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alargebear · 6 years ago

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Faith In A Smile

Summary: Kanon knew she was in love but couldn't find the confidence to act. Chisato could help.

Pairing: KanoKoko / KokoKano idk what its called

Words:2k

Link: AO3

Note: It’s a good ship folks. This is the first part of a little series I’m gonna do on these two.

Kanon loved playing the drums. Sitting on stage behind the bright lights and the extravagant group she called her bandmates became something she put her all into. They were moments she could get lost in without bogging herself down in self-doubt and shyness. Moments that made her smile in a way that would have been thought impossible before joining her ragtag band of misfits that even she didn’t have much faith in when it all started.

Each member of the group was someone Kanon held close as a dear friend, and maybe that was why it was so easy to smile on a stage that had previously brought with it nothing but panic and regrets. Hagumi was a never-ending fountain of joy and spunk that would do anything to make sure you were just as happy as she was. Kaoru, despite her eccentricities, cared deeply and her devotion towards those she considered her friends could never be put in doubt. Misaki was a regular dose of cynicism and reality that helped keep everyone from running too far off ahead, and she��d do anything for the band, even if she may never admit it.

She couldn’t tell you when the change started. When Hello Happy World went from something she was trapped in to her refuge of smiles and hope, but it did, and she was acutely aware of who it was that brought about those changes, and who it was that pulled her into the whole thing from the beginning. Even if that one person wasn’t someone Kanon had ever seen herself growing so close and so affectionate towards.

That affection and those new emotions that came with it, like all new things Kanon experienced, brought on deep fears and untameable anxiety. She wasn’t dumb. What the emotion was and how it came to be weren’t things that she had to think deeply about. Kanon knew it was love. A love for a girl that smiled more than any being ever should. A love for a girl that made her believe she had a place doing something she enjoyed when nobody else would dare give her the chance. A love for a girl whose optimism so bright and intense, it drove countless others away.

A love for Kokoro was what Kanon knew it to be. Identifying and understanding the love weren’t things Kanon needed help with. What to do about it was. Even so much as a passing thought or quick glance at her crush was enough to make her a stuttering mess, or an even bigger one.

It was how she found herself face to face with the one person she was comfortable enough to confide in. Tucked away in a corner table in a cafe they’d been to over a dozen times. Kanon sipped at her tea, eyes darting from the mug to the picture of elegance across from her in nervous haste. There was no fear of judgment, Chisato was much too good a person to do that, but fear of where to start.

“So.” Chisato set her cup down as she started, offering a faint smile and wide, sympathetic eyes. “What was is it you wanted to talk to me about. You sounded so nervous over the phone so I’ve been a little worried.”

Kanon eased her stiffened shoulders. A combination of warm tea and friendly face helping push back her anxiety. “I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately, and I really need advice. You’re so mature and sweet that I figured I should ask you.”

“Thank you.” Chisato leaned forward. “You know that I’m always willing to listen to any problems you have.”

Kanon nodded as she focused on her breathing, fist clenched so tight at her side nails dug into the skin. “I don’t. I don’t really know where to start. I’ve never told anyone something like this before.”

“Take as much time as you need.” Chisato took a drawn-out sip, giving Kanon more time to gather herself. “I’ve got as much time as you need. Plus, this tea is wonderful, so I don’t mind at all.”

The familiar sensation of sweat beading just above the brow caused more deep breaths. “Have you.”

Chisato didn’t press as Kanon paused. Still staring with the warm expression she’d worn since they arrived.

Kanon shook her head as she began again. “Have you ever loved someone?”

A few taps on the side of the cup as Chisato thought, tossing the words back and forth in her head. “That’s not the question I expected, but yes, I have..” A pause as she hummed. “Well, do, love someone.”

It wasn’t the answer Kanon had prepared herself for when running this scenario over in her head in the days before. Chisato’s face never faltered even with the blunt admission, and she wanted to dive deeper into who and how, but it wasn’t the time for questions so personal. Curiosity was driven back by a lump in her throat that made it harder to start.

Tension filled the silence that Kanon was sure she only she was aware of. She downed the rest of her tea in one quick gulp, but couldn’t find what to say, or even where to begin.

“Kanon, could it be that you called me here because you’ve got your eye on someone?” Chisato asked without breaking eye contact.

The tenderness with which the question was asked made it impossible for Kanon to look away. Fears were driven away by someone she knew could be trusted, but her only response was a nod.

“My isn’t that a wonderful thing.” Chisato reached across the small table to give one of Kanon’s hands a quick squeeze. “Is it alright if I ask you who it is?”

“She’s in the band.” It was all Kanon could blurt out before the gnawing in her stomach became too much.

Chisato hummed, not letting go of Kanon’s hand. “Is it Misaki. She seems a bit gloomy, but I know from how you talk about her she’s a wonderful person.”

Kanon shook her head no.

