#kangaroo sniper imagine

[robin374]

I've had this idea for some time but maybe spy, sniper and medic (mayybe even engi) interrogating an afab reader but it kind of escalates into more nsfw stuff kind of as a way to humiliate/tease/punish the reader? Adjfjfkzkskkd

You can see how I'm running out of sleep as you advance through the text 💀

Interrogation gone wrong (100% real no fake) (Engie, Medic, Sniper, Spy)

Engie: 

You were so confident with yourself. He knew that he would never take the information he wanted from you. Everything he did was in vane. 

Except for one thing…

Your hands were tied to the chair, which meant that you couldn’t stop him from doing what he was going to do. 

He approached you from behind, placing his hands on your shoulders. He smiled when he felt your body tremble at his touch. 

He kissed the back of your ear, as a warning. Then, he moved to your shoulder and a small trail of kisses until he reached your neck. He moved your hair out of his way, you swallowed hard knowing what was coming, but you couldn't do anything to stop it. Sure the man was attractive, but he was your enemy… 

You repressed a moan when he nibbled a point of your neck, you felt him smiling against it. That smooth bastard. 

He moved in front of you and just when you were going to complain, he shut you up with a hungry kiss. You could tell that he was wishing for it for a real long time. 

His hands were touching your entire body, he tried to separate your legs but you had been fast enough to close them as if they were a strongbox. 

“Guess I’ll have to force you…” He said while kissing you again and activating his sentry. 

Medic: 

Man is crazy and a sadomasochist. 

The moment he saw a glint of fear in your confident eyes when he took out the scalpel, he was another person. It awakened something in him, and it was not a feeling. 

His heavy breath against your trembling face was the only thing he could imagine. He wished for this moment with you everytime he went to bed, he was obsessed with you. Every time he saw you covered in blood around the battlefield, he wondered if you would be that sexy with your own blood too. 

He cut off your shirt, not listening to your complaints, just admiring how your body responded to the sudden cold air that hit it. Your hands and ankles were tied to his operation table, you were at his mercy. 

He caressed your stomach with his already bloodied gloved hand, leaving a small trail of blood around it. Then, he did the same with the scalpel seeing how you tried to escape the pointed knife. 

Slowly he started to carve a “L” in the supposed place of the heart. With that, everyone would know that you were his, even if you didn’t want it. 

He kissed the drops of blood that fell from your new wound. The taste of your blood was like alcohol to him, he wanted more, he wanted to end up drunk of your blood. 

With his mouth stained with your blood he kissed you. You could taste your own blood on the kiss, and you could feel his maniac smile against you. 

“I will activate the Medi-Gun so I can have more fun with you, Liebling…Wait here.”

Sniper: 

He was waiting for Soldier to finish his interrogation with you, he was taking a nap. Until Soldier’s roaring woke him up. 

“She escaped! Do something useful and find her, you kangaroo!” 

He wasn’t feeling like running that day, so he ignored Soldier and walked to his sniper-nest acting as if he was looking for you. 

Then you bumped into him, your confused eyes slowly changed to scared ones. Just like a prey when it saw its predator. 

Realizing he had to catch you, he started to chase you. He felt like a cat chasing a mouse, and just like that astute animal he cornered you near his sniper-nest. 

He approached you slowly and placed a hand on your mouth. 

“Don’t mess with a sniper, never.” 

He always watched you from his scope, but never tried to talk to you or even kill you. Now it was his moment to let you know the consequences of running away from the RED Team. 

“Make a single sound and I’ll make it longer and worse for you, roo.”

Spy: 

French = Asshole

He is a tease. He will start making comments about how humiliating you would look all messed up after he made you suffer. 

“You are not brave enough to do it, bitch.”

Gurl, you did not. 

His lips moved to a subtle smirk, knowing that you would regret it later. 

He took his butterfly knife and placed it under your chin. If you moved you would die, the fear in your eyes told him that you already regretted it. He slowly kissed your lips, feeling your breath against his. 

With his mouth he took off his gloves and with his bare hands separated your legs, squeezing your thigh. 

You couldn’t do nothing but show your disgust verbally, whenever you were going to say something (probably an insult) he kissed your lips, shutting you up. Then he would slip his hand under your shirt and start caressing your torso. 

“I’m going to eat you like a cat eats a mouse, ma chérie.”

[mugs-n-cans]

*sparkle sparkle* i hear your plight, sniper, so you are now as buff as scout with bonus chest hair shaped like a kangaroo for the next 5 asks. You're welcome! Be sure to take a selfie to remember the moment!

[Sniper is too stunned to speak. He is overcome with a childlike joy of finally looking how a little Sniper once always imagined he should].

Scout: Hey Snipes—WOAH. IS THAT FREAKIN’ KANGAROO SHAPED CHEST HAIR. THAT’S SO SICK. [Sniper says nothing at all and Scout smiles, giving him a big hug]. Cheese! [He flashes a picture for both of them, knowing this is his last ask].

[5eraphim]

Bro ok so like, I'm gonna be honest I don't really see what's up with sniper and why he's a sexy man he's so... Lanky! So is Scout!! And Spy!!! Now I am not saying it's a bad thing that people like them, but what about the others!! I look at engineer dreamily, little buff fat man! Heavy is a big buff fat man, adorable! I dare venture, pyro may be buff fat... They all would be great to cuddle with! Medic, as great as I imagine he'd be as buff fat, however is not fat, but he is buff. Idk I have favorites and thanks for listening to my talk.

