#just think of regulus' last little note and what he felt/thought when he signed it

[coeur-ivre]

hc that regulus signs everything with R. A. B. is because when they were younger sirius tried to sign something S. O. B. and complained about it just being sob and its meaning. so while sirius has various signatures like Sirius Orion Black or S. Black, regulus is like :) R. A. B. :) teehee :)

[iwriteasfotini]

A Bit Annoying

A Subtextual Rosekiller Excerpt

I don't know why exactly but Rosekiller is turning into THAT SHIP. Everything I post about them gets notes faster than the other ships. Maybe there is just less content out there? IDK, They weren't in my original story plan, but they are there now. And I was drawn to them because I love digging into the backstory of the "bad guys."

A lot of their scenes aren't spoilers to the overall plot of my story. So since they are the hot topic, and because I'm dying to share more writing, I'm going to comb everything I've written so far and share snippets of them with you all. I hope you enjoy these weirdos!

Here's a little subtextual Rosekiller scene from The Heart of the Lion, Regulus' POV and in his third year, as is Barty. Evan is a fifth year.

...

Evan was magically summoning all the golf balls back into the leather bag and Regulus made to leave the pitch. But Evan called after him. 

“Hey, hold up Black.”

Regulus paused and turned back. Evan was now levitating the chest and the bag in front of him, he was heading towards the broom shed, so Regulus fell in step with him. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something else.”

“Ok.”

“This is Slytherin to Slytherin,” Evan looked a bit nervous. “Barty says -”

“Yes, please do tell me what Barty is saying about me behind my back.”

“That you can’t be trusted.” Evan closed the door of the broom shed and locked it with a key. He fixed Regulus with an even stare.

Regulus didn’t betray a sign of relief or anger. He nodded curtly. “What do you think?”

“I think your family history is way more robust than Barty’s and he’s jealous.”

“Barty is an immature fussy child who throws a tantrum when he doesn’t get what he wants and then blames other people for his failure.”

Evan nodded, “I agree. You know, his home life is pretty terrible. His dad ignores him, acts like he doesn’t exist, and his mother isn’t all there mentally. They have full time live in help to tend to her. Barty basically raised himself.”

Welcome to the club, Regulus thought. But no, Sirius had raised Regulus, and at the time, Sirius had been all Regulus needed. He had been the steady mast in a turbulent sea.

“Then what he needs are true friends,” said Regulus. “When you are isolated like that, your friends can be your saving grace. People need someone to love them.”

If Regulus didn’t have Severus and Lily he didn’t know what he would be turning into right now. Likely someone who harbored a lot more bitter resentment and anger. Having his two friends made all the difference in the world. They were a team, for now, while at Hogwarts. 

Regulus wondered if Barty had a single close friend. He was an only child, as so many purebloods were, no wonder the bloodlines were dying off. And for the first time Regulus felt empathy for Barty’s plight. Last year, Regulus had told Barty how idiotic it was to act alone. But Regulus didn’t have to live life alone every day. And when he was isolated, he saw how much harder life could be. 

“I know Barty is sort of annoying,” said Regulus. “But I think if you can try and really be friends with him, he might feel better about himself. It certainly wouldn’t hurt him. Just keep him in check, yeah?”

Evan seemed to be contemplating this. 

For good measure, Regulus added, “look at it as a social experiment, what do you have to lose?”

 “I don’t see you rushing off to befriend him, and he’s in your year.”

“He doesn’t want to be friends with me, he wants to be friends with you and your mates.”

They had walked slowly, even so, they were now at the base of the castle steps. 

“Thanks… for not getting defensive.” Evan gave him a long look. He was quite a bit taller than Regulus and he had actually started filling out, looking closer to a man than a boy. “I don’t care what Barty says, you are always welcome with us. And maybe you’re right, maybe Barty will come round if he doesn’t feel like it’s him against the world all the time.”

Regulus didn’t respond, he knew only too well what it felt like to be small and scared and feel like the whole world was against you. But he’d always had a hand to hold, he had never stood alone. 

“Well, I’ll see you Saturday afternoon yeah?” said Evan after an awkward silence. 

“Yes, and Rosier, I think you’ll make a solid team captain,” said Regulus. 

Evan’s cheeks went a bit pink. “Thanks.” 

With a slight wave, Evan headed up the stairs. Regulus waited a few moments, then followed.

...

You can find out more about this series in my pinned post.

[scvrllet]

Eternity

“What crueler punishment is there than love?”

PAIRING: Regulus Black x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Falling in-love was always scary, but falling in-love knowing there is an inevitable end is terrifying

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

WARNING(S): Mentions of death + brief mentions of grief, Immortal!Reader

AUTHORS NOTE: This has been sitting in my drafts for months ( back when i was an active hp writer and was primarily in said fandom) and finally decided to post it

JOIN MY TAGLIST - MARAUDERS MASTERLIST

Immortality may seem like a blessing to those who desire it but forget the burden those cursed with it must carry.

How long have you been alive to watch the world around you evolve? Watch as one Dark Wizard rose and fell only for another to take their place? Watch as those you loved died, leaving you to grieve for all of eternity but yet some dare say that it’s a gift? The answer; far too long.

If anything, it’s more of a curse than a gift. A cruel way of punishing others but not just them but their family as well.

Old magic was dangerous and masters of those forces were not to be messed with. Your family had learnt that the hard way many years ago. An old witch, who one of your past ancestors had wrongly messed with, put a curse on your family. Any and every daughter born into the (Y/L/N) family would be cursed with immortality, paying their ancestors debt for all of eternity. Perhaps this is where the term ‘old soul’ had come from. You thought to yourself once. It humored you at the time but barely anymore. All you wanted was for your soul to be at rest but due to that witch’s magic, that would never happen.

When your parents welcomed you into the world you would be cursed to live in forever, a part of them had hoped that the curse would have somehow skipped a generation but when they noticed your lack of physical aging as you grew up, the only thing they could do was spend as much time with you as possible, your father especially. His time was running out but not yours. It never would.

You’ve lived through many decades and met several people, most of whom were starting to leave your mind, being replaced by the new people you were always meeting. Friends in your opinion, were easily replaceable. Whether it be betrayal or death that causes a rift in the friendship, there was always another willing to fill that spot. This being said, it didn’t mean you never loved them because you did. You spilled all your secrets and thoughts into them and held them as death took them away from you. Oh how their souls were fortunate enough to be able to rest.

You remember listening to your aunts and grandmother talking about their past lovers as a little girl. When one had finally passed, they’d give themselves some time to grieve before hopping into a new relationship, allowing the cycle to repeat itself. They would’ve expected for you to follow in their footsteps given the curse and all but were quite surprised when decades, maybe even centuries had passed, and you were still in-love with that boy from 1976.

You smiled as you recalled the day. It was the day you realized you were falling in-love for the first and possibly the only time in your life. For a moment, that moment specifically, you forgot about your curse and what would result from it.

It was the third of December. Snow fell onto the white ground as a cool breeze turned your faces red. You were both supposed to be in Herbology class at the time, not by the Black Lake throwing snowballs at each other but

With a bit of help from your magic, you had sent at least ten snowballs in his direction. You laughed as it hit him in the face and the moment of you letting your guard down allowed for him to throw one right back at you.

Your face was cold and wet as you wiped the snow off your face. Narrowing your eyes at him, you noticed a sparkle in his grey eyes before another snowball hit you in the face.

“Reg I swear to God I will murder you.” You threatened as you wiped the snow off your face. Anybody else would’ve been scared and immediately apologized but he knew you like the back of his hand.

“Is that so love?” He teased knowing that nickname was always able to crack your façade. Glaring daggers at him, you hoped he wouldn’t notice how your face got warmer but he saw the corners of your lip twitch upwards a bit and that was all he needed to continue teasing you.

Waving your wand, a pile of snowballs appeared beside you and before Regulus could even say anything, they were all sent flying in his direction one by one. He sighed in relief when the last of the snowballs had been fired at him before using his wand to dry himself off.

When he was finally dry, he looked up at you and smirked before grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the Black Lake. It was frozen but you were absolutely terrified of the ice cracking and falling into the cold water. Just thinking about it sent shivers down your spine as he walked closer to the frozen lake.

“Do you trust me?” He turned around to ask you, standing at the edge of the frozen lake. Had this been someone else, you would’ve broken free of their grasp and run back to your dorm but he was different. You couldn’t explain why, but you felt safe around him. It was an odd feeling.

Simply nodding, he smiled before carefully stepping onto the ice. He laughed as he felt your grip on his arm tightened as the two of you walked further on the ice.

“Regulus what are we doing?” You questioned as he continued to lead you away from the shore.

“Ice-skating, I think. I’ve overheard my brother talk about doing it with his friends and figured I’d give it a try.” He replied with a shrug.

You abruptly stopped in your steps and arched a brow at him as you asked: “You’re telling me that we’re currently ice-skating?”

Regulus cocked his head to the side slightly. “Are we doing it wrong?”

“Ice-skating Reg, it’s in the name. We need skates.” You replied and a look of realization dawned on him. He knew that it felt odd for muggles to do this sport with normal footwear but he just hadn’t realized what he was missing.

“I was wondering why we weren’t going as graceful.” He said under his breath, causing you to chuckle. “Well, right or wrong, I think we’ve had enough ice-skating for today. Come on you must be freezing.”

He grabbed your arm again and started walking back towards the shore. A mistake in this action though was that he didn’t give you enough time to react before he was pulling your arm. This resulted in you losing your balance and slipping on the ice but thankfully, his fast reflexes had you balanced on both feet as Regulus held you by the waist.

“Are you alright?” The playful teasing expression had now been replaced by a wide eyed look of concern as he moved his hands to rest on your shoulders as if to further steady you. He searched your eyes for any sign telling him that you weren’t okay. Thankfully, there were none and he sighed in relief and pulled you into his chest.

Far too intoxicated in his scent, you hadn’t realized that you were shivering until he pointed it out and began to cautiously head back inside. Lightly tugging on your jacket, the two of you got off the ice and back onto the solid ground. As you walked back you couldn’t help but question that feeling you felt whenever you were with him.

It was the feeling you felt when you were having a snowball fight with him. The feeling you felt when he laughed and his eyes would light up. It was the feeling you felt when you were around him and what you felt when he caught you on the ice and looked at you. The moment that happened just a few seconds ago replayed in your mind and you doubt that it’d ever stop. It made you feel warm and safe, mortal even.

You didn’t even realize you were back inside until you heard a voice call out from down the hallway in front of you.

“Mr Black and Ms (Y/L/N) aren’t you supposed to be in Herbology?” It was McGonagall. Shit.

Turning the opposite way, the two of you ran down the hall and turned the corner towards the Dungeons. Teacher or not, you both doubted she would enter the Slytherin’s Common Room.

“Blimey Black, if I wanted to warm up I would’ve rather set myself on fire.” You huffed as you tried to catch your breath. “And how are you not out of breath? I feel like I’m dying.” You had just run nearly halfway across the castle and Regulus wasn’t gasping for air like you who was hunched over the couch, quite dramatically as well you might add.

The boy in front of you rolled his eyes at your exaggeration before sitting down on one of the couches and patting the seat beside him, gesturing for you to sit down beside him. With a flick of his wand, a fire was lit in the fireplace allowing both light and warmth to fill the dark Common Room the Slytherin’s had. You always wondered why Salazar decided to place the Common Room in the Dungeons out of all places. A tower would’ve been much nicer, warmer even, but it seems as his blueprint for Common Rooms was different compared to the other founders.

As you sat down beside him, he pulled you closer towards him so that you were resting on his chest as his arms were wrapped protectively around you. “Better?” He asked and smiled and you hummed in response.

His fingers were tangled in your hair as he hummed a song. That combined with the sound of the fire crackling in front of you were enough to pull you to sleep. When you woke up the next morning you were still in the Slytherin Common Room but the fire was now out and there was a blanket on top of you. You were also laying on something that was most definitely not the couch since you could feel arms loosely wrapped around your stomach.

Sitting up you noticed that the sun was just starting to rise but that wasn’t what shocked you. It was the fact that you had fallen asleep on top of Regulus and that he stayed there until he too fell asleep. He could’ve just left you on the couch to go to sleep or ask one of your friends to take you to your dorm so why did he stay?

“(Y/N)?” You heard him mumble groggily. Whipping your head around you saw Regulus still very much asleep, or at least he looked like he was. His eyes were still closed and his black curly locks were a mess, something he wouldn’t have accepted if he was awake. He was always thought to look presentable at all times.

Shrugging off your previous thoughts you smiled down at him and intertwined your fingers with his. “I’m here Reg.”

He stirred a bit and his grip on your hand became firmer before light snores were heard from him.

“What are you doing to me?” You mumbled as you pushed a few strands of hair off his face. It was that same feeling. That warm feeling that just made you yearn to be with him, it was back. This time much stronger but back nonetheless.

It took you awhile but you did realize what he was doing to you: he was making you fall for him. You didn’t know if it was intentionally or not but what you did know was that it was working.

You were falling in love and it was absolutely terrifying.

Despite your curse and the known outcome, Regulus treasured every single second he was able to share with you. The relationship lasted two years, ending a few months after you both graduated from Hogwarts due to his discovery upon Voldemort. Aside from Kreacher, you were the only person who knew the truth about Regulus Black and what happened to him. Not even his brother or parents knew what had happened to him but that’s how it would stay. The world wouldn’t know about the boy who died trying to right his wrongs.

After his passing though, you couldn’t bring yourself to move on. It didn’t feel right and with all the pain that came with it you doubted you’d ever allow yourself to fall in-love again.

So as years went by and the world continued to move on, you were stuck on that boy from 1976.

[startanewdream]

Mia

Summary: It’s not really an unplanned pregnancy if you planned it once - even it was twenty years ago, right?

Or the road leading to James and Lily’s baby number two. (Part of the Jily Lives AU)

Note: To be edited later with a link to AO3 as soon as this gets a title. Edited with the link to AO3 if you prefer. Also, this time there is mention of Sirius and Remus being alive because after the last one, I felt guilty.

Warning for... mentions of sex. That’s how babies are made after all.

_________________________

They are in bed, Lily’s head over his chest while he caresses her hair, both still recovering their breaths when she first talks about it.

'How do you feel about another?'

James raises his eyebrows.

'I don't know if I should be happy you enjoyed so much you already want more or if I should be concerned you are not satisfied, Lily'.

'What? No -' she giggles, turning in bed to stare at him, her auburn hair floating around her. 'I meant about another child'.

James is silent for a few seconds, considering it.

'So that means you are not satisfied'.

She rolls her eyes, but James can see the amusement in her face.

'In bed with you, yes, I am', she assures, placing a soft kiss on his chest, over his heart. 'But about kids, I've been thinking about it'.

James bits his lips.

'You know how I feel about it', he whispers.  'I hated so much being an only child that I found myself brothers as soon as I could'.

'Yeah and you did propose to me mentioning how you would like a house full of kids - enough to fill a Quidditch team, if I remember correctly'.

'I was babbling, afraid you were going to refuse me! You know you can't use someone's desperate proposal against him'.

She smiles softly.

'So you don't want a bunch of children?'

He touches her hair once more, keeping his eyes on the auburn strands, and it comes to his mind that he would like a child with that gorgeous hair of her.

'I do. Maybe not seven, but I don't want Harry to be an only child. It's just -'

He doesn't finish, but James knows he doesn't need to. Harry is just fifteen months old, an unplanned child in the middle of a war they are not close to winning and, truth be told, if James and Lily had more sense, they would not have one child, let alone another one.

And there is the fact that their only son is already too much involved in this war.

'Hey', she cups his face. 'Let's plan together'.

There is a pleading tone in her voice, and he knows that what Lily is asking is hope - for better days, for a time where they can have more children without worrying about what will happen to them.

He looks back at her and when their eyes meet, his heart beats faster. It should be silly considering what they were doing minutes ago and how he possibly cried in very colourful words that he loved her, but this is one of those moments where time seems to stop and he realizes, with a wave of electricity running through his body, with a certainty that leaves room for no doubt, that he loves her with all he has.

That’s why they are together, that’s why he asked her to marry him. Not because he feared for the future, not because he was desperate to enjoy as much time with her as they had left.

But because he loved her since what seems always now, and he won’t deny any hope for Lily, not when he's been living on it.

He kisses her softly.

'Let’s plan’, he agrees. ‘I think… maybe four kids would be nice. Two boys, two girls'.

She smiles.

'Well, we can't plan that'. Then Lily throws him a knowing look. 'You are thinking about forming a new group of Marauders, aren't you?'

He smiles unabashedly.

'Just think about family photos. Each one of our kids dresses as one of the Marauders. It would be the cutest thing ever'.

Her eyes shine, seeing beyond him.

'It would. Fine, four kids. We will need a bigger house'.

'We can expand the house, you know. My dad always said he thought of creating a new wing here; there is plenty of land'.

'Two rooms to begin with. They can share until they are older'.

‘Sirius always slept in my room when he came over’, James remembers fondly. ‘We almost burnt the house once or twice, I must warn you’.

‘Consider me warned. Petunia and I had separate rooms, but when I was younger -’, she pauses suddenly, and James can see the concern on her face. ‘What if they don’t like each other?’, she whispers.

‘They will’.

‘You can’t know for sure, I mean - you see how Petunia is with me. And Sirius can’t even talk about Regulus, what if -’

‘You are worrying too much, Lily’, he says gently, kissing the top of her head. ‘Maybe they will best friends, maybe they won’t. But I’m sure they will be family no matter what’.

She looks thoughtfully, but after a minute she nods.

‘What about next year? Harry will be two, it’s a good age gap’.

‘It would be nice. We can start practising now if you want’.

‘I thought we already did’, Lily winks at him. ‘But we can repeat tomorrow’.

‘Halloween fun?’, he smirks. ‘Will you be wearing a costume?’

‘Only if you do - and no, your antlers tiara doesn’t count’.

He pouts, making her giggle and kiss him until his expression relax.

‘Hey, Lily’, he calls her, his voice resounding with the hope he associates with Lily. ‘Let’s have another child’.

___________________

When Harry is five and he starts Muggle school, it comes to James that his son has been lacking other kids in his life. It’s not that he is lonely - he couldn’t be, not with James and Lily always there for him, not with the almost daily visits from Sirius and Remus, but he suddenly wishes there were more children in the house.

Now, he can’t count on Sirius or Remus to help him with it - both of them seem to avoid relationships like the plague, though for different reasons -, so he rounds Lily while she is in her office preparing a potion.

‘James?’, she calls surprised, when his arms embrace her from behind and he kisses her exposed neck (James loves when Lily is making potions because she keeps her hair on a bun and he has a weak spot for her neck). ‘This will explode if I don’t stir it’.

‘Let it explode’.

‘It’s a Draught of Living Death, we will turn into zombies if -’

‘Let’s make a baby’.

That makes her take her wand to freeze the potion and turn to him, with a funny smile.

‘Is that a weird way of asking for sex? If so - you used better lines before’.

‘No, I mean, sex is good too and most necessary, but I mean it, Lily. Let’s try for another kid’.

