#kdj is the sole reader of a novel yjh is in

[briebysabs]

I’ve been deliberating for a couple days now and have decided to discuss in-depth about Kim Dokja and the tendencies of putting his life on the line. For most of the novel, I was split on whether I should view KDJ as a self-sacrificial bastard or a suicidal character. And by the end, I’ve reached the conclusion that he is both.

Before I elaborate further, it should be noted that while we all meme about KDJ’s dying count, he actually isn’t that careless with his life. What I mean is he sacrifices himself usually as a last resort, plans A to F didn’t work and it’s the only option left to hope for kimcom’s safety-ditch effort. Usually. We’ll circle back to that when we bring up OD. But his sacrifices are always done as granting his companions salvation, utterly blind to how they feel about it. But to understand his constant need to do this you have to first start with where he learned how to love. Lee Sookyoung’s love was sacrificial, she’d take the brunt of her husband’s rage to shield KDJ, she’d take on blame for his death and be incarcerated for years so Kim Dokja won’t discover the truth. All of this, in my opinion, unbeknownst to KDJ, imprinted onto him this interpretation of love. As nobody else until the scenarios began had loved him (Yes HSY technically but he doesn’t know that). Which gives the irony that multiple characters KDJ resent in the story such as Kim Namwoon, his mother, the constellations are ultimately revealed to be reflections of himself.

Another component to his self-sacrificing is “Kim Dokja the reader”. I’m not going to dive deep into how orv interweaves dissociation and escapism into its narrative, I’ll do that some other day. But KDJ views himself as the reader, an outsider, the sole member in the audience watching the story unfold before him. Yes he grants commentary, the players notice and acknowledge his existence, but he isn’t part of the play. So if he decides to step out of the auditorium for a while, if he decides to leave a bookmark where he left off and close the book, nothing should change. The story will continue in his absence, the characters cannot possibly miss him because Kim Dokja was not a character. He was not part of their world so even if he’s gone, the ending will still happen. And that is something I want to stress here.

KDJ says “he wants to see a certain story’s epilogue”. Specific choice of words, “see”. He doesn’t say he’ll be part of it,that he’ll be with them, or any close variation of those phrases.

This is where I want to diverge to talk about KDJ's suicidality. You can say “Ok then, KDJ has a clear goal in mind to reach the ending he desires. Yes he may feel the need to step out of the story every now and then, but he does so reluctantly. So obviously, he doesn’t want to die.” And you wouldn’t be wrong really but that simplifies it to an overwhelming degree. That’s how I initially thought of it until I realized how complicated it actually is. Because most people who deal with suicidal thoughts aren’t searching for death but rather feel there’s no other choice. It often isn’t as clear cut as 1863 YJH who, anyone that read this arc will say with certainty that he was suicidal. Yes KDJ isn’t chanting in his mind over and over that he wants to die but why does he want to live? To see the proper ending of a web novel that stopped him from attempting again to begin with. Over the course of orv he finds people he loves and who love him back deeply. People he longs to live for but despite that because of the disconnect between them, his self-loathing, accompanied with what I said before, believing he has no other way out of these threatening situations. Yeah it’s to save his companions but in the end Kim Dokja still feels the need to die. Even if you do not see KDJ as a suicidal character, it is undeniable that so much revolving him, the impact it has on those who care for him, and the visceral descriptions used to convey their thoughts, is a direct metaphor for that.

Or in a few cases, straight up what’s going on and now we arrive at what I think was the final straw for Kim Dokja. Meeting the Oldest Dream. For me, this is THE scene of orv. The biggest twist and what finally irreparably broke KDJ. Prior to this, Kim Dokja had become the “Enemy of the story” but it was unlike his previous dances with death. This time he truly had no intention of dying, he wants to be a part of the ending with his companions, he understands now that his sacrifices do hurt them. That according to him “I, someone of no redeeming quality, could be loved by the others.” That he is a character and that just maybe, he does deserve to live happily ever after with them. And then Kim Dokja meets a 15-year old boy with the same face as his, doodling in a notebook his ideas for Ways of Survival and a notification tells him to ‘Please end the Oldest Dream’. All of that progress is shattered in an instant.

