#just when i thought it was safe to come back to the misha tag

[wigglebox]

First of all, I just wanted to thank you. Your blog has been such a safe space for me these past few days.

I honestly never thought something like this would happen but now that the dust has settled a bit and all the jokes have died down I'm feeling a little bad for Misha, because I know that there's a real possibility that he is bi. I mean people keep saying things like why would he say he's bi if he isn't?' Or why did the people at stands who know him personally accepted the whole coming out so easily? And the only thing that would make sense here is that he decided to take back his statement after he saw how big it got, and I don't blame him for being blindsided by this to be honest, spn barely ever makes the news. Why would those vultures hop on this of all things? I do feel like a lot of other people feel the same, I see them implying it in their tags but not going further, and I get it. People want to respect his words, but someone going back into the closet after not receiving the reaction they'd been expecting isn’t such a wild theory, hell, I bet a bunch of us had to go back to the closet as well when we felt unsafe.

And if by some miracle he is straight, I really don't get some people's reactions who feel like he's betrayed them or something. Did you only like this person because you thought he was queer? That's like supporting someone else only because they're a woman like you for example. It makes no sense. The people calling him homophobic are even more baffling. The worst thing he's done is, make gay jokes about himself? How does that hurt anyone? Again unless you've decided to support this person only because you thought he was queer, which feels very disingenuous. It's definitely not on the same level, as say, J*red making degrading gay jokes about other people. And not to mention the fact that Misha's always been like this? So no, he didn't queerbait you either. You just didn't put a limit to your parasocializing habits.

It's just been a tough couple of days for me, and not even entirely because of Misha to be honest, but because of how my fellow members of the community showed that you have to act a certain way to feel like you belong. I saw someone basically say that Misha is a coward for not coming out completely if he actually is bi, and as a closeted bisexual living in an unsafe and homophobic environment, that was really disheartening to read, and yes Hollywood is an unsafe environment, especially for a bisexual man.

I honestly think I'm going to take a break from this fandom, so many of my favorite people here have been disappointing me so much lately. I wanted to thank you again for your wonderful blog and hope you have a very nice day.💗

i'm so sorry you feel like you have to leave for a little bit but we'll be here when you get back! <3

i won't touch on everything else you said for the most part bc same.

and it's hard, because you feel like in your heart still, despite him saying both queer things and straight comments over the years, you feel like he's still like... he still obviously belongs. also I mean, poly people are also under the queer umbrella, soooooooo....? we just gonna ignore that?

also straight isn't rigid either. straight is one of those identities people can use for a number of things.

privately, we don't know what's going on with him, so it's hard to make the argument 'this is someone who was forced back in the closet' but what I am standing firm on is the fact that he was forced to label himself at all. people will come back at me with the 'oh but he said it during the dinner' but even then, not really. a 'coming out' usually doesn't happen when you randomly answer a fan's interjection about raising a hand or something. he brought bisexuality up in the poll to the audience and the bisexuality and poets thing but really, it's no more damning than other things he's said.

he's said things that very much allude to 'i'm not a 0 on the kinsey scale' and he's said things that make you go oh okay he said he's straight.

but how straight lol. there are men out there who do call themselves straight but will still have had some kind of intimate interactions with a man, and not just platonically or whatever.

this is me speculating on his private situation which I don't really want to do but the point being is — the man was seeing his name, his ex-wife's name, and his children's names in these articles that are googlable, and reputable [somehow] and once it hit people magazine I think he truly may have started to panic.

and he made his labeling public, on the record, because he had no other choice.

so if he is actually privately out and about doing his thing, and isn't completely rigidly straight as a board — it's NOT cowardly to feel like you can't be yourself publically to the world, especially when other people are involved.

that's another thing i can't understand when people say he was a coward for 'not coming out if he actually as bi' because, no? the fandom on fandom discomfort that's growing every day is very distressing for many queer fans who don't know where they fall, and/or don't know how to address it publically to friends and family, or can't because of safety issues.

other people were getting involved with this. once his ex wife and kids are getting named, that's a whole other story. himself is one thing, but tabloid journalists are ruthless.

people think it's easy for Actormen to come out or allude to queerness and indeed maybe for SOME it is, but it's not the same for everyone. his own personal history wasn't on the line with these press articles, all his loved ones' were too.

Btw if you think it's easy for Actormen, please read this article by Colton Haynes. Trigger warnings for assault and homophobia but it's still a sad reality.

so i don't care if he's straight straight or queer but doesn't know how to define himself and goes with straight for protection or necessity, or if whatever. idk. i don't care.

he had to say it. there was no other choice for him. and you can never compare our situations with his 100% because i know i sure don't have to be worried that the new york post is going to write an article about me or people magazine or out magazine, bringing my family who likes to remain private out into the spotlight with me.

and it is what it is.

he's still the same person. he's never invalidated us, and any time he missteps he apologizes sincerely. and he listens, and he tries to learn. he also has foot in mouth disease which, I really don't feel like ANYONE in this fandom has ANY right to criticize him for because lordy. some of y'all are pretty queerphobic, biphobic — said some really awful things — except y'all don't have to worry about dragging your loved ones into a media and fandom melee and all your private details and relationships are about to become public.

*also when i'm saying 'you' i mean the royal You xD not you-you, nonny I promise <3

[regardingjenmish]

First of all, I just wanted to thank you. Your blog has been such a safe space for me these past few days.

I honestly never thought something like this would happen but now that the dust has settled a bit and all the jokes have died down I’m feeling a little bad for Misha, because I know that there’s a real possibility that he is bi. I mean people keep saying things like ‘why would he say he’s bi if he isn’t?’ Or ‘why did the people at stands who know him personally accept the whole coming out so easily?’ And the only thing that would completely make sense here is that he decided to take back his statement after he saw how big it got, and I don’t blame him for being blindsided by this to be honest, spn barely ever makes the news. Why would those vultures hop on this of all things? I do feel like a lot of other people feel the same, I see them implying it in their tags but not going further, and I get it. People want to respect his words, but someone going back into the closet after not receiving the reaction they’d been expecting isn’t such a wild conspiracy theory, hell, I bet a bunch of us had to go back to the closet as well when we felt unsafe.

And if by some miracle he is straight, I really don’t get some people’s reactions who feel like he’s betrayed them or something. Did you only like this person because you thought he was queer? That’s like supporting someone else only because they’re a woman like you for example. It makes no sense. The people calling him homophobic are even more baffling. The worst thing he’s done is, make gay jokes about himself? How does that hurt anyone? Again unless you’ve decided to support this person only because you thought he was queer, which feels very disingenuous. It’s definitely not on the same level, as say, J*red making degrading gay jokes about other people. And not to mention the fact that Misha’s always been like this? So no, he didn’t queerbait you either. You just didn’t put a limit to your parasocializing habits.

It’s just been a tough couple of days for me, and not even entirely because of Misha to be honest, but because of how my fellow members of the community showed that you have to act a certain way to feel like you belong. I saw someone basically say that Misha is a coward for not coming out completely if he actually is bi, and as a closeted bisexual living in an unsafe and homophobic environment, that was really disheartening to read, and yes Hollywood is an unsafe environment, especially for a bisexual man.

I honestly think I’m going to take a break from this fandom, so many of my favorite people here have been disappointing me so much lately. I just wanted to thank you again for your wonderful blog and hope you have a very nice day.💗

Oh sweetheart, I wish I could give you the worlds biggest hug right now. I'm sending you all the love💕 I know it's been a tough few days especially now where some people have decided that in order to interact with a community you need to tick off the boxes on the checklist they decided to write. So I definitely understand you. I really don't have anything else to add because you wrote this as if you read some of my thoughts so all I can do is just nod my head while reading.

You do whatever you think is best for you. And if that is to take a step back from this fandom, I fully understand you. I mean shit, I've done the same thing years ago so I get it💕

[writethelifeyouwant]

Nothing On But The Radio

Pairing: Jared x Jensen  Rating: 18+ Tags: SAXX, clothing kink, dirty talk, degradation, blowjob, anal fingering, object insertion (DO NOT try this at home - not safe), anal sex Word Count: 2.7k  Created for: @spnkinkbingo - SAXX | @anyfandomgoesbingo - Dirty Talk Prompt: @downanddirtydean 's 500 follower celebration challenge: “The internet is more than just naked people. You do know that?” - Congrats on the milestone babe! 

“The internet is more than just naked people. You do know that – right?”

Jared jumps in his chair as Jensen comes up behind him on set. He had been scrolling through the SAXX website to stock up on a few necessities, which isn’t necessarily embarrassing, but still not something you want people looking over your shoulder while you’re doing. “They’re not naked, Jensen,” Jared scoffs, going back to adding more pieces to his cart. “And stop stealing my lines,” he adds as an afterthought when he realises that Jensen was quoting Sam to him.

“Okay, mostly naked,” Jensen laughs and leans over the back of Jared’s chair, their heads almost touching, but not quite.

“Dude, do you mind?” Jared chuckles and tries to put some space between him and his co-star.

“Yeah, I mind. Lemme see,” Jensen grabs for the phone and starts scrolling through Jared’s cart. “I want to pick something out.”

“Why? So you can steal them for yourself?” Jared grins.

“No, so I can tear them in half before I fuck you in them,” Jensen whisper-growls into Jared’s ear so no one else can hear him. Jared goes bright red, checking no one is near enough to overhear them. “What, you embarrassed baby boy? Don’t want everyone around here knowing a big, strong guy like you lets himself get fucked in the ass every night?” Jared is pretty sure he’s stopped breathing. “Don’t want them to know what a little whore you turn into the second I get you alone and on your knees?”

“Jesus, Jen, fuck,” Jared gulps and steadies himself, trying to get a handle on the erection that is starting to push a little too insistently against his zip. “Shove the dirty talk, will ya? We’ve got a whole other scene to film before they let us outta here.”

“So is that a yes to buying whatever I pick out?” Jensen smirks.

“Yes, fine,” Jared concedes and sinks back in his folding chair. “Just nothing pink, yeah?”

“Oh, I am one hundred percent buying you the pink ones now,” Jensen grins and Jared drops his head into his hands. Why is his boyfriend such a doofus?

Their little exchange is all but forgotten until Jared drops by his trailer and sees Jensen waiting on the steps for him, brown cardboard box in hand.

“Terri dropped off a package for you,” Jensen waves the box around in case it hadn’t been obvious to Jared what he meant. “I told her I’d be sure to give it to you,” he grins. Jared’s heart skips, knowing exactly what is in that box. Well – not exactly what is in the box. He knows everything he added to his cart before Jensen got hold of his phone, but Jen hit ‘purchase’ before he passed it back, and deleted the receipt, so there was no way for Jared to figure out what Jensen had ordered.

“Why do I feel like there’s a decent chance you’ve hidden a bomb in here,” Jared asks as he gingerly takes the package from Jensen and pushes into his trailer.

“Because you’re weird,” Jen laughs, staying on the pavement. “They need me for blocking checks but we’re done in time for dinner if you’re free?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jared nods.

“And, Jar–” Jared turns back around at Jensen’s call. “I count on seeing you in those tonight.”

“Which ones?” Jared calls back, a feeble attempt at a joke.

“Oh, you’ll know which ones,” Jensen laughs, and Jared can feel the hunger in it. He gives Jared a perfunctory salute and makes his way back to the soundstage, leaving Jared with his new package.

As soon as the trailer door is shut, Jared tears into the box. The relief he feels upon not seeing any pink is immediate, but it’s closely followed by suspicion about what Jensen actually did buy him. He quickly skims through the items and finds the culprit – a pair of black briefs that are really testing the limit of the definition of ‘briefs’. Jared is positive that these will barely cover any part of his body, and when he tries them on a few minutes later, his suspicions are confirmed. He looks like a hooker in a g-string. Almost certain that he is going to regret this later, Jared pulls his jeans back on over the new underwear and gets redressed.

When Jared and Jensen stumble back into their shared apartment later that night, very much worse for wear courtesy of the new whiskey bar downtown that Misha recommended to them, Jared had mostly forgotten that he’s wearing ridiculously skimpy underwear. Jensen, on the other hand, hasn’t been able to get the image of Jared in the tight black briefs he’d bought him out of his head – and now he wants to see if the real thing measures up to his imagination.

“Right, J-rod,” Jensen claps once to get Jared’s attention and points to their bedroom, “bedroom, strip, now.”

“Romantic Jay,” Jared grins dopily but does as he’s told.

“Trust me, ain’t nothing romantic about what I’m planning on doing to that ass of yours,” Jensen laughs and follows Jared, catching the recently-shed flannel Jared flings down the hallway at him.

“Bettin’ on it,” Jared smiles, stripping out of his t-shirt in the doorway to their room and dropping it to his feet. Jensen can see the waistband of Jared’s underwear peeking above his jeans, the little ‘SAXX’ right in the centre of the deliciously cut vee of Jared’s hips. Jensen wants nothing more than to run his tongue along the line straight to Jared’s cock – and then he realises there’s nothing stopping him, so he drops to his knees in front of his boyfriend and does just that. He drags his tongue across Jared’s skin, smiling when he hears his intake of breath, and moves lower and lower until he reaches the ‘SAXX’ label and sucks it into his mouth. Jared jumps when Jensen lets it go and the elastic snaps back against his stomach. “Jerk,” he whines.

“Shuddup ‘Sam’,” the intonation is heavy in Jensen’s words and he drops into his ‘Dean’ voice, grinning as he undoes the button and zip on Jared’s jeans, tugging them down harshly and leaving him bare except for the skimpy underwear. “Unless you want me to make you my bitch tonight?” Jensen uses his Dean voice again as he leans into mouth against the erection straining in Jared’s briefs, the black cotton bulging so much Jensen’s surprised Jared actually fit himself inside them in the first place – now he was hard they barely cover anything.

Jared moans at the feeling of Jensen’s mouth against his cock. Something about getting sucked off through fabric always hits a bit differently than just having someone’s mouth on your dick, and right now, with Jensen suckling intently on the tip of his dick through his briefs, this is hitting exactly the right spot for Jared. “Fuck,” he whimpers, threading his fingers through Jensen’s hair, “Jen, you know if you want me to be your bitch, all ya gotta do is ask,” Jared pants, looking down to meet Jensen’s eyes, which are smirking up at him from where he still has his lips wrapped around Jared’s dick.

Jensen pulls off of Jared with a grin and gets to his feet. “Yeah I know, baby boy,” he coos and pulls Jared in for a heated kiss, tongue pushing its way between Jared’s lips, hot and wet. “Now, be a good little bitch and go get yourself ready for me, yeah?” Jensen smirks as he watches Jared nod and trip over his own feet in an effort to get to the bed quickly. He gets the lube out from the nightstand and goes to take off his underwear but Jensen hurries over to stop him. “Nuh uh, sweetheart. Keep those on for me,” Jensen orders with his hand clenched around Jared’s wrist.

“Sure,” Jared gulps, wide eyed, and moves his now slick fingers behind him and sneaks his hand beneath the waistband of his briefs to find his entrance. Jensen watches Jared hungrily as he fingers himself open, undressing all the while; plaid, then t-shirt, then jeans, then boxers – all one by one dropping to the floor. Jared moans when Jensen starts to stroke his own cock, admiring the drop of precum that’s already spilling over the dark pink tip. “C-can I?” Jared stutters, eyes locked on Jensen’s fingers moving slowly up and down himself.

“Yeah, c’mere baby,” Jensen kneels on the bed and shuffles closer so Jared can reach him with his mouth. The second he’s near enough, Jared sucks Jensen between his lips, running his tongue along the underside all the way to the hilt, until his nose is pressed snuggly against Jensen’s hip. “Fuck, forgot how much of a cockslut you are when you’re drunk,” Jensen chuckles deeply, combing Jared’s hair back off his forehead so he can watch him start to move up and down on his dick. “That’s it baby. Shit, your mouth feels so good,” he groans, closing his eyes and bucking his hips into Jared’s eager throat. “Such a good little slut letting me fuck your mouth while you finger that ass open for me. Got you wrapped around my little finger don’t I, bitch?” Jared moans around the cock in his mouth but Jensen doesn’t let up enough for him to get a proper answer out. “Yeah, thought so,” he scoffs.

Jared hums and moans around Jensen’s cock as he continues to finger himself. He’s definitely stretched and slick enough now, but he loves the feeling of Jensen using him like this, so he’s not gonna stop until Jensen tells him that’s what he wants him to do. After a few more minutes of Jensen fucking his throat, Jared feels him start to tense and jerk, and he knows Jen is close.

