#just so you know im WEIRD about caterpillars and have been for the last 6 months and in another 6 months you might hear any evidence of tha

[carnageacorn]

hmmmm. as a poet i spent the last 8 years in my Curses era, long enough i got used to that being what i wrote about. but i think it has finally shifted and i am in a new era now, which i am titling Do You Understand?

[notmuchofarolemodel]

It's 4 a.m

I'm still awake

Thinking of all the

shit

I've done

I've been told to meditate

ican'tican'tican't

it's called 'loving kindness'

the practice.

I was supposed to start by saying kind things to myself

but it became clear that I couldn't do that

either.

I tried sending love to other people.

but I couldn't decide who

so many people deserve

more

Than I've given them.

does laying

out

these words

d

i

f make me cool? quirky?

f I'm a shallow self-absorbed kid.

e

r i play ukulele ffs

e

n

t

l

y

I HATE PEOPLE

i hate me

i read three books today. people think im so clever. they're dissapointed when they find out the truth

SMART PEOPLE SLEEP DAMNIT

i have two running commanteries

in my brain

One is where The other is a web

It's like I'm of confusion but

Being constantly. blindingly clear

Watched or Thoughts.

Interviewed

.

noise

Is it better to have no noise?

when i put the headphones on, i hear nothing. Is it nice? no. my head is echoing. Ah, early morning paranoia. WHO'S CALLING MY NAME? I rip them off. No noise. My clock ticks.

I breathe. Something Hits my window. (under no circumstances look up) but the space between the noise is

a g o n i z i n g l y SILENT.

I don't listen for the noise that could shatter the void. but they're invading my ears like caterpillars, if they liked inhabiting ears. someone's downstairs. Footsteps. They're going to kill us all. "WHO'S THERE?!" I scream. silently. nobody. I'm crazy.

I try to block out the thoughts, and memories of what I've said to hurt people.

OK WHY AREN'T I TIRED?

I'm too tired to get up

though. Not uncommon. still.

I CAN'T SLEEP

I wish I could write songs.

but I can only do whatever the hell these are.

you know when the teacher falls silent and you know you're in trouble? I hate that.

I hate answering teacher questions

I hate being scared

I DON'T LIKE VERY MUCH NOWADAYS

I have to do the things I hate though

mY hoMeWoRK lOOmS in front of me. like something stuck in a door hinge. I can't shut the damn door on it and enjoy myself.

because i 'NEED' to do the stupid stuff(not what a need is defined as in business studies) but I don't.

hypocrite

adj. (1)/ me

i dislike people

I'm not unhinged but I'm desperate for someone to view me as normal

c a n' t y o u s e e

I act like this as a defense?

If the weirdo does something weird it's because she's weird so it's not questioned, but if other people do the same thing, they're judged ad ridiculed and pitied and Hurt and i don't want that

how can I so crave attention from other people but want to be left alone at the same time?

I don't want to sleep

I don't like the

lying sTILL LIKE a log

thing. Too much thinking.

I can't channel them into anything

When I was little I loved dressing up girly and fixing things. Pretending to build bookshelves with my plastic power tools. building bookshelves with my dad. I'm not asked to help with that stuff anymore. then I'm called lazy? I wonder why?? Hypocrites. I wonder where I get it from.

I gained like [lots of] kilos in a year. Yes growing, and yes hips and shit, yes I was really skinny but still

f a t t y ✓

hm. I need a shower.

It's 5:05 a.m

my parents think I don't get enough sleep anyway. shit.

Last time this happened, they didn't believe me so it's fine.

I'm a tad dizzy.

bystander

The world is too awake

For me to sleep

but yet I can only watch it go by.

the moon. How bright

For a ball of cheese.

C O M E D Y

lockdown is more busy than non lockdown

I feel numb

Indifferent

numb

OW. I dislike emotions.

huh.

I wish people would stop commenting.

"you're eating too loud"

*Insert laugh here*

"stupid"

*pitying look*

ok maybe it's not just comments.

the little ones hurt the most

when they didn't expect you to care about something stupid. About you.

