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glacial-snowflakes · 3 years ago

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Subtle hum of the Hudson River - part 2 // Loki

A/N: Hi darlings! I'm sorry for not posting but I kind of don't have that much time rn :( I'm so so sorry! I hope you like it! <3

Here is part 1

Pairing: Loki x fem!reader

Word count: 2,5k

Summary: You and Loki take a stroll down the river, letting yourself be honest with each other. The words you spoke have an unexpected result.

WARNINGS: it's all fluff, don't you worry!; parts written like this are retrospection

Likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated. It’s really motivating <3

Outrage and disgust filled every little whisper he heard. The team's looks were so sharp that they could cut one's skin open. Sighs full of hatred. Snarky remarks, supposedly innocent, yet hurt like hell. Why would anyone care about God of Mischief? Yes, he might live in the Tower, and yes, he might call himself one of the Avengers now, but he would never belong. Never. Not after what he did.

"They will never trust me, won't they?" Loki asked Thor, his sight focused on a cup he was holding in his frozen hands. The tea wasn't hot anymore. It went cold just like his heart that had never known the warmth of love. Trickster raised his eyes to meet Thor's. God of Thunder could swear that for a moment, he saw despair painted onto his brother's pale face. "I thought you didn't care about them nor their attitude towards you."

"I don't." The raven-haired man said immediately but seeing his brother's smile made him speak the truth. "I hate the way they look at me. I know what I did, and I deserve it. It's just— Nevermind." Loki sighed and took a sip of his cold tea. Speaking about his feelings was never his strong suit. Opening up to someone and spilling his guts felt like a nightmare he didn't want to experience at all costs. Runaway was the best choice.

"If you want to gain their trust, start with Lady Y/N. She's the most perfect for being the first one to break the ice with. Believe me." Thor gave his brother a clap on the back and nodded. "Go on."

"She's holding a knife right now. I am the one who stabs, not the one to be stabbed." Loki muttered. Thor's look said everything. In response, God of Mischief just rolled his eyes, stood up, and slowly approached you. You seemed so focused on the meal you were preparing that you didn't even notice him at first. He cleared his throat. "Lady Y/N."

You snapped out of the trance you were in just a few seconds ago. You lifted a knife you were holding in your hand. It was all covered up in ice, even sharper than the kitchen utensil itself. You held it up in front of your face as you were breathing rather heavily, scared of the sudden voice that made you come back to earth with a bump. Loki could swear that for a moment, your eyes turned impeccably white, just like the snow you could summon whenever you wanted.

"I— I'm so sorry, I didn't want to scare you. I truly mean it." Loki said immediately, waving his hands, the visible awkwardness painted onto his face.

"No, no! It's not your fault." You smiled to assure him that everything was fine. "Whenever I'm cooking, I'm in a trance. Just me, food, my mind free of all the bad thoughts that have been haunting me." You waved your hand in which you were holding a knife, and the ice melted away, just like that, not leaving any mark behind. Loki gave you a subtle nod and asked. "What are you cooking?"

"Oh, I won't tell you." You blurted out, which was followed by the awkward silence. "It's because I'm making my secret dish. Y/N's secret delicacy. No one knows what's inside except me." You explained in the blink of an eye. Loki seemed to be a little bit confused. Oh boy, you weren't good at small talks either. "If you want to, you can stay and sit here. We can talk about whatever you want or, if not, we can sit there in silence. It depends on you."

A sweet, delicate smile appeared on your face. You knew it was hard for Loki. You could see that. You noticed these quick looks he was giving whenever someone whispered his name. You noticed his need to be included when you were in a group, but everybody seemed to be ignoring him. Nobody wanted him to participate in meetings or conversations. He was in a crowd, yet he felt like he was all by himself. You saw all of this, and it made you feel bad. You knew what he did, but in the end, he was one of you now. Every god could bleed, and it hurt you to watch.

You wanted to make the raven-haired man feel better. Even if you were the only one to do this and every other person was about to judge you, you wanted Loki to feel included, to feel important. You promised yourself that it would be YOU who will make Loki feel welcomed, welcomed in a place where everyone pushed him away.

"Can I ask what your exact powers are?" Loki started the conversation, and you couldn't help but smiled. He truly wanted to talk with you. How adorable.

"I'm a demigod with cryokinetic powers. It would take a lot to talk about my abilities, but I will tell you that my favorite one is making ice daggers. Quick and simple, though it took some time to master the perfect shape." You chuckled. "Learning to aim ideally in a battle to cut through a chest and freeze someone's heart was the most problematic part."

"I didn't know you are so violent and tough."

"I am not... I guess I pretend to be." You said quietly, not looking upon a cutting board. A deep sigh escaped your mouth. "You know, it's not a job for everyone. Sometimes I'm too gentle for that."

You didn't let the silence last forever, as you immediately asked. "How do you find yourself here? Do you like the Tower?"

"Ah, you know... It has changed since the last time I visited." Loki said, clearly ashamed of all the damage he did back in 2012. Till these days, the thought of the Chitauri ravaging New York gave you the shivers. It was a very demanding and traumatizing first day of work as the Avenger.

"A renovation was a must." You joked; to clear the air and shoo away the atmosphere that was creeping towards you. "What about your room?"

"If you can call a small couch in Thor's bedroom my room, then I guess it's okay."

"You sleep on Thor's couch?" It was something that surprised you and not in a good way. You got that Loki wasn't everyone's favorite member, but there was a ton of empty bedrooms in the Tower in which he could live.

The God of Mischief nodded. "It's not that bad."

"I don't care. I will talk to Tony. You have to have your own bedroom. It's not like you can sleep on his couch forever. It's not comfortable in the long run." Loki opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off. "I've got it covered, don't worry."

There was something in talking to you that made Loki feel at home. The way you looked at him; gave him the sweetest and prettiest smiles he has ever seen. There was no hate in your voice, no disgust that he's been experiencing on a daily basis since he could remember. You actually treated him like a human being, despite everything he has ever done. There was only one person he knew with such a kind heart, and you reminded him of her; you reminded him of Frigga.

"You know..." Loki begun. "I feel like you are the only one that doesn't want to cut my throat or stab my heart with my dagger."

You smiled gently. "I think you deserve a second chance."

"And why is that?"

"This is a story for another time."

***

"Where do you think you two are going?" Tony asked when you and Loki approached the elevator. God of Mischief gave him a quick stare before pushing the button with an arrow pointing down. You turned your head to face Tony, who was making himself a coffee. "We're going on a walk." You answered with a smile on your face.

"It's almost midnight."

"Said a man with a cup of coffee in his hand." You chuckled. "We're going to be fine. He's a god, and I'm a demigod. Nothing bad will happen to us."

You knew that it wasn't you who Tony was worried about; he still didn't trust Loki. When you joined the Avengers, you were one of the youngest in the group. Fresh blood, you could say. Stark watched you growing from an impulsive, careless kid with ice powers to a deliberate adult, a demigod aware of her cryokinetic strength. Seeing you change over the years, he felt responsible for your life. Even if Man of Iron knew you could handle yourself, Loki was too powerful. Tony refused to believe in his change, and with it, he was afraid that the Trickster was purely playing with you. If only they saw Loki as you did.

A few minutes later, you two were strolling down the New York. Just you, Loki, and the subtle hum of the Hudson River that made your troubled hearts feel at peace. Slowly paced steps. Your knuckles barely brushing each other woke up armies of butterflies in your stomachs that went on war. If you were bold enough, you would grab his hand in yours and intertwined your fingers together, holding him like it was the end of the world. It was something you truly wanted from the moment Thor brought him into the group.

"So..." Loki cleared his throat. "If you want to, we can talk or, if not, we can walk in silence. It depends on you."

"I'm not ready, not yet... I'm sorry."

"Don't you ever be sorry for not being ready to talk about your feelings, Lady Y/N." Loki grabbed your wrist and made you stop your steps. "Ever, okay?"

Something was mesmerizing in his beautiful eyes and a worried smile. Something that made your heart beat faster; palms get sweaty and clammy. Something that made you agree to everything he said. It was like a trick, but not like the ones he did from time to time to piss of Thor or Tony. No.

You snapped out of it and nodded. "Okay." You said and took your wrist from his hand. You began to walk again with Loki by your side when he asked. "Lady Y/N. A few months ago, I had asked why I deserve a second chance. You'd never gave me an answer. I'd still like to know."

You smiled, looking at the tiny waves on the river. "I knew you'd asked that sooner or later. I think I can finally tell you why I think this way." Your eyes focused on his face now. "Okay... Let me tell you something. It's not a surprise that you've made some pretty bad decisions in your life, and you've hurt a lot of people. You think you're a monster, and you don't deserve to be loved. You were never more wrong.

"In this group, you probably won't find one spotless person. We are people that made huge mistakes. You don't have to look far." You grabbed his hand without thinking. It was an impulse that just felt right. "I was a reckless kid when I got these powers. No one was there to guide me through them, learn how to be in control. And to a bullied kid like me, it was something that made me feel better than others. I was the one on the top. With my mortal mum that couldn't handle the demigod kid and my godly father that had so many half-blood children he didn't give a shit about, no one could stop me. The bullied became the bully. I don't like to call myself that, but this is true. I went through hell, and I made sure they felt the same way. I'm not proud of it, but that is who I was.

"So you have me. And then there's former HYDRA's witch, a billionaire who made deadly weapons, former Russian spy, former HYDRA's most famous brainwashed assassin and etcetera. Welcome, you're just as messed up as we are. Being here with us is your chance to become a better man. You belong here, Loki. Trust me."

At that moment, something broke inside of him. For a second, he stopped being a mysterious, private God of Mischief that didn't want to let in anybody. He let go of all the concerns and worries that had been occupying his mind for far too long. He threw away the image of a monster he considered himself to be.

The words you spoke made him realize that as long as you were next to him, there was nothing he couldn't do. You were the key to his pure heart from the beginning. You were the answer he'd been looking for all along. You were the light that could sweep away the darkness that'd been consuming him from within, and he wanted you to shine beside him forever.

When Loki leaned over to your ear, all you could feel was his warm, shaky breath on your neck that sent the shivers down your spine. "Don't hate me for this." He whispered almost inaudibly as his hands found their way to your hips. His long, lean fingers quite roughly pressed onto your skin. Just like electricity, his touch pierced through your whole body, made your knees get weaker. Your senses were fogged, almost like you were under control. All you could focus on was how his mellowy soft lips felt against yours. The kiss was sweet and passionate, yet gentle at the same time. It wasn't hasty and rough like you'd expect it to be, no. There was something else, something special about it. It was Loki's way to describe every little feeling he had for you. Your adorable smiles you'd been giving him, slight touches you didn't even think he noticed, tea and sympathy. It was all for what he wanted to return the favor.

For a moment, you weren't sure if this was real. Was it just a pure imagination of your mind that was thirsty for love and affection? Or maybe it was a trick, fake reality that you'd fallen for so naively? No, it couldn't be. You could feel it. Feel your heart crazily pounded like it wanted to escape the cage in which it was held for far too long. It was the only thing that helped you stay sober.

You didn't want to stop this. You wanted to stay in this moment forever, scared that once it ended, it would never come back.

"Loki..." You started when you two pulled out to catch a breath. "I could never hate you for making my dreams come true."

The raven-haired man didn't say anything. In response, he wrapped his arms around your still weak body and brought you even closer, so there was no space left between you and him. You felt his chin gently placed on the top of your head. With a smile on your face, you embraced him tightly and snuggled your face onto his chest. All that you heard was his heart pounding fast in the same rhythm as yours, as the subtle hum of the Hudson River accompanied your feelings growing for each other at that moment.

tag: @handmaiden-of-mischief @amiechuchu

#loki x y/n #loki x reader #loki x you #loki imagine #loki oneshot #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki #loki laufeyson imagine #loki layfeyson x reader #loki layfeyson x you #loki laufeyson #loki x female reader #avengers x y/n #loki x avenger reader #avengers x you #avengers x reader

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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notes to myself basically, on how i study languages (so far, there’s always gonna be better ways i don’t know of yet lol):

learn 500-1000 common words asap, read a grammar guide that provides overview asap - like the first 3 months. If a full grammar guide doesn’t exist that’s concise (hi japanese ;-;) find a basics grammar guide at least and read that (pimsleur, websites, genki, tae kim, youtube). Specifically within the common words, at least look at the ‘300 common word tumblr to say things’ language vocab list. That list is good for me starting some kind of active vocab/expressing ideas.

if its got a different writing system, look up the alphabet in 1st month (kana for japanese, cyrillic alphabet for russian etc, pinyin for chinese). listen to pronunciation guides, and write and/or mnemonics to learn those asap.

if its got characters (like chinese, japanese), learn 300-500 super common characters ASAP (first 5 months).

After month 3, learn up to 2000 common words (hi srs flashcard programs like anki and memrise, common word lists, graded readers), and up to 2000 characters. Not all these need to be done with srs flashcards/focused study, but get TO recognizing this many as soon as u can. Goal is get to this by month 8-10. But depending on how much i can overall understand without doing this, i may not learn All of these words by then (but ideally i should).

By 500-1000 words (and 500+ characters if needed), so after 3-5 months, start trying to immerse in what I WANT to do - so reading, watching (maybe listening, maybe games). I don’t have to do it much, but do it a bit to remember what I learned and also motivate myself to study more.

Months 5-8 somewhere between 1000-2000 words, start trying to write/say basic things to myself or on apps with others. Probably will be a mess, don’t have to do it much. Do it enough to have motivation to study more - see where I’m lacking skills. I may need more grammar explanation, or more vocab, or notice a big issue in my pronunciation etc.

Around month 8-10, around 2000+ words studied (although it may be less or more depending on what I’m comfortable with), ramp up immersion a lot. As soon as its mildly tolerable, ramp it up a LOT. Look up words when immersing as often or not often as desired, goal is to always follow at least the bare minimum main idea (and more details if possible/if I wanna put in the effort to look more up). Now I can start learning new words primarily from this.

Reading skills - during immersion do intensive reading to learn more vocabulary quicker, extensive reading to improve overall comprehension. Do SRS flashcards/focused graded readers/word-list prep for stuff I read as needed, to speed up how much vocab I learn (if I’m learning too slow for my preference lol). Ways to make extensive reading easier: read graded readers, read show subtitles in target language while watching show, textbooks built to increase info taught in context, read stuff I’ve read translations of first, read stuff I have prior context for (I saw the show/heard already with english transcript etc), Listening reading method, read extensively what I’ve read intensively before etc.

Listening skills - start extensive listening to audio (for overall comprehension improvement). Start intensive listening where I hear words and lookup definition and/or learn word pronunciation with explanations. So start listening to audio flashcards for building a base of learned words/phrases (chinese spoonfed audio files, japanese core 2k audio, japaneseaudiolessons.com, SRS flashcards if they have audio only ones too, Coffee Break French, audio for Francais par le methode nature etc). To make extensive listening easier: start with watching/listening to shows I’ve already seen subs for, shows in general (visual context helps), comprehensible input audio (like comprehensible input french youtube, Learn Korean in Korean youtube, Dreaming Spanish youtube etc), listen with a transcript then listen without, Listening reading method, listen to things I have prior context for like audiobook of something i read/audio drama of show i’ve seen. Do some shadowing (shadowing audio flashcard files is easy and reliable tbh).

Production skills (I am not here yet) - in general I’ve found making myself write more, talk more, to myself (like journals and practice convos) and to others, tends to improve my active vocabulary. Especially when I try to communicate about topics i’m bad at (so making myself look up those words and write/say them to put them back into active vocab). At this point I’m guessing more explicit grammar drill practice might help, people correcting me, shadowing a lot. Maybe practicing translating to that language/from it, to practice building active vocab? I’m not sure what will help most here tbh as I’ve never gotten far in this area. (For chinese, studying pronunciation more in depth and doing more listening/shadowing, and pronunciation apps, helped a lot with pronunciation itself but not active production yet).

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i’m currently mostly just doing 8-9 for chinese right now - building reading skills, building listening skills. Varying what i do. For production skills i’m guessing there’s a ton of varied things i can do right now or later, i’m just not entirely sure what they’d be. i have not tried/troubleshooted those skills much before when studying. All i know for sure is the more i make myself use the language in Varied topics, the more i get an active vocabulary (aka writing journals, making self-convos, and doing language exchanges help in a basic way). No idea how to improve grammar though in ways that’d work well for me. so right now my skills lean heavier toward comprehension, less skill in any production. Studying chinese taught me a lot about how i learn listening skills though...which is valuable as i barely had practice learning HOW to study them when i studied french or japanese before.

troubleshooting wise - this is the rough trajectory i went through in chinese, that has worked okay for me. looking at it helps me see where i ‘slowed down’ my progress in other languages i studied.

for french - i did very LITTLE listening practice, and had few ideas of how to work on it at the time. Now I would probably do listen with transcript then without, and shadowing, to work on listening skills. And watching shows/videos with subtitles (if possible), then without subs. And very little speaking practice - same deal as listening, i did a little at some point realizing it was a weak area but not enough work on it. I also did very LITTLE production practice like language exchanges. i had few reasons to produce language, and so the few times i needed to i could mostly rely on super common words or look things up when writing. i know i’d need to do more to work on production. so i was very unbalanced - large reading comprehension, low pretty much every other skill.

for japanese... i did a lot in retrospect i wish i’d redone different. and i do it different now. i did not read/watch a grammar guide - and i still freaking need to (or at least get clear grammar exposure like nukemarine’s LLJ course’s tae kim portions). japanese has grammar i find very hard to figure-out through exposure so this holds me back a lot. and lack of immersion to both motivate me to study MORE and to practice reading/listening skills. ALSO lack of common words - i learned like 800 hanzi rough-meaning through RTK, and maybe 500 words in genki... and no wonder it wasn’t enough lol! i think nukemarine helped back years ago, because it forced me to study grammar and vocab, listening and reading, in a structured way (similar to how genki helped me in the very start before i quit using it). and japaneseaudiolessons.com helped because it made me practice listening and gave me comprehensible listening with definitions. that in combo with me really starting to immerse and TRY to read/listen at year 2+ is when i finally made some progress because i was doing things that work for me - finally. and now that i’m coming back to japanese, i’m starting to apply all those things again that were finally working.

