#just wanna know how yall are viewing the recent situation and what you do

[taeko-yamada]

for clarification, whats your opinion on the dev, and will you stay in this fandom? and the "i dont talk abt dev" option is meant to be the old-neutral stance, i just wasnt rlly sure how to word it without it sounding... off.

for whatevers left of this fandom, i just wanna do a check in before i make a decision on how to tread the waters here

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part IX. (Harry Styles)

yall are gonna hate me for this but it needed to be done IM SORRY! also, i can’t believe valerie is ending this week, just one more part to go! can’twait to read your reactions and thoughts on this part, even though i know yall gonna be upset lmao

word count: 5.6k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Some days it truly feels like the universe has plotted against you to make every possible thing go wrong. As if it wants to see just how much you can take before breaking, experiment how long it can dance on your nerves before you end up one of those crazy people who shout at random strangers on the bus for no actual reason.

Starting the day you overslept awfully leaving you only ten minutes before you had to leave. In your hurry you ended up putting on socks that do not match and you were forced to buy a sandwich on your way as breakfast, but you promised you wouldn’t buy packed sandwiches for a reason, this one tasted like it’s been sitting on the shelf for weeks. Maybe it really has been. 

You made it to work successfully, but then you realized that you’ve left your notebook at home, the one that had quite a lot of important information you need for your work, so you spent your first hour at work emailing different people for things you should now, explaining that you just left your notebook at home. Some didn’t really give a fuck and just answered you normally, but others didn’t shy away from commenting that you should be more responsible and careful.

This alone gave just the perfect foundation for the day. It was all downhill from then. Your boss loaded twice as much work on you than usually, everything with close deadlines, throwing even more anxiety into the mix as if you didn’t have enough already. 

You met up with Marcus at lunch, but that didn’t go as planned either. It’s been getting more and more frustrating with him, the two of you have already had at least five fights this week and it’s only wednesday. It seems like even the smallest things push you over the edge these days and you easily pick a fight over anything. It didn’t happen differently this time either and by the time you got back to the office you were fuming. Worst part is that you always have a hard time ending a fight and tend to continue it through texts, the same thing happened today as well.

Now it’s a few minutes past five and you’re getting ready to go home, get changed and head to family dinner since today is Valerie’s first birthday, but even on the bus you’re still furiously typing away on your phone, sending a reply to Marcus, wanting nothing more than to throw the device right ot the window.

At one point you decide you’ve had enough. Turning your phone off you sink it into the depth of your bag and just try to focus on breathing, because even the smallest things seem to be hard tasks in such an upsetting state of mind. 

These past few weeks things have taken an absurdly wrong turn between you and Marcus and you don’t know what to do about the whole situation. Every night you go to bed thinking that you should just let go of him, would do a favor for the both of you, but then that stupid little voice in the back of your mind tells you that if you break up with Marcus it’s game over for you, you’ll spend the rest of your life alone. It all ends up with you violently holding onto the pieces of what’s left from your relationship and you’ve been trying to figure out where it went wrong, but you have absolutely no idea. 

After you changed into a pair of light washed jeans, a bright orange sweater and your black leather jacket it’s time for you to leave, though you already know you’ll be late. With a sigh deep you decided to turn your phone back on when you were sitting in the Uber, immediately deleting the notifications about the messages Marcus left you and going straight for the few ones from Rosa, your mom and Harry. They all arrived not too long ago asking when you’d be arriving, so you quickly typed your sorry and told them you’re on your way, you just got caught up at work. For Harry, you add something else too:

“Save me a seat and order me a tequila.”

His response came quickly.

“Done. Both.”

You let out a chuckle seeing his message. He knows you too well.

Walking into the small restaurant you don’t have a hard time spotting your family, three tables have been pushed together to make enough room in the back, taking up the small, kind of separated area of the place. Rosa smiles widely when she spots you, Valerie standing on her thighs, hands on the table as she is trying to snatch one of the glasses away, but her dad is pushing it further from her grasp.

“Sorry for being late,” you huff out and take the seat right next to Harry who watches you with a smile. “Well hello there, birthday girl! You’re so big now!” you babble at Valerie who giggles at you before her attention is averted once again.

You feel Harry’s elbow poking your side and turning to him you see him nod at the two shots on the table.

“Oh, fantastic. You’re drinking too?”

“No, I’m driving. Both for you.”

“If I didn’t have such a shitty day I would question what kind of alcoholic you think I am, but I kinda need both,” you sigh, taking the first one and downing it faster than ever. From the corner of your eyes you see your mother’s disapproving look, but you decide to ignore it for now.

“Wanna talk about it?” Harry asks, eyebrows furrowed in worry, but you shake your head, the alcohol still burning your throat.

“Not now. Can you give me a lift home tho?”

“Sure,” he nods, turning back to the conversation at the table. 

You somehow succeed in putting everything that happened today behind and just focus on the time spent with your family. It helps that seemingly Harry works hard all evening to tell you about random things, just occupying your thoughts as much as he can. It’s nice to relax a little and forget everything that’s been weighing down on your shoulders recently. 

“It’s so crazy she is one already,” you sigh when you and Harry are walking to his car.

“Right? It makes me feel incredibly old,” Harry huffs as he fishes his car keys out of his pocket.

“How old are you even?” you ask laughing, realizing you don’t even know how old he exactly is. There are quite a few things, small details you’ve just never gotten around to find out about Harry.

“I’m turning 27 in February. Wild, isn’t it?” he chuckles.

“Yeah, you’re basically a grandpa,” you tease him and he narrows his eyes at you, but you can’t miss the little smile hiding in the corners of his mouth. 

“That makes you a grandma, because you’re turning 25 in April, don’t you?”

“You know when my birthday is?” It takes you by surprise, you don’t remember ever telling him when your birthday is.

The two of you reach his car and he clears his throat unlocking it. Seems like he doesn’t really want to answer, but your burning gaze on him kind of forces him into it.

“Uh, I do. I wanted to meet up with Steven last year the day you had your birthday party, but he said he had plans already. Tried to lure him into cancelling, but he didn’t even want to share where he was going. Then he admitted that it was your birthday party, but you told him and Rosa not to even mention it to me so I don’t show up.”

Your stomach drops hearing his version of a story you’ve only known from your own point of view. You remember that you indeed told them not to tell Harry about it, but now it seems like such a hate crime, when in real life, it was still when the two of you hated each other with passion. 

“I’m… Harry I’m sorry. That was--”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiles at you, starting the car. “We left it all behind, didn’t we?”

His smile seems genuine, but you still feel guilty for being such a bitch. It reminded you how much time and energy the two of you wasted for years hating each other when you could have been just like you are now. If only things happened in a different way…

Arriving at your building Harry parks the car and stops it. As the engine stops, the silence that’s been thickening the air just becomes even more obvious. He is waiting for you to say something about what’s gotten you so upset today, you know that, but you don’t feel like sitting around in his car.

“Want to come up for a little bit?” you ask and it’s a hidden message that you want to talk in the comfort of your own home. Luckily, Harry understands it right away and nodding he tells you to lead the way. 

You make some tea and the two of you sit on your couch, Harry is sitting sideways so he can see you while you bring your knees up to your chest, staring down at the mug in your hands.

“I had a fight with Marcus,” you quietly start.

“Oh.”

“And… it wasn’t the first time. We’ve been constantly fighting lately and I’m just… so tired of it.”

Saying it out loud for the first time, having someone listen to you brings you an odd sense of relief, and it doesn’t feel weird that you’re talking to Harry about all of it. He has proven himself to be a great listener.

“We’ve been fighting constantly, over the smallest things and my… my patience is running short, at this point.”

You’re talking slowly, carefully putting your thoughts into words, trying your best to interpret them for Harry after boiling them only in your own head for so long.

“I just… I have no idea what I should do.”

“It seems like the relationship is not making you happy anymore,” Harry softly speaks up and you have nothing to bring up against what he just said. “So why are you trying to continue it?”

You were expecting the question, you just knew he would ask it, but it still brings a painful, stinging sensation into your chest as you try to find the words to answer him. 

“Because…” you breath out and slowly turning your head, your eyes meet his gaze. “If I can’t make it work with him… then… who is it gonna be? There’s this voice in my head that keeps telling me, that he is literally my last choice, that if I mess this up it’s gonna be over for me.”

“Y/N, you know that’s not true,” Harry tells you tilting his head.

“Do I?” you chuckle bitterly, turning your gaze to the ceiling before you look back at him. “Because I don’t think I do. I’ve been literally feeling so miserable for weeks, yet I still can’t get me to move on, because I think I’m gonna die alone.”

“That’s not gonna happen, don’t say that. You’ll find the right person for you, you just… have to be patient.”

“But that’s the thing. I have lost my patience. I’m done, over it.” The tears form in your eyes in just a few seconds and the next thing you know is that you’re crying. “I’ve been trying so hard in my whole life, but somehow I always ended up… not being enough, or thrown away, stepped over, left behind. No matter what I did, I always ended up alone and I can’t help but notice a pattern in it. It has to be me, what else?”