I'm on your side with scout and sniper... but I must confess, I am a Spy apologist. I have no idea why, he's not my type really, nor do I find him all that physically attractive, and i cannot emphasize enough, this man would NOT WANT ME 💀 but- he's still so appealing to me? He contrasts the rest of the team in design sooooo perfectly, I mean, you could say his design isn't really special, and his silhouette is just about as generic as you can get, but in a lineup with the rest of the team I think he pulls it off. I think he's so dear to me because he is eerily like the Scarecrow who has always been my favorite batman villain ngl- (IMO he also has, far and away the best "Everyone, Meet the-" video) also i like to think spy does have a sliiight dad gut to him, but he hides under shapewear or smthn.

i have no idea if this is actual canon or not- for for Christ's sake the man eats kangaroos- HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

But more importantly... your mind- my GODDD!!

i dont even have anything to add here, just you GET IT!!!! youre taste is so exquisite, it's beyond words <3 muscle is all well and good, but without a little fat to fill it out with whats the point anyhow? :( im trying so hard to add anything of value but all i can think of is hairy thick guys and my brain short circuits and my mind goes blank.

[oleander-teacup]

a challenger approaches!

(kidding thank u ilysm)

bc u were so nice and actually send a request heres a little more than a sentence :) have some fic. i havent edited yet so this will prolly change a little!! here u go :D

---

"So this loser starts swingin' his knife around like a dumbass, but he couldn't get me! I'm just too damn quick."

"Mhm." The Sniper took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, fuckin' loser. I showed him." Scout's chest puffed out with pride and he grinned.

"Yeah, 'm sure you did, mate." Sniper glamced over, and realizing Scout's eyes were closed, yanked the Scout's cap over his eyes, earning a little yelp from his teammate.

"What was that for?"

"Dunno. Felt like it." He smiled a bit, easygoing expression as he took another sip of his drink.

"Aight then." The Scout smiled at him, a little expression between the two Sniper couldn't quite place. Then he yawned. "I'm, uh, gettin' tired. So I'm gonna get to the showers and conk out."

"Sounds awright. Catch you later, Roo."

"...Roo?"

The Sniper suddenly looked sort of surprised. God, that was gonna be fishy. Mentally chastising himself for never thinking, he spoke. "Uh, sorry. Yeah, uh. Roo. Like a kangaroo. Since you jump around all the bloody time."

Sniper couldn't tell if he was just imagining the slightly narrowed eyes, the slightly raised eyebrows, the-

"...Roo. Huh! I like it. See ya Snipes."

And with that, Scout was gone, but the Sniper couldn't brush away the little bit of residual warmth he'd left behind.

ive literally written over 15k in speeding bullet fanfic thats gone Nowhere its ALL snippets and unposted and disjointed but i dont WANNA write oneshots i wanna write a STORY but at the same time its like UGHH WHY AM I NOT CONTRIBUTING anyway ask me for a random word in my writing and i'll give you the sentence that word is in i guess

[self-ships-ahoy]

Still determined to get you guys acquainted with my ship w/ Medic and caught up with where I am mentally (not to mention shake off the nerves that act up when I post about him/us publicly), so I thought I’d compile some statements given by some tf2 x reader blogs. (If any of you want me to take down your mention and headcanons, I will)

From @kangaroo-sniper-imagine depicting a relationship with an s/o who’s inexperienced in romance (the sfw side):

“Is very worried about your health, not because you’re chronically ill or anything, its just how he shows his affections. Knowing that you are well puts his mind at ease and makes him less manic. Since he started dating you, he’s been significantly less manic and his experiments no longer toe the line of “crazy medicine man” and now pertain solely to improving the team’s health.”

Being able to calm him down and stop putting himself/others in danger is something I’ve really hoped I could do for him (even if their lives are protected by respawn-- we’re not gonna be in Teufort forever you know). I also worry for his sake; I’m going the route of headcanoning mental illness instead of the ‘likes being evil’ one (both of which are ok, I just prefer the former), and with any mental disorder, there’s personal suffering. I don’t want him to help himself cuz he’s “”problematic””. I worry for him. So knowing I’m making a bit of a difference by being myself is a great comfort.

On the other side of that coin, @tf2-x-reader-trash describes him (and the others) lovesick, saying why he loves the reader. I recommend reading the whole thing cuz it’s accurate to our relationship, but this is the best part:

“Medic loves you so much because you embrace his eccentricities. He loves that he can do whatever he wants and you don’t care as long as he’s not putting himself in danger (though he sometimes does intentionally, as he loves to be fussed over/given attention). You encourage him and appreciate his enthusiasm, even if you’re grossed out by his unique occupation. But he really loves that you love him despite how weird he can be. He can sit with you and tell you about his latest experiment or talk with Archimedes and you’ll just watch or listen like he’s completely normal. He loves not being treated like he’s nuts or creepy.”

Listen... I know what that feels like. I myself have an undiagnosed mental condition, and was always treated differently for it. I would never, ever, EVER do that to him. Doc has impulse problems, empathy problems....morality problems..., but he is so much more than his problems! As long as he isn’t crossing any lines for me, I love supporting him and his enthusiasm! I love that nothing’s killed his spirit! I even love when he acts kooky or “weird”. Not saying I’ll always understand him, or react positively all the time to what he says, but he’s still the man I love. And I make it my absolute priority to make sure he knows that.

And how he loves me? Here’s an example of that, also provided by tf2-x-reader-trash: what it’s like to be in his medical care, and how it depends on your relationship with him.

“He’s like a complete opposite if he loves you though. He’s very careful with you and he’ll rarely do anything risky with your body unless he has to. And unlike with the other mercs, he actually asks if you’d like to participate in an experiment instead of just doing it without your consent. He also tries to help you stay calm if he’s doing a procedure or something that scares you. He’ll ask you to look away and will talk to you to keep your attention on him, and if you’re his S/O, he’ll give you a ton of kisses. He might lightly tease you by calling you a baby, but he’ll stop quickly, especially if it bothers you. Overall, he’s surprisingly considerate when you’re under his care.”

