#kai predebut

[fyexo]

[namjuwun]

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bias line boards pt 3: txt

beomgyu

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i think at some point i've biased literally everyone in txt its crazy T^T i promise im not like this for every group i just really liked soobin as a teenager and yeonjun was so gender when i was 19-20!! but i have accepted my fate as a beomgyu girlie (gender neutral) bc we are literally twins and no one can convince me otherwise

i'm technically a predebut txt stan seeing as i was SO into bts at the time txt was announced but i really didn't get into them until halfway through debut era. it took me an absurdly long time to learn everyone's names mostly bc they were all koren except kai and i was a kpop baby. i was shocked and appalled at 17 years of age that a group could have people younger than me fr T^T

i completely fell off the bus after dream chapter era ended (i blame svt and skz) only really checking in for title tracks, but i've slowly gotten back into actually watching content from the boys. i'm way better at managing multiple groups now so i have a lovely once a week sit down to watch todo it's very comfy

now about beomgyu specifically!! idk what took me so long to actually say he's my bias?? bc he's always been floating around (i have a category of bias i like to call 'the secret third thing' when i don't want to admit i have a gigantic bias line and he was that for a WHILE). i think it was probably just bc i didn't like to think of myself as goofy but loved for a while? like goofy sure but people not finding me annoying was out of the question. beomgyu really is a safe spot for me to learn to love myself a little better. :)

hope you like the board :D

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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

[skzpixiekaifei]

Predebut Pixie moments I think about a lot

Taglist: @mynameisnotlaura, @palindrome969

Scene 1: 10 year old Pixie during the survival show Kpop star

Px: (sits nervously on a stool while she was told to introduce herself) Hello- wait in korean? 你好- wait-

Scene 2: 10 year old pixie speaking to HyunA

The two are seen talking, before Kai bows so deeply she cut off her air and faints. HyunA is seen panicking, looking around for help

Scene 3: sneaking into a 2TEAM practice just to gawk at Ryujin

Yj: So, for this next step we- hold on whose that? (She looks towards where Kai was.)

Px: (squeals and hides her face in her hands)

Rj: (laughs and walks over, peeling the hands from her face)

Px: (blushes with wide eyes, then running out and leaving the group Hella confused)

Scene 4: Kai introducing herself to the camera in the Stray kids survival program

Px: Annyeong, my name is Kai, I am an Asian American, and my specialty is precision vocals and hip-hop dance

It shows some scenes of her singing, before Han made her scream loudly

Scene 5: Side by side reactions when Lee know and Felix got eliminated

Px(left side): (Looks so sad like she was going to cry and immediately went to comfort Lee Know)

Px(right side): (glares harshly at JYP to the point where she was called a demon online for a few weeks)

[itgirlgyu]

Your moots as weapons!! (knives, guns, blades anything) No to violence, just for fun ;)

ALRIGHT LET'S GO!!!

@itz-yerin — death note.

at first i was like only for shits and giggles. but death note actually fits yerin like you'd never guess its ability until you wield it. also can provide you such great power but with a catch.

@full-sunnies — nunchucks.

makes people hella humbled while feeling like someone replaced their spine with electrical eel.

@huen-ingkai — russian roulette gun.

you'll never guess when they will go off.

@gyuletters — a toddler level of blatant honesty and a pepper spray.

star the type to attack you with fact bombs and make you cry to your mom but also pepper spray for the spicy days.

@channoticedmeuwu — laxatives.

often overlooked but kai kinda gives me this vibe that she'd be an unconventional weapon that may look harmless but will fuck you up.

@st4rrykai — those barbed baseball bats with irons pins on it.

and she decorates them with cute stickers!!! so the last thing before you get fucked up you see hello kitty.

@mazeinthemoon — steel fans.

its like so elegant and they get the job done pretty efficiently, feel like it would fit moon a lot.

@beomurang — wooden hammers.

like not very heavy ones but the ones jeonghan carry, like just enough to knock a few teeth out!

@cherrypeaking - poison.

like those fancy sexy women in periodical dramas use to kill nasty men

@1004tyun — one punch man's punch

crystal has this rizz that is undeniable in my hand but can be conveyed by a video of someone getting punched by one punch man.

@ox1-lovesick — medieval wrecking balls.

always swinging and hitting everyone in the face unprovoked.

@banggyu0308 — shurikens.

cute, precise and undeniably cool.

@harufluff—30 hours of hyuka's reverbed laughter in noise cancelling earphone on full volume.

will make you think like hahaha so lame... wait until the 13th hour passes.

@hyewka— wet towels.

rana's fics hit me like a wet towel in the face, and i love every second of it!

@majestyjun- booby traps.

will catch you on their blog and never let you go because holy shit their brain is >

@jisungsdaydreamer— jisung's predebut videos and audios.

let's be honest jisung's predebut content is cringe enough to kill one small adult, or two.

@fairyofshampgyu—electrical saw.

nia reminds me of beomgyu and beomgyu reminds me of his motor mouth which makes a similar sound to electrical saw—yes this correlation makes sense.

@strawberry-kirby—pillows.

suffocates you with her cuteness and kindness!!

@tyunlatte—a curse to sneeze every second of the day.

ive only interacted with them once but they are so nice and exuberant like a sneeze ( as everyone knows it's impossible to say acchoo without looking absolute adorable.)

@pressthehurtbutton — vile of virus that could end the world.

IDK WHY BUR I LIKE GET SCIENTIST VIBES FROM THEM BUT LIKE THINK,, doofensmirtz bajs

THIS TOOK ME SO LONG FOR NO REASON?!?

[delululand]

https://www.tumblr.com/delululand/733905181440458752/enhypen-hyung-line-most-to-least-would-be-into

can u do txt too? pls ><

txt mtl would be into threesome

okay, to be honest none of them give the vibe of a person who would be really into it (especially in committed relationships) so this is mtl who would agree to this in general once

+ i think it would be have a big mean threesome with another guy or girl

yeonjun

taehyun

beomgyu

soobin

huening kai

yeonjun first cause i think he'd really like to try something like that and idk just remember his predebut photo, it gives vide hahaha. it would be something of an opportunity for him to show off himself and his partner

taehyun actually he’s here only because he can't be lower because of the other members and his venus in aquarius haunts me, in my opinion, he is one of those who could agree to this and would like to at least try

beomgyu it’s like yes and no, in general most likely yes but if it would someone whom he really like noooo way, he’s too jealous for this

soobin i’d say no, but his words that he would like to try EVERYTHING, idk maybe he would do it out of curiosity

kai nooo way, seriously, no

[stormblessed95]

JM is the kind of family who will pull a pit stop in his busy schedule to be there for your concert because he knows you're nervous. The best friend who will wear your initial on a necklace when you're in covid isolation to let you know he's thinking of you. The kind of boyfriend who will fly from Paris to Korea just to spend your bday/one night with you. What an honor & privilege to have a bright light like JM in your life. I imagine anyone who does, feels like the luckiest person in the world.

