#just something i realised is good to keep in mind when i do character analysis

[kakanoonoo]

So, I know I usually post about bingqiu/bingyuan cus that's just where the brainrot is at for the most part, but bear with me as I veer into Shang Qinghua territory.

Recently I saw a post along the lines of "SQH is babified by the fandom and is in actuality more ruthless/badass etc." and it really got me thinking about how I think about SQH.

I do agree that the fandom, to an extent, babifies him, but in general I'd say that's expected for a character such as him. In my own interpretation of the novel I don't think it would be wrong to call him a coward (who commits ruthless actions as a result of that selfish self preservation), but as I considered this I realised that neither is calling SQH a coward the whole truth. Because, SQH was a coward, but by the end of the extras arguably no longer is.

The Airplane extras are in essence telling the story of how SQH grows out of his cowardice and learns how to stand up for both what he believes in (for example protecting MBJ) and for himself (telling MBJ off for how he's been treated, realising that he really likes the world he created and its inhabitants). This conclusion shouldn't be that hard to reach, but the reason I hadn't before is:

I thought of Shang Qinghua as a static character. But he isn't. Shang Qinghua devolopes, and in doing so becomes a fully fledged character. He both is a coward and isn't, because it depends on when in the story you are talking about.

[zoieru]

Mind-dump analysis of Sunday and Welt

Non-romantic, though you can see it that way if you want. Basically musings on their dialogue, body language, trauma responses and their views of the world. Based on my noggin, my experiences, and my knowledge on psych and philosophy. Mentions of trauma, and Aventurine. Spoilers for 3.0. Come chat with me about it in the ask box pls oml. (html broke read more link sorry)

So I was writing an Astral Express Sunday headcanon thing, and realised the part with welt I had more thoughts on than I could handle !!! So I decided to make a bigger breakdown of it from my perspective weeee. 1.7k more thoughts...hehe. Includes pics.

So, Sunday is essentially coming into this new world (the astral express lifestyle, the knowledge and involvement of other planets issues, everything not just Penacony) for the first time, and in a vulnerable state at that. He was trained and groomed to be who he was basically his whole life, and not just the positions of power and control, but his position he gave himself also of protector of his sister. That's been taken from him, all of it, his role, his direction, drive, everything. To say the man must feel lost is understatement of the century.

So when he is confronted with Welt Yang, a mysterious and stoic man who displays his intelligence by deciphering there's something up with his disguise, questions him on his motives, etc, but then seemingly confidently starts to trust him, he is...confused?

First, Welt says multiple times that he knows how he feels, he's had to leave a home quickly too, but doesn't elaborate. So his reasons are already determined at least somewhat by his empathy for Sunday. That is a lot for Sunday to work through. He mustn't have really related to anyone in his life, even his sister due to their vastly different experiences despite being in the same spot. To have someone, and quite quickly, especially after what he just did, sympathise, empathise, and relate to him...thats intriguing, and confusing, and probably a bit suspicious.

Further, when going to meet Robin, Sunday outwardly questions why Welt is giving him the privacy to speak to her, refusing to be a bystander for his benefit. Welt answers:

'i believe you're the kind of person that has the ability and desire to use everything to your advantage... but that everything does not involve Miss Robin'

Sunday pauses, and thanks him. It's confusing, unexpected, and yet another puzzle into Welt's character. I think this moment means an incredible amount to Sunday. Ultimately, his sister is everything to him, where everything started, and Welt has given him the space and freedom to do the thing he is so nervous for, he is dreading but must do, one of the hardest things he's probably ever done, say goodbye for an indeterminate amount of time. Who else has probably shown him this sort of seemingly genuine act of kindness, goodness, before? Probably no one. Plus, despite not really outwardly discussing his relationship with his sister with Welt before this, Welt shows an understanding of Sunday's care for her, to the point his usual nature and methods don't apply to Robin.

So that's why Sunday asks another question, after saying goodbye to Robin

He's starting to see himself in Welt, I believe, in some way, when he says 'I had a feeling that you would never give up on someone who needed help' which is reinforced by his 'help' of Sunday just now. But I think what Sunday is maybe confused about here is why him, why here. He is confused why they 'help' him, a 'nortorious fugitive' and a 'friend they never knew', rather than people in new worlds, people he deems perhaps deserve it more, people who he thinks Welt should care about. I believe, here, he is still viewing things zoomed out, from a grand perspective. He sees 'people' as an entity, much like how he did with his plan, saving them from misery by keeping them in the dream. But Welt goes on to explain that it's the people he meets that are his trailblaze, but on an individual and connection scale, not 'helping peopleTM' like he tried to.

And that means Sunday, it means Tingyun. Sunday even asks directly, then, 'why me?', and Welt repeats his previous answer. 'i know how you feel.' despite what he's done, he offers him empathy, help, and connection. It's alien to Sunday. He has heard the worst of people's deeds, was tormented by them, wanted to save them from themselves, yet Welt is just accepting him.

Then another thing, Welt sits in the audience watching Sunday become himself, say goodbye to his old self and everything he once knew, literally becoming whole again, and slightly unsure of how he exactly he will be once both halves combine. This moment is so so intimate, so deeply personal, perhaps the most personal I mean he's literally talking to himself, becoming himself, shedding everything he's ever known, starting a new life. And Welt isn't just watching. He says:

'Regardless of the outcome, you will have a witness. I'll be waiting for you in the audience.'

Here, he does multiple things. One, he is promising Sunday he will be here for him and almost continue to accept him in whatever shape or form after he's done, giving him the respect and time to do his thing, and the support he wasnt planning to get. Its like...almost a threat, saying he wont let him run away after, but not quite. its also a signal of protection. He is staying with Sunday through this obviously terrifying and massive moment, at a safe and respectful but supportive distance, something Sunday was planning to go through alone. Also, he says he'll wait for him. That's so...personal. ugh, it's too much. And the thing is, Sunday lets him, thanks him, wants him to be there. Trusts him enough to see him at almost a most vulnerable point in his life. Crazy stuff.

Plus, during this line, the camera zooms in on Welt's face for just a few seconds, emphasising how big this is.

Now I'm not sure if we should assume Welt can hear everything Sunday says to himself. The theatre is empty, afterall, but I dont know. Sunday says he's scared, says why he's scared, tells himself he doesn't like himself, parts of him. It's so goddamn personal, heart wrenching, truly. And there's a line here I want to discuss quick.

'to save more lives, you must first understand what they live for and what they die for. The best way to achieve this is through personal experience.''

This is a reflection of Welt's words, his reason for trailblazing. It shows he's taken them to heart, ponders them, realises that to truly help people like Welt does, he needs to know them, not see them as an entity from above.

Also, when done, Welt makes a gentle joke that covers the supportive gesture of his acceptance of 'either' of Sunday's selves. He almost dismissed the whole act as if it was casual, while subtly acknowledging it's significance, and gently showing his support, so it all doesn't make Sunday feel uncomfy.

'Well, how should I address you now? Mr Sunday or Mr Wonweek?'

I love it.

Then Sunday has the confidence to request staying with the Astral Express Crew. Knowing the others might hate the idea, but having enough confidence in the fact that Welt at least seems to want him there.

'You are one of my trailblazing goals.'

Sunday looks visibly touched by this statement. the feels.

So let's now skip to the Astral Express, where he's been on a while let's say.

After all this, Sunday and Welt almost have this unspoken deep connection somehow. They have shared a deeply personal moment for Sunday, and Welt has shared more with Sunday about himself than he ever has with anyone on screen that we've seen before.begins to respect Welt Yang quite tremendously really. Sunday now has time to sit, think, reflect, and probably torment himself with thoughts.

I think he has built this ridiculous level of respect for Welt, perhaps more than for most in his life. And also intrigue, confusion. He perhaps observes him. It is obvious Welt has a troubled and mysterious past, the extent of which is unknown but suggested, yet the man has a poise about him that seems stable, secure, confident. It intrigues him, maybe makes him a little envious even that despite this man having no set 'home', travelling the trailblaze with seemingly little control over things Sunday feels he would lose his mind over, he still seems confident in himself.

You ever feel like you're pretty self sufficient and able when alone or most of the time, but theres that one person where you're in their company and it's suddenly like all your brain function has dimmed and been transferred to them and they're now the 'thinker' and 'doer' and you're just there mostly looking pretty?? That's Sunday and Welt sometimes. Sunday was so used to being everything, controlling everything, seeing everything, that now he can relax that, or rather forced to let go of all that, as hard as that is, he finds himself inadvertently letting Welt take over a bit, observing and involving himself but Welt taking the lead. It's perhaps part of a trauma response to having to grow up too fast, to not being able to have had the points in life where you can trust and let someone have control for a while without risk. So as a result of this trust and acceptance he has built with Welt, his brain just sort of...relaxes a little. Welp.

That's displayed well in the infamous 'mom speak to the doctor for me pls' scene, I think. Cute.

Okay it's the end now, I could probably yap more but my thumbs hurt. One more musing though:

I wonder what it would be like for Sunday and Aventurine to meet, after all of that. They, ultimately, had a similar journey in terms of them making a big decision, a big 'attempt' at something bigger than themselves intricately linked to their identities and core beliefs, having to face parts of themselves along the way.

Now that Sunday has shed his 'grandiose' demeanour and plans, I wonder what it would look like for them to meet on equal terms. (Obviously not really knowing how this whole thing will have affected Aven coming out of it).

These two men, as literally mentioned in the 'combining selves' scene for Sunday in the theatre, are fundamentally opposed. One has been made to and has had to build his life and principles on control. One has had no choice to and built his life on luck, lack of control. It's such an interesting dichotomy to me.

There's also this interaction with Welt and Sunday before meeting Robin:

'I had a hunch and decided to try my luck. Seems I can be lucky sometimes'

'its not like you to leave things to luck'

'I'm trying to change too'

It's twice, in this long section, that Aventurine/luck is mentioned, at least. I wonder how he would view him should he know more, and now that he seems to have a certain begrudging acceptance and respect for luck/chance.

OKAY IM DONE FR NOW HAHAHA come discuss with me if u want :3 hope you enjoyed.

Here, take this, its not safe out there

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

[scrumptiousstuffs]

hiii scrumptious!! i miss sending u asks

can i ask for a analysis of firstkhaotung’s kisses we’ve got so far? which is your favourite and why is your favourite, we need tongueeee

Anon!!!! Why must you torture me with this ask??? 😫😫😫 (torture me more, I love talking about FK and their kisses 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️)

But, how do you expect me to choose my favourite FK kisses?? Do you know how challenging this asked was? And I can’t possibly do an analysis of all their kisses - Our Skyy 2 alone had more than 20 kisses? (I think)… I will have to write a thesis if I want to analyse every single kisses. I was this close 🤏 to binge watch all their series but alas…I have bills to pay and a fur-baby to feed.

So….instead, I think back to their kisses that sticks in my mind ? - it must make me feel something emotionally when I watched them (and that’s difficult cause FK is so damn good with their intimacy and NC scenes I had to think hard to narrow down my choices)

Without further ado, my top 5 list (list is only current as of The Heart Killers EP9):

No 5: Only Friends EP 2 smoky kiss plus Sand kissing Ray’s left hip tattoo

- Do I like people who smoke? No. But this was cinematic anyway. It was artistic (to me) and you could feel the sexual tension screaming from miles away. And when they gave in to their attraction, the chemistry was off the chart and Sand worshipping Ray’s tattoo was just pure magic 🪄

No 4: Only Friends EP 9 caravan scene (especially the soft, soft kiss Ray bestowed on Sand’s cheek after they have done their tango in bed 🤸)

- The softness of the whole scene was beautiful to watch. There was something pure and personal as we watch these 2 finally coming to terms about their feelings for each other.

No 3: Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse bridge scene

-The whole scene had me giggling and kicking my legs in excitement. The boys kissing with the sun setting behind them was just.....😍😍😍

-And people talking about tongue involvement? - I am sure there were some tongue action here (also, tell me anon, why are people so invested in tongue-action? I mean i don't mind them but I am not going to fuss if FK's characters don't do them each time!)

No 2: The Eclipse Finale with Akk bestowing the soft pecks/kisses on Aye’s face

- I will always have a soft spot for my babies. As much as I adore all of FirstKhaotung characters, AkkAye have a special place in my heart. And because I can, I’m putting the whole video clip of the scene rather than gifs or screenshots 🥰

- There is something special about this scene where Akk was finally the one that made the first move; initiating the hug followed by the soft kisses. The awe and disbelief in Aye’s eyes before it shifted to soft delight and slight mischievous as he then reciprocate Akk’s gesture. I think we often forget that Aye is just as young and vulnerable like Akk. And to see Akk finally reaching out to Aye just made my heart melt 🫠

No 1: The Heart Killers EP 8 swing scene

-I love the whole damn thing - from the nuzzling to Kant sniffing Bison’s hair like he wants to imprint him to his soul to Kant gently biting Bison’s nose before they continued their heady make out session.

- This whole thing was just peak intimacy 👌. Nobody does it better than them. Their feelings laid bare, Kant is now free to be as disgustingly affectionate and loving like he always wanted to be. It’s just so so good. Also, let’s be honest, we know KantBison would continue to make out for hours on that swing.

Honourable mentions:

The Eclipse EP6 Akk fantasy kiss

*I remember watching this scene and thought - oh, Aye finally made the move. But then to find out it was all in Akk's mind???? It flipped the narrative and it made me realised that this was likely the first time we saw from Akk's perspective that he is stupidly horny for the irritating boy who keeps him on his toes

Only Friends EP9 angry-lust driven kiss in the music room

*This was just a good kiss because you can feel the anger from Sand but he was so in love with Ray that he can't help but give it. Ray as usual, clocked it and he pounced! And the sheer amount of lust pouring out of these 2....I cursed when Top stepped into the room

The Heart Killers Ep 9 KantBison sweet pecks in the sea

*KantBison making sweet memories to replace Kant's nightmare and phobia will hold something special to my heart (does it make sense for Kant to completely forget his fear? - not really, but I will forgive the narrative because I get my domestic KantBison!)