“Stop, stop, fuck baby,” Jensen groans, pulling Jared off his cock by his hair, and drawing a whine from the younger man. “Don’t want me to cum before I get the chance to fuck that ass, do you?” Jared shakes his head weakly, still pushing his fingers lazily in and out of his hole. He whimpers when he pulls his fingers out, and Jensen smirks down at him as he tries to once again take off the pair of SAXX. Jensen catches Jared’s wrists and holds them behind his back, pushing him onto his stomach. “I didn’t say you could take those off,” he growls against Jared’s ear, nipping at the skin and pulling another whimper out of him. Jensen sits up, keeping Jared’s wrists pinned in one of his hands while he reaches for the lube with the other to slick up his cock. “Your ass looks so good in these baby, look like such a little tease.” He lands a harsh slap against Jared’s backside, making Jared jump and cry out. “Imagine if all those fans saw more than just the label peeking out over your jeans, saw what a big man whore you look like with nothing but these on.”

“Jen, please,” Jared groans, humping against the bed to try to get some kind of friction or relief. “You want me to beg, I’ll beg, please for the love of God, put your cock inside me.” Jensen just laughs and spanks Jared again, even harder this time. “C’mon Jen, please, need you,” Jared pants, looking over his shoulder to catch Jensen’s eye. The desperation on his face is clear as he moans – “Need something inside me, please Jay.”

“You need something inside you baby boy?” Jensen sympathises, relinquishing his grip on Jared’s wrists, but the look of mischief in Jensen’s eyes makes Jared nervous.

“Yes, fuck, please,” Jared begs again.

“We can fix that,” Jensen smirks, reaching forward to grip just under the waistband of Jared’s briefs and wrenching the seam apart, the underwear ripping easily under Jensen’s violent influence. Pieces of the briefs come away in Jensen’s hand and he grins, getting an idea. Eyeing the shine of Jared’s hole, Jensen gathers some of the lube leaking out and smears it over the cotton, which is already damp with lube and Jared’s precum where his cock had been leaking. Bunching up the sopping cloth, Jensen pushes a finger into Jared to check he was still adequately open, then he shoves the torn material inside.

Jared chokes on his moans in surprise at what he’s feeling. The ball of cotton is pressing just against his prostate and it’s a very weird sensation but he can’t deny it feels good. “Fuck Jen,” he groans, pushing off his stomach and onto his hands and knees. Jensen lets out his own groan when he sees Jared’s hole winking up at him, showing him glimpses of the black cotton he’d just shoved inside him. He ruts his cock along the seam of Jared’s ass, catching the tip on the edge of his hole and dragging groans from both men. Jensen can’t hold himself back anymore, and he finally pushes himself into Jared, moving agonisingly slowly to tease the younger man as much as possible.

“You dick,” Jared pants, dropping his head to rest against his arms and pushing his hips back into Jensen’s cock, forcing him the rest of the way inside.

“Someone’s eager,” Jensen tries to keep his tone light, but now that he’s inside Jared, who keeps clenching his ass around his cock in an effort to get him to do something, he’s lost the majority of his composure.

“Just fucking fuck me already,” Jared hisses, bucking his hips back again. Jensen is tempted to make Jared wait, and beg for it – tease him until he’s crying in desperation – but he knows even he won’t last that long. As he draws out and snaps his hips back in, the tip of his cock brushes against the cotton he’s shoved into Jared and the sensation is electrifying. The little bit of slick friction just on the tip of his cock every time he fucks into Jared is so fucking good, he can’t get enough, and his pace turns frantic quickly. “Fucking hell, fuck yes,” Jared moans beneath him, spurring him on even more. “You fuck me so fucking good baby, shit, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’–” Jared’s words trail off into unintelligible whimpers as Jensen pounds into him mercilessly.

“Yeah, fucking love how good you take it baby. Gonna cum on my cock like a good little whore? My good little bitch, huh?” Jensen grits out breathlessly, draping himself over Jared’s back and angling his hips so he knows he’s dragging his cock over Jared’s sweet spot with every push in.

“Fuck, please, please,” Jared whimpers, turning his face to Jensen’s and clumsily trying to press their lips together. “I– I’m.. fuck,” Jared keens and Jensen growls his approval against his ear.

“C’mon, cum for me baby boy, wanna feel you cum,” Jensen snarls and he feels Jared let go, his hole spasming around Jensen’s cock as he empties himself in long white ropes onto the bed beneath them. Feeling Jared lose control is all that Jensen needs to go over the edge himself. He finally lets himself cum, grunting as he slams his hips into Jared one last time and stills, the tip of his cock pressed against the ball of black cotton still nestled inside Jared, now covered in Jensen’s cum. That thought brings a satisfied smirk to Jensen’s lips.

When their breathing has settled, Jensen carefully pulls out of Jared and rolls off of him, collapsing on the bed. Jared drops on top of him, nestling into Jensen’s chest and giving him a small kiss.

“That was really hot Jen,” Jared smiles drunkenly – though whether he’s drunk on whiskey or his orgasm, Jensen can’t tell.

“Just like you, baby boy,” Jensen says softly, kissing the top of Jared’s head.

“But,” Jared says shiftily, glancing up at Jensen.

“But?” Jen prompts, defensively.

“How am I supposed to get this fucking underwear out of my ass?”

Tag List:��@vulgar-library @tintentrinkerin @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @whoreforackles @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @delightfullykrispypeach @05supernatural20 @akshi8278 @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @stoneyggirl @walkersbabygirl @austin-winchester67​ 

[msgrumpygills]

Social Media Anon Here!

Firstly, never change Grumpy ;) you are probably the only person on Tumblr to LISTEN to another view and let it change a prejudice.

Secondly, the Padagram/Social Media change bus continues. Don't be fooled people will be looking at positive and negative reactions to that change on social media.

So here goes!

1. They are starting to market season 2 of Walker in Hiatus. That really doesn't happen. That means they know they need to target new viewers. They are acknowledging they have a problem. The main problem is Jared either didn't learn enough about production quality on SPN (Jensen/Misha were both more interested in behind the camera's) or that he thought he could stick a Stetson on and we all had such sh1t for brains we'd watch anything. So they need a viewer boost DESPARATELY and are going all out to (a) persuade Walkers remaining viewer(s) that it's worth sticking around and (b) get back old viewers or convert 1m+ viewers to season 2. So now we see all the cast (and Keegan has more followers than Jared and Lindsay has a VERY engaged following) trying to persuade their followers how fabulous Walker is. Expect this scrabbling to continue if they want their COVID paychecks.

2. Connected to 1, Jared has started trying to break out of the fandom bubble. I don't think he's trying for power couple (the clue in a power couple is that two FAMOUS people get together and create a super brand, here we have one niche C famous guy and a hanger on wife), I think we are in Jared profile raising and trying to raise his recognition score, which is probably a little low having half assed it in the last year and a half. He's doing it by scatter-gunning so I'm not sure it's going to stick.

3. Connected to 2,

(i) if I run my algorithm clean laptop with a "Jared Padalecki" news search, I get (a) a daily mail article on Jared "clarifying the rift" (b) a "hello" magazine saying he's been "inundated with support after death of "family member"" (c) the new york times article on Walker and Supernatural. It then goes into a variety of articles about Jared raising money for Holly's family (fucking atrocious in my view to use her death for publicity) and a series of derivative articles on his mantrum and later explanation. ONLY THE NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE MENTIONS WALKER other than as a throw away, all of the others link to Supernatural only. Walker isn't on the main radar of anyone as a show. It's not mainstream enough to mention. it has ZERO buzz.

(ii) if I run the same search on my compromised tablet, I get a SEA of fluff articles "jared padalecki goes to venice", "jared padalecki's wife wishes him a happy birthday" "jared padalecki goes to watch soccer" "jared padalecki goes to the wrestling". I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow.

At the end of that I get the same articles as in (i) but the majority of his publicity is still going through the fandom and the, not very viewed, endless zine type websites that update on every episode of every geek show every day.

So we are seeing, and I expect it to continue, a break out Padalecki, (who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films), and a fluff Padalecki, trying to stay relevant a year after SPN relevance ended, because he hasn't got the same push for season 2 of Walker as he had for season 1 and Walker has zero presence. No one, not even the fans are talking about Walker.

Will it work? I don't think so. Keegan has 7m followers on Insta and that's because he's a photographer and writer and it's interesting. I would follow his account (I don't), but certainly it isn't a Walker instagram.

Jared is a clever guy, but he's boring on social media. He has a limited appeal. He does family snaps, hunk snaps, flogs orange pee and flogs his show. He says "family" and "mantra" a lot but that's really it. The clue is, if you didn't know who he was and came across his instagram you wouldn't follow him. Why would you? For a video of a guy running up steps? A smug picture of two middle aged men trying to flog you something?... (oh and lots of "brother" comments on Keegan's social media, which is irritating. It's like he thinks that is his repeatable formula and it isn't).

His media approach won't work because advertising and exposure pushes a product. In TV's case, it's not a one off product and there is a lot of competition. Product Jared needs to be more interesting (his mantrum's are the only exciting thing about him - and that is tragic) and his TV show just needs to be BETTER, well, a LOT BETTER.

Soooo, expect the Padapush to continue, but it's not about a couple, it's about individual marketing and for Jared breaking out of SPN bubble. For Gen, it's her tag along profile that she'll never break out of. She'll have to be satisfied with her superpower of being able to persuade people to buy toothbrush's and dog food (if she can).

Expect though the couple's bit to die off a little. Jared is getting over exposed. His engagement rating is plummeting (nearly 3% is a plummet) because of the repetitive photo content. He'll have to back off or people will switch off (I have already). What makes me laugh is.... from the dawn of time when cavemen took their wives 2 miles away for a new cave weekend.... NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOLIDAY SNAPS.... Gen and Jared apparently need to learn that lesson...

I might stop these posts now because, well, it's gotta be a bit boring for you and I write LONG. :)

Stay safe and wear your masks ;) xxx

I don’t want you to ever ever change, lovely! Also, I’m NEVER bored by your messages! You put so much effort into the research you do and the messages you send and it’s appreciated! <3 

I started following Lindsey on IG because she seems pretty genuine, and her cat is way too cute! Plus, I like her attitude. I haven’t followed her for the whole Walker season, but even she doesn’t post a lot about it. She posts interviews and then posts about that night’s episode, but other than that, nothing.  Can’t speak for Keegan, but how are fans and non-fans supposed to be excited about a show when the people STARRING in the show can’t be bothered? Maybe they’re all aware of how shitty it is or maybe they’re lazy, but it doesn’t make sense. 

I’m always interested to see the difference in an “algorithm-free” setting and one that has an algorithm. I always figured Google was the same for everyone, but seeing the difference in articles you’ve outlined is insane. It really just goes to show that Jared isn’t the star that his stans think he is. He’s not as important as they think he is, he’s just an actor.  It’s even more jarring to see just how little Walker is talked about at all. All of my devices probably have been “contaminated” when it comes to algorithm so I can’t really speak personally about the public and fans talking about Walker or not talking about it. I can say that on the posts about Walker from the Supernatural Facebook page, a good chunk of the comments are people saying they stopped watching, never got into it, or thought it was trash. There are only a handful of comments talking about how they enjoy the show. 

I think it was disgusting for him to use a fan’s passing for publicity. And no, I don’t think it was anything other than a PR stunt. Her family had a GFM going that was promoted by plenty of the case INCLUDING GEN, so you know he knew about it. But for him to make his own special one and then have articles posted everywhere about how charitable he is? That’s gross PR bullshit and I hope it backfires. 

I still follow a few Supernatural fans, Jared fans, Jensen fans, etc. on Tumblr and even they aren’t mentioning it. I think maybe the hardcore Jared stans post gifsets or whatever, but I don’t see much praise for the show itself, just Jared’s looks. Even the fans aren’t biting and that would make me reevaluate everything if I was Jared. 

I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow. This made me laugh way too hard!

who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films You are on a ROLL!  Maybe I’ve become biased, but I can’t see Jared doing films. I mean, I could see him doing like a side character role or something small, but I can’t see him having a big part of a movie. Like I said, maybe that’s me being biased but I see him staying in TV. I could be proven wrong, but I don’t know. 

I agree about Jared being boring on SM. I used to get some giggles from his Twitter posts and even some of his early IG posts because they were goofy, clever, and candid. It showed his humor and was more personable. Now it’s just all fake and comes off as someone whose only motivation to engage with fans is money and that’s a big turn off. 

For me personally, I think that if instead of the “couple goals” bullshit that they try to push for their lavish trips, if they just posted cool pictures they took of different locations, activities, food or whatever, that would be more palatable than all the “Look at my hubster and I! We’re in Italy! Look at how in love we are!” But maybe that’s because I’ve become a bit of a photography nerd? 

I guess time will tell whether or not Jared will make positive changes and if Walker can be saved, but I’m not really optimistic about it. 

I AM optimistic about your takes on things so keep them coming! Long posts or not, I love them! <3

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CVIII

It was a love story from the very beginning

Another Destiel Separation

(12x23)

Hello my friends and welcome to the last meta from season 13!

I would love to see the script from this episode because I always said they robbed us the goodbye scene between Cas and Dean, but well...

Let's start...

Mary and Bobby, Destiel mirror and the calm before th storm

First, we had a random werewolves hunt. In which we had a little of comedy and a sneak peek to what Jack's training is. Dean says it's a werewolves hunt and let the kid to answer they will need silver bullets. Just like a resident to his doctor in charge.

Team Free Will 2.0 working together with great results, is showing us the calm before the storm.

Jumping now to the scene between Mary and Bobby, we have here another Destiel mirror. With Mary (Dean) and Bobby (Castiel).

They come from different worlds, and once Boby starts to walk in this new universe, with Mary, he begins to embrace it. Just like Castiel did with humanity, asking in season 8 to be a hunter and to stay in Earth with Dean.

BOBBY: (...) Anyways...without an archangel, it's not like we can go back home. And I'm not sure I'd want to. I...I like it here.

We've been robbed: 1

Remember that scene in which Dean shows Sam so much faith on Jack (the faith that he took from Castiel) and thought about retirement? A happy ending? Yeah, let's cry here and struggle with the idea that we've been robbed...

DEAN: Hey, you remember...remember when you asked if we could stop it? All the evil in the world?

SAM: Yeah.

DEAN: If we could...really change things? Well, maybe with Jack, we can.

SAM: Maybe you're right. But then what will we do?

DEAN: Mm. Yeah. This. (Dean holds a beer he has been carrying and Sam looks down at his) A whole lot of this.

But on a beach somewhere, you know?

Can you imagine?

You, me, Cass, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.

SAM (scoffing) You talking about retiring? You?

DEAN: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.

Gif set credit @inacatastrophicmind

Dean thinks in a happy retirement with his brother and Castiel. Because this was in his heart. This was Dean's wish. And this should be his ending. He is the one saying it. They deserved that ending because they freaking earned it. Dean didn't mention Jack, because this is played as a foreshadow in which Jack will have a very important role to keep the world safe as Dean wants: Jack will be the new God.

The scene in which Jack has a nightmare and Dean goes to calm him down, we hear him talk about his own nightmares about people he couldn't save, this shows THE GUILT HERITAGE inside of him, and how this will lead him to say yes to AUMichael.

Jack follows Dean's toxic behavior

Jack goes to avenge Maggie's dead by his own, just like Dean did to face Loki. (Following Dean's toxic bwhat and not his advices).

Then we have Dean shooting at Jack by the back, as a foreshadow of how he will deceive Jack to out him inside the Ma'lak box in season 14.

The manipulative speech Lucifer gives to Jack is a parallel to the one that will give fem!AUMichael to Jack in episode 14x09. The words are similar: talks about power, their difference with humans, their supremacy over humans, and how they should be together to conquer the world because they're family.

The comparison with Star War Anakin, is to place doubts about Jack's future, because everyone knows Anakin turns into the dark side.

But then Sam praying to Jack (just like Dean to Cas) is showing us the faith Sam has on him too.

Jack revails Lucifer's true intentions and true self in a very spectacular show of his powers.

A Sacrifice for family love

Lucifer kidnaps Jack and Sam because he knows about their bond: Sam occupied in this season Lucifer's place as a father. Lucifer knows it and that's why he decided to took them with him and play a sadic game.

How Sam and Jack were willing to give their lives for each other is the same scenario of Dean giving his life and body to AUMichael to save them. Both sacrifies are for Love, FAMILY LOVE. As Michael will tell Sister Jo in 14x02.

The scenes are mixed between the church in which Jack and Sam are deliberating who will do the sacrifice and Dean about to offer his own life like the sword to Michael.

And Jack saying...

JACK: I love you. I love all of you.

Third time we see it int he show (Castiel and Mary in season 12), is telling us that had always been a family love confession. Just like Dean saying yes to Michael.