He is honest to God the most supportive and beautiful friend. He values the relationships in his life so much and I know he makes them all feel so loved. He is so special. Showing up for birthdays, showing up for concerts for his friends, making a post for someone when needed. Making posts supporting his friends music releases.... always giving affection freely and with so much warmth to all his friends too

Eunwoo, Taemin, Kai, Sungwoon with Jimin:

Jimin supporting Tae and Yoongi (just 2 examples but there are more for every member. It's unending)

Going to his friends concerts (just 2 examples, there are more)

Showing up for birthdays (just 2 examples out of many)

The things his friends SAY about him (just one ex from sungwoon but there are many, including from predebut friends and all good things and just lots of praise)

Supporting his friends music releases (just a few examples)

He is so loving. And he surrounds himself with people who give him that love in return too. I hope he is constantly reminded of it too. I hope they lavish him in the same love and adoration and support he gives them because he deserves the world!

[day-to-daisy]

this is a continuation of my other travel posts! i just didn’t want to keep reblogging to add stuff indefinitely lol

now on to the rest of the concerts since may!

firstly: txt!

i was actually a casual fan of them since predebut, so it was super cool finally seeing them live after being a fan for years! overall an amazing experience even though our seats sucked lol

since the concert my mom has just been in shock of how big of a kai fan i am as if he wasn’t my ult bias for literal years lol

2: piwon!

i’m honestly not the biggest p1ece out there, but it was still tons of fun! we decided to see them after loving their performance and fan interactions at kcon japan and it was amazing as expected!

3: sawyer hill

first non-kpop concert in literal years lol. went w my sister and had tons of fun! it felt weird being at such a tiny venue tho lol

4: xdh!!

finally they came to the us!! i’ve been a villain since hdd so when they announced a us showcase i knew i had to go lol. as expected, it was amazing! + they did a little hi-wave for the whole venue and we wound up having a super cute interaction with jungsu lol, overall 10/10, i’ll definitely go again if and when they come back to the states!

next update will be on kcon la 2024!

[ratedfleur]

i was left alone w my thoughts so … yk how i visualize pogi as? predebut hao.. 😞 haaay lord send help, predebut hao is so pogi coded 😭

edit: sobrang iba kasi ng dating ng predebut hao?? thank the heavens for those na hibang kay predebut hao 🙏🏻

[daegudrama]

Title: Together Tomorrow As Well

Pairing: Yeonbin

Summary: In which Soobin never debuted due family tragedy and is trying to regain the friendship he once had with the other members.

Word Count: 3,045 Words

Soobin 

The pictures of Tomorrow by Together on my twitter are tormenting me right now. I miss them so much, but even if I tried to reach out I doubt they'd want to talk to me after what I did. 

I'm not sure what I thought I was doing when I made a fan account for the band I was supposed to be a part of. Add onto the fact that my username is @yeonjunsexbf and that proves I'm fucking insane. Not even Kai knows I have this account and for some reason I've gained a huge following. Of course, I haven't revealed my face and don't ever plan too. 

Way too many moa know my account but no one has figured out I'm the mysterious fifth member that has been blocked out of all predebut content. No one will recognize me because they re-recorded and reshot everything for debut when I left. They had to push back months and I feel horrible everytime I think about it. It was out of my hands I had to leave and that meant cutting off my closet friends.

Today I want to repair the damage I've caused over the last year and a half. It's a fool's dream to hope they will forgive me. When I had to leave I was in a bad place and at the time I felt like it was best to cut off contact with everyone. I settled my contract, paying an ungodly amount of money, so I could be with my family. 

Yeonjun's serious face appears as I scroll down my timeline. I remember him smiling a lot more when I was there. Kai tells me he isn't the same, but he's okay now. He doesn't talk about me constantly or try to find ways to contact me anymore. The boys have encouraged him to date but it's futile. They are so busy it wouldn't work. We worked because we were together all the time and understood what the other was going through. 

Regret lives in my body every day for breaking up with him like I did. My pride gets in the way of trying to fix it and at this point I'm not sure he'd even speak to me at all. I've asked Kai about it but Yeonjun won't say anything about me. They try not to say my name. Kai makes it seem like the boys try to pretend that I don't exist. I suppose that's what I deserve because I did the same thing to them. 

I click the tweet of Yeonjun to see the replies. One from someone with a Kai layout says, 'is it just me or did juni look happier and smile more predebut?' There is a lot of replies like and a few defending Yeonjun. I'm very careful about what I tweet. The less personal information about me or the boys I say the better. I've jumped in on theories occasionally even made a joke AU once but I try to not give too many opinions. My heart hearts thinking I might be the reason he has less smiles now.

An alarm rings on my phone reminding me I need to leave soon if I want to get the venue on time. Buying tickets to their one year anniversary show was much more stressful than I thought it would be. That makes me proud. They have had so much success that I wonder if it would be the same with me. Maybe it's best I had to leave. 

My twitter followers know I'm going to the show but none of them know what I look like and I'm wearing a mask and cap just in case. I thought about texting my old manger but I'm not sure that's the best idea. I want to have the option to chicken out and if I contact him I won't be able to. 

Yeonjunsexbf: Might do something stupid today pray for me 🤪

I tweet as I walk towards the cab I've called. I'm instantly flooded with replies asking if I'm already at the venue and what I'm going to do. I decide not to answer until one of my closer mutuals says,

CrownTaehoney: This better be about your ex S,,,

I've talked about Yeonjun and the boys, without naming them. Mostly I talk about how much I miss them and wish things could be like they used too. This mutual has reached out and we've spoke about it in more depth. They want me to have closure or to rekindle the friendships. I'm the one that treated them badly because my world was turned upside down.