Plus…..

FirstKhaotung sweet kisses in My Fuel MV (because we didn’t get Alan/Gaipa or Alone/Kaitong kissing - I’m going to substitute with the clip we got from First’s MV and just think it’s Alan/Gaipa in them, ok?)

*Those jubi jubi kisses are giving me butterflies and I can't stop smiling every time I rewatch the MV!

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Omg my apologies, but your analysis of how to defeat Tokyo Revenger characters is one of my favorites from you. Can I get one with Draken, Kisaki, Inui, and Koko please? :D

Well with Draken he's strong but he has a habit of not solely concentrating on his fights, instead he seems to keep an eye on what his friends and other members of toman are doing. The fights he seems to strongest in are the ones where it's just him vs someone or a group. So the best way to defeat him is to do it in a group environment and take advantage of him not fully concentrating on you, this will especially be effective if he doesn't see you as a strong opponent in the first place. The other way would be to take advantage of his strong morals, if you stop or call a time out, he's been shown before to honour those. Then attack him when he least expects it.

Kisaki is pretty much the opposite, you have to get him alone to beat him. He relies heavily on people physically stronger then him to do his dirty work and fights, so making sure he has no one around to call on is the best way. He's also been shown to be very resourceful in any environment he fights in too, thinking fast and grabbing weapons from the environment such as bricks. So not letting him out of your sight and fighting somewhere he can't take advantage of his surroundings is also important. He also relies on his words during fights a lot to de escalate situations so not listening to him is also something you would need to do. Aside from that, attacking chaotically and in a pattern in can't recognise would be the most effective way.

Inui is effective with weapons and seems to carry them often, your best attempt at fighting him would be to either not give him a chance to grab a weapon or to disarm him. But even without a weapon he's strong. The easiest way to beat him is to either catch him off guard, attacking quickly in a way he wouldn't expect like with what Yuzuha did. Or by playing on his ego and determination. Inui is shown to be very confident in his fights, he sees himself as the winner before the fight even starts, getting a few good hits in will knock his confidence which affects how well he fights. The other aspect to play on is his determination, he doesn't know when to quit and always fights the same way. Dodging his hits until he tires then attacking full force should also beat him.

With Koko you likely won't have to fully beat him, he seems to be keenly aware of his position and doesn't mind lowering his pride to admit defeat or switching sides. Beating him enough so that he realises he can't win should be enough to make him concede (as long as he isn't riled up by his emotions). The most important thing to remember when fighting him is to make sure he's away from Inui, since they've been known to fight as duo before. Aside from that he seems to talk a lot during his fights and takes the situation rather lightly. Attacking slowly and not showing your full strength, enough to make him relax and start joking around then going all out is likely the best way to take him down.

[odusseus-xvi]

Hello helloooo friend! Hi! I just wanted to say that I'll be going around and asking people about QSMP characters to avoid mischaracterization of said characters (in analysis, fics, and just overall fan interpretations). So if you're cool with it, can I ask you about the French streamers?

Like, can you tell me the mischaracterization you often see regarding their characters and how they actually are? I mean, ANY facts about them would be very very cool to know! I love all of them and I would really like to know more about them since I can't really watch everyone, ya kno?

Yes I would love to :D ! But also, keep in mind, I'm not immune to a bit of mischaracterization (that's how you write that right ?), sometimes I probably do a little bit, though I try my best not to. I have to admit, I don't see a lot, or just little things, and mostly from the english side of the community, cause over here with the french we are a really small part of the overall fandom, so I don't have a lot of interactions, AND it's our first (ever) smp like that (semi rp etc...), we never had that over here in France, it's a new thing both for us and the ccs, so we are getting our footing. But here we go I do have some things I can say : (wrote a fricking novel holy)

q!Baghera Jones : I see a lot of people characterize her as this hyper competent investigator that knows everything etc... In a way she is, she is a good investigator, and is always eager to solve the mysteries of the island ; What people miss most of the time is that she is also (it's not mutually exclusive) a Goofball : She sings randomly, she walks on mines and jumps off buildings willingly for the lols, some people say she witholds information, most of the time she actually just Forgor. Something that people do get most of the time is that she genuinely is really empathetic : She loves Walter Bob, two days ago she talked about how Cucurucho may be manipulated, she is worried about Quackity, about Cellbit, Foolish, Jaiden etc... And outside of petty rivalry (mostly with Forever, BBH, Etoiles, and a bit Cellbit) she is not a vengeful person at all. She is very understanding. Oh and almost forgot : She is surprisingly insightful ; She guessed what was happening to Cellbit as one of the firsts, she immediatly figured Gegg out the first day she met Slime, ElQuackity is VERY obviously another person than Quackity at first glance etc...

q!Etoiles : There was for some time a bit of mischaracterization in the way people saw him as a bloodthirsty killing machine, though it is fading steadily as we speak ; He is a really nice person that lifts up others, gift them things whenever he can, cares about the eggs, and is always reactive when it comes to saving or helping others. Also, he is a badass in the eyes of everyone (ccs and fandom) but people have a way to write that in fics that doesn't really match him : They write a badass and dark character that is mostly silent and cool ; Etoiles is NOT that (he is badass yes but not much the rest), he SAYS he is that, that he is "dark, and broody, and mysterious", but the guy is always cracking jokes, about others, about himself, he is very self-aware of his problems (social and health related) and likes to joke about it because "it puts smiles on the faces of people" (his way of cheering people up most of the time : "You are not useless, you put smiles on my and the people's faces, and that wonderful"). The moments that CAN be a bit dark is when he is asking for a fight ; most of the time it's goofy, but then there is moments like the dinner party when the codes revealed themselves, where he will be saying while everyone panics "Yeah... Yeah.. FINALLY ! FINALLY !!" and you realise he is not to be trifled with. He aslo tends to blame himself when something wrong happens ; to him, HE is the one that misplayed, that made a mistake.

q!Aypierre : Some people could see him as a relatively chill dude ; he talks calmly, never screams and very rarely raises his voice, but he is NOT chill : He is the most gremlin of the french, his favorite past-time in all the smps he's been in is pranking and breaking the servers : Two days ago in his 24 hour stream, he broke in the federation base three times, exploded a bunch of stuff in there, tortured Foolish alongside BBH, summoned lightning to make Foosh and BBH believe Gegg is still alive in front of his infinite Gegg generator, rickrolled Cucurucho etc... He is a every ingenuous guy with ways to build factories of everything. Most people, out of the french, would fear Etoiles because he is always begging for a fight, and fought and won against the code several times, but he is a nice guy, who they probably SHOULD fear, is Aypierre, this guy can be EVIL at times ; He loves contracts and deals, and using those against the others. He is not all evil though. He does care about Pomme, the french, and is willing to help others when they need him, though he likes to make exchanges.

q!Antoine Daniel : Antoine is probably the hardest to write or get when you are not used to him. He has such a way of speaking and a weird twisted humor that to someone not french, and not watching his streams regularly, it's REAL hard to get him right. He is an apreciator of dark humor and cynicism ; Joking about Bobby in front of Pomme is an example, though he is starting to be more compassionate about the eggs than he was at the beginning of his journey on the smp. Probably because of one of my posts and some others, a lot of people see him as incredibly paranoïd, and for a time he was, though he said himself (both in and out of character) that it was starting to get better because people came talked to him about it, there IS still remains though. What's interesting is that he can be both paranoïd, AND incredibly insightful : His takes are either the rambling of a madman, or scarily on point. Though he is rarely willing to help others (both because of his next to level 0 skills in minecraft and general air of "I don't care"), he is always on alarm and willing to help when it comes to the eggs, multiple times he ironically is one of the most reactive ones when it comes to realise there is danger or a problem for the eggs ; Though he is relatively self-centered, he is very compassionate and attentive of the eggs, with Pomme potentially being the person he trusts most. (everytime he acts aloof and cynical on his stream, to then immediatly worry about Pomme's well-being warms my heart.)

q!Kamet0 : AHAHAHAHAH ahAHaHhah, ahahah... ahah.. ah. oh. (he left for cigarretes)

(HOLY SHIT I WROTE A NOVEL. Sorry, didn't excpect to have that much to say. But here you go, hope that helps.)

[wolf-beils]

The Man He Became: An In Depth Character Analysis of Hector's Adult Iterations

Introduction

Hector’s adult iterations are a pretty overlooked facet of him. When people see him as an adult, he’s typically brushed off as “just Lilina’s father” and/ or a raging shotgun dad. Boiling down a character to one thing or a gag doesn’t necessarily mean people don’t know what more there is to one. It does somewhat make that “something more” a little more obscured though. The noise of a simplistic fanbase portrayal, no matter how out of character, will often drown out a character's true self.

That’s why I want to provide this in depth analysis and theorisation on Hector as his adult self, and why it’s actually a really great part of him as a character. He has more to him than what the community and IS push him as which goes very unsung. So I guess this is my shot at trying to spread the good word if you will. I do hope people can take away at least something from this.

And yes, I said “theorisation” because he doesn’t have much content as an adult to go off compared to his younger self. He is ultimately just a backdrop character as this version of himself. So you really have to look deep into Hector and contextualise a lot to get substance. That isn’t to say he's got nothing going for him though. I do firmly believe what I’m going to provide is logical.

I'm just getting that out of the way in case you end up like disagreeing with anything. This is fuelled by my own personal take on this character in the end. So like— please respect that.

A Recap On Part Of Hector’s FE7 Development

Firstly, I want to bring up some things regarding Hector's youth. His exact age during events is not something spoken of in game, but through an artbook and a timeline on SerenesForest, he does have canon ages:

17 during Lyn Mode.

18 during the main story.

Probably 18-19 during the FE7’s epilogue.

34 during FE7’s extended epilogue.

37 during FE6.

SerenesForest Timeline In Question

Anyhow, the reason I’m bringing up Hector’s younger iteration first is because I want to make something clear about his character and development: that he’s only young. This is a point FE7 strives to drive home, often describing Hector and the other two lords as “young”. It helps us realise that while they are good, strong people, they’re still only young and have yet to fully grow and mature. Keeping this youth in mind is pretty important for understanding them.

None of them are fully matured even if it seems like such, especially Hector. Growing out of that lack of maturity is a point Hector makes about himself at the end of his mode. This quote from the epilogue of Hector Mode pretty much says it all:

Before this, before FE7 even, he was more or less a free spirit. He did as he pleased, whether it was befitting of his status or not (mostly not). As implied in his Eliwood and Oswin supports, he was kind of rebellious about it. It's a trait he mostly retains during FE7, though to a less rebellious extent given the situation he's in.

Point is— what I want you to bear in mind about Hector as a youth, before I analyse his adult self, is that he is not a grown man here. He is not grown up, nor developed, nor matured. He's never had the chance to really grow up. This is more than likely due to his trauma and the mess he ends up in for the duration of FE7 then doesn't quite allow that chance either.

With that refresher on his younger self, we can start actually going into Hector as an adult.

Purpose

The absolute main thing I see adult Hector as is a statement that he becomes that better version of himself he vowed to become. It’s honestly quite the inspiring thing to see— someone wanting to change, making that change happen, and making it last. That is, above all else, the biggest yet most criminally unsung thing about him as an adult in my eyes. It's among the most unsung things about Hector as a whole really.

While he is almost only given spotlight if Lilina is involved, be it from IS or the fanbase, I don’t think fatherhood is truly the biggest thing about him as a character. As a person, a human being in the world of Elibe? Yes, he’s a father first given how much he does care about Lilina. Any parent should be a parent first and Hector is no exception to that.

But his adult self just adds such a good extra layer to Hector as a standalone character. It’s like if you ordered 20 chicken nuggets from McDonald’s and got a couple extra. Hector as his younger self is already a nice box of 20 McNuggets. His adult self is those couple of generous extra nuggets that you didn’t need, but god damn are they appreciated anyway. And I personally value that much more than him being a decent dad. That extra layer is yet another part of why I love this character so much.

Through the little screentime his adult self has and the nods to him in FE6, it can be deduced that he’s a much better man. Foremost, he's clearly more mature— the very thing he wanted to improve on when he became Marquess Ostia. It can be said that he’s more respected, which is quite contrary to how he was viewed by others in his youth.

And as much as I don’t like considering FEH writing (especially given how dirty FEH has done Hector's younger self in the past), his Halloween alt also shows his adult self off really well through what dialogue he has. I do have a personal rule of not considering FEH’s writing for a character that isn’t from the game itself but I do make exceptions when the writing is genuinely good. In this case, they did good for him so I’m considering it.

Flaws, Insecurity, & Fear

Just because he’s a better version of himself, it doesn’t mean that he’s suddenly flawless. He’s probably far from it in fact. We all are. So I want to start the nitty gritty off with his less bright aspect that he’s retained, as well as some new stuff he deals with.

First, I want to present this line of dialogue from FEH:

He is likely still quite protective to some degree. Although he’s a better man who’s managed to iron himself out, he’s still a traumatised man. Unfortunately, trauma is something that will stick for life whether we like it or not. All we can do is not let it dictate our thoughts and actions too much. In the past, Hector let this happen and it cost him his very fate when he didn't have to do what he did.

Before I go on, I want to bring up a very similar character for a minute: Gustav from FEH. He too is a deeply traumatised man. His stone cold attitude is fueled by traumatic experiences in his own youth— losing his father to Hel, the man dying right in front of his eyes. That was punishment for Gustav's once excessive willingness to dive into action. That’s why he’s so critical of Alfonse being similar. He may not admit it, but he’s still very deeply hurt by the loss of his father and the attitude he shows towards Alfonse is an expression of that pain. He desperately doesn’t want either of his children to go through that same pain.

