#just two dads trying their best - aka: trying to remedy their past mistakes

[heirbane]

anyway thinking about the thancred/ryne and gaius/allie parallels

[imaginarybird]

Well, I asked and you responded positively, so here it is with no promises as to when you’ll get the rest of it, the first scene of my soulmate AU. The mechanics of how soulmates work in this universe and the etiquette involved are not wholly explained here, so feel free to drop by my inbox with questions if you like.

What You Want and What You Need aka Not Another Triangle Fic!

Summary: In a world where the universe doesn’t necessarily tell you the moment you meet your soulmate, most people tend to keep things casual. When you don’t...well that opens you up to problems that matched people don’t have to deal with. Like love triangles. Still the universe will eventually point you towards your soulmate and everything will work out for the best. Won’t it?

“Riley still loves Lucas!”

They haven't had very much snow at all this year, but the silence that follows Farkle's revelation and the rest of her classmate's mass exodus from the rooftop party seems to fall down across Riley's shoulders like a massive pile of the icy flakes.

She's not sure what she expected. Lucas and Maya are exploring their feelings now. It's not like they were going to hear her feelings and it would flip a switch in their brains; Lucas was never going to come running back, sweeping her up into his arms and Maya was never going to just shrug and say everything is just fine because now she gets that she was just confused. Farkle may have thought that honesty was the cure-all for how miserable Riley has been but honesty isn't magic.

It doesn't erase what's actually happening. It doesn't make it easier to decide what to do. And if the way Lucas' and Maya's expressions seem to morph from shock and disbelief to something a lot closer to upset and possibly even anger (Riley doesn't dare turn her head to get a look more direct than out of the corner of her eyes) throughout the suffocating expanse of silence, honesty doesn't thrill people and make them happy.

Not for the first time since this had all started happening when her class had voted Lucas and Maya 'Best Couple', Riley wishes they had their soulmarks.

People who have their soulmarks don't get caught up in love triangles or any other sort of drama like this. What would be the point? Your soulmarks direct you to the two people that the universe knows will complement you best and make you happy: your romantic soulmate and your platonic soulmate. And when you can know with certainty who your true match is, it's just a waste of time and energy (not to mention incredibly uncouth) to get involved with anything like this.

People who have their soulmarks patiently wait for their soulmates to officially enter their lives. It's only the people who haven't gotten their soulmarks yet who find themselves drawn into triangles and conflicts, caught up in emotions and hope that the person they're latching onto might actually be their soulmate.

Sometimes it happens that way, like it did with her parents. Other times, the problems stem from a genuine lack of cosmic connection which becomes infinitely clear when someone comes into their soulmark, as had happened with Uncle Shawn and his on-again-off-again sweetheart, Angela.

So yes, Riley thinks the whole situation would be better off if at least one of them had already come into their soulmarks, and when she had pulled herself out of the budding problem in Texas she had done so thinking they all would be better off if things were relatively uncomplicated until someone got their romantic soulmark and they would know without question where the three of them stand.

Instead, Farkle decided that honesty was more important than simplicity and now they have three people, a jumbled mess of feelings, and no way to sort it all out because nobody is talking.

Riley just wishes she knew what would help to remedy the situation as it stands. The silence and the uncertainty is unbearable and they're only a few minutes into it. If only there was someway to backtrack to before Farkle's little announcement… it may have been hard to watch Lucas and Maya fumbling through their interactions (OK, downright painful) but at least there was talking and parts of it were normal and there was a light at the end of the tunnel—the glowing promise that one day they would get their soulmarks, what would be would be, and everything would work out for the best with everyone happy. As long as things were simple and non-contentious in the in-between.

Of course now that Lucas knows that both she and Maya have some sort of feelings for him, even if she and Maya stay true to their friendship and the firm belief that one day they'll be confirmed as platonic soulmates and don't fight over him at all, there's still the chance that he'll choose between them. And whoever doesn't get chosen will be hurt and that could change everything. Or worse still, he could choose, start a relationship, and then get his soulmark and find out that he chose wrong. Or that a choice was never necessary because neither girl is his soulmate. She can just imagine the turmoil that would cause.

Riley would much rather deny Farkle's confession, take it all back and suffer in silence with the knowledge that everything will work out in the end than risk the big fights and potential heartbreak of a genuine love-triangle-like situation.  And even though she's not sure how it'll work, she decides to dive right in and give it a solid try.

“I don't think this has to be a big deal.” She says, after deciding on her approach. “Farkle didn't listen to what I was trying to expl—,”

“Not a big deal?” Lucas' snaps his head in her direction. “You've been lying about your feelings for weeks and that's not a big deal?”

Well. That confirms for sure that one of the emotions the shock had turned into was anger. Riley tries to ignore the second wave of ice that prickles at her skin and grips her insides when the hurt in Lucas' voice shines through. She can't bear the thought that she was involved in hurting him, but worse still, she can't bear the worry. Is he upset because he likes the way things are going with Maya and this is throwing a wrench into that, or because he was still happy with how things were going with her and didn't want her to step back in the first place? Riley can't think about that because that's the sort of worry that leads to over-thinking that leads to the dramatic fights and confessions that end friendships, and that's exactly what she wants to avoid. “I haven't been lying.” She protests, doing her best to stay soft and without too much feeling.

