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digitallumian · 2 years ago

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I know i said i wouldn’t post writings on my blog since it wasn’t good enough but uh i wanna see what tumblr thinks

MASSIVE TW: Mentions of Overdosing, bullying, suicide, drugs, Thoughts of self harm

I feel like i forgot to add more tw’s but its 5am/srs and I can’t remember if i need to add more

Some Context:

This is an AU of a Kaiju Paradise rp me and a friend made where what we think would have happened if these Characters weren’t exposed to Laminax Labs at a Young age.

>Two ocs, Buck and Blaxor, are not mine and therefore, don’t have much written about them here. <

This is told from the perspective of Kanade Yukimura, an Idol/Popstar which gives an explanation as to why she takes a break near two specific dates each year since the beginning of her career in an interview with a Journalist. Below is what was said in the interview.

Ever since Fourth Grade, Me and my friends had to deal with our own personal issues that we’d tell each other, One of us had it bad. Koneko was one of my closest friends. We did everything together and we even started dreaming of becoming idols together. when we hit fourth grade Koneko started being bullied by some kids in a higher grade than us. At first, it started as just insults on her comfort clothing and Interests and Koneko was able to take it because she knew it was ‘weird’ and that's why she liked it, but the bullying soon escalated and started getting physical.

The kids, who were in seventh grade, would Constantly push and shove Koneko when they got the chance to and Koneko seemed to try her best to not engage because whenever I and our friends convinced her to go to teachers, counselors, or even the principal about it but they’d just tell her to ignore it or ignore her. One day those bullies pushed Koneko down the stairs and she was rushed to the hospital, she awoke a week or two later, and I was so happy she was alive that I didn't care about anything else, this is when Koneko started to spiral deeper and deeper into depression though. In first grade, Koneko started drawing, and by fifth grade, she started showing us her drawings.

At first, her drawings were adorable usually drawings of her special interests at the time such as Pokemon, Vocaloid, or My Little Pony but the bullying started getting worse, Koneko couldn't go into the hallways without being harassed by her bullies, and watching her suffer pained me. I tried to help, I tried to protect her but we were younger and weaker and I already suffer from a condition that makes me even weaker than I already am so every time I tried to help I always failed and I’d be forced to watch as she got hurt over and over after I was harmed.

By seventh grade, Koneko’s drawings started getting concerning. It went from just fan art of her favorite media to more gore and vent art, she always disguised it as her own original characters or from series like The Evilious Chronicles and I didn't want to question her about it as I didn't want to seem pushy or even seem like I'm trying to be invasive of her personal problems.

Koneko always carried a diary, she never let anyone read it and kept it to herself due to it being one of the only times she could talk about her problems. Buck, Blaxor, and I knew she was Genderfluid and how she liked girls, she had written that in her journal because what kid wouldn't? After all a journal is a kid's written safe space after all. Somehow during P.E. One of the bullies broke into the locker Koneko’s diary was in and stole it, During lunch we used to sit together at the lunch tables and that's when it happened, The kid who had her journal and outed out many of her secrets including her gender identity and preference, She never stepped a foot in that cafeteria again.

Eighth grade rolled around and Koneko had become a shadow of her former self, she stopped drawing and burned her journal one day, she started falling asleep in class and would push me, Blaxor, and Buck away and no matter how hard we tried to help her, she never let us. One day Koneko got access to drugs, I can’t remember what grade we were in but I remember that day very clearly up to a certain point.

I went to visit Koneko that day because I was worried about her, Blaxor’s Dad had to pick her up because she had expressed thoughts of self-harm in one of her assignments and Konekos father was supposed to keep watch of her due to ‘the schools concern with things at home’, Konekos sibling Hex wasn’t home and was at military school so when I entered I was hoping that at least Konekos father was at least there, but the house was empty, I felt a sinking feeling, I slowly walked to Koneko’s room hoping that the feeling would go away and started asking if she's okay and if I could come in. There wasn’t an answer so I said I was going to go in and check on her, I gently opened the door... and Koneko was there.. on the floor with a bottle of pills in her hand.