At the point we see Gustav in FEH, he’s either a similar age to Hector or slightly older. So that said, Hector is still likely a protective person. He always has been, and always will be. That fear of losing those he cares about most will always be present with how he’s lost so much in his youth. His parents, Leila, Uther— those three losses will stick with him for life whether he likes it or not. On top of that, he witnessed Elbert dying and Athos died in his arms so that’s probably caused some extra damage.

Something to be said about his relationship with Lilina is that she's the only close family he has left (though that could be somewhat debatable since we have next to no clue about his relationship with Orun). As just stated, he's lost more family young than anyone should. Those losses have made him wary, and desperately not wanting to lose anyone else. This little girl of his is all he has left. In his eyes, he must protect her from everything. At anything that could possibly lead to him losing her, he feels great fear.

This facet of his trauma is actually something subtly established in his B support with Eliwood in FE7. While he's young here, it's safe to say that the fear he shows in that conversation applies to his adulthood for the most part. It's also shown in one of Bride Lilina's text quotes in FEH:

But that isn’t to say Hector is some overbearing shotgun dad with a violent, lightning quick temper— far from it. He’s evidently pretty lax, shown by how he doesn’t seem to force Lilina to do anything. That even includes her study of statecraft to be his successor. Lilina does that willingly and Hector does nothing but support that in a genuine fashion rather than just a “because Ostia needs an heir” type manner per the Halloween duo unit conversation. That should be enough indicator that Hector will support whatever his girl does, so long as it’s safe.

This extends to marriage, and moving away. Sure, Hector may well have doubts and fears. But as long as Lilina chooses the right person, he’ll be fine. For example, if she married Roy and had to move away to Pherae for whatever reason (not that it'd happen due to the circumstances of their ending), he’d probably be more than glad to let that happen. Without a doubt, he’d trust in Roy’s goodness seeing as he is Eliwood’s son and all. There’s zero reason he wouldn’t trust him.

Hector can’t really be the untrusting person he once was given his position and certainly wouldn't cast aside rationality when a boy he likely knows is nothing but good is involved. This line of thinking applies for pretty much any character Lilina could reasonably marry in the future. (Not that she has any other marriage options but that’s why shipping exists. This message was brought to you by the Lilina/ Ogier gang.)

Would marriage and Lilina moving away still make him uncomfortable? Probably, yes. But he’d ultimately be fine. Every parent must let go of their child some day, and Hector would be capable of doing that— even if he’d feel disconcerted at first. But he’s likely grown past standing by irrational conclusions and refusing to think any different. He wouldn't have got as far as he has as a leader if he wasn't at least a bit open-minded. That need for trust and open-mindedness would surely aid in his deep down struggle with trauma.

Additionally, I’d like to show an excerpt that more or less proves he trusts Lilina to fend for herself. Here’s a bit from volume 4 of a storybook series related to Cipher (rest in peace):

Before continuing, I just want to link the post that contains the full passage. It’s a detailed PoV from Hector when he’s bleeding out in Araphen. Full credit and big thanks goes to starfirexuchiha for providing the translation, as well as ZoraTwilight for scanning the volume for this to be a thing. I highly recommend you check it out because it’s genuinely one of the coolest pieces of official written Hector content out there and the rest of the stuff is awesome too.

Fire Emblem Cipher Album Book Volume 4 Translation

Back to business though.

Yes, this is obviously how Hector is thinking when he’s about to die. But I think this pretty much shows he trusts Lilina wholly, and knows deep down that he doesn’t have to worry so much over her. Of course, he can’t not worry since he’s a natural worrier. It’s the thought that counts though. Deep down, he knows and appreciates just how great his little girl is.

One last thing I want to talk about regarding this topic is the Armads curse. A curse he contracted through taking up the legendary axe in his mode. Something which is lowkey a writing mess that conflicts with how FE6 handles the axe but that’s not what we’re discussing. I want to discuss how it may have affected him long term, and how he feels about it into adulthood.

First off, I think the curse affected him quite a lot emotionally, and he regrets his decision to take up Armads. He didn’t need to pick up the axe because things would’ve been totally fine without it anyway. The decision was one made out of fear of losing anyone else, and a deep insecurity about his own strength. It probably wouldn’t be long after FE7’s events that he starts to regret it. Perhaps during the year period between the final chapter and the epilogue.

Into adulthood, I feel he’d still regret it. He can’t not when such a curse will lead him to die a horrible death, the chance of leaving his loved ones too soon painfully real. No less is there many possibilities for what could happen. Would he die alone? Would he die in front of others? Worse, would he die in front of a loved one? The outcomes are many, and incredibly unsettling no matter what.

And whenever he lets someone new into his life, there’s always that feeling of knowing that’s someone else that’ll be crushed when he does die. Another heart that will break when he passes. He’d be well aware of this fact— most definitely when Lilina comes into the picture.

However, I do think that as he grows older, and as Lilina becomes a part of his life, he tries to be optimistic. He tries to stay hopeful, so as to not feel down about it all, nor get others down. It’s why he fills Lilina’s head with promises that he won’t leave her in the FEH Halloween alt conversation. He has hope that he’ll live to become a grandfather, and proudly watch Lilina take the throne (given what ends up happening— yeah, it’s a bit of a bittersweet moment).

All in all, his deep-rooted insecurities won’t change. Everything he’s been through will stick with him for life. He can very much still get hurt. But his way of managing it all has potentially changed for the better.

Worries & Stress

While Hector is a better version of himself, his life still isn’t without stress— especially come FE6 time. From personal struggles such as the Armads curse I already mentioned, to simply the stress of being one of Lycia’s highest powers.

A big one is that there’s a particular someone he could potentially be on the brink of losing around FE6 time. That ‘someone’ being Eliwood, who is of course deathly ill by this point. It goes without saying that he’s definitely hurting about that to a degree.

In fact, this is actually alluded to in the storybook volume I brought up earlier:

I think that excerpt more or less shows Hector’s fear of losing him. It’s a no-brainer really, with Eliwood being his first and one of the only friends for his entire childhood as well as his teenage years. It shouldn’t be too hard to imagine just how scared he is to lose him— especially given he’s lost three other close people to illness, all before he even became an adult.

With that in mind, there’s no doubt it plays on his brain to some extent. We know from FE7 that while he is capable of putting up a tough face, he is rather sensitive on the inside. I don’t doubt that sensitivity has changed much. Even if he wasn’t rather sensitive, it’s his best friend. Eliwood is someone he respects above pretty much anyone, and as shown in FE7, he’s willing to do a hell of a lot for him. It’s going to upset him knowing Eliwood is suffering, and possibly on his last legs.

On top of that, it’s implied in FE7’s extended epilogue that Bern starts becoming suspicious as early as that time:

Given Athos’ prediction, it’s within reason for both to think something might happen from this. And it’s probable things slowly escalated throughout the 4-5 years leading up to FE6 events. As the military leader of Lycia, and Ostia’s highest power, Hector’s surely going to be a bit stressed.

And that'd certainly be the case when he eventually has to go out to Araphen. He’ll meet it all with his head held high, but he can’t not be a little stressed when there’s the real possibility he may not come back. It’s known he did tell Lilina about Durandal’s location before leaving too. So he went into that battle knowing full well it could be his last— which as well known, it was his last.

He did ultimately vow that he would do anything to stop anything from going out of hand. Even if it meant sacrificing his life. Which… let me go on about that idea for a minute.

I think that bit of dialogue is such a neat little nod to how aware he may well be of the Armads curse. It shows that he knows well that if anyone is going to sacrifice their life for the greater good, he’s the best for it. He’s going to die in battle anyway and he knows that. The words Durban spoke to him stick to him like a tumour, a reminder that his end won’t be peaceful.

The Real Hector Is Out

Now, I’ll really get into how he’s bettered himself. Why else is it that he’s a much better man than he was when he was younger? I’ve already made it somewhat clear that Hector has attained the inherent maturity and sensibility that can come with adulthood. So what else is there?

The biggest thing is that he’s learnt that he shouldn’t hide parts of himself. When younger, this was one of his biggest struggles. He always felt the need to be someone that he wasn’t exactly— a run of the mill tough guy. You learn through his supports and a story scene or two that he’s actually a wonderfully kind and even somewhat gentle soul who just wants the best for people. That is the real Hector beneath the tough front he puts up the vast majority of the time.

When he grows up, this is something he has potentially improved on. One such implication of this is the Halloween alt’s friend greeting:

This single line of dialogue honestly tells quite a bit for no reason. He’s showing that kindhearted man he is out in the open. No longer is he afraid to hide that softer side— which honestly can be said about this alt’s entire existence really. He’s happily dressing up alongside his daughter, genuinely celebrating the festival. He’s happy, relaxed, lovingly keeping Lilina in his clutches (who’s around 10 here by the way so she doesn’t really need to be held).

Additionally, and on the topic of his Halloween alt, he is very well-mannered towards others in the paralogue and the Tempest Trials dialogue. That’s more or less another way to show he’s more openly kind and sociable too. It’s a bit of a step ahead of how his younger self is (not that he’s that much of a little shit as a youth but there’s no denying he’s slightly too forward and slightly less inclined to gentleness).

And there is one particular part of the Tempest Trials dialogue that shows him at his best. A heartfelt exchange he has with L’Arachel:

There’s not many words, but this exchange speaks so much about both characters. It’s to this day my favourite bit of writing to come out of FEH. There’s just so much meaning tucked into this little exchange. It’s truly a heartfelt moment where two characters relate to each other on a deep level for a moment.

L’Arachel sees a little girl and a wonderful father she sees her own in. It calls back to the hurt little girl inside of her. She wouldn’t wish the pain she experienced on anyone. No less that little girl with the man before her. That’s the place her words come from.

And Hector knows that very acutely. He knows the pain she carries with her all too well. So he hops right to it— metaphorically extends his hand out to the girl in front of him. He offers the most comforting words a girl could hear from a father. Perhaps he offers something more than comfort. I’ll be honest, I am of the genuine belief that he maybe even offers fatherhood to L’Arachel.

However it is, there’s no denying just how sweet he was here. And not to mention how readily he comforted L’Arachel, despite her being someone he’s not known for long. Really, before this, we’ve never really seen Hector so quick to support anyone with words— not even Eliwood. Often times, he was very much a doer, and never much of a sayer. Definitely shows he’s shaped up in terms of speaking to people there.

Another example of his willingness to be more openly soft comes from FEH yet again, and from the same alt. This time in an interaction with Ivy in her Forging Bonds chain:

I just want to say that Hector and Ivy’s interactions in FEH are kind of funny when you take into account how they interact in Engage. I’m just really amused by the juxtaposition between how the younger Hector and the older Hector interact with her. In Engage, he just laughs in her face when she brings up her fear of ghosts. In FEH, as his older self, he doesn’t care and pretty quickly offers some support for her.

And funny enough, I think that does showcase the change in Hector between his youth and adulthood pretty well. He’s being way more readily kind, let alone sociable than his younger self would be. No less coming up with a good remedy to Ivy’s trouble socialising. That in and of itself is why I’m really glad they chose to include Hector here, seeing as Lilina was shown to be quite shy in FE7’s extended epilogue. It’s probable enough that he’s got an affinity for cracking shells.

That knack seems to yield results too. Lilina is quite sociable in FE6, becoming quite trusting (even if to a slight fault) and good with conversation. For Ivy, that little party gives her the drive to interact with others more.

To me, those bits are enough indication to show he’s past making his best bits more exclusive. There’s no reason for him to do so and he knows that. He’s got a brilliant heart in his chest and a whole lot of decency. What good is there in hiding that when such goodness can uplift many? There is something in relation to this I’ll bring up later too.

What Got Him There?

Of course, Hector couldn’t have become this man overnight. Self development isn’t easy at all. 

A logical theory for this is that he begins to learn this being with whoever he marries. But the change really comes when Lilina is in the picture. What better thing to change a needlessly rigid, stoic man than an adorable bundle of joy to call his child? Typically, such a thing can soften someone up quite a bit. In the case of Hector, given some tidbits here and there (including interactions with the child in question), I think this would be the case.

Have a listen to the Halloween alt’s conversation with Lilina, and then picture something. Picture Hector who’s been a father for like six months, holding a little baby Lilina. He looks her in the eyes, about as beaming as he can be, making small funny noises to entertain her. When you hear the tone that Patrick Seitz uses, it’s not too hard to envision that, is it? (Awesome work as always by Patrick by the way. I really love his take on Hector despite the criticism it sometimes gets.)

I think Lilina is the thing that really changed him for the better for good. That little girl is the key that indefinitely unlocks what his consciousness locks away more than it should be because of how much he conditioned himself to be what he thought was strong. Of course, because he’d be spending plenty of time with his bundle of joy, that side of him will be quite active. And with regularity comes establishment.

This doesn’t mean he’s become some soft, jovial dad though. Soft and jovial he can be around Lilina, that’s for sure. But in the grand scheme of things, she enables his best side more. A side of him that not just those close to him deserve to have the pleasure of seeing. An openly kind, golden-hearted man that the world around him deserves.

Aside from Lilina, he definitely shaped himself up for the sake of his leadership roles as is because well… he kind of had to. There’s no way he was getting around as a leader if he didn’t work on his manners or his trust issues. So it’s safe to say he must’ve done a lot of soul searching before the first epilogue.

His CYL alt in FEH does entertain the idea of him picking up reading. He probably used that as a method to improve his patience, and actually study (something he didn’t do too much of in his youth). Aside from that, there’s plenty of ways he could’ve started to shape himself up mentally. There’s many ways one can go about healing and self improvement.

