#just something quick because i am currently dying from art block :')

[hexolotl]

Happy Halloween

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be Yours-9

Word Count: 4,901

Story Summary: Follows Dean and the reader through season 9 into season 10

Chapter Summary: With no other choice Crowley is enlisted to free Sam of the angel's grasp

Warnings: cursing, fights, blood,death the usual

When Cas made it to the bunker you weren’t sure if Dean had even told him everything that had happened. When he walked into the library where you and Dean were currently gathering what weapons you’d need it confirmed he in fact had no idea what all had gone down when he asked “What happened?”

You stopped mid movement and cut your eyes at Dean who took a deep breath before saying “We need to catch you up on a lot Cas” you saw the look of confusion on Cas’ face so you motioned to the chairs “Let’s sit down” Cas took a seat so you sat next to him and Dean sat across the table. Dean’s eyes were cast downward and you could only imagine what he was saying to himself in that movement, the horror that was his own mind working against him half the time. You could only guess that little voice inside of his head telling him he wasn’t good enough. You hated that little voice and would give anything to make Dean never listen to it again.

“I made a mistake Cas” he started but you quickly cut in “We made the mistake Dean..We” Cas looked between the two of you so you elaborated “After the trials, when Sam collapsed Dean called me. By the time I got to their sides Sam was dying and Dean had already put a call out to any angel for help. I came in to Dean being attacked and the angel who introduced himself as Ezekiel intervening. He was hurt in the fall so he couldn’t heal Sam..Cas honey we had a lot of pissed off angels coming down on our asses looking for you so we had to make a quick decision. Let Sam die or let the angel in” 

“Whoever the angel was he..he hijacked Sam then he killed Kevin and took the angel tablet” you added not meeting Dean’s eyes. “Sammy was dying and he said it was the only way. I believed him and now Sam’s gone..Kevin’s” his voice trailed off at the end so you looked up towards Cas as he said “Dean I’m sorry” “Sorry doesn’t pay the bills, does it?” Dean replied and you let out a harsh breath as he pushed away from the table and stood turning his back to you and Cas before adding “It sure as hell ain’t gonna bring Kevin back..We got to find the son of a bitch”

Cas looked at you to ask “If the angel possessing Sam isn’t Ezekiel than who is it?” “A dead man walking” Dean replied, turning back around. “You’re gonna destroy him? You kill an angel it’s vessel dies too” Cas asked. Your entire body felt like it’d been dipped into ice. There had to be a different way. You couldn't kill the angel not while he was inside of Sam and you wouldn’t let anyone else. “There’s got to be a different way” you met Dean’s eyes as you said it. You refused to give up on him or Sam. It wasn’t in you.

He walked back over to the table and leaned down before saying “Sweetheart if we don’t end it and that halo burns him out..god damn I was so stupid” You looked to Cas silently begging him for help. He stood up as he said “You were stupid for the right reasons” “Yeah like that matters” Dean argued so you stood up next to Cas and said “It does” “Sometimes that’s all that matters” Cas added.

You nodded then said “Cas, Sam is strong if he knew somehow that an angel was possessing him he could fight couldn’t he?” “He could cast the angel out” he agreed. 

Dean shook his head at both of you “Maybe but he’s in the dark. How the hell would we clue him in?” You could see a thought occur to Cas before he asked Dean “Do you remember Alfie?”

You looked towards Dean as he said “The kid angel, yeah why?” “Before he died he told me the demons were able to dig into his mind, access his coding. We might be able to do that here. Might be able to bypass the angel and talk directly to Sam” “You think that would work?” you asked hopeful and Cas shrugged “I don’t know but I think we owe it to Sam to try, don't you?” 

At an actual plan being formed Dean nodded slowly “Well where do we start?” “Do you still have Crowley locked up here?” Cas questioned so you nodded “He’s in the armory locked up tight” “Then we should start there”

------

You watched Dean draw a syringe of blood out his own arm. Once he was through you held a rag out to wipe the blood away. “Thanks” you nodded checking to ensure it’d stopped bleeding. He laid his hand over yours when you started to pull away “I mean for a lot more than that”

You walked into the armory behind Cas after Dean turned the light on. Crowley blinked a time or two then smiled “Hello boys” when he spotted you he added “And hello sweets” Cas stepped back over to block you from his vision and you half smiled at the protectiveness. Dean pulled the syringe out his pocket “Ok, here’s the deal. You’re gonna tell us how to hack an angel and I’m gonna give you some of the good stuff. Human blood, fresh from the tap.Word is you’re jonesing for it” Crowley shook his head “Please. I’ll pass”

“What do you want then?” Cas asked. Crowley looked between the three of you then said “Well for starters a massage between the sitting and the shackles a body gets a little stiff” “Yeah I ain’t rubbing you and Y/N damn sure isn’t” Dean quickly shut him down but he replied “Didn’t want you or sweets. Get Kevin, his tiny fists can really work wonders” “Kevin’s dead” you bit out and actually saw Crowley’s face fall just slightly “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that”

Cas pushed you towards Dean before walking over to the table “Don’t pretend you care, you tried to kill him” Crowley was undeterred “I told him this was gonna happen. I was the only person who tried to warn him. I told him to run” “From what?” you asked  and Crowley cut his eyes at you “From your boyfriend sweets” You saw that haunted look pass through Dean’s eyes again as Crowley looked his way “How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don’t have much in the way of a life-span” Cas threw a look your way and you knew he was thinking along the same lines as you were but there was no time for that now considering Crowley continued “Now I can’t teach you how to crack open an angel. It’s more art than science. But I can do it for you. All I ask in return is a little field trip, dying for some fresh air” then held up his hands and added “Chains on naturally”

“No,” Dean said, then turned to walk out grabbing your hand but stopped when Crowley said “No? Of course not because if I’m plan a I’m sure you have a totally viable much better plan b. That’s why your angel and your girl is still paying any attention to me” 

Dean stopped and motioned Cas over. You stepped to the side to let Cas get close enough to you both. “You can’t be considering this” he said but you knew Dean was. Hell you were if it got Sam back. “With the chains on he can’t do anything” Dean tried but Cas did have a point when he argued “It’s Crowley. He can always do something” “Looks like we need a tie breaker. Sweets you want to vote or you want to go grab moose” You shot a glare at him and he smiled “Unless of course you can’t. That explains why you’re all here and why you and squirrel are up for letting me out. The poor giant baby’s in trouble again isn’t he” You wanted nothing more than to knock that damn smirk off his face but you felt Cas grab your arm as if he knew so you remained in place while Dean walked towards Crowley “Are you done?”

“Depends, do we have a deal?” Crowley asked and Dean looked back to you and Cas. You sighed and nodded so he told Crowley yeah. “Excellent, when do we leave?” “Want to take the jeep?” you asked and he shook his head “I don’t want him in your jeep” Cas spoke up and said “I have a vehicle. It stopped a few miles from here inexplicably” Dean nodded “Ok” then looked at Crowley “We’ll be back to grab you”

------

A few questions about how the car was acting before it died confirmed it probably just ran out of gas so you grabbed the spare can from the garage while Dean grabbed Crowley and the bag of weapons.

You walked next to Cas because him and Dean had Crowley between them. You had silver bullets in your gun and an angel blade in your jacket along with all the supplies Dean had despite the fact that the four of you walking down the road was probably a little strange looking to any passerby you made it to the tan lincoln without issue.

Crowley looked at the car then back at Cas “Really? Are you a pimp?” you rolled your eyes at him “There’s nothing wrong with your car Cas” Cas smiled at you “Thank you Y/N. I like it” Dean walked to the open driver’s window and tried the ignition “Yeah it’s out of gas” he moved to put the gas in the car and you noticed Cas once again put himself between you and Crowley. “Riddle me this boy wonder why do you need the wheels?” Crowley asked looking around him at you as he spoke.

Cas took a half step towards him “When you betray us, I’ll be the one to carve your heart out” you felt your eyes widen at that. “Cas, what a flirt” Crowley smiled and you shook your head. Jesus angels and demons were so far from what you’d originally thought hunting was. Dean stood up after the car had gas in it “Alright, let’s go”

“Shotgun” Crowley called out but Dean pointed his finger at him “No, you’re in the back” You shrugged but Dean added “Cas, ride back there with him. I don’t want him that close to Y/N”

You watched the two of them climb in the backseat then cut your eyes at Dean before climbing in. “Watch the leg” Cas growled to which Crowley grumbled “You’re on my side!” “CHILDREN! COOL IT!” you hollered and they both stopped. Crowley grinned “Or what sweets?” you narrowed your eyes at him “I care about Cas but you? I’ll gladly stab you in the face” his grin only got bigger at that “I see just why squirrel likes you”

Dean glared at Crowley in the mirror then cranked the car up. When the music started you had the mental image of Cas listening to the station and it was amusing. You saw Dean cut his eyes at you and if it wasn’t for the angel and demon in the backseat you probably would’ve reached for his hand but instead you simply assured him “I’m good”