Yeonjunsexbf: coincidentally it might be. No further questions pls 

In the car Kai texts me asking why I'm in the same city as them. I posted a view from my window with a location tag on it last night wondering if he'd reach out. Kai has been my best friend practically since the moment I met him. When I tried to cut him off he refused and was more persistent than the rest. I let him in because I needed someone, but I wasn't ready to have everyone. He's the only member I've kept contact with. 

Soobin: I'm visiting a friend

Kai: I'm not stupid. Are you coming to the show?

In true post leaving bighit fashion I ignore his texts and go back to twitter. People are already inside and frantically tweeting about the stage setup. Accounts I follow are meeting each other and I wish that was possible for me. 

The staff outside doesn't recognize me and I get into the venue without a hitch. I take my front row seat and hunch over my phone. I don't talk to the people around me while I wait for the show to start. 

Yeonjun is the first to enter the stage and my heart races as my ears are filled with screams. He's just as pretty as the last time I saw him in person. Maybe even more so now. He looks happy and healthy something most pictures of him don't show these days. His hair is still a light blue color and they are wearing matching outfits. 

The other boys look over the moon to be preforming for their moas. I'm so happy to see the people I once called my best friends doing what they love. Each of these boys are so talented and deserve so much. I had to leave and of course I wish what caused me to go away never happened.

I keep my mask on for nearly half the show before lowering it only when I get too hot from jumping around. It's interesting hearing songs I once sang being done without me. It gives Kai more room to shine and my become misty when he sings Our Summer. They move on to another dance and that's when I'm spotted.

One moment they are in synch dancing flawlessly then the last person I would expect stops. Yeonjun freezes staring me dead in the face and I hear my name echo through the venue. In the next second Taehyun has pulled his shoulder and he's back dancing flawlessly with a confused look on his face. 

The fans around me are muttering wondering what the hell just happened. Yeonjun is the last person anyone expects to stop dead in the middle of a performance. He hasn't seen me since I got the news from my mother. I packed up and left the dorm before they could get home from rehearsal. 

Before the song is over a staff member comes to my seat. I recognize him, he often worked security for the building when I was a trainee. His eyes sweep over my face and body confirming that I am in fact Choi Soobin. 

"Would you please come with me?" The staff member asks and I look beside me to see three girls freaking out. They must think I'm lucky but they don't know what I'm about to go through. I'm sure they think I'm about to live a Y/N fantasy but that's probably the furthest thing from the truth.

"Of course. Lead the way." I stand following the staff member through the aisle and back around to get backstage. 

It's darker back here and smells vaguely wet. The walls are concrete and I feel a sort of excitement finally being backstage. I never preformed a real show with them because I left just before our debut.

I wonder where is taking me when we arrive at the green room. He leaves me beside hair and makeup artists. They don't speak to me but I can see surprise on their face. The stylists know me; they dressed me for months.

I open twitter to see my timeline tweeting about Yeonjun stopping and saying my name. People are mentioning me asking if I have a better angle of the video because they know I was in front. Some are accusing me of being the person who made Yeonjun freeze. I think about privating my account but that would look too suspicious. Moa are worried that Yeonjun has taken a secret lover.

After a few minutes of awkward silence Taehyun bursts into the room looking ready to lunge at me. Kai holds him back while I hear Beomgyu yelling in the hallway. 

"Yeonjun no! Come here!"

Taehyun starts shouting at me just like I deserve, but that doesn't make it hurt less. His face is red already covered in sweat from dancing. Taehyun struggles against Kai's grip but he won't let go.

"Why did you do this to him?! To me, to Beomgyu?You could have reached out to us! You have no idea what we've gone through trying to help him get over you. If you're just going to leave again then don't even try talking to us." Taehyun relaxes from his tense stance falling to the floor. He looks up at me with sad eyes. "He's like a shell of a person without you. We all understand you needed to leave but you didn't have to cut us off like we didn't mean anything to you."

"I'm so sorry. Please understand-"

"Taehyun, Kai you have to change." One of the stylists says pulling them away to another room.

I'm sat there waiting for them to come back, watching them from the screen in the room. Yeonjun is putting on his best happy face and if I didn't know any better I'd think it was real. 

"He only looks like that on stage. Moa make him really happy otherwise he's been very moody." The make up artist to my left says like I need more of a guilt trip.

This isn't what I imagined my life would be. I should be on the stage next to my best friends answering questions from Moa. I trained so hard only to have something earth shattering happen so close to debut. I had to go home and help my family, staying here would've been the most selfish thing I could do. 

When my sister died I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't breathe or form a coherent thought. No one's words could help me or make me feel better. It's been a year and a half and I'm still distraught but my emotions are more stable. I've realized how many people I hurt.

I packed all my things and left without a word to my members. They knew what happened because I was told at dance practice. I didn't have the mental capability to keep my relationships with them alive at the time and I regret that every day. My mother said I should stay but I knew that wasn't what she really wanted. 

We paid off my contract so I could go home and rebuild my family. Yeonjun tried to text me and call me but I couldn't handle picking up the phone. My every thought was filled with my poor sister. I wish I could give her one last hug and tell her how much she inspired me. 

We broke up over text because I refused to answer the phone. I know how horrible that is and I feel like a jerk every time I think about it. They gave me space for awhile before trying to contact me. I changed my number so they'd stop calling. The last thing I wanted was to feel more sadness. 

"Yeonjun is waiting for you in the hall." Kai says sometime later. "Please be careful."

I nod my head hoping I won't hurt anyone more than I already have. Yeonjun is waiting just outside the door. He must have started crying the money he left the stage because his face is covered in tear tracks. 

The first thing he does is unexpected. He pulls me into a hug and cries onto my shoulder. I rub his back trying to pull away to a more private area.

"I'm so sorry for what I did. You didn't deserve any of that. What I was going through is no excuse for how I treated you."

We walk into a small room that has clothes in it and I shut the door behind us. I wipe the tears from his eyes and my heart is threatening to beat out of my chest. 

"I've spent every day since you left hoping that things could go back to normal. All I wanted for so long was our relationship to be the same, but after awhile I want you in our group more. Being a leader is hard and it's not the same without you." Yeonjun slides his back against the wall lowering himself to the floor. "I miss you and it's annoying. I can't get over a guy I dated for less than a year. You broke my heart into a million pieces but I know if I could find all the pieces and put it back together I'd let you do it all over again."