I really wanted this jumper (profile pic) but they're sold out and were limited edition. FB said there was one left.

This started as a poem thing.

funny.

My pencil is running out.

I wrote it originally in watercolor pencil.

A bit of water and "all gone"

they were my first words .

my logical thought takes over and tells me my irrational thoughts are stupid. And me. I can't tell them apart anymore.

h

P i L os OPHY

gotta make it into a joke as per usual

hehe I'm nocturnal. ♪

WOULDIWAS SHOOKSPEARED

i want my phone back now. It's 7 minutes past 5:05 a.m. I'm sick of thinking.

I need a haircut

I don't like acting anymore because I dislike thinking about my emotions and acting is trying to harness these emotions that I've got locked away

[NOTE: my organs could implode somehow for some reason somehow]

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Emotion layered leftovers

1+2 constantly refreshed, not deep, happy sad angry etc.

They're the ones ppl see

3. Stuff. If I trust u, u get this mess

4. Lol idk

5+6 stagnant sad shit. Fermenting.

Haha my therapist would like my emotion kombucha. Yum. I'd like a therapist. Y O M

I'M DONE WRITING NOW

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

[iamthebonecarver]

Tag 🍟 (Late af)

So ive been tagged again in the 11 questions. I dont mind becuase its fun to do. This time i was tagged by the amazing people that follow, @igniscorde7112 @highladyofthedark and @wingsofanillyrian . Oh and @highladyofthedark thank you for that compliment! Im glad you find this trash pile of a blog amusing. And ummm.... @igniscorde7112 i dont believe thats 11 people... 🤔

Since its 3 different tags and I have nothing better to do, you all are going to get 33 facts you never needed/wanted to know about me.

Ok, let me actually start this.

Rules: always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, write 11 questions of your own and tag 11 more people.

(Do i really have to do the last one? im pretty sure the fandoms and their mothers have already done this tag at this point.)

Please dont judge the questions arent properly numbered. I copy and pasted and im too lazy to fix it.

1.  What countries have you visited?

Does Walmart at 3 in the morning count? Because otherwise, ive never been outside of the U.S.

2. What’s your favorite word at the moment?

Ok I have never understood favorite words. I have never had one and anytime anyone asked id just lie and say a word. Buuuut to answer the question i recently learned the word ‘Dullard’ and i find it quite amusing.

3. What is your preferred writing utensil?

It really depends. I prefer pen but pencil makes my handwriting look better. And I hate physically writing things so.. yea.

4. What’s one book that everyone else loved but you didn’t enjoy?

Um.... I dont read super popular books unless i have to for school. So... I dont have this experience. But ive been trying to read ‘Shatter Me’ and ‘Graceling’ for YEARS but i cant get past the first chapter on either. So does that count?

5. Who’s your ultimate BROtp?

like... one? ‘cause i cant choose one. and what series? youre going to have to be more specific with this question unless you want me answering with a ten page essay on them all.

6. Dream job?

Ooo Ive answered this! Im going to go find it and then past it on here............ FOUND IT!

I want to be a performer. I say performer because I would act, or sing, or be a comedian. Anything so I could perform because I love it so damn much. But, this is really cliche, if I’d rather just be a musician. Specifically a singer cause I suck at physical instruments. But any performing arts job would be ok with me.

7. Best advice you have ever received?

Theres a lot more advice I would love to pass on to anyone reading this but I wasnt told it, I had to learn myself in some way. So the one bit of advice I have ever recieved was told to me by my mother when I was 3 and I lived my life by this and I pray I always will. She said “Always ask why”. Ive learned that this doesnt just mean to not settle for one answer but to question everything around you. Question life, death, the earth, science, literature, music, history, everything. History has been especially a huge one for me and Ive learned so much from that. The big thing with this though is that you if you do start applying this to everything is that, 95% of the answers arent going to be found in any school or lecture. You are going to have to go find articles to read and youtube videos to watch and documentaries to listen to.