Gif credit @bennylafitte

Gif credit @hallowedbecastiel

We've been robbed: 2

The scene in which Dean starts saying he is Michael's sword, is short but very meaningful. Castiel flicks his eyes to him surprised about the offer Dean is making to that monster. He tries to stop him but Dean feels he is trapped and he has to make that sacrifice for Jack and Sam.

The fandom were heartbroken by then about Castiel's feelings, and maybe writers should make it even more noticeable in the script: I'm talking about the fact that Castiel's fall was because he fought against Heaven's Orders, that implied DEAN SAYING YES TO MICHAEL. It means, he went against destiny and embraced free will, following Dean and looking at him as a role model.

He was really angry when Dean almost say yes in season 5, if you remember that scene, Castiel literally kicked Dean's ass.

But this Castiel is different from that one in season 5. He is against that decision but even so, he remains quiet, to a side, watching the man he loves and the one for who he left everything he was for millennials, being snatched by Michael from his side.

When Michael takes control of Dean's body, Castiel can sense it, because they're bonded.

But you know, I still feel there was a scene missing: the one in which Dean says goodbye to Cas. (And I really thought there would be a kiss scene erased there... I explained this here.)

This was another lovers separation, my friends... Sighs...

To Conclude

The last episode from this season was messy and sometimes confusing. It was written by Dabb, and he tends to do that.

In the middle of the messy plot, we can talk about Destiel parallel (Mary and Bobby)

Jack mirroring Dean's toxic behavior and another lovers separation.

Hope you liked this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

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If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season here you have the links:

XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII, XCVIII, XCIX, C, CI, CII, CIII, CIV, CV, CVI.

[jawritter]

Life Of The Party

Summary: A game of truth or dare gets’s really interesting, when alcohol is involved. 

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader

Written for: @spnchristmasbingo​

Square Field: Rob Benedict

Word Count: 1410

Warning: Implications of past as well as future smut, oral (male receiving), alcohol consumption, mentions of being drunk, language. This one is pretty much porn, not sorry. 

A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine! This is my first ever Rob x Reader fic, so please be nice lol. Feedback is golden, do not copy my work! I hope you all enjoy this one!

My Masterlist       Become a Patreon 

“Okay Y/N, truth or dare,” Richard asked, staggering into your circle of friends in his living room with an open bottle of Crown, and a bag of popcorn, flopping down with an exaggerated grown next to Jared, who chuckled at the thought of what he was gonna do to Richard when he passed out first as usual.

“Dare, pick dare,” Misha drunkenly whispers yells, elbowing you annoyingly. 

“Okay, okay dare,” you growl, swatting at Misha, who promptly falls off of the cushion he was only half balanced on, causing Jensen to snort out a laugh into his own red solo cup. 

“YAS QUEEN!” Richard yells, slapping his hands together, and giving you a mischievous grin that seriously made you a little uneasy. 

Richard had flown Jensen, Misha, Rob, Jared, Briana, Kim, and yourself to his house as soon as the quarantine was lifted in order to have a friend’s get together/Christmas celebration now that people were safely able to be in the same room with each other again. Richard’s parties were always a promise of two things, a good time you all hoped no one would remember in the morning, and a damn horrible hangover the next day. 

“Okay, okay, you have to go in that room back there where Rob is having a pity party for himself, don’t say shit, just drop down on your knees in front of him, and suck him off,” Richard slurs. 

Misha pops up off the floor like a gopher out of his hole, and Jensen nearly chokes to death on his drink, while the others laugh at their reactions. Briana slaps Jensen hard on the back as he sputters, and Richard keeps locked eyes with your completely shocked face. 

“Can’t I just go flash him or something?” you whisper to the circle in front of you.

Richard shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. “Nope, you either go in there and blow him, or you have to tell us what happened between you and Sebastian at Comic Con last year.”

Your ears burned and you knew you were blushing. The whole circle seemed to perk up at that little bit of information. You had told Richard about that little hookup in confidentiality, but apparently, alcohol brings forth loose lips from your extremely drunk friend. 

You weren’t about to throw Sebastian under the bus like that. Plus you don’t know if he wanted it out that he’d fucked Jensen’s PA at Comic Con. 

“Fine, fine,” you grumble, getting off of the floor with a huff. 

“Well, next time I’ma go sulk in a back room over my ex, then maybe I can’t…” Jensen started, but before he could finish Briana elbowed him hard in the side, “Ouch!” 

You chose to ignore his comment and tried to calm your nerves, crossing the floor to the bedroom door. An eerie silence had fallen over the room behind you, and you knew everyone was watching.

“Remember Y/N, not a word, just do it,” Richard said. 

Man, you hopped he didn’t freak out on you. Rob had been friends with you ever since you started working for Jensen as his PA when he took on a new role with the boys, as well as his new production company. It was a big workload, and he needed the backup. It was the best decision you had ever made. It opened up a lot of doors for you that you never thought you would have opened, but it also gave you friends you would cherish for a lifetime. 

Opening the door to the room you see Rob sitting on the edge of the bed with his phone in one hand, and an open bottle of beer in another, taking a deep swig as he turns his head to look at you from where he was gazing out of the window.

“Hey, Y/N/N,” he smiled at you as you closed the door behind you, slipping the lock to prevent them from getting too curious and coming in for proof. 

You cross the floor with your heart pounding against your rib cage, coming to a stop in front of him, and placing your finger to your lips, shushing him as you wink and sink down to your knees in front of him. 

You watched confusion flashed across his face as your hands slipped sensually up his thighs, making their way to his belt, undoing it quickly and lowering his zipper before he had a chance to react. 

“What...What are you? Oh, God.”

Reaching inside his pants you quickly remove his flaccid length stroking it in your hand and blowing lightly across the tip, smirking as his hips jerked in response, and his cock started to swell under your administrations. 

“Oh my God,” he murmured, quickly undoing his button and swatting you away only long enough to shove his pants and boxers down in a hurry. You bit your tongue, desperately wanting to respond with, “I thought you went by Rob now,” but remembering you weren’t allowed to speak.

By the time you took him in your hands again you were pretty impressed at the fact he was already fully erect, and already forming a little bead of precum at his swollen tip. Even more impressive was the sudden need you had to taste him.   

You had always thought Rob was cute, but you had never really seen him that way, not until this point. 

Giving him your best doe-eyed look you slowly run your tongue all the way up the thick vein on the underside of his cock, stopping to tongue at his slit, your own pussy clenching around nothing at the little moans that were already falling from his lips as his eyes closed and his head lulled back; the salty taste of precum invading your taste buds as you hollow out your checks and swallow all of him that you could until you were nose to hilt with him. 

“Holy shit,” he groaned, grabbing your hair and moving it out of your face as you bag to bob up and down his shaft, licking, sucking, and jerking what you couldn’t fit in your mouth as you went. 

You never expected this to turn you on the way it did, but damn. The weight of him on your tongue was downright intoxicating. It didn’t take long for his legs to start shaking, and his breath to come in short, uneven bursts as he got closer and closer to his release, his hips moving along with the pace you had set. 

You could tell he was close, right on the edge, all he needed was a little push to get there, and you had a feeling you knew just how to do it. 

Carefully you slip your left hand under his quickly tightening sack, massaging slowly, pulling more strangled groans from his lips as his legs tightened and jerked, almost there, but still not quite falling over the edge. Taking a deep breath through your nose, you hollow out your cheek and swallow him whole in one goal, gagging slightly around the tip, that was all it took for him to spill into your waiting mouth, and you eagerly sucked down all he had to give until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

Rob sat on the bed, wide-eyed and panting as he slowly got to your feet, carefully wiping your mouth because, well, dammit you were a lady after all, and giving him a wink as you head towards the door. 

“Merry Christmas Rob,” you say as you grab a hold of the doorknob, knowing damn good and well there was a crowd waiting outside the door because you heard them shuffle away at the close sound of your voice. 

“Merry Christmas Y/N,” he replied, voice much higher than normal. 

You exit the room grinning only to find a very disgruntled Jensen standing not far from the doorway. 

You remember his previous comment as you cross your arms in front of you, leaning against the doorway, more than a little riled up from the task you just completed, the alcohol making you braver than what you would have been normally, and after all, it was a party. 

“Truth or dare Jay,” you say with your best devilish smirk, one that he quickly returned, taking a deep swing of the whiskey bottle he was holding before pinning you to the door frame. 

“Dare.”

Forever Tags: 

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[irrlicht-writes]

the path we choose to walk on pt.3

Part 3! still not the last part. But I’m getting close! Note to mention: there is death here. But it’s not permanent. Okay? It gets worse before it gets better. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @cass-said-i-love-you @professorerudite @insertdeeplyrics anyone else want on the tag list?

PART ONE | PART TWO

Ao3

PART 3: a soul as gentle as a star

Dean is sobbing. He can’t stop. Cas has been sick for a whole week already and still, Jack has not shown up. Dean had to shoo Miracle out of the room because he’s afraid that she’s going to get sick too.

Dean doesn’t know what to do. There’s a fever running through Castiel and no matter what Dean does, it won’t go down. The few times that Cas is awake, he’s puking up his guts over the toilet – all black goo and Dean’s heart breaks. Cas is crying before he passes out again and Dean can’t help. Cas is losing weight and it’s hard to even get him to drink water. Jack doesn’t come.

He pets Castiel’s hair and whispers sweet nothings into his ear. Cas never responds and Dean cries in his damp hair. What’s he supposed to do? He can barely eat food himself. The only thing keeping him from breaking down completely is Miracle because she’ll remind him of feeding her and walking her and honestly, Dean is glad for the temporary distraction she provides.

“Cas,” he says and Cas whimpers.

“Cas, baby, please come back to me.”

His fever goes up.

 A month later, it’s not better. Dean only functions whenever Miracle forces him to. It’s been a while since Cas woke up to puke. Dean tries not to dwell on it. He spends his days laying in bed next to Cas, staring at a wall in silence. The only sound is Cas’ shallow breathing and Dean doesn’t know what to do.

He hasn’t really gotten Cas back and now he’s about to lose him again.

Why has Jack not shown up?

Doesn’t he care about them anymore?

He’s always said that he considered Cas to be his father, but does he just stop caring like that?

“Jack,” Dean whispers into the void, “please.”

Nobody answers him.

Castiel’s chest rattles.

 A week later, Sam shows up. Dean has been trying to pretend that everything was going fine, just to avoid Sam coming here. Maybe he shouldn’t have given his brother a key.

“Dean,” Sam says sternly and Dean can barely lift his head. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s eaten something. He hopes he didn’t neglect Miracle too much.

“He’s sick, Sammy,” he rasps and Sam’s expression softens. He walks over to the bed and feels Cas’ temperature.

“Dean,” he says, “we have to bring him to a hospital.”

Dean shakes his head. “He’s an angel.”

“He needs help.”

Sam doesn’t understand. Dean’s afraid that they will understand that Cas isn’t human and take him away. They’ll take him away and Dean will never get to see him again and they’re going to conduct experiments on him and Cas won’t understand and he’ll be in pain and Dean wouldn’t be able to save him because he can’t overthrow the government and Cas will think that Dean gave him to these people and he’ll resent Dean and wish him the worst and wish he’d never pull Dean out of hell –

“Dean, breathe.”

Dean sobs loudly and starts to cry. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Please, let me take care of you. Of both of you.”

Dean sobs and doesn’t argue. He can’t. He can’t do it anymore. If he loses Cas again, then – then...

Who knows what he’ll do.

*

“Your friend doesn’t have long.”

Dean barely understands the doctor. Castiel is filled up with that black goo stuff – his lungs, his stomach, everything. Jack still doesn’t show. Cas is dying, again, and Jack doesn’t care. It’s almost like there’s no change at all.

If Jack doesn’t even want to save his father, what good is he?

They give Cas an infusion. Sam asks if Dean can get one too but he refuses. He’s fine. He doesn’t need any help. He just wants to sit here, next to Cas and be with him until the very end. Just like last time. Dean reaches for Cas’ hand and holds it loosely in his own.

“I’m here,” he whispers, “I’m here.”

It’s empty. These words mean nothing. Dean hangs his head.

In the end, it didn’t matter.

 Two days later, Castiel dies.

 *

 Dean has pamphlets. They gave him pamphlets but he hasn’t looked at them. He sits on his bed and stares out of the window. Sam has Miracle. Dean told him to take her. Castiel is in the morgue.

Why did this happen?

Why didn’t Jack come?

Dean prayed to him every waking second.

Why did Jack ignore him? Hands off or not – this is his father.

Dean doesn’t understand.

It makes no sense.

Maybe this is a dream. A terrible, terrible nightmare and Dean just has to find a way to wake up.

He remembers the nightmare djinns. It must be like that, right? Everything is just a dream and he just has to wake up.

Die.

He has to die to wake up.

And when he does, Cas’ll be there and he’ll be worried and hug him and Dean’ll hug him back and everything will be okay again.

Cas won’t be dead, then.

Dean gets up from the bed.

He walks over to the window and opens it. He bends forward and looks down. It would be quite the fall. But it’s going to be worth it. Down there, Cas will be waiting for him. If he imagines hard enough, then he can almost see Cas standing down there with open arms.

Dean smiles.

He’s safe.

His angel will catch him.

His angel will always catch him.

Dean closes his eyes.

His hands are shaking.

“Cas,” he whispers.

No matter what, at the end Cas will be there.

“Dean,” someone says and stops him.

He turns around.

“Jack.”

 *

 Dean steps away from the window and he can only stare. Jack is here. Why is Jack here now, when it’s pointless?

“I’m sorry,” Jack starts and Dean swallows down his anger. He wants to yell, he wants to scream and he wants to grab this kid and shake him. But he doesn’t. At least the kid looks guilty.

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” His voice is hoarse and Dean’s glad he didn’t yell. His voice would’ve given out.

“I heard you, I did, I swear. But Dean, I can’t fix the Empty. So I tried, I looked how to help Cas. I care about him, Dean, he’s my father. But I didn’t want to come here without a solution. If I would’ve come and would’ve said I can’t do anything, you would’ve lost hope immediately. I’m – I’m sorry that I’m late. But we can fix this, Dean. Look.”

Jack is holding something in his hands. He opens them somewhat so that Dean can take a peek. It’s glowing and Dean doesn’t know what it is.

“It’s a soul,” Jack says, “well, at least as much as I can make.”

Dean frowns.

“It will help Cas to battle the goo inside of him. The Empty has no dominion over souls, you know?”

Dean shakes his head. “Jack, he’s dead.”

Jack clenches his jaw. “And that’s why we save him.”

Dean looks at Jack’s hands. A soul. He doesn’t know what that means for Cas but if Jack is so sure it’ll save him... why shouldn’t they try?

It’s not like Cas could get anymore dead.

So he nods.

“Let’s go, then.”

 *

 It’s surprisingly easy to break into the morgue. Apparently they don’t really guard their dead and well – your kid being God probably helps too. Dean gets an uneasy feeling in this place. Cas is in one of these, dead. His hands start shaking again. But he has to pull through. For Cas.

For Cas.

With shaky legs, Dean walks over to the one that says “Castiel Winchester” on it and opens it. He takes a deep breath and pulls the gurney out. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to look. He doesn’t want to see Cas all pale; all dead. He doesn’t think he could take it.

“Dean,” Jack says and Dean’s eyes snap to him. He’s holding out his hands.

“It’s got to be you,” he says and on auto-pilot, Dean reaches out and takes this soul Jack is offering him. It feels warm in his hands. It feels a little bit like a baby bird.

“Cas,” he says and he feels as if the soul in his end flickers. “Come back to me.”

He holds his hands over Castiel’s chest, looking at Jack who nods. Dean nods back and presses the soul inside.

 First, nothing happens and Dean wants to panic. He looks at Jack who’s frowning.

No no no no no no no this isn’t good. It’s not working, it’s not working –

Castiel tears his eyes open and he’s gasping for air, heaving dryly. Dean chokes down a sob, but Castiel grabs his own chest as if he’s struggling to breathe and his blue eyes fly to Jack. The kid just shakes his head and takes Castiel’s hand in his own.

“Fight it, Cas. I know you can do this. You’re stronger than it. You’re the only angel in all of existence that ever walked out of the Empty of his own will. Out of his own might. The Empty has no power over you – it never had. Why do you think it hated you so much?

It was afraid of you, Cas, because it knew only you could ever walk away from a confrontation. You’re the angel that defied and defied and defied again. The Empty can’t hold you. It never could. You were awake, and you found your own way out. Do you even know how much power that takes? How much will? And you did it.