"I'm so sorry I hurt you." I say squatting in front of him. I sweep a piece of hair out of his eyes and realize my hand is shaking. "I miss you too and I know I don't deserve a second chance but all I want is to make amends with you and the other members."

His eyes shine with hope but the remaining tears remind me of the pain I've caused him. I must be careful because I only have one shot to make it right. The last thing I want is to cause anyone more pain. I want my boyfriend back and my best friends. 

"You left us hanging like we meant nothing to you. You changed your phone number and blocked us out. We wanted to be there for you because we thought we were your best friends." He sighs sitting up straighter as he continues, "Then you started talking to Kai and not the rest of us. That hurt so much. How did you tell me you love me when you couldn't even pick up the phone to properly breakup with me." 

"I was in a very bad place mentally but that doesn't excuse how I treated you and I'm sorry. You deserve serenades and thousands of roses spelling out your name not being broken up with through text." I look into his eyes taking a deep breath. "I've thought about every day since I left and lord knows I tried to stop but I can't. You mean too much to me and I know I'll have to earn your trust back, but that's all I want. Just a chance."

We talk for a few more minutes before Beomgyu finds us. Beomgyu doesn’t look as mad as Taehyun did but there is definitely resentment in his eyes. All I want is to fix this.

“Come back to our hotel with us.” Taehyun says moments later when the rest of the members have joined us. “We need to talk.”

And that’s what we do for the rest of the night. I order food for everyone and we have deep discussions about what happened over the last year. Of course, I know what’s happened with them Kai keeps me updated. They don’t know that I’ve been working at a bakery and still writing music. 

We talk about the possibility of me rejoining the group but I don’t think it’d be fair for me to do that. The four of them have worked so hard re-recording and making it through their rookie year, it’d be wrong for me to jump on the success they’ve made. 

“I’ll be real it doesn’t feel complete without you.” Taehyun says quietly looking out the dark window behind me. 

“It’d be hard since I already dropped my contract. I’ll see what I can do, but it feels wrong jumping in on your success.” I rub my hands together nervously.

“We wouldn’t be here without you.” Beomgyu says leaning against the headboard. “You were our glue predebut and after the pain you cause was our main source of motivation.”

I motivated them by leaving? Sadistic. Did they want me to realize how good they could be without me? That would make sense but now they want me back. I doubt I’ll be let back into the company but at least I have my boys.

“Can you guys go in the other room?” Yeonjun asks when it’s nearly 12 a.m.

Kai raises his eyebrow at me but without a word they file out of the room. I’m left alone with my ex boyfriend who I still love dearly.

“I know I’m probably getting annoying at this point but I’m so sorry.” I say standing as I start pacing the room confining my babbling. 

I’m cut short when Yeonjun catches my shoulder turning me around so he can kiss me. Fireworks erupt in my chest and my head feels fuzzy. It’s been so long since I kissed someone I had forgotten how amazing it feels. It’s soft and short when he pulls back he looks surprised like he’s shocked he did that. 

“It’s going to take awhile but I want it all. I miss you so much and I don’t want to spend another day without you.”

[wongyuseok]

2, 14, 24, 42 and 50 for the exo asks!

Hiii lua 🫶🏻🫶🏻 14 was answered here

24. is your bias the same one as when you first started listening to exo? if no, who was it before and why did it change?

No 🫣😂 my FIRST bias was kai (and I still claim jongin btw) but I also became a kyungsoo stan the minute I heard What Is Love. That was true for multiple years too. But baekhyun slowly but surely won me over with his silly personality and the type of music he does. Plus the fact that he was actually doing a few solo songs & unit stuff and ksoo wasn't definitely helped at the time. I will always have a soft spot for kyungsoo tho. Don't tell baek but kyungsoo probably still has my favorite voice in all of exo 🤫 you didn't ask but: the difference between baek and kai? Jongin's like a best friend I've had for years and years that I'm a little in love with. And baekhyun? Loml (I am delusional I know)

42. how long have you been an exo fan?

Day 1. Jongin's very first teaser dropped and I was seated. First group (and only I think?) I followed predebut to now.

50. favorite title track?

So I had to THINK on this one but was somehow easier than the "which album is my favorite" question. But it's Tempo. I ALMOST said Call Me Baby or Love Me Right tho

Send me an exo themed ask

[skzpixiekaifei]

Well-known Pixie hate accounts

Cw: Threatening, saesangs, stalking, obsessive behavior

Taglist: @mynameisnotlaura, @palindrome969

@/nobUmdu - A well known Pixie hate account

She is an American fan of StrayKids, hating Pixie since the survival show. She has made several death threats to Pixie and even showed up to the JYP building to protest her joining the group. Right now, she still actively tries to get Pixie kicked out of the group.

@/pixieluvs - Fan turned hater

One of the few people that went on the hate train to hate on Pixie getting a boyfriend. She even burned her photocards and Pixie exclusive merch because of it. The more recent times, she has gone to concerts just to boo and throw stuff on stage because she started singing or dancing

@/pixieSOLOs

One of the more dangerous saesangs. A fan of hers predebut, he would follow her everywhere. He even pushed the male members out of the way to get to Kai. One concert, he got onto stage and tried to take her with him in the early days.

He sent her a fake(he believed it was real) marriage certificate, alongside a knife. He even changed his last name to hers, and adopted a child to say it was theirs.

(One time, he had broken through security after their Paris Lollapalooza, trying to attack her because she flirted a little too much with the crowd. Right now, she has a protective order on her, but she lives her life freely.)

[mygloviesme]

cool about it. || myg

no. 15: once, i took your medication to know what it’s like

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: kanako is an established idol with a growing career and a secret relationship with a producer from her label, haneul. when she’s asked to work with yoongi and rm to create a track for her, she gains unexpected feelings for a certain upcoming rapper. with her increasing fame, her controlling boyfriend, a set of six boys who seem to have grown an attachment to her, and a new boy who’d give her the world, how will she figure out a way to balance it all?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 3.5k

genre: ANGST, friends(?) to lovers, slow burn, fluff

chapter warnings: toxic relationship (not w/myg), mentions of mental health, death of a parent, panic attack

inspo song: not strong enough by boygenius (again)

"i think i've been having revelations."

