickey caps locks them to Ian

You might have inspired a few lately…

Fuck off. How many?

Since we met? Pretty much all of them.

Maybe one or two made it on to the album, but I wrote those before we really got to know each other so they’re just like… about moments, and how I would feel around you.

Didn’t think of it as creepy but it kinda sounds that way now.

No it’s fine

I won’t do it again.

Said it’s fine. Kinda like it.

Yeah?

You gonna tell me which ones are about me, or is that a secret too?

What are you doing tonight?

Thought you said you were going on tour?

We are, it starts tonight. It’s a small fan club gig here in Chicago.

You have a fan club?

Kinda. I’ll put you on the guest list if you want to come.

(Mickey calls Svetlana to make sure Yevgeny can stay with her over the weekend.)

It’s fine if you don’t want to, we’ll do something else when I get back.

Calm your tits Gallagher, course I wanna go. Needed to make sure I’ve got Yev covered.

Oh okay, good. You’re on the list. Doors at 7, gig starts at 8, no support.

You’ve got no chill.

(Ian doesn’t answer for a while)

I like it.

Good, that was torture. Never doing that again.

(Etch teases him about having his nose in his phone, and makes him aware of new guests arriving)

Gotta get back to work

Yeah, me too. See you tonight?

No chill at all.

Ian invites him to the concert and gives Mickey his phone number. Mickey makes sure Yevgeny stays with his mom on saturday, and after work he goes home and gets ready. Showers and cleans himself thoroughly, puts on cologne and a band t-shirt he hasn’t worn in ages, it’s gotten kinda tight on him since he got it. (He puts on a dress shirt first, tucks it into his pants and glares at his reflection).

He’s on the guest list when he gets there, the girl in the box office can’t find him at first but then Anne shows up and points him out, he’s on the VIP list and gets a pass that he’s told he needs to carry so it’s visible. He makes a point of shoving it in the admission guy’s face, but then shoves the ostentatious thing down the pocket of his jeans. Anne shows him in and tells him about the gig, about how the fan club got started. Anne says he can go backstage but he says he’ll pass, thank you. He gets a beer and finds a good spot, there’s a balcony halfway through the venue where he’s got a perfect view of the stage without having to stand in the front.

They text a little, Mickey says he’s there and Ian says he’ll make a sign when they play a song inspired by him.

run-through of the concert, Ian touches the side of his nose when the song is about Mickey. He’s sexy as fuck, and has some ridiculous stripper moves.

He takes off his hoodie at some point, and sweating through his tank he and Anne put on gloves and start hitting the barrels with crowbars.

Anne is the maestro, maybe Ian crowd surfs at some point? Warren Ellis that violin, man. He has little routines with Anne, and some with Jon too. One song, Anne gets one of his guitars and he does noisy stuff with his violin and plays on the oil barrels with Stran, completely in sync.  

They got some good stage banter going, and at some point Ian does a Tom Waits impression, and Anne groans and says he’ll sing the whole thing if they’re not careful. There’s a reason why he’s

For the encore, Ian touches the side of his nose and they start playing a song, Anne saying that this is a first. It looks like Ian is about to sing, but then it looks like he changes his mind and they start playing a song that Mickey sure as fuck hope isn’t about him. The insufferable man on a date right next to Mickey tells the woman he’s with that they were about to play the mysterious title track from their last album that never ended up on the record

“it’s derivative, but cute”

how can it be a title track if it’s not on the album

the guy talks about how he’s got a friend working as an engineer in the studio and he’s sent him an early demo version. It’s not their best song by far, but it’s cool that pretty much no one else has heard it.

Mickey asks the girl if she’s ok with this joker, and she says she’s fine. He offers to get her a cab or something, if she wants to get out of there.

She says she’s not interested

Lady, if I wanted to get with either of you, it wouldn’t be you. Just sayin, I ain’t picky, but that guy would’ve gotten the boot ten minutes into the date if he were here with me, no offense.

WHAT IF.

The concert is over, and crowd starts to let up. Then a fight breaks out at the front and Mickey makes his way towards it. It’s over before he gets there, and sees a guy in his 40s with a bleeding nose, and Lip shaking out his fist, a security guard between them.

Mickey talks to the guard and defuses the situation, putting the bleeding man in the position of a sad overzealous fan. It somehow warms Lip to him, absurdly, and he finds himself apologized to, Lip shaking his hand and wincing when Mickey grips his bruised knuckles a little too hard. Lip vaguely explains that that was an old ex of Ian’s, a real piece of work, and then offers Mickey to come backstage with them to see Ian. Mickey declines.

It’s Lip, Carl and Debbie (Liam is too young, and Fiona too pregnant).

“I was drunk, and wrong, and when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong. (IT’S FROM DIRTY DANCING YOU LITERALLY FORGET EVERY TIME AND HAVE TO GOOGLE IT WHENEVER READING THIS NOTE should I really be quoting Baby’s dad in this fic? Probably. If anyone can, it’s Lip.) And Ian tells me you’ve been there for him a lot lately

I wouldn’t say that

But he did, he doesn’t tell me a lot these days, but he told me that.

Mickey gets another beer at the bar as people mill towards the merch and exit, he sits on a stool with an eye on the backstage passage. He watches the band come out to talk to some of the lingering fans and sign shit. Ian comes out and is immediately surrounded by fans, he locks eyes with Mickey across the room and Mickey raises his beer in a silent cheers. Ian comes up to him after a few minutes, he looks damp and exhilarated and unexpectedly nervous,

How was it?

Not bad, Gallagher.

he asks Mickey over. He has to pack up his shit and do the rounds, but he’ll be done in half an hour, tops. Mickey says he’ll meet him outside.

Ian leaves and Mickey finishes his beer, watching Ian talk to some fans, signing shit and taking pictures. He goes for a piss and then goes out for a smoke.

Ian comes out after twenty minutes, carrying two guitar cases and a large wheelie-bag. Mickey takes one of the guitars off his hands and they walk together.

(maybe Ian has a banjo and he gives it to Mickey to carry and Mickey is all really? I wanna kick your ass so bad right now, country boy, but then carries it anyway.) (banjos are cool)

Walk from the club. Mickey mentions talking to Lip. They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it) (Note from 2020: I DID NOT REMEMBER IT.)

Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.

”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”

Looks at Mickey and smiles.

”What?”

”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

”Maybe.”

”Huh”

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”

”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.

”That an invitation?”

”Fuck you is what it is,”

“sounds like an invitation.”

Ian tells him a little about his different instruments, Mickey picks up the beat up guitar Gus first gave to Ian and strums it, Ian asks him to play him something but Mickey snorts and says he’s counting on getting laid tonight and him playing would be detrimental to that plan. Ian doesn’t think so, but accepts it when Mickey gives him the guitar.

”I’ve walked some thousand miles,” he starts softly, eyes on his left hand, moving over the strings, ”I have slept many hundred nights, and people’ve said hello and bye through the years since you were mine. But don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue. Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser I cry for you.”

”Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie,” ”My darling boy, sweet old times, as long as I keep you in mind I will remember what love is like. So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue.”

”Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser.”

”I cry for you.”

I’M THINKING OF WRITING MY OWN SONG BECAUSE I WAS THIS MOMENT TO BE MORE BEFORE SUNSET THAN ANYTHING, ALL SMILES AND DRAMA FREE. SO MAYBE A TEXT THAT IS A LITTLE MORE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

Ian plays the song and when he’s done, Mickey kisses him and they have really enthusiastic sex on the couch. Mickey is about to leave after when Ian invites him to stay,

How about some long-ass foreplay on the couch and then they move into the bedroom.

They start on the couch, they take it to the bedroom, they collapse on the bed after and Mickey is feeling too good to argue when Ian mumbles at him to “stay”.

(Sings the song, says it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a song, it’s one quick thought put under a spotlight. Feeling like he should have known Mickey his whole life already. It’s too much, isn’t it? In the kitchen.

”do you normally take guys home and serenade them?”

”nah, don’t think it’d be very effective with most.”

”But you figured I’d swoon?”

”Figured you’d want the truth.”

”which is?”)

??? Need to find a good mix of excitement and new and easy, balanced with ho shit wtf are we doing this isn’t going to end well i think i fucking love him shut the fuck up. needs to be sexy and a little rough, as well as painfully sincere against better knowledge. kissing will do that. they’re doing stuff the way they usually do stuff, but for some reason it feels completely different.

Important that Mickey kisses him.

They stand up and stand chest to chest, Ian says they don’t have to do anything, Mickey says shut up and get naked

he helps ian take his shirt off and kisses him the second his face comes back into view

They fucks on the couch.

OR ALT FADE CUT END and don’t go explicit. Just saying, it’s an option. A valid option.

They can go at it in one of the sequels? Like the roadtrip can be more explicit? If I want? But also not?

I mean, there is such a thing as a nice middle ground right.

I just don’t think I’m interested in going all out porn after 40+ chapters of whatever.

THEY KISS AND THEN THERE’S A MOTHERFUCKING FADE TO BLACK MY FRIEND, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I HAVE DECIDED. Soz

WHAT IF!!

Iggy comes in, is all: guess what I found at the dentist this morning?

M: again? Did Amelia break another tooth?

I: It’ll grow back, take a look at this

E: Did you steal that from the dentist’s office?

M: Rolling Stone, wtf?

E: your dentist’s got rolling stone?

Mickey reads the headlines out loud as a customer comes in and asks Etch about something they’ve lost the other day, and Etch starts rifling through boxes behind the counter as Mickey moves over to sit down in Ian’s booth, rifling through the magazine.

M: what am I looking for?

I: I marked the page

E: what’s this note?

Mickey starts reading the article, realizing that the blurred picture is of Ian, and the interview is with Ian, and holy shit. Ian is legit famous.

Etch starts reading the list of coffees, eventually turning the page over and pointing out that there’s a phone number.

Iggy comes to the diner in the morning, Etch is rifling through stuff behind the counter and Mickey is doing the rounds with the few guests still there after the morning rush.

Iggy shows him the magazine he found at the dentist’s and Etch is in the background like wtf is this, reading from Ian’s note with the coffee orders, Mickey only half listens, trying to take in the fact that Ian is fucking famous.

Etch says there’s a phone number too and Mickey brushes him off.

Then he’s like, hold the fuck up! And gets the note from the trash and tries the number, and Ian fucking answers. And they have the you’re famous conversation on the phone and voila, Mickey has his number and vice versa.

So Mickey calls Ian in the morning, then there’s text talk during the day.

From Ian

So, you’ve had my number for x days and you only now decided to use it?

That’s cold.

From Mickey

You wrote it on a piece of paper you then balled up and threw on the floor, asshole, it’s a miracle it didn’t end up in the trash. didn’t know I had it until this morning.

You suck at this. (This is a nice revelation that he likes, but Maybe that doesn’t come across in text.

Not a complaint btw, just gleeful observation.

From Ian

Are we still on?

From Mickey

Of course.

Dumbass.

Ian

I probably deserved that.

At some point Mickey starts capslocking and sending lyrics to Ian, who has to explain through text why he’s written songs about Mickey, saying that he’ll point them out tonight.

HERE’S A QUESTION

SHOULD I SKIP THE WHOLE “WRITING SONGS ABOUT MICKEY” BUSINESS??

Isn’t it enough that Ian is famous and kept this fact from Mickey? Isn’t the writing songs business a little creepy? and if he did write songs about Mickey, would he really publish them without Mickey’s consent? No. Maybe I’m deliriously tired and about to fall ill right now, but I actually think I should skip that part. It’s a little sad because it’s been part of this idea for three years, but if I’m uncertain about it now imagine how I’m going to feel about it later?

When I started writing this story, it was supposed to be a quick and silly thing, and now it’s something else. It’s not important or anything, but also it is. To me. And making a decision on the rating was a big deal for me, and I think this is another one of those things. I’ve been holding on to this idea for so long but when I really think about it, is it even romantic? It’s romantic in that kind of teenage dream way, maybe? It’s more romantic to me if they fall in love for reasons other than Ian writing songs. But he’s written NTW, and he still thinks about performing it live, but we skip the whole thing about songs being about Mickey.

So they talk on the phone in the morning, and then there’s a text coming in after a little while asking if Mickey wants to come to the show.

HEYHO IT’S A REVOLUTION AND I FEEL FREE

Mickey and Ian text after the show (after Mickey declines going backstage) Ian asks him to meet him round back in twenty minutes. When Mickey goes out there, he sees Ian talking to a couple of fans by the bus and Mickey hangs back to smoke while he waits. The fans leave and Ian looks around, checks his watch, he has a bunch of guitars with him.

I AM LEANING HEAVILY TOWARDS MICKEY KISSING IAN HERE. He’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters against the asphalt.

They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.

They’re in the elevator, then they’re in Ian’s apartment. Ian plays him the song, Before sunset ending.

almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.

(almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.

yeah, it’s not a very good song. is why we cut it from the record

oh yeah? thought it was ‘cause of the like, intensely personal subject

that too)

They smile at each other like fools and Mickey feels like he is exactly where he’s supposed to be, and there’s no rush. Fade to black.

