#karen just raises her beer and says i’ll drink to that

[chvoswxtch]

matt’s got the nicest ass in hell’s kitchen but frank has the best tits

-foggy probably

[fific7]

Fake or Fortune

For @omgrachwrites 1K Follower Celebration - congratulations!

AU: Fake Relationship

Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: This does not follow canon, it takes place in my Alternative S1 Punisher Universe, with Arrogant!Billy in attendance.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content, slightly questionable consent, some dom/sub interaction, oral and unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Swearing and drinking.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My Photo Edit)

Karen put a large G&T down in front of you, accompanied by a sympathetic look. You picked it up and took a large sip, sighing as you put it back down again.

“I give up, Karen. No matter what I do, without fail I either pick the wrong guy or else think everything’s fine, and then boom - it isn’t.”

This was a commiseration drinking session, which Karen had suggested after she’d noticed you moping around the office. You both worked at the same big newspaper but in different departments, and became good friends after spending numerous lunchtimes together in the staff restaurant.

“What happened this time?” she asked, then winced as she realised maybe that wasn’t the most tactful way of putting things. “I mean, I thought you and David were getting on really well?” You took a larger gulp of your drink, “Well, that’s the thing - so did I. Until I got the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk on Saturday.” You’d been seeing this guy from your Digital News Content section for a few months, and you’d really thought everything had been on track.

Karen sighed, “Oh lord, not that old pile of bullshit.” You nodded, “Yeah, right. I tried to pin him down to exactly what the problem was, but I guess it was just me, when it all came down to it. In fact, I saw him chatting up a girl from Accounts yesterday so he’s already moved on to pastures new. That didn’t take long, did it? Or maybe he’d already moved on but didn’t have the balls to tell me.”

“Look, I’m meeting up with Frank on Friday night for a drink...” her cheeks pinked up, and you smiled at her obvious pleasure in that thought, “....so why don’t you come along? He mentioned one of his friends might tag along.” You held up a hand, “Oh no! No! I’m not being set up.” She shook her head, “It’s not a set-up, I swear. They’ve got a little....issue.... with Homeland and we’re going to talk about it.”

You knew she’d recently met this ex-Marine called Frank when - in her role as investigative reporter - she’d been digging into some big CIA scandal. When was there not a scandal about the CIA, you thought. You knew she’d met him several times over the past couple of weeks and had detected a more-than-just-business interest in him. “Oh, so.... strictly business, then?” you teased. She shifted in her seat, “Well, mainly.... we’ve also been talking about more personal stuff.” “Uh-huh,” you nodded, smirking, “Karen fancies Frank, Karen fancies Frank!” you sang, while she batted your arm and gave an embarrassed laugh.

“Oh shut up, you,” she said, “...are you coming along or not?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

And that’s why you found yourself sitting in a neighbourhood bar with Karen on Friday night, feeling quite nervous for some reason. Probably because Karen was fidgeting like hell next to you, and you were picking up on her nervous energy. You smiled over at her, “So you really like this guy, huh?” “No!”she denied, then as you raised an eyebrow at her, “Well... okay, yes I do like him. He’s so sweet.” Her eyes widened as she spoke, catching sight of two approaching figures, “Oh! Here he comes.” A big bear of a man came up to your table, smiling broadly at Karen and then including you in the smile as he stopped beside you. “Hey, Karen,” he greeted her, and she beamed back at him. “Hey, Frank,” and then she introduced you to him. His friend, who’d been partially blocked from your sight by Frank’s bulk, moved out from behind him and said ‘Hi - I’m Billy Russo,’ and shook your hand as he did so. “Nice ta meet ya,” said Frank, also shaking your hand and sitting down in the booth next to Karen.

The man who’d just introduced himself as Billy slid in next to you, and you tried not to stare. He was hot. Like, really hot. Dressed in a smart suit and overcoat, he really didn’t look like an ex-Marine, but Karen had told you that both Frank and his friend were ex-service, and that the friend had opened up a security firm called Anvil when he left the Marines. His handsome face turned towards you, and two very dark eyes looked into yours, “So.... you’re a friend of Karen’s?” You nodded, “Yeah, we just worked together to start with but now we’re besties.” “You a reporter too?” “Nah, I’m a lowly sub-editor on the news desk.” A sudden thought occurred to you, “Oh... and just to reassure you, this isn’t a set-up... you and me, I mean.” He smirked, and you found yourself staring at his lush brushed-back hair and sculpted jaw with its light beard. “Would it have been a big problem if it had been?” he was saying to you, and you shook yourself out of your little trance.

“No, I guess not...” you replied, laughing nervously, “...but I just wanted to get it out there.” He looked you over appraisingly, “Well, I wouldn’t have been disappointed at all,” the smirk got bigger, “....so if you change your mind, just let me know.” This left you speechless but he was still looking at you, asking, “Whaddya want to drink? First round’s on me,” before turning his gaze to the others.

Several beers later, you were sitting listening to the other three talking about a lot of indecipherable nonsense (from your point of view), and you were beginning to get antsy. “Karen, I’m going to head off,” you said in a break in the conversation and she looked slightly guilty, “Oh sorry... we’ve been going on about this for ages.” You shrugged, “It’s fine, Karen, honestly. I’ll see you Monday, okay? Have a great weekend.” You turned to the guys, “You too, and thanks for the drinks,” and made to move out of the booth. But Billy didn’t move. “See you home?” he questioned you, and you saw small smiles on both Karen and Frank’s faces. “Yeah, okay,” you nodded, and then he moved, standing aside as you slid out of the booth. As you headed to the door through the crowd of people, you felt his arm snaking around your lower back. Oooh, very confident, you thought. You’d marked him out as a player as soon as you’d set eyes on him.

“Sorry about the boring shop talk,” he said as you both hit the street, “....me and Frankie’ve got some problems with Homeland right now.” “That doesn’t sound good,” you said as you found yourself being guided around the corner from the bar. “Oh, I was going to take the subway,” you protested, but he shook his head, “This time on a Friday night? Nah.” He pointed towards a rather flashy-looking car parked in the street, “Got the car with me so I’ll take you home. I only had one beer, case you didn’t notice.” “I didn’t,�� you admitted, “I thought you were sinking beers like the rest of us.” He gave a low laugh, “I was a sniper in the service, so I like to be aware of my surroundings at all times.” A little frisson ran through you, this guy was quite dangerous, you could tell. As you reached the car, he held the passenger door open for you and you climbed in, trying to be as elegant as possible although you weren’t sure you quite achieved that.

As he started the engine and moved the car out into the flow of traffic, he asked, “So what made you come along tonight if it wasn’t a set-up?” “I was bored. I just split up with my boyfriend of a few months so...” you shrugged. You heard a chuckle, “His loss.” “I don’t think that’s what he thought,” you replied, with a self-deprecating laugh. “Well, it’s true,” said Billy, “...believe me. He must be mad to give you up.” “You silver-tongued charmer,” you said back to him, and again you heard his deep chuckle.

“Seriously, it’s my gain. Look, this might seem a bit of an odd request seein’ as how we’ve only just met...” he began, looking across at you as he pulled up outside your apartment block, “....but you’d be doin’ me a big favour. How ‘bout you come along to this charity event I gotta go to next week? As my ‘plus one’?” You hesitated, and he carried on, “No strings, I promise. Just come along as my girlfriend and be on my arm all night. Help me ward off the attentions of someone I’d rather avoid.” You scoffed, “Fake dating? Really?!”

Much to your surprise, you found yourself walking into your building a few minutes later having just agreed to go to this event with Billy. He’d looked pleased, thanking you for saying yes. And you’d also been on the receiving end of a surprise kiss from him. He’d suddenly leant in, slid his big hand around the back of your neck and pulled you in, his mouth finding yours as he did. The kiss had been short but very sexy and you were still tingling from the after-effects.

He’d laughed at your look of total surprise, and wished you sweet dreams. You’d better be careful, warned your internal guardian angel, he said ‘No Strings’.... remember? So don’t go getting all invested in this guy. He’s a player.... for sure.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy and you had swapped numbers, and the following morning you were pleasantly surprised to get a text asking if you could meet him later that day. Intrigued, you texted back saying you didn’t have any other plans but why did he need to meet up? He came back saying he’d had an idea to help out with the event next week, and said he could pick you up. Feeling like you could be making a big mistake, you agreed so he said he’d be at your place around two.

You made sure you dressed casually. Not having any idea where you were going, but sure it wouldn’t be a date as such, you just chose a shirt and jeans with some suede ankle boots. When Billy texted you to say he was parked outside, you left your apartment and locked up, feeling a spark of excitement run through you as you did. “This is not a date, this is not a date, this is not a date!” you chanted in your head as you went downstairs. Billy, you saw with relief, was also dressed casually in jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket and combat boots. He gave you a big grin as you got in the car, the luxurious leather aroma of the interior filling your nostrils. “What make of car is this?” you asked, being an “it’s a black one” kind of girl. He gave you what could only be described as a smug smile, “Rolls Royce Wraith, sweetheart,” he answered. “Oh, okay,” you said, “....expensive, I take it?” “Very.” “Surprised you park it on the street the way you do then,” you shrugged, and he burst out laughing. “Is it one of those so-called penis extensions?” you asked next, and Billy nearly choked he was laughing so hard.

“Firstly, I take it that means you aren’t particularly impressed,” he gasped, getting his breath back after his laughing fit, “...and secondly, no darlin’, it definitely isn’t one of those ‘penis extensions‘ as you put it. Got no need for one-a those.” You returned his smirk, “Really? Well, I don’t care what car a guy drives,” you said firmly, “...that’s got nothing to do with what he’s like.” He glanced across at you as he swung the car into one of the downtown underground car parks. “And what do you think I’m like?” You looked at his profile as he concentrated on parking the big car in a corner space, “Mmmm... I think you’ve had a hard upbringing and now you’re making up for it. Big time.”

Billy switched the engine off and turned to stare at you, the dark eyes drilling into yours with an intensity you hadn’t been expecting. “Wow,” said Billy, “....you sure you’re not one-a these psychoanalysts or somethin’?” “Definitely,” you replied. “Well, you sure sound like you’ve been analysing me, sweetheart,” he said. You didn’t know him well enough to gauge his mood, and he carried on, “I mean, you got all that from meetin’ me last night and just now?” You nodded, saying neutrally, “I’m just speculating of course... but the expensive suits, the car, and I bet a big flashy apartment too, it just says ‘I can afford this now and I’m gonna enjoy it’ to me.” You were relieved to hear a chuckle as you’d been worried you’d really offended him. “Spot on,” he said, “...yeah, you’re spot on. I think you’re maybe in the wrong business.” You decided to change the subject, “So... where are we going, Billy?” “You’ll see in a minute,” he grinned, “....c’mon, let’s go sweetheart.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Minutes later, you were standing outside one of the expensive and trendy boutiques in the area. Billy’s hand went under your elbow and he steered you inside. “Billy... what’s going on?” He nodded to one of the staff who started making her way over to the two of you. “Look, it was my bright idea to drag you along to this thing, so the least I can do is treat you to a new outfit.” You were shaking your head before he’d stopped speaking, “Oh no, no... I can’t let you do that!” He was nodding back at you - it must’ve looked quite comical to the store assistant, “Oh yes, you will - I insist.” He turned to the woman, “Please can you help my girlfriend pick out an outfit for a formal event?” And before you could say anything else, he’d wandered over to a seating area near the changing rooms and seated himself in a comfortable armchair. “I’ll be right here, sweets,” he said, beaming at you. Girlfriend indeed, you thought.

The store assistant looked expectantly at you and you nodded hesitantly at her, so she led you over to some rails filled with lots of beautiful dresses. “How nice of your boyfriend to buy you a whole new outfit,” she commented, beginning to slide the dresses back and forth along the rail looking for a selection for you, “He’s very charming,” she continued, admiringly. “Yes, isn’t he,” you said between gritted teeth. Truthfully, you were feeling as if you were out shopping with your sugar daddy. But you had to admit that your bank account would’ve been protesting loudly if you’d had to make the purchase yourself, and you definitely would’ve had to buy something new as nothing in your wardrobe was even remotely suitable for a formal event. And he was right, this was all his bright idea. So you’d just suck it up, you thought, however reluctantly.

Eventually the assistant had several dresses folded over her arm for you to try on, and you sailed past Billy to the changing rooms without as much as a glance at him. But you just knew he was staring at you as disappeared behind the curtain.

After twenty minutes of struggling in and out of the various dresses, you had to admit that the assistant had made some good choices. There were three that you really liked, and you finally chose a midnight blue silky sheath of mid-thigh length, an asymmetric one-shoulder-strap neckline and a swirl of sequins diagonally across it from neck to hem. It was tight-fitting but didn’t show off an excessive amount of skin - you didn’t want to have it all out there on show after all.

The assistant had also brought several pairs of shoes to you once you’d chosen your dress, and you picked out a pair of matching delicate strappy sandals. Pleased with your choices, you put your own clothes back on and went out to find Billy. He looked up from his phone as you exited the changing room, a disappointed look on his face, “What.... no catwalk show for your boyfriend?” You leant down and whispered, “Okay, you’re laying it on a bit thick, Russo,” to which he grinned, gently took hold of your chin and softly kissed you. “You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he smirked. Then a horrible thought occurred to you, “Billy!” you whispered forcefully. He looked a bit nervously at you, “What?” “There was no price tag on that dress or the shoes either!” He waved a hand at you, “Yeah? That’s okay, just leave it to me.” “No! That’s not on. I’m going to ask her what the price is.” He jumped up out of the armchair, “Nah, nah! Told ya, it was my idea you come along so just let me do this, okay?”

He set off without further delay to the cash desk, while you reluctantly waited in the seating area. Not particularly comfortable with the idea of him buying you an outfit, you decided that you’d offer to buy him dinner to kind of offset his no doubt hefty bill for the dress purchase. He came back over to you a few moments later carrying a large box in one of the boutique’s carrier bags which he handed to you with a grin. “She’d already boxed it before I could see it so it’s still gonna be a surprise when I see it on the night.” You smirked back, you were quite pleased about that. “Billy, let me buy you dinner as a thank you for the dress.” “Okay, I won’t say no to a free dinner,” he grinned, “...where d’ya wanna go?” You mentally reviewed your bank balance and named a mid-priced restaurant close by.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After a pleasant couple of hours chatting over dinner, Billy drove you home. Debating how to end the night, you came up with what you felt was a decent plan. Not that you were trying to extend the evening of course. That would be just plain stupid as the ‘relationship’ was all a big fake. Remember? your brain asked you. “You know Billy, we haven’t prepared a back story yet, have we?” you said as he drew up outside your place. “A back story?” “Yeah. I mean, if this person you’re trying to avoid happens to ask us - together or separately - about our relationship, we need to be singing from the same songsheet, don’t we?” He looked thoughtful, “Uh yeah, you’ve got a point there.” “OK, well how about you come in for a glass of wine or a coffee and we can get that sorted now?” A devilish smirk appeared, “Plannin’ to ravish me, sweetheart?”

You felt your face heat up with a sudden blush, “No!! Purely to agree on the back story. But hey - we can just text about it if you’d prefer!” Embarrassed, you grabbed your bags, opened the car door and began to get out, but Billy grabbed your arm, “Hey, hey, sweetheart - I’m just kiddin’. Hold on an’ I’ll park up. We can walk up together.” You huffed slightly and closed the car door again, while Billy looked around for a parking space. Once parked, the two of you went up to your apartment and you unlocked the door, waving him inside and over to the sofa while you stashed the bags and headed to the kitchen area. “What would you like? Wine, beer or coffee?” “I’d better just have a coffee,” he said, “...don’t wanna get drunk and pass out in your apartment. Not a good look.” “I don’t see you as a ‘getting drunk’ kinda guy, Billy. You already told me you like to be aware of your surroundings.” He laughed, “You’re right, I don’t make a habit of gettin’ wasted.”

So you switched on your coffee machine and asked what kind of coffee he’d like, holding up a handful of different capsules. He strolled over to you, draping his leather jacket over the back of one of the high stools at your breakfast bar as he reached you. He leaned down slightly and looked at the selection you had in your hand, and you were suddenly very aware of the scent of his aftershave. “Whattya got there, then?” You took his hand and dumped them all in it, saying, “I’m just gonna fill up the water jug while you decide,” and moving swiftly away from him. You were finding it very difficult indeed to ignore the magnetic attraction he was exerting over you, but you really had to try harder as you were only going to end up getting hurt otherwise. He held out a capsule toward you, “Americano’s fine,” he said.

The two cups of coffee made a few moments later, you led him back over to the sofa and you both sat down at opposite ends. “Okayyyy,” said Billy, “....back story then?” You nodded, “Yeah. Nothing too fancy as the less details we have to remember the better.” “Good idea. We should probably add in some truth too. So.... we met through Karen & Frank?” “Yes, that’s a good start. Where did we meet and how long have we been seeing each other?” “Neighbourhood bar, and a coupla months?” “Okay, yeah. Actually is that about it? That was easier than I thought! Or...what else might they ask? Who is this person you’re avoiding - are they gonna be really nosy?” Billy snorted, “Oh yeah! Her name’s Caroline, a spoilt rich bitch. Her father owns a tech company and he supplies some of our equipment. She came along to one of the meetings recently and now she’s stalking me.” You grinned, “And that’s a problem for you? I would’ve thought you’d quite enjoy that, Billy.”

He grinned back, “Are you sayin’ I’m a player or somethin’?” “Well, aren’t you? I’m kinda getting that vibe.” Now he laughed out loud, “Maybe. But I like doin’ the chasing, sweetheart, not the other way round. If she ever got hold-a me, I’d never get outta her clutches.” “What - you wouldn’t? Not much of an ex-Marine then, are you?” He rolled his eyes, “Seriously, this woman’s so clingy she’d attach herself to me like a limpet mine. And I don’t like violence against women so I’d be in a difficult situation. Plus the main thing’s the business link with her daddy. His stuff’s good, I wouldn’t wanna have to replace him as a supplier. So you see, you’re doing me a solid here.” “When you say stalking you, do you mean literally?” “Well, like turning up at Anvil all the time to ‘check on the equipment’ and shit like that.” “So not outside the office then? I’m just thinking along the lines of her not seeing us around together before the event if she’s around you outside business hours. She might not buy it.” “As far as I know, only in office hours.”

“As far as you know? That’s not exactly reassuring if she’s as much of a stalker as you say she is.” He laughed, “No, I’m sure she’s not around apart from that.” “Okay, well is there anything else you can think of that she might ask?” He gave you a sly grin, “If we’ve slept together.” You got up and took your empty cup over to the kitchen sink, “Uh-huh.... well she can ask! We’ll just have to lie, won’t we?” You turned round only to find Billy invading your personal space again, and you moved back slightly in surprise. He followed, crowding you against the counter, dark eyes gazing into yours, “Uh... we don’t have to lie.” You leaned further back, your brain yelling ‘don’t give in to him!’ at you. “Billy... you suggested this whole thing and you also said ‘no strings’, remember? Well, if we did that... that would be strings, don’t you agree?” He reached round you and put his cup in the sink too, “Yeah, I guess so. Just thought we could make things look a little more.... authentic, y’know?” He turned and grabbed his jacket off the back of the stool, but then took you by surprise again by swooping in for a long kiss, pulling you against his body and his big hand sliding around the back of your neck. You pulled away, trying to catch your breath.

Those espresso-coloured eyes were gazing into yours, a lazy grin on his face. “Hey, you’ll need to get less jumpy when I do that else she’s definitely not gonna buy it.” He stood back from you, shrugging into his jacket, “Might need a bit more practice, sweetheart,” he smirked, “....so how about we meet up again tomorrow? We can learn a bit more about each other, as well as you getting more comfortable when I get physical with you,” and wiggled his eyebrows at you. Against your better judgement, you agreed and so he said he’d pick you up at four the next day.

Once he’d gone, you poured yourself a stiff brandy. You couldn’t deny you wanted to spend more time with him, much as you knew you were setting yourself up for a fall. Really... just what the hell did you think you were doing?

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy was thinking the very same thing to himself as he drove away. He was enjoying those kisses way too much. But he was the one who’d suggested this whole fake relationship thing, and definitely with ‘no strings’. Because that was the Russo Way.

He’d better get his head back on straight, and stop thinking about the gorgeous woman in the apartment back there as anything other than a way to ditch the very irritating Caroline.

He also got the distinct feeling she’d marked him out as a player and wouldn’t want to get involved with him anyhow. Well, he was a player and he couldn’t deny that. Wasn’t sure he could ever see himself as a one-woman man. Caroline was attractive enough and in the normal way of things, he’d’ve taken her out maybe a couple of times, fucked and then forgotten her. But her father and Billy’s business relationship complicated things somewhat.

So yeah, he’d make sure she saw him with a lovely woman on his arm at the gala, kiss (and maybe fuck if he got lucky) the lovely woman at the end of the night and move right along. Apart from anything else, the fact that she was Karen’s friend complicated things way beyond what he wanted to get involved in, because he couldn’t afford to upset either her or her friend, Frankie’d kill him if he did.

Definitely better stick with the Russo Way. It had never failed him before, had it?

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The next day, Billy glided the car to a stop outside her apartment block at 4 o’clock as promised, dropping her a quick text to announce his arrival. Soon, he saw her figure walking out of the main door and making her way towards him.

Damn! Mmm, she was looking good. Little pink sundress, short denim jacket, bare legs and low wedge pink sandals. Yeah, really cute. Smart and funny too. And sexy, of course. Very sexy. Totally fuckable. Completely and utterly fuckable. Woah - stop that Russo! Right now!

All these thoughts ran through his head in the 10 seconds it took her to reach the car.

He leant over and pushed open the passenger door for her, “Hi sweetheart.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You’d noticed Billy’s eyes running over you as you went up to the car, and then spotted his tongue making a swift trip over his bottom lip as he greeted you. You got the feeling he was looking at you like you were a snack to be consumed. Determined to resist how attracted you felt to him, you hopped into the car and said Hi back. Billy’s big hand landed on your thigh as you fastened your seat belt, his long fingers sliding upwards. Batting them away, you continued clipping yourself in and he laughed, leaning across and pulling you to him, kissing you long and slow. Breaking apart, he said, “Remember we gotta practice, sweetheart,” grinning at you. “Mmmhuh,” you nodded, “I remember you saying that.” “Just relax! Get comfortable with me touchin’ and kissin’ you. We’re boyfriend and girlfriend after all.” “Mmmhuh,” you said again, and once more his hand found its way onto your thigh and began stroking, eventually inching upwards again.

This time, you decided to stay still, thinking that yes, you had better get comfortable with this if this whole stupid fake relationship thing was going to work. But when his hand parted your legs and one long slim finger swiftly made its way inside your panties and - without further warning - actually inside you, you jumped like a startled deer and squirmed away from him. “Billy!” you protested loudly, but he merely smirked victoriously at you and pushed a second finger inside you to join its cousin. You shoved at his resistant arm, “Stop it!” His mouth found yours and he began kissing you as his fingers moved steadily in and out of you then his thumb was on your clit, and he began massaging firmly. “Sssshhh, sweetheart, we’re just messin’ around,” you heard his low voice in your ear, “...this is high school stuff.” “But I didn’t say you could do this to me!” you snarled, trying to ignore how good he was making you feel, and you felt his fingers leave you. He sat back in his car seat, taking a tissue out of his jacket pocket and slowly wiping his fingers, looking across at you all the while with a contemplative look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said, but not sounding regretful at all, “I didn’t think you’d mind. Thought it’d loosen you up a bit like we said.” He smirked at you, “You can’t deny I got you wet, and I know you’re attracted to me. Thought you’d enjoy it.” Your mouth dropped open, “You arrogant fucker!” you exclaimed, “You know what, you can take your fake dating shit and shove it where the sun doesn’t fucking shine!” You jumped out of the car, slamming the door with an almighty bang behind you. Stomping back up to your apartment, you opened your front door and slammed it behind you too, angrily throwing your bag onto the sofa as you passed on your way to the kitchen. You took off your jacket and threw it onto a high stool, furious enough to take a bottle of gin out of the cupboard and grab a clean glass from the dishwasher. You were just taking a bottle of tonic water out of the fridge when there was a knock at your door.

Okay, well that was either your annoying across-the-hall neighbour... who complained about anything and everything... here to moan about the door-slamming, or else it was Billy. Whoever was on the other side of the door was going to be greeted by your frowning face, and you really didn’t give a shit which one it was. You dramatically swung open the door, and it was in fact Billy Russo who was confronted by your unhappy visage. He immediately held up his hands in a placatory gesture. “Look, I am really, truly, sorry. I ... can I come in and explain?” You turned on your heel and walked back to the kitchen, leaving him to close the door behind him and follow in your footsteps. “Want a drink?” He nodded, “I’d love a beer if you’ve got one, please.” You took a bottle of beer out of the fridge and handed it to him, then got a bottle top remover for him out of one of your drawers.

He popped off the cap then took a long swig, as he watched you prepare a G&T for yourself. You also took a big sip then leant back against the counter and regarded him with a steely gaze. “You said you wanted to explain.” He took another gulp of beer and began, “I.... look, I’m so sorry okay? I totally misread the situation.” Sipping your gin, you said, “I’ll say you did, Billy! I get the distinct impression you mistook me for one of the easy lays you no doubt pick up in bars. Is that how you treat your one-and-done’s, huh? Well, don’t try that shit with me, okay?” He looked over at you shamefaced and shrugged, “Uhhh...I ..uhh.. yeah, I guess I did.... look, I really am sorry, sweetheart. I can’t apologise enough, and I really didn’t mean to upset you.” You took another big hit of your gin, slightly - but only very slightly - mollified. “And as for your comment that I’m attracted to you...!!!” Momentarily you were speechless, unsure what you wanted to say or how to put it. Mainly because it was the truth, you acknowledged to yourself.

Before you could say anything, Billy held up his hands again, “I’m incredibly embarrassed about saying that. Really crass. And arrogant, as you said.” You noticed that his face had pinked up somewhat. “In fact just forget I said it,” he carried on. “Bit late for that now isn’t it! Did you say it because you’re used to women falling at your feet, Billy?”

He looked down at the beer bottle in his hand, waggling it back and forward before saying, “Yeah. If I’m honest, I don’t usually haveta try too hard.” His eyes met yours, “And if I’m bein’ even more honest, gotta admit I’m attracted to you. Like, really attracted. So, yeah - I was hoping for something more than just going to the charity event with you.”

You drew in a big breath. What? What did he just say to you? No. You mentally shook your head, and then realised you were actually shaking it. “Billy.... you’re a player, that much is blatantly obvious. Would you know what a relationship is if it came up and bit you on the ass? Something tells me you wouldn’t.” He had the grace to look guilty. You continued, “So here’s what we’ll do. If you still need me to come along to the gala, then I’ll do that. And then we’ll go back to being strangers. Okay?”

He twirled his beer bottle between his long fingers, and shrugged, “Okay, sweetheart. M’happy you’re still gonna help me out. But can’t we at least be friends afterwards? Reckon Karen ‘n Frank’re gonna be seeing a lot of each other so we’ll probably keep bumping into each other.” Your face softened into a smile, “Yeah, they like each other don’t they? You’re right, we probably will be spending some time together because of those two. Okay... friends, then.”

He smiled at you, approaching warily and sliding his hand round to the back of your head and up into your hair, pulling you closer. “M’gonna kiss you, s’that okay?” but being Billy, didn’t wait for your reply. His lips met yours in a gentler kiss than earlier, his fingers stroking the back of your neck. He moved his hips against yours, and you knew he’d done this so you’d feel his erection against your body. You moved sideways and pulled away from him, why did he have to make you breathless when you just wanted to be cool, calm and collected around him? He looked a bit crestfallen, but recovered swiftly and asked, “How about we order in some food and just spend some quality time together?” You sighed, “Okay, Billy, let’s do that. But no more groping or anything, okay?” He nodded, looking serious and miming a cross over his heart, “Promise.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You pushed the pizza box away from you, “God, I’m stuffed.” Billy picked up his beer bottle and drank, giving a small delicate burp as he did so, “Me too.” Reaching over, he picked up the remote and began flicking through Netflix, “Whaddya wanna watch next?” he asked. “Mmmm, you pick a movie. But not one about war.” He laughed, “Oh don’t worry, I never watch war films, had enough-a that in real life.” Lying back and letting out a deep breath, you said apologetically, “I bet you did. Sorry.” Shrugging, he also lay back, his head turning towards you, “S’okay. We can talk about it sometime if you like. And about my less-than-perfect childhood. And some of my more recent fuck-ups.” He gave a bitter laugh, “I’m a fuckin’ train wreck, sweetheart - you’ve made the right decision, best you don’t get involved with me.” His eyes looked big and a bit glossy, and before you could help yourself you’d laid your hand on his shoulder, “I’m sure you’re not that bad, Billy.” He turned away from you, looking at the TV before selecting a sci-fi fantasy movie, “Oh believe me, I am,” he said in a low voice.