8. What fictional character would you love to meet?

Iggy from Keeper of the Lost Cities. Or that caterpillar guy from the movie Epic because id want to learn a lot from him.

9. If you could time travel, where would you go?

I wouldnt. I have no desire to fuck up the fragile time lines. But if I had no choice but to chose, Id go to see my future just to make sure.... I made it.

10. Favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

Really depends. If its actually raining, especially if its storming, Ill watch it and put on bomb music or read with the storm. If its drizzling you can find me complaining about my hair that is now just frizzing and turing into an afro.

11. What was the last concert you went to?

5 years ago I went to that awesome Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, and one other person I forgot, I wanna say Band Perry... But literally 5 minutes before Jason (my favorite singer at the time) came out, my mother got sick and we had to leave. So I saw band perry and half of lukes set.

1. What is your favorite animal?

Sloths. I fucking love them.

2. If you could enter any fictional world, what would it be?

Romina Russells Zodiac or one of the Avatar worlds. The one with elemants or blue people. Im not picky.

3. If you could move to another country, what would it be?

I really wanna live in Scotland. I know thats a horrible choice for my curly af hair but I really want to live their even if its just for a couple of years. I dont even know why.

4. What is your favorite genre of music?

This is like what is your favorite color. Or whos your favorite music artist. Or whats your favorite book. I cant choose!

5. Have you ever broken a bone?

Yes. Multiple.

I really want to go into detail and story but I cant cause they are gross and weird.

6. Who is your favorite author?

nope. nope. NOPE. nOpe. NOpE. NO

7. How long have you been on tumblr?

This... This is an excellent question........................ That I dont know the answer to. I thinks its been 2-3 years but i dont actually know. I applaud anyone that has read this far.

8. When was the last time you cried?

This sounds silly, I know, but im so happy I cant actually remember. My guess would be sometime in may.

9. Would you rather travel in a boat or a plane?

Plane.

10. Cats or dogs or neither?

It really depends. One shits on my bed and the other eats everything. It depends which one is trying to kiss up to me that day.  

11. Fanfiction or fan art?

Fanfiction.

1. If you could say something to any fictional character, who would it be and what would you say?

Romina Russells Zodiac Hysan Dax “Will you marry me?”

2. Are you currently reading and/or writing any fan fiction?

No sadly. Im in a reading and writing slump.

3. Favorite book/series?

....that's like picking a favorite child

4. Favorite ship?

Morrigan and Andromache

5. What’s your eye color?

Super dark brown

6. Favorite fictional character?

Hysan Dax

7. If you could choose whatever job you wanted, what would it be?

I've answered this

8. Favorite animal?

Sloth!!!!!

9. A place you have always wanted to go to?

Scotland

10. Summer or winter?

I love the winter and the cold to death because it's great but I mentally and physically do better during the summer

11. Outdoors or indoors?

Depends. Love love love being outside but I hate the bugs. Inside doesn't have bugs. So it depends

[samraclaus]

Do all of them pls💜💜 I think ur really cool!

omg whoever you are thank you!!! I’m aggressively not cool tho 

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride or Beauty and the Beast2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

Ina, my tiny jack russell terrier that ran away ://

3.) have you ever been drunk?

yeah4.) have you ever tried drugs?

yeah5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

oh yeah, i always sad dumb things to people

6.) have you ever made someone cry?

uhhh I think my mom when she was being overdramatic7.) has someone ever made you cry?

definitely, a lot of people8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. 

uhhhhh idk what that really means tbh but maybe?? if im gonna talk about this specific person then I guess I realized when I started telling him everything and actually wanting to be around him all the time since that doesn’t happen to me9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

uhhhhh this is hard10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

yeh, I’m bisexual and of course I support them!!11.) how many siblings do you have?

just one! Nanners :)))12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

Yeah, I guess13.) are you a good cook?

Yes!14.) what is your favorite tv show?

