#just want to clarify I have no problem with people choosing differently at all

[mchiti]

all my moroccans friends are hating on brahim diaz. He came on during the derby and my instagram feed was full of people hating. Bru I don't know what to feel about him but I hate hating so much. You know

[steddieas-shegoes]

homework

for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'let's talk about that'

rated t | 990 words | no cw | tags: therapy, gareth pov, personal growth, self-discovery

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Gareth hates therapy.

Okay, hate might be a strong word.

He dislikes it strongly and wishes he could just write in a journal or something.

“Let’s talk about that some more,” the therapist, Jessica, smiled encouragingly.

“Talk about what?” He genuinely has no clue what she wants to hear more about.

“Your need for validation from your bandmates.”

Oh. That.

He wouldn’t really call it a need. He just doesn’t ever do anything that they’d dislike him doing. Even if it would make him happy.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You mentioned that sometimes you have ideas for songs, but you know one of them won’t like it, so you don’t suggest it. Why don’t you give it a try even if they don’t like it?” She clarified.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Why not?”

“Because Jeff and Eddie basically run the band. They come up with most of the shit we do, I just add the drums,” he explained. “It’s worked that way this long, why disrupt the flow?”

“Do they tell you not to give your opinion?”

“Of course not. They always ask what I think.”

“And you choose to not give them honesty.”

“I…”

He didn’t realize that’s what was happening. And he hates that it took a therapist to figure it out.

“I’m not lying to them!” He rushed to say.

“Maybe not. But you’re not being completely truthful, either. Do you think they’d be upset if they knew that you were holding back to maintain the peace?”

Gareth hates therapy.

If Steve hadn’t insisted they all go twice a month, he wouldn’t even be here. If Sam hadn’t backed Steve up, a knowing smirk on his face when Gareth and Frankie argued they didn’t need therapy, he would be sitting on his couch or behind his drums.

“I guess there’s a chance they would be a little upset,” he finally admitted. “But not nearly as upset as if I disagreed with them and we argued.”

“How do you know a disagreement would lead to an argument?”

“Because all disagreements lead to arguments. Arguments lead to fights and silence and cold shoulders. Cold shoulders lead to people not wanting to be around each other anymore.”

Damn, Jessica was fucking good at her job. He didn’t even mean to say all that.

He didn’t even know he felt all that.

“Is this a pattern you’ve experienced before?” She set her notepad aside, all attention on him.

“I guess, yeah. My parents. My older brother and my dad. My grandparents and my mom. My first best friend.” He shrugged. “Just easier to go along with things. It’s not like I’m not happy.”

“Settling and being happy are two different things.”

“I am happy. Really.”

He is. He’s never been happier, actually. He gets to do the coolest job in the world with his best friends, he has a boyfriend he loves more than anything, and he gets to drink his favorite coffee every morning. Life is great.

“Do you think that happiness stems from the peace you’ve forced yourself to accept or from being content in your life?” Jessica leaned forward.

“Do you do this with everyone? Is this magic?” He asked, suddenly having the overwhelming urge to cry or run or both.

She laughed. “No, it’s not magic. It’s just understanding my people. You don’t give me much to work with, but sometimes something sticks out and I can run with it.”

“Seems like magic.” He sighs. There’s no way out of this conversation. “What am I supposed to do? Cause problems until no one wants me in the band anymore?”

“No. Do you want actual advice or do you wanna try to figure it out yourself?” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m pretty sure you won’t like my advice.”

“I don’t like most of what you say.”

“Fair enough.” She smiles. “I think you should try being honest next time there’s something you have a different opinion on. No one is going to hate you or want you out of the band. They value your opinion or they wouldn’t have you there to begin with.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Not necessarily. It’s only as hard as you make it.” She makes a note in the planner next to her. “I’m expecting you to give me at least one example of doing this by our next session.”

“Homework? I’m busy enough!” Gareth didn’t want this to get in the way of tour prep. They were starting rehearsals next week and had a few last minute adjustments to make on their album before the tour started.

“And it’s the perfect time to speak up,” she raised a brow, daring him to continue arguing. When he didn’t, she spoke again. “I’m not expecting you to do it all overnight. Just once.”

“Fine.”

****

The first rehearsal was a shit show. It always is, but everyone’s nerves were shot today after barely sleeping and a flight delay keeping two of the tech managers unavailable for an extra few hours.

Frankie snapped on him earlier, but he walked away. That wasn’t the time to follow Jessica’s advice.

Eddie stormed from the room a few minutes ago, said he needed a break to call Steve. He’d been arguing with his guitar tech over which of his five guitars to use for a song.

Gareth started to speak up to give his opinion, but Eddie was already too frustrated.

See, Jessica? This is why you should stay quiet.

But Eddie came back a few minutes later and asked Gareth what he thought.

“The one you use for Blue Night is probably what you should use for Invade. Sounds are similar enough for those songs,” he said without thinking.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Eddie agreed, knocking his shoulder against Gareth’s. “Thanks, man.”

“Dunno why he listens to you and not me,” the guitar tech grumbled.

Gareth smiled.

Okay, Jessica. Maybe you were right this time.

[lushafterglow]

Trouble -> Chapter one

This is gonna suck.

Story Summary: Final year in college, the intern year. You get a once in a lifetime opportunity when Shoko Ieiri lets you intern at her hospital with her and her team.

Chapter summary: While it is your final year in your university you get an internship for one of the most important hospitals from Ieiri Shoko. You help her and study under her. You meet her two co-workers Geto and Gojo. The latter making you wish you chose a different career path.

Masterlist

Warnings: none

Taglist: @satxoru

Series masterlist

Ieiri Shoko. One of the most top Pathologist working in Tokyo. Apart of the ‘dream team’ of diagnostics. You had read almost everyone of her articles.

So when you got an offer from Shoko herself to come study under her and her team, you were so excited. This would be the best hands on experience you could get.

—

You walked up to the reception lady — nervous. “I’m here to internship under Dr Shoko.” The woman slowly looked up.

She made a disapproving hum before reaching over to her phone. She dialed a number and waited for the other side to pick up.

You fingers tapped against the counter, while slightly bitting you cheek.

“Dr Shoko? Yes there’s a lady up here claiming she’s interning under you.” “Okay I’ll send her up.”

She placed the phone back down and looked up at you. “Room 165 4th floor.” You nodded and made your way to the elevators, the whole trip up you were panicking.

What should you say? What if she made a mistake choosing you? Oh god what were you going to say?!

The doors opened and their the doctor herself was standing. “Welcome, I figured I’d meet you here so I could show you the way to my office.”

You nodded dumbly and followed after her quickly as she gestured for you to follow with her hand.

She opened the door — that had her name and practice written perfectly— and held it open for you.

Once you entered you noticed to other people. They must be Geto and Gojo. Two other best doctors of Tokyo that were apart of Dr Shoko team.

“Hey, I’m Geto.”

The one with long black hair spoke up, send you a slight wave with a kind smile. You smiled back and was quick to introduce yourself as well. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you Dr Geto.”

You looked over too the next guy, who was tossing a ball up in the and catching it, only to continue to repeat it.

“You must be Dr Gojo?” You asked just to clarify, you didn’t want to mistake him for someone else.

He caught the ball once again but didn’t toss it back up. He turned his chair to you and looked you up and down before clicking his tongue.

“Uh huh, that’s me scrubs.” You looked down to your white scrubs before telling him your name, feeling a bad vibe from him. “Oh my name is Y/N.”

“Yeah I heard.” Okay no need to be an asshole. You thought to yourself.

Doctor Shoko cleared her throat before interrupting the little challenging stare the two of you were sharing. “Okay, now that that’s out the way. Why don’t we start taking a look at this case.”

Shoko placed a file folder onto the table for Gojo to pick up.

He placed his ball in his coat and opened the file up, Geto leaning over his shoulder taking a look as well. “Night terrors, and double vision. Kid was hit in the head at a football game recently. Nothing special.”

“This case was given to use by Yaga. We have to at least find a solution to his problem.” Geto reminded the white haired doctor.

“Here’s a solution and here’s the problem: kid has a concussion and needs to sleep.” Gojo threw the folder onto the table.

You picked it up and started to look over his case. Multiple doctors, all saying the same thing as doctor Gojo.

“This kids seen a lot of doctors.” Your voice spoke up, stopping the bickering between Shoko and Gojo.

“So?” Gojo was looking at you as if you didn’t even know how to spell toast. “Different kinds of doctors saying the same thing. If there treatment isn’t working, then the diagnosis is wrong.”

Gojo pushed himself out the chair and walked around the table to you. He was tall, over 6’ foot tall.

