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#just so you all know it's a (mostly) valid translation of the phrase :D
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The Other Mountain - ao3 - Chapter 24
Pairing: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan
Warning Tags on Ao3
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Not even having to explain to Yu Ziyuan why they had ruined the Jiang sect’s event for a second time running could put a dent in Wen Ruohan’s good mood.
“You can’t really blame us for it,” he told her, wondering with amusement if he should mention that the sound of her teeth grinding in irritation was becoming almost audible. “We came here at your invitation to enjoy your sect’s little party and then were unexpectedly set upon by murderous assassins…assassins, let me remind you, that somehow managed to defy your sect’s security precautions, borrow your disciples’ clothing, and then attack your guests, when by all the rules of hospitality we ought to be under your protection. If the party also happened to be ruined as a result, well, that’s really nothing to do with us. In fact, we’re quite upset by it all.”
“Really,” Yu Ziyuan growled. “If that’s the case, then why – are – you – smiling?!”
That was mostly because Wen Ruohan couldn’t help it.
Lan Qiren was in love with him. Lan Qiren loved him. Lan Qiren was willing to trust him. Lan Qiren loved him!
That wasn’t anyone else’s business, though.
“Just trying to put a good face on it for the sake of your sect,” Wen Ruohan said, voice almost syrupy with how condescending he was being. “After messing up not one but two gatherings in front of the whole cultivation world, you practically have no face left at all…really, a smile or two is the least we can do for the sake of our good friends in Yunmeng Jiang.”
Yu Ziyuan’s eye was twitching. So was the finger upon which she wore Zidian, which hadn’t quite started crackling but had started emitting an almost subsonic hum of spiritual energy as if it was considering it.
Hmm. Perhaps he was overdoing it a little.
Not that Wen Ruohan cared.
Still, in the interest of not starting yet another fight that he was presently in no condition to win…
“At any rate, as you can see,” he added smugly, unable to feel any genuine caution when his heart was full of repeated refrains of I am loved, I am loved, “my husband has taken today’s events to heart.”
He nodded over at where Lan Qiren was sitting, still cleaning his sword and glaring balefully at everyone around him as if he suspected them of wrongdoing, having apparently decided to appoint himself as the paranoid one for the day.
If Lan Qiren were anyone else, Wen Ruohan would say that it was a beautiful display of subtle intimidation. The almost pristine glow of Lan Qiren’s almost entirely white outfit, marred only by the almost artful flecks of drying blood that highlighted the subtle red suns at the hems, acted as vivid contrast to the gory imagery of the bloody and at times incomplete bodies the Jiang sect disciples were still carrying out on mats from the room behind him, while the steady and sure motion of his hands drew the eye to focus on his sword, the one that had slain most of those people – an unspoken but extremely clear threat.
Of course, since this was Lan Qiren, he probably hadn’t thought about that at all.
Lan Qiren was a very good politician, when he put his mind to it – but he often forgot to put his mind to it. In fact, if Wen Ruohan had to bet, he’d say that Lan Qiren was probably currently thinking about some obscure Lan sect rule about cleaning your sword as soon as possible to avoid rust, about how it was valuable and taught all sorts of larger lessons and so on and so forth. Also, he’d probably want a bath as soon as possible, quite understandably, and certainly at a minimum by the time they got back to the Nightless City. He could just change clothing to get rid of the bloodstains, of course, but there was that general rule on changing clothing after bathing, and Wen Ruohan knew that Lan Qiren, with his fondness for routine, would prefer to do things in the proper order whenever possible.
(Lan Qiren, who loved him. Who was in love with him. Who would probably make that part of his routine as well, an everyday reminder that he belonged, body and soul, to Wen Ruohan…)
Lan Qiren was insisting on their leaving at once, which was quite reasonable under the circumstances. Wen Ruohan certainly wasn’t objecting. His sect’s disciples, who had rushed over as soon as he’d been able to properly signal them, had managed to keep a few of the assassins alive, including the one Lan Qiren had purposefully preserved. They had all been taken away to be interrogated – with the Fire Palace for once serving in its traditional capacity as a prison rather than Wen Ruohan’s personal playground – and answers would be forthcoming. Wen Ruohan had made that extremely clear to all of the assembled sect leaders.
Wen Ruohan had also made a number of very ominous statements about the vengeance he was imminently going to undertake as soon as he found out who was responsible for sending the assassins. Moreover, he had made clear that, as the victim of a dishonorable attack, he fully expected the cultivation world to back him in seeking reprisals, no matter what penalty he demanded – or else.
His announcement had spread a great deal of consternation throughout the crowd, all of whom were already somewhat keyed up due to the last near-war they’d been drawn into. It had caused any number of people to consider departing early as well, each to go back home to think over what to do next in peace rather than stay any longer in the Lotus Pier. Presumably it was those impending departures that had caused Yu Ziyuan to march up and pull Wen Ruohan aside for a quiet confrontation, with all of the seething, barely-concealed rage that had made her old Purple Spider moniker quite so famous visible on her face.
Again: not that Wen Ruohan cared.
Oddly enough, though, it seemed that something he’d said had soothed Yu Ziyuan’s fiery temper, or at least distracted her from it. Zidian was no longer making that irritating humming noise and her fingers no longer shook as if they were on the verge of being clenched into a fist; she was practically verging on normal.
Well, normal rage.
“Sect Leader Wen is very open-minded,” she said, very begrudgingly.
Wen Ruohan looked at Yu Ziyuan with some suspicion. Was she referring to the fact that he wasn’t blaming the Jiang sect for the assassination attempt? He’d wanted to, even though he was fairly certain they had nothing to do with it. Even if they hadn’t hired the assassins, it had been their negligence that had allowed the attack to occur at all, which meant that they ought to carry some share of the blame, and therefore some of the responsibility of making it up to him…but Lan Qiren had objected.
He’d said something about not sowing discord, or maybe about being easy on others. Wen Ruohan thought it was more likely that he just felt belatedly bad about having accidentally incited Cangse Sanren into stealing away the Jiang sect children at the same time she’d taken his nephews.
(They hadn’t told anyone that Cangse Sanren had brought them to the Nightless City, or indeed that Cangse Sanren and her family were currently residing with them rather than traveling the cultivation world. It seemed unwise to officially confirm it, lest they attract unwanted attention.)
“I will still be expecting Yunmeng Jiang’s support against the perpetrators, of course,” he clarified, but unexpectedly Yu Ziyuan waved her hand dismissively.
“Naturally you will have it,” she said coolly. “Whoever planned the attempt on your life, Sect Leader Wen, deliberately chose to use our Jiang sect as its scapegoat. In order to restore our good name, we must of course take every measure necessary to seek vengeance. That was not what I meant.”
“What, then?”
Very uncharacteristically, Yu Ziyuan hesitated for a while before answering. Just as Wen Ruohan was about to lose patience, she finally spoke, saying, “I meant…in the matter of your marriage.”
Wen Ruohan arched his eyebrows. What about his marriage? He’d made an excellent marriage. He’d known it from the start, and now the rest of the cultivation world was starting to realize it, too. And they hadn’t even figured out the bit about the classes yet!
None of that seemed to him to fit the criteria of rendering him “open-minded,” though. So what was Yu Ziyuan talking about?
Yu Ziyuan seemed to realize that she’d lost him, a frown appearing on her face as she watched the confusion on his.
“Do you really not mind?” she asked. “You are the stronger party, politically and personally, and you’re both men, not restrained by convention – shouldn’t Lan Qiren be the one calling you husband, rather than the other way around?”
Oh, so it was that again.
Ridiculous. Hadn’t they already covered that?
“My husband,” Wen Ruohan said, emphasizing the word mostly for the amusement it gave him to see the way it made her frown deepen, “is an innate conservative. He’s very fixed in his habits, and averse to change. Having been raised with the expectation that he would one day become a husband, it pleases him to be one, and it pleases me to see him pleased. What more does there need to be than that?”
“It cannot be that simple.”
“Why not? As you said, we’re not restrained by convention.” He smirked, deciding to needle her further. “Isn’t that part of your Jiang sect’s motto? Isn’t it ‘Make it work’?”
Her eye twitched again. “Attempt the impossible.”
“Isn’t that what I said? Make it work despite it being impossible.”
Yu Ziyuan scowled at him. “A mountain cannot contain two tigers,” she said testily. “A household cannot have two husbands. If he is the husband, then you are the wife, Sect Leader Wen. You cannot possibly be satisfied with the expectation that you are to submit to him, to abide by etiquette and decorum for him, to restrict your own activities for his sake…!”
“Does the sun care for the expectations of the earth?” Wen Ruohan asked carelessly. Lan Qiren had never demanded his submission in anything, except in bed – and even there, it was only ever something that added to Wen Ruohan’s pleasure, never something that had turned into an expectation or an insult. Lan Qiren had never once thought that what they did in bed meant anything about how they conducted their life outside it, as some men might have. On the contrary, when they were in public, it was Lan Qiren who sought wherever possible to abide strictly by etiquette, and part of that etiquette was supporting Wen Ruohan’s sect as the sect he’d married into, which in turn by default meant supporting Wen Ruohan himself as sect leader. “I have never restricted myself for the sake of others. I hardly plan to start now.”
