#just wanted to do something quick something easy something i dont have to make ninety layers for

[todayisafridaynight]

kissu

[brelione]

Have You Ever Been In Love (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,fluff,mentions of really gross jellyfish stings

This is the first smut ive written so dont judge me pls

JJ Maybank had never been in love.He never wanted to be in love either.He had never seen it or understood how people could die for it.He had heard the story of Romeo and Juliet hundreds of times.How it had ended in a beautiful tragedy.Love was an illness that killed people.It was like a parasite that ate away at your heart and brain until there was nothing left.It sounded painful and he’d rather be set on fire then fall in love.He had convinced himself that he could never love anyone in such a way.He convinced himself that he’d only ever love someone like a sibling.He could never really fall in love.He had tried lying to himself over and over and had gone as far as to write it on paper over and over again.Nothing worked.He was sick with the plague of love.The first time he ever saw you he couldnt understand the feeling within him.He had been working at a gas station.That job had only lasted two weeks.His shift was from 12 am to five am and he hated it.It had been three in the morning when you walked in with your wet hair,slightly bloodshot eyes,bikini top and shorts.The terrible gas station lighting should’ve made you look like shit but you looked fantastic in his eyes.

You had waved to him quickly before heading to the back into the freezer section.You were limping ever so slightly,your flip flops echoing through the building.He kept staring at you,trying to figure out if he had ever seen you before.He saw the bright red lines across your thigh and shin.It looked gross and painful but you didnt even care as you grabbed a pint of ben and jerry’s icecream.You went over to the counter where all the coffee,syrup,sugar and cream was.You made yourself a caramel iced coffee before limping up to the counter.His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked down at you. “Hey,do you have like a band aid or something?”You asked.He frowned. “What for?”He asked,pretending he hadnt noticed the bright irritated injury.You grinned. “Um...jellyfish stings.”You answered.He shook his head. “Youre gonna put a band aid on a jellyfish sting?”He asked.You nodded,sipping the coffee and putting ten dollars on the counter.He leaned across the counter,glancing down at your leg. “Yeah,no.That’s pretty bad.You should clean that off and wrap it up.”He suggested.You bit your lip,shaking your head. 

“Nah dude,i’ve got ice cream for a reason.It doesnt even hurt that bad like its fine.”You answered,grabbing the icecream.He handed you two dollars back,telling you to wait a minute before putting his hand under the counter and grabbing the box of rainbow bandaids and handing you one.You smiled. “Thanks,JJ.”You took the band aid,holding it up to the light. “Ooh...a yellow one.”You mumbled,putting the band aid in your pocket. “Do I know you?”He asked.You shook your head. “But you knew my name.”He squeezed the counter,trying not to blush at all.You pointed to his name tag.He had completely forgot about it.He nodded,biting his lip hard and looking away from you. “So what’s your name?”He asked.You grinned,grabbing your coffee. “Wouldnt you like to know,pretty boy.”You smiled before walking out.He watched as you left,letting out a loud sigh.He let out a laugh,not understanding the feeling that was taking over his body.He stared down at the counter for a while,scolding himself for falling apart like that.Flirting had always come easy for him.He’d never met a girl that he couldnt charm with his looks and his words,except Kie,of course.

But even she had blushed a good amount of times when they first met.But not you with your jellyfish sting and your ben and jerrys icecream.It wasnt until about a month later that he had seen you again.He had lost his job at the gas station because he was caught smoking weed inside.He wondered if maybe you had come by the gas station looking for him since he had left.He kept thinking about you,wondering your name or if you had ever cleaned off your jellyfish sting.He had been at The Wreck as he stuffed his face with french fries and listened to John B. and Pope’s rambling about something scientific.The fries nearly fell out of his mouth when he saw you walk up to the counter. “Hey,hoe.”You grinned at Kiara.She gasped. “Dude-oh my god its been like three months!”She exclaimed,coming out from behind the counter and hugging you. “Hey.”You repeated,pulling out of the hug.She said something quickly to her dad before literally dragging you over to the table where your other friends sat. “This is (Y/N)!”She told them excitedly,shaking your arm.You grinned at JJ before saying hi to the group.Kiara explained that you had been staying with your father in Massachusetts for the last couple of months and that you two had been friends since like seventh grade and whatever.

JJ hadnt been paying attention to her,only focusing on you.The overwhelming desire to laugh and hug you was almost scary.He even knew your name now.It fit you quite well.You looked like a (Y/N) for sure. “JJ,what do you think?”Kiara asked.He frowned a bit,trying to figure out what she was asking. “What?”He asked.Pope laughed. “Dude,pay attention for once.”He sighed.Kiara rolled her eyes. “I asked if you think (Y/N) should join us on the boat today.”She repeated.JJ nodded. “Yeah,yeah definitely.”He blushed,trying not to look at you.You grinned. “Cool,I’ll see you guys later then.”You winked at JJ before getting up and walking out of the restaurant.Kiara snorted in a laugh as JJ smacked his head down. “Have you two met before?”She asked.JJ nodded,picking his head back up.Kiara gasped. “Oh god-did you two hook up?Please tell me you did not hook up with my best friend.”Kiara waited nervously for his answer.JJ shook his head. “I wish.”He replied.He ignored the feeling,telling himself that he was just too high for social interaction and that was the only reason he felt the way he did.

He hadnt smoked in hours.His mind wandered back to a month ago when he had seen you the first time.He had been getting dressed at John.B’s that afternoon,trying to make himself look nice for when he saw you.He had changed his sleeveless shirt for the first time in two days.He had taken a quick shower,brushed his hair and stared at himself for a good five minutes.He wasnt in love.There was nothing wrong with wanting to look nice for someone.Kiara had basically yelled at JJ on how to get to your house. “No-no you gotta-OH MY GOD JUST LET ME DRIVE!”She had shouted and ended up driving the boat.She pulled up to your personal dock,waiting for you after sending you a text.Your house had chipped paint and six chickens roaming around your backyard.His heart sped up,breaths getting a bit fast as he waited for you to come out.When you did he couldnt look away from you.Your hair was tied up,a yellow highwaisted bikini tight on your skin.You walked past your chickens,down the hill and towards the dock. “Hey,loser.”You grinned at Kie.She held out her hand to help you on to the boat,pulling you so you were sitting next to her. “Hey (Y/N).”Pope greeted. 

“Hey.”You grinned,fist bumping the boy.You leaned back,raising an eyebrow at JJ.He hadnt noticed that you were staring,to busy looking down where his eyes shouldn't have been.He licked his lips,looking back up at your face.You winked at him,causing him to blush and look away.He spent the whole day sending glances your way,glancing down at your thigh every once in a while.There was only some scratches left and a small patch of peeling skin on your thigh where the awful sting had once been. “So why were you in Massachusetts?”Pope asked,leaning his head on his folded shirt.You laughed quietly.That was a fun thing to explain to people when they had asked. “Well,you see,my half sister’s step mother’s cousin was getting married so I got invited.Obviously I decided to go but then like I got stuck up there because there was like a tropical storm or some shit and the wind was going ninety miles per hour and there were flash floods and the power went out and full as buildings like collapsed

.It was a huge mess and then like a couple days later it was negative ten degrees and all the water froze and I couldn't drive out cause of it and it sucked and I think someone like manifested bad luck on me.So it kind of sucked but then I got boba coffee in boston and I went to an aquarium and all these museums.There are so many hospitals in Massachusetts like it's kind of crazy.But then I ended up somewhere in the suburbs on my way back and I slept in my car for like four days until I got my car fixed and then I got here like a few days ago.”You explained,looking over at JJ to make sure he wouldn't say anything.Pope nodded. “So what museums did you go to?”He asked,continuing your conversation.JJ felt a bit jealous that you weren't paying attention to him like he was paying attention to you but he couldn't really be mad about it.He just wasn't your type.He wasn't in love.He just wanted you to like him.It had been two in the afternoon when they stopped in the middle of a clear bay.