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anyone have any tips on how to improve production skills? Both active vocabulary, and how to both practice speaking/writing broadly AND how to fix grammar errors.

For active vocab and general writing/speaking I know just talking more/writing more helps. But I can only tend to catch grammar errors if I run it through a translator first to compare how the translator phrases it to how I did (which can create a LOT of errors if the translator is Wrong), or if someone corrects my grammar error (which relies on other people - and preferably a tutor since i dont want to bother people who aren’t paid to correct - so what can i do on my OWN?).

The big thing is with grammar, I can only think to either go through beginner courses Again from the start and do the writing drills and copy the patterns to internalize them? So I could correct my basic writing/speaking but not necessarily when I start speaking/writing creatively, unless I find textbooks/workbooks that eventually go into intermediate material (and of course finding textbooks/online exercises that provide correct answers so i can compare my attempts to the correct ones). Aside from either a tutor, or trying to find well made free online courses with exercises with answers provided, i’m not sure how to improve grammar production. If I write out sentences i read, would that internalize being able to ‘copy their grammar correctly’ when i write? if i shadow correctly said speeches/videos, would that help drill ‘correct grammar’ when speaking? (And be less boring then doing FSI speech drills). Basically I’m trying to find some ways (creative or not) to improve grammar in production. Improving active vocabulary seems pretty straightforward to me (make myself use it, look up words until they come natural to me - but if u got any other fun ways to improve active vocab i’d love to hear!). But I don’t know how to improve grammar when you are NOT in a class structure, have no teacher/tutor, and already have a base level of comprehension. As in like? I can read fine, but when writing I can’t tell if what I produce is grammatically correct or not - and again I can run it through a translator sometimes to try and ‘check’ but since translators make errors, my ‘corrected example’ isn’t always reliable to use as something to emulate for ‘correct form.’

#rant #may #may progress #language learning #grammar #any help or tips yall have for production improvement?

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my-boyfriends-a-cosmere-nerd · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on Hero of Ages:

Well after I posted my thoughts on WoA approximately a week ago, I managed to read all of Hero of Ages between Thursday and Sunday night. I was gripped with every page and I just plowed though it. I cannot believe how fast it happened. The "Sanderlanche" hit me with in the first half of the book.

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF MISTBORN ERA 1

Theories and Confirmation:

These are from the WoA post where I explain my reasoning better but I wanted to address them completely here

Vin and/or Elend will die - I was non stop crying from this point onwards. I wanted to quit the book there and then when Elend died and then again when Vin died two pages later. When we see them on the hill I thought maybe the had come back, but no I have learned when Sanderson says dead... they ARE dead (I know I will eat my words sometime in the future probably). It was such a powerful ending for both of them and honestly, reflecting on it some, I really like this aspect of the ending.

The flowers will return - Yep spot on on that one. Expecting Sazed to be the one to do it was not on the theories list, but him having the knowledge due to the studies of the religions was such an amazing part of his character.

Spook will go blind - I have a lot of thoughts on Spook, but going blind was not exactly what happened I guess. He did damage his eyesight, but I was expecting full no sensing blindness.

Sazed will become his own god - I was talking purely in a "he will find his true self and learn that he still has a lot to give the world" sort of way but you know literal godhood works too.

Ruin can talk though piercing metals - yep this one was very strongly stated in the book, even being the reason Vin could not be Preservations Vessel for a bit there.

18 or 23 Metals - Pretty much confirmed that there are other metals out there by Sazed in his note to Spook. Jury is still out on how many....

Thoughts:

the audible "OH its Ruin again huh?" that came out of my mouth from when Spook was talking to "Kelsier" and the voice told him to leave the metal blade in him is very funny in retrospect

When Spook when to open the canals and walked though the flames and dropped unconscious, I though he was dead and became a teary at 2:13 in the morning. When I had read one more chapter to see how the characters responded and he was alright, I got angry at myself for crying over a non-death

They danced :0. Elend pulling out a book in the middle of the dance floor was a very appreciated moment.

Vin fighting all 13 of those inquisitors + Marsh was just such a cool fight scene. The defeat of the first one, the way Marsh and Ruin had her pined just for Marsh to remove her earing and have Vin Ascend. *chefs kiss*

Speaking of Ascension… Sazed bringing the whole of Scadrial back was also one of the coolest scenes imo. I loved that the religions that he spent the whole book debunking actually gave him the framework to create the new world as they were all based in truths

“You've managed – in our short three years together – to kill not only my god, but my father, my brother, and my fiancé. That's kind of like a homicidal hat trick." I'm sorry but this line is to good not to mention

Theories for Era 2:

I do not have much for this section as Era 1 is a done and set book but I can do some small things:

Sazed and Marsh will probably show up in era 2 as they are the only two immortal beings that exist from the Era 1 crew aside from mistwraiths, kandra and possible other inquisitors.

Spook (or someone else) will have found the missing metals and they will probably be common place by Era 2

Yep not much there unfortunately. I am sure that Secret Histories will open some of that up. I read Eleventh Metal tonight before I sat down to write this, but any thoughts on that will get put into either a Mistborn short stories post or an Arcanum Unbounded post.

I have also started teaching myself how to write with the Steel Alphabet out of pure intrigue of the writing system of Scadrial. It makes me wonder if they use a base 8 or base 16 numbering system due to the way the number symbols work.

I plan to read Secret Histories soon but for Now I turn my attention to another corner of the Cosmere as I start Elantis tomorrow morning.

As always, I would love to hear how y'all felt while reading HoA when you first read it and to answer questions on other things I thought about it.

With love,

<3 Hannah

#brandon sanderson #cosmere #mistborn #hero of ages #mistborn spoilers #mistborn era 1 #mistborn secret history

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Ducktales Shadow Into Light (Lena Restrospective) Finale!: Lena In Season 3! (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome to the FINAL part of my look at the life and times of Lena Sabrewing. It’s been a long and satsifying journey through the character’s rich arc and some of Ducktales 2017′s best episodes. Lena started as a tourtured but complacient teen willing to do bloody awful evil things if it meant her freedom, who through the power of love and friendship realized what she was doing wrong, that she loved Webby and turned on Magica... and after a brief stint of this going horribly wrong a magica simply just bodyjacked her, she sacrificed herself for Webby he story seemingly done. Of course it wasn’t, Disney woudln’t let them kill a teenager... fully grown lion men horrifcally decaying indiana jones style yeah, of course it’s disney, but killing a teen is where they draw the line. Point is Lena was merley trapped in the shadow realm with a bunch of those guys Yugi beat and with the help of everyone’s faviorte stoic hummingbird, freed Lena. Lena found new family in Violet.. but also found dying is easy but living is harder and had to wrestle with both her fears of turning out like Magica and Magica herself who naturally was gaslighting her to try and get the last scraps of her power back. We also took a detour or two to see where she came from: looking at both Minima De Spell and her rivalry with a 34 year pretending to be a small child, and Magica’s Shadow whose like Lena except almost nothing like Lena. We also took a look at her one comic apperance which was never released here for some reason and was incredibly disapointing.

So yeah i’ts been one long, fun ride filled with gay subtext, launchpad’s spider sense, giant legs, movie refrences from warriors to jaws to nightmare on elm street 3: the dream warriors, toddlers who look and probably are 34, launchpad apparently huffing enough paint to damage his brain as that’s the only way to explain the terror of the terrafirmains subplot and gay subtext. I’ve enjoyed every step of the way so before I take the last one of those steps, i’d like to thank all of ya for reading this. I’ve gained at least 10 if not more followers off this series alone and I appricate all of you. I’d also like to thank Kev for directly comissioning this, keeping me in work and in x-men comics since 2020.

As you can probably guess by the title.. this one’s a bit different. This is a combination of two things: The first is that i already reviewed “The Phantom and the Sorceress” when I was reviewing each episode of Season 3 as it came out. My thoughts have not changed at all so I felt redoing that review would be redudant and a waste of Kev’s money. The same goes for Split Sword, which has the extra issue of being a three story episode with only one of the parts starring the focus of this retrospective. The second is while she shows up about the same amount as season 2, her apperances in season 3 outside of her Christmas Cameo are all more substaial outside of her two starring roles. Both COTHJSW and The Last Adventure shed some more light on our faviorite shadow and feel like natural evolutions of her character so it felt wrong to just flat out ignore them.

So rather than do a full review of the episodes i’m just going to go into Lena’s apperances for Season 3. This way I can cover Phantom again without fully repeating myself, and fully track the last steps Lena takes as the series closes out in a fresh and hopefully enjoyable way. So join me under the cut for one last step into the shadows as we finish bringing Lena into the light.

Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks!

Challenge was one of the very first Ducktales I ever talked about on here, alongside Quack Pack, so it’s quite a trip returning to it a year later, even if i’ts just my memories of it. It’s also an excellent episode, with a great and engaging main plot and a “it’s just kind of there” subplot.

It’s also one of the only three episodes to focus on Violet, and one of only two that focuses just on her and not on Lena in any way. It is a shame: While I love Lena as a character, I wouldn’t of just spent several weeks talking about her if I wasn’t getting paid for this retrospective or not, Violet is equally intriguing and so i’ll be taking a second out to talk about her as I really HAVEN’T gone into her character this retrospective and given how important she is to Lena and to all of us, most Lena fans like Violet just as much and vice versa. I’ll still be talking about Lena in this episode, obviously, but I feel her sister from two misters deserves some time in the spotlight too as the show only gave her three episodes, and one was more focused on Webby and Lena by design and the other we’ll get to.

Violet is an excellent character. She speaks well and with little emotion but that’s just how she is and she’s never called out for it or insulted, something I like. Likewise she dosen’t judge others, never really batting an eye at the rest of the groups own quirks and at most being freaked out by leg huey a bit. She’s just a kind, curious, intellgent young lady.

And this episode shows that off: We get to see her in the spotlight of her own, every bit the Woodchuck Huey is and more, but still supporting and encouring him, seeing their contest as a friendly one and putting no stakes into it as she’s failed before, she can fail again. What matters is she get back up and keep going. Her “razzing” is also just downright adorable, and nicely shows off her and Lena’s new dynamic: they’ve gone from friends to siblings, something really not shown off last time and something that wason’t confirmed on screen till now but it just works naturally, the cool and collected but chaotic underneath that lena just plays perfectly off the uttelry calm and deadpan violet. It’s a natural, perfect dynamic that they clearly had mapped out from the beggining and simply had to build up to that.

Her genuine shock at Huey’s betryal... hurts the heart, as she genuinely thinks it’s her fault and not just my boy having a panic attack and doing something questionable. But it also shows her character.. when givne the same opprunity and no guilt for it, he struck first.. she dosen’t. She saves him because it’s the right thing to do and shows Huey she really is the bettter woodchuck.. but htere’s no shame in it. It’s okay to fail, what matters is you keep trying. And as a result despite giving Huey the opporunity to win with her.. he turns it down. She gets a deserved win, celebrating with her family and just wearing the most adorable smile. She also just has.. buckets of chemistry with Huey. I mean it was apparent to me with the whole Library Scene in Nightmare but god damn do they ramp it up with this one. They just contrast each other perfectly here, the handshake is adorable and he clings to her.. while also being hilarious “I naturlaly defer to authority!”. I will take this ship to my grave, and fully support it... that being said if you ship Huey/Boyd or all three togehter, go for it man. I do the latter sometimes. Your good. You didn’t need me to tell that but sometimes shipping discorse can get downright ugly so rather than make it a war between two ships, I just wanted to offer an olive branch for once you know? Same with Weblena. I obviously adore that ship but if you have a non-boys ship with her, tha’ts cool too. Ship what you want to.. i’m just doing me through this retrospective.

Now back to Lena. Her apperance in this episode is really heartwarming and really nice after all the shit she’s been through. This is the first episode she’s in where NOTHING bad happens to her. No really, every apperance, even her two cameos had her suffer in some way. She spent the entire first season grappling with Magica, and her season 2 apperances trapped in a shadow dimension and nearly loosing her girlfriend to her own jealously, horrifically stalked by her abuser using her own self doubt against her, attacked by a literal tempest in a tea pot and captured by aliens. The girl has not gone one friggin onscreen break since the series started and probably not many off it either.

Here? She just gets to cheer her little sister, proudly celebrating both her and her new dads. She gets to teach her sister to trash talk, even if that ends up backfiring a bit but she meant well. And she gets to celebrate with her family when her little sister wins. It’s all small stuff.. but it’s all things she’s NEVER had. A sibling to be proud of and support. Dads to sit with and go places with. A family to celebrate things with. This is all pretty normal stuff, but not something everyone gets to have and something Lena NEVER had even remotely. But now she’ll ALWAYS have that. A supportive loving family to give her a place to belong, and to support in turn. After a nightmarish 14-15 years of existance, she’s FINALLY allowed to just be happy without having to fight a giant monster first.

She’s finally made it, she’s hoped and she’s waited, for the first time in her life she dosen’t feel alone. Her hearts started to heal, to know this is real, this is how it feels.. to have a home. Yes I haven’t given up on that song. And if you think this is the last time i’m going to quote a song you clearly didn’t read the review I did of the next episode.

The Phantom and the Sorceress:

Season 3′s primary focus outside of the FOWL plot was tying up loose ends. Pretty much every major recurring episode outside of Fethry got an episode tying up their character arc and of course Lena was no exception.

You’d think with Magica no longer a threat to her and having fully accepted she’s a good person now, and having found a place to belong that Lena was done. But while she accepted her past, that she’s not magica, and that she deserves to be happy.. she never accepted Magic as part of her despite being made of it and that’s what this episode ties up as well as the mystery of the blue aura that surronded her magic at times.

The episode starts with Lena’s amulet, which she has back now which is the only part of this episode I don’t like as they don’t really explain why she’d take it back from Violet. But her magic keeps goofing up and making Sleepovers dangerous, and gets Scrooge grousing about how magic is bad.. only to naturally backpedal when an angry Webby points out Lena is magic. He does amend things and genuinely apologize for it, having not meant her at all and not even thinking of her as part of his hatred of the stuff. It also shows why Lena likely didn’t take him up on his offer.. with her self loathing still going she probably thought he was just pitting her and would always resent her.. when really he just geninely did not care despite his overwhelming hate of magic. It worked out granted, she found a better fit for her family wise.

But Lena hates it too.. and while she hasn’t fully brought it up before it makes perfect sense: We saw how she viewed it as dangerous and not worth the risk to bring her back in Friendship Hates Magic and Magic has brought her nothing but pain, nearly killing her on several occasions, allowing magica to fuck with her head or directly control her and general putting the one person she cares about more than anyone in harms way. She hates what she is.. because it’s brought her nothing but pain and misery. She has ever reason to resent it..

Yet this episode is about forcing her to accept it.... to realize that Magic is part of who she is, and that it’s not inherently good or bad, it’s all about the intent of who uses it. Her last two uses of it were not made with any malice and in fact using it to pull her friends into her dreams allowed her to break free of Magica.

And it’s perfectly done by giving her a new enemy, something I REALLY wish tehy’d done with Fenton at some point, but get why it took this long with Lena: The Phantom Blot. The Phantom Blot, like many characters in this series is HEAVILY redone: he keeps the iconic look and threat level but instead of being an operatic supervillian, he’s an anti-villian with a link to magic he never really had before. He works with FOWL sure but it’s likely because unlike the rest of FOWL he actually agrees with Bradford’s goal for a less chaotic world and his desire to wipe out magic is perfectly in line with that.

He’s also given a backstory that perfectly parallels him with Lena: Both were created by Magica in a way and horribly abused by her: Lena mentally and phsycially, and Blot by having to suffer under her rule after he took over her family and then barely survivie as she wiped out his villiage, his family and his normal life swearing vengance on her. LIke Lena magica didn’t care about him or see him as a threat, figuring like most people who swore eteneral vengance on her he’d get swatted down like a gnat once and never return. INstead he returned again and again and again for decades, learning each time getting stronger and wiping out more magic along the way. He went from what was probably a good normal person to a vengeful vigliante dedicated to wiping out magic good or bad because he can’t concieve that it isn’t ALL bad. He’s easily what Lena could’ve become if , ironically enough she hadn’t encountered him, seeing the end result of hating something just for what it is as it tried to murder her. That hating and resenting Magic would just lead her to become as hollow and vengful as the blot, having a good cause to start.. but slowly loosing yourself to hate and anger. Letting the person who ruined your life still control it simply by focusing all your energy on hating them and people like them.