You did this, with no help, no assistance, and you survived. The Empty followed you outside and you overpowered it. It tried to drag you down, again and again, but you kept fighting and you kept winning. I can only ever hope to be as strong as you, Cas.

You are Free Will. You’ve always been. Without you – without you, Chuck would’ve determined the ending. But he didn’t. Because you made us believe that we can choose our own path. That we can choose who we want to be.

You’re stronger than the Empty, Cas. It cannot defeat you.

You loved me, you believed in me, you supported me when I didn’t deserve it. You explained the world to me; and you made me see that it’s worth loving. The way you’d talk about a roadside flower and what a miracle it is, I – I saw the little things. I saw the things that make the world what it is. It’s not about the big battles, the big wins or even the big losses – it’s about the things you never appreciate. The roadside flower, the leaves on the trees or the rustling of the wind.

And with – with everything you said, I realised – I realised that you thought... that you believed you were lesser than these things. That the dirt on the ground deserved better than you. You praised everything – Sam, Dean, me, the world – but never yourself. You are the guy I look up to most because – because you’re so kind, and caring and full of love. I heard – I heard the birds sing and thought they must be singing about you. I saw flowers bloom and I thought they must be doing this for you.

You are so good, and so kind and I – I will make a world that appreciates you. I will make a world in which you are loved, unconditionally.

I love you, Cas. I’m sorry it took me so long.

The Empty can’t take you away from me. I won’t let it. You crawled your way back here again and again, and I will make sure that you’re rewarded.

You taught me I can choose my own destiny. That I can choose my own path. And you told me that I will forever be loved, no matter what. And you did. No matter what I did, you loved me. You loved me unconditionally, and I never appreciated it. I took it for granted but then I realised – you were never loved like that. You were never – you were never told that you are loved. But I do.

I do, and Sam does, and Dean does and so many more. You, of all people, deserve the world. And I’ll give it to you.

I love you, Cas. I’ll say it now, and I’ll say it a hundred times. You are loved, Castiel, now and forever.

And whatever sins you believe you committed – sins that you believe that cannot be forgiven – I give you absolution.

You are forgiven, Castiel. You were always forgiven.

I love you. I love you so, so much.

I can be God, I am, but... I can’t do it without you. What if I stop looking at the small things? What if I end up like Chuck? I need you, Cas. I need you to remind me of a fallen leaf, of a newborn bird. I need you to remind me of the wonders of the world.

You were always fighting. And most times, the enemy was yourself and nobody of us helped you. You’re stronger than I could ever hope to be.

You’re my father, Cas. Sam and Dean are so, so important to me, but – I’d pick you, every time. Now and forever, I will always pick you.”

 Castiel squeezes Jack’s hand. “All I ever wanted,” he rasps, “is for you to be happy.”

 *

 “He’ll never fully recover,” Jack says after he got them all home. Dean holds Castiel tight to his chest. The angel is asleep but his breath isn’t rattling this time. He looks at Jack, unblinking.

“The soul,” Jack starts, “will help. But Dean, you have to understand that when Castiel made it out of the Empty, he took death with him. It’s not going to let him go. The – the sheer might it must’ve taken him to survive as long as he did, I...”

Jack stops and looks to the ground.

“I could never hope to be as strong as that. But now with the soul, his grace can draw strength from it. But it’s a weak soul. It’s... it’s just an imitation, but it’ll hold. He’ll get better; and in time, he’ll be walking around again.”

Jack turns and looks at them.

“He’s essentially human now, Dean. Not in the sense that he’ll die from old age, but in the terms that he needs to eat and sleep. He’ll probably get sick a lot, but he’ll be fine.”

“The black goo will never go away?”

Jack shakes his head.

“No. But with the soul, his grace is strong enough to keep it in check and keep all the internal organs working. I – I have to go now. But I’ll drop in whenever I can. Say hi to Sam for me and – tell Maria about me, too, okay? I’m excited to meet her someday soon.”

Jack smiles brightly and holds his hand up in a wave. “Bye, Dean,” he says and disappears.

Dean lets out a deep breath and gently places Castiel on the bed. Castiel is breathing quietly and really, Dean should call Sam and tell him but he’s just so tired.

When he crawls into bed next to Cas, he thinks about the people at the hospital. He forgot to ask Jack to remove their memories. It would work out, though, right? Cas is alive and he’s home and now he’s finally gonna get better.

Dean snuggles up next to Cas and vows to call Sam tomorrow. They’ll sort it out together. But right now, the only thing that matters is Castiel’s soft breathing and the knowledge that a soul shimmers inside him.

 *

 “I missed this,” Cas says when Dean opens his eyes. He’s been awake for a while at this point, but he had wanted to enjoy Castiel playing with his hair. It feels nice.

“You never played with my hair before,” Dean replies.

“No, but I missed watching you sleep. It’s very calming.”

Castiel’s voice sounds tired, but it doesn’t seem to pain him like it did before. Dean is glad. Now everything would work out. And even if Cas would be bedridden for the rest of Dean’s life, then that is okay too.

“You can watch me sleep forever then.”

Castiel laughs a bit but he ends in some light coughing.

“This goo,” Dean wonders, “will you really never be rid of it?”

Cas sighs. “No. I figure being in Heaven would help me. I might be able to get rid of it if I was able to tap into Heaven’s energy reserves, but I don’t want to go there now. The soul Jack made for me is going to suffice until it inevitability runs out.”

“It will run out?”

“Yes. All souls do, eventually, and this one even more so. I figure that after it’s done – it will just disappear. But by this point, decades should’ve passed and I’ll be able to go to Heaven.”

“You can’t go now?”

“Why would I?” Castiel replies while smiling against Dean’s hair. “Last I checked, you’re not in Heaven, and won’t be for a very long time. I’d rather be here with you, then waiting for you in Heaven.”

Damn, now Dean’s blushing.

 Sam’s a bit upset when Dean calls him. He’s wanted to see Jack too, and he’s also worried about the hospital staff. Nobody’s called Dean yet so Dean has hope that Jack made them forget.

“Cas is alive,” Dean says because he thinks that maybe Sam didn’t hear him properly the first time.

“I... yes. You said, I just... I can’t believe it. I didn’t even think... it’s amazing. How... how is he doing? Is he conscious? Can he talk at all?”

“Yeah. Jack said he’s probably gonna be sick for the rest of his life, but he’ll be able to move around again.”

Dean is in his kitchen; and Cas is asleep in the bed. It feels surreal. It feels like someone’s gonna pinch him in the arm and wake him up and then Cas is still gonna be dead and they’re still in the hunting life and then they go on a hunt just for one of them to die.

But that’s not gonna happen.

Their hunting days are finally over.

“Can we come over?”

Dean looks around. Them coming here might be better than hauling Cas into the car. Cas just came back so he might get tired more easily.

“Only if you bring the dog. I don’t think Cas has properly met her yet and that’s a crime.”

Over the line, Sam laughs. “Yes, we’ll bring the dog. We’ll be there in about half an hour. Prepare to hold a crying baby, Dean.”

“Oh, it just feels like yesterday when I was wiping your dirty ass.”

Sam hangs up and Dean grins.

There’s hope for a future in his heart and for the first time, he’s not afraid of it. Things will get better and they’ll start getting better now.

 Cas made it to the couch when Sam and Eileen arrive. As per Sam’s promise, Maria is crying her heart out and Dean feels sorry for Sam. Eileen, God bless her, probably doesn’t hear the crying too much. Dean guesses it’s Sam who gets up in the middle of the night, judging by his face. Dean grins and bends down to greet Miracle. Man, he’s missed her.

“Cas,” Sam says and Cas responds in kind. In the corner of his eye, Dean can see that Cas tries to get up from the couch but decides against it in the last moment.

Eileen walks right over and plops herself and her baby next to him. “Your niece,” she says and Cas smiles at the baby who stopped crying when she spotted Cas.

“Hello, Maria,” Cas says. Maria blinks in his direction and after some thought, reaches out for him.

Cas takes her easily and puts her in his lap.

“Have you been keeping for father up?”

Maria wiggles her arms.

“You know, for all I missed, I’m glad Jack decided to skip the toddler phase. I wonder what happened to all the diapers I bought. My doula classes were very unhelpful with my son but they might come in handy with you, hm?”

Maria smiles brightly and starts whipping in Cas’ lap.

“Hm. I guess I can be Big Blue if you want.” He boops her nose. “But then you have to be Little Cutie.”

Maria blinks at him, then laughs and claps her hands. She turns her head to her mom and brabbles to her and Eileen just smiles.  

“You speak Baby, Cas?” Sam asks and Cas turns his head.

“No. Babies don’t use words like we do; it’s more of a... sense. A feeling if you will. They can’t think in complete sentences yet. It’s along the lines of Sad because hungry. Upset because dirty. Happy because play. Happy because friend. Like that.”

Cas smiles and lifts Maria up and she giggles.

“Guess she found a friend in you, huh?”

“That she did.”

 *

 Dean isn’t surprised when Castiel and Miracle get along splendidly. As soon as the dog warms up to the angel, Dean is permanently degraded to giver of food and honestly, he’s not even mad at that. Miracle keeps Cas company when Dean has to go to work and they even go on walks together – never very far in the beginning because Cas still has to get his legs under him but the important bit is that Miracle makes Cas leave the bed or the couch.

There are days, sometimes more and sometimes less, where Castiel is sad. Dean knows that that word is probably an understatement, but he doesn’t want to call it depression – it’s too big of a word and Dean’s afraid of it.

There are days when Castiel’s body just refuses everything and anything. Cas doesn’t want to see or hear Dean on these days and Dean respects that. He wants to be there, but his presence is upsetting Cas way too much.

Cas isn’t used to being sick and somewhere deep down Dean thinks he remembers. Cas needs to be useful. And on these days, he’s not useful at all. But Dean doesn’t know how to tell Cas that it’s okay. He doesn’t know how to make Cas understand that he doesn’t have to be useful. No words that Dean could come up with seem good enough for him. So he stays silent and he knows it’s not the right thing to do.

Cas gets sick at least one time a month, sometimes more. He’s always sick for at least two days, battling fever and puking up goo. Dean’s terrified every single time.

“I’m fine,” Cas says every time and Dean wants to believe him.

I love you, he wants to tell him but he’s afraid.

He’s not sure what he’s afraid of.

Cas cries at night sometimes and Dean pretends not to hear.

Cas has nightmares sometimes and Dean sleeps on the couch.

He doesn’t understand himself.

“Dean,” Cas says one day just after his bad days ended.

“I know you don’t love me. It’s alright. I’ve accepted that. It doesn’t change what I feel, how I feel. You are – I’ve never met someone like you. There have been others that have fascinated me, but – but I’ve only ever watched them from a distance. I was never inclined to come closer, to get to know them, to have them know me. I was content just watching them from afar, learning about them and studying them from my high perch.

But you –

I wasn’t supposed to get involved. I was supposed to tell you your part in the Apocalypse and then I was – I guess I was supposed to die.  But you were, well, you and it made me rethink. I wondered if you were right, if people could actually choose their own destinies.

And Sam – Sam as the Boyking of Hell, the true vessel of Lucifer, I expected him to be evil, I expected him to be malicious, but he wasn’t. Sam was good and kind and brave and the small spot of darkness was a stain on him, but then he’s only human and it didn’t even matter.

And I saw that I was wrong and I thought – I thought maybe Dean is right. Maybe this is a story we can choose for ourselves.

Maybe this could be a story that doesn’t end with humanity wiped out. Maybe this is a story that ends differently as it was foretold. I wanted to believe. I wanted to have faith in what you said and – and so I did.

I know you never had faith in me, but I had faith in you and – I never really stopped. People getting to choose their own lives, their own destinies, their own ends – it just had never been in the cards. Everything had always served a bigger plan; always aiming to getting closer to the one true end when there was so much more.

I’ve had people believe in me; when in the same breath they defied God himself. You’re here, they’d say, he is not.

And they were right. I was there; and he was not. I always wondered if our path was the right one – after all, who’d stop us if we were wrong? We’d listen to no one but God himself, so who would’ve been able to halt us in our wake? But still, I followed my orders and whenever I saw fit, I’d tweak them, just a little.

I’d let a child go. I’d give an old man a few more minutes to say good-bye. I’d save the mother giving birth. I’d do these things and I got punished for them and I’d falter. What if I did something wrong? What if I altered the big plan? What if the ending would never come as it had been planned? And maybe –

Maybe it didn’t. Maybe the mother I saved changed something. Maybe the old man saying good-bye gave closure to someone. Maybe the child I let go grew up to influence someone they were never meant to meet. Who can tell?

I realised something so small can change the world. Maybe it won’t change the world as a whole but someone’s world will be different.

But the point is: I went against my orders and every time, I got punished for it. And then I met you, and you went against your orders and I couldn’t see you getting punished. And I thought, maybe you had the right path. Maybe wrong decisions get punished and right decisions do not. So I decided to follow you. I decided to follow the path you were carving.

And then you left the path, so I decided to keep walking on it because to me, it was the right path to take. And I was right. Every time I got punished, I knew I was doing the right thing. They were wrong; and I was right.

They wanted to reverse me, they wanted to change me by any means possible but I didn’t let them. Even when they succeeded, I didn’t let them take you away from me. You allowed me to change, Dean, you allowed me to be who I’m really meant to be. And for that –

For that, I’ll forever be grateful. I was right. There was a better way and they were proven wrong. I’m – maybe I’m still defective. Maybe I’ll always be wrong, and broken, and useless. But if that’s who I am, then – then so be it.

I am – I was always ashamed of myself. Why couldn’t I be like the others? Why couldn’t I follow orders like them? Why was I so different? And no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I – I was always the outsider. The one that didn’t belong, not really, and –

And when I was with you, that didn’t change. I was still the outsider, I was still different. Not in the same way, sure, but still, I didn’t belong. I’ll never do. I’ll never belong anywhere, because maybe there’s no place for me after all.

But – I wasn’t supposed to be here at all. I was supposed to be dead. I’ve died again and again and I came back, again and again because – because I wasn’t done yet. There’s still more. It made me think that maybe I have a purpose. That I have a reason for living, no matter how small it might be. And I always wanted –

I always wanted to make you feel safe. I always wanted to be the guy you could trust in. I wanted you to call me, I wanted you to need me. I needed you to want me, but maybe you never did and that’s okay.

I’m here now. And once I’m – once I’m better, I’ll be on my way. I’ll find something to do. I’ll find a place where I can be useful but until I’m strong enough for that – maybe it’s okay if I stay a little bit longer?”

There’s something here, Dean knows that. There’s something here he’s supposed to say, some clever line, some heartfelt comment, but – but he doesn’t know.

Dean hears I don’t want to go.

So he says: “I don’t want you to go.”

And maybe that was the right thing to say after all.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2020 Day 20: Mutual Pining

An Old Feeling | @deservetobesaved

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1741 Main Tags/Warnings: post season 12, jealous!dean, love confession Summary: Castiel thinks Dean will never love him back so he decides to try and move on. Cue jealous!Dean and confessions galore.

To Catch a Spark | zaphodsgirl (AO3)

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2364 Main Tags/Warnings: Misunderstandings, Fluff Summary: Cas has been acting pretty clumsy lately and Dean is a little worried.

Falling Awake | @specsofwings

Rating: General Word Count: 2530 Main Tags/Warnings: Love confessions, Cas and Dean being idiots, The Cosmic Entity Summary: After Michael is killed by Team Free Will 2.0, Dean ends up in the Empty, Michael's grace pulling a sliver of his consciousness there. The Cosmic Entity calls him out on not realising Castiel is in love with him. Dean needs to decide what to do with that information as he wakes up home.

Personal Space | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2859 Main Tags/Warnings: NSFW, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot. Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Voyeur Castiel Summary: It’s been four weeks since the last time Dean actually had time for himself and he just wants to crawl into his bed and finally jack off. Sadly he says a certain name and Castiel shows up and not to interrupt.

That Game We Played | @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3139 Main Tags/Warnings: Valentine's Day, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Men of Letters Bunker, Broken Thermostat, Castiel is Not Oblivious, Naked Cuddling Summary: “You know what?” Dean mutters, mostly to himself. He really is trying to be less of a jerk - but he can’t seem to help it. It’s Valentine’s day, and it’s hot. So he decides to stop talking, and takes off his jacket, a deep blue leather utility, and shucks it away on a counter. Cas seems to find this interesting, his eyes following Dean around the room; so then Dean does the first thing that comes to mind. He walks over to Cas, and holds his hand out. Cas stares at it, like he’s trying to figure out the purpose of its existence. Dean helps him, because he’s awesome like that. “Your coat.” Because why the fuck not?