------

Crowley gave Dean the directions to Waldroff Financial. When he parked and all of you climbed out the car Cas quickly put himself between you and Crowley again. You followed the three of them across the parking lot and into the building. “Your source is here?” Dean asked Crowley who replied “And she can track anything, even our little lost Samantha” Dean pulled you over to sit next to him while the four of you waited. His hand came to rest on your knee which you’d found was more of a comfort thing to him than anything while Crowley explained that the building you were currently in was a front for an N.S.A. listening post. “What are the listening for?” Cas asked and Crowley shrugged “Everything, The U.S. government is quite the voyeur these days so I planted one of my best and let her go to work” 

A security guard walked over and addressed Crowley “Mr Crowley she’ll see you now” all of you stood but he shook his head “Just Mr Crowley” before Crowley walked off Cas reminded him “I’ll be listening to every word you say”

You sat back down to wait this time between Cas and Dean. A few minutes passed then Dean checked his watch and asked Cas “Hear anything?”  “No” Cas replied so you guessed “The room’s warded isn’t it?” he nodded. “Awesome, that’s frickin awesome” Dean grumbled, rubbing your knee slightly. You put your hand over his to stop any further movements and he glanced up at your face so you mouthed “Breathe baby” he nodded slowly turning his hand to lace his fingers with yours. You used your free hand to touch Cas’ arm “Just give him a few minutes. If he acts up I’ll hand you the blade to carve his heart out”

------

Twenty long minutes passed before Crowley walked back down the stairs. All of you stood to meet him and he held out a photo of baby from a traffic cam “Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Somerset Pennsylvania ten minutes ago”  “Let’s go” you urged and Crowley nodded towards you “What sweets said”

------

When you made it to Somerset Dean cut his eyes at you as he parked “If I asked you to stay here?” “I’d tell you to bite me and not mean it sexually” you replied and he sighed “Thought so”

You followed him and Cas down the road to where baby was parked and ran a hand along her side as you walked past her. You knew the drill, stay out the way mainly because they were worried this angel may pinpoint you as a bargaining chip not only for the two of them but for Sam as well.

You followed Dean into the door and nudged his arm then pointed to what was clearly blood. The two of you followed it into the living room to find a body with his throat slashed then heard water running from the kitchen. He reached one hand to be able to touch you as both of you followed the sound. 

The angel wearing Sam’s face stood at the sink with his back towards you washing his hands. He turned the water off before saying “Dean, you and Y/N should not have come here” then turned to face the two of you.  “You killed our friend then took Sam and you think I’m gonna let that stand?” “I allowed you to live, I allowed her to live” The angel replied motioning towards you Dean shrugged “Mistake letting me live” 

The angel flung you both backwards and you landed in a heap but as he walked towards the two of you Cas walked in behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, when he turned Cas hit him once and he went down. “Damn” you breathed as Dean helped you to your feet. You glanced down at Sam’s still then back to Dean “What now?” “We get him up and get somewhere to hack his ass” you picked up the discarded angel blades you and Dean dropped then looked from him to Cas “Well I’ll leave carrying the giant to the two of you”

------

You drove Cas’ car while Dean loaded the angel wearing Sam, Cas and Crowley into baby. You followed him a few miles out of town until he pulled off at a warehouse near the water so you parked behind him then climbed out and walked up beside the impala. Cas glanced your way when Crowley questioned “Why couldn’t I ride with sweets?” and said “Because Dean nor I want you alone with her” you shot Cas a small smile then watched as he helped Dean carry Sam’s still form inside.

You followed them inside and stood back while they went about chaining Sam’s form down to a chair. Cas reached a hand out so you gladly let him push you behind him. He had grace back flowing through him so even with clipped wings he was in a lot better shape than you were to face an angel.

Cas had already done an initial check of Sam’s injuries so when the angel started stirring Dean walked into his line of vision “Welcome to the party pal” then nodded to Cas “How we looking?” you glanced towards Cas for the answer and let out a relieved breath when the answer was “Most of Sam’s internal burns have healed. I should be able to fix the rest” he looked from Dean to you before addressing the angel in Sam “What’s your name? I thought I knew every angel in heaven, but I’ve never seen you”

The angel glared at the three of you and it made a shiver of horror run up your spine at just how little he sounded like Sam in that moment “Why would I tell you anything?” Dean took a step towards the angel as he said “Well I don’t give a damn who you are. You need to get out now!” “And if I don’t?” the angel challenged to which Crowley actually spoke up and said “Then you and I will have a lovely little playdate”

The angel set his eyes on you when he said “Even bound I can rip this body apart. Tell them Castiel.” “You do, you die” Dean growled but the angel was undeterred “You want this to end? Go ahead and put a blade through your brother’s heart” you felt your chest clench at that very thought and at the look on Dean’s face. You cared too much about both brothers to see that happen, if it came down to it you wouldn’t let Dean.

The angel looked up at Dean “If it makes you feel better, I have Sam locked away in a dream. As far as he knows you, him and Y/N are working a case right now. Something with ghouls and cheerleaders” Dean turned away from him and caught your eye for just a moment before asking him “Why are you doing this? We fought together and I trusted you. You saved Sam and Y/N. I thought you were one of the good guys!”  When that actually seemed to affect the angel that made you curious. It seemed to hurt him when Dean said he thought he was one of the good guys. “I am doing what I have to do” he argued so you shrugged “So are we” 

You nodded to Dean so he looked to Crowley who slowly stood up and grabbed one of the large needles that were laid out onto the table. “So am I” he repeated before digging the first needle into Sam’s skull. The scream the angel let out was pure pain. Cas turned his head away but Dean looked straight on, you knew he was punishing himself for the fact that he still blamed himself for what the angel did. You swallowed hard to keep the bile down that was threatening to come up your throat. Possessed or not that was your best friend in that chair and seeing Dean in pain on top of that? It was almost too much for you to bear.

------

By the time Crowley got the third needle in you couldn’t handle it anymore. You stood from where you’d been sitting “Dean, I’m sorry baby but I can’t” and quickly walked out the room they were in. You felt too hot, like your jacket was choking you despite the cool night. You couldn’t help none of them like this, damn you felt weak.

You sat there on the damp floor trying to catch your breath before you heard footsteps.You didn’t have to glance up to know it was Dean and Cas. You glanced up and Dean shook his head “I couldn’t do it anymore either” 

“It’s not Sam but it’s still Sam” Cas reasoned and you nodded from where you sat. You flinched every time the angel screamed. Cas held a hand out so you let him pull you up to your feet. You glanced at Dean then asked Cas “How are you doing?” 

Cas looked confused for a second as he looked between both of you “You want to talk about me? Now?” “I want to talk about anything that’s not a demon sticking needles into my brother’s brain and I know Y/N feels the same” when Dean’s voice cracked you reached for his arm and he pulled you into his side before he begged “Please humor us Cas, how ya doing?” 

“Um, I’m ok” Cas finally said so you pulled away from Dean and pulled him into a hug. He seemed shocked for a moment then hugged you back. When you pulled away you explained “That’s for not protecting you better when you were human. Cas you’re my family you mean just as much to me as they do”  “Yeah man I’m sorry for kicking you out of the bunker, for not telling you about Sam” Dean added.

Cas simply said “You thought his life was at stake” “Yeah I got played” Dean replied so Cas reminded him “I thought I was saving heaven, I got played too” Dean scoffed “So you’re saying we’re both dumbasses” “You both wanted to trust someone. Someone who portrayed themselves as something they weren’t. Not dumb or ass” you cut in and they both gave you a small smile before Crowley called out “Laverne! Shirley! Sweets! All three of you get in here!”

------

You followed Dean and Cas back into the room. What Crowley wanted to show was that he’d dug around enough to get the angel’s true identity. Gadreel. The angel who had let Lucifer into the garden and doomed all of mankind. 

Cas rightfully had some built up anger at Gadreel but Dean pulled him back and reminded him to chill. Cas shoved his hand off but let your hand remain. “I will for Sam” you nodded a thank you before pulling your hand away.

------

With no other option you stood next to Dean and watched as Crowley’s smoke form left his vessel and flowed into Sam. Cas couldn’t get in without permission so since Sam wouldn't be fast to trust Crowley Dean told him the go word which was poughkeepsie. It meant drop everything and run. It was a system they’d come up with in their early twenties and had worked thus far.

Your eyes were on Sam’s body imagining the fight going on inside his head. You felt Dean’s hand on your lower back and leaned into his touch for comfort. You didn’t want to give voice to the thought inside your head and a part of you was relieved when Cas was the one to say “If this doesn’t work” “It’ll work” Dean cut him off before leaving a light kiss on your temple then walked across the room.

You took a deep breath while you watched Sam’s face for any indication as to what was happening.

------

“Dean!” you called his name a half second before the blinding white light of Gadreel’s essence flowing out of Sam lit up the room. Cas moved to shield your eyes from the light so you turned into his arm. Crowley’s smoke formed followed, flowing back into his vessel. “Sam!” you called moving to help Dean unchain him while Cas worked the remove the needles left behind.

“Sam are you ok?” Cas asked and you could see the confusion on Sam’s face but a vehicle pulling up broke any sort of relief that moment gave. Cas walked over to a window then glanced back “It’s Abaddon!” “Go. The back door. I’ll handle this” Crowley told Dean with a nod.

“Thanks Boris. Don’t die” you muttered while Cas and Dean supported Sam between them. You got in front of them with an angel blade in hand as a precaution. 