As stated in the previous imagine, Doc becomes less selfish and surprisingly more considerate to me and my feelings. He’s not intuitive about those feelings, so he asks and remembers. It’s...pretty much common knowledge to my friends that hospitals and needles are a huge weakness of mine. Even that sterile smell of a doctor’s office can trigger my fight or flight response (...ok, just flight). When we first met, I was trembling with fear, and was scared of him for quite a while because I didn’t want him to do anything to me.

I know how much he loves his procedures, and...admittedly he does find a bit of fun in freaking people out. So...knowing how much he cares about my comfort and my opinion and my choices, I feel really special. He’s so...gentle, so considerate. I trust him now. I’m not scared for my safety in the slightest, seeing how much he respects me. It makes him happy to see how much I’ve grown to trust him, but I just say that’s because he was kind to me. He earned it. 😊

[tf2-hellhole]

me discovering one of the other few Merc X Reader blogs that are still active and proceeding to read literally everything on their page

[blackmambaboobs]

TF2 Dudes X Fat (Gender Neutral) Reader Headcanons:

Scout:  -He was so used to getting dates and/or hookups with skinny to average people that he never realized how good a fat person is?? He wasn’t picky or against fat people, that’s just how it worked out. But as soon as you come into his life, he is in love. -He loves resting his head on your stomach while he reads his comic books. But if you give him scritches on his head and just rub his head with a soft hum? Oh, he just melts. God, please continue to give him scritches-  -He’ll often make suggestions and jokes of thigh fucking (he loves your thighs so god damn much, pLeAsE). -He calls you “Chipmunk” or “Chucklenuts” (affectionally) because of your chubby cheeks. -Be warned ‘cause he will slap your ass (flat or not). Spy: -Just like his son, he never realized how good a fat person is (also not an Asshole to fat people or anything). -He buys you clothing that hugs your figure because one: You look amazing in it, two: He loves to show you off and your gorgeousness, and three: He loves to watch you when you bend down or move, imagining how you’ll look under him when he gets home (or to the base) with you so he can fuck you. -Loves to tease you affectionally and pinch your rolls (but he’ll stop if it bothers you). -Loves to squish your cheeks together with one hand so he watch your lips pucker and because he loves how squishy you are. Sniper: -He’s had a few dates with multiple types of body shapes, but never really got to appreciate them. -This man is so touch starved so when you go to hug him or some shit, he wants to cry?? You’re so soft and warm?? Is this why people love weighted blankets so much??  -He loves your stomach, hands down, especially your rolls. And yes, he will knead them like a cat if you let him. -Loves to trace your stretch marks, it helps calm him (bonus if he gets to hear you giggle ‘cause you’re ticklish).  -Gives you the nickname “Roo” ‘cause of your stomach since it reminds him of a kangaroo’s pouch (which he loves). -Is really into the idea of thigh fucking but he’s too shy to ask for it-  Soldier:  -He loves your cheeks!! He will pinch them, kiss them and squish them!!  -Will randomly shout compliments at you about how wonderful you look (and also helping you breath ‘cause he scared the shit out of you).  -Always happy to help choose outfits with you that make you look even cuter!  -Does not care if he looks weird/strange for showing you lovin’ in public (he always has heart eyes under his helmet whenever he sees you).  -Will shoot someone that happens to insult you with a rocket. -Calls you “Cupcake” ‘cause you’re sweet and squishy like one!  Pyro: -Would die for the squish, literally, they love your squish so much, Man?? -Calls you their marshmallow and likes to poke you because of it. -They often draw pictures of you as a marshmallow or some other squishy treat because they think you’re cute like one!! -Loves to pinch your cheeks! They’ll often just stare as you eat just because of the fact your cheeks puff up- -Wants to leave little burn marks over your thighs and stomach to mark you (of course, with aftercare!!). -Please model cute clothing for them, they will die happily if you do!!  -Loves how warm you are!! Medic: -Finds you so fascinating!! He’ll often joke about how he should study you because of how soft and warm you are (wink, wink). -His doves love you so much too, they appreciate your squish and love cuddling up to you! It often gets cold in the medical room, so you’re their personal heater! -He loves to see you in beautiful white clothing, especially if it hugs your figure.  -He calls you “Dove” just because of how sweet and soft you are like one! -Anyone that insults you? RIP, ‘cause they’ll be going through Hell in the medical room-  Heavy:  -He doesn’t say much about your squish, but don’t worry, he loves it!  -He calls you his little bunny or bear just because of the fact you remind him of them. -Loves to hold you in his lap (as long as you’re okay with it), he appreciates your softness and warmth and your weight is comforting to him ‘cause it reminds him that you’re there with him. -Loves to gently hold your face as he gives you soft kisses all over your face -He’s so soft for you, my god- Engineer:  -Cutest couple alive?? *Eyes emoji* -Loves your squish!! So much!! -He calls you his personal stuffed animal and “Honeybee” because you’re sweet and soft like one! -Loves to squish your stomach and will have the biggest lovey-dovey expression as he kneads it (it relaxes him).  -Loves to smother your stomach in kisses! He loves your giggles and squeals, oh my God-  -You make him melt so many times and you don’t even need to do anything- Demoman:  -This man is addicted to your squish like his alcohol, he needs it-  -Loves to squish your thighs, and the little squeaks you do when he does it. -He knows he reeks of alcohol, but God, he just wants to smother your squishy face in kisses (please let him)-  -Will also slap your ass regardless if it’s flat or not.  -Often before he passes out from being drunk, he’ll lay his head on your thighs or stomach and just pass out then and there. -He goes f e r a l if you wear tight clothing and has to remember to breathe- 

[fruit-teeth]

Imagine Sniper as a dad with one of those baby carrier pouches and that’s where he keeps the baby so it’s like a kangaroo with the Joey in the pouch

Idk this is all I got today folks

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Sniper headcanon

( @kangaroo-sniper-imagine your post made my peanut brain work beyond the borders of the fandom, thanks frend)

Sniper isnt as of a loner as we all think

He isnt a party animal like Demo or a social butterfly like Scout, but he isnt the shy recluse all we pissman-wannabe-waifus consider him to be.