Get out of my head | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3216 Main Tags/Warnings: Cursed, Mind Reading, dean and cas get cursed, mind reading Summary: When a witch puts some sort of spell on Dean and Castiel, they start to hear each other’s thoughts. Dean tries very hard to keep a secret, but Castiel has to insist.

May I ask for this dance | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3225 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean needs Cas' help on a case, Masquerade Ball, dancing on his feet Summary: When Dean asks Castiel to accompany him at an undercover investigation at a masquerade ball, to find the witch who killed a lot of people, Castiel wants it to be a date. Only problem, he can’t dance, so he asks Sam for help.

You aren't a monster | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3782 Main Tags/Warnings: misunderstandings Summary: When Bobby and Sam start to believe Castiel is actually on the bad side, Dean tries to defend his angel. He wouldn’t let them kill his best friend but unfortunately Castiel hears the wrong snippet of the conversation and ends up hurting Dean badly.

And I swear | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4413 Main Tags/Warnings: two idiots in love, Jealous!Cas, Arthur is not in the fic but mentioned a lot, Abusive Relationships, hurt!Dean, Break Up Summary: Dean knows that Arthur is treating him badly, but he had worse in his life and besides, it’s not like the person he really loves wants him back.

your eyes will lead me straight back home | @elizaeverafter

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4602 Main Tags/Warnings: no archive warnings apply, fake/pretend relationship, mutual pining, fluff, light angst, romantic comedy, friends to lovers, au modern setting, jealousy, castiel POV Summary: When Dean hatches a plan to go to Charlie's wedding with Castiel to avoid being bothered about remaining single, Castiel knows this isn't going to go well. But he hasn't been able to refuse Dean so far, so why would this act of being in a relationship be any different? And if Castiel feels like exploding and blurting out his feelings the whole time, well, that's his problem.

The War Within You | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Mature Word Count: 9770 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, season 6 canon divergent, first kiss, mutual pining, slow burn, love confession, eventual Human!Cas, angst with a happy ending. Summary: Sam Is back from the cage but something is wrong with him, and Dean knows it. He must call Castiel for help... But not just for that... There's something forbidden burning inside him that makes his mind go crazy. He needs to be near the angel.

The Meaning of Everything | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 17000 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, canonverse, post s14 canon divergent, mutual pining, first kiss, love confession, explicit sexual content, canon typical violence, angst with a happy ending, vessel sharing, winged Cas Summary: Chuck is the bad guy, and he broke with his snap Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. The chaos is all over the Earth. But Billie has a plan, they need to work together to raise Jack as the New God. Dean and Cas will try to solve their issues, but something unexpected will happen that will separate them again.

The Alpha Next Door (WIP) | @Destielshipper4Cas

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 16767 Main Tags/Warnings: Strangers to Lovers, First Time, Omega Castiel, Alpha Dean, Past Abuse Summary: When Cas is placed in WitSec, he gets a fake secondary gender designation to go along with his new name, ‘Jimmy.’ All he has to do until the boss of the omega trafficking ring he escaped is behind bars is keep a low profile, always apply his alpha scent, and not fall in love with an alpha. Well—two out of three ain’t too bad… Dean has never had a crush on an alpha before. Along comes his new neighbor, Jimmy, an alpha who is alphasexual. There’s just something about him, and to his utter confusion, he finds himself falling for an alpha for the first time in his life.

Guardian Angel | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 19486 Main Tags/Warnings: Homeless Dean Winchester, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Virgin!Dean, Abusive John Winchester, Canon-Typical Violence Summary: Everybody in the world has his own guardian angel, to keep them safe and protect them. Only "bad people" are without a guardian angel. Maybe that's why Dean is alone.

Little Blue Dragon | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 23820 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Magic, Blacksmith Dean Winchester, Mage Sam Winchester, Creature Castiel, Dragon Castiel, Pining, Soulmates, Minor Violence, Frottage Summary: Dean Winchester may have a reputation for being a skilled craftsman and blacksmith, but his life is just like anyone else’s. He’s over-worked and under-slept, and it’s all because of the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that tells him he’s… forgetting something. Still, he can’t let his weird dreams or errant thoughts get in the way of his work and his love for his craft. The strange feeling goes ignored. That is, until he meets a man with jewel-blue eyes and an aura of intrigue. Castiel slots into his life in a way that Dean had never thought possible, and Dean grows accustomed to the mysterious man’s visits and brilliant smiles and tales of far-away places. He’d never known he was missing a piece of himself until he met Castiel, and he thinks that Cas might feel the same way. Until Castiel disappears from Dean’s life completely.

Dislocation | @pray4jensen

Rating: Mature Word Count: 24514 Main Tags/Warnings: Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: After the sun is restored and the Woman of Letters banishes Castiel, he falls and becomes human, lost and alone in a place far from home. Four hundred and fifty-one days later, Sam finds him. He tells Castiel that Dean is alive. So they go. They go and they arrive at the bunker and Sam’s acting strange and there’s something that he’s not telling Castiel, something about Dean. And then Castiel finally reunites with Dean. And there is something about Dean. Something about Dean that has Dean pulling Castiel into tight embraces, something about Dean that has Dean running his thumb across Castiel’s cheek with a tender look in his eyes, and something about Dean that has Dean shaking when Castiel says certain things to him, things that are normal, things that should not affect him this way. There is something about Dean that no one is telling him.

Sending A Raven | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 38677 Main Tags/Warnings: Vikings, Magic, Temporary Character Death, Established Relationship, Leader Dean Winchester, Explicit Sexual Content, Violence, Dean/Cas Pinefest 2019, Viking Dean Winchester, Viking Castiel, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Mutual Pining, Angst Summary: When Dean, the Viking jarl of Týrvik, leaves on a raid to combat the enemy warriors attacking their ships, his husband Castiel is left to protect and lead the village. The ships return barely a week later, with damaged timbers and a devastated, leader-less crew, and suddenly Castiel finds himself not only in a position of leadership for which he is ill-equipped, but terrified for the safety of his captured husband. With the possibility of a spy somewhere in the village’s midst, Castiel leaves his people under Sam’s care and departs on the journey north to where they think Dean is being held, in a desperate attempt to rescue him before it’s too late.

Twenty Years | @ioasccel

Rating: Mature Word Count: 39501 Main Tags/Warnings: Angst, pining, religious themes, Summary: A profound bond between a Priest and the one he loves the most that spans decades. Father Novak’s love of God is tested by one Dean Winchester. A story of a priest driven by love and tortured by desire. All about forbidden love, heart break, and an eventually a happily ever after.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing | @pomegranatedaffodil

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 40685 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence, Spells and Enchantments, Road Trips, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: Dean’s life has always been dictated by duty rather than by need. So when Amara offers to give him the thing he needs most, he doesn’t know what to expect, but it certainly isn’t this: a chance to rest, some time away from his life and his burdens. Now he’s trapped in an enchanted sleep, unable to bring himself back to the waking world. It’s up to Sam and Castiel to gather the components of a spell that will bring Dean back to them. Through road trips, honest conversations, and a lot of patience, they’ll make sure Dean comes home. And when he does, maybe he and Castiel will finally have a chance to act on long-buried feelings brought to the surface by their enforced separation. Canon-divergent from the end of 11.23.

The Handyman's Special | @carrieosity

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 51456 Main Tags/Warnings: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Humor and Fluff, Human AU, Low-angst, Top!Castiel/Bottom!Dean Summary: Dr. Dean Winchester, professor of Mechanical Engineering, was full of confidence in his own abilities when he decided to purchase a fixer-upper house to rehab and remodel on his own. Now, standing in the middle of his new house and praying the floors won’t cave in, he’s realizing that determination and academic brilliance might only take him so far this time. The bigger problem: his overconfidence in the face of other people’s doubts (ahem, Sam) means that asking for help now will mean swallowing a whole lot of pride…and he’d rather not. Hiring a secret contractor to do the work without telling anyone seems like the perfect solution. Accidentally hiring an amazingly hot secret contractor wasn’t part of the plan. And when Sam overhears a conversation and starts connecting dots, a snap decision and another lie on top the first leads to a ridiculous balancing act of fake stories, pretend relationships, and one hell of a renovation tale.

Escaping Neverland | @emblue-sparks

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 84004 Main Tags/Warnings: Major Warning: Underage(only first 30k, no underage sex), Mental health issues, Identity issues, failed family placements, Mention of past traumas Tags: Adventure Romance AU with canon elements Storybook I-1995 Storybook II- 2015 Heavily inspired by Peter Pan,Completely Destiel despite first pairing, read to learn how, NO MCD(Sam Dean Cas)Canon character deaths, TAGS FOR 1995: Practices & rituals of Sumerian/Greek/Judeo Christian faiths, Dean/Jimmy slow burn, heart failure, kidney/pancreatic failure, dialysis, Found Family, John's the dad his kids deserve, LGBTQ positive parents, First kiss disaster, First DateHoliday, our island/our rules, sad boys, memorial rituals, Heart Transplant, Mourning Rituals TAGS FOR 2015: Everyone supports therapy, Incorrect demon summoning, Latin, Scottish Gaelic, Enochian, Professor/Rookie Hunter!Sam, Nurse!Dean, Orchard Owner/Beekeeper!Cas,Tattooed Dean, burger date, Frottage, Shower Deansturbation,Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Cum kink, Biting kink, Switch boys, Heavy surgical scarring, Dean knows ASL, Strange Dreams, Collective nightmares, Canon adjacent realms: Hoya Baciu Forest Romania, Caria Turkey, Chaos, Mythical Greek creatures, Temporarily fanged Benny, Some villainous ferrymen, Some badass ferrymen, Overly confident dick in a boat, Destiel Ever After, Happy Ending GUARANTEED, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2019 Summary: Lawrence 1995- Sixteen year old Dean Winchester finds himself in St. Luke's Children's Hospital after an electrocution severely damages his heart. On unit Neverland he meets Jimmy, a smartass with multiple organ failure and an expiration date. They discover an immediate spark which becomes an enduring flame. But Dean struggles accepting Jimmy's fate as well as his own, if a heart cannot be found in time. As his efforts to evade the ultimate marauder are weakening, he begins drawing strength from the misfit teens of Neverland East, learning the power of found family. Lebanon 2015- Dean finally joins Sam, Jo, and Charlie in the bunker. But unexpectedly meeting Castiel, who shares an unsettling likeness to Jimmy and an equally traumatic childhood, threatens to destroy two decades of hard work moving beyond the devastating events which occurred at St. Luke's. They'd be perfect for each other, if both weren’t so damn broken. As their involvement deepens, rookie hunter Sam works a case of rising juvenile deaths, revealing a shocking connection to the surviving Neverlanders. One that's been calling them all along to perilous adventure.

After All These Years | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 99909 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Single Parent Dean, Reunion, Slow Burn Summary: In which Dean finds himself at a wedding as Jo's fake boyfriend against his will, groaning and complaining the whole time, but still trying to appear all handsome and perfect and utterly in love since he's an awesome friend like that (and since Jo would make his life a living hell otherwise). And just when he begins to think that it won't be so bad to eat tons of free food and let his daughter Emma enjoy the festivity his gaze suddenly meets the two bluest eyes in existence and the world stops to move for a moment. Because of course the groom's brother turns out to be his old high school crush Castiel – the only person Dean was never able to forget – and things start to become really complicated all of a sudden.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Jensen Ackles: A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

*Not My GIF* Holy Fuck That Smile At The End 

Pairing: Jensen x Reader *I have nothing against Jensen and Danneel Ackles. This is only for the sake of a Fanfiction* 

Pov: Reader’s 

Warnings: Sadness, Being a little lonely, Cute Jensen, Texting, and Calling each other Angst a little. 

Rating: Adult Mature 

Summary: After Covid19 Jensen still has to go back to set and record the rest of the “Supernatural” episodes. While he’s away Y/n and him message everyday, and call every night. Jensen will sometimes send pictures of just him, or of Jared, Misha, and him. 

Word Count: 1,243

God, I really missed him. We'd had spent almost 6 months together. Just me and my hubby. Me and MY cuddle muffin, Me and my little spoon. A cold, big bed sucked horribly to be sleeping alone in it.

Jensen had left over a week ago. The first week I spent cleaning up the house making sure everything was put back into its place. I also spent a lot of time just gettin' the sun and swimming in our pool outback. Every morning I went for a run, making me be able to get through the day with a nice crash at the end of the night, on-again my cold, empty, big bed.

Jensen had gone back to the supernatural set to record the last 2 episodes of the shows final season. Durin' the time we spent together alone at home, we had many conversations about finally starting a family, but only we knew the show was coming to end to that Jensen would be there for the kids and be able to create memories with them and for them. Instead of being stuck in a different place and time zone and not being able to spend that time with his family.

Hubby<3- Good Mornin’ Baby girl. How’d you sleep?            

Y/n- I slept pretty good, I wish you were next to me instead of being alone in this darn bed. Oh and good morning to you too!                       

Y/n- How’s your day going? Probably lot’s of filming right?

Hubby<3- Baby I wish I was there too, My day it’s going well I have had a few shoots. Misha, jared, and I are going out to have dinner later on tonight. 

Y/n- Aww, really tell them that I miss them, and you better be safe honey. I miss you too like really badly.

Hubby<3- 

Hubby<3- I miss you most. What’s my baby girls plan for the rest of the day? 

Y/n- I’m gonna take a bath, then maybe go shopping. 

Hubby<3- Wish I could join you in that bath baby! 

Y/n- 

Y/n- This tub seems so much bigger now!

Hubby<3- Oh come on you know that this isn’t fair. 

I was and still am the very best tease I think Jensen has ever encountered. So with Jensen being gone for such long times. I thought I would kinda just do whatever I needed to do to you know keep my sanity. I haven’t told Jensen but I.... We are getting a dog. 

Later on that night

Hubby<3- I’m so happy! One day less until I can come home to my sweet sweet wife. 

Y/n- Just One day less Honey. I really can’t wait to be in your arms again

Hubby<3- Call me!

Having to stop what I was doing I pressed the call button. The phone didn't even ring for more than a few seconds before Jensen was on the other side of the phone greeting me with hellos and what did you do today questions. 

I will say the minute I heard his voice, my own voice became very timid, and sounded as if I was going to cry. I guess Jensen heard it. 

“Baby are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm fine.I just haven’t talked to you in a few days and I really miss you.” A stray tear rolling down my face thinking about not having him around me on a daily basis.

“How about I tell you a few stupid things that happened here on set today? Would that maybe cheer my baby girl up?” 

“Sure I’d love to hear about your day!” I said wiping the tear that had made its way down to my chin away. The wetness of the tear now annoying my skin. 

“So of course Jared had to be a complete and utter dumbass. fucking around with Misha. Misha and I were trying to do a emotional scene and Misha couldn’t keep in character because of Jared stupid attentics. Jared was than asked very nicely to leave set and go to his trailer. You would think at this point of working with Jared for so many years that Misha would just learn to ignore it.”

“Oh christ, How old is Jared again?” I said my voice a little bit more happier than pryer. Jensen talking always makes me happy no matter where we are. He could talk and it would make me fall asleep. But tonight I have something to tell him too. 

“Jared, oh he’s totally like 5.” Jensen said with a chuckle at the end.

“I.. um have something to tell you.” 

“Okay shoot.” Jensen said probably pacing around the small apartment he had in Vancouver. He gets worried a lot, so maybe the idea of telling him now isn’t the best. 

“Are you pregnant?” Jensen said while I was in my train of thought. Just has quickly has are you pregnant came out of his mouth No came out of mine. 

“No, It’s something else but it’s just as good! and you can’t get mad when I tell you what it is.” 

“Well, Okay I promise not to get mad, but what did you do Y/n?” Jensen said 

“I may have gotten a pet.” I said with sarcasm lacing my tongue.

“Be. More. Specific. Y/n.” Jensen said his tone turning not into anger but getting agitated with the fact that I hadn’t yet told him what I had done.   

“Fine Jensen I will be more specific. I got a dog, well actually it’s a puppy.” 

It was quiet for a minute. And then everything that I wasn’t expecting happened. He just fucking ended the call! I went back to text and sent a few messages. 

Y/n- Did you just end out call???

Y/n- Jensen, it’s a dog thats all. I need company when you aren’t here. I need something to keep from being upset when my Husband leave to go to work. 

Y/n- You know what just be mad than Jensen. Good night Jensen. 

Setting my phone down on the coffee table face down. Trying to grasp the reason for why he had ended the call, why he had gotten so mad. You know what it’s not important why he got mad. I’m going to sit here with Ross watch some shows on Netflix, and be happy.

My phone buzzed on the table. I really tried to ignore it, but I knew it was Jensen so I couldn’t just ignore him, he’s my husband for god sake. 