JJ had watched to see if you were going to go into the water.He watched as you pulled your hair out of its tied up mess,nudging Kiara’s arm.She nodded,jumping off the side of the boat with you.JJ watched as you swam away from the boat around one hundred feet with Kiara close behind you.He watched the way your body moved in the water and how you kept purposefully splashing water into Kiara’s face.He listened to your giggles as you got back to the side of the boat,declaring that you had won.Kiara groaned,lifting herself onto the boat.JJ held out his arm for you to pull yourself up.He blushed a deep crimson as you squeezed his forearm lightly and thanked him.He watched as you and Kiara laid on your backs,basking in the sun while you had a small conversation.He had ended up jumping in the water with Pope,racing John.B and JJ to a buoy a few yards away.He had swam as fast as he could,saltwater splashing into his nose and mouth.He hoped you were watching.For eight months you had been part of the close knit friend group,officially being voted in in favor of everybody after a month of hanging out with them.While they all went to school you had just spent everyday at your house doing whatever you felt like doing.

You’d still swim and surf during the winter because the water wasn't even close to cold.You’d come around John.B’s house when he and the others were out of school.Sometimes you’d even spend the day at his house.Little did you know that JJ would skip the last half an hour of last period pretty often just so he could spend time alone with you.He’d announce himself as he walked in,his heart beating fast as he stood in the doorway.You’d always hug him tight and ask him how his day went and if he wanted to go surfing with you.He’d say yes every time and change into his bathing suit quickly.You’d get so excited to finally see everyone after they got out of school.Kind of like a puppy with separation anxiety.JJ would tell you everything about his day from what he ate at lunch to any jokes he had heard that he thought you might find funny.He’d tell you about a dog he’d seen walking around during P.E or an explosion in the teacher’s lounge microwave.He told you everything he could think of and made it sound as dramatic as possible just to see your reaction.You never questioned why he got back before the others every single day but it didn't really matter.You surfed for hours together before laying on your stomachs on your boards and floating across from each other. “JJ.”You sighed,putting your head down on your folded hands as they rested on your board.

He hummed,looking at you to give you his full attention. “Yeah?”He asked,waiting nervously for you to ask the questions you had.There were so many things you could say.Perhaps Pope had let something slip out.He had ranted to Pope about his feelings for you and how he couldn't understand.Pope tried to explain to him that he was in love with you but that wasn't possible.He wasn't capable of loving someone the way he loved you.He didn't love you.He just loved everything about you and wanted to be around you all the time.He wanted you to lay on his chest as he played around with your hair while you told him about your day.He wanted to take you on late night walks along the beach and collect seashells with you as you giggled about random things.He wanted to sing you silly songs as you whined for him to shut up.He wasn't in love with you.He just wanted you to love him and date him and be his.But that definitely didn't mean he was in love with you,right?You sighed as the sun beamed down on your skin,the water twinkling almost blindingly. “Have you ever been in love?”You asked him.

He bit his lip,glancing out at the horizon.He didn't know how to answer you or even how to react.You knew about his random hookups with tourons and how he was known as a bit of a man whore.He knew that you knew.But you didn't know that he hadnt hooked up with anybody since he had met you.He licked his bottom lip,looking back at you.You were looking at him,only your nose and eyes visible because the rest of your face was hidden by your crossed arms.He gulped. “Um...no.No.No i’ve never been in love.”He cleared his throat.You giggled,the sound echoing off your surfboard. “That was not convincing at all.Girl or boy?”You asked,interested in his story.He shook his head,grinning. “Nobody.”He answered,avoiding your gaze.You reached out,grabbing his arm. “Come on,J.Tell me about it.I’ll tell you first if you want.”You offered.His stomach churned at the thought of you loving someone.He didn't know why.Well,no,he absolutely knew why.He knew it was because he had a thing for you.

He didn't know what that thing was but he didn't really like it much.He nodded,waiting for you to tell the story.You sighed. “Alright.It was eighth grade and his name was Ryan.”You began.His eyebrows furrowed. “Ryan Field?”He asked.You nodded,making a look of disgust come across his face.You giggled. “You know what?Shut up because I was twelve,okay?So,anyways,he sat next to me in Geography and this was before I dropped out and I was barely paying attention.We’d pass notes back and forth and then I had his phone number and we’d text all the time and then we ended up dating.It was my first serious relationship and he broke up with me because he thought I wasn't like mentally stable enough for a relationship and I couldn't handle it.I guess he was right and it definitely hurt when it happened but thinking about it now I don't even know if I actually loved him or if I just was trying to like….convince myself I was happy,you know?I don't even know if love is even real because I used to believe in it when I was little but then I got into the real world and shit kind of just hit the fan.Its all just messy and it's probably all bullshit but it's nice to think that maybe there are people that we’re meant to be with.I don't even think I have someone im supposed to be with cause like,everyone i've ever cared about leaves me so now i'm constantly paranoid that you’re all gonna leave me so that's fun.”You spoke quickly and held up a peace sign.

His eyebrows knit together as he stared back at you. “You-you shouldn't feel like that about us.You know-you know that we'd never leave you.You know that we-that we all love you,right?You know that I love you and we all love having you around and that things wouldn't be the same without you.You know that,dont you?”He asked frantically,his hands tightening on his board.He couldn't believe everything that you just said.The atmosphere completely changed.It felt tense,the giggling and teasing from before had completely faded and was now replaced with nervousness.The clouds covered the sunlight,the air was cool and the small waves had calmed.You sighed quietly,sorting out what you wanted to say.He could've been lying about it.They all probably talked bad about you behind your back anyways. “We should get back to the house,looks like it's gonna rain.”You spoke quietly,paddling back to the shore.You sniffled as you walked on the sand,JJ jogging close behind you.

 “We should seriously talk about this.Why wouldn't you tell anyone that you felt like this?”He asked.You let your board fall to the sand,turning around with tears in your eyes. “Because I'm scared,okay?Im scared that he was right about me not being mentally stable enough for relationships and that i'm a bad friend and a bad person.I don't even deserve happiness or relationships or love,god,i don't even know if im capable of it-”You ranted,tears coming from your eyes when he smashed his lips against yours.It was rough and desperate as your shaky hands made their way around his neck.You couldn't even wrap your mind around what was happening.His arms draped around your hips and held onto you like you were a life line,pulling away for a moment to breath before kissing you again. “JJ.”You whispered,still holding him close.He panted,eyes still closed as his forehead leaned against yours. “JJ,what the fuck are we doing right now?”You asked,out of breath.He licked his lips,knees weak and his bottom lip quivering. “I dont-I dont know it seemed like a good idea.”He whispered,still holding onto you.You didn't know how to react or even what to say.You just stood their,hands on the back of his neck with water dripping onto your fingers from his hair.

 “Sorry,I shouldn't have done that.”His hands fell from your body.You pulled him back for another kiss,his hands on your waist as he pulled you impossibly close to him. “I meant it.”He mumbled before pressing a small kiss to your lips.You bit your bottom lip,letting out a small shaky breath. “What?”You asked.He gulped. “When I said we all love you...that I love you.I meant it.”He spoke quietly.He bit the inside of his cheek as he waited for you to respond.He was in love.Thunder rumbled loudly,the sky darkening as rain pounded down on the two of you.He didn't even care,only worried about what you were going to say.Your finger traced his jaw slowly,dragging your warm finger up to his temple and slicking his wet hair back.The rain sent shivers all over your body as you pulled him back down.He bit down on your lip,tugging it lightly before practically shoving his tongue down your throat.A moan ripped from your vocal cords as you pressed up against him.His lips traveled down your jaw and to your neck,kissing,sucking and biting.The rain became heavier and the air became colder. “JJ...J-we….we need to go-go back to the house.”You whispered,hand tugging at his hair.He let out a small sigh.