Probably Lost or Pretty Little Liars cause I’m trash15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

probably Finding Dory lmao16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

I don’t think any tbh but almost this song Erin showed me senior year called Somewhere Only We Know 17.) do you have a middle name?

nope18.) have you been out of your country?

yes!! I’ve been to Bosnia and a couple places in Europe but only in airports19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

YES20.) how many people have you kissed?

just one21.) what is your favorite album?

tbh probably Lines Vines and Trying Times by the Jonas Brothers lmao22.) what is your dream car?

an SUV or like a Spark 23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

6!!!24.) what is your favorite flower?

daisy maybe25.) books or movies, why?

It depends, I really love books but movies are really nice to look at26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nooooo27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

kinda yeah28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

ugh yes and I regret it so much29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

music30.) do you have neat handwriting? 

depends on how fast I’m writing31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nooooo32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

nooooo33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

probably a teacher or a traveler34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

kinda35.) have you ever met someone famous?

yeah, it was a Bosnian singer in a band36.) how many concerts have you been to?

only a handful, I’m not big on concerts unless they’re kinda chill37.) which concerts have you been to?

I’ve been to a few Fall Out Boy concerts when I was into them, I’ve been to music festivals, Jesse Mccartney, and other ones I can’t think of right now38.) do you have a hidden talent?

I can draw/ paint but I don’t ever show anyone. And a lot of people think I’m a really good singer??? (I’m not being that guy that really aggressively cant sing and pretends I can)39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

take a walk and sometimes cry40.) do you think money can buy love?

no, at least not for me41.) how old would you date?

probably 2142.) have you ever done something illegal?

yes43.) what is your biggest fear?

heights, open ocean, squids, caterpillars, what happens after death44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

squids lmao45.) can you drive?

sadly not yet but when I did drive a couple times I was good46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

yes47.) do you believe in karma?

kinda48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

to make me laugh and not be very affectionate, I’m not into that49.) do looks matter?

kinda sadly50.) does size matter?

not really but unless someone is literally dying from their size or severely unhealthy it’s cool51.) who is the last person you forgave?

I have no idea tbh52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

coffee and superman53.) what languages can you speak besides english? 

Bosnian, (Serbian and Croatian basically cause they’re so similar)54.) ever been on a plane?

yes sadly55.) ever been on a boat? 

yes sadly56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? 

yeah sadly57.) are there any friendships you regret?

oh yes58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

YES59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

yes60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

so many times61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

yes! my friends and I stayed out all night on the first day of this semester and watched the sunrise62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? 

very but I’ve never been on one63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

6-10 :)))64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

probably not, I just wanna chill 65.) do you miss anyone right now?

my family but I get to see them tomorrow66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

idk socializing is too much work67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

read minds or fly68.) who is your favorite superhero?

Black Widow or Captain America69.) are you dirty minded?

noooo70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

80s: Karma Chameleon by Boy George

90s: Don’t Speak by No Doubt

2000s: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson (it makes me emotional cause of the Princess Diaries)71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

probably 272.) who is your biggest OTP?

idk my parents lmao73.) what is your favorite food?

chocolate or bread tbh74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah, maybe75.) dogs or cats?

dogs!!76.) do you drink enough water daily?

nope, I wish77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

nope78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

no, space is scary79.) how many best friends do you have?

only a handful80.) when was the last time you cried?

Last week yikes 81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

YES82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

YES83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Italy!!84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

friendly, weird, average85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

yes86.) what is your favorite season and why?

definitely fall cause it’s the perfect weather and my style fits with it the most

87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

yes88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

I used to play the piano and the violin89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

yeah, soft music90.) what are you allergic to?

grass 91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

yeah, someone really pretty like Selena Gomez or someone really think like Lily Collins92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

I can’t think of anyone rn93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

Lily Collins cause she’s such a cool person94.) are you outgoing?

only around my family95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

yes96.) are you a good flirt?

nope lmao I don’t even try. Flirting is gross97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

both :))))98.) which planet is your favorite?

Pluto B)99.) are you superstitious?

very100.) are you a good listener? 

yes101.) are you a good kisser

????????102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

nah