Hubby<3- Why didn’t we talk about this before you just went ahead and did something?

Y/n- Why? Why because I thought you’d understand my reasoning and that you’d end up loving the dog in the long run. How mad are you at me? 

Y/n- This is Ross btw.

Hubby>3- Wait. What’s his name? 

Y/n- Ross, I gave him your middle name so even if you weren’t here with me. I still had apart of you with me. 

Hubby<3- I wasn’t mad. I just guess I wasn’t ready for you to say you got a dog. I guess I just really wanted to do it with you, and thank you baby I do really think he’s cute. 

Y/n- He is, and from now on we always check with each other on things. Make sure neither one of us wanted to do, or already has planned something. I love you Jensen.

Hubby<3- I love you too y/n. Now call me back, actually Facetime me. I wanna see my son. ♥♥♥

Tag List - @akshi8278​

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XC

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Breaking Walls (Part I)

(12x20/12x21)

Hello my friends! I'm here with another meta from season 12! This time I'll try to resume these two episodes pointing important subtext and foreshadows I found in them.

We/Us vs Only Dean

Resonating with the previous episode, the mixtape one. We will meet Tasha Banes and her son's Alicia and Max. And with them will come the difference between WE/US and I/ME.

First of all, we were fed with Dean Winchester's worries for Castiel.

Gif set credit @starlightcastiel

The scene opens with a close up to Dean's hands. This focus on the hands will continue through the episode, related with my Quantum theory about Dabb's era, it talks about a foreshadow. And because is centered on the knuckles, is a foreshadow of Dean hitting on the door from the Burger Shop after praying to Chuck in 13x01. Linked to his worries for Castiel, opens the door for the incoming mourning for him.

Dean: That freaking baby isn't even born yet and it sock puppeted him. Think about it.

Is very meaningful Dean uses this word PUPPET here, to explain Castiel's odd behavior. But is also related to this episode: a witch killing people and constructing puppets she can command as she wishes. If this sounds particularly known by all of us, is because is a very smart Foreshadow for Chuck appearing in the ending of season 14 and the whole season 15. The puppet master.

This is what makes Dean feel so worried: CAS having faith in Lucifer jr. As Dean calls it. Is not good sign for him. And because he knows what CAS is willing to do when he is in soldier mode, when he has faith in something. He can give everything in exchange. He knows it. And he is worried because CAS is in danger now. And he can't understand how CAS is having faith in that nephilim he was trying to kill hours before. He needs to understand what's going on, Because Castiel's safety is in danger. And Cas' means everything to Dean.

SAM: I don't know. I mean, look, this doesn't make any sense to me either, Dean. But if we wanna have some shot at finding Cas, the we have to...I don’t know. Uh, try and think like him.

DEAN: How? Seriously...

He sounds desperate here. He knows exactly this is the first time he saw CAS like this. Again brainwashed? He is scared. Dean is afraid of losing CAS. He didn't recognize Castiel looking back at him. Because CAS had a new mission now. Cas had determination in his eyes. And the mission comes first.

Then, one phone rings, and is Max and Alicia. And the dialogue here will separate the therms WE from INDIVIDUAL again.

ALICIA: Yeah, sorry to um...Uh, Mary gave me a couple different numbers to reach her, and we thought –

Max loudly interrupts Alicia to make a point that this is not his idea.

MAX: No. No. Mnh-mnh.

Alicia looks exasperated.

ALICIA: I thought Mary would be down to help. Uh, be our backup on this, um...

The parallel with the Barnes brothers here is loud, not just the missing parent in a hunt, but the blatant difference between WE/US vs INDIVIDUAL (Alice and Dean).

Max doesn't want his sister use him as a shield for showing his worries. Just like Dean used Sam in the mixtape scene or when CAS arrived at the bunker.

After Sam accepts to help, Dean turns into worried boyfriend mode...

He is like: 'Come on Sam, didn't you heard all my worries? We have to find CAS! CAS CAS CAS!'

Then we have Dean calling Mary...

His face here is loud. He was thinking about Castiel being in danger since CAS left. I bet you he couldn't sleep neither. And he needs to talk with someone about this. But how he feels about this. Becay Sam ia confused but he keeps doing his job. Dean just can't go on if he can't rescue CAS from the 'evil child'.

The Foreshadows

Before jumping into the symbology of this episode, let's show another example of we/u vs me/I:

ALICIA: Well, then why didn't you call us? I mean we–

MAX: Ahem.

Sam and Dean look slightly uncomfortable.

ALICIA: I called and texted a lot.

TASHA: I'm sorry, baby. My phone hasn't been charging all day.

Is the difference between the amount of worrisome and the effort from the writers to point out that to us. To make it noticeable.

Now, let's go with Mary Winchester: there's this scene in which Mary discovers Mick's corpse and she uncovered his face. Is a sad foreshadow of Dean in episode 13x01 uncovering Castiel's face when he laid dead on the table.

Also the finding of the corpses ina dark place by Dean and Sam, was a foreshadow of dead and the Empty.

Then, Tasha attack Alicia and Max, as a foreshadow of Mary coming against her own boys.

But it caught my attention what Ketch says to Mary:

KETCH: But I can keep you safe. If you just play your part, if you play nice...

In an episode where we are talking about puppets Ketch asks Mary to play her part. And I just recalled the whole season 9 with Metatron and the repetitive quote: Everyone needs to play their role. As an attempt coming from the writer to control the story and the characters. This is very important because is anticipating Chuck's plot in season 15. Mary answers: 'I don't play nice' as a reflection of TFW.

When Alicia dies, the dialogue between Sam, Dean and Max is another example of loosing a brother/family and loosing the love of your life.

SAM: Hey, Max, um, this is, uh... Look, you – you're probably in shock right now, but it's gonna pass.

DEAN: And then it's gonna hurt.

They're talking from their places, they had lost many people in their lives, family. Wich is pointing too what we will be seeing at the beginning of season 13, the big difference with loosing the love of your life, incarnated I'm Dean mourning Castiel.

Eileen's death and Brainwashing

Just a few words about episode 12x21.

Is the episode in which Eileen dies, in a dark Forest. Saileen always had been a Destiel mirror and showed the path for our ship. So when Eileen dies, is talking about the lovers separation through death. Sam uncovering her face in the morgue, again, as a prelude of Dean doing the same with Castiel.

BMoL brainwashing Mary, and using her as a puppet against the boy, is slightly showing how Dean sees what's going on with CAS.

But is also a foreshadow of AUMichael!Dean.

Later in the episode, we have Crowley who was controlling Lucifer's vessel as a puppet too, but something goes wrong this time.

DREXEL: The ability to control is transferring from Crowley to you.

LUCIFER: So you're saying that Crowley's gonna be my puppet.

This could be showing two interesting Foreshadows: first, when AUMichael will take control over Dean's body and kidnap him in episode 13x23, and second, what will happen once Dean will lock Michael down in his head, taking full control of his own body.

Then, another parallel between CAS and Mick. Remember Samadriek saying he has too much heart and that was his problem? Okay...

TONI: Oh, Mick's dead.

SAM: He's dead?

TONI: Quite. It was determined he was too sentimental for the job.

So Mick also had too much heart...

To Conclude:

Dean is a mess of worries for CAS and it shows. He is afraid of loosing him this time for real.

There are foreshadows of Cas' death all over the episodes, preluding the finale.

There's also a lot of references to puppets, for the incoming plot of Chuck and Dean's possesion.

Hope you like this volume. See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @meleansu @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 12, here you have the links:

Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII, LXXVIII, LXXIX, LXXX, LXXXI, LXXXII, LXXXIII, LXXXIV, LXXXV, LXXXVI, LXXXVII, LXXXVIII, LXXXIX.

Buenos Aires, November 30th 2020 7:03 PM

[boredoutofmymindwriting]

You´re not a burden

Based of a request by @aberrant-annie​ : Where the reader is feeling down or something is going wrong at home with family so he takes her under his wing so to speak?

Pairings: Platonic Misha x Young cast!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of mental abuse from parents as well as nudges towards eating disorders.

Wordcount: 1023

Masterlist: Click here

Authorsnote: I hope I'll do the request justice as well as my long absence, hopefully I'll get to writing more soon. As always feel free to send in requests and know that I'm here if you need to talk about anything.  (tags at the bottom, wanna get tagged? click here). Please let me know what you think of it even though it's short.

 Love y´all- Jo 

                                                ~~~~~~~~

~ Y/N´s POV ~

Everyone´s heading over to eat either by the food trucks or the cafeteria on set after finishing the second scene of the day. Of course it´s taken ages for us to finish it due to the boys normal shenanigans going on. I can´t help to get nauseous by the thought of food and having to eat in front of people no matter how nice and caring the cast and crew is.

“Hey Y/N, you coming with us to eat some or you eating in your trailer today? Not to sound menacing but we´re starting to miss you out here.” Jensen called out jokingly making me snap out of my thoughts.

“I´ll head to my trailer today, I´ve got some leftovers in my fridge and I could use some quiet time. I´ve got a headache creeping up on me and really don´t wanna delay filming because of it.” I lie with a sigh hoping they won´t see through it, I mean sure I´m an actress but you can usually tell if another actor is lying due to experience. Lucky for me they all seem to buy it as Misha gives me one of his sympathetic smiles and Jensen shrugs his shoulders.

“Sure, just make sure you drink water and get some electrolytes in your system as well as some rest.”

“You know I will J. Can you bring me some vanilla pudding if there´s any left in the cafeteria?” I try to act my happy and carefree self but it´s getting harder and harder by each day that´s passing by.

“Sure thing Y/N/N!” Jensen shouts with a grin over his shoulder as him and Jared head to the cafeteria. Misha pulls me in for a gentle hug before placing a kiss on my head.

“Take some more rest if you need it Y/N, your well being is more important than filming getting done. We can´t finish the episodes without you, definitely not if you burn yourself out.” He gently explains before letting me go.

“See you in a bit Y/N/N.” I smile slightly at him, he´s always been there for me ever since I became a part of the show. Almost like my own guardian angel, cheezy I know.

I briskly walk towards my trailer trying to stay focused on getting there quickly but the echoing from my parents degrading voices sounds like they´re right beside me. I thought work would get me away from them, keep me busy but no such luck. I keep my eyes fixed on the trailer door while walking and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. I wrap my arms around myself trying to make myself feel safe while their words echoes in my head.

“You really shouldn´t have asked Jensen to bring back pudding, it´ll make you fat, well more than you already are. You really are stupid huh?” My parents voices nags at me, well not really but you get it. I hurriedly close the door to my trailer once I´m inside. I walk past the mirror not looking in it like usual before I lay down on my bed pulling my duvet over my body, hiding from the world. A small sob manages to escape me and soon tears starts to stream down my face as the sobs wreck my body. Suddenly a gentle hand is placed on my back before Misha's soft voice asks.

“Y/N can you come out from under there?” I shake my head before replying, feeling the tears coming back.

“N.no..” Misha lets out a sigh as he moves his hand to my shoulder causing me to flinch knowing he can feel my bones from underneath my duvet and the hoodie.

“Y/N please.... I just want to see you when I talk to you. I can tell you´ve lost a lot of weight lately, it´s not healthy.” He sighs before continuing “I just didn´t know it was this bad..”

I take a deep breath while slowly removing the duvet from over my head. I gradually meet his worried eyes.

“I, I didn´t mean for it to get this bad Misha but, but they…” I start to explain but the sobs stop me. Misha pulls me into his arm before placing a kiss on my head.

“It´s okay Y/N/N… take your time sweetie.” He reassures me.

“My parents… They keep telling me how much weight I have or will gain and how stupid I am.” When I say this I can see Misha's face falls.

“You gotta be kidding me Y/N. You´re basically starving yourself. Please, let´s go eat something. It doesn´t have to be a lot, just a sandwich or anything similar.” I shake my head.

“I can´t Misha, everytime I try to eat I hear my parents degrading me… It makes it so hard to take care of myself and actually eat what I need.”  Misha nods.

“Y/N do you trust me?” I nod. “Would it help to get away from the even while we´re not filming? You can stay with me, Vicky, West and Maison. We already love you and you spend a lot of time with us anyway. This way your parents won´t be able to re fuel the negative voices about you and we can help you build yourself up again. Sure it´ll be hard but we´ll be there with you through it all and support you.” He reasons and I nod.“It´d mean a lot to stay with you guys. I just don´t wanna be a burden to you.” He shakes his head and pulls me in for a hug. “Y/N you´re not a burden, never have been. I´d be happy to have you as a part of the family. You always have a family with us, not just me but Jared, Jensen and the rest of the cast and crew too.” I nod with a weak smile before hugging him back.

“Thank you Misha. Maybe we can have that sandwich or at least try it.” I smile lightly. Misha smiles lightly before answering.

“Sure thing kiddo.” 

Taglist:

@bea789​

@beckawinchester-main-blog​

@evyiione​

@malecsunshines-blog​

@mogaruke​

@chelseypaigeake​

@xpanicatthespnx​

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

7 Days to Die - Part 1

Part 1: Surviving

Pairing: none to start with

Warnings: zombie hordes, language, injuries, scary situation, mentions of death and destruction.

Word count: 1,205

Summary: Town after town, horde after horde, the reader is trying to find a safe haven. Finding two scavengers who kindly take her in their company, maybe humanity isn’t doomed.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

7 Days to Die Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

a/n: This is all un’beta’d, all mistakes are my own. But I hope you enjoy none-the-less.

~

Almost every car she got into to hijack was out of gas, she’s not the only survivor trying to get across the country.

All of this happened so suddenly, she even remembered how it started where she’s from. She was at work and someone really wanted in the café after closing. After bashing their head into the glass door, with no effects visibly noticed he came in and killed the first two employees that tried to subdue him and get him out. She ran for her life after that. Even narrowly escaping her hometown, the city of Lincoln Nebraska, not as big as Omaha but big enough to be a living hell to escape from.

Now she got so far north, she thinks she could be in Canada by the looks of the landscape. Beautiful mountainous landscape. Her phone, still working revealed it to be a rural area west of Vancouver.

As she walked the streets of a small rural town, she heard the sounds of a possible horde. Rounding a corner she saw the small horde of them. She remained quiet, noticing they didn’t see her. How could they? They’re dead. Though undead, the sense of sight has died but their sense of smell and hearing has heightened.

But a gust of wind hit them, giving them a big whiff of her scent.

“Shit.” She mutters under her breath.

The first walker in the group starts running after the scent, as did the entire herd.

“Time to put that cardio to work girl.” She coached herself as she took off.

The horde seemed to just grow and grow as she ran down the empty, lifeless road. A walker got close by nearly side swiping her, trying to flank her.

She focus’s on her escape, pushes herself harder the closer they got.

“Jared! Time to go!” she heard.

Seeing two men running out of an alleyway just as frantic as she was getting away from the horde.

“Jensen, there’s someone!” Jared shouted.

Jensen takes his hunters rifle and begins shooting some walkers to give her a cushion.

“Come on!” Jared waved her to join.

She didn’t question it.

She managed to reach the two men.

“Jensen, let’s go!” Jared shouts.

Jensen reloads his rifle as he turns to run away. Only reloading what he could before sprinting with Jared and Y/N.

They come to a fence, no gate in sight to allow them to go around the fence. But they see a whole big enough for two giants and Y/N.

Jensen crawls under first, lifting the fence a bit, Y/N goes through next.

The horde closes in, Jared hurries as fast as he could to get his pack on the other side before crawling.

Jensen didn’t need to be asked, he started shooting walkers.

“Come on Jared!” Y/N shouts, grabbing for his hand to help him out.

He started to yell as he kicked the few walkers that got a hold of his legs. But he got through the fence, nonetheless.

“You okay brother, they didn’t bite you did they?” Jensen drilled.

“No, I don’t think so. I didn’t feel it. I just freaked out mostly.” He said.

“Yeah, I would too.” Jensen says.

“And who do we owe the pleasure of joining our company?” Jensen asks kindly looking over at Y/N.

“Y/N.” She says. Clearly freaked out she just came close to being zombie chow.

“Y/N, this is—”

“I know who you are, I seen your show. Can we just get going?” she asked.

“Sure thing, lets get going.” Jensen says, picking up Jared’s pack for him. Jared seemed to be out of it, in his head.

“Maybe you could help us carry our loot.” Jensen asks, as he picked up a medic kit.

“Yeah.” She says, picking up what she could carry.

And they headed out on the paved road before turning on a dirt road into the woods.

Where are these guys taking me? She wondered.

 “According to the map, there’s a hold out not far from here.” Jensen says looking at the map.

“Are you guys from, like, a local settlement or something?” she asked.