He looked over your shoulder and looked at the file on more time. He let out a bored hum and snatched it from you — making his way to the door.

“Gojo where are you going?!” Shoko’s irritated voice stopped him as he slightly opened the door. “I’m gonna go examine this patient, and proved all this is, is some worried parents.”

He walked out the door making Shoko sigh out in annoyance. “I’m sorry about him. He’s always my way or no way.” You nodded at her and gave her an awkward smile.

“It’s okay, maybe it was something I did?”

Geto placed a hand on your shoulder, and smiled at you. “Your interning yes?”

You nodded up at the doctor beside you. “Then maybe go with Gojo and see what he does, hands on experience is the best kind.” You looked to Shoko weary.

“You should listen to Geto, besides me and him need to go over things in private.” You nodded you head in understanding and made your way to exit the room.

You noticed Dr Gojo by the elevator doors and hurried over him. When Gojo saw you making your way over to him he clicked on the button more.

He stepped into the doors and sighed in relief when the started closing. Though that relief was short lived as your hand stopped the doors from shutting all the way.

“Look I don’t do autographs lady.”

You rolled your eyes at his arrogance and stepped into the elevator beside him. “Geto and Shoko sent me with you.”

“Of course they did.” He whispered to the sky as if he was cursing god.

“I haven’t even met you more than ten minutes and you already hate me.” You turned and gave the taller man a pointed stare.

The doors opened back up and Gojo started to walked to the patient’s room. “I don’t hate you.” He opened the door. “I just don’t like you.” And walked through it, not holding it open.

You hurried into the room and just remained at the door, not wanting to get on his bad side any worse.

“So, mark. I hear you hit your head pretty bad.” Mark nodded his head and Gojo took a seat on the counter of the room. “What I’m interested in is your night terrors.”

“There awf-awful.” Mark spoke, but stutters as if he doesn’t even want to remember it. “He hasn’t slept in days.” His mother adds on.

“Really? Says here that your last doctors recommended it and prescribed you sleeping pills. Are you not taking them?” You could already see where Gojo was leading with this.

“I- I can’t, the nightmares won’t go away.”

Gojo turned his head to you and gave you a look saying ‘I told you so.’ “Night terrors happens from two things. An injury from the head, or high stress such as sexual assault.”

Your eyes widens at Gojo’s words, they were pointed at the parents even if he was talking to Mark. “Are you accusing us?” That dad was quick to jump and question. Rightfully so.

“No, I’m telling you want it comes from in most cases, you son has had an injury to the head. So don’t worry, child care won’t come knocking.”

The audacity of this man. “Take the sleeping pills, your kids fine.” Gojo grabbed the folder and handed it to you as he walked out.

You follow him through the doors, “did you seriously have to be like that to them?” Gojo stopped and turned to you.

“In the folder it says that they’ve listened to the doctors. That they’ve taken the treatment.” He pointed to the file before continuing on. “Your argument was if the treatment isn’t working then something’s wrong with the diagnosis.

That kid admitted to not taking the sleeping pills, so he’s not taking the treatment, that’s the problem, not the diagnosis.”

You were too stunned to even speak, not like you even could, because the second you went to say something Gojo sushed you.

You looked to where he’s looking — through the window in the door — and on the other side you just seen it last second a jerk in the leg.

Gojo was quick to walk back in and ask the boy questions.

“Are you tired?” Mark was quick to not yes, but Gojo further explained. “Are you tired this second, this instant?”

“No, I’m not tired right now.” The parents were quick to ask questions but gojo only continued to question the teenager. “Did you feel that twitch in your leg?” A no came from mark.

Gojo started to flash a light in his eyes and you turned to the worried parents and started to answer there question.

“Sometimes if the brain thinks we’re falling asleep they will send a signal, to try and wake up that part of the body. The brain is thinking the body is dying.”

The couple only grew more worried and ask more questions.

Gojo took a few steps away from the boy and stood beside you. “Good job, now they think there kids gonna die.” You looked to the couple who were hugging there kid. You looked back to Gojo and noticed how blue his eyes actually were.

The doctor handed you the light he was using, “admit him over night and get the nurse to do another family history check.”

—

“He was so cocky about it too! ‘Now they think he’s gonna die’ well obviously that wasn’t my intention!”

You groaned to your roommate. Maki laughed at your frustration.

“I swear imma drop out cause of him.” You placed your face into the pillow on the couch and screamed.

While Maki did find enjoyment in this, she was also always your voice of reason. “Well, you only have to deal with him for a year. Then once you finish collage, it’ll be easy to get hired somewhere.”

You peaked your head up and sighed, ”yeah but he’s so annoying.”

“Maki got up and went to throw away her bag of chips, calling out from the kitchen, “well he is a big shot Doctor!”

When she walked back to the living room she demanded you tell her more about the case you were working on.

“We’re going over possibilities of what could be the problem tomorrow. So we’ll know more then.”

At the end of the day Maki was right, one year of dealing with some cocky prick for your career to take off.

First chapter done! I’ll have the second out soon! If you’d like to be added to the taglist just comment, have a great day and I hope you enjoyed!

[blackbirdffxiv]

A lengthy ass-post about poly-shipping no one asked for

So I'm gonna go ahead and choose passive aggressive violence, in the form of an informative, lengthy as fuck post I think some folks need to read.

I won't be adding the post here, as I don't wish to direct potential harassment to the original poster (no matter how heinous I found a majority of the list), but if you're on twitter/"X", I'm sure you've seen a lengthy notepad list of RP "hot takes".

While I agreed with some of the points made, I feel it necessary to clarify some things, particularly about the points regarding polyamorous shipping.

If you don't want to read the blurb between here and the actual point list, just scroll down until you see green font.

Most know that I myself play a polyamorous character; I ship my character with other characters belonging to different players. I've been poly-ship for YEARS, so I feel I have some experience and can say some things about it.

Some points made in the "hot takes" list alluded to people using polyamorous shipping/multi-shipping as an excuse to just ERP and mess around with multiple people without consequence.

Sadly, yes, this does happen. It's unfortunate that selfish people only looking for specific things use it as an excuse for their behavior, but the only thing people can do is be aware of what to look out for when it comes to polyamorous shipping.

So rather than allow a negative light be painted on a valid means of shipping and roleplaying your characters in relationships, I think a quick lesson is needed.

Disclaimer: these are just my personal opinion on how I feel polyships should be handled, and some red flags I have seen during my time being a polyamorous OC player. By no means is this a rulebook, more like a guide so new and veteran roleplayers alike can be aware.

What a responsible poly-shipper will do:

Introduce you to their other partners - Communication is key in any relationship, this is not just for monogomous ships, but even moreso for polyamorous. A poly OC player will be open to introducing you to their other partners; while no one expects you to be best friends, it's good to be aware of just who else you'll possibly be regularly seeing around.

Share time and effort among your partners equally - A polycule relationship should be even across the board; one partner should not be treated better than the other. Treating one or more partners better than the other(s) is just a recipe for people getting hurt, both IC and OOC.

Be open and up front at the very beginning of IC interactions - A poly OC player will be up front and honest about the nature of their character if they have an interest in possibly shipping with you, or in case the possibility of it happening is there.

Encourage communication and prioritize problem-solving - This isn't just for poly ships, but ships in general. A good writing partner will encourage and WANT you to tell them about how you feel with the ship, especially if it's a problem with an easy solution.

Always make it known if they wish to bring another partner into the polycule & pose an introduction OOC - This is the most important part of being in a poly ship, making sure EVERYONE knows if there is someone new who will be joining the ship, and making introductions before a ship is made.

What a responsible poly ship player wouldn't/shouldn't do:

Hide the status of their ships - If your partner is hiding who they are shipping with from you, in my experience, this just means a person is going behind their partner's back (and is possibly cheating on them).

Brush off any possible issues you may be having with one of the partners in the ship - A responsible partner would aim to mediate the situation, and listen to all sides.

Discourage their poly partners from seeking other partners - Not every poly OC is monogomous with their poly partner, sometimes one poly OC will be shipped with another poly OC. Your partner would not expect you to drop your other ships to be with them while they continue their own, they should respect your decision to ship with your other partners.

Keep attempts to ship with other characters a secret - A responsible poly partner will make it known when they are attempting to or want to ship their OC with another as soon as intentions and wants are known. Not after a ship is already established.

Discourage those in the polycule ship from associating with each other - A partner in a healthy polycule would never discourage their partners from associating with each other; intentional separation more than likely is a means of hiding something, such as blatant favoritism, or even to keep ships a secret (in my experience).

Anyways I'll get off my soap box. I apologize for the lengthy post, but some things I've been seeing regarding this hot takes list were so blatantly heinous, I just felt like something should be said.