------

All of you got far enough away that you could stop for Cas to heal the holes in Sam’s head left by the needles. You stood back watching with your stomach in knots. Would he hate Dean for it? Would he hate you?

After Cas had healed Sam Dean walked over to join the two of them. Cas took a few steps away but you stayed where you were, close enough to hear and intervene if need be but not interfere if unneeded.

“Ok, let me hear it” Dean stated. Sam shrugged “What do you want me to say? That I’m pissed?” Dean nodded so he admitted “Ok, I am. I’m pissed. You lied to me. You got Y/N to lie to me” “He didn’t get me to do anything Sam! I agreed to lie because we didn’t have a choice at the time” you cut in but Sam wouldn’t even look your way before scoffing softly “I was ready to die! “We weren’t ready to let you” you argued and there were tears in Sam’s eyes when he did look your way “So my brother and best friend tricked me into being possessed by some psycho angel?” “He saved your life” Dean spoke and Sam shook his head “I was willing to die..and now Kevin” he trailed off and you felt your heart twist.

“No. That is not on you. Kevin’s blood is on my hands” Dean argued and you started to open your mouth but he shook his head and added “That ain’t ever getting clean” god why did he always have to take the world on his shoulder. “It’s on neither of you! It’s on Gadreel! He killed Kevin!” you stated not backing down from either of them.

“I’m going after Gadreel alone” Dean said after a moment and Sam cut his eyes at you before asking “What does that mean?” Dean tilted his head “Sammy, Y/N...People who get close to me get killed or worse. I can’t lose either of you”

“Go. I’m not going to stop you” Sam told him and you swallowed your words to let the brothers have a moment. Dean stepped away from Sam but stopped when Sam said “But don’t go thinking that’s the problem cause it’s not” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean questioned but Sam wouldn’t elaborate “Just go!”

You’d never felt more torn than standing between the two of them, watching one walk away and one stand in place. “Sam” you started but he nodded once “Go with him. He needs you more than I do right now” “Do you hate me?” you whispered and he shook his head “Never” you stepped close enough to press a kiss to his cheek then hurried to catch up to Dean before he climbed into baby.

------

When you grabbed Dean’s arm he froze and looked down at your hand “Y/N what are you doing?” you met his eyes and said “Either I go with you now or I go home and get my jeep and track you. Sam has Cas to help him, I’m not leaving you alone not now anyways” you could see the muscle clenching in his jaw and expected him to argue but he took a deep breath then said “I meant that I can’t lose you sweetheart if something happened to you because of me..” he trailed off but you didn’t need him to finish the thought to know what he meant. “Well then it’s a good thing I’ll be at your side. I know if I die next to you that you did everything you could to keep me alive”

“Get in then” he finally said so you looked back at Sam and Cas before walking around to climb into the passenger seat. You weren’t choosing him over Sam you were just making the choice that felt the most right at the moment and letting Dean drive away alone? You couldn’t do that.

Tags: @facadeformyrealblog @akshi8278

[runathepianist]

A Quick Checklist on Self Exploration

Hello everyone! Today I’m going to write down some of a quick checklist of my own self exploration based on question provided by ELE on this twitter link! (https://twitter.com/xlittle_ele/status/1275847156629475328) 

I will write things here in order not to spam your Twitter Timeline too much.

1. First of all, introduce yourself! What’s your name? My name is Runa. People usually call me by that name, but some others call me Ruru, Na-chan, some call me by the name of Xiao Wei and some other more.

2. Where are you from? From this universe; specifically, my mother’s womb. 

3. Do you have any hobbies? If so, which one? I have plenty of things that I could call as my hobbies.  I do music, specifically piano, but lately I’m trying out some other instrument as well, like kalimba/ ukulele. I like to write stories/ letters to friends/ daily journal, I like to re-arranged my room when I got the mood and time to do it, I love to watch some movies/ series and read stories/ manga as well. 

4. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where will you go? Hhm...Lemme see...I think I would love to go to Tasmania.  I personally loves to go to those minor places that people are not really put an eye to. Rather than going to those mainstream places. Partially, I want to go to Tasmania ever since I watch a Singapore drama series [Sudden] and part of the scenery in that series was taken at Tasmania. It makes me want to go there and visit the real place someday.

5. Do you believe in love at the first sight? Hmm...Not really, actually. Maybe because I’m a person who usually fall in love after I have interacted with the person for quite some time. Maybe because I rarely deeply attracted with how someone’s physical looks, but more into the personality they have within them.

6. What’s your favourite song at the moment? If you don’t have one, what’s the last song you listened to? I’m listening to quite a lot of Hiroyuki Sawano’s composed OST songs these days lately and also currently re-listen to Rachmaninoff piano concerto in C minor. 

7. What’s your favourite food? A lot (?) But mostly I love those salty food rather than sweet stuffs.  

8. What’s the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? It is either I’m trying to remember about the dream I dream of last night, or I feel grateful that I’m still be able to stay alive today. Sometimes, I could think of some random stuffs that suddenly struck me when I’m awake in the morning.

9. Do you believe in soulmates? Not really, but I believe that people are attracting people with the same/ similar frequencies with them, so if I want to see how my future soulmates is, I just need to mirror on myself and see how I’m living my life so far and how’s my true personality is. 

10. What do you want to become in the future? A wonderful lady artist (musician) for myself, wife for my husband and an awesome mother of two or three. 

11. What’s your favorite book? Kate DiCamillo’s The miraculous journey of Edward Tulane All poetry books by Lang Leav Le petite prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupery Steal like an artist  - Austin Kleon 

12. Favorite Season? Hmm...Spring time?

13. What’s the best memory you have with your friends? Hmm..Actually I couldn’t really recall any. Maybe there was, but I’m a forgetful person, really. 

14. What’s your biggest dream? To have a peaceful and healthy (both physically and mentally) life with my beloved family and dearest people. 15. If you could change one thing about yourself, what it’ll be? I wonder...Maybe my cowardness? 

16. What’s your favorite movie? Hmm...There are a lot too, but lemme spell out some that I could still remember the title. It’s kinda hard to name, since I’m usually more into series than movie. The Devil wears prada, Up in the air, Habibie & Ainun, Yes Man, How to train your dragon 1 & 2,  Finding Mr. Right.

17. Do you have a crush on someone? Hmm...I currently have a fiance. Does this count as one?

18. If you knew you were gonna die tomorrow, what will you do? Write a letter and prepare parting gift for everyone. Have a good talk and convey everything that I would love to tell to my beloved dearest people surround me. 

19. Do you feel proud of yourself? Yes I do

20. What do you think is your safe place? Y’know, that place/ thing that helps you feel better when you need it the most? Bathroom, because it gives you privacy though you are surrounded by people. I mean, it’s rare to see other people following you into bathroom right? So the sense of personal space is there in the bathroom. At least, for me personally. 

21. Do you believe in ghosts? I believe it exist in terms of frequencies. This universe is filled by various frequencies and they are unseen, but you could sometimes feel it. That’s how I define feelings, and ghosts. 

22. Do you miss someone? I miss myself, sometimes, and some people that have passed away, sometimes.

23. Do you have any pets? What are their names? I used to have hedgehogs, but I don’t have any with me now after their death.

24. Are you a night person or a morning one? I could say I’m a night owl. Morning doesn’t really work well for me. 

25. Are you part of the LGBT community? Nope, but I’m okay with being friend with people who are part of the LGBT community.

26. What’s your favorite video game? Hmm...Those old games, like Fatal Frame series, La pucelle, phantom brave, disgaea, some otome games like amnesia series/ hakuoki. 

27. What’s the reason you wake up every morning? Life goes on, so yeah.

28. Do you look up to someone? Hmm...it’s a yes and a no. 

29. What’s something you’ve wanted to try for a while, but haven’t done it yet? Go somewhere far away, enjoy tranquility and the nature, alone. 

30. What’s the meaning of life for you? It’s an endless journey of finding oneself and spreading positivity and love to people surround us. 

31. Do you play any instruments?  I play mostly piano and those instruments within the same family like keyboard, electone, pianika, etc. Side: I tried ukulele, kalimba, recorder, etc.

32. What’s the most annoying thing you had to deal with? The battle within myself,  How to deal with the society surrounds me. 

33. How would you define “art”? Wabisabi - the beauty in imperfection.

34. Do you think you’re a different person now because of quarantine and everything that happened in the world? Not really, but I do find out how lazy I actually am after this quarantine.  How I am really a jak-of-all-trades; well, it just some self-exploration,  but to say that I’m a different person now? Nah, no! I’m still me. 

35. Name one thing you hate that others love? Those material related stuffs.

36. What do you think that happens after we die? My soul with emerge with this universe and my physical body will blend into one to the soil. I will become frequencies and when the right moment comes, I will be born again in this universe in a different form.

37. Do you have any regrets? I do, but I don’t want to dwell into things in the past too much as there is no way we could change the past, but I’m striving to change now to change the future instead.

38. Love or being loved? Being loved is awesome. 

39. What’s the best advice someone has ever given to you? Marriage is not about love, because love won’t last for years,  but please keep enhancing yourself to be the best version of yourself and never forget to build consciousness within yourself. Based on that, you support each other, appreciate each other and trust each other as couple.  (Advice given by Nichiren Daishonin Buddha to his disciple, Shijo Kingo)

I really like this a lot when I stumble on this, and apparently it’s one of advice that I took dearly within my heart until now as a guidance.