Lily blinks.

‘Why now?’

‘Why not now? Harry is still young, we are definitively young, what’s keeping us from having more?’

She bits her lip, thoughtful, and James feels suddenly dismayed.

‘Unless you don’t want anymore?’

‘It’s not that, I want it - it’s just, with everything that happened -’

‘I know, it slipped out of my mind too. But now, we are living in this peace for a while…’

‘But it won’t last, will it?’, she whispers as if she feels guilty of even thinking about it. ‘Dumbledore says he isn’t really dead and when he returns -’

‘Maybe he will stay hidden forever, maybe he is too weak to try anything’.

She smiles sadly.

‘Every time I look at Harry’s scar I know that something will happen, James. That’s not a normal scar, that means something, and I get scared’.

‘Hey’, he hugs her. ‘As long as we are together, we can face anything - didn’t we prove that before?’

‘Yeah, but - is it fair? To put someone innocent in the middle of our mess?’

‘It was not fair with Harry, but we managed. We can do it again’.

‘James…’

Lily looks at him and James sees she is not convinced, not really; he knows Lily enough to understand that she is rational - she likes to think first, whereas James is always the more impulsive. They complement each other. He takes her to fly, she remembers him to come back to the ground.

And he understands what she means, even if he wishes things were different.

‘You are right’, he sighs. ‘At least for now, until we see how things really are’.

She smiles, touching his face with fondness.

‘I want it, I really do. Don’t forget it’.

James kisses her hand on his face.

‘I won’t. In fact, if you want to start practising now -’

____________________

It’s just because the house is empty now that Harry is off to Hogwarts that the subject returns; they don’t exactly talk about it. James just sees Lily is not taking her potions anymore - they look at each other, understanding passing between them (one of the benefits of being married for over ten years) - and then suddenly and simply as that they are trying.

It feels a little weird to actually hope for once that something comes out of their moments together, but it’s Lily. He forgets everything when he is with her, focusing on just enjoying her company and touches and how they made each other feel.

But time passes and nothing happens. It’s been only three months, it’s nothing unusual, and Lily mentions seeing a doctor when the owl comes to tell them how someone jinxed Harry’s broom on his first Quidditch match.

That doesn’t seem like a good sign.

When they return home months after, in June, after seeing Harry all bandaged in the hospital, after hearing him talking about coming face to face with Voldemort, they don’t say anything. He buys the herbs for Lily and she is not surprised when he gives them to her.

There is no need to talk about it.

____________________

Most of the time their lives are full of things happening and Harry is always at the centre of a storm, so when James thinks about it, Lily was right. He can’t imagine facing dementors and going back to the Order with a young child to be cared for.

He can’t imagine how their child would be a target, how vulnerable and defenceless their child would be, without a love protection, without a prophecy somehow binding its fate. They made the right choice of postponing their second child.

That’s the rational part of him that suddenly vanishes the moment he sees Lily holding baby Teddy Lupin in her arms for the first time, that cute fat baby that giggles at her, closing his eyes for a minute - and then his blue hair turns as red as hers and his eyes are bright green.

It’s like a mini-Lily and suddenly James wishes more than ever that this war is over soon - or that it had never even begun because he can see that other life, the one where there was no Voldemort. Instead, James and Lily’s lives are filled with more children, happy shining kids whose worst problems are passing their school exams and not surviving. The life he always wanted for Harry.

His eyes meet Lily’s and she smiles at him, offering him to hold Teddy. It’s been forever since James held a baby, but he still remembers, not really forgetting all these nights he took care of Harry. Teddy is a quiet baby, smiling at him too, his hand raised to try to grab his glasses.

‘He is perfect’, he whispers, looking to Remus. His friend is beaming - James understands that happiness that comes with holding your child for the first time, with seeing that miracle in the shape of a baby that you swear to protect with all your heart.

‘Of course he is’, Tonks says cheerfully, while Remus hugs her, holding her close to him as if he doesn't believe he gets to be this happy.

James understands the feeling of living that light bright moment right after coming out of the darkness. There is nothing like that.

He returns Teddy to Tonks when he starts to whimper for his mother, and then he looks at Lily.

Her green eyes are filled with longing for a life they promised themselves they would have, and also a little bit of hurt. How did they lose sight of their dreams?

They both know the answer but it's not a comfort.

Later, when they apparate back to their hiding place - a sorry little apartment where they pretend to be a normal boring couple -, they don't wait to turn out the lights and they don't say anything before their lips are meeting, and it's desperate and harsh as it has not been for a long time.

Somehow James feels like they are making up for a lost time that won't go anywhere and that they can't retrieve anyway.

It doesn't matter.

When they first married all they had was their love and dreams. They still love each other and for those dreams - they will accomplish them.

________________

They never speak out loud but somehow in the aftermath of the last battle, it feels right that they get a new beginning just as everyone else is having.

It’s all about rebuilding - Hogwarts, then the wizarding world - the Ministry, the Aurors, organising a system that was clearly outdated - and their home. It's a long process and in the middle of it, they forget about worrying, about planning; they just go with the flow and somehow it works without they even meaning to.

Lily has this weird expression on her face, one that seems to mix disbelief and amazement as she turns to him one morning and says as if the most natural thing:

‘James? I think I’m pregnant’.

That’s the first difference from their first time. Now he is the one that leaves for the pharmacy while Lily prepares a potion - they will test twice, just to be sure - and they are together while they wait for both tests to tell them if her feelings were right on the spot.

They are.

There are two lines on the muggle pregnancy test and the potion turns blue and suddenly like that they know they will be parents again.

She hugs him then, her eyes filled with tears of pure joy, laughing when she sees James is really crying now.

‘I love you so much!’, he declares brightly, kissing every part of her face that he can (but with care, because a pregnant Lily always seems fragile to him, no matter the fact he knows this is not true). 

And it feels that this is what he should have done the first time, when she first told him about Harry. They should be happy and only that. No worries. That’s the second difference.

There are parallels too, James thinks. Harry’s shock at the idea his parents will have a baby reminds him of Sirius’ reaction as if he can’t possibly understand how that happened (somehow, despite running into them a couple of times, Sirius still got shocked with the fact they made sex). Lily is as sick as in her first pregnancy, so the first months are mostly spent at home too.

And just like back then, Sirius comes to visit her every day he can, careful to bring her anything she may want to eat and offering massage to her feet that Lily doesn’t need to, but she enjoys anyway.

‘I can still see my feet, Padfoot’, she replies teasingly, lying lazily on the couch of the living room while Sirius' hands work their magic on her right foot. James winks at her.

‘Just enjoy, Lily. He is trying to get into your good graces. He wants to be named godfather again’.

Sirius nods unabashedly, grinning at her. 

‘Remus is the next in line’, Lily says, shrugging. ‘But keep with that massage and we will think about you if baby number three ever comes’.

‘Still without a name for baby number two?’

‘You need to stop calling young Prongslet by numbers’, James scolds without any malice.

‘We are not calling Prongslet either, James’.

‘Of course not, Lily. It will be Elvendork’.

Lily rolls her eyes.

‘Not this again’.

‘It’s unisex!’

They indeed refer to their baby as Elvendork just because it’s easier than calling “it” or “baby”, and Harry throws confused looks at them, looking concerned that his new brother or sister will really be called that, though Lily assures him this won’t happen.

But the truth is that they really have not decided on a name, haven’t even discussed yet seriously until they return from the doctor with the news it’s a girl (James cried with this news just as he cries every time they go to the doctor and he hears the baby's heartbeat or even that shape in the ultrasound that it's not really discernible).

They are on the bed, with James looking wondrously at Lily’s now round belly and imagining their little girl (maybe that mini-Lily he once thought of, maybe a little Harry, maybe a little James - it doesn’t matter, he already loves her), when he whispers: ‘We can’t call her Elvendork’.

Lily throws him a surprised look.

‘Oh, no! Poor Elvendork!’

He is too enamoured with her to retort.

‘Did you think of any names?’

‘I have a list of names’, she admits. ‘But none of them feels right’.

They go together through her list; there are beautiful, weird and creative types of names, but as Lily said, none seems to fit yet.

Of course, they don’t lack ideas. Everyone seems to have an opinion.

Sirius is all for the stars, of course (but James thinks he is teasing, though some of them sound nice), and Harry suggests female heroes.

‘What about your mothers?’, Remus suggests, when he and Dora come over for dinner. Lily is sitting on the couch, playing with Teddy. The boy is four now, and he seems fascinated by Lily’s big belly - he had been too young when Fleur was pregnant with Victoire, so this is the first time he is really seeing a pregnant woman and understanding what it means.

Teddy already refers to the baby as his little cousin, sounding proud and excited to meet her.

‘Rose would be a good name’, Lily muses, but still it doesn’t seem to be what she is looking for.

At this time, with only a month away until their baby is born, James considers they are hoping that looking at her face will be enough after the birth - if not, he will just cry the first name that comes to his mind when they sign her birth certificate.

He only hopes he manages not to sign Elvendork. Lily would kill him.

‘I wouldn’t go for Euphemia’, he declares, shrugging.

‘As someone who has an outdated name, I second that’, Dora says, grinning at him.

But Lily looks at both of them with her brows furrowed, and James knows there is something on her mind. She doesn’t say anything until they are alone later.

‘You know, I think Remus might have the right idea’.

‘Liked Rose after all?’

‘No, actually, I thought about your mother’.

Thinking of his mother brings to James that smell of fresh-baked pie, the warmth of her hugs - she had always been there for him, to listen and to guide him - and not just him. She had been a mother to Sirius too and even to Lily in the few months they had together before she passed away.

He smiles softly.

‘I miss her, but Euphemia is not - ‘

‘It doesn’t have to be Euphemia. Your father called her Mia, right? We can do something like that’.

‘Mia Potter?’

‘I thought of Amelia. And we could call her Mia, for short. Like Teddy or Ginny’.

‘Mia Potter’, he repeats, savouring the words.

‘Amelia Rose Potter? In honour of both grandmothers?’

James beams, hugging Lily and letting his hand feel her belly. ‘I love it’.

The baby seems to like it too, because in the next second Lily is wincing and James feels the baby kicking.

‘You know what, Lily? I think Mia will be a great Quidditch player too’.

She sighs exaggeratedly.

‘I only wish she could wait to start training when she is out’.

_____________________

Because fate sometimes is funny, Mia Potter is born on Halloween Night and the first time James holds her he is wearing an antlers tiara that he forgot to take off and that no one warned him about.

Later he will probably hex Sirius when he teases him about it, but right now he just sits next to Lily on her hospital bed, and she beams at him despite her tiredness.

‘We did it’, she whispers, sounding amazed, and James understands the feeling. They are in their forties, they lived through two wars, they raised a magnificent young man and here they are holding their second child, a tiny baby who seems unbelievably perfect in every sense.

One minute, James thinks. Let us enjoy this one minute, just a little.

When the minute is over, he returns the sleeping Mia to Lily’s arms and goes to open the door. Harry is pacing in front of the door, looking agitated as James felt all during the labour, even though he never left Lily’s side.

‘So? Can I see my sister now?’

‘And my goddaughter?’, Sirius pops in, grinning. James laughs.

‘It’s Remus’ goddaughter, and, yes, you can come in. She is sleeping’.

They get around the bed, with Sirius hugging Lily and declaring her the most amazing woman in the world (‘Are you drunk, Padfoot?’ ‘Yes, I was nervous! ‘You won’t hold Mia until you are sober’), and with Harry touching the thin strands of dark hair on his sister’s head, looking at her as if it’s the most precious thing he has ever seen.

James thinks he was wrong about that selfish minute he spent alone with Lily and Mia. Seeing Harry and Sirius cooing about the baby, he realizes this is the kind of one minute he wishes to have more in his life.

‘Do you want to hold her?’, Lily offers, and Harry nods, unable to look away. He sits on the chair right beside the bed and James helps him hold his sister. She wakes up, crying, and for a moment Harry seems to be in panic until he raises and swings her softly, just like he used to do with his godson.

‘Hi, Mia’, Harry whispers. ‘That’s ok. There, there. I’m your big brother, you see? I’m here for you’.

There is a soothingly effect on Harry’s voice and after a few minutes, Mia seems to relax indeed, her crying turning into a sob that seems to be more because of the unfamiliar world she is now in than anything else.

‘She has your eyes, Dad’, Harry says, smiling. James looks back at his daughter and, more than the hazel colour that looks a lot like his, he sees the way she seems to be curious about her surroundings as if she wants to see all the world has to offer.

Mia has indeed his eyes.

____________________

Mia is three when Ginny calls her and Mia comes with an expression of guilt that tells James she has done something she shouldn’t. That doesn’t really surprise him. He saw his daughter running with Teddy and Victoire and whenever those three are together, something always seems to happen.

Most of the time involving some kind of petty mischief that gives James very much hope for his daughter.

‘It was not my fault’, Mia declares, looking sheepish. 

‘I am sure it was Teddy’s’, Harry says, sharing a grin with James, because whenever they are discovered, Teddy always declares himself to be the guilty one, even though James can see exactly when it was Victoire (with her exuberant ideas) or Mia (with her direct-to-the-point ideas), clearly feeling it’s his role as the older of them.

‘It’s okay, Mia’, Ginny assures her tenderly, offering her arms and Mia doesn’t hesitate to go sit on her lap.

Mia loves her parents, adores Harry but it’s Ginny that she worships. Like with the broomstick: Mia learnt to fly at one like Harry, who gave her her first broom, but it was just last summer when they took her to watch a Quidditch game, where Ginny had scored sixteen goals that Mia had declared she wanted to be a Chaser when she grew up.

James had shaken his head in fake dismay at the fact his daughter had not been impressed with his Quidditch skills, but he didn't really mind: any reason he could to spend afternoons flying with her was good for him.

'We have something to tell you', Ginny says under Mia's concentrated look. Lily exchanges a smile with James; they already know, but hearing it again just makes them happier than words could describe. 'You are going to be an aunt'.

She blinks.

'Like you are?'

Ginny smiles.

'Do you know what an aunt is?'

'I know that Vic calls you Aunt, but Teddy calls you Ginny'.

'Well, I am Vic's aunt because Vic's father is my brother'.

'Like Harry is my brother'.

'Yes, so you are going to be an aunt because Harry will have a son or daughter'.

'Oh!' she looks at his brother, clasping her hands. 'With whom?'

'With me', Ginny explains while everyone laughs. 'Harry and I will have a baby'.

'Oh. Like Aunt Fleur had Dominique?'

'Exactly'.

'I like babies', Mia declares. 'Where is the baby? I want to meet him!'

'In a few months. He or she is still… not ready'.

'Oh'. Mia seems upset, then she shrugs. 'Can I play outside until then?'

Ginny laughs and places a kiss on Mia's cheek.

'Sure. We will call you when it's ready'.

'Mia', Lily calls, sounding amused. 'Do you know how Harry takes care of you?'. Mia nods. 'That's what an aunt does too'.

'Can I take the baby to the park too?'

'When he is older', James assures her. Mia smiles, her hazel eyes sparkling.

‘I will be the best aunt ever’, she declares, and then she is running outside (Mia can’t walk - she only knows how to run), back to Teddy and Victoire.

James watches her through the window, talking excitedly to them, probably telling them all about her news.

'I think you will have a handful with them in the future'.

'Me?', Harry laughs. 'If McGonagall doesn't retire by the time your child and grandchild are both in Hogwarts, I will be surprised'.

______________________

Mia’s name came from @blitheringmcgonagall cute amazing stories of Mia and Monty Potter, and the final scene is some sort of answer to @dear-james​ ‘s prompt of James and Lily knowing about James Sirius (to be properly answered some day, I hope!)

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Revelation Part 3

Harry Potter AU- Marauders Post Hogwarts 

Link to Part 2 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: E- smut and sensitive themes

_________

One question, is that my shirt?

You looked up from the refrigerator keeping your face as innocent as possible. Regulus stood in the kitchen doorway with his arms crossed in the dom-like manner that made your heart pound.

My plan is about to work so well.

You thought gleefully before looking down at your body.

“So it is.”

You replied with an innocent smile. Regulus crossed the room and lifted you onto the kitchen counter.

“You’re playing with fire, little girl.”

The tone was teasing...teasing and oozing with passion. Reaching out, you yanked him to you by his shirt.

“Maybe I want to...daddy .”

The word left your mouth before you even thought about it. By the way that Regulus smirked, you could tell that he was assumed. Your hand went to the buttons of the shirt When you put it on you had only buttoned it halfway now you were more than happy to take it off.

“Leave it.”

Regulus ordered as he forcibly spread your legs and shoved a hand between themes. You gasped as his middle and index finger stroked over your clit and down to your entrance.

“No panties? Love, you are definitely playing with fire. If we do this, you know there is no stopping right?”

“I don’t think that I would be sitting her butt booty naked on the kitchen counter if I didn’t need a good fucking. Now take my heart like a man.”

That was all Regulus needed to hear. The last thing that he needed was you getting mad at him after the two of you had mind-blowing sex but since you gave him the green light...he was about to rock your world.

Regulus’ mouth was on yours kissing you hungrily. A year of pent-up passion between the two of you was finally flowing free. If either of you needed any sign that there were still “feelings” between the two of you here it was.

Your hands were fumbling with the buttons of the black button-down that Regulus was wearing. He groaned when you missed one button for the third time.

“Hold on.”

He said softly before yanking the shirt over his head and tossing it on the floor before going for the buckle of his pants. Tossing his hair over his shoulder, Regulus tilted your face back to his.

“Eyes up here, sugar. I have missed those pretty lips...fuck I have missed everything about you.”

“I’ve missed you too. Just fuck me already.”

You replied against Regulus’ mouth as he moved to kiss you again. Regulus pulled you off of the counter and gently shoved your top half down onto the surface.

“Soon.”

He commented before grazing your neck with his teeth. making your squirm against his body. It would be so easy to mark you up. Regulus could leave enough love bites so every man in the house would know that you were off-limits. Not that he really had the need to worry about any other man in the house trying to get you. Sirius was too busy charming Remus (that didn’t mean that Regulus had totally stopped worrying about his brother possibly developing feelings for you in the future). His cock was hard against your ass.

“Baby, you feel so good.”

Regulus moaned, rubbing his cock down the line of your ass. He pushed you forward, to push two fingers into your aching core. You cried out and was thankful no one else was home. Regulus’ fingers pushed deeper. Regulus finally placed his fingers with his cock...what you really wanted. Your pussy stretched to accommodate his size. Had you really forgotten about how good he felt when buried deep inside of you?

The two of you were so busy fucking that neither of you noticed Sirius step into the kitchen and freeze. He watched for a few moments, blinking, before turning and going to join Remus making a mental note on where to sanitize the next morning. Sirius at least had some gossip to share (Remus, you will never believe who I saw fucking in the kitchen. Okay, yeah, it was Reg and Y/n...I think she was wearing his shirt too.)

You, meanwhile, were so focused on the feeling of the head of Regulus’ cock cramming against your cervix that you couldn’t focus on much else. Regulus snaked a hand around your waist to toy with your clit.