MARCH 29TH, 2012, 5:30PM

There’s scenes all around the smallness of the hyung line’s kitchen. Jimin leans his frame on the counter and holds a piece of paper in his hand, instructing Taehyung step-by-step. On the other end of the counter is Seokjin who’s placing a loaf of bread in the oven, his fourth one today. Then there’s Namjoon, who’s setting plates and bowls on the table because Seokjin wasn’t quite sure if he wanted Namjoon to do anything else. Hoseok is finishing up the broth of the udon noodles, and Yoongi is helping with the Aemono. Yoongi has always been good with dealing with tasks by himself, and it wasn’t an awful sight to see him so focused. 

Seokjin did wake up very early in the morning to do most of the prepping and baking which made me feel special, if I were to be honest. 

I didn’t hesitate to thank everyone with every dish they made today. The amount of effort and thought they put into today is more than I expected. They made sure to sit me down so I wouldn’t have to do much, just accepting a spoonful of whatever they were in the process of making. It was mostly bread however, but they insisted on a feast of what my mother made most.

It’s already a bit out of their comfort zone since the rest of them don’t do much cooking or baking in the first place, and it’s a completely different culture. Although my mother was only half Japanese, the only food she’d make was purely that. But I loved it. I can’t remember a time when I was hungry, but if I was, she always knew what to make. 

My body is eager to help as always, so as I stand to assist a struggling Taehyung, Yoongi places his hand on my shoulder to sit me back down. “Nuh-uh. Here,” He says and hands me a yaki-onigiri to keep me content. like a child. I bite into it with a slight attitude, giving him a glare. 

“Y’know this is torture.” I muffle with a mouth full of rice.

“Don’t be dramatic, Kanako. Just sit back and enjoy leisuring.” He reassures me with a peck on my lips. Kissing him lately has felt like a betrayal due to my past thoughts…and actions. 

That night we left Jeju, I might've applied to an abroad program in the United States. I know, I know. But a lot has changed since then, including me. I don’t have a crawling feeling inside to leave anymore. Sort of. I’m content like this. Whatever happens, happens. 

If I get accepted I just won’t go, simple as that. I’m needed here, I’m wanted here. I look at Jungkook who shoots me a smile, reminding me of the chosen family I do have. I can ignore the sinking feeling in my chest whenever I’m alone, right? The nights where Yoongi holds me and all I can feel is impending doom. I can ignore it. But maybe ignoring it on a day like this is asking for too much. 

“Kay, just a little over a half an hour and everything will be ready.” Taehyung sighs with his hands on his side, clearly tired from all the focusing he’s been doing the past three hours. Jimin gives him a back hug and a small ‘good job’ into his ear. Jimin is definitely up there in my list of most affectionate, but it gets a little smothering when he’s drunk. Which has been happening more often. 

Most of the time he and Taehyung will storm through the dorm doors with a bottle of soju and various gas station snacks at nine pm. Going outside for them has gotten easier and Bang-PD has been more lax. Only with them though, with me it’s sort of a non-negotiable that I can’t leave for another month. I don’t necessarily want to see the outside world because I’m not sure what will be waiting for me once I do. If anything at all. Maybe just a few more prying eyes. 

I also don’t know if Haneul will ever try to find me again. When tabloids spread the news that I’m out again, what will he try to do? He was best at being unpredictable. It would be a lie if I said that the idea of running into him again didn’t terrify me. One hurdle at a time today though, it’s already hard enough thinking of my mother. Celebrating her, honoring her, is bringing back memories sometimes I wish I could forget. 

It reminds me of how good it used to be, how untainted I was. It was like living in a cloud when she was alive. As long as I could go home with her, talk to her about my day, I had no reason to dislike my life. I wouldn’t have felt the need for Haneul to be in my life. To pass over the control and let him steer the wheel. Because we crashed, the car has been totaled, and I think only one of us made it out alive. It’s him. And for the first time, I’m angry about it. 

Jungkook drags me out of my day-nightmare with an arm over my shoulder. 

“Jungkook, she’s my girlfriend.” Yoongi scoffs. That word makes me flinch and I think Yoongi notices, but I’m too afraid to say anything about it.

Seeing Jungkook be so prideful in the hold he has on my heart makes Yoongi spiral at times. I think I’ve spent more nights being cuddled by the boy than Yoongi. 

“And she’s my sister, so now what?” Jungkook replies. Sister. Why did I ever think I could leave?

“Okay you guys, no fighting.” I throw my hands in the air playfully, earning an eye roll from Namjoon. “I think Jungkook has grown attached, Kanako.” He says. 

“It’s fun this way,” Jungkook chirps. “It’s not like anything’s ever gonna change so…I think I’ll stay attached.” 

Fight or flight. Like instinct. I try to play off shrugging Jungkook off my shoulder and laugh nervously, “Y-Yeah. Nothing is ever…uh- I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” My whisper grows into a shout and I dash to the bathroom. Just to collect myself, because this is one of those moments where I feel like running away. 

You would think it has gotten easier, but does this mean they depend on me now? At least Jungkook does, and that itself scares me and excites me. Breathe, Kanako. 

I practically jump into the restroom and shut the door. I run to the sink, gripping the counter and shutting my eyes closed. I’m attempting to catch my breath but it’s going faster and faster by the minute. I haven’t had this happen before in a long time, but today would be the day for it to happen for the first time in months. It’s much more agonizing this time. My body is aching underneath my clothes and I can’t find a way to help myself. 

There’s a ringing in my ears from how fast I’m breathing, and eventually I start crying. Panic attacks are fear-inducing, especially when it feels like you’re being suffocated by yourself. I can’t balance between crying and breathing so all that’s coming out is short, fast breaths. I hold my chest as if to console my heart, rubbing it because as I start to feel an immense, physical pain. I can’t bite back the sobs anymore to try to keep quiet so I let them out. I don’t realize I’ve fallen to the floor so I try gripping on the tile to see if that would ground me better but it doesn’t. 

Everything I learned about controlling these has suddenly left because I’m just a sobbing, almost-fainting mess on the floor. 

“Kanako? Are you okay?” I hear a voice from the other side of the door. I can’t respond, not really anyway. A couple sounds come out of me, an attempt to say ‘yes, I’m fine’ but it’s not coherent whatsoever. 

I hear the door creak open and see Yoongi with a worried Namjoon behind him. Jungkook follows suit and soon they’re all crowding behind the two men. 