Have a good evening y'all; hug your pets, tell your friends you love them, and don't let jaded people online project their problems onto you.

Stay golden

[belit0]

How would the uchihas react to their s/o being bisexual? Also, all your work is amazing! Make sure to give yourself any time to take a break ❤️

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL WORDS NONNY, I LOVE YOU

I take the freedom to clarify that I don't share thoughts with any of my retrograde Uchiha, but I characterize them as such because of the era in which they supposedly lived. Izuna is the one who breaks the rule among my three old men.

Especially Indra, I always portray him as a misogynist man due to the era in which he was theoretically born, this doesn't mean I think like him, I just typify him in an awful way (yes, im mean with my boy🤠💫)

and yeah, one of them needed to be flawed, today it was shisui's turn😭🛐

new HC revealed: Itachi is demisexual

Indra

- NOPE. Not only is he a 1930's man with zero social awareness and inclusion, but couldn't even think of being open-minded when it comes to his (Y/N). It is not because she likes women, but because he needs her to just be in love with him, with what Indra has to offer. He won't accept it.

Madara

- The only problem he has is if she wants to leave him for someone else. It doesn't matter if woman, man, dog or cat, Madara just wants to make sure that (Y/N) only loves him. There are people for every taste and he doesn't see anything wrong with bisexuality, especially considering he has Izuna as his brother. As long as she is not unfaithful to him, everything is fine.

Izuna

- Bisexual himself, he thinks it's amazing. What greater fun than to be able to share tastes with (Y/N) on an even more intimate level, without having problems regarding gender or retrograde concerns? He takes the opportunity to incorporate into his mix the possibility of including more people in bed, raising the tone of their love life.

Obito

- Doesn't mind in the least, if (Y/N) likes all genders, good for her. Similar to Madara, as long as she chooses him and is loyal to his side, there is nothing that can stop them. He would never fetishize her for her tastes nor does he find arousal in her liking all genres, it's nothing to highlight.

Shisui

- We're not going to lie, there's something about turning him on at the thought of (Y/N) with a woman. Yes, the Uchiha who gets to fall into the worst heterosexual male stereotype, as much as he has his wonderful things, Shisui can also be a jerk. The topic will be up for discussion, as he can't have that kind of thinking.

Itachi

- What difference does it make if she is bisexual or not? Itachi, demisexual and a die-hard lover, accepts (Y/N) as she is and with whatever tastes she has, without any problems or restrictions. He is not subject to that irrational fear of being dumped or cheated on with a woman, he genuinely doesn't care as long as she is happy.

[tarysande]

Apologies if I'm prying, and obviously you don't have to answer at all, or publicly, if you don't want to: I've only been diagnosed with ADHD a couple of months and I'm still looking for admin jobs/working a few part time bits. Do you disclose? Or do you think it's a bad idea to disclose/wouldn't work for your situation?

I'm always happy to talk about my experiences!

So, my situation is a little different because I'm self-employed. Part of the reason I'm self-employed is because I have ADHD. I like being able to set my own schedule. I like not having to work in the morning (when I'm pretty much useless). I like being able to (for the most part) choose my work based on whether it's interesting/novel/challenging enough to keep me interested--and I like that my work is always changing. Even if I get bogged down on one project (i.e., I'm so bored I want to pull my eyeballs out), I know it'll end and I'll get to move on to something else.

In my primary source of employment (I'm a freelance editor and writing coach), I'm quite open about my ADHD specifically because I want neurodivergent writers to know I understand and empathize with many of their struggles. I can (and do!) tailor my approach when working with folks who have, for example, issues with rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, or trauma around criticism. We're all in this together.

That said, I am also very aware that my employment situation is made possible by the fact that my husband has a good, salaried job that includes the health insurance that pays for the various and sundry (ridiculously expensive) medications I'm on. And I live in a country where my health care is not tied to employment.

I do have a very, very part time gig for an employer (I'm still considered a contractor, though), and I did disclose to them--but only after we ran into a situation where I was made incredibly uncomfortable by the extremely neurotypical way they decided to handle a difficult situation. Without going into details, they called me in for a meeting that I would much, MUCH rather have preferred as an email. I explained that everything about the way they handled things led to extreme issues with rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation that would have been entirely mitigated by a) clearer communication and b) giving me time to process the information in a private space. While they didn't get it at first, I was able to eventually make them understand where I was coming from, and they changed the behavior to accommodate me. But--and this is a big but--I already had a good relationship with the management, so they were willing to listen without judgement.

Even though there are meant to be anti-discrimination protections (including providing accommodations for neurodiverse folks), I'm not entirely sure I believe they ... work? There's still a lot of stigma. And sometimes people hear "ADHD" and assume "flake"--which absolutely is not the case.

I would say that if you do disclose, be sure to clarify what kinds of accommodations you might require and to heavily lean on the strengths you bring to the role instead of what an employer might perceive as weaknesses. (For example: I work extremely well under pressure. I will be less effective if given work with vague or non-existent deadlines. I am an excellent problem solver who often discovers or invents solutions not just for existing issues but for those that haven't yet become critical. My enthusiasm for work I find interesting, novel, and rewarding is boundless. I am creative, dedicated, and motivated ... but only after about eleven in the morning.)

[neonscandal]

Hi! I have a question, I hope I can explain myself: how would you describe Gojo on a moral level? I see the majority of the fandom (jjk in general, not just the shipping ones) considers him a good person, but I'd argue he's more on the grey side...and not a light grey. See, I can't really wrap my head around the way he blatantly ignores the fact the Suguru was completely fucked up, to the point that in chap 236 he wishes Suguru was with him before fighting Sukuna and imagining him (adult Suguro, the fucked up one) together with the same students he tried to kill in jjk0. How on earth? If I'm not mistaken Gojo never really says "yeah, Suguru was my friend but he used to be completely different, this is not the Suguru I used to be friends with". He never says Suguru was wrong. He just misses him, even though he was surrounded by people who liked him. At least Shoko clearly doesn't feel any affection towards Suguru. And let's not talk about the way he doesn't really seem concerned about the future of his students in chap 236. What do you think? Just to clarify: I do like Gojo. But I don't share the sentiment of the rest of the fandom: he's not a good person. I guess Nanami was right

This is a (somewhat) fair assessment.

Character alignment wise, I think Gojo enters into Jujutsu High as a Chaotic Neutral and transcends into more of a Chaotic Good or maybe Neutral Good? It's hard to say because, if in universe, Gojo is the perceived solution to every problem then why are there still so many problems? Including Geto's 10 year stint running amok?

Morally, Gojo absolutely exists in shades of grey. He uses his power to do the lawful thing but... at the same time, could, on a whim, use his power to do what he or Geto feels to be the right thing. The biggest example being the fact that they were willing to protect Riko Amanai's right to choose whether she wished to merge or not even if the latter would have catastrophic ramifications. Based on the needs of society, Riko needed to merge with Tengen, but Gojo recognized erasure of one girl for the security of others wasn't necessarily right. As an adult, again, he does what needs doing but pushes back on elders that would rather see the likes of Yuta Okkotsu or Yuji Itadori dead.

We have to understand that jujutsu society, with all its rules and hierarchy, isn't a morally upright system to begin with. Gojo, as a Big Three Family heir, is deeply entrenched in that. But he has enough sense to, in his own way, try to correct what he perceives to be travesties.

Suguru Geto is a casualty of this imperfect system and Gojo's initial inability to recognize Geto's struggle was the fatal flaw that put the final nail in his coffin. Discovering the twins was the hand that swung the hammer and he was subsequently radicalized. Gojo wasn't the only person who still kept space for Geto. Nanami and Shoko could also understand that the slaughter of that village was wrong but not find it in their hearts to condemn Geto or hear ill words spoken against him. None of them condemn him because, even if his method was wrong, they understand why he desperately wanted to change the way things are.

Gojo's affection for Geto, in my mind, does not necessarily make him a completely bad person, though. For one, while he doesn't outright condemn what happens in the village, he is clearly dismayed by the murder of Geto's parents. We see that he does in fact understand the wrongness of Geto's transgressions. Bear in mind that, until broken by the system they all served, Geto was a gentle and just person with a noble idea of what was right. So earnestly that Gojo allowed space for Geto to influence his own morality. So this radical change in behavior is a shock to Gojo's system and, even though he was used to deferring to Geto's judgement (like not killing the Time Vessel Association), he very clearly and autonomously recognized Geto's sins. Gojo had an unconditional acceptance or love for Geto which is why, despite everything, he would still find satisfaction in closing the loop, as it were, with Suguru right beside him.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for JJK chapter 236.