KDJ tries to excuse himself by recalling his promise to SP to kill OD but we all know if that was any other kid, he would not have tried to kill them. He would’ve hesitated much more, he’d look for a loophole, he would’ve tried talking which is his biggest strength for every corner he gets into. Killing them would not be the first option but now it is. Because this isn’t an instance of sacrifice anymore, KDJ is sick of himself. OD is a presence that confirms KDJ’s worst fears. That he’s meant to be weak and pitiful and alone, that he was always an outsider, that he unintentionally causes pain and misfortune to people he loves, that everyone would be perfectly fine and better even without him. And Kim Dokja is the physical manifestation of them: a monster. And there’s only one way to get rid of this monster.

The chain of events from him swinging his sword at OD, trying to stab himself with the blade only for YJH to stop it desperately with his hand, everyone restraining and begging him to stop, KDJ crying and screaming for SP + the other Outer Gods to kill OD. Everyone else is forgiving him and KDJ is only thinking of getting a blade.

This is Kim Dokja’s relapse. It’s real, it’s harrowing, and he never recovers from it. He reaches the conclusion that he has to be alone, it’s his atonement, it's what he deserves. So he splits himself 49-51. I interpreted this when I first read it as presenting 49% of what you believe people want to see. More real than a facade but it’s not the true you. The true, fucked up version of who you are is trapped in a prison of your making, trapped in a darkness you feel you don’t deserve to escape. Which is why it’s so powerful that KimCom went after that 51%. They didn’t want just their version of KDJ, they wanted everything KDJ is including the larger side of him that he wishes didn’t exist. But the plan fails, they managed to turn that full stop into a comma but they couldn’t save KDJ. Because you can’t drag someone out of that train, out of that mentality, you can’t force someone to love themself. All you can do is reach out to any corner, every worldline you can and let them know you’ll always love them. That you’ll always love every aspect of their story and hope that perhaps one day, they’ll accept your hand and believe it.

[ID: Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint art by Blackbox: first of Kim DOkja smiling, seen through a space in a bookshelf, and second of astronaut Yoo Joonghyuk floating upside down as letters float around him. End ID]

[orviposition]

one of the many things i hate orv for is making me be so dependant on yoo joonghyuk getting a happy ending— it's all kim dokja's fault i swear i wish for it so bad. the thought of this man not being able to be at peace and happy in a world where his friends and family are there without the scenarios, makes me mad with a grief i didnt know i was capable of feeling for a 'character' 🥲

(what's also funny is that yoo joonghyuk's happy ending, where his friends and family are happy and well, kim dokja is also there standing besides them. But kim dokja cannot even imagine a world where he can be together with them without 'failing' and atoning. 💀✌️) a happy ending for yoo joonghyuk would be one with you as well kim dokja you fool

aughh anon the entire content of this ask has been on my mind for months. do we have some sort of a mind link be honest. also this will have spoilers for epilogue and side story below

aghh kdj wishing for and working so hard for yjh's happiness truthfully translated into us wishing for the happiness of that sunfish too I'd say. 1863 abandoned lives and worlds existing solely to meet his sponsor and find the reason he exists, which is also linked to said sponsor, made him feel liberated and at peace. a feeling which only kdj, said sponsor, took issue with. his guilt is so huge, so strong, he cannot fathom that yjh will not resent him after having his tragedy be used as someone's sustenance.

after kdj split himself into 51 and 49 in order to atone and sustain the world in which yjh and the rest of kimcom will continue to live, he'd already started imagining how their lives would be. 49 and yjh would search for tls123, 49 would read hsy's novel, 49 would attend ljh's graduation etc. what he didnt count for was kimcom regressing to get him back.

after the group regression, yjh says that his story has already ended now that his reader is no longer there. some time later, astronaut yjh sets on a space journey to spread orv and piece kdj together except that he fully expected to die and the mission to fail because just like kdj had learned to live from him, yjh no longer knows how to live without kdj anymore. in fact before sp and 999 gang save him and biyoo appears yjh fully expects that his -- will be 'death' (as if kdj would allow that smh).