While not a talker, he is a very perceptive man. He knows how to approach businesses transaction's and basic theater so he can avoid jail time or enemies/police/etc. He can be very charming if he wants to, he isnt as suave or charming as Spy would be in a hypothetical simmilar scenario,but he will get his job done and call it day.

I think in the team dynamic he isnt as isolated as you think he is, he has to inform when the sentry/medic/tank/whatever have you is down and observe his teammates very closely to discover cloaked spies.

In the comics we see Sniper as a good friend with Scout and somewhat on friendly terms with Spy, and in general he seems like the type of bloke who although doesnt speak much he jests, drinks and plays poker with the rest of the gang and when he isnt, he just enjoys the company of his mates on his own special way but he will never shake the house with his laughter or speak more than a paragraph per hour unless he is extremely stressed or something extremely dramatic has happend or hes talking with his mum and pop on the phone like the lanky stringbean he is ❤️

[phoenixdragon5411]

A really stupid TF2 headcanon Pt.2

In this edition: Snipers crazy wacky adventures in is homeland of Australia

He’s met Steve Irwin. Got to take pictures with him, they are invaluable to Sniper

Went fishing with his dad when he was a kid and saw a scrub python in the middle of swallowing a crocodile whole. 

He had nightmares about being eaten alive by snakes for weeks after that

Has won several Ostrich Racing Competitions even has medals to prove it

Once fist fought a kangaroo to save his dog

Somehow managed to capture and bond with a baby crocodile when he was 15. Sniper named the baby croc ‘Steven’ in honour of his hero Steve Irwin

Definitely tried to convince his parents to let him keep Steven by saying things like “Aw come on mum, you’re always so worried about a break in. Steven could protect us! Imagine having a crocodile as a guard dog!”

They still said no :(

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

do snioer

First impression: I have Always liked Sniper especially from a gameplay perspective, that's always been my go-to fps playstyle and I just rlly clicked with him as soon as I tried him.

Impression now: My feelings on him have mostly stayed the same? I guess I've just gotten more and more personal about him as time has gone on and this blog has become what it's become. I also used to be unable to imagine him having sex but like That has DEFINITELY changed lmaoooo (kind of because I like Really really as the kids say Kin him now so like. that affects that lmao)

Favorite moment: All three times he does the happyfeet thing

Idea for a story: I literally have five thousand Sniper story ideas happening at all times within my mind. Currently writing one where he's a vampire hunter it owns

Unpopular opinion: Sniper pulls and he's still weird as shit. Sniper characterizations are always like Oh well he's "shy" so therefore he's never had any sex ever or Burgeoning Action Hero Sex God With Thirteen Abs swinging his dick around at everything. I think he can pull and still be a weird freak Because I LIKE HIM ur gonna get TWO unpopular opinions: There is literally no reason to write Sniper tf2 as being "not really Australian"/"actually from New Zealand" if you're not weird about people who were adopted. Every time someone says "great post op but he's actually from N-" on my kangaroo queen post an angel DIES

Favorite relationship: Throuple with both Demo and Medic don't make me choose

Favorite headcanon: Dad who goes fishing (transgender)

[amazingorangedangantrash]

It doesn't really matter who you ship Makoto with, the real challenge is the s/o making a good impression to Komaru and their parents. (I am laughing at Juzo for this, I don't ship it; but I'm laughing at the thought.)

Ahdhsjdhs yeah I'd imagine. I mean I think they'd be pretty open to most people. Look at how friendly and accommodating Makoto and Komaru are- I can only assume that comes largely due to the influence from their parents.

Ah but then agaiiin-

I got an ask about the Naegi parents actually being Ultimates (I've seen it by the way! I really- need to properly answer that akdjjd-) and bruh. One would be the ultimate sniper (i believe) and the other is the ultimate lawyer?

SO CAN YOU IMAGINE juzo being intensely interrogated by one parent at the dinner table, and then (because Makoto is facing him), the other just pulls out a fucking GLOCK and points it at his head casually, mouthing the words

"You hurt him, I'll kill you."

And then fucking KOMARU walks in with her gf who shares a body with a known serial killer, and starts dishing out fucking KANGAROO MEAT that it's heavily implied they hunted themselves-

Ajdhsjdhsjskssj. Yeah, Juzo's in for a wild time

[selfshipmlm]

Yandere Scout Fic-let

Inspired by @kangaroo-sniper-imagine 's yandere scout/sniper hcs!! specifically this one;

a/n: I really dont feel like i'm wanted by someone so... Indulgent fics time! Also ignoring that Sniper is Kiwi for convenience sake. He grew up in Australia so its just easier to say he's Australian

- - -

Scout hurriedly pulled you into the open doorway of a nearby building, checking out the door as soon as he had hidden you out of sight.

Even from this distance away, he could see the Australian anxiously looking around for you. It made him laugh. He had won this one small battle.

"Scout, what the hell?" you asked, placing your hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

He turned around, backing you into a wall, "I got that damned sniper outta ya hair for ya~" he hummed, hands attaching to your sides and sliding down to your hips. His face nuzzled into the crook of your neck just as your back hit the wall and you shivered.

You couldn't lie- this was exactly what you had been hoping for. You had noticed the boys' rivalry. How else would Scout've gotten sniped without an enemy sniper? It was just hard to reject someone especially when you worked together daily.

"But what about the team?" you asked, hands bunching in Scout's shirt as he affectionately nuzzled into your neck.