 “Please-please-I need you now.”He whimpered,pressing himself to you so you could feel how hard he really was.You bit your lip,looking up at him. “You can last five minutes.”You told him.He shook his head. “I cant-I cant do it-im so hard it hurts.”He whined.You picked up your surfboard. “Then you’re gonna have to run back if you can't last.”You smirked,jogging back up the hill.JJ ran after you with his surfboard under his arms,tossing it down in the backyard. “Hurry,please.”He told you.You grinned,seeing the van wasn't there yet.He dragged you into the guest room while you closed the door and locked it.He pressed you up against the door,kissing you hard and untying your bikini top.He let it fall to the floor before moving downwards.Your breasts were cold from the water but he didnt care,leaving deep purple marks all over them.You let out small moans as your fingernails scratched against his scalp.

You pushed him down on the bed,straddling him and pressing a kiss to his lips.You sucked hickeys along his jaw and collarbones. “Please…”He whispered.He had never been this desperate before.He had never let anyone be on top before either.You began to roll your hips slowly,grinding on him.He let out a loud,raspy moan as he gripped your hips to make you go faster.His mouth fell open as his head fell back.You leaned down to create a dark hickey on his neck.You slid his bathing suit down,licking your lips.He bit his lip as he waited for you to do something.He let out a loud gasp as you ran your fingertip along a pulsing vein. “You like that,JJ?”You asked.He nodded quickly,making you grin. “Words,baby.I need words.”You taunted.His eyes closed tightly as he let out a whimper. “I like it-I love it so much,princess.”He squeaked out as your hand moved faster. “Please-please-just-”His sentence was cut off by a loud moan ripping through his throat. “Please what?”You asked innocently.He bit his lip hard,trying not to let anything else slip out. “Please just-please I just need you.”He moaned,back arching slightly.You loved having this power over him as you watched him fall apart in front of you.

 “What do you need,J?Tell me what you want.”You spoke softly.He swallowed hard,sweat and water drops coating his forehead. “I-I want you to fuck me hard and-and I want to make you-make you feel good.”A half scream half moan left his mouth along with a string of profanities.You leaned down so you could whisper into his ear. “You wanna make me feel good?Oh,thats cute.”You whispered before sinking down onto him.He nearly screamed,eyes going wide. “Let it out,baby.No one can hear you.”You whispered to him.He let out a loud scream that was so loud it could break glass.You began to move at a hellish pace,letting out small moans. “Moan for me.”He told you,guiding you up and down on him.You let out loud moans,glad no one else was home.You were going so fast and so hard that you knew you probably wouldn't be able to walk properly tomorrow. “Im so close.”He whined.You went even faster than you thought possible,grinning as he let out a shout as he reached his high.You kept going after that,making him a bit confused but he didn't complain once he glanced down and saw as his member went in and out of you,your head dipping back as you let out a long,high pitched moan and squirted.He smirked,holding on tight to your waist before flipping you two over. “You’ve done so much for me today,baby,Let me help you out.”He spoke softly before kissing your forehead.His fists went onto the mattress next to your head as he began to pound into you ridiculously hard.Your fingernails dug into his back as he sped up,determined to make you come undone again.

It barely took two minutes for you to cum again,the juices leaking out and coating your inner thighs and his member.He pulled out,laying down beside you. “God,you feel so good.”He moaned quietly,arm around your waist.You grinned. “I know,baby.You’re so good for me.”You kissed his forehead.He leaned into your touch,burying his face in the crook of your neck.The storm was just calming down when you heard the door to the house open.You got up quickly,grabbing your wet towel from the beach to clean yourself out.You grabbed a random long sleeve shirt and slid on a pair of shorts,tossing JJ his pajama pants before tying your hair up to fix its messy state.You unlocked the door before sliding under the covers and resting on JJ’s chest. “Pretend to sleep.”You whispered to him when you heard footsteps coming down the hall.He nodded,placing his arms around you comfortably before closing his eyes.He heard the door open and a small gasp that had obviously come from Kie.He tried not to smile when he heard the loud click of a photo being taken before the door closed again.

[loveurn]

 @principalles​ // i haven’t written this au in literal years but i want to now

taeyang had become greedy. maybe a little shamelessly, but with how he easily it shows on his face and how quietly he’s started to mumble it, he thinks he’s retained some of his dignity. not that there’s much to retain after baring himself in front of hyunshik in his apartment, and crying, and having a breakdown. all in less than five minutes? maybe four? a record honestly.

han had promptly laughed after hearing the tale to which taeyang promptly threatened to shove the stretch roller up his ass. that’s what he gets for having a best friend though.

the problem is. time has passed since the incident and taeyang had assumed that their general agreement was to not discuss it. not discuss how taeyang had clung to hyunshik’s body the next morning, refusing to move until the male had said the phrase three times. the second time was because taeyang was convinced he was asleep and the third was because apparently hyunshik got a kick out of the look on his face.

you’re beautiful.

just the thought of it and taeyang’s entire body gives him away.

traitor.

the real treachery came after a morning where taeyang was sure would be the last time they discussed the incident. with taeyang but a few inches with the male, craving post-breakdown affection with the unfortunate person who’d given him attention the night prior. it’s embarrassing to think about, how he’d asked if they could eat breakfast together and how he’d had to physically suppresses noises of distress when hyunshik hinted at leaving for work that day. but they had lives, jobs to attend to and obligations. and hyunshik’s obligation was not to make taeyang feel better about the parts of himself he couldn’t love.

even if that part was his job.

he would pick himself up after that as always. he would wash his face, stretch and show his face perfectly and pristine in the studio for rehearsals. after the injury healed his restriction was lifted and he was back to the early mornings and the strict regulations. he wasn’t given a moment to breathe and that was probably easier, it should’ve helped the parts of his mind that wanted to stay wrapped in hyunshik. in his words and the way his hands felt, secured and grounding. cupping his face as they whispered the words, holding his shoulders as he held him close when they slept on the couch.

taeyang would be doing an excellent job of this is hyunshik wasn’t determined on making his life a living hell. but see, maybe taeyang’s had him penned wrong. the man with many jobs, a working man, an honest man, he was cunning.

and he hasn’t stopped using all opportunities to bring back those same feelings as if that night was only a day ago.

x.

this includes but isn’t limited to: text messages, snide comments, support at showcases, unnecessary notes. yes hyunshik has found a way to insert something similar to that dreaded phrase each time he sees taeyang and they see each other quite a lot. not that taeyang was avoided him but if he was this would’ve been a hell of a lot harder. but the coffee shop is his favorite, the bar is the only one han will go to and when there’s those lovely galas he’s invited to, hyunshik must be a part of the company they hire to cater.

it’s a cruel joke. 

because he’s sending innocent messages like outgoing [ did you like the show! ] incoming [ yeah. you were gorgeous. ]

and getting off the wall responses like that.

it’s them spending days cooking, taeyang stressing over a new recipe that hyunshik’s showing him and hyunshik spending time either laughing at him or observing him. moments that are far too silent and when taeyang seeks to break them with a question of if they’re correct or he needs to change anything he’s met with the stare. a stare far too similar to that night. and the words that accompany them.