“I’m fi- leave…” I cry out, now embarrassed which adds to the panic. 

Yoongi gestures for them to step aside as he crouches down to me. My eyes are foggy from my tears and I know I must be a sight to see. Not a good one, one that would make someone scared. I don’t want this to make him scared of me. To run away from me. Why hasn’t this panic attack stopped?

I cover my face with my hands and Yoongi touches my arm which makes me flinch. It’s like all my senses are heightened. Every movement is so sensitive. 

“Kanako, breathe with me.”

“I can’t breathe…I can’t.” 

He breaks my hands away from the grip on my face, revealing his face to me. He’s calm, collected. But I can see a tinge of worry. I know part of him doesn’t know what to do, but when it

comes to each other, it’s pure instinct. Like I said before. Yoongi has a large part within me that I know so well, and vice versa.

He imitates a slow breath, in and out. I struggle at first, my body shaking with every try. My mouth has formed into a slight pout and my eyebrows are furrowed as I follow him. 

“In…and out. One more time.” He whispers. I can see his chest move up and down, his hands moving to my face. His fingers are icy cold against my hot, red cheeks. 

“Ts too much.” I mumble. My eyes flutter slowly as I feel my breath regulate. Like I’ve come down from a high, I feel a sense of exhaustion. 

“Just one more time for me, baby. One more.” He insists and I follow. His thumb caresses my cheek as we breathe. 

Once I’ve calmed down he pulls me into a hug. I can't really reciprocate with my current state, but I try. I feel lightheaded and almost like I can take a really big nap, but I think I just need food in my system. “I’m sorry.” I muffle into the shoulder of his shirt. 

I can feel him shake his head, “You have nothing to be sorry for, don’t say that.” He says quietly. 

The boys come back one by one, Yoongi helping me stand. My legs feel shaky and I didn’t realize I had been in an uncomfortable position until I’m struggling to walk. Yoongi’s arm is looped around my side and he gives me a warm kiss on the cheek. The boys smile at me softly, Taehyung stopping us as we walk. “Hope this makes you feel better.” He says and gestures for us to meet in the kitchen. 

I turn the small corner and see it. The table. It’s lined with so much food, all reminding me of my mother. It smells like our house did. Yoongi let’s go of me and I walk to the food. There’s udon, yaki-onigiri, aemono, and loads of bread placed beautifully in the middle. There’s steam coming off of almost everything, it’s so perfect. It’s for me. It’s for her. 

“It’s amazing.” I beam. There’s a couple tears that fall on my already stained face, but these are happy tears. Joyful tears. I feel like a young child again, having everything set for me. I don’t remember things feeling so optimistic until this point. They would do anything for me, wouldn’t they? Just like family. My family. I turn to the boys who wait anxiously.

“She would’ve loved you all.” I whisper. 

MARCH 29TH, 2012, 8:23PM

There’s a sizable dent in the food, but it looks like we haven’t even touched the bread. There’s still heaps of it but that’s only because of the amount that Seokjin made. Taehyung and Jimin made two, so when you see it all sliced up in front of you, it could make a mini-bakery.

“-And then I told her about him, she made him this bread and insisted I gift it to his mom.” I laugh, explaining the story of my first boyfriend in grade school. I was only nine but my mom loved being over-the-top. She always talked to me about my wedding, we’d plan it out, rehearse what it would look like. She’d spend hours on a ‘wedding dinner’ just so we could have fun playing pretend. I always knew she would put her all into it. She did it with everything else.

Nothing was too small of a celebration for her. Although she only worked as a grocery clerk at the market down the street, she made sure I never knew about her financial troubles. Still, my belly was always full and she made sure to surprise me all the time with clothes and accessories. I never knew where she got any of them, but I assume she might’ve snuck herself into the lost and found once in a while. Just something I think she’d do, including what her close friend from Japan has told me. 

Right or wrong, she cared. I was happy. 

“Kanako, I hope I’m not speaking out of turn…” Namjoon trails off, and I nod as if to give him permission to continue. 

“Who did you…stay with? After she passed.” He asks quietly. I take a deep breath when I think of the answer, memories resurfacing once again. Yoongi, I know, probably wants to scold Namjoon but it’s a good question. I want them to know more about me. It feels safe enough to open up. 

“Well, my mom had a friend in Japan. Her name is Rie, and she basically dropped everything to come be my legal guardian. There were some complications, though. After a while things got weird because of certain assets my mom passed down to me instead of her. She was mourning still and I think she just sort of took it out on me. She signed all my paperwork so I could be a trainee here but fled after that. She doesn’t ever call me, not that I would’ve known the past couple months. I don’t know, it’s complicated.” I shrug. 

Jungkook furrows his brows, “She took it out on you?” 

“I mean like, yeah. I didn’t take it personally because I was never close with her. I think she saw me as this attachment to my mom she wanted to forget. It was never anything bad. She would just leave money for me to buy dinner, never take me to appointments, stuff like that. It was a pretty hard two years.” I admit, picking at the vegetables in front of me. 

The boys are dumbfounded, having never heard of Rie until now. It feels the same for me in a way. She was so absent in my life, I only ever saw her in court for the majority of those years. She never looked at me or talked to me. I was hurt because of it. I needed someone, but she made it clear that that person would never be her. So I forgot about it. All about her and Japan and any remnants of me that still lingered there. In come Haneul. 

“We’ll take care of you now.” Jungkook says. 

My brain feels fuzzy as I speak, “I-I know. And I wanted you all to know that,” I perk my head up to make eye contact with all of them. So they know these words are for all of them. “That I really love you, and appreciate all you’ve done for me. I hope that…it stays like this. For the rest of our lives.” I smile happily. That was not easy for me to say, but Jesus. It felt so fucking good to. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, that ongoing burden I could never escape from. I’m letting myself be loved. I want to be smothered by it, I want to be so sick of it. I want so much of it that I’ll never know anything else besides it. That’s what I want. 

Instead of being scared by the things I’ve just said like I usually would be, instead I know they’re answers. Because I’m secure in this. This is stability. 

“It will. We love you too, Kanako.” Jimin vocalizes. He’s leaned back and a smirk appears on his face, “At least I do. Dunno about them.” He jokes, but it does make me nervous. Haha, funny.

Taehyung gives me a shove, “W-We do too.” They nod in reassurance. 