“Really. Then does that mean, Sect Leader Wen, that you plan to take on the duties of a wife as well?” she asked scathingly.
“Actually, Qiren seems to have gotten it into his head that it is the duty of a husband to do the satisfying,” Wen Ruohan said dryly. “A Gusu Lan peculiarity, I expect. I wasn’t planning on disabusing him of the notion.”
Yu Ziyuan turned red. “That’s not what I meant!”
Wen Ruohan scoffed. “Then what do you mean? Do you expect me to manage my household like some commoner? I manage my sect, that’s close enough.”
“It is exceptionally different.”
“Perhaps for you,” Wen Ruohan said condescendingly. “Allow me to remind you that I am sect leader. I am free to implement my will as I wish – however I wish – and you have not identified one good reason why I cannot deviate from tradition.”
“At least you know you are deviating from tradition,” she snapped.
Wen Ruohan just barely restrained himself from saying something sarcastic like And of course your marriage is such a model of happy compliance with tradition, mostly since he was pretty sure she really would try to kill him if he did.
From the look on her face, he’d managed to convey the message anyway.
“If it matters to you, then it matters to you,” he said indifferently instead. “It certainly doesn’t to me.”
Yu Ziyuan’s expression somehow worsened, which he hadn’t thought was possible.
“We’ll be leaving now,” he said smoothly, deciding that it would be impolitic to drive his hostess into apoplexy. Not to mention that it would be such a shame to rob himself of the moral high ground right after a perfectly good assassination attempt had given it to him. “Qiren wants to fly back to the Nightless City to avoid any threat of ambush, and we must leave early if we are to arrive before the end of xu shi, which of course we must. You know how Gusu Lan is.”
Everyone knew how Gusu Lan was.
(If Wen Ruohan was ever to seek to invade the Cloud Recesses, he would be wise to launch his attack in the evening, right when their internal clocks would be urging them to rest instead of fight. Not that he would, of course – he couldn’t even imagine Lan Qiren’s reaction if he did, not even if it was forced upon him by Qingheng-jun’s actions. It was only something he’d considered before, in the abstract hypothetical…)
“Have a good journey,” Yu Ziyuan said. She was gritting her teeth again.
Wen Ruohan smirked and took his leave.
And then he took Lan Qiren, who was very relieved to hear that they were finally departing, and went home.
Wen Ruohan spent the entire flight back to the Nightless City, painfully long and boring as it was, feeling lighter than air.
Sure, there were still problems to be dealt with, not least of which was figuring out who had tried to have him killed – not just killed, but drowned, and at a party surrounded by the rest of the cultivation world, no less. Whoever it was had figured out that Wen Ruohan had used up all of his spiritual energy, that he was temporarily vulnerable, and they were undoubtedly already thinking through the next step in their plan, knowing that they only had a brief window in which to act before Wen Ruohan regained his invincibility.
Really, his paranoia ought to be going completely haywire, questioning everyone and everything, trying to figure out who was behind it – given that it couldn’t be Qingheng-jun, who was too newly out of seclusion to have the resources necessary to train up assassins unless there was something very significant Lan Qiren had left out of his descriptions of the Lan sect – and his political instincts ought to be focused on how all of these developments would impact the balance of power in the cultivation world and how to turn them in his sect’s favor. Even considering it purely from the standpoint of cultivation, he ought to be worrying about how weak he still was, how tired he was, how much the fight and even this journey home was taking out of him.
Instead, Wen Ruohan couldn’t stop smiling.
(Interestingly enough, it turned out that genuine smiles while issuing threats only made people even more inclined to worry – exceeding even their reaction to an intimidating smirk or ominous scowl. Who knew?)
But in his defense: Lan Qiren was in love with him.
There was always that.
There was always going to be that, because Lan Qiren was a Lan, a good Lan, in the classic model of his sect. When he gave his heart away, he did so irrevocably. Even if things were to shatter between them, the way things had gone somehow wrong between Wen Ruohan and Lao Nie, or the way they had with his first wife, with his brother, with his family – even if Wen Ruohan did something utterly beyond the pale, utterly unforgivable, the fact that Lan Qiren loved him wouldn’t change.
Of course, if he did something like that, Lan Qiren would make his life absolutely miserable, up to and including leaving him in the dirt, and that probably after yelling at him until he went deaf. Lan Qiren had been quite emphatically clear about his intentions in that regard, repeating himself several times, though Wen Ruohan privately thought that it was all a little unnecessary.
It wasn’t as if he didn’t already know.
He’d figured it out after the fiasco with the Fire Palace: the price of Lan Qiren’s continued good regard was nothing more or less than his own good conduct, persistent and maintained.
Once, that would have been infuriating.
Wen Ruohan had always been his own person. He had always gone his own way, done things in his own style, bowed to no one – his Wen sect’s symbol was the sun, and he as their sect leader was the sun in splendor, directly overhead and shining in full midday glory. Even among his brothers he had always been the most stubborn, the most bull-headed, whether in his insistence on learning the sneered-upon “support skill” of arrays to the point of mastery instead of focusing on the sword or his slow but persistent approach to becoming sect leader, which had been successful in the end. He had never yielded to anyone, whether through force or coaxing. He had never adjusted his behavior for someone else’s sake.
But now…
Well.
After a lifetime of betrayals, his own or others’, Wen Ruohan was willing to consider it an equal trade.
Love for love, that was easy. Trust for trust would be more difficult, but he was the best of the best: he was Wen Ruohan. He wasn’t afraid of a challenge.
And it wasn’t as if he was going to find someone else he wanted more. Who could be more fascinating or full of ridiculous contradictions than Lan Qiren – a rigid moralist who had nevertheless demonstrated his sincerity through slaughter? That had always been a surefire way to Wen Ruohan’s heart, though not a route he’d previously believed Lan Qiren likely to take. It had always been more along the lines of what he’d gotten out of his relationship with Lao Nie, both of them vigorous and blood-thirsty and suiting each other perfectly – or at least, they had before the other man had grown distant and disdainful…
Well, never mind about that.
Wen Ruohan had Lan Qiren now, and if he played his cards right, he would have him forever.
That was surely something worth smiling about.
He continued smiling even when they arrived, frightening his servants. Lan Qiren didn’t notice, but then he was practically falling asleep standing up. Whether that was because of the energy expenditure of having to fly such a distance immediately after a vicious fight and emotional upheaval or simply that it had gotten late enough for all good proper Lan disciples to go to bed, it was impossible to tell.
“Do you require my services tonight?” Lan Qiren blearily asked Wen Ruohan, who snorted involuntarily in amusement at his serious expression.
“I think not,” he said dryly. “Look at you, you’re already yawning. I doubt you’d be able to, ah, rise to the occasion.”
Lan Qiren frowned censoriously at him. “Even if I cannot, I can still do my duty, if that’s what you desire.”
Wen Ruohan did desire, as it happened – he had a great deal of appreciation for Lan Qiren’s hands and tongue, both of which had become exceptionally skilled through the application of consistent practice – but he still said, “No need. You can make it up to me with interest tomorrow.”
It was an interesting novelty to deny himself for another’s sake. He’d observed that Lan Qiren, lacking as he did an internal instinct towards desire, at times also lacked a good sense of judgment as to when it was appropriate to offer to have sex, although tragically he’d picked up enough etiquette to be resistant to frolicking in public where people could see. It therefore fell to Wen Ruohan to bear the responsibility of being the final arbiter of such things, to ensure that Lan Qiren would be in a position to enjoy himself as well as providing enjoyment for his partner.
With a final yawn, Lan Qiren nodded and went off to find his bed, not bothering to wait for Wen Ruohan to join him. Presumably he’d figured out that Wen Ruohan was too full of nervous energy to rest, meaning that tonight was going to be one of his occasional bouts of insomnia.
Normally, on nights like these, Wen Ruohan would stalk through the halls of the Nightless City like a wandering ghost before eventually finding himself drawn to the Fire Palace and its screams, its reminder that he was alive, but that was unnecessary tonight. Tonight he already felt wholly alive, completely vibrant. In fact, that was the issue: he felt full of energy, like he wanted to do something. And not just anything, but something productive – to set up an experiment in arrays, perhaps, or practice sparring with the sword against some worthy opponent, or even…
Even…
Wen Ruohan smiled.
Cangse Sanren found him the next day.
“It’s already noon, you know,” she announced, having entered the room without knocking. “Also, my husband was the one who actually found you here, but he decided to nominate me to be the one to interrupt you. I’m less killable than he is.”
“Is that the case?” Wen Ruohan asked, not looking up from what he was doing. “And here I thought all you celestial mountain disciples were doomed.”
“We are. There’s some big scary beast marching towards my future, coming to tear me limb from limb; it’s inevitable, as sure as the dawn, but that also means there’s no point in worrying about it now. But putting that aside, people are more used to me being annoying, so they put up with it more.” She paused. “Are you painting? I didn’t know you knew how to paint.”