He’s Still Hector

I sometimes joke that his adult self is like a different character but really, he’s not entirely. Despite all the change he’s been through, he’s still the same person who those around him know and love. As has been established throughout this analysis, he has changed. In some aspects, he is a different person in that he doesn’t seem to hide who he really is any longer and he’s overall matured. Still, he’s not a completely far cry from who he was in his youth.

Of course, as I said in that last section, he’s still boundlessly good-hearted, loyal, and well meaning. Out of everything, that hasn’t changed a single bit outside of how much better he expresses that. It’s a core fundamental of who he is in the end. Without that wonderful side of him, he just wouldn’t be Hector. It’s a part of what draws those he loves to him, and can more or less be what draws players/ readers to him.

And another thing I’ve already said he’s retained is his protectiveness. That is something he is by nature. He cares for those he loves and will protect them as he sees fit. And like the trait in the previous paragraph, he goes about it better. I probably don’t have to repeat any further on this since I did go on about it earlier in this. So we’ll leave this topic at that.

One small thing I haven't alluded to is how he doesn't completely care for his status. This is pretty much set right in stone in his conversation with Eliwood during FE7's extended epilogue:

It's a very neat tidbit in the conversation. It does show that he cares about his station but also that he isn't consumed by it. He just wants to talk with Eliwood friend to friend, not leader to leader. Just because they're of high stations (Hector in an even higher station than Eliwood ironically), that doesn't mean they can't speak like familiars. Hector doesn't believe in there being this set way nobles have to act. He never has believed in it, despite how much noble conduct is likely pushed, and no matter the judgement that was thrown his way in youth. 

That last bit actually kind of segways into this next big thing that Hector has retained. It's a trait that he's admired for— that being his preference for doing things his way, and penchant for making it work. This is something that Oswin spells out very nicely in two separate supports:

Hector isn’t someone bound by convention. He’s about getting things done and doing whatever he can for that to be so, no matter how improper it may be. Like I said, he doesn’t care so much for his status and won’t bend his behaviour to adhere to what’s considered ‘proper’. That especially goes for when he’s doing something for anyone he cares about. When that’s the case, he definitely does whatever it takes, everything regarding convention and conduct thrown out of the window.

Again, Oswin pretty much puts it all perfectly. He strives to stay true to himself, and he does that better than anyone. Where one doesn’t see a way forward, he makes one himself. It all very much attests to him having a will made of iron. But more than that, he’s just being himself.

So how does this trait fare into adulthood? Well, it’s certainly there and he’s still just about as unconventional. Despite his leading positions needing him to be at least a bit poised and proper, he still does what he wants and it works out. Where this shows is Lilina and Astolfo’s support conversation in FE6:

Yeah, he kind of guilt tripped a thief into working for him.

Honestly though, prepare for something of a tangent because this whole support speaks volumes about Hector and I love it so much. So this won’t entirely pertain to the topic of this section.

More than anything, this support portrays Hector exhibiting those traits I’ve just gone over. Your typical leader/ noble would sooner apprehend a common thief stealing castle riches. But Hector isn’t quite typical. He’s not like the other nobles at all. No one else but Hector would recruit a seemingly random thief who once looked for the castle riches. To an average noble, that sounds utterly ridiculous.

But why did he do it in the first place? Like— yeah, Hector is kind of bizarre but he knows what he’s doing and has a whole lot of sense to boot. There’s always a reason for what he does. There's a method to what a lot of cut and dry nobles would consider madness.

His castle is nowhere near easy to get into. From what we know of Ostia, let alone the support, no common thief makes it as far as the treasury. Here comes Astolfo, a common thief who bypassed the guards and made it as far as the treasure room. Thus what Hector sees is not a common thief, but a man of great potential to be something more than that.

He’s rather pragmatic— albeit a bit of a wacky kind of pragmatic, but pragmatic nonetheless. Definitely the wacky kind given he just laughs in Astolfo’s face at first. Then he compliments the man, and offers him a job. If that doesn’t show how one of a kind he is, I don’t know what does.

Even so, there’s a reason he’s so flippant. Remember, this is the same guy who doesn’t care so much for his noble status. That’s all shown in his attitude and the way he tells Astolfo that he can keep what he’s stolen. He doesn’t talk to Astolfo noble to commoner. He talks to him man to man.

The reason I go over this support so thoroughly is because honestly, it alone lays out just who Hector is as an adult. It showcases both how much he’s changed and hasn’t changed. For the former, it goes back to him getting over his trust issues. He’s clearly much better at seeing good in others and not going straight into his prickly shell. In terms of the latter, he still couldn’t give a rat’s ass about his station and is all for being a little unconventional. He very much lives up to what Oswin says about him in his Matthew support.

The Astolfo and Lilina support chain may not seem like much at surface level. But think about all this stuff I’ve gone over. Think about how the Hector you see in FE7 would approach the situation. Think about the minute details pointed out throughout this analysis. When you consider all that, this support is the hard proof that he achieved the goal he set out to do. And he still stayed true to himself in the end.

Meaning

Well, I’ve pretty much covered every base that matters. So we reach the tail end of this analysis.

I will admit firsthand that Hector’s adult self definitely isn’t the most deep thing out there on surface level. Hell, a chunk of this whole thing has been theoreticals (which I did say that’d be the case at the start). Theoreticals based on the heaps of characterisation he has, but still theoreticals. What I will say though is that through him not having much in plain sight, there lies room for all this speculation and the chance to suss things out yourself.

There’s a reason he doesn’t end up completely better off by the conclusion of FE7. He’s been hurt since before the game’s events. He was always a hurt boy in a world that never entirely accepted him. It only got a bit worse throughout FE7, with him going through the horrors of real battle and going through some painful losses— especially Uther. So after it all, of course he’s not going to be better in a flash.

That’s why I really love the detail that he doesn’t seem that way until he’s portrayed as a grown man. It makes his proclamation towards Mark in his mode’s epilogue that much more meaningful. He does get better, and evidently fits himself into his new life eventually. Even in spite of him being unsure about leading that life, he’s determined to live it and does it all because that’s what he’s all about. He’s all about achieving anything he puts his mind to.

He becomes kinder, wiser, more respectable, and evidently a damn great father. Sure, he’s a great person in his youth, but he had some glaring problems. Growing up, he remedied those problems as best he could while still remaining himself. He’s not without vices, as that is with anyone, though he’s done a good job at toning it all down. 

And of course, it would take until he’s a grown man for that change to be in full force. He’s mentally scarred in more than one aspect. Such things can take a long time to heal. Change can take equally long to truly come into fruition. It’s yet another layer of realism to an already very human, realistic character.

So what do Hector’s adult iterations mean for him?

Well, they serve as a conclusion to his tale. Hector’s tale, his true tale, is one of overcoming trauma and realising his best self. It’s a tale of inner struggle, loss, and a testament to what true strength is. It’s a tale of a boy becoming a man.

Closing Words

That about wraps everything up. If you did read this entire thing— first of all thank you from the bottom of my heart. Second, I sincerely hope you enjoyed and took interest in my perspective.

I’ve worked on this analysis on and off for almost two years, pouring in all the love and passion for this character. I’d be lying if I said that time hasn’t been pretty transitional for me. I’ve changed a bit as a person on my own road towards self improvement. This character, and especially this facet of him, is a massive comfort and inspiration for me. Writing this whole thing has definitely reaffirmed that to a degree.

But yeah, I’m not going to hang around too long. Seriously, I appreciate it colossally if you managed to read all of this. If you have any questions and such, then you’re welcome to ask. I will say, I am more active on Twitter (@/WolfBeils on there), so you may have a better shot at reaching me there.

Otherwise, yeah, that’s all I got.

[alfgifu]

Fic analysis 8. Incandescent 

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47237317

Archive warnings: Major Character Death

Word count: 4,413

Chapters: 1

First posted: 17th May 2023

Summary: 

Slowly, against the glutinous weight, Cliopher swallowed. This was not a dream. This was magic. This was - what he had been expecting, all along.

“Cliopher sayo Mdang, Secretary to the Offices of the Lords of State, Secretary to Artorin Damara, so-called Hands of the Emperor. You have broken the great taboo. You are summoned to account. Come with us.”

How and why this came about

The idea popped into my head during a discord chat.

I remember reading something by an author - Neil Gaiman I think - about the first time they read a story which ended badly for the narrator. About the realisation that this was a thing an author could do. And I remember myself reading a book when I was a teenager in which the good guys lose, and finding that similarly mind bending.

So, I thought, what if…?

And once the thought was there it was compelling. Cliopher is incredibly focused and holds his own life lightly against his goals. He expected to be executed for many things, including (at the start of HOTE) for inviting the emperor on holiday. If it happened quickly and secretly and he judged the politics intractable, he would just go with it.

I dropped a couple of paras into the discord channel and then went to take the kids to their swimming lessons and frantically tapped out the rest in the pool cafe.

When I posted it that evening someone replied, in tones of (mock, I hope) reproach, that I had recently said I was cuddly. I had neglected to mention (possibly didn’t even know at the time) that I was also a peddler of deep pits of despair.

What worked and what didn’t

Writing fast and in the flow and directly from the feels worked really well for pace and grip. It was less good for my control of my impulse to scatter dashes like pixie dust in every paragraph. I’ve been going back and forth on formatting for some of these things but in general I feel like there’s something in here about the text standing for itself and trying to use all punctuation more sparingly.

It worked really well to get into Cliopher’s head and follow his thoughts. Some of the worldbuilding that I threw in here on the fly came in handy in several other stories (the idea that the Ouranatha had their own enforcers who had shadow masks, for example, and the general concept of magic feeling like compressed air to someone who is magic-null).

I did start sketching out a sequel to this which is still there on my list of possible things to come back to, covering his Radiancy’s reaction from the pov of Cliopher’s deputy Kiri.

What I learned from writing it

I find it incredibly easy and satisfying to write very dark things. It’s entirely absorbing, it drives me forward, I really really like working out frustration and aggression and so on by inflicting horrors on fictional characters.

I was touched and surprised when it immediately sparked a ‘fix-it’ story where the emperor intervenes just in time to keep Cliopher alive. There’s a special joy in writing something that brings out a story from someone else, even if (perhaps especially if) they’re writing it directly to reverse what you’ve done. It reminds me of doodle games where each person tries to alternately threaten or rescue their little stick figure in what they add to the drawing.

Nevertheless, I hadn’t appreciated at first that others might find this more distressing than satisfying. I learned that readers could be affected strongly by this kind of punchy story and that the reactions would (entirely understandably) vary. Everyone was incredibly lovely about it but it definitely brought home the value of tags and warnings.

At the same time other authors in the fandom had been independently exploring similar themes and other ‘crimes’ fics were posted soon after. This coincided and may have inspired a rising tide of enthusiasm and creativity in general. The summer of 2023 saw an absolute flood of fic land on the Nine Worlds AO3 page.

[bookskittychad]

Seiji and Nicholas only fence when there's going to be a shift in their relationship

ok so , I have developed a rather ridiculous obsession with fence for the last two months and it's killing me . I mean this has to be one of the smallest ( but still really dedicated....like, bravo ) fandoms I've ever been in and I have so so so many thoughts and opinions and shit . So take my little analysis? Theory? Observation...thingy and do with it what you like .

I know that seiji and nick fenced in the books . But if I'm gonna be completely honest, I don't think the books are canon , and there is literally zero evidence that they are so I'm gonna ignore them .

Fencing in the comics is used as a tool to tell the the story and develope its characters , if fence was just about fencing and nothing else , then it won't really be much of a story or a narrative. Every character has its own fencing style in order to reflect on the personality of the character itself , seiji is perfect and intense , Nicholas. Is messy and reckless and fast , aiden is tricky and rather relaxed......etc . And so since the relationship between seiji and Nicholas is like the main focus of the comic , it makes sense that fencing each other is supposed to reflect on , not their individual characters, but their relationship.

The first time our idiots fence is basically their first time meeting each other . Literally their first shift , going from not knowing about the others extince ,to being aware of it .And developing an opinion regarding the other .

Keep in mind that this little meeting between them was incredibly important to Nicholas, for several reasons firstly that it was his first time actually fencing , and secondly because it made him realise how hard proving himself will be , so he remembers it . But from seiji's perspective its obvious that he met someone with some potential ( considering that he almost scored a hit on him ) despite his lack of any good technique at all , there was still something that captured his attention ( he so obvs remembered Nicholas later on )

Their second time fencing is a lot more interesting , because it doesn't just build a base for a dynamic, but rather marks a changing point in this dynamic .

Their second time fencing is alot more about how seiji starts to view nicholas than the other way around . we already know Nicholas takes siji seriously , we already know that scoring a hit on seiji even if it weren't winning would mean a lot to him . after that match seiji starts to take Nicholas a little bit more seriously and also starts to respect them . The first thing that happened after this is a shift were they start to become friends .

And so i don't really know where i was going with this , maybe the next time they fence would be a feelings realization scene or smth. someone's who is alot smarter than me would probably have more articulate thoughts , but I'm not smart and I needed to get this whole thing out of my system so i idk ,Have this as a little tribute for the fence April challenge I guess .

[orionsangel86]

So, if you don't mind, I was thinking about that asshole who was rude on your Thessaly post by insisting that Morpheus is meant to be a bad person. I'm curious if you could expand on why you think he's not. I keep going back and forth on my own rereads, especially since the Thessaly relationship and The Kindly Ones writing seem to try and push in a "he IS a bad person" direction. I can't tell if my arguments that "he's just flawed and mentally ill" are fangirl goggles or legit interpretation.

Hey! I don't mind. So when I first got that comment, initially I thought the response was genuine, because it's been a while since anyone has responded to one of my posts in a bad faith way. I frantically tried to wrap my brain around the idea that I had missed something somewhere and that I was supposed to view Morpheus as a "bad person" because even after The Kindly Ones that has never been my interpretation. I then realised the response was just a bad faith troll from an asshole and felt relief that I wasn't wrong.