‘cute.’

or when taeyang gets bold and asks if there’s something on his face he gets a bold,

‘it’s gorgeous don’t worry.’

he’s occasionally walking in the cafe and trying to get his order in when his greeting is along the lines of, ‘what can i get you’ with handsome, gorgeous, beautiful tacked on the end. with little regard to how astonished his co-workers seem to be by the flirtations.

can they be considered flirtations though? they don’t have the same greasiness in the smiles. not the ones he’s used to. because taeyang’s heard these before, he’s dealt with them before. flirty baristas, playful bartenders, lingering hook-ups. he’s dealt with them all and this was not that. because hyunshik’s smile was less of a smirk and more genuine, more sure in the words. maybe it’s because hyunshik’s seen him at his worst, his most open that taeyang wants to believe the smile is genuine and not a joke.

maybe he’s believing that no one could see him like that and have the gall to joke about something so obviously wrong. because it hadn’t been beautiful, he hadn’t looked beautiful and as many times as the words play over in his head, it’s still hard to believe.

but there’s no implication, no raised eyebrows, no winks, no phone numbers scribbled, or hands snuck onto his back or laced drinks. there’s just hyunshik with his words and the same smile that he gives the next customers ( though it’s not as risen for them taeyang will claim that  thank you very much ). 

hyunshik being candid so smooth that it’s knocking taeyang off-guard every time.

x.

outgoing [ i almost think you’re doing this on purpose. ]

in the time it takes hyunshik to respond taeyang almost regrets the message. but he’s had a bit of wine, sue him.

incoming [ sorry, busy shift. doing what? ]

outgoing [ asjdhgajs you know what!!! ] incoming [ did you keyboard smash? ]

a moment of silence.

incoming [ did you drink...? ] incoming [ where are you? ]

another moment of silence to mourn taeyang’s inconspicuousness. and for how his stomach leaps at the message, and he groans with his head hitting the phone screen.

outgoing [ i had some wne. i’m home mom!!! ] outgoing [ and thstg not the opint! ] incoming [ cute. ] incoming [ okay then, i’ll humor you what’s the point? ]

a lot happens then. because taeyang is momentarily struck by the message. by the image of hyunshik smiling, actually smiling as he types because he is humored and this is all probably fun for him. and taeyang is probably more of a mess than the first time hyunshik had to deal with him drunk. or less, just with more emotions. he feels too much and that’s why the word cute blares on his screen the way it does. that’s why it takes a million takes to type what he really says.

unsent [ the fltying unsent [ the flrt unsent [ flrjng wieth merg unsent [ caalng mr sthings yeou dont measn 

thankfully, it takes a gradual amount of wine to get him to send a message that works - or to work up the courage to send it when he thinks it’s acceptable enough. 

outgoing [ calling me beautiful. ] incoming [ and if i am? ]

the good news, taeyang falls asleep before he can embarrass himself further and before he gets a chance to read the response. the bad news, the messages he thought were unsent were sent, completely and fully sent and ready to make his waking hours even more miserable than he’d intended. 

x.

han is cackling up a storm the when they see each other seeing as taeyang had mass messaged him the screenshots of his mess the following morning. han had thought it was fun to ask him ‘how are you and hyunshik’ the minute he’d entered the apartment knowing taeyang had resolved to do everything in his power to avoid the male.

the answer was easy, childish but easy.

'you’re scared of how he makes you feel.’

it was a little more than that. taeyang was scared of the rush, of how drunk he’d felt on those simple words. on how he might start to believe them and only believe them because it’s hyunshik and not because of anything else. he was scared on how easily swept up he was by them, how sugary they seemed as if their path would only rot him to the core. or even worse - that he had nothing there left to rot and didn’t deserve the touch. the sweet. it was a dilemma but han wasn’t his friend for his eloquence.

‘so the man tells you you’re gorgeous. not seeing how it’s a bad thing if you feel good tae. it would do you some good to listen to someone, especially in our line of work.’

a line of work where they’re taught their imperfections while being taught to be perfect. they’re set-up for failure, to never have the right image of themselves so that their arrogance doesn’t ever come across to the audience. so that they always remain a product of the eyes and the judgement that watch them. you are not beautiful because you believe yourself to be you are beautiful because you break yourself for others and you try to be, for them. and they might give you the credit, for trying and only trying and living the illusion. 

it was hard to believe it and taeyang had never had trouble before with the easy flirts and the quick comments about his figure or his performance, even his face.

but there’s hyunshik saying it in the dark of his room with taeyang’s face tear-stained, body sweat and spent, holding himself together by a broken illusion. there’s hyunshik whispering it so that it can fill in all the cracks that taeyang’s made himself.

and it’s scary. it’s scary how filled he’s feeling by one utterance.

“i don’t want him to feel obligated.” ‘i’m ninety percent sure that’s not the case.’ “i don’t want to fish for the compliments.” ‘fish for them! ask for them everyday who cares!’

han’s advice doesn’t sit in like it should. not for the first two weeks of taeyang’s resolve. to keep his distance as much as he can. he can blame it on rehearsals as always. it leaves messages unanswered, it leaves han picking up their coffee order to bring to the studio, it leaves him at new bars and with other, unfamiliar faces, greasy bartender and fed up baristas. he lets the break in his routine happen if only to break his mind from what might be a trap.

hyunshik must be busy too, because he doesn’t go out of his way to text, which shouldn’t bother taeyang as much as it does. it stings a bit though, as if the drift is only pulling at him.

x.

if it takes a toll on his mental it doesn’t show in his work, at least not that he can tell. han tells him everyday that he needs to stop and talk it out. their choreographer also tells him everyday that he’s messing up, that he’s not good enough for the showcase and taeyang subsequently forgets all the words hyunshik’s told him in favor of that. in favor of the cruelty of his job.

because pride in himself was forbidden, and he’s deserved it.

taeyang’s never had a bad performance, not by critic standards. rookie or amateur yes but nothing serious as a fall on stage of forgetting a routine. he’s got too much muscle memory for that really. 

the thing is, he can feel the disappointment coming halfway through the performance. he hasn’t spoken or seen hyunshik in a month, preparing for this opening night. a gala performance that was the introduction to their new musical. a teaser for the lovers of high culture and art, taeyang invited as the star to debut it with the corps.

he’s been eating adequately, been practicing normally but the pressure - maybe it’s the pressure. he tries to rationalize through his movements, through the music what the feeling is. that’s during practice and he can’t quite pinpoint them. the performance is in three hours and he doesn’t have time to figure it out, not with costuming and dress rehearsal, not with getting ready and mingling before. not with the face he has to steel press on the minute he walks into the venue. and he should know that there’s no point in trying to analyze himself and his emotions when it’s the day of performance but he’s doing it and he’s coming up blank.

and he wishes that’s the face he could keep on. but when his choreographer’s called him out on it, in those hours before the show, in the same way he’s been grilling them, breaking him into the new routine. it’s not new but it does wear and tear. as the pressure does, as the stress does, as taeyang lets his body take the hits as much as his soul does. soft despite the years of training and steel he’s supposed to have built up.

‘you’re not giving me your best tae.’ ‘i don’t know, we might have to give this to someone else.’ ‘this is a debut for our sponsor.’ ‘why are you breaking form!’

something feels wrong. and he’s suddenly aware that he was right that he didn’t deserve the compliments, that he didn’t deserve the words. and taeyang can’t remember his routine for clearing himself before a stage despite it all, can’t remember what he would do before hyunshik. because everything done after was so refreshing, healing.

as he tries to steel those thoughts away and smile for a councilwomen, he catches the movement out the corner of his eye. he doesn’t need to look further, doesn’t need to chase it or the voice he hears giving out orders for appetizers. he knows it’s hyunshik, his body knows the sound. and he wants to smile, he wants to run, he wants to do everything in once. but his choreographer’s smile is strong, his misplaced praise drowns out everything and the councilman’s hand on his waist feels tighter than usual. it’s a trap. taeyang’s trapped.

he’s reminded of the perfection he needs and the perfection he lacks.

he can’t see hyunshik anymore, can’t remember what he’s supposed to focus on other than the importance of this performance and the fact that he’s not ready. he’s not perfect, he can’t fake it today and his body won’t shut down enough to let him.

there isn’t enough time and han rubbing his hands before the performance doesn’t help. taeyang staring in the mirror as he finishes the last touches don’t help and the breath he takes before the music starts and the lights dim don’t help.

whatever it is, whatever it is that clogs and prevents him from surrendering to the strive for perfection. it holds him the entire performance. he’s suddenly aware of all the eyes, of all the eyes, of his director’s frown of the awe of the audience and of hyunshik’s eyes. even if he doesn’t quite see them, he knows. 

disappointment is an ache he swallows tight while they clap and cheer.

taeyang doesn’t have bad performances, there’s no fall there’s no mistake but he knows. he knows it enough. he knows it as the pictures are taken, as the hands are shaken and flowers and doubled in his arms. he knows because he could hear his breath as the music stopped and the spell was broken. the spell of the character he’s supposed to be for the audience.

he couldn’t create it. he failed. 

and his director doesn’t rip into him yet, his choreographer doesn’t, too busy soaking in the praises from the audience. but he knows. when they’ve pulled the corps backstage to recap everything and it’s him, his director and choreographer zoning in on him for fifteen minutes. 