The man is dead, what more do you want from him? He knew he was going to die and fought hoping that those who remained could pick up the slack of the weakened opponent. 236 was merely an echo of the same faith he had after he was sealed - that he trusted in the people he left behind. I think Gojo has also come to terms with the fact that all he can do is throw everything he's got at the situation. His failure is unfathomable to most but he's been shown the limits to his power before so perhaps that's why he's overly cavalier. In most situations, he's the first line of defense so if that doesn't cut it... what more can he do?

Bear in mind, what we see of Gojo's afterlife in 236 is more than likely what he hopes for in his heart of hearts. But I'm not really subscribed to the idea that he's Gojover. I could be wrong, especially since Gege Akutami keeps comparing other people to Gojo in his absence to fill in the gaps and explain how they could possibly hope to beat Sukuna. But I think what we saw was an extended version of what Nanami experienced before passing.

You can go left or right - Yuki to Geto about his radical ideals

You can go North to start anew or South to your old self - Mei to Nanami and actualized in his dying moments with an apparition of Haibara

These are choices and the second is as explained to Gojo as if he has the same choice. From his hope that it isn't all in his imagination and the setting therein, it would seem he's leaning toward accepting his fate but I just don't think that's the case. If anything, this prolonged ideation is possible because that brain of his is intact. Gojo even told Toji that he should have cut off his head if he wanted to kill him so, who's to say whether that applies now.

Regarding Nanami being right, I assume you mean the Nanami in chapter 236. In which case:

Hypothesis: The reason we see Gojo surrounded by younger versions of those he lost is because they are attached to the version of himself that died. Gojo will come back as a more enlightened person.

Keep in mind, in a way, Adult Nanami understands Gojo. Every version of Nanami is annoyed by Gojo but there's still a respect that goes both ways, even when their ideals differ. I think Nanami's assessment that "You live for jujutsu. You don't wield it to protect something. You use it solely for the sake of satisfying yourself." is apropos for high school Gojo. But that was before he lost Geto, developed a resolve to take in Megumi and Tsumiki (albeit selfishly), protect Yuta from the elders with his life, and protect Yuji. Empirically, there's a facet of Gojo that uses his power for good and it feels like the versions of Haibara, Nanami, Geto and Yaga that he encounters would be unaware of that. I think that's what makes the fact that Gojo visualizes Adult Geto celebrating him stick out even more. Why the mind games, Gege??

In summation, Gojo continues to exist swathed in shades of grey. He could be better but he could definitely be worse. He is a reflection of a corrupt system that masquerades under the impression of working in service of the greater good but ignores the problematic elements of the likes of Mei Mei, and Naoya Zenin.

[akajustmerry]

I haven't seen chibnall but I have a hard time imagining being worse than moffat. I'm sure it's possible but that man... he was bad. also out of curiosity what's the problem with eccleston? or did you just use his name as a reference for which era was rtd. feel free to ignore this if you like, I hope you have a good day!

hellooo!

look, you won't hear me arguing moffat wasn't bad but believe me Chibnall was worse. He wrote an entire sequence where the Doctor tricks the Master (then played by British-Indian actor Sacha Dhawan) into being caught by the Nazis, knowing what the Nazis would do to him. Like, the Doctor, presenting as a white woman, handed over the Master, her best friend presenting as a Brown man to the most notorious white supremacist regimes in history. And that moment was framed as a successful ploy!! As a "win" for the Doctor.

I'm sorry but, to me, Moffats fucking decrepit cringe Gen X Misogyny did nowhere near as much damage as thoughtlessly portraying the Doctor as someone who will literally use Nazism against a poc and framing it as clever girlboss behaviour. Like, it's not fun that these are the people we have to choose from but one of these things is not like the other.

As for the Eccleston stuff, I was referring to Christopher Eccleston's conflict with the BBC and by extension implied conflict with RTD. The full details of the conflict have never been fully made public but Eccleston has always maintained he quit the show due to the culture created by the show runners and producers. He's said he'd never work with RTD again. Eccleston implied that one of the reasons the relationship between himself and RTD broke down was Eccleston's desire for the Doctor to be a role model whose intellect wasn't inherently tied to being upper class English and had to really fight to use his natural accent. It's worth noting that the we wouldn't have a Doctor without an RP (received pronunciation) accent again until Capaldi. David even mentioned Russell's "enthusiasm" for DT to speak in RP not his natural accent in his interview with Jodie in 2020.

I want to believe that RTD has grown since the mid 00s, and perhaps this time around things will be different. But I think a lot of people point to Moffat as the worst because his bigotry is the most visible and easiest to critique. It's more popular and acceptable to critique sexism against white women than it is to critique racism and classism. But in reality all of these showrunners are white British men who have pulled white British bullshit and I won't stand for Chibnall and Davies shortcomings being scapegoated via Moffat.

Also, this is not a defense necessarily but a lot of people who hate moffat era who did NOT watch Capaldi's seasons and did not watch season 10 with Bill Potts. So their critique often lacks the perspective of Moffat's best season that proves he's capable of writing something genuinely compelling that's not gross and sexiest. Like it genuinely infuriates me when people talk about "moffat who" but they're only really talking about Matt Smiths seasons. Again none of that is a defence but it's just to say that most people who say Moffat is the worst are people who a) are really talking about Sherlock, which, fair enough that was shit b) people who just think 10th Doctor best Doctor and don't actually care about anything after that era in any meaningful way. Or c) people who have a pretty incomplete view of the series was and where it currently is.

omg this is long sorry I hope I don't sound rude I'm not trying to be I just have so many thoughts about this. I hope this answers your question, please let me know if I need to clarify anything <3

[txttletale]

bundletober #13: blazing hymn

alright i've fallen behind on bundletober (the series of blog posts where i review and talk about a ttrpg i got in a bundle every day) and am hoping to make up the difference by putting out two entries today. this is the first one, and i'm looking at the mecha-piloting, synthetic-armour wearing, blaspheming-against-God-and-his-angels game blazing hymn by peach garden games.

now sadly this game is not a lyric/blackout poetry game about rewriting church hymns to be about gay sex. someone should make that btw. no it's just about wearing highly advanced battlesuits powered by the song of your heart to kill aliens with weapons of pure energy. which is about as cool.

first off, the layout of this game is unique and stylish. there are hexagons everywhere:

the game puts sparse splashes of dreamy pastel colours amid a constantly shifting set of black and white hexagons. it gives the book a visual identity that is at once both visually distinct and also changing massively from page to page. it's a really cool way to mix things up and keep you wanting to turn the page if just to keep seeing what the next one even looks like.

what's the game about? simple. angels have come to earth to destroy it badly. with the power of song, young people can power specially designed battlesuits, called Hymnals, that when not activated collapse down into crystal necklaces. it's a pretty anime concept--the game is pretty open about being inspired by Evangelion and Symphogear, neither of which i've actually seen--but it's cool as hell. the aesthetics of the layout really help bring the aesthetics of the game itself, of technology and ethereal mysticism merged into one thing, to life.

the game uses a pretty simple three-stat system where you build dice pools with a state relevant to an action and can get a full success, mixed success, or failure, depending on what you roll. your characters have two resources, Health, which is what it sounds like, and Gain, which is essentially magical power. because you can swap Health for Gain and Gain for Health at a 1-1 ratio with no restrictions, i'm not really sure why they're separate things--seems like a missed opportunity to not only simplify the mechanics but also create a strong mechanical narrative element by making Gain the only thing that keeps you going--once your song is silenced, you're out.

to create a character, you pick from one of six unit classes--here's where i'd describe the six classes, but honestly, they don't quite feel distinct enough. a lot of the powers you can pick for each hymnal class feel very similar, or are outright overlapping in a lot of cases. this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the descriptions of the hymnals, while trying to clarify their combat roles, all end up seeming to repeat themselves or say contradictory things. i think some direct ties between those descriptions and their mechanics would have helped--i'd find it a lot easier to remember that, for example, the 05 Xyston type "brutal in combat" if that flavour text was followed by a direct reference to one or more of its abilities. they do all have pretty different stats--which, in a game with a very simple and elegant combat system, means i'm confident they play very differently once you hit the table. but just looking at them, as a prospective player, i struggle to tell the difference.

i don't have that problem with the next character creation mechanic, though, which is choosing the songs you sing to power your hymnal. each song, as well as a thematically appropriate set of stat boosts, also prompts a pair of revealing character questions. they're the kind of mechanic that i want to get my hands on because they make it fun to create characters, giving real mechanical expression to the emotional fundamentals of who they are.