Etch finds the paper, says there’s a phone number on it. Mickey dials the number and goes out back as it rings out. When Ian answers, he reads a question from the interview and they talk.

He goes back into the diner and basically blows the whole thing off, it doesn’t make any difference to him and he has to go back to work. Yevgeny does his homework and Iggy leaves, and Ian invites Mickey to the gig via text. Etch invites Yevgeny to stay over at theirs for a movie night.

Does Mickey tell Yev about the gig?

Start with Mickey out back, smoking. The phone rings and he waits for Etch to take it, but it keeps ringing. He bangs the door and yells PHONE and then it stops ringing. He kills the cigarette and goes back inside. Etch is behind the counter talking on the phone and going through the lost and found, looking for whatever the caller has lost. Mickey clears a table. It’s afternoon. Etch hangs up but keeps going through stuff in the box, talking to Mickey, when Iggy comes in.

It’s maybe more like afternoon (?) when Iggy comes in and shows Mickey the magazine. He calls Ian and they have a quick conversation (he probably goes outside to have it, to escape his audience) and they establish that Ian is sorta famous. Then they text back and forth a little, until Ian invites him to the show.

Mickey calls Svet to arrange it so Yev can stay with her, and then accepts. He goes home after work to eat, have a shower and change out of his clothes. He wears the only band tee he owns, mostly because it’s funny and because it’s kinda tight and he doesn’t think he looks too bad in it (and a dress shirt is way too much for a concert not-date, not that he tried on a couple first. Then he does a little bit of cyberstalking only to find very little personal information and a lot of crazy fans. Maybe he watches a couple of music videos, but they’re all really weird cartoons so they give him nothing. They’re cool though, and guess the music’s alright, even though he doesn’t have a connection yet to it so it’s hard to tell if he likes it.

Yevgeny calls, because Mickey switched the days and he wants to know why. Mickey asks if he knows about the Broken Bells, and Yev’s like duh who doesn’t? And freaks out when Mickey tells him about Ian. He doesn’t tell him about the whole date situation though, just that he’s going to the concert. Maybe Yev asks for some merch.

Mickey takes an Uber to the venue, even though it’s not too far from the diner (but on the other side, so at least a 30 minute walk) and it seems like they’ve already started letting people in. He hangs back until the admissions office is clear and then tells the lady that he’s on some kinda guest list. She can’t find him, and he’s about to give up and go home when he sees a familiar figure in the background. He calls her Stay-puft first, but then also remembers that her name is Anne and calls her that too. She remembers him, and finds him on a different (VIP) list, the venue staff woman is embarrassed, but Anne is borderline flirting she’s so nice about the mistake. Mickey gets a pass that he’s supposed to keep around his neck, but he shows it to the guards and then tucks it down his back pocket. Anne shows him inside the venue and asks if he wants to come backstage and say hello, but he kindly declines.

He has a quick peruse of the merch table (he checks the CDs, and then sees a smaller table next to the merch with a guy handing out pins, Mickey talks to him and finds out that it’s “fan club” pins to commemorate the gig and Mickey asks if his VIP pass gets him one, it does, and then the guy asks if Mickey wants to sign up for the newsletter) and then gets a beer, before finding a good spot on the mezzanine floor. He’s got a balcony railing for support and beer holder, and he’s got an excellent view of the stage. The floor is filling up with people packing themselves against the front. He texts Ian saying he’s here and they text a little back and forth. He gets someone to watch his spot and goes to the restroom. There, he finds a kid getting cornered by a middle-aged man. The kid looks vaguely familiar and not older than sixteen. Mickey steps in and casually accuses the guy of creeping on a kid and the guy immediately backs off, the kid says thanks and that he’s eighteen (because it’s an 18+ gig) and Mickey says sure.

Getting back to his spot, There is a douchebag on a date behind him that he wants to move away from, but he doesn’t want to surrender his good spot. He decides to tune him out, he’ll hopefully shut up once the set starts. It’s just a couple of minutes after eight when the lights dim and a song comes on louder than before, and the band start coming out on the stage. Ian is wearing jeans and a hoodie, like he normally does, but he’s clean shaven and his normally smiling face is set in blank determination. Anne is the front person, and she commands the audience with the slightest gesture. It’s obvious that the venue is filled with old fans, they all know exactly what to do exactly when she asks them to do it. Ian’s got like four guitars and a whole lot of other shit around him, and he’s super focused on doing his stuff, but now and then he does little routines with Anne and Jon, and gets a big cheer for his occasional solos.

A few songs in, Ian gets up to stand on one of the oil barrels, and Anne starts banging on it with a crowbar. That’s when Mickey starts to really get into it. It’s cool, and it’s a lot harder than Ian made it out to be, but kind of theatrical at the same time. Ian is brilliant, even though he dances like an uncoordinated stripper.

There is banter between the songs, mainly between Anne and Stran (girl sure bangs those drums!) Anne starts banging one of the oil barrels again and Ian and Jon do a little step dance next to each other across the scene.

At some point Ian takes off his hoodie. He’s wearing a white tank and he’s already sweating through it. He gives his guitar to Anne and puts on gloves. Him and Stran do a little bant-y thing and then they start a new song by both banging the barrels in unison while Anne and Jon start playing (maybe Jon plays something else, like an electric piano or a marimba?). At the crescendo of the song, Ian takes out a baseball bat and goes to town on the barrel, sweat shining on his muscly arms and his wet hair flopping down his forehead.

They go off the stage, but come back when the crowd chants a song, stomping their feet and clapping their hands. Anne says they’ve got one more song for them, and they start playing. She moves away from the microphone and it looks for a second like Ian is going to step up and sing. Douchebag behind Mickey tells his date about an unreleased b-side to the last album. But then Ian steps back and says something to Stran, who nods and moves into a slightly different beat. Without blinking Anne, steps back up to the mic and sings the last song.

Some of the crowd lingers by the stage after the lights have gone back on, but most move towards the bar or the merch table. Mickey hangs back to watch the crew take down the stage, and the two oil barrels being handed over to someone in the audience, along with set lists and left-over picks. Walking down from the mezzanine floor to go look for the restrooms, a fight breaks out on the floor. Mickey immediately recognizes one of them as Lip and the other one as the creep from the bathroom, and intervenes by clearly positioning himself on Lip’s side and reminding the creep that he could get him in trouble, the creep backs off and agrees when Mickey tells the security guards it was an accident (in a way that isn’t obviously helpful, but in the end still makes sure that Lip isn’t hurt or arrested for punching a guy) (because he did, he punched a guy, who is thrown out by the guards after Mickey’s intervention). Lip, Carl, Debbie, and Liam is there, but it’s only Lip who knows who Mickey is. He hangs back to talk to Mickey while his siblings go backstage (and PROBABLY DOESN’T tell him a little bit about the guy being Ian’s ex, making it clear that Lip really doesn’t like him). He also apologizes to Mickey for last time. He asks if Mickey wants to go backstage, but Mickey declines. He’s decided earlier with Ian through text that he’ll wait for him and thinks it’s better to do it somewhere that isn’t backstage where he might get asked questions and have to talk to people who aren’t Ian.

He gets another beer and stands in the bar next to the merch, watching as Ian and the rest of the band come out to sign some stuff and shake hands. Ian still looks slightly damp from sweat, even though he’s obviously changed clothes and run a towel through his hair. Mickey wonders if his skin tastes like salt. He drinks his beer.

Ian comes up to him after a little while, asking well? (or texts him, which probably makes more sense? But I also want Mickey to see Ian post-show)

Not bad Gallagher, not bad at all.

Ian looks pleased and asks if Mickey wants to come over, even though Ian has an early morning. Mickey says yes and Ian asks him to wait until they’re done packing up.

Mickey finishes his beer, goes to the restroom (where he sees douchebag by the urinal) and then he goes outside to wait for Ian. (He talks to douchebag’s date and offers to get her a taxi before the guy comes out.) He smokes a cigarette, and before he knows it, Ian is by his side, carrying a fuck ton of guitars. They decide to walk, for some reason, talking on the way.

HEY

Ian says he’s got a car coming and they walk a little bit to where they’re getting picked up. They talk about trumpet lips and stuff and Mickey kisses him. They get interrupted by the car arriving, and Ian picks up his guitars and says “you coming?”

Fuck yes

They sit in silence in the car, but it’s a good one. Ian says

Lip told me what you did back there.

He didn’t tell you shit.

He did, told me you stepped in and stopped him from getting arrested

He was getting his ass kicked, someone had to help the guy

And Liam told me you got him out of a tough situation in the restroom

That was Liam? Some pedo’s creeping on a kid by the urinal, I’m not gonna stand by doing nothing.

You know that’s not what happened

Yeah, well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

He isn’t a pedo, and Lip would’ve beat the shit outta him if you hadn’t stepped in.

You defending this guy?

No, trying to say thanks.

You’re shit at it.

Thank you, Mickey

Better.

So… friend of yours.

No. (Ian isn’t forthcoming with the info)

Alright, whatever.

And he’s definitely not someone I wanna talk about, tonight.

(Ian is smiling at him, all the promise in the world in his eyes)

Fucking fair enough.

They arrive.

OR Ian joins Mickey outside and they stand around and talk

They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it)

Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.

”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”

Looks at Mickey and smiles.

”What?”

”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

”Maybe.”

”Huh”

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”

”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.

”That an invitation?”

”Fuck you is what it is,”

“sounds like an invitation.”

That’s when a taxi pulls up and Ian walks toward it

Could use some help with these.

They ride in silence

They carry Ian’s instruments from the car, and Ian says something cute

Mickey’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters on the asphalt.

They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.

There he asks Ian to play him something that other people don’t get to hear (mostly to be a cheeky monkey, but also because he wants it) and Ian plays him None the wiser.

I’ve walked a thousand miles to end up in your corner booth

Grinning idiot when you bitch, falling fool for your dirty mouth

Sitting on my busy hands when you swagger by and I say -

Hey waiter, pour some coffee in my cup and bring me my toast, before you fuck me up

I’ve been in some thousand fights and it’s clear that so have you, too

Faded threats and cigarettes, sharp glass polished by the sea

Wish you’d put your hands on me and make your feelings clear

Hey waiter

meet me ‘round the back door, tell me I’ve got it wrong and fuck me up some more

‘Cause I’ve fallen a thousand times but never felt this way before, like I should have met you long ago

Walked with you by my side and had your back through thick and thin

Sickness and health, come what may, and I say-

Hey waiter

pop the damn champagne

None the wiser

you fuck me up again

Hey waiter

tell me you’ll be mine

I’ll give you my life

and fuck you up in kind

I wish I was just a plain white shirt

then you could wear me off to work

and I’d be one of the things you keep close to your heart

soft white cotton wrapped around your heart

(Contrasts have faded now

but color still haunt my mind

And words ripped off from their lines

Make bitter tears flood my eyes

Don’t think I’ll stop my mourning

Don’t I know it’s overdue

Just because I’ve gotten older

None the wiser, I cry for you)

Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie

My darling boy, sweet old times

As long as I keep you in mind

I will remember what love is like

So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning

Don’t I know it’s overdue

Just because I’ve gotten older

None the wiser, I cry for you

’Cause I always say ’I love you’

when I mean ’turn out the light’

And I say ’let’s run away’

when I just mean ’stay the night’

But the words you want to hear

you will never hear from me

I’ll never say ’happy anniversary’

Never stay to say ’happy anniversary’

Bom-chaka bom-chak 23 verses

And he climbed up a mountain

And he looked around

Some kind of forest

With all these dinosaurs

And he stripped his woman

He stripped her bare

But there was a pterodactyl

There!

[siriusuntiltheveryend]

Oh wow 44 chapters! I just found your blog recently and saw the gifs for your story. I believe I saw a chapter 10 so I didn’t realize you got so far. I can understand your disappointment with reviews. I recently added my thoughts to a post and spent so much time on it but I got one reblog. From the snippets under the gifs, I like the way you were writing. I never considered that pair, but I’m not sure if I imagined them the same age/group. (1/2)

(2/2) I personally imagine Dorcas older as well and not part of the group. It’s interesting what people imagine. I kinda like Marlene and Sirius but I imagine her personality differently than others view her. I read a few fics and liked the way the author wrote it and it hooked me. That authors vision of Marlene was close to mine. I went on a tangent there. I hope you get more feedback. Since it’s a rare pair, I hope someone gets what the same feeling I did for Blackinnon once. I plan to read it

No, I love blackinnon.  I fell in love with them YEARS ago. I have two fanfictions that feature them primarily and I think fanfiction is great because you can see different versions of different characters to see what you like best. I was rping Sirius and we tried Amelia and it was an immediate thing. And we thought it would die out eventually but instead, we got all the way through and I was in love with how it turned out. But my disappointment stemmed from people reading but not reviewing. I wrote a Rose Scorpius fic a while ago and it has over 80 thousand views total, 16 chapters, and over 200 reviews. I didn’t mind the disparity because that’s not that big of a ship in comparison to Jily or other popular ones and I was writing it casually. But this one I had a thousand people actively reading a finished fic that I loved so much and no one would just tell me what they thought. So I just put it on my kindle and deleted it because even if a quarter of the people that read it reviewed the first or the last chapter it would have had so many reviews and it had so few that I just realized it was bad for me to keep it up.