‘you lost your character.’ ‘your form was terrible.’ ‘how could you do that?’ ‘you could do better.’

and when it’s over and he faces his own mirror backstage his makeup’s smeared with tears. he’s not exactly crying because he was chewed out by his directors or in front of the corps. no he’s more crying because of the loss of control, because of the sloppiness he’s allowed in something he so deeply cares about. he’s frustrated really, confused and so the tears come. 

taeyang hears han calling for him and he makes for the back exit with whatever strength managed to carry him through the performance and hold him up after it all.

x.

as luck would have it he’s heading out the back doors by the alleyways and hearing a voice that doesn’t sound like han’s.

it sounds like a memory. sounds too good to be true and almost like a nightmare in itself.

because taeyang’s whispering not now, why now. but he can’t stop time and he turns to see hyunshik slipping his phone into his pocket, standing by the back entrance of what is probably the kitchen quarters. because of course whatever he was doing ends as taeyang is running from everyone. regardless he’s stopped and more aware of the tear stains on his cheeks, the falling glitter that’s not streaming down his face, and how horrid he must look.

‘taeyang.’

and the fact that now he can’t pretend he didn’t see hyunshik.

“yeah?” taeyang wants to hide, and he does so with his head lowered as he answers, his body folded in and ready to bolt when he can. it’s the first time he’s been aware of his voice since the day started, and the affirmation the he’s not all hear, that he’s been crying, that he can’t quite bring himself together. but he doesn’t move like he wants, he waits.

‘your performance...’ comes first and taeyang feels his body stiffen. he feels his stomach churn and his chest tighten. it’s probably noticeable and his response is immediate, head up as he snaps the words back. there’s nothing sharp about it though, just that it comes desperate and rather rushed. because he doesn’t want to hear the rest, he can’t bear it. “it was bad i know.” if hyunshik means to say anything against that, taeyang is too quick to respond, too seated in his belief. he failed. he knows. but he’s smiling amongst it. “i wish i could’ve shown you better.” something that matched up to all hyunshik’s said to him.

he’s so seated in the belief that he doesn’t notice hyunshik getting closer, doesn’t notice the hand on his shoulder until he flinches. hyunshik is but a few inches from him, his hand inches from where taeyang’s stepped back, flinched away from it. 

‘tae, that’s not.’ “i’m sorry.” the rest of it, the ‘i have to go’ is only said when he’s turning to make his way out the alleyway as he intended and keep the pain that’s constricting his chest until he’s safe in his apartment. it tightens and it suffocates but it’s easier when it’s caught in his pillow. when it’s smothered and stuck in the walls of his apartment.

if his phone is ringing multiple times he doesn’t try to check why, or who it could be. instead he only answers his door when he hears han’s voice on the opposite side. lets his friend engulf him in a hug and hold him with plans of ice cream and nothing remotely related to dance or the performance. han doesn’t try to convince him of anything, that he didn’t bomb the performance ( though he makes  a few quips about their director ), he doesn’t mention seeing or not seeing hyunshik or that taeyang’s been crying and probably looks a mess. he just mentions that they should order more food since ice cream isn’t nearly enough.

and they do just that.

x.

taeyang is a wimp so he gets han to open the messages hyunshik sent him, just for the sake of getting rid of the notification. and han doesn’t complain, lets him be in his moods and his avoidance for as long as he needs. taeyang can’t face the messages, for a multitude of reasons but the top being he needs to get himself together before he tries to engage whatever hyunshik had said, whether it’s anger at leaving him without a word, ignoring him, or god forbid those sweet words that’d held him above the tide for so long.

so there’s practice again. there’s the bend and the break. the edge that he faces each day, trying to stay afloat it all, present and drowned in his work. it’s hard but he makes it, he always makes it.

he has to rewatch the performance but this time when he does it’s in the comfort of his room, with his pup curled in his lap. he analyzes and what he can’t quite steel away he lets fall on the pads of his finger and his screen.

maybe he’d been so uncomfortable because he’s used to sharing these moments alone. the deconstruction that he had to do to himself in order to be great. he was so used to doing it alone that doing it with hyunshik even once, had thrown him off balance. it’d felt good - so good but taeyang was scared of it feeling like the best and getting attached, addicted. to the point that if hyunshik disappeared he wouldn’t be able to return.

return to what though - as if this routine was any healthier.

it worked though, working himself to the bone.

it works. 

x.

he’s not banned from the official debut, he’s just expected to do better, to be perfect in every sense of the word. and slowly he gets his rhythm back, it’s not as smooth, feels a bit stretched and awkward but it’s a rhythm and it produces results. what bothers him is that it doesn’t feel smooth but it’s definitely the routine he was used to before all this. before the feelings and breaking himself over for the man with the calloused hands and the candid smile.

x.

when the time comes dress rehearsal has gone different. he’s in his head but he’s not as afraid. he can feel the muscle memory, can feel the haze of the music as it’s all but set and soaked in his brain. he doesn’t review much as he stretches backstages and just repeats affirmations, perfection, perfection, perfection.

‘ready to shine?’ han is meeting him backstage, no doubt after dropping his arm candy off in their auditorium seats. in his hand are a small bouquet of flowers that he places on the vanity.  “rude of you to give me flowers your date brought.” ‘asshole, they’re not from me to you. but they’re definitely for you.’ they’re a mixture of pink flowers, white ones and blues, all taeayng’s favorite colors. there’s a note inside, yellow with a silver pattern around the border. taeyang is used to getting flowers before big shows, though they usually come afterwards. intrigued that han is bringing a set personally, he reaches for the note.

and sputters when he reads it.

they’re being called though and he’s being ushered up and out to the stage.

x.

the performance is a bit of a blur. which is a good! that’s good, his muscle memory saved him and he was able to deliver as flawlessly as expected. does he have critiques for himself, yes. but nothing a few reviews couldn’t fix and not enough for his director to pull him aside. so he’s content. he usually feels an airy bliss when he’s come down from performing, the curtain lowering and the high subsequently falling, settling into the noise of his head and the noise of the audience. 

he’s breathing again but this time it’s because he’s running. past those asking for picture, past the corps and past everyone until he reaches the lobby. until he reaches hyunshik, the yellow note tight in his fist and his other fist reaching for the back of the male’s jacket.

his voice stops when hyunshik turns to meet him, and his hand starts to loosen on the hold. what had he run for, what was he even going to say. the note is crumpled and sweaty in his palm and hyunshik’s gaze is, surprised and then calm. patient.

what had he planned on saying?

“the note.”

beautiful as always. it read.

“you hadn’t even seen the performance.” ‘doesn’t mean i didn’t think you’d be.’ “but - you couldn’t have known.”

you can’t have that kind of faith. is what he means, it’s what he doesn’t say. as if not giving him the chance to continue his thoughts hyunshik’s closed in, and his hands are lifting taeyang’s head from his chin. taeyang’s then aware that his eyes are watering again, that he feels powerless but in a different way.