“Come, princess.”

Regulus groaned against your back. The moment that he pressed down on your clit, you came without having to be told twice. You knew better than to make Regulus tell you twice. If he had to tell you twice, your ass would be red and raw. You weren’t for sure if he would do that tonight since this was the first fuck in so long. You decided not to press your luck as Regulus came inside of you. He collapsed on your back, holding onto you as tight as the pulsating died out.

“God damn, love, you know how to make me feel like a man.”

You pressed a kiss to Regulus’ wrist as he reached down his free hand to tug his pants back up.

“I’m sorry for everything that I did. This may be a shitty time to say it but I am.”

You slowly turned in his arms for a kiss.

“Let's just have fun. We can talk tomorrow.”

The next morning brought more drama than it did making up. You woke up with Regulus’ arm around you. The bed was nice and warm, almost encouraging you to snuggle back against Regulus and go to sleep, however, a voice caught your attention. It sounded like your old work partner from back in the states...Michael.

Wiggling out of Regulus’ arms you quickly pulled on your abandoned clothes.

“Where are you going?”

Regulus groaned, opening one eye to look at the clock 8:45. He never slept this late but today could be the one exception.

“I heard something downstairs.”

You quickly walked downstairs to where the voices were coming from. Sure enough, there sat Michael beside Moody. Sirius turned with a smile,

“Someone missed you.”

Michael jumped up and pulled you into a bone-breaking hug.

“What are you doing here?”

You asked with a smile. To say that you were surprised, would be an understatement. You assumed that when you told Michael goodbye, it was actually goodbye.

Michael was another interesting topic for you. He reminded you so much of Regulus (sarcasm) and Sirius (everything else) mixed together paired with an LA street smart cop. Had you not been so hurt over Regulus’ breaking up with you, you may have given Micahel a chance. The breakup had taken a lot out of you, including your ability to consider dating someone else. That didn’t mean that Michael didn’t try. He tried hard! The poor guy tried to charm you nonstop with no giving up insight.

“I woke up a couple of days ago and thought that it was time for a change of scenery. I heard London was nice, so here I am.”

“A move across the ocean is more than a change of scenery.”

You replied. Michael grinned.

“Well, a girl could have influenced my decision.”

Sirius was watching the whole thing with a raised eyebrow. You hadn’t mentioned some other guy that could be crushing over you….especially last night when his little brother was fucking you senseless a few feet away from where you stood now.

Before Sirius could say another word, Regulus stepped into the kitchen and his eyes immediately landed on Michael. He clearly saw the way that the dude had his hands wrapped around your waist.

“Y/n, what the hell?”

You winced before turning to face Regulus. One look at him, told you that he was pissed (even though he has no reason to be). It didn’t matter how good Michael was to you or how bad Regulus was to you, you would always choose Regulus.

“Reggie, everything is fine.”

You said before going to join him. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, you had the bright idea that this could be your perfect chance to show Regulus that you could easily be stolen from him if he didn’t treat you right. He would have to be willing to fight for you if the relationship were to work and sustain itself. Maybe it was cold and childish but it could work.

“Who’s the tool?”

Regulus asked slowly. Micahel frowned.

“My name is Michael. I’m her work partner from America. I’ve been transferred here on assignment.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow before letting himself regain his cool composure

“Well, isn’t that special. You’re an American? Just an FYI, the steering wheel in the car is on the other side and you lot drive on the wrong side of the road.”

Sirius quietly snorted and had to put his head down. That had to be one of the more savage takedowns that he had seen Regulus offer in some time...and it was brilliant.

You, meanwhile, were looking at Regulus out of the corner of your eyes while Michael faked a smile.

“Yeah, kind of figured that out. Thanks for the info. You are? I didn’t catch your name.”

“Regulus.”

Regulus kept his response basic. The least this idiot knew about him the better off things would probably be.

Michael meanwhile nodded suspiciously. He knew Regulus’ name well. This was the boyfriend. It all made sense now. Michael couldn't help but be curious if the two of you had already worked all of your issues or if this was just a “fuck and play” thing? If it was the latter of the two then Michael still had a chance with you...and Regulus could go fuck himself.

“Oh, you’re the boyfriend.”

Regulus nodded.

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m her boyfriend.”

You gently patted Regulus’ shoulder before focusing your attention back on Michael.

“Okay, that’s enough you two. Regulus, I’m going to take a shower. Sirius, make sure no one dies while I’m gone.

Sirius nodded. You knew that it was stupid to leave the room but the more Regulus and Michael got to know each other the better things would work in your favor. Should you feel bad for essentially using Michael like a piece of meat to make Regulus jealous? You knew the answer was definitely yes now.

You had been out of the room for a few moments when Remus decided to be the first one to speak.

“Let's all sit down.”

He had a feeling that things were about to get interesting. Remus caught Sirius’ gaze before motioning toward Regulus as if telling him to “mind his brother.”

Michael sat down at the table keeping his “sunny” disposition. His attention was on Regulus who was muttering in French to the male on his right. Michael had a feeling that they were talking about him too based on how the other brother, introduced as Sirius, was laughing.

“I think London is a lovely city. It's nice compared to Los Angeles but I don’t see as much to do.”

Regulus smirked up.

“Maybe you should have stayed in LA. I hear there are great street gangs to join.”

Michael’s pleasant smile faded.

“I’m an auror. That would be a little illegal. Is that a dark mark on your arm there Regulus? You were a dark wizard?”

Regulus glanced down at his left arm where his dark mark was clearly visible before looking up.

“Ah, so that’s what that is. There is no getting past you. To answer your question, yes I was a dark wizard...speaking of which would you like to see some real dark magic? I can show you…”

Michael’s cheeky smile faded as Regulus stared at him not blinking. Slipping his hand into his jacket, he decided to wrap a hand around his wand. Michael was still trying to figure out if he was actually in any danger or if Regulus was just screwing with him.

“Okay, Reg, that’s enough. You’ve made him shit his pants. Go take a shower with Y/n. I’m sure with her being all wet and slippery that she would love to see you.”

Sirius commented, breaking Regulus’ stare on Michael.

“Great idea, Sirius.”

________

@amelie-black @regulusslut @fandomsxxregulus @truly-insatiable @fific7 @realgaytrash @quuenofblacks @jessyballet @knreidy1 @hazncalsgal @teletubiswszpilkach @acciosiriusblack @mimisparkle12 @rubyroscoe1 @criminalyetminimal @whymyparentscheckmyphone @exhsle @bennyberry @spiderxalmighty @brokencasbutt67-writer @fandom-trash-worth-it @authoressskr @summer-novak @hankypranky @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @marichromatic @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @stuckinsaudi1 @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @deanwherescas @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

[wonder-womans-ex]

Curtain Call

Act One, Scene Eight 

“I’m home!” Sirius calls, unlocking the door. 

It takes a few seconds, but then, “In here!” comes James’s voice from the living room. 

(‘Living room’ is probably a bit of a stretch, really, because ‘living room’ implies that there are also other rooms, and the fact of the matter is that they have two bedrooms and then a kitchen with a couch and a TV in one half and a table in the other.) (James is, evidently, in the designated couch half of the kitchen.) (Sirius had originally suggested calling it the ‘lounge,’ and it is a sad sign of how determined James is to grow up at least partially that this suggestion did not become a reality.)

Bending down to unlace his combat boots, he shrugs his backpack off and leaves it there on top of James’s checkered Vans and a pair of black sneakers he doesn’t recognize but probably belongs to him. 

He walks past the fridge, glances at the schedule held up by the J and S magnets they got from Peter when they moved into the apartment, and makes a mental note that he has his first rehearsal for Oliver tonight. 

“What’cha watching?” he begins, noticing the flicker of the TV screen, and then stops dead. 

There are a few moments of silence before Sirius grabs one of Elvendork’s catnip mice off the floor and chucks it at his younger brother. “You fucker!”

Regulus sits up from where his head had previously been resting on James’s lap. “Hello to you, too, Sirius.”

“You came to visit! And you didn’t tell me!” 

“In my defense, I didn’t even know I was coming until, like, ten this morning. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision.” 

“Hey, they didn’t tell me, either. Just showed up at the door an hour or two ago, knocking like their life depended on it. I thought it was the police coming to tell me you’d been arrested. Or found dead in a ditch.”

“Shut up, James,” Sirius says, rolling his eyes. “Of course they didn’t tell you—I’m his brother.”

“Well, I’m the love of his life.” 

Regulus buries their face in James’s shoulder. “Why did I tell you that?” he groans, and Sirius glances between the two of them, blinking. 

“Wait. Are you two—”

“No,” they say in unison, which clears up absolutely nothing.

“...I think I’m missing something.” 

“You’re definitely missing something.”

(Yes, but what?)

He watches nervously as a significant look passes between them. It’s a conversation, really, but instead of words everything is communicated with eyebrow raises (mostly Regulus) and exaggerated winks (all James). 

Finally, Regulus lets out a huff of breath. “All right,” they say. “Fine!” 

James protests when Regulus climbs off the couch—not at the climbing off the couch part, but because he takes the blanket with him. The two stick their tongues out at each other, and Sirius feels his heart swell. He loves them both so fucking much, and he’s never been so glad that Reg managed to get out of that house, too. He’s not sure what he’d do without his little brother. 

The walk in silence towards Sirius’s bedroom, and Regulus immediately jumps onto the bed once the door is opened. They bounce slightly when their body hits the springy mattress, and they flop over onto their back to stare at the ceiling. 

“I came out to James,” he says, not bothering with pleasantries or preamble. Regulus never has been one for that—straight and to the point is the only way they really know how to do anything. 

“You dated James.” Tact, Sirius, he reprimands himself immediately inside his head. Just because your brother is a conversation heathen you don’t necessarily have to stoop to their levels. 

“Yes, I know I dated James. But… I’m not gay.” 

“Okay.” Sirius pauses, waiting to see if Regulus is going to elaborate further. They don’t, so he prompts, “Do you know what you are?”

“Yeah.” 

(So they’re doing this the hard way, are they? All right—Sirius can work with that.)

“I’m not gay,” Regulus says again. “I’m not pan or bi or any of those things. I’m… I’m asexual. And aromantic.” 

Sirius blinks. He takes this in. He nods. 

He says something that, in fifteen years, he will look back on and want to dunk his head in very cold water for. “But… James.”

“James.” Regulus nods, sighing heavily. “James is different. I don’t know how to explain it—I don’t love him anymore. But… I did. I used to. And I haven’t felt like that about anyone else, well, ever. Yeah.”

Before Sirius can say anything, Regulus starts talking again. “It’s like—what was it you used to say? In high school? ‘Having a crush on James Potter doesn’t make you gay. It makes you human.’ I loved James, but that doesn’t make me allo. Make sense?”

“Yeah. Wait, actually, one thing—so, James is the only person you’re ever loved? Romantically?” 

“Uh huh.”

“And you told him this?”

Regulus brings his hands up, covering his face. “I know. It was a mistake, okay? I should have known it would only inflate his ego even more. I feel like an idiot.”

“Yeah, because you are an idiot.” Sirius reaches over, swatting them on the shoulder. “But at least you’re not as big of an idiot as the guy who knowingly and willingly flirted with his ex today.”

“What?!” 

“Mm hmm. But that’s a story for another time.” Smirking, Sirius glances over his shoulder before beginning to walk backwards out of the room. 

“You fucker!” 

Reg chases him all the (admittedly very short) way back to where James is sprawled on the couch, clearly making good use of his friends’ absence. Finally, Sirius can see what’s playing on the TV—it’s Ocean’s Eleven, and it’s already at least a good half hour in. He and Regulus look at each other, identical smirks etched onto their faces. Together, they jump, and James yelps. 

“Oh, don’t be such a baby,” Regulus tells him jokingly, and there comes a muffled groan from where James’s face is smashed into the pillows. 

Sirius makes sure that James can actually breathe before he starts to make himself comfortable. He’s perched on the small of James’s back; Regulus is settled in the gap between James’s feet. 

“Is this really,” James laments, “how you want to treat your best friend?”

“Yes,” Sirius says, and smothers a laugh. 

“And you, Reggie—have you no respect for the love of your life?”

Regulus pretends to think for a moment, then, “No,” they say. 

The muscles in James’s back tense suddenly, but Sirius doesn’t think much of it. He should, really, because barely an instant later, James heaves himself over, tipping both Black brothers onto the floor. 

“Ouch,” Sirius says, pouting. “My ass hurts.”

Regulus has an unbelievably shit-eating grin on their face. “Loser.” 

“I thought you were on my side!”

“I’m on no one’s side but my own.” 

This is a mistake, and Regulus knows it. His eyes widen when James and Sirius look at each other, nodding, and lunge forward. There is only one weakness to Regulus Arcturus Black, and the two of them know it better than anyone else in the world. 

Because Regulus may be coolly confident with a sharp sense of humour, but they are also extremely ticklish. Their shrieks and laughs are interrupted by the occasional ‘No!’ or ‘Mercy!,’ but it does nothing to quench Sirius and James’s combined ruthlessness. They are unstoppable, and Regulus can do nothing to beat them. 

George Clooney is shouting about something onscreen, but the three young men tussling pay him no mind. The movie plays on, forgotten, and Sirius lets himself forget—just for a moment—that Remus or heartbreak or that fucking writing class exist at all. 

***

“So,” James says through a mouthful of chow mein, “How was the class?”

“It was good.”

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “‘Good?’ You sound like a kid coming home from school to overly inquisitive parents.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’d know all about that.” 

“Fuck off, they didn’t talk to you, either.”’

“Touché.” 

“Go on, Sirius,” James breaks in. “How was it?”

“It was better than last week, at least. Worse, too, I guess, but then it was better.”

“...Elaborate.”

He’s glad for the excuse to. He needs to talk to someone, and therapy’s an obvious no because he doesn’t have the money and also he has a bad track record of scaring therapists away on the first session, so James and Regulus are kind of the only options. (He’s not kidding anyone. He’s been dying to tell the two of them, specifically, for like forever, but Regulus hasn’t visited in ages.) “Well, I found out why Remus broke up with me. And then I met up with his friends at Frankie’s, and apparently they’re my friends now, too, which is cool, because at the moment my only friends are, well, you guys. Oh, and I helped set Marlene up with a girl.” 

There is a pause as both Regulus and James look at him, taking in this information. “Okay,” James says. “Do I want you to tell me more?”

Sirius pokes at his rice with one chopstick. “I dunno.”

“I—um—you mentioned you made some new friends?” continues James. Regulus stifles a laugh, and Sirius has to admit that the phrase ‘make some new friends’ sounds more fitting for a conversation with a grade three than a university student. “What are they like?” 

“Well, there’s Dorcas—the one who’s into Marlene—and she’s, like, the most extroverted extrovert to ever extrovert. Then there’s Frank, who doesn’t talk much, and Mary, who talks even less, but Mary’s got dyed hair so she’s all right, I guess. Alice is pretty cool, too, and then there’s Lily, who’s pretty but terrifying. Oh, and Fabian, who seems to be allergic to not being a nice person, and Caradoc, who I’m almost positive is related to Angelia Jolie because his cheekbones are just that sharp. And Remus, of course, but I’m sure I’ve told you guys enough about him to last a lifetime.” 

When he’s met by only silence, he scrambles for something to say. “They all strike me as the kind of people who would wear ‘gay rights’ t-shirts unironically, which is sort of my only prerequisite when it comes to friendship. Our resident emo not included, of course, because I would never want to force them into anything that isn’t some sort of My Chemical Romance merchandise.”

Regulus looks down at the shirt he’s currently wearing—it’s got the American Beauty/American Psycho album cover on the front—and then back up at Sirius. “Actually, this is Fall Out Boy.”

“Same difference.”

“How dare you.” 

Laughing, James spears another piece of broccoli and gestures with it between the two of them. “Reg, you can’t exactly blame him for his ignorance around your obsolete music tastes.”

“Says the guy who listens to the fucking Monkees—” 

“Fuck off! The Monkees were an icon; a legend—”

“The Monkees are trash.” 

“You’re trash!”

“Whoa, there,” Sirius breaks in. “I dodged a bullet when my only two friends in the world had a friendly breakup instead of an unfriendly one, and the last thing I want is to find out that that bullet is actually a boomerang.” 

Regulus groans. “Okay, first of all, we’ve always spent like fifty percent of our time arguing about music, even while we were dating—which you’d know if you hadn’t started avoiding the two of us like the plague the instant we got together.”

“Shots fired,” James says under his breath, but he’s immediately silenced by a glare from Regulus. 

“Secondly—and more importantly—if you ever make another analogy remotely like that one, I will hurt you. Are we clear?”

“Crystal,” Sirius assures them, but he’s struggling to hold back laughter. 

There’s a pause, and then Regulus crosses his arms, pouting. “What?” 

“Nothing.”

“You’re laughing.”

“Because you’re funny.”

“I’m not funny!”

“You’re cute.”

“I am not cute!”

“Yes, you are!”

Regulus turns on James once more. “James, am I cute?” Clearly, they think better of this, because they quickly add, “Wait, no, don’t answer that.”

“See, you’re cute! And you know it!”

“I give up!”

Sirius sits back in his chair. “You’ve lost, Reg. Admit it. And then get me a fortune cookie.”

“All right. Fine. I’ve lost. But I hope your fortune cookie tells you you’re going to get struck by lightning tomorrow.”

“Sweet; maybe I’ll get cool powers.”

“It doesn’t work like that, moron.”  

“Whatever you say.” 

For a moment, he thinks he’ll have to get the fortune cookies himself, because Reg isn’t going to, but then his little brother stands up and reaches into the brown paper bag on the counter. “Here,” they say, tossing the cookie at Sirius’s head. 

“Hey!” 

James gets a cookie, too, but his is placed on the table in front of him, not at all a threat to his health, well-being, and quite possibly his life. Sirius points this out, labeling it ‘favouritism,’ but Regulus only takes a bite of his cookie and calls him dramatic. 

“You first,” James says, nodding at Regulus, causing Sirius to gasp in betrayal. The other two pay him no mind, however, and Regulus clears his throat. 

“You will,” they say, “come into fair fortune or good will in the near future.” 

Almost immediately, James starts clapping. It’s tradition—after a fortune cookie reading comes the raucous applause. For them, it’s half the fun of ordering Chinese food. 

“All right, my turn.” James squints at the slip of paper in his hands. He holds it up to the light, and then, “Something will happen soon that will change how you look at the world.”

This time, Sirius and Regulus know to wait before they applaud. James always adds something funny after his fortunes, and they’re curious to see what it is he’ll come up with this time. 

“What,” he says, after a brief moment of thought, “will my glasses prescription change or something?”

Sirius looks at Regulus, and they both laugh as they clap. It’s cheesy, entirely too predictable, and basically the most James thing possible. Neither of them knows what really caused them to want to befriend James all those years ago in—oh fuck, it was grade four, wasn’t it?—but it sure as hell wasn’t his sense of humour. 