[ellanainthetardis]

Ask game!! 8, 9, 12, 30, 44, 45, 48, 50!

oooh nice!

8. Favorite trope to write: mmm I’m going to say anything angsty. Who is surprised? Mostly I really love to write something that will make people scream at me that I hurt them. I love writing about ships being separated by an angsty event and mutually believing the other is dead or one of them is dead. Also I like apocalyptic AU or post-apocalyptic AU. Mostly I like AUs. 

9. Least favorite trope to write: I struggle a lot to write fluff. If it’s pure fluff with no tension, nothing but cuddles and rainbows and stuff, I will struggle and it’s not particularly what I enjoy writing. I like writing something that is plot driven and often fluff pieces are not. 

12. How do you deal with self-doubts? I sulk and complain until someone validates me XD I want to say it’s a joke but mostly it’s true. I won’t think it’s good until someone tells me and even then I might only feel good about the piece for a couple of hours before I start thinking again that’s it bad. It’s rare I like what I write. I think the only thing I’m really proud of is Invictus and mostly it’s because of how long it was and that I manage to keep to it and finish it but the content itself I would probably find things I hate about if I did a reread. 

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written: Oh, that’s hard... I don’t know if it’s my favorite ever but I like the goodbyes in Into That Good Night. This one : “He wanted it to last forever. He wanted to live in that moment: buried in her, her tongue in his mouth, safe in her warmth.Their climax was shattering.It destroyed the illusion of peace.Eternity gone in a flash of a bliss.”

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten: Basically any review where people say I make them feel something. Also when people tell me they were having a bad time and read my fic and that it helped them for a while. That’s really meaningful to me. most of my favorite review came from @jisoomes because she write detailed analyses of the chapter almost every time and I just love that. 

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten: Oh my god, two come to mind. The first one happened on my very first fanfic ever (back when I was a wee baby of 16 so like... 13 years ago) and I still remember it. It was a stargate story (because at that point OF COURSE IT WAS) and the person said I wrote Jack O’Neill like Charles Ingalls because in the end he ends up chopping wood and being happy whatever. And it was devastating at the time because it was my first fanfic and I wasn’t confident at all and the review was MEAN just to be mean. Now I mostly find it funny but still. 

And the second one: I was less of a baby writer then and I was enjoying a nice enough popularity in the HP fandom and I published a one shot that was called (once translated since I still wrote in french back then) Cold ashes. There was a line in that fic where I had Severus snape (or was it draco) say that love tasted like cold ashes. It was clearly a metaphor right? WELL that person came at me from all side saying it was disgusting and have I ever tasted ashes and it made no sense and nobody will want to read that story (because I think that was also my summary) and that I should change it. And basically that person was very patronising and telling me how to get reader when I was like... I don’t mean to brag but I had gotten out a fic named Pandore and it was EXTREMELY popular at the time. I  had really a lot of of readers from that alone, I didn’t need to go and look for them. So when I answered that (probably should have sounded less arrogant though) she went and say it was typical and etc. Basically she was the fic police and I hate that. Advices are fine and criticims are fine but it shouldn’t be phrased in a mean way. 48. Favorite genre to write in: Are Aus a genre? I like canon Aus the best. I like everything that diverges from canon because, to me, it’s the funnier things to write. You explore how it could have happened. I also love other sort of AUs though I think modern au are the most difficult to write sometimes because they have to take place in the US and I’ve never been so my knowledge comes from TV and some stuff puzzles me SO MUCH. Like the fact you can have a driver license at 16 (17?) and how highschoolers seem to be so independant and almost mini-adults... Also obviously laws and stuff are different. I do have a master degree in cinema and American civilisation but it’s different when it’s not your culture, I guess. Idk. Sometimes with modern AU that requires technical terms it’s difficult for me as a French person. 

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had: from all I published? Well there are a lot I thought weird at the time and that ended up being very popular (like Fire & Ice and Into That Good Night). I don’t know. I usually don’t think stories are weird, it’s all about how you spin them and make them belieable enough. However, I do think some stories aren’t meant to be written really. I talked about it a few times but Into That Good Night was mostly what I call a “sleep story” AKA a story I imagine to get to sleep. And since I love my angst, most of them are like violent so it’s not something I write because it can easily falls into the torture p*rn pit and the very cliché love declarations and reunion afterwards. I do have a few weird stories like that running in my head XD Barely a hint of plot but a lot of pain and angst.  

Writer ask game! Ask away!

[the-haven-of-fiction]

Journal

Title: The Haven

Chapter 44: Journal (Tom’s POV)

Genre: Romance

Rating: T

Author’s Notes: It’s been over five years since I wrote this chapter and over four years since I posted the previous chapter and the reality of posting this one is almost making cry.  Time is so strange.  If you are still interested in this story, thank you.  If this story is new to you, please check out the Master Post. <3

“Tom, have you ever cheated?”

The question absolutely stunned me.  She had just walked into the living room and was holding what looked like an old book.

She was speaking so softly, it was almost a whisper.

“What?”

I thought I understood what she had said, but I wanted to be certain.

Moving to take a seat on the couch, she set the book down with great care, as if it was very valuable to her.

Her tongue darted out, a nervous wetting of her lips, before she repeated the question.

“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”

So many different thoughts were zigzagging through my mind, I couldn’t speak right away.

Have I given you any reason to ask the question?

Do you think I would cheat, on you?

Do you not trust me after all?

The last thought brought a tremor of fear.

I looked down at the engagement ring on her hand that was resting on a throw pillow.  Taking it gently and running my fingers over it, I looked into her eyes, hoping that they would tell me what exactly she was thinking.

“I love you, sweet girl.”

Now her voice was indeed a whisper.

“I love you, too.”

A faint sense of relief shot through me that she was able to say it.  I didn’t know what was bringing this on, but it was scaring me.

“You asked me to marry you, darling.  Remember?” I prompted with a smile a gentle brush of my fingers across a flushed cheek. “I want to marry you.  Will you marry me?”

It wasn’t the first time I had asked her after the initial proposal.  Usually she laughed and kissed me and told me how silly I was.  This time, she frowned in confusion and tears were beginning to form in her eyes.  

“If…if the answer to your question isn’t what you hope it will be, will you…will you still want to marry me?”

Now the tears spilled over, but her voice was gaining a little strength.

“I gave you my word, Tom,” she assured me as she lifted her hand and pointed to the ring.

“I would never have let you put this on me if I didn’t think that you would be faithful to me.”

Her eyes closed and she dropped her head, drawing deep slow breaths.

It wasn’t exactly an answer to my question.

Sensing that she had more to say, I waited, even though I had yet to answer her own question.

She raised her head finally.

“I just found an old journal from when I was a teenager.  There was a quote from Reverend Powers.  He said when you marry someone, you marry their past; you marry the triumphs of their past, you marry the mistakes of their past, and you marry the current consequences of those triumphs and mistakes.”

Another pause.

Again I knew she wasn’t finished.

Patience, old chap.  Give her time.

“Tom, seeing Sam last week, it…it made me think about some things.  One of the reasons I wanted to be with him was because we had known each literally our whole lives.  We grew up together.  I knew his triumphs and I knew his mistakes.  I knew that I could live with the consequences of those things.  It was safe.  There weren’t any unknowns.  It wasn’t a risk.”

She looked down and began to twist the ring round and round her finger.

“It’s different with you. It’s unknown.  It’s a risk.  We met barely eight months ago.  There are so many things about me that you don’t know, there are so many things about you that I don’t know.”

Her voice was getting weaker again and I felt like I was going to have to stop her even if she had more to say.

“I…I’m frustrated that we missed so much of each other’s lives, that we don’t have memories of birthday parties and holidays and BBQ’s.  I’m sad that we don’t have albums full of awkward adolescent photos together. We’ve talked a lot about the present and the future, but we haven’t talked much about the past, and I…”

I was sitting in one of the armchairs adjacent to the couch and up to that point, I was making a conscious effort not to spring from my seat and wrap my arms around her.  I didn’t want to overwhelm her or make things worse.

But she wiped away a few tears that were immediately followed by more and when she whispered “Angel face, please,” I knew exactly what she was asking.

I was next to her in a flash, holding her as close as I could, as if I could transfer all the fear into my body so that she wouldn’t have to feel it anymore.

I was surprised when she spoke again so soon.

“I don’t want the past to sneak up on us one day.  I don’t want those kinds of surprises.  I love you and I want to marry you, regardless of your answer.  But please, tell me the truth.”

I quickly decided that while it seemed she was actually thinking about two separate issues, it would be best if I addressed her actual question first before moving to talk about the lack of shared history.

“I have a single drunken sloppy kiss to confess.  That is all. I was very young, too young.  And the only reason I know it even happened is because she gave me a strong right hook while my girlfriend looked on in glee. I had the black eye to prove it the next day.”

Expecting her to laugh, I was alarmed when she began to cry harder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she stuttered out, “I hope I haven’t hurt you by asking, Tom, I-“

“Darling, stop.  Your concerns are completely valid.  You have every right to ask me.  You have every right to learn about my triumphs and my mistakes.  I will tell you anything you want to know.  You’re going to be my wife, sweet girl.  We can’t hide anything from each other.”

She sighed when my fingers found her wrist and began the familiar dance over her skin, appearing to be content with my answer.  I moved on to the second thing that was plaguing her.

“I can’t say that I ever considered the lack of shared memories like you have, but that’s probably because I am just so immensely grateful to have met you at all.  I’m grateful for these nine months.  They have been the most exhilarating, the most edifying, the most beautifully terrifying eight months I’ve ever experienced.”

I had to stop and kiss her before continuing.

“Do you know what you tell me if our positions were reversed?  You would tell me that we can’t change the past and that we should not spend time dwelling on that non-existent shared past; we should instead focus on making memories now.”

“I make entirely too much sense most of the time,” she sniffled.

That made me chuckle.

“Yes, you do, my prickly pear,” punctuated by a kiss to the tip of her nose.  “You’re the sense.  I’m the sensibility.  That’s why we need each other.  That’s why we fit together.  That’s why you asked me to marry you. That’s why I asked you to marry me.  Will you?  Will you marry me, sweet girl?”

“Yes,” she whispered against my freckles, “a thousand times, yes.”

“And for each of those thousand yeses, there will be a thousand memories we will make together.”

“I love it when you talk purty, England.”  

I shifted so that I was speaking very close to her.

“And I love these adorable little ears that listen to me.”

She giggled and shied away from me when my breath fell on her neck.

“That tickles, Tom.”

“Shall I move back to the armchair?”

A pinch was my answer.

“No,” she pouted, “I have something to show you.”

She reached over and picked up the journal which I had earlier mistaken for a book.

“I found a loose piece of paper in this journal.  It’s a list I made after...after Sam moved away and some time passed and I…I started to consider the idea of marrying someone else.”

It was a struggle, but I managed to keep from smiling; I didn’t want her to think that I was making fun of her, especially when she seemed to be ready to talk about something so serious.  Her lists. They were one of the quirks I so loved about her.

The journal was opened and she took out the paper.

“This is a list I made, after giving it some thought, of the kind of person I want to marry.  Reverend Powers also said ‘Know what you want before you go looking for it.’  I thought of how much thought people put into decisions like which color carpet they want for their bedroom or what car to buy, but they don’t usually think much about the practical side of marriage, about the qualities they want and need in spouse.”

“That’s very true, my philosopher.”

Another pinch.

“So I made a list. It’s several years old.  Here.”

She shoved it towards me.

I don’t know why, but I was hesitant.  I didn’t want to know if I measured up to the list.

“It isn’t poisonous. Be brave, angel face.”

She was smiling.

Taking a deep breath, I plucked it from her hand and unfolded it.

It took me less than a minute to read it.  When I looked back at her, she was still smiling.

“Darling, this…this is…this is…”

“I know,” she nodded. “It’s you.  Well, except for a few minor things, which you can see that I noted those things as not being deal breakers, mainly because they are the only things that refer to superficial qualities and aren’t about character or personality.”

I glanced back over it, a slow grin spreading across my face; it was so HER.

“Yes, I see that dark hair is asterixed.  You’ll probably get your wish at some point.”

The smile vanished in an instant.

“I love my British golden retriever.  Will you please give me warning before you morph into a black shorthair?”

I had to giggle and leaned forward to give her a peck on the cheek before pulling back and placing a hand over my heart.

“I promise.”

Looking at the list again, there were two things that stood out to me.

“Darling, this one…”

I turned the paper to her gaze and pointed at one of the entries.

Strengths that are my weaknesses.

“Do you think this is true? Is this accurate for me?”

My expression of apprehension seem to take her off guard.

“Oh, Tom!  Of course, of course!  You are strong in so many areas that are weaknesses of mine.”

“I…I guess I think of you as a very strong, very intelligent woman and I-“

A soft hand covered my mouth and stopped my doubts.

“That’s very sweet of you, England, but I have faults and weaknesses enough.  Do you know the greatest thing I have learned from you, something that is a perfectly depicts this dynamic?”

This was the first time I’d ever had this kind of conversation with someone and I was finding myself rather emotional.

