#kaiju horoscopes

[kaijuposting]

Kaiju Horoscopes

Aries: The longings of the heart are mysterious and often contradictory, but remember that you can’t have your date and eat them, too.

Taurus: To expand your mind, you must expand your body. A barrel of toxic goo may help you today. Gemini: Verbalizing your feelings can be difficult, we know. When in doubt, you should try roaring loudly. Cancer: Strange cravings today, eh? Well, seeing as you’re a monster, you should absolutely go for it. Leo: Feeling like a bit of a beached fish today? Try flopping around until you catch the attention of some pirates; the fiber in the ship’s timbers will at least keep you regular. Virgo: Signs indicate that it’s just not your day to rampage. Try relaxing at home with A Monster in Paris instead. Libra: Seems you’re feeling extra fabulous today, so perhaps try showing off your splendor in the downtown shopping district. Scorpio: Looks like you’ll be spending awhile in some dark, damp places. Try evolving mole claws to dig your way out, or dig yourself in deeper, whichever. Sagittarius:  Your dazzling mating dance is indeed dazzling, but you might want to tone down the dazzle a notch so the rest of us can have functional eyes afterward. Capricorn: Yes, we know how much fun picking fights can be. But remember that you’re not invincible and that in end you’d much rather be loved. Aquarius: If you need to sink beneath the waves for awhile you are allowed to do that. Just because you’re gigantic doesn’t mean those missiles don’t leave marks. Pisces: It is time to Rise and Go Forth, to heed to the strange yearnings in your heart, to explore strange new worlds and frighten new civilizations.

[windvexer]

would you give blog recs? i just wonder who/what you follow

so like if one rec was a blog that posts chicken pics, i wouldn't mind

just curious

I don't scroll through the dash much these days.

Here are people whose content I always tend to enjoy:

@serpentandthreads

@pondering-the-kaiju

@normal-horoscopes (do not be fooled; the horoscopes are not normal)

@tieras

@a-witch-named-crow

@sewceress

@theoldcottage

@elminx

@stagkingswife

@asksecularwitch

@pagan-stitches

@zarya-zaryanitsa

@lurelurk

@breelandwalker

@luc3

@hillsarehollow

@crazycatsiren

@graveyarddirt / @msgraveyarddirt

@upyrica

@traegorn

@upthewitchypunx

@nythembra

@graycloak

@hillbillyoracle

@30000-bees-in-a-pointed-hat

@will-o-the-witch

@maddiviner

@stormwaterwitch

And of course, @chick-it-out and @homeofhousechickens

[elfmoon3]

Kaiju Zodiacs in my opinion

Aries - angruirus

Taurus - Baragon

Gemini - Battra

Cancer - Ebirah

Leo - King Caesar

Virgo - Mothra

Libra - Zilla Jr.

Scorpio - Kumonga

Sagittarius - Rodan

Capricorn - Godzilla

Aquarius - Manda

Pisces - Biollante

[kaijuposting]

I’m bored and I have an astrology app, so I’m writing kaiju-themed horoscopes. Aries: Your love of tall people is going to take a turn for the monstrous. Just know there are no takesie-backsies on any love confessions you find yourself compelled to make. Taurus: There’s nothing like a giant monster to make you confront the immense scale of the universe, but like, “kaiju rodeo” probably isn’t the best coping mechanism here.  Gemini: Please double-check to make sure your kaiju-fighting mech isn’t stuck in reverse before you take off; it’s always awkward when that happens. Cancer: Yes, the giant monster will love you for making them dinner. This could absolutely be the start of a beautiful new relationship. Leo: If you’re feeling a bit sluggish, try writing poetry about your favorite kaiju. The world must know how cute and precious they are. Virgo: Trouble pulling everything together? Can’t think clearly? Yeah, that’s because you need to let go and let your inner monster out. Libra: Polite society generally frowns on eating buildings, but I’ve heard the financial district is extra tasty today. Scorpio: I know it’s tempting to sit around and sulk about it all day, but activating your laser breath can be quite cathartic. Sagittarius: The world won’t actually end if you give in to your “forbidden desire” to kiss a kaiju on the snoot, I promise. Capricorn: The problem is that you forgot the reverse the polarity on your brain. Once you fix that, you can talk to all the kaiju you want.