“Oddly enough yeah, well it’s not close. It’s a few days walk, on a good day.” Jensen answers.

“Okay, how far is not far from the hold out?” Jared asked. “I’m exhausted man.” He adds.

“Right there, you can see it from here.” Jensen points.

From the dirt road, between some trees even with the sun going down she could see the cabin Jensen was talking about. Seeing the dark solid building behind the dark green trees that somehow are as alive as anything in the forest. Not even the undead can kill the forest.

They continued until they finally reached the cabin.

“Wait here.” Jensen says, drawing a pistol from his waistband.

Jared and Y/N waited on the porch of the small hunter cabin. Jensen headed inside; gun drawn as he searched the cabin for any signs of unwanted life.

“Clear!” he shouted as he entered the main room.

Jared and Y/N eagerly entered to get out of the brisk October night.

“I’m gonna clean up, I feel gross.” Jared says.

“You don’t look so hot, how about hit the hay, I’ll take watch.” Jensen says, giving Jared’s back a pat as he walk past Jensen.

“So, how’d you guys end up here in Canada?” Y/N asked.

“Wrapped up our show when the outbreak happened. It happened in Texas long ago, my wife and kids got here before it broke out here, same for Jared’s family, they’re up here to at our camp.” Jensen explained.

“What about you, how’d you end up here?” he asked.

“Just trying to find a safe haven from this mess. My home in Nebraska totally destroyed, it was a war zone of soldiers, citizens and walkers. My family didn’t make it.” she says. “Raiders.” She adds.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He sympathizes. “Raiders are just as bad up here than anywhere else.” He says.

“I just want to be around living humans, not undead ones.” She says.

“I feel ya there, well, you are more than welcome to join our camp.” Jensen offers. “Don’t laugh, but everyone goes by nicknames there. Misha, we call him Cas.” He says.

She giggles. “That’s awesome.” She goes.

Jensen smiles, agreeing.

“Get some sleep Y/N, we got a long walk tomorrow, and I need you well rested.” Jensen says.

She nods. “I definitely need more than a couple of hours a night.” She says.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he says, as she settles for the couch.

He grabs a blanket from his large pack, unrolling it he lays it over her. “Get some rest sweetheart.” He says.

She hums with a smile. Feeling safe for once.

 Jared gets ready to lay down, he notices his leg with a nasty scratch. Turning a bright red, showing signs of a quick infection. Even signs of dead flesh already developing around the cuts in the flesh.

Looking up from his leg, with an anxious feeling he is infected. But shaking the thought with, the fence probably scratched him as he got up to soon or something.

He puts antiseptic and a bandage wrap around the scratch and tries to sleep for the night.

~

Feedback is much appreciated! Tags are closed

Jensen Tags:

@luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @backseat-of-deans-67chevy, @salt-n-burn-em-all​, @moonlight-on-her-skin​, @mlovesstories​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 10/3/2020

[nileqt87]

Despair For Castiel: A Review

From a series of posts before and after watching:

Before:

As far as I'm concerned, I'm now imagining the Empty having to deal with Gabriel and Balthazar redecorating the Empty into the angel/demon afterlife (probably with a lot of wacky alternate realities and bad porno) with all the free will angels and redemptive demons invited, Cas finding Meg and eventually Jack again for his true happy ending that he can have and Crowley probably trying to install himself as king again. Then when Rowena finally exits as Queen of Hell, she'll join and Crowley will annoyed, but Gabriel will be happy to see her again. LOL.

Megstielers also got robbed hard with all that setup of Cas still pining for Meg for YEARS, the Empty using her image (not Dean!) to taunt him (the Empty clearly saw Meg in Cas' head when it could have taken the form of anyone, including Cas like last time) and a whole dropped plot thread that Cas made a deal with Ruby to break a demon out of the Empty, which only makes sense with the one and only demon he'd actually want to let out of the Empty. That's dangling one 'ship a whole bunch of carrots (like every single Clarence reference for a decade) to rip the rug out from under them.

I suppose I should've seen it coming when the previously on segment for 15x13 was a Pizza Man and the Babysitter retrospective that shoved Cas out of the Pizza Man role beside Babysitter Nurse Meg to shove Dean into Megstiel's sexy times meme. I guess it turned Cas into just Dean's Baby in a Trench Coat (which was an insult about being useless to Dean's cause without powers, which suggests Cas has no worth to him otherwise), since he got infantilized with the removal of the Pizza Man originally being him.

I still haven't watched the episode. The Tumblr crap is that off-putting.

What should've been an epic moment in Cas' story is now tainted by his love of humanity, found family and free will (his real love story is with all of humanity and finding belonging, in spite of always being on the outside looking in on a life he can't have because he's not human) being reduced to horny girls who just want fetish smut with Dean and don't give a fig about canon Cas outside of a toxic, abusive crack!ship. It's always so immature and vapid!

It was immediately clear when I joined the fandom that shockingly few gave a crap about any character but Dean, even refusing to see what he's become in later seasons. Also numerous examples where they admit having not seen the show in a decade or only knowing the show via manipulative .gif sets. Cas and Sam (if they remember him at all) are just props or prizes to be won. They ignore context of familial/platonic relationships. Canon love interests aren't good enough because they're not the big prize of being a main. I also note the deluge of Wincest girls who hate Cas for existing (he's in their way) in the anti-Destiel tag.

I can't say the .gifs are making me want to watch, even though the dialog is vague enough to still fit Cas' actual character for the general audience who isn't glued to social media.

As for Dean's non-reaction, I had similar problems with Jensen's constipated acting back in 15x03 when Cas finally walked away while Dean looked like he couldn't care less, which the writers coincidentally praised Jensen for (holy crap that interview was up his backside) and completely ignored Misha actually giving a good performance in a scene that actually meant something long coming for Cas. I certainly can't say the same about the quality of this scene, which just looks forced on both ends.

I hope I like the episode more than the sounds of it, but my hopes aren't high. This is not how I wanted Cas' final moments on the show to be.

After:

Well, I got up the stomach to watch it tonight. Thankfully, in context, it definitely got blown way out of proportion by what the Hellers turned it into (as usual). Yeah, even when watching while unfortunately not blind to the wackadoodle fandom discourse, it played out better on screen than the .gifs. And frankly, a whole lot less like creepy Care Bear stare nightmare fuel than the few choice screenshots kept showing (yikes). I still wish Sam and Jack had been there, because they're just as much part of what connected Cas to feeling like part of a family (even more so in the later years), but it's not the total monstrosity it was turned into online.

Average viewers who just take canon as is without trying to read into it what they want to be there instead, IMO, will safely interpret it platonically (even if coming after a particularly hellish few years in Dean's personality rot where the whole friendship was beginning to be questionable) more often than not because that's what the canon has said for a dozen years. Again, I repeat that Cas already told the Winchesters he loved them when he thought he was dying.

It's a crime to have Cas' perfect philia (brotherly), storge (parental) and agape-style (sacrificial and unconditional) loves being immaturely twisted into eros in a way that degrades the whole meaning of the character's journey. People telling each other they love one another when it's not sexual should never be mocked into being afraid to do so because of this insidious, willful misinterpretation. If only somebody had told Cas they love him instead of him always being the one with his heart on his sleeve!

This character went from being tortured into a robotic, emotionless, ancient, not-remotely-humanoid being who couldn't relate to the simplest of human needs to being someone deeply in love with humanity and wanting to find belonging amongst it despite knowing it would always end with him watching them all grow old and die after having families and such experiences angels are forbidden from having (another reason why Jack was so important to Cas' story).

The wording is valid for that philia/agape interpretation, given Cas definitely equated Dean (whom Cas watched sacrificing himself for Sam endlessly, including why he had to be raised from perdition in the first place) with a guide role in his learning to understand humanity and proudly-defiant free will before he could love it. It's valid enough to say that Cas wouldn't have broken his programming permanently without being challenged to question everything he'd ever believed and give up his entire angelic belonging. That much of it did begin with Cas just happening to be the angel who succeeded in the Hell rescue.

Obviously, it's also canon that Cas had a long history of not following orders and getting lobotomized by Naomi, but Cas actually understanding humanity and what free will means did happen only after this particular rebellion. I'm very glad at least that was in the speech, but of course, it's being hopelessly ignored.

I stand by my interpretation that what Cas can't have has always been the tragic version of The Little Mermaid where she turns into sea foam in the end. Cas has always looked in on what everyone else takes for granted from the outsider's perspective. There's a part of him that will always be left out, no matter how well he learns to fit in and how much those around him begin to treat him as a real person. Cas never really got to truly belong with humanity, no matter how much he loves and is loved by it. He's also not getting to stay where he wants to be. There's no Pinocchio ending for Cas that turns him into a real Winchester.

Sadly, Dean's constant othering of him and Jack like they're just more monsters to hunt only alienated them more. Jack was someone Cas could relate to as a supernatural being capable of human emotions, which might also have furthered his draw towards Meg. Sam was also someone Cas could relate to as freaks and abominations amongst their own kinds. Sam always had that same struggle, also with his own family. It goes a long way towards explaining why Sam was always so empathetic to Cas and Jack in a way that Dean couldn't be. All three kept conflicting with that black & white humans = good/other = bad mindset that sometimes creeps in with Dean. When Cas was Dean's "best friend" in the early days, he rationalized it by thinking of Cas as being "like" a human ("You used to be human, or at least like one.").

Yet it still remains true that Cas often found himself looking to Dean to teach him about humanity back when he didn't know enough about it to be inconspicuous amongst them. Dean gave him the crash course in both what humanity is willing to do for each other, but also its flaws and failings at the same time.

Perhaps the saddest scenes in the episode were actually Sam watching everyone poof in front of him. Sam has really been forced to watch a lot of death scenes this season all by himself (as with Rowena), but he looked the most broken by Eileen's. Cas is going to be hard on him, because I genuinely think Sam was far closer to him in the end. Sam was the one who actually was trying to reach out to Cas when Dean repeatedly kept him out of the loop. Sam being left out from the final words with Cas or even hearing first-hand about the deal with the Empty just furthers that tragedy. While Dean has been raging at everything in sight, Sam and Cas have both looked broken, sad and tired all season.

[wayward-mikaelson]

The Run In

Word Count: 4692

Pairing: Misha x Reader 

Characters: Reader, Misha, Diego (OG Character), Xander (OG Character), Divorce Lawyer, Police Receptionist, George (OG Character), Female Officer, and Male Officer

Summary: The Reader gets away from her abusive husband. After bumping into a stranger, the Reader forms a friendship with him which the Readers soon-to-be ex-Husband finds out about. 

Disclaimer: Language, Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Domestic Violence, Mentions of degradation, Blood, Implied Smut

Disclaimer 2: This work of fiction contains Domestic Violence. If you have been a victim of DV please read at your own discretion. If you are in a DV situation please call 1-800-799-7233, of you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are in an emergency, call 911. There are also DV/IPV programs and shelters in your area who can help you. 

Disclaimer 3: Any of the shorts that are hot and steamy, I want to put out there that it's in no way disrespectful towards Vicki at all. I love her to death and respect that marriage between her and Misha. So when reading those shorts, know that it all takes place in an alternate world where they aren't married at all.

A/N: Sorry this is late. I have been hitting some sort of writing block. I have the words in my head but for some reason I can’t get them out. 

A/N 2: Tag your anyone who loves Misha! 

*18+ Content. Anyone younger than 18 will need to move along. I do not want to risk my account being deleted. 

**Please DO NOT copy and paste my work anywhere WITHOUT my permission and WITHOUT giving me the proper credit. I work way too hard on my work and don’t want it to get stolen.

***This work is also posted on Instagram, Wattpad, and AO3. Go show it some love over there.

****Please follow me on my other accounts Instagram, Wattpad, Twitter, and AO3

*****DMs are CLOSED for REQUESTS. I gotta finish up my other two projects. 

Forever Tags: @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @magssteenkamp​ @elansaidaris​ @hobby27​ @440mxs-wife​ 

I sit alone in the apartment, huddled on the couch. The fight had been bad this time. I mean, all fights with Diego were bad but, this one in particular had been pretty bad. I look around the trashed apartment and try not to replay the events that took place almost an hour before. The television was busted, a couple chairs had been thrown over, the mirror my mother had salvaged and repurposed for me was destroyed, glass was everywhere, and my grandmothers clock she passed down to me was busted up.

I don't know how I got here.

I don't know how I let it get so bad.

I slowly get up off the couch and watch my step all the way to the bathroom. I flip the light on and there, glowing bright red, on my face is the handprint of my husband. The throwing of things has been going on for a couple years. Hitting is new and Diego never hit me until recently. I should have left him months ago. Maybe even years ago.

After that first hit.

It was after a Christmas party at his office. We got into a fight about me talking to his co workers and about the dress I wore. He said he had been embarrassed by it all. I'm the stand you ground type of woman who snaps back. The moment I had snapped back, was the moment Diego hit me. Diego has been surprised so he left for the evening. I should have just packed and left. I didn't, I waited an apology that never really came and when it did, I knew he didn't mean it.

Tonight, it was about the fact I went out with a few friends and forgot about dinner for Diego. When I came home with take out, he lost it. Called me every name in the book. Threw things and hit me and left.

I slowly touch the already welting mark. I suck in a sharp breath when my cool hand touches the raw skin. It stings so bad that even my tears make it sting. I look at myself again in the mirror. "How pathetic," I whisper to myself. "How pathetic of you to have stayed this long over a boy that can't handle his anger. That's going to change."

I walk out of the bathroom to the room Diego and I share together. I head straight towards the closet and pull out a duffle back and begin to fill with the important things. Clothes. Some shoes. Bathroom and shower necessities. I swap out purses, leaving both my car keys and phone in my old one. I can't risk having Diego try looking for me. I log into my bank account and change every security question and answer. I close my eyes. I never thought I would need to do this yet here I am.

I look around the apartment one last time. My eyes land on the photo from our wedding day. I grab it and rip the picture from the frame. I take a lighter and set it ablaze in the kitchen sink with a few other photos. Taking a deep breath, I finally make my exist from the apartment.

I walk to the nearest bus stop and wait for the bus to show up. Even in the dark it's difficult to hide my swollen face from the world. So I keep it down and tucked behind the collar of my coat. When the bus finally shows up, I get on it and pay my fair. I go sit in the back and ride it all the way to where I need to get off. The ride is quiet. A few people stare at me when they catch sight of my face. I turn away from them and keep my face hidden away. I stare at my bags and think, this is all I have now. A few clothes, money, these bags, a few personal items, etc.

The bus stops and I quickly grab my bags and get off. I turn this way and that looking for the building I need to go into. I spot it, It's hidden behind some trees and another bus stop across the street. I make my way across the street and into the police station.

There is a lady sitting at the front desk. It looks like she's packing up to go home. She gives me a friendly smile and sets her bag aside.

"What can I do for you?" She asks. I see her zero in on the mark on my face and the look in her eyes looks like she's about to cry. "I think I know what papers you need." She turns and leaves the area and returns with a few papers in her hands. She slowly hands me the papers and a pen. "Do you need a safe place to fill these out? Theres a room I can take you to."

I nod, I want to cover as much of my trail and steps as I can. Diego is a smart man. He will soon learn I left him and will soon come looking for me. The lady walks me to a room with a table. She tells me that she won't close the door because some people in my situation get triggered. She walks to the officer that is sitting at a desk across the way and tells him something while pointing to me. The officer looks at me and then nods to the woman.

I look down at the Order of Protection and Restraining Order papers and take a deep breath. When I start to fill the paper out, I notice that I am still wearing my wedding ring and band. I take them off and set them in my bag. As I finish my paper work, I slowly get up and walk out of the room. The officer sees me and slowly approaches me.

"I can take care of this for you," He says reaching for the paper. "Now how about we get some ice for that mark and have a look to make sure it isn't more than raw skin." The officer sits me down and leaves. When he comes back he has a small ice pack and places it on my face. The cool pack feels so nice.

"I have a question," I say as the officer pulls out a first aid box and starts to look at my face.

"Yeah?" he responds.

"Is there a way to put in your system that I am not a missing person but on the run from my husband?" I flinch when the officer wipes my face with the alcohol wipe.

"Sorry," He starts to apply an antibiotic to my face. "If or when your husband comes to us looking for you, our system will actually show that these orders are on him. What will happen is that they will take your information and tell him he has two days until you are declared missing. In that time frame he would have been served with the restraining order." The officer puts a large band aid over my face.

"Good," I say.

"How long?" the officer asks.

"Long enough to finally say fuck it and leave his ass."

***

A few days pass. I'm staying at a hotel and paying by the day. I purchased a brand new phone and got a new number. I called my parents and told them what was going on. They were mad and sadden by the situation but are happy that I got out when could. I got word from my officer friend that the restraining order was delivered but he said that Diego didn't look happy.