“Sirius?” It’s said like a question, and Sirius is quick to answer. “On it, Reg,” he says, and breaks his cookie in half with both hands. (Well, he says ‘half;’ it’s really more like a quarter and then the other three.)

He reads out his lucky numbers first, without even looking at the fortune itself—that’s his tradition; he’s the only one of the three of them who does it. “Three, thirteen, seventeen, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, forty.” 

“Isn’t that, like, the fifth time in a row you’ve gotten thirteen?” Regulus says. “That’s gotta mean something.”

“Shut up,” Sirius tells them, and finally he lets his eyes find the tiny lettering that is his fortune. 

Without letting himself hear the words in his head first, he reads them out loud. “You have forgiven easily in the past; it is time to do so again.”

There’s a silence. What is this? It’s not a fortune; it’s a statement. Advice, maybe, but even that’s stretching it a little.

“Well.” James says, and claps, Regulus following quickly after, but Sirius can tell it’s strained. They’re all obviously thinking about the same thing—Remus. 

Somewhere in his head, he knows that this doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It’s a fortune cookie, after all—what does it know? But… maybe it does mean something. He’s not sure which he’s hoping for. 

Seemingly just for something to say, James asks, “Don’t you have rehearsal tonight?”

Sirius is, in a way, glad for the excuse to stand up. “Yeah,” he says, “at seven-thirty—which is twenty minutes from now—so I should probably get going.”

“Probably,” agrees Regulus, as they begin to clear the table. “Need a ride?”

“Nah, I can take the bus,” Sirius begins, and then stops. “Wait, why are you offering? You don’t have a car.”

“Um—”

“Reg, is there something you aren’t telling me?” 

“...Maybe?”

“You have a car?”

“I mean, technically it’s a rental, so no, but—”

“Whatever.” Sirius doesn’t need to hear any more. “Yes, please, take me to rehearsal.”

James makes a noise of protest. “What, and leave me here alone?” 

“Yes, James; you can survive on your own. You’re an adult.”

“I don’t feel like one.”

“Or act like one,” Sirius adds under his breath, which earns him a definitive not helping look from Regulus. 

“You’ll be fine as long as you don’t burn the house down. Goodbye.”

Sirius grabs his script and his blue hoodie with the picture of a rubber duck on it from his bedroom, and when he walks back through the kitchen to the front door, Regulus looks him up and down once and hands him his backpack. 

The only sound that accompanies their walk down the hall and subsequent elevator ride is the faint jingling of the key ring in Regulus’s hand. It’s not until they’re in the car and pulling out of the parking lot that Regulus says, “And you’re all right with this?”

“All right with what?”

“Me being… you know.”

“A total asshole? No. Aroace? Yeah, of course. I’m your brother. I’m here for you, Reg.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

(Sirius ignores the ‘I guess.’) “Is James cool about it? Because if he isn’t, I’ll kick his ass.”

“No, he’s fine. He’s great. He made a couple jokes about himself having raised my expectations so much I could never be with anyone else, but that’s just James.” 

“That’s just James,” Sirius repeats. “And you know that you can always talk to me, right? If anyone tries to mess with your head?”

“Yeah. Now, enough about me. Let’s talk about the guy who ‘knowingly and willingly flirted with his ex’ earlier.”

Damn. He’s hoped Regulus had forgotten about that. 

For a moment, Sirius is trapped between the want to stubbornly refuse and the need to actually talk about his feelings. He settles on the latter, but not until they’re close enough to the rec centre where rehearsals are held that he knows he can hop out of the car and walk the rest of the way if need be. “He’s just… he’s everything, you know?

“And I know that he doesn’t want to get back together, and I know that we really shouldn’t even if he did. But he’s Remus. And I’m constantly flip-flopping back and forth between wanting to be his friend because we’ll never be anything more than that, and…”

“And what?”

“Being so in love with him it hurts.”

Regulus glances away from the road ahead for a split second, eyes flickering over Sirius's face, their expression unreadable. “Sounds like a you problem,” they say finally. 

“Reg?”

“Yeah?”

“Not helping.”

“Sorry.” 

“I just—my eyes basically turn to hearts whenever I look at him, but it also hurts, you know? Because he broke up with me, obviously, but also because today I found out that the reason he broke up with me was that he kissed someone else, so obviously that’s kind of shitty, and I don’t know how to feel about any of this because he’s basically the nicest person in the world, and can one mistake really change who a person is? But he also hasn’t tried to make up or anything, and we’re apparently pretending we’ve never met, and did I mention he’s got a fucking tattoo of the Sirius constellation that he never told me about, and… this is my stop.”

Regulus pulls over, wincing a little as the tire grates against the curb, and then turns to meet Sirius’s gaze. “So, it sounds like you’re not in a great place right now,” he says. “And I get that. You know this goes both ways, right? You can always talk to me, too.”

“I know. Love you.” He grabs his backpack, making sure it’s got everything he needs in it—phone, script, highlighter and pencil for notes and directions, bottle of red Gatorade—and closes the door. 

The window rolls down slightly, and Sirius watches his own reflection disappear with it and be replaced by his brother’s faint smile. “Love you, too,” Regulus says, and then he is gone.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 139: Draco's Detour

James immediately forgot his next course of action, but in his defense, he landed in paradise.

He never would have dreamed to even ask the book for something as fantastic as being dumped in the twins' joke shop, but he knew that's exactly where they were. He didn't even need to read the brilliant sign that glowed mirror like in the window, nor the empty cobble bricks of Diagon Alley beyond, no, the evidence was in every product label in sight!

Anti Gravity Hats– "Ruin a gentleman's day by making his hat fly away!"- to the Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs, his heart thrilled in delight to take in this place, imagining the floor packed with people of all ages here for a good laugh in such troubled times.

The eight of them were making enough sounds of delight for a whole crowd as is, there just was not something for somebody to love in here. In his hasty need to rush over and check out those Extendable Ears in person though, he actually passed Regulus scrutinizing a bottle of Magical Moustache Miracle Stubble Grow and forced himself to pause by the little spinning rack of potions before Peter or Sirius came over here.

Counting Quidditch statistics slowly in his head to make sure he didn't look like he was changing directions to punch the welp, he was minorly confident he'd achieved at least this when Regulus looked up and only scowled rather than drawing his wand upon him coming closer.

"If you're here to apologize-"

"I'm not," Potter said steadily.

Regulus glared up, cursing puberty more than anything Potter was so much taller than him and opened his mouth to give in detail how rude it was to continue interrupting people, still, before that look Sirius had given him flashed across his mind and he started chewing on his cheek as he thought through and replayed the scene in his head again.

It helped, to give his brother Potter's hazel eyes, remind himself it wasn't Sirius who may be actively hating him, but if he started shouting now Sirius may come over and just do the same. It wasn't a secret he'd back Potter first, he'd taken the diatribe for the man before after all.

Regulus looked beyond annoyed at him still, but surprisingly closed his mouth and just glared at him rather than continued shouting, already a good sign as far as James was concerned, but he leaned in close to make sure Regulus' little superiority complex wouldn't miss a word. "Listen, whatever problem you have with me, I hope you got it out of your system, but if not then you should know I'm not just going to stand there and let you shout at me like your bloody parents do to Sirius, nor will I tolerate you giving him hell he doesn't deserve. He's been through enough, we all bloody have while dealing with this."

"I, I didn't, I'm not-" Regulus spluttered in indignation, but James just kept glowering and watched with interest as he stopped after a moment and looked genuinely guilty now as he looked back towards Padfoot. "I don't want to be like them," he finally muttered, a note of defiance still clear in his voice as he continued to meet his eyes. "You're still an arrogant arse."

"I've been recently informed of that by my own kid thank you," James agreed, starting to lose that resolve not to hang Regulus up by his pants for at least this chapter, but Harry's face flashed across his mind and he held his hand still. "Anything else you'd like to say? Best get it out now."

At first James thought he wasn't going to answer, he was chewing on his tongue for some reason it seemed, but then he said in a very even voice, "you interrupt your mates. A lot. I don't know about the other two as much, but Peter especially. It annoys the shit out of me."

'What's it to you?' The insulted brush off was on the tip of James's tongue in outrage, but he quickly bit that off as he kept looking at Sirius' brother. If Padfoot was really going to try and start involving this kid in his life then he should probably get used to it now, and it was long obvious Regulus and Peter were good friends already. It seemed ridiculous to think at this rate that would just vanish when they got back out of this.

Instead he replayed the last conversation he'd had with Wormtail in his head looking to deny this, and felt just a tad guilty he hadn't actually heard a word, but that wasn't interrupting. He thought back farther, but he'd barely spoken to Peter, really talked to him since back during the third book now, if not longer. He and Sirius did have a tendency to talk to each other and only passively involve Remus and Peter when they butted in when the two got going. It wasn't something he'd ever consciously thought of, he and Sirius had far too much fun shouting over each other and getting the other to laugh harder next.

Alice was right though, trying to get the others to laugh this off was helping no one. He tried to make an effort right then to tell himself to watch that in the future.

He wanted to ask Regulus point blank his real question, but decided if he admitted to knowing of the levels of real abuse the Black parents had done to their eldest he would in fact not be able to stop himself hitting the nearest one in retaliation, so he was glad when Regulus seemed satisfied he'd not only said his peace but James had nothing to lob back and walked off.

Longbottom finally found the book and was reading about the youngest Malfoy. James glared out the window and listened with livid frustration this young Death Eater strolling around Borgin and Burkes with a 'mission' Snape had to help his mother with she had so little faith in, and his son was now actively trying to get involved. He refused himself a look at Evans to see if she was glaring at him for that being his fault too, because he couldn't deny he would be doing the same thing if given the chance, to thwart any kind of coming attack on his school.

Sirius appeared at his elbow just like always, smiling with such ease it made the entire thing worth it even if James still felt more agitated than ever for every Black but Sirius. He was already vowing in his head to give him paperwork to change that on his next birthday.

"So I heard you and Moony had some fun," Sirius lightly quipped, eyes resting on the rest of the bottles. It was still pretty funny to him to think about, mostly because neither party had any idea of the joke beforehand. He wished he'd caught the whole thing on camera just to laugh at their faces when it happened.

"Eh?" James looked at him in confusion, and Sirius was quick to elaborate on a convenient lie his eyes had landed on.

"Sorry about it Prongs, I doused him before we swapped, got distracted, didn't think whatever he did would fall on you," he smirked.

"You passed Moony a love potion?" James didn't seem suspicious so much as just unamused for once.

"Yep," Sirius remorselessly lied. "Was going to give Pete some Babbling Brew too, but I got caught too soon." James would laugh it off later when Remus finally got over his secret and they told him the rest.

"Well it didn't work quite right," James shrugged as he turned away and went over to look at some of the Invisibility Cloaks they had for sale, though none even came close to his, he was curious enough to see these knock offs. "He just made a pass at me, wasn't exactly all over you though."

"More of those wonky effects on werewolves I suppose," Sirius shrugged as he followed, and James didn't ask any further questions. Sirius still wasn't sure what the point of all this was and ditched Prongs as he got enamored by the Demon Box and nipped behind the counter for a bit of parchment and quill, hoping if he gave Remus this it would help him relax more.

James was more annoyed than he'd let on as Sirius came back shoving a bit of parchment into his pocket like he wouldn't notice something was obviously still going on, but he worked enough out for himself that it was clearly Remus who didn't want to tell. Sirius was just backing him on that, and if it was a gay thing he'd respect it and let Moony come to him when he wanted to, though he wished he knew how Sirius had figured it out so he could assure the same. Maybe he was entirely off the mark though and it was still something else, Padfoot was right about one thing, Remus was ever reluctant to share anything. He still wasn't sure what they'd done to so endear them he'd shared his werewolf secret all those years ago but was grateful for whatever that was and let the whole thing go.

Regardless, the two lost their heads when they found the Skiving Snackboxes and shamelessly shoved a box each into their bags.

[ricablack]

Numbers

“Another one.” When Remus entered the small house and tapped his shoes at the entrance before taking them off and entering Sirius' living room, he had a letter with him. Sirius' attention, however, was only for a few moments on Remus before he turned his full attention again to the little boy, who was stepping towards him on shaky feet. “Moons, you see this? We've been training for an hour and little Harry is already running like a champion!” Pride and joy were reflected in his eyes just before pain and emptiness returned, being replaced by a plain face moments later. “Prongs would have been so proud.” Remus dropped the letter in the trash, like all the others before, and caught Harry, who had just lost his balance.

It was a difficult time for all of them and while Sirius tried hard to find his way in his new role as a father, Remus worked hard to lead the gossip magazines on the wrong track. Everyone wanted to publish pictures of the chosen one, if it were up to them, Harry would probably have been displayed in a glass case in the ministry foyer. Just now, just before Christmas, they were particularly intrusive and at each of his visits Remus had to be extremely careful not to be followed. So far nobody had found them, so far Harry was safe.

No one but him.

While Remus took over Harry, Sirius turned away and stared out into the rain. They were dead now for 50 days and while everyone said that it became easier with time, Sirius could only deny it. It did not get easier, not one little bit. Soon it would be Christmas and of course Moony and him would make it a great day for Harry, but it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same again.

The letter in the bin got an angry look. James and Lily had died, but his little brother was still out there and certainly tried to pull his head out of the noose just like all the other death eaters. He wouldn’t be his alibi, when they caught him he would be there to tell the gamot all the things the Blacks were so very proud of. He just wondered how Regulus had found out his address. These letters were not delivered by owl. Just another reason to be careful.

“Did you ever open one of them?” Carrying Harry and trying to get his watch back from the boy Remus settled down on the couch. He fought a war that was already won (by Harry of course! This watch would be added proudly to his uncle Moony collection). “No.” Sirius demonstrated what these letters were good for when he let it explode within the bin with a wave of his wand. Harry cheered in Remus’ arms, expecting more sparkles coming out of the bin - when Sirius let explode something it was always fun! Remus sighed but didn’t say a word.

It was the next morning, so early Harry was still sleeping, when Sirius nearly slipped on an envelope in front of the door. “Bloody bastard!” He looked around, trying to figure out if his death eater brother was still anywhere around here. Not a single sign anyone had been here, deep in the woods, at the back of beyond. In fact it was a place his brother would have liked: the silence, the solitude of this little cottage in the woods. Still he shouted at the trees, at the raindrops, dripping from leafless trees. “I won’t protect you from the aurors, do you hear me? I won’t help a fascist to avoid Azkaban!” He now had the letter in his hands, the envelope with Regulus’ neat handwriting on it, was about to rip it to pieces before he changed his mind. No. Maybe, to end this… another fiery look to the trees before he opened it, put out the content and gave it a look. “See? You don’t need to-” Sirius frowned. This wasn’t what he expected.

85. The number of people I saw dying.

Nothing else. Just this number and the note next to it. What was Regulus up to? Sirius turned the page but it was blank on the other side. Slowly he turned around and went back into the house, having completely forgotten what he wanted to do outside.

16. The age when I got the dark mark.

The next day he had pinned both pieces of paper to the inside of his bedroom door and looked at them thoughtfully. It was a riddle, wasn’t it? Some kind of mad little game his brother played with him and he didn’t know what was written in the letters before yesterday. He got one every day. He burnt 50 letters, starting the day the Potters died.

19. Death eaters I know by name.

54. The number of letters I sent you.

120. The number of letters I didn’t send you.

Sirius catched himself waiting for the next letter. Wanting to know which number was explained in the next one. Maybe it wasn’t exactly a game. Maybe it was something like a confession. Sirius was sure the aurors would be interested in the names of the death eaters, but somehow he didn’t want to let them know about this… conversation. It was bizarre, it was so very Regulus. When he remembered his childhood - before he even went to Hogwarts - it had always been this one thing about his little brother. Shy, therefore not very good with words when he spoke, but extremely studious. Bloody hell, why did he think about Regulus this way? He was a death eater, a fascist, probably a murderer and part of his family who would kill him the second they had the chance to!

235. Articles I collected about the Dark Lord.

Sirius pinned the note on the door, frowned and narrowed his eyes. He had to… he had to stop it. He collected the notes for two weeks now and it wasn’t like they made any sense. There was always a number and afterwards an explanation. Nothing more. No apologies, no begging for an alibi. He didn’t ask for anything and this was the point Sirius was so irritated about. He wasn’t exactly the most patient person (his name wasn’t Moony, okay?) and now he took the last note off again and wrote on the back.

What do you want to tell me??? Why those numbers?!

Really, he wasn’t the most patient person (he wasn’t patient at all) and he wanted to know now what was the point. No more numbers. No more waiting for more letters to arrive. Just an answer, just… Well, was this Regulus strategy to get him to talk to him? The thought struck him but he couldn’t help but feel trapped. He was too curious now to stop reading the letters and when Remus arrived the day before yesterday, having another letter in his hand, he couldn’t wait to read it. Moony just watched him with his thoughtful but warm smile, while he got goosebumps reading 14. Protection charms of your house. He wasn’t sure if it was a threat then, but felt relieved when the next letter said 6. Number of banishing spells I added to them.

He placed the note on his doorstep and if Moony wouldn’t have been there, he would have lain in wait. The only thing he did was to place a new alarming spell that would tell him when someone came close to the front door. Remus would stay for the night. He had looked at him somewhat questioningly but had not asked him why. It was 2am when the alarm awakened him and it was hardly 20 seconds Sirius needed to be there, at the door, staring at the new letter. No one was visible. “Come on Reg, you can’t tell me you answered it within seconds.” Sirius muttered while taking it, closing the door behind him.

1. thing I can’t do alone. 7. Horcruxes to destroy so he won’t return.

He wrote back within seconds. Or did he get behind the ward without being noticed? Did he activate it to let him know he was there? Was he still there? Somewhere in the dark? With a jerk Sirius opened the door again. “Come in but you won’t leave without telling me what a damn horcrux is.” He spoke to the trees. No one was there, impossible. But Sirius turned around, went into the cottage again, leaving the door open and wasn’t surprised to hear footsteps coming closer. This little… his brother had watched him. For how long? Strangely, he didn’t feel worried about it but nevertheless he pulled out his wand. “Sit down wherever you want and don’t even try to get me to protect you.” Suddenly all the pent-up anger was there again. Why did Regulus join them? Why did he follow the Dark Lord? Why did he think he could come here for help like nothing happened between them? So many questions appeared in his mind but the only one who could answer them was here, right? However, he wasn’t prepared to see his brother again when he finally turned around. He examined the slim figure that had sat down on the edge of an armchair as if he did not belong here. Regulus did not belong here either, he was an intruder, so everything was right with his behaviour here, right? Why didn’t it feel right then? . Taking a close look Regulus Black looked like prey. He had always been pale, but he looked paler than he had in his school days.There was something haunting in his eyes - something that Sirius could not define. Those grey eyes that looked at him now, attentive, as ever. The younger Black had always been the listener, not the type of person who liked to hear himself speaking. They were as different as day and night in everything they did, weren’t they?