Wen Ruohan ignored her. He was almost done, so he wasn’t going to stop now just to talk.
“You’re a good painter,” she commented, peeking around his shoulder. “I had no idea. And I mean…you’re really good. Exceptionally good – ”
“You can stop sounding surprised about it at any point.”
“I’m just saying, I didn’t know you had hobbies other than torturing people.”
“This is not a hobby,” he clarified, finishing the final few strokes and putting down his brush. “This is an aberration. It’s a gift. For Qiren.”
“As if you would pick up a brush for anyone else,” she snorted, and inelegantly tried to shove him to the side so that she could get a better look at what he’d created. It didn’t work, of course, since he was stronger than she was, but he stepped aside anyway. “…huh. That’s…not what I expected. This is the first painting you’re going to give to him?”
Wen Ruohan shrugged. Other than his brief flirtation with portraiture, which had been an exclusively financial decision during a period of time when his backing within the Wen sect had been especially shaky, he’d always treated painting the way he did his cultivation: something to develop and nurture and even perfect, but not to force.
Back when he’d been alive, his favorite brother, Wen Ruoyu, had been Wen Ruohan’s primary target for these sorts of painting gifts. He’d had a fondness for collecting things, so he always accepted the gifts, but he’d found them confusing. You say this is meant for me? As in, you painted it specifically for me? he’d often asked, squinting at whatever the latest one was. What in the world do you mean by giving me this in particular? What’s the symbolism here stand for? What does it mean?
If I could have told you what it meant, I wouldn’t have needed to paint it, now would I? Wen Ruohan had always retorted. Tell me if you like it or not. If you don’t, I’ll take it back and give you another.
I like it, I like it! Don’t you dare take away things that are mine!
“Well, it’s not like I didn’t know you were several kinds of fucked up in the head,” Cangse Sanren remarked, interrupting Wen Ruohan’s wandering thoughts. “If there’s anyone who’d think that painting a war scene is a good gift for their lover, it would certainly be you. But lucky for you, Qiren’s taste in art runs towards the complicated, so I think he might like it anyway.”
Wen Ruohan had indeed painted a war scene, though he was mildly impressed that Cangse Sanren had been able to identify it as such. There were no people in it – it was mostly trees, and rocks, and blood, the occasional glint of broken steel and furrows dug deep. Hidden in the painting were the signs of cultivators at battle: splintered bark with smoldering anchor points, smeared ash and cinnabar left behind by burnt talismans, sharp and unnatural angles revealing cuts by sword or string.
Color had been used only sparingly, as an accent, and his brushwork was as brutal and ruthless as it had ever been, leaving the whole image with a gloomy and morbid air, grey, hopeless, and depressing.
He’d even painted it from the angle he’d once seen it from, with the trees reaching up into the heavens, tangled limbs suffocating the sky.
It was probably not an appropriate gift to give to one’s lover.
Wen Ruohan was going to give it to him anyway. Maybe he really would get lucky, and it would suit Lan Qiren’s tastes. Even if it didn’t, though, that would be fine – the point had always been in the making and the giving.
“Where is Qiren, anyway?” he asked.
“Meditating in your yard. He did sect business for a shichen in the morning, earlier on, once he realized you were busy, but as soon as he finished the urgent business, he told them all to come back tomorrow with the rest.”
“Good.” Wen Ruohan hadn’t been planning to do any business at all. Lazy days were what secretaries were for. “Next question: where are the children?”
Cangse Sanren arched her eyebrows. “Yours, mine, the Lan or the Jiang?”
“I meant Qiren’s nephews, as it happens. But you referred to mine – did you just mean Chao-er, or is Xu-er back?”
“Yes, he arrived yesterday morning, so there’s both of them here. He’s in his room, as are all the others. Do you want to see him?”
Oddly enough, even though he had no specific purpose in mind, Wen Ruohan found that he did.
“Father!” Wen Xu stood up quickly when Wen Ruohan strode into his rooms. So quickly, in fact, that he accidentally knocked all the papers off his desk and all over the floor. “I didn’t – I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I wanted to confirm that you were in one piece after what happened with the army in Jiujiang, Xu-er,” Wen Ruohan said mildly, doing his best not to smirk. Unfortunately for his son, Wen Ruoyu had also been a master of the “knock everything off the table so that they don’t see what I was looking at” dodge, and it hadn’t worked when he’d done it, either. “I am pleased to see that you are.”
“Uh, yeah,” Wen Xu said. He was blinking rapidly. “I…Teacher Lan said the same thing.”
Wen Ruohan arched his eyebrows. Lan Qiren moved quickly when he wanted to, it appeared – Wen Xu was already calling him “Teacher Lan” despite having undoubtedly met him all of maybe once. “Did he?”
Wen Xu looked embarrassed for whatever reason, so Wen Ruohan put his hands behind his back and gave his son an expectant look.
“He said you were proud of me for how I handled myself. Even though all I did was get sent away!” Wen Xu blurted out, then looked horrified at himself. Presumably at the gross sentimentality of what Lan Qiren had said, which was more than a little ridiculous – Wen Xu really hadn’t done anything of note, not unless one counted not complaining about being sent away and listening to the generals’ advice to avoid making the situation worse. And, well, not getting kidnapped and used as blackmail at any point while retreating.
Which Wen Ruohan supposed had been rather helpful.
Well, be your spouse’s partner and all that. If he wanted Lan Qiren to have a genuine shot at improving Wen Xu, it wouldn’t do to undercut his authority as a teacher before he’d even had a chance to get started.
“I am,” he said, and reasoned virtuously to himself that it wasn’t a lie even if he hadn’t given the subject a single thought before this exact moment – after all, he was always proud of his sons, who were his bloodline and therefore superior to all others. Anyway, even if it was, it wasn’t like the Wen sect abided by Do not tell lies. “You did well.”
Wen Xu looked stunned to the point of breathlessness.
Actually, he looked like he’d stopped breathing entirely.
Wen Ruohan decided that that was probably enough torment for a teenager for one day.
“You should write to your master in the army and advise him that I will be keeping you by my side for the near future,” he said, moving to practical matters instead. “If he wishes to continue your training, he should send someone here.”
Wen Xu recovered with admirable speed, straightening his spine and looking as dependable as he could at fifteen. “Yes, Father. I’ll do that at once!”
Wen Ruohan nodded. And then, because he could, he added, nodding at the pile of paper on the floor: “I’ll leave you to your romance novels, then.”
The horrified sound Wen Xu made was appalling.
Wen Ruohan walked off, chuckling to himself.
Continuing his inexplicable impulse from earlier, he decided to check in briefly on Wen Chao as well.
“Go away,” Wen Chao said, not looking up from where he was lying on his stomach reading something with a great deal of pictures and absolutely no substance. He wasn’t even trying to hide it.
“You do not command me, Chao-er.”
“Father!” Wen Chao jumped up at once. He didn’t make any effort to hide his picture-book – a heavily illustrated adventure, rather than a romance – and scurried over, looking delighted to see him, as usual. “Father, you’re here, you’re here!”
“Mm. Tell me what you have been up to.”
“I’ve been spending time with the other sect heirs, just like you told me to,” Wen Chao said proudly. “They’re very annoying, lots of trouble, but I can handle them. They’re no match for me!”
Wen Ruohan had no difficulty in discerning that this was extremely high praise for Wen Chao’s new friend group, potentially even gratitude and joy that they’d willingly included Wen Chao in their antics, and also that Wen Chao desperately wanted the present state to keep going forever.
“Good,” Wen Ruohan said. “Continue as you are. Become close to them and learn more about them, learn from their virtues and vices both. And listen when Teacher Lan tells you things meant to improve you. Make me proud.”
“Yes, Father! I will!”
That done, Wen Ruohan finally made his way down the hall to where his original targets, Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji, were being housed. He needed the two of them to do something for him.
After all, he owed Lan Qiren a debt, and it was time to deliver.
“Qiren,” he said, walking into their rooms later that afternoon. “I have something for you.”
He’d picked a good time: Lan Qiren was neither meditating nor playing his guqin, and neither was he composing – an activity that also involved a guqin, but a great deal more angry plucking, grumbling, and furious scribbling. Instead, he was only writing something down on scrap paper, though whatever the content of the note was, it was making him frown deeply, with a furrow between his brows that suggested that the subject was genuinely concerning to him.
“There you are,” Lan Qiren said, looking up. “I have something to say to you as well – ”
He paused, his expression suddenly clearing, discomfort making way for an expression of surprise, as well as something that seemed torn between pleasure and apprehension. “Did you say that you had something for me?”
“I did,” Wen Ruohan said agreeably. “Several things, in fact. Is what you have to say urgent?”
“Not at all,” Lan Qiren said bemusedly, rising to his feet and coming over. “It can wait, and indeed I would insist that it do so, given the alternative. What have you gotten me?”
Wen Ruohan produced two small booklets from inside his robes and handed them over.
Still looking somewhat wary, Lan Qiren accepted them, then opened the first one.
A moment later, he let out a surprised bark of laughter.