You shifted a bit closer to him on the sofa, “Don’t be so down on yourself, Billy. You’ve achieved a lot of things... got your own company, fancy car, fine suits, lots of money, prestige.” He grinned at you, “But all that doesn’t matter to you, does it?” You shook your head, “No, but they’re still achievements to be proud of.” His head dropped and some locks of hair fell over his forehead. “Thank you,” he mumbled, and you watched as your hand went of its own accord to his face and stroked the errant hair back off his forehead. His head swivelled towards you, dark eyes gazing into yours; he took hold of your arms and drew you against his chest. “Can we snuggle?” he asked you, then wrapped his arms right around you, before lying down and swinging his long legs up onto the sofa, pulling you with him. You snorted out a laugh, “Snuggle? That doesn’t exactly fit with your ex-soldier or current playboy personas!” “Aw, c’mon sweetheart, gimme a break - I’m tryin’ to be a well-behaved boy here!” You snuggled into his chest a bit, “Okay, but remember - no wandering hands!” He held up both hands, “Not wandering - look!” before placing them chastely on your arm and shoulder.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your eyes opened, and you groggily looked around you, disorientated. Hearing soft little snores from beneath you, you raised your head to look at Billy’s sleeping face. Oh. You’d both obviously dozed off in front of the TV, the Netflix menu now on the screen. Moving slowly, you started to try and stand up but two hands went round your arms in a vice-like grip. “Where you off to?” said Billy’s deep voice. “Just...ummm... just...” you stuttered, but suddenly you were underneath him, his weight pressing you down as his mouth found yours in a hungry kiss. You knew you should resist but damn, he was a good kisser! Feeling yourself dissolve into the kiss, one of your hands moved up to his bristly jawline.

His kisses became more passionate and he pushed himself against you even more, his arousal very evident. You tried to ignore them but your feelings of desire for him were becoming overwhelming, and your arms went round his neck almost unbidden. He was smiling against your lips, and you heard, “Wanna sleep with me? D’you wanna?” Your treacherous mouth said “Yes!” in a breathy whisper, and that was all Billy needed to hear.

He picked you up in his arms, whispering “Where’s your bedroom?” You nodded towards its general direction and he carried you across the apartment and into your room. Setting you down, his fingers were immediately at the zip of your dress, pulling it down, pushing the fabric down then further down until your dress was round your ankles, before whipping it fully off and dropping it onto the floor. You watched him as his eyes roamed all over your body, taking in your lacy lingerie and moving the straps of your bra off your shoulders. “Mmmmm, sweetheart - wow - even better than I imagined,” he said hoarsely, his hands going round your back and unclipping your bra. He stripped it off you and dropped it, both hands immediately cupping your breasts and massaging firmly, thumbs running over your nipples as they peaked. Moving you backwards until your head hit the pillows, you felt his fingers pulling the fabric of your panties aside and suddenly the head of his cock was at your core and pushing inside you. “No time for foreplay, sorry,” you heard and you gave a deep groan when he kept going, feeling his balls brushing your pussy as he fully sheathed himself. His head went back and he gasped, “Fuck!” before he began to thrust. He lifted your legs and draped them over his hips, encouraging you to cross your ankles on his back to pull him even closer.

His mouth was everywhere on you, kissing you deeply one minute before his mouth went to one of your nipples, teasing it with his tongue while his thumb and fingers toyed with the other, then his mouth and teeth were on your neck and shoulders while he set a ferocious pace. A constant stream of low groans were leaving your lips as he moved on you, and you could hear him gasping and muttering words above you, not all of which you could catch, but you did hear “Uhhh, been wantin’ to do this to ya since the minute we met” between thrusts. You ran your hands over his chest and up around his neck, threading your fingers through his lush hair, and you felt him shiver as you pulled on it gently. His thumb was on your clit now, rubbing at you relentlessly and your orgasm washed over you like a wave. His teeth were fastened onto your shoulder and he bit down as you felt his body tense as he came. He lowered himself gently onto you before rolling off, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling as he got his breath back. “Wow,” he said quietly, before moving onto his side and gazing at you, running a finger gently along your jaw. “Yes, wow,” you replied, putting your hand on his bristly cheek.

“Well, if Caroline does ask if we’ve slept together, now we don’t have to lie,” smirked Billy. This instantly ruined the mood and you sat up, prior to wrapping one of the covers round you and getting out of bed. He looked a bit surprised, but you began moving away from the bed towards the bathroom. Returning a few moments later, you hesitated for a moment before climbing back into bed beside Billy, who was still lying there in all his naked glory. He immediately moved next you, his hands on your arm, “Did I say something wrong earlier? You were up and off like a ballistic missile.” You looked over at him, “A girl doesn’t exactly like to hear another one’s name getting mentioned just seconds after lovemaking.” A guilty look passed over his face, “Awww, shit!... I didn’t think, I’m really sorry... I was just so happy you slept with me, sweetheart.” He stroked your hair away from your face, “Forgive me? And my big clumsy mouth?” You huffed a bit but eventually nodded, not least due to the soft kisses he was peppering over your face and neck.

He breathed a sigh of relief, “I seem to spend all my time apologising to you,” he chuckled, “I’m really making a mess of this fake dating.” “Can’t argue with you there, Billy,” you agreed. “Look, I’m gonna try a lot harder, okay?” he said, running a finger along your arm. You sighed, “Okay... well here’s hoping it’ll be alright on the night.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The rest of the week, you and Billy had traded phone calls and text messages but (to your secret disappointment) the two of you didn’t meet up. To your mind that could only mean that Billy, who’d admitted to you that he liked the thrill of the chase, had now already caught you so that was it as far as he was concerned. He’d said that his work had been crazy busy but you didn’t feel at all convinced by that.

Friday eventually rolled around, and you were glad you’d decided to take a half day off work to get ready. Karen had strolled up to your desk as you were packing up your stuff before leaving, and you recognised her ‘Serious Talk’ look on her face. She walked along to the elevator with you and followed you inside. “Y’know I hope you really enjoy your evening with Billy tonight, but....” she bit her lip before continuing, “...you know he’s a player, right?” She quickly put her hand on your arm as the elevator reached the ground floor, “I’m not trying to spoil your fun, honestly I’m not, but some of the things Frank’s let slip recently would make your toes curl. Billy’s totally ruthless when it comes to cutting women loose.” The elevator doors opened and you both walked out, with you saying, “Don’t worry Karen, I sussed that out the minute I saw him,” over your shoulder as you continued out into the main lobby. You stopped and turned to her, lowering your voice and continuing, “But I slept with him last weekend and just as expected, he’s avoided meeting up with me all during this week.” Her mouth tightened, and you knew you were in for a Page Lecture. “Gahhh! What were you thinking?! You’ve just reinforced his impression that he can pull any woman he wants and then disappear on her! I can’t believe you didn’t even wait for this gala thing tonight! You could at least have held off till then.”

“Yes, mom,” you sighed, then smiled at her. “But you know what Karen, he’s so hot I just couldn’t resist! And I knew exactly what his reaction would be, and he hasn’t disappointed. He’s been in touch obviously because we’ve got this thing tonight, but he’s been ‘too busy at work’ to meet up. I’m sure that in Russo-speak, that really means ‘too busy chasing tail’ but I’m cool with that. Like I said, it’s what I expected,” shrugging as you said this. “Hmmmm,” replied Karen, staring at you intensely as if trying to read your mind, “...well as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into.” “I do,” you reassured her, hugging her before walking away with a nonchalant wave.

Out on the street you exhaled a big breath. If only you truly believed that.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy pulled up outside her apartment block and, as before, texted her to say he was there.

He was disappointed that he hadn’t been able to meet up with her during the week, and was also aware she probably thought he was avoiding her now they’d slept together. But he’d truly been up to his ears in it at work, and he wasn’t yet established enough in the security market to turn down job offers. So he’d taken on probably a few more than he should have done, and both he and Frank had had to weigh in on a couple of them to make sure they were handled correctly.

So apart from calls and texts, he’d had to miss out on seeing her. In fact, all he’d been thinking of the entire week was the prolonged session they’d indulged in last weekend. Once he’d apologised for mentioning Caroline’s name after they’d first made love, (really smart move Russo, he thought to himself) there had been a whole night of energetic and very enjoyable sex. Then a shared shower late the next morning after she’d woken him up with a surprise and very welcome blow job. God, the things she could do with her mouth! He squirmed in his seat, starting to get hard just thinking about it. He couldn’t wait for another one of those, that was for sure. Tonight after the gala if he was lucky!

He saw the main door to her apartment block open and she started walking towards the car. Wish I could get a better idea of how she looked in her dress, he thought. Oh well, I’ll just need to wait till we actually get to the place.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You slid into Billy’s flashy car, tucking your feet in last in an effort to be elegant. He leaned over, grabbing the back of your neck and kissing you long and hard. You eventually shoved him away, exclaiming “Billy! My lipstick!” You peered at his face, “And you’re covered in it!”

He burst out laughing, “Well, hello sweetheart!”

You handed him a tissue whilst you began trying to repair the smudges around your lips. He dampened it on his tongue and then quickly rubbed the burgundy colour off his mouth. Once you’d fixed your face, you leant over towards him and his mouth headed to yours again but you pulled back. “I’m checking your shirt collar to make sure there’s none on there!” Chuckling, he started up the car, “I did wonder why you waited till you’d put your lipstick back on before kissin’ me again.” “You kissed me!” you protested. He just laughed and manoeuvred the car into the traffic stream.

His head then swung towards you, “If you say so, sweetheart! Hey, I’d say you look beautiful but I can’t get a proper look at you in the car. So wait a little while till we get there and then I can compliment you properly, okay?” You nodded, “Yeah, same. I can’t get a look at you either.” Another chuckle, “You can see as much of me as you want later tonight, sweetheart.” “You’re very sure of yourself, aren’t you?!” Billy’s hand stole onto your thigh and travelled higher. “Wearin’ panties?” You tolerated his wandering fingers, “Yes I am, Marine. Sorry to disappoint.” He shrugged, smirk firmly in place, “Fine by me. They’re not gonna stop me gettin’ to where I wanna be anyhow.” Somewhat surprisingly to you, his hand went back onto the steering wheel. “But I’m gonna wait till we’re alone later. See, sweetheart - I’ve learned my lesson!” “Glad to hear it!” you shot back at him, before looking out of the window at the passing streets.

After arriving and parking at the venue, one of the big downtown hotels, you and Billy made your way upstairs to the function room. Leaving your coats at the cloakroom, Billy twirled you round in front of him, looking you over slowly from top to toe. “You look gorgeous,” he said admiringly, “really beautiful.” “Thank you. Not so bad yourself, Russo.” He was in one of his bespoke suits and was looking edible. He mock-bowed then leant down and kissed you on the lips, and you reminded yourself to act naturally when he did that. You both began walking towards the sound of music and chatter, his hand straying down onto the top of your ass as you went. Karen’s voice rang in your ears about how much of a player he was, and once again you fought the instinct to swat his hand away. If you could just do your duty and get through tonight, then you could put yourself deep into protective mode over this handsome devil.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Several gin & tonics later, you were returning from the ladies’ room and heading back to where you’d left your ‘boyfriend’ at the bar, wondering how much more of this tedious event you could stand, when you heard a high-pitched voice trilling, “Oh Billy! There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Hahah! you thought, this must be the infamous Caroline! Well, at least this next part is going to inject some much-needed fun into the evening.

You could see a small brunette standing in front of Billy with her hands grasping his biceps and beginning to pull him towards her. He spotted you approaching over her shoulder and extricated himself from her clutches saying, “Caroline.... how nice to see you! Just in time for me to introduce you to my girlfriend...” “Girlfriend?!” She whirled round and met your eyes, her own narrowing as she looked you up and down in a flash. You continued walking towards the two of them, noting that she was pretty but was heavily made up; she really didn’t need to plaster it on like she had but - whatever, you thought. Billy moved past her to swiftly put his arm around your waist and draw you to him, introducing you at the same time. She nodded her head briefly at you, “Hi, I’m Caroline. A friend of Billy’s.” She emphasised the word ‘friend’. You beamed back a big smile at her, “Lovely to meet another of his friends,” you said, also emphasising the word. You felt Billy tense up a bit, but you thought that playing the jealous girlfriend might be a good way to go, especially when you noticed the little smirk on her face. You tugged on his arm, “C’mon Billy, you promised me a dance,” you said in a ‘little girl’ voice, which nearly made you heave quite frankly but you felt struck the right note.

Billy raised a hand vaguely towards Caroline as he said to you, “Yes I did, sweetheart. Let’s go. Bye, Caroline - good to see you,” and then gave you a long kiss as the two of you headed to the dance floor. Once Billy had you in his arms, you felt his lips next to your ear and he whispered, “So.... jealous girlfriend, huh?” You nodded, smiling up at him, “She’ll like the fact that I think she’s a threat. But as long as you keep up the PDA’s, I think she’ll buy it.” He immediately kissed you, the hand which had been on your waist surreptitiously sliding downwards at the same time. As you broke apart from the kiss, you caught sight of Caroline glaring at the two of you from a table near the edge of the dance floor. You ran your hand up onto Billy’s jaw before continuing to the back of his neck. You’d discovered during your night together that this was one of Billy’s weak spots, so you trailed your fingers over his skin and had him wrapped round your finger within seconds, just as had happened that other night. He pressed his body close against you, ensuring you felt how aroused he was. “When can we skip out of here?” he breathed to you, making you laugh. “I don’t know! It’s your event - when do you want to stay until?”

Before he could reply, you were aware of a figure next to you and a hand went onto Billy’s arm. “Mind if I cut in?” asked Caroline, giving you a nasty smirk. However it dropped off her face when Billy said hurriedly, “Sorry, Caroline - we’re just leaving,” and began leading you off the dance floor. “Oh, that’s such a shame,” you heard, and realised she was trailing after you and Billy as you left the dance floor. “I was so looking forward to hearing all about how you & Billy met.” You stole a quick glance at Billy before saying over your shoulder, “Through mutual friends.” Still following you both as you headed over to pick up your coats, she rattled out, “it’s just that I’m a bit surprised - it seems quite strange that Billy never mentioned a girlfriend before tonight.” Billy looked irritated but his face became blank as he turned slightly back towards her and replied, “Uh, I am right here y’know!.... well Caroline, we never spoke about our personal lives so it’s not that strange at all to be honest.” You’d reached the small counter by now and had handed over the tickets to the attendant, and while you’d hoped that Billy’s answer would have silenced her, Caroline continued, “So how long have you been dating?” You turned and stared at her, and found her already staring back at you, “Mmm, it’s about two months now, isn’t it Billy?” and moved your eyes to his. He glanced quickly behind him at her, “ Yes, sweetheart - a little over two months actually,” he turned back to you, smiling fondly, “and I gotta say, they’ve been two of the sweetest months of my life.” He leant down and kissed you full on the lips.

Caroline’s lip curled up at this and was still curling as you met her annoyed gaze once Billy’s lips left yours. “Well,” she began, but was then interrupted by a tall older man who came up to the three of you and placed a hand on Caroline’s shoulder. “Hello, Russo,” he said, shaking hands with Billy who greeted him with a “Hi, Mike,” as the older guy’s eyes wandered quizzically over to you. “And who’s this lovely young lady, then?” he asked but before either you or Billy could say anything, Caroline spat out, “His girlfriend, Daddy - imagine that!” However her father merely gave you a friendly grin while Billy introduced you. After a quick handshake, he commented that it was a real shame that you were both leaving before he could buy you a drink. But Billy said firmly, with a mischievous look at you, “Sorry, Mike.... we’re... uhhh... quite anxious to get home.” Mike laughed knowingly while you heard a loud ‘tut’ from his daughter. You smiled brightly at both of them, “Well.... lovely to meet you and hope you enjoy the rest of the evening. Bye!” Taking your coat from the attendant, Billy helped you into it before putting on his own and the two of you said final goodbyes to Mike and Caroline before making your escape.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“Thank god that’s over!” you breathed out a sigh of relief as you settled back into your seat, while Billy switched on the car’s powerful engine and it purred into life. “You didn’t enjoy it?” he grinned, “...even with such a charming boyfriend attending to your every need all evening?!” You laughed, “Sorry Billy, no I didn’t. I hated every second of it! But I think we accomplished the mission, don’t you?” Turning your head and watching his profile as he reversed the car out of the parking space, you asked, “D’you want me to get the dress dry-cleaned and you can take it back to the store? I mean I’ve only had it on for a few hours and I managed not to spill anything down it.” He glanced over at you, a strange look in his eyes. “No, I don’t want you to clean it and return it. It’s yours to keep. And yes, we did achieve our goal.” He started driving away from the hotel, and you realised it was the wrong direction for your place. You’d never been to his apartment but had a feeling that’s where you were heading.

“Where are you going, Billy? I just want dropped off at home so I can get out of all of this and relax.” He laughed, and for some reason you thought he sounded a bit pissed off. “Ahh no, that’s not happenin’, sweetheart,” he said, looking across at you, eyes gleaming with something but you weren’t sure exactly what. Determination? Desire? “We’re headin’ to mine. And yeah, you’re gonna be gettin’ out of those clothes, don’t worry.” “Look, Billy,” you said, feeling a bit uneasy for some reason, “...we’re done here, okay? We’ve already slept together, you got what you wanted so now you move on, correct? That’s your usual M.O. isn’t it? You made that obvious this week. Don’t worry, I got the message loud and clear. I’m not some clingy desperate woman that’s gonna keep chasing after you. I knew what the deal was with you the minute I set eyes on you. So.... just turn around and take me home.” You’d been staring at the road ahead but were aware of him shaking his head, “No.” You looked across at him, “No? What, you’re kidnapping me now?” “You can think of it that way if you like, sweetheart. I knew you’d think I was avoidin’ you this week, but I wasn’t. I’m not ready to let you get away just yet. We’re gonna go to mine, and you’re gonna spend the night on your back - and in various other positions - cos I need another night of sex with you.”

“And what if that’s not what I want? What if I don’t want to be used like a fuck toy before you disappear over the horizon? Doesn’t it matter to you what I want?” He chuckled, and you felt a little shiver of fear run through you, “Not right now, no. Because this is all I’ve been thinkin’ about the whole week. And because you’re sayin’ one thing, but you mean another.” “Really?! That’s what you think?” you scoffed, shaking your head, “You’re unbelievable, you know that? The level of arrogance....!” He pulled the car over into the inside lane and then turned into an underground car park. He killed the engine, and in the sudden silence you heard him say in a low voice, “Call it arrogance if you like. I call it knowing what I want and makin’ sure I get it.” He released his seat belt and got out of the car, coming round and opening your door before taking hold of your arm and pulling you out of it. He locked the car with a bleep of the remote on his keychain, then dragged you - firmly but not roughly - over to an elevator which he unlocked with a key before calling it down. Once it arrived, he hustled you inside and once the doors closed, his mouth was instantly on yours. He kissed you roughly, open-mouthed with teeth and lips and tongue all involved. His hands were undoing the buttons on your coat and then were inside it, immediately going to your breasts.

You struggled with him, trying to push him off but he continued kissing you, and you heard his voice telling you to just admit you wanted it. The awful thing was, you did want him and it annoyed the hell out of you. However his current attitude was also annoying the hell out of you so you continued to push at his muscled, toned body to get him off you. But you were no match for the ex-Marine and you heard a ‘ting’ and the elevator doors opening as Billy continued to kiss and grope you. He pushed you firmly out of the lift, keeping hold of your arm and propelling you towards a door - the only door, you noticed - and then into the apartment after he unlocked the door. He slammed it behind him then was on you in a flash, grabbing your bag and throwing it onto the sofa before stripping off your coat and dropping it on the floor. You were aware of being in a large open-plan space with floor-to-ceiling windows and trendy furniture, before you were scooped up as easily as if you were a throw cushion and carried into an equally large bedroom. He kicked the door shut behind him and dumped you rather unceremoniously on the bed, stripping his clothes off in a matter of seconds and letting them fall where they may. Then he was back on you, flipping you over and unzipping your dress in one quick motion. He stripped it down off your shoulders, turned you back over and pulled it off you. You looked up at him, finally finding your voice, “Billy! Stop it.” He shook his head, “Nah, not happenin’ sweetheart. We’re gonna have sex now.” You opened your mouth but nothing would come out. Why couldn’t you say anything else?

Because you do want it, said a sly voice in your head. And whilst the caveman routine might not be the most appealing of Billy’s wooing techniques, he’d excited you beyond belief and you could feel how damp your panties were. You’d told yourself before the evening started that you weren’t going to have sex with him that night, but at the same time had perversely hoped that it would in fact happen. You were absolutely furious with yourself but at the same time, totally conflicted and unable to ignore the desire you felt for him.

You felt his fingers fumbling a bit at your back and then your bra was dramatically whipped off and thrown across the room. His mouth and hands were immediately on your breasts, fingers massaging and toying with one nipple while he licked the other, his tongue roughly raking over its peak and surrounding skin before he started to suck and bite at it, enough to make you squeal but not hard enough to cause you real pain. Then he swapped and your other breast came in for the same treatment. You felt his fingers sliding down your body and pulling at your panties, after a few seconds he then sat up and stripped them off you. They also joined your bra across the other side of the room. He lowered himself onto you, hands parting your legs and you knew he was guiding himself inside you. His hard length pushed into you and you felt the stretch much more than you had the first time you’d had sex with him. Of course he was in a more of a rush this time, seemingly desperate to have sex with you, judging by the way he’d thrown you down, ripped your clothes off and immediately got between your legs.

He slid his hands under your knees and lifted your legs up until your ankles were on his shoulders, deeply thrusting into you as he did so, and you heard yourself give a loud groan. He gave a long, low groan himself as he picked up his pace, and you heard his whispered words next to your ear, “You like that, sweetheart? Feel good?” “Yes!!!!!” you gasped, hating yourself for admitting it but it was the absolute truth. He kissed you passionately, hands running up and down your legs and onto your body as he thrust hard into you, mouth moving to your neck and collarbone, nipping at your skin then licking where he’d lightly bitten you. You climaxed first, Billy’s thumb having found its favourite place on your clit, and you’d dug your nails into his shoulders before running your hands up into his hair and pulling it. Hearing his answering chuckle, his hips cannoned into yours a final few times before you felt him release into you, and he sank down heavily on top of you, panting and trying to get his breath back. He moved off you and laid on his back, seemingly exhausted by his over-eager exertions. His head tilted towards you, “I’m not finished with you yet, sweetheart. Need more.”

You propped yourself up on an elbow, “Just what the fuck is all this neanderthal stuff about, Billy?” He sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. “Remember you said I wouldn’t know what a relationship was if it bit me on the ass?” “Yeah?” “You’re right. I’ve never experienced a loving relationship in my life. I dunno what love is, really.” Then out it all spilled.... his abandonment as a very young kid, the group homes, the abuse, the stigma. How he’d signed up for the Marines as soon as he was old enough, got a business degree before shipping out, how Frank had his back almost from day one. The dark eyes eventually looked into yours, “So just confirmin’ - I’m officially shit at relationships.” You nodded thoughtfully, “Well... now I understand things a little bit better, Billy. You discard women after a very short time as a self-defence measure, because you have a fear of being abandoned again. Ditch them before they can ditch you, right? Because you still have self-esteem issues, deep down underneath that confident exterior. It’s hard to overcome years of being looked down upon and sidelined.” You reached out and ran your fingers through his small patch of chest hair. He flinched slightly so you withdrew your hand, but his own hand went out and he laid it on top of yours for a brief moment.

Then he sat up a bit and stretched, laughing as he did so, “Told you, you’re in the wrong job, sweetheart.” He leaned back onto the pillows, carefully looking away from you, “Guess I didn’t do a very good job of lettin’ you know I want you to stay around and be with me?” You sat up, pulling one of the sheets over you, “What?” you asked. He looked over at you again, “All of this,” his hand waved vaguely between you and him, “This is me tryna let you know I really like you. I honestly missed bein’ with you during the week. An’ I was really busy, me and Frank, all week - I wasn’t tryna avoid you, okay? All I could think about was the night we spent together, how I want that to be a regular thing. Spend time with you.”

You started chuckling to yourself before it bubbled up into real laughter. He’d been looking down and fidgeting with the covers but now his head swung up and his eyebrows pulled into a frown. You calmed down a little and reached out to him, softly stroking his shoulder, “Billy... I’m not really laughing at you. Well, I suppose I am but only because I’m really surprised. That’s not how guys usually let girls know they’re interested! - kidnapping them and telling them that they will have sex with them.” Billy grunted, “Yeah, I realise that. It’s what I’m tryna tell you, sweetheart. I’m shit at this kinda stuff.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Sunday lunchtime, you met up with Karen who was gagging to know what had happened on Friday night. You dutifully recounted everything, even Billy’s metamorphosis into caveman as you left the hotel. Karen’s expression got more and more incredulous and as you drew to a close with his admission of being completely crap at all things relationship-related, she finally said, “Fuck! That’s unbelievable. So how did you leave things? You kick him to the curb?”

You took a sip of your G&T, and smiled back at her, “He wants me to teach him what a real relationship is all about.”

“And you’re prepared to take a chance on him and show him, are you?” You nodded, “Yeah I guess I am, Karen. I know it sounds crazy, but he wants to try. And I’d like to try. So we went from fake to genuine as of Friday night.”

She chuckled, shaking her head and sipping her drink before saying, “Well, you’re a glutton for punishment, I’ll say that for you. And I wish you the best of luck trying to tame that bad boy.” She lifted her glass and you clinked yours against hers, “Thanks, Karen. I’m just gonna take it one day at a time. If it doesn’t work out...” you shrugged, “...at least I gave it a shot.” She put her hand over yours, “Do you think he’ll keep it in his pants? He’s used to putting it about all over town,” squeezing your hand, “...sorry to have to say that honey, but it’s true.” You nodded, “Yeah I know, and all I can say is he’s promised he won’t be doing that from now on. But if I get even a whiff of another woman’s perfume off him, I will be kicking him to the curb faster than he can say ‘it’s not what you think, sweetheart’, believe me! And I’ve told him that too, in no uncertain terms.” She nodded, “Well, you’ve given him fair warning so if he fucks up, that’s definitely on him.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Frank threw his head back, giving a great belly laugh which went on for a lot longer than Billy Russo thought it should do. After a few moments, Frank’s face had gone beet red and tears were squeezing out of the corners of his eyes. Billy folded his arms across his chest, sitting back in the diner booth and scowling at Frank, “Okay, okay, Frankie - enough already,” he grumbled as Frank continued to laugh. Eventually Frank calmed down enough to speak, “Russo! I don’t believe it, I really don’t. Does that girl know what she’s letting herself in for?! She must be missing a few rounds out of her ammo clip.” Billy pulled a face, “Look... I like her, okay? She’s gonna teach me what a proper relationship’s like. She’s willin’ to give me a chance, so cut me some slack over here, will ya?” Frank took a big pull at his beer, “Oh Russo, how the fuck ya gonna keep it in your pants?” (unknowingly parroting Karen’s very same comment to her friend). Billy shrugged, “Look...I will, I tell ya. I mean it, I only want her. The sex is....” he made a chef’s kiss hand gesture, “....and she doesn’t take any of my shit, either. I really like her, Frankie. I think I’m ready to...” “Settle down? Really, Bill - are you? Cos if you fuck this up, you’ve got Karen to deal with as well as your girl.”

Billy took a hit of his beer, “You think I don’t know that? And I’d get a ton of crap from you too, cos Karen’d be upset. You like her, dontcha?” Frank’s cheeks went a slight shade of pink, “Well, yeah. I guess I do.” Now it was Billy’s turn to laugh, “You guess you do? Frankie, you’re like a teenager with a major crush every time your phone rings! ‘Ooh, it’s Karen!’” he said, the last bit in a high-pitched voice. “I do not talk like that!” Frank growled at him, “And you better spend your energy learning how to treat a woman properly, rather than ripping the shit outta me, Russo!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your phone dinged and you picked it up, seeing a text notification from Billy on the screen. Turning your phone briefly towards Karen to show her this, you clicked on it and then smiled as you read it. Showing the message to her, she also smiled, “Wow, seems like he’s definitely trying!” You agreed, “I do believe he is!” Maybe this crazy relationship thing you and Billy had agreed to embark on did have a chance of working out after all. You definitely still had your misgivings - does a leopard (or panther) really change its spots? - but you were willing to give it a try as long as Billy stuck to his end of the bargain. No other women, no lying, spending a lot of quality time together... let’s just see how all that goes, you thought. Re-reading the text, it made you smile once more.

