#just took a nap so i feel energized enough to pump out a few today

[feng-shui71]

GENDERBENT JORDSKER PLEASEEE

Sure! already did this here but ya !!!

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

In Sorrow and In Joy- Part 3: Lullaby

Luke learns the hard way what it means to be a dad and how to keep his family safe and together. Dad!Luke with a South Asian Reader. This is a collaborative experience with A Family of Five.

CW: Over the course of this series, themes of racism and prejudice on the basis of religion are present. Please read or skip as necessary.

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Zahra watches you and Luke bounce a baby each, shushing their cries with a soothing hand on their backs. The twins, Zeek and Noor, were not what she was expecting at all. Granted, Zahra thought it to be a miracle that her parents had finally moved back in together. It took a while. Only a year and a half ago did Luke and you reconcile, him moving into the house. Ra notices that you Luke wears a ring, but you don’t. She never asks about it really. The mere reconnection of her family was miracle enough. 

Two siblings were something she never thought of. Maybe it wouldn’t be all bad either. When Luke said that she would be getting a baby brother and sister, she imagined having someone to play with, someone to have adventures with, someone that could do things besides cry. But cry is all the twins seemed to do. There was their feed me cry, I need someone to change me cry, I’m sleepy cry, ‘Someone put me down before I was satisfied’ cry. Just cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Their screams hurt her brain. 

She wants to cry right now. She wants to run away; she wants her parents back. “Mum?” Ra tries. 

“Yeah, baby?” you ask. 

“When can we play?”

Ra knows there’s going to be a sigh. There’s always a sigh. That does not change today either. Ra fights tears as she hears the sigh expelling from your lungs. “I’m sorry, soon, I promise.”

Zahra nods, though she wants to scream Don’t make promises you can’t keep. She turns instead stairs and climbs the steps, small first curling around the railing. Those babies, they’re ruining everything for her. When Calum and Harlowe come to visit the newest additions to the Hemmings household, Ra watches from the steps as everyone coos over the babies. This is it, she thinks. She is destined to be forgotten. 

Her aunt walks over, after noticing the small child sitting all alone. “Why all by your lonesome?” Harlowe asks.

“Just want to be left alone,” Zahra answers, standing. 

“What if I don’t want to be alone?” her aunt teases. Ra doesn't respond; she grabs her stuffed bear and walks away. “Ra, wait, c’mon. You know you can talk to me.”

The little girl nods, pausing in her ascent to turn back to her aunt. “I just don’t want to.” She wants to talk; she wants someone to notice her. She’s happy someone has. It still cuts deep though that the wrong person did. What would she have to do to get you or Luke to notice her again? When would she get her parents her back? Did all babies require this much attention or was it just her brother and sister? Was she being forgotten?

A couple weeks later, as the twins are napping, you step out to your study. You know your school email is probably flooded with emails. While you’d normally take this time to nap as well. You feel a bit more energized though. Ra follows behind you. You pat the top of her head, “Want to help Mum?”

She nods, smiling brightly. Zahra really knows she’s not that much help, but now that Zeek and Noor are here she latches to whatever seconds she can get with you alone from the babies. Zahra pulls up her smaller chair next to yours, digging out her crayons. This is how she helps, drawing different scenes, coloring in her books. She likes to sit and watch you tapping over the keys. It’s in moments like this that Zahra feels like her parents aren’t being snatched away from her. 

After a little bit of coloring, she stands, walking to the bathroom. Luke notices her going on and right as she flushes to toilet, the cries start up. She waits, praying that they stop. Praying that the twins will shut up for just one second. Walking out of the bathroom, she sees Luke bouncing Noor. She’s a little fussy, but really only responds to you. “C’mon sweetheart,” Luke sighs to the baby, rubbing his large palm over her small back. He sings softly into the baby’s ear. Ra misses that, wishes he’d sing to her again. 

Luke looks over to Ra, smiling. She’s not sure how long she’s been standing there watching her father and her baby sister. But it’s long enough for her to feel like her chest is starting to hurt. It feels warm, like it’s on fire. “Wash your hands?” he asks. 

She nods. “Yes.” The word comes out harsly and broken. Of course she washes her hands. She knows better! She’s not a baby. 

Luke’s no stranger to that tone. “Ra, what’s wrong?” The baby in his arms finally quiets down, but he now has another problem on his hands. He sets Noor back down into her small rocker. 

Tears are stinging behind her eyes. Oh no, she’s going to cry. She’s going to break. She doesn't want to do this. A sob racks through her chest, lip quivering. Luke picks her up, settling onto the couch. Ra buries her face into his chest, grabbing fistful of his shirt. She cries, open mouthed and full of sobs into him. Luke kisses her hair, the black curls tickling his neck a little. Concern floods him, veins thumping in his throat. 

“Sweetheart, please talk to me,” he coaxes, hand rubbing at her small frame. She shakes against him. Worried that she’ll wake the babies, he picks her up, walking from the living room and into the back of the house. Ra cries into his neck, the tears rolling down his skin. “Ssh,” he whispers.