But I suppose it's all up to interpretation.

The issue is really with what you consider makes a person inherently good or inherently bad. It reminds me of that line in Good Omens:

“It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

Because I genuinely think this line has inspired a LOT of Neil Gaiman's characters, whether human or not.

I also get a bit wary nowadays when certain sections of fandoms start labelling characters, especially protagonists as "bad" because that causes a slipperly slope into accusations of "if you like this character YOU PERSONALLY are a BAD PERSON" (Example: OFMD fandom and the forever bizarre reaction to the character of Izzy Hands).

Dream is not bad. He is not good either. He is entirely neutral. He may occassionally do things that may be considered bad, depending on your perspective, but he also does a lot of good things as well. How do we weigh him on a scale of judgement? Are we to act as his judge and jury for every decision he makes in the comics? I suppose we could do, if we wished to, such is the fun of analysis, but I think the end result would again depend on the perspective and morals of the individual reader.

But I will at least give my own interpretation. I'm putting on my Anubis hat and weighing Dream's heart against my trusty feather. Let's see how he does. Under a cut as its long.

I personally think that for a character to be labelled as "bad" their actions and motivations must cause harm, whether to individuals or larger groups, without them showing any care or concern for those they hurt, in their pursuit to achieve their goals.

For example, Lucifer in The Sandman is still a "bad" character even though there is a LOT of "Sympathy for the Devil" type of perspective in The Sandman. Ultimately Lucifer is still selfishly motivated. He doesn't care about the souls or creatures that reside in Hell, and he certainly doesn't care about humanity. When he kicks everyone out of Hell in Season of Mists it causes havoc on Earth, and leads to the death of at least one child that we know of. It is implied that he does far more damage than is explicitly shown.

Thessaly, as previously mentioned, is definitely a bad character. She is entirely motivated by her own selfishness. She doesn't give a shit who she hurts, or the damage she causes in her persuit for revenge in Game of You. She is cruel and malicious and yes, also a TERF. She does not show any empathy or consideration for any character at any point, and honestly, even her little speech in The Wake comes across as crocodile tears.

Desire is a more complex character but still falls on the "bad" side of the scale because Desire also shows very little regard for others when playing their games or implementing their schemes. Desire is going to do whatever they want regardless of who might get hurt because like Thessaly, Desire doesn't give a fuck about your feelings. Desire is cruel. This is stated textually. Desire's motivations are also usually selfish. The only time I found Desire remotely redeemable was in Overture. Desire saved the universe. Though it is made clear that the only reason they saved the universe was because they wanted to keep living in it. It's worth noting that even though Desire is very much "bad" I absolutely adore them and consider them one of my favourite Sandman characters.

Now to Dream. Unlike the above mentioned characters, Dream's motivations are rarely selfish. Even in The Kindly Ones, I believe even if you interpret the whole thing as Dream's own elaborate suicide plan (which is only one limited interpretation) I don't believe he ever meant for as many people to get hurt as they did, it's just that he found himself in an impossible situation where things escalated to a point of no return. Also, since most casualties were Dream's creations, arguably he probably assumed that either he, or his successor, would simply recreate them once the situation was back under control.

Dream is a lawful neutral character. He has his rules and he must abide by them because "I contain the entire collective unconscious, without my rules it would consume me. Humanity would be consumed." (I know this is Netflix!Dream talking but I'm still gonna use it cos its such a good line).

The big difference between Dream and the above characters, is simple. Dream cares. He cares about everyone. He cares about literally everyone - the entire collective unconscious of the universe and he is so bursting to the brim with care and love for them that he is buckling under the weight of all that care. It is what is destroying him and it is WHY he is so depressed and so susceptable to making bad decisions on a small scale.

Every motivation of Dream's is for the greater good. When he sees what John Dee did with his ruby, he is almost crippled by the guilt of it. He blames himself for giving the ruby so much power that it could corrupt a mortal that much. He is easily swayed by Constantine to give Rachel a peaceful death, even though at first he doesn't think about it, it's not like he laughs it off and walks away - like any of the above mentioned characters would do. He listens to Constantine and agrees to show that compassion.

When he realises he once again has to kill a Vortex - something that is part of his duty as Dream of the Endless, something that is very much carved in stone as one of his rules, he still hesitates, even though he knew what happened last time and all the pain he suffered because of it. A fundamentally bad character who does not care would not have hesitated in killing Rose Walker.

In Brief Lives, whilst his initial motivations were selfish, he realised that his trip with Delirium to find Destruction was causing harm to others. When he realised that people were dying because of their quest, he put an end to it. He hurt Delirium in doing so, unintentionally, but his reasons for stopping weren't because he was bored, or because he had given up on finding Thessaly, it was because people were getting hurt and he didn't want to be responsible for that anymore.

When you look at Dream's actions on a wider scale, he is a good character. It is only on a more personal level that his flaws start to show through.

Where Dream's behaviour gets bad, it is usually because he has been hurt, and when he is hurt, he acts like a petty child throwing a tantrum. It is when his cruel side comes out, and its when he is most like Desire.

Nada is the most obvious casualty of this side of Dream. She rejected him, he threw a tantrum, and condemned her to Hell for hurting him.

Calliope tells Dream that she believed the "old you would have left me here to rot." We don't know how true this is, even in the comics, but the idea that there once was a version of Dream who might have discovered his ex wife was being frequently raped and abused whilst imprisoned and bound to evil mortal men and refused to help her simply because she left him is horrifying, but as I said, we don't know if it is or ever was true.

Ultimately, on the small scale, all it takes is for someone to tell Dream that he is in the wrong for him to relent and accept his misgivings. Constantine called him out on Rachel, so he did what he was asked to do. Calliope didn't even HAVE to ask for him to free her in the comics, he just showed up and saved her without question. When Death told him what he did to Nada was "shitty", he immediately put plans in place to make it right, even though doing so was risky and put him and the Dreaming in danger.

Even the situation with Orpheus, whilst seemingly harsh on Dream's side, his son told him to his face "you are no longer my father" and so Dream, hurt and with wounded pride, walked away from his son and refused to look back - but he still arranged for the priests to take care of him.

His choice of Thessaly as a lover is messed up, but he was messed up at the time. My view as mentioned in my previous post is that she was a rebound. They make it clear in the comic that he never approved of her murderous ways (and I have no doubt that he would also dissaprove of her transphobia, even if not mentioned explicitly).

In The Kindly Ones I don't view the situation as Dream being a bad person. I view it as everyone else being bad. Dream is caught in a huge cloud of depression and shitty circumstance and he is unable to free himself from that situation, and even when others can sense his desperation and pain, no one actually helps him. Dream's biggest flaw in The Kindly Ones, in my opinion, is not asking for help.

Because he is prideful, because even after all he has been through, he could not shake off that pride. It went full circle, he was back in his glass cage refusing to ask for help. Only this time, the glass cage was his realm, his subjects, his role as Dream of the Endless, and he could not change himself enough to free himself without making the drastic worst case decision.

My hatred of The Kindly Ones as a story, is not because I think it does a disservice to Dream, but because it does a disservice to every other character involved. By the end of that particular story, I hated every character who WASN'T Dream. Because I desperately wanted one of them, ANY of them, to actually help him. To see past his stubborn pride and hold him in their arms and shake him until he saw sense. Because the message in that story seemed to me to be that people are inherently selfish and so wrapped up in their own lives that they won't help you when you need it most. That there isn't even a point in asking for help. So what's the point?

But then I am fully aware that my feelings are complicated and partly projecting onto the characters and the story and well, that's all not really relevant to the point of this post except to ask you all to take my opinion with a grain of salt.

So back to your original question. I don't think Dream is a bad person. He is flawed, he is a character who when pushed to the limit will do drastic stupid things, but then wouldn't we all if pushed to our absolute limit? He is extremely depressed and buckling under the weight of the collective unconscious. All that unchecked emotion carried within him, and it is literally killing him.

So when weighing his heart against the feather of judgement, I think I can forgive him some bad behaviour towards some ex lovers in the grand scheme of all he has done. As flawed characters go, he's hardly the worst, and the feather is still heavier than his heart.

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy Re-Watch: Season 1 character analysis

Buffy:

The girl smashing the cliché of blondes dying in horror. She's our hero. A 16 year old girl who wants to be normal but has a duty to save the world. At the beginning she is reluctant to be the slayer, and why wouldn't she be? She lost her first watcher, burned down her school's gym, got kicked out of said school, lost friends, parents divorced and had to move towns because so few schools would take her. In one year since she got called to be a slayer her life has drastically changed and not really for the better. So it's understandable that she wouldn't want to return to that. But as soon as she saw Willow, a new potential friend in trouble, she goes into slayer mode. As soon as she accepts her duty, she does it to the best of her abilities. But she also wants normality in her life. If her life was just school and slaying it would probably make her miserable. Cheerleading, dating, school dances are a part of her ideal normal life as a teenager, it's something she needs to stop herself from feeling more like an outcast than she already is. The best episode to illustrate that is 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind' because back in LA she was in Cordelia's position, but in Sunnydale she is seeing it from the other side. She is also disconnected from her friends and new life, because none of this is what she wanted. She still holds on tot he hope that she can be normal.

However, that is sort of destroyed in 'Prophecy Girl'. Overhearing that she is going to die breaks her. She laughs at the absurdity of it and then we see how she truly feels. She is pissed off. At 16 she is told she will die because someone hundreds of years ago foresaw it, so now it must happen. She doesn't want to, of course she doesn't. She wants to live and be normal, but apparently that's over for her now. Despite all of her anger and pain she still goes to face The Master. After talking to Willow, seeing her fear and devastation of losing people she knew, Buffy had to go. she didn't see another choice. Thought things are never that simple. What really stings for Buffy is that is she had stayed away, if she never confronted the Master, she wouldn't have died. the shock and realisation only comes to her moments before she dies, and The Master being the one to tell her makes it all the worse. It is fortunate that Angel ad Xander came to find her when they did, to bring her back and help her kick ass.

Buffy is a loyal, caring, compassionate person. She is a good slayer, especially after only finding out a year before and past tragedies in her life. She will do anything to protect her friends and anyone who needs help. She doesn't get everything right and makes mistakes, but her willingness to try, the support of her friends, and Giles' guidance helps her and makes up for areas where she is lacking. Her relationship with her mum is a positive one, which is something I personally like to see. She has her fears like everyone else, which males her more 3 dimensional, because she isn't some infallible superhero. Her real life problems and fears keeps her grounded and believable, because a character without those is fake and unrelatable to the audience.

As with my post about Angel, I still need to see a real reason as to why she likes him. If you're going to make a romance happen ten give me reasons to want them together besides them both being attractive. That's all I'm saying.

[catgoesboom]

Kinda late to the party but I'm doing that silly thing that I wanna openly share my complexed opinions without hiding much behind tags. Yes they can claim enby rep cause as we know, coding exists. Even more so in sci-fi but dependably applicable to other genres, in which making humanoids any way the writters please under the argument of it's the species culture/nature was an entering to be able to represent minorities or concepts in a way that the average audience will easilly take in (and/or that the executives wouldn't try to cut out). Back in the day in which ableism was way more rampant and explicit, characters like spock was one of the first pieces of "good" neurodivergent rep in television in which a character's neurodivergency is never treated as a disease or something to be cured, but a part of the character that should be respected and also quite helpful. In the argument that "they're not really enby cause that's just the default of their species" you still have to keep in mind this is being made for a human audience, they're allegories for us to understand new ideas, and therefore making the idea of "there are humans who also are like this" much more easier to process for people who hadn't been presented these concepts before. This was a good way in and very practical when you wanna tell stories without people missing the point back in the day and it's also an interesting way now (just look at both the trans and intersex allegories that is Topa from The Orville. First intersex through the point they had surgical transition done by her parents at an early age to conform to their species gender norms, secondly trans for wanting to transition to the gender she identifies with) as a narrative tool to not make everything so obvious or on the nose. People like complexity, people like to understand/realise something rather than just being told, that's basic media analysis. BUT It does not mean it has to be JUST THAT, nor it should be the standart way of representing any type of minority. We should be strifing for more direct representation (and I also don't mean making a character with no kind of dimension- I think most of us agree that when we say we want more rep is about a character who happens to be from that group and while obviousy that will in some way affect their narrative and some storylines, its not the ONLY thing they're known for) and I think that's the point everyone agrees in.

Okay wait I'm genuinely curious here. Do you feel that a piece of media can claim nonbinary representation if that rep comes from an alien/robot/entity that doesn't fit our understanding of gender but isn't an outlier for its own kind?

Edit: I'd actually like to include this article for consideration if you are on the fence or just want some insight into the topic.

[yesterdays-shadowtag]

Tecchou's true morality

~mandatory warning: bsd manga spoilers

Tecchou is one of the characters (along with Teruko) who intrigued me the most in the entire DoA arc. Despite having multiple chapters dedicated to him (and the HD), we know very little about his character. I thought it would be fun to try and dissect Tecchou's morality a bit :D

Firstly, his introduction panel.

Tecchou is the strongest Hunting Dog in combat if we don't take into account their abilities.

Maybe Tecchou is more of a threat than we give him credit for. Next, we have the line 'steel in body and mind' - it's likely that Tecchou is incredibly rooted in his ideals kunikida manifested and in 'goodness' Despite his eccentricities, Tecchou is actually an extremely determined and strong-minded character. The 'meteoric slash' is something I'll come back to later.

At first glance, this is just Jouno and Tecchou quipping at each other- but look at Tecchou's expression. His eyes are closed (almost reverently and in respect of something) like he's talking about something that's inherently true to him. While he and Jouno treat it as a joke in the next panel - it's still clear that Tecchou believes in some kind of 'truth' of this world. I can't begin to guess at what it is - but clearly, it's something that matters a lot to him.