Billy’s text said simply, “I’m missing you, sweetheart. Come over to mine, I’ll cook you dinner.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

(My photo edit)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Tags: @blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry

(Using D&D’s taglist, if you’d prefer to be removed, just let me know!)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[amorgansgal]

We Are Made One with What We Touch and See

This was written for the @rdrbigbang​ and I had the great pleasure to work with @merryandrewsworld who has made some gorgeous artwork, and has been a really lovely person to talk to and bounce ideas off :D It was a wonderful experience and I loved writing this piece. You can read it on Ao3 as well.

Summary: Molly finds her life increasingly frustrating. She works most days in the Linden Bar and her love life with Dutch is disappointing at best and toxic at worse. She spends her days angry and alone, until Arthur Morgan and Micah Bell wander into Dutch's bar with a new friend of theirs who captures her attention.

Warnings: Implied sexual content. Alcohol.

Molly slammed the bottles into the small fridge behind the bar. She was clenching her jaw tightly and knew her curly red hair was already escaping the bun she had put it into this morning. She couldn’t believe Dutch had asked her again to open up, even though she had closed the bar the night before. Karen had called in sick, but Molly had a sneaking suspicion that the woman was actually out at one of her precious film auditions.

She straightened up and stretched her back. She wasn’t even sure how she could put on a smile and joke around with the customers, when she felt so sour, tired and pissed off. The other girls who worked at the Linden Bar seemed to think that her dating Dutch meant she was favoured and got to slack off while he was around. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Living and working with him meant he was all too aware of her schedule; she couldn’t pretend to be busy or have plans when he demanded she cover a shift.

She had previously complained to Karen about it, but there hadn’t exactly been any sympathy. ‘Well… they do say don’t shit where you eat.’

The Linden bar was quiet. Unsurprising, it was still early afternoon and the regulars wouldn’t make an appearance until later. She thought about wiping down the leather sofas and chairs. She was meant to do that. But why even bother? Half the time Sean spilt shit on them anyway.

She sighed irritably, cleaning after a bunch of men was hardly what she had envisioned her life would be like. But then she didn’t really have any other plans. She rested on the bar and tried to think about what other jobs she could do. She had never really been one for sitting in an office, but then she couldn’t really say she was a people person or wanted to work behind a bar again if she could help it.

She had won a few writing competitions while at college and her teacher had always said she had a natural gift with words, but apart from ‘No, I’m not serving you’ and ‘You can fuck right off’ she didn’t get much chance to use them! Perhaps she should write again. It didn’t necessarily have to be anything great or Shakespearian, but it could be a good way to express how she felt and what she was thinking.

Then again… maybe not. Last time Dutch had found one of her poems he had been insulted by it. It wasn’t even fucking about him, but of course he had to make it about him. After he had calmed down, she had managed to explain it was about an ex and she had written it while dating the ex. But that seemed to piss him off more and he demanded to know why she wasn’t writing about him! As though everything she did had to involve him to some extent.

The door to the bar swung open and Molly scowled. ‘We’re not open, so you can-!’

But when Arthur stepped into the bar and gave her a quick smile, she rolled her eyes and gestured to the bar seats. ‘Fine. But I’m not serving whiskey at this time.’

‘Wouldn’ expect you to,’ he replied. The dark leather jacket he always wore crinkled as he sat down. ‘’specially with this troublesome lot.’ He gave a quick nod towards the doorway again and Molly audibly sighed as Micah walked in, a mocking smile on his lips. Just behind Micah she could see another person strolling into the room and Molly sucked in her cheeks, she sincerely hoped the rest of the gang was not just going to turn up and make her life harder!

‘Now, darlin’, that ain’t a way to treat a paying customer.’ Micah smirked.

‘Last time you were here Dutch covered your tab, if I remember correctly,’ Molly shot back.

Micah raised his hands defensively. ‘I paid the man back. I know when to pay my dues.’ He sat down next to Arthur and gave the man’s knee a squeeze. Arthur shifted his leg, but the smile on his lips gave him away.

Molly turned her attention to the other person who was with them and found herself somewhat lost for words as she took in the tall, blonde woman who had sat down silently. The woman’s sharp brown eyes were fixed on Molly. Her forehead was pinched in a fierce scowl highlighting a small red scratch above one of her eyebrows.

Molly looked away quickly, somewhat embarrassed that she had been appraising the woman so closely and that the thought of pressing her hand against the woman’s cheek and wiping away her frown had been so appealing.

‘Oh yeah, Molly this is Sadie. Sadie Adler,’ Arthur said, tearing away his gaze from Micah. ‘Sadie, this is Molly.’

‘You don’ piss her off too much sometimes she’ll even serve your drinks with a smile,’ Micah said.

‘You’re lucky I serve you drinks at all, Micah.’ Molly muttered, then turned back to Sadie. ‘Nice to meet you. What you doing running around with these two then?’

‘I’m a bounty hunter,’ Sadie replied coolly, her voice was husky and rough. Molly wondered if it was due to a smoker’s habit or just the way the woman spoke naturally.

‘What can I get you then?’

‘Whiskey?’ Sadie smirked.

Molly reached down to the fridge and pulled out two beers for Micah and Arthur. She wiped her hands on a towel and grinned at Sadie. ‘For you, I’ll make an exception!’

‘Glad to hear it,’ Sadie nodded and accepted the glass of whiskey that Molly had poured for her. Molly tried to look anywhere else as Sadie swallowed back the hard liquor and placed the glass back down on the bar. She barely heard Micah’s griping.

‘Bounty hunting, that must be exciting?’ Molly said as she refilled Sadie’s glass. This time Sadie seemed content to sip it.

‘Mm-hm, can be. Can be dangerous. Can be boring, especially if I’m chasing someone down who’s just skipped on a bill or something. Now bartending, that must be exciting!’ Her eyebrow quirked upwards and Molly snorted.

‘Yeah, I love nothing more than cleaning up after these boys,’ Molly jabbed a thumb towards Arthur and Micah.

Sadie let out a short huff of laughter. ‘Well then, I don’t think our jobs are that different!’

‘Sure, pouring this lot drinks is exactly the same!’

Sadie pulled out some money from a wallet and passed it over to Molly. ‘Buy one for yourself, think I’m going to like talking to you.’

‘Tha’ makes a change,’ Arthur muttered sarcastically, and was treated to an elbow to the ribs from Sadie.

Micah’s eyes lit up as Molly put the money in the till. ‘You know what Dutch says-’

‘What? And you’re going to run off and tell him?’ Molly scowled.

Micah raised his hands. ‘I’m just sayin’, you ain’t meant to-’

‘Well, it’s none of your business whether I do or don’t!’ she shot back. She was so goddamn sick of Dutch controlling everything she did, even when he wasn’t around one of his lackeys was watching her every move.

‘Micah, why don’t you and I head out for a smoke, and leave the ladies to talk?’ Arthur suggested. For a moment it looked like Micah might refuse, but he then got up and sloped off the bar stool.

‘Fine, Morgan.’

Arthur smiled at Molly and gave her a quick wink, before he and Micah disappeared through the back door. Molly poured Sadie another drink, then grabbed a glass of her own and served herself. Sadie raised her glass and Molly carefully tapped it with her own. She threw back the liquor feeling the sharp, hot burn against her throat and smiling as the warmth rushed through her.

‘Guess they’ll be a while smoking.’ Sadie smirked.

‘Surprising how long a cigarette can take.’ Molly found herself grinning at the woman.

Sadie shifted in her seat and a few loose strands of her hair rested on her cheek. That same temptation to brush away the blonde hair almost overwhelmed Molly and she found herself leaning heavily on the bar, as though she would reach over to do so.

She quickly rested her cheek on her hand instead, though realised that may not have been the best idea as Sadie’s eyes drifted down to her chest. Molly thought about getting back up, but found she quite liked how the woman’s dark gaze ran over her body. It had been a long time since anyone had really looked at Molly with anything akin to desire.

‘So, how long you known Arthur?’ Molly asked.

‘Few weeks, he helped me out of a tight spot.’

‘Oh?’

‘Sometimes bounties don’t want to come quietly.’ Sadie grinned and finished off the whiskey in her glass. ‘How long have you known Arthur?’

‘Long enough, he’s been a friend of Dutch’s for… well, think forever. They knew each before I started… started dating Dutch.’

‘Ooh, dating the owner, huh?’

‘Don’t.’ Molly refilled her glass. She wasn’t quite sure if Sadie would be paying for all this whiskey, but considering the woman had made her feel better she was quite happy to empty all the shelves here.

‘So it ain’t going well?’

‘It’s going fine, it’s just…’ Molly fiddled with the cap on the bottle and looked down at the bar, wiping away a few drops of condensation from the dark wood. She looked back up to find Sadie watching her intently. She grabbed the bottle and put it back behind the bar.

‘Well?’ Sadie asked.

‘I… I don’t think I should be talking about that kind of thing right now… I mean, you don’t want to hear about that.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you probably got better things to do than listen to me complain.’

Sadie’s smirk resumed its place and she got up from the barstool. ‘True, but I think you could also do better things.’

‘Like what?’

‘Come for a ride with me, it’ll clear your head.’

Molly sighed and leaned back. ‘Sure, the best thing I can do is piss off Dutch and leave the bar unattended. Besides, who’s going to let those fools back in?’

Sadie shrugged. ‘They’ll figure it out.’ She leaned over the bar and offered a hand. ‘Come on. Who’s going to visit a bar in the early afternoon?’

‘You’d be surprised,’ Molly muttered.

‘Come on, twenty minutes, they won’t even realise you’re gone.’

‘Why do you want me to go so badly?’

‘Because you look goddamn miserable and because this bar is kind of shitty, I’ll take you to a better one.’

‘I thought you said we would be gone for just twenty minutes.’

‘Why you planning on spending longer with me?’ Sadie grinned.

‘No… I… well… a drink takes longer than twenty minutes.’

‘Does it?’

‘A good one at any rate,’ Molly smiled and looked down at her boots. She glanced back up at Sadie, who reached her hand over to Molly once more. To Molly’s own surprise she found herself placing her hand into Sadie’s and letting herself be guided out of the bar. The blonde-haired woman smiled and wrapped an arm around Molly’s waist. Molly averted her eyes and felt her cheeks warm with a heady blush. ‘Least let me lock up.’

‘Sure, I’ll wait for you outside.’

Even as Molly locked the backdoor, the cash register and back office she found herself wondering what the hell she was doing. How could she be so damn stupid? This woman had barely said two words to her and had already convinced her to leave the bar and run off to God knows where! Hell, she had locked Arthur and Micah out, they would have to scale the fences if they wanted to escape. Even when Arthur would let things slide, Micah seemed to get some malicious enjoyment for tattling on her. But if there had ever been a time for saying ‘Fuck it!’ it was now.

***

The sense of freedom she got with her arms wrapped tightly around Sadie’s waist, her chest pressed against the leather jacket and feeling the sharp, icy cold wind rushing through Molly’s hair was something she hadn’t even realised she wanted until she was on Sadie’s bike.

By the time they finished at a bar on the other side of town, it was late in the evening, and Molly was in no doubt that she probably had a hundred calls and texts from Dutch. But she’d done the wild thing and switched off her phone.

They’d drunk far too much and then Sadie insisted she was starving and took them to a smoky little food truck that apparently sold the best BBQ food. Sadie brought them both ribs and fries covered in cheese, jalapeños and crispy onions.

For a very brief moment Molly looked at the dark crimson nail polish on her fingers and remembered how Dutch hated it when her hands got wrinkled from washing up the glasses. He was always insistent she kept her hands soft and clean. Sadie’s were rough, her nails short and clear of any varnish. When the woman pulled her from the bar, she had grabbed Molly’s hand and held onto it tightly with long, strong fingers.

‘Go on, we have napkins,’ Sadie urged her.

‘Shouldn’t really…’

‘You shouldn’t have drunk all that whiskey with me, yet here we are!’ Sadie smirked and then tore a strip of meat off the barbequed rib.

***

They drove up to the hill that overlooked the town. The only noise they could really hear was the thrumming, distant roar that came from the highway and the quiet chirps of crickets. The moon rose overhead, a thin slither of silver against the dark night sky. Molly breathed out quietly, it was an excited, shaky breath. She hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. When was the last time she felt free, that she felt she could move her body without it being judged or resented?

Sadie’s hand slipped around her waist, pulling her back slightly from the edge of the cliff. Molly turned her head. She wasn’t sure when and how and why it happened, but suddenly Sadie’s mouth was on her own, her breath heavy and desperate, the hand on Molly’s waist pulled her closer to Sadie and the other hand was clenched amongst Molly’s curls. She found herself braver and bolder, nipping at Sadie’s bottom lip until Molly’s tongue slipped into Sadie’s mouth. A fierce taste of mint, it was almost harsher than any gum or mints that Molly had ever tasted, marred with the slight tangy savouriness of the BBQ. Molly moaned into the kiss, wanting more, but a little afraid to ask for it. There wouldn’t be any going back after that. No going back to her old life, no return to Dutch or the Linden Bar.

***

Sadie’s fingers softly stroked along Molly’s back, as though mapping her out. Molly turned her head and smiled as she felt Sadie’s fingers trace the letters of her tattoo.

‘Didn’t see this earlier,’ Sadie muttered.

‘Why would you see my naked back earlier?’

‘You showed me your other one.’

‘That was on my shoulder, Sadie. Course you can see that one.’

‘We are made one with what we touch and see,’ Sadie read the words aloud. ‘Pretty, where’s it from?’

‘It’s a poem by Oscar Wilde.’

Sadie’s hand slid around Molly’s waist and found her right arm again, she ran her fingers over the tattoo that graced Molly’s wrist, a small yellow flower. ‘Think I like this one the best though.’

Molly smiled. ‘It’s a cowslip. I got it when Dutch called me a useless cow.’

‘That you certainly ain’t.’ Sadie dipped her head down and pressed a kiss against Molly’s lips. Sadie’s hands ran down her waist once more and then further down Molly’s thigh. She moaned against Sadie’s lips.

‘We can’t do it again,’ Molly murmured.

‘Why not? You got anywhere else to be?’

‘Hmm.’

Sadie took advantage of her hesitation and kissed her again, before wriggling down to her waist. ‘I think we got plenty of time.’

[carry-the-sky]

you were a kindness when i was a stranger

summary

“Sleep on it,” Karen tells him. “If you’re still not feeling it by tomorrow, just shoot me a text and let me know.” She cracks a grin. “Don’t worry, there’s a pile of headline-making material sitting on my desk if this falls through.”

Curtis takes her advice and really thinks it over. Ultimately, it comes down to fear—his. And he refuses to let it drag him down. If he can’t practice what he’s preaching, he shouldn’t be running a group at all.

He texts her first thing in the morning: Hi Karen, it’s Curtis. I’m in.

chapter one | chapter two

Curtis got a concussion once as a kid—went headfirst over his bike’s handlebars after taking a corner too fast. Got his bell rung pretty good, even with a helmet. He remembers feeling more dazed than anything, like someone had stuffed his skull with packing peanuts.

Frank Castle showing up out of the blue for the first time in six months has a similar effect.

Curtis got a concussion once as a kid—went headfirst over his bike’s handlebars after taking a corner too fast. Got his bell rung pretty good, even with a helmet. He remembers feeling more dazed than anything, like someone had stuffed his skull with packing peanuts.

Frank Castle showing up out of the blue for the first time in months has a similar effect.

Curtis knows he should probably say something, but his head is empty, nothing but static. The words just aren’t there.

Frank pushes to his feet. He looks a hell of a lot calmer than Curtis feels, but then Curtis sees his trigger finger tap-tap-tapping away at his side, and he can’t help but feel a small pinch of satisfaction. Let the bastard sweat a bit—Curtis is the furthest thing from inclined to make this any easier on him.

“How’s it goin’?” Frank says, like they’re just casually catching up over lunch, and Curtis almost laughs aloud. This whole thing is surreal; Frank, here, in one piece. His voice even sounds normal again.

That’s not the only thing that’s different. Curtis can tell that Frank’s face is a little fuller, free of those purple-blue shadows that seem to permanently lurk under his eyes. He’s gone full Pete-beard again, and he’s traded in the black hoodie for a flannel and jeans. He looks—ordinary. If Curtis didn’t know him, he wouldn’t look twice if he passed Frank on the street.

Curtis breathes deep, lets it out nice and slow. “What the hell are you doing here, Frank?”

“Wanted to say hello,” the other man answers, hiking his shoulders slightly. “Figured you wouldn’t shoot me in a church.”

Curtis does laugh at that, clipped and hollow. “Wouldn’t be so sure about that, man. You’re definitely testing my resolve.”

“I know I’m a jackass showin’ up here, Curt—”

“Got that right,” Curtis mutters.

“Hey,” Frank says, voice going a little rough. “Five minutes, yeah? Give me five minutes, and if you wanna throw my ass out after that, you be my guest.”

Curtis shakes his head. “As much as I’d enjoy that, your timing is shit, Frank. I got a reporter from the Bulletin who’s gonna be here any second—”

Frank’s eyes sharpen. “Reporter?”

“Yeah, so if you don’t want your face plastered all over the front page, I suggest you get the hell out of here.”

“Who—”

“Hey, Curtis, sorry I’m a little late. Traffic was terrible—”

Curtis’ eyes snap up. Karen stands in the doorway, frozen as a statue. She’s staring straight at Frank.

Shit. She might recognize him. The beard and flannel are a flimsy smokescreen at best; Frank’s face has graced the front page of that paper of hers more than once. Curtis can almost feel the wheels spinning as his brain kicks into high gear, already working out how to get Frank out of this, how to explain away the fuckin’ Punisher standing here talking to him in the middle of the afternoon. Karen’s a good person, decent, but she’s also good at her job. There’s no way she turns a blind eye to this. He has to think of something—

“Frank,” she breathes.

Curtis’ thoughts grind to a halt.

Because—she clearly does know him, but not in the way Curtis was expecting. The way she says his name, soft with disbelief—

For the second time today, Curtis feels like he’s walked into a fever dream.

He glances at Frank, and the man’s got a busted up expression on his face, like one of those abstract paintings that looks like something and nothing all at once.

“Karen,” he says, voice grating over the word, and shit, he sounds more torn up than he looks. He makes a noise in the back of his throat, choke-off like the words are stuck there—then his jaw locks and his gaze ricochets to the ground, the wall, the ground again. Curtis can see his hands shaking from here.

Whatever the hell this is, it’s way above his pay grade. Curtis shakes his head again and starts unstacking chairs from where they hang against the wall. “You should leave before everyone gets here,” he says, glancing over his shoulder at Karen. She looks like she’s seen a ghost.

He knows the fuckin’ feeling.

“Hey,” Curtis says, and her head snaps in his direction. “We still good?” 

Her gaze wobbles, darts to Frank and then back. “Yeah, of course. We’re good.” Slowly, she moves from the doorway, brushing past Frank like he’s not even there.

“Jesus christ,” Frank curses under his breath. He reaches for her. “Karen, this isn’t—”

But whatever he was going to say is lost as voices filter in from the hallway, growing steadily louder. Curtis swallows the bubble of hysterical laughter that’s rising in his throat. This day has already gone sideways; might as well let go and let God, as his pop always used to say.

No one notices Frank, at first. A couple people—Lydia included—greet Karen enthusiastically as they enter the room; the rest settle into the regular routine of milling about at the coffee table.

Rahul is the one who finally spots him. “Pete?” he gapes. “Shit, man, it’s good to see you! Where you been?”

That gets everyone’s attention. Within the span of a few seconds, Frank has about half a dozen people crowding around him, clapping him on the back and peppering him with questions about how he’s doing, what he’s been up to. Frank pastes on a shaky smile and gives the small talk a good effort, but his eyes keep skittering to where Karen’s arranging the chairs in a wide circle. Curtis can’t remember the last time he saw Frank look so uncomfortable; he’s wound tense as a coil, all potential energy with nowhere to go.

Curtis almost feels bad for him. Almost.

“You’re staying for group, right?” someone asks, and this time Frank locks eyes with Curtis.

Curtis shrugs as if to say your call. It’s not like he can throw him out in front of everyone. Beyond that—honestly, he’s relieved. Beneath the layers of hurt and anger is the one thing Curtis has shied away from acknowledging: his fear that maybe this time, Frank stayed dead.

Thankfully, the man seems to have nine lives. And right now, he looks like he’d like nothing more than to sink into the floor and disappear.

Against his better judgment, Curtis throws him a bone.

“Pete just dropped by to say hello. You were on your way out, right?” he asks, fixing Frank with a look that he hopes conveys what he’s thinking: take the hint, man.

There’s a ripple of disappointment, but everyone seems to buy it. Frank threads his way over the Curtis, and his relief is almost palpable.

“Thanks, Curt,” he says.

“You’re running up a hell of a tab, Frank.” Curtis pinches the bridge of his nose, already regretting what he’s about to say. “You remember that bar over on 12th? After group—I’ll give you one hour. And you’re buying.”

Frank smirks. “Fair enough.” 

His eyes flick across the room; Karen’s been carefully avoiding looking over here, but it’s like she can feel the weight of his gaze. Curtis sees it, the moment their eyes meet.

Frank’s face opens up like a book, eyes wide and bright. Curtis has never seen him look this vulnerable; even as long as they’ve been friends, he’s always kept the softest parts of himself tucked away. It makes Curtis feel like he’s intruding on something intimate.

Then someone’s saying Karen’s name, and the moment splinters. Frank ducks his head, already sliding the mask back on, and slips out the door.

.

Group passes uneventfully. The conversation picks up from where they left things last week, and aside from injecting a few questions here and there, Curtis is mostly an observer. If he’s being honest, he really enjoys the weeks he can just sit back and let the group carry itself. Makes him feel like it’s bigger than any one person, like it can go on without him being in the driver’s seat.

Karen is quiet through most of the meeting, definitely more reserved than last week. When the hour is up, she tells Curtis she’ll be in touch, thanks him again for having her, and then manages to duck out before anyone notices she’s gone. 

Curtis knows it’s none of his business, but he can’t help wondering who she is to Frank. She’s more than an acquaintance, that much is for damn sure. And Frank clearly cares for her. Curtis lets his curiosity simmer, carrying him all the way from the church to Sal’s dive bar.

Frank’s already there when he arrives. True to his word, he’s ordered the first round; he raises his beer up in greeting as Curtis slides onto the bar stool next to him.

“Got you somethin’ a bit stronger,” Frank says, nodding at Curtis’ glass.

Curtis takes a swig and tastes jack and coke. He glances down at his watch. “You’re on the clock, Frank. One hour.”

Frank huffs out a laugh. “Shit, where do I start?”

“How about Karen?” Curtis says. “What was that back at the church?”

Even in the dim bar light, Frank’s eyes flint over. “Long story.”

“Give me the spark notes version.”

Frank taps his thumb against his beer, pointedly avoiding Curtis’ eyes. Then he pushes back in his seat slightly. “Alright, you win. You remember my trial? Karen was on my legal team. She was the one who started digging into what happened to Maria and the kids. All the shit that’s gone down since then—she got caught up in some of it.”

Curtis takes another drink, processing. “And let me guess, you”—he holds his fingers up as air quotes—“pushed her away to keep her safe.”

Frank tips his beer back, hiding a grin. “Guess I deserved that, huh?”

“You’re one predictable son of a bitch, Frank.” He glances sidelong at his friend. “You gonna apologize to her for whatever it is you did?”

The way Frank’s face falls is answer enough. Curtis knows that expression well; whatever happened between the two of them is eating him up inside.

“I’m tired, Curt,” he finally says, each word ragged. “I’m so goddamn tired. All the blood and bullshit—” Frank’s throat bobs as he swallows. “Woke up one morning just sick of all of it. Started thinking about the kids, about Maria—if they could see me, Curt—”

“Don’t do that to yourself, man,” Curtis cuts in. He knows how fiercely Frank loved his family; hearing him tear himself up wondering what they’d think of him now sits a little funny in his gut.

Frank meets his gaze head on. “I’m sorry, Curtis. I know that might not mean shit anymore, not coming from me, but there it is. All the shit I put you through—I never meant for it to go as far as it did. You gotta know that.”

It’s Curtis’ turn to laugh. “I don’t know that. Hell, sometimes���sometimes it seems like you like it when shit hits the fan. You like being backed into a corner, fighting your way out.”

“Yeah, you might be right about that. Still sorry I dragged you into it.”

They drink in silence for a few minutes. It’s a weeknight, so the bar is mostly quiet, just the low thrum of conversation and a thin crackle of music leaking from the radio behind the bar. Curtis can almost pretend that they’re just two friends catching up over a drink, talking about trivial shit like work and the weather and who’s going to the playoffs.

The thing is, Curtis isn’t quite ready to forgive Frank. It’s gonna take more than one night at Sal’s to mend the rift between them. But maybe Frank’s not looking for forgiveness; maybe what he needs tonight is a friend, a brother. Someone who loves him even when they’re pissed as hell at him.

Curtis thinks he can do that.

“So,” he says, eyeing Frank knowingly. “When’re you gonna call her?”

Frank flicks his eyes over, mouth pinching into a line. “Not too sure Karen wants to hear from me, especially after today.”

Curtis shakes his head. “Thought your wallowing asshole days were behind you, man. It’s time to gather your rosebuds.”

Frank snorts. “Quoting old English poetry at me now, huh?”

“You bet your ass. I live for all that carpe diem shit. You say you hung up the vest, right? You’re done with that? Then prove it. You got one life, Frank, so go live it.”

Frank dips his head to the floor. When he looks up again, his eyes are a little wet. “I’m scared, Curt.”

“Shit, Frank, that’s all anyone is. We’re all scared. The hardest thing to do in this world is live in it.” Curtis reaches over and clasps Frank’s shoulder. “But you don’t have to do it alone.”

Frank bobs his head, but Curtis can tell he still can’t quite see it. The man’s been punishing himself for so long; it’s all he thinks he deserves. Curtis has seen enough war and trauma to know that sometimes there’s no coming back from that ledge. Frank has to make that choice himself. He might not be ready yet, but he’s here in this bar instead of out on the streets, and that’s not nothing.

Frank blinks, then tilts his head to squint at Curt’s watch. “Hour’s almost up. Deal’s a deal, yeah?” He slaps a few bills down on the bar and starts to stand.

Curtis holds his almost-empty glass up. “I could go for one more round.”

“Yeah?” Frank asks, and the word cracks a bit.

Curtis feels something loosen up in his chest. “Yeah, man.”

Frank sits back down, and it feels like a step forward.

.

The article runs a few days later. Karen calls to give him a heads up, but the anticipation still jolts down his spine as he thumbs through the paper to find it. Curtis reads it through once, his throat going a little tight as he reads quotes from the vets about how group feels like a family, how it’s helped them find their way back to normal after coming home. Karen’s writing is the backbone of the whole thing, capturing the group’s essence without bleeding into the melodramatic.

He reads it again, then gives her a call.

“Anything interesting in the paper today?” she says when she answers.

Curtis huffs. “Funny.”

“What did you think?”

“I’m a little overwhelmed,” Curtis admits. “But mostly thrilled that it’s out there. These guys deserve it.”

“Agreed,” Karen says. “And so do you.”

Curtis doesn’t know what to say to that. Group always felt like something he needed to do, a way to reclaim his trauma instead of succumbing to it. He’s never needed or wanted any recognition for it.

“Thanks, Karen,” he finally manages. “And hey, if you ever need something to do on Thursdays, you know where to find us.”

“Even after last week?” She says it lightly enough, but even over the phone Curtis hears the slight strain in her voice. “I felt awful for leaving so quickly.”

“Hey, I get it. Bit of an exciting day.”

She laughs dryly. “You could say that.” A pause, and then— “Do you and Frank keep in touch, or—” she cuts off, and for a second Curtis wonders if the call dropped. “Shit, I’m sorry. That was completely unprofessional. Forget I said anything.”

Curtis knows he should leave it at that, but the tinge of resignation in her words is all too familiar. He remembers what he told Frank all those months ago, hoping this time it might sink in. Disappointed but unsurprised when it didn’t.

People are gonna care about you whether you want them to or not, Frank.

Karen’s one of the good ones. He knows that Frank knows it, too—and maybe that’s what pushes him to say something now, his better judgment be damned.

“Look, Karen, if I’m overstepping, you tell me to shove it, but—until last week, I hadn’t seen or heard from Frank in months. I know what it’s like to worry about the guy—hell, I wanted him to come back so I could kick his ass myself.”

That pulls a small laugh from the other end of the phone. “Get in line.”