It was a wasted time to wait for Regulus to start talking. Not if he was not asked to. “So tell me, why me of all people?” A death eater couldn’t expect a warm welcome by Sirius. And it didn’t seem like Regulus did. When his little brother finally began to speak the goosebumps were suddenly back. This voice, his voice, he couldn’t handle it without having flashbacks of everything that had been. This soft voice that had been there for him after mother and father were finished with their lectures about how a pureblood should behave, how a pureblood should act and how he was a bad person for not fitting in. It had no longer touched him as a teenager, but as a child they had been an anchor to each other. To be honest, he only half listened to him while being caught in the past but still there were some sentences that hit him hard. “You’re the only one I can be sure of being against him.” Was the first one followed by “I- I tried to warn you but I guess you weren’t at home?” The words needed a few seconds to arrive his thoughts, to sink in. Well, if he just opened that damn letter instead of burning it- “He’s not dead, Sirius. I have this one, but there are six more and I don’t know how I survived to recover this one.” He didn’t ask why Regulus knew about horcruxes. He didn’t even ask how he managed to get to know all these things he told him now. It had been in his notes, right? 235. Articles I collected about the Dark Lord. He knew Regulus was obsessed with the Dark Lord. But he didn’t know it wasn’t because he wanted to make him rise even more but preparing his downfall.

How couldn’t he forgive Regulus for following the Dark Lord when it had been the only way to discover his secrets? Sirius wasn’t sure about his own role in this story: he had to take care of Harry, but he wanted to prevent Voldemort from rising again. He wanted to help his little brother. He wanted to hear his story. And wasn’t this the most surprising thim to him?

[drunksugarskull]

Dating Sirius Black would include (or more like whole story of a relationship with him lol) ... Part 1

*some things are different from the events in books etc*

you met at the beginning of 4th year when you became a victim of one of the marauders' pranks

they didn't want to pull it specifically on you but it kinda happened

and oh god, they started a war

you pranked each other for around six months

one time James and Peter dug a hole near the lake the way you couldn't see it

it wasn't deep enough for you to fall completly in it but you tripped and badly scratched you arm

Sirius decided that it's enough, he wanted to end the pranks between you all and to apologize

his friends were surprised because they were sure that he doesn't know the word "apologize"

the next day he came up to you in the great hall during the breakfast

you were shocked cause you two have never really talked before

you both agreed that you should bury the hatchet

a few minutes later the rest of marauders came

talking with them was really nice and you guys met again at the lunch time

and the next day

and next

you can say that eating with them quickly became a tradition

but Sirius always was a few minutes before the rest so he could spend some time alone with you

not that you were complaining

marauders were teasing him non stop

few weeks after the last prank and day before the trip to Hogsmeade, Sirius approched you after lessons

"you know, i still didn't make it up for you for the pranks, soo... what do you think about some butterbeer tomorrow?"

and of course the next day you two were in the three broomsticks laughing like crazy over some stupid memories from your childhood or something like that

"one time i was pretending to be a dog and ate my dog's food. you should see my mum's face when she saw my dirty face and heard me barking"

you can't even imagine how hard Sirius was trying not to tell you about all the animagi stuff when he heard this story

from this day you and the marauders (but mostly Sirius ofc) were practically inseparable

after that you were sneaking around the castle or watching stars with Sirius almost every day

"see? I'm named after this one"

you loved talking with him, you could literally start a conversation about everything

he opened up to you about his family, his problems, some feelings and even about that he is an animagus

because of how much James wanted to be near Lily you were often spending time with her and quickly became best friends

one time you and Lily were talking about boys and she helped you realise that you have a crush on Sirius

but no one seemed to see it

at least not until one day

you walked into great hall for lunch and saw a girl flirting with him

let's say that you were a "little" mad and stormed out the room

Remus noticed

"i think your little crush's jealous"

Sirius didn't believe it, but he quickly stopped talking with the girl next to him

he gave you a note on potions

"meet me at the lake at 5?"

you met and there was an akward silence between you

you couldn't take it anymore

you just blurted out that you have a crush on him

he didn't say a word so you started apologizing because you felt like you just ruined your friendship

and then he kissed you

"ok, now shut up and let me tell you something"

he told you about how long he had to hide his crush for you and how he couldn't handle it anymore

"does this mean that you're my boyfriend now?"

so yeah, that's how you became a couple

the next day Sirius was telling everyone how he asked you to be his girlfriend but you just rolled your eyes because that ofc wasn't they way your conversation went

but you let him say whatever version he wanted cause you saw how happy it made him (and probably Sirius and Remus made a bet about who will ask out the other one first so you let Sirius win)

EVERY SINGLE GIRL IN HOGWARTS WAS JEALOUS OK

and you couldn't blame them because let's face it - Sirius was hot af and he really was a charmer

you were the power couple of hogwarts

even McGonagall was happy about you

marauders teasing you both on a daily basis

holidays came and you had to go home

you were sending each other letters as often as you could

one time you wrote that you really missed him and he appeared the next day in your living room after using floo powder

he did it a few times in the first month and wanted to do it over whole vacations but his parents noticed that he is sneaking out and scolded him

you knew that his parents were unpredictable and you were really worried so you told him not to do it

but he is Sirius Black so of course he did it anyways

at the end of holidays he asked if he can stay at your house

your parents agreed

when he arrived he had an ugly bruise under his eye and you knew that longing for you wasn't the only thing that made him stay here

you were mad that you couldn't do anything about his situation

your parents knew that Sirius was a troublemaker but they fell in love with him

"i wish he could stay here longer"

you went back to hogwarts and the madness begun again

you had o.w.l.s this year so you were constantly stressed out

but Sirius was always there, he understood that you wanted to study but was looking after you so you didn't overwork yourself

he gave you back massages when you were tense

once you were both studying (wow) and you fell asleep in his bed

you woke up with a black dog laying near your legs

"there wasn't enough space on the bed so..."

you were always impressed by his transfiguration skills so he often changed just to see your face expression

your mum knew that there was a lot of bad blood between Sirius and his parents so she often wrote letters to him so he wouldn't feel so alone when everyone got their post

you wanted to help Remus during the full moon but Sirius said that there is no way that you are doing something so dangerous

so you were just prepering lots of chocolate for Remus because you knew that it made him feel better

Sirius is really overprotective

one time you cut yourself slightly with scissors and he took them away from you because he thought it's to dangerous lol

he always gives you his leather jacket so you won't be cold, takes care of you when you are sick or on your period

"i wouldn't have signed up for this if i knew that i have to take care of another person turning into a monster once a month"

now Sirius was the one prepering chocolate

Peter once said that Sirius looked more tired after taking care of you during one day of your period than when he did after the full moon

but he was only joking

at least you hoped so

but Sirius couldn't blame you anyways

you rarely argued

at some point of the fight one of you always yelled something like "are you serious?" and we all know how it ended

so yeah, you never stayed mad at each other for longer than thirty minutes

one time you pretended to be upset with each other just so Lily and James could together try to make you and Sirius talk again

they didn't know about your little plan

that's how they eventually ended up together

you went on double dates but you wanted to spend some time alone with Sirius so you stopped it after a few times

Sirius and you were still stargazing every single night

"i want to stay like this forever"

your parents invited Sirius for Christmas

he was extremely happy because he didn't want to go home or stay alone at Hogwarts

you gave him a new leather jacket and he gave you a promise ring

"one day i will give you an engagement ring but for now have this"

let's be honest you did cry "a little"

ofc he gave small gifts to your parents and vice versa

everything was amazing until you found Sirius awake on the couch in the middle of the night

he looked like he just stopped crying

you saw that he is holding a watch that he sent to Regulus for Christmas

Sirius just looked at you with eyes full of tears and you hugged him as tight as you could

"he sent it back and wrote that he doesn't want it because it's from me"

James was throwing a party on New Year's Eve and you obviously were invited

you shared kiss with Sirius at midnight

what a great way to start a new year

[sunflower-swan]

Wolfstar Chapter 8

A/N: Here’s what you need to know: I created this story for Writer’s Month 2020. Every day is a new prompt, and therefore a new chapter. This is an AU Wolfstar where Remus is a tattoo artist next door to Sirius who manages a flower shop. James and Lily are alive in this universe and own a coffee shop across the street. And to make parts of the story work with the prompts, Remus is about 10 years older than Sirius. It also takes place more or less in present time, minus Covid-19.

This is chapter 8 of a multi-chapter work. If you’d like to start from the beginning, here is chapter 1.

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. I just like to play with them.

Day 8 Prompt: Eight

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 1917

Tags: angst, language, humor, friendship

Chapter 8

Remus

Dropkick Murphys, “Rose Tattoo”

A rose that shines down from above

I signed and sealed these words in blood

I heard them once, sung in a song

It played again and we sang along

Remus stood and set his cup down on the coffee table. “Wait here. I’ll get it ready for you.” He walked toward the bathroom. Before he entered, he turned to cast a wary eye upon his friend.

Sirius had returned to laying in the fetal position on the couch. He had a pillow over his head, and his shoulders were trembling.

With an internal sigh, Remus entered the bathroom. He turned the tap to fill the tub with water, and then dropped in his last Lavender Vanilla scented bath bomb. It was his favorite to use when he felt stress, anxiety, and pain. But Sirius needed it more than him right now, and he made a mental note to pick up more next time he did the shopping.

Then he grabbed a towel from the linen closet and set it on the sink. He looked in the mirror over the sink at his reflection. The wisps of grey at his temples and the beginnings of lines forming at the corners of his eyes mocked him. They hinted at a man aged, through complicated circumstances, beyond his actual years.

He remembered being on his own during his own grief, and how the darkness had consumed him. Sirius didn’t know it, but his friendship had helped Remus finally find his way out. Whatever he could do to return the favor, he would do it. Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The lavender vanilla scent was already percolating through the air, and it helped to calm him. 

James, Lily, and Remus had decided it was probably best if Sirius didn’t stay alone at his own flat tonight. So Remus found his largest pair of athletic shorts, which had never fit him but would hopefully fit Sirius well enough, and a clean undershirt. He set these next to the towel, and went back to the living room to fetch Sirius.

He was right where Remus had left him. Sirius had shifted positions on the couch, and was now laying on his back. His eyes were staring blankly at the ceiling, one arm draped across his stomach, and his other rested on his forehead.

Damn. And I thought I was broken, he thought as he looked at Sirius.  “Come on, mate.” Remus helped Sirius to his feet and led him to the bathroom.

Sirius took a long deep breath, and let it out. “Smells nice.”

“Yeah. It’s my favorite.” Remus cleared his throat. Sirius didn’t need to know how often he needed to be calmed or comforted, or that it was often enough to keep a stock of bath bombs handy. “Uh, anyway. Towel and clean clothes are here.” He patted the pile on the sink. “And you take all the time you need. I’ll be out there.” He gestured with his thumb over his shoulder.

Suddenly Sirius threw his arms around Remus. “Thank you,” he whispered into Remus’ shoulder.

“You’re welcome.” Remus melted into his embrace, and silently vowed again to help hold the broken man together. 

Sirius released him, and he took the opportunity to leave, closing the door behind him. He let out a heavy sigh and went back to his favorite chair, grabbing a sketchbook and pencil on the way. Flipping open to a blank page he began to draw. Mainly for something to keep his hands and mind busy, and not thinking about the naked Sirius in his tub.

Forty minutes later, he had sketched a beautiful rose. Lots of detailed petals spiraling into the middle, and a few spiked leaves sticking out from underneath. The rose itself seemed to embody the sorrow he knew Sirius was feeling. At that moment, he heard the lever flip to drain the tub, and the sound of Sirius getting out of the bath. Setting the sketchbook on the coffee table, he went into the kitchen to make more tea. 

“Did you draw this?” Came a voice from the living room.

Remus poked his head out and saw Sirius holding the sketchbook.

“Uh, yeah. Did that while you were in the bath.”

“This is it.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, entering the living room with two fresh cups of tea.

“This is what I want.” He fixed Remus with a pointed stare. “Will you tattoo this on me?”

“Erm...yeah.” Remus handed him a cup. “We can do it in the morning, yeah?”

“Now.”

“Now?” Remus worried Sirius was feeling a little reckless and not thinking this decision through. “Why don’t we sit and have some tea and talk about it a bit first.” Sirius was undoubtedly feeling emotional, and Remus didn’t want him to let that control his decisions.

Sirius rolled his eyes in a huff and accepted the cup offered to him. “Fine.”

The two men sat, Sirius back on the couch and Remus back in his favorite chair. Remus sipped his tea and studied Sirius over the cup.

He was still staring intently at the drawing. There was an intense fire consumed in his flitting eyes. Remus sensed a recklessness disguised as adrenaline in Sirius.

“I decided...in the bath I decided I wanted to get a tattoo in remembrance of Silas. And when I saw this,” he was still holding and looking at the rose, “I knew this was it. I want it right here.” He placed his right hand over his left chest and shoulder and looked at Remus through misty eyes.

He continued to study Sirius for a long second. If this is what he needs to begin to heal, then I can do it. Remus' heart ached for himself and for Sirius when he finally said, “Ok.”