Wen Ruohan smirked triumphantly, watching the tension in Lan Qiren’s shoulders disappear. The man was too used to bad surprises, to everything that was unknown or a change being a bad thing – it was about time that he learned that some changes were good.
“I realize that my behavior was inappropriate, both in the specific situation and in general,” Lan Qiren read out loud. “When I am angry, I should withdraw from the situation and do what it takes to master my emotions, to better maintain my own discipline, before making any bad decisions. Under no circumstance should I take my mood out on other people, and especially not family. Additionally, I particularly recognize that I should always take the time to listen to you before making a final judgment. I have learned a valuable lesson from what I did, and I will not do it again – Wen Ruohan, did you get Xichen to write you an apology essay for me?”
“I got both your nephews to write me apology essays to give to you,” Wen Ruohan corrected him. “The second one is from Wangji.”
“Of course it is.” Lan Qiren’s shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter again. “That’s - this is terrible. Your apologies keep getting worse and worse – and this one is unnecessary! I have already forgiven you.”
“This one isn’t an apology. It’s punishment.”
Lan Qiren’s eyebrows went up. “Oh?”
“You said the purpose of punishment is deterrence and remediation – that I need to take some loss in order to show my sincerity, to pay for the past and to make a deposit as assurance for good conduct in the future. A loss that means something to me, the way pain and time don’t.” Wen Ruohan reached out and cupped Lan Qiren’s cheek with his hand. “Something that can show you that I really have…how did he put it? That I ‘learned a valuable lesson from what I did, and will not do it again’.”
Lan Qiren leaned into his touch, smiling faintly. “And you think you have done that with this? What is your logic?”
Wen Ruohan found himself returning the smile. There it was, there was what he’d been looking for.
Lan Qiren was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
On the surface, it was patently ridiculous to think that convincing two boys to write essays could be a sufficient punishment, something that it could constitute a loss for someone of Wen Ruohan’s stature and power. Lao Nie would have thought he was joking, would have laughed along with a jest he wasn’t making, while his wives would have thought he was being sarcastic, that he was mocking them; they would have stormed out, maybe after throwing something at his head.
Lan Qiren just waited, certain that an explanation (of whatever quality) would be forthcoming.
“In our first visit to the Lotus Pier, I offered to help your nephews find you,” Wen Ruohan said, withdrawing his hand. “But not for free. I asked each of them to promise me a favor: one each.”
Lan Qiren frowned. “Unrestricted?”
“Your Xichen tried his best – he insisted on it being ‘nothing bad.’ But he’s young. He put no other restrictions on it, neither time, nor goal, nor extent…”
Lan Qiren winced. An open-ended favor like that, from a future sect leader, from a sect that did not make promises lightly, that did not break promises lightly, not even when they were extracted under duress…he knew exactly the sort of mischief Wen Ruohan could get up to with something like that. He’d seen it, even. In the ten years that the Lan sect was under his leadership, Lan Qiren would have been well aware that Wen Ruohan had twice utilized far more limited favors he was owed to devastating effect.
No, Lan Qiren well knew to be wary of such favors. He understood the gravity of such a thing – and just as he recalled it, that was when the understanding hit.
Wen Ruohan had the pleasure of seeing Lan Qiren genuinely shocked.
“You used those favors to get them to write these essays?” he exclaimed. “Surely not!”
Wen Ruohan smirked. “Is that sufficient loss for you?”
“More than sufficient! I would not have asked you to give up an advantage like that,” Lan Qiren said, frowning at him. “I might have sought to blunt the effects of the favors they had given, particularly in light of their age and immaturity, but a promise made is a promise made. Surely you know that – you are sect leader, and this is not a personal matter between us. Favors between sects is a matter of your sect, which is your first priority. I would not wish to abuse my position as your husband to interfere.”
“You might not wish to, but you might regardless,” Wen Ruohan said dryly, having figured out a little more of Lan sect cleverness with words by now. “And you might not, though I wish that you would.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are my husband,” Wen Ruohan said, as much for the pleasure of seeing Lan Qiren automatically smile at the reminder as to make the point. “That makes youhalf-master of my Wen sect in your own right…of our Wen sect. Our Wen sect is known for its arrogance, our superiority, our certainty that we deserve everything good in the world, and I would be very happy to see the same in you, Qiren.”
He shook his head.
“It is not abusing your position to want things, even things that are not necessarily to our Wen sect’s immediate benefit,” he said. “I want you to want things. I want you to ask for…no, I want you to demand everything that you want. I want you to learn to expect to receive what you ask for, rather than expecting to have to struggle to obtain it.”
Lan Qiren didn’t understand, Wen Ruohan could see that.
He found his voice softening. “You deserve the best, Qiren. You deserve to have the best given to you: without pain, without struggle, without effort, just for the asking. The world is your rightful due, and if you only ask for it, I would give it to you.”
“You are not using me as an excuse to take over the world,” Lan Qiren informed him primly, but there was something in his eyes that suggested that he had understood a little of what Wen Ruohan meant, even if he didn’t comprehend the fullness of it. At minimum, he’d understood that Wen Ruohan meant that he was family now – Wen Ruohan, who had always put his family over everyone, for good or for evil, with reason or without, following faithfully in the path laid out by Wen Mao in prizing their Wen clan over the whole world. Perhaps he even understood what Wen Ruohan was really saying: that he would now put him first, first before anything.
It might take some time before Lan Qiren could really bring himself to believe what Wen Ruohan told him, and even longer before he was willing to act with that glorious arrogance that Wen Ruohan so longed to see in him, that carelessness and freedom that accompanied true power. But at least he understood that that was something Wen Ruohan wanted to give to him.
A good change, rather than bad.
“This is my promise to you,” Wen Ruohan told him, nodding at the essays. “My loss, yes, my sect’s loss, also yes, but it is the loss I should take. It is my payment for not trusting you, as I should have, because not trusting you is a loss.”
Wen Ruohan was known for many things. He was blood-thirsty, a tyrant, a madman who delighted in torture; he was brilliant, a master of cultivation, ancient and terrifying. He was paranoid and cruel and selfish, and he put his ambitions above everything else.
He might be all those things, but Lan Qiren had chosen him anyway. The least he could do was choose him in return – to let Lan Qiren change him the way he wanted to change Lan Qiren. To trust him, yes, but also…to be worthy of his trust in return.
To be anything less –
Now that would be the real loss.
And, of course, Wen Ruohan did not lose.
Lan Qiren was staring at him open-mouthed.
“Do you understand?”
“…yes. I understand.”
Wen Ruohan kissed him. After a moment, he released him.
Lan Qiren still looked dazed. It was a good look on him.
“Now tell me,” Wen Ruohan teased. “Was that a good enough punishment?”
“If I were grading you, I would pass you with honors,” Lan Qiren said fervently.
Wen Ruohan laughed.
“Now, it is your turn to tell me,” Lan Qiren added, recovering a little. “Do I dare read what Wangji wrote…?”
“I genuinely have no idea,” Wen Ruohan said cheerfully. “He did it all in musical notation.”
“Oh no.”
“I like your second nephew. He’s clever.”
“Please refrain from getting any bright ideas. I am already working diligently on helping him recover his equilibrium; he does not need any further assistance in growing any more feral, and still less does he need to grow any more tyrannical than he already is.” Lan Qiren shook his head. “I will review the essays in full later, and I expect to be greatly amused by them, both immediately and for a great deal of time into the future. Thank you.”
“Of course. Would you like to see what else I have for you?”
Lan Qiren glanced at him sharply. “There’s more?”
“No need to sound so plaintive,” Wen Ruohan chuckled. “Do not do things in excess, or however the rule goes.That was all for the punishment. This one is an out-and-out gift – I painted something for you.”
“You painted…? Is that where you were all morning?”
“All night and all morning,” Wen Ruohan corrected. “It’s in my secondary study, if you’d like to come see it now. Or would you prefer to first discuss the subject that you mentioned earlier?”
Oddly enough, that caused the worried furrow to return to Lan Qiren’s brow, and he hesitated for a long moment before eventually saying, “Do not harbor doubts or jealousy, do not fail to carry out your promise. I think we had better discuss it now.”
That didn’t sound promising. Wen Ruohan tilted his head to the side. “Very well. What is it that you wanted to discuss, then?”
“It is about Lao Nie,” Lan Qiren said slowly. “I promised to myself that I would speak with you on the subject at the first instant I could. And yet, as time goes on, I find myself searching for further reasons to refrain for a little longer – which is misconduct on my part, although understandable. I have only just had you confirm that you returned my feelings, which has brought me tremendous joy. When one feels great joy, one seeks to preserve it…I suppose I wished to have you to myself for a little longer.”
“You do have me to yourself,” Wen Ruohan said, a little confused. “Lao Nie and I are not on the best of terms, as you yourself have seen. While it is true that we have never officially broken off our relationship, his recent actions and behavior make it clear enough that that will be the inevitable result, and sooner rather than later. He suspects me at every turn, disdains me, becomes angry at anything and everything I do – ”
“He had a qi deviation.”