40. What are you afraid of? When I make my family upset/ something bad happen to them

41. Describe yourself in 5 words Simplicated Jack of all trades

42. How’s your relationship with your parents/ siblings? Very good. We never really have any toxic relationship with each other though of course we are all not perfect and there are things that we should work on for each of us. 

43. Would you rather live in a big city or in a small town? Hmm...A small town that is able to travel to a big city for a travel distance less than an hour by train. I miss my time spent when I was in Diemen. It was a nice small city near Amsterdam. 

44. Have you ever been on a relationship? Yes

45. What’s the happiest memory that comes to your mind right now? I’m actually pretty sleepy and zombie mode right now, so I couldn’t think off any specific moment, but I think most of moments in my life is a bit bitter with lots of sweetness on it, so yeah! Those moments spent with my family are the best.

46. Do you easily trust others? Nope. I usually have minus trust with other people other than my own core family. Even I couldn’t trust my extended family too much. 

47. Have you ever dyed your hair? Nope, but I usually try some wigs instead. 

48. What’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone new? Of course, it’s physical appearance (though I should say I don’t put much attention on physical thing) since it’s the first thing that we could see with bare eyes.

49. If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, which one it’ll be?  I’ll just pick one from KOKIA album. I love her so much. Any album could do, but maybe I’ll choose the best collection album since it contains more songs there LMAO

50. Tag someone to remind them how much you love and care about them... Hmm..I will tag my sister perhaps XD The other family members of mine don’t have twitter.

51. What was your favourite toy when you were a kid? Dolls? I forgot. ahahaha. 

52. What’s your biggest pet peeve? When people in society only judge people based on material possession they have rather than by their hearts. It annoys me so much when I encounter one.

53. If you could change one thing in the world to make it a better place, what will you do? I don’t have any idea right now. Writer’s block.

54. Have you ever got involved with drugs/ alcohol? Nope. Never.

55. What do you think is your aesthetic? Hmm... All of me?

56. Do you enjoy traveling? Yes, but sometimes not really since traveling is tiring, but it’s good to see a different scenery once in a while. 

57. What’s your favorite show? Hmm...I don’t really have one maybe? Is anime consider as show? I don’t think so huh.

58. Are you into witchcraft? Nope.

59. What would be your ideal gift? Hmm...I never really have any specific desire in life, but usually I love letterset/ notebook/ fluffy stuffs/ tea/ coffee/ any aesthetic/ vintage stuffs around. I usually treasure more intangible things than tangible one, so yea. 

60. Do you think you’re a good person? It depends on how you define a good person is.

61. Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? I’m introvert.

62. Have you ever gone to a concert? Yes, I did. Some classical concert and Kingdom Heart orchestra tour concert. 

63. How will your ideal first date be? When there is no drama occurs and compatibility is there, ah, with good food and tea as well.

64. Do you think there’s life in others planets? Mayhap. Why not? I’m open to any possibilities.

65. What do you do when you feel sad? I play/ listen to music, watch something, write something, take a good shower with favorite scented soap.

66. If you could travel back in time to another century, which one will you pick? Hmm....The year where I’m born. 

67. Do you often remember your dreams? Yes, I do!

68. Name one thing you hate about your country I don’t really have one.

69. If you won the lottery, what will you do with all the money? I’ll buy a house for myself (and my future family) and another one to build a public library/ an orphanage. 

70. Any guilty pleasure? Quite a lot, actually. 

[pepperstrawberry]

Walkers and the Spark of Doom

I’m going to just put this out there given those that are worried and those that salivate for it are getting their gears winding. And mind you, I totally get the worry.

But what frustrates me is how often folks call for the death of characters. In comics, in movies, and yes, here in Magic.

It feels like some folks have been straight up salivating for Jace to bite the bullet. Many predict and are worried for Gideon’s fate. And with the Chandra comic straight up saying that ‘SOMETHING bad’ happens, folks are assuming main cast deaths.

And that might be the case. But what bothers me is how often folks get on this bandwagon of ‘deaths are required for there to be stakes’. Like... there is more to a story then whether a main character dies or not.

First: Side characters can be a viable target if the main characters care enough and if they are given enough time to allow us, the audience to connect with them.

Sadly though, with the shifts and changes in the way MtG’s lore has been created behind the scenes, things have gotten... inconsistent for the last few years. Mind you, we have had great stories here and there, but consistent characters, consistent plotting, and a solid through line has been lacking

But that doesn’t mean that we ‘need main characters to die’... cause guess what? The same issues that make it not as impactful for supporting cast to die is the SAME issues that make for main cast deaths to feel as cheap.

Second: There are other things that can be at stake. While not as gracefully told at times, and having a frustratingly rushed ending if I’m honest with myself, Kaladesh and Aether Revolt were less about lives directly and much much more about a way of life. Same with Ixalan. Who wins determines who makes the rules and what sort of quality of life is had by others that are not the victors.

Again, the same issues that plague the supporting cast death apply here. If there is inconsistent quality, rushed or awkward pacing, changing characterizations (jace from ixalan vs quick pop in on Dom anyone?), this can also be disrupted. The fact that they had four different endings to Ixalan and didn’t commit to one and make things kinda broad in that way was a complaint I did see out of what was otherwise a well loved set of stories.

Third: Personal goals/growth/interests. Whether being achieved or not and the challanges, twists and turns can effect the stakes too. Or at least effect the strength of the emotional connection of the story. Gideon’s need for a God he can trust in in Amonkhet and then finding the truth and being crushed by that was, and least I felt, a sad turn. 

Amusingly that point connects back to the point about supporting cast deaths. Oketra’s fall was sad, but it was made more poignant by the effect it had on Gideon after he had already spent time with the god. And yes, we got to know her a little, but much of that was through Gideon and Hazoret’s interactions.

My Bottom Line: Death, while a part of story telling and stakes and what not, is not the end all be all.

We are entering into what is more or less a ‘Last Chapter’ of the current plot line. Several of these characters we will still be following. People will die, but we don’t know for sure if any characters will die (difference between faceless red shirts and actual named cast). If some do, I hope they get the awesome ass kicking (in the case of the baddies) or the most badass final moments (in the case of the heroes) they deserve with plenty of PROPER build up for it.

But I’m not going to make any direct predictions. There is only ONE character in the main heroes that I could see dying, Gideon. And that is ONLY because of his story and how it is structured. And that end could come here, or it could just as easily come with a return to Theros....

Or it could just never come at all.

When I look at death in a story, I look at it on two levels: In the moment and how it feels; and metatexually, that is, how it it’s built up, was it leading there, how does it effect the over arching story, is it worth it to kill them off or is there more story to be told there given everything else that seems to be planned.

I look at it as a reader and as a writer. But I’m not here to make tallies, and I’m not here to fear their passing save for if it is poorly done in the telling. And I am certainly not here to salivate over who’s corpses do we get to see fall to the floor like some Rakdos Carnie.

What I want is a solid story. My favorite in all of MtG lore is STILL Homesick, and for good reason. For a change we have a moment of down time, some nice solid characterization, and it even moves some plot forward without straight up pushing it. I adore that story. And it constrasts hard with the ending of the block, as I said. I will forever love Kaladesh for it’s characters, it’s art, and it’s story, and not because some body count was created.

That’s really about it.

Thank you if you read fully through this ramble, and I hope, no matter if anyone falls or no one, that the War of the Spark story is exactly as good as the hype is trying to make it appear to be.

[bluezey]

Can four Spongebob episodes be fixed from four unlikely sources?

I've wanted to do this post for a while about two nearly despised Spongebob episodes, but lately someone talked about another recent episode. And, I thought I'd bring back another episode real quick that I've already "defended" with another "fix". So, with those in mind, and four episodes to talk about, let's get to it and talk about four episodes that range from okay to despised and see how unlikely sources can explain them and possibly save them.

Whale Watching

We're going in order from okay to despised, which starts us out on the very recent episode Whale Watching. Now don't get me wrong, a lot of the fandom loves this episode, but some find it okay because they saw Squidward out of character. Instead of being crass and bitter like he is to most other characters, to Pearl Squidward came out pretty timid. I didn't see this at first, but now that I can I don't see this as an issue because he was trying to do a good job as a babysitter in order to earn that Spongebob free shift. Also, the episode confirms that Squidward babysat Pearl since she was a baby, so I can see Squidward gaining a nicety towards Pearl as if she was his niece. But, here's the unlikely source that could fix this character change: Feral Friends. Feral Friends was a special last season that introduced us to our favorite characters downgraded into their animal forms, and we find while some animals fit, like Patrick bring a lazy glutton matches that starfish eat by expelling their stomach, some are hilarious opposites, such as while Krabs and Puff are on again and off again dating, in reality the pufferfish and the crab are bitter rivals in the food chain and are constantly trying to attack and eat each other. Which leads to Squidward and Pearl, where we find out the whale is the predator to the octopus. And they're not kidding, as even in kid show tameness, their fight got pretty graphic, and Squidward almost got ate by Pearl! Now remember how wimpy Squidward got when Pearl practically threatened him with a paper mache tombstone with Squidward's name on it? I'm pretty sure that gave Squidward flashbacks to that feral fight. Now I know Feral Friends hinted that they don't remember what they did when they were feral, but not only did the episode hint that Sandy would tell them, but I don't think Squidward would forget being chewed up and spat out of Pearl's mouth. (One last bit of connection, Feral Friends ended with Squidward and Pearl seeing each other naked. And now we know Squidward babysits Pearl. Yeah, that happened. Awkward.)