the combat system itself seems really, really good. it's astoundingly simple--you're encouraged to use a map, but there's no fiddly grid or distance tracking, just the ability to move between being Close, Near, or Far from an enemy. it keeps the numbers low to keep it getting silly and doesn't bother with any of the unecessary bookkeeping and fiddliness that plagues TTRPG combat as a whole. no initiative, no separate turns--there's a 'player' turn and a GM turn, and during the GM turn the GM picks from enemy's listed actions until they've done two for each player. players can use their abilities on the GM turn, and the game encourages the GM to take enemy actions that wil lforce them to--so nobody's ever standing around twiddling their thumbs waiting for the whole table to rotate back to them, and having a lot of enemies doesn't mean the players listen to the GM talk for fifteen minutes.

there's two unique mechanics that i think are very interesting-- Civilians and Condemnation. Civilians are--well, exactly what they sound like. on their turn, players can use an action to evacutate up to 5 of them. this extremely small and simple mechanic is fucking genius. so many games tell you they're about saving innocent people, but yet the only mechanical verbs you have to interact with anyone are violent ones. as elaine scarry says in the body in pain:

so in a way i think blazing hymn puts its money where its mouth is in a way very few combat rpgs with emancipatory or heroic aspirations bother. angels are said to attack populated areas--you're sent to preserve life as well as destroy the enemy. it makes the game feel fundamentally different, like despite the questionable ethics of hymnals (after all, they only work on young people, who then have to be sent into deadly combat situations) there is something heroic you can do.

the second cool mechanic is condemnation, a reality-warping toxin that angels use to destroy the places they're sent to. this rocks because it adds a ticking timer to the battlefield, a passive threat that forces the player characters to be proactive. if condemnation gets too high, not only is the fight going to get harder, but civilians are going to die en masse. it's a great piece of game design that gives the GM a great lever to pull for pacing and urgency.

i also really like that one of the steps of the GM turn is to 'change the situation', whether that means something happens in the narrative or something on the map changes (a train arriving is the example the book gives) or more angels attack. in general, one of my biggest complaitns about d&d is that unless a DM takes it upon themselves to design additional mechanics and encounters outside of anything the game actually gives them, combat inevitably turns into two lines of people hitting each other with sticks until one of them dies. i love dynamic, progressing combat, combat where the stakes change moment to moment. and blazing hymn delivers.

anything else? oh yeah, the angel designs are cool as fuck.

god damn. anyway despite a few minor issues with the hymnals themselves, the core of blazing hymnal is fucking good, a nice tight and razor-sharp combat system wrapped up in pulsing pastel crystalline aesthetics. if you like cool anime fights and like having the rules to back it up but hate complexity, crunch, and tedium, this might be the perfect game for you. it's certainly given me a lot of cool design ideas to take foreward into my own projects.

blazing hymn is available for purchase as a digital download through itch.io

[rei-ismyname]

The Fantastic Four & Krakoa Part 1

I find it revealing, but entirely in character, that the Fantastic Four had a very *liberal* attitude towards Krakoa from the jump. To clarify, by liberal I mean *centrist* or middle class. Historically beneficiaries under most status quo and unreliable allies at best to anyone who doesn't.

BONK!

In House of X #1, the helmet bros send a strike team to steal the plans for Sol's Hammer - a Dyson Sphere around Sol designed by *a* Reed Richards Tony Stark - from Damage Control. ORCHIS built one and they need to avoid genocide. Toad, Mystique, and Sabertooth successfully copy the blueprints but Creed gets carried away killing people. Many different groups had the same idea (looting Reed and Tony's IP) but they manage to get out. The FF do a solid cop impression and try to stop them. Toad and Mystique make it to the gate, and Sabertooth does not.

Just me or were they ready to fight whoever came through the gate?

Creed is detained by Sue and then Cyclops comes to greet the four. All is friendly as befits lifelong friends and Slim shows off his fancy social skills. The four do the same, except Reed. You'd think he'd be used to it considering DOOM is always let go.

'So...' 'So.'

Nobody is surprised in the least when the true reason for his visit is revealed. Reed especially, with his crossed arms and complete silence until the 'so.' Jonathan Hickman knows how to write Reed Richards and The Avengers - if he wanted this to be Tony Stark or whoever it'd be them instead. Of course he knows what amnesty is and Krakoa is MASSIVE global news at this point, so either he's being a dick (possible) or he just doesn't care for that law and is willing to use force to subvert it. These crimes were on camera with many witnesses, there's zero reason for the FF to be handling this incident. A utilitarian might even say that providing medical care would save lives (his super science is incredibly effective.) Maybe he's irked that it's his/Tony's stuff being taken, but he doesn't mention that. Just a stated 'problem with that' then this standoff.

Keep in mind over 150 countries have recognised Krakoa at this point, including the USA, China, India, The UK, Canada. Recognition gets you a trade agreement for Krakoan miracle medicine and two other things.

1. Any mutant can claim Krakoan citizenship by birth.

2. An unstated but limited amnesty period for any and all crimes, the idea being that human bias against mutants makes justice impossible. All mutants from treaty countries are made available for extradition so the nation of Krakoa can judge them.

Is it ballsy as hell? Absolutely, but it's law. Seems very hypocritical to pick and choose, especially when you're enforcing it yourself. Do Reed and co know better than the US government or the United Nations? Eh, probably not. *Cough* ILLUMINATI *cough.* They could be the living tribunal and it wouldn't make this any less hypocritical. They're placing themselves above it here and I can't see why they'd go that far.

Cyclops puts his hands up and backs off, still very politely. That's that settled. Without acknowledging that or missing a beat Sue says her piece. 'What are all of you thinking?' 'Of course not, but...' I really wish Sue didn't get cut off there. I'd have to do a lot less speculating.

What a find!

My read on the subtext is that this engagement started off tense AF, and the FF were not interested in being diplomatic. Johnny and Ben barely speak, Cyclops' politeness and personal, first name greetings compared to 'Slim' and then 'Cyclops.' One would expect the mood to lighten somewhat after he concedes that they're a country unto themselves, but it doesn't. I get the impression Sue's not really listening to Scott, and after the 'but...' he stops trying to meet them halfway. It's impossible to say if he still would have said that about Franklin (AKA the last thing these NIMBYs want to hear) but it wouldn't surprise if it's a subtle 'hey idiots, you're invested in this too. Hope you don't treat your son like this.' (They do.)

Next time we'll find out if they've budged when it comes to their mutant son. (Spoilers, they invade Krakoa.)

It is a recent-ish development, and humans/people are great at kneejerk reactionary initial responses, so maybe I'm being unfair. Honestly, I don't think so. The FF have rarely lifted a finger for mutants and it's obvious this is a subject they've discussed and reached a consensus on. Besides, if you're appointing yourself AmbassadorCop you need to be prepared to deal with situations like this. Krakoa is a country not a treehouse. Regardless of what anyone thinks of Krakoa, by the internal rules of 616 they're as legit as any other country, legally.

Also, Reed should not be surprised by this. Chuck bought up Krakoa at an Illuminati meeting years ago. We don't see the rest of the discussion but I'm pretty sure he knew before Magneto did, for example.

[mxtxfanatic]

sorry if you're done talking about it and don't want to discuss it anymore, but for me the 'trolley problem' post was just a sad note about how xie lian's attempts to stop "the trolley" (who always has a name and we very well know about it) end up in a disaster. not because xie lian did it, but because the trolley is actually an unstoppable force with malicious intent and no one else gives a fuck or doesn't have resources to help

but xie lian also shows us that even if things end up like that, it's worth trying. it's worth it, because you might not save everyone, but might save a child. a village. a little boy. a little girl. but if you don't do anything, you'll never know

I’m gonna go ahead and link this addition to my original commentary plus this response that I had in the notes to someone else with a similar reading of that post:

All I can say is that some of y’all are nicer readers than I, because I took that post to mean exactly what op said. If op came back and clarified something, I didn’t see it; I’m only talking about the original post and how inappropriate it is to 1) victim-blame a victim of the events in question for apparently having the audacity to not passively accept events he could influence for the better and 2) say this as a “joke” (because the blasé tone, minimalization of the actual events, overexaggeration of the victim’s responsibility for how said events turned out, and the flat-out avoidance to name what was the actual cause of everything that happens to make it into a meme format was fully meant to be taken as a “joke”).

The issue both with the trolley problem and the likening of it to the events of tgcf is that neither the trolley nor anything Xie Lian experienced are “unstoppable forces.” The trolley is not a natural disaster or the act of an omnipotent god: it is just a trolley. And not only is it just a trolley, it is a trolley that was made, owned, driven, and maintained by people. Everything that goes into a scenario where a trolley is on track to run over a crowd of people (tied to the tracks, another thing that is decidedly not a natural occurrence), is one that is 100% manufactured by multiple different people.