I froze, I didn’t know what to do, I must have blacked out or I blocked out that part of the memory because the next thing I knew, I, Blaxor, and Buck were at the hospital, I was praying to every God possible at that moment, Hoping that Koneko would wake up and be okay. Luckily she woke up and I was so happy about it that I started crying, all that mattered to me at that moment was that she was alive. She was sent to a mental health facility after she was discharged from the hospital and I would visit along with Buck and Blaxor, she seemed so much happier there. When Koneko returned to school the bullying started again and it got worse.

Someone told the whole school about Koneko’s suicide attempt and being at the mental hospital and so many people would say horrible things. It was from things like “she's crazy” and “she's unstable” to things like “You should try again” or “Next time you try to overdose do it right”, This caused Koneko to Push everyone further away and it got to the point the only time she talked to us it'd be online with our group chat and even then it would always be with short phrases.

I Liked her, Like really liked her, I never told her though because of my fear of rejection but I wish I could go back and tell her that I loved her because I look back and realized that maybe those three words would have saved her.

It was ninth grade and the school year was nearly over, we just had three months left and at this point, Koneko never talked to me or the others as much as she used to. They had broken her down and she went from a young and hopeful child with dreams to someone I didn't even recognize anymore, she lost her spark and what made her so joyful. I realize it now but Koneko had been planning it for a while because one day she seemed so happy and gave Blaxor, Buck, and me her most valuable and sentimental things. She gave me a lot of her stuff like her guitar. I should have realized what she was doing due to the sudden shift in behavior because...

it took her away from me...

It was a Thursday and It was lunchtime. I was eating on the rooftop because we no longer sat in the cafeteria after the incident, I saw Koneko come from inside the building and walked to the Fence that surrounded the school's roof. I saw her climbing it and my vision started getting blurry and I started blacking out as I realized what she was doing, I screamed her name to try to get her to stop but as my vision cleared...

She was gone.

I don't remember much after she jumped. According to people who were there, I tried to climb the fence too but two kids grabbed me and held me back telling me that I had so much to live for and just trying to calm me down. The school was put on lockdown after a while. I could feel my phone Vibrating like crazy as Blaxor and Buck spammed the group chat. I didn't care. She was gone. I couldn't stop her. I knew she was suffering. I knew she was hurting, I saw the signs and I didn't do anything. An hour later, the school called the parents to pick up their kids as there was an incident at the school. Buck and Blaxor found me on the rooftop with the two other kids as no one came to get us. Of course they wouldn’t, that school didn’t care about us.

Buck and Blaxor tried to ask me questions but I couldn't hear anything, I could only hear a high pitch as I tried to process everything, I just refused to believe it. We went home and I just locked myself in my room, I refused to eat dinner or even any food after that, I felt sick, I felt like I was to blame because I saw the signs if I did something she would still be here. I felt disgusted in myself because I felt that because I didn't help her, I was just as disgusting as those kids that pushed her over the edge.

I didn't go to school for a month, and I refused to face the kids who were the reason Koneko was gone, turns out she survived the fall and was in a coma, I felt a sense of hope that she would be okay but...

Koneko’s father decided to just let her go...

Now she was truly gone...

I spiraled and barely ate any food, I just couldn't bring myself to be able to eat because of flashbacks to that day. It hurt and it still does. I considered self-harm and even considered Suicide to escape the pain I was experiencing that barely anyone took seriously.

I returned to school a month later and talk about that day was still happening. I couldn't take it, I felt sick, I started getting dizzy, and passed out. I remember waking up in the nurse's office and she asked me if I was okay. She's the only one who cared about any of us, She was a mandated reporter though so I lied and said I was okay.

That same day an assembly about suicide was scheduled to happen, it also served as a memorial for Koneko. I hate that school, and I still hate it to this day, During the assembly, I blocked out everything the school said because it was all a lie, It was just lies and I hated it, I heard kids snickering and laughing during the assembly, I felt sick again, I hated being there. I walked out of the gym, Shaking and in tears and called my mom to take me home early.