"They'll do fine without us-- Snipes is still out d'ere lookin for you," Scout chuckled. He tried not to lean into your touch too much, as to not put all his weight against you, but he could barely help himself. He had finally gotten you and he wasn't planning on letting go. The promises to keep you two a secret were hard enough to keep what with Sniper trying to steal you from him and all that.

"You're right..."

"I'm always right, babe!" Scout chuffed cockily, "Except for when i'm not... Then i'm not right... But this time i'm definitely right!"

That made you laugh. The sweetest sound Scout had been able to muster from you thus far. Your laugh was his favorite.

He pressed his lips to yours and held them there for a second too long, savoring the taste.

You let him have his moment, but a call of your class from a certain Aussie accent pulled you both out of your haze.

"We have to tell him eventually..." you sigh, grip on Scout's collar tightening.

"Don't even talk about him right now," Scout huffed, using his pointer and index finger to tilt your head up at him, "This is you and me. The only think he needs to know is how to back the fuck off." Scout nuzzled the nape of your neck like a cat.

You laughed. You'll have to jump back into the battle once the Administrator comes on the loudspeaker, but you'll allow Scout's antics to go on for a little bit longer...

[pigeons-scrawlings]

"Oh no! There's two of us, and only ONE BED!" Ship of your choice! 💕

Heck yea, hittin' me with a classic! (Btw, sorry this took forever, my dumb brain kept getting stuck XP)

Alright, let's give this a shot, I'm going with Speeding Bullet cuz it's my OTP :D

Oh, and something to note: I know most people tend to headcanon Snipers first name as Mick but I call him Richard/Rich.

And idk why but I like to think that Snipes and Scout know each other's real names so yeah, their names will be used a few times here.

Anywho, on to the fic!

_____

Scout's been dealing with a lot of feelings lately that he doesn't know what the hell to do with. It's been throwing him off his game pretty badly, and he's gotten very irritable.

He's been picking more fights with his teammates and he can't seem to keep a clear head during matches.

He'd talk to the one friend he's got on the team to vent and get some advice but...

His one friend happens to be the cause of these issues.

He doesn't know how or when exactly it started, things were fine and they could hang out and chat no problem, but then one day all of sudden he can hardly hazard a glance at Sniper without his thoughts wandering to... things.

Things like... How great his voice sounds. How wonderful his eyes are. How much he'd like to touch him, to-

'Jesus, there I go again...' Scout thought as he sighed deeply and put his face in his hand.

A hand on his shoulder snapped him back to reality. Oh yeah, he was talking with Snipes.

"You alright, mate?" Sniper looked at him with clear concern written on his face. Scout brushed his hand off "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Sniper crossed his arms and his expression became more stern "Scout, I know you, something's clearly off. Something's been off for a while now, everyone can see that."

"It's nothin', really"

"Jer, you know you can talk to me, what's-"

"I said I'm fine!" He said that probably a bit louder then he should have, he practically yelled. Scout sighed again and quickly left, leaving Sniper a bit shocked and very worried.

Scout locked himself away in his room and spent the next few hours thinking and sketching out his emotions.

"What the hell am supposed to do..." he muttered to himself as he half-heartedly continued on his drawing.

"The hell can I do? Jus' walk up an' be like 'hey you've been the subject of my fantasies lately'?" Jeremy sighed again and tossed his sketchbook and pencil onto his bed.

He laid back on the bed, put his hands over his face and groaned. 'Even if I did, what would even happen? I don't even know if he... if he even swings that way. With my luck, he'd probably just hate me, think there's something wrong with me.'

He jumped when he heard knocking at his door. "Scout" Fuck. It's Sniper. Fantastic. "Scout I know you're in there, an' that you don't want to talk but I need to speak with ya."

Scout didn't move, hoping Sniper would just go away.

"Jeremy, don't make me get heavy to break your door!" Goddamit. "Alright, fine! Jus' gimme a sec!" He hopped up from the bed and quickly went and opened the door.

Scout leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed, giving Sniper a half-hearted glare. "What?"

"We're going on vacation."

"What??"

"You need a break, everyone else needs a break from you, and I'm not comfortable with leavin' you alone right now, so you and me are gonna take a little trip." Sniper tried to give an encouraging smile.

"You gotta be kiddin' me. No." He stepped back and attempted to close the door only to be stopped by Sniper shoving his foot in.

"No choice, mate, like I said, everyone else needs a break from whatever the hell has been going on with you. Either take a trip with me or, well, I don't know what they'd do but I'm sure you wouldn't like it."

Jeremy mulled over the idea for a few moments before reluctantly opening the door.

"Alright. Alright fine, when we leavin'?"

~Time Skip~

The drive out was quiet. Sniper occasionally tried to make small-talk, to lighten the mood but of course, it wasn't doing much.

He wasn't pushing questions though, Scout could be thankful for that.

After another bout of silence, he decided to be the one to break it this time "So, ya gonna tell me where we're goin' yet?"

"You'll see in a bit, we're almost there."

And yet again, the Scout sighed. Sniper wasn't wrong though, in a just about ten or fifteen minutes the path they were following through the woods came to an end.

They were now in a wide clearing. Sniper parked the vehicle and they both hopped out.

'A campground?' There was a well-used fire pit surrounded by logs for seating and a few hiking trails here and there leading back into the woods.

Sniper grabbed a few bags and made his way over to the pit. Scout looked around to see if there was anything interesting to be found here.

He noticed some old, worn-looking railing on the furthest side of the clearing and went over to investigate. On the other side of the railing was apparently a cliff.

As Scout leaned over a rail to peer down it Sniper made his way over to him, grumbling a bit as he went.

Scout glanced at Sniper "Y'alright there, Snipes?" he asked as he continued examining the bottom of the cliff.