“Yeah, so you get it,” Curtis says through a grin. “I love Frank like a brother, but the man drives me batshit more often than not.”

Karen sighs softly. “I want more for him, you know? More than—whatever the hell he thinks he’s doing out there.”

“I think, deep down, below all the bullshit—I think he wants that, too.”

Silence stretches over the line. “You’re a good friend,” Karen finally says. “It’s nice to know that Frank has one of those.”

“Hey, likewise,” Curtis replies, and he means it. He’s not sure he’ll ever forgive Frank if he lets this woman slip through his grasp.

“I’ll see you around?”

“Absolutely. I’m serious about group—don’t be a stranger.”

Curtis hangs up feeling lighter than he has in weeks. He’s still tempering his expectations for Frank—they’ve been down this road before—but maybe there’s a way out of the woods. Maybe they can both get back to the business of living.

He doesn’t put much stock in new-age bullshit like manifestation or destiny, but it does feel a little prophetic when Frank texts him later that afternoon: Nice article.

Yeah, I thought so, Curtis types back, followed up with a rose emoji just to see if Frank will take the bait.

He doesn’t have to wait long. His phone buzzes after a few seconds, and Curtis laughs when he reads Frank’s response, knowing the hit landed.

Shut up, Curt.

.

“—telling you, man, it’s a classic.”

“Yeah, maybe if you’re a middle-aged white lady.”

“Excuse me?” Lydia counters, spreading her arms. “Do I look middle-aged or white to you?” 

Rahul just shrugs and leans back in his seat. The conversation tonight had started simply enough before quickly devolving into an argument about books, of all things. Lydia had offered up a few that resonate with her, one of them being Pride and Prejudice. Rahul had looked at her like she was an alien, and now here they are.

“If it helps, I’ve read it too,” Curt cuts in. “I’ll admit it’s a little dense at first, but it’s a classic for a reason. Ultimately, it’s about acceptance. Not judging someone before you’ve gotten a chance to know them. That’s something all of us in this room can relate to, right?”

There are some begrudging nods, but Rahul shakes his head. “Nah, man. No way some English lady who lived, like, a hundred years ago knows anything about my life.”

Lydia scowls, but Curtis holds up a hand. “That’s a valid opinion. But I bet if you gave it a chance, you’d be surprised.”

“You talking about Jane Austen again, Curt?”

Heads swivel toward the source of the sound, and Curtis looks up to see Frank walking through the door. He pulls a chair off the rack and slides between Rahul and Lydia. “Sorry I’m late. And uh, for the record—her novels are the good shit.”

“Not you too, man,” Rahul groans. 

“Got me through one of my first tours,” Frank replies. He gestures at Curtis. “This guy wouldn’t stop talking my ear off about it, so I finally took the damn thing just to shut him up. Stayed up half the night reading it. Curtis knows his shit.”

Curtis feels himself smiling. “Good to have you back, Pete.”

It is. It really is.

Frank makes the rounds after group, catching up with all the vets he knew from before and even chatting with some of the newer members. Curtis catches Lydia fist-bumping him, and he almost shakes his head in disbelief. If someone had told him two weeks ago that Frank would be here, in this room, smiling and making small talk, he would’ve laughed right in their face.  

“Hey, man,” Rahul says, walking up to him. His face goes a little sheepish. “So, uh, if you have that book on you—”   

Curtis blinks. “You’re really gonna give it a shot?”

Rahul shrugs. “Yeah, I mean—you and Pete both think it’s, like, God’s gift to literature, or whatever, so how bad can it be?” He glances over his shoulder surreptitiously. “Just don’t tell Lydia, yeah?”

Curt claps him on the back. “Deal. I’ll bring it next week.” 

Rahul nods, then jerks his head in the direction of the door. “Hey, did you see who’s here?” 

Curtis frowns, peering over Rahul’s head in that direction—

Karen is standing beside Frank, her head thrown back in laughter at something that Lydia has said. She’s in her work clothes, but her hair looks a little glossier, and she’s definitely wearing lipstick. Curtis watches as Frank brings his hand to the small of her back in a gesture that’s effortless, like this isn’t the first time he’s done it.

Gather your rosebuds, Frank.

The bastard really did it. Curtis hadn’t realized how badly he wanted this for him—something to live for after the war was over. Now it’s happening right in front of him, unfolding in real time. It makes his chest ache a little. 

Karen catches Curtis’ eye and gently peels herself away. “Long time no see,” she says, coming up to him. “I would’ve been here tonight, but Ellison’s got us working overtime on this city councilman thing.”

Curtis nods. He’s heard a few things through the grapevine—embezzlement in the councilman’s office, real original—and he wondered if Karen would be following it. “Back to making headlines?” he quips. 

“Maybe just one more,” Karen laughs. 

Curtis tips his head in Frank’s direction. “So, guess he finally pulled his head out of his ass.”

Karen follows his gaze. The look on her face is in direct contrast to the one Frank was wearing last week, love and hope and so much warmth. It’s all the answer Curtis needs.

“About damn time,” he says.

Karen’s mouth curves into a soft smile. “No argument there. Hey, we were going to grab dinner at that new Thai place on 7th—you’re welcome to come with, if you’re not busy.”

Curtis considers it for a second, but the last thing he wants to be for either of them is a third wheel. They deserve some time for themselves. He has all the time in the world to give Frank shit about this; he’ll let him have one night of peace.

“Let me take a raincheck,” he says. “Next week sometime?”

“Next week is perfect,” Karen replies. “See you then.”

The other vets are trickling out now, waving and calling out goodbyes over their shoulder. Karen makes her way back over to Frank, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. She leans in to say something in his ear, and he casts a glance back at Curtis. 

Curtis bobs his head once, and Frank returns the gesture, mouth creasing into a smile; then he turns and follows Karen out the door.

Curtis watches him leave, thinking he’s never been more happy to do so.

[ninzied]

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”

for @fulloffeels.

kastle roommate au. 2.5k.

Living with Karen is one of the best, worst things he’s ever done.

He’d thought she was joking, when she first suggested it.

“Your landlord won’t stop raising your rent, and this way you’ll be closer to work.” She said it like it was a no-brainer. “Besides, you spend half your time stealing the beer at my place anyway,” and as she sipped on her drink Curtis gave Frank a look, eyebrows nearly shooting clean off his forehead.

Frank scowled at him before saying to Karen, “I appreciate that, but I wouldn’t want to, ah, disrupt your—you know—”

“Riveting social life?” Karen said archly, glancing around with a pointed expression. Even for a Thursday night, Josie’s didn’t have much going on. “Please. If anything, you’re so allergic to human contact that your social life will only make me feel better about mine.”

Frank shook his head with a laugh. “You’re really selling it now.”

“Great,” said Karen. “What does next week look like for you?”

Which is how Frank finds himself moving into Karen’s two-bedroom, 800 square foot loft, a steal by New York standards, sharing a bathroom, and making them coffee and eggs in the morning.

“Think I’m starting to get the real reason you keep me around,” he tells her, stirring in the cream and sugar just the way she likes it.

“Mm. I definitely got the better end of the deal,” she agrees, sipping, and smiling, and kissing his cheek before going about the rest of her day.

It’s fine. It’s fine.

And it’s—surprisingly easy, at first.

A lot of it is in fact not so different from what he’s already used to.

Karen’s never been fussy about how she looks in front of her guy friends, always changing into sweats first thing after getting home from work, washing her face clean of makeup, cracking open a cold can of beer. A typical evening still gets spent arguing over the merits of reality TV—or, when Karen’s bogged down by work, he’ll read through articles she’s drafted up, and talk through court cases with her.

“Are you sure you’re a former Marine?” she shakes her head at him on occasion. “Sometimes I think you must have been a criminal mastermind in a past life.”

“Yeah?” He tosses a couch cushion at her. “Next time you need my help, why don’t you go ask those two lawyer friends of yours instead.”

“They’re not as cute when they get flustered,” Karen shrugs, with a perfectly straight face as Frank scrubs a hand over the back of his head and mumbles something about getting another drink from the kitchen.

Frank doesn’t let her order takeout as much as she’s probably used to, but she doesn’t complain either, every time he cooks for them—only teasing him a little for wearing an apron, and flicking water at him when he points out the soap suds in her hair.

It’s easy. Almost too easy, how everything just falls into place, how living with Karen comes so naturally to him. Like it’s something he was always meant to do.

And then she starts seeing someone.

Frank tries not to notice the small signs.

The extra minutes she spends getting ready in the bathroom. The subtle dab of gloss on her lips, the rosy glow to her cheeks. The late evenings out. The way she’s always checking her phone, how her thoughts drift off mid-conversation with him.

She goes on a couple of dates with this guy. She doesn’t bring him home with her, at least, and she hasn’t spent the night at his place. Frank doesn’t know much about him at all. She tells him very little, and he tries not to pry—he doesn’t want to be that cliché who only knows what he has once he’s lost it.

Not that Karen was ever his to begin with.

After the third date—not that Frank is keeping track—she comes home earlier than usual. He tries not to think anything of it. It’s a weeknight, and they’re both always up before dawn for work.

Frank’s on the couch, nursing a beer as she toes off her heels and flops down beside him.

“You look nice,” he says, gaze not leaving the screen.

She sounds amused when she replies. “How can you tell? You look like your eyes haven’t left Regis Philbin’s all night.”

“You always look nice,” says Frank, the words out of his mouth before he can stop them. He clears his throat. “So, uh. How are you?”

Karen hums thoughtfully. “Now that’s the million dollar question.”

He finally glances sidelong at her. “Date not go well?”

She looks at him for a moment, and he can’t read the expression on her face. “Date went fine,” she says.

“That’s good.” He nods, then looks back at the TV. He stares at the screen without really seeing it. “That’s good.”

He takes another sip of his beer.

“Do we have any more of those?” she asks him, nudging her foot against his leg.

“Yeah. Hang on.” He hands her the remote and heads to the fridge.

The screen’s still on Regis when he gets back, handing her an open bottle.

“I don’t think this guy’s going to make it,” says Karen. The contestant is currently sweating it out over 32 thousand. He’s already used up two of his lifelines.”

“Think you’re right about that,” says Frank.

…

“So, have you kissed her yet?”

Frank goes still, his fork freezing halfway up to his mouth. “How’s that?”

“C’mon, honey. I told you. Look at him.” David’s talking about him like he’s not even there. “Does he strike you as a guy who’s been kissing anyone recently, let alone Karen?”

Frank raises a brow, lowering his fork to his plate. “You want to run that by me again?”

“Well have you?” asks David, and at Frank’s unresponsiveness he shrugs and says, “I rest my case.”

Frank spears up a small buttered potato, imagining it with David’s face for a moment. “Karen and I are just friends,” he tells them. “Living with her doesn’t change that. Besides, she’s—she’s seeing someone.”

“Since when have you let that stop you before?” David wants to know, wincing good-naturedly when Sarah cuffs him on the shoulder.

“For the last time,” she says. “It was just one kiss, we were in college, and you and I were on a break.”

David opens his mouth to argue, but Sarah’s already moved on.

“I didn’t realize Karen was seeing anyone.” Sarah wrinkles her nose. “She hasn’t mentioned it.” She looks back over at David. “Did she say something to you?”

“Of course,” says David, “because Karen and I like to gossip about our love lives with each other.”

Sarah reaches across the table and squeezes Frank’s arm sympathetically. “I’m sorry,” she says. “We just want you to be happy. Maybe if you told her how you felt—”

“It’s not like that,” says Frank.

But judging by the look the Liebermans exchange with each other, they aren’t any more convinced than Frank is on the matter.

“Well if that’s the case,” says David, with a triumphant little side-eye at his wife, “then I guess it won’t be too insensitive of me to point out that you lost our bet?”

“Unbelievable,” mutters Frank. “Remind me again why I’m friends with you two?”

…

It’s three months into their living arrangement, and three Fridays after Karen’s started falling off the face of the earth, when it happens.

He’s been out for drinks with Curt, trying not to think too hard about what Karen had been wearing when she left on her date, whether she’ll be home by the time he gets back, if this is going to be the night he doesn’t see her again until morning.

Shit. The Liebermans were right.

And if the look Curt’s giving him is anything to go by, he’s known all along, too.

“How you holding up?” he asks, even more delicately than usual.

Frank snorts, shakes his head. “Lieberman told you, didn’t he.”

“He might’ve said something,” says Curt, sounding almost apologetic about it. “Do you know anything about the guy she’s seeing? It’s not the lawyer she used to date, is it?”

“Nah.” Frank downs the rest of his beer, gesturing at the bartender for another. “I think she would’ve told me if it was.”

“Still,” says Curtis. “Doesn’t seem like her to be this secretive about it, does it?”

“No. You’re right.” Frank stares into his empty glass. The alternative, though, is—what? Does Karen know, too? All this time, and the tip-toeing around—was it all just her way to spare him and his feelings?

The last thing he wanted, when he moved in with her, was to make her feel like she had to hide any part of her life from him.

He thinks over what he wants to tell her as he’s walking home from the subway an hour later. “Karen,” he mutters under his breath. “If you want me to go, I’ll go. But if you want me to stay, I’m—I’m not gonna stand in the way of whoever it is that's making you happy.”

His chest is uncomfortably tight by the time he’s inserting the key in the lock. It only occurs to him then that she might not even be home; it’s barely nine, and it’s their fifth date at this point. If the guy she’s seeing hasn’t put the moves on her by now—

But the lights are on as he closes the door, the TV playing at low volume. There’s a cooking show that Karen doesn’t normally watch, unless he’s at home and has managed to wrangle the remote from her.

He walks further into the apartment, something lightening in his step. He pivots a corner out of the hallway, and his shoe crunches down on the unmistakable sound of glass.

He lifts his gaze, takes in the kitchen with the sense of one who’s not actually there—his vision swims, and it feels so surreal, like it’s not really his body that’s moving. Stepping over the glass. Picking up the bloodied knife on the cutting board. There’s another glass, this one intact, sitting innocently on the counter next to half a lime and a bottle of tequila.

Everything is spattered with blood.

Karen.

He swallows back bile, hands clenching into fists. She has to be okay. She has to—

“Frank? Is that you?” Karen’s voice is coming from the bathroom, and it breaks through his reverie. The knife clatters back onto the counter. He hadn’t realized he’d still been holding it.

He’s at the bathroom door in two seconds. “Where is he?” he thunders, in a voice he hardly recognizes as his own. “He hurt you? He do this to you?”

Karen stares over at him from her place by the sink. She’s holding a towel to her hand, and the basin is spotted bright red with blood. “What? Who?”

Frank’s not more than a couple inches taller than Karen, but his terror makes everything else look small, and he’s all but towering above her, gaze roaming all over to assess her for any obvious injuries.

It takes him a moment to recognize the shirt that she’s wearing.

“Sorry,” she says unnecessarily, tugging a little on the hemline. “It was the first thing I grabbed out of the laundry when I got home.” His shirt falls just short of her knees, and underneath that she’s all long, bare legs. But he doesn’t let himself stop to think about what any of this means to him, because it’s not the thing that matters right now.

“I’ll kill him,” he says. “I didn’t need to know who he was before, but now I think I need to kill him.”

“Frank,” she says slowly. “It’s okay. It was me.” She uncovers her hand and shows him a cut along the edge of her thumb. It’s long, but not terribly deep, and it looks like it’s stopped bleeding for now.

He doesn’t realize he’s reached for her until her other hand closes around his.

“But he was here.” Frank looks up, brow knitting in the middle. “I saw the other glass. I thought—”

Karen flushes. “That was supposed to be for you. Curtis texted me when you were leaving the bar, and I, um. I thought I’d—” Frank goes on staring at her, and she lets out a small sigh. “We should probably talk.”

…

He brings her tea, and a first aid kit for her hand. She props her feet up on the coffee table, leaning back into the couch and watching him quietly as he cleans around the wound and carefully bandages it up.

“Might not ever let you back into your kitchen again.” He winds some more gauze around her thumb.

“Does it look like I’m complaining?” says Karen.

He’s turned into her, knees ending up under her legs as he works, but she doesn’t move away from him, and doesn’t let go of his hand when he’s finished.

“So, don’t be upset,” she starts by telling him, and he looks up at her then, jaw tensed, bracing. “But I’ve…been meeting with an informant.”

He stares at her, not comprehending.

“You’re not—?”

Karen shakes her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t want to lie to you, Frank, but I didn’t want to worry you either.” She laughs, looking rueful. “Which I guess I managed to do just fine anyway.”

Frank swallows, and has some difficulty looking her in the eye when he says, “You always seemed like you were…you know. On your way to do something else.”

“I figured it would seem less suspicious.” She bites her lip. “And…I would really be lying if I said the thought of trying to make you jealous didn’t cross my mind.”

Frank takes a deep breath. “That obvious, huh.”

“Yeah.” But the smile she gives him is gently teasing, and then she’s the one glancing down at their hands, their fingers curled loosely together. “I’ve, um. I’ve seen the way you look at me, when you think I don’t notice.”

“I’m always lookin’ at you,” he replies, and it’s as much a confession to her as it is to himself. “You want me to stop?”

“No,” she says, softly enough that he could’ve imagined it. But he doesn’t imagine the way that she leans closer, until their foreheads are almost touching, and the way she’s looking at him couldn’t be mistaken for anything else, either. “No. I don’t.”

…

The following Friday, they’re walking into Josie’s hand in hand.

“The usual?” asks Karen, laughing as he snakes a hand around her waist, pulling her in for a quick kiss. “I’ll meet you over there.”

His friends are a combination of smug and astonished as Frank walks up to their table.

“Hey,” is all he says, and sits down.

Sarah takes a calm sip of her drink. She lasts there for about three more seconds before excusing herself and heading briskly off toward the bar where Karen is standing, beaming at Frank as she goes.

“If you’ve got something to say,” sighs Frank, “feel free to get it done with now.”

“All right,” says Curt, and then he’s turning to David, both of them grinning from ear to ear. “Looks like the next round is on you.”

[iwritesongfics]

Pairings: Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Things get complicated in a friends with benefits scenario – who knew?

Warnings: Language, Bit of angst

A/N: I’m working on this long-ass fic and I’m stuck so this is me taking a REALLY short break from it. Enjoy and as usual, feedback is very much appreciated.

P.S. This is practically just a blurb/drabble

You woke up with a start as the arm you flung in your sleep landed on your cold mattress.

Figures. Billy never stayed the night.

You plucked the shirt he left on your bedroom floor and put it on before exiting your bedroom, half hoping he was still here making coffee, breakfast, whatever – but of course he wasn’t.

You shrugged and sleepily shoved a pod in your Nespresso, yawning at your lack of sleep from last night’s activities. It’s going to be a long-ass day at work with 3 hours of sleep for sure.

You rushed inside Centrale after a long day at work, worried you kept your friends waiting for too long since you left work late. To your surprise, you only found Karen sitting alone at the bar. You strode towards her and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Hey, girl, you been waiting long?” she looked up in surprise, obviously engrossed in an article she was either writing or proof-reading on her phone.

“I actually just got here,” she said distractedly, still tapping away at her phone.

“Mmkay, let’s get some drinks,” you said as you flagged down a bartender for your usual orders. Not long after you nursed your gin and tonic while Karen ignored a sweating bottle of beer as she studiously ignored you for work. “Tight deadline?” you prodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry I’m being a bad friend but go mingle first, please?” she implored with those large eyes you couldn’t resist. “Okay, okay, but you’re paying for this drink, you teased.

“I’ll pay for your drinks,” a deep voice interrupted to your side. You glanced at the volunteer and you smiled. Not bad. “You might regret telling me that, I’m no lightweight,” he laughed along with you.

“I’m Luke.” “Y/N,” you shook his hand.

“What’s your poison?” he asked. You gestured to your glass, but turned out it was already empty. You chuckle. “G&T, please,” you smiled. He nodded to a bartender who started on your orders right away.

It wasn’t long before you started feeling tipsy and flirty. Luke was being a perfect gentleman though, and you really enjoyed having a conversation with him. You barely noticed when your other friends eventually arrived.

Karen timidly approached you and Luke. “Um, hi.”

“Ohhh, hey, Luke, this is my best friend, Karen,” you grabbed her arm like she didn’t just abandon you a couple of hours ago for work.

“Hi Luke”, she said with a tight smile. “Well, Frank and Billy are here.” You raised your eyebrows. “They’re over at our regular table,” Karen continued.

“Did Billy send you over?”

“Ummm”

“Frank and Billy your dates?” Luke interjected, looking confused.

“No no, Frank is Karen’s date. Billy’s part of our group,” you clarified.

Karen nodded decisively and rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’m going back to Frank.”

“I’ll follow later, babe,” you said, hugging her. She rolled her eyes again and stalked off. You only ever called her that when you were getting drunk.

You snuggled closer to Luke. “Now, where were we?”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A loud buzzing interrupted your deep, drunken slumber.

“What the heck!”

You stalked towards your front door fully intending to give whoever was interrupting your beauty sleep a piece of your mind. You kept the security chain on as you peeked out your door.

“Billy?”

“Y/N”

“Ummmm, what are you doing here at 3 am?”

“Can I come in?” he was swaying at your doorway, staring at you with red rimmed eyes.

“Are you drunk?”

“Just let me in, Y/N!” he leaned sleepily against your door.

“I don’t know, Billy...”

He suddenly stood up. “Ohhh, I know why you won’t let me in, you brought home that guy, didn’t you?”

You rolled your eyes and unlinked the chain from your door. “Oh please, Billy, I’m not that easy.”

He stumbled inside. “Why would you ditch us like that, Y/N? Over a guy you weren’t even going to fuck.”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Billy, why do you care who I fuck?” you scoffed, walking away from him and into your kitchen. You grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and handed it to Billy. He took it and stared at it forlornly, like it offended him for some reason.

“I don’t want you to see other guys,” he suddenly whispered, still looking at the glass of water in his hand.

“Billy, what the fuck?” He jolted awake at your outburst.

“You were the one who told me you wanted to keep whatever this is casual and the second you see me talking to some guy you act like my boyfriend?”

“I’m jealous, okay,” Billy said, his sad eyes looking at you imploringly.

“You didn’t hear anything from me when you paraded that train in front of me, okay?”

Billy sank down on your sofa, thankfully setting down the glass on a side table. He takes his head in his hands. “Well, sorry, I know you probably don’t feel the same way, but – “

You laughed breathily, unable to believe what you were hearing right now. “I didn’t say anything because you said you didn’t want a relationship, okay? I just didn’t want to rock the boat, Billy.”

Billy stood up and stroked your arms with his hands, giving you goosebumps.

“I’m not your girlfriend, Billy.”

“I got some serious issues, Y/N,” he replied softly. “I just don’t want to bring you into them.”

You looked up at his earnest eyes. “You can’t have it both ways just because you don’t want to commit, Bill.”

“I know.”

“You don’t get to act jealous if you’re not my boyfriend.”

“I know.”

Billy just held you in your living room in silence. You didn’t know what else to tell the seemingly heartbroken man in front of you.

“If you were my girlfriend, though,” he suddenly whispered.

“What do you mean, Billy?”

“Be my girlfriend, Y/N,” he clutched your hands as he looked at you with conviction.

“What?” you replied stupidly. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You’ve wanted to hear this since you started sleeping with Billy.

“Please let me act jealous when you talk to other guys as your boyfriend.”

“You dolt,” you laughed as you stepped closer to Billy.

“Is that a yes?” he finally gave you one of his disarming smiles.

“Yes.”

Billy leaned down to give you a soft kiss, and you flung your arm around him and pulled your boyfriend closer to you.

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 44 - When The Past Comes Back To Haunt You

Seattle Washington, December 24 1990

(Chris is 26, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: "Babe...? Baby...? Andi - "

"Ok, ok, I'm coming, hold on," She calls as I wait at the bottom of the stairs for her.

My beautiful incredibly gorgeous wife then emerges from the bedroom and quickly runs down the stairs flipping those dark curls out of her face while she rolls up the sleeve to her red plaid button up shirt with her Pantera tank top underneath, looking like the Metal goddess she is. She finally arrives at the bottom of the stairs and drops down on the last step to tie up her Doc Martens.

"I said I was finishing up downstairs and then we were heading out," I chuckle.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry I couldn't decide on a shirt," She says looking down and tying up her boot, her curls falling down around her.

"What else is new?" I smirk as I watch her switch to her other boot.

"You shush," She smirks back as she brushes off her plain black leggings and flips her curls again to look up at me with those deep dark eyes. She rises from the step, moves closer to me and I lean down to her pressing my lips to hers. Just as she is about to pull away, my hand slips to the small of her back pressing her back to me and she softly giggles against my lips.

"I thought we were leaving?" She says against my lips as she places her hands on my chest.

"You shush," I say with a sly chuckle and press my lips back to hers. If there is one thing I can't resist, it's those beautiful lips on mine... among other things.

"Ok, so before you blame me for making us more late, we should get going," She giggles as she pulls away from me. I groan a little and lean in placing a quick on her neck, then she makes her way over to the front door, grabbing her leather jacket as I follow.

"Oh wait, Christmas presents?" She says turning around quickly to see me standing right behind her as she untucks her curls from her jacket.

"Already in the truck babe," I grin at her. She then pats down her jacket hesitating for a moment while I move to open the door.

"Maybe I should change my shirt?" She says.

"No babe, you look fine... it's just my brother and his girlfriend," I say.

"No I know -wait I thought we were going to your mom's for Christmas," She says turning to look up at me.

"Tomorrow... tonight it's Peter's first, then we're heading over to Layne's," I say. I swear I told her so many times but she seems to keep forgetting.

"Right... right sorry... um... where is my...?" She trails off looking away and scanning the living room.

"...what?" I ask raising my eyebrow.

"... my... um you know...my bag?" She says and walks back over to the couch.

"It's right here babe," I say gesturing to the hook on the wall beside the door where she normally hangs it up. She turns back to me throwing her hands up and laughing to herself as she grabs it from the hook. "Are you ok?" I add.

"Yea why?" She asks as she slings it around her shoulder once again untucking her dark curls from under the strap. After a few moments she looks back up at me and I study her eyes for a few moments. She softly smiles at me and I reach up to brush a curl out of her eyes.

"Nothing, just asking," I lie. Truth is I'm worried about her. I'm worried that her forgetfulness lately is a sign that she might slip again. I'm worried about the meds she taking as well. It seems as soon as the doctor increased her dose, the memory problems started showing up. Maybe I'm making something out of nothing. But, now isn't the time to bring up this kind of stuff. It's Christmas eve and I just want to spend it with her.

"Ready?" She asks sweetly.

"Yea," I sigh and turn to open the door, letting her walk through first, then I close it and lock it behind me.

*****

"Hey brother, good to see you," Peter smiles at me when he opens the door and sees us standing with a bag of presents.

"Hey Peter," I smile and we embrace each other in a hug for a few moments. "Finally able to get time off huh?" He adds.

"Yea just a bit," I chuckle as he lets go of me and pats me on my shoulder.

"Hey you," Peter smiles at Andi.

"Hi," She smiles shyly and he leans in to give her a hug. "How is my lovely sister in law?" He adds and she giggles as they embrace for a few moments.

"I'm good," She says and he rubs her back, then pulls away from her as she pushes a few curls from her eyes.

"Um... So I gotta tell you something before I let you come inside," Peter says hesitantly, peaking inside first then gently closing the door behind him so that we were all standing outside on the porch together.

"What is it?" I ask furrowing my brow. Peter glances back and forth between me and Andi then lets out a long sigh.

"Ok I don't really know how to say this but... Dad... showed up," He says and suddenly It felt like the whole porch dropped away.

"Dad? You mean here...? He's here?" My voice begins to rise and Peter hushes me while Andi reaches for my hand.

"Yea, he's inside - "

"And you didn't slam the door in his face, I mean... c'mon Pete," I say. So many emotions were bubbling up inside me at this very moment and I had no idea what to do or how to handle it.

"I know, I know but - "

"But what Pete?"

"-Chris, will you just come inside? We'll just have a talk ok?"

"No fuck that shit. If he says one word to me - "

"Baby, hey... it's ok. I'm here, Peter's here nothings going to happen," Andi says sweetly trying to diffuse the situation. How the hell do I tell her it's not going to be ok? It hasn't been ok since.. well... ever.

"Chris, c'mon... it'll be fine. He's been completely fine... He's in a good mood. He just wanted to see us. He wants to see you," Peter says. I look away from the both of them and turn to glance out at the snowy Seattle street behind me, breath clouds bellowing from my lips as I try to calm myself down. If there is one person, one man in this world that can make me feel 3 inches tall it's that man inside.

"Chris...?" I hear Andi from behind me as she takes my hand again, lacing her fingers through. I close my eyes and exhale a long breath and decide to go in.