‘you always are. tonight. before tonight. i’m sorry i didn’t get to tell you that at the last one.’

why is he apologizing. he doesn’t need to apologize. taeyang has so many, so many apologies lined up, ready. but he’s hiccuping and hyunshik is smiling so sweet, so sincere. 

‘it’s hard to get tickets for this one so i was working to afford it - then han went and invited me for free.’

it’s not right, he doesn’t deserve this. not the devotion. not hyunshik working extra for him. not hyunshik still smiling while tears roll down his cheek, while his hands shake and find purchase in his tuxedo jacket. 

“you don’t have to be nice.” ‘taeyang, i am anything but nice.’ taeyang’s heard those stories. of how strict hyunshik was viewed by other employees, by other customers. he’s heard him take orders before, handle rowdy guests and even dismiss people who were far less annoying than han. he knows nice isn’t exactly the right word, but mean isn’t either. ‘i’m just honest.’

more tears fall and they start to run over hyunshik’s thumb. taeyang’s a sniffling mess, his head is scrambling again but in a way that’s more how his stomach feels. an onslaught of emotions, rather than the thoughts, it’s all getting blanked, overrun. 

‘what i think is beautiful, is beautiful. whether he believes it yet or not. so i will say it because why not? why shouldn’t I?’

taeyang doesn’t have the heart to think how he doesn’t deserve it. the thoughts can’t penetrate right now. he’s filled with thoughts of this smile, of this touch. of hyunshik inches from him, of the cologne sprayed on his cuff links, of the cup of his hand on his cheek and every brush of tears that comes after. how can he thinks when he’s all static and it’s all screaming for the man in front of it again. how can he deny himself the indulgence when hyunshik has already made up his mind about it. 

how could he deny himself anything less.

“can you say it again...please.” he allows himself to be shameless. ‘you were beautiful tonight taeyang.’ so hyunshik says it and so taeyang lets himself believe it for the moment. for the kisses placed on his forehead and his cheeks, for the laughter so easily pulled from his lips and the kisses stolen from there as well. it’s cute and it’s light and taeyang feels like he’s soaring, letting hyunshik fit arms around his waist and shield him as they head to his apartment. 

he’s a giggling mess from all the kisses and the repeated whispers of the same phrase. he’s become a little greedy now, attacking hyunshik for more when they cross the threshold of the elder man’s home.

“i’m sorry for running away last time.” ‘mhm.’ “and i’m sorry for ignoring your messages.” ‘mhm.’ “and i’m sorry for avoiding you at the same time.” ‘hm.’

all said between kisses, distractions really.

“say it again?” the question is shy, tucked into the white undershirt of the tux and the spot he’s occupied with hyunshik’s chin atop his head and his arms fastened around the elder’s body. hyunshik says it again and again, long after he’s wiped away all the tears. long after the traces of makeup are just a few black streaks and lingering sparkles. long after taeyang’s found a pair of trousers and a hoodie to throw on and they’re in a bed not a couch. 

hyunshik whispers it so many times it sticks to the walls how it permeates and floats around in taeyang’s mind. floats and dances and holds him as he replays every move from the night, every attempt to criticize and berate himself stolen back with each kiss and each laugh that has him floating and falling. hyunshik kisses away the mistakes so tenderly taeyang almost forgets they exist, his body on fire in a way that dance doesn’t sum up to.

on fire in a way that’s probably not reserved for dance. but for the two of them. and in a way that makes him think it’s okay to be a little shameless, and a little greedy.

and even if they stop when hyunshik insists he get rest, something about the firm hold the male has on his body lets taeyang know he’s got more awaiting him tomorrow and long after that.

[riseandshinelittleblossom]

Cordonian Nights Ch 3

Next installment of the Cordonian Nights AU.

Summary: Ember finally reveals her history with Maxwell.

WARNING: mention of miscarriage which may be an emotional trigger for some.

Disclaimer: I dont own the characters, except my ocs. Credit to PB

Tagging: @fullbeaumonty @blackwidow2721 @cocomaxley @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @bobasheebaby @leelee10898 @brightpinkpeppercorn @speedyoperarascalparty @ao719 @katurrade @hopefulmoonobject @ritachacha @stopforamoment @choiceslife @gibbles82 @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul

         “Em, hold that thought.” Whitney said flagging down the waitress. “We're gonna need another round of mimosas.” She said.

     “Make it two more. Things are about to get heavy, I think.” Blair piped up, rubbing Ember's back.

     “ Okay. Before I start I think it goes without saying I expect there to be no grudge holding against Maxwell. Deal? We all have to see him and work with him, so I've not said anything before now to keep everyone professional at the sins.”

“I make no promises.” Sky commented, sipping her drink. Whitney and Blair both glared at her.

“What? Bitches, I can hold a grudge. I’m just sayin.”

Ember could feel their eyes like lasers burning holes through her in anticipation.

“Whenever you’re ready, Em.” Allison told her.

Ember took a deep breath, gathering her ginger locks and pulling them over her shoulder.

“Ok, so about ten months ago I found out I was pregnant. I told Maxwell, and he seemed really excited. I think it made him feel obligated to propose though, because about two weeks later he did.”

“Wait, what do you mean ‘were pregnant?’ What happened?” Whitney questioned, shaking her head in confusion.

“Well...I lost the baby.” Ember’s hands fell to her lap, and she stared into them feeling as though she’d been hit in the stomach.

       A sympathetic chorus of “I'm sorries” whirled around her head making her dizzy. She closed her eyes to steady herself before taking a long pull of her mimosa.

“How did we miss that, guys?” Allison asked slumping back in her chair. “We should’ve known something was up with you, Ember.”

“Well do you guys remember when I had that really bad stomach flu? Maxwell told me you all stopped by to check on me. Really I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. Especially after the D&C. I was devastated.”

“Em, I don’t know what to say.” Blair stated, her face awash with a mixture of sympathy and betrayal.

Ember looked at her, silently pleading with her to not be angry. This was the first thing she’d ever kept from Blair in their entire twenty-year friendship.

“Oh, sweetheart. You did this all alone?” Sky piped up gripping the redhead’s hand.

“Why didn't you tell us? We could’ve helped.” Allison’s voice, dripping with sympathy.

“I wasn’t alone. I had Max, and he never left my side. He fed me, held me..hell he even bathed me.” Ember shook her head, embarrassed. “But I didn't want him. I didn't want anyone. So I pushed him. I pushed him as far away as possible. Yelled at him. Called him unspeakable things...it wasn’t my finest hour.”

Whitney cocked her head slightly. “What do you mean you pushed him?”

“I told him that I needed some space; that we needed to take a break. Told him it wouldn't be forever, I just needed to fix my head.”

Allison spun her engagement ring on her finger, lost in thought. “Makes sense. What did he say?”

“He said he would give me everything. Whatever I needed. But also that he didn’t understand why it had to be us taking a break. At least I thought it was only a break.”

“And Maxwell didn’t?” Sky asked, scowling.

“He just went buck wild. You all have seen him. That’s when all the partying started. All the booze and the women he’s had…” Ember’s voice trailed off, cracking at the end.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Maxwell!” Sky huffed crossing her arms over her chest with an eye roll.

“Em, have you tried talking to him? Explaining how you feel?” Whitney pressed, passing a napkin towards Ember.  She accepted it, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She took a deep breath and fanned her face. ‘Enough with the water works.’ she thought.

“Well, no.”

“I’m gonna kill him.” Sky seethed

“I’ll help.” Blair declared

“The fuck you guys will! There won’t be anything left of him when I’m finished with him.” Allison snarled.

“Simmer down, guys. His behavior is not okay, but he was grieving too. ” Whitney said.