after nearly a hundred years he descends into lhh's worldline. i think most of us know that lhh is 49 kdj's reincarnation by now, what i didnt catch the first time around however was that yjh and lhh met right after lhh considered committing suicide (lee "i have no trauma" hakhyun is a fucking liar) but chickened out in the end

a few thousands more years pass and yjh returns to the 1864th worldline. he talks more, he smiles easier, he no longer cares what his -- will be. and hes let kdj choose for himself whether or not he wants to return. he has been kdj's reader for thousands of years, he Understands what it means to get the will to survive by reading someone's story.

and in the side story he wants to take that choice back. he'll bring kdj back himself. cuz hes obsessed. hsy failed so now is his turn. except that his turn hasnt started yet. so who knows.

anw tldr yeah you cannot divorce kdj from yjh's (happy) ending. if any number yjh hears abt kdj in whatever way shape or form he'll get curious abt him. 41, for example. even after excluding lhh, 41 got curious abt kdj. hsy shows him a happy memory of our yjh which included kdj and 41 fucking collapsed (i become more excited abt the side story the more it progresses) and lost consciousness. it was such a strong memory of kdj and kimcom eating yjh's cooking and kdj saying how he cooks so well and he should bring more beef next time that hsy described it as yjh dying from happiness. yjhs -- is kdj related in one way or another. kdj just has to Get It that yjh cannot be happy without him

[your--isgayrights]

another thing lsk does is consistently take away kdj's choice: declaring herself the murderer, writing the book, and then she literally locked him up and went off to kill the person that matters to him the most, like ma'am you had all that time in prison to reflect and you did jack with it. the nerve she had to not only be jealous of yjh but Hate him for?? being there for her son when she refused to??? i shudder to think what would've happened to kdj if she actually killed yjh

See this is what I'm saying though, LSK represents an aspect of narrative sense/reality that influences ORV as a work. The sense of "this is the way things have to be" which strips agency from the characters of a story. This aspect of fiction is then equated with "reality," LSK is both KDJ's real mother that connects him to his life before TWSA and a representation of Korean literature's ancien regime. It's significant that she's put opposite to YJH, whose story is one that appeals solely to Kim Dokja despite in all likelihood lacking any substantial literary merit. Webnovels that are unrealistic, too far out there, way too silly to be "real." Her need to assert "reality" over KDJ's affection for YJH stems from the fact that LSK has consistently used "reality" as the rationale behind the decisions she made that have hurt her son. But the thesis of ORV is then blurring the line between the real and the absurd, it's fanfiction about historical literature, it's a gritty apocalypse novel with an OP self-insert protagonist, it's a loser with no friends in real life being loved by fictional people as much as he loves fiction. Thus, I feel that in ORV's metanarrative the conflict between YJH and LSK represents the clashing literary worlds of time held classics and modern webnovels that may have each raised a reader in their own way.

[m2kdj-waist-connoisseur]

WHY CAN’T I LISTEN TO MUSIC WITHOUT IMAGINING THOSE TWO??

IT’S ALL JOONGDOK’s FAULT

anyway here’s what happens when music makes me think orv things

* Running up that hill (a deal with God)

This makes me think about the demon king arc where Kdj and Yjh fought over who would become the demon king. First thing that came to mind was how Kdj refused to let Yjh become the demon king now this might be because that rat bastard always has a plan and had to become the demon king for his plan but what if another reason is because Kdj couldn’t bear killing Yjh. Yjh’s story was the reason Kdj survived for so long. He kept reading his story for years (like 10? idr) and that motivated him to survive.

From thinking ‘what would yjh do?’as a kid and still thinking what would HIS protagonist do when the scenarios started. Now how could kdj bear to kill his protagonist, the one that brought moments of joy to his life, the one he grew up with, hell his reason (reason for what? that’s up to readers’ but I see yjh as one of kdj’s reasons to live). I think kdj would rather swap places with yjh if it gave yjh even the teeniest moment of relief because well he’s kdj’s (they’re life and death companions your honour).