Wen Ruohan stopped.
For a moment his mind rebelled, refusing to accept what his ears told him they had heard. “What?”
“He had a qi deviation, not long ago,” Lan Qiren said. His voice was solemn, serious, and Do not tell lies. He was telling the truth. “His son, Nie Mingjue, told me about it. You know what fate awaits the sect leaders of Qinghe Nie. You know how it looks, when it starts. You know what it does to them. How it makes them feel – ”
“Rage,” Wen Ruohan said, finding that his lips had started tingling, even if the rest of his face felt strangely numb. He did know. He’d seen Lao Nie’s father and grandfather suffer from the very same thing. “Disdain. Irrationality. Suspicion, paranoia…are you saying that you think his qi deviation is the genesis of his recent behavior?”
“I believe it is likely. You know how subtle qi deviations can be, particularly the small ones that the Nie sect initially suffer from – even if it was only discovered recently, it is likely that the deviation has been affecting him for months, perhaps even a year or two. From what I have observed of your disintegrating relationship, and based on your description of past events, his seeming distrust and your reaction to it…yes, it seems likely.”
Wen Ruohan…
Wen Ruohan didn’t know what to do with that information.
He didn’t want to believe Lan Qiren. He wanted to accuse him of lying, even though he knew he didn’t. He wanted to throw something, hit something, hurt something – he wanted to claim that this was all some sort of sick scheme, designed to strike him right when he was most vulnerable. But he’d promised to trust Lan Qiren, and he did trust him, and if there was one thing he knew, it was that Lan Qiren did not lie.
Lao Nie had had a qi deviation.
Lao Nie was dying.
Lao Nie – Lao Nie had come to Wen Ruohan when he’d been at his lowest point, when he’d been sick and tired of living, entertained by pain and nothing more. At that time, Wen Ruohan had been on the verge of considering entering the way of clarity, a path that cut off his feelings entirely as a means of avoiding the endless misery of having them mostly cut off already. He’d been searching for some method, any method, to stop the way he felt dead inside most of the time, dead and bored. Dead, and bored, and…and alone.
Lao Nie hadn’t let him be alone.
Lao Nie had brought to bear all the good cheer his considerable force of personality gave him, and he had aimed it at him. Lao Nie had laughed at him, had teased him, had all but demanded a place in his bed, and Wen Ruohan had found him amusing. It hadn’t been anything more than that at the start of it. He’d been glad that it’d been nothing more than that – he’d thought at the time that he didn’t want any more connections to the world to tie him down, to hold him back. What Lao Nie had offered him had seemed perfect.
A friend, an occasional lover, someone willing to slaughter his way into Wen Ruohan’s good graces, but without any serious commitment…it’d been easy. Casual. Light-hearted, the way Lao Nie always was, no matter the circumstances.
Even when their sects had been at odds, it hadn’t ever gotten any more difficult. Lao Nie was a Nie after all; he was straightforward and blunt, even when he was being clever or tricky. He held no fear of lying, did not refrain from it like Lan Qiren, but his actions, at least towards Wen Ruohan, were so lacking in malice that it was impossible to take offense from them. He’d always saved his malice for other people, and let Wen Ruohan share in the fun with him…
Yes, that was it. Lao Nie had always been fun.
And then he’d disappeared for a while, and returned with Nie Mingjue.
That had been the first break between them. A small one, but still a break – it wasn’t that Wen Ruohan hadn’t expected the man to marry eventually, since as sect leader he had a duty to continue his family line, but for whatever reason he’d expected to be involved in the process. Helping pick out some likely girl, debating her merits, that sort of thing, the same way they amiably argued over the pick of prostitutes during parties they attended. He hadn’t expected to be taken by surprise.
He hadn’t expected to care.
It had been only a little consolation that everyone else had been taken by surprise, too.
And of course it had helped that the First Madam Nie, Lao Nie’s much talked-of goddess, never actually made an appearance herself, even if she did get full honors in the Nie sect’s family record. It had been awkward, yes, and had made Wen Ruohan realize that he felt more things for Lao Nie than he really ought to – he’d reacted by ignoring said feelings for nearly a decade – but it hadn’t really felt like a betrayal.
The second wife felt like a betrayal.
They’d argued over that one. Lao Nie hadn’t understood why Wen Ruohan would care, and Wen Ruohan was too arrogant, and too embarrassed, to admit the truth that he did. After all, hadn’t he been the one to insist on them being nothing more than casual friends who occasionally indulged in more than that? And that was all he wanted, too, or thought he’d wanted, only he’d also wanted to be the most important part of Lao Nie’s life, and it came as a nasty shock to discover that he wasn’t. To discover that Lao Nie was actively pursuing others, and that he would pick them over Wen Ruohan if it came to it.
Things had never quite gotten better after that.
Oh, once Lao Nie’s second wife had died – or disappeared, whichever – they had fallen back into each other’s orbit, being almost too familiar with each other not to. They were the leaders of Great Sects, who knew virtually no peer; of that smaller group, they were the only two who were genuinely powerful in their personal capacities, or at least so Wen Ruohan had thought at the time. He’d known that Lao Nie was exceptionally fond of Lan Qiren, fond enough to almost drive Wen Ruohan into jealousy, but luckily he’d heard enough of Lan Qiren’s lectures to know that the two of them would never be compatible in any real sense. Even if Lao Nie had managed to get Lan Qiren into bed, the way Wen Ruohan had semi-seriously suggested to the man a few times that he try to do and which Lao Nie had laughed off as impossible, he’d been confident that Lan Qiren would never eclipse his own position in Lao Nie’s regard.
It certainly hadn’t occurred to him that he might be the one to fall for Lan Qiren in the end.
Wen Ruohan felt confident that he would have acted in the same way, fallen in the same way, even if his relationship with Lao Nie had not deteriorated to such an extent before he’d married Lan Qiren, but that didn’t change the fact that it had. It didn’t change the fact that Wen Ruohan had been growing steadily more offended by the way Lao Nie never seemed to trust him anymore, the way he always ascribed the worst possible motives to him, the way he seemed to think so little of him. Lao Nie had always had a suspicious side to him, which Wen Ruohan had once liked, a point of similarity between them, but he hadn’t liked it when it was aimed at him. Especially when he actually hadn’t done anything to deserve it!
Suspicion – anger – disdain –
It had never occurred to Wen Ruohan that it could have been caused by a qi deviation.
Perhaps it should have, given Lao Nie’s poisonous heritage, but it never had. Lao Nie was Lao Nie: he laughed where his ancestors would have shouted, let his anger carry him forward without letting it master him. He’d looked for solutions to his familial issue, of course, the way all of his ancestors had, but he’d done so idly, not serious, never serious. He always took things so easily. How could he die of rage?
How could he die?
“How long?” Wen Ruohan asked. The Nie sect doctors knew their business by now, after as many generations as it had been. “What do they say?”
“Ten years,” Lan Qiren said, and Wen Ruohan actually took a step back, staggering, horrified: that was so short. “Nie Mingjue said they’d expressed hope for fifteen, maybe even twenty, but that may have been meant only as comfort. As you know, Nie sect leaders die faster the more powerful they are, and Lao Nie’s cultivation is very strong.”
Wen Ruohan shook his head in denial, but he knew even as he did that it wasn’t something that he could deny.
Lao Nie was strong. And now that very strength was going to take him to the end of his life – too young, too soon, even for a Nie. It was all well and good to speak of trading your future for your present, but one day the future would come calling to collect the debt that had been incurred…
“I told Nie Mingjue that we would help however we could, do whatever we could about it,” Lan Qiren said. “Both of us. I assume you do not object?”
“There isn’t anything to be done about it.” Wen Ruohan pressed his fingers to his temples, which throbbed with a sudden headache, his body already starting to express the grief his mind could not yet accept. “Do you think the Qinghe Nie hate their children? They know what inheritance they are passing to them, they know what it costs, what it will take. They all look for a way out, every one of them…if it was easy, if there was a solution, don’t you think they would have found it by now? Every generation has its geniuses. Medicine, cultivation, esoteric arts; they’ve tried them all.”
“I know. There is no guarantee of success. We can only continue to try.” Lan Qiren hesitated, his face twisting into some strange expression that Wen Ruohan couldn’t quite parse. “If you wish…I had already told you that – that I would not object, if you wished to – with Lao Nie – ”
It was unusually garbled for the typically eloquent Lan Qiren, but Wen Ruohan still got the gist.
He shook his head.
“His mood at the party was foul,” he said. “He’s not taking it well, I assume? He’s still processing the revelation himself. Right now he wouldn’t accept a kind word, much less anything else.”
Lan Qiren nodded.
“And…” Wen Ruohan grimaced. “And I don’t know if I want to, anyway.”
That took Lan Qiren by surprise, Wen Ruohan could tell. He hadn’t been expecting that.
In fairness, before he’d said it, Wen Ruohan hadn’t been expecting to say it. If a few months ago someone had come to him and told him that they could prove that Lao Nie hadn’t really meant all the ways he’d been cruel or distrusting – and even if they’d warned him that there was no way to fix it, no way to have the old Lao Nie back, back as he’d been when things had been good – then Wen Ruohan wouldn’t have hesitated to jump right back into his bed.