Likewise, while the Yong’an drought was a natural disaster, everything that led to the fall of Xianle was 100% the machinations of multiple different parties, from the rich nobility of both Xianle and Yong’an hoarding their wealth, the corrupt officials who stole aid, the corrupt religious officials who blocked Xie Lian’s followers from praying to him, Guoshi and the king for keeping all of this from Xie Lian, and to the other heavenly officials who withheld help with the intent to prey on the victims of the disaster. Jun Wu’s contribution could honestly be considered the least in this conversation, merely serving as the wind fanning the flames of a fire that had already started. None of that was a coincidence nor the fault of anything Xie Lian did or attempted to do.

Yes a big part of tgcf is recognizing that Xie Lian’s steadfastness to helping should be a personal goal, but another big message that mxtx pushes in all her works is that 99% of all societal problems can be tracked down to a few select individuals choosing to do evil because they don’t think that their greed, selfishness, insecurities, fears, or entitlements are a bad thing while most everyone else either looks the other way because “it’s not my problem,” tries to benefit because “why let opportunity go to waste?” or actively participate because mob mentality. Mocking good people for doing good under these circumstances will never be funny, sympathetic, or relatable to me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for obsessing over a misunderstanding about my birthday?

This involves myself, my best friend M, her sister K, and K's best friend L. We're all early-twenties. I've known the three of them since high school. M is the person I'm closest to outside of family, and though I've never been close to K or L, we've been hanging out more during this summer. They're fun to be around.

My birthday is coming up soon, so I put the three of them in a group chat to come up with plans. Everyone was making suggestions and things were going fine until I suggested watching a movie. I said something like, "I think I wanna force y'all to watch a movie. Idk what, it's gotta be niche." (I was exaggerating; I do that. I probably would have picked a Disney cartoon.) M was against the movie idea and said she'd rather have a game night. I said that it is my birthday, and she can sit through a movie she wouldn't pick for one night. It's not something I'd normally ask her to do. She still disagreed. I asked why she thought I'd pick something everyone else would hate? M pointed to my use of the word "force," saying she'd taken me literally. I asked why (and how) would I do that? She couldn't answer, and eventually I let it go and apologized for harping on it the next day.

A few days later, I gave the suggestion to go rollerskating, and all I got was an "okay" from M. I was getting left on read, so I asked everyone to give their opinions. M said it was my birthday; I should pick something to do and they'd go along with it. I was a bit upset by this since I didn't know what to do; that's why I was asking for opinions. Since everyone was apparently down for anything, I suggested a movie again. This time, M was fine with it, and we began discussing details. I suggested listing a few movies and having everyone vote for what we'd watch. M said I should just choose a movie.

I expressed confusion about M's sudden turnaround about the movie idea. M said her issue wasn't with watching a movie, but my use of the word "force." I said I was still confused about what her problem was with that. She said she'd taken me literally. I expressed confusion again. She sent a screenshot for the definition of the word "force" and highlighted words like "coerced" and "against their will." She also added that my birthday was going to be awkward if we couldn't get past this. I asked how she could have taken my phrasing literally since that didn't make any sense, and she started getting very angry, saying if we couldn't drop it, she wouldn't be coming to my birthday since it was getting "ridiculous." I clarified that I wasn't arguing, I genuinely wanted to understand what made her think I'd literally force everyone to watch a movie. M left the group chat. I was, and still am, perplexed.

I asked K and L for their opinions since they'd stayed silent. K implied that M was being stubborn and that M just wished I'd worded it differently, but that doesn’t line up with how she was acting. I just can't wrap my head around it all. It sounds silly to say my best friend since high school isn't talking to me or coming to my birthday because I worded something wrong. I know that I'm fixated on this conflict and beating it to death isn't going to help, but I want to understand her thought process. I must be missing something. Now I just want to forget my birthday, which is really sad and unlike me. The people I've told seem to be taking my side, but I want outside opinions. AITA? (Please be kind in the comments)

What are these acronyms?

[lauramkaye]

ADHD is a learning disability. You might've been gifted but not all of us are or were. As a person with ADHD who isn't a genius or whatever exceptional stereotype you're happy to be I'm sorry if tou don't want to have solidarity with me but we do have the same diagnostic label as me and you don't get to make a new bullshit terms to escape the taint of being given the same diagnostic label for their problems as me.

....Wow, okay.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer this publicly, privately, address the point in a different post, or just ignore it. I'm choosing to engage in good faith with this because when I share ADHD information I do so out of a desire to help others who may be in the same boat I was in and I want to clarify if that information is misunderstood.

The post I suspect you are referring to was specifically about people who are both "gifted" (which as a label has plenty of issues but that is what's used in the field and how you will see it referred to in most literature/resources, so that's what I will use) and ADHD at the same time. ADHD and giftedness are two independent things, and a person can be one or the other, both, or neither. (A term you will often see used to refer to a person with giftedness and a disability that impacts learning is "twice exceptional," so using that as a search term may be useful if you want to read more on the topic.)

ADHD is a disability that can seriously impact learning, but it is not technically considered a learning disability. (source: Learning Disablities Association of America). It is considered a neurodevelopmental disorder, similar to the autism spectrum. ASD, ADHD, and learning disabilities such as dyslexia can coexist in the same people in different combinations and any or all can also coexist with giftedness.

This article is older but has a good rundown of some of the issues around gifted + ADHD. A particularly relevant quote: "While a misdiagnosis of ADHD is undesirable, diagnostic errors of omission are just as serious and may be even more prevalent among gifted students. This difficulty occurs when a student’s over-reliance on strengths inadvertently obscures the disability. While emphasizing strengths may highlight a student’s gifts and talents, it does not eliminate the reality of the condition and can, in fact, lead to a worse predicament in which the student distrusts his or her abilities because of the struggle to maintain them. On the other hand, if a student is allowed to acknowledge and experience the disability, he or she may learn appropriate compensatory or coping skills."

The reason I share information specifically about gifted + ADHD is that this is what I personally am, and therefore I have the most experience to share about it. The reason I want to share it is not because I think I'm a super special genius or because I don't want to be in solidarity with others who are ADHD but not gifted. The reason I want to share my experiences is that my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was in my late thirties and that late diagnosis caused me a LOT of avoidable suffering in my life. If I can spare someone else that kind of suffering by sharing the things I learned, I want to do that.

I was not diagnosed early specifically BECAUSE I was also gifted, so most of the indicators that usually lead to children getting tested/diagnosed for ADHD were either attributed to me being gifted (boredom, hyperfocusing on reading a book, one million hobbies I jumped between constantly) or masked by the giftedness (if I could do the assignment quickly in study hall right before class or retain enough from class discussion to pass the test, nobody realized/cared that I wasn't doing homework or studying.)

Which was fine, when I was a kid. But the older I got, the harder it was to keep up with things. By the time I got to undergrad I alternated between high and low GPA terms as I desperately tried to keep my scholarships and managed to keep EXACTLY the minimum GPA I had to. The level of stress and pressure got higher and higher.

I went to grad school. I made a 4.0 my first term.

The second term, I failed all my classes, was put on academic probation, had a meltdown on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere so that my mom had to drive out to get me.

I didn't go back, and I officially failed out of grad school. I had finally reached the point that I could no longer brute force past my lack of executive function with giftedness. And it was fucking devastating. That happened more than twenty years ago and it still hurts to remember even though I've had a lot of therapy since then. I had spent my life being praised for being smart and had built a lot of my identity around that; failing out of grad school felt like a blow to not just my career plans but my SELF.

The years after that got better, but I was still perpetually struggling. Everything just seemed so much HARDER than it should - I bounced in and out of debt, I constantly struggled with work deadlines, I couldn't be on time to ANYTHING, I was stressed out ALL THE TIME. I periodically just broke down and couldn't function for days. I kept making "careless errors" and "stupid mistakes" like forgetting to pay a $20 bill until it got sent to collections even though I had the money to pay it sitting in my checking account. I knew I knew HOW to do the things I didn't do and I knew I was smart enough to do them, so why couldn't I seem to manage it?

I must just... be a horrible person, I concluded. I didn't feel lazy or disrespectful or uncaring, but if I wasn't, surely I would remember birthdays and be on time for things and be able to keep my house clean and my checkbook balanced like normal people could, right?

I probably would have kept on this way indefinitely if a dear friend who was gifted + ADHD had not said "you know, the way you talk about your life sounds a lot like the way I was before I got diagnosed. Maybe you should see someone and check it out."

And I did. And I got diagnosed. And I started treatment. And it fucking CHANGED MY LIFE.