"Ok...ok. For you babe alright.... Let's just get get this over with," I look down at her, those beautiful dark eyes looking back at me comforting and calming. I turn back and see Peter giving me a half smile and I just shrug. He then opens the door and gestures for us to come inside. Andi squeezes my hand and walks with me inside as Peter closes the door behind us.

*****

Edward Francis Boyle sits opposite of me in the large living room of Peter's house. It's a strange feeling to be sitting across from him all these years. Well... strange is an understatement. Actually I have no idea how to describe my feelings as he sits in that large reading chair next to the tree with that familiar mustard glass of bourbon and coke in his hand.

He looks different from the last time I saw him, older and a little heavier. His hair still dark like mine but with streaks of grey and cut military short with a bit of curl to it. His eyes as blue as as mine but slightly glossed over. Probably the only thing I like that I inherited from him - without the glossiness I mean. He seems cordial and calm - for now anyways. He never was a man of words unless... well only when you got his attention one way or another, then he was a man of many words. If you count those fists as his words.

"So... I hear that your um... band has made quite a stir in the last couple of years," He says to me breaking me away from my reverie, his voice deep and raspy - most likely from all the years of drinking.

"Uh yea... sure," I say and take a sip of my beer, suddenly feeling awkward that I'm drinking around him - this time being that I'm legally able to, instead of him catching me at 12 like he used to.

"Good to see that you finally decided to clean up a little bit... take the ribbons out of your hair," He says and once again there is that little stabbing feeling that I would always get whenever he made those kinds of comments towards me.

"Well dad I'm glad I finally made you proud of me," I remark with sarcasm and take a sip of my beer. Andi then comes into the room with a glass of wine and sits down beside me pushing her curls behind her ear while my father and I glance at each other.

"Did I miss anything?" She asks sweetly looking back and forth between us.

"I was just telling Chris here that I um... it's good to see him. Especially with you, I mean you two seem really happy - "

" - I am dad," I say with a hardened expression and Andi glances at me. My father on the other hand looks down at his bourbon, twirling the glass like he used to do.

"Um... so Chris told me that you were a pharmacist?" She says after a few moments hold her wine glass in her lap and crossing her legs.

"Yea, been retired for a few years now though. Moved up further North and pretty much keep to myself. Gets lonely sometimes though, but um... Peter was saying you moved here from Canada right?" He asks her.

"Yea, I got into the scholarship program through my school and was accepted to Seattle U. I um graduated about a year ago now..." She explains with a smile and my father grins back at her.

"Well that's good, what's your major?" He smiles and I just take another sip of my beer.

"Music Theory and Composition with a minor in Marketing,"

"I assume you play?"

"A little," She smiles, which in an understatement to say the least.

"When Chris was little, Karen - his mother - signed him up for piano lessons and he was just... well he hated it at first, then that voice came out of nowhere..." He trails off and all I could do was just sit there and sip my beer.

"I think I'll go check on Pete -" I start to get up from the couch but he cuts me off

"You know, Chris I was only hard on you because I wanted you to make something of yourself," He says as I rise from the couch.

"I need another beer," I say and shuffle passed Andi and the coffee table as she moves her legs in.

"The road you were headed down - drinking, stealing... stealing my med samples out of the bathroom when you thought I wasn't looking - "

"You need another glass of wine babe?" I ask turning back to her ignoring the empty words coming out of his mouth.

"Look I know your angry but - "

"Angry? You think I'm just angry? Anger doesn't even begin to explain the hell I've been though the last fucking 17 years of my life. You think you can come here with your snide remarks about how much I've cleaned myself up and expect me to just forget all the shit you ever did to me - to us our entire lives?" I turn to face him sitting in that chair as he leans forward, Andi looking at him showing just how uncomfortable she feels which I don't exactly blame her, but I'm pissed and I'm tired of pretending.

"Son, that's why I'm here, to clear things up," He says looking up at me.

"To clear things up... huh. Well I got a fucking newsflash for you dad, I don't want to clear things up. I don't want anything from you - I used to but not anymore. I don't want or need anything from you, not your approval - nothing," I say and take the last sip of my beer and slam it down on the coffee table making Andi flinch.

"Son - "

"Don't fucking call me that. You don't get to call me that. I'm not your son," I couldn't keep it in anymore and I can't fucking be in this room or this house with him sitting right there the way he is, the way he always sits with that stupid glass in his hand.

"I need a fucking smoke," I mumble under my breath still trying to contain myself but if I stay in here any longer I'm gonna do something I'll regret. I turn and see Peter standing in the doorway of the kitchen with an empathetic look on his face and I couldn't help but suddenly feel guilty that I let my temper get the best of me so I grab my jacket and head out the front door.

*****

Leaning against my blue Chevy pick up, I take another long drag of my cigarette and exhale a cloud of smoke, kicking the wet snow and slush at my feet. Never in a million years did I think he would ever show his face to me again. This isn't exactly my idea of Christmas eve. After a few minutes of me listening to the random cars driving by with the sound of the slush covered streets, I hear the front door open and see my gorgeous wife slipping on her leather jacket, untucking her curls like she does and making her way down the front porch steps, carrying a plate with what looked like a slice of Apple pie.

"Hey you," I smile at her taking another drag of my cigarette and squinting my eyes from the smoke.

"Hey... want some?" She asks once she reaches me, standing in front and takes some pie on her fork, offering it to me. I exhale a cloud of smoke and give her a little smirk as she gives me that sweet doe eyed glance while I lean in and take a bite from her fork.

"Mmmm... mmm hmmm, fuck that's good pie," I say.

"Amy made it," She says and I give her a confused look "Peter... Peter's Amy,"

"Oh yea, right," I say feeling stupid I forgot Peter's girlfriend's name. She then offers me another bite and I take it, then takes a bite for herself.

"You ok?" She asks taking another bite. I then take another drag of my cigarette.

"I don't know," I exhale a cloud of smoke and look out at the street, watching the cars drive by.

"You wanna come back inside?" She asks taking another bite.

"No, not really," I say taking the last drag of my cigarette and butting it out in the slush at my feet.

"Want the last bite?" She asks so cutely which makes me chuckle. She holds out the last bite on her fork and I lean back in and take it from her.

Man that really is good pie.

She then places the fork on the plate and leans in closer to me, reaching around me to set the plate on the hood of the truck, then places her hands on my chest just inside my jacket, lifts herself up just a little and presses her lips to mine. Just as I slide my hands to the small of her back to pull her even closer to me, she gently breaks her lips from mine and I touch my forehead to hers, making sure the brim of my hat is out of the way.

"You know what makes me love you so much?" She says.

"No, what makes you love me... so much?" I ask, closing my eyes and inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume. She's wearing that chocolate one. The one that drives me crazy for her.

"You're sweet and kind. You make me laugh. You don't give a shit what anyone thinks. You have a heart so big that you put everyone ahead of yourself... sometimes to a fault but you never think twice about it. You are everything that I could ever want in a husband, a partner, a lover, a best friend. As unpredictable as I am and as messed up as I am, you are the one constant thing in my life that I know will never leave me..."

I exhale slowly listening to her voice and I swear there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for her.

"You are so much more than everyone gives you credit for. I just want you to remember that when certain people from your past come back to haunt you," She says.

"You know, you have a really good way of convincing me to take you home and making crazy incredibly hot monkey jungle sex with you," I chuckle and she starts to laugh throwing her head back and I couldn't help but place my lips to her throat. Suddenly the front door opens again and I quickly break my lips away from her to see Peter coming down the front porch steps.

"Sorry I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," Peter says awkwardly.

"No, no, not really," I say quickly as Andi back away from me and straightens her jacket out.

"Amy's got the food all ready to eat so, you wanna come back in? Or...?" Peter hesitates as he gestures to the porch.

"Um... no I think um... I think it's better that I head back home. We're supposed to head over to Layne and Demri's tonight anyways so..." I trail off feeling a little guilty.

"You sure?" He asks.

"Yea... yea I really just can't go back in there if he's there. Maybe someday but... I just can't," I say as Andi leans into me holding my hand.

"Are we ok?" Peter asks.

"Yes of course. You're my brother I'm not holding anything against you. If you want to to have a relationship with him, by all means don't stop on my account. I just... I can't with him," I explain and Peter nods. He looks down at himself for a moment then back at me and I can tell he feels horrible about what happened inside. I then let go of Andi's hand and pull Peter to me, embracing him in a hug. I may be younger than him but I still tower over him like when we were kids.

"I love you brother, " I say.

"I love you brother," He says back and we let each other go for Peter to embrace Andi. After they say their pleasantries and what not, - Andi telling Peter to tell Amy she said goodbye, and making sure that he brought back in the plate that was sitting on the hood - we then hop in my blue Chevy pick up while she flips on some tunes.

"Ok so, where to? Layne and Demri's now?" She asks.

"Nope. Home first," I say and she raises her eyebrow at me. "What...? I wasn't kidding about that hot monkey jungle sex,"

"Chris!" She laughs.

[fific7]

Dangerous and Divine - Part 20

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s mainly fluff & lemon zest 🍋 Hopefully you’ve guessed by now that is my “Billy Russo Deserves Real Love AU” as I totally refuse to accept what happened in S2! The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Some drinking & swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My GIF)

You’d just realised that - despite his little caveman episode earlier on - you didn’t ever want any man except Billy in your life.

Still gazing into his dark chocolate eyes, you heard yourself saying, “I think I’ll have that ring, please.”

You really wished you’d had your phone in your hand to take a photo of Billy’s face, because it was what they call ‘a picture’.

Never had you seen his mouth drop open so wide. He gaped at you for what felt like minutes, until he stuttered, “Th... the ring???” You nodded, “Yeah.”

He grabbed your hand and stood up, moving quickly out of the booth and dragging you along with him. Glancing at the waitress, who was looking very surprised, he said happily, “Sorry, miss. We’re gonna have to leave. Sorry ‘bout that.” She shrugged and turned away as Billy rushed to the door, you in tow.

Once outside you huffed, “Billy! Slow down! And what about lunch?!” “Nah, nah, nah. Lunch’s gonna have to wait!” “But I’m starving!” “Angel, I’ll get you lunch soon, I promise ya. Right now? I need to get you back to the apartment. Get that ring on your finger ‘fore you change your mind!”

He continued moving along the sidewalk at speed, gripping your hand tightly almost like he thought you’d try to get away. You were beginning to pant slightly as he was going at such a rate, his long legs eating up the sidewalk, and you laughed breathlessly, “Seriously, Billy, slow down!” He dropped back ever so slightly, “Nearly there, angel,” he grinned at you.

Eventually you arrived back at his apartment, Billy throwing open the door and then slamming it behind the two of you. Just as well he doesn’t have neighbours up here, you thought, otherwise they wouldn’t be very happy.

The next second, Billy’s mouth was on yours in a fiery kiss. He broke away, “Wait there, wait there!” He almost bounced over to the kitchen table and grabbed the ring box. Meanwhile, you were smiling at his goofy schoolboyish enthusiasm. Then he was back in front of you and dropping to one knee again, but this time looking happy as a clam. The ring box was held up towards you, open on this occasion, and its occupant sparkled at you as it caught the light.

A bit out of breath, he said your name in a serious tone before continuing, “....I’ve said all this to you before, but I’ll say it over and over again. As many times as you need me to say it. I want you in my life.... I’ll always want you in my life, angel. I love you so much it hurts, and I can’t be without you.” The dark eyes stared intently into yours, “Will you marry me? Please?”

This time you reached out and stroked the hand which was holding the ring box, “Yes, Billy.... I will.”

The smile which appeared on his face would’ve put the sun to shame. He leapt up, fumbling a bit as he took the ring out of the box, taking hold of your hand and sliding it onto your waiting finger. It fitted perfectly. How’d he manage that? you thought.

But when you met Billy’s eyes they were full of tears. You immediately reached up and stroked his face, “Billy.... you’re crying.” He sucked in a big breath and wiped a hand across his eyes, pulling you into his arms and just holding you close.

“Thank you,” he whispered next to your ear. “I really hope you don’t feel like I pressurised you into this, angel. It means so much to me that you said yes. But just ‘cause I wanted it so bad doesn’t mean I ignored what you said before. Hey, we can still get to know each other while you’re wearin’ that ring on your finger. I just wanted something that said to the world you’re mine.”

“Big sap,” you smiled against his chest. He chuckled, “Yeah, I’ve already admitted I am,” before tipping your chin up with one long finger. His lips hovered over yours, “You’re my fiancée now.” You nodded, “Yes I am.” His mouth gently met yours and he kissed you... softly, slowly, with love.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After a prolonged and passionate kissing session on Billy’s sofa, you two finally made it back out for lunch. Which mightily pleased you, as you were absolutely starving by now. Billy had your hand in his and he was happily swinging both your arm and his backwards and forwards as you two walked back to the same diner you’d been in earlier.

He’d asked if you wanted to go elsewhere, but you just couldn’t face going even a little bit further away - you were sure you’d faint from hunger if you did.

The same waitress looked round from where she was leaning on the counter as you and Billy went back in, and tracked you over to the same booth you’d occupied before. Whipping out her notepad and pen, she was once again drinking in Billy with her eyes and ignoring you so a bit pettily, you picked up the menu with a flourish so that the diamonds in your ring flashed as they caught the light.

Her eyes were drawn to it - as you’d expected them to be - and widened quite noticeably. Billy was smirking at you, as he knew exactly what you were doing. He repeated almost the same thing he’d said earlier, “And my fiancée will have.....”

You hid a grin and ordered steak and chips, and Billy smiled “I’ll have the same,” at the waitress, before switching his gaze back to you a millisecond later. She looked at you, her mouth set in an irritated line and turned on her heel without another word. “And two beers, please,” you called after her. “Okay,” she said over her shoulder. You grinned over at your fiancé - your stomach leapt as you thought of him as that for the first time - “Y’know, if she worked for me, I’d fire her.” Billy nodded, smirking, “I know you would, angel. And not just ‘cause she’s got the hots for your fiancé.”

You swiped the menu at his his head, and he ducked out of the way with a joyous chuckle. You could tell that Billy was almost incandescent with happiness, and you felt glad that you’d made him really smile again.

While waiting on your food, you had a ‘brilliant’ idea. With Billy watching on with an amused smirk on his face, you took a photo of your ring and sent it to Karen.

About 10 seconds later, your phone rang and you answered it to a long loud shriek of “Ohmygod-Ohmygod-Ohmygod!” “Hi Karen,” you replied, holding the phone away from your ear and smiling at Billy.

She took a breath before saying, “So you did it! What happened to slowing down and waiting a little bit, then?!” You laughed, putting the phone on speaker, “I came round to Billy’s way of thinking.” You heard a chuckle from her, then Frank’s voice in the background, “Whass goin’ on?” Karen filled him in on the new development, he yelled something unintelligible and then suggested you all meet up for a celebratory drink. “Did you hear that?” asked Karen, “Wanna meet up for a drink?”

You looked over at Billy with a raised eyebrow, he nodded, so you said to Karen you’d meet the two of them at a bar halfway between the two neighbourhoods.

After consuming your late lunch faster than the speed of light, you and Billy headed out from the diner (you couldn’t resist giving the waitress the brightest smile as she frowned over at you while Billy paid) and walked to the bar to meet your two friends. Just as you approached it, a body slammed into you and two arms got you in a bear hug. Initially freezing in shock, you relaxed as you heard Karen squealing into your ear.

You managed to extricate yourself and as you did so, she grabbed your left hand, pulling it up to her face and squealing again, “Oh...! oh my god, it looks so good on you!” Grinning, you replied, “Why thank you,” as you made your way into the bar. Heading to an empty table, Frank went to the bar and ordered a bottle of champagne, returning to the table with it in an ice bucket. “Didn’t really see Frank as a champagne kinda guy,” you whispered to Karen. She and Billy grinned as Frank said. “I heard that!” and you looked at him apologetically, “C’mon, Frank, when was the last time you drank champagne?” He smiled, but a bit sadly, “At my wedding.”

Oh no, you thought, feeling instantly guilty. However Frank laughed now, “But if this isn’t a good time to take my second hit of champagne, I don’t know what is!” He glanced fondly over at Billy, who seemed to have a permanent smile on his face, then back at you, shaking his head and smiling, “You two.... I can’t keep up with you!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After several pleasant hours of drinking, chatting and laughing, you’d all eventually left the bar and gone your separate ways. Billy was now mildly tipsy, and insisted on walking down the street with both arms wrapped right around you. Which was fine until you met people coming in the other direction, meaning you had to dodge round them in an awkward dance, pulling Billy this way and that while he just clung onto you like an extra-large koala bear.

Back at his place, you were amused to see Billy’s eyes beginning to close drowsily, so despite all the filthy promises he’d been whispering into your ear the entire walk back, you two ended up just falling into bed and going to sleep.

You weren’t sure how many hours later, but you started to surface from your deep sleep as you suddenly became aware of hands on your breasts and something hard between your legs. Your eyes slowly opened to see Billy’s big dark eyes looking down into yours and then his hand found its way to your ring finger, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. Billy had somehow managed to part your legs and manoeuvre himself between them while you were sleeping on your side. Realising that Billy was already inside you and beginning to thrust, you whispered, “Billy, you cheeky big devil!!! I’m not awake yet,” but you only heard a low laugh from him as he carried on making love to you.

He was nuzzling into your neck, kissing and licking so you decided to take what was yours and grabbed two handfuls of his hair, pulling on it. He laughed out loud, “I guess you get to do that whenever you like now,” and thrust extra deep, making you gasp. “Definitely,” you managed to say as he rolled you over onto your back and pulled your knees up. His lips moved to your breasts, and your head went back onto the pillows as his tongue did its best work.

Suddenly he hit your sweet spot, and you hauled on his hair like you were trying to rein in a runaway horse, hearing an answering “Ow!” from him. You were just smirking to yourself when your climax hit you, and your mind went blank as you became completely immersed in it. Billy kept up his fast pace until you felt him shudder and release into you, his mouth biting down on your shoulder.

He moved onto his back, but somehow managing to stay inside you for the moment even as he softened. “Sweetheart.... you know I’m happy that you like my hair, but I truly don’t wanna be bald!” he laughed as he tried to get his breath back.

“I’ll buy you a wig!” you replied, “...sorry, Billy... not gonna stop pulling your hair, you know I’m not.”

Billy smiled lazily over at you, eyes staring into yours as he pulled slowly out of you, saying happily, “Yeah, angel, don’t worry... I know you’re not!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After breakfast, which involved a certain amount of kissing as well as the food items, you said to Billy that you needed to go shopping. You were just finishing a catch-up text with Jake, and noticed Billy reaching for his jacket. “No!” you blurted out, and he looked over at you in confusion and with a slightly hurt look on his face.

Billy seemed to need to be physically attached to you right now; he couldn’t stop stroking, touching, hugging, kissing you (with some licking thrown in there for good measure), so he looked really disappointed that you were insisting on going on your own. “I’ve just got a couple of extremely boring things to pick up, poppet and I don’t want to inflict that on you,” you soothed, going over to him for yet another long kiss.

“Okay, sweetheart,” he grumbled, “...how long you gonna be?” You stroked his face, “Not long, I promise.” A slightly happier look on his face, he sprawled out on the sofa and switched on the TV, so you sang out, “Bye!” and made your escape, a satisfied little smirk on your face.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Twenty minutes later, you were in Harry Winston’s Fifth Avenue store. The sales assistant was looking at you as if you’d been let out of a psychiatric unit for the day. You’d just handed her a ring made of out of a sliver of Post-It note, rolled up and sellotaped together. She took it from you, holding it between two fingers as if it might bite her.

You sighed, and decided to explain the situation to her as otherwise you didn’t think she’d take you seriously. “Look, my fiancé got me this ring....” extending your rock-laden finger towards her, “... but it was a complete surprise.” She now gave you a warm smile, recognising one of their very expensive engagement rings.

“And I want to get him a ring,” you carried on, “...and I want it to be a surprise for him too. Had to pretend I was just idly wrapping scrap paper round his fingers while I was watching something on Netflix.” It did look like something a kindergarten kid might’ve made, but you were quite proud of your improvised way of finding out Billy’s ring size.

Now she was really getting into it, leading you to a display case of big chunky men’s rings. “I’ve got something in mind, but I’m not sure you’ll have it in stock yet.” She gave you a quizzical look, and you described a ring you’d noticed recently in a fashion magazine; a fairly thin matt black titanium band, with two ultra-thin strips of platinum running round each edge. You knew that one of those chunky ones just wouldn’t look right at all on Billy’s long, slim finger.

She gave you a huge smile, “We’ve just launched some new collections, and that’s one of them! - our Midnight range. Please wait here, madam, and I’ll be right back.”

Soon you were on your way back uptown to Lenox Hill, and this time you were the one with a ring box hidden away out of sight.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

As you let yourself into the apartment and hung up your jacket by the door, you noticed that Billy had dozed off on the sofa. You loved watching Billy sleep, so perched on the edge next to him and stroked back a couple of strands of hair which had strayed onto his forehead.

He awoke at your touch, smiling sleepily up at you, “Angel, you’re back...”

You took hold of his left hand, and scrabbled around in your bag for the ring box. “Billy.... you remember you said you wanted something to show the world I belonged to you?” He gazed back at you warily, as if he thought you might’ve changed your mind while you were out. “Uh... yeah?”

“Well, snap!” you said, finally finding the box, opening it and then sliding the black band onto his ring finger.

Billy’s eyes widened, and mouth opened in surprise. “Wow!” he said, sitting up and looking at it closely, “I love it!” You breathed a sigh of relief: some guys didn’t even like wearing their wedding bands, never mind an engagement ring. “So you’ll wear it?” you asked. He nodded, “Uhuh, course I will, angel!”

He turned his hand this way and that, and you admired how good the slim band looked on his finger.

His dark eyes met yours, and he gave a low chuckle, “Ha, see...? Now you’ve got me on that leash, sweetheart!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane @omgrachwrites @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry

[forever--darling]

not too far away - s.m. (part seven)

a/n: where he calls and she comes running to his rescue

warnings: 6.7k words of drunk shawn, upset reader, and an anxiety attack

VII. bottle of gin

him 

The next morning, Shawn woke up the harsh stream of sunlight hitting him in his eyes. Sometime last night after he downed a couple more beers, he crashed onto his mattress that still hadn’t been put into the bed frame so it was just lying on the wood floor. The curtains hadn’t been put up and the large windows that peered across his wall let the morning city light shine in. At first, he laid still, eyes scanning the room for a few seconds before he remembered that this was his new apartment. Noticing his phone on the floor next to the mattress, he picked it up to check the time and let out a groan at it reading eight o’clock. 

He slowly peeled himself off of the plump white mattress, that only had a blanket thrown across it at the moment, and began to make his way towards the kitchen. His sweats were hanging low on his hips and his hair was tousled and messy. Shawn was already feeling the after-effects of having those extra couple beers the night before. His head was throbbing and his stomach felt like it couldn’t stop turning. He felt dizzy and as he went to rub his eyes he almost failed to notice the broken glass that sprawled across the floor. The glass bottle he had knocked over the night before still lay in pieces, the beer now dried and sticky on the new floor meaning it was going to be a pain for him to scrub later. 

Sighing, Shawn stepped over the mess and approached his fridge to grab a bottle of water, which was all that seemed to be in there at the moment. He took the cap off and began to swig down the drink, the coolness traveling down his throat. Collapsing onto one of the bar stools, he looked at his phone again now looking at all the texts he had received from his mom, friends, and sister. None of which read Y/N’s name. He let out another sigh but took interest in Aaliyah’s text that had been sent only minutes prior to Shawn waking up. 

It read, “About to leave with Y/N for a shopping day at the mall. I don’t know what you did but thank you, Shawn, because I couldn’t be any happier to have her back. Love you and probably see you later!” 

He smiled lightly at the message because though he had yet to know the truth clearly him and Y/N making up put a huge impact not only on him but his family. He had never seen his parents so happy besides there family dinners where they would go to the Y/L/N house or they would go to theirs. Everything was back to the way it was and the person that seemed the happiest about that besides Shawn was Aaliyah. She had held onto the hope that Y/N would come back and she did and here she was now about to spend the day with the younger Mendes. Aaliyah had gotten her big sister figure back and he knew that if things didn’t work out between him and Y/N that was the one positive about this whole thing. 

Sending a simple, “love you too and have a great girl’s day” back Shawn swiped off of Aaliyah’s name and clicked on Y/N’s being met with their messages from the day before. He smiled as he went to type, “sorry about last night. Have a fun day with Aaliyah, we’ll talk later.” 

But as he went to send it, something in Shawn pulled him back and instead he deleted it locking his phone. He dropped the black device onto the counter and ran his fingers through his tousled hair. So far he knew his day would be spent finishing the spare bedroom furniture, putting his mattress into his bed frame, and unpacking boxes. Turns out that wouldn’t be the only thing he’d be doing when his phone vibrated against the counter with another message. This one not from his sister or Y/N, which he hoped, but instead his friend Brian. 

“Hey man, heard you were back in town. Some of the guys and I want to get drinks tonight and think you should join. You in?” It said. 

His fingers began to tap against his kitchen counter as he stared at the message. It took him a few seconds before his thumbs began to hover over the keyboard and type a reply back. “I have a better idea. Party at my new apartment tonight. I’ll send you the address. Spread the word.”

Hitting send, he knew there was no going back but either way he didn’t really care because though he was a little hungover he desperately wanted to continue to wash his problems away with the comfort that came with shots or a bottle of gin. 

+

her

“So what are we doing first?” Aaliyah asked excitedly bouncing up and down in the passenger seat as she buckled herself in. 

You sent her a look, crossing your fingers, hoping that it would be okay, “Well I was thinking the mall but if you don’t like the idea we can find something else.” 

“No,” she smiled, “The mall is perfect.” 

“Good because your mom said you needed to find a dress for some dance,” you continued pulling your sunglasses down from your head, relieved that they didn’t get caught in your hair. 

“Oh yeah, I do. I almost forgot,” Aaliyah chuckled to herself, “The dance is only a week and a half away.” 

“Really, are you excited?” you asked as you pulled out of the Mendes driveway and began to make your way towards the mall that happened to be around a fifteen-minute drive. 

“Yeah, I guess,” she sighed slumping in the passenger seat. 

You chuckled, “You guess? What do you mean you guess? Karen said that you were looking forward to it since the boy that you liked asked you to go with him.” 

She nodded beginning to twirl a piece of her hair around her finger, “I was excited at first because I mean he is really cute and I like him so nothing sounded better than a night spent dancing with my friends and him.” 

“Then what is it, Aaliyah?” you asked sending her a glance before turning back towards the road, “It’s okay to be nervous.” 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just now I would rather spend the night with you and Shawn. Even James if he was off work.” 

You sighed, “Aaliyah.” 

“It’s just, I feel like we have so much more to catch up on and when it’s the four of us it feels like the old times. Nothing sounds more perfect to me honestly because for the longest time I thought I’d never get to see you again… or like this I mean.” A small frown was placed on the girl’s lips and you couldn’t feel much more guilt than you had at that moment and knew you would eventually have to tell her the truth. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

Her eyes moved towards you and a sad smile lifted at the corners of her lips, “You don’t have to say that.” 

“I do though,” you admitted fingers tapping at the steering wheel, “I was going through some stuff after your brother left and I just needed some time to myself. To figure some things out but I should’ve never handled the situation with you and your parents like that. I’m sorry and I want you to know how much I love you and your family. Plus, it looks like I’m not going anywhere anytime soon so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.” 

“Oh no,” Aaliyah said sarcastically with a wide smile, as she lifted her hand to you, pinky up, “Promise?” 

Giving her your right pinky, you locked it around hers, “Promise.” 

You turned your attention back towards the roads that you always used to take to get to the mall those few years ago but when you thinking that silence was going to finally set in and the radio would be turned up, Aaliyah’s voice broke through the air again. “Okay, so now that that’s settled I think there are some things we need to talk about.” 

“Oh yeah,” you chuckled raising an eyebrow, “What things?” 

“Just you know things that involve my tall dorky singing brother, “ she paused eyeing you, “That you seem to be spending a lot of time with.” 

“Oh god,” you groaned peeking towards Aaliyah to see her grinning towards you. 

She turned sideways in the passenger seat, loosening her seat belt, “Yeah so I’ve been thinking.” 

“Really, you’ve been thinking. About what, may I ask,” you felt your stomach start to shake with nerves and your hands grip tightly to the steering wheel. You had a feeling that whatever she was about to ask about Shawn wasn’t going to be good. 

“Well, it’s just you and Shawn…” she stopped. 

You rolled your eyes, “Yes.”