Sniper sighed "Well, looks like I somehow forgot somethings, namely the sleeping bags."

As Scout turned to look up at the tall man he was suddenly struck with the mental image of grabbing Sniper by his shirt collar to yank him down for a kiss.

Scout coughed and leaned back on the railing, trying to look calm and casual and praying to God he wasn't blushing

"Ok, so? We can just sleep in your van."

"I only got the one bed in there, mate."

"Oh. Right."

"Yeah. So unless ya feel like sharin', " Sniper began with a mildly amused tone, as he turned to walk back to the camper "I'll just take the floor."

Scout was glad Sniper had turned away because he was definitely blushing at the thought of sharing a bed with him "What? Wait a second!"

Scout quickly walked after Sniper, grabbed his shoulder, turned him back around and gave him an incredulous look "No way, man! I'm not makin' you sleep on the floor!"

"It's fine Jer"

"No, I'll take the floor."

"Wha- Jeremy no, you have the bed, it's fine. Besides, whatever's got you stressed'll just be made worse if ya don't sleep comfortabley."

"I don't care, just- ugh. Alright, ya'know what?" Scout immediately regretted what he was about to say but he didn't stop himself

"We're sharin' the bed!" and with that, he stomped off towards the pit, where Sniper had apparently already gotten a fire going

"Now get yer ass over here, your fire looks like it's dyin'!"

Sniper stood there a moment, a bit stunned, before moving to follow "... Ok, mate."

~Time Skip 2: Electric Boogaloo~

This place had a very relaxing atmosphere, it helped ease Scouts nerves a fair amount. As the sun finished setting the two men were sitting near the fire, eating s'mores and talking.

Sniper was recounting an interesting creature encounter he once had.

"Bullshit, that did not happen," Scout said through a mouthful of graham cracker and marshmallow.

"It's true mate! It was like a jackalope but big as a moose! I'd've shot the thing but I was worried a bullet wouldn't do more than piss it off."

"A big ass kangaroo with antlers, sure. I'll believe that if I ever see it." He finished off his s'more and yawned, feeling a bit drowsy now that the sun was down.

He looked up at the sky, appreciating the stars. Sniper let out his own yawn and spoke "Alright, think we might as well turn in for the night."

Scout hummed an agreement, stood up and stretched as Sniper put out the fire. As they walked to the van some of Scouts drowsy-ness was suddenly replaced with anxiety as he remembered what he'd said earlier.

'Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,' He's gotta share a bed with Sniper. Well, he's not backing out now, he's too stubborn for that. Yup. Stubbornness.

That's it. That's the only reason. The only reason he's gonna go through with it. Certainly not because this has been a fantasy of his. Certainly not because he would very much like to cuddle with the man. Because he doesn't. Really.

After they entered the van they both set about removing their shoes, brushing their teeth, y'know, standard bedtime routine stuff.

Scout was the first to finish and climbed into the bed.

"Y'know, I can still just take the floor, we don't have to-"

"Rich, just shut up and get the hell over here."

Sniper chuckled "Alright."

Scout scooted closer to the wall to make space as Sniper made his way over.

Once he was in the bed Sniper pulled the blankets over the both of them and turned to face away from Scout "G'night, Jer."

"Night"

Scout stared at the ceiling. He wasn't gonna be able to sleep like this, he was far too aware of the warm body lying next to him.

He wanted to curl up to the bushman, to rap an arm around him, to tangle their legs together.

But of course he can't really just go and do that without having to admit some things.

He turned to face the wall and closed his eyes, deciding to at least try to sleep but he was restless, after a few moments he turned to lay on his back again.

Then sighed.

Then turned back to the wall. And tossed and turned a few more times.

Then Sniper sighed and shifted. Turning to lay on his back, he looked at Scout "Jer, you alright, mate?"

"Yeah, m'fine."

"Y'sure? Your tossin' about quite a bit there."

"Yeah, well, not every day I gotta share a bed."

"I can still take the floor if ya want."

"Nah, I'll live."

"Jer, I don't want you gettin' a bad nights sleep 'cause of me."

"Definitely will if ya keep talkin'."

Sniper huffed in amusement "You grew up with seven brothers, didn't you? Can't imagine noise being all that much of an issue."

Scout grumbled quietly, unsure of what else he could say.

Sniper sighed again and shifted to fully face Scout 'Oh God what now' Scout thought.

"Listen. I know you don't want to talk about it, and I promise you if you still don't want to say anything after this then I won't ask again.

But you're my friend, Jeremy, I care about you, about your wellbeing, and I want to help. You know you can talk to me about anything, I won't judge you if that's what you're worried about. So, please. Will you talk to me?"

Scout was quiet for a few moments, trying to think of what the hell he could say. He sure as hell wanted to confess but he was scared of losing his best friend.

He decided to test the waters.

"... Alright..." Scout sat up and turned to lean back on the wall, looking at anything but Sniper, as he collected his thoughts.

Sniper sat up as well and patiently waited.

"Ok, so... I guess it's, uh... I, uh... Ugh... I think... I've, uh..." Scout swallowed nervously and took a deep breath.

"I think I'm... I-in... love?" he glanced at Sniper who gave a bit of confused look

"Not to make light of it, mate, but... Is that all? All of this fuss 'cause of some sheila?" Sniper chuckled and grinned.

"I-it's a... guy... actually..."

Snipers grin dropped and eyes widened slightly "Oh."

"Yeah..."

"Alright, I suppose I can see how you'd be a bit more inclined to secrecy then. Still wish you'd've told me sooner though. Like I always tell you, you can talk-"

"Talk to you about anything, I know, but... I dunno, I just... I dunno..."

"S'alright, Jer... If you don't mind me askin', it's not someone on the team is it?"

Scouts eyes widened and he stared in shock at Sniper "What?! No! Why the hell would I fall for any of those bozos!"