It's clear to anyone, bright as day, that Jouno doesn't particularly like Tecchou. And in this panel, we can genuinely see Tecchou's slight confusion at realising that Jouno hated him. This happens on numerous occasions where Tecchou is seemingly 'oblivious' to the feelings and things happening around him. (It could be that he's just unobservant owo)

Tecchou gets A LOT of tunnel vision.

When Tecchou is incredibly focused on something, he forgets that everything/everyone else around him exists.

Like this, for example:

And this reflects when he's attacking people too.

While Jouno is gloating talking, Tecchou doesn't even bother truly 'looking' at his enemies. He's just entirely focused on killing them. He didn't seem to care that he was attacking a literal child.

Next, look at these panels.

Tecchou looks like a monster.

His hair covers either his entire face or covers an eye. I think it's incredibly reminiscent of 'blinding' yourself. Tecchou is so incredibly driven and has a needle-point's intensity that his 'virtues' and 'goodness' that he fights for blind him from the truth, simply because he doesn't look at the bigger picture - goodness and badness are not something that intersects for him.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't have virtues and morals - he does, more so than anyone.

He believes so much in the intrinsic goodness of the world and people in it, and beyond anything, he simply wants to protect the it and keep it safe for innocent people.

To finally finish this (incredibly long) analysis - I think this truly sums up Tecchou better than anything else.

He believes that it is his job to punish the wrongdoers, to bring criminals to justice and that his sword is a method of doing so. For him, there is no grey morality. If you commit evil, you deserve the appropriate punishment, no matter your reasons. But this mindset is what genuinely blinds him from the messy reality of the world - and the way his own morality turns him into a 'monster' in the pursuit of justice.

Finally, (I swear this is the end), while I couldn't read the IRL Suehiro-sensei's Plum Blossoms in Snow, a common symbolism of plum blossoms is 'preserving the sanctity of life' and in Confucianism, plum blossoms also stood for 'principles and the value of virtues.' Sounds like someone we know :D

And now I'm going to get poetic, simply because I can. The 'meteoric slash' likely refers to the way his blade flashes in the air when he fights with it. Much like how evilness is often associated with darkness, its Tecchou's blade that streaks across it like a meteor slash and brings light to them.

~Thank you for reading!

[stellocchia]

There is one thing I sometimes mention in my rants about c!Dream’s and c!Tommy’s relationship that I never expanded on, which is c!Dream assiging c!Tommy an almost divine value, well, that changes now! 

Turns out I just cannot write short and concise analysis it seems, so I put everything under the cut...

/rp

I’ve talked a few times before about how Dream in his mind gives Tommy added value (again, Tommy has value as a human being already, but Dream most definitely doesn’t see that), but I want to go a bit more in depth about it. 

So, we know by now that Dream has been obsessing over Tommy for quite a while now, though it really worsened with the beginning of season 2. 

It is important to note that, at that point, Tommy himself was back on the idea of there being a friendly rivalry between him and Dream for the disk that was still in Skeppy’s possession, nothing more then that. He most definitely didn’t hate Dream yet (although their relationship has always been complicated) and he shouldn’t have posed much of a threat to Dream, right?

We also all seem to recognise that Dream would not have let up until Tommy was exiled, but I haven’t seen many people discuss the WHY of it. Why was it so important to him? Did he just do it because he hated Tommy? Did he do it because he was bored and wanted chaos? 

Well, I think it’s because Tommy DID pose a threat to Dream. He WAS a threat to Dream because Dream had seen him during Pogtopia. He had seen him rally the troops, he had seen him keep people’s morale high even after Wilbur detonated the tnt and Techno released the withers, he knew what Tommy could do if Dream threatened L’Manburg while he was there, even while not being president (I mean, he still managed to lead a revolution against Schlatt even while never being the official leader). And Dream wanted to get rid of L’Manburg because of what it represented, because L’Manburg represented freedom from him, freedom from his rules. L’Manburg was a HUGE problem, so he needed to take out what kept L’Manburg together and that was Tommy.

But that’s not the only thing. If Dream only wanted Tommy out of the way, he could have just let him unalive himself or he could have killed him himself and pretended it was an accident. Heck, he could even have pushed for an execution in the first place instead of the exile! But he didn’t... and later on, during the Season 2 Finale, he outright refused to kill Tommy even in self defence. So for Tommy to have so much importance that Dream needed to keep a constant eye on him in exile and keep him alive, Dream’s mentality of Tommy being sort of the “key” to power must have already been in place when he formulated the exile plan (perhaps it was there from before then, but we can’t know this for certain). 

I mean, he also ordered a whole prison that could have been meant to hold Tommy from the start (it has been confirmed by Sam out of character that it was made with c!Tommy in mind and the only indication that it wasn’t comes from c!Dream in a converstaion with c!Tommy, which we really shouldn’t trust at all) and a curious thing to notice on that, if that was the case, is that the prison itself is called “Pandora’s Vault”, why calling it “vault”? A vault is something that’s supposed to hold valuable items. It’s supposedly a secure location where you hide away your most precious things. Why calling a prison that? Anyway... that was just an interesting tid-bit I’ve been thinking about. 

Back on the main tangent now! 

So, what does Dream think of Tommy exactly? 

“Listen Tommy, since you joined the server, you’ve been a headache! Okay? You’ve brought war, you brought terrorism, you’ve brought bad everything! But! But! The cause of all the wars, of everything, was attachment, alright? Your attachment to the disks, your attachment to Henry, to pets, to friends, to land, to countries, to items, right? (...) That’s- That’s the one good thing that you’ve done. The one good thing you’ve done is that you brought attachment to the server. So it took me a LONG time to realize how important attachment was, but, when I did, you know? It made me stronger, and I realised that you- you’re- you’re important, right?”

This is a quote directly taken from the season finale. I know it’s a long one, but it’s seriously important. Because Dream, with this quote, just asserted that Tommy is the reason attachments exist at all, even if that isn’t true of course (the whole disk war was kickstarted by Ponk getting mad when Sapnap retaliated to his prank by burning down Ponk’s lemon tree because he was attached to it), but to Dream it is. 

Tommy, a normal human teenager with no “main character powers” (you know, like being a life and death god, or silk-touch hands, or having the brains to create nukes or being able to bring yourself back to life out of spite, basically he has nothing normally considered “special”) is deemed the reason why people are able to care at all. THAT is the added value I’m talking about. Dream doesn’t see Tommy as Tommy, he never did, he sees him as his own idealized version of him. And in Dream’s mind Tommy has so much importnace that, without him, attachments would just stop existing. “How do we know that” you ask? Well, why else would Dream have been so adamant about needing Tommy ALIVE? He already did his thing if bringing attachments was all the value Dream assigned to him. Now attachments exist, surely Dream can get rid of Tommy, right? Well, no. Because, as I said, to Dream Tommy is the embodiment of attachments. 

I mean, he admitted so in that quote, didn’t he? He starts by telling Tommy that HE is the cause of everything: of war, of terrorism, of everything. But then, then he says that those same things are caused by attachments. How can we have both be true at the same time? Easy, make Tommy the concept of attachment personified!

“If I can control the things people are attached to, then I can control the server again!”

All we said before kinda puts this more in perspective. THAT’S why Dream is in constant need of controlling Tommy. If Tommy is the embodiment of attachment in Dream’s mind, then he is the embodiment of control and power as well. Because, if controlling a singular attachment gives you control over one singular person, then controlling the embodiment of everyone’s attachments gives you control over the server right? 

“Look, it’s not fair! But Tommy listen: I need you, okay? I need you to keep bringing attachemnt to the server, because without you people weren’t really attached to things, but then you came and you brought ‘friendship’ and ‘countries’ and ‘things’ people can be attached to, right? And you brought that! And you’re- you’re the KEY, right? You’re the key to unlock the full potential of the server and power and everything”

Can’t get much more obvious then this... Dream literally described Tommy as “the key to everything”, that’s A LOT of extra value put on a random 16 yo. It would be a lot of value for ANYONE to have. In case it wasn’t clear, what Dream is saying is that controlling Tommy basically makes you a God. And, if it wasn’t clear enough yet, let me grab a quote from Tommy’s 3rd canon death stream:

“Tommy your life is literally IN MY HANDS, does that piss you off? Does that make you mad? Does it make you soo mad that I- you can’t kill me... I MIGHT AS WELL BE A GOD TOMMY! You can’t kill me and I can kill you!”

So, here’s the thing: killing Tommy is not that hard. A LOT of people on the server are stronger then him, even with the same equipment. At the same time killing Dream IS very hard. He’s literally one of the 2 best pvp-ers on the server. So why would this situation make Dream a “God”? Well, that’s because, based on his own philosophy, having Control over Tommy is what makes someone a God (it’s what gives you power over everything after all) and he here is fully in control. Not only because phisycally he is the stronger one, but also because Tommy admitted himself that he can’t kill Dream (Dream may wrongly assume that that’s because Tommy still has some attachment to him, which gives him another layer of control, truth is he’s just not much for killing people, the kid got too much empathy), which means he’s in control of Tommy’s mind and emotions as well to a certain degree. 

And here’s the thing: wouldn’t Tommy need to be somewhat godly himself to be the ONE THING that can grant people the ability to become a God? Dream, by now, has elevated Tommy to a point where Tommy himself might as well be God. That’s why Dream was so eager to become immortals together, to study the powers that make Dream now think even more that he is a God, together, because, in his mind, they’re already on the same level, albeit in a very skewed way (and I say a “skewed way” because Dream still doesn’t see Tommy as a person, he still sees him as a tool, only he is a tool that grants people godlyhood apparently). 

My theory on why c!Dream has this kind of perception of c!Tommy is because Tommy is his only remaining attachment. Dream got rid of all his attachments in order to gain absolute power, so he has to somehow justify to himself why this one particular attachment still doesn’t make him weak. Why still hanging onto Tommy (albeit in the most scewed up way possible) actually makes him stronger. He needs Tommy to be something more then a random 16 yo he once picked a fight with.

@ladycatland pretty sure you’d be interested

[svchengss]

hey barista! | l.dh

summary | befriending the barista from your local cafe doesn’t seem too bad

pairing | lee donghyuck x fem!reader ft. jaemin who’s a rlly cute side character in this :(

genre | fluff, angst, slight humour (?)

warnings | a kiss?? i don’t think there’s any but if i missed anything do lmk !!

word count | 3k+

s. tg | @hyuckefi [my apologies since i didn’t release a proper teaser for this 🙏🏻]

author’s note | this is my first fic exceeding 1k words so if u enjoyed reading this, please leave some feedbacks !! rb’s are also appreciated :D ALSO I SUCK AT SUMMARIES LMAO PLS IGNORE THAT

just another day of working at palm coffee, the same old routine. cleaning the countertop and tables before opening up the cafe, prepping the ingredients - more for top favourites! - and examining the machines to make sure they’re working properly. that’s some of hyuck’s daily routines as a barista. he didn’t mind them though, he loved his job. he couldn’t specify the reason why but all these tasks are genuinely interesting to him.

seeing you drop by the cafe is a normal occurrence for him. since you are a regular customer after all, the rest of the staff already know you well. heck, they’re even good friends with you. jaemin hangs out with you more than he does despite being jaemin’s childhood friend. except for him, he doesn’t really know why. he’s not really shy, considering the fact that he’s a social butterfly. he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything to you, the only times he did so was to take your orders when the rest of the workers were busy in the store.

upon hearing the doorbell chime which signals a new customer entering the cafe, hyuck blurted out the usual line. “hello, welcome to palm coffee! how can i help-“, looking up from the cash register only to find you in a disheveled state. “-you?” he eyes you up and down, noting how a few strands of your hair were out of place, the nude lipstick smeared on the left corner of your mouth and your outfit looks really rushed. 

“sorry, what was your name again, hyuck right?” you quickly glanced at the nametag hanging nicely on his apron. “i’m in a rush right now, can i get a,” you scanned over the menu behind him, “uh, white coffee, please?”. 

“that will be six dollars. you can use the restroom in the meantime to, you know, touch up your makeup and stuff,” he takes the bills from your hand, putting them in the machine in front of him before flashing you with that warm smile of his. you wished him a quick thanks before disappearing into the back of the place.

now that was embarrassing.

your eyes scanned over the hall to find your friend before hearing her shout your name from across. damn, why does she have to be so loud? stares were directed towards you as you walked up the stairs to your designated seat. all the chatter going on in the lecture hall became quiet as soon as your professor placed her things on the desk, which means class has started. 

after hearing a two-hour lecture and writing some notes - where suddenly song lyrics and scribbles appear - the words you’ve been waiting to hear finally echoed through the speakers. 

“class is dismissed, thank you everyone for listening,” mrs. hui’s voice later being flushed out by the buzzing voices of the students walking out the hall, determined to finish their own activities. you stuffed your ipad and papers into your light yellow jansport backpack before going out to meet vic who’s waiting for you outside. 

“i’m exhausted, what did she even teach just now?” vic sighed to her heart’s content. you can’t blame her, today’s topic was quite complicated. circuits analysis or something? you can’t really wrap your head around it, your brain being stuffed with all the information. vic kept on ranting  about the problems she faced from the moment she woke up, making you giggle at some comments she made. 

“wait for me, i’m almost done,” he folded his apron neatly before shoving it into the drawer and grabbing his bag from the counter to join jaemin, who’s waiting at the front door with the keycard. hyuck accepted jaemin’s request to help him with some shopping for his sister’s birthday party next week. obviously, the rest of the staff were also invited. 

jaemin divided the shopping list into two, allowing hyuck to find the rest of the things with ease.