It also gives us an interesting and painful teamup as with the boys and Scrogoe stuck in another dimension, there’s only one person they can turn to deal with Magic: Magica herself, whose resulted to depression eating pizza and the most she can do as a threat is eat the garlic Violet was wearing in case of vampires (”There now your susceptible to vampires!” is easily the best joke of the episode, from how Magica eats the garlic in one bite to her manical laugh to Violet just being annoyed rather than terrified or anything). Magica only agrees because they have a common enemy and if he sucks up her magic amulet, that’s the end of any magic she has left.

It’s also here we learn the reason for the blue and purple color coding: Duckworld magic is indeed color coded.. but rather than be based ont he emotions used or anything.. it’s based on the user. The purple is Magica, and as we later learn Poe’s, magic, and thus Lena borrowing it via the amulet. The Blue is HER magic. Tapping into her emotions and her own inante power. It’s a nice twist I didn’t see coming but makes absolute sense in hindsight: Every time she’s triggered it.. it’s been when she’s been using her own emotions and been doing thigns for her own good, and not for anyone elses. It also explains why the Magica powers aren’t working for her or stable: their not HERS to control and thus are fighting her.

So she trains to use her own using the time honorted traditions of montages and having your sibling shoot things at you out of a magical amulet. She grows in her talent and power and herself, even if she learns from the person she hates more and comes to accept magic.. in time to fight the Blot who misguidedly thinks harming her will show Magica the pain he felt.. even though as we learn later that ship already sailed and we already knew she cares nothing for Lena.

But as he drains her amulet... she focuses on what she cares about... and if we didn’t already ahvea MOUNTAIN of subtext for webby and lena her “frienddship” montage has maybe one or two shots of her sister.. and about 80 of webby. Seriously they.. they weren’t even hiding it at this poitn outside of the finale, which we’ll get to.

And so she takes hold of her magic, no longer need the amulet to channel it and taking on her super mode! Which was highly contreversal at the time. BUt I get why. As a transformation, ala dragon ball, and a superhero type costume it works, giving her a power and grandeur not seen before and showing she’s using all of it, giving weight to when it only shows up in the finale when she needs it most and likely would’ve given it weight any other time it showed up. But it wasn’t clear if this was her permenant look now and Frank’s response to it was to say he wanted to dress everyone up in that outfit , at the same size Lena has it, including launchpad wearing it like a cape. Which while hilarious and it was, was also blatant trolling as her return in Split Sword showed it wasn’t her default form, and they could relax. But as a form showing the apex of her power, character development and confidence, it works and has all the drama i’d expect from a form like this, reflecting the blot’s power back onto him and overloading the gauntlet and facing down Magica easily.

It’s the perfect way to cap things off... Lena finally acccepts herslef as she is fully: she’s not evil and neither is magic.. magic is a part of her and her power is not something to hate.. but to embrace. To use to protect the world from people LIKE Magica who would misue their power to harm others or the blot who belivie her power is inherently evil. This is a lena freed from the chains of self hatred, fully accepted. It turns her story into a wonderful, beautiful story of escaping abuse and accepting yourself as who you are, that no matter what you are or where you come from, you are beautiful, you are good and you can do good. And as she flies off with her sister and girlfriend, she’s finally, fully, truly at peace with who she was who she is now and flies into the future.. and to free her girlfirends dad from another dimension. Nothing is holding her back now, no one can push her around, she’s who she wants to be, she’s the master of her, and the thoughts enough to lift her off of the ground. She and Webby are independent together and they are flying. And yes i’m linking the song again.

youtube

But even with her character Arc Wrapped she still could support others in their own growth. Case in point:

The Split Sword of Swanstantine!

This was the vingette episode, with a pair of the kids, one from Team Magic the other from the Duck Boys, going after a piece. And while Violet’s segment is neat it dosent’ really expand on her enough for me to go into it like I did with Challenge, so i’ll only be covering the cold open and Lena and Huey’s segment. Given these two are some of my faviorites, Lena hasn’t really gotten to have any meaningful interactoins with anyone besides Webby, Violet and Magica (And scrooge but for like.. two minutes), and this bit is really creative and intresting I loved it. It also has Steelbeak so I got a nice Jason Mantzokus fix on top of that despite him barely getting to speak in this one.. and really all season. Season 3 REALLY wasted Steelbeak, only using him three times and just ignoring the whole idea of him growing more compitent with time. Maybe Frank’s saving that for darkwing duck if he gets to do that I dunno. At least Invincible and Close Enough are using the man properly so I got that.

THe setup to the episode as a whole is comedic gold: Scrooge has taken the kids to Monocrow to find the split sword, one of the missing mysteries before FOWl.. only to then realizze in one of the best jokes of the season, after HOURS of plane travel probably that Violet and Lena had also come along having slept over and thus spending the episode in their sleep clothes. As Violet puts it in LIebe’s best delivery of the series “You said eveyrone get on the plane so we got on the plane”. So, fricking relatable. Scrooge’s awkard “Do you.. like history?” is also great, David is a treasure, as if he’s just now realizing he really dosen’t know Webby’s closest friend and girlfriend and is scrambling for some common ground so he can stop talking. 1/2′s good enough and we’re off.

Lena and Huey’s plot, the final one of the three, likewise has a simple setup: Huey finds the sword piece.. and also Steelbeak, whose ready to punch him some children. Lena freezes time as she can do that but can’t delay the inveitble, just give them time to plan.

And this is a nice showcase for Huey and a nice chance for Lena to be snarky as Huey wants to try anything and everything he can do that dosen’t involve fighting as he hates it and Lena endulges him as he gets tossed around, playing on her phone while he tries dumb scheme after dumb scheme from prtending to be his dad, to his inner child, to construction to offering him a snack, to “what sword piece” while hodling the sword blade twice his side behind his back.

Lena eventually calls him on it: He can’t keep avoiding this and there’s some reason he dosen’t want to fight. The reason turns out to be he bruce bannered himself and thus has a split personality for all his agression and primal rage, the duke of making a mess, Huey’s version fo the McDuck family anger he’s buried away and is ashamed of, hating his more impuslive emotions due to his desire for control.

As for how Lena impacts this.. it’s her own acceptance of the part of her she hated, her magic, that gives her the clarity to help Huey, helping him realize like her this shit isn’t healthy and to make peace with the Duke instead of fighting him and locking him away. The result is a perfect combo: a huey with all the power and strength of a mcduck, but the nuance and tactics Huey normally has to beat Steelbeak easily. Lena is impressed, a friendship is forged and we see how far sh’es come: from hating herself.. to helping others stop doing it before it gets worse.

How Santa Stole Christmas!

All we really learn here is that she and Violet share a room and a king sized bed.. but we got that cheek smooch and I had to mention that so there you go.

The Last Adventure!:

Like most of the main cast Lena gets a decent note to go out on, if a bit wobbly. The wobblyiness comes from two sources. The first is just a nitpick of mine; We don’t get to see the climax of her fight with the Blot alongside Manny. No really. The Blot got two spotlight episodes, his own sidekick/wife/amy sedaris, and was built up as one of FOWL’s biggest threats.. and his defeat isn’t even shown on screen for some damn reason. I feel they just ran out of time but given how important Lena and Manny were series wide and how awesome the keith david reveal was, it’s a cop out

Speaking of Cop Outs we can’t talk about this episode without talknig about the elephant in the room: Lena saying Webby “already has two sisters”, seemingly shooting down any posiblity of Weblena. I do not see it that way but do feel the two could’ve phrased it better and we could’ve gotten SOME Weblena by the end instead of none to offset this. I feel Lena’s motivations, esecpailly given the context were purely to try and placate Webby to keep her from investigating the twins further and endangering herself, not realizing how badly this wouldn’t work as Lena’s never cared about where she comes from and her past is all pain and abuse before Webby, while Webby had this gnawing at her her whole life. I do think the last episode was the WORST POSSIBLE place to put this, as it comes off as queerbaiting evne though I don’t think that was the intent. So yeah this line sucks and was poorly conveyed.

Everything else though is thankfully excellent: Her raging frekaout at June feels warranted, as June is literally trying to cut Webby out of her life and was purposffully trying to galight webby as we find out. Her and Violet’s reason for going is also just pure awesome, pure heartwarming and pure badass, both angrily and simply proclaming when stating why their going on the final attack no fowl “It’s Webby”. Webby helped Lena become a better person and lnvoes her more than anyone else and vice versa and Webby gave Violet Friends, a sister and a life of her own. Nothings going to stop them and Scrogoe wisely backed down on that one before they strangled him.

Her final scene is the best though: Not only do she and Violet give May and June friendship braclets but despite the earlier hostlitlity... Lena helps them with not a second though. She now understands them, gets that their like her: a being made by an evil dickhead who saw them as a tool to use and not a person and was willing to kill them the moment they were no longer useful. She too was once lost, sad and felt alone..but Webby pulled her out of that and now she’s going to be there for these two, these alterante versions of the love of her life, to give them the same support and encourages them they’ll find their home. And sure enough my boy comes by not a second later to adopt both of them. In an instnat they’ve gone from alone with only webby like Lena was.. to having a family of their own and loyal friends to stay by their sid.e

And so Lena ends the series charing off into the wild blue with her sister and her newfound friends, the future all ahead of her, the past finally put to bed, and herself finally at peace, in love with Webby.. and with herself at long last.

This retrospective was a wonderful time. I throughly enjoyed going through Lena’s history and being more and more impressed how much I’d missed and how it was even BETTER the second time around. This arc is Ducktales at it’s best and Lena is the finest thing they acomplished. This is easily Kimiko Glenn’s best role and really let her show off her range. Hopefully this isn’t the last we’ll see of this wonderful lesbian shadow, but as it stands with peace, love and self worth found, it’s still a good place to leave her. If she ever returns i’ll of course pick this up again, and free of charge but for now I enjoyed the ride and throughly enjoyed this retrospective. T

Thank you all so much for reading. If you liked this retrospective, please stick around. My next comissioned story arc is covering the various crossovers Lilo and Stitch did, but after that in three weeks return here for Season 2. All three arcs, All done intermidtley. Buckle up.

Until then follow for more, and join my patreon. My next stretch goal is monthly reviews of darkwing duck and reviews of the super ducktales mini series, and after finsihing this post i’m going to throw in some extra non-duck ones! 25 is being changed up from covering Tailspin every month, to covering a Danny Phantom episode every month, and the beloved special ultimate enemy. So check that out. I may throw in some more on both 20 and 25 so stay posted. And just for joining at the 2 dollar tier you get acess to my discord server and get to pick one of the shorts for my varoius shortstaculars I do. Next one up is goofy’s birthday with Donalds in june so join now!

ANd if you just have one speciifc episode I haven’t covered you’d like me to, those are 5 bucks a pop on commission and available via my ask box, direct messages on here or discord at technicolormuk#6550 and until the next rainbow i’ts been a pleasure

#ducktales #weblena #lena sabrewing #webby vanderquck #violet sabrewing #shadow into light #the phantom and the sorceress #the split sword of swantatantine #challenge of the junior senior woodchucks #scrooge mcduck #huey duck #may duck #june duck #manny the headless manhorse

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yurimother · 5 years ago

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LGBTQ Light Novel Review - Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka Vol. 1

*Contains minor spoilers for Bloom Into You*

I have always said that Bloom Into You is a little bit too popular and awarded more praise than the typical and trope-filled story deserves. However, fame and success have their benefits, and thanks to the series’ popularity, we are gifted with the phenomenal light novel spin-off Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka. This wondrous collaboration between the original creator, Nio Nakatani, and famed Yuri author Iruma Hitoma (Adachi and Shimamura) takes the very best elements of Bloom Into You, namely side character Sayaka and her experiences with LGBT identity and life and puts them front and center. The result is a beautiful and important coming of age story about a young woman discovering her sexuality. A story that not only escapes the common traps of the Yuri genre but utilizes and subverts them with flawless execution.

The first volume in the Regarding Saeki Sayaka light novel trilogy revolves around the titular character before the events of the main series. The entire book is narrated from Sayaka’s first-person perspective and told in the past tense, with Sayaka occasionally giving brief retrospective insights to contextualize her experiences. This presentation excellently frames the story, giving valuable analysis to its events, heck, Sayaka can probably do my job better than I could. The ex post facto storytelling also pairs nicely with the dramatic irony present in the story, provided that the reader has read the manga or seen the anime. On that point, while the light novel effectively stands on its own legs, reading it as a companion piece and prologue to Bloom Into You will significantly increase the book’s impact.

The first of the volume’s two parts, Year 5 Group 3, paints a portrait of childhood Sayaka. She is serious and mature for her age, often pushing herself to be the best in every area, both academic and extracurricular. However, she has apparent social deficiencies, remaining distant at best, and hostile at worst to others. She is surprised, annoyed, and challenged when a student in her swim class attempts to bond with her. The girl displays a strong affinity for Sayaka and, although at their age describing their connection as romantic or sexual feels inaccurate, she clearly yearns for a bond beyond friendship.

Frustrated by the girl’s advances and erratic personality, Sayaka angrily tells her to be more serious. Determined to win Sayaka’s affection, the girl attempts to mimic Sayaka’s mature demeanor. This act subconsciously implants the idea in Sayaka’s head that people must change themselves to suit the ones they desire, a lesson which later proves dangerous for her. Soon after, Sayaka begins experiencing strange feelings for the girl, which further her frustration. The confused Sayaka attempts to explain away her emotions, “I mean, the person next to me was a girl, and so was I.” However, after a sexually charged moment in the pool, the fearful Sayaka runs away and quits her swimming class.

This first chapter effectively lays the foundation for Sayaka’s sexual awakening and foreshadows some of the situations in which she will later find herself. Although Iruma’s prose, and Jan Cash and Vincent Castaneda’s translation’ is expressive and beautiful, capturing Sayaka’s inner voice superbly, there are a few flaws. The service described, including details about the locker room and the girls’ swimsuits, is incredibly awkward, especially considering the elementary school-aged characters. The climactic moment between the two, while appropriately dramatic, is undercut by this exploitation and its inherently ridiculous nature. Thankfully the second half of the book, Class 2-C, Tomosumi Girls’ Academy, lacks the off-putting elements of the first and perfectly sets Sayaka up as the character we know and love from the original series.

As Sayaka enters middle school, she becomes slightly less rigid and strict than she was as an elementary schooler. Instead, she is an excellent reflection of the girl seen in the original series, a serious and driven person but reliably kindhearted. She joins the choir club, where she meets Yuzuki Chie, referred to almost exclusively as “Senpai.” Followers of the original will quickly come to recognize this character as Sayaka’s ex-girlfriend, briefly seen in the manga and anime. Yuzuki confesses her love for Sayaka, leaving the latter to ponder the implications of dating her.

The sequence which follows this confession is nothing short of masterful. A once again conflicted Sayaka struggles to comprehend the possibility of dating Yuzuki. She thinks of the potential relationship as both one between two individuals and as a romance between two people who are both women. In the end, she decides that, although she does not yet love her senpai, she wants to try dating. Their relationship is full of adolescent naivetés and fluttering emotions.

Sayaka lacks a reference to healthy love and relationships, so, just as the girl from her swimming class did, she changes to become a figure that Yuzuki can love, telling her what she wants to hear and doing what will make her happy. For example, although Sayaka does not enjoy novels, she visits a bookstore, which turns out to be the Koito family’s, to buy and read one of Yuzuki’s favorite books. Eventually, their relationship escalates, and Sayaka admits that she has fallen in love with her partner. However, after moving up to high school, Yuzuki begins to pull away from Sayaka.

Their ultimate showdown and break up is reminiscent of Class S literary themes, with Yuzuki claiming the relationship was play, acting out, and mimicking fiction’s prevailing narrative of romance. However, now that they are nearly adults, and as they are both women, the “play” is no longer appropriate. Sayaka, however, does not feel the same way, and herein lies Regarding Saeki Sayaka’s pure brilliance. Iruma subtly and expertly hides small lines and hints to this difference throughout the book. Yuzuki speaks mostly in romantic clichés as if imitating romance movies or books, “Senpai often speaks like she’s in a story.” However, Sayaka shows genuine commitment and devotion to her partner, working (foolishly) to change herself for Yuzuki and occasionally thinking of their future together, once wondering if they would be together when they were old ladies.

Their actions contradict each other’s so much because Sayaka, the girl who strived to be mature and act like an adult from an early age, does not see the relationship between two girls as immature or a game. To her, it was a very genuine experience that helped lead her to her ultimate revelation and the light novel’s amazing final lines, “I accepted it. It wasn’t understanding or resignation, just acceptance. Of myself, and of the fact that I could only love girls.” Here both the author and the character have openly rejected the S era ideas that love between women is fleeting and childish, Sayaka comes to see herself as a gay woman (although she sadly does not employ this specific terminology). Here the book elevates itself past the original series and embraces the more modern and queerer era of Yuri.