“It’s not you, okay? You just had a few bad experiences.”

“Not a few,” you huff closing your eyes. “All of them are bad. I was… I was never enough for anyone and now that I found a guy that seemed to be just perfect… I’m ruining it.”

“I don’t think you’re ruining anything.”

“Then explain to me what’s happening, Harry!” you snap in despair and Harry stares back at you at a loss of words at first.

“Do you have feelings for him?” he then asks. You can’t answer right away and it tells him a lot.

“I… I’m not sure.”

“That sounded more like a no.”

“Okay, alright. No, I don’t. But… I could develop feelings eventually, couldn’t I?”

“That’s not how it works, Y/N. You can’t just torture yourself hoping that one day you wake up and you’ll be in love with him. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just wasting your time.”

“How do you know it’s not gonna happen? What makes you so sure of that I will not end up alone?”

Harry stays quiet, her green eyes are staring right into your soul and for a moment you forget about your misery. This man alone holds such a power over you, it’s starting to scare you.

“I know it, because… I know you. And I see you. You’re literally the funniest girl I know, so easy to talk with, you always know when to crack a joke and when you have to be serious. You have so much love for others, you care about your loved ones and you’re always there for your friends and family. You make it so easy for others to get comfortable around you and you make everyone feel safe around you.”

You listen to him intently, drinking up every word that leaves his lips. Harry looks down at his hands as he continues.

“And you’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful, it always baffles me when I see you.”

“What?” you breathe out.

“It’s the truth,” Harry chuckles lightly, he brushes his knuckles together nervously. “Every time you walk in, you just… make everyone turn their head at you, and I always wonder if you even notice that. The way you walk, your smile, your laugh, Y/N, you make every man go crazy about you.”

“You’re just saying that because you are trying to cheer me up,” you sniff, wiping a few more tears away from your eyes.

“I’m definitely not,” he chuckles and his eyes finally find yours. “I remember when we first met.”

“When you walked in on me changing,” you sigh, the memories living vividly in your mind.

“Yeah. I remember how… breathless I felt when I saw you standing there, your dress handing a little on your frame because of the zipper. I forgot my name for a moment. I offered to help with the zipper because I just… wanted to touch you in any kind of way. So I knew that you were real.”

“Harry…”

“I know this sounds made up, but I’m telling you, this is the truth. And I know I didn’t act like that for a long time, but I always thought that you were an amazing person and I know that any guy would be so lucky and incredibly happy to be with you. I hate the thought of you thinking otherwise of yourself, when you are literally such a delight and… just a gift to all of us. I don’t know what’s really been going on between you and Marcus, but if he can’t see your worth and can’t make you feel like you deserve… he is not worthy of your time.”

You feel your throat closing up, but you’re not sure Harry knows the reason behind it when the tears start rolling down your cheeks again. 

Because it might look like his words touched you and made you tear up, but in reality, a bittersweet feeling has taken completely over you. If this is how he thinks about you, why did he act like that when he had the chance to be with you? Why didn’t he want you to stay? What did you do that made him want to throw you out?

It’s a spiral straight down and you can’t stop yourself from falling. Harry has always been the biggest mystery of your life, and now you’re just even more sure it was something you did or said that made him want to run. 

He reaches out and easily scoops you into his arms and you let him hold you tight, face buried into his chest. You hold onto his shirt as the silent cries escape your lips. You want him to want you. You want him to mean all those things he just told you, but you just can’t seem to move on from the past even though you’ve agreed to forget about it. It keeps bugging you in the back of your mind that no matter what he says, you weren’t good enough to make him want to stay with you when he had the chance. 

***

It doesn’t get better after that night. Harry stayed until after midnight, made sure you got into bed and told you he’ll check in on you the next day. And so he did. 

You felt guilty for loading all of it on Harry, so you decided it was the last time you ever talked about Marcus or your love life in general with him. You easily made yourself believe that he didn’t really care about it and he just listened to you because he was trying to be nice. It seemed the best to just try and forget about it all. 

For a while you were contemplating breaking up with Marcus, but you didn’t have the strength to do it, telling yourself you have to give it another chance and some more patience. However it’s ending up to be quite draining, you gotta admit, but you are starting to get used to feeling numb every day.

Rosa invites you over, because she went through her closet and found some stuff she thought you’d like, so you head over not long after you get home from work. She mentioned that Harry would be over watching some kind of football game with Steven, so you are not surprised to see his car parking on their driveway.

“Hi guys!” you greet them when Rosa lets you in, the game is already on so they just wave in your way, intently watching the TV.

“Come on, I have everything in the bedroom,” Rosa nods in your way and you follow her upstairs. Valerie greets you with a loud shriek as you walk in, she is sitting in her crib, surrounded with a bunch of toys, seemingly having a great time.

“Hi there, Princess!” you coo at her, caressing her cheek before you sit on the edge of the bed that’s filled with piles of clothes. “What’s the big sorting?” you ask, grabbing a cardigan and taking a look at it.

“I just have way too much stuff, can’t fit new stuff into my wardrobe, so I needed to sort it all out.”

The two of you go through everything and just catch up while you try on what you like. At the end, you are just sitting on the bed playing with Valerie. You can tell there’s something Rosa wants to share, but she seems reserved about saying it out loud.

“So, the other day we were talking with Steven about how crazy it is that Val is over one year old,” she starts, eyes glued to the little girl, handing her another building block as Valerie works on… whatever it’s going to be when it's finished.

“Yeah, that’s what we talked about with Harry after her birthday dinner. Makes us feel old,” you chuckle.

“Exactly,” she sighs chuckling. “So then we talked about, maybe… having another kid sometime soon.”

You perk up and looking at Rosa you see the shy smile on her lips and you gasp, but she shakes her head.

“I’m not pregnant,” she assures you, but then adds: “Not yet.”

“Oh my God, so you’re trying for another baby?” you whisper, even though there’s no chance of the guys hearing the two of you. You can hear the sound of the TV up here, they have no clue what you’re talking about.

“I mean, it can take some time, so we thought we could… start now.”

“That’s fantastic!” you breathe out, truly happy for your sister. You just know Valerie will be such a good big sister. “Val, you want a baby sister or baby brother?” you ask her and she looks at you with a serious expression, holding out one of the blocks.

“Baba!” she exclaims.

“Yes, baba!” you chuckle. She’s been learning kind of real words lately and it won’t take too long before she’ll be bossing around everyone in the house.

When it’s getting late you pack the clothes you choose and head down to leave. The guys are still on the couch, but Harry’s head perks up when he hears your footsteps.

“You want me to give you a ride?”

“Um, I’m fine, don’t want to bother you while the game is on.”

“It’s ending in five. If you can wait a little it’s alright.”

“Okay,” you nod smiling so instead of going to the front door you stop in the kitchen to wait for Harry.

Rosa puts Valerie into her high chair and gets a banana for her while you check your phone just when Marcus calls you. Hesitantly, but you answer it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hi, just wanted to check in if the weekend is still on.”

“Uh, sure. It is.”

“Great. I’ll have to check again with my boss, but I think I’ll be able to pick you up.”

“Great. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, babe.”

The call ends and you find yourself facing a curious looking Rosa on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Marcus?” she asks and you nod. “How are things going?” You’ve only mentioned it to her that it’s been hard between the two of you, but you definitely didn’t go into details. Harry was the first and last person to hear the whole story.

“Um… neutral, I guess?”

“That doesn’t sound promising.”

“I know, but I’m just trying to figure it out. We are spending the weekend together, I hope it’ll help us to get a little more… settled? I guess, I don’t know,” you stammer, nervously fidgeting with your phone in your hands. 

“That’s nice, was it his idea?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s good to know that Marcus is making the right attempts to smooth things out.”

“Attempts?” Harry’s voice makes both of you look in his way as he stands at the door, seemingly confused about what he just heard. “You’re still with Marcus?”

“Harry, I…”

“No, don’t try to explain it. I thought I talked sense into you last time.” He is clearly pissed, not holding back how upset he is to get the news that you are still dating Marcus. But on the other hand you can also feel yourself getting angry how he tries to control your life.

“You did, but I never said I’ll break things off with him.”

“Well, it surely sounded like you made up your mind,” he huffs.

“Well, I didn’t,” you scoff, crossing your arms on your chest.

“What the fuck, Y/N! You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” he snaps gesturing in your way. “I thought we were over this!”

“We? What do you mean we?” you grimace and now you are raising your voice as well. “Harry, there’s no we! This is my relationship and it’s nice that you care, but you can’t tell me what to do!”

Harry is vivid. He needs everything in him not to burst right then and there and for a moment you think he’s gonna just explode. But when he speaks up again his voice is quiet, however you can feel all the anger and frustration behind it.

“Get in the car, we’re leaving.”

“What?”

“Get in the fucking car, Y/N!” he barks making you jump. Rosa and Steven, who arrived to the kitchen in the middle of this madness, are just watching the scene unfold, completely unable to even say a word.

Slowly, you slide off the stool and grabbing the bag filled with clothes you turn to Rosa.

“Thanks for… these,” you mumble before walking out, Harry following you right behind. 