I convinced my mom to let me stay home the rest of the year as I couldn't take being there anymore, she told me that I still would have to attend school next year which I agreed to.

I look back at everything that happened and I wish I did something, I still blame myself for it and I’ve been told that it’s not my fault but if I just did something she would still be here.

...

I kept her diary and her guitar. Her father reluctantly gave me her phone with everything still on it, I never changed anything on it.

On her birthday and on her deathdate. I always play her favorite song on her guitar or the piano with Koneko’s Brother, Hex. I listen to the music she used to listen to, watch the media she used to indulge in, and even try do things that she wished to do in life, Such as becoming an Idol.

I might be crazy for doing all of this but I don't care about what others might say. That school and the people in it broke a girl who simply wanted to grow up like every other person on this damn hellscape of a planet. I’ll keep living and I’ll fight on as a way to Inspire others like we wanted to do.

Just for her.

#ocs #writing #ig story #story #short story #oc stuff #oc tag #queer writers #writer #may be triggering #oc story #only reason this exists was to make my friend cry #could this really be put under The Kaiju Paradise tag?#ametuer writer

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thestuckylibrary · 7 years ago

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Hey guys,I was wondering if you could rec some of your favourite underrated fics?Like,hidden gems?I understand that's a list that probably takes a while to make,so if you can't do that with all the work you've got its completely fine.Thanks for all you do!!

here are some fics i loved that have less than 300 kudos

stars go waltzing out by FreshBrains

Who am I?

Who are you?

Where am I?

It scared him when he asked himself those questions. It scared him shitless, because sometimes he didn’t know how to answer.

leave the lights on by memitims

“Do you believe in the one?” Steve asks.

in the land of the living by hitlikehammers

Trip remembers the Temple; the Chamber. Remembers the Obelisk. Remembers—

Well. Basically, Trip remembers more than enough to be real skeptical about how the hell he ended up here, after that.

Furrier Needed by bactaqueen

Steve comes home to Bucky wearing nothing but a fur coat.

more fics under the cut!

Fortunate Son by Heronfem

We have miles to go before we sleep.

Or, the one where the Winter Soldier comes back, Howard Stark was a terrible man, Bruce is enigmatic, and Steve learns about CCR.

Awakenings by thedevilchicken

Steve wakes to a world terrorised by kaiju and steps up to pilot a jaeger. Natasha assists.

Bucky wakes as the Winter Soldier and struggles to find a new identity. Steve is entirely unhelpful.

And while Steve comes to terms, someone else saves the world.

I Will Find a Way to You (If It Kills Me) by notwithoutyou

Bucky kisses Steve for a few years before Steve finally kisses back.

They Liked You, Too by fadedink

If the night blows up in their faces, he’ll do his best to keep from saying “I told you so” too loudly.

Rehabilitated by sterlingsuspenders

Stark’s press release calls him “rehabilitated,” but Bucky doesn’t feel rehabilitated at all. He feels like a feral animal on a short leash. He feels like gnawing his own leg off.

Cocktail Party by bellagerantalii

“We are in the fucking White House, Rogers. The man we just walked out on is the same guy who you promised me was going to change the world back in 1932, and oh, yeah, he’s now the President of the United States.”

“We didn’t walk out on Franklin Roosevelt,” Steve insists, even though he knows that’s kind of what just happened.

Memory, Now by sheafrotherdon

A first kiss, of a kind

tender refrain by colberts

“Where’d you learn to talk like that?” Bucky asks as he shifts down, his breath hot against Steve’s skin.

“Had a good teacher.”

“Keep talkin’.”

Cops and Assassins by sassembled

A Halloween AU where Steve is a waiter working at a bar that requires its staff to wear costumes and Bucky is a customer of said bar.