Iruma Hitoma has done the impossible, taking a good Yuri story and transforming it into a great one, rewarding readers with a thoughtful and nuanced experience detailing a young woman’s confusion and strife as she discovers her identity. It is by no means perfect, as all the side characters are thin and underdeveloped, yet they do not need to be. This story is exclusively Sayaka’s, and the others exist only to serve the amazing development and growth gracefully communicated in this stunning light novel.

However, as I wrap up this review, I cannot help but think of how much easier Sayaka’s experience would have been, how much clarity she may have had, and the pain she could have avoided, had she learned about LGBTQ identities and experiences before her tribulations. It is so essential for the young to see positive representation of all peoples in both fiction and reality as they grow up, and perhaps ironically, Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka Volume 1 has joined the elite ranks of titles which can positively impact the lives of its readers. It contains a wonderful, authentic, and grounded story of coming to terms with one’s sexuality. This light novel is an absolute must-read, even if you are not a fan of the original series, and I cannot wait for its continuation, especially as the upcoming third volume hints at a tale about a happy Sayaka and her girlfriend.

Ratings: Story – 10 Characters – 9 LGBTQ – 9 Sexual Content – 4 Final – 9

Order Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka here: https://amzn.to/31QgIaR

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment @sevenseasentertainment

#reviews #lgbt #yuri #lgbtq #lgbtq+#queer #bloom into you #Yagate Kimi ni Naru #girls love #gl #wlw #gay #coming out #representation #anime #manga #light novel #literature

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melforbes · 3 years ago

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ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

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therokoko · 4 years ago

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“A bad attitude on set is deadly” - Interview with Alex Rider Director and Producer Andreas Prochaska

Andreas Prochaska on adapting the books, casting Otto Farrant and the challenges of releasing the series in times of Corona

Based on a podcast interview with Austrian news outlet Der Standard titled “Schlechte Laune am Set ist tödlich”. I’ve translated the important bits.

1. How he came in contact with Alex Rider:

Well, that was relatively simple. I have an agent in England, and he sent me the script for the first episode as well as an outlook, a kind of series bible about how things were going to proceed, and I read this and thought: “This works for me. That’s something completely different.”

I mean, especially … you mentioned “Das Boot” earlier, which was the production I worked on before, and which was burdensome in every way, I mean not only because of the time it took but also because of the topic, because we killed, I think, 26 characters in “Das Boot”, not counting extras, and of course that has an effect on you. And then I also filmed “Spuren des Bösen” [Traces of Evil, a German 8 part crime series made between 2010 and 2019, A/N), in which a mother jumps out of a window with her baby, and I was looking for something with a lighter tonality, and something which I hadn’t done before in this particular form, and “Alex Rider” was perfect for that.

I also didn’t know the book series at all. I read it completely unbiased and thought: “This is actually a cool, daring concept – so to speak somewhat exaggeratedly Coming-of-Age meets Jason Bourne....

[This job] was a result of “Das Boot” insofar as someone working for the distributor, Sonar, knew someone at Eleventh Hour – and it’s not just over here that people talk, and when someone says “listen, this guy has done a decent job, take a look” or something, that helps, and in this case it’s probable that the people became aware of me through these contacts.

2. How they approached adapting the books:

Well, it already started with the fact that our series is a mixture of the first book of the book series, namely “Stormbreaker”, and “Point Blanc” – I don’t remember right now whether that’s the second or a later book.

In Stormbreaker, the drama of the protagonist is established with the uncle who dies and the realization that this uncle wasn’t who he appeared to be. Stormbreaker had been made into a feature film which was produced by Harvey Weinstein and for which Anthony Horowitz had written the script, and that was pretty much a lead balloon. And because of that it was relatively clear that everything bad that had happened with that feature film needed to be avoided, namely that everything was totally over the top.

And my job was to [adapt] this material, which actually … I started reading the novel afterwards, and I stopped after 20 pages because I realized that that wasn’t helping me because they are actually books for 12 year olds, or at least Point Blanc is – when I read it I thought: “This is an English, better-quality version of the ‘Knickerbocker Gang’ [a German children’s book series about a group of child detectives, A/N] or something like that”. And the task was to just adapt this material for an older audience and to just draw the characters in a different way emotionally, to draw them in a more realistic way. When you look at the entire season it does occasionally reach into almost absurd spheres, but it was important for me to pave the way for the audience by starting out realistically with a protagonist that could just be the boy next door.

3. How he went about filming a spy series:

Well, the most important thing for me in every story are the characters and to get as close to them as possible. I developed a sympathy for this unwilling hero quite quickly. And, as I said, I tried to make the surroundings as British as possible given my Austrian view of things, and to draw a character that you believe and for whom failure is always a possibility, because I find it incredibly boring when you have these superheroes and you already know that they are never in any real danger.

And this was very important to me also in working with Otto Farrant, who plays Alex, to guide him and direct him in such a way that you get the feeling that it’s possible for things to not turn out well, so that you go on this journey with him emotionally, and as to the rest it is … I don’t approach things mathematically. It’s not as if I feel: “Ok, in minute 10 this particular thing must happen, and in minute 20 this thing must happen.” For me, every story is a journey, and you try to make these journeys as good as possible following your instincts.

Like, for instance, the opening scene. In the script the villain was sitting on a roof manipulating some things on his laptop. And then the thing that happens with the man happens – I don’t want to spoil anything, because it’s actually a pretty nice surprise – and this was only 2 thin pages, and I thought: “Actually, to start this series off in an epic fashion, I’d rather like to introduce another character here, too, to charge this scene as much as possible so that you’re just drawn into this world.” And equally in episode two, that’s so to speak the episode of the test, where he has to pass the test designed to show whether he’s suited for this mission, and the script called for a hut in the woods and a road in which things happen, and I thought: “Ok, if we are dealing with a secret service, the military is not that far off.” And so I told the location scout to look for abandoned military bases, and we ended up on a former nuclear weapons base somewhere in the South of England, which made the producer sweat quite a bit because this was a relatively complex location compared to what had been in the script. But those are the things where I, as a director, can try to create visual appeal for a global audience. The series has been sold to a hundred countries, which comes with certain expectations, and of course you don’t want to disappoint these expectations.

4. On the circumstances of the release and viewer reactions:

It came out in England in the beginning of June, which is sad, of course, because we had planned to have a premiere celebration at some festival, which wasn’t possible because of the current situation. And so this release on Amazon almost felt a little stepmotherly. So I just refreshed the link on Amazon.uk again and again to see how the people reacted to it, and there were actually many very positive reviews in a relatively short time. I think we are at 4.6 out of 5 stars at the moment, whatever that means, …

There are of course, again, total haters who only give one star and say: “What a bunch of crap.” But the majority of people seem to really like it. So hopefully, or it seems we have managed, at least in England, to … that the fans who read it as children watch it, so to speak, in retrospective joy and that they remember the times in which they read it, and still [feel like the series] adds something new.

5. On the casting process:

There was … even before I came on board, they made an England-wide, i.e. Britain-wide casting call. And in England, there are quite a lot of youth theatre projects, which were also contacted. And we received, I think, more than 3000 e-castings, which were screened beforehand. I still saw about 200 e-castings, and then this number was reduced bit by bit. In the end there were 3 people left in the room, one boy was from Game of Thrones, another one was very young – barely over 16, which would have been difficult -, and then, to be honest, there was only Otto. On the one hand, that was surprising because you think that there are loads of great actors in England, that it would be difficult to find the right hero, but in the end it was just very clear. It was an interesting casting situation: there was Anthony Horowitz, then there were the two executive producers from Eleventh Hour, then there was Wayne Garvey from Sony International Co-Productions, and also a casting agent from Sony America, and they all sat behind me like an assembly, and I just took the camera and worked with the actors and just tried to ignore the audience – I also felt like I was being cast again as well in my work with the actors, but … it was, yeah, it was very interesting and exciting.

I virtually grilled him for hours, tried again and again to draw the different scenes in different temperatures and with different emotions out of him, just to see what his range is and how much I would be able to work with him later on in terms of fine-tuning. Because carrying 8 episodes is an extreme challenge for a young actor, and it doesn’t help me if the boy is just dashing and then he carries only half an episode and then breaks apart. That is why it was so important to really test him thoroughly, also in combination with Brenock, who plays his best friend - we tried different combinations – and with Ronke, who plays his confidante in the household, just to try and find the right chemistry. And that was a very exciting and very satisfying process. What was really great was, when he had those three, there wasn’t any discussion anymore at all, we all agreed – I mean it would have been equally possible for Anthony to favour someone else or for Sony to like somebody else better, but it was really incredibly harmonious and unanimous.

6: On what made Otto Farrant stand out:

Well, it was his perseverance. I mean, really, we had one scene which we really tried in 10 or 15 variations, and every time I felt that he understood where I wanted to go. To direct often means to change the temperature of a scene using only short adjectives, and for that you need someone who understands you and who can also implement that. And I just saw that he doesn’t give up that he really has stamina, and that was essentially – apart from the fact that he really comes across as incredibly natural and likeable – the deciding factor for me in the end.

7: On the responsibility of making Alex Rider and the first weeks on set:

Well, I mean the … Alex Rider is, I mean to English fans, a promise like James Bond, on a different level. And you need someone who – and of course you need that with every film and with every series – you need an actor who touches the people emotionally, to whom they can connect. That is, of course, something you can’t … beforehand … I mean, of course you can, as we did, try everything out during the casting process, but you only know whether it really works out after a week of shooting.

And I really – especially in the first 3-4 weeks, in which I was still searching, too – I mean with every production you start on the first day of shooting and you want to throw away all the material you shot on the first day right away and start over on the next day – but he was searching, I was searching, and in a way I became – it sounds a little exaggerated right now – I became a little bit of a surrogate father during that time, because I noticed that he needed a certain type of attention and a certain security that only I as the director could give him. That is, he could come to me with every problem and with every decision concerning the character, and that worked out really well …

8. On the challenge of “carrying” a series as a lead:

As for the “carrying”: on the one hand he has to, so to speak, function technically, i.e. he must be able to, so to speak, deliver every scene, i.e. to know the dialog, to have the right energy, and do that over the course of months - now, luckily, Otto is 21; I don’t think that would have worked with a 16 year old. And that meant that while we were shooting Otto had to read the other four scripts, which were still being written while we were shooting, and he had to comment on them and to learn them by heart, and the transition was seamless. I had to interrupt my shooting schedule for two weeks because we had a location that was only available at a specific time, and so I left the set and flew to Austria to start the cutting process, and on the next day the other director came in and just kept working with him. That means Otto had to adapt to the other director, and that’s a challenge for every actor, but especially for a young actor. ...

I [as a director] could only keep it together up to a certain point in time, until my episodes where done shooting. [...] And of course, when the lead actor is in a bad mood when he comes to the set in the morning, that is at least as bad as when I come to the set in a bad mood. That emanates in all directions. So the strength of character of someone, who also knows … I mean, he doesn’t know yet about the power he may have in the second or third season, when he maybe becomes executive producer or I don’t know … but [it’s important] that you, as a human being, just treat everyone with respect in such an environment.

Source: Der Standard AT

#alex rider #alexrider #andreas prochaska #otto farrant #alex rider tv #ottofarrant

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marauders-map-irl · 3 years ago

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this is Not An Accident (written very poorly by me)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: R*PE, M*RD*R, SELF-HATE, R*CISM, H*MOPH*BIA

Living here, in this small, ignorant town, going to my small, ignorant high school, looking like I do, loving who I do, sucks. And that’s to say the least. For some background, I live in a small town in the countryside of Tennessee, called Greenton. I go to a high school called Cookie-Cutter, which is pretty ironic because it is much like a high school you would see on tv.

Everyone pretty much hates us here. I can’t say that I blame them, though. I hate me too. My family is the only strange family here; everyone else is pretty normal (extremely so). Everyone mocks us and bullies us. My mum is African American and my father is Irish. They both joke that we’re the 21st century version of the Brady Bunch.

There’s 7 of us, including my parents and I. I’m right in the middle of my brothers and sisters, and perhaps the most normal, but that doesn’t say much. My eldest brother is John (20), and he’s the oldest of us all. He’s mixed like the rest of us, he’s cisgender male and gay. Then comes my eldest sister, Moira (19), who’s non-binary and pansexual. There’s me next (16), and I’m cisgender female, asexual, and aromantic. After me came my trans (female-male) brother (12), Mikey, and he’s heterosexual. Lastly came my sister, Brittany (9), who’s showing signs of being demiromantic.

We’re the only people that aren’t white in the entire town, and we only came here to help dad’s parents in retirement. The town is extremely ignorant, and it doesn’t help that we came from a big city either. In school, I’m an outcast, though I suppose it’s better than being constantly bullied still. They’ve stopped all contact with me completely, deeming my lack of wanting any sexual activities at my age strange. The teachers even think I’m weird too, and as such have either called on me excessively or just stick to grading my perfect papers and not making any conversation with me if unnecessary. I tend to get perfect grades, what with having absolutely no platonic ties to anyone outside family.

That brings me to where we are currently. In math class, staring out of a window I’m somehow always seated by. The teacher, whatever her name is, is droning on and on about a group project worth half of our final grade for the year. Three people just either groaned or were making tiny grunts of displeasure, meaning I was in a group this time. This project must actually be important. I look up about 4 minutes later, when someone sits next to me and taps my shoulder. Looking up, it’s the very person that continues to poke fun at me, Jessica Kaileia. Well, Jessica, 1 of her most loyal cronies, and another nerd. Sam, I think his name is, and I recall he always eats a slice or two of pie everyday at lunch.

“Do you need something?” I ask Jessica coldly, averting my eyes quickly from her makeup-caked face.

“We’re project partners, Mckinlay. Otherwise I wouldn’t risk my wellbeing talking to you, trust me,” she smirks slightly and her cronie sniggers, but I just roll my eyes and Sam snorts.

“So we’re using last names? Didn’t think you liked your last name anymore, what with your father being a serial killer, Kaileia,” Sam says, making me hold in my giggles as Jessica shrieks.

“You forgot the part where her mum left her for a woman,” her cronie says in disgust, clearly trying and failing to conceal her own laughter.

“Mackenzie!!” Jessica says in a shriek that would rival that of Petunia Dursley.

“Watch your volume, Ms. Kaileia,” the teacher says in her monotone voice, barely glancing up from her issue of The Quibbler.

“Yes, Ms. Binns. Sorry, Ms. Binns,” Jessica says, rolling her eyes before returning to glare at Sam and I respectfully.

“What was the assignment?” I ask, wanting to rid myself of these potentially cruel people as quickly as possible.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it done by tomorrow and put your names on it. I am second in our year. Of course, I will need your first and last names, well, not yours Kaileia,” Sam states, staring at the packet of instructions and not looking up at us once.

“Yes, well I’m first so I’d actually like to do the work, if you don’t mind. Not that princess Allura and her bestie Romelle here would appreciate getting a fair share of the project,” I say, snatching the packet gently and looking it over.

“Who are they?” the cronie asks, making both Sam and I snort.

“Homewreckers one and two,” Sam says as I divide the instructions in half and give the easy half to Sam.

“Language, Mr. Avery,” the teacher’s monotone voice rings throughout the classroom and Sam apologizes half-heartedly.

“Wait, why do I get the easy part of the assignment?” he asks me offrontedly.

“Because I’m the first in our class,” I answer easily in a ‘duh’ tone, to which he nods with a slight frown.

The assignment was straightforward and easy, although to Jessica and her friend, it would be like rocket science to a 3 year old. I set to work, knowing that if I start now, my half would be done by the end of lunch hour. I didn’t pay much attention to my bullies, though them being in my peripheral didn’t support the cause at all. They were seemingly doing their nails (more like the minion doing Jessica’s nails) and talking about stereotypical popular girl things. The tiny bits that I actually heard made me roll my eyes so hard and so often I was worried they might actually get stuck.

“What’s your name? I need to know for the project,” I ask the she-devil’s minion, but she looks to Jessica for confirmation before speaking.

“Clara Maythers,” she mutters, as though the mere thought of speaking to someone as ‘abnormal’ as me scared her very being.

I nod half-heartedly before adding her name to the list and continuing the project, trying once again to ignore the ignorant bastards behind me. I turn slightly when I see Jessica forcing Clara to hold up a magazine for her to read while she blows her wet nails dry, making sure I couldn’t see them at all. When I was looking over what I had, the intercom came on and the principal spoke. Her voice shook with laughter and I’m sure her face was turned up in a smirk. It was probably another prank. This is Cookie-Cutter, after all. We’re a very stereotypical high school and I’m a very… let’s just say mold-breaking student.

“Could Ms. Alessia Mckinlay come to the front desk to be collected. There has been a family emergency,” she says family as if she doesn’t believe my strange family is one, and I’m sure she doesn’t. There’s incoherent words being said to the principal and she grudgingly continues. “Please,” and after that, the intercom cuts off and all heads turn my way.

I make my way to the front office, as asked, and am hit with sneers, sympathetic looks, and pretty much everything between hate and loathing. I’m not even able to make my way to the front office before my parents steer me away from looking in the lobby. I look at them with a mix of skepticism and worry. Principal Maera did say there was a family emergency, after all.

“What happened?” I ask, trying to look over my parents’ shoulders and failing, due to them forming a wall in front of whatever they were hiding.

