#kafka wants him to make a move already GMNSKJD

[ddarker-dreams]

kafka encouraging yan blade's behavior and even helping him in his questionable endeavors ...

the selfish decisiveness his mara evokes vanishes when his lucidity reigns. he's less sure of himself. specifically, of his conduct. how much of your happiness can he sacrifice for his own? he doesn't want you to be miserable. he doesn't even need you to like him, necessarily. although he'd greedily devour your favor, should you bestow it upon him.

blade experiences this pleasant rush when watching you go about your daily activities. how your voice takes a soft cadence to soothe a crying child, when you help an elderly neighbor bring in their groceries, the supernovas born in your eyes when you learn your favorite drink had been paid for by a stranger (him). it's organic, it's you — uninhibited, stumbling around through life.

he could take so much. he could ruin you. he could drain every ounce of goodness from your body like a parasite. he's acutely aware of this, even derives a sick satisfaction from it, if he's honest. you're in the palm of his scarred hands. this is the focal point of his dilemma. should his grasp loosen, you'll fall through his fingers. however, if his fist clenches too tight, you'll break.

blade doesn't want you broken. he just wants you. smiling, laughing, whole.

everything you wouldn't be if he acted on his impulses.

kafka, vigilant as ever, picks up on blade's morose mood. she knows what's troubling him before he even parses it out for himself. and so her gentle suggestions begin, woven so subtle at first, that they almost go unnoticed. she stresses how safe you'd be under his dutiful watch. that you wouldn't want for anything. how if he shares parts of his past, you, being the bleeding heart that you are, won't be able resist empathizing.

sometimes, she'll tell him, a gentle hold is the trickiest to escape.

he might not acknowledge her advice outright, but as time ticks on, each lonely night feeling colder than the last, he wonders how much longer he can go without your warmth.