Nothing is said as the two of you get into the car, Harry is clearly on the verge of anger outburst, but you’re pretty upset yourself. The drive back to your place is painfully quiet, but you can’t stop staring at his hands gripping the wheel. HIs fingers and knuckles are turning white from the way he is basically crushing the wheel in his hold. You wouldn’t be surprised if it had his grip’s imprint on it by the time you arrive to your building. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he snaps once the car is parked.

“Would you stop pretending like you have a saying in what I do?”

“I do have a saying in it! Because when you break again I’ll be the one picking you up from the ground!”

“Well, sorry it’s such an inconvenience to be my friend. But don’t worry, I won’t come to you again,” you snap back with a grimace and try to open the door, but it’s locked. “Let me out, Harry!”

“Fuck no, not until we talk about this,” he scoffs and it’s the last straw for you.

“There’s nothing to talk about! It’s none of your business, Harry! Stop pretending like you care!”

“I do care!” he shouts back so forcefully you are taken aback, sinking into your seat. “Of course I fucking care! How would I not?! I care about you so fucking much, how do you not see it?!”

At this point, you’re certain Harry has lost all self control and he is about to load he has been holding back out on you, while you’re just sitting there, staring at him completely speechless over how his whole being is filled with anger and fury.

“Stop fucking telling me that I don’t care when all I think about is you! Every damn day! I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, because every time my mind snaps right back to you when I’m trying to think about something else! Do you know how fucking painful it is?! See you fucking waste your time with that dickhead when I want to be with you?!”

Eyes widened you forget to even breathe as the words leave his lips and soon enough realization hits him hard about what he just said. His chest is violently waving, eyes staring straight ahead. Next time he speaks up the shouting is over, he is clearly shocked at his own behavior.

“Y/N, I-- what you told me last time, about ending up alone, that wasn’t the first time you told me all of that.”

“What?” you gasp.

“You broke down the same way at the wedding. Told me all about how you think you are just simply unlovable and will probably die alone.” His eyes snap down at his hands on his lap as he continues. “I was shocked how you’d ever think that way about yourself, because I was… I was already falling in love with you and I barely just met you that night. I couldn’t imagine what happened to you that made you believe that nonsense. I never felt like that with anyone else before and it was so fucking scary. Every time you looked at me or touched me, I could feel… the sparks. The fucking sparks, Y/N,” he lets out a bitter chuckle. “I never believed in that, but you made me feel that way. Then… one thing happened after the other and we were up in my room. I saw the way you looked at me, like I was your fucking everything and I have never experienced that. You fell asleep in my arms and I told myself that this is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my life.”

Tears roll down your cheeks as you listen in complete shock as Harry is still avoiding to look at you.

“I wanted to be the person who shows you how lovable and amazing you are, how worthy you are to be loved. Like I found my mission all of a sudden.”

“Then what the fuck happened in the morning?” you ask choking out the words. Harry finally turns to face you and you see his watery eyes. He was crying.

“You fell asleep and I was just watching you… and I realized that… sooner or later I would do something to hurt you. Because that’s what I always do and I didn’t want that. You didn’t deserve that, but I just knew I won’t be able to give you what you wanted and needed. And you told me all about how you just want to be loved and… I didn’t want to disappoint you in any way.”

He rubs his eyes turning back to look straight ahead and you see his lips tremble before he speaks up again. 

“I said all those stuff so you’d have a reason to hate me and you wouldn’t try to stay with me.”

“This is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you chuckle bitterly as the tears keep rolling down your cheeks. “Do you have any idea how fucking horrible I felt after that? I felt so ashamed for fucking weeks, Harry!”

“I-I know. I mean, I figured.”

“You made me feel unwanted and dirty, it took me so long to build my confidence back and be able to think of myself as more than just some used rug that was thrown out!”

Harry sits there in complete silence and just lets you load everything out on him, because he knows that’s what he deserves. He has tried to punish himself in so many different ways for what he did to you, but he knew he had to face you someday. Now the time has come and he is done trying to run away from the consequences of his actions in the past.

“I was blaming myself all this time, thinking that I must have done something wrong, when in reality it was you! It was fucking you!”

“I know, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean it to end like this.”

“You didn’t mean it to end like this?” you snap. “You literally continued to treat me like shit for years! If it wasn’t for Valerie, you’d still be a complete dick to me! And what was your intention with this now, huh? Why did you tell me all of this now?!”

“Because I couldn’t stop… seeing you be so unhappy with someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you in any way. I’m selfish and I realized that I made a mistake, but I now know what I should have done, because…” He finally turns to face you again, you see a tear roll down his cheek as he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I love you. I love you, Y/N, and I’m fucking done pretending like I don’t.”

You stare back at him, breath caught in your throat and it’s the breaking point. You reach over to his side and unlock the doors so you can open yours and you jump out of the car wanting to get as far away from him as possible. He can’t just throw all of this on you after everything the two of you went through, that’s not how it works. Does he even mean it? How are you supposed to believe him after years of hatred?

You try to get inside the building, but he is quick to catch up with you, he grabs your upper arm and pulls back, but you yank his hold away. 

“Where are you going?!” he snaps towering above you.

“Home. And don’t fucking touch me!”

“But I literally just told you I love you, you’re not gonna say anything about that?”

At first you plan on not even answering, you make your way towards the door, but then you change your mind. Turning around you unload on him once again.

“You don’t have the right to tell me you love me! Not after all the shit I took from you! How am I supposed to believe it when you literally made me feel like shit for all these years, saying the meanest stuff to me every damn time we met! I was avoiding you like the plague because I can’t even count how many times you made me cry calling me names and treating me so fucking horrible! No, you are not just gonna waltz in here, tell me that I have to break up with my boyfriend because you’ve been in love with me all along. I don’t fucking believe you, Harry. So stay the fuck away from me,” you tell him and push your way inside. This time he doesn’t follow.

By the time you reach your front you’re sobbing, barely seeing from your own tears. With shaking hands you unlock the door and get inside shutting the door behind you before you collapse on the floor. 

Harry lives in delusion if he thinks he can just unload all of this on you and make everything right magically. Not after more than three years of the shit you took from him. How are you supposed to believe that he is telling the truth? If he loved you all along, how could he treat you like that? That’s not what love should feel like. All those countless times when you came home after seeing him and you couldn’t help but cry after some of his meanest comments… and now he is trying to make you believe he did it all to protect you from him? Bullshit.

It doesn’t work like that and now he is gonna have to face the consequences of his actions. 

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[toshis-puppycat]

Hello Again Part Five

A/n: I am so sorry this took forever for me to post, I don't always feel amazing and its been hitting a little too hard recently But here I am again! Its good to be writing for Toshinori too, I've missed writing for him 👉👈 I hope yall enjoy and commissions are still open! Thank you all so much for being patient with me! <3

Summary: It hurt, remembering. And unfortunately danger was coming.

Ashido looked incredibly excited seeing the big three. You could see the dots connecting in their heads about them. Even Yaoyorozu said what you knew they were all thinking 'Still in school, but practically pros already. They're the students they should be chasing after.'

From what you'd heard about these students, they were that good. You could see them saving people already. You'd also heard about their previous sports festivals. Ahem, Togatas approach to things because of his quirk certainly made things interesting to watch. (I.e. when they showed you the footage you looked away mildly embarrassed at how Togata had to strip down for his quirk). But getting the title of "The Big Three" takes hard work, and you knew that because of it these students worked especially hard to achieve that.

"Get to it. Introduce yourselves briefly." Aizawa said, beginning to point at one of the students. "Let's start with Amajiki."

The boy gave an intense look to the class, one that you could tell scared them as they all sat a little straighter in their seats. He started shaking and quietly talked to the others. "Its no good. You two go. I just can't. Even if I try to imagine them as potatoes, I can see their human bodies. I know that they're still people. No words are coming out. My minds blank and my mouth is dry." You could tell the other students were confused as he shook. "I can't say anything. I wanna… go home." He finished turning to face the wall. You could definitely understand that part. You were mentally begging to check out yourself. The lack of sleep along with the overall stress still affecting you was a lot. But you were going to hold out. You'd sleep later. You were barely paying attention to the students talking, well mostly Hado asking a ton of questions to all the students. It was rather cute of her, she sounded like she should in your opinion. Young, without the major stress involved with being a hero since she's still a student she only gets the glimpses, and nothing has been severe enough recently. Only All Mights last battle, and well you tried not thinking about that tidbit. You tried not thinking about All Might at all. You only checked back in as Togata told the class that they had to fight him, all at once. You all made your way to the gym, watching him stretch and prepare. Although you didn't know much about the third years, you could tell the students weren't taking it seriously. They have fought pros, and they've fought legitimate villains. But right now that didn't matter. They needed to see the ones that are close enough to the level of pros. The ones they have to strive to be. At least Midoryia was taking it seriously. You knew he felt like he was missing a lot. And he wanted to strive to be better (like someone else you knew), you pushed the thought away, just as he rushed Togata. You blinked slowly at the sight. Was that… his clothing just falling off? Hmm, no wonder he stripped before doing anything during the sports festival. Poor Jiro, and well all the students. You remembered how red your face was seeing All- you had to push that thought away. That was slightly embarrassing for both of you, and well… again you didn't want to think about him right now. You felt your heart throb. You missed him. You didn't pay much attention to the actual fighting. It hurt. It hurt thinking about him. You bit your lip. It wouldn't do well to break down in front of everyone. You were strong, so you grit your teeth and pushed the feelings down. You could see Togata beating the crop out of all the students. Few were still standing. Now they were taking it more seriously. This kid put in hard work to be able to get everything down to a pat. Midoriya did well though, predicting exactly where Togata would be. But it wasn't enough, as all of them ended up defeated. Togata would have to work on that predictable part of his attacks. Villains would kill for someone that predictable, and although it took Midoryia actually analyzing the situation, a smart villain would do the same eventually. Or they would listen to someone who could do what Midoriya does. And it could get him killed. He was fast, but an unfortunate reality was that eventually, he wouldn't be fast enough. Someone would be faster, and it won't end well. Permeation. It was actually a good quirk to have with the right training, and well the spirit that Togata has as well. To be fair any quirk would be a good quirk to have, especially with the right help on how to train it. It was why you're a hero. You learned as much as you could, trained like hell, and overall just did your best. You turned everything you experienced into the power you showcase whenever you used your quirk.