Ink Lemonade

I've talked about this episode and this fix before, which is why were going to talk about this one briefly. Also, this only fixes part of the episode, the part where people are grossed out about the Bikini Bottom denizens drinking Squidward's ink. So, what can fix this gross out humor? Spicy squid ink sauce. A specialty sauce made in Japan that is spicy and, as the name advertises, is dyed black with squid ink. That's right, squid ink can be made edible. And Japan loves this stuff, as it's common enough to appear on the Kuro burger, a special black colored burger that appears at most burger joints during the Halloween season. The spiciness also explains the over the top expressions of the characters first drinking the ink lemonade, and one practically breathes fire from how hot it is. So not only is Squidward's ink edible, it's hot! Maybe that's another reason why he doesn't like to ink as much as he does lately, it burns.

Are You Happy Now

What could be more infamous than the episode where Squidward is so depressed we see him brushing up against jokes referencing suicide? I can see why many fans despised this. But lately, I saw how similar it is to a more popular episode called Enchanted Tiki Dreams. Tiki Dreams has Squidward also badly depressed, and no matter what Spongebob does Squidward can't fully get happy. It sounds like Happy Now, but there's a key difference. In Tiki Dreams Squidward eventually becomes happy, while in Happy Now he gets more and more depressed. Which makes me think what the difference is between the two. Well, here's my theory: drugs, or specifically, antidepressants. With how sad and mopey Squidward can get, and for good reason in some cases, it's not unlikely that Squidward would take something for being depressed. But, some people can and will stop taking their medication. So, in that respect, Tiki Dreams and Happy Now are unofficially paired episodes. Tiki Dreams is Squidward in a depressed mood, but manages to shake out of it once his medicine kicks in, and even stay somewhat happy when his dream world is destroyed. While Happy Now is him so depressed he stops taking his meds, making him go through his depressing mood and only getting worse and worse as he can't shake out of it on his own. And without his meds, he looks like he's in a state where he doesn't want to. And it doesn't help that when Squidward does eventually get happy it's because he eventually snaps into a rage that somehow makes him happy? This doesn't sound like a healthy form of happy. Not taking his meds may also explain the glaring plot hole that Squidward doesn't have a happiest memory, he's too depressed to remember a happiest memory.

A Breath of Fresh Squidward

This episode finally gave us Squidward happy, but it's still despised by how they did it. Squidward installs an electric fence to keep Spongebob and Patrick out, but in the show's trend at the time of punishing Squidward for no reason, Squidward shocks himself with it. The shock changes his mood to always happy, and while everyone loves it, eventually Spongebob doesn't like being usurped as the happy guy on the block. This causes Squidward to be sad, cumulating in the end where Squidward, Spongebob and Patrick all get shocked by the fence, and all three become grouchy Squidwards.

Now out of all the unlikely sources, nothing is more unlikely than Nickelodeon's competitor, Disney, or specifically, Pixar. That's right, Breath of Fresh Squidward could be explained by Inside Out. I love Inside Out, and one of my favorite things that makes me love the movie more is seeing other characters from other shows in Inside Out logic. That led me to looking at how Squidward's mind works in this logic, and eventually this episode. First, let's look at how his mind works in Inside Out terms. Each mind is run by five emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear. With how grumpy he is, Squidward appears to be missing this Joy, but that's not exactly true. Squidward has been seen as happy, mostly when he's alone with things that make him happy like his art or music. So whenever the other emotions see no need for Squidward to be scared or angry or sad or disgusted, they'll let Joy take the controls, but most of the time they're so busy making Squidward scared or angry or sad or disgusted, that his Joy ends up away from the console, either entertaining himself (or herself, sometimes I think Squidward's Joy could be a female) with music or art or other happy things, but mostly being bored and kinda miffed that he can't make Squidward happier. Then Squidward gets shocked by the electric fence and, partly because the mind works on electric current running through neurons, the shock runs through the console and shocks Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust, knocking them out. At first Joy, who was safely away from the console so unhurt, is worried about his co-workers, then pouty as he has to run Squidward all by himself, then Joy gets excited as he realizes he has Squidward all to himself. Leading to Joy having the best day ever by making Squidward have a happy and optimistic day. Until eventually Spongebob gets mad at Squidward, making him sad. This is because just before Spongebob snaps at him, Squidward's sadness comes to, realizes what Joy has been doing, but gets sad when all this happiness upsets Spongebob. This makes Sadness sad because he's Sadness, and while both Joy and Sadness bicker and fight at the console, the controls they hit make Squidward run home and eventually get shocked by the fence. The shock knocks out Joy and Sadness, but at the same time wakes up Anger, Disgust and Fear, making Squidward his grumpy self again as they take over. This also explains the shift in Spongebob and Patrick's personalities, as the shock could have at least left their Anger or Disgust in control, or maybe both of them, and that's why they became grumpy Squidward.

Again, this idea is a real big stretch, but once you see it through it not only makes a lot of sense, but seeing Squidward's emotions running around in his mind is a lot of fun. For example, how would Squidward's emotions look? To me, I imagine them as Squidward's but their skin tone matches the color if their personality, so Joy is a yellow Squidward, Fear is a purple Squidward, Anger is a red Squidward, Disgust is a green Squidward and Sadness is a blue Squidward. Their voices are a tough call, they can all sound like Squidward but with different inflections so Joy sounds happier and Anger sounds gruffer for example, or go all out and get a different voice actor or guest star to voice each different emotion! And we have to think of how they look to match their personality. For example, I imagine Squidward's Joy would wear a like green Hawaiian shirt with a floral print much like the sky flowers in the ocean. (If his Joy is a female, same thing but the shirt is longer to make it a dress). And just as a jab at Squidward, have his Joy be the only emotion with hair (the classic dark blue hair most Joys have) and is basically a clarinet and artiste prodigy! But unfortunately Squidward would always be the bald amateur at his craft, at least his Joy shows he has potential to be great. (Okay I went on a paragraph long tangent about inside out, now can you see how obsessed I am about this movie, new peoples?)

Anyway, there it is. Four unliked episodes and how they can be explained or fixed by four unlikely things. And nothing is more despised than Happy Now and Fresh Squidward, and nothing is more unlikely as drugs and Pixar. But tell me what you think. Did these explanations and theories fix these problems and maybe make you like the episodes now? Or do you still despise them despite the fix? Or hell, do you have a better way to fix these issues? Or do you also want to talk about Squidward, Spongebob or Patrick's emotions? Reblog or message me with your comments, and let's have our own open discussions about Spongebob, drugs, babysitters, ink sauce and Pixar.

[sharkfish]

some words about wank-brewers

This is a post about my own wankiness, wherein I conclude that I don’t like it and don’t like to be involved, and then also talk about some wank happening lately. I recognize this is at least a little hypocritical.

When I was a young person — I would use the word “kid,” but to be accurate, I’m talking from about age 12 to beginning of my 20s — I was an asshole on the internet. There are perhaps worse words you could use to describe me, and past!me would probably deserve it.

To paint a slightly more specific picture, I belonged to an online horse-related community. It was similar to fandom tumblr in some ways: there were far more actual users than any one person could know or interact with, and many of them stayed in their own small circle, but there was a smaller group of highly-active people, and among those an even smaller group of people you might call, in fandom jargon, “Big Name Fans.”

I was one of those people. The site is pretty much defunct now, but I do know that as late as ‘17 (nearly a decade after my reign), there were people who still knew of me and my merry band of delinquents. We were Mean Girls, and I was Regina George. 

I’m being flippant, because that’s who I am, but I am not proud of this. I was a mean person. I hurt people. I stole fake money from children. I lied about almost every single aspect of my life — when people say “you never know who someone is on the internet,” they’re talking about people like past!me, who maintained a persona that bared very little resemblance to actual!me. I introduced a whole slew of young country folk to issues of queerness, fought with people about gender neutral pronouns, and was a stickler for calling out people who didn’t bother to find Creative Commons-licensed images for their edits/artwork (still stand by this btw).

And I ran a blog that was very well-known in the community, even to people who didn’t know me personally. It was a burn book. There were positive posts, too, and some of the people were in on the joke, but there were also plenty of people who were just trying to have a good time and I decided to make that difficult for them, much like the people I now frown upon for giving negative reviews of fic. Mods handed out temporary bans to me constantly, but I always talked my way out of it with admin.

I thrived on the wank of it. I was hurt by some of the meanness sent my way — though it was certainly well-deserved — but any attention was better than none. Sometimes it upset me, but I also knew what the analytics looked like on my stupid blog when I spun more drama.

I look at people like past!me now and think, “Really? This is how you want to spend your limited time and energy here on earth? Get a fuckin hobby.” Maybe I’ve forgotten that for some people, that kind of shit is their hobby.