It’s clear she’s not stopping anytime soon. Luke hums, her favorite lullaby. Soon, the lyrics slip past his lips. He can’t help it, but soon tears are hitting his lower lowerline. He’s not sure what has got his baby so upset, but it breaks his heart. Luke continues walking around with Ra buried in his neck, arms tightly wound around his neck. “Please, Ra, tell Daddy what’s wrong?” he asks after going through the handful of her favorite songs.

She sniffles, pulling her face away. He can see the splotches of red and pink under her brown cheeks. “Can you sing more?” she asks, tiny hands playing at the scruff forming under his chin and on his cheeks. 

Luke nods. “Of course baby girl.” He carries her upstairs to the music room. Settling onto the piano bench, he helps Ra situate herself in his lap. Softly he plucks over the keys, singing some of their older songs to her. Ra watches as his hands slide across the black and white notes. She rests her hands over his, leaning side to side with him. 

Is this what she wanted? Did she just want some time? Luke remembers Harlowe mentioning that something seemed off with Ra, but the twins got sick and the whole thing about talking to her went out the window. He hadn’t intended to forget, but two babies even the second time around was still frazzling. They weren’t at the point yet where they would sleep throughout the night. It was a constant cycle of sleeping for a couple hours before one would fuss. If one fussed, the other cried too. They were tag teaming you and Luke, he was convinced. 

Zahra must have felt left out, left behind. Luke’s chest constricts. His little baby girl, after all the mess he had put her through for three years, he promised to never hurt her again. It was probably a naive promise to make. He’s human, imperfect, bound to make mistakes. Here he was again, making another mistake. 

Plucking out the last few notes of his current sound, Luke stops, pulling Zahra closer into his chest. He kisses her cheek, once, twice, three time and then one more time to even it out. He kisses her other cheek four times too. “I’m sorry, baby girl. All you wanted was my time. I’m so so sorry,” he says softly to her. 

“Zeek and Noor ruined everything,” she replies in a whisper. 

“Babies require a lot of attention. But it’s no excuses for making you feel like you were being left out.”

“I just want things to go back like they were before.”

“They can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t forget me,” she says with a sniffle. “Don’t forget me.”

Luke stands her up on his thighs. She looks away from his face. Zahra doesn’t want to see her dad sad or angry at her. “Zahra,” he starts, gently guiding her attention to him. “I could never forget you. I’m sorry things are out of hand right now. Let me make this right, okay?”

She pouts. “You’ll forget again.”

Luke shakes his head. “No, no, Mum and I are going to get this straightened out. We’re going to figure out what we can do to include you more, alright? Will you help us fix this?” He knows his daughter, too much like you-- stubborn.

Silence filters in, not even a cry from the twins. Luke could cry from the sound of silence and also because Zahra’s lip quivers again. No, no, please don’t cry, he silently prays. Finally she nods. “Yes.”

Zahra slides down the plastic swirl, chasing behind another little girl. Noor rests in your arms. Zeek’s happy to be bounced in the stroller. Luke stands behind you, returning with ice cream in his hands. “Ra,” he calls out, holding up the cone. 

She rushes over, beaming. You shake your head. “You’re going to spoil her dinner,” you state. 

“She’s got a hearty appetite, don’t worry.”

Zahra bounces up onto the bench. “Thanks, Daddy.” Zahra gets to pick a family date once a week. Sometimes she just wants to watch a movie. Other times she likes the park. But whatever is her fancy for that week, she gets to drag the entire family too. Except when it’s an amusement park in almost boiling weather. Those times she can’t make that call. It always get made up though. She makes sure, writing it down on her small section of the chalkboard in the kitchen. 

This week Zahra wanted to go to the park. Finally on a not rainy day, she’s able to bounce around, swinging, pumping her legs as hard as they can go. She still has her fits, when the twins are particularly needy she’ll buck, cry, say she’s being left out. Those are the moments that you or Luke have to be firm and let her know she can’t cry out every time the attention slides away from her. She doesn’t like it, but what must be done must be done of course. 

Ra licks at her cone, holding her free out to Noor who grasps a finger tightly. “You’re cute, Noor,” she states between licks, “when you’re not crying,” she adds quietly. 

“Alright,” you laugh, shoulders shaking. “While I agree, I don’t think you need to say that.”

Zahra shrugs. You look up to Luke who’s grinning. He laughs, “she gets it from you.”

“Don’t put that on me!” You know it’s true. It’s hard to see otherwise. 

Once all the ice cream is gone, Zahra tugs at Luke’s leather jacket. “Can you push me on the swings?” 

He nods. “Of course, baby girl.” You watch as both of them in matching jackets walk over to the swing set. He helps into the seat before pulling back on the chains and pushing her gently. A smile crosses her lips. She tilts her head back, talking to Luke. They’re too far for you to catch what is said exactly. 

You watch them for a minute, Luke ever so gently pushing on her back. Zahra kicks her legs, “Higher!” she shouts. You catch that. He gives in; he can take her higher. He can be there for her. Luke knows he can do that. 

Zeek fusses from the stroller so you trade out babies. Though it’s not your usual trick, you start humming, rubbing his back. The vibrations always seem to work with him. It’s better if Luke sings the lullabies. The humming as the same effect though. You hum a soft lullaby into Zeek’s ear, listening as Zahra laughs about being too high in the sky.