"Let's get back to class now. Say "thank you"." Aizawa said. All the students yelled it happily. They were beyond excited at the prospect of work studies. Before the three third years left, you ran after them.

"Togata!" They all turned at you.

"Oh cool! You're that hero that disappeared 20 years ago right? How'd that happen? How are you feeling now?" Hado asked you hurriedly. You gave a smile.

"I'm doing just fine now." A lie, but you weren't telling children what you were feeling. No matter how close they felt to you in age. "Togata, I've got a favor to ask."

"I can help however I can!" He exclaimed. Easily giving you a blinding smile.

"You're interning under Sir Nighteye, right?" You asked.

"Yup, I sure do!"

"Great. The next time you're planning on heading over to see him, mind if I tag along? Eraserhead mentioned to me that he might need a healer on his end for things." You asked.

"I sure can ma'am." He replied easily, still giving a carefree smile.

"Great! I'll see you when that happens then alright?"You smiled at the group. "You guys are doing amazing, and Amajiki it's alright to be anxious. Just remember you have support available for you alright?"

"Y-yes ma'am." He replied, hunched over.

You ran back over to the first years leaving the gym. Trailing behind them, you finally succeeded pushing away the negative feeling at least.

☆☆☆☆☆

In the safety of your own room you allowed yourself to finally relax. You were still trying to hold back though. The day was long, and it was difficult to not just break down again. Everything was just hitting you too hard. Thrown into the future, everyone busy and you still having feelings for All Might but him… he moved on. Of course everyone would. You were gone for 20 years. But it hurt. It… it hurt so much. You felt the tears gather in your eyes and sobbed. Your whole body was shaking, and you weren't breathing in properly almost hyperventilating at how hurt you were. The feeling wasn't going away for even a moment. You could just feel more agony, you wished. You really wished that he didn't move on. That you weren't thrown so far into the future. That your childhood friend didn't abuse his children and wife so severely. You wished that you were just better than you actually were. Alas you were just you, you were thrown in time. And you couldn't reverse it.

☆☆☆☆☆

As the days passed it was getting harder to avoid him. You kept walking out whenever he would walk in. You really couldn't handle being near him. You were just avoiding the eventual confrontation that would happen. Avoiding him telling you he was Midoryias father. And then you especially wanted to avoid the press coming to U.A. all together. They could… probably figure something out, and you didn't trust the press too much. You didn't want to see something portraying you as some young gold digger hero trying to ride the coattails of a more experienced pro. You weren't trying to do that at all. You were a good hero on your own. But not a lot of people knew about how you showed up. It could easily be figured out with research, but even then it could still be spun around as such. Or the public view of you could turn to that even if it's not said or even hinted at. You cut your thoughts off. It would do no good to dwell on it. Not when the guest came in.

"Don't worry on my account, Mr. Aizawa. I wanna get a feel for what dorm life is really like, so there's no need for them to act any differently from normal." Was all you heard as you walked by, giving a polite nod to the reporter and exiting the dorms.

Avoid it. Don't even think about it. Ignore it until you could be alone. Don't let anyone see you break. You needed to be strong.

☆☆☆☆☆

You didn't really need anything, you left to mostly wander around. Get a true look at Musutafu and how it's changed over the years. Everything was looking a little better, people were safer. 'Toshi did a good job protecting everyone.' You thought. A symbol of peace didn't exist when you were a kid, just heros doing their best. He truly changed the game for what heros could do. But it wasn't all good was it? You could feel it, the way certain people were staring, how they interacted. There was some underlying tension between people. It was subtle but you learned early to read things like that (you tried forgetting how you learned that, not good to think about that right now). Today you were going to figure out what happened with Kotaro. You needed to know if he was okay. If he was able to be happy, if he was able to become who he wanted to be. You really hoped he was able to. Then you could see him! And spoil him the way you had planned when you were younger. And you could apologize to him. You could finally make it up to him. For missing out on so many things for him. All you had to do was look.

☆☆☆☆☆

You made your way to the detective you'd talked to when you first came to. He was honestly the only one you could talk to in your opinion. He knew you already and understood that you were, by all means, a time traveler, so you trusted him. Toshi trusted him too. Don't think about it. You walked into the police station. You were going to be just fine. You were thankfully easily able to get his attention.

"Ah hello y/l/n. Its good to see you."

"Hello Detective. It's good to see you too." You replied. You stood by awkwardly, watching as he began sorting through paperwork. "I uh know we don't know each other that well. And this might be awkward but I need to ask for your help." You continued. He turned towards you a little panicked, (He knew you were avoiding Toshinori, mostly because the man himself came to him panicked about it, and well you looked exhausted) you didn't register that though, looking down at your feet. "I know we don't know each other that well. But… I really need your help to find someone." You clenched your fists. "He means a lot to me and he was hurting so much before I disappeared. I need to apologize." You looked up at Naomasa with pleading eyes. "I need to apologize to him Naomasa." He looked a little awkward at that.

"I can't help you like that." He said, and you looked away. "I can let you know if I ever hear about him though. It won't look good if I give out his address. But I can keep an eye out for you and let you know." He put a hand on your shoulder, and you looked up at him again. "I'll help as much as possible, just give me the name I need to keep an ear out for."

"Shimura!" You exclaimed in excitement, not seeing how Naomasa froze. "Its Shimura Kotaro!"

☆☆☆☆☆

It was easy to get you to leave after he said he'd help you find Kotaro. He… he couldn't tell you what happened to him though. Not now. Not when you looked at him like that. And you just barely knew about Shigaraki. Plus it was too shocking to know you knew Nanas son. He could hold off on telling you for now. Just so he could figure out how he could. He hoped you didn't figure it out before then. And well… he had to tell Toshinori you knew his mentors kid. How the hell was he going to do that?

☆☆☆☆☆

You were walking back with a little more skip in your step. More excitement than when you left the dorms. Naomasa said he'd help you! You would see Kotaro again. You'd be able to hug him with all the love you had in your heart. Things were finally going to be looking up for you. Finally, things will go right! Just then someone ran past you, and you heard someone cry out "My son!" And everything stopped. There were villains you truly believed could be successful if they had gotten help. But you drew the line when it involved children. You knew how devastating it was to be hurt so young. You immediately began chasing after the person who ran past you, flicking your wrist to have water rush to the child in their arms. They stopped running, pressing a knife against the young boys neck, as they turned towards you.

"Don't think I won't cut him you dumb bitch!" They yelled. They didn't notice the water. And they probably thought you were just some civilian trying to play hero. You narrowed your eyes at them.

"You don't have to hurt them-" they cut you off.

"If you come closer I'll slit their throat!" They snarled at you, the child in their arms was sobbing. Absolutely struggling to contain their tears.

"Its gonna be alright kid. I'm here to keep you safe alright?" You said to them. They looked at you and their lips were wobbling. You gave a reassuring smile. "Besides. They're not a cool villain at all are they? Their situational awareness sucks." The villain narrowed their eyes at you and was about to start screaming again, when you finally made the water move forward fully and covered the little boy in their arms. The blade wasn't even able to touch his skin. Not even a little nick as you forced the child out of their arms and into yours. The villain gaped at you, then tried to turn and run. But you already made sure they were trapped by another flow of water, plus using their own blood to hold them back.

The boy was sobbing in your arms and the mother was finally able to catch up to you, sobbing and reaching out. The boy was able to drop in her arms instantly, with a wobbly voice calling out "mom!" She thanked you profusely after that, and you both waited for police to show up. And you were almost scolded, until they realized you had your license and Naomasa greeted you by calling out your hero name. You and the mother gave your statements as they arrested the person who tried kidnapping the little boy. Kidnapping was a strong word though, they just knew it'd be harder for anyone to catch them if they ran with a kid in their arms. Afterwards you were going to walk off, but a tug at your shirt stopped you. A small hand clutching the lower half of your shirt. He had a small scrape on that hand.