“I’ve learned how to see and respond to the person first instead of just responding to the problem. You’ve helped me to be more empathetic, more caring.  Thank you.”

The hand that had been over my mouth traveled to my back and she was rubbing little patterns across my shoulders and down my spine.  It reminded me of the first time she had touched me, when we group hugged in the kitchen with Auntie and Marie and I stuck my foot in my mouth like a tit.

She could see that I was a bit overwhelmed and she pointed to another entry on the list.

“Tom, look at this one.”

I saw that she was pointing to the second thing that stood out to me.

Will tell me, gently and patiently, when I am wrong and will help me discover how to be better.

We sat in silence for a bit, her face resting against my shoulder.

“What are you thinking, angel face?” she inquired softly.

I set the list on the coffee table and took both of her hands in mine, looking directly into her eyes.

“I am thinking that you surprise me every day, every day.  I suppose at some point, these things shouldn’t surprise me any longer. But you are the only woman I have ever met, at least as far as I know, who has a list like this, with these types of things on it.  Darling, these descriptions actually reveal a great deal more about you than about the kind of person you want to marry. They reveal a woman who desires to love and trust someone so wholly and completely, that it astounds me.  That love and that trust, they are the most precious gifts that any person could ever give.  This explains so much about you, my love, so much.  I don’t know why you’ve chosen to give them to me, but I promise you, I will do my best to treasure them and I will do my best to fulfill the things on this list.  I want to be that man for you.  You…”

I leaned a bit to rest my forehead against hers for a moment.

“You don’t know what it does to me to know that you give, that you gave me, these things from the beginning and then during the times when I behaved in a way that would make many people retract them.  I know it’s a frightening thing to love and trust like you, amazingly, love and trust me; but, my sweet girl, it’s also a frightening thing to be the person who is loved and trusted so whole-heartedly.  It’s the most awe-inspiring, dreadfully breathtaking thing I’ve ever encountered and all I can ask is that you please, please continue to be patient with me when I err, just as you have always been.”

“Yes, I will try.”

How I adored the loving tone in her voice, the warmth of those big brown eyes, the delicious plumpness of those pink lips.

“My sweet prickly pear, will you kiss me?”

Merriment danced across her face.

“Only if it’s a freebie and doesn’t count against my daily allotment.”

I cupped her cheeks and murmured “Is that on your list as well?”

She stifled a giggle.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you about entries of that nature until after we’re married.”

[flowerbeom]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by my resident Kiwi, @prettywordsyouleft, thank you darling. 

1. What takes too much of your time?

Working, writing, dancing. 

2. What makes your day better?

Random things, honestly. Honestly, the other day I saw a man run after his kid after they got out of the car just to give him a hug before going to school - and I melted. But generally speaking, my family, my boyfriend, my pets and good music.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

Today? I’ve only been awake for two and a half hours, but maybe that I got my winged eyeliner right in one go. 

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

World of Spirited Away, or Howl’s Moving Castle, or Ponyo, or anything Gbihli related it would seem... 

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Sometimes. Worse at taking it. 

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Mild depression and generalized anxiety. 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Yep, not as often as I used to. But it’s fucking terrifying every time it happens. 

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Probably Queen and Michael Jackson growing up. Anytime anyone asks that ‘if you could have dinner with any musician” or “if you could see any musician perform live” its always Queen. Without a second’s thought, it’s always Queen. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Three times exactly. 

10. What’s your dream date?

Something understated where we can get to know each other. Whether it’s something chill, like a cafe date, or something fun, like an arcade or carnival; if there’s vibes and chemistry, then I’m all for it. Don’t give me anything of grandeur on the first date, I’ll just think you’re a pompous asshole. 

11. What do others notice about you?

That I can be quite hyper and weird. First to break the ice in hard situations. Essentially the first to jump. 

And that I have a lot of love to give. A lot. You have 100% of my trust at the start, its then you’re job to keep it. 

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I take on too much and don’t finish them to the fullest. And I don’t put away clean laundry straight away and end up with 2/3 of my closet in a pile. 

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Well he recently got married, so that’s a hard no. 

14. How many ex’s do you have?

5

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

I don’t know. Probably close to 10k. My music taste is beyond eclectic and the music I listen to changes on the daily, hourly... you get my point. 

16. What instruments can you play?

Piano. Guitar. Bass and Ukelele. 

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

On my phone? Lim Jaebeom.... 

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

I travel a lot and consider any place I haven’t been to a place I want to do before I die. Sans War Torn countries and New York... I really didn’t like New York. 

19. What is your zodiac?

Cancer

20. Do you relate to it?

I relate to my Myer Briggs more. ENFP  But I found this online and will highlight the things relevant to me..

Strengths: Tenacious, highly imaginative, loyal, emotional, sympathetic, persuasive

Weaknesses: Moody, pessimistic, suspicious, manipulative, insecure

Cancer likes: Art, home-based hobbies, relaxing near or in water, helping loved ones, a good meal with friends

Cancer dislikes: Strangers, any criticism of Mom, revealing of personal life

21. What is happiness to you?

My family, my boyfriend, my friends, my pets, succeeding in a goal and food. 

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Yup. 

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Not being better with money a few years ago. And now I’m really fucking suffering. 

24. What’s your favourite store?

There’s a strip of stores near my work that is practically Korean beauty, fashion and Japanese streetwear. And I frequent that strip a lot. (I seem to always be ironically dressed by Jaebeom, even though I’m older and have rocked my style for close to 16 years.... )

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

It’s a personal choice. But I am of the camp of if you’re a firm believer that you won’t be able to take care of that child, or it’s absolutely the wrong time for you have a child, then you should not let that child suffer. I’ve had very long discussions with my partner about it, and we both believe that if it’s right, then it’s right. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Not really. I’m more of the ‘if you want to do it, then do it’ mentality. I can be very narrow minded. 

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Hmmmm. Let’s dive into the back catalogues shall we?  A Night At The Opera - Queen Thriller - Michael Jackson A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out - Panic! At The Disco Verse 2 - JJ Project Focus - JUS2

28. What do you want for your birthday?

To have a big dinner with my family. I used to want a lot when I was younger, always useless things. But as I got older I just want to spend time with my family. 

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

That I’m a conversationalist. 

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

At least 3-4 years younger than I actually am. I got voted as a 21 year old the other week. It made my 27 year old ass real happy. 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

Charging on the bedside table. 

32. what word do you say the most?

Like. But. Umm..

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

I never really thought about age. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years and we met when I was 21. (he was actually my birthday present, but that’s a story for another time) and he was 24. We’re never going to date anyone else ever again, so this doesn’t really apply. 

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

Again, doesn’t apply.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

According to a lot of people: writer, journalist, comedian

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

RnB, Alternative, Kpop - but not all Kpop... like Kpop is an industry... I don’t know... 

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Japan.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Currently? LOL. Just One Day - BTS

39. How long have you had this blog for?

Some time in June, 2018

40. What are you excited for?

Heading to Auckland in a month for a dodgeball tournament. 

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

I sit in the middle of both. 

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

I meal prepped lunch for the week and wrote 4k words of Chapter 5 of When I See You. 

43. What do you want for Christmas?

No idea. I never know this early in the year. 

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

English and English Literature. 

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

7.33

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

Ahhhh..... not being a financial fuck up...

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

About 2 years ago, I almost screwed up my relationship with my current partner. I really hurt him and thought we’d never get through. But we did, and I’ll never forget what I did to almost end us. 

48. At what age do you want to get married?

Ummm.. I thought I’d be married by now. So let’s not have this conversation shall we... 

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Teacher or Chef. 

50. What do you crave right now?

Sleep. 

- - - - - 

Tagging: @urlocalkpoptrash @sunshinesmilehobi @jacksonurs @pjmlog @juruwu @reveluv-army @got7-markjinson @ijustwantacue @katdefbeom 

[tinypurpleparrot]

Fanfiction Writer Asks

Fuck it, I’ll do it myself, because I know I can’t count on you nerds to actually ask anything. :p

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

I really don’t know. I’ve been writing creatively since I was like 6. I don’t really remember writing for fandom until Pokémon, but I’ve been in fandom since the original Sailor Moon and Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers.

 2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

I guess the Yogscast. Except I only really like a few of them, and it sure as shit isn’t the main channel people. I haven’t found a new obsession because I can’t sit still for tv anymore, and I’m a patient gamer/reader. So once I find something I like, it’s probably old and everyone’s already moved on.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

OCs. I am boring, shy (and thus no fun), and quite good at ruining the moment.

 4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

Action/Adventure. Fight scenes. Getting out of dire as fuck situations. Underdogs.

 5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I have so many… XP I guess a story I wrote in called Royal Infamy. It was literally hundreds of pages long, spanned at least 4 different fandoms, and could’ve been a standalone series if I just changed the names. Unfortunately it’s been lost to the ooooolllllddddd (and I mean 2001) internet. I like to think that maybe it’s on some ancient server, saved by those sorts of people who try to archive the entire internet and have literal exabytes of hoarded data. It was also how I met my SO of 13 years.

 6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

A Prince of Persia fic. I don’t even like Prince of Persia.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

I never get as much inspiration as when it’s 1am and I’m supposed to be going to bed like a normal person. But never at a normal hour in the evening unless I’m inspired at work and have to rush home before I forget.

 8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

It used to be from all the anime I used to watch, now it’s cobbled together from fantasy books and video games.

 9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Like erotic fic? Eeeh. I’m so terrible at it that I literally only have one, I’m writing it right now, I’m not finished, and I don’t particularly like it because I keep subconsciously writing away from the part where they hold hands because I’m conflicted and discomforted by the whole thing, to be honest. Like, even when I was adolescent and supposed to be thirsty as teenagers are, I just wasn’t and couldn’t. My ex tried to get me to write something for him, and I still couldn’t do it. *shrug* It doesn’t help that I’ve never been big on shipping. …Those characters sure are standing next to each other, yep.

 10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

Hahah… endings. That’s good. (Also see previous question.)

 11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can recall, unless you count ‘stop doing that thing’, ‘okay’ *does it more*

 12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Rythian. Fuckin’ edgelord. Just everything about him and his OC is *kisses fingers*.

 13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Unfortunately Rythian is usually entangled with other people from the Yogscast. :p

 14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx?

Current project doesn’t even have a title, that’s how non-committed I am to it (she says even though it’s fast approaching a novelette.)

 15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

If it’s an OC of a particular universe, there’s probably a naming convention, and I go by many names. If it’s just generic freestanding story, I keysmash and pick through it until it rolls off the tongue.

 16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Classic ‘rivals who hide their sexual tension behind their distaste for one another.’

 17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

“I haven’t seen your face since when you first came back from The End. And the … incident with trying to rid you of your curse.” He chuckled. “I’ve actually seen a lot more than your scars.”

 18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Like 75% of my work is abandonware. I have ADHD, I get bored, and I usually take so long, the fandom “dies” before I can finish. And the moment is gone.

 19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Royal Infamy. And make it mine this time.

 20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Probably Royal Infamy.

 21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Ilona Andrews. Her style is exactly what I aim for. …Okay maybe not the monster fucking, but the rest of it. Exciting, tense, a little bit scary.

 22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

The Prince of Persia fic. The first draft of the erofic. The weeb crack.

 23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Silence. My brain goes 100% towards analyzing music and then I can’t focus on anything else.

 24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Eeeeeeehhhhhh *whines* I don’t wanna…

 25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Nope. I don’t write that kind of pain.

 26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

The part where these two people who’ve tried to murder each other could even reasonably be in each other’s presence, let alone fuck. Also eternal hatred for evasive genital description brought on by a broken, puritan society.

 27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I should start making outlines. My current three projects keep going off the rails.

 28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

To go in with no expectations of people ever responding let alone giving feedback to anything. You’re just tossing shit in a hole and for every ton, one flower might grow.

 29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I did a thing about how Lalnable Hector created Echo, and *crickets*.

 30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Twenty years later, I still get emails about a fic I wrote about Birdy the Mighty (C-tier anime about a dead boy soul-sharing an intergalactic cop’s body.)

 31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

-

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Other than putting slivers of wish fulfillment in, no.

 33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Someone found a fic I wrote in two weeks in an archive over 20 years old and sent me kudos. Like, that shit should’ve been buried. But they found it.

 34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Mary Sue. And you’re goddamn right she was. And I’ll fucking do it again.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Nope, not for fear or anything, I just don’t think to share before it’s done because I’ll probably abandon it anyway.

 36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

You’ll be unsatisfied with the ending.

 37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

You fucking made me open one of my old Gundam Wing crack fics to check. Now I don’t know because I’m still cringing.

 38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

*shrug* Like… I haven’t done a collab in *checks calendar* 17 years. I don’t have any live fandoms. I’m not big on trying to meld with other people’s styles.

 39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third.

 40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

No.

 41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

Can’t think of one. I usually don’t have minor/background characters?

 42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

…Okay, now I seriously can’t tell if xxx means erotic or a particular example. 😐 Anyway, I for some reason lost the ability to link songs to fics/personalities. I just don’t think of any particular person when I hear a song and vice-versa.

 43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

That would imply enough people cared.

 44) What is the last line you wrote?