I was — still am — a pretty sick person, both mentally and physically. I’m a mess now, but at that time I was dying to be anyone else. I was very, very sad and very, very alone. These are not excuses, but I understand now how my illnesses could’ve sent me in a direction that led to this behavior. I understand now that I wanted to feel like I mattered in some small way, even just the tiniest of craters on the surface of the world, even if my name was only said in a negative light. I had a captive audience, and it wasn’t difficult to start a witch hunt, so I did, over and over. Like, for years.

Maybe this is why I have so little tolerance for wank now. I unfollow people pretty quick if they seem to be getting their rocks off on starting shit with people they could just block or ignore. That’s no longer how I want to spend my time & energy. My current hobbies are way more fun.

I typed all those words for 2 reasons:

1) This is something I don’t talk about often because I’m ashamed of it, but it seemed like maybe eventually I should make a Statement, to myself if nothing else;

and

2) I feel like there’s a bit of a spidey sense for wank-brewers, the kind of people who stir up shit just because they like the way it smells. I know the tools & tricks of that trade. I like to think I can spot people who are being at least a little bit disingenuous in the way they present themselves and their circumstances.

@unforth-ninawaters has gotten a lot of shit lately for saying something that’s always been tickling at the back of my mind — that maybe Euclase isn’t being entirely honest or candid about the abuse she receives. For the while that I did follow her, almost every one of her posts made me go ??? because it just… does not make sense. The claims about what is happening to her don’t make sense within the context, her reactions do not make sense if the claims were true, and her supporters are rabid in a way that only starts more hurricanes of bullshit that, interestingly enough, keeps her name (and art) at the forefront of our minds (specifically the spn fandom; she seems to have a particular hard-on for us, but I have no concept of how well-known she is or isn’t in any other space).

Unforth did a pretty good job outlining some of the stuff that has always seemed off to me about The Euclase Situation that you can see in her “wank” tag, but — well, from the pov of a Former Internet Asshole, I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that Euclase may be one of our ranks. Spinning things is easy, and it’s even easier on the internet, and even easier still when you have a platform, when people already respect you in one way (for example, your contributions to fandom via art/fic) even if they don’t know anything else about you.

I was Regina George, and then I grew up a little (let’s be real, not that much, but at least a little). The idea of hurting people is viscerally painful to me now, and the idea of wasting hours upon hours to be a “Big Name” anything is exhausting and stupid. But we all have our own journeys at our own pace. 

Lastly: I apologize on behalf of Internet Assholes everywhere for the way we may have treated you, dear reader, in the past, present, or future. You most likely didn’t deserve it and just got incidentally swept up in bullshit while we tried to counteract our own imagined or real inadequacies with name recognition. It’s not you; it’s us.

[jolienjoyswriting]

Electrical Disturbance, Ch. V

Chapter 5 of "Electrical Disturbance," a Rockman (Dr. Chou Numbers universe) fan fiction story.

I dunno what I was thinking with the dialogue in this one.  Probably, weird things.  I'm a weirdo.  ):

Word count: 4,110 – Character count: 23,847 Originally written: July 19th, 2020

Kaitlin's suspicious nature leads her to find out that, maybe, the Rights are alright.

Thomas Right, Roll, Rightot, Rock/Rockman, “Rockman” (series), Turboman, and related characters and concepts created by various people and © Capcom Co, Ltd. "Dr. Chou Numbers" concept and related characters and concepts created by and © Jussy Kaitlin/Thundergirl created by and © KaitlinEXE

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

    “– significant damage – radiation–”     “– lin!  Kaitlin…!!  Wake–”     “Why – Blues do–”     “I say leave – is.  Clearly, she – threat.”     “Shut up!  She–”

    There was a dizzying cacophony of voices swirling around in Kaitlin’s head.  Her optics were offline and her aural sensors were only working part-of-the-time.  She couldn’t move and couldn’t speak, and she wasn’t entirely sure where she was or how she got there.  All she knew was that the parts of her body that she could feel really hurt…

    “Thundergirl?  Kaitlin?  Answer if you can hear me.”

    The girl twitched.  What was going on…?  All those voices from before were gone… except for one.  It was a gentle-but-firm voice calling out with a sense of urgency.  Part of her didn’t want to bother responding, but…     “I… I hear you…”     She thought she may as well.

    “Kaitlin, I know you can’t see me,” the voice told her, “but this is Dr. Thomas Right.”     The girl went silent.  She had a feeling that’s who it was…     “Kaitlin, you’ve suffered some serious injuries.”     “Yeah, no kiddin’…”  She grumbled as she said, “I can’t see, I can’t move…  Whatever happened must’a been pretty bad.”     “You don’t remember because… I had to reroute power from your memory to your core.”     “Where’s my dad?”  Kaitlin frowned – at least, in her head.  “Where’s Papa Wily?”     “I know you think I’m the enemy, but whether or not that’s true, I assure you… I live by the Hippocratic Oath of Medics and–”     “I… don’t know what that is…”     “‘I carry out this oath,’” the doctor began quoting, “and break it not, may I gain for ever reputation among all men for my life and for my art; but if I break it and forswear myself, may the opposite befall me.’”     She paused before telling him, “I didn’t understand a word’a that.”     “It means that I am, first-and-foremost, a Doctor of Robotics.  My formal alliances have no place in my laboratory or in any other place where I may repair a robot in need.”     Once again, the girl too a long pause to consider his words.     “Whether you trust me or not,” the doctor added in a softer tone, “I will do my best to return you to full health.”     “Don’t… guess I have much choice, huh?”     “You could ask me to leave you as you are… though, I believe that there are several people waiting outside for you to recover.”     “Any… friends?”     “They seem to think so.”     Kaitlin sighed…  Then, she said something she wasn’t sure she’d regret, later:     “Go ahead ’n patch me up, Doc…  I don’t trust you… but I trust your words.” –––––

    “–lin, Kaitlin…?  Kaitlin?”     “What, what…?”     The girl waved a hand in no specific direction… until it smacked into something.  Immediately, her eyes shot open and she looked up to see…     “Gah!”     She’d accidentally plopped her hand on Dr. Right’s face.  Needless to say, she was quick to move it right back off.

    “S… sorry!”  She paused…  “Wait, no, I’m not!  You’re my… my…”     The girl sighed, suddenly, shaking her head.     “No…  No, I can’t swear vengeance against you…  You fixed me… right?”     “Ah, good!”  The doctor smiled.  “Your short-term memory, tactile sensors, and your audio-visual sensor array all seem to be working.  How do you feel?”     “Tired…”  She chuckled as she asked, “Can I get an E-Can Mini, pretty-please?  I… I promise not to threaten you ‘n your family, for now?”     Hearing Kaitlin joke made the doctor even happier.  She seemed to be doing just fine.

    “So, let me get this straight, Doc…”

    A short while after awakening, Kaitlin took a seat on the edge of a workbench.  She was still tied into his computer systems while casually sipping on a miniature Energy Can.  During that time, she took stock of her current situation.

    “Accordin’ to Breakman… that sonova– uh, I came here after gettin’ into a fight with Elecman, a few days ago, who was… under my dad’s control, at the time?”     The doctor softly nodded as he stared at a computer screen and typed… something.  Kaitlin had no idea what and didn’t care enough to ask.     “Elecman messed me up, so you had’a do some internal repairs…”     “Mm-hmm…”     “But, somethin’ went wrong?”     “That is correct, my dear.”     The girl shuddered.  “Hey… can you not call me that, ever again, please?”     “My apologies,” is what he offered, still focused on the computer screen.

    “Anyway…  You’re tellin’ me that you somehow… nuked my memories?”     “Accidentally, yes.  Up to the point where you were activated by Albert – Dr. Wily,” he corrected for her benefit.     “And… before that, I was fightin’ on your guys’ side?”     “Of your own volition, yes.”     Kaitlin sipped her drink and narrowed her eyes.  Something wasn’t adding up…     “If I was on your guys’ side…” she asked, “then why’d Breakman shoot me?”     The doctor’s typing came to a sudden stop.  Somehow, that made the girl smirk.     “What?  Ya didn’t know?  He dared me t’ zap him one after I found out I had electric weapons, but I couldn’t do it ‘cause… ‘cause he’d been so nice.”     Her smirk faded into a troubled frown.     “I… actually kind’a trusted him…  Hah, guess I know better, now!”

    There was a long, heavy pause.  The atmosphere of the room had changed, dramatically.  Dr. Right seemed just as troubled as his patient.     “I had my suspicions,” he started to tell her, “that your recent injures were caused by Blues – or ‘Breakman,’ as he prefers to go by, in some instances.  When Rock and Joseph brought you in, there was an unusual char pattern on your skin and clothes.  You were burning-hot with radiation…”     Kaitlin immediately looked herself over… only to find that she was wearing the same outfit she’d had on when Breakman had attacked her.  A double-check confirmed that neither her clothes nor her skin seemed any the worse for wear.     “I replaced the corroded parts of your synthetic skin,” Dr. Right commented, noticing his patient’s curiosity, “and Roll made you a new set of clothing once she’d heard what happened.”     She blushed a little as she realized the doctor probably had to have seen her bare-skinned… and very-likely had to get into her chest panel, among other places.  Despite knowing it was her own-dang-fault for permitting him… she still shuddered when she thought about it.