“Than could it be Kaoru?” Chisato asked, not getting as a quick a response. “A strange as that girl is, even I can admit she can be charming, and very sweet. “

“No.” Kanon managed to find her voice. She wanted to just blurt it out instead of playing a guessing game, but it was easier on her nerves to let Chisato lead the conversation.

“I don’t know Hagumi all that well, but she is very cute and seems like a sweetheart.”

“Not her either.”

Kanon unfurled her free hand that was balled up at her side, taking a quick sip of tea. It was in the open. There was no running away from something that had been laid bare in front of her closest friend.

“I see.” Chisato rubbed a small circle on the back of Kanon’s hand. “So it’s Kokoro, than?”

“Yeah,” Kanon said as she nodded.

Silence as Chisato took time to process. A dainty sip of tea and dab of the lips with her napkin were all the time needed.

“I think that’s great, Kanon.”

“Really?” Kanon kept eye contact, expecting some judgment in falling for the infamous Kokoro Tsurumaki, but found nothing except a smile.

“Of course.” Chisato pulled her hand back, using it to prop her head up as she finished her drink. “But I hope you don’t mind me asking what it is in Kokoro that you fell for. You’ve never shown enough interest in someone to ask me for advice before, so I’m curious.”

Kanon sputtered. “Well, she’s very pretty.”

“That’s true,” Chisato said. “But so are a lot of our friends. That can’t be the only reason.”

“Of course it isn’t.” Kanon looked down into her empty cup, blushing as her mind filled with nothing but memories of Kokoro. “She’s important to me.”

“How so?” Chisato leaned down, trying and failing to meet Kanon’s eyes.

“When I look at her smile, it makes me feel like I can do anything,” Kanon started, sliding her cup between her hands. “I was going to quit playing drums, and give up on music, but she wouldn’t let me. I thought she was really strange at first, and I couldn’t understand why a total stranger would even care about my problems in the first place, but Kokoro didn’t care as long as I smiled, and I did. That first time I played the drums after I said I would quit was with just her out in the park in front of a bunch of strangers and I was terrified, but I smiled.”

Chisato chuckled. “From what you’ve told me about her all she cares about is making people smile.”

“Well, it sorta is.” Kanon surprised herself with the small laugh. “She’s reckless and doesn't really think ahead, but the only thing she wants is to have fun, and to make sure everyone else does, too.”

“It sounds like she’s a wonderful person.”

Kanon nodded, surprised by how easily it all spilled out. “She is. Hello Happy World is special to me, and without Kokoro being how she is it would have never happened. I don’t know where I’d be without it, or without her.”

“I certainly can attest to that,” Chisato said, Kanon tilted her head. “Ever since you’ve joined that band, you’ve grown.”

“You think so?”

Chisato nodded. “It has been remarkable watching you open up.”

Kanon scratched her cheek. “I couldn’t have done it without you and everyone else in the group, but especially Kokoro. Any time I see her smile when we’re performing I think I can do anything. Like I don’t have to be scared anymore. She has this effect on people that I can’t really explain, and I love it.”

Chisato laughed, a hearty, mirth-filled laugh as she leaned back in her chair.

“Hey,” Kanon said with a pout. “I told you because I thought you wouldn’t do something like that.”

“I’m sorry, Kanon.” Chisato took a deep breath. “It’s just, the way you talk about Kokoro is so wonderful. It’s obvious how much she means to you.”

“Well, I love her a lot,” Kanon mumbled to herself.

Chisato regained her composure, sliding a stray hair back behind her ear. “Than you should tell her that.”

“I don’t know about that.” Kanon’s voice lost its gaiety, falling back into a well-known meekness.

“And why is that?”

“Because this is Kokoro.” Kanon hoped that was enough an explanation, but by the way, Chisato narrowed her eyes, she knew it wasn’t .”I’m not sure she even knows what love is. Even if she did, why would she fall for me?”

“Because you’re a wonderful person, Kanon,” Chisato said, not a hint of doubt in the statement. “And you can’t know that without telling her.”

“Well, yeah.” Kanon’s voice died, looking down at the table.

“And I might know Kokoro as well as you,” Chisato said. “But I think if it were her, she’d walk right up to who she was in love with, and tell that person without a second thought.”

Kanon chuckled. “You’re right, and I know she’d tell me the same thing.”

“So?” Chisato crossed her arms.

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.”

They shared another cup of tea before leaving. Kanon was lost in thoughts as she wandered home. It was Kokoro, she had to be confessed to in the most straightforward way she did everything else. It was a downright terrifying idea. Proclaiming your love straight to someone's face. Even the thought was enough to paint Kanon’s cheeks a deep red, and form all too familiar butterflies in her stomach.

The sun was setting, and the fears were hovering over her, but she would try. Putting hope in everything Chisato had told her, and finding faith in the smile she knew Kokoro would be wearing the next time they met.

#Bang Dream #bandori #kokoro tsurumaki #kanon matsubara #kanokoko #kokokano #wtf is this ship name

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