“I thought that may have been the case too, but then it dawned on me...what if...whatif i never meant as much to him as he means to me?”

“I don’t think that’s possible,Ember.” Whitney told her.

“I’m sure it's not, I mean we all saw they way he looked at you, the way you still look at him. You guys were together for seven years,hun.” Blair said.

“He just seemed to be over me so easily. I mean, I broke things off but clearly he’s made his choice.”

“Wait,” Sky waved her arms, making a “T” with her hands. “You guys haven't hooked up again have you?”

Allison elbowed Sky, giving her a stern look.

“No, Sky, we haven’t.”

“Good. Stupid fucker.”

“Yeah, he doesn't deserve you.” Blair agreed.

“If you still want a relationship with him, you’ve got to tell him that. His behavior isn't necessarily his feelings.” Whitney explained as Sky rolled her eyes again.

“Bullshit Whit! Just be mad with us. She needed him and he just bailed. Even if she told him to go, Max should’ve known better.”

      Ember drained her second mimosa, reaching for her third. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Its awkward when we’re alone. And I’m not sure I’m ready to hear him tell me that it's over for him, ya know?”

     “But what if it's not over for him? And even if it is, would you rather sit here and watch him continue to throw himself at everything in a skirt? Wouldn't you like closure?” Whitney asked.

   “And still get to sit here and watch him throw himself at everything in a skirt?” Ember rolled her eyes, lip quivering.

   “I hate that Whitney's always right, but she is.” Blair quipped, opting against the second mimosa since she was driving.

    “I know. I promise I will talk to him eventually.”

    “And when that time comes, honey, please know that we're all here for you.” Sky said, giving Allison a side eye.

   “Yeah, Em. You never have to walk alone again.” Allison reassured.

********************

         The sun was just starting to set as the ladies parted ways; Sky was meeting Liam for dinner and Ember was heading to Blair's for some extra cheering up.

    Allison grabbed Whitney pulling her aside.

    “I need a favor outta you.”

    “Anything, Allie. What's up?”

    “It's just you've always been the level-headed one and I need you to make sure I don't completely lose grip.”

   Allison motioned toward her car and they both got in.

   “Where are we going, Al?” Whitney quirked a suspicious brow.

**************

       Maxwell laid across his couch, staring at the ceiling. Sunday nights were always the hardest for him. With the Sins being closed, he didn't have to work which left him ample time to think, always about his Emmy.

     He sat up and grabbed his glass, the few fingers of scotch he'd poured almost gone. He refilled it, taking a sip just as he heard the knock.

     “Open up, Maxwell. I know you're home.” He heard Allison's voice.

    He crossed the living room and opened the door to find Allie and Whitney.

   “Hey guys. Wanna come in?” he asked stepping aside. Allison marched in purposefully, Whitney pausing to give Maxwell a quick hug as she entered.

    “Are you fucking stupid, Max?!” Allison began spinning on her heels to face him.

    Maxwell looked puzzled, cocking his head to the side as he closed the door.

   “It's nice to see you too, Allie.” He said.

        Whitney stared hard at Maxwell. He wasn't wearing a shirt, which was rare, but something caught her eye. There was a  shiny smudge on his left ribcage, and she stepped closer, reading the words “All the days of our lives, til I'm ninety-nine” in small, delicate script. Just below it were the letters “E.N.M.”

        “Ember Nicole Madden.” She muttered. “Max, is this new?”

      Whitney reached out, her fingers grazing the slightly raised skin.

    “Hey! That tickles.” He chuckled, batting her hand away.

    “Til I'm ninety-nine. Wasn't that you and Ember's song? ‘Til I'm ninety-nine’ by Nathan Angelo? I remember because Em always played it on the jukebox at the Sins. Drake would always poke fun and ask her 'whatif you both live to be one hundred?’”

    “Yeah. That's our song.” He gave her a  half smile.

    “Eyes on me, Max. I'm not done with you! How could you be so stupid? Parading around with other women, drinking, acting like a moron? Did you not take Em's feelings into consideration?” Allison shouted, starting to pace.

   Maxwell blinked, unable to comprehend why the woman before him was so angry.

     “What are you talking about? Em's feelings? She broke up with me remember? This is what she wanted.”

     Suddenly he felt very defensive. He could feel a rage bubbling within him, just below the surface.

    “Yeah, because she was hurting. She lost a child Maxwell. Your child. You really are a clueless idiot aren't you?” The woman scoffed. Whitney shot her a warning glance and she took a deep breath.

  “Wait, what are you…? Did you just find out about this?” He asked, finally finding some clarity. If he was honest with himself he was surprised that this conversation hadn't happened sooner.

     “She told us about what happened.  She ended things to clear her head and you got into the pants of the first easy bimbo you laid eyes on. And then every time you parade one around, you break her heart even more. Get your head out of your ass Maxwell!”

     “Yeah. She lost a baby, Allie. But I lost a baby and her. Did that ever occur to you? Did it ever occur to her? Em just needed an out. You didn't hear the things she said to me...she wanted out of that relationship. She asked for space, so I gave it to her. Even though it killed me to walk away...and besides who I sleep with is none of your business or hers.” Now Maxwell was shouting, Allison taking a step back, unprepared for it. Maxwell always rolled with the punches, was always down for anything, but he rarely raised his voice.

   A part of him was glad that he and Ember had surrounded themselves with people that cared for them so much, but another part was pissed off that she had clearly only told the ladies half of the story.

   “Now I have to live with that everyday. Somehow I couldn't be what she needed.”

   “But that's the thing Maxwell, you walked away too easily. You were both hurting, I get that, but you made her feel like you never cared at all. And it may not be my business who you sleep with, but if you want her back, it's damn sure hers. She loves you, Dumbass.”

    Allison threw her hands up in frustration, Whitney placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

   Maxwell raked his hands through his hair before he continued. “Loved. You mean she loved me right?”

    The words were sorrowful, barely audible as they fell from his lips. He could feel tears stinging his eyes, allowing a few to roll down his cheek because he was so exhausted from holding them back all these months.

    “I walked away because she asked me to, Allison. I would've moved heaven and Earth to take away her pain, but she didn't want that. She didn't want me anymore. So yes, maybe I walked away too easily, but I never meant to hurt her. I'd die first. I'm just trying to deal with things the only way I know how: forget. I thought she's been forgetting about me too…” he choked out.

     “I should smack you upside your head. No Maxwell, she still loves you. You'd see that if you'd open your damn eyes and stay sober for five minutes.”

     “Then why are you here and not her?” He spat. He knew her intentions were good, still he really wanted to slap her.

     “Because, A. She is stubborn and she thinks you've moved on and B... she doesnt know I'm here... so don't tell her or I will kick your ass.” Allison sighed, poking his bare chest at the finish.

    “I... I wish she would have told me. I mean look around you, everything is exactly like she left it. This is her living room. Its still her home. I haven't moved on, I'm surviving.”

    Whitney's eyes darted around the room, then met Allison's who did the same. The couches had been Ember's in college.

    Allison remembered going with Ember to pick out the chandelier which hung over the small dining table.

   Whitney nodded towards the framed photo collage hanging above the mantle.

   There was a picture of Em and Max playing beer pong. One of them waving wildly at the camera, smiles smeared across their faces. The two of them kissing at Drake and Whitney's wedding reception after she'd caught the bouquet.

    Maxwell looked over at the frame, wiping a hand down his face.

    “Look, Allie, I...I uh.. appreciate you caring enough about Emmy to come here like this, but if you're done reminding me how much I screwed up the only good thing about my life I'd um...I wanna be alone if that's okay.”

   Allison's heart sank. She had been so busy being angry with him, the thought that Max may be hurting just as much had never crossed her mind. She could see now that he was, and she crossed the floor pulling him into a tight hug.