“Then Farkle was wrong?” Maya probes. She stays staring straight ahead when she speaks and Riley can't even begin to figure out what her best friend is really thinking. “You don't still love Lucas?”

Just say yes, just say yes, just say yes. Riley wills herself to take the out that's been handed to her on a silver platter, even has her mouth open to do so, but Lucas' eyes are still locked on her and she can see the urgency with which he's searching for answers. The confusion and what looks like a reflection of that so very familiar glimmer of guarded optimism that she's tried so desperately to keep to herself these past few weeks. Just like that, she can't lie, even though she wants to.

“He wasn't wrong.” She rushes to correct her mistake, even though the shift in the air is obvious not even a second after the words leave her lips. “He shouldn't have said anything because I had reasons for making the choices I did and I stand by them and don't have any intention of getting between your--,”

Lucas cuts her off for the second time in as many minutes. “I don't understand. What reasons? What could be more important than your own feelings, Riley?”

“I'm not the only one involved here, Lucas. I don't know if you've noticed, but there's three of us up here on this roof and it's not because my feelings are more important than anyone else's.” It's the closest Riley can come to the truth. She can't explain her every thought that led to her decision; she tries her best not to think about it even just to herself, let alone talk about it with anyone else. It's too painful and humiliating and she's not sure how she'll recover from the shame if she says it out loud.

“They might not be the most important in the world but they have to be the most important to you.” Lucas grabs onto her hand and Riley's breath catches. “If you're not honest about your feelings and what you want then how can the rest of us really know what we feel or want? How can we make the best decision for us if we don't really know our options?”

Riley's still not breathing—at least it doesn't quite feel like it--, just staring at Lucas, wondering if his words mean what it sounds like they mean or if she's just reading too much into all of it because that's what she wants to be hearing, and feeling the comfortable warmth of his hand around hers when the door to the roof opens and her dad pops into view.

Just like that, Lucas drops her hand and the warmth disappears. All that's left on the rooftop is heavy awkwardness.

“All right kids, it's nearly one o'clock. Time to wrap things up and for Lucas to head home.” Her dad announces.

“Actually I think I'm gonna head home too.” Maya stands up, shoving her hands into her pockets.

Riley panics. For a moment she had forgotten that Maya was even up on the roof with her and Lucas, let alone that she was still a part of the situation. And Maya clearly has realized that. Why else would she blowing off their traditional New Years Sleepover to go home? “Wait!” She reaches out for Maya's arm and nearly screeches in protest, knowing she has one chance to fix this; if Maya goes home and stews in whatever her thoughts are now, in the upset and confusion and whatever else, the results probably won't be pretty. For anyone, but most importantly for Maya. “We'll be down in five minutes.” She assures her dad, not only to get him to leave, but also to buy herself a moment to think.

“Five minutes.” Her dad nods. “And if you don't come back in by then I'm sending up your mom with your baby album.”

Riley waits for the door to close behind him before she drops Maya's arm. “I think we all should be careful. What we think, what we do, what we say…”

“Maybe Farkle's right and we should be honest with each other.” Maya counters with a heavy sigh.

Honesty. Hmph. Even if they have sort of started talking, Riley is going to stand by her earlier assessment that honesty in this area at this moment is dangerous and doing more harm than good. She continues with her original train of thought. “We don't want to do anything that we might regret later. None of us have our soulmarks yet. We don't know what's going to happen when we get them. We don't even know when we're going to get them. And I think the most important thing is that we stay friends, no matter what. So I think we should all agree to be careful until then. That way no one gets hurt.”

Several incredibly long moments pass. Riley rocks on her heels and nearly bites her lip, waiting for someone to say something. Eventually Lucas exhales and nods. “If that's what's important to you, that's what we'll do. No one gets hurt.”

“Thank you, Lucas.” Riley risks a small smile that lasts until she turns back to Maya. Her friend still looks caught between confused and dejected and isn't giving any indication if she'll go along with the plan. “Maya? What do you think?”

Maya presses her lips together. It takes her another moment to answer. “I guess I think we go with your plan.” She gestures vaguely with one hand. “No one gets hurt.”

It should feel like a victory, Riley thinks as they all walk downstairs. She's almost positive that they're doing the right thing, putting everything on hold until something happens to make things clearer, and this time everyone is in the know and on board, so that should make it easier. Only after the agreement is made, that stupid silence comes sweeping back in. Lucas leaves after a really stilted goodbye where he nearly hugs her, stops himself, and shakes her hand instead, then performs a similar gesture with Maya. Maya still decides to skip out on the sleepover.

Riley's left alone to sit in her room in more crushing silence and even with the plan in place things feel even more uncertain than they did before the conversation ever happened.

This would all be so much easier if they had their soulmarks.