“I think the two of you-” 

“Ahh, stop,” you cut her off not wanting to hear her finish her sentence afraid that you might admit to the minor crush that had formed on Shawn over the past week or so. 

She didn’t care about your sudden need to change the subject because you and her both knew that what you were feeling about Shawn was way past the line of friendship, “What? I just want to know if you-” 

You cut her off again, “We are not talking about this.” 

“What why?” she asked her smile widening at the blush that was forming on your cheeks, “Is there something you aren’t telling me about Shawn.” 

A nervous laugh passed your lips and you knew that she could sense that it was fake, “We’re not going to talk about this. Let’s talk about… your dress. What kind of your dress are you thinking of getting?” 

Your face felt hot and you knew that it probably looked red and the smug grin that was on Aaliyah’s face gave away that she could see it. Mentally kicking yourself, you knew that there was a one hundred percent chance that by the end of your girl’s day Aaliyah would find out about your not so innocent thoughts and feelings about your best friend. 

+

It was now the afternoon and it had taken you to visit four stores before Aaliyah had eventually found the perfect dress. It was a white short sleeveless dress that fell to above her knees. The top was lace with a sparkling silver belt around her waist sitting above where her bottom skirt flared out. It was perfect and Aaliyah had jumped with glee at the sight. After the long couple of hours spent looking for the dress, you two had become hungry. You had found yourselves in the food court where you had collapsed at one of the tables and ordered two sandwiches with a basket of fries. Now the baskets were empty and in its place where two cones of ice cream in your hand and Aaliyah’s. You two were silent in the middle of the food court that was erupting with voices, enjoying the treat you had gotten. 

That silence once again didn’t last that long though because Aaliyah’s curiosity was still burning strong. “This last week you and Shawn have been inseparable.” 

Your eyes locked onto her who had continued eating her ice cream like she hadn’t spoken at all. “Yeah well Aaliyah if you haven’t noticed I haven’t seen my best friend in four years.” 

“Ha yeah except what I walked in on at dinner the other day looked like more than just friends.” 

Your throat became dry and you couldn’t swallow the lump that was forming knowing that she was more than right, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, bud. Shawn and I have always been just friends and it will stay that way.” 

She had you right where she wanted you and you couldn’t think of anything to say except the truth. 

“Sure,” she chuckled, “You know you should just tell him. He’s as crazy about you as you are about him.” 

“Going in one ear out the other, Li,” you smiled taking a lick from the cone. 

She laughed again, “You’re impossible you know that. What are you so afraid of? I don’t get it you two have had that look in your eyes towards each other since the seventh grade maybe even before that.” 

Shaking your head, you quirked an eyebrow, “Don’t you think we should be talking about this boy that’s taking you to the dance and not Shawn.” 

“Why would we have to talk about Jake when we already know that I like him. Shawn on the other hand, we should find out how you feel about him,” she had stopped eating her ice cream at this point too occupied with the conversation you were having. 

“Okay, and that’s enough,” you replied beginning to stand from your seat at the table, “Let’s go I have a few more things we can do before I return you home. Your parents won’t mind if your home a little late will they?” 

“First of all, this conversation isn’t over,” she paused sticking her finger up towards you as she followed suit standing from her chair, “Second of all, we both know they won’t care because I’m with you.” 

You smiled, “This conversation is over. Now come on.” 

+

The rest of the day had gone to plan. You had gone to the movies to see the new chick flick Aaliyah had been dying to see and then after that went to your favorite bowling place you usually went with Shawn to have pizza and get a lane. Let’s just say Aaliyah was better at bowling than the older Mendes was. By the time you had gotten into the car and began to make your way back to the house, it was around eleven o’clock. As soon as Aaliyah had buckled herself into the passenger seat and her head fell back against the cushioned headrest she had fallen asleep. It had been a long day. It was fun but it was long so it wasn’t a shock that she was so tired because you were just as tired. Not able to take the silence, you turned the radio on letting the soft music of the radio station fill your ears. After a while you soon found yourself humming along under your breath exactly like Shawn would if he was in the car. 

You sighed at the thought of him. You really should text him, you thought to yourself. Last night was never supposed to end like it had but it did. He had tried to once again find out the truth before you were ready and you did what you knew best. Ran. He was frustrated and you knew that but you just weren’t ready. You at least shouldn’t have left that was a dick move. Maybe he was still awake, who were you kidding, of course, he was still awake. Shawn was always awake late into the night either writing down song lyrics or playing video games like a normal twenty year old boy would. 

If you were with him right now, you would probably be sat on the couch next to him, legs sprawled across his lap, watching as he screamed at the TV if he lost. It would be a sight. His curls would be messy and no doubt have a pair of sweatpants adorning his bottom half as a tightly fitted tee would be molded around his perfect torso. You were practically drooling at the thought and thanked God that Aaliyah was asleep because if she wasn’t she would have easily noticed it. 

Finally, at eleven twenty-three, you had pulled into the Mendes driveway Aaliyah still sound asleep next to you. Putting the car in park, you shook her shoulder and she began to stir in response, “Aaliyah, we’re here.” 

The girl sat up in the passenger seat and began to rub her eyes as they set sight onto her house that stood with the lights still on waiting for her to come home. A lazy smile pulled at her lips. “Thank you, for today.” 

“Of course, we’ll do it again sometime okay?” you smiled back at her as she began to lean over the car console to pull you into a hug. She nodded pulling away to reach for the handle on the door. “And have a good time at your dance.” 

You added handing her the plastic bag that contained the dress she would be dancing the night away in. Her eyes widened at your words in confusion though. “I’ll see you before then though right?” 

You laughed, “Yeah probably but just in case. Now go and get some sleep.” 

“Okay, we’ll talk later,” Aaliyah replied as she popped open the door and stepped out. 

She closed the door behind her and as she made her way towards the front door of the house, she stopped to send you a small wave over her shoulder. You waved back and waited until she was inside before you decided to pull out of the driveway. As you went to put the car in reverse though, your phone stopped you. It was ringing with that ringtone that was only for Shawn. Taking a deep breath, you placed the phone against your ear and answered. 

“Hey,” your heart had lifted and you felt a smile forming on your lips but that started to drop as he answered.

“Heyyyy, Y/NNN,” His words were slurred. Had he been drinking?

As he went quiet on the other line that’s when you were able to take notice of the loud music in the background and the many other voices. “Shawn where are you?” you asked. 

“At mmy apartment. Where elseee,” he chuckled. 

You began to tug on your short locks anxiously, “What’s going on. Why is it so loud.” 

“I'm throwing a partyyy. T-That’s why I’m callinggg,” he chuckled again, “I w-was hoping y-you’d come over. Weee both know the party isn’t the same w-without you h-here.” 

You tugged at your hair letting out a frustrated groan, “I’m on my way. Just don’t do anything stupid okay.” 

“For youu. Of coursee,” his voice slurred again and as you hung up the phone you could hear someone calling out for Shawn. 

You were in Pickering and his apartment was in the city which meant another forty-minute drive. This was starting to become an everyday thing and you weren’t sure if you could deal with that but you knew if it was for Shawn you would go anywhere for him. 

+

him

Shawn knew he was drunk. Really drunk. He knew because he was to the state where he could barely form coherent sentences and he was swaying on his feet. And he felt like if he drank any more his stomach would explode yet even when that feeling formed he didn’t put the gin bottle down. Instead, he just gripped it in his hand tighter as he stumbled around the apartment that was once clean. Chatter filled the room, and the bass from the music made the floors shake a little. He was supposed to be DJing but after around the first half hour he got sick of clicking through songs and just queued up a playlist for the rest of the night so he could get a drink. 

As he made his way into the living room, he swayed slightly at the feeling of a hand clasping around his shoulder. Looking towards his left, he found Brian. “Shawn, buddy, you down for a round of shots? A bunch of us are going to do one.” 

Brian wasn’t in as bad of a shape as Shawn clearly. In fact, Brian wasn’t even drunk… yet at least. No for the last hour or so he had been nursing some beers but as soon as people started to arrive, Shawn downed a couple rounds of tequila shots and then snatched the gin from his kitchen cabinet he had bought that afternoon. Shawn was shitfaced and with one look his way anyone could see that but no one knew why so fast or why he wasn’t his usual happy laughing self that drunk Shawn usually was. Nope, he was sulking and not enjoying the party he had hosted.

Shawn’s hand raised lazily showing the gin bottle in his hand, “Nahhh, I’m okayy.” 

Just as he was going to wander off, the grip on his shoulder tightened. The redhead had a worried look in his eye, “Don’t you think you should slow down.” 

“No, I’m fineee,” Shawn shook off Brian’s hand and in doing so almost fell. 

“I think you should-” before Brian could finish his sentence he was cut off by the loud banging coming from the front door. It didn’t sound like a normal knock of someone wanting to join the party, it sounded like someone who was angry.

“I’ll get that,” Brian said.. As the redhead began to make his way towards the front door, Shawn slumped against the wall he was standing by, his bottom lip puffing out into a pout. 

Brian answered the door and though the music was loud, Shawn could hear the voice of the person who was in the hallway loud and clear. “Brian, where is he?” 

“Y/N, hi, it’s been so long,” Brian replied happily but only got pushed aside as she forced her way into the apartment that was overflowing with people. 

“I didn’t come to catch up, Brian. I came to see Shawn,” she said annoyed. 

He could make her out in the edge of the kitchen from where he stood against the wall. Her hair was in that half up half down look, he loved so much. She was dressed in a pair of black jeans with a white shirt and jacket. No doubt probably having just gotten done with her girl’s day when he had called. He admired her from where he stood, not able to find the words to call out to her. He didn’t have to though because as her large Y/E/C eyes scanned the room they finally landed on him at the very edge. Shawn watched as her shoulders slumped in relief at his shitfaced state. 

Y/N pushed her way through the crowd not caring about the glares she was getting from those she shoved aside. She stopped in front of him and her palm had instantly found its way to his flushed cheek. One side effect that alcohol did to Shawn, made his cheeks rosier than they were on an average day. 

Shawn leaned into her touch as he stared down at her frazzled form, “You’re hereee.” 

“Of course I’m here you drunk idiot,” she said pushing that single curl that flopped onto his forehead out of his face. 

“I-It’s just after l-last night. I didn’t t-think you’d comeee,” he sighed falling forward as he tried to lean closer to her.

She held his arm steadily as his head bumped into hers. He began to laugh that drunken laugh and it was then that she noticed the bottle of gin in his hand. A frown found its way onto her lips. Taking the bottle from his hand, she placed it down onto a table near them before she began to lead him down the hallway towards his room, “Come on, Shawn.” 

She had never seen him drunk before so this was all new for her. His arm was wrapped around her and she was having trouble supporting his weight but she still managed to get him into the master bedroom. It was full of boxes but the room was so big the boxes only took up a small corner. His mattress was finally in the metal bed frame with a white comforter thrown across the top. Pulling him over towards the bed, she sat him down and Shawn held onto her hip to stop him from falling back onto the mattress. “The party is still going onnn,” he whined. 

“Yeah, well for you it’s not,” Y/N replied walking over towards the dresser Shawn had put together the day before. She pulled out a pair of black sweatpants and dropped them onto the bed next to him. 

“Y/N, I have to hostttt,” he argued pulling her closer in between his legs much like he had days ago in his childhood bedroom. 

“I’ll take care of everything,” she whispered stroking his cheek, “You need to rest. I’ll get you some water and you are going to drink all of it and then crawl into bed. The bathroom is only a few steps away if you need it.” 

Shawn hummed, his eyes starting to droop as she spoke. They widened though at the feeling of her fingers reaching his belt. His head lolled down to see her hands undoing his black belt that was wrapped around his waist. At first, he didn’t comment on it but he couldn’t help himself when he felt her pulling his black jeans down his legs. 

“Geez, Y/L/N if youuu wanted to get meee naked you could’ve just askeddd,” he teased feeling his pants drop to his ankles and slide off of him altogether. 

“In your dreams, Mendes,” she replied beginning to pull the sweatpants onto his lower half. 

Though it was meant to be in the same bubbly tone that he had spoken. Shawn could hear that it wasn’t. She was upset and though since the moment she had gotten here she had been nothing but sweet to him, he knew that she was not happy. Probably because he threw this party and got drunk because of their small disagreement and then called her to come take over to host and clean up the mess later as he puked his insides out. He was sure that if she wasn’t mad at him for the night before she definitely was mad at him now. 

“Are y-you u-upset?” he asked suddenly sounding like a child. 

“Yes, Shawn, I am but let’s not worry about that right now,” she said tying the strings of his sweatpants, “I’ll be right back.”

Shawn nodded and watched as she retreated towards the door and it was right as she was closing it behind her that he felt his stomach turn and started to make a run for his clean new bathroom. 

+

her

You mumbled a small bye to the last remaining guests of the party who were swaying from side to side as they left Shawn’s apartment. It was nearing three in the morning and you felt like you were going to die of exhaustion. Maybe you were exaggerating but at that moment that’s how you actually felt. For the next half hour, you spent the time cleaning up his apartment though you had no reason to since it was his party and his apartment, but you did it anyways knowing he would be too hungover to do it in the morning. Knowing that you should probably check on him, after hearing him make a run for the bathroom as you left, you trudged down the hallway until you were in front of his bedroom door. You opened it and walked in to find a Shawn Mendes asleep and sprawled across his bed, shirtless and sweatpants slipping down his waist. 

You were mad, of course, you were. Brian had not only let Shawn throw a party at his new apartment but hadn’t been keeping an eye on him and if you hadn’t been there he might have drunk himself into the hospital. You weren’t sure if this was normal for him. If he usually drank this much until he passed out or if this was the first time he tried. Either way, you didn’t want to know. Deciding you were going to stay the night, in case Shawn ended up being sick again or needed anything, you knew that you would leave sometime in the morning before you would have to have a conversation about the party. You weren’t in the mood to talk about it because it made you mad just thinking about it and if He couldn’t see why it made you upset there was a chance you would have another argument. You couldn’t deal with that which is why you were going to leave before he woke up. 

Walking over to the side of the bed, you smiled at the sight of Shawn’s face being pressed into his pillow only showing half of it. Curls splayed across his forehead and his lips pushed out with small breaths passing by them. And at that moment you knew that Aaliyah was right, Loretta was right, and most importantly Demi was right. You had feelings for this boy that went deeper than friendship and at the very minute, you couldn’t find any excuses to deny that.

The next morning you had done exactly what you had said the night before. After sleeping by Shawn’s side on a small couch in his room, you made sure he was doing okay before you slipped out of his room and apartment without a sound. You had a morning shift to go to for work before a class and you knew if he questioned why you weren’t there in the morning you would use that excuse. Stopping at your apartment for a few minutes, you showered and changed before heading off to work a three-hour shift and then have to head to an hour and a half lecture. The whole day you had been getting texts and calls from Shawn but you ignored every single one like you were sixteen again and had just found out you were sick. It made you feel guilty but you knew if he wanted to talk and fix this small tension that had formed he would. 

It was around dinner time when you had stumbled back to your apartment on the phone with your mom who was asking if you were coming home to have dinner with them and the Mendes since it was your family's turn to host. You explained that you had a very long day and weren’t feeling like commuting forty minutes to have to return in the morning. She understood but then asked if Shawn was with you because he wasn’t going to be returning home for dinner either. You didn’t want to worry your mother with your small fight if you could even call it that, and instead just said that he probably had some things to do with his apartment. 

After a little more convincing you had gotten her to hang up and you collapsed onto your couch with a sigh. Your phone continued to buzz with text messages. You didn’t even have to look to know it was Shawn. You ignored it and it was then you felt like you were having a flashback to four years ago and felt your heartbreak inside your chest. 

Soon the buzzing stopped and you grew worried. Thinking once and for all he was done with you. It made you scared beyond belief that you started to reach for your phone but stopped at the harsh knocking that sounding outside your door. It sounded frantic and like whatever was on the other side was important. You jumped from your spot on the couch and hurried towards the door. Hand gripped tightly around the doorknob, you pulled it open to be met with a sight like the one you hadn’t seen since you were fifteen years old. 

There Shawn was stood. Clothes wrinkled, curls looking like he had been tugging on them and amber eyes wide with worry. There was a sheet of sweat across his forehead and his nostrils were flaring like he wasn’t able to breathe right. He was gripping onto the doorway because it was the only thing keeping him upright. He closed his eyes for a second like he was trying to calm himself down but it wasn’t working. His breathing only became worse to the point where he was starting to hyperventilate. His face was starting to turn red and tears were forming in his eyes. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he was barely able to get his words out and you felt all anger fade away at the distressed Shawn before you. 

He had always had a problem with anxiety and so did you. You were able to help each other through it but because you hadn’t been around each other in years you hadn’t seen him have an attack in a long time. You hated seeing him this way and even worse hated being the person to cause this. 

“P-Please don’t i-ignore me,” he choked out, “please.” 

Taking both of his arms, you pulled him into your apartment and started to feel tears of your own forming at his broken state. You stared at him rubbing soothing circles into his forearms as his breathing ceased to slow down. 

“I-I need you,” he cried hand reaching for your waist. 

Without another second to waste, you pulled him into your arms. He gripped onto you tightly as your arms winded around his neck, your fingers beginning to run through the curls at the back of his head. You could feel the way his chest continued to move rapidly up and down against yours and his tears that were starting to soak the sleeve of your shirt. His uneven breaths being heard in your ear. “Shh,” you cooed. 

You held him and did multiple things to try and calm his state that would usually work like speaking quietly into his ear or taking slow steady breaths. You even placed a kiss at the base of his neck to gain some sort of reaction but nothing worked. He was still hyperventilating and you needed to get him to stop. It’s then that it came to mind. The one thing you would always do when you were having an attack or feeling anxious. It was the only thing that could ever calm you down when you were in this state. 

At first, you just started humming. The notes sounding effortless since you had heard this song on repeat millions of times. You felt Shawn go stiff in your arms and you knew he instantly recognized the song too. 

“Hey, I know there are some things we need to talk about. But I can't stay. Just let me hold you for a little longer now,” you began to sing quietly, “Take a piece of my heart. And make it all your own. So when we are apart. You'll never be alone.”

Within a minute, Shawn’s breaths began to slow down and his grip had loosened from around you. He was taking deep breaths in and out, and you knew he was solely focused on your voice. You continued to stroke the back of his neck as your voice became quieter and quieter with each lyric because it was working. He was no longer hyperventilating and his whole body wasn’t shaking either. Your tears were dried against your cheeks at this point and your eyes were shut tightly hoping that his attack wouldn’t start up again. Sighing into the feeling of him giving you a soft squeeze the last few words fell from your lips in a whisper, “You’ll never be alone.” 

Shawn stood still in your arms for a few more minutes before he slowly unwrapped himself from around you. His eyes were bloodshot and his face red, curls falling in his eyes. He stared at your mouth open in shock and amber eyes staring at you utter confusion. You brought your hand up to his neck where your thumb began to trace his jawline a smile lifting at your lips. 

“It’s the only thing that’s ever made me feel better during an attack,” you explained feeling Shawn’s warm hand splayed across your lower back.  

He didn’t say anything. How could he? His voice was probably raw from crying and trying to swallow the lump that was in the back of his throat. Plus who would want to talk right away after having an attack? If it were you wouldn’t have and you knew Shawn didn’t either. So it was okay that he didn’t say anything at your reply because the smile that started to form on his lips was enough of an answer that you needed. And you swore as you saw his white teeth poking out behind his lips, your heart skipped a beat. 

It had only taken minutes before you and Shawn relocated to your couch. After the attack, his eyes began to droop and all energy had disappeared like it usually did after these. Because of that and how emotional he clearly still was, you refused to send him home and knew it would probably be best if he just stayed with you. That’s how you ended up laying under a sleeping Shawn Mendes. 

Your legs were tangled with his and his arms were wrapped around your waist with his head laying across your stomach. One of your hands splayed across his upper back rubbing up and down while the other held a book you had been reading for a couple of weeks. You could feel his steady breathing against your stomach and you couldn’t help that turning of your insides at having him this close to you. Of being able to feel his body heat warming up your cold legs and the beating of his heart against your thigh. The whole thing was overwhelming to the point where you had been stuck on the same page for three minutes rereading it, hoping the words would settle in your mind. You were about halfway down the page when your phone buzzed from the coffee table next to the couch. Saving your place in the book, you closed it and tossed it onto the table and took your phone finding a message from Demi. 

That’s when you remembered that she was supposed to be stopping by to grab a shirt she had left at your apartment days prior. You said that she could because that was before you knew you would be caught tangled up with Shawn on your couch. 

“Hey can I head up?” the text read. 

You knew it was too late and you couldn’t just make up an excuse to make her go away. She was going to make comments about the position you were in but honestly, you couldn’t care less. 

“Yeah, it’s unlocked so just let yourself in,” you replied. 

Let herself in, she did. After minutes of drawing letters onto Shawn’s back out of your nerves, the front door of your apartment opened before slamming shut. Demi called out towards you and you cringed hoping it hadn’t woken Shawn up but he remained still against your frame. Demi was about to call out again but her voice got caught in her throat when her eyes finally fell on you on your couch. “Holy shit!” she exclaimed. 

You shook your head and lifted your pointer finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. She walked further into the room and stared down at you and Shawn eyes wide. Her purse dropped to the floor and her gaze kept moving from sleeping Shawn to you. You were waiting for her to say something, anything and the suspense was killing you. 

Finally, she opened her mouth, “Did you-” 

She didn’t finish though upon noticing you shaking your head already knowing the question she was going to ask. She gave you a displeasing look as you continued to rub your hands along Shawn’s back, able to feel the warmth through his shirt. 

“Shit, you’re really in love with him,” she whispered falling into a chair across from the couch. 

And as you looked away from Demi back towards Shawn whose hands were knotted into your shirt you knew that one hundred percent without a doubt, she was right.

next part

[sambergscott]

a peralta guarantee

“I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta Guarantee.”

(missing scenes from 7x08 - amy worrying about jake)

hUge thanks to johanna for inspiring this fic and helping when i had a lil breakdown halfway through

When he approaches her desk mid-afternoon with a decaf coffee and the white chocolate chip cookies she’s been craving from the bakery across town, she knows he’s either a) broken something, b) wants something or c) has bad news. She narrows her eyes suspiciously, detecting an excited bounce in his step which can only mean it’s b and c; he wants something she’s not going to like.

“Hey, babe,” he tries to play it cool, clearing a butt-sized space on her desk on which to sit. “I come bearing gifts.”

“What do you want, Peralta?” She cuts to the chase.

“Damn it, you know me too well,” he mutters. “OK, so, here’s the thing: Doug Judy’s gettin’ married. He invited me to his Bachelor Party this weekend and I know he’s a criminal, Ames, but I really wanna go. Like, so bad. Would you be cool with that?”

She conjures up a mental pro and con list. On one hand, Doug Judy is The Pontiac Bandit, known felon, committer of God knows how many crimes, an overall bad dude. On the other, he’s Jake’s friend, singer of the smush songs CD in the glove box of their car that they always forget to take out, giver of the Le Creuset pot she adores. He’s always been nice to her and—.

“Sarge?” Gary interrupts her decision-making process with a quick question about a perp he just brought in, snapping her back to reality. She’s a Police Sergeant, her job is to serve and protect the city they call home and as much as she loves cooking her mom’s beef casserole recipe in Judy’s awesome wedding gift, she has a responsibility to bring him in.

“I’m sorry, babe. I just think it’s a bad idea.”

His face falls, his disappointment coming through loud and clear.

“What were you expecting me to say? Ignore the million arrest warrants out on this guy, many of them submitted by you, so you can drink beer and go to strip clubs?”

“You’re right,” he sighs. “You’re obviously right. Man, being good at your job sucks.”

She nods in agreement. “Remember last month when I had to shut that binder store down for running a secret drug dealing operation out back?”

“How could I forget? You cried for three days straight.”

“They had the best binder collection I’ve ever seen!”

(It was actually what was so fishy about it. In four trips to buy pregnancy binders, she hadn’t seen any of the founding members of the Brooklyn Binder Babes blog — Mary Sue, Catherine, Margaret or Jane — once. And there’s no way a stationery start-up would attract such long queues without their recommendation. It was a pretty easy solve from there).

“The point is, you can’t go to a criminal’s Bachelor Party.” She pats his hand. “You’ll just have to come maternity clothes shopping with me instead. None of my jeans fit me anymore.”

“As much as I would love to, you can take Kylie. I’m going to the party.”

“What?” She double-takes. “Jake, did you not listen to what I literally just said? We’re cops. We cannot be friends with criminals.”

“But we can be friends with informants who have helped us catch numerous, even bigger, more dangerous criminals,” he says with that look on his face, the one he gets when he finds a loophole that he can use to his advantage. She recognises it from home videos Karen has shown her where, instead of tidying his room like she asked him to, seven year old Jake shoves everything under his bed and carries on enacting a police chase with his race cars. “Captain Holt has given him immunity before, so technically I should be able to go party it up with him in Miami!”

“Wait... It’s in Miami? Miami... Florida?”

It’s a stupid question, she knows. Of course he means Miami, Florida. It’s just... they both promised on the flight home that they would never, ever go back there. After everything that happened with Figgis and not knowing if they’d ever see each other again, a statewide travel ban seemed a good way to put it all behind them, focus on all their future moments together, not on all the moments they missed.

“This isn’t like last time,” he reassures her. “It’s only for a weekend and then I’ll be coming straight home for snuggles with you and —,” he lowers his voice to a whisper because they haven’t told anyone she’s pregnant yet, “the baby.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip so hard to stop them overflowing in front of all her uniformed officers. It’s pretty clear that he wants to go and she never wants to be one of them wives who control their husbands’ every move. All she wants is for him to be happy. And if going to Doug Judy’s Bachelor Party makes him happy, he should go, no matter how much she hates the entire state of Florida. She agrees, on one condition: “You have to text me hourly updates to let me know that you’re still alive.”

“Don’t I text you constantly anyway?”

“I guess so,” she sniffs.

He lifts her chin so she’s looking him in the eyes. “I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta guarantee.”

“You better,” she warns, tears suddenly flowing down her face at the thought of him not coming home, not being there to watch Property Brothers with her, not raising their baby and proving to everyone what a great dad he will be.

Used to her extra strength pregnancy hormones shifting her emotions from 0 to 100 faster than John McClane can say “Yippie-Ki-Yay, motherfucker”, he pulls her into a tight hug, careful not to crush the precious cargo that is behind said mood swings.

He strokes her hair and whispers that he’ll be home before she knows it and that nothing, not even the worst state in the country, will tear him away from her.

When it’s time for him to leave, she follows him out to the street and, after a brief argument over the fact he packed his bag before he OK’ed the trip with her and another hormone-induced cry when his cab shows up, reluctantly waves goodbye.

True to his word, he texts her before the car is even out of sight. Miss you already 😘.

--

Her phone buzzes periodically throughout the rest of the day.

In a meeting with Holt and Terry: flying on mark cuban’s dope ass private plane!!!!! ✈️

Cooking dinner: florida is HOT (not as hot as u babe, dont worry)

Doing her crossword in bed: g’night ames, g’night baby, love u both SO MUCH

She smiles, tells him she loves him too and braces herself for the barrage of drunk texts and selfies coming her way.

--

Sleeping without him sucks. The bed is cold, her pregnancy pillow is not as good of a cuddle buddy and she tosses and turns all night worrying about him, where he is, what he’s doing, whether he’s safe.

Her eyes finally slip shut around 1 am when her phone buzzes. Again. And again. And again.

She tries to ignore him, bury her head under her pillow and go back to sleep, but the messages keep coming thick and fast. She groans, giving up and unlocking her phone.

There are 47 new messages from him.

Forty-seven.

Her initial annoyance at being woken up quickly disappears as she scrolls through the thread. He’s mostly sent her random, meaningless emojis and keysmashes, interspersed with the odd “I love you”, “you’re my best friend” and “I’m thinking about you” that warm her heart. He mentions something about their proposal, about crying with Doug Judy, which obviously makes her cry too.

(Dumb pregnancy hormones).

By the time she reaches the bottom, he’s sent her 10 more.

She decides for her sake — and the sake of all of her officers who would have to deal with a tired, emotional pregnant lady — to turn off her phone and reply to him in the morning.

She returns her phone to her nightstand, settles back into a comfortable position and closes her eyes.

She lies motionless for what feels like hours, unable to fall asleep. She tries the breathing technique her brother David brags about constantly, counting sheep like little Matthew, even reciting police codes like Teddy used to go to sleep after sex. Nothing works. She’s still awake.

She turns her phone back on to see what Jake’s up to now, only to see his messages ended abruptly with a caterpillar emoji over an hour ago.  

She immediately panics, dialling 911 into her phone.