"Thank you for saving me, Ms. Siren." His voice was still wobbly, still shaken up. But he was giving you a bright smile. The mother was smiling at you both, with a grateful smile on her lips and mouthing her own thanks to you.

"Kid, I've gotta thank you too! You were so brave!" You said, crouching down to get a better look at him. "Can I show you a little trick?" You asked, gently grabbing his scraped hand. He gave you a confused nod, but his eyes lit up seeing you create a flow of water and covering his hand with it. Any stinging he felt in his hand vanished in an instant, and his eyes widened in glee.

"Whoa… Ms. Siren you've got the coolest quirk!" He yelled. You didn't see it. But someone walking by saw you heal that little boy, and you didn't know it, but he was working for Overhaul. You wouldn't really know it until much later, unfortunately. But you went back to the dorms, running into the reporter who was just leaving and giving a respectful bow to him. You were safe at the moment. Unknowing of what was about to happen, and how your life was about to change again.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Boss." A voice called out, getting the attention of a man holding a little girl covered in bandages. He nodded in acknowledgement. "There's a new hero out and about. But I think she'd be quite useful to us." He said. The other man passed the little girl off to another person, gesturing them to take her to her room.

"I'm listening."

☆☆☆☆☆

taglist: @saratour, @devilkou, @yukiimanic, @theygottheircages, @itsallmightbitch, @toobsessedsstuff, @quirkyfandoms, @anxious-cat-with-cheesesticks, @waitwhatsrealityagain, @toxicjayhoo

If you want to be added to the taglist please let me know 🥰 I hope yall enjoyed 💖

[nekowriteshaikyuu]

 - new years with haikyuu boys <3 -

 𝕕𝕒𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚 , 𝕜𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕠 , 𝕚𝕨𝕒𝕚𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 , 𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕚 , 𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

 — fluff, aged up characters, not proofread

 word count : 2,375

 a/n: happy new years everyone ! 2020 has been a really difficult time for all of us, we’ve lost many loved ones and had a really difficult time adapting to the lockdown situation. nonetheless, i hope you all are doing great and being safe wherever you are. let’s all be there for one another and enjoy life as much as possible :) i kinda got carried away with my writing so yeah hehe sorry if it’s a little too long. but anyways, thank you so much for all the support you guys gave me and i hope that you will continue to support me and my blog :) love yalls have a wonderful new years !! <33 ~neko 

— 

𝕕𝕒𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚 𝕤𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕞𝕦𝕣𝕒

night picnic date !

you both sat in a good spot and enjoy your time together, looking up at the sky and pinpoint clouds that shaped like objects

you brought shoyu ramen which daichi enjoyed so much he emptied the bowl instantly. and also munch on strawberry shortcakes:)

you both stayed until night falls and the new years were counting down

you gazed at the stars above, unaware that daichi was patiently waiting for you to look at him.

“there’s so much stars today.” your eyes never leaving the dark-blue sky. you attempt to count every star you observed but it was just to impossible.

“hey daichi, what do you think of-” you stopped your tracks when your eyes met up with your boyfriend. he sat cross-legged comfortably, his hands tucked in his hoodie pocket. he gave you an innocent smile, taking out one of his hands from his pocket to pat your head. 

he loves you so much, so so much. to him, it was a blessing to bump into you down the hallways when you both first arrived in karasuno. the moment your eyes lock, it was like an electric current just waved past him. he instantly fell in love. and here you are now, stargazing the night before new years. he wants to keep you. he wants you all for himself, and no one can ever call dibs on you.

his other hand pulled out from his pocket, holding onto a small black box. carefully, he opened it, revealing a couple ring. he took a moment to recollect his thoughts, before taking out one of them and slipping it in on your left ring finger. he slipped in his then looking up at you. 

“i got us promise rings, to promise that we’ll always be there for each other.” he smiled, kissing the ring that was nicely fitted on your finger. you couldn’t help but blush so hard before throwing yourself onto daichi, hugging him tight as you let out tears of joy.

“daichi !!! you’re so cute !!” you couldn’t help but be honest. he laughs, hugging you tight and placing small kisses on your cheek.

“another new year with you, my love.”

— 

𝕜𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕠 𝕥𝕖𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕦

boy was feeling a little fancy tonight.

he threw a nice red silk dress at you, telling you to get dresses and get ready for a dine in the restaurant you’ve always wanted to visit

he was smart to get you a dress that nicely wraps around your body, showing off your curves with your shoulders bare. 

he wore a nice (and smexy) tuxedo with his top two buttons unbuttoned 

you pleaded him to buttoned them but he gave an excuse that it was only fair since you had your shoulders exposed and your boobs elevated.

you both arrived at the restaurant and had a great meal, before having multiple glasses of wine.

every second, he just stop his actions and admire you, how lucky he is to have you and you only.

“my goodness, that was a really good meal.” you sighed after emptying your plate. the waiter came by soon to discard your empty dishes, before returning with two glasses and a wine bottle. the waiter politely pour both glasses, placing the wine bottle on the table and bowing down then leaving.

“you didn’t say we’re having wine tonight.” you glared at your boyfriend but also slyly picking up your glass and taking a sip. he only sat back at his seat, his hand resting on the hand rest while his other supporting his tilted head. kuroo chose the best seat out of all the seats in the restaurant. right by the glass window, where there is a clear view of the new years count down.

slowly you watch the numbers go down. your eyes never leaving the timer and kuroo’s never leaving your side view. he admired the sight of the beauty sitting right across him. the necklace he gave you for your birthday, the earrings he got in a carnival game, your lips tinted in red, the silk dress that was draped over your shoulders. it felt like a sin he could observe all these for free. he adjusted himself in his seat, laying back slightly with his hand supporting his chin, still admiring you.

your eyes continue to stare at the timer. five...four...three...two...one. fireworks were lit up and the dark sky was now filled with fireworks of colours. your smile widened as you hear the clink of wine glasses from other tables. you turned back to kuroo, who happen to be holding his wine glass already.

“happy new years, kitten. cheers, to another year with you stubbornness.” giggling, you raised your glass and lightly tap over his, both of you taking a sip. kuroo stared deeply into your eyes, the lights of the fireworks reflecting at your side.

he sighed, removing the napkin that was placed on his lap onto the table.

“shall we go ? don’t wanna spend the night of the new years without having some fun, huh?” he grabbed your hand and walked you out the restaurant, thanking the waiters for their service on the way.

what a night, you might say~

—

𝕚𝕨𝕒𝕚𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕖

unfortunately, you had to cancel your plans on spending new years with your boyfriend because he was busy coaching.

but you couldn’t let this day go to waste without celebrating new years.

that night, you went to his gymnasium and spotted him just finished showering.

immediately, no thoughts, you grabbed his hand dragged him to catch up with the fireworks.

the door swung open and you stomped your way in, checking small room to find your boyfriend. at last, you spotted him drying himself after a shower.

“hajime !” you screamed, making him flinched from your voice echoing through the corners of the room. he turned to see you standing by the door, panting after running down the road to the gym he was coaching people in.

“y/n? what are you doing here?” he stuffed his towel in his duffel bag, zipping it close then hanging it over his shoulder. he made his way to you who was still gasping for air. he circled his hand on your back, instructing you to inhale and exhale slowly. soon after you catch your breathe, you grabbed into his arm, having a really strong grip.

“there’s not much time, hurry !” you pulled him out the room, running once again. he couldn’t stop you, only yelling at the back telling you to slow down as you continue to run up the stairs. lucky enough iwaizumi is an athlete trainer, his daily morning runs with you really boost your speed so despite you constantly gasping for air, your legs just won’t stop running.

iwaizumi’s wiggled his wrist out of your grip and adjusted so that the both of you are holding hands now. he continued to run, following behind you, his other hand holding onto the sling of his bag that was dropping from time to time. after the last flight of stairs, you both arrived at the top of the mountains. iwaizumi dropped his bag to the ground, his hands on his knees as he coughed over his dried throat. you stretched you back, groaning in pain after running without having to stop halfway at all.

“what was that for ?!” iwaizumi placed his hands on his sides now, sweat dripping down the sides of his face. just as you were about to explain, a loud explosion was heard and lights started to flicker up in the sky. you both looked up to see the fireworks, colour after colour overlapping each other.

“we made it !!” you threw your hands up in the air, laughing in joy as you clapped your hands. you rushed to the railing, leaning over slightly to get a better view of the fireworks. iwaizumi was stunned. because of his sudden cancelation of your new years date, you decided to drag him all the way up here to be able to at least see the fireworks. 

“hajime, hurry up and get here ! they look amazing !” your hands gestured him to come over, which he did. he leaned over the railing like you did, watching the fireworks go off. he turned to you, admiring your happy expression and your smile. he can’t believe you did all that effort to run from home, to his work place then up the mountains to see the fireworks. he pulled you in for a hug, caressing your hair as you both sway side to side.