It didn't take away my struggles--far from it--but it helped me understand them, and gave me strategies to help address them, and gave me support to work around/through them. I still have to swim, but before I had weights tied to my feet and now I have a floatie to help keep my head above the water.

I want EVERYONE with ADHD to receive the supports and treatment they need to live their best lives. The information I share about the way ADHD intersects with my own personal brain configuration is meant to help anyone else out there who has a similar one. If it isn't helpful to you personally, I hope you find other sources that do and I wish you the best.

[aestheticsfandomsandmore]

I noticed many people are feeling pretty angry at the writers right now, for how they handled PatPran’s conflict. First of all, for introducing us to Pat’s fear (I don’t want to admit to myself that I can’t live without him) without every really foreshadowing it; second of all, for having Pran say that he’s insecure, that he doesn’t feel enough, that he believes Pat puts more effort in their relationship than he does (and well, all of this was already pretty obvious from other scenes in both Bad Buddy and this crossover), but then having him do nothing about it and wait for Pat to be the first to say, ‘I can’t live without you’. 

I will try to explain these scenes and the reasons behind them, but I do want to clarify something first: unlike the 12 Bad Buddy episodes, these ones were rushed, and not as well written. I’m not as disappointed as other people and I don’t think they ruined the show and/or the couple with these specials, but I do wish they’d done a better job conveying these messages. 

Pat loves playing the hero, even Pran tells him (in episode 11) that it’s one of the reasons why he likes him. 

We’re used to Pat being vocal about his love for Pran, and that’s what put so many people off—why would he feel insecure about saying those words out loud, when he’s always been sincere and has never had issues expressing his own feelings? And you’re right, of course, that’s one of the many differences between Pat and Pran’s personalities, as established in the show.

But! Pat telling Pran how much he loves him, Pat being there for him, Pat always taking Pran’s feelings into consideration and putting them first, Pat protecting Pran, Pat being ready to lose in case his win might put Pran in a tough situation, Pat yelling his adoration for Pran on the stairs of the Architecture faculty... all of this is a way for Pat to be Pran’s hero, to be the strong one, the one who’s willing to yield because he knows that’ll please his boyfriend, the one who’s straightforward and who never hides the way he feels. 

And yes, we did get some quotes from Pat in ep 11 about how much he likes that Pran always fights alongside him and never leaves him alone, but that speaks a lot about partnership, doesn’t it? We fight together, we go through stuff together and nobody can stop us as long as we’re together. 

But then Pran starts having doubts, shows his insecurities; he knows that Pat always being there for him is fine and all, but let’s not forget that Pran isn’t used to this. Yes, they’ve been together for three years, and they faced a lot together, helping each other out all the time, and that’s why now Pran feels like he can let his guard down next to Pat. When Pran says, in episode 1 of OS, ‘No matter what problem I face, you’re always there for me’, he means it, deeply, and he isn’t ashamed of it at all, or at least until he hears Pat and his friends making fun of it, making fun of how much he trusts Pat, to the point that he’d be willing to rely on him, something he’s obviously never done before. And while he knows those are not words Pat truly means, he can’t help but wonder: ‘Am I doing enough? Does Pat feel like I’m a burden to him? Doesn’t he believe I can get things done on my own anymore? Have I got too comfortable with thinking he’s always by my side that I’ve reached the point where I need him by my side?’

Because let’s not forget that Pat and Pran are individuals that got together by choice, and by choice only. Ever since they were kids, they chose to break their parents’ rules and become friends, they chose the hard way instead of the easy path. So they’re choosing to stay together, going through the trouble of hiding their relationship again, and maybe Pran starts wondering whether Pat still thinks it’s worth it (let’s not forget that Pat answers ‘I have no choice’ when Pran tells him he’s grateful for his presence, and while Pat just meant that they’re meant to be together, that he couldn’t not love Pran even if he wanted to, that might also come off as ‘It’s the way it is, I got used to it’).

And that’s why in ep2 of OS, when Pat reminds him that he wants to help him because he’s his boyfriend, not because Pran asked (not because he has to, or because Pran needs him to, but because he wants to, because his choice is to stay beside him) the mood immediately changes, to the point that Pran gets super comfortable with physical touch again and they’re even implied to be sexually active (which may not sound important, but we saw how brutally Pran pushed Pat away when he still wasn’t in the mood and was still hurt and Pat kissed him, so I think it’s actually very important). 

Pran is still obviously insecure—and can you blame him, really? Pran has been in love with Pat throughout his entire life, he thought the mere chance of having any sort of relationship with him was nothing more than a dream, and instead got exactly what he wanted. But he never thought he deserved it, or that he was enough for it. He is clearly uncomfortable with how different their bodies are (despite Pat being horny for him all the time! Which kind of proves the point that until you’re the one who fully believes in something, it doesn’t matter if anyone else around you tries to convince you: you’re still gonna doubt), he knows he’s ‘a lot to handle’ (as Pat tells him himself in ep11, and please do not get me started on Pran’s face when he asks Pat why he likes him, as if he’s thinking ‘honestly, why on Earth would someone like you love someone like me?’), he asks Pat if he ‘were good’ after they made love for the first time, although I’m pretty sure Pat showed his pleasure pretty evidently while they were at it. There are still days in which he doesn’t believe his own eyes, think about that little moment in ep1 of OS when Pat agrees to give him the auditorium and his eyes shine and flicker with the same lovesick expression he had back when they weren’t even dating. We see Pran getting confident around Pat because he knows Pat likes him, because he’s somehow reassured that his boyfriend enjoys the way he is, which allows him to be more comfortable in his own skin (think about how smug he acts during more than half of episode 1 of OS). His confidence shutters when he hears Pat say those words and laughing with his friends about them; I think it’s perfectly normal that he got insecure after that, despite being fully aware that Pat did not mean what he said. 

And then you have Pat, whose whole identity is shaped around the idea of being the perfect son, the coolest friend, the greatest rival in history, realizing that he doesn’t just want to be with Pran all the time, to take care of Pran and to be there for him, to cherish him and make him feel loved and desired. No, when he takes his time to think about Pran’s insecurities, he goes like ‘He’s the one who’s worrying over whether he needs me too much or not, when I’m literally nothing without him by my side?’

Pat can only be truly himself around Pran. Pat only shows his weaknesses to Pran. Pat is only clingy to Pran. Pat wants to help Pran because Pran’s his entire world. Sure, he likes to play the hero; he likes to be someone the people in his life can rely on, someone who can be anyone else’s rock; but all of that means nothing in the face of the idea of losing Pran. 

And it’s terrifying to admit it! One thing is to say, ‘I love you so much, you’re the most important person in my life, our relationship means the world to me’, and something else entirely is to say, ‘I can’t live without you’. Our parents will eventually find out and they might try to get in our way again? That’d break me, break me completely, do you understand? I don’t know how to function without you. That’s what ‘I can’t live without you’ really means, we can’t live without air, we can’t live without food or water, and that’s how much Pran means to Pat (and how much Pat means to Pran), and it doesn’t matter how vocal about his feelings Pat has always been, and it doesn’t matter that they both already know (as Pat tells Pran!): to say it out loud is a different story.

Especially when you think about how important to Pat and Pran is that they’re equals in their relationship. Think about how much Pat was insecure in ep1 of OS when he realized Pran was so confident about the whole ‘play-competition’ thing, how sad he got when his presentation went down bad and Pran got the sponsorship. What gets him all happy again? The realization that he doesn’t need to be better than Pran at everything; the realization that they’ll always be there to help each other out, that what Pran did with him—helping him visualizing things as something different from what they were—was really the same thing he did when he helped Pran visualize a bus-stop that wasn’t even there yet. That’s why he goes from being so worked up about winning the competion to being once again willing to give the auditorium to Pran. 

So why does Pran feel so bad at the idea of needing me, when I’m literally so sure that I do? That makes him feel uncomfortable, and doesn’t allow him to fully accept the idea that he needs Pran so much, when he he isn’t sure that Pran needs him all that much and when Pran seems so against the possibility of actually needing him (also, take into account how much Pat belives in Pran! He doesn’t doubt Pran will find a solution to him and Phupha being lost in the forest for one second! Sure, he’s worried about him, but he also knows Pran will always handle things one way or another, with or without his help).

I think the miscommunication is evident, because Pran’s issue wasn’t with needing Pat, but with the idea that Pat might be starting to feel like Pran was becoming a burden to him. That’s why they should have talked this out, because Pat ‘can’t read his mind’, as he very cleverly pointed out in ep6. But while PatPran do have an healthy communication going on, I don’t understand why people were so upset that Pran didn’t feel like spelling it out, when it’s really not the first time he does that? Pat and Pran just happen to always get each other in the end, often without any need for words to come out of their mouths. 