Her thumb hovers over the green call button.

She’s heard thousands of crazy operator call stories, frequently reminded the general population to only call in a genuine emergency and watched the YouTube compilations for fun. She deletes the number, positive that if she told an operator her husband was missing because she hadn’t heard from him while he’s at a Bachelor Party, she’s positive she would be added to those videos.

In an attempt to stop her spiral, she contemplates the possible scenarios in which his constant texts would cease.

Scenario 1: He’s living in the moment and has put his phone away (something she has been encouraging him to do lately to reduce his screen time)

Scenario 2: He’s very drunk and has completely forgotten about his promise

Scenario 3: He used up all his battery texting her and his phone has died

Scenario 4: He’s fallen asleep (although a quick check of Trudy Judy’s insta reveals the party is very much still in full flow)

Scenario 5: Judy’s criminal buddies have killed him and thrown his body into the ocean

Once the thought pops into her head, no amount of squeezing her eyes shut will make the image go away.

Holt giving an emotional eulogy about wearing ties and being an amazing detective/genius.  

Some rookie taking over his desk.  

The sympathetic looks when she tells all the other moms in baby group that her husband died.  

Usually Jake is there to hold her when her nightmares get bad. She rolls over, expecting to see his kind eyes and soft smile, the untouched side of his bed only serving to make her cry harder.

She can’t lose him. Not yet. Not until they’re old and grey, and maybe not even then. She spent so long denying her feelings for her dorky partner, rueing every missed opportunity to be together, and when they finally, finally took the plunge, she had never been happier. She can’t lose him yet. They have so much more life left to live.

She can’t lose him because he promised her he would come home safe. He guaranteed it.

She clings onto the tiny grain of hope like one might cling onto a raft in the middle of the ocean.

He would never break a Peralta guarantee.

--

Her phone finally buzzes again an hour later.

From: Unknown

Ames, it’s me, Jake. Judy’s buddies found out I’m a cop + destroyed my phone. So sorry I couldn’t text before. Hope you didn’t worry too much, although I know you probably haven’t slept. You can stop worrying now. I’m safe. Love you + see you tomorrow.  

Love you too, she responds, yawning as she places the phone back on the side table.

Relieved that he’s OK, and exhausted from all the worrying, she falls into the easiest sleep she’s ever had.

--

Before she knows it, it’s the next afternoon, Jake’s keys are turning in the lock, he’s dropping his holdall on the floor and rushing to her side to kiss her all over her face.

“I missed you too,” she laughs, kissing him properly.

“Sorry it took so long — Doug and Trudy made me fly commercial —.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re home now. That’s all that matters.”

“I’m never leaving you two again,” he swears.

“You’ll have to leave us eventually to go to the bathroom and stuff,” she points out, raking her fingers through the unruly curls that she so hopes their baby will inherit. “Just don’t go back there.”

A solemn understanding passes over his face and he nods. “Never again. Not even if our kid wants to go to Disney World. We’ll take them to the California one instead.”

“Smort,” she says, stealing his line and in an instant, that familiar grin is back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A dozen memories flood back, of oldies in short shorts and shuffleboard and Doug Judy getting away again. Of noice and smort and saying “I love you” for the very first time. Her eyes fill with tears — dumb pregnancy hormones strike again — as she buries her face in his shoulder.

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and lifting her bridal style to carry her to their room. He places her carefully onto the mattress and flops down next to her.

She snuggles into him, eyes closing once more. “Did we even get an invite to the wedding?”

“Not even close,” he sighs.

“Damn it. I would’ve loved to see that trainwreck.”

“You and me both, babe. You and me both.”

[writingjoycebyers]

“Cheers to you and me.” JOPPER

warning: Slight mentions of physical violence and sex!

Joyce x Hopper - Not alone

What was she here for? She had dropped her boys off at her mother’s, had gone back home, showered, dressed up, and had, probably for the first time in five years, since her youngest had come to the world, put on lipstick.

She had taken her car into town, straight to the only bar in Hawkins, parked right in front of it and had entered the small, crowded place.

Now she was sitting on a barstool, a glass of rather cheap white wine right in front of her and she was staring into the room packed with men, and she felt like as if she knew more than half of them.

What was she here for? A booze? A flirt? A one night stand? She had no idea. All she knew was that the money she was investing in drinks right now could have been better invested in colouring pencils for her son Will or in a book for her older one, Jonathan.

She sighed and tried to get her head straight, washing those motherly thoughts away with a large sip from her glass of wine. Since Karen Wheeler had told her a few days ago that, you know, Joyce, mothers are also allowed to have fun sometimes, she had set her mind on a night out. And here she was. She had not been touched or kissed or loved by a man since long before she had finally, finally kicked out her scumbag of a man Lonnie almost two years ago. He was gone for good now, and although he returned to her house from time to time, the divorce papers were nearly through. And that was a reason to celebrate, right? No more fighting, no more yelling, no more being cheated on, no more throwing china or bottles around the house, and, above all, no more black eyes. That was a reason to celebrate, right?

Since Lonnie was slowly but steadily leavin her mind and life, the need to be loved and touched again had grown stronger and stronger. It was a basic humand need, physical contact, wasn’t it? To be touched, to be held, to be satisfied, to fuck and be fucked. She wasn’t asking for something wrong, was she?

An hour later, Joyce was still on her first wine. The men in the bar seemed to avoid her looks whenever she caught one of them staring. She was Joyce Byers after all, the crazy woman who got knocked up by an even crazier guy twice, the one who’s with the drunkard, the one with the bruises. She swallowed hard. Would she ever get a fresh start here? She understood them, somehow. No make up or lipstick could cover the fact that she was damaged goods, that she wasn’t glowing, that her eyes didn’t carry that optimistic spark anymore, that flirtatious smile on her lips vanished a long time ago.

She had just lit herself a cigarette when she felt a presence on the barstool to her left. She slightly turned her head to find Jim Hopper sitting there.

“Horowitz.”, he greeted her with a smile, and Joyce could immediately see the sadness behind it. He’d been back in Hawkins for three months now, she had seen him at Melvald’s sometimes, and she had heard the rumors about his dead kid and the divorce that followed. She knew better than to ask thought.

“Hey, Hop.”, she just replied. He ordered a beer and, to her surprise, another glass of wine for her.

“You don’t have to.”, she tried as he handed her the glass.

“Oh, I want to. It’s on me.”, Jim softly insisted.

She had come for a hookup and had found two glasses of wine and an old friend. They spent the next hour talking about this and that, smoking and exchanging some high school memories, until he suddenly asked her what she was doing here alone. She had nearly finished her wine, but then paused before taking the last sip.

“Uhm, well...”, she sheepishly started and shook her head. “I dunno. Maybe just wanted to feel more like a woman than a mom tonight.”, she finished and he could sense her embarrassment. It was nothing she should be ashamed of, he thought.

“Well. You found a friend instead. And, you are a woman, Joyce, a hell of a woman, to be honest”, he concluded and suddenly his gaze found her brown eyes.

“Then... cheers to you and me, Jim.”, she nearly whispered and raised her glass, downing the very last of her drink. His eyes would drive her crazy, her eyes and that smirk, if she looked at him for too long.

Some time later they left the bar, and she pointed at her car. “Thanks for the wine.”, she smiled and touched his arm in a friendly manner, slightly squeezing it.

“You know, you don’t have to be alone tonight if you don’t wanna.”, Jim suddenly blurted out. Joyce looked puzzled. Yes, things had never been clear between them, never just of the friendship kind, but what was he offering?

“Don’t look at me like that.”, he smirked. “Not like that.”, he chuckled. His grin quickly vanished though and his eyes softened as he looked down at her. “I’m just saying, if you need someone. When I saw you sitting there, when I entered this bar, you kinda looked like you’ve been needing ...someone. A friend, maybe.”

Joyce was touched by his offer, and started to fiddle round with her car keys out of insecurity. Was it okay to ...accept his idea?

“Yeah.”, she suddenly whispered. “I’d like that. I’ve even got two beers in my fridge and my car’s right there and...”, she started spilling her thoughts.

“It’s alright, I know, we’ll just go to your place and if you want I’ll hold you.”, he paused. “Like the olden days, you know.”, he quickly added, bringing back memories of their younger years, cuddling up in the back of his dad’s truck or on the sofa in his family’s old cabin in the woods.

Joyce just nodded. They got into her car and she started the engine, her hands slightl shaky and sweaty on the steering wheel. Before they even got to her place, he was stroking hair behin her ear with one hand, gently caressing her cheek with a smile. How did this feel so intimate?

At this point Joyce couldn’t know that this night, a night in which nothing would happen except for two lost people comforting each other, rekindled some long lost feelings, a friendship or even more. Until years later, when her son would go missing, nothing would come off it except for some on and off phases of contact, them running into each other again and again, but that night night, she was safe and content in his arms.

They went straight to bed at her place and kept on talking for some time, exchanging secrets and memories as she intertwined her legs with his longer ones, her head on his chest as he told her of his life as a chief of police. He felt strong and warm, and like everything she’d been missing.

She fell asleep listening to his heartbeat instead of his story, soothed by his hand stroking her long dark hair again and again, the other one holding her small body tight to his.

Thanks anon for the ask :)

[cherishingstydia]

The One Where Everyone Finds Out

Buck and Eddie have been together about a few weeks, but the only person who knows is Christoper and he’s done such a good job of keeping it a secret. It’s not that they’re ashamed or anything. They just wanted some time before everyone knows, and the teasing comments begin. Also they found keeping it a secret kinda hot. They liked sneaking around.

Hen & Karen:

Christopher was having a play date with Denny. Buck and Eddie decided since they had the house to themselves they could have some fun. They got so wrapped up in their passion they didn’t even notice the time until they heard a loud knock on the door.

“They’re here....get dressed quick.” Eddie said quickly pulling on his pants and putting his button down back on. Buck grabbed his clothes and bolted to the bathroom.

Eddie answered the door with his shirt buttoned crooked and half untucked.Buck emerged from the bathroom wearing

his T-shirt backwards and his curls all askew. Earning them both a quick look up and down.

Buck joined Chris and Denny on the couch and Hen and Karen just smiled at Eddie.

“What?” Eddie whispered.

“Sorry. If you’d told us you needed some alone time together we would have watched Chris longer.” Hen smiled.

“What? I don’t know what you mean.” Eddie said trying to act casual.

“Eddie your shirt is half untucked and crooked, Bucks shirt is backwards and his hair is a mess. We know what was happening.” Karen said.

“Don’t tell please.” Eddie begged.

“Hey it’s ok.” Hen put her hand on Eddies shoulder. “We aren’t gonna out you, this is your relationship and it’s your choice if and when you want to tell people.”

“I’m really happy for you two. I’ve always known there was a special connection between you two.” Karen smiled and Eddie lovingly gazed at his secret boyfriend.

After they left and Chris went to bed Eddie told Buck Hen and Karen know.

“How?” Buck asked.

“Probably because it took so long to answer the door and we looked pretty disheveled. My shirt was crooked and untucked and yours was backwards.” Eddie laughed.

“Oh.” Buck whispered.

“It’s ok they won’t tell.” Eddie smiled.

Maddie & Chimney:

Maddie, Chimney, and Eddie all came over to Bucks for a Poker night. Maddie dozed off on the couch while they waited for dinner to be delivered. Chimney and Eddie were at the island drinking beers, when Buck was at the door paying for dinner. Maddie woke up from the knock and did the little yawn and stretch.

Chimney grinned gazing at

Maddie. “Thats just so adorable.”

“Right? Buck does the same thing, and then he usually nuzzles my neck.” Eddie said sipping his beer.

Chimney looked at Eddie mouth hanging open u sure of what to say.

“You and Buck?” Chimney asked.

“What? No. I mean on the couch when he falls asleep on my shoulder.” Eddie said nervously.

Chimney gave Eddie a look.

“Fine! We’re together just don’t tell ok. We are gonna tell everyone. I just don’t think he’s ready yet.” Eddie said.

“I’m not gonna tell ok...don’t worry.” Chimney smiled.

“Thanks man.” Eddie smiled.

After dinner, and poker Maddie went to the bathroom, and came back out smiling.

“So you gonna tell me whose tooth brush that is.” Maddie smiled.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Buck said.

“Eddies.” Maddie grinned.

“How did you know?” Buck asked.

“Well I didn’t know for sure, but you just confirmed it.” Maddie laughed.

“Shit! Maddie that’s not fair. You gotta keep it quiet. I don’t think Eddies ready to tell anyone yet.”

“Relax. I’m not telling anyone.” Maddie smiled.

Chimney and Maddie left.

“So Maddie knows about us.” Buck laughed.

“Yeah....so does Chimney.” Eddie admitted.

“Ok I think more people know now, than don’t. We need to tell everyone. How about at Bobby’s next week? If you’re ready.” Buck smiled.

“Yes please. I’m so ready. I just wasn’t sure you were.” Eddie said.

“I’d yell it from the rooftops. I want everyone to know.” Buck laughed. “Maddie basically figured it out. How does Chim know?”

“Um. Well you and Maddie both do this little stretch when you wake up and I accidentally let it slip how cute you are when you do it.” Eddie said and Buck blushed.

Athena & Bobby:

The 118 were all over at Bobby and Athena’s. Buck was stretching and groaned.

“You ok?” Athena asked.

“Didn’t sleep well last night, just a little stiff from the mattress.” Buck sighed.

“I thought you just bought a brand new mattress.” Athena asked with a raised brow.

“I did, but I swear Eddies mattress feels like it’s older than I am.” Buck laughed before going wide eyed in shock what he just revealed.

“Eddies bed?” Athena smirked and crossed her arms.

“Don’t say anything yet.” Buck panicked.

“It’s not my secret to tell Buck.” Athena said.

“Thank you.” Buck sighed in relief. “We’re telling everyone tonight.

Buck had pulled Eddie down the hallway to tell him he told Athena unintentionally, but when he started talking about his back Eddie pulled him close, his strong hands rubbing Bucks back.

“Well I guess I’ll just have to give you a thorough full body massage later.” Eddie said before kissing his not-so-secret secret boyfriend.

“Athena already knows.” Buck admitted.

“Buck.” Eddie laughed.

“Sorry it was a slip of the tongue.” Buck said.

“Slip of the tongue huh? Ya know I’d like a slip of the tongue.” Eddie laughed before kissing Buck.

“We’ve got to keep quiet just until after dinner.” Buck smirked.

“It’s kinda hot. It’s like we could be caught at any minute.” Eddie whispered against Bucks ear.

Neither one seemed to notice the mirror on the hall closet or the fact that Bobby could see them perfectly from where he was in the kitchen.

The Big Reveal:

“Ok we have something to tell you guys.” Buck said.

“Well we have been seeing eachother secretly.” Eddie said.

No one said anything.

“I already knew, but congrats!” Bobby smiled.

“You told him?” Buck asked.

“I didn’t tell him anything.” Athena said.

“You all knew except Bobby so who told?” Buck asked.

“Wait you knew?” Chimney asked Maddie.

“You knew? And don’t tell me?” Maddie scrunched her nose pretending to be angry.

“We didn’t say a word.” Hen smiled and Karen agreed.

“How’d you know Cap?” Eddie asked.

“Well I’ve suspected Buck was interested in you since your first day, but I saw you kissing in the hallway.” Bobby laughed.

“Secrets out!” Buck said grabbing his boyfriend kissing him.

The team began hooting and hollering.

“Just don’t let catch you two at the station.” Bobby smiled.

“Oh believe me we’re good at sneaking. I can’t believe you hadn’t caught us yet.” Buck laughed.

“He’s joking. We made a rule not to do anything at work.” Eddie said. “He thinks he’s a lot funnier than he is.”

“I might not know how to make you laugh, but I know how to make you moan.” Buck laughed as Eddies face turned bright red.

“Knock it off Evan.” Maddie shook her head.

“What do you see in him again?” Hen laughed.

“Didn’t you hear he knows how to pleasure me.” Eddie laughed.

“They’re perfect for each other.” Athena said shaking her head.

“I’m so glad the children aren’t here.” Karen said.

“Oh come on I know how to act around kids.” Buck said.

“He does he’s so great with Chris that’s part of the reason I fell in love with him.” Eddie smiled.

“Y-y-you love me?” Buck stammered.

“Yeah...wasn’t exactly how I planed to tell you, but I do love you.” Eddie nodded.

“I love you too.” Buck grinned before hugging Eddie.

“Ugh. They’re also disgustingly cute.” Chimney laughed.

“So how long have you been together?” Karen smiled.

“A month on Friday.” Eddie said.

“Wow can’t believe Buck kept his big mouth shut.” Maddie laughed.

“Technically he told me accidentally.” Athena laughed.

“Yeah and Eddie told me so I guess neither one can keep a secret.” Chimney said. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“Well it’s hard to hide it when you’re so happy.” Buck smiled at his boyfriend who isn’t a secret anymore.

[lailannajacobs]

Something Different

Pairing: Billy Russo x fem!reader

Summary: You’ve been friends with Billy for a while now, but something about tonight feels different. 

Warnings: mainly just fluff! 

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: So I binged the first season of the Punisher and ended up writing this. This is my first time writing Billy Russo so I have no clue if I did it well, but hey, it is what it is. Hope you enjoy! Would love to know what you think! <3

Billy Russo stared out his apartment window at the night skyline, thumb gliding over raw knuckles and pressing in harder with each back and forth. He didn’t know how to do this. He knew how to do everything else, had gotten himself out of every other mess. But he didn’t know how to do this. How to be gentle. Everything about him was rough, hard, and filled with anger. And he couldn’t bring that to her. He wouldn’t. The problem was, he didn’t know how not to. Every part of him that knew how to be gentle and was capable of it had been taken or beaten out of him a long time ago.

Billy had the feeling that tonight was different. That tonight wasn’t like every other night with her. He almost called her to bail. The fear of being weak and out of control egging him on until his phone was trembling in his hand. As if she knew what was happening, her face lit up the screen, wide smile from when she’d been laughing at something he’d said, and he hadn’t been able to resist snapping a picture. He stared, the vibrating pulses of the cell brining him back to life with every ring. It would be so much easier to let it - her - go, but deep down he didn’t want that. No matter how much of him did.

He picked up before it could go to voicemail, not staying a word. He didn’t trust his voice not to betray him.

“Billy?” Her voice was soft and husky, as if she’d just woken up.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah?”

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah.”

He listened and waited, his own breathing evening out at the sound of her own on the other end of the line. He didn’t know how there were times where she could drive him off the edge and others calm everything inside of him. What terrified him was the possibility that she could do both simultaneously and he’d never put up a fight as she drove him to his death. Did that make him weak or did having someone like that in his life make him even more dangerous? He suspected it was the former but couldn’t do anything about it. He only convinced himself that it was the latter to pretend he wasn’t helpless and at her mercy.

Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, “About those drinks?”

“Yeah?” Billy squeezed his eyes shut, wondering when he’d become the guy who couldn’t say more than one word. But he couldn’t make himself string more than one coherent thought together even if he tried. He didn’t know what he wanted to say - what he wanted her to say - so he said nothing.

“I don’t know if I’m feeling up for it,” She finally said.

“Oh. Okay,” He should have felt relieved. He shouldn’t have asked, “Another time?”

“Actually,” She hesitated, her sharp inhale audible over the phone, “I was wondering if I could come over instead?”

The relief he should have felt earlier flooded in, “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Judging by the sound of her voice, she felt the same.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” She breathed, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

*

You weren’t supposed to fall for Billy Russo. You weren’t supposed to feel anything more than contempt for the man. He was your target. Your story. Nothing else. And yet, when you had called to cancel after realizing you’d done exactly what you weren’t supposed to, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You’d heard something in his voice, something different. Something you only ever heard occasionally and only when he was talking to you.

You paused outside of his door, afraid of what you’d find when he opened up. Something felt different about tonight and you couldn’t pinpoint what it was. The two of you had been friends for months and yet you’d never seen his apartment. Here was the last place you should be.

And it was the first place you wanted to run to.

Everyone had told you to be careful. That he was a pretty boy, a womanizer, a lethal ex-marine, a ruthless business man. But no one had said anything about the man underneath. All anyone could talk about was the reputation and the facade. You had a feeling he preferred it that way.

With a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

*

Your heart stopped beating, “Shit.”

“What’s the matter?” Karen looked around the bar taking in every little detail around her, “Or should I say, who’s the problem?”

You ducked your head, “This guy I’ve been following for the past week, Billy Russo, he’s here.”

“Is that why you wanted to have drinks here?”

“No,” You hissed, grabbing her arm so that she’d stop looking around for him, “I wasn’t tailing him tonight.”

She fiddled with the label on her beer, thinking, “This is for your story on Anvil, right?”

You nodded, and downed the rest of your whisky, not sure what else to do, “What is he doing here?”

“Having a drink like everyone else?” She offered.

“Yeah, well, if he sees me my cover will be blown.”

“Maybe you should use it to your advantage, flirt with him a little. See what you can get,” Karen titled her head back as if she could get a better look, “You wouldn’t be the first woman here to do so apparently.”

“No,” You grabbed your coat off the barstool, “It’s too risky.”

“I don’t think you have a choice. He’s coming over now.”

*

Billy had managed to calm his nerves in the time it had taken her to maker her way over. When he opened the door, he expected her to take in the pristine and elegant penthouse, but her eyes never left him. He remained motionless as she conducted her search, scanning his entire body until her eyes found his own. She smiled. Everything in him lit up as if he’d been waiting all week to see that little smile. And at the same time, he felt everything in him loosen knowing he was the one who helped put it there.

*

He pulled the corner of his lip between his teeth, “Is everything all right?”

You couldn’t help but drop your gaze to his mouth, sucked in by that stupid little habit you were sure he never realized he did. What was it about Billy Russo? He took one look at you and you were his. And you had no damned clue when it had happened.

“YN?” He murmured, those night eyes searching your face as he took a step closer, “You good?”

You nodded, remembering you hadn’t actually answered his question. Placing your hand on his bicep, your thumb slid over the smooth material.

“Nice to see you don’t exclusively live in suits,” You teased.

He chuckled, eyes flashing down to his feet before finding yours, “It happens occasionally.”

“That’s good, I happen to like this look.” And wasn’t that the truth.

His dark olive sweater fit nicely against his chest, paired with black cargo pants tucked into a solid pair of combat boots. You hadn’t gotten the business man tonight, you had caught the soldier.

His face tightened, but he smoothed the look from his features, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Your hand slid down to the crook of his elbow, “I like Billy Russo. It’s nice to see what he looks like before he gets changed for the rest of the world to see.”

“Well,” He sighed, “You’d be the first.”

*

“You wouldn’t happen to be freeing that spot up for me, would you?” Billy drawled, watching as she whirled to face him like a deer caught in headlights.

He stopped short, surprised by how beautiful she was. He’d known she wasn’t bad on the eyes when he’d noticed her from across the bar, but the distance hadn’t done her justice. And yet, that hadn’t been what had made him walk over tonight.

She had laughed at something her friend had said, and despite the music and the chatter, it had been the only sound in the bar he’d heard. Before he’d known what he was doing, his feet had taken him to her. Not that he was against it. He had come to the bar tonight for a reason.

Her mouth formed a tight line, “I was actually just leaving.”

“Were you?” His lips twitched, “Because I could swear another drink was coming your way.”

Her blond friend nudged her in the back and Billy was glad for the wing woman, even if it wasn’t necessary.

“You tell me what that drink is and maybe I’ll let you sit,” She snapped, arms crossing over her coat.

Amused, he cocked his head and took his time looking her over, in part to try and decide what a woman like her would be drinking, but also because he didn’t mind the view. He watched her squirm under his gaze and smiled.

“Coke and whiskey,” He finally said, raising a brow to ask if he was right.

She sucked on her tooth and nodded tersely as if it pained her. She sat back down on the barstool and motioned for him to sit.

He signalled for another two drinks and took a seat beside her, “One drink. If you want me to go afterwards I will.”

“Fine. One drink.”

*

“Do you want to come in?” Billy asked, afraid that he might do something stupid like kiss her if he didn’t back off now.

She’d made it clear she wasn’t interested that first night they’d met, and he had to respect that, no matter how much it killed him a little inside.

He rubbed his jaw and stepped back so she could come in.

“Billy, what happened?” She whispered, hand flying to his own.

His heart lodged in his throat. The one damn time he didn’t wear gloves. He knew he should have cancelled. How was he supposed to keep everything away from her when the evidence was written all over his hands?

Her soft fingers ran over his knuckles, but her voice was hard, “Tell me this is the extent of it.”

“It was a work thing,” He rushed the words, “I needed to get involved and I-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Of course it didn’t, he thought. She didn’t want to be a part of his world and she didn’t deserve to see any of it, even something as small as battered knuckles. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t erase or even hide who he was.

Her hand cupped his cheek, wide eyes searching his face. If he didn’t know any better, he would have said she was worried.

“What matters is that you’re okay.”

“What?” He whispered.

Her hands slid down to his chest, smoothing out the sweater gingerly as if she could see beneath it. Her voice was a little breathless when she asked, “Tell me you’re okay. If I took off this sweater I wouldn’t find a stab wound, bullet holes, or bruises everywhere, right?”

His heart clenched and he realized that she hadn’t been scolding him because she’d been disgusted but because she’d been worried. He tried to push his anger away. She’d never seen him in action, she wasn’t implying anything about his skills.

“Of course I’m fine. I can take care of myself,” He winced at his harsh tone and tried to soften it, “I was a Marine before this, you know.”

She pinned him down with a no-nonsense look, “There’s no doubt in my mind that you can take care of yourself. You’ve told me before that you don’t miss and I believe you. But I’ve never seen so much as a scratch on you before and now I do. Billy…I don’t want to know what happens the day you meet someone else who doesn’t.”

He blinked back his surprise.

“I’m fine,” He murmured, “It was nothing.”

“It better be,” She muttered.

He nodded, his lips pulling into a roguish grin, “And if you wanted to get me out of my shirt, all you had to do was ask.”

She shook her head with a laugh, and lightly smacked him on the chest, “Get over yourself, Russo.”

Chuckling, he pulled her in close and rested his head on top of hers.

*

“You sure I can’t walk you home?”

You were about to shake your head when Karen shot you a look. You almost ignored her, but you knew she was right. This could work in your favour. And Billy hadn’t quite been as contemptuous as you thought he’d be.

“Actually, the streets have been a little dangerous lately,” You forced a grin, “Maybe I will take you up on your offer.”

He glanced at Karen then back to you, “Will your friend be okay?”

“Yeah, she’s got another friend coming to meet her. And anyways, she’s more than capable of taking care of herself.”

“All right then,” He motioned for you to lead the way, an agreeable smile on his face.

Partway through the night, you had started calling that smile his businessman smile. He had flashed it from the moment he’d offered you a drink; a smile meant to placate someone else rather than an indication of his own happiness. You had only seen a real one once. You had called him out on something, sassing him, and then that little smile had slipped, catching you completely off guard. It had been completely at odds with the corrupt and dangerous man you were investigating.

The noise faded the further away you got from the bar, the two of you walking in silence. With his hands stuffed into his pockets as he strolled beside you, he appeared to be more lost in thought than bothered by the silence. You didn’t mind keeping it that way.

A loud bang rang shot through the street and you were suddenly behind Billy, shielded by his large body. It didn’t matter how relaxed he had looked, you realized that this was a man who was never off duty.

The two of you watched the car whose faulty muffler had gone off drive away.

He ran his hand over his jaw, “Sorry. Instinct.”

“No, that’s okay,” You laughed, trying to ease the discomfort you saw in his eyes, “That is why I brought you along.”

“Only that?” He asked, staring at you with an intensity you’d never seen on anyone else.

You shrugged, a smirk leftover on your lips, “We’ll see.”

You continued down the street, closing the remaining distance to your apartment.

“For someone who tries to make the world a better place with her journalism, I can’t imagine what you must think of Anvil,” His sour tone clashed against the pleasant look on his face.

You paused, taking the time to choose your words carefully, “It’s hard to imagine why we’d need mercenaries when we have such a massive army. Then again, I’ve never been to war. I’ll never be able to imagine what it’s like, and I sure as hell don’t want to,” You shrugged, “I don’t know what to think.”

There was a long pause and you didn’t think Billy was going to say anything. Eventually, he sighed, “Being out there…those soldiers…they’re helpless. They’re following other people’s orders, other people’s goals,” His eyes took on a faraway look as if he was somewhere else, “They can’t walk out when they know they’re walking into a trap. My… my employees aren’t helpless.”

You stopped at the doorstep to your apartment and looked up him, “And what do you do when you feel helpless?”

His expression hardened, “I take the pain until it stops and make sure I never feel that way again.”

You nodded, “Dangerous words from a dangerous man.”