Sirius gave him a sad smile and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Remus.”

~~~~~

Sirius stayed on Remus' couch that night. James had popped by in the evening to see how he was getting along, and brought him a change of clothes. He also managed to convince Sirius to not be alone at his flat for the night. He was worried about what Sirius might get up to if left to his own devices right now, a concern he shared with Remus. Although Remus never had company. And sort of forgot come morning, that he had a guest on the couch.

Remus’ alarm went off, and he slammed his hand on the button on top. With a tired groan, he hauled himself out of bed. Bleary eyed and wearing only his boxers, he stumbled to the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water from the tap, paid the Daily Prophet owl, and wandered back through the living room. It was at this moment he noticed the human shaped lump on his couch.

What the...he wondered, squinting at the mass.

One of the eyes of the mass opened. “Remus, the dragon boxers are very flattering, but put on some trousers, mate.”

Remus jumped as the recollection of the prior evening ricocheted around his brain -- Silas death, Sirius bath, James stopped by, Sirius stayed the night -- and he remembered what and why and who was on his couch. Of course, this jump also caused him to spill most of the contents of his water glass all over himself. “Sweet Merlin and Godric damn-it anyway!” He covered the front of his boxers with the newspaper, and side-stepped into the bathroom.

A few minutes later he emerged from the bathroom, thoroughly embarrassed but fully clothed and dry. Which was more than he could say for his overnight guest. Remus stopped in his tracks. Sirius was lounging on his couch wearing only jeans, his feet propped up and ankles crossed...reading a book.

A Wrinkle in Time, Remus read on the cover. One of his favorites, despite it being considered a children’s novel. He found inspiration in it’s ideas of friendship, individuality, courage, and nonconformity.

Finding Sirius relaxing on his couch, and reading his books, however. Well, that made his insides squirm in a way that was not appropriate given the situation and circumstances.

“I see you’ve made yourself at home,” Remus remarked. Casual. Be casual.

Sirius turned a page. “Well, I figured if you’re going to do my tattoo this morning, then there was no point in putting on a shirt.” He looked at Remus with a wide, toothless smirk.

Oh, yeah. While Remus was covered almost head to toe in tattoos to cover his scars, he noticed Sirius had a few specially placed so you’d never know they were there if you never saw him with his shirt off. The one that stood out to him most was on the inside of his left forearm.

“Canis Major,” Remus said.

Sirius moved his hand from holding up his head and held his arm out to examine it. “The star Sirius is right there.” He pointed with a smile. “The Dog Star.”

“How many tattoos do you have?” Remus asked, sitting in his favorite chair. 

“Seven. Today’s will be eight.” Sirius swung his legs down to the floor. “The constellation dog was my first. Then I got this one.” He held up and pointed to the inside of his right bicep. “For my brother, Regulus.” It was the Leo constellation within a lion.

“Then, when Reg died, I got this tribal band.” It was two lines encompassing a band of triangles with every other one flipped.

“The day after James proposed to Lily, I got this one.” He showed the outside of his right bicep, with an intimidating stag surrounded by colorful orange lilies. 

“Then I also got this motorcycle.” He leaned back and showed off the left side of his abs. “I think motorcycles are a brilliant Muggle contraption.”

“And this Gibson guitar head.” It was on the outside of his left bicep. “Shortly after I started learning how to play guitar, and I realized it was going to become a big part of my life.”

“What about the one on your sternum?” Remus was most interested in this one. It was very familiar to him, despite having never seen it on Sirius’ body.

Sirius looked down and touched this tattoo with a chuckle. “Oh. Got this one shortly after leaving Hogwarts.”

“The rest of your tattoos have special meaning though.” This one looked like a weird letter Y with lines through the bottom. He recognized the sign. “What does this one mean?” Does it mean to you what it means to me?

“Ok. So, I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to freak out.”

“Ok…”

“It’s an amalgamation symbol. It kinda means like...a merger or a mixture.”

Remus could only stare and blink. “Ok…”

Sirius scratched his head with a grin. “Erm...James and I figured out how to become animagi while we were in school. That’s why his tattoo is a stag, because that’s his animagus form.”

What the hell? Remus had been on the edge of his seat throughout this explanation, and at this revelation he fell back. “What?”

“I’m an animagus.”

“And so is James?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

In the time it took Remus to blink, there was a big black dog sitting on his couch where Sirius had been moments before. He jumped. “What the hell?!”

The dog hopped off the couch and padded over to where Remus sat, and looked up at him with great puppy dog eyes. Then in another blink of the eye, Sirius crouched in front of him.

“Let’s go do that tattoo now.” Sirius said with a grin and a slap to Remus' leg.

Next Chapter: Chapter 9

[manage-mischief]

Regulus Black and the Darkest Shadows: Chapter 12

Read on AO3 or FF.net 

Summary: Regulus learns a little bit about Muggle culture.

Author’s Note: Sorry this is a day late! I’ve been so busy with school! But, I hope you like this chapter. I had some difficulty writing it, but I hope it turned out ok! Thank you all so so much for your reviews. I love each and every one! If you want more content, follow my tumblr @manage-mischief. Enjoy! P.S. JK Rowling is trash :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 12: If You Like Pina Coladas

February 7th, 1979

Saturday morning arrived, and Regulus’s nervous system was electrified. He woke up early in order to prepare himself—physically and mentally, for his trip with Des. As Regulus coated his hands with Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion and ran his fingers through his black hair, he felt like a fool. This trip to Hogsmeade was not a date, it was a mission. Regulus couldn’t afford to reflect on his potential interest in Des until after he discovered Voldemort’s secret plans. He refused to think about the way her thick walnut curls brushed his cheek whenever she whispered to him, or about the way her big grey-blue eyes sparkled with delight whenever she learned something new, or about the way her Muggle jeans accentuated her waist and hugged her…Merlin. He’d let himself get distracted again.

Regulus took one last look at himself in the mirror. Though he had tried to achieve his brother’s signature “effortlessly cool” look, he didn’t pull it off quite as well as Sirius had. Still, satisfied that he looked decent enough, he marched out of the Slytherin Dorms towards the dining hall.

Des was already waiting for him when he arrived. The first thing Regulus noticed was that—for one of the only times since he had known her—the witch looked nervous. She kept fidgeting and fussing with her clothing, pulling on her top every few seconds. She changed position ever few seconds, first leaning against the wall, then standing upright, then shifting her weight to one leg with her hip stuck out.

The second thing Regulus noticed was that Des looked fantastic. She wore high waisted jeans and a tucked-in, tight blue sweater. Her signature clear plastic glasses magnified her eyes and thick eyelashes. Her hair was pulled back in a bun by a red, polka dot bandana like that Muggle poster girl—what was her name…Rosie the Ribbiter? No that wasn’t it…Well, whatever it was, Regulus liked it that way. Des’s eyes darted around the corridor before landing on Regulus. she jumped a little when she saw him. Immediately, she broke into a wide grin, burying any previous nerves Regulus had observed. “Ah, the hermit has left the library!”

Regulus shook his head, smiling. “I thought Miss Ravenclaw of all people would approve of my new studying habits.”

Des laughed. “Come on, nerd, let’s grab some food and go!” Des led him to a table, where Woodrow and Wilhelmina were already sitting, whispering back and forth to each other:

“…bet you five galleons,” Regulus heard Wilhelmina say in a hushed tone. When Des and Regulus arrived to join them, the pair abruptly stopped their conversation. Wilhelmina smiled slyly. “Hello you two. Lovely day for a Hogsmeade trip, isn’t it?” The table jerked violently, and Wilhelmina winced.

“Whoopsie,” Des said unapologetically, reaching for the pumpkin juice. “Terribly sorry, I must have kicked you under the table by mistake.”

Wilhelmina was not deterred. “Don’t worry about it, Dezzie, I’m sure it was an accident” said Wilhelmina, before turning her attention to Regulus. “Well now, doesn’t someone look nice today?” Regulus flushed, and Wilhelmina quickly tucked her legs up onto the bench, avoiding another well-aimed kick from Des.

“Are you two coming out to the town today, too?” Regulus changed the subject.

“After what happened the last time we went to Hogsmeade? No way, mate,” McDrew said.

“Aw, poor Woody’s scared,” Wilhelmina teased. “I’d go, but I’ve got detention. I may or may not have set off a dung bomb in the library to get back at my ex and his new girlfriend.”

“Nice,” Des remarked, her mouth full of toast.

“I’m sure you’ll run into some of the others, though. But remember not to bother Marlene and Dorcas if you see them in Madame Puddifoot’s…or be prepared to deal with the consequences.” McDrew, Des, and Wilhelmina all shuddered at her words. “You two crazy kids had better get going. A line’s starting to form. Have fun,” she chirped.

Des rolled her eyes and stood. “And you have fun in detention, Willy. C’mon Reg.” Regulus obeyed and followed Des out of the Great Hall. As he left, he heard Wilhelmina begin to laugh.

“I still don’t see it, Wil. I don’t think it’s a date. I mean, Des and Reg hated each other up until a few months ago,”Regulus heard McDrew’s not-so-subtle whisper to his friend.

“You’re so thick, Woodrow. They’re obviously into each other! Marlene agrees with me. Ah I can’t wait to hear what happens! Rivals to friends to lovers! Just like all of the best books! How romantic!”

Regulus resisted the urge to go back and kick Wilhelmina in the shin himself. If she only knew the true purpose of their trip to Hogsmeade. He couldn’t think of anything less romantic or “cute” than Lord Voldemort’s plans for world domination.

---

Des and Regulus signed out of the castle with the care taker, and set off upon the familiar path to Hogsmeade. A light blanket of pearly-white snow covered the bare tree branches. The morning was grey and overcast, but enjoyably so. The sun could be seen trying to break through the cloud-covered sky. The cold was refreshing, but not biting. Des’s cheeks and nose were rosy from the crisp air.

Des and Regulus kept a few inches distance between each other. Neither one spoke. Regulus thought that this must be the first time in her life that Des was at a loss for words. “So…” Regulus tried to begin a sentence. The words died in his throat. He really didn’t know how to engage in small talk. He’d never really had to worry about speaking when he was with Ginger, and, recently, so much of his life had been devoted to his multiple existential and moral crises, that he seemed to have forgotten how to have a conversation that didn’t involve his family, Death Eaters, or Voldemort. Regulus pleaded with himself to say something, anything. But, his brain obstinately refused to comply.

Des regarded him curiously. “So…I know a place where you can tell me about…your little problem…without any chance of being overheard. I don’t think we should discuss it out in the open like this.”

Of course. Des was focused on their mission—to discuss Regulus’s Voldemort problem. He should be focused on that, too. “You’re absolutely right,” Regulus said, nodding vigorously.

“You know,” said Des after another awkward beat of silence, “just because we can’t talk about whatever it is you want to tell me out in the open, doesn’t mean we can’t talk at all.” She looked up at the trees, in the opposite direction of Regulus. She bit her bottom lip.

Regulus’s cheeks tinged pink. “I-I know. Um. What would you like to talk about?”

Des considered his question. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What? Why?”

“Why? Because I’m trying to get to know you better, Regulus! Now, what’s your favorite color?”

Regulus thought about it for a moment. “Green.”

“Aw, what a good Slytherin,” Des teased him.

“No,” he said, “not Slytherin green. Green like the ocean. When I was younger, Mum and Dad would always take us somewhere warm for the winter. We sat on the beach, and Sirius and I would make sandcastles. It was nice.”

“That sounds nice, spending time with your family…doing normal ‘family’ things. Before they messed with your mind and you joined an evil cult,” she mused.

“That about sums it up,” he agreed, trying to hold onto the memory of the warmth and the sun and the sand. Oh, how things had changed. “How about you?”

“Purple. Royal purple, like kings and queens wear,” she stated immediately. Regulus raised a questioning eyebrow, silently asking her to explain. “I’ve always liked it. Though, I guess it’s also kind of related to a memory. But, just a flash of one—from when I lived in New Orleans with my parents. Right before Dad died, when I was almost four, he brought me to the Mardi Gras parade. I can’t recall the details, but I remember flashes of color: green and purple and gold. And when I close my eyes, I can see his smiling face as he held me and put a purple strand of beads around my neck because he knew it was my favorite.” Des sighed. “Merlin, aren’t we a dramatic pair? We start off at our favorite colors, and end up at the sob stories of our broken families.” She laughed uncomfortably and began playing with the cuffs of her sleeves.

Regulus considered the comment she had made in passing. He thought about his life the past few months. The conversations he’d had, the danger he’d put himself in. Then, he began to laugh. Almost hysterically. He had to stop walking as he doubled over, hands on his knees. She looked a bit concerned. “Regulus? You alright?”

Between gasping breaths, Regulus managed to say, “You-you’re absolutely right! I am so. Fucking. Dramatic!” He lost the ability to speak once again. This time, Des joined in. Together, they stood there, smack in the middle of the trail, laughing. Onlookers passed by and shot them odd looks. But Regulus didn’t care. He felt invigorated—lighter-than-air—like he was forcing out the worries, the darkness that had consumed him for the past years. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed this hard for no reason. He felt free. His lungs burned, his stomach muscles ached, yet, he felt alive.

“Do you…do you maybe want to grab a butterbeer like normal people before we go off to your secret dramatic place to talk about my secret, dramatic news?” Regulus asked, before he could think better of it, still high off of his semi-hysterical breakdown.  

Des grinned. “I reckon that’d be a nice change of pace.”

---

“You’re mental! There is no way that Potions is better than Transfiguration!”

“You asked my opinion,” Regulus insisted, spreading his hands out in front of himself defensively. He chuckled at Des’s indignation. “You asked what I preferred! I’m just telling you!”

Regulus and Des were seated at a cozy corner table in The Three Broomsticks, sipping their butterbeer and asking each other trivial questions. Regulus almost felt normal.

Des rolled her eyes. “Merlin, I know, but I thought you’d have the right opinion. I don’t know if we can even be friends anymore, Reg,” she said seriously. Regulus stared back, playing along with her faux aggravation.

“Fine,” he said, matter-of-factly. “We’re not friends anymore. Then I guess I’ll just go off and find some other boisterous Ravenclaw to tell all my secrets to. One who appreciates the subtle art of potion making.” Regulus pretended to get up to leave.

Des tilted her head to the side. “Aw, Reg, it’s sweet you think you’d ever find anyone as ‘boisterous’—as you so delicately put it— as me.” Her façade broke, and she began laughing. Regulus joined in.

“You’re absolutely right,” he joked. “You’re one of a kind.” An awkward silence fell over the table. Regulus averted his eyes. “Ok, my turn. Hm… let me think of a good one…Alright, alright. I’ve got it. Favorite vacation?” He asked.

“Oooooh that’s a tough one, Black. I’ll have to think on it. You go first.”

“Greece,” Regulus replied immediately. “I went to see the Quidditch World Cup there when I was ten. England lost, but it was a great game.”

“Merlin, you went to Greece and all you can talk about is a Quidditch match? Not the ruins or the history?” Des chided.

“Listen, I’m from an ancient line of pureblood wizards. I can look at fancy old stuff whenever I want. But Quidditch,” he sighed dreamily. They both laughed.

“Alright, fair point,” Des conceded. “Quidditch. What a good little pureblood wizarding boy,” she teased.

“Hey, you say that like it’s a bad thing. I’ll have you know I’m one of the most eligible bachelors in pureblood society. As we speak, families are throwing themselves at my parents in the hopes of getting their daughters a piece of all this,” he gestured to himself seductively. Des cracked up. Regulus had never felt so at ease bantering with anyone before.

“Oh my, I must have forgotten! I’m in the presence of wizarding royalty! Lord Black! Please accept my deepest admirations! I kneel down at your feet! I exalt you! I envy the woman who traps your arse!”

“Your turn, Lewis,” Regulus demanded, after their laughter died down. Regulus’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

“My turn, right. Okay. The best vacation I’ve ever been on would probably have to be…oh I got it! Our family trip to Cozumel. Uncle Thad was doing some research in Mexico, but Aunt Eliza wanted some time off, so while he worked, she and I went to a resort. I know you can’t really get to know a place just by being in a resort, but I just felt so relaxed. I’d never really bonded in that way with my aunt before—if you couldn’t tell, she’s usually a bit uptight.”

“No, your aunt? Uptight? Preposterous!” Regulus interjected sarcastically.

“I know, what a shocker. But, really, on this trip, we had so much fun together. We sat poolside drinking Piña Coladas and singing that Piña Colada song loudly whenever it came on the radio. It was brilliant.”

“Pee-nya Cold-latas?” Regulus questioned, now seriously. “Song?” Des’s eye widened with glee.

“Merlin’s balls, I forgot all you purebloods aren’t exposed to Muggle culture. Well, let me tell you: Piña Coladas—” Des sounded it out for Regulus “—are by far the best beverage money can buy. They’re made of rum and pineapple and coconut and it’s a rule that you must have one when you are on vacation at the beach,” Des spoke a mile a minute, rambling about her love of the strange-sounding Muggle beverage. Regulus laughed at her enthusiasm.

“Well, if I ever get to the beach again, I’ll have to try one. And there’s a song about them?” Regulus asked, highly amused. Muggles were quite strange.

“Yes! The Piña Colada Song is a musical masterpiece of the modern era,” she waved her hands dramatically. “Oh, my goodness!” She clapped her hands together loudly.  “I’m so excited! I get to be the one who introduces you to the Piña Colada Song! Ugh, maybe Aunt Eliza will send me her record and I can borrow Flitwick’s turntable…I’ll tell him it’s an emergency…why are you looking at me like that? Have I got a butterbeer moustache or something? Because if I did, it would be extremely un-gentleman-like not to tell me!”

Regulus was staring at her, his mouth stretched in an uncontrollable grin. “No, no! Nothing like that. I was just thinking about how…fascinating you are, Des. You really are one of a kind.”

Des looked taken aback. She averted her eyes shyly. “Well,” she said, regaining her usual air of confidence “it’s just… I really like the Piña Colada Song.” A breathy laugh escaped her. Cautiously, Regulus placed a hand outstretched on the table. He tried to act casual about it. Did Regulus really have to talk to her about the Dark Lord? Did he really have to think about the impending doom that awaited everyone he loved if he didn’t figure out Voldemort’s plan? Couldn’t he just leave it to someone else and enjoy his afternoon in peace, like a normal teenage wizard?

Des’s hand twitched, moving slightly towards his own. Before she took it, however, she looked up at the clock beside them. She sighed. “I reckon we’d better go,” she said, draining the last sip of butterbeer from her mug. He frowned, but nodded. She was right.

“Come on then, Reg, time for us to have a chat.”

[polly-darton]

Where linger the undesired - Remus L. x Sirius B.

Title: Where linger the undesired

Characters: Remus L., Sirius B.

Genre: Romance, hurt/comfort,  porn with a bit o’plot

Rating: E

Chapters: 1

Word count: 2,3K

Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to J. K. Rowling.

Description: After twelve years of hurt and one year of healing Sirius and Remus finally reach a new start. After the events of Goblet of Fire.

Notes: So I saw this amazing fanart and this is what my mind came up with.

Relevant canon information: Sirius didn't trust Remus and that's why he chose Peter to be the secret keeper for the Potters.

Also available on AO3.

More notes at the end.

--

Lots of feelings.

Enjoy some sad sexy times.

1995

“So, this is where you grew up.” Remus stood up from the chair and walked up to the sink carrying the piled plates.

Sirius nodded, “Now you know why I was so eager to leave.” He drank the rest of the fire whiskey in his glass.

“Your mother seems lovely.” Remus smiled from the corner of his mouth and glanced at Sirius as he waved his wand and the dishes started washing themselves.

“My favorite part.” Sirius raised his empty glass and gave a half-smile as he set it on top of the table.

Sirius was looking a lot better than last time Remus had seen him. His hair was shorter and almost had the same shine it used to back in school days. He was still thinner than he used to, but didn’t resemble a skeleton as much. His features, on the other hand, maybe would never go back to what they were and his eyes had a sort of shadow over them, that Remus could guess the origin of.

Remus, on the other hand, was looking worse than last time they’d met, with his greying hair and patched up robes. His face looked aged, but he still resembled his younger self when he smiled. He also had a shadow on his eyes, and it made Sirius’ gut twist with guilt every time it became prominent.

The last guest had just closed the door as they left number 12, Grimmauld Place, and they were left alone for the first time in almost a year. They hadn’t exactly left in the friendliest of therms when they parted after Remus left his position at Hogwarts, and Sirius went south for cover. Or maybe they left in the friendliest manner possible, considering what they’d gone through.

Old wounds still lingered in the air above them, not allowing for the warm reunion they longed for but weren’t really ready for. It made the atmosphere heavy, even if they didn’t have anything else to say or settle. All cards had been played, and all there was left to do was move on, impossible as it was to go back to the way things were when they were teens.

Remus waved his wand again and their glasses filled with more fire whiskey as he went back to the table and sat across from the other, “How does it feel to be back in action?” He took a sip from his glass and watched as Sirius leant on the back legs of his chair.

“I’m not really back in action, am I?” Sirius couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice and the frown from his lips, “Still a fugitive accused of mass murder.”

“Welcome to the pariah’s club.” It was Remus’ turn to raise his glass. “Where linger the undesired.”

“You seem very excited.” Sirius drank half of the drink in his glass.

“Gives me something to think about.” Remus didn’t feel like telling that what was coming as excitement was actually nervousness “You sure it’s ok for me to stay here?”

“Sure. There’s lots of rooms and Kreacher will be delighted to have someone to cuss at.” Sirius emptied the glass into his mouth and swallowed grimacing a little.

“Where is he, by the way?”

“Walburga’s room probably.” Sirius set the glass back down and, when Remus finished his own glass. stood up, “Let’s find you a room.” He grabbed Remus’ suitcase that was left by the door and left the kitchen leading the way upstairs.

Mrs. Black whispered nastily as they passed by the corridor on their way to the higher levels and Sirius fidgeted nervously in a way that made Remus want to hold his hand. He didn’t, instead shoving his hands into his pockets and following the other quietly.