“now where are the streamers…” he muttered out loud enough for himself to hear, crouching down to browse through the party decorations on the shelf. or he thought so, as you could hear him sighing clearly in dire need of the certain decoration, that you decided to help him out. 

“um, hyuck? i think the party streamers are in the aisle beside this one? you look a bit troubled there,” you chuckled lightly. the heat flushed to his cheeks, feeling dumbfounded. 

“really? uh, thank you for the help,” he gave you a small grin that could hardly be seen if you didn’t spot the corner of his lips. and with that, he’s long gone with his shopping basket.

you are fond of the atmosphere you’re in right now. the decorations left you in awe - white and pink silk hanging from the wall with silver letter balloons spelling out happy birthday stitched onto them. you can see jaemin’s sister, eun-ji, being carried out of her room with a small flowy white dress and wearing a golden bow on her head, her brunette hair being tied into ponytails. the na family really adore their youngest girl.

meanwhile, there are only a couple of adults your age attending the party -  jaemin’s co-workers, some of his other friends which you aren’t familiar with and hyuck. he looked rather chill, with an oversized beige sweater and white jeans to suit the party’s theme. you’re not quite bad as well, your hair combed nicely and kept neat with a headband, a white sundress with strawberry patterns on it fit nicely on your figure, complemented with a heart-locket necklace placed on your collarbones. before reaching jaemin’s house, you made sure to drop by a local store to get some gifts for eun-ji. she’s a very well-mannered kid which made you adore her very much.

“y/n? very glad to see you here,” hyuck said as he approached you, offering you a plate of cake which he cut.

“i could say the same to you too, mr. lee,” you let out a soft laugh. he made sure to keep a mental note over how pretty you looked today.

“y/n, hyuck! glad you two broke the ice, did you know how hurt i was seeing you two act like strangers whenever y/n came by the cafe?” jaemin enveloping you into a small hug before fake pouting. you can only laugh at the fake debate the two guys in front of you were having. after conversing with hyuck and jaemin for quite some time, you realised that he’s a cool person to talk to, where all this time, you thought he hated you for some reason. before leaving, you made sure to thank mrs. na for hosting the party and off you went home. 

following the previous encounters, hyuck felt much more comfortable around you - even hanging out with you during his shift where you would do your assignments at the cafe he’s working at. every now and then, he would also invite you to hang out with him and jaemin. however, what he didn’t realise was how he slowly pent up feelings - romantically. 

ding dong!

he pressed on the doorbell button with a box of doughnuts in his left hand. the three of you were supposed to be having a movie night, but jaemin got caught up with his groupwork which leaves the two of you alone. 

“hey hyuck! come in,” you gestured, arranging the cushions on your sofa to make it look more organized. the interior of your rented apartment is calming, the light grey walls suiting the navy blue sofa and furniture with darker undertones. the walls are also not left empty, with modern art portraits hanging from it. 

“i brought donuts, your favourite, right?” he opened the box, placing it on the coffee table while you set up the television. you wished him a quick thank you before grabbing two canned drinks from the refrigerator, handing one to him and pressing play on the remote control. you two weren’t quiet throughout the whole movie, with snarky comments on how hot the actors were or how stupid they were being were made. 

he didn’t know you were sleepy though as all of a sudden, he could feel the weight of your head on top of his shoulder. it was a rather awkward situation as he didn’t move at all so you could sleep comfortably. before long, he joined you and dozed off to wonderland. the next morning, you were more than embarrassed to find yourself cuddling up to him, with the next movie still playing on the screen.

seeing your figure outside the front door made hyuck more excited to greet you today. after making a quick order for a green tea latte, you fished out your purse from your handbag, feeling frantic if you’ve lost it outside. luckily, you were the only customer in line as the rest of them were already seated and carrying out their own businesses.

“sorry, but i think this might be yours,” you turned around to find a tall-looking guy handing out your black purse. a wave of relief washed over your soul, thanking the latter profusely.

“mind if i buy you a drink? i hate feeling like i owe someone,” you offered, which he gladly accepted. 

“i’d like a double espresso, please,” he kept his hands into his pockets. 

“and your name, sir?” hyuck looked mildly bothered.

“yukhei,” he ran his slightly blonde hair through the slender fingers. hyuck hated how cocky he looked, feeling more annoyed than ever over the scene that was played in front of him just now. he hated how yukhei looked at you. 

why should he get jealous? he’s just a mere friend to you, that’s all. you have to stop overreacting, hyuck. 

those words kept running through his mind all day.

“dude, are you okay? you looked-” jaemin opened the staff room, interrupting him from the self-talk he was having, “-distracted,” finishing up his sentence. 

“nope, i’m just fine,” he said, bringing the honey smile back onto his face. jaemin nodded before disappearing back to the front to serve the customers. 

stop being so jealous, hyuck. you’re just a friend. not more, not less. 

“jaemin, how do you know if you like someone?” that question is kind of shocking to him, especially if it’s coming from hyuck. of course, he’s had a crush before but it was during middle school. just a silly, little crush. growing up, he’s never had one - not even in high school.

“you’ve asked the right person,” jaemin managed to do his obnoxious voice, even while driving the car. he’s right, he is the matchmaker of the friend group, just how many relationships worked out because of him? eyes still focused on the road - he’s a responsible driver of course, he began to explain the feeling to hyuck, making his points loud and clear.

“first of all, you start feeling a little too happy whenever you’re around them. and no, this is not the oh-we’re-best-friends-forever type of happy, it’s the i’ll-make-you-the-happiest-person-on-earth one. not to forget, you will also experience some kind of turbulence in your heart, expect them to be jumping around a bit. or a lot, whichever suits you the best.

you also tend to feel nervous around that person. like, stuttering your words in obvious or non-obvious ways, feeling faster heartbeats than usual, you name it. oh! if you’ve ever felt jealous whenever they are around someone else, i mean, in affectionate ways, you might have one. however, my tip is for you not to act out of your mind. you don’t want to ruin whatever relationship you have currently, do you?” even when driving, he still managed to deliver his points with full precision and accuracy. 

nodding his head, hyuck took some mental notes to be thought through when he gets home. 

hyuck stared at you, whose figure is snoring soundly on his lap. he assumed you must be feeling exhausted, mid-terms just ended after all. while threading his fingers through your hair, he remembered what jaemin said to him weeks earlier.

1. being happy around them

like jaemin said, it is normal to be happy around your friends. but being with you, it kind of gave more joy for him. not to mention that he started to catch himself smiling over your texts and being reminded of you over small things - your favorite donut topping, the name of that one stray puppy you gave. 

2. feeling nervous around them

his heart would beat a lot faster whenever you get closer towards him, whether accidentally or to mess with him. 

3. getting jealous over someone else

he shouldn’t be jealous of how yukhei looked at you. but he seriously can’t help it. and the way he’s always there during your hangouts. he doesn’t care if he seems petty, yukhei just isn’t in his favour.

his deep thoughts came to a halt when you called out his name, eyes still half-closed, attempting to open them a bit more. 

“did i interrupt you or something? gosh, i’m so sorry,” you quickly stood up but he pulls your body back onto his lap, asking for you to stay.

“what are we?” that question caught you off-guard. the same one that has been at debate in the back of your mind these days. 

i don’t know hyuck, it’s complicated. 

“what do you think we are, hyuck?” you shot the question back at him, your gaze piercing through his soul.

“i don’t know. it’s just-” 

“are you sure?” a deep sigh left your lips. have you been interpreting his body languages wrong? did he only see you as a normal friend, nothing more? 

“sorry, i’m not feeling well. see you later hyuck, bye,” you tried your best to shoot the sweet smile of yours but only a faint one seemed to appear. once you stepped out of the room, he buried his face into his hands. 

god, what have i done?

“don’t feel too down, y/n. maybe there’s something more that he couldn’t bring himself to say?” vic suggested, handing you some tissue.

“i don’t know, i seriously have no idea. why can’t he just say it?” you continued to sob into her arms, she pitied you, especially in your condition right now. but she can’t do anything to help you, other than consoling and listening. 

jaemin knew something was wrong, from your rare visits to the cafe to hyuck not being himself lately. something was definitely wrong and it’s between the both of you. sure, hyuck might be saying that he’s fine again and again, but his expressions can’t lie. the sweet smile of his is long gone and his jokes are no longer heard. whatever it is, jaemin is determined to solve it. he just wants his best friends back. 

looks of dismay can be read all over hyuck’s face when the person facing him is no other than the guy himself, yukhei. still, he tried to control his composure, not making his inner feelings any more obvious.

“so what brings you here?” he took a sip of the mineral water, still making his throat rough from the tension hanging in the air. 

“look, i’m not here for any fights. i know you like y/n, everybody can see it. and honestly, you were oblivious to your own feelings,” he rubbed his hands together. the latter’s puzzled face made him continue his words.

“i’m not trying to make her like me, or whatever you’ve been assuming. sorry if i gave the wrong message but you are the one who should make a move. i can see from the way she looks at you, the feelings are mutual,” he straightened up the denim jacket outside the white shirt wrapping his figure. 

letting out a heavy sigh, hyuck’s face begins to soften up. “no, i should be the one who’s sorry. i’ve been such a prick to everyone around me lately, especially you,” he took of the cap from his head, messing up his hair. 

“no problem, bro. it’s understandable, i guess. now good luck with her, please treat her well,” the two guys exchanged a fist bump for the problem solved. jaemin leaned his back against the wall, smiling and feeling satisfied.

you called out jaemin’s name but to no avail. he invited you to his apartment but seeing that the lights are out, it’s clear enough that he hasn’t finished whatever he was doing yet. just as you were about to leave, you saw hyuck at the other side of it, both your faces mirroring the same look of confusion.

“so, uh, how have you been doing these days? it’s been a while since we talked,” he chose to break the silence. now, you two were sitting facing each other by the balcony. inhaling the breeze, you paused for a moment before responding to his question.

“i’ve been feeling, not as usual. definitely not happy but not that sad,” you pushed some of the loose hair strands hanging on your forehead behind your ears before asking about his.

“you know what, i’m just going to be direct with you. i, lee donghyuck have been holding feelings for you since i don’t know when. yeah sure, i wasn’t really sure at first about what i was going through. i guess i was just scared of how you would react,” he scratched his ears which are not feeling itchy at all, but rather an attempt to distract himself from the overwhelming emotions deep inside him. 

not wanting to waste time any longer, you placed your right hand onto his cheek, standing on the heels of your feet to bring your two lips together. the kiss was short before he pulls you back in for another, this time a more passionate one. he could feel you smile against his lips before enveloping your body into his arms.

“i’ve missed you, you know?” he whispered, his voice tender, directing right into your ears before you replied with how you missed him more. the both of you continued to whisper sweet nothings while embracing each other’s presence. 

jaemin looked at the both of you from a distance, his heart swelling with pride. 

— another pair of lovers matched, cupid jaemin signing out.

[oswinsdolma]

Yes, it's nearly 2.00am (because that's apparently the only time I have inspiration to write essays) but I've been thinking a lot about this lately and wanted to get it off my chest, so here you go:

The main goal of Merlin becomes disturbingly fractured along the way, which opens up the gaps for the prophecy to seep through instead of following the expected channels, but it can essentially be boiled down to three key elements 1) build albion; 2) decriminalise magic and 3) save Arthur, but when all is said and done, we never really see any of those objectives achieved.

Now, there are a few reasons for this, both from a writing perspective and a plot perspective. The first, and one of the most obvious, is that this show loves irony. I won't go into a lot of detail here because I've already written a whole ass essay in this very subject, but in a nutshell, you can look at this from two perspectives: firstly, it's important to establish that this technique is purely about the angst: it's the writers' way of provoking a reaction from an anguished audience, but it's foreshadowed just enough to make it more painful than it is shocking. Alternatively, there is the more plot motivated irony in that it genuinely makes a good story. Irony is a technique that has been used for thousands of years, not just because it provokes a reaction from the audience, but because it allows you to explore your characters in greater detail than before, riddling them with hidden juxtapositions and internal conflicts that are never resolved quite in the way you expect. The irony in Merlin is the epitome of this, with the whole motif of Arthur needing to die for his reign to begin. It is a classic example of the simultaneous despair and hope that mocks you from the shadows.

Following this, there is another force at play that deals with half truths and seemingly imperfect contradictions, and that's prophecy. It's not really a secret that I have very strong feelings about prophecy and its effects on all the characters, Merlin in particular, and the fact that fate and destiny are such key themes in Merlin both makes perfect sense and wants me to smash my head into a brick wall. Prophecies are another common trope that often go hand in hand with irony (think Oedipus Rex, Macbeth, The Iliad, all that doomed hero shit that I inexplicably adore), the key to their influence over the plot often lying in how they usually come true in the most unexpected of ways. This links back to that initial theme of irony, but this isn't what makes me angry: what is infuriating is that prophecies tend to come true, no matter what, and most of the characters seem not only to know this, but to let it take their autonomy over their respective fates, driving them to disaster.

Let me elaborate: especially in season five (I'm assuming just for the added fall at the end), Merlin talks a lot about how "one day, things will be different". He tells sorcerers that one day they won't have to hide. That one day, they won't have to live in fear of who they are and what others think of them. And Merlin is right: while it is not explicitly stated, it's generally established that this is one of the things Merlin should actively be working towards. But here's the kick: except for a few specific circumstances, when has Merlin ever actively tried to change Arthur's mind about magic? Yes, he has taken a few opportunities, like with Dragoon saving Uther's life, or with the Dolma's final request, where he has encouraged Arthur to rethink his choices, but otherwise, his support has been lukewarm at best. Instead, his primary concern was always saving Arthur, so he can become the king the magical world hoped he'd be, but he left out a crucial part, trusting in the prophecy to fill in the gaps. He knew it would come true, but it was, almost predictably, in the one way he never dared to expect.