Despite the queen pushing him, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to (which he didn’t.)

 45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

If I don’t fucking do this it’s going to bother the fuck out of me for weeks, even if I don’t finish. Just get it on paper so it goes away.

 46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

More action and intrigue.

 47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

 -

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

The antagonist finds the protagonist’s berserk button and realizes that maybe they should not have pushed it.

 49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can’t remember fics I wrote. And shit, that was at least 23 years ago. (She says even though she can perfectly remember her first fantasy novel 30 years ago. (The Gammage Cup))

 50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst. I think. I’ve gotten good feedback from my more serious stuff.

[mottlemoth]

Leave it to me to go offscript, but my question isn't on the list, and it's one I've been meaning to ask. What's your writing process like? Do you write fairly clean drafts that require a minimum of polishing? Or are they akin to vomiting words and require several passes to edit, tighten and polish?

Redsie, my darling, I would go offscript for you any time. <3

My process, and how much editing I do, varies dramatically from chapter-to-chapter and day-to-day. I’ll try and go through this in detail, in case it’s helpful for anyone. 

And I’m popping this under a cut for the sake of people’s dashboards.

As a general rule, a chapter will take me several sessions of work. When I settle to write at the start of each session, I usually start by reading back through what’s there. I’ll tidy up any typos, watch out for repeated words (Mycroft whimpers a lot in my first drafts) and just give it all a gentle fluffing while I get cosy again in the sound of my own voice. 

When I’ve finished a chapter (or a short story, such as Kit or Diogenes) I’ll then close the file and let it sit overnight - or ideally for a couple of days - while I work on something else. 

It means that when I reopen it some time later, to get it ready so that you guys can have a read, I’ve slept and I can process it with a clean brain.

I then read my way through, listening for ‘pings’.

‘Ping’ sounds when a sentence doesn’t read quite right just yet. It flags up something that seems a little clunky, a little laborious, a repeat of something that’s already been established, or something a bit too fluffed-up and melodramatic. A lot of my personal ‘pings’ can be fixed by shifting something into the active voice, or by taking out unnecessary adverbs - or, if it’s really vexing me and I can’t work out why, it sometimes turns out I don’t want that sentence there at all.

So I brush my way gently through the chapter, combing out pings, watching for repetition, spotting touch-ups I could make. For example - recently I’m more selective with my adverbs. I’ve been running sentences through my mind with the adverb, and then without it, and quite often it turns out the sentence is happy without it. (If I like the adverb, then fuck it - the adverb stays. It’s my story and if Greg fucks the guy gently, he’s going to fuck him gently.)

I’ve also recently been looking out for ‘ping’  when I’ve used ‘-ing’ forms of a verb where the simple ‘-ed’ form would do. (”Mycroft was searching through the drawer.”) If I get a ping reading that (and sometimes I won’t! And it’s fine!) then I’ll trial ‘Mycroft searched through the drawer’ - and if that seems tidier, I’ll replace it.

I do things like try and keep dialogue to three or four sentences/utterances per go. (“Are you serious, Myke? We already ate there last week. I’m so sick of noodles.”) I saw it suggested somewhere as a tip, and I tried it - and I think it’s nice. So I use it now, unless it’s inconvenient - in which case my dialogue chunks will be as long as I like.

An important part of my editing process is the saving of cut bits. 

This is vital for me. 

I have files and files of them - sentences, paragraphs, entire scenes, entire chapters. I don’t ever delete a thing. I worked hard on those words. They’re good words, and I’m glad that I wrote them. Just because they don’t fit in the finished version of the story that I want to show you guys, it doesn’t mean that they’re bad words. So they go safe into a file to be kept, in case I want to use them some day.

If the brushing process was tough, or it took a while, I might put the chapter away again for another night. 

Essentially, when I can read through it all without sensing pings, just happily following along with what’s happening, I know it’s ready for you guys. Onto AO3 it goes.

All of this assumes that the underlying actions and events within the chapter are fine.

Which brings me onto The Case of Excultus.

I cannot begin to tell you the amount of editing (and trouble) that has gone into some sections of 'Skultus.

On two separate occasions, I’ve developed seriously swampy feelings while drafting, wondering why I’ve slowed down, what’s wrong with me, what the hell’s the matter. On both occasions I realised after several days of fretting that scenes had somehow been delivered to me (and I’d written them down) in the wrong order. Something in chapter twenty-seven actually needed to go in thirty. This bit from chapter thirty-one needed to go into twenty-eight. TJ can’t say that bit there; but without that line, that whole section can go four days back in time, and then it makes more sense.

(If you’re interested, the major turbulence struck chapters 27-32. I’ve undergone further problems in 41-44.)

Excultus has been a lot of work at times. This business of plot events in the wrong order has never happened to me before. I’ve also had to rescue Mycroft from several inconvenient mental breakdowns. I’ve had to wade into the two of them having furious arguments, and zap entire scenes to prevent it happening. I had to stop them having sex four times before they were allowed. I’ve had to take entire sex scenes out of the latter chapters, scenes that I adore, because they were too funny, too light - because they’re not fitting with that low thrumming cello you can all hear.

East End Boy wasn’t like this. I have very few cut bits from East End Boy - and they’re all cosmetic things, phrases and sentences and paragraphs, rather than entire 5000 word chapters like Excultus. 

At times, Excultus has been like vomiting things up that turn out to be something I haven’t even eaten yet. Or vomiting things up that are just the wrong type of vomit entirely. 

Some sections were breezy - especially the earlier parts. All they needed was that gentle brushing. The events happening were fine; character reactions to them were fine; everything was okay to go.

But the rest has sometimes felt like putting myself through a mangle.

It’s wholly worth it. 

Entirely worth it. 

The more work I put into ‘Skultus, and the more problems I surmount, the more I adore it. It’s been a vicious little snake to me at times. Weird things have happened, things I don’t understand until chapters later. I’ve loved every second of it.

I’d hate for anyone to think I slide this stuff out of nowhere.

But at the same time, I’m frankly horrified by the way some writers talk about editing. All this ‘slash things up’, ‘kill your babies’ crap - ‘delete at least so much of the first draft’. ‘Never use adverbs’.

No. 

Nonsense. 

Not helpful, not okay.

And not true.

Editing is brushing. Grooming. Gently working tangles out of this beautiful thing you have made, so that it’s smooth and easy and enjoyable for people to run their minds through. 

Even in the worst case scenario, when The Powers That Be decide to send me entire sections of story in the wrong order, it’s been utterly fixable. It just takes some time to think, a deep breath to say, “Okay, something’s not quite right here,” and the courage to wonder. 

“I wonder if Myke really needs to react that angrily.” 

“I wonder if I could replace this bit with a text conversation instead. That might be simpler, and fun to write.”

“I wonder if I have this discussion with Luke come earlier, then the scene later doesn’t need to include him and it solves the issue of why they’re at Scotland Yard. They can be at home instead.”

I’m ultimately a believer that you should write the things you want to read.

You should write your own favourite stories, and you should write them the way you want them to be. 

When a work is finished - finished for good, and I’ve written ‘The End’ - I’m far more inclined to leave it as it is and begin a new project, than start suddenly ripping up the foundations and changing plot or structure. I’ve been there, and it hurts. I’ve never seen it work out for the better, either. I’d rather start something fresh with what I’ve learned, than get into making huge changes. 

When the house is built, you can only amend so much. 

So you’re worried that you put the porch on wonky - that’s fine. Now you know how to make porches. Put a really posh one on the next house.

I wish I had a ‘just written’ chapter and a brushed one to show you all. I’ll see if I can remember to do that when I’ve finished Chapter 47.

This has become a very long reply - to a question I could probably have answered with ‘a bit of both’. 

I just remember the person I was several years ago, and how desperately she needed to hear this. The word ‘editing’ used to paralyse me to the heart - because I thought it meant taking a sledgehammer in both hands to the thing you love. 

It really doesn’t. 

It’s about giving it more love - stroking through to spot those pings, working them out, and reminding yourself how well you’ve done.

[richietoziersgazebos]

The Clown Is Back 

Interview with Argentinian Andrés Muschietti, director of the movie based on Stephen King’s masterpiece.

“It’s the metaphor of an era in which we get controlled by fear”

MADRID - The little paper boat swifts through the stream of water along the saidewalk. Georgie is 6 years old and is following the paper boat in his yellow raincoat. But the boat is faster than his legs. Before he can reach it - her - the boat falls in a drain and disappears into the dark. The kid kneels, looks for it, he’s afraid his brother might get angry at him for losing it. That’s when two gloved hands appear, holding the boat It’s the unforgettable opening scene of IT, Stephen King’s masterpiece, published 31 years ago: over a thousand pages written during a very dark moment of the writer’s life, when he was addicted to alcohol and cocaine.  Through the story of 7 kids that have to deal with a murderous clown in the America of the 50s and then again 27 years later when IT comes back, IT is a splendid coming-of-age novel. After the 1990 TV miniseries, its first cinematographic transposition arrives in our theaters on October 19th, directed by Argentinian Andrés Muschietti, 44, who, in 2013 made his mark as a director with his first feature film, Mama, produced by Guillermo Del Toro. The movie, that evolves around the protagonists’ childhood (shooting for part 2 are expected to start in 2018), is already a huge international success, grossing over 185 mln USD in its first three days in the theaters (out of just 35 mln USD budget).

- Is it true that you wrote an apology to Stephen King asking for his forgiveness? Andy: Yes, because even if I tried to stay as faithful as possible to the book, I made some changes. For example the movie takes place in the summer of 1989, while SK had chose 1957, when he was 10 years old. I grew up in the 80s so it’s a time I feel closer to me. King reassured me, saying that he’s very happy with the result. I was very relieved.

- What makes IT a classic? A: When I read it the first time I was a kid, it struck me because it’s about things I was experiencing myself for the first time like violence and bullying but also love.  Discovering what being part of a group means and finding your own strength is the emotional journey that these characters go through, and it resembles our owns. - Many tried to capture the mystery of childhood but failed A: King has been pretty clear about this: as children we learn how to live, as adults we learn how to die. We look back at our childhood as the golden years of our life, when death was miles away from our thoughts. The true horror is in knowing that we will never be kids again. - How did you find the protagonists? A: I wasn’t just looking for talent, I wanted to find actors that shared something with their characters. It wasn’t easy. Once the casting was over, I put them together in a room to see if they would’ve worked as a group. - Why is it so hard to get SK’s novels’ real essence? A: I think that bad adaptation came from directors that weren’t that emotionally invested with the original work or that undervalued its human aspect, focusing exclusively on the horror part. The Studios aren’t keen on the idea of playing with the different layers of a story while one of King’s qualities is his ability to move us, make us laugh and scare us at the same time. It’s like an emotional rollercoaster. - Something that’s also a part of the Italian cinema A: I’ve always loved Il sorpasso by Dino Risi: the observation of the human element is incredible and while it’s a comedy it’s dramatic at the same time! Americans will only watch American movies while in Europe there’s also space for independent movies. In the US the main goal is to produce commercial movies that will call for as many viewers as possible. In this way the different shades of the stories get lost: when you go to a meeting to present your idea, you have to make clear what kind of movie you want to make and if it resembles another that has already been made. Nowadays everyone’s afraid to invest on creativity, no one wants to take risks. - Do you? A: I want to experiment and, in the case of the horror genre, the risk of resulting ridiculous is pretty high. When I was shooting Mama, in 2012, we used to pull the strings of the monster creature puppet to make it move. You always end up discovering new amazing things when exploring new territories, while sticking to things you’ve already done before will only lead to a forgettable movie, something that has been already seen. - What’s the last movie that surprised you? A: Dunkirk. Christopher Nolan is one of the few directors who can entertain while remaining an author, even it took him three Batman movies to get the freedom to make something different. If you don’t want the Studios to interfere with your work you have to guarantee them a good profit first. - You were lucky: IT is one of the highest - grossing film of the year. What does Pennywise represent for you? A: He’s a demon that only children can see, because they still have imagination. But the clown also represents the confrontation with a new world of fear. To me, it’s something related to the fear we get injected every day through religion, the media, the government and the companies. Derry, the fake town where the story takes place, represents the cult of terror in which we’re living. - The tale of seven kids that, in order to survive, need to stick together, is it a metaphor of our times? A: Fear is used as a tool of control and submission. Bill - Georgie’s brother - more than once says to his friends that Pennywise’s illusions aren’t real. This how we should think too, in a world like the one we’re living in, when we process the informations we receive from the media or certain presidents that lie to us to keep us under control. Pennywise can kill them only if they’re apart and I think that we too are weaker when we’re divided. Our society teaches us to be afraid of different cultures and religions. Gullible, naive people scare me because they’re easy to manipulate. In America, for example, the man in charge is completely crazy. - You were born in Buenos Aires, how is it to live in the US? A: Being born and raised in Latin America I come from a different reality, which include experiencing imperialism. I travelled and lived in different countries, I know how things work outside Argentina. Some systems work, like socialism in Scandinavian countries, where everyone pays taxes and no one complains about the government. But in American socialism is associated to communism so it’s seen as bad. That’s why Bernie Sanders will never win. - Do you see a change in the future? A: Donald Trump is making so many mistakes that it makes me hopeful, actually:people are starting to criticize him and doubting his words. Unfortunately, when you criticize the government in the US you’re also attacking the whole country. It’ll take time to see some actual changes. - Give us a heads-up; in chapter two - when we’ll meet the protagonists as grown ups - will there be space for flashbacks? A: Yes, we’ll go back to 1989. Unfortunately, since our budget was pretty low, we didn’t have the possibility to shoot any of those scenes. Never mind: I was able to include some of the elements that will connect the two parts. The screenplay should be ready for January and I’d like to start shooting after March. I can’t wait.