“happy new years, babe.” he whispered to your ear. god, you’re really an angel.

—

𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕚 𝕜𝕖𝕚𝕛𝕚

being friends ever since highschool, you both hung out almost every day

no matter how hard you tried though, you could never

e v e r

get over the fact you have a crush on him

you felt like your feelings will never be returned, so you never dared to let him know

but this year was the year. the year he had been wishing for.

“keiji-kun !” you whispered to his ear. he turned around only to smile when he saw you bending over to his level. he assured you to your seat, which you tiptoes your way before dragging the chair silently.

you both thought to spend the new years this time in your favourite place, the library. normally, new years were spent in cafes on book stores, but the cafes has been pretty crowded recently and the local book stores were closed for the day. you both decided to then spend the night in the library, reading through books taken from the shelf of from home.

“are you cold?” akaashi asked politely, handing over his coat since you both were seated right underneath the air-conditioner. you thanked him then slipping it on, mindlessly inhaling his scent that was sprayed on the material. you both silently read your books, the sound of pages flipping through time to time. 

hours pass by as you both were still engrossed over your books. you took a short glance towards akaashi, the sight of him just making you fall for him all over again. his messy hair, his glasses slipping off the bridge of his nose and his small frown as he was reading through the words of his book. every time this happens, you just wish he’d knew how much you meant to him. how much you adore him. how much you love him.

your train of thoughts was suddenly cut off when you heard akaashi whispering you name. you turned to look at him, flinching slightly by how close his face was to yours.

“y/n-san, let me know when 12am strikes.” was all akaashi said before resuming back to his book. your heart was pounding, it could probably be heard from out. you pulled your phone out your pocket to check the time.

11:45pm, 31st december 2020.

you set your phone down on the table, screen facing down. you cleared your throat quietly before reading your book, but all you could think about is what’s going to happen when the clock ticks down to 1st of january 2021. despite your book open, your eyes was glued to your phone case, tempted to pick it up and check the time. after a while, you went back to your phone.

11:59pm, 31st december 2020.

just a few more seconds...just a few more-

12:00am, 1st janurary 2021

“keiji, it’s 12-”

“y/n-san, i’m in love with you.” you froze. you could feel the chill running down your spine. is this for real ? did he really meant that ? you clutched onto your phone, pulling it closer to your chest.

“i..uh..uhm” you kept stuttering, unable to find the right words. akaashi closed his books and set it on the table, before laying back onto his seat.

“i never really had the courage to let you know earlier. i guess you could say i was too afraid of what you might respond. but now i’m ready to accept any respond you give me. it does not matter if you won’t return your feelings, i just hope we can stay as friends.” he looked everywhere but you. you could tell that he was really anticipated for whether you’ll accept him or not. you tried to speak once more, but the words just won’t come out. your mouth was closed shut. all you could do..is show you really feel physically.

“i guess i’ll take the silent as a n-” you cupped his cheek, pulling him close to you before kissing him. you thank the gods the library was empty so you won’t have an audience observing. you kissed him passionately, your thumbs rubbing his cheeks. akaashi’s hands held your wrist, pushing himself closer to you to deepened the kiss.

after a while, you broke the kiss off, a strand of saliva stretching from both of your lips. akaashi smiled, settling back to his seat while you attempt to fan yourself from all the heat you were feeling after that kiss. your cheeks were slowly painting red.

“it’s uh..kinda getting a little hot up in here.” you tried to cover your red cheeks, only for akaashi to pull your hands down and holding it tight, laying a kiss on the back of your hands.

“happy new year, y/n.” he pecked a kiss on your lips once more, his eyes glistering from the lights on the ceiling.

he was now yours for you to claim dearly <3

—

𝕞𝕚𝕪𝕒 𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

osamu had a busy day in his work that he ended pretty late

he thought he could make it in time but just as he was about to leave, more people started to flood in

by midnight he was all done and was cleaning up

you decided to visit him to enjoy your new years in his shop.

he was very happy to see you after a tiring day at work uwu

the door bell rang as the door was swung open. osamu was busy wiping the counter just as he heard it which brought him into a sigh. it was a busy day and despite the door sign stating it’s closed, people still keep pushing in.

“i’m sorry, the shop is clos-” it took him a moment that the person who walked in wasn’t a customer but you, his love of his life. osamu’s tired face soon lit up just as he watches you walk closer to him, holding a paper bag in one of your hands.

“pretty busy night considering it’s the new years, huh?” you asked, setting the bag on the counter. you gave your boyfriend a peck on the cheek before settling down on one of the seats beside you. osamu leaned by the edge of the counter as he watches you look around the store. osamu decided to take a small peek in the bag, noticing there’s two bento boxes inside.

“what are these for?” he asked, taking the seat next to yours. you pull the bag closer to you, taking out the bento boxes and opening them, a strong aroma emitting just as the lid was opened. osamu was already salvating over the sight of the food your brought over, his hands fumbling with his chopsticks. 

“dig in.” your words all it takes for osamu to shove chunks of rice into his mouth. he laid back on his seat, huffing out to cool the hot steaming rice he was chewing on. you giggled just watching him chow down on the food you prepared at home, knowing he was working day and night and barely had breaks in between. you took a bite from your own bento, savouring the teriyaki chicken you deep fried.

“i guess this is how we’ll be spending our new years.” you teased, covering your mouth to avoid food spitting out. osamu only looked at you for a split second before munching down of his food, taking sips of water to push his chewed up food down his throat so he can shove in more. you smiled, playing with his hair at the back of his head. you both silently ate your food, having small talks here and there about new recipes osamu is trying out for his shop. all shops outside were closed and lights were out, but osamu’s was still lit up, with just the two of you inside eating.

“hey, teach me how to make onigiris ! i wanna try some !” you pleaded excitedly, scooting a little closer to him. osamu sighed as he began to rub his forehead.

“babe, not today. i just made a crap ton of onigiris i feel sick of it. let me enjoy my food.”

[amjustagirl]

hey Nikki it's ellie !! i noticed you found my account :0 it's not like i made it particularly hard but i'd like to keep sending anonymous asks if you don't mind

the latest kuroo post ❤️❤️❤️ okay you know how old i am, i've never been in a similar situation myself but i've been hearing a lot of things from friends and you know, not everyone is as respectful and patient and it was really nice seeing someone setting the standard, even if it's just a fictional character, does that make sense?

i also noticed you said a lot of angsty pieces are based on situations you observe and i had to say you have an interesting way of viewing things

anyway how are you? i'm doing great !! patiently wait for the Kita fic, taking care of my plants, studying calculus, and Japanese as i do that, i'm technically on a summer break but i want to get ahead in uni

you chose a major that would allow you to have a relatively normal job and to retire early right? not me 💀 i want to go into astrophysics but it feels so scary sometimes you know? the competition is HUGE and you always have to stay alert and informed about the latest advancements and opportunities, i don't mind the stress but i keep wondering whether i can make it or not

but oh well worst case scenario i'll open a flower shop and hope for smth au-ish like the day dreamer that i am

see that's why i'll stay anonymous, i always go off about whatever it is that crosses my mind, it's embarrassing

that aside i really hope you're doing well or at least surviving 💛🌻

hehe i saw your reblog tags and found you!! please feel free to send in asks on anon - i have zero issues with it. i'm just happy you even wanna chat with me!!! like the recent kuroo post - yeah yknow i'm rly glad that you've never been in similar situation before, and i hope you never will because it's not....good - an understatement but yeah. it's sad that ppl think they have a right to dictate what another person does with their body but that's what happens when there isn't an emphasis on autonomy and consent when a kid is growing up! so..idk i just wanted to do my part cos that's something i feel very, very strongly about!

(ofc - to anyone reading this - if you wanna share your experiences or talk abt these issues, pls, pls pls. my inbox is always open to yall).

i....observe people. i watch people, i listen to their stories and i guess that where a lot of my inspiration to write angst comes from! idk does it make sick in the head or wtv but yeah. interesting HOW hahahaha.

i'm good and im happy to hear you're doing great! what sort of plants do you have! and omg smarty pants love that you're learning japanese!!! and calculus! you go girl! i think it's amazing that you're pursuing what you love - i think there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! but look, don't be scared about the competition as long as you tried, but my real world advice would be to always have a back up plan in case everything goes south. (maybe a flower shop???) don't be embarrassed about rambling, i rly love hearing from you :)

[primordialnyx]

eyo ma lemme rant for a bit

there was this article that talked about an american woman who lived in Bali for an extended amt of time due to teh pandemic (lol its recent relax but if anyone wants the article here it is)

feel free to ignore but i have a rundown here lol

BUT ALSO if you end up reading this, I have a little thing to ask of you at the end:

you dont wanna read the article? lemme give you the rundown:

woman travels to bali for fun for 6 months. pandemic said you sure you wanna come back? *covid bitch* so the indonesian gov. allowed foreigner to extend their stay despite higher and higher cases of covid rising right? okay all good right... except american women decides to LITERALLY SELL A BOOK ON HOW TO GET THAT GOOD LIFE IN BALI.

is getting that good life controversial? whyy ? well im glad you asked! in her book/ebook, she gives ppl tips and tricks on how to bypass government visas and restrictions, quoting that its the most queer-friendly place ever for cheap and all that.

ppl BIG TIME MAD (shuu they should be ok) because the dripping privilege. but like the hilarious thing is... people are getting big mad in like 2 different ways:

 Indonesians are bigmad because being queer in any case is still punishable, encourages gentrification of an already heavy-tourism arae (Bali yall is hEAVY on tourism which is ok until it pushes out locals) and she wasn’t paying taxes in Bali and only in the US (bruhhh how you live in a different countryyyy howww -- also the US and Indonesia have a tax treaty to avoid double taxing).