“Your sister… There was an accident and…” mum cuts herself off there with a choked sob, making me look to my father for the remaining explanation.

“They…” my father then stops himself, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly, either searching for the right words or not wanting to say them aloud (although in retrospect, it’s probably a mix of both).

At this point, I’m worried for all of my sisters, frustrated with my parents for not telling me what’s wrong, and attempting to stay positive and force all the negative thoughts from my head. I manage to shove through the human wall before me and my body freezes at the sight. Laying in front of my eyes is my little sister, Brittany, battered, bruised, broken, and lifeless. Her pants are down to her ankles, her rainbow underwear just past her knees, and blood is drying and caking around her…

I tear my eyes away, but they somehow end up right back at her. This time, though, I’m studying her face. It’s frozen in pain, but there’s also an air of peacefulness present. There’s bruises forming around her neck and littering her face, but I try not to focus on that. I try to focus on all her happy memories. I try to focus on her laughing as mum caught her cheating in Monopoly. I try to focus on dad hiding a grin as she stole a bit of the cake batter for my birthday last year. I try to focus on Brit. But it’s so hard. I try to focus on her happy times. But I always end up looking into her wide, horrified eyes.

My body’s seemingly on autopilot now, because I somehow make it over to my 9 year old sibling to shut her eyes properly, but I didn’t think about it. I thought about how someone could do this to a child. I thought about who could do this to a child. I thought about why someone would do this to a child.

But soon enough, a camera flashes, and then 2, then 5, and then I’m surrounded not only by my baby sister’s blood, but light from what seems like millions of phones. Soon enough, I feel like I’m under a microscope, and viscous scientists are picking apart my every move. Soon enough, I’m back to the main lobby of Cookie-Cutter High School in Greenton, Tennessee. And soon enough, the laughing, mocking, sneering, jeering students return full force.

I hear my mum crying in the background and muttering something about this being an accident. About it having to be an accident. That just makes me mad. Does she not see the freshman taking pictures of her youngest child’s corpse? Does she not see the sophomores laughing mercilessly at her and my tears alike? Does she not hear the juniors yelling at us that our whole family is a disgrace to human-kind? Does she not hear the seniors telling us that we all deserve the same fate? Does she not see my principal’s smug smirk as she watches the whole event and does absolutely nothing?

“This wasn’t an accident. How can you beat someone up on accident? How can you rape someone on accident? How can you murder an innocent child ON ACCIDENT? I get that you’re in shock or whatever, I really do. BUT HOW THE HELL COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT? PEOPLE HAVE BULLIED US EVER SINCE WE MOVED HERE! THEY MOCK, TEASE, PUNCH, BUT NOW THEY’VE GONE TOO FAR!” my father is telling me to stop yelling, but I don’t hear him. All I know is that I see red, whether that be from the blood pooling at my feet or rage, I have no clue. “DON’T YOU SEE THEM LAUGHING, RECORDING, YELLING AT US?! DON’T YOU SEE HOW THIS COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN AN ACCIDENT?!” and by now, I’m crying, but she has to know. She has to become aware. She has to stop this. She has to. “Please,” I say to no one in particular, taking my sister’s dead body in my arms and sinking down to sit on the floor.

I can’t do anything but hug my now limp sister and pray that this is just another practical joke. Hope that she’s not really gone. Wish that I could have been a good big sister and protected her.

She had so much life left to live. She was only NINE, for god’s sake! She was going to grow up! She was going to make it past the fourth grade! She was going to do well in school and get into the college she wanted to go to! She was going to be successful in her career and her life! She was going to die when she was old and senile and only after beating a terminal disease like cancer, because that’s the stubborn bastard she is. Was.

This wasn’t an accident.

#tw // rape #tw // murder #tw // homophobia #tw // racism #angst with a sad ending #writing sample

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blazehedgehog · 4 years ago

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i bet you could do a kickass video on sonic xtreme

I dunno.

I talk big about Sonic X-treme, but the truth of the matter is I kind of stopped paying attention to a lot of it after a while.

For those who don’t know, here’s the whole story:

Around 2000 or 2001, I was deep in to, like, The Secrets of Sonic Team and other websites that covered lost beta elements in Sonic games. This was right after the big Sonic 2 Beta discovery, and the Sonic community was working overtime documenting all kinds of discoveries and lost stuff from every Sonic game ever made up to that point...

...except Sonic X-treme. That information was fragmented and spread across the internet and nobody really seemed to care. I saw a niche I could fill, so I started up a website and combed the web looking for every scan, screenshot and video I could find. I collected all of it at a modest website that was something like sonicxtreme.tk or sonicxtreme.cjb.net or whatever. One of those free domain URLs.

And once I’d collected everything that could be found on Sonic X-treme... that was, uh, it. It’s not like there was anything more that I could do. Once I had all the magazine articles and screenshots of the game, I had reached a dead end on what that website could accomplish. I had completed the known snapshot of what was Sonic X-treme. And so it sat for like, a year. Maybe longer. Just gathering dust.

By now, people at in the community were making efforts to contact the English-speaking members of Sonic 2′s development team. People like Craig Stitt, Brenda Ross, so on and so forth. The Sega Technical Institute folks. And it dawned on me: the entire development staff for Sonic X-treme was American, weren’t they? With Sonic 2, they were stuck talking to artists who were trapped in the tunnel vision of only working on small, specific parts of the game. Brenda Ross could only speak about the couple levels she worked on, y’know? They couldn’t interview the larger members of Sonic Team directly -- they were celebrities, which made them hard to contact, and on top of that there was a language barrier. There were a lot of hurdles to cross, and many of them were borderline impossible.

But with Sonic X-treme, everything was way more accessible and local. So I started skimming the magazine scans I had. Ultra Gameplayers had run a monthly feature called “White Glove Diaries” about the development of the game, speaking to people who were working on it, and it was the best source of information for the game at the time. Within moments, I had a name: Mike Wallis, the game’s producer. Inside of maybe thirty minutes and some skillful Google searching later, I had an email address. It really was that easy.

I tried to be as polite and respectful as I could; I asked him if he was the same Mike Wallis that worked on Sonic X-treme and wondered if he would be willing to answer any questions.

The first thing he wrote back to me was “How did you find me?” along with confirmation that yes, he was that Mike Wallis.

The second thing he wrote back to me was “Would you be willing to speak over the phone?”

And I panicked. This guy was, at least to me, a pretty big deal. I was still deep in my pit of despair, so the idea of interviewing this guy rattled me. I couldn’t do it. I posted on on the Sonic hacking community forum, relaying my inability to go through with this thing. Here I was on the cusp of a big breakthrough and I was acting like a deer in the headlights. Leaped before I looked and got exactly what I wanted, at the cost of now feeling deeply over my head. I was in no way mentally prepared for this.

Somebody on the forum stepped forward and said he’d do the interview for me. His username was Pachuka, and he was gaining notoriety in the Sonic hacking community. Pachuka seemed confident and knew his way around the important terminology, so I figured sure, he can do it. We talked over IRC, ran through some questions we wanted to ask, set the whole thing up for the appointed phone call. We were a team.

The call happened and Pachuka recorded the whole thing. Said he’d release the MP3 on his new website, The Sonic-Cult.

I was incredibly nervous even just listening to the MP3 of the phone call. They’d have to mention me, right? Acknowledge my existence? Talk about how I set the call up? It was hard not to feel incredibly self-conscious.

The call opened with Mike Wallis referring to my website. And Pachuka... had no idea what he was talking about. He never mentioned me by name, and barely even acknowledged that he knew me. Heck, Mike Wallis seemed to know more about me than Pachuka did, and I’m the one who set the whole thing up for him.

Looking back in retrospect, I probably didn’t do that much. From getting the idea, to finding his email address and sending the email, contacting Mike Wallis took what was likely less than an hour’s work, and I was mainly following the example of others in the Sonic community. But in the moment, it felt like I had done a lot. This was as much my discovery as it was anyone else’s. I was the only person who cared enough to set this up. I ran a whole website about this stuff -- the only website for it on the entire internet. And yet, Pachuka couldn’t even remember my username. I felt worthless.

From then on, the community treated this as Pachuka’s discovery. It was his interview. He made the discovery. His star rose, and I remained a nobody. No one cared about my site. Sonic-Cult is where you went if you wanted to learn the real deal about Sonic X-treme.

With Mike Wallis on the line, Pachuka started contacting more people from Sonic X-treme’s development. Soon, that lead him to Chris Senn, and the floodgates were blown wide open. Chris Senn was the key to everything.

I was never a part of any of those conversations. Not even once. The whole community took off without me and I was left in the dust. The handful of screenshots and magazine scans I had collected now looked absolutely pitiful.

I paid attention to the information that came out, of course. I was still interested in the game, and I mirrored what I could on my site. But on the inside, it was hard not to feel hurt. I never looked at it with quite the fervor I once had. It wasn’t mine anymore. I let myself get scooped and the door was slammed in my face without so much as a “thank you.”

After that, the magic and mystery of Sonic X-treme wore off pretty quickly for me. As more and more and more concept drawings and videos and music files and sprites and everything else burst out of Chris Senn, my interest began to wane. It stopped being special.

Petty? On some level, maybe. But for a brief window of time, Sonic X-treme research felt like my baby. I was the guy you talked to about that. Why bother keeping up appearances when somebody else was getting patted on the back and now one of the game’s developers was practically uploading the entire design document to the internet? They apparently didn’t want me involved, so I took a hike.

Don’t get me wrong: it was my fault. I handed this to Pachuka on a silver platter, and he ran away with it. It was a decision that haunted me for years. Made me start realizing I needed to be more confident and less shy.

I am in no rush to relive that mistake.

So when it comes to Sonic 3, I could recite a lot of that from memory. When it comes to Sonic X-treme, I remember the details of the Mike Wallis interview and some basics that came from Chris Senn, but a lot of the finer details of that weren’t really committed to memory, because I didn’t pay super close attention to all of it. And where would you even go to fill in those blanks? Last I checked, The Senntient website isn’t what it used to be.

So, again... I dunno.

#questions #sonic x-treme #sonic the hedgehog #sega #sonic team #mike wallis #chris senn #Anonymous

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teamhawkeye · 4 years ago

Note

evens for brody? :3

— BASICS

2. birthday

- June 15th (for now, lmao, this will probably change)

4. nicknames or aliases

- V itself is a nickname, and is short for her alias “Valkyrie”, which she gained out in the Badlands as a scout and racer

6. ethnicity

- Caucasian

8. what languages do they speak?

- English and Spanish (cybernetics can translate most languages anyway, but those two she doesn’t require any help in)

— PERSONALITY

evens all answered here

— COMBAT

evens all answered here

— APPEARANCE

2. eye color

- born blue, but they’re now purple with the cybernetics in her eyes she’s had since childhood

4. describe their body type

- short and spry, mostly lean muscle from hard times growing up in the Badlands. bulks up a bit more once arriving to NC and having to adapt to city solo work, she’s far off from being a heavyweight but she can hold her own

6. do they wear makeup?

- yes, from time to time. it’s usually loud - think 80s loud - and colorful, and normally worn when she was hitting the town with Jackie, Hudson, and Atlas

8. scars?

- a bunch of minor ones, nothing too spectacular

10. cybernetics?

- Her eyes are the most major hardware she’s had done, and she’s upgraded them more than once

— FAVORITES

evens all answered here

— RELATIONSHIPS

2. do they have any other family members? what kind of relationship do they have?

- her living blood family members are her mother, Cassandra, and her brother, Hudson. she’s had great relationships with both of them, having a loving and nurturing environment to grow up in. Hudson left when she was still young for NC, leaving just her and Cass for many years; then she followed suit

4. who are their other friends if they have them?

- She has quite a few. Viktor, Jackie, Misty, Mama Welles, and Atlas pre-game events, then Johnny, Kerry, Rogue, Panam, Judy, and River as game events progress

6. are they in a relationship? with who and how is it going?

- it depends on the universe. in her turn as V, she’s a bit smitten with Johnny, as tragic as that relationship may be. but in Hudson’s universe as V, she’s with Judy

8. have they ever lost anyone important to them?

- Jackie, when it comes to losing someone recently to death. As for people coming and going in her life, she’s lost loads of people that way - it was tough to keep anyone close as a Nomad, when even clan members drifted separate ways from time to time

10. have they ever sacrificed something for someone they care about? if so, what?

- personal sacrifices, sure. she had to stay with her mother for years when she longed to go look for Hudson and see NC herself, she often prioritizes looking after Hudson and Atlas than her own wants at times, she let Johnny take a second chance at romancing Rogue though she was shamefully jealous about it...i haven’t finished the main storyline yet, but i have a feeling she’s about to make the biggest sacrifice of all coming up

— BACKGROUND

2. what lifepath did they choose? [street kid/corpo/nomad/other]

- Nomad. she was born and raised in the Badlands and didn’t venture to NC until adulthood, to seek out Hudson and to experience city life for herself

4. childhood hero?

- Johnny Silverhand, a fact he picks up on and teases her about once they’re sharing a body

6. how would you describe their childhood?

- tough but filled with love. she had her mother and brother looking out for her, as well as the rest of her Nomad family, but there was much work and hardship to endure to make a living while constantly on the move out in the Badlands

8. were they well-off, poor or somewhere in between when growing up?

- fairly poor. there wasn’t any real consistent work or income at times growing up - they often had to go without for stretches of time. still, as a family, their Nomad group often managed to skate by until they had some decent work to provide for everyone evenly again

10. were they raised to follow a religion? do they still practice?

- her mother was Christian and Brody knows a lot of those teachings, but she’s not a devout follower. still, she believes in a higher power of some kind

12. what is the biggest lesson they learned growing up?

- the importance of hard work and dedication, not just in menial work, but in relationships as well; putting in the time and effort to make skills and connections better has allowed her to excel in a lot of areas. she also had to learn how to operate seamlessly in a group and as an individual, which was invaluable once she got to NC and started solo work

14. what is their most painful memory?

- a lot of those have to do with dealings with the Raffen Shiv, like when her eyes were damaged in an altercation with them before she was ten, and being injured by them on a separate occasion several years later. having her brother pack up and leave for NC, not to be seen in the Badlands again, was also fairly painful to her as a child

16. is there anything they would change about their past?

- in full retrospect, not too much. if anything, she might have left the Badlands for NC sooner, had she known her mother was managing fine on her own and encouraging her to go off and find herself

#foofygoldfish #Brody 'V' Stark #idk why the text suddenly got bigger midway through but i'm not going back to fix it adshklsadasd

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makeste · 5 years ago

Text

BnHA Chapter 253: That Good Angst

Previously on BnHA: The villain Ending, whose name in retrospect is hella melodramatic for a guy whose power is MAKING ROAD MARKINGS COME TO LIFE, kidnapped Natsuo and then deservedly got his ass kicked by three teenagers. Endeavor won the manga’s coveted Best Hug award, made up by me just now, and then gave one of the best monologues in the whole series, basically owning up to all his crimes and saying he doesn’t want or deserve his son’s forgiveness. And he didn’t get it either, which was excellent. Instead, he announced to his kids that he was building them a new home for them to go live in with their mother and without him. Meanwhile Katsuki was all, “btw I’ve decided on my new hero name,” and the ENTIRE FANDOM was all “!!!!” until he went on to say, “but I ain’t revealing SHIT until I’ve told it to Best Jeanist,” which caused everyone to collectively wince and awkwardly glance at each other wondering who’s going to break it to him. Uh.

Today on BnHA: hAHAHAHAHHA.