Thanks for reading, I’m sorry for the mistakes and I’m very sorry if some of this doesn’t make sense, if I can help you with anything or if there’s anything you’d like to ask please don’t hesitate!

[consulting-caffrey]

Fanfiction Questions!

A great big thank you to @tohavealifetimeoffun for letting me use these! 1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Heartland. 2. What is your latest fandom? White Collar! 3. What is the best fandom you've ever been involved in? The best? That's tough. That's really tough. But in the end I have to go with White Collar. 4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? Nope. Not a single one. 5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for? Mainly White Collar because I only started posting just before getting into that fandom seriously. Before that, it was Avengers. 6. List your OTP from each fandom you've been involved in. Heartland: Ty/Amy Iron Man: Pepper/Tony Avengers: Tony/Steve Supernatural: Dean/Lisa (judge me all you want, destiel shippers) White Collar: Neal/Sarah but hell, its hard to choose between that and Neal/Peter because COME ON that show is practically throwing it at us! 7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you've been in. Hoboy... Heartland: Amy/Soraya Uncharted: Chloe/Nadene Iron Man: Pepper/Natasha Avengers: Clint/Laura (I'm sorry but I can't. I will die for Clintasha) White Collar: Neal/Jones (I've seen it, I respect it, I admire from a distance, but I can't. Same with Neal/Diana) 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? Well, it started when I stumbled upon it on Netflix and thought one of the guys on there looked cute (I'll let you guess which one) and so I started watching it only to get bored partway through and I went galavanting in the Avengers fandom for a few years before coming back like "Hey I never finished that". And here I've stayed ever since. Stuck. Thanks, Jeff Eastin. 9. What are the best things about your current fandom? Even though the show has ended, the White Collar fandom is still alive and active. Its like we all still stick together and keep track of what Matt Bomer is up to these days like "hey, The Last Tycoon! Also I just wrote another White Collar fic haha pry this show from my cold dead hands". 10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don't write in? Nah, I don't stray far from White Collar. 11. Who is your current OTP? Gotta be Neal/Peter at the moment. I just love their bromance though. I know those two are like THE ship but I usually prefer Neal/Sarah, which for some reason isn't very well liked, I hear??? 12. Who is your current OT3? Um, the only OT3 I've ever had. Peter/Neal/El 13. Any NoTPs? Neal/Jones, Neal/June (what?), and I don't wanna say its a definite no, because I miiiiight consider Neal/Mozzie. And I have written Neal/Diana but I don't particularly like it. 14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? Peter/Neal of course, Neal/Mozzie 15. Is there any obscure ship that you love? Well not really. Neal/Kate, but I wouldn't call it obscure. 16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? Ehhhh not really. 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favorite? Ty/Amy from Heartland and yes, I still love those two to bits. 18. What ship have you written the most about? Steve/Tony. Funny since I started out HATING those two together and it was EVERYWHERE all up in my face but then next thing I know I've got like fifty stories about them 19. Is there a ship you wish you could get behind but you just don't feel them? Neal/Mozzie. 20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Peter/Neal/El, like I said. I like it, I do. I've just never had an OT3 before and I think that's what threw me off a bit. 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? That would be a Heartland fic that took up an entire notebook. 22. Is there anything you regret writing? Eh... Sometimes. I regret writing things that I don't finish. 23. Name a fic you've written that you're especially fond of and explain why you like it. Neal Caffreys. Oh man I want to continue that little project forever. There are so many possibilities. 24. What fic so you desperately need to rewrite or edit? Ummmm probably Take Me Back To Normal. I need to offer more explanation and reason for my torture haha 25. What's your most popular fanfic? I haven't checked in a while but I believe it's Neal Caffreys. 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? Sometimes song lyrics or they just... come to me? 27. What do you hate more: coming up with titles or writing summaries? Summaries oh god... 28. If someone were to draw a piece of fan art for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? Oooooooo It would be for a story that I'm currently working on (actually a chapter for Neal Caffreys but I really want to make it a full story) where Neal is a horseman. The picture would be Neal standing next to his horse, and the horse would look all badass and everything AGH! Please somebody. Also hey I do have a piece of fan art for my story Tale Me Back To Normal done by @kanarek13 and I love it so much 29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? I do not. I am very good with English and writing so I can edit my own stuff. In fact, I prefer to. It just kinda feels lazy to pass a piece off to someone else to do that for me. 30. What inspires you to write? Well watching the show helps. Also reading fanfiction. 31. What's the nicest thing that someone has ever said about your writing? Oh gosh, that they go back and read it all the time so I should never take it down. That just made me so happy to hear. 32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band of music/genre does it for you? I cannot listen to music when I write. I like to have quiet so I can picture what I want better. If I have music on, I just end up drowning it out anyway. But music itself does inspire me sometimes. 33. Do you write one-shots, multi-chapter fics, or huuuge epics? Oneshots are what I try to stick to, but the multi-chapter thing is also okay. Huge epics? Lol not so much 34. What's the word count on your longest fic? Oh man I gotta go look this up... 35,038 ...Holy crap 35. Do you write drabble? If so, what do you write them about? Hmmm I think I've written maybe two drabble fics? I don't do them often because I like my h/c action torture awfulness. But I do like to get in Neal's head. 36. What's your favorite genre to write? Everybody whose read any of my stuff already knows it's hurt/comfort and angsty things. 37. First person or third person- What do you write in and why? Third person preferably. I just like to get a wider perspective, but with third person, you can also hone in on individuals and their thoughts. 38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? Both? Obviously my fics are always almost 99% canon characters but I do have OCs that I like to slip in there. I have OCs that I use for RPing but you can find Finnigan Roderas here and there as well as Victor "Vito" Odell in For Your Entertainment. They're a couple of mine. I am a proud parent to at least three more. 39. What is your greatest strength as a writer? The way I can put myself in a scene and imagine all the details, mostly emotions, that go with it. 40. What do you struggle with the most in your writing? Well like I mentioned, I tend to write stories around one small thing I want to get out, and once that thing is out and I've created a mess, I just go "...what now? I didn't think this far ahead..." 41. List and link to five fanfics you are currently reading. Oh man I usually only read one at a time... But I'll put that one down and then add four that I read before it. Enemies http://archiveofourown.org/works/2290154 You Look Like A Koala http://archiveofourown.org/works/2329949 Somehow, Sundown http://archiveofourown.org/works/6159619 Wrong Time, Wrong Place http://archiveofourown.org/works/2435216 Love Lift Me Up http://archiveofourown.org/works/2503781 42. List and link to five fanfiction authors that are amazing. Now this I can do. pooh_collector http://archiveofourown.org/users/pooh_collector/pseuds/pooh_collector Sholio http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sholio/pseuds/Sholio Huntress79 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress79/pseuds/Huntress79 Ashley5627 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley5627/pseuds/Ashley5627 NYWCgirl http://archiveofourown.org/users/NYWCgirl/pseuds/NYWCgirl 43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? Definitely @kanarek13 and @archivistsrock Also @hirunoka and all the anons who keep encouraging me to write and keep writing~ 44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? Mozzie/Gina 45. What is your all time favorite fanfic? A week ago, I wouldn't have been able to tell you, but then I found Out of the Wastes by Sholio and I can't tell you how much I love it. Seriously. Go check it out. 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? Mmmmm... I don't know that I'd recommend any of them, but I guess Neal Caffreys is my pride and joy. That one. 47. Archive of our Own, Dreamwidth, LiveJournal, Fanfiction.net, or Tumblr- Where do you prefer to post and why? AO3 for sure. I like the setup and everyone on there seems nice so far (barring one strange incident). I used to post on FF but eh... A couple people on there really pissed me off. I'll leave it at that. 48. Do you care if people comment/reboot your writing? Why/Why not? I'm not sure what that means. Comments on my writing in a separate post? Rebooting my story to make a better version themselves? Idk I've never really experienced either of those things, if that's what this means. I guess maybe I wouldn't mind. Not sure. 49. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? I got into writing it first because the idea came to me all on its own and I thought I was a genius. Then I believe my dear friend @tfwhancock was like "let me show you FF" and I was stuck there for months. 50. Rant or hush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! I LOVE THAT IT EXISTS OH MY GOD YES I love that I can use characters that I love and write them and make them do what I want and just AGHHGGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It's so fun and exciting and just reading what people come up with is the most amazing thing! When you have to stop reading and just appreciate a line or a phrase like "oh that's good" Mmmmm love me that feeling~ Tagging: anyone who wants to do this!

[sorryidosedoff]

Coming back-chapter II (Tom Holland x Original character story)

It all happened so fast. Anna called 112, the ambulance arrived shortly. The neighbor who, thank god was a doctor made sure they were alive at least until the ambulance came. In the ambulance car was Liza. Austin had still been sleeping and was left to sleep with the neighbor babysitting him. Anna drove her car to the hospital. She fought back the tears successfully; she didn’t want to be the second Fray to get in a car accident. Actually she’d be the third Fray, the first being her father.

She ran and found her mother quickly. Both in tears, hugging each other waited for hours for word from the doctors. Tom had bombarded Anna with messages and calls.  She went to the bathroom and she decided to reply to them.

What happened Anna, please call me. – delivered 4:45 PM

Asdfghjk I can still hear your scream. – delivered 4:57 PM

How am I going to do this fucking interview? – delivered 5:04 PM

Please Anna please respond – delivered 5:31 PM

How do I go on with the fucking day? – delivered 5:38 PM

I’m packing, I can’t stop fidgeting. – delivered 5:51 PM

She looked at the time – 5:57 PM. She rang Tom. He answered after just the 1st ring.

“What happened?!”-Anna fake chuckled and began explaining the whole situation. –“Jesus fucking Christ. How are they now?” “Yeah that’s the thing. They still haven’t told us shit. And I’m shit and my mom is shit. She barely kept herself after dad; I don’t know how she’s going to react if Ethan dies. I don’t know if I’m going to keep it together. I’m alone and I just fucking need to punch something.”-the tears started to roll and Tom could hear her weeping. He had to be there for her, fast.

“Mom, is there a sooner flight for London?”-his mom quickly contacted Tom’s agent. “What?”-Anna heard what Tom had asked.-“What are you doing?” “You’re not alone, and soon I’ll be there too. But I need you to have hope, please. Soon you’ll have me to cry on.”-Anna smiled. “I can’t thank you enough. At the same time I don’t want you to do it, but I don’t want to stop you either.” “There’s a plane in an hour. I hope we’re going to make it. Apparently my agent took care of it all. I have to go now. I’ll be there as fast as I can. Bye Anna.” “Thank you Tom. Goodbye.”- What did she do to deserve a friend like him? He was wonderful, truly wonderful. If her calculations were correct, Tom was going to be there at 5AM.

She walked to her mother. She was sitting on the ground looking straight ahead. Her face was blank.

Anna put her hand on her mother’s shoulder.

“What is it?”-she sat next to her. “The doctor came. Apparently your brother had been high on cocaine. If what he said was accurate, he’s been using for 4 months already.”-Anna arched her neck, her head hitting the wall. –“They’re both in recovery now. Soon we’ll be able to stay with them.” “Did Olivia’s parents come?” “Yeah, they’re getting coffee.” “Do you want some?” “If you’re up to it, sure. Here, get yourself one as well.”-Liza gave her daughter money and kissed her on the forehead.

There had been a coffee shop just next door of the hospital and so Anna headed for it.

Why Ethan, why. I guess I wasn’t a good enough sister to you.

Anna continued her walk, continuously blaming herself for her brother’s addiction. It was her way of coping. It wasn’t healthy. She did the same after her father. She’d think: If I came with as he asked, maybe he’d still be alive; maybe if we walked to the pizza place he’d still be alive; maybe if I didn’t beg for pizza he’d still be alive; maybe if I just went out with Marge that night he’d still be alive. These are the thoughts that drove her to suicide 2 years ago. Thankfully Ethan saved her. If only I was there the same way he was for me.

A cup of black coffee and a cappuccino were in Anna’s hands as she walked to her mother.

“We can see Ethan now.”-Liza said and they entered Ethan’s recovery room. Ethan had been really bruised and had a broken arm. It could have been worse – Anna thought. She sat on the chair on the right side sipping on her cappuccino. Liza sat on a chair near the left side of the bed.

Anna pulled her phone out of her pocket. Penelope and Marge had sent her a couple of messages.

-A picture of Penelope and Marge in front of a sunset- Wish you were here Anna. We miss you – delivered 6:27 PM

Apparently we’re coming back earlier than expected. – delivered 6:42 PM

Either way it’s boring without you here. – delivered 6:43 PM

We’re coming back on the 18th – delivered 6:44 PM

We can’t wait to see you. – delivered 6:47 PM

She didn’t reply. She was happy to have them back sooner but she couldn’t bring herself to respond in any way.