The rest of the group (ie not indonesian) are mad because they thing its a race thing and this American woman is only targeted because she’s Black. Citing that everyone else is doing it but when she does it, it blows up to bigger proportions

Can I just? I just need to rant because this hits a bit personal for me (I mean.. having identifying as a first gen Indonesian-America, hell fucking yeah it hits different). But I will address said anger based on those two bullets above:

- Indonesians? Getting mad at tourism? In Bali? The most heavily touristy place in Indonesia?

Hell yeah they got every fucking right. Indonesia just made it off the thirdworld country list <10 years ago. There area still places that barely have running water. Which.. you know... US people you understand right? Remember Michigan? So when an American citizen overstays their visa and writes a damn book about it, promoting all BS, you gon feel some type of way.

That BS about the LGBT stuff? It’s so close to being fake news. Indonesia as a country is ranges from anti-gay to homophobic (this is very important because there are literally laws that punish queerness with death and then there are societal situations where its known but often ignored or shunned away-- can’t believe those are the only two options). Bali? Nah son her saying Bali is LGBT friendly is like saying only Brooklyn is LGBT friendly. It doesn’t make sense and frankly, its pretty fucking insulting to those who aren’t able to come out (!!! death !! yall remember!!) or are but are completely shunned from their friends and family.

ITS A RACE THING YALL BEING RACIST

I... oh god. If you are American and you said this than you’ve failed to consider that not everything is about America. Let me just say that racism obviously is a real thing but ask any Indonesia person about race and they, for the most part, don’t really fucking care. You want them to care though? Flaunt that BLUE passport. Hell pop out a RED if youre British. Watch them start caring. Your passport -- ie a visual representation of your privilege signified by your ability travel to a different country -- is the real mealticket here.

As an Indo-American who has gone back to her country, I can tell you for a fact that this is an unfortunate truth. Your passport carries your privilege. This woman got flaunted that-- she was literally able avoid paying Indonesian taxes. You know what white people do that’s also really fucking annoying and really shouldn’t be legal? Buy up land and push our the natives. Ahh but youre right, the natives should be fighting back. Mmm except... huh recently got off teh thirdworld list, barely enough clean water, little land to shelter .... I suppose they should definitely retaliate.

This American citizen wasn’t making “bank”. Like she’s not a billionaire, she just made enough to buy tix to Bali for 6 months. She wasn’t an entrepreneur of any sorts but a good, decent business woman right? She still broke the law and flaunted that and encouraged others to do so.

And.. That is why I don’t see it as a race thing. It doesn’t even make sense because there’s a whole different culture, environment, society, politics and government at hand. You cannot compare it to American environments  - its a whole different playing field. When its racially induced, its fucking racially induced. South east Asian as a whole has always had this issue - colorism and what not. But..like yall..... someone tried to bring up the Malaysia incident and I’m like yeah you do realize Indonesia =/= Malaysia right? like you do understand that they are two different countries right? wtf you bringing up malaysia when the issue occured in the Indonesia?

ANYWAY UM. Please don’t reblog to add your own two cents on why I was wrong or whatever. If you have additional information that I should be aware of, message me (I’ll have anon off). I’m an adult and you are too and I welcome a civil but informative discussion on views. If you believe XYZ, I will honestly be open to answering back (mark * if you want private and itll continue to be private) without malice. I truly want to understand perspective but as I said before, I am biased as an Indonesian American who’s seen firsthand the power of someone’s passport. I merely offer than rant (lol horrendous man omfg) as an alternative to an American-centric view.

tdlr: don’t be a dick if you wanna have an open discussion with me

[ad1thi]

the proposal

this is a really stupid idea that came to me literally 5 seconds ago

fem!toni because i love reading that and felt like i should write it

i debated between buckytony and stevetony for this but ultimately went with stevetony; but if you wanna read a buckytony version just drop an ask!!

--

happy v day everybody just because i’m sad and alone doesn’t mean yall have to be!!

--

slight angst but it gets resolved really quickly 

(lets be honest would it be me if it wasn’t angsty?)

--

like most things in Steve’s life, it was utterly and completely ruined by the press

which okay to be fair sounded like an exaggeration (if Sam’s face when Steve lamented during their morning run was anything to go by) but Steve meant it

having all his ailments cured by a super drug? ruined by the press

trying to help with the New York recovery process? ruined by the press

Toni’s Malibu home? ruined by the press

(actually that one might be more correctly attributed to the Mandarin but Steve firmly stood by the belief that if the press hadn’t been all up in her face she never would’ve cracked the way she did)

the search for Bucky? ruined by the press

his plans for a grand and SECRET proposal? ruined by the press

--

maybe he should backtrack a bit

--

Antonia Stark was

was

she was the love of Steve’s life

Steve couldn’t reasonably think of a moment during his second life in the 21st century where he hadn’t been enamoured by her

Even when he was smarting from the recent loss of 70 years and spitting vitriol at her across the Quinjet; he was acutely aware of the itch in his fingers to capture her beauty on paper, to immortalise her somehow

that hadn’t lessened in the 10 years he’d known her

he’d filled entire books of various sketches of her

her in the workshop, animately talking to JARVIS

bending over the IronQueen armour

a lollipop caught between her lips

in the middle of a laugh

in a red gown midstep down the spiralling staircase

contorted in an impossible position against Col.Rhodes on the sofa

Antonia Stark had owned Steve’s heart since the second her faceplate snapped back and Steve first noticed her rich hazel eyes

--

all he wanted to do was make her feel as special as she made him feel everyday

Steve had known he wanted to marry for about 4 years now, but Toni was (understandably) skittish about commitment

which was fine

Steve was willing to wait

and then finally, 6 months ago

after one of their visits to the New York-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley-Komansky Children's Hospital, she tilted her head from where it was resting on his shoulder in the car and said ne voglio uno

it was so soft Steve would’ve missed it had it not been for his enhanced hearing, and despite the rapid beating of his heart; he kept his voice equally low and when she asked, one what doll

a kid, she replied, burying her head against him, i want a mini us running around, the tower’s getting kind of lonely anyway

it was said with such nonchalance, but Steve knew how scared she was- so he just pulled her close, pressed his lips against her hair and whispered back, do you want to start now or?

the smile against his lips was how he knew he’d said the right thing

--

she never brought it up again

but Steve couldn’t stop thinking about it

he had dreams about running his hands over her swollen belly, whispering stories about the Commandoes to a babbling baby with shocking blue eyes and brunette hair

couldn’t stop thinking that could be our kid everytime Toni bent down to say hi to the children that gathered outside Stark Tower

--

3 months later, he started planning

--

they’d been together 5 years now, and Steve wanted the proposal to be special

--

he had it all planned out,

all he had to do was wait for the ring; which he’d ordered in a custom design resembling a crude arc reactor

(military back pay was a blessing)

--

everything was perfect; the reservations were set, Steve had begged Pepper to let Toni off work, Sam and Bucky had put aside their feud for the night, Col. Rhodes had given his blessing (even though Steve was pretty sure he had to look over his shoulder for the rest of his life) 

all that was left was to pick up the damn ring

--

easy enough right?

--

and then the damn press happened

--

6 months of planning falls through the window when Toni walks in their bedroom, knuckles white from where she’s clutching the newspaper, tears streaming down her face and Steve is instantly on edge

“You’re- we’re-” she sniffles through words before throwing the magazine at him, “I need time I’m sorry”

By the time Steve has read the headline “SPOTTED: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes in a ring shop! Is America’s power couple finally taking the plunge?” she’s gone

--

Steve gets a call approximately 5 hours later, which confirms his suspicions’ she flew half across the world to where Col. Rhodes is currently situated

(he pretends it doesn’t sting)

(he’s aware that they’re nothing more than friends now, but it does nothing for the pit in his stomach)

--

He’s on his way back from a SHIELD training room, and stops by the kitchen to check the pantry for the ring, and thats how he knows she’s back

(he always knew she was coming back, but it’s been 2 weeks)

She’s on the bed when he enters the bedroom, running her finger across the ring absentmindedly

“I meant what i said you know,” she says without looking up, eyes still on the ring, “about wanting kids with you.”

