hey--mandie-blog

[lover-of-mine]

Aw man I'm sorry to hear that guy is fucking you over like that? Because that's what that sounds like. He's an asshole. It definitely sounds like something you SHOULD be able to talk about, and it also doesn't sound like it's coming from you. I'm sorry you're in such a pickle, dude... and I'm also sorry for some guys being such... guys (derogatory) abt this :/

Yeah, he put me in an awful position. And it goes against everything in me to think about him poorly. It's been a very aggressive reminder that it doesn't matter it's been over a decade, he's still a guy. The ironic thing is that if I told him last year that a guy is doing to me what he did he would have words. But yet, here we are. And I got more pieces of the puzzle second hand and I don't like the picture I got. Because from what I know about his relationship and some other stuff there is a chance he was cheating on her when he kissed me and the whole taking some space story he told me was a lie or at least an exaggeration. I know the relationship had issues, I know I was always a sensitive topic in his relationships because no one wants another woman around their bf. I always respected whatever boundaries they set for me but I was an issue. And since she was talking to another guy and I'm a sensitive topic, he kissed me to get the upper hand and I'm collateral damage, that's the only conclusion I can get lately. The idea he might've done that makes me want to throw up. But I don't want to imply he did this if it's not the case so I can't talk about it with anyone who knows him and given his family's reaction to me they don't know he's not talking to me so I'm just 🧍. And I don't know how not to give the guy the benefit of the doubt because it's been 12 years. But at the same time, what's the truth? The past 3 months or the 12 years before that? I don't know and he put me in a constant state of feeling like crap.