    “Hey, Doc…”     “Yes, Kaitlin?”     When Kaitlin was finally over being creeped-out, she asked the doctor, “If I was your guys’ friends… why did Breakman-Blues shoot me?”     “Ah, well…” he started as he returned to his computer console, “Blues is the type of individual who doesn’t trust easily.  I suppose he considered you a threat when you tore through our house, making a mess, and claimed that you were working for Dr. Wily.”     She shrank a little.  “I’m… sorry for that, just so you know.  A-and, not just because you fixed me.  Twice.  Apparently…”     “Although you certainly gave us quite the start,” he said, matter-of-factly, “it could have been far worse.”     He offered the girl a smile.     “You could have been aware of your weapon systems.”     “Heh…  Maybe, that’s why Breakman shot me…”     “Perhaps.”  He frowned as he added, “However, I do I find it rather disturbing…”     She blinked as the doctor looked back at his screen.  “What’s that?”     “From what you’ve told me, you were prone to attack Blues… yet decided against it.  He, then, attacked you with a sort of… ‘just-in-case’ mentality.”  He paused…  “Kaitlin?  Would you have attacked Blues?”     “I… I was gonna, but…”     She paused, rubbing her arm and looking away.     “S… sorry, Papa Wily…  I can’t attack someone who’s only been nice to me!  Although… he did deck me with his shield!  A-after I got mad and tried to zap him a little…  He’s… he’s just so infuriating!”     “What did he say to anger you?”     “I don’t remember, exactly…”  The girl looked up.  “I just remember… he said something that really ticked me off, so I punched him… then he walloped me in the gut… then I think he said something that made me so mad, I ended up tryin’ t’ zap him one.  He whacked me with his shield – and blocked my attack, thankfully – then I think I joked about zappin’ him for real… which led to this… stand-off… where I decided not to… but he, apparently, didn’t.”

    “Blues is… something of a mystery…”  The doctor sighed.  “Even though I was the one who created him, I have yet to figure out what truly motivates him.  He’s slowly dying… yet he refuses to let me replace the nuclear core Dr. Wily installed with a more stable solar unit.  He helps Rockman from-time-to-time… yet he is just as likely to attack him – usually as some sort of ‘test.’  He keeps close watch of us all… yet he doesn’t want to be a part of our family.  In fact, the only stable relationship he seems to have is with Roll.  But, I guess that makes sense…”     He smiled to himself.     “Roll is the only one not trying to change him…”     “Heh.  That’s what he said.”  She paused.  “Hey, uh… speakin’a Roll…”     “Don’t worry.”  The doctor looked at Kaitlin with that same smile.  “Roll is perfectly fine.  She’s experienced far worse than a fully-charged Thunder Beam.”     Kaitlin clasped her hands together before resting them under her mouth.     “I wanna tell her I’m sorry…”     She twitched as he turned and squeezed her shoulder…     “It was hardly your fault.  Roll is a brave, kind, caring girl who would gladly put herself in the line-of-fire to save a friend… or even a stranger!  She and her brother are very like-minded, in that way…”     “Awfully feelsie… aren’cha, Doc?”     The doctor flinched, immediately letting go of her shoulder and turning back to his console.  That made Kaitlin chuckle, but only a little.

    “I-in any case,” the doctor said after clearing his throat, “you’re free to leave and go wherever you want – both within the compound and outside of it.  Elecman returned to Nevada to undo his prior damage, Rockman is in New York, and Roll and Rightot are in the main lab.  Oh!  And, Joseph is waiting for you in the living room.”     “‘Joseph?’”  She tilted her head with a smirk.  “Another one’a your pet projects…?”

    “Kaitlin…!!”

    Kaitlin’s eyes widened and her body stiffened.  The instant she arrived in the Right Labs living room, she was assaulted by… bizarrely… what looked to be a human-sized fox-man!  He wasn’t trying to lick her, though… thankfully.  Just… hug her.  Really… really tightly…!

    “Get– get off…!”     He leaped back with a yelp and blankly stared.  She’d given him a dose of electricity.  A moment later, he smiled and rapidly wagged his tail.     “God… I’m so glad you’re okay!”  The fox sniffled…  “When… when Rock and I found you laying there, all burned-up and warped, I…”     “Hey, save the waterworks for someone else, okay?”     He nodded and tried… but he just couldn’t help but cry.     “I’m just so relieved…” he hiccuped.  “I dunno what I’d ever do if I lost you…”     “Now, that’s funny ‘cause… I do know what I’d do if I lost you!”     “Wh… what?”     “This.”  She brightly smiled.  “‘bye!”     With that, she casually strolled by the fox and headed into the main lab.

    “Watch out, Rock!  There’s a flock of Mini-Pipis heading your way!”     “I’m on it, Roll!  Rock Buster…!”     “Yeah!  Go get ‘em, das!  Who’s a ve-ry might-y Ro-kku-maaan, das?!”     “Ha hah, thanks for the cheer, Rightot!  I’ll make you proud!”     “Rightot is already proud of Rokkuman, das!  Roll-chan, too!”     “Just come back to us in one piece, Rock…  That’s all I ask!”     “Will do, sis!  Rock, out!”     “I love it when Rokkuman says that, das.  It’s so ‘punny!’”

    Kaitlin stood at the doorway of the laboratory, arms crossed and a smirk on her face.  She’d always wondered what the “central control hub” of the place looked like during one of Wily’s campaigns…  Strangely, it didn’t look much different from her dad’s “control room.”     “A three-by-three grid with icons of the Robot Masters…”     “Kaitlin?”  Roll turned around and smiled.  “Welcome back!”     “Live satellite feed of Rockman’s current location…” the brunette commented as she strolled in.  “A rough, 2D map of the current ‘stage…’  And, of course, a navigator –”     Roll’s smile brightened as she was pointed to.     “Just like with the Robot Masters…”     “We’re here to keep Rock motivated and give him lots of help navigating the terrain!” the blond-haired girl explained as she removed her headset.  “I’m usually here, warning him of incoming enemies, but Rightot sometimes helps out!”     “Yeah, yeah, go, go!!” the big, green robot shouted, pumping his fist and screwdriver-hand into the air as he watched Rockman blast through a series of small, flying robots.  “Super figh-ting robot!  Rokkumaaan, das!”     “Of course…”  The girl closed her eyes and her smile became labored.  “Rightot gets a little carried away with praise, most-of-the-time…”     Her face returned to a happy expression, then.

    “So, what brings you to the lab?”     “Well,” Kaitlin started, her own expression falling.  “Firstly… aren’t you… ya know… mad at me?”     Roll tilted her head.  “For what?”     “For gettin’ you zapped by ‘Electman?’  Don’cha remember…?”     “It’s ‘Elecman,’ and of course I do!  But, why would I be mad at you?”  Her smile brightened.  “No one forced me to jump in front of his attack!  I did it all on my own!”     “But, why…?”     “Because…”     The girl flexed one arm, putting her opposite hand on that bicep.  She winked at Kaitlin, then, continuing to smile.     “That’s what heroes do!”     “Uuuhh…”     “Look,” the girl started, putting her hands on Kaitlin’s shoulders.  “Whatever you’re going through, we can work it out.  I know that somewhere, deep inside, the Kaitlin I know and love is still there!  And, if she isn’t?  Well, then…”     She winked, again.     “I’ll just have to do my best to earn this one’s trust!”

    Kaitlin’s expression became confused… then suspicious.  She opened her mouth, then closed it, then after a few seconds, she asked Roll a simple question…     “Are… are you coming onto me?”     Roll’s face turned slightly red and she became visibly flustered.  But, then…     “Oh, wait…  You were kidding, right?”     She pulled the brunette into a big hug, laughing and smiling.     “Oh, Kaitlin…  You’re such a funny girl!  No wonder Joseph adores you!”     “Ah–  Fff…”     Kaitlin was at a loss… so she just hugged the girl right back.  Granted, she wasn’t… quite as enthusiastic about it.  Actually, that hug kind of made her wonder if Roll wasn’t attracted to her, in some way…     Maybe, she’s just this friendly with everyone… she thought to herself.  Whatever, I guess.