“I still want that,” she looks up and it’s the hardest thing Steve’s ever had to do to plant his feet down and not run to her side and kiss away her tears, “Its just- I just-” she breaks off with a hollow chuckle, “I do want that. I honestly thought i was over this”

“I’m sorry for running off like that,” she walks up to him and presses the closed box in his hand, “I want to say yes Steve. I really do. But i can’t right now”

She moves to walk away, but he grabs her wrist, and pulls her into a tight embrace, and whispers against the shell of her ear, “You’re worth waiting for doll”

She’s pressing kisses against every spare piece of skin she can find, fumbling at his suit as he walks her back against her bed; smiling against her legs when she cries out in ecstasy

--

the ring stays on her bedside table for a year and half

everyone notes her empty left hand, but only Bucky asks him about him; once- on the anniversary of Peggy’s death

“is she worth waiting for?” he asks, as they sip beers on the helipad, “is she your right partner?”

Steve just hums back, “i would wait the rest of my life for her Buck”

--

On the 28th of March 2018, Steve is woken up to a familiar heat enveloping his cock, and when he props himself up on his elbow to enjoy the view of Toni between his legs, the ring glints in the light from where Toni’s left hand rests against his chest

It’s the best orgasm Steve’s ever had

Fin

--

[stay-neurotic]

found one of those old survey things in my journal i used to kill time with, redoing it with my new answers <3

When's the last time you ran? - ran back to the car with juan after renfest, cause we were fucking freezing and ready to go home lmao. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? - my work pants have holes from my bigass thighs rubbin against each other, but that’s about it. What are you dreading right now? - hmm. surprisingly nothing? i dunno. i guess confrontation. over the past few days i’ve come *this* close to running into certain people i don’t wanna talk to. Do you celebrate 420? - lmao hell yeah my dude Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? - usually manage to get between 6 to 7 and a half. i don’t even get a full night’s sleep on the days i sleep in cause my body clock’s been fucked up and also my cat is noisy. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do? - i’ve become a pretty flexible person, if someone wants to come and chill w/ me they’re more than welcome to. so long as i don’t have to entertain them i don’t mind the company. Who last grabbed your ass? - @thefacelessghoul​. too easy. next question Have you ever been on your school's track team? - fuck no Do you own a pair of Converse? - still have the black knee-high converse i mentioned the first time i answered this question. i keep em’ for cosplay purposes Did you copy and paste this survey? - yes? Do you eat raw cookie dough? - doesn’t everyone Have you ever kicked a vending machine? - vending machines have thankfully never done me wrong in the past Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? - doesn’t everyone Do you watch Trading Spaces? - nope, don’t watch a lot of TV in general. is this show even on the air anymore? How do you eat oreos? - whole, dunked in milk, the way god intended Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? - oooooohhhhhhhhhhh yes. my high school days were spent staring at a computer screen, this happened often Are you cocky? - af Could you live without a computer? - lol holy fuck no Do you wear your shoes in the house? - no? people do this? Who or what sleeps with you? - a juan, a max, and a million pillows At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real? - don’t remember what age I was but it was on Christmas morning lol. i had suspected for a while but my suspicions were confirmed when santa’s gift to me still had the tag from target How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? - i have one cell, juan has two. his second cell came from the lost-and-found of winn dixie, it’s out of service but can connect to wifi so it’s basically a social media/music device What do you do when you're sad? - hmm. umm. sleep a lot. starve myself. lose the ability to say ‘no.’ Who would you call first if you won the lottery? - my significant other followed shortly by my aunt Last time you saw your best friend? - well i haven’t seen her, really, we’re tumblr buddies. but the last time i talked to her was yesterday Are you in high school? - graduated in 2012 What jewelry are you wearing? - promise ring <3 nothing else because i’m in my fucking pajamas Is anyone on your bad side now? - my roommates for being the opposite of understanding/supportive with our (mine & juan’s) living situation and fixating on the money aspect. they’re still my friends but, just, could have used a little more empathy from them. also, the friend group who proved how ugly they all were when the drama started happening. (someone ask me about this if ur curious, i’d love to rant) What's the first thing you do when you get online? - check tumblr. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? - again with the tv thing.  How do most people spell your name? - usually just rachel. sometimes they try really hard but end up with racheal. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? - i wear juan’s things to sleep a lot lol. he’s also given me a few of his shirts/jackets. Where do you work? - tgi motherfucking fridays. come get ur endless apps bitch, we literally will be fired on the spot for complaining about ur nontipping ass What are you doing tomorrow? - helping juan move his stuff from storage back into the apartment <3 Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? - nobody is becoming the next michael jackson Favorite name for a girl? - i love all names that start with vowels for girls Favorite name for a boy? - papa emeritus iii Will you keep your last name when you get married? - potentially. we talked about juan taking my last name. but i’m not really that attached to it at the end of the day. When was the last time you left your house? - yesterday morning, to go to work Do you return your cart? - fucking always. literally if u dont ur an asshole Do you have a dishwasher? - yup. there wasn’t one in our first apartment, and after washing dishes by hand for a year we agreed that anywhere we move had to have one or it was off the table lmao What noise do you hear? - the fan of my computer, my cat licking his paws, roommate’s music muffled on the other side of the wall. Would you survive in prison? - the only thing i’d fear is maybe pissing off the wrong person by accident. but i feel like i’d be protected by all the allies i’ve made in my cell block Who is the youngest in your family? - technically me. i have a younger sister but she was adopted as a baby and now i know nothing about her. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack? - fucking juan Do you know anyone with the same name as you? - uhh. yesterday one of my customers was overjoyed because i was the first rachael she’d met in her life who spelled my name the same way she did. does that count What's the last thing you purchased? - a sweet-ass leather & chain harness from the medieval faire. and also a lace choker. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? - @cvnt-ish​ if she bought me a ticket to see her in portland then i could answer yes to this question <3 What brand are your pants right now? - not wearin’ any! Ever been to Georgia (the state)? - visited thomasville one day during a vacation with eden’s fam. it was super quaint! What irritates you most on the internet? - hmm. nazies. niceguys. trump supporters. no, you know what, just...people with shitty opinions/beliefs who are provided a forum where other people will validate their shitty views. the internet can be an echo chamber a lot of times and it’s terrifying What brand is your digital camera? - this survey was composed back when digital cameras were still a thing Do you watch movies with your parents? - can’t say I do much of anything with my parents. :/ What song best describes your life right now? - Do You Feel It? - Chaos Chaos Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? - nope. though i would like to make a trip some day soon to bath & body works and get some nice-smelling lotion. Are you taking college classes right now? - none at the moment. if my financial situation resolves itself before march then i will start with my architecture degree this fall, though. Do you like sushi? - do you breathe air? Do you get your hair cut every month? - i cut my own hair, mostly. right now though i’m just letting it grow. Do you go online everyday? - yall dont need me to answer this. you know. Will you pass this survey on? - yeah sure. whoever wants to reblog this and do it i guess. lmao. Boyfriend/Girlfriend Survey What is their name? - juan c: What pet name do you like to call them? - baby. babe. my sun & stars. How long have you been together? - just over three years. How did you meet? - through a mutual friend. she introduced me to the group and it was the beginning of the end, lol. What do you like the most about them? - how creative he is, how driven he can be when he finds a cause worthy of his effort, how introspective and intelligent and talented he is. how forgetful he can be and how dorky he always is. <3 What do you like the least about them? - his tendency to let his emotions get out of hand - though that’s something he’s making really great strides on recently. What is the best thing they have ever done for you? - kiss me, those three years ago on that chilly morning before work. starting us out on this journey together. Have they met your parents yet? - both my parents are out of the picture, but he’s met my aunt and uncle and grandma, which is what counts. and they love him to pieces of course. What would you kids look like if you had kids? - oh! i actually did one of those picture merger things one time to find this out...i lost the screenshot unfortunately though. they would be white/puerto rican mixed with really big noses and beautiful eyes. What is the worst argument you have had? - ooh. this one’s bad. we had two, during the breakup, that were extreme in a way none of our other arguments had ever been. during the first, he lashed out at me because i told him “you have a week to get out.” by the end of it we were screaming in each others’ faces and name-calling. it was ugly. the second one was when he told me he was gonna date the other girl. i was so livid i was seeing red and twice i tried to go up and hit him but he backed away from me and then got in his truck and drove off. i’m still ashamed of that. Do you still kiss a lot? - god. i lose track of how much we kiss every day... Who asked who out? - we went from being best friends to flirting pretty hardcore for a couple days, until he closed the gap suddenly and kissed me. so i guess you could say it was him. lol. Do you think you will get married? - the future is an uncertain thing, so i try not to look too far ahead anymore. still, i would like to, one day... Can you see yourself growing old with them? - again...taking it day by day. What is the one thing you would like to change about them? - absolutely fucking nothing. ...no, you know what, i’d like him to be able to remember that hot beverages go in mugs, not glasses <3 What do you think they would like to change about you? - hmm. my insecurities. they pop up fairly often now after all that’s happened. it takes a lot to reassure me. What is the first gift they ever bought you? - roses, i think. he made a lot of art for me as gifts rather than buying things. Do you have a favorite song together? - ohh, plenty. the first one that pops into mind is definitely Evidence - Marilyn Manson Which famous person do you think they look like the most? - OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE Would you say the two of you are a good match? - only in every conceivable way.