Sorry, I forgot to turn my capslock back off. Anyways, so we return to U.A. and everything is all “HAPPY NEW YEAR IIDA!” and “STILL ON ABOUT THAT UNREQUITED LOVE THING, HUH OCHAKO?” and “LOOKS LIKE THAT SCAMPISH IMP BAKUGOU IS AT IT AGAIN!” and all the usual stuff. We then have a complete switch of gears, and I seriously mean like the GEAR SWITCH TO END ALL GEAR SWITCHES, as we cut to Aizawa and Mic driving to Tartarus! Why are they driving to Tartarus you ask? Well it’s because they got a call from Naomasa and he was all “hey, so you know your deceased childhood friend from chapters 59 through 65 of Vigilantes? Well IT TURNS OUT I HAVE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT.” Anyway so the rest of this chapter can basically be summed up as (1) LOL SO KUROGIRI WAS REALLY SHIRAKUMO ALL ALONG, and (2) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

btw the whole reason I spoiled myself in the first place was because my dumbass id was all “WE SHOULD CHECK IF THEY MENTION THE HERO NAME” and I was like “YES” and just immediately lost all self-control. like it wasn’t an accidental click or anything; I was fully aware of what I was doing. lord knows what I would have done if I actually had been spoiled about the hero name lol. that would have been so much worse than the spoiler I actually got, so yeah. just stupid decisions all around. anyways how are you

no BnHA thumbnails on the Mangastream homepage today. must mean Kacchan didn’t make any good faces. ah well

lmao the chapter is literally titled “Shirakumo.” well I guess I wasn’t spoiled much after all. I did catch a half-glimpse (I was trying not to look; like, I had my fingers covering my eyes and was peeking through them. again, I’m not really sure what I was trying to accomplish in the first place honestly) of what seemed to be Aizawa with a shocked expression on his face though, so that’s why I was so convinced Kumo was somehow coming back from the dead or something. WE SHALL SEE

MY FORMULA 1 SON!!

lol I’m having one of those Berenstein moments. like. he didn’t always have those huge exhaust pipes running out from his sides and from either leg, right? those are just for this cover. or else something new and fancy he just added to his suit. right??

anyway so yes, Iida is the color page this week, just as we all expected from a chapter titled “Shirakumo”

“WINTER BREAK WAS OVER IN A FLASH” oh man. ain’t that always the way

wow I’ve really missed U.A. like, we’re cutting to these panels of USJ and the stadium, and it’s so fucking nostalgic geez. we weren’t even gone that long

Deku’s voiceover is talking about how they only have three months left in their “tumultuous” first year. ha. tumultuous. if Deku hadn’t met up with All Might, he could have easily fallen back on a career in PR; he’s got a gift for phrasing things diplomatically

Iida is wishing everyone a happy new year! happy new year Iida!!

he’s announcing that their class will be an action report meeting, which apparently means everyone’s gonna share what they learned over the winter break

but now he’s telling everyone to come down to Field Alpha, which Mangastream annoyingly spelled out with the Greek symbol α, forcing me to look it up because I’m sorry but I don’t speak math. ?? like what is this

now Aizawa’s sliding the door open all CRANKY because he’s MISSING HIS NAP

but Mina is all smooth like,

Mina could also have had a promising future in PR. well it’ll still serve them well in their hero careers too

oh my lord

WHAT is that FACE, Iida. just what. is that an eyebrow waggle. what the fuck. he looks like the next words out of his mouth were going to be “sliding into people’s dms”

jokes’s on you Horikoshi!! you think a panel like this will stop my “stupid sexy Iida” jokes? IT ONLY MAKES ME LOVE HIM MORE

oh? someone on the loudspeaker is calling Aizawa and summoning him to the faculty room. I wonder what this could be about. probably nothing!

now we’re cutting to the changing room and the girls are admiring Ochako’s new costume!

I’ll add an ETA later where I actually analyze the changes in her costume. right now let’s just pretend like I’m aware of what actually changed. I swear I pay attention to things. by the way, why would the suitcase get heavy? her quirk can be applied to anything can’t it?

(ETA: so the costume changes are (1) an upgrade to her gauntlets, and (2) an upgrade to her headset. so anyway that’s pretty cool, even if it was really only brought up in this chapter so that we could get that SWEET YA ROMANCE DRAMA. which I know annoys some people, but at this point I feel like Horikoshi only throws it in because he’s expected to, and the way he does it is so adorably reluctant that I can’t help but enjoy it at this point lol.)

OH MY GOD

OCHAKO YOU KEPT DEKU’S CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO YOU IN YOUR HERO COSTUME FOR GOOD LUCK, OH MY GOD. (1) YOU ARE THE LITERAL CUTEST, (2) IT’S TIMES LIKE THIS I’M GLAD I SHIP BASICALLY EVERYTHING BECAUSE THIS IS A DELIGHT, and (3) MINA’S REACTION TO THIS IS ABOUT TO BE MY FAVORITE THING OF ALL TIME, SO LET’S COUNT DOWN TO IT IN 3... 2...

okay but before we click to the next page, I just need to draw everyone’s attention to the background of that Jirou panel, where I’m pretty sure that is Ochako acquiring Hagakure’s quirk in a moment of transcendent desperation, much like how parents are able to summon incredible strength in times of crisis to lift cars off of their trapped children and shit. we are witnessing the next stage of human evolution over here

-- oh fuck me

hello, Horikoshi? yes, this was supposed to be a cute moment of teens being teens and giggling over high school crushes. did you not get the memo. what are you doing here with this sucker punch of feels right to my fucking kidneys. why would you do that. why does this panel of Ochako make me want to fucking cry, I did not ask for this

(ETA: but like also, you see how he just instantly drops the subject less than a panel later lol. like “THERE’S YOUR ROMANCE PLOT, OKAY?? NOW BACK TO THE REANIMATED BRAINWASHED CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ARC.”)

meanwhile in the boy’s locker room! so apparently word has spread about Deku mastering Bloopwhip!

so Ojiro is evidently fucking ripped under that karate gi. Ojiro, this one corner of a panel with you facing away from the screen is possibly the most interesting thing you’ve ever done. have you considered what a costume change might do for your image. I’m just saying

lmao Deku

I have never in my life found the idea of Villain Deku even remotely convincing until this exact moment. jesus christ. Deku are you sure there isn’t a little piece of AFO horcrux soul in you right at this moment. just wondering. if it was Kaminari doing this, the headline for this chapter would be “KAMINARI 100% CONFIRMED THE TRAITOR” and even I would find myself hard-pressed to argue at this point

anyway, the hero we deserve is stepping in to bring him back to reality sob

(ETA: I’m not even going to check the bnha tag to see if there is discourse about this, because I already know!! because clearly this is a very serious panel which should be taken 100% seriously!! anyway I’m not even going to go here lol.)

it’s okay kids I’m already dialing 911. Kacchan, honey, come here. listen, we need to put you in a time out. I love you but you can’t just go around throwing your spiky headgear at people like a fucking tomahawk, and also what the fuck is that thing even made of jesus christ

sob is Deku actually fucking dead

and so, while the girls were having cute shoujo drama about a romantic All Might plush, over in the boy’s locker room an actual murder was going down

FSDKDJL

I can’t. stop laughing. I

and the way they’re all just staring at him and clearly have no idea what to fucking do at this point. “so should we just... leave it in, then?” lmao Horikoshi what the fuck kind of substance did you ingest before you went and drew this. I need me some of that

(ETA: and now that I’ve mostly stopped laughing, I would also just like to point out that he is essentially saying “I just had to stop thinking so hard about it and just do it”, which I’ve only been saying SINCE FOREVER, DEKU, but sure go ahead and don’t listen to me then!)

ALL MIGHT IS...

WHY, YOU ASK? WHO CARES!!

lol apparently it’s a pun. someone go over there and check to make sure this All Might isn’t actually a bunch of Mirios hidden underneath a trench coat

anyway so they’re completely unimpressed, because they’re all jaded fucking teenagers with no souls, and they’re asking where Aizawa is

is this the part where we slide right back into the angst after our brief humorous interlude with the kiddos. because I am ready. bring it

OOOOH HERE WE GO, LOOK AT THIS TENSION

SO HERE WE HAVE MIC ACTUALLY TELLING AIZAWA TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND IT’S CONFIRMED, THE WORLD IS ENDING

and look at Aizawa’s body language. arms crossed, fingers tapping anxiously, gritting his teeth. fucking Mic has to tell him to calm down. jesus christ. anyway so Aizawa angst is apparently MY DRUG you guys, and Horikoshi you can go right ahead and INJECT THAT SHIT STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS

AHHHHHHH

OHHHHHH THAT’S GOOD. I might need someone to come and slap me in the face in another minute just to make sure I can continue here

-- HOLD UP, WHAT

THAT SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE SOUND OF MY MENTAL BRAKES SCREECHING TO A FUCKING HALT, EVERYONE HOLD THE FUCK UP WHILE I DO A QUICK MENTAL ROLL CALL OF THE VILLAIN CAST AT USJ. FUCK ME, PLEASE TELL ME HE WASN’T THE NOUMU. BUT ASIDE FROM HIM AND TOMURA, AND THE FACELESS NO-NAME VILLAINS, THAT ONLY LEAVES... OKAY MY BRAIN JUST SERIOUSLY FROZE UP WHILE PROCESSING THIS, BECAUSE NO FUCKING WAY

fuck me fuck me FUCK ME

there is no fucking way it can really be Kurogiri, can it?? Kumo didn’t have a portal quirk. but All For One, though?? but no wait because we know he didn’t have that quirk because he had to use the other teleportation one instead. John’s or whoever’s

so then the only other option is the Noumu. could this be the start of the Noumu arc at long last?! oh my godddddd I’m about to get up out of my seat and just jump around for a second to get all my nerves out. ahhhhhhh

Horikoshi knew full well what he was doing titling the chapter “Shirakumo” and then teasing us with this incredibly tense buildup, too. I have actual fucking chills

oh my god IT REALLY IS THE NOUMU ISN’T IT

I HATE AND LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SIMULTANEOUSLY, IT IS THE WEIRDEST FEELING. IT’S BOTH INVIGORATING AND TERRIFYING HOLY SHIT

I WANTED THIS. I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE DARK. I WANTED IT SO BAD AND I COULDN’T WAIT FOR IT AND NOW IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING AND WHAT A FUCKING WAY TO KICK IT OFF I JUST!!!

AHHHHH

DON’T MIND ME PLEASE CONTINUE AND IGNORE ALL OF MY SILENT SCREAMING!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AIZAWA IS ABOUT TO LOSE HIS FUCKING MIND. HIS CLOSEST FRIEND WAS DESECRATED AND VIOLATED IN AN UNIMAGINABLE WAY AND TRANSFORMED INTO SOMETHING UNRECOGNIZABLE WITH ALL TRACES OF HUMANITY LOST, AND THIS WHOLE TIME HE THOUGHT HE WAS FUCKING DEAD. THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE A THERAPY FOR THAT, PEOPLE. THAT IS THE KIND OF ANGST THERE’S NO COMING BACK FROM

ANYWAY, SO THERE’S THAT SHOCKED AIZAWA FACE I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF YESTERDAY, NOW WITH HORRIFIC CONTEXT, AND IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I’LL JUST BE HERE IN THE CORNER SETTING MY KEYBOARD TO PERMANENT CAPSLOCK, AND UPDATING MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION TO “THE FUCKED-UP AIZAWA ANGST IN THIS CHAPTER” BECAUSE THAT’S APPARENTLY WHAT IT IS AND ALL THIS TIME I NEVER KNEW

OH GODDDDD

BRB UPDATING MY ORIENTATION AGAIN TO “MIC’S COMFORTING HAND ON AIZAWA’S SHOULDER AS AIZAWA STRUGGLES TO HOLD ON TO THE LAST OF HIS COMPOSURE WHILE TRYING AND FAILING TO PROCESS THIS UNFATHOMABLY HEINOUS THING THAT’S ABOUT TO BE REVEALED”

(ETA: and also!! the fact that either Mic’s hand is shaking, or Aizawa is shaking so badly that it’s affecting Mic’s hand on his shoulder too! either way how the hell am I not literally dead after reading this chapter, I don’t even know.)

WAIT WHAT!!!!

THE CORE?! SO WAIT, IS IT KUROGIRI THEN??? OR WHAT?!

(ETA: I know I’m just inserting random commentary all over the place at this point, but like, can we also talk about how Naomasa looks like he hasn’t slept in eleven years?? this is taking such a toll on his soul here and it’s heartbreaking.)

OH MY GOD!!!!!

I WISH I COULD BETTER DESCRIBE THIS FEELING BECAUSE IT’S REALLY SOMETHING!! I’M SO EXCITED AND AT THE SAME TIME FULLY AWARE OF HOW I’M DELIGHTING IN THE PAIN OF THESE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, SO IT’S LIKE THIS GUILTY SADISTIC GLEE AND AT THE SAME TIME SHOCK AND EXCITEMENT AND DAMN NEAR A KIND OF ELATION AT BEING FULLY TAKEN FOR A RIDE BY THIS EPIC FUCKING TWIST. IT’S GOOD SHIT

SDLKFJASLKDFJ;LKS

(ETA: so if they can trace quirk factors like this, they should be able to do it with the other Noumu they have in captivity, and also with any dead Noumus they’ve collected as well, yes? including the one that Stain killed a few months back? like, don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here trying to calculate the Six Degrees of Bakuangst for this plotline seeing as my brain, as ever, is focused on one thing and one thing only.

and so if they have managed to ID some of the Noumus, would that info maybe be on the Hero Network? meaning Endeavor would have access? would the interns then have access too? or if not, is his password something easily guessable, like Shouto’s birthday or something? will I ever stop running out of hypothetical scenarios along these lines? doesn’t seem likely as of now.)

“SEVERAL DIFFERENT QUIRK FACTORS” HOLY SHIT, AFO. THAT MANIAC. THIS WHOLE TIME MY RESPECTED DOCTOR OF MEDICINE WAS REALLY A HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT WHO GOT CONKED ON THE HEAD BY SOME FALLING ROCKS ONE DAY. THE GRANDDADDY OF ALL TWISTS!! THIS TWIST WAS CONCEIVED IN THE BOOK OF GENESIS!!

AND BY THE WAY, THANK YOU AGAIN TO THAT ANON, BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT IS FUCKING RAW. ONCE I FINALLY COME DOWN FROM THIS BIZARRE HIGH I’M GOING TO CRY FOR AIZAWA BECAUSE HE IS HURTING SO BAD RIGHT NOW AND I CAN’T EVEN, SOMEONE SAVE HIMMMM

WELL FOLKS. THERE IT IS. HORIKOSHI FINALLY HOOKING US UP WITH THAT GOOD ANGST. THE PLOT THAT WAS PROMISED. THE ANGST THAT WAS AVOWED. YOU GUYS I CAN’T BELIEVE AIZAWA SHOUTA WAS SHIGARAKI TOMURA’S FUCKING UNCLE THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME. HOLY SHIT

AND YOOOO I JUST HAD A BUNCH OF THOUGHTS THAT I CAN BARELY EVEN PROCESS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS REVELATION OPENS UP SO MANY NEW DOORS NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN THOUGH. BUT LIKE, IF AFO AND UJIKO WERE IN THE BUSINESS OF TAKING CHILDREN’S CORPSES AND REVIVING THEM AND INFUSING THEM WITH UPGRADED QUIRKS AND NO MEMORIES OF THEIR PRIOR LIVES, THEN HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WHAT IF A CERTAIN TODOROKI SIBLING REALLY DID FUCKING DIE AND HAS ACTUALLY BEEN A PUPPET OF AFO’S THIS ENTIRE TIME OH MY GOD. THIS CHAPTER IS JUST!!!

(ETA: yeah I actually have a lot of thinking to do about this one, because holy shit. I mean there must be a reason we’re getting this reveal directly on the heels of the Todoangst Arc with all of its talk about Touya and how dead he is, right? god I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all. this stupid manga!!)

AND AIZAWA’S FACE. THE WAY HE’S COVERING HIS MOUTH AS THOUGH TRYING TO KEEP HIMSELF FROM BEING SICK. THE MAN WHO PRIDES HIMSELF ON HIS RATIONALITY IS SO COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY EMOTION THAT HE’S STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER. THIS IS THE DEFINING WOUND OF HIS CHILDHOOD, RETURNING ALL OF A SUDDEN TO STAB HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART ALL OVER AGAIN WITH A FRESH NEW KIND OF HORROR. MIC, YOU’D BETTER BE THERE FOR HIM AFTER THIS, BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO FUCKING BREAK DOWN IN THE CAR ON THE RIDE HOME OR SOMETHING PROBABLY, AND HE NEEDS YOU, AND YOU PROBABLY NEED HIM TOO, AND FUCK

I DON’T HAVE SPACE FOR ALL THIS ANGST IN MY HOUSE!!! BUT LIKE HELL AM I GIVING ANY OF IT BACK, IT’S MINE NOW AND I’M KEEPING IT!! I WILL FUCKING RENT OUT A STORAGE LOCKER FOR THE EXCESS!! I WILL HOARD IT ALL LIKE A GREEDY DRAGON IN MY CAVE. THIS ANGST IS MY CHILD NOW. FUCKING SUBSCRIBED, GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE

#bnha 253 #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #shirakumo oboro #kurogiri #uraraka ochako #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #and here's another thought I just had #which is that we were basically one momo away from potentially playing out this exact same plot twist #but with deku and kacchan instead #because the league would not have taken no for an answer #and even if tomura had felt like being merciful #(since he clearly has more humanity left in him than I formerly gave him credit for)#I guarantee you that afo would have stepped in at some point and been all #'you know what tomura why don't you let me see if I can help convince him'#like every now and then I just randomly think about how close my child came to experiencing an unimaginably dark fate #and I'm just like #deep sigh of relief #but oh the angst #this is the fuel that sustains me friends

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demonkidpliz · 4 years ago

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Things I learned while re-watching Star Plus Mahabharata (Part 16/many):

1) As ever with Duryodhan, I cannot disagree with anything he says.

2) Oh god. This scene. Panchali’s curse. Her walking away as Arjun looks on. Gold.

3) Not sure I like this new version of Krishna seekh.

4) Also we have not seen Krishna fight once in this battle of Dwarka vs the King of Shalva.

5) I also don’t like crying Krishna. Not saying he can’t. But I can’t take him seriously when he cries. I need him to be infinitely more chill than SRJ is being right now.

6) Ah, Arjun swearing at the Kurus. A+ 10/10.

7) Oh my fucking god, Subhadra’s opening line to Arjun: how could you let this happen? I expect nothing less from her.

8) Madhav is back now, after chilling in his war. He’s still in a self-driven chariot.

9) Wow, he’s so pissed at the Pandavas and rightfully so.