But that was then. That was before he’d had Lan Qiren – Lan Qiren, who wasn’t light-hearted, who didn’t take everything easily, who was serious and sober and sincere. Who’d given Wen Ruohan his heart, whole and entire; who trusted him, and had faith in him, and forgave him, even against his better instincts. Who loved him, and wasn’t afraid to tell him. Who had let Wen Ruohan change him, who hadn’t been afraid to seek to change Wen Ruohan in turn.
Lan Qiren, who’d told him with all seriousness that he had lost his mind over him.
Wen Ruohan wasn’t alone anymore. He didn’t need to be content with the scraps of Lao Nie’s inconstant heart, which in truth belonged to no one and likely would never, could never. He didn’t need to be constantly hurting himself by wanting more than he could get, and never getting even what he deserved as the man’s friend.
“The qi deviation might have been the cause of his changed behavior,” Wen Ruohan said slowly, feeling it out for himself even as he spoke. “But it still happened. He still did it. Isn’t it the same for you, what happened with the Fire Palace? Just because there was a valid explanation doesn’t change the reality of it – what happened, still happened.”
He’d been hurt by Lao Nie’s seeming disregard of him. He’d been angry, yes, his vanity offended, but…it had been another betrayal, in a lifetime full of them.
Wen Ruohan was so very tired of betrayals.
He could admit, if only to himself, that some of the incompatibility between him and Lao Nie had preceded the qi deviation. Wen Ruohan was ambitious and greedy, he couldn’t be content with only a part of a person’s heart rather than the totality of it, and Lao Nie wasn’t capable of giving him what he wanted. And Wen Ruohan wasn’t able to give Lao Nie what he wanted, which was a connection that didn’t come with jealousy or unhappiness, something to enjoy without concern, without any strings attached.
“I forgave you for the Fire Palace,” Lan Qiren protested.
“Not everyone is you,” Wen Ruohan said, and omitted to mention you’re also in love with me, so your judgment is skewed in my favor – I’ll never complain about having an unfair advantage, but I prefer to recognize when they exist. “Anyway, like I said, it’s not the time. Lao Nie has ten years, and we will help him, just as you promised Nie Mingjue. Maybe we’ll figure out some way to give him a little longer – ”
Alternatively, they could try to find a way to make him immortal.
Wen Ruohan knew that most people thought he was joking when he said that becoming a god would solve a lot of his problems, but it really would. He was already so powerful, surely he just needed a little bit more…
Anyway, that was a later problem. As was the fact that Lan Qiren was also not yet immortal, though Wen Ruohan felt very confident that he’d be able to solve that problem before it became a pressing issue.
(And once they solved the problem of Lao Nie dying, they could perhaps once again discuss the other question. Lao Nie had always been very good in bed, and Wen Ruohan would be delighted to have the chance to introduce Lan Qiren to that fact, if he were willing. But he would only invite him in as a guest, the way Lao Nie preferred, and this time he would leave his heart out of it.)
“For the moment, we need to figure out who is trying to kill us. That’s the immediate issue,” he concluded, deciding not to think further on the subject of those he loved dying when there was a more pressing practical concern, denial and postponement having always served him very well in the past. Anyway, it was relevant. After all, immortality, in the sense of not dying of old age, was all well and good, but it wouldn’t help you if someone assassinated you.
In fact, even knowing that it had happened, even having lived through it, the whole thing still seemed somehow fake to Wen Ruohan. Who would dare try to assassinate him? With actual assassins, no less. Even if he was personally weakened, he still had all his influence, all his army, all his sect behind him. Surely whoever had ordered it would know that he would take vicious reprisals against them? Why would anyone risk such a thing…?
“There should be an answer to that by now,” he added. “Should we go see what it is?”
Lan Qiren blinked owlishly at him, as if surprised. “Have you not already figured it out? It took me a little time, thinking about it, but in retrospect it seems obvious.”
Now it was Wen Ruohan’s turn to be startled. He most certainly had not figured it out.
“What,” he said, a little disbelievingly, “surely not your brother again?”
“No,” Lan Qiren said. “It was Jin Guangshan. We are going to have to go to war.”
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grayintogreen · 3 years
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I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid. 
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.
2) What’s your total AO3 word count?
455,024 (also mostly from this year...)
3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)
4) What are your top five fics by kudos?
- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)
I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!
It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.
- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)
THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train. 
- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)
BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!
Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.
- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)
Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip. 
- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)
I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.
(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)
5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.
6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.
But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.
7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?
Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.
I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.
8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!
9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?
The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.
Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics. 
So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)
10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.
11) Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that anyone’s told me!
12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.
13) What’s your all time favourite ship?
That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time. 
My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.
14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.
15) What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.
I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.
16) What are your writing weaknesses?
[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch. 
I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.
17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.
18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?
I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.
19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?
this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.
shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain. 
A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.
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pomrania · 6 years
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Mandarin journal, week 5b
(week 5) (week 5c)
I'm being productive today; I started working on my homework, and it's only Friday. Admittedly this is only the second homework we've had for this class, but yeah.
I don't know if I'll end up doing more work on it today -- there's also a group that I might or might not go to tonight, because I'm feeling slightly sick, and I still need to prepare more for tomorrow's D&D session -- but I've completed the part of my homework which requires internet. That means that I can do the rest of my homework wherever I happen to be, so long as I've my books and a pencil.
The stuff I've completed is the "listening comprehension": audio files, and we answer multiple-choice questions based off of them. Two of the audio things were from our textbook, the dialogues that we went over in class (and thus I already knew the meaning pretty well and would be able to cheat by looking up the words), and the others were just short things that were specifically for the workbook, where there wasn't any written form of it available.
Those exercises, where I could only listen to things and had to extract meaning from them, were... I don't even know if there's a term for it, despite having read ahead in my ling chapter to "affective factors in language learning". They were kind of frustrating, but in a tolerable way; it wasn't easy and it took time, but I managed it with only a flicker of mental stress towards the beginning. If I'd been in a bad mood, things would have gone differently, but I wasn't so they didn't. It probably also helped that I was in a low-stress situation; my room is designed to be comfortable for me, I could take all the time I needed on this, and there was nobody else around.
For any language, including my native language, once I became literate I've always been better at reading it than hearing it. Words on paper are concrete; sound streams are complex to extract relevant features from, and also you can't just look back at things if you didn't catch something. I fully expected myself to be better at reading Chinese than listening to Mandarin; but I want to be able to understand it spoken, that was one of my main starting motivations (to be able to eavesdrop on the Chinese international students).
What I could have done for these exercises, and what I'd mostly done last time, was to look at the questions first, and then listen specifically for the answers. Instead, I very deliberately did not look at the questions, and just listened to the audio. I put it on repeat, because there was no way I could understand more than a few phrases the first time around. Sometimes I paused it, when I wanted to pay attention to a particular bit; just go over it in my short-term memory, without it being overwritten by the next phrase in the dialogue. Once I felt like I had a decent understanding of the stuff from the audio, only then did I look at the questions.
I think that approach is a good one to take, if "understanding" is the main goal. And like, it should be, but sometimes you're in a rush and you just need to get the homework ready to hand in; or, if I'm being uncharitable (and I try but it's so hard to not harshly judge the people in class who don't seem to care about learning the language), sometimes it matters more to just get a good mark. If I can manage to stay on top of my stuff, then I won't be in a rush and I can take my time on working to fully understand things.
There's another thing that's been frustrating to me, that I keep forgetting to write about. It's that I cannot for the life of me seem to pronounce Mandarin either accurately or with proper flow. I mean, I know how pinyin translates to sound, and I have in my memory what tone something takes; I just can never seem to express the tones in a way that sounds proper, and every syllable I utter is highly isolated, and I still for the life of me cannot figure out how to say the final "e". I don't think that practicing by myself would help with any of those; it could improve the "flow", but I don't want to speak inaccurately quickly, and that's what I'd end up with. This might have been helped by a Mandarin conversation partner, but -- did I mention this before? -- he never responded after I said that I don't have Facebook.
What I need is more exposure to spoken Mandarin, to fully absorb the sounds and the rhythms of the language. Music would work, but I don't even know where to begin with finding songs that I'd like. I am uncertain as to the efficacy of watching Mandarin-dubbed anime, in this regard; I find myself following the story (even when I've already watched it multiple times), and trying to isolate words I might recognize, as opposed to paying attention to the sound. I don't know what I'm going to do with this.
Speaking of Facebook, albeit two paragraphs ago: when I mentioned that to the prof, she started talking about how Facebook (and Google, and other things) was blocked in China. China is a dystopia, even just from that; any government that enforces that type of censorship is evil, it's a simple metric. But it's not just that. There's multiple violations of human rights that take place over there. Whenever I mention any of that, the prof just says that this isn't a political science class, this is a language class. And, well. Maybe it's not the best environment to talk about everything wrong with the Chinese government, but "let's not get political" should NEVER be used to shut down a conversation about things like that. A more valid response, on her part, would be something like "we aren't discussing this at the moment", or "this is a language class and your comment isn't about the language"; the best possible response would be something like "mention this in Mandarin and then we can have a conversation".