A week passes and I am still staying at the hotel. Not many apartments won't rent to me until I'm legally separated from Diego. I meet with a lawyer to have divorce papers drawn up and served to him but according to her, once the papers were signed, it would take a few months for them to be filed.

"Now all we need to do is get you two in here to sing these?" the lady says.

"About that," I fold my hands. "I have a protection order and restraining order on him."

The lawyer nodded her head. "I see. Well, I will have someone deliver to him and see if he will sign them. Just be prepared," She reaches for my hand and takes it in hers. "Some men like him, they will stall this as much as they can to get you to meet in person."

I nod. "I understand, in that case, if I have to meet him, I will have someone I trust with me."

As predicted, a week later, the lawyer calls me ups and tells me that Diego refuses to sign. Says I'm having a mental breakdown and needs to just come home so we can work it out. The lawyer also mentions that Diego had said that I'm lying about him throwing things that it's all me and that he only hit me in self defense because according to him, I slapped him before he slapped me.

I sit back in my hotel room in hot anger. I can feel the steam of my anger coming off my skin. I'm angry he won't sign the papers. I'm angry he started to make up shit about me. But jokes on him, I kept a private album on my iCloud of all the times he hit me. It my friends idea, she encouraged me to document it all somewhere where he doesn't know the password to. She passed away about a year ago from getting hit by a drunk driver.

"I'm going to need a printer," I say looking at the countless pictures of abuse.

***

The next day I go out and purchase a decently priced printer. And a decent laptop since everything was on my phone. As i'm walking down the street back to my hotel, with my things, I find myself falling onto hands and knees. The printer box rolled a few feet from me. I hope it isn't damaged, I think slowly sitting back on my knees and just staring at it.

"Oh my goodness," a voice says. "I am so sorry."

I look up to see a man with a ragged hair, black sunglasses, a black t-shirt with a jean jacket over it, and dark skinny jeans reaching down to help me up to my feet. I take his hand and slowly get to my feet. I notice the scruff framing the rest of his face. The sun shines perfectly behind him and I can't help but feel drawn to him.

"I should have watched where I was going and make sure there wasn't a beautiful woman carrying a large object," the man says turning to pick up my printer. "Doesn't look damaged from the outside."

I smile and feel my face burning. I'm sure it's bright red. "It's okay, I should have called an Uber instead of walking three blocks. I'm sorry about your coffee." I gesture to the fallen cup and spilled contents on the sidewalk. "Let me buy a new one."

The man laughs and waves a free hand. "No need to waste your money on my accident."

"What can I do?" I ask after I made sure my laptop box was fine.

"How about you let me help you with this so another person doesn't run into you?"

Taking a deep breath, I accept the strangers offer.  We walk the last block talking about the city. When we get to the hotel, this man offers to carry the printer all the way up to the room. Didn't even question if I was living there.

"Thank you for doing this," I tell him as he sets the box on the small table.

"Anything," he smiles. "And when you are ready to search for apartments I know of a few good ones."

I give a small smile. I guess it's obvious that I was living in the hotel. "Thanks," I watch as he walks himself to the door. "I did never get your name." I call after him.

"Misha," he smiles. "Collins."

***

A month goes by and I am no longer looking like a crazy person after submitting all my pictures to my lawyer. Still Diego refuses to sign the papers unless he can meet with me alone. Of course I say "fuck no."

"If you want to be rid of him forever, then you have to compromise," my lawyer tells me.So I makes plans for the inevitable. But I have my officer buddy tagging along with me to the meeting.

I stare at the divorce papers and I am praying Diego will sign them at our meeting. But I doubt it. Ever since I left him, I started to see the red flags. Even friends that I still have and that haven't been manipulated by Diego, have told me they saw the way he treated me and spoke to me.

I need fresh air.

I get out of the hotel and walk to the the nearest park. It has a lake right in the middle of it. I rest my arms on the railing and then drop my head on my arms. This is more stressful than when I planned a wedding with Diego. I'm closing a door on almost seven years of marriage.

Diego was never like this. Even when we dated for five years. He was always so sweet, so kind, understanding, etc. He would buy me flowers for no reason. My apartment would be covered in them and I would tell him that I would donate some to nursing homes just to make room. I don't know what snapped in Diego to make him the way he was now.

Sighing I look up and stare at the lake. There is a small flock of ducks swimming passed me. Their color feathers shine in the afternoon. It puts a smile on my face. Something that is hard for me to do lately with everything going on.

"I was wondering when that smile would come," a familiar voice makes me turn to my left. There, a few feet away from me, Misha stands. I haven't seen or spoken to him since he left my hotel after giving me his number.

A number I never called or texted.

I had too google him to see if I could find anything on him. Well, I found a crap ton on him. An actor who did a crap ton of good. He is loved by millions.

"How long have you been standing there?" I ask. Another smile creeping onto my face.

"Not long," he says walking closer to me. "Just long enough to see that frown turn upside down." He gives a small smile. "Are you still at that hotel?"

I chuckle. "I am, I haven't had the time to look at apartments. I've been preoccupied trying to get my soon to be ex-husband to sign divorce papers."

Misha leans up on the railing along side me and looks at the ducks. "Maybe he's holding out to want to try and work things out with you?"

I laugh. "No, he's abusive and isn't having it with me being in control of myself now. The night I left him, it was really bad. It took a while for the mark he left on me to go away. Then he tried to convince my lawyer that I was having a mental breakdown."

"I'm sorry," Misha pulls back from the railing and pulls out his wallet and shows me a penny. "Here's to him signing the papers so you can officially be free of him." He tosses the penny into the water. "Are you doing anything, tomorrow?" He asks.

"Besides meeting Diego to get him to sign papers? No." I answer twiddling my thumbs.

"How about after you meet with him, I take you to look at apartments?" He leans towards me with a smile. "I can get you a really good deal. I'll even drive, so we don't have to walk."

"Sure."

***

"He's late," Xander says stirring his now cold coffee. Xander is the officer that helped me the night after  I left Diego. Xander was also the one who helped set me up at the hotel I'm staying at. Xander's wife, was a domestic violence victim and he was the officer that pulled his ex husband off her. They didn't get hook up until a year later when they ran into each other. They have been married for almost ten years with two kids.

"Just give it a few minutes," I say contemplating buying another coffee eying the divorce papers on the table.

Five minutes later, Diego waltz into the Starbucks and spots us. A smile spreads across his face when he sees me. Then it instantly fades when he sees Xander. He crosses the little shop in a few short strides. His black shoes squeaking from the rain outside.

"So," he sits down and crosses his arms. "Is this who you left me for? Some wanna a be body builder."

Xander smirks. "No, I'm actually a police officer. Since YN here has a few orders drawn up on you it's best that she have the right protection. Even in a public place." I notice that as Xander leans over he has his badge in his hands.

Diego looks over to me. "Can' you stop being so dramatic about this? So that we can just do this alone"

"Not ever going to happen," I say firmly. "And I'm not dramatic. Not about you hitting me."

The look in Diego's eye's grows dark but he puts on a fake smile. "I would never hurt you," He looks around as a few people over heard what I said. "I can't believe you're still on that."

"Look," Xander leans back and pushes the papers towards Diego. "All YN needs you to do is sign these. This game you're trying to play, just keeps hurting her."

Diego stares at Xander. "I don't think I will." He pushes the papers back and starts to get up. "Until next time."

"You're just going string this along aren't you?" I stood up so fast that Xander's coffee spilled. "I don't want to be married to you anymore. I stopped wanting that when you threw the first book and kicked a hole in the wall. I stopped when you hit me. I just let it go on for so long that I forgot how to not walk on eggshells. You don't own me. I don't love you. So sign the fucking papers."

Diego stares at me. I hadn't realized, but I pretty much yelled. I gather my bag and make my way out. Xander follows me.

"Hey," He hands me the papers. "Do you need me tot drive you back?"

"No, a friend is picking me up," I pull my phone out and text Misha. "He should be meeting me in a few minutes. He's taking me to look at apartments."

***

Another month goes by and I'm moved into my new apartment. All thanks to Misha and his ways of persuasion. I got the first six months half off. It was a nice little one bedroom apartment with a little den. Misha even convinced me to let him buy the furniture sets I had my eye one in a catalog.

"I'm just use to working hard for stuff like this," I say when the last of the movers move the stuff in. "I literally don't know how to thank you. Even just saying 'thank you' doesn't seem to be enough."

Misha laughs. The laugh takes up his entire body. "Just a simple thank you would be enough. Unless you want me to come up with a way to convince you to let me take you out to dinner. As friends of course."

I feel my cheeks start to burn. This dude is smooth. "Okay, dinner, as friends, it is."

Misha smiles big. "Awesome, now lets get this place looking as good as you."

For the next two days, Misha is over helping me settle down in my apartment. Whenever he leaves for food or whatnot, he always comes back with something to add to the place. I didn't even argue once.

The time I spent with Misha, he always hyped me up for stuff, he said things how it was and never ever sugar coated things, he held doors open, and gave me words of encouragement whenever I told him that Diego, again, refused to sign papers over.

Diego not signing papers was frustrating. The more time I spent with or talking to Misha, the more my feelings for him grew. But I was still tied to the asshole of a man who knew what he was doing. He knew of my interactions with Misha, he always brought it up but I would shut it down.

"He's just using you for public gain," Diego would tell me. But I knew Misha pretty well at this point. Things I've read on Twitter about him, Misha would never use someone like that.

Each meeting I had with Diego, I started to see him for who he really was. I don't even know how I fell in love with him. He's even gotten his parents convinced that I'm a lunatic. His mom would text me calling me all sorts of names and telling me that I should be the one paying for Diegos therapy sessions. She would also tell me that she knew I was trouble when he brought me home to meet them. His father wanted me to pay back every dime he had spent on mine and Diegos wedding or he would get a lawyer involved. He would even send disturbing texts saying that he's got people watching me and that I should be be careful.

I won't lie, that scared the shit out of me.

That last one pissed Misha off. I have never seen him go off about someone before. After that text, I went out and put restraining orders on Diegos parents and Misha convinced me to have someone look after me while he was gone for his show. I agreed and my new 'bodyguard' went with me everywhere and made sure I got home safe. Misha even hired a security company to set up an alarm system at my apartment.

If I didn't know better, Misha was or has developed some kind of feelings for me.

***

A year after I made my escape from Diego, I finally have my own car. Paid for all on my own. So no more walking. I park my car in my apartment parking spot and pull out my phone. I see the text from Misha, it's from an hour ago. His flight is delayed and that he would see me at some point tomorrow.

"Bummer," I lay back and watch as George, the bodyguard, pull his car into the parking spot behind me. I unbuckle and get out and watch as George do the same. Before I could get a word out, I see two police cars come up and two officers run passed me.

I slowly turn around and watch them run up to my level. My heart beats fast and I follow them. George, of course follows as well. I skip the steps two at a time and watch as one officer kicks my down. I hear yelling and banging around. Suddenly, George has both his hand on my shoulder and pulling me back as an officer finally come out.

With Diego in handcuffs. His nose is bleeding and a bruise is already forming on his face.

I pull away from George and run into my apartment. There standing in the middle of the room was the other officer talking to Misha. Misha has a busted lip and small gash on the side of his head. I notice that the glass bowl that Misha got me was in pieces and the coffee table was destroyed.

Misha sees me and I rush over to him. "Oh my gosh," I take hold of his face. "Are you okay?"

"Are you the lady who lives here?" the officer asks.

"Yes, and this is my friend," I don't my eyes off Misha.

"And the gentleman we arrested?"

"That's no gentleman," my voice is hard. "That is my abusive soon-to-be ex-husband. He has a restraining order on him."

The officer puts her note pad away. "That will explain a lot. We will contact you if we need anything else." With that, the officer left.

"Everything is all good?" Georges voice makes me turn around.

"Everything is good, George," Misha says. "You can go."

After George leaves I turn back to Misha. "You said you're flight had been delayed. What happened?"

Misha leads us to the couch and we sit down. "I only said that so I can surprise you. I hadn't been here for even an hour before he broke in. He wanted to know where you were and I wouldn't tell him. I guess a neighbor called 911 due to the yelling and stuff. Officer saw my stuff and I said my friend lives here and is letting me stay with her."

I nod my head. "I'm just happy you're okay. I don't know how Diego found me."

"It doesn't matter," Misha takes my hand. "He will answer for it in court.

And Misha was right. A week after everything went down, Diego was charged with breaking and entering, assault, and basically breaking the restraining order by stalking. I sat in during the hearing with Misha. Diego's parents tried to fight the five year sentence but the Judge said that if they said anything else before court ended he would double it without parole.

A few weeks after that, I am getting dinner ready when Misha shows up. He had been showing up a lot lately. I don't mind it at all, Misha makes me feel sane and safe.

"Hey," Misha says setting his coat on the couch. "I see that new coffee table came."

"It did, thanks to you," I say pulling a second plate down. I've learned to make a bit extra whenever Misha came over. "Also, I have some good news." I point to the orange envelope on the table. Misha looks at it and then back at me.

"Did," he starts to say.

"He sign it?" I finish his question. "Yeah, he called saying he will sign it. So I dropped by and had them take the paper to him to sign. I wasn't going to see him. They brought it back all signed. I am mailing in the morning."

"That's amazing, YN," Misha comes up to me and hugs me.

"Well, let's celebrate with dinner."

After dinner, after we clean up, we are sitting on the couch. Talking about whatever came to mind. We are talking about things we are still embarrassed by when Misha takes my hand.

"YN," He says softly. "I want to tell you something."

"Sure," I put my free hand on over his.

"I...I really care about you and I am glad that it was me here and not you when Diego broke in," Mishas voice is soft still. "I honestly don't know what I would do if you were here and he hurt you. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe."

"And I am," I slowly rub his hand with my thumb.

We stare at each other for what feels like forever when Misha pulls his hands from mine and put them on my face. His eyes look search mine for permission but I lean closer to him and brush my lips over his. He closes his eyes and I feel the shiver run through his body.

His gentle grip on my face forces my face back to his where his lips wait. They're smooth and there's a lot of passion behind his kiss. My hands run up to his collar as I move closer to him. The kiss deeps and Mishas hands trail down my sides to my hips where he pulls me onto his lap. It makes it easier for my tongue to push pass his lips and into his mouth.

Without breaking the kiss and with a low growl, Misha stands up, both arms supporting me as he walks us to the bedroom. Kicking the door shut.

[myhumanweakness]

I need to get it off my chest: I‘m worried about Jensen.

I had heard about/lightly discussed this info with someone a couple years back (I‘m assuming not long after the more intense details were discovered/shared- some of which are starting to come to light rapidly within the last few hours). But I‘ve always been very much on the periphery.

While I love that Misha felt comfortable enough to share what he did (and subsequently [re]open the giant can of worms), my stomach is forming knots for Jensen.

Obviously I don‘t know him well, but Jensen just had a really wonderful week of CM announcements, followed by a really horrible, public crash, where he was the subject of multiple headlines revolving around his actions as a colleague and friend. And I know he hated that. Because he‘s a private, mature, classy person. So, Misha’s text and what has erupted from it has to potential to really overstimulate Jensen and push him into his turtle shell. 

I know I tagged it a few places, but I am personally a breakup theory truther, and if you find yourself in that pool with me, you know that (potentially) a photo can really affect the way Jensen responds/reacts. I personally think that text was approved by Jensen beforehand. Maybe I only think that because of the shirtless pic from years ago, but I also think believing that helps ease some of my anxiety. 

I absolutely don‘t think Misha would ever do anything to hurt Jensen or their relationship (term used liberally). I know that it‘s really difficult to swallow all that fire when you‘re burning for someone. And while I won’t make definitive statements concerning this topic (even though I think I’ve made my opinions very clear), I will say that if Cockles is real, the strength & reserve they have shown/continue to show is commendable. And I’m not talking about how they are when they’re on stage or have an audience. I mean, as two humans who value their privacy but also may (at times) desperately wish they could be loud with their love.

Please, don‘t send me hate or stupid shit over this post. I’m not even tagging it. I just needed to get it off my chest in a safe space.

I hope this fandom (particularly the Cockles sector) really puts J&M before itself, and handles this information (and the information that will likely find its way to the light) with grace, reserve, & care. We owe it to them because it won‘t be long before the side of the fandom that must not be named discovers some info, and neither of them deserve the BS that‘s going to come out of that and how they weaponize it. I have faith though because everyone kept the apartment thing pretty close to the vest, and continues to keep other things close as well. 

Idk. I have a lot of thoughts right now. Trying to find and channel breath and positivity.