10) Draupadi telling Krishna that she’s become impure. And anyone who comes near her would also become impure. No. NO. Every woman in the world knows this feeling.

11) Okay, first of all, Krishna, you moonlighting feminist, the first thing you should tell Draupadi is that she has not become malin because of what Duryodhana and Dushasan did. This is on them, not on her. I cannot but compare StarBharat with BR Chopra Mahabharat, the comparisons come very easily to me. And the truth is, they just did some things better.

12) Draupadi’s now fallen at his feet. Krishna is just like, Lord give me strength.

13) This scene is important because I feel like for once Krishna is putting his grand plans on hold for one second to give Draupadi back her peace of mind. Because first and foremost, the Lord is kind to those who follow him.

14) It’s so nice that StarBharat has shown this sort of sisterly solidarity between Draupadi and Subhadra, which is so important.

15) Draupadi is not even remotely impressed by Yudhishthira’s theatrics.

16) Draupadi’s pratigya makes her sound like Bhishma. Intentional or unintentional.

17) I cannot imagine Subhadra watching idly by as the Pandavas and Draupadi walk to the forest. I’m sure she put up a fight against her brothers to be allowed to go.

18) Speaking of, where is Balaram in all of this? His cousins are heading for vanvas and he is still chilling in Dwarka? Unrealistic.

19) Oh nice, Abhimanyu hasn’t even been born yet but somehow Krishna has managed to name him.

20) That scene where Arjun stops Subhadra from touching his feet. Some of StarBharat’s dialogueless scenes are just as touching.

21) Krishna’s glare as Shakuni enters the Indraprastha palace lmaoo.

22) A well executed scene but the watering hole scene happens only towards the end of the 12-year vanvas period.

23) This is hilarious. Yudhishthira is basically like Krishna is going to whoop my ass if I let something else happen to Panchali.

24) Oh god. Everyone loves Arjun the most. But I think Yudhishthira loves Bhim the most.

25) It’s time for Yudhishthira to meet his bio daddy!

26) Arjun doing tapasya for Shiv is my jam.

27) Bhim is such a cutie.

28) This Hanuman story is different though, right? Something to do with some lotus for Draupadi.

29) Is Hanuman a Yadav? He wears the same tilak. Or is this some Ram/Krishna connection we don’t quite know about.

30) I love Hanuman’s character! He’s so playful. And also the Hanuman Chalisa in the background score.

31) Oh so Hanuman knows that Krishna is Ram/Vishnu avatar and says he will chill on the chariot that’s being manned by God.

32) Oh no they never told us about the magic bowl Draupadi had that was gifted to her by Surya Dev which gave them unlimited food.

33) Also, do the Pandavas and Karna ever realise that they are all ‘gifts’ of Durvasa.

34) Krishna creeping in the background like some mega creep 😂

35) This is a conversation for another time but some day we need to talk about the incessant whitewashing of our gods such as Ram and Krishna in modern mythological serials. Also of Draupadi/Dhrishtadyumna/Arjun—basically anyone who’s described in canon as dark. There is some modern fetish for fair-skinned gods that just doesn’t sit right. I miss the dark-skinned Aruns and Nitishs.

36) Durvasa is still not impressed by Krishna. This man is literally god.

37) Arjun is fishing.

38) Oh nice, Indra is also here. Old gods and new.

39) Not sure whether I like this Shiv. Shiv in general I love.

40) Aaaand Jayadrath is here. Can’t wait for this guy to die in tomorrow’s BR Chopra Mahabharat episode.

41) Duryodhan low key throwing shade at Jayadrath is my jam.

42) Really, what does Dushala see in this man?

43) Kaun ho tum? Really? Draupadi doesn’t know her own brother-in-law? That seems highly unlikely.

44) Why is Arjun wasting time with all this trash talk?

45) Arjun is having a lot of second thoughts about keeping Jayadrath alive for Dushala’s sake but this is going to change very quickly during the war. Also Nakul rightfully points out that this man will give grief to Arjun later on.

46) This is by far the worst and most inaccurate map of Aryavarta to ever exist.

47) Oh no Jayadrath’s hair makeup is so not on point at this moment.

48) Mamashri Shakuni is literally fortune telling at this point and this is my jam.

49) So it’s canon that both Shakuni and Krishna are Slytherins, right? Yet they are the two most diametrically opposite Slytherins we have ever seen.

50) Also I want to see Dushala but these shows never give me what I want. When I make the Mahabharata I will make sure the women get equal and opposite screen time and character development as the men.

51) Yudhishthira is getting on my nerves.

52) This Draupadi is infinitely nicer than BR Chopra Mahabharat’s Roopa Ganguli who used to give it to her husbands every opportunity she got.

53) I also have lots of complaints. They didn’t show Dhrishtadyumna taking Draupadi’s sons home to Panchal to raise them.

54) They didn’t show Arjun chilling with his bio dad in heaven! They didn’t show Urvashi hitting on him and him rejecting her advances! Then she curses him, causing him to lose his manhood. And then she reverses the curse after Indra begs her and she limits it to lost manhood for one year of his choosing. That’s how Arjun uses the Brihannala guise for a year during agyaatvaas!

55) Shakuni training himself to think like Krishna. Looool.

56) Nakul bullying children is my jam.

57) Clearly this sattoo ke laddoo business is some sort of secret code amongst the Pandavas.

58) At least Uttar and Uttara are aptly shown as young teenagers.

59) My fav is back! Brihannala! 😍

60) Also what is this face covering nonsense by Sairindhri?! Women in the Later Vedic Age did not cover their faces or their heads behind purdah!!!

61) The Pandavas meeting together after a long time is giving me hope! This is what it’s going to be like when lockdown is over and I meet my friends 😭😭😭

62) This Keechak guy looks evil but I can’t take him seriously because his voice makes him sound like a prepubescent boy.

63) What is this casual classism from Keechak? Like Jesus, what a dirtbag.

64) Again there was no ghunghat back in those days?!?!

65) But iss Keechak ne toh consent ki maa behen kar di.

66) How happy the Pandavas are to see Panchali! Arjun the most, perhaps 😍

67) Virat making a dig at Dushasan. I’m here for this tea.

68) I can’t take Keechak seriously because of his voice.

69) This logic whereby if Draupadi has five husbands so she can have one more—like I will never understand this! She consented to five and no more???

70) Brihannala, my one true fav, is back!

71) Keechak vadh is my favourite episode, behind Shishupal vadh and Jayadrath vadh. Do you see the pattern?

72) Why is Draupadi here? I wanted to see Bhim’s giant form hidden as a lump under a blanket, enticing Keechak.

73) Bhim is here! 😍 Seriously, no one loves Panchali as much as Bhim does. Arjun toh is smitten by our Yadav homegirl.

74) Now Arjun is going to do his tandav dance. This should distract the others from the noise nicely.

75) Oh nice. Nakul and Sahadev are also participating.

76) Predictably, Jyesth Bhrata, Yudhishthira, is not invited to this Keechak vadh party.

77) King Virat is like oh no what a loss.

78) Yudhishthira looks pissed, as always, when his brothers have done something good.

79) Haha. Duryodhan has caught on to the fact that Bhishma is trying desperately to stall so that the Pandavas are not found out.

81) Now Duryodhan is now accusing Vidur of partiality. Again, he is not wrong. I’m so impressed by how well his character has been written. Not one word he says is incorrect.

82) Nice. Duryodhan has his father wrapped around his little finger. He knows exactly how to manipulate him so that Dhritarashtra rises to the bait.

83) After all these centuries Bhishma realises that Shakuni is after the destruction of Hastinapur.

84) Shakuni is admitting now that all of this is revenge for Gandhari. Oh man. Do you think Bhishma knew that the Mahabharat was the result of his poorly executed actions (intentional or otherwise)?

85) King Virat is so smart. I like him. I’m going to be so sad when he dies.

86) Brihannala is going to stay behind. Great. It’s so interesting to see this story in retrospect (which is how it’s told to Janamajeya and Vajra) in the first place.

87) I like Virat with open hair.

88) What the hell is this? I cannot be attracted to Pitamaha Bhishma and Mama Shakuni with their open hair and battle armour?! Adharm!

89) Oh what a cool sundial!

90) I’m glad they showed Uttar as nothing more than a teenager.

91) Mama Shakuni is so fit.

92) Do you think Bhishma recognises Arjun as Uttar’s chariot?

93) Poor Uttar is probably shitting his pants.

94) Arjun praying to Agni Dev to return his Gandiv. Old gods to the rescue.

95) This background score! It’s my absolute favourite! Parthasya Dhananjaya! My fav song on my fav, Arjun 😍

96) Bhishma looks thoroughly pleased. He recognises the sound of the Gandiv’s twang.

97) Now they will fight about the authenticity of the calendar. They should go to a calendar expert.

98) Bhishma looks proper chuffed at Arjun. How on earth will they fight against each other in the Great War?

99) Oh man, Karna is here. Ugh.

100) Karna is here to trash talk as per usual. Oh god both these men are useless. Fight no instead of talking so much.

101) Oh man, the charioteer’s son has been thrown from his chariot but not before taking a shot at Arjun.

102) Ah Karna’s divine armour makes an appearance!

103) Oh shit, this just got real! They’re calling on divine weapons!

104) Bhishma steps in. Of course.

105) Duryodhan’s hah! 😂😂

106) Arjun crying that if he is responsible for Bhishma’s death, it will be hell on earth for him. Oh, Arjun. You must still suffer, a lot.

107) Arjun’s threat, that all the Pandavas will come to avenge Draupadi’s insult. Yes. 100%. I hope in this yug even if men are not punished for their crimes against women on earth, they will suffer forever in hell for their misdeeds.

108) The Pandavas and Draupadi are ready. It’s time for the Great War. It’s time for Mahabharat.

#mahabharata #mahbharat #starbharat #siwt #starbharat recap

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mcdynamite · 6 years ago

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[Spoilers] I think GoT 8.05 made perfect sense, and here’s why:

Hello people of Tumblr! I’ve seen a lot of people bashing the most recent episode of Game of Thrones for a number of reasons and I want to step up to the plate and go to bat for the show. To clarify, I dislike D&D as much as pretty much everyone else who watches the show. I think the writing has been lazy, the dialogue has been lacking, and the lead in to some of the things that have happened this season could definitely be better. But everything that happened in 8.05 makes sense, and I actually liked the episode. This is why.

Cersei’s Demise is kinda perfect.

I know a lot of us, myself included, were looking forward to a brutal, sadistic death for a brutal, sadistic woman. But here’s the thing... in its own way, it was a totally brutal way for her to go out. Think about it, Cersei has spent pretty much her entire life talking her way out of things, manipulating people, and in general feeling more powerful than everyone else around her, including her family. She died finally realizing that she was completely helpless and all hope was lost. She died knowing that her arrogance and often unnecessary brutality was what had cost herself, her children, the man she loves, and even her own father their lives.

She couldn’t sass the collapsing rock to death. She couldn’t stall and wait for The Mountain to come to her aid. She couldn’t do anything but break down and cry and tell Jaime she wanted their baby to live, trapped in the same underground passages where she vowed to destroy all three of Dany’s dragons. Cersei wasn’t publicly executed in front of thousands of onlookers. She died UNDERGROUND, unthought of and uncared for by anyone else in the world but Jaime. She died the same death as all of the innocent citizens who died that day in part because of her own arrogance. It wasn’t special. It was lonely, hidden, and desperate - a fitting end for a woman who’s lived her whole life believing in her own importance.

And speaking of Cersei, even Jaime’s apparent regression makes some sense.

Ah, Jaime Lannister, one of the most emotionally complicated men in all of Westeros. I’m not gonna lie, this disappointed me because I had hoped for better for Jaime, but not because it didn’t make sense. We were ALL rooting for Jaime to ditch Cersei, become the noblest man in the whole world and just be with Brienne, who clearly loves him. But if you take a minute to think about it, while Jaime’s character development has been significant, it never really veered away from loving Cersei.

He’s always been doing what’s best for her, and yes, that includes when he left her to head North. Jaime did that because humanity was in danger, and as such, Cersei was in danger. Barely over a season ago in 7.03, Jaime tells Olenna Tyrell that his love for Cersei has grown beyond his control. He openly admits it and tells Olenna that he doesn’t believe people will care how Cersei took the throne once they’re living in the world she built. He clearly still loves Cersei here, and while he’s tempering some of her most heinous ideas, like flaying Olenna alive, he’s still carrying out her orders. “For Cersei,” as he always says.

Jaime’s love for Cersei went far beyond his control. It was almost more like an addition than true love. His love for Brienne was pure and kind, but even the purest love can’t sway the grasp of an addition. Cersei was all Jaime had ever known, so even if he loved Brienne, even if he knew Cersei was hateful, even if he knew she was doing unspeakable things to the people of Westeros, it STILL makes sense that he went back. It’s legitimately not at all different from some abusive relationship in real life. One partner may realize that the other is abusive and hateful, but they can’t bring themselves to walk away, and when they do, they may go back. That doesn’t make them bad people, and it certainly doesn’t “undo” all of Jaime’s character development over the course of the series.

Jaime Lannister is an immensely complicated character, and this is GAME OF THRONES we’re talking about. It’s a very human show. So frankly, if he has genuinely left Cersei without a second glance, that would have been immensely disappointing. It’s just not how people work, not after admitting how deep in the relationship he was literally just 9 episodes prior and only leaving to protect mankind from being destroyed.

And finally, let’s talk about the psychotic break of Daenerys Targaryen.

First, just a quick reminder at how utterly human this show is. We’ve got all sorts of realistic depictions of human nature in Game of Thrones. We have very real depictions of PTSD (looking at you, Theon and Sansa), realistic depictions of the horrors of slavery, realistic depictions of racism and ableism, the list goes on for miles. It’s made abundantly clear throughout the series that the Targaryens have a strong family history of mental illness, so here we go people. Let’s talk about mental illness.

Obviously, there are no therapists in Westeros to diagnose Dany with any particular illness, but it’s reasonable to hypothesize that Dany is experiencing psychosis, also known as a “psychotic break”. Something important to not about psychosis: it’s sort of like a break from reality, so the way someone behaves during a psychotic break is not at all who they normally are as a person. And here’s another thing about psychosis: YOU DO NOT SHOW SIGNS OF IT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, especially not major ones. Not every person who commits a heinous act of violence grew up murdering small animals and saying sadistic things to family members and friends as a child. I’ve seen a lot of anti-Mad Queen Dany arguments online, and I’d like to debunk a few of them with regards to how mental illness often actually works.

1. Dany was an abused child, why would she hurt children?

Yikes, you guys. This is a really weak argument. Many studies have shown that childhood trauma is associated with greater disposition towards psychosis later in life. Obviously not everyone who has gone through a childhood trauma will experience psychosis, but it can actually be a direct contributing factor to a psychotic break.

2. Dany has always showed compassion to innocent people like the slaves across the sea, so why doesn’t she now?

Again, psychosis is not a direct reflection of who someone is as a person because it represents a break from reality. You don’t have to be an intrinsically horrible person to do something bad when you’re not in control.

3. The warning signs were there, but they were too weak to justify what happened to King’s Landing.

When a person experiences psychosis, the EARLY warning signs (let’s just say for the purposes of this argument are things that happened prior to the start of season 8) are often subtle or even unnoticeable until you’re looking back retrospectively. These can include things like spending more time alone than usual (check), suspiciousness or uneasiness with others (check), and having no feelings at all (check, remember when she ended things with Daario and the show made a big deal out of how she didn’t really feeling anything about it?).

The slightly later warning signs (so, this season) include strong and inappropriate emotions (check, she wants to have sex with her nephew not too long after she accused him of trying to steal her throne), social withdrawal (check), odd beliefs (check, her belief that she was sent by god to change the world), and suspiciousness (check). The warning signs were there and frankly exactly what one would expect to see in someone in the prodome (or very early stages) of psychosis.

4. It just happened so suddenly, the build up wasn’t enough.

Actually, it SUPER was enough. Recently, Dany has lost two dragons, her most trusted advisor, her best friend (who she watched be beheaded) and has arrived in a country where nobody likes or trusts her. All of these are pretty freaking traumatic, and a traumatic event can trigger psychosis. Boom. Bang. It makes sense.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people are upset about this. We were all rooting for Dany, our hero who walked out of the flames all those years ago with three baby dragons clinging to her. What happened in 8.05 was devastating to watch, but it wasn’t unrealistic. It was actually very well done from a standpoint of how things actually work in the real world. You can be frustrated with how things turned out, you can be devastated by the destruction of King’s Landing and Dany’s break, and you can be pissed about the lazy writing of this season, but you shouldn’t be angry with the show runners for Dany’s descent into madness. It was actually remarkably well done.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Valar morguhlis.