I'm used to people telling me to shut up; I talk a lot, and I go off on more tangents than I stay on the original topic. But I expect a proper response to things; by which I mean, an accurate response, not necessarily an in-depth response. "We need to move on now" and "ask me after class" are responses that I'll always accept, and the best profs use those without me having to ask about it. I'm also the kind of person where I generally respond to the literal meaning of what somebody says, instead of what it was intended to convey; even when I know what they meant to get across, and even when I also go by it, I'll still normally mention the exact words. And I hate invalid arguments, whether they're for or against me. I could deal with the prof saying that this isn't the time or place to talk about such things; what I cannot accept, is her following up with unnecessary and inaccurate and irrelevant limitations for when and where such things SHOULD be talked about. This might seem like not a big deal to most people -- and for most people, it isn't a big deal -- but for me, it's like, imagine someone hands you a chocolate bar and says that they had to throw out the other chocolate bar because they found bugs in it. If they'd just said nothing, you would have been fine, but now you're wondering if there's bugs in the chocolate bar you were just given, and you can't stop thinking about it.
I should mention that the stuff in the last two paragraphs, none of that is specific to Mandarin or language classes; that's representative of who I am at the moment, and just happens to have popped up there. (I'm often quite an angry person, when I think about some things; that's why I try to not think about them too much, but if they're mentioned, I can't just be quiet.)
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grgop · 6 years
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Geneva, the French and the Međimurci
After months of residing in the darkness of inactivity here comes a fresh review of the recent trip to Switzerland. Those 3 days were without expectations and with plenty of spontaneous decisions that turned out...awesome. I even managed get my Master thesis done and sent to print hours before the trip thus not having to bring my laptop there and work at the airport. I would also use this chance to thank again our hosts for the wonderful time we spent there as well as for helping us with the stay in Geneve. Merci beaucoup...or whatever you write it.  Now what was all this about, when, why and how...please start scrolling. The whole trip was planned a few months ago as one our best and closest Uni colleagues was going to get married. Since we were sitting next to each other since the day 1 of the University life (and were breaking the Erasmus Intership Exchange ice together writing the letters and creating our portfolios in the bars between the Uni lectures...) there was no way for me not to come there. Wait a bit more to see the wedding pics. The interesting story is that she had met her future husband during Erasmus internship in Paris while I was in Vienna (maybe I should apply again for the exchange?). One of the last things in life I imagined was ending up on a wedding in Switzerland and be surrounded with the French and the Međimurci. On the trip there and back again I was with a few colleagues whom we will refer to as “the Noone”. Let’s start with...
DAY 1: Travelling from Zagreb to Venice Marco Polo Airport. Getting lost in Venice. Evening arrival to Geneve 
Just before our trip there were several problems that were kept in secret in order not to spread panic. Our return flight with EasyJet was cancelled due to French Airline’s strike and luckily I was online to check us in on the next one an hour later. Had we not had the second flight the same evening things would gotten nasty with the bus schedule and arriving home on Monday morning to hand in our binded Master’s thesises. 
The second crisis emerged early in the morning around 3am when I realized:
a) I left the sunglasses at my barber’s desk the day earlier
b) I forgot the headphones on my desk!!
We travelled with Flixbus, direct line from Zagreb to Marco Polo Airport, at 7.30am and arrived a bit later than scheduled due to traffic problems on the Italian highway and a traffic mess at the bus station in Trieste (sorry Italians, it was another prejudice come true...). 
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We came to our destination around 2.30pm and had almost 5 hours free before the flight. And what should we do?
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Go to Venice of course! For the price of 15 Euros you get the bus return ticket from the airport to Venice. My colleague was there for the first time and for me it was the 3rd. I honestly didn’t expect going there but ... was worth it. The plan was to drink coffee somewhere but we didn’t have time as...umm... I wanted to make a tour around and we got lost on our way back...just a bit. : -) In the end we managed to get in time back.
The overall impression of Venice?
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Crowded, hot, stinky...few buildings and streets that impress you in the beginning and then you get bored and start counting nationalities and bricks in the walls. As well as the shades to hide in. 
Just before the security check in I realized that I totally messed up with clothes and items in the travel bag...bringing unecessary stuff that took plenty of space. Never again listen to the others and just keep it simple. So I was forced to put my pants, part of ceremonial clothes etc. into the bags of my colleagues. :-D Just like Voldemort with the horcruxes.
Speaking of food and water supplies on your trips and specifically at the airports...there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who buy the bottled water in duty free shops... and those who drink and fill them in the restrooms (toilets). During my 3 days I only drank water from the restroom. Save money, save the nature. 
Our flight was around 8pm and I spent most of it (one hour) sleeping dead tired. For those of you who’ve been following me from before you might remember I’ve already been to Switzerland but never in Geneve. (scroll down the blog for those posts).
Geneva airport? While going towards the exit you pass by numerous billboards of the Swiss watches...Rolex, Rolex, Rolex...and Rolex..and so on for the next 5 minutes. The good thing is that all the arriving guests have 80 minutes free public transport ticket so we went to the next stop (Geneve Cornavin). Our hostel (Geneve Hostel) was about 5-7 minutes by foot and close to the Geneva lake. Boys in one room, girls in another to avoid the potential problems. And unplanned weddings. 
At the hostel we were also given free public transport ticket that was valid for the whole Saturday and Sunday which helped a lot. It included the train, the boats, the buses and the tram within Geneve. Since France was super close (cca 4 km) there was even a tram line leading there (about 30 minutes)...we heard you can have a cheaper lunch there and planned “to visit France” on Sunday but plans changed. 
Before the sleep we searched around the hostel area for some cheap place to grab some food. Now, the word “cheap” in Switzerland is not as same as “cheap” here and the best for your psychological health is not to convert the currency. We found the Ali Kebab place right next to the hostel and ate Chicken Kebab with some salad and French fries for 17,5 Franks, a meal we split for two. This was relatively similar to some prices here so it was not that bad at all. I could have eaten though the whole plate again but my wallet couldn’t. No complaints anyway!
DAY 2: Morning tour around Geneve. Going to the ceremony. The wedding and the afterparty.
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I’m a morning person and Saturday morning was no exception. Woke up early, took a shower, breakfast when there aren’t many people and already ready to go at 7.30am. I got the public transport and city landmarks map at the hostel staff and  went to the lake with another early bird. Here are some impressions of the streets, people and cityscape.
Plenty of runners with bluetooth headphones, people walking with dogs, the cylists, expensive cars you see in James Bond movies, the specific architecture, plenty of hotels and banks, mostly clean sterile streets, the promenade and the boats. Pretty much international population and French language everywhere. And I don’t speak French except for few words but was interesting to be in an “alien” surroundings. The lake that is as huge as the sea yet fresh water. Ducks everywhere. What I loved was seeing the bike roads across the promenade and the streets of Geneve. More about it on Day 3. Speaking of traffic behaviour they all more or less stop when you approach the pedestrian zebra crossing and stop even 0,5 m before it if the red light turns on. On contrary, here you’d get run over even if you were sitting on your balcony.
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We went back to pick up the third early bird and started our little tour around. There were several bridges in the center and you had a boat connection with other side of the lake. There is the huge wheel with cafes around the big bridge. One of the Geneve’s landmarks is the huge fountain which we reached later and had a free shower. One of the things that pleasantly surprised me was (as I had found out later) the artistic project “Happy City” where there were ca. 20 painted pianos placed around the city’s squares, parks, streets and bridges...where you do as it says “Play, I’m here for you”. So I did what they required you to do. Playing piano on Lake Geneva was another thing I never thought about ... but now I can say “new achievement unlocked”. 
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We walked a bit more to the inside of the other side up and down the streets, seen some churches and lots of interenational bars and restaurants. Expensive exotic cars again..and then decided it’s time to go back to hostel. 
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On our way back we checked out Lidl and took some emergency food to have just in case of unexpected hunger. This saved us on the next day. I also almost forgot that right now I can buy and drink Rivella.
Travelling to Gland and the Wedding.
We jumped into our suits and wedding clothes and went to the train station around 2pm. We had to arrive to Gland which is ca 20 minutes away from Geneve and there our fiancée’s family was going to pick us up and transport to the ceremony’s place. While there we got to know our French roommates and colleagues offiancé.
What I liked (and probably others) there weren’t many people as it usually is the case here. I won’t go into details here and throw emotions but here are some things. Close friends and family from both sides, that’s it. The ceremony took place at the fairy location called Le Moulin du Creux. Beautiful house with garden, creek and forest around located 100 meters from the road. Check the nice photos of it and you’ll get the idea.
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We had two-three pastors, the French ones and the Croatian one. Since most of us didn’t speak nor understood French we had a translator. And it was funny because she was a Slovene translating into Serbian mostly. :)) Nevertheless, an interesting ceremony and a special moment for our now married couple!