Another thing this song makes my brain twerk about is yjh. Yjh wanted to become the demon king so kimcom would have to kill him right? Now this sounds a bit eh because he can regress and all but remember yjh told kdj that he could take their companions to the end of the scenarios.

Yjh cares about his companions so much he’s willing to sacrifice himself to save them even if it means he won’t be with them ( shoutout my puppy boy 999) Yjh wanted to swap places with kdj because he believed kdj was the one that could help their companions survive, he’s the one that could protect their companions and make it to the last scenario with them without losing anyone (someone give my boy a hug and some tea please).

Also what if yjh was tired of seeing kdj sacrifice himself (rat keeps dying and damn) and wanted to protect him, to help him see he doesn’t need to keep sacrificing himself and what better way than to sacrifice yourself?? Yjh willing to swap places with kdj to protect him, to put a rest to his endless sacrifices, as a form of companionship (get you a companion that goes through mind breaking scenarios for you).

Honourable mention to Sp btw. I’ve not gotten here in the novel but I’ve seen the ‘why him not me’ line enough that I can’t ignore it. Sp who wonders why kdj chose yjh of the 3rd round instead of him, the yjh kdj grew up with (is he? I got this info from twitter so I’m not 100% sure and I’m not done reading).

I believe sp wants to be by kdj’s side (man’s got a book filled with all kdj’s comments my guy) and with that desire to be by the one that’s been with you from the very beginning (I’m referring to kdj being by the sole reader of twsa and basically experiencing the scenarios as a reader)

I like to imagine if sp had the chance, he’d swap places with yjh (GO FULL ON SCARLET WITCH BABES) I know I’d sure want to switch places cause damn this is the person that’s loved me and stood by me even when I was just a webnovel. This person looks up to me when in trouble and cherishes me to the point of sacrifice now why in hell wouldn’t I want to be by their side??

Anywho that’s enough for this song. Bear with me while I joongdoktify everything I see and hear :)

[hajidumps]

everytime i think of ORV my mind just blanks out its a mind fuckery

[weirdsht]

So…hi! I really like your writing, it’s incredible! I believe your request is open! I actually have a two things in my mind so you can choose which one to write

headcanon with our trio! What will they do if they hear s/o’s death but then boom! S/o is alive but not healthy, just injured

Then there’s fic idea, Dokja just being fanboy about Joonghyuk and his s/o(not Lee Seolhwa)

You can ignore this one, or please tell me if something is uncomfortable for you to write!

Live Admiration

a/n: thank you for enjoying what I write and for requesting! I wrote the second one because I'm not sure if you meant the orv trio in your first one I'm not really known for orv fics so please confirm because I also want to write your first idea hehe

tags: 5+1 fic, gn reader, jhy/reader, kdj&reader, kdj&hsy, kdy&sangah, established relationship for most of the fic (except the first part), bully fourth wall, overprotective yjh, mentions of harassment, mentions of self-sacrifice and possible death, possible ooc, Dokja being the massive fanboy that he is, hsy's poor battered shoulder, a nearly one page worth of possible angst monologue from reader at the end

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it

Requests are open and welcomed

Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333

Navigation Masterlist

As the sole remaining reader of TWSA, Dokja is the most knowledgeable about everything related to the novel. That of course includes Yoo Joonghyuk’s relationships. While the protagonist even went as far as having children with Lee Seolhwa during the second regression, Joonghyuk had mostly been with _____ for most of the regressions after that.

Of course it’s not all regressions, sometimes they end up as enemies or sometimes they just have a sibling-like relationship. But those things don't stop Kim Dokja from admiring the couple and hoping they’ll end up together once a new regression starts.

That’s why even with the fourth wall’s help there are still moments where Kim Dokja can’t hide his feelings. Especially when it comes to seeing the duo he loves so much, and sometimes his admiration gets the best of him during the worst times. Like for example right now.

“Kim Dokja hurry up if you don’t want to get in my way.”

“Leave Kim Dokja alone you caveman! He isn’t even bothering you. Stop being a baby and focus on the enemies on your side.”