"Jer,"

"That's fucking ridiculous! How can even you suggest that?"

"Jeremy."

"There is no way in hell I would ever even consider one of them-"

"Jeremy!" Sniper clamped a hand down on Scouts shoulder "Would you calm down?"

Scout shut his mouth tightly and stared at Sniper "Listen, mate if telling me who it is is that much of an issue you don't have to!"

"I don't-" Scout was about to deny the idea again but was quickly silenced by Snipers stern expression

"You know you're a terrible liar, mate. You ramble and get defensive every time."

"I- but it's not- It- Fucking Goddamnit!" Scout covered his face and groaned "It's not- ugh!" He sighed lowering his hands but not daring to look at Sniper

"I-I do... want to tell you, I just... I don't..."

Scout felt his throat tighten, his could feel his eyes start to water. Sniper pulled him into a tight hug "It's okay, Jer."

"I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you, I don't give a 'roo's ass who you love, it could never make me hate you!"

Scout gripped tightly to his only friend as if he'd lose him if he let go, he certainly felt like he would.

He pulled back a little ways, still not letting go, and looked Sniper in the eyes, those fantastic eyes. He doesn't know what prompted him to to do it but,

Next thing he knew his lips were on Snipers. He jumped back as soon as he realized what he was doing.

Sniper looked just as shocked if not more so. Scout covered his face again, fully expecting some kind of negative reaction.

Instead, Sniper pulled his hands away, held one of them and put one of his own to Scouts cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb and returned the kiss.

Scout couldn't believe it, he had to be dreaming! But it definitely felt real, and it felt amazing. It made his heart pound.

Sniper broke the kiss and looked Scout in the eyes "...Told ya I wouldn't hate you." He gave a soft smile and kissed Scout on the nose.

Scout smiled and couldn't help but laugh a little "Guess I was really worried over nothin', huh?" He didn't wait for an answer, instead opting to kiss Sniper again.

~The End~

[supercasey]

This may be random, but if the tf2 mercs were animals, what animals would they be?

Don’t worry my pal, I’m all for answering an ask like this (though be warned, I’m sure a lot of these are popular headcanons for such AUs, so I’m gonna try to come up with at least 3 for each character) (Also, sorry for the late response)!

Scout: Gotta start with my fav, ya know? My top three picks for Scout are an Eastern Cottontail, a Kit Fox, and an Egyptian Mau. I like the Eastern Cottontail for Scout because I’ve always imagined him as a rabbit, what with them being very fast and having a reputation for driving people mad (mostly in cartoons). The Kit Fox could be a good fit as well because I hardcore headcanon Spy as a fox of some kind in Animal Crossing/Furry AUs, and I thought it would be nice if Scout was one too since Spy is his dad and all, so he’s a Kit Fox, which is a very small breed of foxes. And finally, I thought the Egyptian Mau would be a good fit, as it’s the fastest house cat in existence, plus I think Scout can act very cat-like with the others by teasing them so often.

Spy: Now for the dad in question. My top three picks for Spy are a Red Fox, a Fallow Deer, and a British Columbia Wolf. I like the Red Fox for Spy for pretty obvious reasons, seeing as Spy is very sneaky and tends to catch you when you least suspect it, all while still looking quite elegant and put together. Now, the Fallow Deer may seem like an odd choice, but I see deer as very regal and reserved, something I think fits Spy very well, even if the deer isn’t a predator (also, Fallow Deer are found in Europe). Finally, I like him as a British Columbia Wolf because, ya know, Spy makes for a great predator animal, and this breed of wolf has a very dark coat, which would be ideal for hunting at night.

Soldier: Oh boy, I freaking love this wild motherfucker! My top three picks for Soldier are a Rottweiler, a Red Squirrel, and a Bald Eagle. For those of you who are curious, Rottweilers are actually a pretty popular choice for military trained canines, and although I thought of making him a German Shepard, I though Soldier looked more like a Rottweiler (also, Soldier acts a bit like a dog when he’s excited, so who can blame me for making him one in an animal AU)? Next is a Red Squirrel, which sounds like an odd choice, but I thought it would be cute, seeing as I headcanon Soldier as pretty small and quick, so a squirrel might fit him well. Finally, I think a Bald Eagle is a very obvious choice for Soldier, seeing as he loves America so damn much!

Sniper: Let’s see how stereotypically Aussie this is gonna be. My top three picks for Sniper are a Red Kangaroo, a Harris’s Hawk, and a Desert Dingo. The Red Kangaroo is an obvious choice, as kangaroos are heavily associated with Australia (also, in this instance, I think Mundy’s folks would be koalas). I like a Harris’s Hawk for Sniper because hawks are very fast birds of prey, and attack with sniper-like precision and efficiency, so I really liked this idea for him. For my final choice, I chose a Desert Dingo, as dingos are yet another Australian animal, and lbr, dingoes are known for cleaning up other predators messes, much like every team’s sniper is.

Pyro: This is gonna be full of cute/scary answers. My top three picks for Pyro are a Holland Lop, a Siberian Tiger, and a Crow. I feel like a Holland Lop would fit Pyro because I see Pyro as a bit of a gentle giant, and a big ol’ bunny rabbit sounds like it would be right up their alley. Siberian Tigers, in all honesty, are my favorite animal, so I couldn’t resist using them for Pyro; plus, tigers are apparently associated with fire, much like Pyro is! Finally, I chose a Crow for them, as they’re closely associated with death, and seeing as Pyro is widely feared by their teammates in the Meet The Team videos... yeah, the shoe fits.