What was also new was that after taking pictures and rushing to the tables with food and drinks we also had a game organized - seek and answer game. They hid around 30 photos around the area and we got the papers with questions in French and Croatian. For my team it was kind of a fail in the end. We were trying to learn a few useful French phrases such as J'ai soif which means “I’m thirsty” when sneaking around the table with served drinks.
The other games included a catapult and a cubic football. There was also a gigantic version of the Jenga Tower which was fun to play. We took and received as a memory the polaroid photo with our couple and later moved inside for the dinner and the rest of the show. We watched short movie clips that fiance’s family created about him and our friend. The only problem we had was that we didn’t understand anything as there were no subtitles. :-)
After few more games and meals it was time to go out on the field and light the lanterns. This was a cool thing and my first time to show up and do the thing actually, I think we all enjoyed it. I have no photos of it though but you can imagined what it looked liked having many of them flying up. Let’s hope non of them fell on the forest below. :-D
Soon followed afterparty with some dance music. Some people already had to part and leave. Finally, around 2am we also decided to leave as we didn’t want to miss our train back to Geneve. And of course we missed the first one by being 5 minutes late.
We came to the hostel around 4am and straight to bed.
DAY 3: Tour around Geneve one more time. Coffee & city bikes. Departure.
The final day is here. So far everything great! We made a deal to meet with friends from Nyon around 10.30h at the giant wheel in the center. Shower, breakfast and baggage packed and locked in the hostel. Ready to go. 
We took the boat to the other side and soon met with our friends. We then wasted around an hour going to the “old center” only to find nothing interesting there. However, we saw more of the public pianos and parks. For the next half an hour we were on a quest to find a solid cafe to sit and talk about life. 
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We ended up below the giant wheel and had a tiny cup of coffee for 4 Franks. Naturally, we stayed for 2 hours sitting & chatting there to compensate the loss. I ran out of cash and asked the waiter where to go. After all, Geneva is the city of banks and I hadn’t seen a single ATM machine there.  Before running for some cash we decided to visit the giant fountain. On our way there I stopped by the public piano which was now free of ambitious moms and their kids who just pressed random keys but had a cool photo. Actually, I was doing the same. It was funny to have the unusual audience around you. 
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Soon by the fountain. Time for a group photo! 
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  Time flew by quickly and our friends had to find the bus station as they were leaving sooner than us. We went to the center in search of places to eat and after parting with them three of the original squad left. We had a few hours left before rushing to the train station and the airport. Having lunch in France? Visiting France by trams? Visiting France on bikes? Using city bikes to go around? We rushed to the nearst bike station and...all the bikes were gone. Second chance at the one across the bridge. We somehow were lazy to walk and wasted time on the boat. What happened there? Only two bikes left. I agreed to run  to the other station as the rest follows me. But the guy working there couldn’t find the keys of the bike so we waster 10 minutes there filling the papers and waiting for him to come to common sense. The third and the last luck before giving up was using the tram to the Station No. 5 ... and...three bikes left, keys in the hands and off we go!
There is no better feeling than going around the new place by bike. Pure freedom and flexbility. We gave 20 Franks deposit and decided towards the north along the lake. Bike routes almost everywhere. Going between the streets was fun. No fear of the vehicles around us.
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We did cca 10 km in total in about more than hour stopping to take the pictues (the evidences). The idea was to go to France but by democracy 2:1 we gave up from that idea fearing something could go wrong and we get stuck in the middle of nowhere and miss the plane. So we returned the bikes close to our hostel, took the baggage and went to the train station. There we found a nice souvenir and chocolate shop....you can’t leave without one kitschy fridge magnet and a few Toblerones. We met the other Croats who were going back by plane to Venice and I again reorganized my bagge stuff into 2-3 bags of other people. The food from Lidl helped a bit. As well as the good old fresh water from the restroom.  I slept again in the plane this time successfully hiding my cabin baggage under my seat as the plane was crowded and full of passangers because of the cancelled flight. New achievement unlocked.  We had almost 3 hours to wait for the 2.15am Flixbus for Zagreb. Being dead hungry we checked the available offers at the backery there and found some snacks to survive till home. This time Flixbus didn’t have the second floor (on Friday we found the first row spots on the 2nd floor, the best view and the best way to get killed in an accident). But who cares, soon home! The route was shorter as we stopped only in Ljubljana...I woke up two times in total and the second on just at the Croatian border. The bus arrived precisely at 7.30am to Zagreb, to the most beautiful of the ugliest bus stations in the area. Finally, seeing “Mamiću cigane” grafitti around the station I can say “Welcome back home!”.
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ifredwu · 7 years
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Coding and Learning Should Never Stop, Open Sourcing is Caring
I’ve had a productive coding weekend, and so I decided to share my experience. Now, many developers choose to treat their career as a series of 9-5 jobs, but if you’re reading this, I assume you’re like the rest of us who love continuous learning and self improvement.
Preface
About a year ago I started learning Elixir. So as part of the learning experience, I wrote two matching learning related libraries: Stemmer and Simple Bayes. It was a great, really enjoyable experience and I learnt a lot about the concepts of word stemming, naive Bayes classification and of course, functional programming.
These topics have been interesting to learn about, but until one gets to use them on a daily basis for a while, key concepts are less likely to convert from short term memory to long term memory. Given my day job is not about writing Elixir (yet), I needed to find other ways to keep my skill-level up and to continue exploring new things.
So about a month ago, I picked up a project I started a year ago but gave up shortly after: Crawler. At the time GenStage was just announced and I was interested in incorporating it into my project as I thought it'd be a great fit. But due to varies reasons - mostly not having a firm grasp of the GenStage concept and implementation, as well as taking on a CTO role at a startup, I couldn't find enough time and patience to make it work so I had to let it go.
Until now.
Crawler, on Steroids
I'd realised that the way I was trying to incorporate GenStage into my project was never going to work. Not because of GenStage itself, but because of the way I approached learning it. At the time I was so eager to make use of GenStage, and coming off the back of my good streak of releasing the aforementioned machine learning libraries, I thought I could take shortcuts and things would all work out perfectly.
No.
So I licked the wounds, learnt my mistakes and changed tactics. This time, I scoped out and encapsulated my learnings (just as one would in designing a software system), and eventually I came up with another library - OPQ: One Pooled Queue.
OPQ: One Pooled Queue
I knew Crawler could technically work without any queueing system, or GenStage. So I kept on building Crawler, until I felt productive in writing Elixir again, and touched enough areas and concepts that I knew exactly what I needed from GenStage.
And luckily for me too, GenStage over the past year has matured and more importantly, has better documentation with more code examples. Upon closer investigation of the code examples, I found that their GenEvent and RateLimiter examples were almost exactly what I needed. It was an epiphany moment for me after reading and understanding these examples, all of a sudden I "get it".
If you take a look at the source code of OPQ you'll notice that the heavy lifting logic was mostly inspired (or even copy-pasted) from those examples.
Open Sourcing is Contributing and Caring
Up until this point, as far as writing open source Elixir code goes, it had mostly been me writing my own code for my own projects. But open sourcing is much more than just writing one's own code and publishing them on Github.
If you've followed my work you'll know that I'm a big fan of contributing to other projects, some of which are well-known ones like Rails and Slim.
It just so happens, that over the weekend I ran into situations where I needed to contribute to other Elixir projects - and spoiler alert: one of which is Elixir itself.
ElixirRetry
One of the features I set out to add to Crawler, was to allow failed crawls to retry before giving up. Naturally, the first thing I did was to try find an existing package to support the retry functionality.
After some googling and digging into some source code, I've found and settled on ElixirRetry - a neat library that was cleverly built.
Soon I found out that since its last release, it offered both retry/2 and retry/3, the latter of which was to support an extra argument that specifies which exceptions to allow as part of the retry flow. It was a great addition, but it doesn't effect me as Crawler doesn't need it.
As a developer who cares deeply about code quality and clarity, I immediately thought about how the interfaces for retry/2 and retry/3 could be improved, by simply combining them and making the extra argument in retry/3 an option.
So I did, and issued a pull request here: https://github.com/safwank/ElixirRetry/pull/12 You'll notice that I've also made some improvements to the test suite while I was at it. ;)
Elixir Typespec
One issue I ran into while building Crawler, was the static analysis via Dialyzer - some code that actually ran and passed tests functionally, failed the type checking.
As someone who isn't as experienced in Elixir, I first opened an issue and phrased it more as a question seeking validity of the issue. I then jumped on Elixir's Slack group and asked people in the group about this issue.
Fortunately, Ben Wilson immediately came to aid by verifying my issue and validating my suspicion of it being an issue in Elixir's typespec documentation.
And so, a pull request was created and approved shortly after.
Sharing is Caring
The bulk of Crawler as well as the entirety of OPQ were built in the past month or so. I hope some people will benefit from having these libraries around. And, I hope people also enjoyed me sharing my experience, and perhaps be inspired to start sharing more too.
I will leave you all with a Chinese saying: 滴水石穿. The literal translation is "dripping water penetrates the stone", and what it means is "constant perseverance yields success".
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