Dokja snapped back to reality the moment Joonghyuk snapped at him again. Oh right, they were in the middle of fighting off mobs. His goal was to meet and help _____ and get them and Joonghyuk acquainted. But the moment the reader saw the two fighting back to back, he just short circuited and went on autopilot.

‘_____ has always been so kind I don’t even know why they’re with Joonghyuk. They do look good together though.’

It was the first time they’ve met but _____ is already defending Dokja and checking in on him. That made Dokja admire them more.

“Are you alright? You don’t have a scratch or anything right? I heard those monsters' fluids are quite dangerous if they come into contact with an open wound…”

From the corner of his eyes, Dokja can see the black haired protagonist have a soft look in his eyes as _____ fuss over him. The survivor is in worse shape for they had been fighting the monsters for longer but they still went ahead and checked on Dokja instead. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine. What about you Joonghyuk?”

“Aish don’t mind that buff dude, he clearly has steel for body. Sadly it seems like he also has a steel for his personality.”

Though they say that, the two males can still see eyes carefully scanning Joonghyuk’s body to check for any abnormalities. With this, Dokja can’t help but chuckle a little. Their dynamic has always been like this, that’s why he can’t get tired of them.

But he suppose he has to keep his admiration in check a little.

~+~+~+~+~

Keeping his admiration, a more respectful term of what his doing, is harder than he thought. He can’t help it when he's finally seeing the duo’s, who recently became a couple, chemistry together.

“What do you want to eat?”

Even though Joonghyuk was grumbling when he said that, everyone in the room can see that he’ll cook anything _____ asks for. Even if they demanded a dish that can rival a 3 Michelin star restaurant. 

“I’m fine with anything! Everything you cook is super delicious!”

That got the grumbling Joonghyuk to grumble further as he looked through the pantry. Though the determination of fire to impress is very evident in his eyes. _____ merely laugh at the man grumbling at their indecisiveness while saying;

“Love you! He he”

Dokja bearing witness to everything once again can’t help but turn mush. 

“I can’t believe this is happening right in front of my eyes. The couple that can slap everyone else at least twice in terms visuals is right before my eyes acting lovey dovey”

Not quite understanding him because he was whispering to himself, Han Sooyoung looked at him weirdly before asking to clarify what he said. After denying to saying anything, the writer started to gather her food.

“Can’t believe they’re doing this in front of my eyes, I’m out. You also better get out before you get swarmed with ants.”

With that Han Sooyoung left the table after glancing at the sweet couple one last time. Dokja can agree that the couple is very sweet. Acting as if they’re in the middle of their honeymoon despite the apocalypse. It also helped Joonghyuk’s temper, he isn’t as quiet and when he regresses back to his tendency to act solo, _____ is there to keep him in check and remind him that he isn’t alone anymore.

Despite wanting to keep the warm scene before him, Dokja knows that it’s better to leave the two alone. The two need as much privacy they can get for that’s quite hard to achieve during these times. Plus Dokja was sure he’ll only bother them by staying and watching.

~+~+~+~+~

As more time passes by, almost everyone from Kim Dokja’s Company can see how much the Demon King of Salvation adores the couple of the nebula. Well everyone aside from the couple in question.

Every news about the couple, Dokja is always the first one to know. Any time someone bashes the two, Dokja is there defending the couple like his life depends on it. Kim Dokja is, for the lack of better word, the biggest fanboy of not only their nebula, but probably the whole of Korea’s power couple.

“Will you stop that, I’m gonna tattle to Seolhwa if I get a bruise”

Retreating his hand quickly, Dokja didn’t even notice he was slapping Sooyoung’s shoulder while covering his mouth.

“I can see that annoying anime filter sparkle in your eyes. You look like a paparazzi”

[she ’s right y ou know]

The demon king’s mood instantly dropped at the two ganging up on him. But that doesn’t stop him from watching the playback clip of Joonghyuk and _____ fighting back to back. He can’t take his eyes off the screen. 