    “Hey, speaking of…” Roll continued after pulling back, “did you see him, yet?”     “Did I see who?” Kaitlin asked with genuine confusion.     “Your boyfriend!  Joseph!”     “Is he that crybaby fox I met on the way in here?”     The blond girl nodded tilted her head.  She looked like she might scold Kaitlin, but…     “I remember when I caught you two kissing under the apple tree!”  She softly sighed…  “It was sooo sweet and romantic!  I felt bad about intruding, but I–”     “That’s disgusting.  I would never–”     “Aww, Kaitlin…!  You don’t have to put on that tough-girl act around me!  We both know you’re head-over-heels for him!”     Kaitlin scowled as Roll giggled.     “You’re… serious… aren’t you?”     The other girl blinked a couple of times.  Then… a look of realization came over her.     “Oh, right!”  She slapped one closed hand into the other.  “You lost your memory!”     “That’s what everyone keeps tellin’ me…”     “Okay, well then…”  Roll smiled.  “Joseph was Kaitlin’s friend.  He’s a silly, emotional guy with a cute face and a fluffy tail!  He kind’a likes me… but I think he likes Kaitlin more!”     “Why… are you talking about me in third-person, Roll?”  Kaitlin tilted her head and scowled.  “I’m right here.”     “When I say ‘Kaitlin,’” she explained, “I mean– oh, wait!  Better idea!”     The girl cleared her throat and started over.     “I’m sure he loves Thundergirl!  You’re… not Thundergirl right now, right?”     “I’m not Thundergirl, ever!” Kaitlin exclaimed.  “I barely even know who that is!”     “Perfect!”  Roll beamed before telling her, “Joseph and Thundergirl were super-close friends and I’m pretty sure he loved Thundergirl!”     “He loved my supposed ‘superhero identity’ before I supposedly lost my memories?”     “That’s right!”     Kaitlin rubbed her cheek while Roll nodded.     “This conversation is confusing and annoying…” she grumbled.  “I think I’d remember being a superhero with a furry freak for a boyfriend.”     “Not if your memory was reset!”     “Yeah, but–”  Kaitlin huffed, shaking her head.  “Whatever.”

    “Roll-chan, Roll-chan!”     “Rightot,” Roll called to the big, green robot, “I asked you not to call me that!”     “But, Roll is small and Roll is cute, das!  So, the Japanese honorifics–”     She half-heartedly laughed before interrupting with, “What did you want, Rightot?”     “Oh!  Right, das.”  He pointed to the screen.  “Rockman is about to fight Turboman, das!”     Kaitlin perked.  “Car Bro…?”     “Oh!!”  Roll turned back.  “E-excuse me, Kaitlin!”     “Uh… sure.”

    Kaitlin rubbed the back of her head, watching Roll hop over a table and grab her headset.  Curiosity overtook her, then, and she decided to pull up and chair and watch Rockman fight one of her brothers… who she was silently rooting for, despite all the hospitality.

    “Okay, Rock!” Roll called through her microphone while her brother came up to a tall shutter-style door.  She read from a screen, telling him: “Turboman is a fast, transforming Robot Master.  His weapon is the Burning Wheel which, as the name says, summons four flaming orbs that rotate like a wheel, burning everything they touch with sticky, napalm-like gasoline – including you!  He’s perfectly-tuned for speed, but he isn’t very agile.  Don’t let him draw you in with his high-performance exhaust system or ram you with his Crash Drive attack!”     “Got it, Roll!” the boy called back.     “Good luck, Rock!  We’re all counting on you!”     With that, the video feed became staticky and communication ceased.

    “H… hey, I was watching that.  What happened…?”     “Huh?”     Roll turned around.  Kaitlin was standing up with an angry look on her face.     “Oh, that happens whenever Rock gets close enough to one of Wily’s Robot Masters!” the girl explained with a smile.  “See, Doctor Wily installs these… jammer… thingies in his robots that keep us from contacting or recalling Rock from the area until it’s disabled…  It… always really worries me…”     The blond girl frowned, wringing her hands.  Meanwhile, Kaitlin tilted her head.     “Huh.  I guess that makes sense…  Papa Wily wouldn’t wanna let Rockman get the upper hand and cheat his way through a fight!  He sure could with–”     “‘Papa Wily,’ das…?”     Rightot stood up from his seat and spun around…  His thick, triangular eyebrows pointed down and his shiny, red eyes focused on Kaitlin.     “Kaitlin-chan is a Wily robot, das?”     “Kaitlin-chan,” the brunette mocked, putting one hand on her hip and smirking, “is a Wily robot, das.  What’s it to ya, Big Green?”     There was a long, heavy silence as the two stared each other down.  Then…     “Well, any friend of Roll-chan is a friend of Rightot, das!”     The green giant simply smiled… she thought… and turned back around, much to the girl’s confusion…

    “You Right-‘bots’re too trustin’,” she laughed… before she frowned and added, “but I’m the same way, so…”     “You say that like it’s a bad thing!”     “Well, considerin’ your… brother, I guess?”  She looked over at Roll.  “Considering your brother, Blues the Breakman, broke me for my trust…”     “Listen…”     Kaitlin blinked as Roll quietly walked over.  When the girl took her hand, she blushed a little.  Roll was looking right into her eyes, for some reason…

    “I won’t make excuses for Blues, but I want you to know that his actions don’t reflect how any of us feel about you.  Okay?  I know you made a mess that Rock had to clean up and you scared Elecman bad enough to zap you, but even so… I like you.  I trust you!  You’re a good person, Kaitlin, and no amount of Wily code or Wily branding is going to change that!”         The brunette continued to blush.  Roll wouldn’t stop giving her that bright, friendly smile or turn her shiny, green eyes away.  She kept both hands tightly wrapped around hers, too.  It was… uncomfortable.     “H-hey… i-if you’re gonna flirt with me, um…”     “I’m not flirting with you!!”     Roll threw the other girl’s hand down before glaring and puffing her cheeks.     “I’m trying to say you’re my friend!” she furiously shouted.  “What’s wrong with you?!”     “I dunno…”  Kaitlin turned away, rubbing her arm.  “May– maybe I was hoping you… were… flirting with me?”     “Wh… what?”     When Roll actually started to blush, herself…     “You know I’m kidding, right?”     She awkwardly smiled and canceled her decidedly-dumb joke.     “I barely know you, and–”     Her eyes went wide, then.  Roll… had slapped her!     “It’s not nice to play with a girl’s feelings – even if you are a girl!”     When she turned away and crossed her arms, Kaitlin felt… a little guilty.     “Roll, hey, I was–”  She paused.  “You’re right.  I’m sorry.”     “Well… at long as you’re sorry, I guess it’s okay.”     Roll turned back and pulled Kaitlin into a brief hug.     “To be honest… I’m probably sending you the wrong message by being so friendly, to begin with!  It’s just that Thundergirl was a really good friend – just… a friend,” she quickly clarified.  “We’d sometimes e-mail each other about stuff.  Sometimes… we’d even talk about–”     “At the risk of making you mad, again… are you sure you two were just friends…?”

    “I just said…!” Roll half-shouted, anger flaring in her eyes and on her face.  Once she calmed, she sighed… “Yes, Kaitlin… we were just friends.”     The girl smiled.  Then, she thought about something…     “As far as I know, I mean?  Thundergirl never seemed like she was interested in me, like that, and I know I wasn’t with her – no offense!  Besides…”     The girl winked.     “I think she was pretty happy with that rascally fox of hers!”

    “Okay.  I believe you,” Kaitlin said, finally smiling.  “Thanks for clearing that up.  But, can I tell you something as a friend, Roll?”     “What’s that?”     She sighed a little, rubbing her other arm and tapping her sneaker toe against the floor…  She didn’t feel quite right about what she was going to say, but…     “As a friend… I… I do think y-you’re… really cute!” is what she ended up saying.     “You, too, Kaitlin!”     The blond girl beamed… but the brunette just tilted her head.     “Come again?” she asked.  Roll said that so fast, it was like she was prepared…     “I said, ‘I think you’re cute, too!’”  Her smile brightened as she added, “You have such nice hair, pretty eyes, a great smile, and I love your outfits!  Plus, you look really cool in purple!”     “O-oh, um…”     Kaitlin knew Roll was just being nice, but somehow… hearing all that made her feel a little flattered.  She’d said it all so candidly, too… Kaitlin didn’t know how to respond.     “Hey, Roll?”     “Yes?”     The brunette held her hand out, causing the other girl to blink.     “I’m… glad you’re my friend.  Even if we are s’posed t’ be enemies.  Heh…”     “Aww…!”     Kaitlin knew saying that was a mistake, but somehow…     “Oof.”     She didn’t mind, so much, when Roll pulled her into another overly-affectionate hug.

    “Roll-chan, Roll-chan, das!”     “What is it, Rightot?”     Both Roll and Kaitlin turned back to the big screen.  There, they saw the static clearing.  The camera focused, a moment later, and showed Rockman standing over the collapsed heap of–     “Turboman…!!”

    Roll blinked as Kaitlin ran over to the computer terminal and grabbed her headset off the keyboard.  Almost immediately, the brunette began yelling into the microphone.     “Rockman, you jerk!!”     “R-Roll?” was the reply she got back.  “Your voice sounds different…”     “I’m Kaitlin!” she corrected.  “Rockman, you… you killed my brother!!  Why…?!”     “I…  Wait, what?”     Tears filled Kaitlin’s eyes as she shouted, “Turboman is dead!  He’s dead because of you…!  He… he was one of my favorite brothers…”     She sniffled, rubbing her cheeks with one sleeve.     “We used t’ go on night drives down the highway, laughin’ and makin’ lots’a noise!  He… he actually treated me like a kid sister instead of a pest or a machine…  He was so cool…”     “Kaitlin…  I–”     “I don’t wanna hear it!”     “But, Kaitlin!  Hey?  Kaitlin…?  Kaitlin!”     Unfortunately for Rockman… the girl had tossed the headset off and stormed out.  As her body crackled with energy and the last of her angry tears rolled down her cheeks, she vowed…     “I’m gonna get that little, blue boy…  For you, Big Brother!”