   “Max, I'm sorry. we all love you. This whole thing with you guys...it broke our hearts too. We just want to fix it. So fix it, Max.” She told him as she and Whitney headed for the door.

*************

      Leo was staring at a stack of spreadsheets. Liam had always been the business side of the business, but now that he and Allison were engaged Leo was trying to take a more active role in his finances. Which, if he was understanding correctly, didn't look good.

    The Seven Deadly Sins was drowning, floundering thanks to Enigma; and he had no back up plan. The Sins was the plan. If it went under….well he didn't wanna think about that.

    He shuffled the papers, making a mental note to meet with Liam and Blair in the next few days. Checking his phone he saw a text from Allison. She and Whitney had gone to run an errand but she'd be home soon.

   He smiled to himself just thinking about her. All that he wanted was to be able to take care of her. Glancing back at the spreadsheets he sighed lacing his fingers together and laying them on his head.

     He wondered for the hundredth time if he should ask Allison to push back the wedding. Her parents were paying for the ceremony, sure, but what about afterward? Could he really stand before all of their family and friends and vow to honor her and care for her knowing that he didn't have a way to do that if things didn't work out with this bar?

********************

    *6 years ago-Drake and Whitney's Party*

     After a few drinks, Allison's attitude had softened towards Leo considerably. They found themselves  in the VIP booth with Maxwell and Ember.

    “I've got to say, I'm a bit surprised that we haven't met before now. I mean Max here follows Liam like a puppy, and Ember is always with Max. Are you guys not close with each other?” Leo asked, desperate to learn more about her.

    Allison threw her arm around Ember's neck. “Me and Em and Whitney and Max all had Cordonian history together sophomore year.” she beamed.

   “Yeah. We had a study group. Drake and Max were close and so were Blair and I so we'd all meet up after school. Sometimes Liam would come.” Ember shrugged.

    “Yeah, Mr private school, Liam.” Allison giggled.

   “You remember how bad you crushed on him?” Maxwell asked with a laugh and Allison blushed.

   “That was a loooooong time ago, Max. Liam is too stuffy for my taste. We’re just friends.”

  Leo felt an inexplicable tinge of jealousy hearing that Allison had once been attracted to his little brother.

   The way her chocolate locks framed her face is the low club lighting captivated Leo. He was beyond intrigued by her, and he couldn't wait to learn more.

    “So Leo. What do you do? Who's Leo in the daylight?”  Allison asked, leaning her face on her hand, propped on the table.

   “In the daylight? Leo sleeps. I live the night life.” He chuckled gesturing around the room.

  “Right now I'm a bartender by trade, but I have big dreams.”

   “Yeah, Leo and Liam want to move to Ramsford to open their own bar.” Ember stated, laying her head on Max's shoulder with a yawn.

   “An entrepreneur?” Allison asked. “You know that's risky. Most small businesses fold up within the first five years.”

   “Not my bar. I'm telling you...you laugh, but it's gonna be great. I'm gonna ride that wave to retirement.” He quipped while Allison giggled.

  “Yeah? You sound confident. I'll make you a deal. If your bar is still open after a year, I'll come work for you. Any position you choose.”

   Leo quirked an eyebrow. “I am confident, but I'm also right, so I'll take your deal, Allison Morgan. I look forward to working with you.”

*******************************

       Ember and Blair stood in the middle of Blair and Ollie's living room, almost too drunk to accomplish even that. They were giggling when Ollie opened the door, music blaring from the TV as karaoke style lyrics displayed across the screen.

    “Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now cuz you're not welcome anymore! Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye? Think I'd crumble? Think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I. I will survive!” They both belted loudly and out of key into hairbrushes.

    Ollie laughed. “What's all this?”

   “Ollie!” Blair shouted, clumsily making her way to throw her arms around his neck. His hands roamed over her curvaceous body, settling on her hips as he planted a chaste kiss on her lips.

     Slowly the smile melted from Ember's lips. “Hey Big Ben.” She said. “I...uh I think it's time for me to go.”

She gathered her phone from the table.

   “Aw Em, you can stay.” Ollie said.

   She shook her head. “You guys have been apart all day. It's your turn to enjoy Blair's company. I'll just call a cab.”

   “No. C'mon Em. At least let me drive you since I ruined your party.”

      They approached a red light and Ember bit her lip. “Just keep straight here, Ol.” She said and Ollie gave her a side glance.

    “Your flat is that way.” He hurled a thumb to his left.

   “I don't wanna go to 'my flat.’ Can you please take me to Maxwell's?”

   Ember thanked Ollie, exiting the car and promising to call him and Blair in the morning. She faced the building swaying a bit from the alcohol as she fiddled with her keys.

   She reached Maxwell's apartment, sliding the key in the door. She was shocked when the door unlocked and she let herself into his darkened living room.

   She crept toward his bedroom, the path there memorized long ago. She pushed open the door and stood in the doorway, listening to the sound of his bathroom faucet running.

    Maxwell, obviously hearing the loud creak of the door opening, exited the bathroom, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and his eyes went wide as he held up one finger. He stepped back into the bathroom to spit and rinse and he reappeared patting his mouth on a towel.

    “H-hey, Emmy. What are you doing here?”

    She slapped her hand with the house key, her eyes roaming around his bedroom- their bedroom- exactly as it had been when she left.

   “You didn't change your locks.”

    “Why would I? You're always welcomed here.” He scoffed shaking his head. “We're still friends, right?”

    Ember parted her lips as if to respond, but instead she said nothing, her hazel eyes meeting his across the distance between them. She stared at him for a long time, both of the silent. Her eyes wandered the smooth plains of his muscular chest- lingering on his brand new ink for just a moment- down his defined torso and lower the familiar bulge in his boxers briefs causing her to involuntarily lick her lips.

    “I'm up here, Emmy.” He laughed motioning upward with his hand.

    She shook her head and walked over to him, her steps slightly wobbly. Without warning she shoved him against the bathroom door, her lips crashing against his feverishly.

   He deepened the kiss almost immediately, his tongue sliding over her lips to find hers. She tasted like orange juice and champagne and Maxwell couldn't get enough as he spun her, pinning her to the door with his body, cupping her face in his hands.

    After a moment he pulled away, resting his forehead on hers. Her eyes were still closed as he whispered. “Emmy, what are you..?”

    She placed a finger over his lips to quiet him finally peering into his questioning eyes. “I've missed you, Max.” She said stepping out of her heels, now dwarfed by the man before her. She kicked them aside and grabbed his wrists pulling him towards the bed. “I want to show you. Make love to me, Max.”

    He reached up and twisted the skin of his pectoral, wincing audibly and Ember cocked her head to the side.

   “Yep, not dreaming.” He commented, his hand tangling in her hair as his lips claimed hers once more.

    He breathed her in deeply as they tumbled onto the bed, bodies tangled with one another. He hesitated.

    He'd been waiting for so long to hear her say those words to him again, but it didn't feel right.

    “Emmy, we can't do this.” He rolled to her side as she sat up, her face scrunched in confusion.

   “You'll fuck any bimbo with a pulse except me, is that it?” She hissed, sitting up and flipping her hair over her shoulder.

     Maxwell's face fell. He gently took her hand and placed a kiss on her inner wrist, rubbing his face against her fingers.

    “Sunshine, I would love to do this, don't get me wrong, but...I don't want you to regret it. Clearly you're…”

   “I'm what, Maxwell? What am I?” She shouted as her face flushed.

   “Drunk, Emmy. You're drunk. Look, I'd give my left arm to feel you like that again, but not tonight. Not like this.” He shook his head, rising from the bed.

   Ember averted her eyes, ashamed of herself. “I'm sorry. You must think…”

     “I think it's definitely time we had this discussion so,” he began turning down the blankets on what used to be her side of the bed. “ I want you to stay. I'll take the couch. We can talk over coffee.”