Medic: I am gonna struggle with this one, lads. My top three picks for Medic are a Peacock, a Black Rat, and a Siamese Cat. I like the Peacock for Medic because he’s gay and dramatic because I wanted a beautiful, sophisticated bird to be associating him that wasn’t just a dove. The Black Rat I thought would be cool, seeing as rats used to be used so often for medical experiments, and I think it would be ironic of Medic was one. For my last pick, I chose a Siamese Cat, which I think is a very regal and beautiful breed of house cat, something that I think would fit Medic (even if his doves are now in danger, lol).

Heavy: He’s such a gentle giant, I hope he won’t be as hard as Medic was. My top three picks for Heavy are a St Bernard, a Polar Bear, and an Elephant. The St Bernard was a pretty easy choice, because big dogs are such a Heavy-like animal, it’s hard not to imagine him as a big, lovable puppy! I think Polar Bears are a good choice too, and while I could’ve chosen any bear for Heavy, I chose the Polar Bear, seeing as it would probably do well in such a cold place as Russia. For the finale, I thought an Elephant might be good for Heavy, what with it being such a gentle giant and all, plus they’re known for being quite sweet, even to other animals!

Engineer: It’s time to use the power of my southern roots and terrible taste! My top three picks for Engineer are a Miniature Horse, a Border Collie, and a Beaver. The Miniature Horse was a fun thought, seeing as Engie is very short in canon, and he’s also a bit of a farm boy, so I thought a horse would be perfect for him! I’ll be honest, the Border Collie was just to please me, as my dad had a very loving one as a kid that was also very loyal, and his dog reminds me of Engie (plus, Border Collies are great for herding). Finally, we have the Beaver, the dam builder and repairman of nature!

Demoman: Watch as I make the worst decisions because I am unfortunately not as knowledgeable about Demo as I want to be. My top three picks for Demo are a Kudamundi, a Greyhound, and a Gray Wolf. For those of you who have no idea what a Kudamundi is, they’re a type of lemur found in Panama, where my dad was stationed in the military when I was a baby; the reason I chose this animal for Demo is because my dad usually saw these Kudamundi drunk af, as they would eat fermented fruit to get intoxicated... sorry for stereotyping, y’all. The Greyhound I chose for fun because apparently it’s one of the only animals to ever be knighted, and seeing as Demoman is apparently of royal descent (is this true or just fanon) I had to. Finally, there’s the Gray Wolf, another animal from Scotland, and seeing as I really like an AU I saw where Demo is a werewolf... I’m sorry, all my choices for him suck, don’t they?

And there we have it, a very long post of my terrible animal opinions. Again, sorry this took awhile, but I kept getting called away to do shit while working on this yesterday (plus, I wanted to do a bit of research on these animals)! I hope this was satisfactory. ((Not gonna lie, now I want an AU where everything is the same, but the mercenaries can change into these animals at will. However, seeing as there’s an Overwatch AU like that... oh well, not like I don’t already have way too many AUs on my plate to deal with rn.))

[xxx-mundiemudsnapper-xxx]

i made a joke yesterday about the medic playing webkinz so here’s how i’d imagine all the mercs with their virtual pets

Demoman: Has done literally every single job you can get at the Employment Center. Tabby Von Meow haunts his dreams. All his pets have eyepatches. He has a parrot, a dragon, and a basset hound. Misses the log-out carnival. Refuses to even touch the Magical Forest, but loves Zumwhere.

Engineer: Has a turtle, a bullfrog, and an opossum. They are best friends. He has all kinds of neat tech stuff, and he knows all the different cooking and crafting recipes. Spends way too much time at Quizzy’s Question Corner flexing his 11 PhDs. Has at least 1 million in KinzCash.

Heavy: Has a few of the classic pets like the golden retriever, pug, and polar bear. He’s more of a casual player and likes most of the arcade games. His favorite is Jumbleberry Fields. His pets are well cared for, and he decorates his pet’s rooms to look like real places he’s been. He named some of his pets after his siblings. 

Medic: Has one (1) Lil’ Kinz Googles. That’s his only pet. She’s named Archimedes. However, he has absolute Kinzcash STACKS and the house is decorated really nicely. Has at least 2 rooms full of mad scientist themed items. Their pet is level 10 in all the Academy classes. Salty that Dr. Quack retired.

Pyro: Has so many pets they have to put them on like 5 different accounts. All of their care points are always maxed out, they have a Crown of Wonder for every single pet, and is practically a god at the game. Favorite Arcade game is Hatch the Dragon. Has read every single book and knows every piece of Webkinz lore ever.

Scout: Acts like the game is dumb, but then ended up getting really into the competitive tournament scene. Like, REALLY into it. He has a signature jackrabbit who’s maxed out in all the Academy sports and is almost always running himself ragged at the Stadium. Scout literally only feeds him hamburgers. He doesn’t really care about decorating his house or bathing his pet.

Sniper: Is always hunting for gems, trades with Doug, et cetera. Has 2-3 pets, they’re pretty typical. A kangaroo, a crocodile, and a sheep Webkinz. He doesn’t play as often as the other mercs, but he always checks in and makes sure his pets are all fed and in bed before logging out. Really likes Home Before Dark.

Soldier: Has raccoons. Every raccoon ever released. No other animals except a bald eagle. Owns every single Fourth of July themed item in the game. LOVES doing the Adventure Park quests. Sometimes Merasmus goes on his account just to yell at the Magic Forest fairies.

Spy: Treats his pets like royalty. Has a really fancily decorated house in-game, and is usually in the Clubhouse trading for rare items. He really likes doing all the little daily tasks like wheels. Has an extensive wardrobe and has all the Deluxe themes. Refuses to admit how much he’s spent on eStore points.

(BONUS)

Ms. Pauling: Plays every now and then because Pyro made her. Has a Charming Rat she just named “Lil’ Pauling.” Made a really cool garage themed room and a really cute rainbow room. Listens to Podkinz every now and then and uses the codes to gift Pyro extras of the items.