“Maybe,” He kept his eyes trained on you, a strange look on his face, “Are you scared of me?”

You cocked your head, looking him over, “Should I be?”

“Avoiding the question?”

“No,” You took a step forward as if to prove it, “I’m not scared of you, Billy. When I look into your eyes I see a lot of things, but nothing to be afraid of.”

“You should be,” He whispered.

You crossed your arms, “And then where would that leave me?”

*

Alive. Safe. Not in danger of any of the hell that seemed to follow him wherever he went. But Billy didn’t say any of that. He’d already been more candid with her than he was with most people and he wasn’t about to scare her off now.

*

“So, Billy, are you going to let me in or are we going to stand in your doorway all night?” You asked, though you were so comfortable in his arms you weren’t really in the mood to move.

“No,” He pulled you in even closer, “I think we’re just going to stand here forever. My doorway is the most beautiful place in my whole apartment.”

You peeked over his shoulder, at the gorgeous flat, “You’re right. Must be because I’m in it.”

He leaned back to look at you, dark eyes bright and lips pursed as if he was trying not to laugh.

“We both know it’s not because you’re in it,” You continued, interlacing your hands behind his back.

He leaned into the touch, eyelids closing, “Of course, it’s you that makes it this beautiful. Not this brutish Marine.”

“But that’s okay, right, because that brutish Marine has so much more to offer than just looks anyways.”

His eyes snapped open, and you were pinned down with that intense dark stare. You didn’t back down, watching, waiting. He’d told you about his past and his childhood and you’d figured out how sensitive he could be to a lighthearted statement about looks. You knew he viewed his looks as a weakness and strength all at once. But you also needed him to know that you saw beneath all of it. To the parts he didn’t want any else to see.

You’d seen them.

In the late nights drinking at your apartment, drunk at 3 am, the two of you giggling over episodes you’d seen a hundred times. In the galas you’d attended for work, while he was working security, shooting each other knowing looks across the room. In the way he’d stayed on the phone with you all night because you’d woken from a nightmare. And the time you did the same for him.

You knew that part of the reason he took care of others was to feel in control even though deep down, he wanted to feel like someone could take care of him, without feeling like he was at someone else’s mercy. You knew all that. Had seen it all and weren’t scared of any of it. And you needed him to know that you weren’t going to walk away from it.

“You sure you you’re right about that?” He countered, eyes dark.

You took his face in your hands, your thumb brushing over his cheek.

“Billy?” You waited until his eyes found yours, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

You pulled him closer, lips softly brushing against his. For a moment, his whole body went rigid against yours and then he kissed you back, hand slipping around to the back of your neck. He deepened the kiss, tongue brushing against your lips, demanding entrance. You granted him access, heart rate speeding up. You felt him take charge, his other hand tilting your head back, fingers brushing against your neck. Then he paused, fingers vanishing until they wrapped chastely around your waist, slowing the kiss.

You pulled back, “Billy?”

“Yeah?” He breathed, forehead pressed to yours.

“Don’t worry about me, okay? I know you. I’m not worried.”

His knuckles brushed gently across your cheek, “Okay.”

“But maybe you can let me in, and we can get a little more privacy?”

He chuckled, “That’s not a bad plan.”

Scooping you up in his arms, he pressed a light kiss to the top of your nose and used his foot to slam the door behind him.

*

“You know, I actually had a good time tonight,” You said, changing the subject.

He chuckled, “You sound surprised.”

You shrugged, “Maybe I am.”

He stepped forward slowly and you found yourself drawn in, unable to look away from the look in his eyes.

“Is that such a bad thing?”

You shook your head, your voice lost. His hand cupped the side of your face as he pulled you in closer hovering an inch away. When you whispered his name, he closed the distance, soft lips on yours. The kiss was delicate, a first date kind of kiss, but somehow it managed to take your breath away. If this was how Billy Russo kissed on the doorstep to your apartment, you couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like in the privacy of your bedroom.

You broke away at the thought, hands rubbing your arms as if you’d suddenly got the chills, “Listen, I, um. I can’t. I just got out of a serious relationship and I thought maybe I could do this, but I don’t think I can.”

The words weren’t exactly a lie, but you knew there was no way you could continue to lie to him until you got the story you needed. If there was anything that kiss had taught you; getting into bed with Billy Russo would be a dangerous thing.

“I understand,” He nodded, the perfect image of a gentleman.

You almost wished him goodnight but found yourself blurting, “This is probably the last thing you want to hear, and I know most people don’t mean it when they say this, but maybe we could hang out again, just as friends?”

He ran his teeth over his lower lip, “Friends?”

“What?” You put your hands on your hips, not deterred by his incredulous tone, “Don’t you know what those are?”

He breathed a laugh, “I do.”

“And you can never have enough friends, right?”

His lips spread slowly as he looked to the ground, nodding in defeat, “You know what? You’re right. Friends it is.”

He extended his hand, always returning to the cool businessman. You put your hand in his, shaking on a promise to yourself that you’d figure out what was going on with his company another way.

“Goodnight Billy Russo.”

“Goodnight YN.”

[cowboisadness]

Hang ‘Em High {Arthur Morgan x FemOC} Chapter 6

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x FemOC Summery: Belle Hawthorne is high society looking to escape her mean husband. A robbery by the Van Der Linde gang could be her chance. Can she escape his cluches and possibly discover what love should feel like?

Warnings: Animal death, mentions of domestic assault and abortion.

AN: This is a long one, hope you enjoy :)

. . . . .  A few days had passed in the camp, many were busy either around camp or out on jobs to bring in money. Mary-Beth and Tilly explained to me what the jobs would entail, most of the time putting themselves in serious danger. Having enough to get by wasn't enough, especially for Dutch, occasionally giving smooth worded speeches to everyone like he was the Mayor of a grand town. He wanted more money, a lot of it for everyone to live a life of luxury. Arthur had recently returned from Strawberry to rescue a member of the gang i had not yet met, but had been warned about. Apparently the rescue mission didn't go as smoothly as planned. Arthur aimed to get him out of jail and out of Strawberry with minimum confrontation. The other guy had different plans. As I sat on my bedrole in my small tent stitching one of his shirts, the very man I'd been warned about approached.“I’m almost done with your shirt Micah.” i smiled politely at him, not wanting to get on his bad side from the get go but hoping to stay cautious while around him.He leaned against the tree beside my tent, lighting a cigarette as he did so.“So where did they pick you up from?” He looked towards me and it was then I realised everything he might say would be laced with venom. “Saint Denis. More of a rescue than a pick up.” I returned my attention to the task in hand. He blew out a cloud of smoke in my direction, the smell of cheap tobacco filling my nose. It was his way to invade my space without being too forward. I wouldn't let it bother me, what with the many social gatherings that involved being in rooms filled with smoke and smoking myself on those occasions. He let out a breath, a sigh, before pushing himself off the tree and walking away, but not before muttering words he still made sure I could hear. “Another deadweight to feed.”  All I could do was chuckle to myself, cutting the thread in my hand with a knife. Deciding that he didn't deserve my effort to achieve perfection. By late evening I joined the others around the campfire, sitting next to Charles and Karen, the former handed me a freshly opened beer bottle. I was so used to expensive French wine, chilled in an ice bucket. I've gotten used to so much these last few weeks, living in the wild. The thought before would scare me half to death but I soon found it was different with a sense of family around you. Growing up i was taught the life of a gang of outlaws was a brutal one, the men being fueled and finding joy in murder, rape and theift, nothing more than monsters that have no care for anything other than themselves. I was never told that sometimes they could be people out of luck, born and raised without security and certainty, needing to do what they could to get by with the hope that they could one day, live without worrying when their next meal could be. These people around me all have terrible backstories and that's what brought them together, with the hopes of a better future as long as they fight for it together, even if that meant doing bad things.

I was the opposite, my life was paved out for me from the day I was born. To learn to be a loving and doting wife and mother. We never had to worry about our next meal, always knowing it would be fresh and grand. I was also lucky that my father wanted to teach me some of what he would teach my two older brothers, mainly hunting and how to care for our horses. I was so lucky, I was privileged. Javier brought out his guitar and started singing in his native tongue, some of us swaying to the tune. I heard of Charles and Arthur going out to hunt tomorrow, this was my chase to ask to join with them.I turned my attention to Charles, tapping him lightly on the arm for his attention to turn to me. “Everything okay Bella?” “I heard you and Arthur are going on a hunt tomorrow.” “We are. At first light. You wanting anything in particular?” “Is it possible that I join you both? I know how to use a bow, father taught me and it’s...it’s been a while...i’d love to hunt again.” I looked at him with pleading eyes as he took a swig from his bottle before turning to me with a soft smile. “Of course, always happy to have someone else along that knows what they are doing.” I couldn't play down my happiness, grinning from ear to ear and professing my thanks to Charles. I sipped the rest of my warm beer before saying my goodnights to the ones remaining around the fire and to Charles that I'll see him at first light. I tried my best to prevent a skip in my step as I made my way to my bedroll, excited for sleep and the day ahead. ….. The sun was barely making an appearance when I woke, stretching out my limbs before readying myself for the day, thankful to Sadie for offering me a pair of her pants she didn't want. Not only was I able to get out and do something I enjoyed, being amongst nature, but I was able to do something to help the camp other than repairing clothes and washing dishes.   Making my way over to the coffee pot I saw Arthur was already there, sitting on a log near the now burnt out fire, coffee in hand.  “Morning” He jumped slightly and turned to me, watching as I poured myself a hot cup.  “You're up earlier than usual.” He turned his attention back to his cup as I sat beside him. “I’m coming hunting with you...and what do you mean earlier than usual? You been watching me Mr Morgan?” I took a sip, Arthur spluttered his, seemingly trying not to choke on the burning liquid. “What?...no...just...i'm usually first awake is all.” I smiled in my cup, hopefully hiding my slight giggle. A man of his size and how intimidating he can seem, he sure can get flustered easily, his cheeks turning a muted shade of pink. It was fun. We finished our coffee and made our way over to Charles and the horses, getting them saddled up. “You feel well enough to ride yourself Bella?” Charles asked, tightening the saddles girth so it fit snugly but comfortably around the horse.  “I'm sure I'll be fine…” I looked over to Arthur, grinning “...I won't be falling off anytime soon.” “Take Johns horse, he won't be needing her today.” Arthur pointed over to the horse mentioned and I made my way over to sadde her. .….. The ride out into the heartlands towards Cumberland Forest was pleasant, the morning sun warming the earth and birds filling the air with their song. It was peaceful,the most peaceful I've felt in a long while. Still nothing of the attempted robbery or information about my disappearance had been read or heard of. Maybe Arthur was right, maybe Frank didn't care that i was gone, maybe he thought i was dead. I hope he did. We made it to the spot at Cumberland Forest and hitched the horses within the outskirts, hidden from view. Arthur let me use his bow, saying he was better with a rifle anyway. The three of us walked further into the forest, making sure to keep an eye and ear out for bears that roam the area. “Why don't we split up?” Charles suggested in a hushed toned as to not to disturb the surrounding wildlife. “Sure. Bella can come with me, might not need to use the rifle if she don't miss.” Arthur smirked. My expression one of mock disgust and punching him lightly in the arm. Granted I might be a bit rusty, it had been a couple of years since I hunted or even held a bow, but I'm sure once I get my mind focused it will be like second nature. Another thing I hope for.  Charles moved further into the forest, me and Arthur moving closer to the Dakota river. The forest was tranquil and busy at the same time, the smell of pine and aspen filling my nose, the intense gaze of the sun being softened by the green blanket above, lighting everything in an orange hue. Any light that broke through the leaves lighting up in patches on the ground, able to see the suns daily path across the dirt from the sections of thick grass and various plants. Songbirds and sparrows weaving through the labyrinth of branches, hunting for bugs and seeds as they sang their love songs. For a moment it felt like we were the only people in existence as we walked in a comfortable silence. As we neared the river Arthur lifted his hand for attention then pointed ahead. Two whitetail deers drinking from the river. We crouched down, keeping out steps slow and light as we neared them. Once we stopped Aarthur looked to me, giving a nod for me to take my aim. I nocked the arrow, drawing it till the string resisted, keeping my chin low and feet steady, Arthur giving a soft whistle to get their attention. Two breaths and releasing on the exhale, the arrow flew to the mark, hitting the deer through its right eye, killing it instantly. I breathed in a huff of triumph as Arthur smiled at my glee. We made our way over, Arthur pulling on the animal readying to lift it. “Maybe i didn't need the rifle.” “Didn't trust me?” we smirked at each other, both pleased that we got a kill so soon. Arthur whistled for his horse as I gazed out at the river, hoping to see another distracted deer. He wrapped the animal in rope and secured it onto the back of his horse but we soon realised we were not paying proper attention to our surroundings as we should have. A guttural roar came from the thick forest behind us, too close for comfort. Before we had any time to react a mass of fur and teeth was bounding out of the treeline towards us, its black eyes trained on me. Fight or flight instincts kicked in, my legs pushing my back into a run, tripping over a river rock as I turned, planting straight into the river. I knew I couldn't get up quick enough, legs still pushing me backwards but failing to get traction, arms stretching out in front of my face like I could stop the beast with my own hands. Just as it was above me, staring down the cavern that was a throat, a crack of thunder rang out in my ears, echoing into the distance. The beast above me ceased and dropped on my legs, red splattered on my pants, shirt and no doubt my face.I looked at the stilled bear with wide eyes and then over to Arthur, rife in hand. My breathing steadying as I came down from the shock of what just happened and pushing the animal off me to stand. “Maybe you did need that rifle.” i giggled, looking towards Arthur, his eyes full of concern but a smile creeping on his face at my attempt to bring humor to the situation. I wasn't just covered in bear blood but soaked from landing in the river. I tried to shake off what I could and wring out the water from my shirt. Arthur walked over holding out a dry shirt for me to take. “I always carry fresh on my horse. Better than being soaked through completely.” I took the shirt and muttered a thanks, making my way out of the river and onto dry land, Arthur making a start on skinning the bear and whistling over Johns horse . The cold breeze hit my wet skin, making me shiver so I wasted no time in removing my drenched shirt, peaking over my shoulder to make sure he was distracted before also removing my camisole, now bare from the waist up. Pain shot up my side due to my hurried pace, letting out a quiet gasp, looking down at the still present bruise on my ribs, less angry, but persistent nonetheless. “There's trees right there y’ know.” My moment of pain must have caught his attention. Embarrassment flushed to my cheeks and I quickly pulled on his shirt and buttoned it up. It buried my small frame, stopping mid thigh, and it smelled like him, the faint hint of tobacco and gunpowder. “Scared.” “Why?” “Bears.” He huffed a laugh, lifting the bear hide and stowing it on johns horse. Both of us mounted up and started making our way to Charles' horse, silently deciding that was enough hunting for us today.Once there we built a campfire and I sat as close to it as comfortably possible, drying off my pants and sharing some fresh bear meat between us. We both were lost in thought, sitting in silence across from each other as we ate. I decided to break the silence with another request.

 “Teach me to shoot properly?” it came out as both a demand and a question.He just looked at me while he chewed on the meat, the flames dancing over his face.“Father taught me how to handle a pistol, but i want to be sure i can protect myself...against bears...and people.”  “You never went hunting after bein’ married?” I shook my head and sighed, looking down at the unfinished meat in my hands. “No. Frank wouldn't allow it. He would say the only things women are for are cooking, breeding and fucking.”   “The more I learn about him, the more I wish I'd shot the bastard.” The anger in his tone was evident and with no hint of doubt.  We sat in silence, the midday sun now high in the sky. He seemed to be lost in thought for a while before opening his mouth wanting to say something before changing his mind. I looked to him expectedly, wanting him to say what he wanted. His eyes locked with mine, knowing I was giving my permission to speak his thoughts.After a brief moment of silence, he finally broke it. “I...those...those scars ya have. They from him too?”  So he did see. I hummed in response before giving him a proper answer. “My broken ribs weren’t from falling off your horse either. A lesson for flirting with the bastard on the balcony.” “Jesus” “He was so kind when we first met before getting married, always sending me gifts, flowers, jewelry. Written love letters and saying that he was building a stable at our future home, a homecoming gift for his sweetheart…” Arthur didn't speak as I paused, instead standing to retrieve something from his saddlebag before making his way around the fire to sit beside me, handing me a bottle of Bourbon. I smiled as I took it, opening it and taking a few gracious gulps, feeling the burning sensation trickle down my throat. “...He gradually changed after only being married for a few weeks. Dictating what i could wear and what hobbies i could indulge in, preventing me from seeing or talking to my childhood friends. Then the beatings would start getting worse... the assaults...eventually i couldn't sleep out of fear of what was to come when sharing a bed with him.” I took in a shaky breath, willing my tears not to breach. “Couldn't ya have returned to ya parents?” I shook my head before taking another swig and handing the bottle back to him. “I wanted to but...i was married off to him because my parents were struggling with the farmlands after three bad winters. Franks promised financial support in exchange for my hand. He even ceased all contact with them after only a month. I wrote letters to them but I never got one back. I have no idea what happened. Frank knew I wanted to leave so he promised to force a baby into me. That way, I'd have no choice but to stay with him.” I didn't know why i was telling Arthur all this, maybe because i knew it would help to get it off my chest, maybe because i felt like i could trust him. I didn't want pity, I realised, just a listening ear, someone to lend me their comfort for a little while.I hesitated before continuing. Arthur's eyes on me like I was a lost puppy, reaching out my hand for the bottle again he passed it to me without a word. I took another sip for courage, or so I couldn't feel the pain of reliving my horror. “I ended up falling pregnant. When I found out early on, I was more terrified in that moment than I had been in my life. He was elated of course, finally getting what he wanted. I knew he would be a horrible father, knew he wouldn't think twice about lifting his hand to a child. So I decided I couldn't let that happen. Had a doctor visit while he was on an overnight business meeting, some of his practices a known secret amongst many women.” Tears silently flowed as I stared into the growing flames of the fire. A hand placed gently on my knee for comfort and in understanding. “Did...did he find out?” “Told him I lost it. He shot my horse as punishment for being a failure of a woman.” “Bella...I’m sorry” It was barely above a whisper, anything louder and i might shatter like century old glass.He drew circles on my knee with his thumb as I wiped away the fallen tears. I made a silent vow never to cry over that man again, not to let him take up space in my mind. Absentmindedly I leaned into Arthurs touch, his shoulder meeting my temple, breathing in my first steady breath, Arthur wrapping his arm around me.

[dontworrysunflower]

I’ll Be Home for Christmas | v. (final)

welp...this is the end. i know it’s like way way WAY too late to post anything christmas themed but i wanted to get this done so i could work on some other things (which is a lot). anyways, thanks for sticking around and hope this is okay, it was kind of rushed and i would think of something and then completely forget about it the next second so i might be suffering for short term memory loss?? but anyways enjoy! OH ALSO i accidentally deleted one of my old fics so imma have to rewrite it so look out for an updated ‘First Date’ fic!

Warnings: horrible rushed writing, angst, tears

Word Count: almost 2.2k

Enjoy! previous parts in my shawn masterlist

•••

“You’re gonna be fine, Mariah.” Tilly said calmly over facetime, hoping her soothing voice would calm down the girl that was rapidly pacing her room hours before the party.

“I don’t know, Tilly. What if,” she snatched her phone off her desk and shoved her face into it, the only thing on Tilly’s screen were Mariah’s eyes. “what if he hates me for what I said to him? Now he realized I’m really not the one for him and he goes off to see some other girl again. This is all because I was too fucking scared.”

Tilly sighs. “It is because you were so scared.”

Mariah gives her a pointed look. “You’re not helping here Til.”

“Look M. At the end of the day you guys both obviously love each other and need to talk things out. So just listen to him. And he’ll listen to you. Because I know he’s suffered just as much as you have. But both of you need to give each other a chance to be happy with each other.”

Mariah sighs and sits on her bed. “But what if it doesn’t work out?”

Tilly chuckles. “But what if it does?”

Mariah rubs her face and looks at Tilly on her screen. “Why did you have to leave me when I need you most?” She joked, a sly smile on her face.

Tilly feigned shock. “I have family too ya know.”

They both laugh. Then a silence washes over the two girls.

“Just,” Tilly starts, her face soft with concern. “I want you to be happy. And if that’s with him then never let it go because there is no one like him.”

Mariah gave her a smile. “Thanks Til.”

There’s a yell on Tilly’s side. “Well I gotta go. Good luck and call me tomorrow!”

Mariah nods before the call ends. She stared at herself on her phone screen, the look of fear, and some hope.

“Mariah! Thirty minutes!”

Mariah walked over to her closet. She didn’t want to dress up, didn’t want to make it seem like she was desperate, because she’s not.

I don’t think anyone is more right for my brother than you are

Aaliyah’s words have not left her mind. The feeling of regret has eaten her up. She feels bad for getting mad at him, but could you blame her? He left her after an amazing night for someone else for publicity. She wanted to run back in his arms and forgive him, give him all of the affection they both have been craving from the other. But she can’t. It’s not like her to just give up easily, to just fall on her knees for a guy when he finally notices her. She grew up with only her mom, and she learned the hard way not to just give men what they want.

And even though she does want the certain guy, she needed to see him fight harder for it, for them.

But she has to work harder too.

She was mad at first, but now, she has to fight.

What a christmas this was going to be.

•••

There was soft muffled music playing just outside the Mendes household. Cars were parked on the side of the street, people visiting on this christmas eve.

“I think you can just-” her mom said as she opened the door, holding a dish of food with the other against her hip.

The warmth rushes past Mariah's shoulders, soft holiday music filling her ears, kids yelling and adults laughing and drinking come into view.

“Mariah? C’mon sweetie.” Her mom said, beckoning her further into the home.

She looked down at the carpeted group as she took off her coat, hoping no one noticed her and brought attention to her.

“Mariah!” She hears Karen’s chirpy voice shouted. She had a tray of food in her hand, a christmas themed apron around her waist.

Mariah flashed her a tight lipped smile and walked the small distance to her, giving her a side hug. “Merry Christmas, Karen.”

“And to you, love. Would you like anything to drink?” She put the tray down and wiped her hands off on the apron.

“Oh don’t worry about me, I’ll find my way around.” Mariah insisted, waving off the older woman.

Karen gave her a pointed look, but picked up the tray again and smiled at her sweetly. “Well, this is your home, so make yourself comfortable.”

She smiled back and walked into the kitchen, watching as other people put food on plates and opened drinks. Parents serving their kids food, the kids faces scrunching up as they watch their parents put food on their plate they don’t like.

“Hey Mari.” Mariah turned to see Aaliyah, smiles at her and holding a soda in her hand.

“No boyfriend today?” Mariah teased, picking at the end of the table.

Aaliyah laughs and sips at her soda. “Unfortunately no, he went to visit his family in Edmonton.”

Mariah nods and looks down at her fingers, not knowing what else to say. Where is Shawn?

“He’s on his way.” Aaliyah said out of nowhere, as if she was reading her mind.

“Oh, I-uh I wasn’t going to ask.”

“No I know,” Aaliyah started, her eyebrows raised. “just, thought I’d let you know.”

“Okay.” She breathed out nervously, turning around to pour herself a drink.

•••

After a while, and Mariah has a couple of drinks in her system, her ears perk up when everyone lets out a loud cheer and the front door slamming.

Wait, I’m not ready. She thought.

Mariah hurriedly gulps down her drink, eyes wide in panic. She runs to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her as the yelps calmed down.

“Honey, are you okay?” Her mother knocked on the wooden door, her voice laced in worry.

Mariah scratches her neck in nervousness. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”

She waits to hear the footsteps fade before letting out a loud, exasperated breath. She digs her fingers in her hair, eyes bulging, lips chapped from her heavy breathing.

She’s not ready. He hates her for how she reacted. He tried explaining but she kept interrupting him. She waited for this moment for so long and she doesn’t know if she’s ready. He could have completely changed his mind in a day and went back to her, he could have forgotten all about her.

But she won’t know unless she talks to him.

So she straightens out her shirt and unlocks the door, bravely swinging it open to the dark hallway. She sighs heavily, “You can do this.” Mariah softly repeated to herself as she walked into the light of the living room.

And there he was, his tall lanky self walking around greeting everyone. He gets to her mom and as he hugged her he must have whispered something in her ear, because she gives him a knowing smile and points to Mariah.

Shawn stands up straight and flashes her a smile before giving her a little wave before he disappears into the kitchen.

Maria walks further into the living room and thrusts herself into a conversation with one of his aunts, distracting herself.

•••

After a while, a little past midnight, everyone gathers in the living room to share gifts. Aaliyah sat on Mariah’s right while her mom sat on her left. Mariah’s eyes never left Shawn’s figure as he walked into the living room, his tattooed hand holding the neck of a beer bottle, his cheeks rosy from all of the alcohol, his smile wide as he laughed along one of his cousins.

Mariah and Shawn lock eyes for a split second before she looks away and he clears his throat, sitting on the edge of the ottoman across from her.

“Before we get to passing out the gifts,” Karen started as she sat on the floor by Manny’s feet, her arm locked around his leg. “Shawn has to sing his annual christmas song of choice.”

Everyone cheers and claps and Shawn gives his mom a pointed look as someone came behind him and handed him a guitar.

He situated the instrument on his lap and strummed a couple of chords, tuning the guitar. “Any suggestions?”

No one spoke up, people looking around and raising eyebrows at each other. “You choose!” Someone shouted.

Shawn’s brows furrowed as he continued to play with the guitar. Mariah could see his eyes widen in realization as he fixed the guitar on his lap and cleared his throat.

“I’ll be home for christmas, you can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe,” His eyes flickered up to meet Mariah’s, his fingers plucking each string. “and presents underneath the tree.”

Mariah sucked in a breath, her clammy hands rubbing against her jeans.

“Christmas eve will find me, where the love light gleams. I’ll be home for christmas, and you’ll be in my dreams.”

His eyes were still trained on her as he absentmindedly played every guitar string. Her mind was racing and her heart was beating rapidly as he gazed at her and continued to sing.

“I’ll be home this christmas, darling, I’ll be coming home to you. And there’s nothing in the world, gonna get in my way.”

And suddenly it’s too much for Mariah to take. His stare on her boring holes into her. The words he’s singing hitting her aching heart are too hard for you to handle. She heaves, her hand clutching her shirt to keep the tears in as she runs off.

She hears the gasps and whispered questions as she runs off the back porch, her breath visible in the cold winter air.

She looks out onto the grass, trying to calm her breathing and to stop the tears before they fall down her face when she hears the door slide behind her, heavy feet crunching the snow beneath them.

“Mariah-” His voice was rigid and hoarse from the alcohol and the singing, but she can hear the disparo in his voice, the sadness, the guilt and all she wants to do is turn around and hug the life out of him, but she can’t. She needs to know how he feels before she can do anything.

“I’m sorry.” She interrupted, her voice shaking as she sobbed, the hot tears blurring her vision of the white landscape.

“No honey,” He starts, his hand coming around her to hold her close. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You-you acted exactly how I thought you would and I’m sorry I took you for granted. I was a complete dick for how I treated you and you have every right to be mad at me.” He stroked her arm as she sobbed into his chest, his lips grazing her hair in a sweet kiss.

She calms her breathing before she can think of what to say, his warm embrace bringing her back to reality. “Why didn't you just tell me the truth in the first place?” She sniffed, her arms moving to wipe at her cheeks.

He sighed against her hair. “I guess, I always thought you’d be there for me and I took that for granted. I never meant to hurt you.”

It was silent between them for a while, their minds racing with every little thought they had that could be put into words.

“I want to be with you, more than anything.” He broke the silence, his hand coming up to stroke her hair. “And I will spend the rest of my days showing you just how much you mean to me and how much I cherish you and need you.” He pulls away to cup her face, his fingers warm against the cold tears on her cheeks. “I need you in my life. More than anything and I understand if you want to be friends but I cannot live in a world without you, I refuse to. I’m sorry for all of the shit I’ve caused, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to explain sooner, but I’m here now, and so ready to have you,” He paused, his eyes trailing over her face. “if you’ll have me?”

Mariah stares at him for what feels like hours but it was only a couple of seconds before she lunges further into his arms and kisses him like it’s been a thousand years (it has).

She lets the tears fall against she feels his own start to fall in mix with her as they kiss, teary smiles and laughs between the two as they pull away.

“I want you more than anything.” Mariah sobbed. “I want you through the bad and the good and the ugly, just all of you.”

He nods vigorously in agreement, his smile taking over his face. He cups her face again and pulls her back in a chilly kiss.

After a while of just kissing, they resorted to hugging when their lips were too swollen to continue their attack on the others.

Mariah sighed contently into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter.

“I’m so glad you came home for christmas.”

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