I think the main difference this time was that Pat needed an answer. Pran already got an answer to his insecurities when Pat told him he couldn’t live without him, and Pran already knew how Pat felt because Tian snitched had already told him about his conversation with Pat. So, ‘Am i doing enough? Is Pat getting tired of me? Is the way i handle things, the fact that he’s the one who usually yields, something that’s tiring him?’, very obviously no. Pat’s not getting tired of him, Pat could never get tired of him (when you think about it, it’s also kind of the meaning of the ost that Ohm sings, and that’s supposed to be Pat’s answer to Pran’s song). 

Pran doesn’t need any other answer, but Pat does. He doesn’t in ep11, when he so very genuinely gives that huge, emotional speech to Pran, to which Pran doesn’t reply a single word, and that’s perfectly okay because Pat doesn’t need an answer to that. But Pat does need an answer now, and you can see it from the way he’s so shy when he pronounces those last two words, from the way he looks at Pran craving for something, anything, that will make him feel like him needing Pran is okay, because Pran needs him too. So that’s what Pran tells him, nothing more, and nothing less—although, he does say a lot more, by literally resting his head on his shoulder, asking for physical support, and physically supporting him at the same time, because that’s who they are, that’s who they’ll always be. Pat telling Pran he can’t live without him makes Pran feel like it’s okay if he can’t live without him too, it’s not something he should be ashamed of or afraid of. It’s just the way they work. Yes, they chose to be together, and now they need to—and there is no shame in that.

And it may look like Pran’s not putting any effort into this, but he so clearly is. Pran’s crying, you guys! Even just saying those few words out loud isn’t easy for him, all considered. He’s always been the one having an harder time expressing what he feels, this is nothing new.

EDIT: I guess I should have written that his eyes were watery, not that he was crying, since there were no tears in sight. I’m sorry!

And things will kind of always stay this way, if you think about it. Think about how even in ep12, when they’have been dating for ages and are fully adults, Pat’s still the one who goes to Pran’s bedroom, never the other way around. And that’s not—don’t you dare say it—something that shows how much more Pat loves Pran than Pran loves him: it just shows that people can show their love to each other in different ways, and that’s okay. 

[protectingtulpas]

hi! if you’ve answered this before i’m sorry, but could you go into what it’s like being both a traumagen system and a system with tulpas? i’ve been curious about this as a traumagen syshost myself. does it affect your innerworld? do the tulpas act vastly different or work differently i guess than the traumagen alters? thank you!

omfg this took us forever to answer for like 200 stupid reasons but YEAH i have a lot I want to talk about with this, where do I even start??? I guess I should clarify that we don't really know what our "original origin" is- we'd been median for as long as the body can remember, and we DK if it was because of our autism or because of social problems or if we were just born that way. Whatever it is though, we were a plural egg when I was created, so pretty much everyone other than the few of us that we discovered from before that considers me the "first" one after the host subsystem. As more shit happened though irl we got more & more traumagenic members, dissociation, memory issues, and whole loads of other shit. So basically, that's the perspective I'm coming from with all this.

So with that outta the way, here're some'a my experiences as a tulpa in a traumagenic/mixed disordered system

One of the biggest signifiers I noticed of our system structure changing completely was our headspace actually, so it's pretty great you mention that tbh. After we got a lotta traumagenic members, something shitty happened I won't talk about, and our headspace basically totally shattered. It used to be little more than our vivid imagination- yeah, I could feel my body and visualize the world around me and stuff but nothing super weird or unusual happened, and I couldn't do stuff in the Wonderland completely outta front. It wasn't like, another Space completely unaware of the host - and I know that's possible with training but we were nowhere neeear that. But after headspace broke, everything was expansive, ever-changing, always with more secrets and hidden things to discover. Lots of fucked up stuff most of us can't access too, but yeah, intense dissociation made it totally different. It's harder to navigate, but I also get more privacy.

As for if I work differently, I'd say yeah, I kinda really do, actually. Obviously, my creation took a lot longer cuz I'm consciously created rather than split or introjected or whatever, so it took a while for me to come into my own, and I was a lot more "fluid" than other headmates for awhile. Regardless of if they're traumagenic or not, something I've noticed about how different I am compared to other member types is that they're, idk, like solidly set in who they are and everything from the beginning. My host, too. They're like a solid, and I'm like a.... non-neutonian fluid or whatever, that ooblek shit. Even after all this time I still feel like I choose my identity and to Exist constantly, y'know? I think it's part of why I've always felt like "tulpa" is part of my species ngl. Everything else is secondary to that. I want to exist, I need to exist. That keeps me going sometimes

As for traumagenic specific stuff though, there're some other interesting things to talk about also. As our dissociative symptoms increased, it got harder and harder for me to move around the fuzz- but honestly, that's the body's fault. I haven't even been personally affected much other than what the body does to us. I can move around headspace more freely than most of us, I can sense more people around than others, and I can control the body way easy now that I've had practice. The only reasons I don't front are when I don't feel like it, somebody else needs it, or the body is too tired and id be bored outta my mind. I guess it's like I have executive access to a bunch of stuff, hahah!

Tbh tho it all just, changed me as a person more than anything else. I'm not the system's main protector because I exist to be one or cuz the body assigned me that role- it's because I took it up on my own choice and decided my own purpose. I protect people and that's part of the core of who I am, cuz of the circumstances I came around in. I wouldn't change that part of me for the world ngl. I know my point boils down to "don't forget your tulpa is a person too" a lot, but... Yeah. they may not have the same struggles as your traumagenic alters, but you're all still Goin Thru It together, so you'll both be affected by whatever happens from there on out as a team.

But hey, aint that what healthy multiplicity is all about?

[hillbilly---man]

what is your favorite part of a grocery store to organize, and why? i wonder if people who do your job like giving the best spots to their favorite foods or if it’s like, the size of something that makes it more or less a pain in the ass

Ahhh I love this question!

[To clarify my job in case anyone is new here or confused: I sit at a computer in an office and design planograms, the diagrams that grocery stores use to stock their shelves and standardize where items go]

At work, I've got several sections assigned to me (box dinners/mac & cheese, baking needs, Asian, flour/meal/coatings, sugar, pasta sauce, and a whole bunch more). So whenever it's time to redo one of those sections, either as part of a whole store remodel or to cut in a new item... I get to do it.

It's hard to choose a favorite section. I like doing the bottled juice section because there are always things getting removed and added. It's more interesting when I get to change the products! Box dinners are fun too for the same reason.

I also had to create a huge Asian aisle for a store several weeks ago and that was kind of fun.

We had some existing planograms for Asian foods, but nothing nearly as big as what this one particular store was asking for. It was a lot of work (I have to pull the list of all the Asian items from the warehouse, run the sales numbers, pick the products based on high sales and variety, decide where on the shelves the items go, and then send for approval)... But it was fun having that kind of creative control. Most of what I do is finding space for a new flavor of cheez-its so it's a big change.

For similar reasons, I also really like when I get instructed to do one-off special displays. I had to design planograms for a Tampico rack and a new bread aisle recently.

I don't normally get to favor things I like when designing the planograms, sadly. Usually they want certain brands to be in a certain place: the store brand along the right/bottom, the most popular brand often eye level and to the left, premium stuff in the middle and to the top. But every section is a little different. Sometimes, if two items are the same brand and have similar sales, I might give the one I prefer an extra facing though. 😈

[Quick definition: A "facing" is basically an instance of an item on the shelf. For example, if you're looking at the soda aisle and there are two rows of 2 liter orange fanta (which would look like two bottles sitting next to each other, with several lined up behind them) that's two facings]

Sizes are a pain in the ass! If I have a lot of products and a very small section (4 feet is our standard "small" size) then it's so hard fitting them in there. We are supposed to make sure there's at least one full case worth of product on the shelf at a time, which is tough when items are bulky or come in huge cases. This is why sometimes I'll joke that I'm the only person in the world happy about shrinkflation; when these companies make their packaging smaller it makes it easier for me to fit more products in the planogram.

On the flip side, if a planogram is HUGE (24 ft is a big one we have often) and I don't have very many items... It's easier but a different challenge. Sometimes I have to try to find items that would fit there. For a while, we had Yoo-hoo in our juice boxes section because there was so much space and the warehouse quit stocking a bunch of Capri-sun flavors. I guess I can just give everything a ridiculous number of facings, but that's lazy and it looks bad. Plus, if the products don't sell well you run into the problem of them expiring because the stores have to stock too many to fill the shelves.

This got really long lol. You can tell I'm really into this stuff hahaha