#just. throw everything off again and ttheres just been so much going on this year i feel like im gonna throw up theres too mcuh change all
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#its so shitty but im just. waiting ffor my dad to come and find out somethign good happened to us/find out about the#compensation mom got for her accident and jsut take all of it away??? or cause a scene about it and hurt one of us??#and then eat all our food again and make us seem like we're being unreasonable for not agreeing with him#andd my cousin fuckign pisses me off so much its not fair that shes got a dog and like five fuckign cats?? im mad at myself for focusing on#that andn im just!!! the dog she has has kennel cough and shes fukcign going off to another state with one of her friends and one of our#cousins and acting like she doesnt have an eight year old and a four year old and like her husband didnt just try to recently off himself#aand she just!! makes me so mad because she was gonan just up and leave without telling any of them and shes just!!! so fuckign!!!#terrible? and she has her head so far up her ass it turned into her neck and hghghghjkmh i fuckign. she sucks so much#and im just!!! waiting!!! for something bad to happen- im waiting for the catch to catch up with us and for whatever repercussions to just#happen and then suddenly we're just royally fucked and everythings down the shitter again and im just#really scared because i feel like somethings gonan happen or like something SHOULD happen- like theres a catch thats gonan#just. throw everything off again and ttheres just been so much going on this year i feel like im gonna throw up theres too mcuh change all#at once??? and so soon/after the other addn we only just lost mammom a week or two ago and then before that we lsto#delgado and i could go on but im just!! really!! really overhwelmed and i feel like im the problem?#like im jsut a bad luck magnet or some shit and like no matter how hard i try or want somethign im just#not meant to be around people or socialize and that im just supposed to be alone because of how fucking vile i am#and like i cant go to my mom about any of this because when im sad she gets mad at me because i jsut shut down#and can barely talk/phrase things right and she gets pissed and i dont wanna make her upset#im just. i dunno! i dunno i jsut feel really hopeless and helpless and like im unlovable? and that i just shoudlnt. bother anyone#or be around anyone or something- because im just gonna mess it up and let them down and it doesnt matter and i dont matter?#i want to shut myself up and fuckgin stop feeling like shit and like this and like im fuckign unlovable garbage??#im so fed up with feeling like this and with myself for feeling like this andn its so stupid
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