“This was Regulus’ room.” Sirius ran the tips of his fingers over the nameplate on the door, but didn’t stop to look inside or made further comments, “And this is my old room.” He held the door opened and followed in after the other.

Remus couldn’t hold his laughter when he took in the gold and red that decorated the room, “Somehow, it looks exactly the way I thought it would.” He turned, amused, to look at Sirius who still stood by the door, but had a shadow of smile on his lips. “You honor your fame.” “He moved closer to the wall to look at the pictures that were glued there.

Sirius at last entered the room and followed Remus toward the pictures on the wall, “Of mass murderer?” He saw himself and James smiling on the Hogwarts Express and his chest tightened.

Remus turned to give his snarky response, but lost his voice when he saw Sirius so close and with that look in his eyes. His fingers itched to touch him, so he turned around and let them move and touch lightly Sirius’ hand. “I know how hard it is for you.” He said softly.

Sirius didn’t respond with words, instead settling for watching as he intertwined his fingers with Remus’. The feeling of their hands touching, even in such a light way, was so familiar that it sent a chain reaction like shockwaves through their bodies.

Sirius raised his eyes and looked at Remus’ face, so close to his own, and the familiar color of his eyes almost sent tears into his own. “Moony...” He didn’t really know what he wanted to say, he just craved for something he knew only Remus was capable of providing.

“I know.” Was all Remus could come up with as the familiar nickname flooded him with something he had been sure he would never feel again.

They stood just looking at each other until Sirius looked away and at the wall again, and the hopelessness sent Remus forward until their bodies were touching and his arms were around Sirius’ waist.

“I don’t know what to say.” Sirius said against his shoulder with his hands touching Remus’ back.

Remus sighed, “There’s nothing to say.” The dark hair felt nice against his face and Sirius’ body felt right in his arms.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius said anyway.

Remus heart sped up as he realized: “I forgive you.”

Sirius pulled away and pushed the hair away from Remus’ face, searching for something to hold on to. Remus wanted to wash away the darkness that loomed around the other with reassuring words, but instead touched his face with both his hands and ran his thumbs over his cheeks.

Sirius took hold of Remus’ hand again and went to sit on the foot of the bed, keeping his arm outstretched as a sign for the other to do the same. As Remus sat by his side, Sirius started fidgeting with his fingers still held in his hand, keeping his eyes fixed on his own movements.

Remus took a breath and leant in, touching Sirius’ lips with his own very lightly while the fingers of his free hand went up to touch his face again. He licked his lips as Sirius tilted his head towards his touch and closed his eyes when he leant forward to kiss him again, his hand touching Remus’ elbow.

The kiss was shy and temptive as were their touches on each other. Their heartbeats sped as their bodies recognized each other, and they moved closer, their knees touching and their grip on each other’s hand tightening.

Remus moved his hand and laced his fingers in Sirius’ hair, feeling his body heat up as he deepened the kiss, their mouths fitting perfectly.

Sirius pulled away and had to catch his breath as he took in the darkness in Remus’ eyes, “Will you stay the night?”

The words sent a familiar pull to Remus’ gut, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok” Remus nodded and licked his lips as Sirius moved to lie on the bed.

Sirius motioned for Remus to follow and watched as he did so, lying by his side facing him. Remus touched his shoulder and leant in to kiss him again, and when Sirius responded he put his hand under his shirt, touching his stomach before landing on his chest, feeling his heartbeat under his palm.

As heat engulfed him, Sirius lied on his back and pulled Remus to lie on top of him, kissing him again, hard and desperate as he felt himself getting hard against the other’s thigh between his legs.

Remus felt the world spin as he touched Sirius over his pants and was able to feel the warmth of his hardness through the fabric as Sirius lost his breath at the touch. 

“It’s been a while for me, so this might go really fast.” Sirius leant his head back into the pillow.

“It’s ok.”Remus smiled and kissed his jaw, still touching him over his pants and pressing his own hard-on against Sirius’ thigh.

Sirius couldn’t keep the words from leaving his lips, “Have you been with anyone else?”

Remus was expecting a question of the sort and had his answer ready: “Is there really an answer to that that would sooth you in any way?”

Sirius took a moment to think about the possible answers – that Remus had been with someone else in his absence, or that he had spent the last twelve years on his own – and realized: “Not really.”

To what Remus responded lightly: “There you are then.” The answer was no, but he had more pressing matters on his hands than the time he spent alone.

Remus kissed Sirius jaw and then his neck, breathing him in and rejoicing at feeling of Sirius in the air surrounding him again. He opened Sirius’ pants and put his hand inside, moving it over his dick and down to his balls before moving back up and wrapping his fingers around the hardened warm flesh. He moved his hand along the length, his lips still close to his pulse, as he felt Sirius’ chest rise and fall under him.

“Do you have any lube?” Sirius blurted out suddenly.

“No.” Remus raises his head to look at him, his hand still stroking him light and slow.

Sirius licked his lips and lifted his head to look at the other, “We’ve done it without it before.” He ran his hands over Remus’ back, pulling his shirt up as his fingers felt the raised skin of both familiar and new scars.

Remus shook his head and kissed him again before lifting his shirt and kissing the center of his chest. He moved over to start licking at a nipple as he placed his fingers under the hem of Sirius’ pants, pushing them down as he raised his hips. Remus moved down his body, kissing and licking at the skin while letting Sirius pull his shirt up his body and over his head.

Remus grabbed hold of Sirius’ dick again and licked a the head, feeling the length hard and warm in his hand. He placed the head between his lips and licked at it again before sliding it further into his mouth, his own cock twitching at Sirius’ moan. He went all the way down on him, until the head lodged at the back of is mouth making Sirius curse and grab his hair. Remus moaned and drool ran down the length as he moved his head up, licking and sucking, and then down again, slowly, reveling in the taste, the scent and the sounds coming from the other.

Sirius thrust his hips forward, and he felt that he could come from the sound of Remus’ moan alone, but he watched as his prick went up and into those pretty lips, Remus’ nose touching his belly with pink coloring his cheeks as drool pooled at the base. He felt hungry for the other, and felt jealous that Remus was fulfilling his own hunger while all he could do was grab at his hair as sweet agony sent his hips forward.

Remus put his arms under Sirius’ thighs and pulled his legs over his shoulder, gripping at the flesh as he swallowed and frowned as Sirius came down his throat, with his back arched and his mouth opened in a beautiful silent scream.

Sirius pulled him up  and undid his pants, impatiently pushing them down and away from his legs. Once done with the clothes, he pulled Remus to straddle him and then sat up, with Remus hot on his lap as his dick pointed at the ceiling.

Sirius spit on his palm and lathered it on the head of Remus’ cock, making it wet before he started jerking him off. He ran his free hand down his back and grabbed a handful of the supple flesh of his ass as he kissed and licked at his nipple, feeling Remus’ prick twitch in his hand as he sucked his stomach in and his chest heaved.

Remus swore and dug his nails into Sirius’ shoulders as he felt his orgasm hit, then he was canting his hips and coming all the up to his chest.

They stayed in the same position breathing hard for a moment, Remus touching Sirius’ neck and Sirius’ hands on Remus’ hips, their foreheads resting against each other with a glint of an old sparkle in their eyes.

At last, Remus had to stand up to grab his wand from his pants, and swayed it to clean up any mess before lying down next to Sirius and pulling the blankets over them. “Is this house always this cold?”

“Always.” Sirius grumbled and threw his leg over Remus’ middle, pulling him close.

Under the blankets they felt warm and secure in a way they hadn’t in ages, and as they closed their eyes and kissed lazyly they could almost pretend they were 18 again and the war they were fighting was still an old one.

~~

Thanks for reading!

I tried to come up with an original title for once, and not just something from a song, and I know it sucks, but I’ll try to get over it and I hope you can do the same.

This is the first story I took more than a few frenzied hours to write so there’s a possibility (gasp) that it’s actually well written???

[ronweasleyisourking]

This is How We Dance Chapter Four | Read on AO3 here

Gin was extremely uncomfortable. After Mary had cut off what her friend Sirius was saying, no one had said anything. He didn’t want to impose on what seemed like touchy subject matter, but he was also super curious. Plus, he really liked Mary and wanted to know everything about her. He decided to talk to her later, so that they would not be in a car when the discussion was happening. He had learned not to bring up touchy subject matter while in cars. He focused on not having a panic attack as he followed his phone’s directions to Mary’s house.

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Meanwhile in the other car, Hestia and Alice were discussing who was at fault for Gwenog never having watched Lemonade Mouth and also, not knowing who Hayley Kiyoko was. It began when Wanna Be Missed started playing on Alice’s phone, who had her Spotify playlist on shuffle.

“Wanna be loved every night, wanna know she's only mine, breathe her in, give me life, got all these hearts in line, they all wasting their time, ‘cause only you do me right…”

“Man, didn’t you love Hayley Kiyoko in Lemonade Mouth,” Alice asked the whole car when she recognized the song playing, not realizing what she was starting.

“What’s Lemonade Mouth,” Gwenog asked, sleepily. She loved hanging out with her cousin, but she never got her references, because they were all before her time.

Alice’s jaw dropped. “Tia, have you been depriving your little sister of one of the greatest Disney movies of all time? How can she not know what Lemonade Mouth is?”

“You watch her every day after school Lissy, you could show it to her anytime you want,” Hestia replied from the drivers seat, purposely using the nickname her cousin hated.

Alice glared at her and looked for backup in her significant others sitting next to her, but they were both asleep, Emmeline using Frank’s shoulder as a pillow. “What is the point in dating two people when they are both asleep when you need them?”

Hestia rolled her eyes, and glanced back at her cousin, “You love them.”

Alice looked at them sleeping again, and smiled, “Yeah, I do,” but then her tone changed quickly, “but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be backing me up right now.”

“I wanna be missed like every night, I wanna be kissed like it's the last time, say you can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe without me, I wanna be held, fragile like glass, ‘cause I've never felt nothing like that, say you can't walk, can't talk, go on without me…”

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Mary stepped out of the car, breathing in the fresh air, which was thankfully not as tense as the air in the car, where her best friend almost revealed her not so great past with relationships. She stretched out her arms and cracked the joints of her back - the air wasn’t the only thing that was tense.

Sirius got out of the car and immediately tried to apologize to Mary. “I’m really sorry, Mary, it just slipped out, I shouldn’t have said –”. Mary cut them off again with a cold glare, and headed towards the house. Gin followed behind her, walking with the cane again.

Sirius just stood there, blinking back tears.

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After Mary got into the house, she set up Gwenog in her room, knowing that it was the cleanest of all the bedrooms due to obvious reasons. She gave Frank, Emmeline, Alice, and Hestia (the former two looked like they had just woken up) a tour of the house, and finally she collapsed on the couch next to Gin with a huge bag of crisps (that she really didn’t want to share).

She didn’t see Sirius, which meant they were probably in their room.

“I’m sorry that I left you sitting here alone,” Mary said, with an almost convincing forced smile. Gin smiled at her in return, and she could see he looked worried… or anxious. “I’m also sorry for what happened in your car too. Sometimes Si doesn’t know when to shut up.”

“You can tell me about it, you know,” Gin replied, looking at her, “I’m not easily scared off. I have some not so great exes as well.” He wasn’t planning on sharing this with her tonight, but he felt like she needed a push to open up about whatever Sirius had been talking about. “When I told my ex about me being trans, he wasn’t too happy. He was driving, and while he was scolding me for not telling him before, for tricking or whatever… he drove off the side of the road. We hit a tree. He walked away with some bruised ribs, but I ended up with old Janie here because of the injuries to my spine and legs,” Gin said, lifting his cane when he said Janie.

“You named your cane Janie,” Mary asked, chuckling a little bit before continuing, “Sorry, that’s not the point at all, I know. That’s horrible though. I can’t believe he reacted so badly.” Gin smiled softly at her when she put her hand over his, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“Well, I’ve told you my bad ex story, would you be willing to tell me yours,” Gin asked, full of hope.

Mary took a long breath before starting, “Peter was Sirius’s friend before mine. They had been friends since they were eleven. I met Sirius around sixteen, back when they were dating Marlene, and they introduced me to Peter. And Peter was nice – he didn’t mind me being trans or queer. But when we started dating, he got a little aggressive. It was nothing bad, not really, just him grabbing my arm a lot, sometimes leaving bruises. But when I confronted him about him outing Sirius and Marlene, he gave me a black eye. When Sirius found out, they threatened Peter, said if he ever came near any of us again, they would call up their uncle and make sure Peter was charged with harassment.” Mary was rubbing her wrists throughout the story, still feeling his hands on her years later.

Gin pulled Mary into a hug and whispered, “I’ll never do anything like that to you. Or anyone.”

Mary smiled at him, setting the bag of crisps down and began leaning into the hug.

Gin continued when they pulled apart, “You need to talk to Sirius though, I can tell they’re sorry.”

Mary nodded, thanked him, and went off to find Sirius.

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Sirius was lying in their bed, waiting for Remus to get home. They were sick to their stomach, and felt like they had ruined Mary’s chance with the fanboy – who from the little interaction they had, seemed like a great guy for her. Better than Peter.

Sirius still felt guilty about that.

They heard a knock at the door, and then it opening. They turned in their bed to see Mary, anxiously smiling at him and looking at them as if she wanted to know if she could come in. They sat up, and gestured for her to come in. Mary joined them on the bed.

Sirius turned to her and said, “I really am sorry. About everything. From introducing you to Peter at all to bringing it up tonight.” Mary smiled and shook her head at them.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Si,” she said, “I however should apologize for getting so mad at you.” She pulled them closer to her, falling back on the bed. She then sighed and asked, “How badly do I want to take a shower now that I’m on your bed?”

Sirius thought for a moment and said, “Very badly, you want to take a shower very badly.”

They both laughed as Mary sat up and brushed off her clothes.

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Once everyone else got home, the afterparty began and of course, Marlene was the first to go up for karaoke. “I read the signs, I got all my stars aligned, my amulets, my charms, I set all my false alarms, so I’ll be someone who be forgotten, I’ve got a question and you’ve got an answer…”

Dorcas was sitting on the couch next to Alice, and both were drinking a fruity alcohol that neither could remember the name of at this point, and Alice said, “She sounds exactly like St. Vincent, she even gives off the same vibes.”

“I do a dance to make the rain come, smile to keep the sky from falling down down down down, collect the love that I've been given, build a nest for us to sleep in here, you know it's real…” Dorcas’s mind raced, thinking about what Alice was saying and what album this song was from, and whispered, “Annie Clark…”

“What,” Alice asked, turning towards Dorcas.

“Annie Clark. That’s St. Vincent’s real name,” Dorcas said, her mind still racing. She opened the notes app in her phone and began writing as many of her thoughts down as she could.

“I know, isn’t that the softest name for a rock star ever,” Alice said, her eyes wide as she saw some of the words on Dorcas’s phone. She couldn’t put it all together but she was excited nevertheless.

“I check my palms, the cracks in the sidewalk, my visions and my dreams, I cross all my fingers, that you'll be someone that won't be forgotten, what was your question, I've got the answer…”

Dorcas looked up, only having eyes for Marlene, and finally replied, “Yeah, yeah it is.”

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Regulus went up to bed with Lily around 2 AM and shortly after, James and Gin were both on the couch drinking a mixture of the alcohols that were in the kitchen and trying to convince Mary to sing. Sirius took a break from making out with Remus in a chair to encourage them and that was when Mary finally realized she had lost the battle.

Mary went to the front of the room and said, “I don’t know a whole lot of songs but here’s one that I’ve listened to hundreds of times and memorized.” She took a breath. “She's got me going crazy, talking to the, talking to the moon. adrenaline starts to overtake me when she. walks into the, walks into the room, at first I wasn't sure of it, then I was just ok with it, I cannot get enough of it. now I love it.” Sirius, James, and Gin cheered.

Mary looked at Gin when she sung the lyrics, “He shows me things I can't see, I like this feeling, like this feeling free, I feel no shame, not guilty, no I just feel more, I just feel more me…”

She felt so free while singing, though that could be the weed she and Sirius had broke out once Lily went upstairs, the smell of which they would have to clear up with Febreeze before they went to bed.

When she was done, she flopped down on the couch and said, “I’m sleeping here, I guess.”

“Same,” said James, “but I can sleep on the floor,” he continued, looking at Gin.

“Yeah, we’re going to bed,” Remus said, dragging Sirius upstairs.

“Be quiet,” Mary said to them, “there is a twelve-year-old sleeping in my room and I do not want her traumatized because of how loud you guys are.”

“We’ll just use the gags,” Remus said, clearly drunk.

Mary shivered, acting disgusted, before curling up against the couch, ready to fall asleep, “I did not need to know that.” James and Gin laughed.

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Lily and Regulus woke up around nine the next morning and began making cheese toasties for all the inhabitants of the house, knowing that it was at least James’s favorite hangover food. Regulus pulled out the jumbo pack of Ribena juice boxes out of the fridge, setting it on the counter.

“It’s time to wake them up,” he said, his eyes wide. Hungover twenty-year-olds were scary.

“Should we use the tuba or just the cymbals,” Lily asked evilly.

Fic Playlist

Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At the Disco

Wild Things by Alessia Cara

Too Good at Goodbyes by Sam Smith

Wanna Be Missed by Hayley Kiyoko

All My Stars Aligned by St. Vincent

Not a Phase by Jessie Paege ft. Lucy & La Mer

[queerofthedagger]

Lupin and Sirius + 2 and 14 for both from the headcanon asks?💕

Thanks for the ask!!

Remus’ emotional/moral weak spots:

I think for Remus, it’s quite clear that he struggles a lot with his lycanthropy. He said himself that he was terrified when he started Hogwarts that his new-found friends would find out about him being a werewolf and that he couldn’t believe that they didn’t desert him but found a way to help him. This carries over into adulthood a lot – he always felt like he owed Dumbledore for allowing him to attend Hogwarts, and he not only tried to stay away from Tonks, he also panicked when she got pregnant to the point that he considered leaving her behind, until Harry threw a fit and set his head straight.

His friends are also his moral weak spot, to some degree. Even when he was convinced that Sirius was the one who betrayed the Potter’s and everybody thought he escaped Azkaban to hunt Harry, he couldn’t bring himself to tell anybody that Sirius is an unregistered Animagus. We never get a reason for this; it might just be the sense that he still owed them for doing it for him and staying with him through his transformations, some misplaced nostalgia or some leftover loyalty to Sirius despite everything.

Remus is a character with many layers, which makes him so interesting. I know many people like to make him out as this soft-spoken, level-headed tea-and-books guy, but he was also the one who shouted at Harry that he can’t keep using harmless spells like Expelliarmus, no matter if he thinks that the guy he’s fighting is under the Imperius or not, who was a Prefect but never stood up to James and Sirius despite thinking that they went too far with what they called ‘pranks’ (I’m not going to get into the whole Marauders/Snape issue here but, you know.) and who was ready to straight-up kill Peter Pettigrew in front of three 3rd-years when he learnt what happened.

I don’t mean this in a judging way, even, I actually understand it very well especially if you consider that he started fighting a war as soon as he left school. It makes sense and is one of the reasons why he’s such an interesting character to me.

Remus: ingrained habits/force of habits

The most obvious is, again, linked to him being a werewolf: Especially because he was turned as young as he was and that his parents invested a lot of time and money in making sure that nobody discovers it (which makes sense, with the prejudices the wizarding world harbours), it is probably second nature to hide any and all signs to the best of his abilities. He loathes that part of him and I think he spent a lot of time and energy to distance himself from it as much as possible – being controlled, level-headed, good at school, not as loud and boisterous as James and Sirius for example. I don’t mean in a way that it isn’t also true to his character, but it’s an interdependent thing.

I think he’s also a bookworm – he didn’t have much contact to other kids his age before Hogwarts and books offered a lot of refuge. I like to think that one habit was to always carry a book around when he got older.

 Sirius’ emotional/moral weak spot:

I could probably write an essay about this because in my opinion, Sirius is a very morally ambiguous character (which I also love about him,) but I try to not go on a tangent.

First of all, his friends. I think Sirius would not only die for them as he said himself, he would also have absolutely no qualms whatsoever to kill for them, which becomes obvious when he goes after Peter after James and Lily were killed, and again when he escapes Azkaban. Not only does he thirst for revenge, he also both times puts this desire over Harry – first when he leaves his godson to Hagrid, and again when he escapes Azkaban. Granted, he argues that he escaped to make sure Peter doesn’t harm Harry and I completely believe that to some degree, but he doesn’t want to capture Peter, make sure he’s pardoned and take care of Harry, he wants to finally get his revenge, right until Harry stops him and Remus from killing Peter.

Don’t get me wrong, he loves Harry to pieces and definitely includes him in the ‘would die and kill for you-‘ group, but he also occasionally has a hard time to separate Harry from James, seen for example when he tells him that ‘his father would have agreed to meet him in Hogsmeade,’ and stops the call after telling him angrily that ‘He’s less than James than he thought.’