Paradise by MakingPoetry

After thawing out, getting a new arm, and recovering from what Hydra did to him, Bucky has something important to tell Steve, but Steve already knows.

sea begins to slide by technorat

Steve and Bucky don’t stick to one place for too long of a time.

streets of fire by molgera

Bucky remembers, through a haze, this: a small, blond boy, much too small, and far too resolute for his own good. Bruised knuckles and split lips, over and over. The memories were already fading around the edges, a worn photograph. And then he was captured. And then, and then, and then.

Renewal by zilia

Steve, Bucky, and a new experience for both of them.

Room’s Still Spinning by hollybennett123

“This ain’t no dance I’ve ever seen before,” Steve protests, trying not to laugh and not quite succeeding. He grasps at Bucky’s shirt, the fabric twisting sharply in his fist as he steadies himself, anchored.

“It’s ours,” Bucky says as he turns it into an off-tempo waltz, eyes bright and his wide, lush mouth kissed pretty. “Our dance, you an’ me.”

to the river to wade, to bathe by nbsherlock

they take a lot of baths.

Burst down the doors by trisarawrtops

He tries the door. Of course it’s actually properly locked tonight. He peers inside, raps on the glass with his knuckles, but there’s no one in the halls.

Or, Bucky gets locked out of his apartment.

The Parting Glass by portraitofemmy

When he remembers the song, he remembers it in Sarah’s voice, not in his own or that of his own mother. Just like every other memory that Bucky Barnes had considered important enough to go over again and again often enough to write it into the depths of his mind, it was tinged with echoes of Steve Rogers.

come on up to the house by nightmaresinwintah

Or; Steve and Bucky finally get some time away from the craziness of their lives and we get a slice of their soft, happy life.

Dark Lights of Brooklyn by jwdish98

Steve Rogers is a private investigator who is barely skating by. He spends more time in his office than his apartment, and he continues to watch all his friends live out their lives while he sits on the sidelines.

However, when a case falls into his lap that dredges up past mistakes Steve’s life starts to veer off course- in a good way. Probably.

(He’s not entirely sure yet.)

The Only Familiar Thing by brideofquiet

Steve takes a breath, steels himself, and asks, “Where are we going, Buck?”

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “You’re the one driving, Steve.”

And before Steve can protest, Bucky gives him that broad, toothy grin again. The worry pitted in his stomach ebbs, and he decides—what the hell? Why not? Steve pulls his helmet on and swings a leg over the bike. Bucky settles in behind him, and he cranks the engine to life.

Four out of Five by bopeep

If there were a merit badge for standing your ground in the face of manipulative fourth graders, Bucky Barnes definitely would not have earned one.

out of chaos, life is being made by prusfockers

How Bucky Barnes remembered and Steve Rogers smiled, a story told in 15 acts.

EDIT: Someone wrote in to recommend:

Meet Me On The Darkest Night (/others) by Cryofreeze

“I know you think it wasn't my fault, Buck...”

“You had to make a decision, there was no right or wrong choice.”

Steve blinked miserably at the stone step beneath his knees, grinding grit into his so-called uniform. “Maybe I'm not cut out to be a Commanding Officer.” He forced back a lump in his throat threatening to constrict his voice. “Or Captain America...”

~ ~ ~ ~

After the Howling Commandos' last mission goes awry, Steve questions his morals and self worth as a soldier... and as Captain America. He struggles to believe in himself and the man he thought he was, but being thrust back out on another dangerous mission gives him little time to choose between his own self-doubts or giving his all to save 1,000 prisoners of war from Hydra's clutches.

With the aid of Peggy Carter and the unwavering support of Bucky Barnes, they set out on a rescue mission inside the confines of a medieval fortress in WWII Europe. However, Steve isn't the only one to find the ghosts of the place crawl under his skin...

There's angst, action and an emotionally driven core to the tale of how Steve Rogers is forced to come to terms with what it really means to be Captain America.

#thestuckylibrary asks #this got really long but i mean #fics <3 #mod julia #Anonymous

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