She opened Tom’s conversation and wrote him.

Apparently my brother had a cocaine addiction. I couldn’t save my brother from it, but he could save me from taking my life. I’m feeling amazing.

Anna scrolled through her social media not knowing what else to do. While watching a video on YouTube she fell asleep. Liza threw a blanket over her daughter, if only she could fall asleep like her. At about 12AM Liza had drifted away as well.

03:48 AM. Anna awoke from her sleep. She looked for her phone. Tom had sent her messages.

Please don’t blame yourself Anna, please. Not again. It’s not your fault, it never is. – delivered 08:14 PM

We’re arriving probably at 5 AM – delivered 00:01 AM

If you are awake then, could you give us a ride? – delivered 00:04 AM

If you feel up to it, that is. – delivered 00:04 AM

At least I get to drive. Driving was her favorite pastime. After her father died except for dancing is what she did most. Alone, a long road and the radio on was all she needed some nights. If her mom sent her to the store, she’d go to the one on the opposite end of the town. But she loved it. It gave her peace. Secretly some drives she hoped she’d get in a car accident and die quickly. Her suicidal thoughts never left her.

She plugged her to the radio and listened to a mix of songs starting with Where Is My Mind. She couldn’t stop listening to the song. It was just too good. Outside it had started raining, like an instinct Anna turned down the music. Anna had been a depressed girl that had suicidal thoughts and previous issues with self harm but these times when her family needed her she cared for herself; not for her sake, but for theirs. The ride continued, the songs continued playing; they were the reason Anna hadn’t broke down yet. Singing along to the music is what calmed her. The ride had been an hour long, for the time being she stopped herself from blaming herself and thought of the songs playing instead. She parked her car and entered the airport. 04:24 AM – read the clock. Anna asked a flight attendant when the flight from London would be arriving. The attendant answered that they were landing down as they spoke. Anna felt a hunger so she took to the nearby bakery and got herself a mediocre salty croissant. She missed the croissants from France. Her favorite holidays were in France, she loved the cuisine, the people everything. Anna’s phone rang. It was Tom.

“Hey, where are you?”-asked Tom. “I’m in the waiting area, I’m eating a croissant. Did you get your luggage?”-she said taking a bite from the croissant. “We’re coming to you. How are you?”-he asked worried for his friend. “I’m fine, I’m hungry. And this croissant is shitty. I miss France.” “Yeah, me too. I’m coming down the escalator, I think I see you.” “Oh wait.”-Anna stood up and walked closer to the escalator, croissant in hand.-“Okay I see you.”-Anna smiled and she could see her best friend and Nicola smiling to her. The mother and son came off of the escalator and Tom ran to Anna. He hugged her and took her in his arms, spinning them both as they hugged.

“Oh my god I’ve missed you.”-said Tom, both of them couldn’t stop smiling. A tear or two came down from Anna’s eyes. “Oh you have no idea.”-Anna kissed Tom on the forehead and cheek and let go from the hug to hug Nicola as well. Anna took Nicola’s suitcase and led them toward the exit where she had left her car. The three got in. “I’m going to take you home so you can settle down and I’ll go back to the hospital.”-Tom had been sitting next to her and looked at her somewhat confused. “Anna I’m coming with you. No argument there.”-Anna half-smiled. “Drive me home, I’ll take care of the suitcases and see your dad then we’ll both come to the hospital.”-said Nicola. Anna nodded and so she drove Nicola home. The ride was 45 minutes long and for all that time Tom and Nicola didn’t stop talking, they were doing everything they could to keep Anna in a good mood. They weren’t failing but they weren’t successful either. Anna got to Tom’s house. “Tell your mom I’ll be there shortly.”-Anna nodded. “Mom, kiss Tessa for me.”-said Tom. “Look Tom you should go home too.” “Anna, I told you I’m not leaving your side.”-they both smiled and so Anna continued driving. Tom put Red Hot Chili Peppers on and they sat in silence. The two sat in a comfortable silence where both of them felt good. Singing along to the songs of their newest album, Anna felt a glimmer of happiness. She got her best friend back.

[tenroseforeverandever]

Three Sentence Meme / First Lines Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (or however many you have altogether). See if there are any patterns. Then, tag your favorite authors.

I was tagged by @chocolatequeennk and @doctor-who-hears-a-horton

Thanks so much, ladies. Here we go! 20 of them? Really?

Home for the Holidays (Ten x Rose; Runaway Bride rewrite with Rose; Doomsday fixit; WIP; *** the next chapter should be up later today!)

The Doctor had tried to send her away. It had been consuming Rose’s thoughts for the last month. He had tried to send her away… again.  She might have been able to buy the fact that he had just been thinking of her safety, but really, she figured it had more to do with making it easy for himself.

Untitled (52) (Ten x Rose; drabble; hurt, no comfort)

“Weeell… it’s only a very slight possibility. Genetic compatibility and all…” Those had been his exact words. And wasn’t that just like the two of them, spectacularly defying the odds?

That Treasured Sound (Twelve x Rose; Nostalgia)

The Doctor whirled around at the sound of the laugh. It was more youthful than the laugh that clung in his memories, but just as unaffected, just as natural, and just as lovely as it had been to his ears so many, many years ago.

Forgotten (Ten x Rose; heavy angst)

Wotchah, Doctah! Rose’s cheerful voice resounded through the console room, a mobile message from the past, forgotten in the aftermath of battle.

Untitled (51) (Ten x Rose; drabble)

Arms folded across her chest, Rose watched the Prindurian princess lean across the TARDIS console, flashing the Doctor a bright grin, and spouting a string of technical gibberish.

The Cupid’s Arrow (revised edition)  (Nine x Rose; Valentine’s Day)

“Honestly, Rose! The things I do for you! Your Nan’s birthday!” the Doctor whinged.

Untitled (50) (Ten x Rose; drabble; smut)

The Doctor crouched, hiding from the guards in the tiny cupboard, spooning Rose as she hunkered between his knees, her arousal thick in the air. Excitement and danger, the need for silence, always turned her on.

Untitled (49) (Ten x Rose; drabble; more smut)

“But I mean, Rose, the Big O!” the Doctor scoffed. “Bit of a rubbish description, that!”

Untitled (48): Moments Made Immortal (Tentoo x Rose; baby fic; titled untitled LOL)

Rose was tugged from slumber by soft murmurs from the nursery. Wrapping herself in her dressing gown, she stole from the bedroom and leaned against the nursery doorway to watch as the Doctor rocked their son back to sleep.

Little Madam (Tentoo x Rose; OC Hope Tyler-Noble; kid fic)

“Hope, sweetheart,” Rose sighed stoically at her five-year old daughter, “I don’t think Daddy would really appreciate you usin’ his tools for one of your projects…”

Dreaming of a White Cheddar: A Fondoodler™  Fantasy  (Tentoo x Rose; Christmas fic; eventual smut)

Walking down a busy London street on Christmas Eve, Rose Tyler congratulated herself. She had never had any problem choosing gifts for the Doctor. Big things, small things: they were all greeted with equal enthusiasm, and he loved them all. But this year, she had managed to sneak a very rare piece of alien tech out of Torchwood before the Doctor had even had a chance to get wind of it, never mind catalogue it.

A Fashionable Rescue (Ten x Rose; Jack Harkness; and two OCs (some fashionable daleks); silliness and crack; a gift for my son (he and my daughter created the dalek characters originally, and he wrote a fanfic about them. This is the sequel))

Becky wheeled into the TARDIS console room, her plunger and gun stalk, waving in agitation. “Maddie!”  She spun her dome around, searching for her sister. Spotting her on the far side of the console, she rotated her body and rushed toward her, her pink, satin gown flowing behind her. “I am getting worried, Maddie! They have been gone too long! Something must have happened.”

Untitled (47) (Ten x Rose; drabble; a little smutty)

The Doctor’s jaw dropped as Rose strolled into the console room. It wasn’t just her tiny bikini top that had him looking… weeell, trying not to look, to be honest.

Fur and Crushed Velvet (Tentoo x Rose; Hallowe’en; smut; very cheesy!)

“I vaaant to suuuuuck your blooood.”  The Doctor’s breath ghosted over Rose’s neck, sending a delightful shiver down her spine.

Untitled (46) (Tentoo x Rose; OC, CHarlotte (Charlie) Tyler-Noble; drabble)

“This won’t hurt, love. Promise.” The Doctor tugged Charlie’s hand from her swollen cheek, persuading her to let him examine her injury.

Untitled (45) (Ten x Rose; hurt, no comfort; drabble)

The TARDIS corridors chime with ephemeral echoes of golden laughter and tart remarks. Pink, tongue-touched smiles and flashes of yellow hair taunt from the fringes of his vision, darkening into shadows when he turns to follow.

Untitled (44) (Tentoo x Rose; Ten x Rose; drabble; Journey’s End)

As the TARDIS landed, the Doctor moved toward the door. He turned to look at Jackie. “Home.” The implication of that word settled in his single, throbbing heart, as he swung the door wide.

Blind Date (Ten x Rose; Pete’s World; reunion fic)

“Dad, nooooo! Please. Get someone else to do it, yeah? Dad? DAD? DAD? Fuck!” 

Untitled (43) (Tentoo x Rose; drabble)

At the Doctor’s urging, Rose lays her head in his lap. Feelings of shame and indignation over her formal reprimand slowly melt away as his fingers slip through the strands of her hair, massaging her scalp with gentle pressure, unconditional love seeping through with every touch.

Untitled (42) (Doctor x Rose; drabble)

He had been broken, chasing oblivion, when she had blundered into his life. From the moment she had taken his hand, her light had begun to mend his soul, and restore his will to live.

A Fantastic Life (Nine x Rose; Doctor x Rose; OCs, Hope and Charlie Tyler-Noble; kid fic; sappy and sentimental goodness!)

***This one is number 21, actually, but I really wanted to include it here. It is very special to me.

The Doctor staggered back into the TARDIS with Rose cradled in his arms. He had only minutes left. Already he could feel the burning tendrils of the Vortex twist and tear through his body, and in their wake, his devastated cells began to regenerate, setting his body on fire. It was all too much, too fast. But there had been no other way.

Patterns to my writing: I like to get right into the story, bring up the dilemma/problem right away, hook people in... Well, that’s the idea, anyway. In keeping with this idea, it seems I often start with dialogue and generally introduce the characters right away, rather than describing a setting.

I am tagging a few brilliant authors: @jellyneau-xo; @timeladyofthesith; @lizann5869; and @caedmonfaith

[imsfire2]

40, 42, 44, 46 for fanfic writers meme

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

OOHH any of them, honestly! 

Actually, if I could snap my fingers and have this happen, my first choices would be some of my orginal fic; The Eternal Love of Gabriel Yeats, or The Healers, or perhaps The Secret Country.  But those names won’t mean anything to most of you as they’re all unpublished!

If it had to be a fanfic (& all the necessary problems could be overcome) then probably Goin’ to California, which I wrote a few years ago for a fairly obsure fandom, or Running, which I think is probably the best of my Rogue One stories.

42. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

A bit of both, to be honest.  I like to have a rough plan, to sort out the overall arc of a story and make sure I know roughly where everyone is going.  But it’s quite common for details to change in the writing, sometimes drastically, so I like to leave a lot open for change as I write and let the story and characters take their own road.

44. do you write linear or do you write future scenes if you feel like it?

I’ve done both, and although I feel linear is more logical, really whatever works is all that matters.  If the best way in to something is to write chapter 8 first then write bally chapter 8 first; get your blood up, get so you want to die for your protagonists, get it flowing - and then keep going from there.

46. share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet

Happy to; meet Javián Cuauhtémoc Sanchez, the hero of my new original story “The Bargain of Liberty” (no prizes for guessing where he came from!)

In a room lit by wide open windows a young man sits at abench, with a jewellers’ glass in his eye. Spread out before him on a piece of black silk are a dozen or more rawgems, crimson and vivid green, and a set of fine-measuring tools. 

There is a small garden outside, where a thrush sings In pearblossom; and above the rooftops, masts can be seen along the Thames.

The young man is holding an emerald between the points of apair of tweezers.  He turns it slowly,letting the spring sunlight fill it, bright as the grass beneath the peartree.  He examines the stone from eachangle, slowly and with the greatest care, verifying its flawlessness, decidingwhere and how it can best be cut.  In theintense magnification of the jewellers’ lens, his eye gleams like another gem,rich brown and full of light.

Thank you for asking!

[dailyaudiobible]

05/19/2017 DAB Transcript

1 Samuel 24:1-25:44 ~ John 10:22-42 ~ Psalm 116:1-19 ~ Proverbs 15:20-21

Today is May 19th.  Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible.  I'm Brian. It's great to be here with you today and every day as we continue forward in this amazing adventure that is the Bible.  So one of the dramas that we have ourselves deeply involved in right now is the one between Israel's first king Saul and this guy that has become a national war hero by killing Goliath, David, and all of the goings on between them.  So we’ll continue with that story from the Names of God Bible, which is what we’re reading this week, 1 Samuel chapter 24, verse 1 through 25:44 today.  