Still, he also is one of the only ones who takes Harry seriously, doesn’t think it’s a good idea to keep things from him and so on, but it’s a result from both his love for him and seeing him like James. He has a hard time to put Harry’s needs before his own grief, like the winter holidays (or was it summer?) at Grimmauld’s where he spent the last few days before school avoiding everyone because he can’t stand the thought of being alone in the house again. And I’m not saying that I don’t understand it, at all – being holed up in Grimmauld Place is a nightmare for him, he spent years upon years in hell on earth and it makes sense that he doesn’t behave like a reasonable adult, not only because of the aforementioned reasons but because it’s simply not in his character.

Another, maybe less obvious emotional weak spot is Regulus, as far as I am concerned. We don���t get much from Sirius about his brother in Canon, but the few things he said – ‘He was soft, soft enough to believe them (…)’ already says a lot if you compare it to the way he speaks about the rest of his family, and I’m sure that it always wore on him that he left Regulus behind, that they drifted so far apart. They grew up together with little age difference and parents that, at the very least, didn’t show them much love and no matter the difference in character, they probably stuck together before Sirius started Hogwarts. No matter if he showed or even admitted it to himself, he probably carried around a lot of regrets and guilt the older he got, the more he realised that the world ‘isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters’ but by then it was probably much too late to do much about it, Regulus getting in way too deep, ‘got himself killed.’

And I’ll never forgive J.K. for the fact that Sirius never found out what Regulus did, in the end.

Sirius’ ingrained habits/force of habits

I think no matter how hard he wanted to set himself apart from his family, some things simply stuck that he might have not even been aware of – like his general sense of superiority and ‘careless arrogance’ through his school days, feeling like he’s above a lot of rules, or his disregard and underestimation of house-elves, easily shown in his treatment of Kreacher. Granted, Kreacher didn’t treat him much better but Sirius never made any effort whatsoever to treat him any better and underestimating him is what led to his death.

On a lighter note, I think there were little things he liked to do, like wearing his hair in a messy bun, dancing around the dorm to punk rock and spending nights on the roofs of Gryffindor tower with James, smoking cigarettes and laughing themselves silly.

Send me a character and a number and I’ll do a headcanon! List here.

[foxymuses]

an incomplete list of headcanons for sirius black:

there was a period of about 6-8 months between running away/being disowned and receiving his uncle’s inheritance when sirius had absolutely nothing to his name but the misc junk he’d shoved in a bag when he left the house to go to james. the potters, ignoring sirius’ claims they didn’t have to, bought him a moderate amount of items including but not limited to clothes, school materials, and various items for the room he’d already claimed at their house. when his inheritance kicked in, he tried to pay them back. they refused.

sirius was always more afraid of his father than his mother (which is the opposite of regulus). the reason is that his mother was more concerned with appearances outside the family, but was content to simply act as if sirius didn’t exist when they were at home, which was fine for both of them (and on some occasions, the worst that would happen is she’d scream and yell and be generally unpleasant, and true she’d be the one to force a hair cut or destroy his ‘revolting’ muggle/gryffindor items). however his father was the disciplinarian. his father rarely raised his voice, but was the first to raise a hand or wand to correct behaviors or punish misbehaviors, and though sirius would stand up for himself and was not scared into silence, there were many instances where he would show up to the potters in the middle of the night, or return from mandatory holidays during the school year, with signs of magically induced injury.

following that, sirius is always the first to jump to the defense of others, completely disregarding his own safety or the danger of the situation, and has been known to laugh in the face of those that think they can fight him, and generally doesn’t react to anyone who rises to attack him either verbally or physically, but whenever his father even shifted slightly, sirius would tense and brace, and there were several instances in public where a disagreement would start and though often the marauder’s were nearby and out of ear shot, they’d know things were going poorly because sirius, who never ever shows fear to anyone, would flinch

it’s clear from prisoner of azkaban that sirius could have escaped at any point. all he did was become padfoot and get past the dementors who weren’t looking for or caring about animals (literally his words). there is no true reason he had to wait twelve years except for dramatic story telling. that being said, the shock of the situation prevented any of this from logically settling in his mind for the first few weeks, and then after that, the dementors and their constant soulsucking presence did make it easier for sirius to blame himself for james and lily dying. he convinced them to make their secret keeper peter instead of him, he didn’t try hard enough to keep them safe, he should’ve actually killed peter, fuck what’s happening to harry, where is he, does anyone care about him, is he being taken care of, what’s remus doing, does remus think sirius did it, does remus hate him, is remus okay, it’s another full moon please let remus be okay, fuck if he gets out he’s going to strangle peter --- on and on, and it definitely gave him a huge amount of guilt on his shoulders, and regret, and despair, and while i personally don’t think it would have taken him 12 years to finally fucking decide to leave, it definitely did take several, especially since telling time within the walls of azkaban is near impossible

ON THAT NOTE, HOWEVER, it is this very guilt and anger that allowed him to muster the determination to finally fucking escape. even amidst all this guilt and fear and sorrow, sirius was strong enough to stay sane under the influence of the dementors and his own perceived failure, that he consciously made the decision to trick his way out. it was this very fury he felt towards peter and the injustice that he suffered because of his coward of a supposed best friend that fueled sirius’ ability to withstand the trails of being a prisoner at the worst wizarding prison. once his guilt subsisded enough for pure unadulterated hate to seep in, it was just a matter of deciding the best time to stage an escape

I REPEAT, I DO NOT BELIEVE IT TOOK HIM 12 YEARS at most, i would figure, personally, it happened in four or five. which, while following my canon divergent main verse, would still allow time for sirius to clear his name and fight for custody of harry, which he does successfully, by my canon, when harry is about seven. SO EVEN IF sirius isn’t instantly cleared as my main verse would like, he still winds up a single dad.

he has horrible nightmares after azkaban, regardless of when he gets out or how long he was there or whether he ends up raising harry. i personally would have it so that he and remus end up living together, both because sirius has his inheritance to support them, and because they’re the last two marauders and trusting others is hard for sirius to come by after everything, so living with remus is Safe and Easy, and he does everything he fucking can to make up for all the full moons he missed, but regardless of how Hard he tries to get back to some semblance of a normal life, he has severe ptsd from prison and he doesn’t sleep well and he doesn’t eat much and he drinks more (in verses where he doesn’t have custody) and he smokes a shit ton more and he spends more time as padfoot than he does as a human because being a dog is just so much simpler and he has fewer worries, and remus is fucking worried as shit about him because sirius was always the strongest of the four of them (fight me on this i dare you) and to see the confident, arrogant, and generally easy-going carefree rebel that was sirius black in school turned into a jumpy, irritable, shattered shell of himself is hard and sirius never truly recovers from that damage, he just gets better at hiding it, and he does a hell of a lot better at healing when he does have custody of harry because harry gives him purpose in a way that remus can’t.

when sirius inevitably comes across peter again, he does try to kill him. whether he genuinely fails or subconsciously stops himself because peter, as much as sirius resents and hates and would love to grind him into little rat pieces, was a friend and was someone sirius trusted and cherished and would have protected with his life, and no matter how much he very much wants to kill the bastard, he can’t

shifting gears a bit, but sirius had never and still doesn’t really see himself ever getting married. he never even wanted kids until harry came around, and even then, the only kid he’ll ever have is in my canon divergency where he raises harry himself. in that verse he is more open to a co-parenting relationship (re: when he’s with @gavrele‘s gabe, or if he were to be with remus or another marauder’s era character who survived either by au or in canon), which can be considered romantic or merely a mutual desire to raise this orphaned child, but in that instance, he still probably wouldn’t want marriage, because it makes him seriously uncomfortable just thinking about it, and at the very most he would just agree to mutually wear signifying rings but not actually make it official, so that way if at any point he does feel weird about it he won’t feel bad about taking the ring off for a few days until the feeling passes

he learns of regulus’ dying while he’s in azkaban and listen canon sirius was very ‘meh’ about the whole deal, which really pisses me off, so my sirius was very torn. and it doesn’t help that most people just write reggie off as disappearing, they don’t know the story, they just assume he died in the war or voldemort disposed of him or something, doesn’t matter, he learns that regulus is gone, and his father is gone, and his mother ends up dying shortly before he gets out, and sirius is alone really and truly, and when he returns home for the first time in years, he manages to convince kreacher to explain the situation because even if he doesn’t particularly like kreacher, they both loved regulus, and sirius crafts a makeshift grave for his brother which he visits reguluarly, and though he doesn’t usually say much except “hey reg”, the first time he broke down sobbing because he tried so hard to get regulus to see the right side of the war, but he didn’t try hard enough, and he should’ve worked harder to keep reg safe, what an awful brother he was, he only ever thought of himself, if he just took regulus with him when he ran away maybe they could��ve avoided this, fuck he’s sorry he fucked up, he’s so proud that regulus stood up to voldemort in the end, he doesn’t care if it was for selfishness or fear or whatever, he’s so proud, he wishes regulus would know how proud he is

he actively keeps harry as safe as possible, doesn’t let half the shit that happens happen to him, fully supports and listens to him whenever the kid says ‘something is going on”, talks with him through it, tells him all the stories of james and lily that he can, never treats harry as less than his own blooded son because to him harry is his son, but he also never tries to replace james with himself, and harry knows how much sirius loved james and lily and how sirius only wants harry to be safe and happy, and merlin did he cry the first time harry called him dad and told him that he knows sirius isn’t his real dad but its okay to have more than one dad, he still loves james too he just loves sirius as much, and when he saw sirius almost crying, he asked if that was okay, and sirius could not express how absolutely perfect that was and later when talking to remus, remus had to hold a conflicted sirius for at least half an hour because he adored the idea but god he misses james so much, he wishes this wasnt the situation but it is and fuck it hurts (remus is uncle, by the way)

he literally stands between snape and harry, and dumbledore and harry, and does not let lucius anywhere near harry (and only allows cissa after a tentative no-children meeting, where they agree to not be enemies but rather awkward cousins like they are, and sometimes even let draco and harry play together) and harry is raised knowing about the prophecy, and since he’s raised in the wizarding world he’s not a commodity, by the time he starts hogwarts, everyone has kind of gotten over the hype so he can be mostly normal, and yeah strange things keep happening but the second harry tells sirius (because harry is raised in an open and loving environment where talking about things is encouraged), sirius does shit about it, and yeah voldemort wasn’t vanquished, he is still waiting, and sirius can’t be everywhere, but when harry says voldemort is back, sirius fucking rallies and essentially one-man-armies the ministry into fucking doing something about it because he lived through that hell in his last few years of hogwarts, he lost friends to it, he is not going to watch it happen again and nothing is going to hurt harry period

naturally, this means he doesn’t die in the department of mysteries because when the dreams start happening, harry talks about them with him, and they work it out together.

sirius doesn’t get a job because he doesn’t need one, and all of harry’s inheritance from james is purely harry’s, sirius doesn’t touch an ounce of it, and in fact regularly adds to it of his own inheritance, but sirius is seen roaming random places offering assistance, usually in regards to muggle nonsense (think hands on mechanics stuff) because he’s good at it and he doesn’t know what to do with his time, but he never lets them pay

he helps fund the weasley’s prank store. ron is a little odd, and hermione is sometimes annoying, and boy does he have a soft spot for neville because sirius knows about his parents, and you can bet that rather than lifting the map from filch, sirius straight up gave it to fred and george, and remus later confiscated it from his now-permanent DADA position (or whatever position remus wants, tbh) and sirius got an earful before telling remus he knew the other would give it back to them, which he did

i could continue but i should probably start another post to do so SO THERE YOU ARE

[edgelord-zuuko]

Why They Never Married

There are five and one very distinct reasons Remus John Lupin and Sirius Orion Black never married. Or rather five and one instances of one simple reason. They never stayed together long enough to tie the knot. Each of these moments are recorded in Fate’s Hall of Couples. The Page reads as follows:

RJL & SOB Record of Relationship: Section VII: Relationship Endings:

One:

There was a distinct difference between Remus discovering he was bisexual and Sirius accepting he was gay. First of all, Remus was already pretty isolated from most of the school and his family didn’t really care. They had more important things to worry about, like Hope’s health. Sirius had begged Remus to keep them under wraps for now. Until he was ready, he had said. Remus had agreed, mostly because he was still in disbelief that someone loved him. But weeks turned into months and Remus began to worry if his relationship with Sirius was going to move past snogging in closets and sneaking back to their own beds before dawn. His worst fear was realized when he came back from classes to a visibly distraught Sirius wearing a hole into the dorm carpet with his pacing. Sirius informed him, after many starts to sentences and tripping over his words, that he wasn’t ready to be out, wasn’t ready to be with Remus. He was sorry, he swore. Maybe one day, he promised. He hadn’t meant to hurt Remus, he reassured. Somehow, it wasn’t all that reassuring, Remus thought. He must have been wrong, he figured. He was sorry Sirius didn’t really love him, he whispered. He crawled out of the common room and up to the highest point he could reach. Under the moon, he thought how even the night sky couldn’t love him, how pointless it all seemed sometimes. He wondered how many more shitpiles his life would throw at him. He should get used to it, though. It’d be like this forever.

Two:

Sirius was running up to him, sweat beading down his furrowed brow, fear the most prominent feature on the boy. He just stood there and took James’ punches, listened to all the yelling Peter did. Accepted it like a dog used to a beating. Sirius looked through his curtain of hair at Remus. The tears fell faster as Remus informed him he couldn’t be with someone who saw him as a monster, as a tool to get back at others. Remus couldn’t be with someone who would turn him into a killer. Love wasn’t worth his life, and Sirius was going to kill him one day. Remus left and cried in the shower, ignoring the steaming spray opening some scratches on his back, not paying any mind to the pink water swirling down the drain, pretending there wasn’t banging and pleading at the door. He may have shoulder checked Sirius, who was waiting at the door three hours later, a little harder than was necessary. Had he really loved someone who would use him to kill another student? Who would put his life at risk over an annoyance? He hadn’t loved someone like that-the truth was he was in love with him. Wholly and painfully. And now that love would become nothing. Maybe his mom was right, years ago. Maybe Remus should have studied at home. Wizards had no place for a werewolf. And that was how Remus spent the next 6 months isolated from all, keeping himself hidden in the most obscure places on campus. He was afraid if he saw Sirius, he’d forgive him too easily

Three:

What was Sirius thinking? He couldn’t marry Remus. He was a Black, practically royalty. And what was Remus? A monster, impoverished and doomed to a tribulace life. Sirius deserved much better, and his proposal at Lily and James’ reception reminded him of that. It was terrible of him to just leave Sirius kneeling in the middle of the crowd, as Remus ran out. He knew that, but maybe it would make Sirius realize how terrible of an idea it was to marry someone in Remus’ position. He was booed as he left the wedding by a few people. James looked shocked and Sirius. Well, Remus couldn’t stand the look in Sirius’ eyes, on his face. He knew if he looked, he’d lose his constitution and give in. He explained he wasn’t right for someone like Sirius. He had hoped his love would understand, would be able to move on and maybe find a nice wizard to settle down with. Head down, shoulders hunched, Remus left the hall as fast as he could before Apparating to his mother’s grave. He spent the night there, despite the rain. How he had longed for her to be alive still, to guide him, to comfort him. But that wasn’t the case, and starting tomorrow, Remus would have to grow up and accept that, but tonight, tonight he was going to sleep in the rain, wishing for his mother.

Four:

If being a werewolf didn’t make Remus a monster, what he was about to do would. He knew things were rough for Sirius right now, but there was too much at stake right now. And maybe-no that wasn’t possible. But maybe? Maybe Sirius really was the spy? Maybe his family had finally gotten to him? Or Regulus was in trouble? It didn’t matter. If Sirius was the spy, Remus was in grave danger, as was any information he had from the missions for Dumbledore. And if Sirius thought Remus was the spy, who’s to say he wouldn’t slip him truth serum or even curse him? It didn’t matter. Remus had to do this. He began writing furiously, trying to finish before Sirius had a chance to wake. He wrote about this being necessary, how this was Remus’ choice and he hoped Sirius would respect that. How he didn’t want to be looked for and Sirius wouldn’t be able to find him anyway. If circumstances changed, maybe Remus would come back, but not to expect it. He was terribly sorry and still loved Sirius. He didn’t mean to hurt Sirius, but war is difficult and the right choices may not always be black and white. He hesitated before signing it. Once it was dry, he folded it into an intricate square, the way they had done passing notes as school kids. A single tear hit the paper as he placed it on his pillow. Leaving a final kiss on Sirius’ forehead, he left for what he figured was the last time.

Five:

Sirius had snapped at Remus. Again. Remus didn’t mind, really. He had expected it, with Sirius’ increasing number of panic attacks. He was also much more patient than he had been 13 years ago. He just nodded, one hand one Sirius’ chest another on his back, grounding him. Remus saw his face change to sadness and regret as his breathing evened. An apology was issued and an ‘I know’ was given in response. Remus wasn’t surprised that Sirius was crying. Panic attacks are hard on a person. Remus suggested a nap. A shaking of the head was given before the four ords Remus never thought he’d hear again were muttered quietly. ‘We should break up.’ Remus just nodded, closing the door behind him before walking down the stairs, out the front door, and down the street. Remus just kept walking. He wasn’t sure to where, but it didn’t matter much, he supposed. His world, once again was spinning, disintegrating. He had collapsed onto a park bench, unable to walk, barely able to stay awake. He was lucky not to have completely blacked out. A head of pink hair came into view before he felt like he was pulled through a straw and found himself at an unfamiliar house. A woman with a distinctly Black look about her fussed about him, and laid him to sleep on a spare bed. Remus spent the night staring at the ceiling. Everytime he closed his eyes, all Remus could see was Sirius crying. Back at the townhouse, back in school, during the war. It made his chest hurt. Honestly, he understood why Sirius had said what he did. Hadn’t Remus given him that speech before? Remus decided in a week, he’d return, talk to Sirius, and make his own feelings be known. Even if Sirius never took him back, at least he’d said his bit. But first, Remus had to find how to feel again. Yes, he’d do that, he decided, sleep setting as the sun rose.

And One:

Remus may have been, holding Harry back, but it felt like Harry was the only thing holding him back. If his best friend’s son hadn’t needed him, he probably would have followed Sirius through the veil. The moment Sirius didn’t reappear, Remus forgot how to breath. His chest felt heavy and the grief was the strongest thing he can remember feeling. Strong enough, it was all he could do not to vomit on the ministry tile floor. He went to his little flat that Dumbledore helped pay for and stripped down to his skin, stopping to inspect himself in the mirror. This wasn’t something he usually did. Remus and mirrors didn’t get along. But he tried hard as he could manage to look at the same body Sirius looked at and see the beauty his partner sees-saw. Sirius didn’t see anything anymore. To Remus, he still saw pale scars interrupting his tan skin. Dark circles that never left, bags that seemed to carry their own baggage, bite marks, things he despised. He still couldn’t see what Sirius saw. Muttering an apology to the deceased, Remus stepped into the shower, enduring what felt like arctic temperatures of the water, before it heated up and left an angry red on his back. He didn’t turn the water back down. Maybe if the water was hot enough, he’d feel something other than the large hole that was threatening to consume him. Shouldn’t he feel sad or angry or... something? Why did he feel nothing? The hot water soon ran out, forcing Remus to step out, and dry off. He pulled the first thing out of his closet for pijamas. It was an old band shirt of Sirius’ along with a pair of flannel pants Sirius had given Remus when they were in school. Remus remembered he had outgrown all of his night pants and couldn’t afford new ones. A pair had mysteriously appeared on his bed one day and James and Peter seemed confused but Sirius just shrugged and moved on. Collapsing on his bed, Remus cried himself to sleep, tears falling for the first time since Halloween 1981. Sirius Orion Black was dead and he was never coming back and he was never to be Remus’ again.

Transcriber's Note: RJL wore a ring he’d bought to propose to SOB with on a chain around his neck until his death May 2, 1998. The two souls were reunited upon death of RJL.

((Credit to @captofthesswolfstar for the ideas for reasons 2&3 without which, I couldn’t have realized this concept fully. Thank you, Tara. You are a gem and I’m glad to know you))