And in a twisted way, there's that thread of irony again: Merlin thought he was saving Arthur so he could one day become the king who would see magic as a force for good, but instead, he created someone who was merely a survivor. It was Kilgharrah who said it first, and he who would mention it last: they are two sides of the same coin. But as willing as Merlin was to give his life for Arthur, and vice versa, he was never really ready to give him his mind.

Another interesting thing to note is Merlin's fixation on the "Saving Arthur" lens of the prophecy over the "Restoring Magic" part. Now, there are a ton of ways you can look at this, depending on how far along the scale of Queer Analysis you are, so I'm going to try and address a couple. At one end of the scale, you have the fairly simple and very believable "merthur" take. This basically boils down to the fact that Merlin and Arthur may or may not be deeply in love with one another, and that drowns out any voice of reason that may unfold. This is actually fairly canon compliant, particularly looking at incidents such as the Disir, when Merlin chooses Arthur over his and his people's freedom, though that choice was clearly, in hindsight, misadvised.

At the other end of the spectrum, there is the idea that it is the work of Kilgharrah, Gaius and other responsible figures in Merlin's life when he was new to his role in destiny, who reiterated at every occasion that Arthur must be protected at all costs. This may have ingrained into Merlin's thoughts and influenced his decisions from here on out.

Between those two points, there is a grey area, and I am of the personal opinion that neither extreme entirely satisfies the situation. For me, I think the characters in question are far too complex to have such simple motivations, and that the true reason lies somewhere between the two: Merlin undoubtedly cares for Arthur, and while at the start, his actions in protacting Arthur may have been driven by other (largely superficial) motives, over time, their mutual affection blossomed to the point where certainly the more personal quests were motivated not by need, but by love. However, there is a divide here, and while the line in the sand smudges from time to time, it never really disappears: a lot of instances in which Merlin is trying to help Arthur are entirely overshadowed by destiny, and in time, Merlin comes to accept that Arthur and Destiny are, in fact, one and the same, and this is where that ever-present tragedy lies. For all he truth in here, Merlin doesn't get everything quite right: he sees Arthur as a balance that needs to be protected, without fully realising that he doesn't just have to keep the sides of his equation in equilibrium, but he actually has to start solving them if he wants them to endure.

Having just said all that, sometimes I decide to fuck over complexity for a few hours purely because I am a shameless merthur hoe.

Also, can you take a moment to please note that this last section is highly subjective and it is completely up to you as to what you decide!! This is just my opinion and you're welcome to agree or disagree at any point.

So, aside from the Angst Factor™ and twisted character development, why was the main goal never fulfilled? Unfortunately, that is a question far cleverer people than me can only speculate, as the writers alone know the answers, but I'm going to give my opinion a shot. Honestly, there is something beautifullly poetic about something that never ends, or ends when there could be something more. Humanity has struggled with endings-and beginnings- since it learned truly how to think, because that kind of finality, that inkling that there might have been nothing before and after something else is incomprehensible. In leaving Merlin in a place where the next point was uncertain, the writers left the story open for us. In depriving us of that catharsis, they effectively made sure that the story would never be over, not until we want it to be. And yes, it was painful. I can't think of an ending that was more heartbreaking than that curious mixture of closures and openings all at the same time (hell, I could write a whole essay based on this concept alone!), but it was also a gift, ironically like that of the prophecy itself in that we can choose what we want to do with it, safe in the knowledge that there will be a happy ending again, one day.

In summary, we might not be left with catharsis in the way we wanted. We might not have got the happy ending that could also have stretched on and on indefinitely. But we were left with something else, something equally beautiful as closure, but in the complete opposite way. Amongst the remains of allwe had hoped to build, Merlin left us hope.

[my-soul-sings]

kiss the girl: ch 2

Fandom: Tears of Themis Characters: Artem x Reader

Summary: Armed with a trusty book, Artem Wing attempts to win the woman of his dreams.

ch 1 | ch 2

*** 

“Surprise her with flowers.”

Artem has skipped to the second half of the book where the practical suggestions are, because he doesn’t have the patience to carefully read the lengthy explanations of the “psychology of love”. The practical tips are simple enough, but the explanations following each of them are unnecessarily long and repetitive.

Ignoring those, he highlights the ones that stand out—those that sound more doable for him, at least.

The first one he notices is a classic: flowers. Of course. He’s done it before actually—he’d given her a bouquet of garden cosmos because she told him that she liked them. She didn’t really show much of a reaction back then, but he recalls the warm smile it had put on her face for the rest of that day. He doesn’t mind seeing it again. 

But, would it be boring to do the exact same thing? Maybe he can change it up slightly… If he recalls correctly, the book said something about how to send a bouquet of flowers in a way that will “keep her on her toes”. 

It doesn’t take long for him to scan the book and find the relevant page. However, as he goes over the detailed suggestion, his brows gradually turn downwards into a frown. 

“Will this really work...” he mumbles to himself, pressing a finger to his temple. Frankly, it sounds unnecessarily cliched and cumbersome… not to mention embarrassing. No doubt, if Celestine catches wind of this, she won’t let him live it down.

But, he supposes, if he’s going to take relationship advice from a book, then he might as well go through with it fully. 

Having made up his mind, Artem picks up his phone and begins typing up a draft message. 

***

You’ve barely stepped into the office when you hear Kiki calling your name in an unusually high-pitched voice. Your first thought is that she’s managed to get tickets for the upcoming concert for her favourite idol group.

But then you arrive at your desk and realise a marked change from how you had left it the night before: your usually clean and neat desk now has a large bouquet of garden cosmos placed right in the middle of it.

Artem’s is the first name that comes to mind, but you dismiss the thought quickly. With his shy and reserved personality, it’d be strange to expect him to send you flowers out of the blue. 

Your sharp eyes don’t miss the little pink rectangular card sticking out from the side of the bouquet. Kiki spots it at the same time as you do, and her eyes widen with a playful gleam, not even trying to be subtle with the way she’s leaning over to you, to take a peek at the message.

With a cheeky smile, you lean away from her too, deliberately hiding the card from her view, which only makes Kiki kick up a fuss about wanting to see too. Thankfully, Celestine isn’t in the office yet. You don’t think you can deal with two overly-enthused friends this early in the morning.  

Ignoring Kiki’s protests, you open the folded card to read it. As it turns out, there’s not much to hide from her. The message is a simple and curt one:

I hope this makes you smile. Have a good day.

“There’s no signature,” you remark, handing the card to Kiki who practically lunges for it. Her disappointment at the short message is obvious. “Why would someone give you flowers without signing off on it?”

“Maybe they forgot?” you venture, although you carefully search the bouquet in case you missed something else.

“Don’t tell me… Did you send this to yourself?”

You’re unable to hold in your laughter at the absurd idea, and the both of you simultaneously burst into giggles. Just then, your finger feels the edge of another piece of paper hidden between the wrapping paper. You pull it out, and it’s just a small, square card with the letter ‘M’ written on it in fancy, embellished lettering.

“Maybe it’s the first letter of his name?” Kiki suggests. “Who do you think it’s from?”

The letter ‘M’... You don’t know that many people whose name starts with that letter, and a familiar face is already coming to mind—he’s the only one who would pull a stunt like this, especially after you told him specifically a few days ago that you did not want him to send flowers to you, and especially not to your workplace. You don’t want to be teased by your colleagues and worse, Artem might get the wrong idea if he sees it.

“I think I might know who the culprit is…”

With a clenched fist, you pull out your phone and search up the contact before hitting the ‘call’ button. Kiki is left behind, cleanly forgotten, as you storm out of the office to give the culprit a piece of your mind.

***

When Artem enters the office that morning, the first thing he notices is Celestine and Kiki whispering to each other at the pantry while stealing glances at a certain attorney’s way. He follows their gazes to her desk where she’s seated and doing work as always, although today there seems to be a frown etched onto her face, and the bouquet of flowers are nowhere to be seen.

He panics for a moment, wondering if something had gone wrong with the delivery, but then he notices the wrapping peeking out from underneath the table when he walks past her desk and heads towards the pantry, where her two friends are obviously talking about her behind her back—literally.

“What’s going on?” he asks in a low whisper after exchanging morning greetings with them. “Did something happen?”

Celestine discreetly points in the direction of their sulking friend with a grimace. “She’s been like this ever since she got the flowers this morning.”

Artem’s brows knit together, and his mouth opens and closes a few times before he finally manages to piece together his thoughts into a coherent sentence. “I thought... she’d be happy to receive flowers.”

“I thought so too,” Kiki nods, “but when I asked if she knew who the sender was, she suddenly got angry. Said she knew who the culprit was and stormed off. Then she came back and she’s been doing work like this ever since.” She finishes her explanation with a drawn-out sigh, and her eyes return to the back figure of the junior lawyer who’s furiously typing away at her computer.

Artem follows her gaze, and nervously swallows a lump that had formed in his throat without him realising. As always, Celestine is annoyingly quick to catch on to what he’s thinking, and she startles him slightly with an elbow nudge to his arm. “Shouldn’t you put your things down in your office? Or are you here for coffee again?”

He’s not even in the mood to humour her right now. With an absent hum, he nods and quietly trudges towards his office.

Once he’s inside and the door is shut, his bag falls to the ground by his desk and his jacket is flung unceremoniously onto the back of his chair before he sinks into it, fingers entangling in his hair.

He’s screwed. Did he send her the wrong flowers? But she said she liked garden cosmos and he had sent her the same flowers before, so that can’t be it.

Then, was it the message? But he took pains to make sure that it was short, simple and pleasant. Or was it because it was too short? Had she been expecting more?

No, no, but Kiki said she got angry after she figured out who the sender was… which meant that she was angry at him. Had he overstepped the boundaries by sending flowers to the office?

That’s probably it. He messed up horribly. Of course she would be upset that her boss sent her flowers to the office—that was inappropriate. Entirely inappropriate. Why didn’t he think this through properly? Stupid, stupid stupid…

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t even register the sound of knocking on his door. It’s only when he hears his name being called that he looks up, only to meet the gaze of his colleague whom he can’t bear to face right now.

Hastily, he fixes his hair from the crazed pulling and tugging just seconds ago, and sits upright in his chair while eyeing her cautiously. He’d better pick his words wisely here. “Yes?” The word comes out strained, as if he’s choking.

“I’ve completed the draft statement of claim for the Macrosoft employee issue—the one about the breach of restraint of trade clause and the conspiracy claim,” she says, placing a set of papers on his table. “I’ve also completed the legal opinion you requested for the resulting trust analysis on the Williams’ matrimonial property issue, and I will send you the draft affidavit for Mrs Jones’ case by the end of today.”

“Ah. Thank you…” Artem waits for her to say something else, all while scrutinising her face. She doesn’t seem as angry as before—although she does look a little confused when she meets his gaze.

“Did I miss anything?” she asks, already visibly starting to panic.

“N-No, it’s not that...” Should he just apologise right now and avoid letting the issue fester? He’s not sure if he should be happy or unnerved by how perfectly normal she’s acting. Is she not angry anymore? Or is she just doing an exceptional job of holding her anger in? All those reminders he used to give her about maintaining composure in front of clients and in court must have paid off.

“Okay. Then, if there’s nothing else, I’ll go—”

“Wait, just— just a second.” She peers at him curiously as he stands to his feet and walks over to her, all the while refusing to make eye contact with her.

“T-The morning... flowers… you...” For goodness’ sake, he makes a living off speaking before the court, and yet here he is, reduced to the equivalent of a blabbering toddler in front of his colleague.

“Ah... you saw those?” she looks away, and he sees the frustration from earlier returning to her face.

“You… don’t like them?”

“It’s not that,” she replies, twisting her lips. “It’s just a stupid prank to play on someone.”

“A… stupid… prank?” Each word is like a stab to his chest. Did he do something to give her the impression that he was making fun of her, or playing a joke? Most people think he’s too serious to crack jokes in the first place...

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve settled it with the culprit.”

For the first time in the conversation so far, Artem doesn’t sink further into his internal pool of self-pity. Instead, he’s now genuinely puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“I just called him to tell him to not send me flowers to the office anymore. I’ve told him before, but he really doesn’t listen to people.”

“Who?”

“Marius. You know how he is.”

“You think… Marius… gave you the flowers?”

“Yeah. He kept denying it over the phone, but I know better than to believe him. Who else would send me flowers for no reason?”

She’s staring at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to laugh at her rhetorical question or respond to it in some way.

Artem doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know how, because his mind has drawn a complete blank at this point, save for the one question ringing in his mind:

Where the heck did she get the idea that the flowers were from Marius?

In his stupor, Artem doesn’t realise that the silence in his office has been stretching on for far too long for it to be comfortable. And he doesn’t notice the realisation that clicks in her eyes after a while, until he hears a quiet, “ Oh .”

She sheepishly meets his eyes. “By any chance, was that letter on the card meant to be a ‘W’? As in, ‘Wing’?”

Should he admit it? If he does, will her anger shift to him? Should he just let Marius be the scapegoat and live the rest of his days in quiet atonement and regret?

Artem doesn’t get the chance to admit it, because she easily reads the answer off his very perplexed and obviously guilty expression. Obviously, he’s far better suited to defending criminals than acting like one.

“Are you mad?” he asks her, when she too, falls silent.

“Huh? No, no, of course not. Why would I be?”

“You were angry when you thought Marius sent you flowers.”

“That’s because it’s Marius. But I’m glad the flowers were from you .” Her lips spread into a warm smile, and in that instant, all of Artem’s worries dissolve into thin air. “I love the bouquet, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

A smile of relief makes its way onto his face, and he nods. “I’m glad you like it.”

So there is some truth to the book that Celestine gave him after all.

In that case… maybe next time, he can send her roses. He hopes he’ll have the occasion to, anyway. For now, he’ll take it one step at a time.