Commentary

Okay, so a lot happened in our reading today.  A king was spared.  A prophet died.  A wife was gained.  A God was rejected.  

Okay, so David and his men are hiding in Engedi, which is an oasis of fresh water that flows down into the Dead Sea.  It's down in the desert right by the Dead Sea.  It still exists today.  Every time that we make the trek to the land of the Bible this is one of the places that we’ll go.  It's fascinating because not only is it an oasis of fresh water, a beautiful life-giving place in the middle of the desert, the caves are all around there.  That entire mountain, I wouldn’t call it a range, but the mountains that begin to slope themselves up to Jerusalem, they slope themselves down to the Dead Sea because the Dead Sea is the lowest point on earth so everything is up from there.  These hills and mountains, they wind their way up to Jerusalem, but the front-facing ones to the Dead Sea, if I'm not confusing you, are dotted with caves all along there.  Several miles from Engedi to the north is where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found, in these caves.  There are caves everywhere.  David was using this, I wouldn’t call it a cave system because they are not interconnected, but these caves, he was using them to hide.  Saul had 3000 of his elite warriors after this one guy, trying to find which cave he is in when Saul has to go potty.  

Several years ago when I was in Africa visiting this school, the bishop that was in charge of the school was showing how their agriculture works and how they use some of their school day to farm some land that belongs to the school to create food for the kids that go to the school.  Part of that strategy was the collection of the bathroom activities. So they were using all of the human waste to be as fertilizer.  Those giant 5-gallon yellow water containers that look like giant gasoline containers you may have seen in documentaries or films or whatever, those big ones that women would have to continue to carry to get fresh water or semi fresh water, they had those and they would fill those up with urine and everything would be collected on the floor and stirred with straw and they would make all this.  The bishop would be like, “This is the liquid that we use.  This is the solid that we use.”  

And so Saul needs to do a solid, or as my kids would say, Saul needed to go into that cave and drop a deuce.  And that seems to be what he did because it would have been pretty hard for David to cut off the corner of his robe if he wasn’t preoccupied otherwise, if he was just kind of standing there.  And since he's with other guys, he wouldn’t have gone into a cave if he was just standing there, so he's got other business and he's doing that business and David sneaks up and cuts the corner of his robe off and then is able to come out and wave it in front of him.  

You can just imagine all the things that are going through Saul's mind while David is calling down from the caves that he just left his business in and the king is kind of humiliated.  But beyond humiliated, he's humbled.  I mean, all of this obsession trying to kill this David who hasn’t done anything to get killed over, like hasn’t done anything unfaithful to the king or the kingdom at all, is just kind of exposed.  Saul could be dead.  David could have just finished him off mid-business and that would have been quite a legendary story to go forward into the history of the Israelites.  But David was telling a better story.  David was telling a story of faithfulness.  David wasn’t going to raise his hand against anyone who God had anointed.  If he was to be king someday, he wanted that same kind of treatment.  If he was not to be king someday, then he should see himself for who he was, just a man on the run for no reason, but he's not going to kill anybody.  He is not going to do away with his enemy, the king, because this is God's anointed leader of his people.

So that conversation that happens humbles Saul, but we have to keep watching Saul because he is very unpredictable.  He is very unstable.  His obsession with people pleasing and just out of control insecurity is just ruining him.

And then the next thing we know, with little fanfare, Samuel who we’ve been following since before he was even born when his mom Hannah was crying out to God at Shiloh, it's happened fast but we’ve moved through Samuel's life and Samuel anointed Saul and Samuel anointed David, Samuel died today.  

Immediately after that is the incident with Nabal and Abigail and David. We don’t have to retell the story, David comes down a mountain path with vengeance on his mind with his men.  He's going to do away with this Nabal and, almost like an apparition, there is this beautiful woman on a camel coming toward him. That gets his attention pretty quickly. He's been hanging out with all the boys in caves for a long time, so she has his attention.  And he doesn’t forget her.  Just a mere couple weeks later she becomes his wife.  And that is where we leave the Old Testament.

When we get into the book of John, you can see why people were saying what they were saying.  “If you're the Messiah, tell us plainly.  How long will you keep us in suspense?”  They are looking for a direct confirmation from Jesus’ mouth that he is the one because they are ready to follow him.  They have a very, very specific idea of what following the Messiah will look like.  It will be war.  It will be revolt.  It will be battle.  It will be hard, but God will deliver them.  That is the whole complete expectation.  So they are like, enough of all of this teaching.  Enough of all of this talking in parables and riddles trying to make us understand something.  Are you or are you not the Messiah?  In other words, we are rejecting outright everything you’ve been telling us.  Are you the one we expect or not?  

He is – he is just not what they expect.  They have this absolute ironclad idea of what this Messiah is going to do. Although Jesus is that person and although he is doing exactly all those things, they are in completely counterintuitive ways.  He is showing them how to live.  He is giving them the path that leads to life.  He is showing them what it looks like and explaining the whole situation and they are missing it completely.  They are like, just tell us straight up, Dude.  Tell us straight up.  Are you the guy or not?

And Jesus answers clearly, I already have.  I’ve already told you.  I’ve told you lots of times but you don’t believe me.  You keep coming to me for a different answer to the same question.

All of a sudden that starts sounding very familiar in our lives. That starts sounding like the kinds of things we do.  Here's Jesus saying, look, my sheep, they know my voice.  They follow me.  They respond to me.  I also know who they are.  They follow me.  I give them life.  They will never be lost.  No one will ever tear them away from me.  My Father who gave them to me, he is greater than everyone and no one can tear them away from the Father and I and the Father are one.  Beautiful, hopeful words.  A beautiful direct answer to a direct question -- are you the one?  He is saying very clearly I am, but I may not be your one because my sheep know my voice and they follow me.  And the next thing you know, they want to stone Jesus to death.  

This comes down to one of the central questions I was trying to write about when I wrote Reframe.  Is God allowed to come as he is or have we created him in our image through all of our assumptions about what he does and doesn’t do and how he goes about that business? Jesus is giving a clear answer to a straight question.  It is just not the answer they want.  We need to consider that we do the same kinds of stuff.  

Prayer

Father, we thank you for another day in your Word and a lot of stuff happened in your Word, but we invite your Holy Spirit into this:  What are the ways that you’re being responsive to us?  It's just different than what we expect or what we wanted and so we can’t disentangle you from our assumptions of who you are. Today we come into your presence just inviting you.  Forgive us for doing that, for not letting you come as you are.  You let us come as we are.  You let us come as we are all of the time.  We need enormous amounts of mercy every day.  We need your grace every day.  You let us come as we are.  We just don’t reciprocate.  Very often we’re looking for something specific.  We’re trying to guide it.  We’re trying to control it.  We’re trying to control the relationship.  We’re trying to figure out the levers and buttons to push when that is just not how it works.  So we invite you as you are fully within and around us.  We want to be in your presence, not some caricature that we’ve made up.  We want you, your presence, your Holy Spirit in our lives today.  So come Holy Spirit, we ask in Jesus’ name, amen.  

Announcements

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible in the mission that we share to build community around the rhythm of the scripture in our lives every single day, if that has been life-giving to you, then thank you for helping us continue to stay here and be here.  Thank you.  There is a link.  It is on the home page of www.DailyAudioBible.com.  If you’re using the app, you can press the More button in the lower right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996, Spring Hill, TN 37174.

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And that’s it for today.  I'm Brian. I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Requests and Praise Reports

Hi, this is Joyful from Tennessee.  I was just calling for Christy in Kentucky.  I wanted to call.  I heard your message and I'm so sorry about your mom.  I know that was probably a difficult Mother's Day as you were saying.  I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  But I wanted to encourage you because I work in a line of work that I see death every time I come to work.  I see suffering and I see end of life every time I come to work and it was always really hard until the Lord started to show me that even in those moments when our loved ones, when these people that we cherish suffer, even when their bodies are shutting down, Jesus Christ is there ushering them into his presence. Even as their bodies shut down and their bodies are failing, he shows me that he is there ushering their spirits to him. I believe that with all of my heart. I see it all the time and it is so hard to look at suffering and say why God?  Why?  But there is nothing that we can go through on this earth that Jesus Christ himself did not endure as well.  So I can’t imagine the suffering that he went through physically on the cross, but not only that, his soul suffered too because he had to face death and then rise victorious.  But he faced death alone.  He faced death away from the Lord, away from God.  We…

Hey DAB family.  This is Matthew in Springfield, MO.  I just heard the May 9th episode, a little behind, and I wanted to call and talk to I didn’t know if your name was Chad or Chet from Virginia Tech with your philosophy major.  I want to say well done, Brother.  I think that is an awesome way to use your mind and your time in college.  I majored in art, but I’ve always been a student of philosophy.  I wanted to give you the most encouraging thing I know of to keep in mind as you butt your head against the best arguments mankind has against God which is that your faith in God is not like an argument that should compel you to believe in God.  It's not something that takes away your freedom and forces you to believe the way science and philosophy sometimes talk, that we can know something with absolute certainty, be absolutely certain about something.  We can’t.  We’re just people.  What instead your faith in God is like is like marriage.  You're in love with God, Chad/Chet.  You’re in love with him and you’ve committed to him, so why would you listen to an argument against your wife?  Why would you listen to any argument that says, you know, your wife is cheating on you or stuff like that?  I mean, you might think about it, you might investigate it, but you’re not going to just oh, forget about God just from one argument or something like that. So keep in mind you’ve made a commitment and you should be strong to that commitment.  If you find really amazingly good reasons to turn your back on God, I suppose that is what you have to do.  That is what the world tells you, at least.  But I'm telling you that you’ve made an amazing commitment to God and you should keep it.  Alright, my time is up.  Take care. Redafro7@hotmail.com is my email.  Take care.  

Hi family.  This is Salvation is Mine in San Leandro, CA.  Today is Tuesday, May 16, 2017.  Please pray with me for Christy from Kentucky and her family.  As many of you know, her mother passed away recently.  So let's lift our sister up with prayer, so please pray with me.  Dear Heavenly Father, we come before you right now lifting up our sister Christy from Kentucky and her family in prayer in the passing of her dear mother.  Dear Lord, there is so much grief and so much pain in their hearts right now for this passing, but you know their pain and their struggle right now.  Help them to accept what has happened and know that their blessed mother is in a better place and she is with you and she is whole again and she is having the best time but missing her family.  Dear Lord, we know their hearts are heavy but we know that you are a healer of all things. We know that everyone grieves differently and grieves in their own time. Let them go through this process, Lord God, with as little pain as possible.  Hold them up.  Bless them.  Keep their hearts safe and that their grief will diminish but not the love that they have for their dear mother, that it will never be forgotten and that they know that their mother still loves them and they still love her.  And let there be happy memories flooding their hearts and their minds, Lord God, through this tragedy and time.  In Jesus’ name, amen.  Thank you family for praying with me for our dear sister Christy.  Please send her love to her DAB page and to her personal Facebook page.  Thank you, God, for everything that you do for…

Good afternoon Daily Audio Bible.  This is Lee from New Jersey.  I just got through listening…well, I'm still listening to it, but I'm listening to Candace from Oregon.  Candace, my sister, your voice is just beautiful.  I’ve told you that a few times.  This time specifically…I mean, I'm driving home.  Today is May 15th.  I'm driving home, so as I'm driving down the parkway, it's sort of a cloudy day, but at the moment that I started listening to Candace sing in that recording, the sun came out and the experience of the Holy Spirit at that moment through the song, through the sunlight just completely slowed down.  It is really hard to explain, but you have your moments.  A lot of pastors and priests have explained it.  You experience the Holy Spirit at a moment while shaving, while reading a book, while just doing anything.  This came as I was listening to the prayers on Saturday and Candace comes and she starts praying and she stats singing this song after her prayers and it just fit that moment with the sunlight.  The Holy Spirit came over me and the Holy Spirit was here.  Complete peace.  Complete calmness no matter what was going on.  The road, it was like everybody got hit with that because everything just calmed down.  Candace, my sister, I know that you have a lot going on and God bless you.  So I'm going to pray this, that God continues to bless you with that wonderful voice, that he continues to speak through you through your music.  

Hello Daily Audio Bible.  This is Jubilant Perseverance in Indonesia.  I am calling on my way into school to continue the trek of learning to teach technology in Indonesia.  That is a prayer call in and of itself.  But today I am calling to ask that you all would join me in praying as I prepare to move. We are able to move to different houses at the end of the school year, so I'm hoping to get a home that would be better for my physical health since I have some mold allergies and, of course, living in the tropics, mold is very, very prevalent, so please pray with me that we will have success in finding the right home within the price range for a teacher.  Also, I’ll be preparing to travel to hopefully see family at home after the school year is over in a few weeks and if you would pray with me, I am going to try to visit some doctors on the way home and see if they can help me with the medical issues I was mentioning I think about a month, month and a half ago that I still haven’t really found the reason, the cause behind the symptoms.  So please join me in praying about those things.  I will continue to pray for you all.  Have a wonderful week.  Hope to hear from you soon.  Bye-bye.