It’s not just because he has been a fan of them from the beginning. Han Sooyoung too, despite her earlier comments, can be seen intently watching the clip. There’s really just something about the two that will draw you in, especially watching them fight.

The way they move as if they can read each other’s mind. The way one supplements what the other one is lacking. The way they move as if they’re dancing together in the middle of bloodshed.

A beautiful image if Kim Dokja has to say so himself.

‘What I would give to be able to watch this properly in person’

[Kim Dok ja is so lone ly he ad mire s other peo ple’s rela tion ship]

‘Shut up’

~+~+~+~+~

Despite the Kim Dokja’s Company nebula already establishing Kim Dokja as their nebula’s version of Uriel, Yoo Sangah didn’t know just how deep the constellation’s admiration ran.

“Did you know what’s the most interesting thing I saw inside the library?”

“I’m scared to find out but continue…”

“There were two whole layers in one shelf that’s just dedicated about Joonghyuk and ____, and your admiration for them.”

That made the poor demon king bright red. He's pretty self-aware about his admiration, but to hear the extent of it from someone else is different. It’s more embarrassing.

Sangah chuckled after seeing the man’s flushed face. She doesn't necessarily enjoy teasing his co-worker. Rather, she enjoys short moments like this where both of them can let their guard down and just talk about anything.

But that doesn't stop her from slipping some jokes here and there about Dokja’s fanboy tendency just to see him embarrassed. 

~+~+~+~+~

Once again, the poor shoulder’s of Han Sooyoung is the object of Kim Dokja’s harassment.

“Stop, stop. Quiet down unless you want that oaf to notice us watching and kill us instead.”

The author and writer duo are trying to discreetly the spicy scenario while hiding behind the door of the convention hall. Well, as discreetly as they can with Dokja slapping Sooyoung’s shoulder out of excitement.

Said scene the two are watching is basically Joonghyuk on the brink of snapping a poor man’s wrist. The man, who deserves whatever’s coming for him as Dokja and Sooyoung agreed earlier, was harassing _____ and kept on trying to force them to go on a date with him. 

“I kept trying to tell you I have a boyfriend. You must’ve been living under a rock to not know that.”

Joonghyuk knows _____ can take care and defend themself just fine. Everyone knows just how powerful the incarnation is both in terms of power and personality. Still as their significant other, the Supreme King has a duty of protecting them. Sure he knows they like to be independent and he’ll give them that, but there are moments like this that he feels the need to step up and help.

This mindset of Joonghyuk is what keeps Dokja going. What makes Dokja think that they really are the ultimate couple.

Hence why he can’t help but slap the abyssal black flame dragon’s incarnation’s shoulder a few more times.

“Joonghyuk let’s go, that dirt isn’t worth a speck of our precious time. Plus you promised to make gelato today, I’m looking forward to that.”

Being the obedient boyfriend that he is, Yoo Joonghyuk let go of the man’s wrist the moment his significant other finished talking. Of course not without successfully breaking the said man’s wrist. Not that _____ will notice since they already went ahead knowing that Joonghyuk will follow.

“You too, don’t you know it’s rude to eavesdrop” 

Dokja and Sooyoung’s heart dropped the moment black piercing eyes directly looked at them through the small crack of the door. 

“Don’t talk big as if you know anything about manners”

Having nothing to retort and with _____ waiting for him, Joonghyuk simply turned the other cheek. The last thing he heard was the two high fiving.

~+~+~+~+~

Kim Dokja is a calculative person. He's the one who’s always planning on what his nebula will do during scenarios. He's someone whose brain is constantly thinking of the what-ifs. Someone who knows what will happen, or has expectations of it based on his calculations.

But this, he wasn’t expecting for this to happen. Not in a million years. Not in any regression.

The resting man was caught off guard when he saw _____ come inside his room in the middle of the night with teary eyes. The same _____ who’s known for being one of the strongest incarnations. The _____ he admired and looked up to since he was young and naive. The one, aside from Joonghyuk, who helped him shape his values as he reads about them in the novel called Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World.