Yoongi places his hand on my thigh to give it a gentle squeeze, “You know I love you.” And these words are for him, he knows they are. They’re different. The love I have for him is the

same yet so vastly different from the others. “I love you too.” I whisper. 

Jungkook yawns purposely, “Kay, I’m stuffed. What else do you wanna do, Kanako?” He asks, disrupting the moment that was happening between me and Yoongi. 

They all look at me to await my answer, and I think to myself. A few seconds, maybe a minute or two until I’ve decided. It’s dangerous, a risk, a bad idea. But it’ll end this night perfectly. 

I look at Yoongi, then the boys. “Let’s sneak out.”

MARCH 29TH, 2012, 11:34PM

We’ve waited impatiently for the night to surely end for all of the staff in the building. Seokjin being so tired he nearly opted out on our venture, but eventually he succumbed to my begs. Once it was time to get a move on, we all decided to change into clothes more fitting for the cold night.

I stand in my tank-top and jeans, standing in the middle of what seems to be a disorganized symphony of boys changing. Everyone’s throwing on hoodies, sweatpants, jackets. Whatever they could throw on in a hurry to keep the energy alive. We’ve seemed to hype ourselves a little too much, so I hope this night doesn’t disappoint them. 

Hoseok pauses, “Wait!” Which catches everyone's attention. Jimin is mid-way with slipping his hoodie on so he pauses with his arms in the air. 

“I know a guy.” Hoseok smiles mischievously. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Namjoon yells at him in annoyance. 

Everyone seems to be on edge, ready to be out the door. Although some of them have enjoyed the luxury of the gas station two buildings over, most of them haven’t even visited the city in these past months. You can imagine how much they would itch for a night out. Even with all the risks. This will be fun, good risks. Not bad ones. Don’t think about it.

Hoseok continues, “I know a guy that can get us all in a club.” 

Yoongi puts on a irritated expression, “Hoseok, are you talking about Dae? That guy’s super sketchy!”

“Yes it’s Dae, but so what?”

Taehyung takes off his shirt slowly, “Wait is this the one that almost got arrested for-”

“Okay everyone shut up!” Hoseok throws his hands in the air, “I promise it’ll be worth it.”

I fold my arms in confusion, “What about Jungkook?” I ask. 

Hoseok shrugs, “There’s a lot more to do in a club than drinking. Dancing…having fun, you know.” 

I look at Jungkook who’s almost going to burst, his eagerness obvious to all of us. But it’s a bad idea, he can’t be clubbing at fifteen. Who knows what else there’ll be? He’s just a baby. 

“He seems too young to experience club life.” I pout, wanting to protect the boy. 

Jimin throws an arm over Jungkook’s shoulder, “I’ll make sure he’s okay. Isn’t that right JK?” Jimin gives a smirk to the boy who smiles vigorously back, looking at me after. I sigh and turn to everyone else in the room to see how they feel about it. Most of us aren’t clubbing age and maybe that’s for a reason, and Yoongi doesn’t seem particularly happy about it. He’s never been one for a party, but it sort of peaks my interest. Thinking about him with a drink in his hand, dancing on me under the club lights. I can’t pass up on that. Shit. 

“What do you think, Yoongi?” I question him. His lips lift into a curious smile, and I think he wants to see me under those club lights too. “Might be fun.” He says. 

I spin back to the group of males whose eyes have turned puppy-like, paired with a nice little pout. Everyone but Seokjin, the eldest who looks at me seriously. 

“I mean…if this is what you want, Kanako. I’m all for it.” Seokijn says. 

I bite my lip nervously. New experiences, right? Wouldn’t my mother want this for me? Maturity and adult-hood has eaten me alive, I’ve almost forgotten my age. I’m eighteen, and in two years I’ll be twenty. I need these young experiences, these risky ones I’ve never had. The good ones. 

I smile deviously, “Okay, let me change first.”

click here to read more of this story!

an: feeling like the dad in coraline while I wrote this

[lgcmedia]

sooooo with future dreams season 5 coming to an end soon, i've been curious about the future of the company. turns out legacy gave me the opportunity to do *just that* at the simple cost of two plane tickets and two concert tickets ( TT_TT ) promise, i had other reasons to go to the usa than just check out some trainees, it just turned out like that ㅋㅋㅋ 

i also saw a couple of fancams the showcases floating around, and while they are good, it was a bit more different in person.

BOYS SHOWCASE

there were 12 boys at the los angeles showcase. of course, they only danced, so i can judge everything, but right away, it was clear that they are a cut below the future dreams boys... that really got me wondering about the girls then. were they going to be overall stronger than the boys too? i'll get back to that later.

when they first came on stage, there was one clear stand out for me: BAI LIN. just standing there his aura was NO JOKE. unfortunately he lost his charm as soon as the music started ㅋㅋ he really cant dance ㅋㅋ

in the end, there were 4 standouts for me! the first was YOO KIHA; he danced the best without question, but i felt like he was lacking a bit in terms of charisma, which is a shame. the other 3 were CHOI KAI, HAN NOEUL and YOON DAYEON; their dance skills are pretty high, even if a bit lower than kiha’s, however they do have the charisma that he lacks, hence why they are neck to neck with him, in my opinion. If you didn't know, HAN NOEUL is the one who performed at the concert. From what i've seen in person, i can understand why he was picked instead of the 3 others; his expressions and ability to embody the concept was the best of them all.

GIRLS SHOWCASE

i was sooo ready for the seoul concert by the time it came! i went with friends and we went to as many panels as we could if you wanna ㅋㅋ hear about that, lemme know!

when it comes to the girls, good news! lgc isn't running out of girl trainees for a while! there were 16 girls on stage. their overall visuals are quite good too, though i had a complete shock when JO SUNHWA stepped on stage. her visuals and aura are crazy!

when it comes to actual dance skills, if i have to pick, i would name CHA SORI as my standout of the showcase. i wouldn't say she's a better dancer than kiha, however, she has the charisma that he lacks. JUNG JIAE and KIM NAYOUNG were also standouts of the showcase, with JIAE being better in terms of skills and NAYOUNG in charisma.

i think it was an interesting choice to pick KIM YUJIN above SORI and NAYOUNG to join the concert with LEE HAYUN. legacy likely had its reasons!

CONCLUSION

overall, these trainees have a long way to go to reach the level of the ones on future dreams but there are several standouts already. i don't think future dreams is coming to an end with season 5 after attending the showcases! in terms of performance, the boys definitely did better while the girls really stood out with their overall charisma.