EDIT: Obviously not everyone who goes through a period of psychosis is violent. It is an INCREDIBLY small percentage who actually inflict harm on others during a psychotic break. With that being said, rare as it may be, it does happen, it is a real thing that happens in real life, and cases in which a violent outburst happens are pretty spot-on similar to the way it happened to Dany. As someone who has experienced psychosis myself, I of all people know that not everyone becomes violent. But the portrayal of Dany throughout the whole show does align with the prodome of an exceedingly rare, but real, type of psychosis. I’m sincerely sorry for not clarifying this in my original post 💙

#Game of Thrones #Game of Thrones spoilers #got #got spoilers #daenerys targaryen #dany #daenerys #cersei #cersei lannister #jaime #jaime lannister #cersei x jaime #drogon #got 8x05 #the bells #mad queen #mad queen daenerys #mad queen dany #kings landing

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silverfootstepswrites · 6 years ago

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Incandescent [2/3]

title Incandescent (2/3) summary Vengeance is the best pick-up line. pairing itasaku (of course)

Part 1 | Part 3

It was a well-known fact that King Fugaku had bastard children. At least two, in fact. One, he had taken in as his “nephew” and currently served as a baron not far from the capital. The other, for some reason, he had never acknowledged. Never even spoken to. It had been a source of great scandal in the Cian Kingdom when it had first come to light. But now, no one batted an eye.

Which Sakura thought was absurd.

“He made him and he won’t even speak to him?” Sakura complained.

“It’s not as uncommon as you think, Sakura,” Kizashi answered.

“That’s right,” Mebuki piped up. “If anything, Papa is the strange one for not having mistresses.”

Sakura hid her smile behind her napkin as she watched her father sputter.

As Sakura recalled that conversation from a few years ago, she started when a servant arrived to set down tea in front of them. The plates and silverware rattled together. Her eyes met Sakura’s. Sakura didn’t dare look at her guest. She just nodded at the girl to dismiss her. She couldn’t leave the room faster. The door closed with a click behind her.

Sakura sat alone with her esteemed guest. Emperor Itachi of the Bermellon Empire.

Bermellon was a powerhouse of military prowess and technology. It was much older than the kingdom of Cian, and its access to the ocean meant that merchants flocked to its ports. A plague several years ago, along with a civil war waged among the nobles had weakened the empire considerably. Rumors had spread of a new emperor who had seized the throne and brought stability to the lands. All that the rumors could agree on was that the emperor was a recluse who didn’t appear in public for any reason.

“You must be uncomfortable. I beg your pardon for the sudden visit,” the emperor said, lowering his head.

Sakura pinched her thigh through her dress. It hurt. So this wasn’t some kind of strange dream.

“I.... Please don’t beg, Your Majesty,” was all she could think to say.

Itachi was silent as he took that in. And then a smile curled his lips.

“Then instead of begging, let me ask you a question, My Lady. Is is true that you’ve been in a somewhat... vindictive mood lately?” he queried. Pointer finger on his cheek and thumb on his chin as he watched her.

Her curiosity overpowered the fear. She met his gaze. “Perhaps.”

His smile widened. “Excellent.”

Sakura didn’t know why. But she felt quite comfortable recounting the last several months to a foreign monarch. Which, in retrospect, was probably a very stupid thing to do. Maybe it was his silence. It was hard to find someone who just listened.

“That is... quite a slap in the face,” was all he concluded at the end of her story.

“What I resent most,” Sakura began. She seized a cookie from the platter in the middle of the tray, “Is that I have brains. Why would he believe that I was going to seduce the son of the Knight Commander when I’m already going to become Queen?”

“That would be unnecessary,” Itachi said.

“Exactly!” Sakura took a bite of the cookie. And then, settling back in her seat, she sighed.

“Well, there’s no use in getting angry. It’s what I get for underestimating the no-name niece of a baron,” she mumbled, mostly to herself. After a moment, her gaze flickered up to Itachi.

“I’m not what you expected, am I?” Sakura guessed.

Itachi smiled a little. He wasn’t so daunting when he smiled like that. “Am I that transparent?”

“No. You have to get good at reading faces when you’re engaged to someone like Prince Sasuke,” Sakura replied. And then she tilted her head to one side as she thought as she added, “You remind me of him.”

His smile faded. “Which reminds me, we haven’t gotten to the reason for my sudden visit.”

She was aware that he had just changed the topic. But she gestured for him to proceed. She could always poke at that again later.

“Simply put, after the civil war, the farmlands and much of our infrastructure were destroyed. We’ve been able to make ends meet by importing crops from neighboring nations. Like yours. But the harsh tariffs your king has recently set against my country have hurt everyone. My people cannot afford to eat.”

“Wouldn’t this be the job of an ambassador to discuss this with His Majesty?” Sakura wondered.

“You’re correct. It would also be his job to discuss how Cian has engaged in skirmishes along our border and attempted to blame bandits,” Itachi added.

“So my country is provoking you to see if you’re weak enough to attack?” she guessed.

Itachi nodded. He took a sip of his tea. “That’s what I believe.”

Sakura folded her arms across her chest. “Then where do I factor into all of this?” she asked.

“Even outside of your kingdom’s borders, your family’s power is well-known. And then I happened to hear rumors of the House Haruno’s.... falling-out with the Crown. Naturally, I thought we could help each other. We put on a show, feign closeness. We can use that to our advantage to each get what we need.”

Sakura eyed him as she lifted her teacup to her lips to take a sip. She placed it back down on the saucer, soundlessly. “Do you plan to add Cian to your empire?”

Itachi didn’t flinch from her gaze. In fact, she almost wanted to flinch. Meeting with the Queen had been unnerving enough. This man was on a whole other level. “You’re quite blunt, aren’t you?” he observed.

“Your question doesn’t cancel out my question, Your Majesty,” she pressed. Perhaps, a little foolishly.

Itachi chuckled. “True. That was rude of me. But I also have many things I’d like to ask you.”

“Then we take turns. If you’d answer my question first, I’d be happy to answer one of yours,” she suggested.

“Very well. My answer is ‘no’. I don’t plan on conquering Cian.” And then he paused as he searched her gaze. “You’re not frightened?”

“Terrified.”

“Of this plan?”

“Yes. And of you. You’re very intimidating,” she answered. She didn’t see a need in lying about that.

He chuckled, eyes flickering down to the teacup. “I wouldn’t be a good ruler if I wasn’t.” And then his eyes moved back up to her. “Your next question?”

“Is it alright for you to be away from Bermellon like this?” she inquired.

“No, actually. But this was a special exception. In the future, I’m afraid our correspondences will have to be through writing,” he told her. And then he tilted his head a little as he looked her over.

“Why do you ask?”

Sakura gestured around the room. “Because if you’re going to continue to visit, Your Majesty, we’re going to need to update these furnishings. My mother would have a fit if she knew you sat in the same room as out-of-season curtains,” she told him.

Itachi’s eyes sparkled as he pressed his knuckles to his mouth. It took him several moments for him to speak again. In which Sakura felt at ease because she knew it was from him trying his best not to laugh. Which would have been very undignified for a fearsome emperor.

“I look forward to working with you, Lady Sakura.”

“Likewise, Your Majesty.”

Itachi’s departure was discrete. He slipped out through the servant’s entrance, the hood of his cloak pulled up to cover his hair. As the carriage pulled up, Itachi turned back to look at her. Sakura lingered in the doorway.

“Do you have a pet name, My Lady?” Itachi inquired.

“Do I look like the sort of woman who would have a pet name, Your Majesty?” she retorted, forehead wrinkling at the very thought. Pet names were for little girls. Perhaps the only peer who could have gotten away with calling her by such a thing would have been the royal family. Just imagining Sasuke’s look of disgust if she asked him to call her by a pet name made goosebumps rise up and down her arms.

“No. I suppose not. You’re quite endearing enough as is,” he mused mostly to himself as he turned to climb into the carriage.

The servants pretended to have seen nothing, and all Sakura informed her mother when she arrived a week later was that she had been dreadfully bored without her.

“You changed the curtains. Thank you, love,” Mebuki observed as she sat in the parlor. She cast a confused look at the servant girl who stifled a giggle.

It began with a letter. A formal correspondence from the Emperor of Bermellon to Duke Haruno.

“What does it say, Papa?” Sakura asked, leaning on him as she read over his shoulder. Kizashi handed it to her once he was done reading.

“The Bermellon Empire has had trouble feeding all its citizens after the civil war. The nobles were fond of razing farmlands as a battle strategy, apparently,” Kizashi informed her. He folded his hands under his chin as he waited for her to finish reading.

Sakura wrinkled her nose. “Bermellon had an agreement with the Crown. They sold surplus crops to Bermellon. In exchange for what, Papa?”

“For not attacking us. For a while, Bermellon’s armies were a serious threat,” Kizashi replied.

“But not anymore.”

“Not anymore,” he agreed. “I’d heard rumors that King Fugaku was planning to lay down strict sanctions against Bermellon. I never thought Bermellon would come running to us for help, though.” Leaning back in his chair, Kizashi bit the end of his pipe.

“Well, we grow the crops. It would make more sense for them to deal with us directly rather than go through the Crown,” Sakura commented. She stole a glance at her father, measuring his expression. He appeared to be lost in thought.

“Why don’t we help them, Papa? It wouldn’t do for people to go hungry,” she suggested.

Her father’s eyes flew to her. Sharpening.

“You know what kind of message that would send.”

“I know, Papa.”

Kizashi’s eyes narrowed even more. His mustache twitched. “What are you planning, dear daughter of mine?” he wondered.

Sakura rested her chin in her palms. She beamed at him as she answered: “Wouldn’t it be so much more fun if it were a surprise, Papa?”

Kizashi penned a reply that afternoon. Sakura sitting at his side as they brainstormed how to word the response. Mebuki eyed them as she watched Sakura pour wax onto the envelope flap. Sakura blew on the wax to cool before she stamped it with the seal.

“The royal family is moving to the Winter Palace. They should arrive in the next week or so,” Mebuki announced.

“Do you think they’ll try to make amends?” Kizashi queried.

“Of course. Although it seems like our daughter has other plans,” Mebuki noted. Sakura just smiled at her. Mebuki reached out and stroked Sakura’s hair. “Remember, darling. No treason.”

“Yes, Mama.”

As the weeks went on, letters went back and forth. Sakura started to pity the messengers who rode from the emperor’s palace on the coast to the Haruno family’s manor further inland.

Under the guise of lightening her father’s workload, Sakura had taken on writing to the Emperor herself.

At first, the messages had been strictly business. Contracts and official documents that were signed and stamped to ensure a fair deal. There had been a few letters that had been a bit snippy as they negotiated about the money that would change hands. Sakura had to admit that the Emperor was a shrewd negotiator. The number they settled on wasn’t exactly unfair to her, but it was certainly less than she would have liked.

But as the number of letters grew, Sakura found that their correspondences sounded less and less like business.

He didn’t exactly spill his soul onto the page, but she could make some guesses. His palace seemed like a quiet place. And he worried a lot. About his people. About himself.

In one letter on a particularly dull day, Sakura mentioned off-hand that she missed the capital. Particularly the sound of the cuckoo birds that would wake her in the morning.

She stood dumbfounded in her garden a few weeks later. Inside a silver cage sat two birds. Their feathers were grey, almost blue. Their bright yellow eyes stared at her as she approached. One of them opened its beak to let out a familiar “cuckoo” sound.

“Those are...” Sakura trailed off when one of her servants handed her a letter. The imperial seal stamped into the deep purple wax.

A token of thanks for all that you’ve done, was all it said.

Of course, Sakura hosted a small tea party a few days later. And while she didn’t say anything about the birds, she did place the cage in the middle of the garden, where everyone could see.

“Those are lovely, Lady Sakura,” one of the ladies commented.

“They were a gift from His Majesty the Emperor of Bermellon,” answered Sakura. Pretending not to notice Ino almost choke on her tea.

It didn’t take long for rumors to spread from there.

Sakura told her chattiest servants about the latest thing the Emperor had written to her or sent to her. And in turn, those servants spread the gossip to her friends and family. Who in turn informed their friends.

By the peak of the winter, the royal court buzzed with speculation like an angry beehive. Was the daughter of Duke Haruno engaged to the Emperor of an enemy nation? Was this a plot on the Crown’s part to gain Bermellon’s trust? Hadn’t Lady Sakura just been rejected by the Prince?

Sakura sat in the shade of the garden. It was a little cool, but the cloak around her shoulders kept her from feeling uncomfortable. The lavender the Emperor had sent to her several weeks ago had taken nicely to the soil. The stalks of silver-green leaves swayed back and forth, spreading the fragrance through the air.

“What’s most scandalous, I think, is that it’s difficult to tell whether he’s courting you or not, I think,” Mebuki observed. She gestured around the garden. “Flowers, birds, teas from his lands. Normally he would be sending dresses and jewels if he were trying to woo you.”

“Oh nonsense, Mama. He’s just showing his appreciation for our trading partnership,” drawled Sakura. And they dissolved into laughter.

The cooler weather passed and it was time for a new social season.

Sakura took a deep breath. She rolled her shoulders to loosen up before she nodded at the steward. He opened up the doors. A servant girl entered bearing a large silver tray. Envelopes of every shape and size covered the surface. Some of the messages were doused in perfume, which Mebuki promptly plucked out and tossed in the discard pile. (”That’s tacky, my dear. Anyone of good standing uses their name, not their nose to get attention.”)

“Hm. Garden party. Garden party. Oh. Flower viewing. So different from a garden party,” Sakura read as she shuffled through the invitations.

“Which ones will you go to, Mama?” asked Sakura.

Mebuki glanced through the names. “The sister of Earl Sabaku is throwing a stargazing party. She always has the most interesting ideas.”

And then Mebuki picked up a few more envelopes. “Countess Inuzuka has continued to annoy me. But I might show my face at Marquise Nara’s tea party.”

“And Marquise Yamanaka?” Sakura prompted.

Mebuki laughed. “That goes without saying.” But then Mebuki looked at her daughter’s face and her smile fell. “Oh. You’re... not planning on attending.... any of these,” she realized.

Sakura grinned. Pressing her hands together, she fluttered her eyelashes.

“Actually, Mama, neither of us are attending. We have somewhere to be,” Sakura corrected her.

Mebuki sighed.

“....Let me go get your father.”

“Duchess Haruno, it’s so good to see you,” the Queen greeted Mebuki a couple weeks later. Mebuki curtsied deeply.

“Thank you so much for meeting with me, Your Grace,” Mebuki replied.

“Of course. We are always glad to see such a dear and trusted friend,” Mikoto answered her. And they were all titters and smiles. Which did nothing to mask the frigid atmosphere in the room as they sat together.

“Now, whatever is this urgent matter that concerns you, my dear duchess?”

“The Haruno family won’t be attending the spring banquet?” Fugaku barked. His voice echoed across the dining room. Mikoto wrung her hands, her food untouched. Sasuke stared at his plate, like he wasn’t a part of the conversation. A servant walked in with a water jug, eyed the expressions of the royal family, and silently backtracked out of the room.

“...Or the summer ball,” added Mikoto.

Fugaku’s fork and knife clattered onto the plate. He threw his napkin on the table.

“This is unacceptable,” Fugaku said.

Sasuke stole a glance at his father and found himself on the receiving end of a glare.

“This is your doing, Sasuke.”

“How is the Haruno family’s insolence my responsibility?” Sasuke retorted.

“Oh, Sasuke, don’t,” Mikoto sighed. But there was no point.

“Not only did you dissolve an engagement, you publicly humiliated the daughter of the biggest threat to our kingdom. To make things worse, you abjure the girl you chose to replace her with after less than a year. What sort of message does that send to our people?” Fugaku spat. Sasuke bit his tongue as he looked away.

“For years, Sasuke, Duke Haruno has been called the second king of this nation. Should he choose to rebel, it would plunge this nation into a bitter conflict. One that I’m uncertain we would emerge victorious from,” the king then said in a softer voice.

Slowly, Sasuke turned his face back toward his parents. Fugaku was still scowling.

“I’ve been hearing unsettling strange rumors about the south right now. Fix this before it’s too late, Sasuke. Lady Sakura has always been enamored of you. Use that to your advantage,” the King demanded.

However, when Sasuke arrived at the Haruno mansion in the Capital the following day, it was empty.

“The Duke has moved here for the season, Your Highness, but there has been no word from the Duchess,” the steward informed him. And then he added, “It’s very likely that they are still at the manor, You-”

Sasuke stalked off before the steward could finish speaking. He had his fastest messengers sent south to the Haruno lands. They returned several days later empty-handed. Neither women was there, and none of the servants could say where they had gone.

Interrogating Sakura’s usual friends was just as pointless. Lady Ino claimed that she was just as confused as to where her friend was, and then punctuated her words with some scowls and maybe even an eye roll. Lady Temari was less obvious about her disdain, but answered just as coldly.

“How am I supposed to fix this if I can’t even find her?” Sasuke grumbled.

“Well, you probably shouldn’t have messed things up from the start then,” Naruto said, patting him on the back. Which was the sort of privilege he had by being one of Sasuke’s only friends since childhood. And oblivious to Sasuke’s expression, Naruto went on. “I tried to warn you. My cousin’s crazy. And Lady Sakura would never do all those things Karin said. If I were you, I’d be really mad at myself for falling for any of that.”

“Naruto.”

“Hm?”

“Stop talking.”

“Alright, Your Highness.”

A few days later, a message arrived at the royal palace. It might not have caught anyone’s attention except for the deep purple wax that sealed the flap in place.

As soon as Fugaku turned it over, his mouth tightened into a thin line.

“What is it?” Mikoto asked.

“Trouble,” was all Fugaku could say.

#writing #itasaku #incandescent

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