“Oh… I wasn’t expecting for you to be awake. I’m sorry for bothering you and for showing myself in this state. I’ll leave you to rest. I, I just wanted to check on you”

Kim Dokja knows _____. He probably knows them better than anyone, but don’t tell Joonghyuk that. So he knows well that this is the only chance he can see this side of them. Even earlier when he first officially reunited with his nebula, _____ was the one keeping everyone in line along with Sangah. They're always the one keeping a cool head in the midst of everyone losing theirs. The empathetic one but always locks their own feelings away for they think it’ll burden everyone.

“No no, don’t go. We can talk. I actually want to talk, we haven’t seen each other for a while and you were busy comforting the kids earlier.”

_____ thought about it for a moment before moving away from the door and sitting on a spare couch near Dokja’s bed. The decision to stay made Dokja smile. There weren’t many chances to talk to _____, especially with Joonghyuk around. So this was a very rare occasion. 

“How are you? Have you been well while I was away?”

An awkward way to start but he couldn’t think of anything else. 

“Despite what you think, your nebula can hold itself up even without you. Everyone is fine, they’ve been doing more individual training these days.”

“But I’m asking about you, how have YOU been?”

That made the incarnation in front of him silent. Most of the time he’ll let them get away with reporting the nebula’s status instead of how they’ve been doing, but not this time. 

“I, I think I’ve been good too. I have Joonghyuk and the others with me so I wasn’t suffering alone.

Still, I was scared, you know. Sacred that you won’t come back to us, or when you do you’re no longer alive or something.”

Despite wiping the tears building up earlier, another batch is starting to build itself up again on the corner of _____’s eyes.

Other people were right, midnight is really the time that makes people spill their heart out. As Dokja can see, that's what _____ is currently doing.

“I know I haven’t said it nor have I openly shown it enough, but I admire you so much Dokja. I don’t think I can be as brave and strong as you. Not to put you on a pedestal but I’m always trying to follow your footsteps

‘Oh, what would Dokja do in this scenario’ ‘If Dokja was here would it be like this?’

Those kinds of thoughts always run inside my head whenever I’m facing any kind of situation.

So imagine how scared I am whenever I see you put other people first to the point of you being on the brink of death several times.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you this to put more pressure on you. It’s embarrassing for me to tell someone just how much I like them. But I have to tell you this. Tell you how much you inspire me and the others. How much you scare us.

Because if I do then maybe you’ll take us into consideration next time.

Kim Dokja, you’re selfish you know. The only visual in your head is the betterment of the nebula. You keep thinking of us so much that you don’t see yourself in that circle despite your name being the nebula’s name.

And that’s what makes me hate you.

I love you, you’re like a brother to me. You’re the first one who gave me hope when you showed up in that dingy building to help me. You’re the reason why I met Joonghyuk and these other amazing people.

You said all of this was inside a novel you’ve read. Yet despite knowing what will happen, how each scenario will play out, you still put our well being above yours. Us, the people who were mere fiction, who were alive because someone typed us on a computer and gave life to us.

And I hate you for it, I hate how you don’t consider yourself more. I hate how you look at everyone as if you were an outsider. I hate how you probably think that way too despite you being the reason for all of us being where we are today.

Kim Dokja I hate you so much that no words can justify how much I hate you.”

The Watcher of Light and Darkness could only listen and take the weak punches _____ throws his way. Despite saying many times they hate him, their voice was still full of love and concern.

That’s why he can’t do anything. _____ made things clear to him.

He can’t even say sorry because those words wouldn’t be enough.

He didn’t even think that a time where _____, the _____, would come up to him and tell him that they admire him. Admiring was his thing. As a reader, he was always the one watching and applauding everyone else.

Dokja doesn’t know what to do nor how to react. He can only try and comfort the incarnation beside him to the best of his abilities, and that’s what he did. They had a long talk about anything and everything that night. What happened while they were separated, new trends, the kids’ going through their stubborn phase; just anything. 

Soon, the two were more comfortable and traces of tears were gone as if it didn’t even happen in the first place. 

The two talked until they fell asleep beside each other with the moonlight illuminating the room and the four main constellations from Dokja’s channel watching over them while holding their peace.