[ + / – ] EVERY time i think they won't able to cast new pretty kids, they manage to surprise me. i must attend the wrong school because none of the kids in my class look like this, ugh. they look polite and friendly and they dance really well too... watching this while i'm supposed to do homework, i'm such a failure TT they're only trainees but they get to travel and have fun on stage in front of people like this... LGC WINS AGAIN!!!!!!!!... at ruining my life TT [ + / – ] there's a reason why they always have the male trainees perform senior group songs... the quality only went downhill ever since, there's something seriously wrong with this company. i know they're scrambling to save themselves now that DBSD is enlisting but they should at least be subtle about it. the girls weren't much more impressive either. legacy always preaches about their shiny new generation but the future looks pretty bleak right now... [ + / – ] they did pretty well, they're still trainees for a reason right? i'd rather see imperfect predebut performances than have mediocre idols who debut too early and can barely hold a tune. but i still wish it wasn't just a dance showcase. nothing against a good choreography, but when there's nothing new to show, i'd rather just check the original, you know? show the whole package, let's hear them sing!

▷ load next 15 comments?

( A/N: this article is curated by the lgc team ! congratulations to all the trainees for the successful showcase and especially to the standouts !

for standing out for their visuals BAI LIN and JO SUNHWA receive +2 NOTORIETY;

for standing out for their performance CHOI KAI, HAN NOEUL, JUNG JIAE, KIM NAYOUNG and YOON DAYEON receive +3 NOTORIETY;

for being the aces of their respective showcases CHA SORI and YOON KIHA receive +4 NOTORIETY.

feel free to link this post to your points sheet! )

[maziomania]

heyo~

my name is labyrinth salem jupiter nox, and this is my first attempt at keeping a tumblr account :]

[in terms of nicknames, just maze or nox is fine :] if u come up with a different one, pls ask me first !!]

i am likely going to be mainly posting content considering bts and tomorrow x together, however there may be scattered posts about emo/alt/pop punk bands as well, such as fall out boy, my chemical romance, and maybe a bit of paramore, some twenty one pilots, and assorted folks of that nature.

i am an army of 6 years as of november 2023 [joined in nov. 2017]

my bias line in bts consists of the members;

• v [kim taehyung]

• suga [min yoongi]

• jimin [park jimin]

• j-hope [jung hoseok]

though i am an OT7 ARMY indefinitely. this line is also known as vminsope, sopeminv, etc., or simply the fly to my room line, as the song from their 2020 extended play, BE, consists of this subunit.

i am a predebut moa [joined during member introduction films, they debuted in march of 2019]

[edit] my bias line in txt consists of;

• choi yeonjun

• huening kai

• choi soobin

and once again, i am an OT5 MOA. as far as i'm aware, this trio doesn't have a particular subunit name, however yeonjun and hueningkai [also called yeonjuniz] in particular do have their song lonely boy from the 2022 extended play, minisode 2: thursday's child. yeonjun and soobin are called nickjudyz, in reference to their respective emojis [🦊/🐰]. soobin and hueningkai are called gumz because they're very physically clingy, so they stick together like gum [very cute cx].

i hope this will be a cool experience, again i've never really used tumblr :') have a good day~

[yunwooz]

saw the ask u got about kq not letting ateez do tiktoks with ppl outside the company and as stupid as it is it's lowkey kind of common? div1 does the same thing with stray kids. i think they make exceptions for certain artists. like they let felix and hyunjin dance with taeyang because like. are you gonna say no to a bigbang member. so i think it's the same for sanhwa because why would you turn down KAI of all people. but i seriously think these companies need to stop keeping their idols to themselves and just let them interact with other idols???? like it would be great promotion and would make the fans super happy. i can justify some of kq's decisions from a business perspective because ateez getting big was a very happy accident and they want to keep that income rolling in and play it safe but this one just makes no sense

yeah i mean i'm not saying it isn't common but at the same time you have this long LONG list of junior groups who would LOVE to do a challenge with ateez but you're blocking them from doing so for?? what reason exactly?? and i actually think kq/ateez went to film with kai and requested to film with him, not the other way around but i'm not 100% sure.

i personally could justify some of kq's business decisions if you mentioned them to me like, 3 years ago. now, no i can't justify them personally but that's just me. and honestly when ateez were starting out, kq seemed to do better about pushing them in the market and ateez is one of the last remaining groups that came out of 2018 so kq were clearly doing well enough (heavily assisted by the fandom) to keep momentum going.

i would disagree about kq playing it safe personally bc it's known that kq really put like. everything they had left into ateez. they pushed so hard for ateez that they were in debt for a good while bc of how much they were putting into getting ateez off the ground and running and they were seriously taking every opportunity they could get.

ateez have not been in nugudom for quite some time and i know many may disagree with me, i wouldn't say they were really... ever? in nugudom? compared to groups that i consider nugus now, ateez's debut was pretty big, and even predebut contents were very heavily noticed and watched. like yeah, it's well known that their sales were in the low hundreds with their first release, but they did go onto do a world tour 4 months after debut, so i don't think they qualified as a nugu if you just looked at international popularity, and the general public was talking about them a lot soon after debut bc of that international popularity and what they were able to achieve in such a short amount of time. and if you talk to korean fans, most will tell you that ateez is not nearly as nugu as international fans think they are. i also don't think kq was prepared or ready for the levels of popularity ateez reached after such a short period of time and it feels like they've been trying to figure out how to catch up with that popularity for a while now

[minsyeobo]

¡ minsyeobo's introduction !

— name : moeko / kei

— pronouns : she/her

— mbti : isfj

— predebut stan of : skz, nmixx, newjeans, lsrfm, etc.

— kpop stan since : 2016 (IU)

— stanlist : straykids (ult), newjeans (ult), IU (ult), enhypen, twice, itzy, nmixx, ive, txt, lesserafim (probably forgetting a lot)

— biases:

skz :: jeongin, leeknow, chan

nwjns :: danielle, hanni

gidle :: miyeon

enhypen :: sunoo, ni-ki, jungwon

twice :: jihyo, sana, jeongyeon

nmixx :: bae, jinni, haewon

ive :: wonyoung, liz

txt :: kai, soobin

Isrfm :: yunjin, garam